Danny ruins everything!
Also, Danny proves Billie’s point.
But Dan improves the metaphor by asking for Sal instead of her.
He Danned up her metaphor, but as not to make her feel better also Dan’s up failing to adhere to her metaphor.
What, he can’t Dan his own life up anymore than he already has so he has to Dan other peopls lifes up?
So he has learnt to not dan all the eggs in one basket or something or another…
Can’t sleep alone at night
I just can’t seem to get it right
I’m Danned If I Do
Danned if I don’t–
But I love you–apologies to The Alan Parsons Project
Nice choice of song. You’d do Mr. Parsons proud.
Well, he’s good at making horrible events worse. From a certain point of view that’s improving things that don’t suck enough.
Danny will do what Danny does best!
Tutoring math? Or practicing journalism?
You’re suggesting he can’t do both at the same time?
see, she doesn’t even have awesome visual metaphors
I know how you feel Billie, I haven’t had any awesome visual metaphors for quite some tome either.
Lies. You post hilarious links to topical youtube videos all the time. If those don’t count as visual metaphors then they’re close enough!
But that’s only when I’m online, I have been metaphor deficient in real life for a while now.
Bah. You just need to practice stretching the metaphor to painful lengths in order to use whatever random scenery is available. The metaphor just needs to have enough volume to contain the situation the way this Dairy Queen cup on my desk is extra large to contain the Dr. Pepper I shouldn’t be drinking cause its making me fat and jittery.
Or, you know, deliberately plot out all your elaborate metaphors and painstakingly adjust the scenery in an area to provide the perfect examples of your future topics of discussion. But that sounds a little nutty, so I don’t recommend it.
Isn’t the internet a visual metaphor for life?
He killed the moment…poor moment.
Dude, if we start mourning every moment Dan’s killed, we’d have to set up a friggin’ graveyard.
we should start a petition to get moments added to the endangered species list. ever since danny was released into the wild, the moment population never had a chance. he is their natural predator.
Dan just doing what he does best.
At least he found something that he’s good at. 😛
And he’s completely unaware of it! Just imagine how much…more it could be if he knew!
Countries would crumble, Kingdoms would cry out. There would be gnashing of teeth…so much gnashing.
He could intentionally allow himself to be suckered into a gang or crime syndicate or something just so he can bring about their ruin by complete accident.
Because sometimes the greatest hero is a zero.
Thank god Dorothy broke up with him. If he made it into the White House with her our story would end in accidental Nuclear Winter.
End? No, that’s when the story BEGINS
Because war never changes.
No, Stand Still, Stay Silent has the post apoc. comic angle all taken care of.
Nuclear Winter sounded so much worse before Game of Thrones came into my life. Now it just sounds like an excuse to build a giant wall of ice and fight White Walkers
If he is “intentionally” allowing himself to join them for the purposes of Dannying them up, would it count as a “complete accident”?
He means for it to happen, but the methods…
I’m thinking along the lines of a backwards Gordan Frohman. Frohman tried to sabotage his enemy but continually accidentally helped them in huge ways. If Danny honestly tries to help an enemy, he would probably end up accidentally sabotaging them in huge ways.
I think this works as a PERFECT Audio/Visual metaphor, though.
Dammit Danny! Don’t you know what a metaphor’s for?
I’m meta for metaphors!
At least metaphorically.
I never met a four I didn’t like.
Ninja turtles, Fantastic four, the alchemical elements, the humors, the food groups, everything discussed in this show…
Danny somehow Dann’ed up a visual metaphor he had no part in….
I don’t even have a visual metaphor anymore!
Hey it’s Danny!
Danny: the most harmless person on campus
The only aggression he will ever display is being aggressively insufferable
Ethan is meeker than Danny. Danny at least stood up for Amber when Dorothy was trying to pry information out of him, Ethan just… is pissing basically everyone off with what he’s been up to.
Danny is mentally stronger than Ethan D:
But I bet Ethan could bench press Danny.
