……………………………………………I’ve got nothing.
Says the person with the Billie avatar.
For all the college-bound guys out there: if a half-asian wants to do it within 8 sentences of talking between the two of you, you don’t turn it down, but wear a condom.
You can say Danny’s eyes in the last 2 panels are either weird or perfect, cuz that’s a fairly large amount of movement on the face.
Well it’s not everyday when somebody cockblocks themselves.
Some of us spent most of our life cock-blocking ourselves as the helpful guy friend that every female friend would come talk to about why their Boyfriend was acting like an A-hole (shock because he is an A-holethat for some reason you keep going back to.
We decided we are your friend and aren’t going to take advantage of someone who seems vulnerable. just like we wouldn’t try to take advantage of someone who is obviously blitz beyond rational thought.. Nope, we walk you home help you with your problems and you drop us as even a friend when you find your knew sex partner because, he gets jealous of us, or accuses you of liking us more.
I love some Nice Guy Syndrome in the morning. It sounds like your female friends are in abusive relationships. Do you know how hard it is to leave those? Maybe that’s why they keep going back.
Maybe you could stop treating your female friends as infants. What does “take advantage of’ even mean here? If it is consensual and you aren’t pressuring them, then they haven’t been taken advantage of.
Frankly, helping friends with problems and talking to them is what friends do. I’m female and I have to do those things for my female friends because that’s how it works.
Your last sentence is what really makes me thing your friends might have abusive partners. You do realize that that’s what abusive people do, right? They try to alienate you from anyone outside the relationship.
Also, you seem to be implying that every girl does this, which I really hope you are not.
But if you stay FRIENDS with a girl they like expect you to DO stuff for them and NOT GIVE SEX IN RETURN! You might not get ANYTHING in return except the knowlege that you’re being a good friend and helping them! And being friends is SUCH A BURDENZOMG.
…yeah, I’ve actually seen more or less that used to defend the whole ‘friendzone’ complaint. >.>
What constitutes “pressure” or “taking advantage of” is difficult to nail down. It’s not like there’s a big flashing sign over her head saying “I’m not making good decisions right now.” This is exacerbated by the fact that what was consensual during the act can be relabeled as “rape” by a regretful woman the next day. Even a false rape accusation is damning, and the legal system and most colleges are decidedly “assume guilt” about allegations of men raping women. It’s not healthy to go around assuming that every hookup you have is a potential gateway to criminal charges, but when there’s any doubt about whether she’s willing, a lot of guys will choose to err on the side of caution.
Actual false rape accusations are rare. I’m sure consensual acts COULD be relabeled by a regretful women, but this isn’t a commonplace thing, and being afraid of a rape accusation is not the same thing as being afraid of taking advantage of someone, as was the original commentor’s point, so I’m not sure why you’re bringing it up.
They’re not the same thing, but they’re certainly related. Even if nobody ever files criminal charges, what kind of a reputation do you stand to gain by having sex with someone who’s in a vulnerable state? It sets you up for potentially damaging social consequences as well as legal ones.
Well, no, not really. Bille was not in a vunerable state. Bille wanted to have sex. And the other commentor didn’t mention fake rape accusations so I really don’t see why you’re bringing it up.
The point was cock-blocking yourself. Which is where the whole nice guy syndrome comes from. The problem comes in because nice guys are looking for a longer term relationship. They are nice to the girls and talk to them about their problems because they are basically insecure enough in themselves that they don’t believe that the girl would be interested in them except to talk to. So instead of risking the friendship on what would possibly be a rebuffed advance they don’t do anything but there for the person hoping they will see.
But most women aren’t attracted to guys with low confidence, which is something abusers and d-bags have in spades. it is probably just as well in the long run, because most guys with low confidence do everything they can for who ever they and tend to get taken advantage of until they learn to be as selfish as everyone else.
Being supportive doesn’t mean you lack confidence. And that last sentence is rather pessimistic.