Yeah, probably. Danny’s a pretty slim dude, while Ethan is pretty much a mesomorph, just without the work put into it like Jacob has.
Ethan has directly caused emotional damage to both Amber and Joyce (by choosing to date the latter and then declaring love for the former out loud).
Danny’s only directly caused emotional damage to Amber (by “dumping” her before finding out she was Amazi-girl, and maybe she already forgave him for that?).
Danny’s mostly a threat to himself, really.
Wait. When did Ethan declare love for Amber?
It was here: http://www.dumbingofage.com/2013/comic/book-4/01-the-only-dope-for-me-is-you/happy/
I’m reading that strip again and seeing Amber flash back to that night and how she flipped the bed with Ethan still on it
More fuel for the Danny x Ethan shippers.
Yep, Ethan sure does seem like the uke(bottom) type.
Jacob could bench press them both.
With one hand.
Wrong. He threatened to murder both Dorothy and Joe if they had scared Amber off when she came to his room. So he can be aggressive when he wants to be, just not particularly violent.
Danny’s aggressiveness is, in-universe, about as convincing as my skill with the trombone. And I have no idea how to operate a trombone. Saying Danny’s being aggressive is like saying I’m being a trombone performer. He can certainly try, but proooobably not succeed.
Well, he’s not lined up there for HER, so it still SORTA applies…
I love this strip! Way to dan it up Danny!
Agreed, this strip really stands out somehow. Having so much drama and humor in only five panels is a testament to Willis’s skill.
No there’s a metaphor but I think its even worse then what you were going for
go danny! keep ruining billie’s pity party!
Also I’m pretty sure what Billie’s going through is how heroes are made.
All she needs now is to consume some genetically modified radioactive beer and her transformation will be complete.
Girl beer-can, girl beer-can, does whatever a beer-can.. can…
She can… uh, recycle herself into something new and improved!
Wait that’s almost uplifting
That’s not something beer cans can do, that’s something that’s done to beer cans.
Well then, as a beer can, Billie could find herself on Ruth’s lips.
But that stopped happening at the same time Ruth stopped drinking.
Yeah, but Ruth no longer tolerates the taste of alcohol, so Billie is just as bad as beer itself.
She can…be crushed against somebody’s forehead!
She can…pollute a beach or alleyway!
And be full of beer, or at least something that pretends to be beer.
B., be beer!
Billie broke down a door because she was afraid someone’s life was in danger (kinda was!). Fucked up as she is, she was already a hero.
heroes and nihilists, yeah.
Is there a difference?
It’s always Danny’s fault, isn’t it? World War 2 happened because of Danny or something.
Danny killed Ceasar, Blew up Alderan, and Exploded Krillin.
So he did something right then. 😀
Ceasar? Sure, I guess he did something right. I was expecting people claiming Danny killed the dinosaurs and caused every single bad thing in the universe.
well technically if he did kill off the dinosaurs, he made room in the food chain for people to have a chance to stick around.
which makes him responsible for every human fuck-up in the history of human fuck-ups, so there we go. 🙂
Not the dinosaurs, but he did cause the Permian-Triassic extinction event.
Most scholars agree that Danny did not cause WWII, if only because he was too tired after having caused WWI.
But WW2 happened as a pretty direct consequence of WW1, so Danny is at least partly responsible for it.
And he was on the airplane during 911 when he crashed, yet he survived somehow.
The way you guys made him out, he’s more and more like something out of SCP Foundation or something.
Or the worst/best Cobra Command operative ever.
He is the anti-thesis to Walky’s awesome sneakiness.
We already have the worst Cobra operative. Cobra Commander himself, heck Destro called him a world class buffoon.
scp-1, alias danny wilcox. let us never speak of this again.
He cancelled Firefly!
HE DELAYED SMASH UNTIL OCTOBER!
Please, he cancelled Firefly but he didn’t make Foodfight….or most of Uwe Boll’s “masterpiece” or The Room.