“most [mentally healthy people] aren’t attracted to [people] with low confidence”
fixed it for you.
but, isn’t that a good thing, though? i mean…never mind social darwinism or whatever. personally i find the concept of anyone being attracted to low self-confidence kinda skeevy and predatory, whether the attraction comes from a woman, man, or anyone in between. i mean…think about it. what the hell kind of a message is “i love you and/or want to fuck you because you hate yourself”…?
I’m not sure that follows. I personally have been in three relationships with women who had low self-esteem, and in every case, I was absolutely thrilled to help them improve in that area by building them up. It was like watching a flower bloom. One of the best parts of relationships is learning from each other.
Re: the “nice guy” syndrome, I used to have that in spades, and the solution for me wasn’t “grow a pair and woo ze women,” it was, “change the way I think so fundamentally that I’m not pining for a relationship anymore and am generally happy with who I am and where I am.” Sure, if a woman came along and I could see a future, I’d be happy, but it’s no longer a crucial (and missing) component of my happiness.
The irony is that as I grow in this way, I’m finding more and more women are beating down my door… just not any so far that I can see a future with! Thus the “nice guy” syndrome and the mentality that goes with it both strike me as putting the cart before the horse.
oh look it’s a Nice Guy.
Meh at least it’s not a “why won’t she sleep with mee” nice guy. Its more of a “dang why isn’t it easier to be friends with the opposite sex” kinda thing.
I can’t say I appreciate it when a partner of mine or of a friend trys to break up a friendship.
You…would rather someone wasn’t nice? Does not compute.
The “Nice Guy” with the capitals is actually a concept in which a guy THINKS he’s nice, or respectful of women or whatever but actually isn’t. He’s not really ‘nice’ at all, but thinks he is. Thus a “Nice Guy” rather than a genuine guy who happens to be a nice person. Calling them that is more a sarcastic name, because of how they often think about themselves (that they’re nice) isn’t in fact what they are in reality. They’re just passive-aggressive jerks in comparison to the jerks they often complain about girls dating instead of them.
Wow, I just realised I made a lot of redundant statements. So that was longer than it should have been. Sorry about that.
Um, yes and no. Maybe some of the “nice guys” you’ve met have been like that, but I personally have encountered many “nice guys” who aren’t “passive-aggressive jerks.” They’re not waiting around for some girl to stop dating that jerk so they can move in, but that doesn’t lessen the frustration. One guy I know by the name of Zack is one of the most amazing men I know, and he’s a go-getter, not passive-agressive in the slightest and treats everyone kindly without thought of any reward. And he’s single. None of his friends can figure out why – go figure, that includes some very eligible women he’d make very happy.
In my experience, women are looking for some sort of intangible “spark.” There are several women whose honor I trust above my own, who I know will shoot straight with me and not sugarcoat the truth, who have told me exactly the things about me they respect and admire, but that “you feel like my brother.” In other words, I am exactly the kind of man they want, except they don’t want me specifically.
Maybe you can understand why this would be frustrating to a guy?
Sure, it can be frustrating to a man… but it’s not as if it’s ONLY men who go through this and women are just irrational or something. Nearly everyone, male or female, has at some point been rejected by someone who only sees them as a friend, hence Taylor Swift’s success among teen girls with “You Belong With Me.”
The problem I have with it is that people attribute rejection to one gender. Women can and are rejected too, especially in this day and age.
Zack is probably gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that…
@ Oberon Why’s he gotta be gay? He could just be saving it. That’s what my fiance was doing, and he’s pretty much like Zack.
Was I the only on who imagined Joe saying SHAZAM!!! when he gave Danny the tissue?
See my response below.
See my response above.
Aaaand that’s why I never lived in residence.
I didn’t have the cash back then to spend on the really good headphones.
What a great, yet slightly disturbing roommate.
So Joe is a good friend??
Good friend or not, he’s apparently been in this situation before.
Joe is an EXCELLENT friend.
Joe to the rescue!
with his penis.
for a nickel.
I don’t think this is going to end any time soon.
It had better, he only has 5 minutes.
Wished he’d banged that chick… a little?? Either all the way or nothing, dude!
“wished a little” not “banged a little”, I assume …
Do I WANT to know what X9 is?
Its ummm… better then X8!
Isn’t it like, that Robot girl?
What a odd crossover.
That’s XJ9. X9 is a comic strip.
Something like K.Y?
KY introducing a new line of jams, according to the onion.
Apparently you can slip right into… nah, too easy.
I’m wondering how context isn’t giving it away.
i think X9 is one of those mega man games. maybe the one with the bosses named after guns n’ roses?
No, that was X5 if I recall correctly, and they never went past 8 in the X series.
“It takes two hands to handle a whopper!”
Looks like Joe gave Danny some secret sauce to put on his hot dog!
It’s a pity he doesn’t have Billie’s buns to slip his weiner into.
Confusion Say: Man who go to bed with sex problem on mind wake up with SOLUTION on hand.
I was gonna correct you on misspelling Confucius, but “Confusion” works so well…
The burger or the fish?
There’s a fish option??
Yes, yes they have.
And Joe is White castle.
Was that too subtle?
Joe sure is helping a bro.
Just as long as it’s not ‘hands-on’help, that would be creepy.
Damn it, now you’ve invoked Rule 34.
You’re suggesting Danny/Joe R34 wasn’t in existence before this?
James is right, it(Danny/Joe R34) certainly has existed for some time.
I wouldn’t know, for multiple reasons.
What, like you never do it, Joe?
Why not just leave the room Joe? D=
Because he’s going to get his harness and jockstrap, duh. Joe is one kinky fucker.
Not very good at this though. 5 minutes? Guess that explains why he goes through so many girls, though. Same total time higher number of women.
I dunno… my boyfriend can finish himself off pretty quick.
(it is only the anonymity of the internet that allows me to say that)
Samesies, though. Boyfriend by himself = a few minutes. Boyfriend with me? Fuck we play around and by the time he’s done, we’ve been at it for an hour. Granted, my boyfriend can go multiple consecutive rounds (as in, cum and then keep going) so he’s also “finished himself off” several times by the end of it and then he’s kind of just a puddle of goo laying there.
When you’re flying solo, it’s a lot faster to get from point A to point B.
it doesn’t have to be, you can play hard to get with your self, take yourself out for a romantic dinner for one and then deal with your Right hand think you are cheating on it with you left and then go out and buy it some nice lingerie, like a silk and lace glove.
You don’t always have to treat your hand like a 25 cent whore.
Who said anything about flying solo? Looks to me like Joe’s stickin’ around.
Looks like he’s expecting Danny to do the ‘sticking’ around’, he’s just going to chill in a neutral corner.
I’m just hoping that IS their dorm room still. For some reason, I just can’t be certain. Maybe it’s that chair.
You know it’s funny, for the longest time I had no idea why American shows made jokes about needing lubricant for that particular activity.
Don’t worry, I’ve hooked up with a Yank since then and I’m now aware of why.
Oh do tell!
Yeup, what Gordon said.
As for the relationship “hooked up” probably makes it sound raunchier then it is. We were good firends for many years and just became a couple so gradually we’re not even sure when the anniversary is.
It all makes sense now..
Oh gosh the gravatar…
Oh come on, is this another Plasma original?
Not this time Kerny, today’s grav is Ryo Akizuki, the trapalicious boy from Idolmaster.
Oh god, I feel so sexually confused just looking at him.
That’s why ‘traps’ are so dangerous yet oddly fasinating.
I’m ashamed of you all! Shade actually said “hooked up with a Yank” and you’re just going to leave that hanging?!?
*Storms off in a fake tizzy
Am I missing something?? What’s the big deal about “hooking up with a Yank”?
I dunno and I’m the one who did it.
I believe that some people are overlooking the double meaning of Yank. Would it help if it were not capitalized?
Where’s Admiral Ackbar when you need him?
So what country do you hail from, and how do you do it? (Or do I really want to know?)
He said he’s from Australia, so that sounds right.
Australia and here circumcision isn’t as widely practiced.
It works much the same only you don’t need lubricant because you’re not missing the foreskin so it doesn’t dry out.
Oh good that makes so much sense now. Up until now I thought I’d been doing it wrong.
It isn’t really as widely practiced in the USA anymore either. It used to be a law in most states. I don’t think it is anywhere in the States anymore.
Yeah I heard about that, string of lawsuits by the parents or something wasn’t it? At the end of the day it is still more common in the USA.
Actually I was looking it up, and apparently more than 50% of Australian men (in 2002 at least) were also circumcised.
MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT IN COLLEGE:
It was late at night, my roommate and I had turned in, and there was an itch on my back that I just…couldn’t…REACH. SO I reached, turned, twisted, scratched, strained, and tried to scratch that itch. And then, my roommate asked,
“Are you masturbating?”
If only you had the Bear Scratch.
Why is this a thing that exists? WHY!?
You think that’s bad? Try actually walking in on your roommate spanking the sausage.
I actually had pretty good roommates all throughout college. Well, except for Ben the Asshole, although he was pretty nice to me, at least. And gone after one semester.
Well honestly, with a name like Ben the Asshole, what did you expect?
I do hope that when his parents filed for the birth certificate, they at least got a very stern “seriously?” glare.
Maybe the goatse guy?
I wouldn’t think walking in on your roommate to be bad at all. What’s bad is waking up to your roommate having sex. What’s worse is knowing you went to sleep with nobody else around.
Okay, yeah, you win the Awkwardness Contest.
It would have been more awkward if I couldn’t get back to sleep. It also helps that everyone was mutual friends and it makes for a great story after the fact.
It ain’t awkward until you walk into your grandma’s bedroom doing it with a man who is NOT your grandpa.
And Brain Bleach wasn’t invented yet back then.
I bet there is a foreign word that fits way better than awkward in that situation but I don’t know it yet.
An expression of surprise or dismay.
…grandma’s bedroom with her doing it…
Yeah, you left me thinking “wait, wouldn’t it be worse if he WAS your grandpa?”
NO, having your grandma commit adultery makes it worse.
How about this for awkwardness: I was in the same situation as Candleja, I had gone to sleep, and they were sitting on the couch talking baby talk to each other as always. Harmless enough, right? So I went to sleep in my bottom bunk, and guess what I woke up to? Shaking. In the TOP BUNK. With two pairs of feet sticking off the side. So incredibly awkward. I stayed there perfectly still pretending to be asleep for the whole time until they finished, got dressed and left the room, and finally I could get up. I can still remember the grunts and moans.
Wow dude…I could understand thats awkward, but I honestly would’ve stood up while they were in the middle of having sex, and walked away.
That’s a good way to leave them mortified.
A friend once suggested that, if you’re in this situation and want to stop the hanky panky, you should simply announce that you will be masturbating to their sounds. If they don’t stop, you should fake an orgasm loud enough for them to hear (my friend was doing this to people in another room, so that “orgasm” was way over the top). Bonus points if your “orgasm” occurs at the same time as one of them.
During the last century, I had a flatmate whose bedroom floor was covered in funky-smelling ’tisshrooms’.
I think you can guess what ’tisshrooms’ are.
How long do tisshrooms stay around?
And thank you, Plasma, for making consider the possibilities of using funky-smelling tissue as a growth medium.
Any time on the floor instead of inside a tightly wrapped plastic bag is too long.
Would eating a tisshroom get you high?
As far as I am aware, dried semen has never been used as a narcotic but it was, all men would face drug posssession laws.
Try it and report back to us.
Try having your fat hooker of a roommate banging random dudes in the bunk directly under you every other night ^=__=^;;
I hope for your health’s sake that they’re not doing it on the top bunk.
It appears Joe is implying Danny should do something with that lubricant and box of tissues in the span of five minutes. I wonder what it could be!
Perhaps some sort of art project, in order to express his feelings!
I am sure Danny will have an explosion of creative ideas!
ITYM seminal concepts.
Oh, there will be an explosion, alright.
Depending on his diet and aim, he could make a decent, if small, abstract piece, I suppose.
But is it art?
Could’ve been. But without a healthy ova and a fertile womb we’ll never get to meet little Arthur now.
Low rent papier mache, probably
Very slippery papier mache?
Not much, really. 5 minutes in I’m just starting to get the right feel with the friction.
Alternately Joe puts on the earmuffs and goggles then reaches for Danny’s junk. Punchline still works.
I’m sorry, what are the earmuffs and goggles for in this scenario?
it’s always fun till someone gets shot in the eye.
That’s how you get eye herpes~
That’s not funny, my brother has eye herpes!
I’m just joking, it’s hilarious. But he really does have eye herpes.
Knew a guy, not really a friend, who got crabs in his eyes getting too close to the goods with his face without eye protection.
See no evil, hear no evil. For both the comic and JT’s proposals.
ALL THE AWARDS.
Always a class act, Joe is.
Also, at first I thought it read “K-9″ and thought of Doctor Who. That just made it worse.
“X9″ could be seen as a reference to Ravage, who’s a robot cat, so that’s kind of a lateral move.
Pshaw. The Doctor has the sonic screwdriver for THAT.
But it doesn’t do wood!
Can’t take credit, it was my gf who came up with that one. xD
Hand lotion? All I need is a stimulus. No lotion required.
Oh, so that’s what that ‘Stimulus Package’ they keep talking about on the news is all about…
Oh, yeah! Break out the Stimulus Package and engage in a little Quantitative Easing!
Unfortunately, its showing signs of being a temporary fix that won’t stave off Depression unless the actual cause is dealt with.
The Economy needs to get laid, preferably buy a rich sugar-daddy.
buy = by
So, what, Japan?
More like China these days, Japan has been going downhill since the 90s.
At first, I had the sneaking suspicion that Joe’s super-horndog nature was a cover for something deeper, but that didn’t seem likely as we got to know him. Now? Now I’m legitimately doubting he’s entirely hetero.
As much of a funny punchline as it is, he’s still intending to be in the room. That’s a serious eyebrow-raiser
Maybe he needs to sleep.
Or it just never occured to him that he cares about privacy less than Danny does.
So true, I had some roommates who thought that a good roommate is one that you could do anything with/near them as you would do on your own.
Joeseph Rosenthal – Ultimate Bro
Any one getting a Terminator meets the matrix vibe from Joe?
I’ll be back. To fook you.
“You take the blue pill, and I’ll show you how hard is the…”
ok can’t do it.
“You will cum with me if you want to live.”
Subtlety is over-rated.
That’s about as subtle as a shotgun to the face.
He’ll be cumming around the mountain when he cums.
Dammit, we don’t need this comic turning into Menage a 3. This is a bad road to go down
Don’t worry. I don’t believe Willis is truly capable of being as big a pervert as Giz is.
Stay classy, Joe.
You know, it’s moments like these that make me unsure of whether Joe is the best roommate ever or the worst roommate ever.
Why not both?
Why not Zoidberg?
Wine ought to do it.
Joe’s not a good friend. A good friend would give you more than 5 minutes.
Ha ha! Onanism!
Does that count as a religion?
Oh crap, that would be. He did turn down coitus uninterruptus and would now be spilling his seed elsewhere. Bad Danny, no Joyce for you.
No, that’s when you refuse to impregnate your dead brother’s wife for him. The sin and shame isn’t sexual, its about being a failure as a Bro.
Hmm. Until reading Onan’s Wikipedia article, I wasn’t aware of the long-running debate among biblical scholars as to the nature of Onan’s sin. To be honest, I tend to just go with the definition as presented by my good friends Merriam and Webster.
As a kid who read the Bible on his own a lot, but did so in an environment that wasn’t likely to bring up masturbation ever ever, I found it really odd, later on, discovering that some people thought that story was about it.
I mean, didn’t they read it? It was clearly about this douchebag who kept pulling out of his sister-in-law.
The whole thing struck me as odd. Onan is fucking his brother’s wife, but Onan pulling out and spilling his seed on the ground is what God took issue with?
I actually brought this up in religion class in middle school. The nuns did not appreciate my insight.
The reason God took issue with it is that God wanted him to impregnate his dead brother’s wife so his brother’s line will continue.
I’m not sure how that works exactly, maybe God will change the sperm’s DNA or something weird like that.
A lot of those rules are really just unsophisticated biological concepts. They’re worried about biodiversity.
So if your brother dies without ever having any kids with his wife you should knock her up so HER genes will continue. It’s all couched in terms of “continuing your brother’s line” but what it really comes down to is “keep the damn gene pool diverse!”
The Jews were pretty smart like that. A lot of those big rules were just ways of keeping people from getting sick and from losing population.
You were only supposed to impregnate your brothers wife if you weren’t already married right?
Ohhh… I didn’t pick up on the fact that his brother was dead.
Yeah, 1st husband Er died because of his own wickedness. Onan marries to become a kinsman-redeemer. After Onan (husband #2) died, she was promised the next son in marriage, but since the father-in-law Judah was thinking she was cursed, he held off, not wanting all his sons dead. Tamar then dressed up as a common prostitute and seduces Judah & conceiving, leading her to be “yet another wicked woman” in Jesus’ genealogy.
C’mon, just because the origins of the term don’t sync up with what the story is actually -about- doesn’t mean “onanism” isn’t a word that means wanking it.
I would happily be bros with Joe based just on this.
I don’t know about you guys, but for me, just the fact that Joe is aware of it and is permitting it would be beyond awkward enough to make the act impossible. Add the fact that he is still in the room and is conscious for maximum awkwardness.
The only way to diffuse that much awkwardness is with MAXIMUM RIDICULOSITY!
Awkward Zone Defeated!
Bros! Bros! Bros!
Smitty is totally fine with this situation.
That would require fancy costumes though.
The mask and earmuffs not fancy enough for you?
Did I miss something, or was Joe a Boy Scout?
I can see Joe being this kind of Boy Scout.
5 minutes? As if… Maybe 40 minutes, minimum.
I am not sure I want to ever see what is on that flash drive.
That’s no flashdrive. look at it again.
You’re a good man, Joe Rosenthal.
Stay classy, Joe.
Either that, or be gunned down by a cheesy 80s sci-fi protagonist. Seriously, where did he even get those shades?
Looks like Joe knows its hunting season… and he needs his protection. YEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
joe know’s what’s up
I just finished “Joyce and Walky”… At first I was all “WIIGII”, then I was like T_T
As for DoA, I don’t think Danny is gonna fap while Joe is there… A guy has to have space ya know?
(or at least a room to himself)
Until the last panel I honestly thought Joe was wearing a fez for some reason.
Well, he would have to take the fez off to put on those headphones.
Obviously because fezzes are cool.
JoeBro is on the job again
Guess I got lucky and got thorugh college without worrying about if something would go wrong due to a random sexual encounter since I never got past first base on the two dates I went on in four years.
College is much easier when all the girls pretty much ignore you like the plauge. Then you can focus on your studies and then work retail the rest of you life.
WIN. In so many ways.
Woops, that was meant to be a reply.
Where is that “classy” shirt when you need it?!!
It’s in the wash. Something about stains and stickiness, I think.
220 comments and no one suggests that Danny should just do his business in the bathroom??
Remember, two rooms share a bathroom. The only locks are on the outside, so someone could walk in at any time. At least Joe is purposefully ignoring it.
Joe, that was the most bro move of all the bro-moves.
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