That’s what they want you to think, but…have you ever seen Danny and Uwe Boll in the same room together? Well? Have you?
Yes…I also know that Tommy Wiseau is actually an alien, the guy who wrote Pokemon Special is actually from the future, The Chicago Cubs actually did win a World Series but the wave of anti-matter nixed that and the entire universe reboots itself and they never won. Anything else.
This Danny is actually just the latest in a long line of terrible Dannys.
It’s an inherited title, like the Dread Pirate Roberts.
He’s kinda the go-to guy when anything goes bad, like the universe’s personal scape-goat.
Use this knowledge wisely.
Aw, Billie, the fandom still thinks you’re the hottest!
False. Amber’s the hottest.
According to previous Hottest Lady polls, Sal once again trumps Billie.
Let me settle this.
Sierra= My wife.
I agree with the two on top…but I always figured that Ruth is the badassest. I mean seriously, Ruth just gave Blaine a belly to belly suplex like it was nothing.
If I recall correctly, wasn’t she hungover at the time, as well? I’d grant her additional points for pulling that off in that condition.
And doing it while drunk? You see, this is why I think that Ruth is the badassest on of all.
Less…hungover and more in Withdrawl. Also belly-to-belly suplex implies something cooler than kinda tossing Blaine over herself. I mean it’s still cool, just not as cool as my mental image of a belly to belly Suplex.
You misspelled “waifu”.
Heresy! Sal reigns Supreme!
Roz reigns Meatlovers.
Malaya rains bodily fluids.
Oh, wait, wrong comic.
WILLIS! WE NEED A POLL!
The poll is here, and Joyce is at 11%? C’mon, people — the only thing on the IU campus that is *LESS* bad-ass than Joyce is probably Hank the giraffe statue!!
Joyce smashed a glass in a would-be rapist’s face. While woozy from being drugged. There is one serious hardcore badass behind the big blue eyes and triangle smile.
Hank is a bigger badass than Danny.
According to the poll, it goes Sal, Billie, Amber. Individual results may vary.
Since the polls haven’t included Marcie, they cannot possibly be accurate. 😀
Marcie needs more screen time. All I can do is draw her in my spare time.
Also Claire and Mandy can also benefit from moar comictime.
The polls have included Marcie. She came in second-to-last in the last one, despite my support.
Why can’t we have both? I like both!
She’s just on a bad streak, her time is coming.
Bit confused by Billie’s movement in the penultimate panel.
Throwing the door open at top speed.
He danned the metaphor so hard that it actually made it better
The only way he could have danned it up more is if he and Joe or Ethan were standing together outside Billie’s door.
What Willis gives, he can also take…
Damn I feel a lot like Billie today… even if I am not similar to Billie at all… 🙁
It’s good to see Billie saying all of her problems out loud. Just for once, follow through, Billie.
Oddly, Billie may be the cast-member who’s best at introspection.
I don’t understand it. She’s an attractive girl who always has booze on hand. A girl like that at the college I went to was the most popular person in the dorm. But then I did go to a party school, and she had a car.
Billie’s been pretty terrible at networking, and hasn’t met many people, so that’s part of the issue.
You would think that an ex-cheerleader would be better at that sort of thing.
She did go to a frat party with beer and appropriately dressed. Seems nothing came of that.
Her arrogance and public drunkenness holds her back.
I feel like I have to say it since no one else wants to poke the white elephant.
Billie is overweight. She’s probably around 30 pounds overweight based on panels 1-5 shown here today.
I’m not dissing girls who aren’t model thin. And I definitely feel that women should be judged for who they are rather than how far their scale measures. But please let me point something out to those who missed it.
You are talking about college boys here.
Yes, they are obsessed by sex but Roz is all about free sex and is posting sex vids on the internet. Do you seriously think the guys only interested in getting some will want to spend money getting Billie drunk for sex (and even then possibly having to work at it a bit) when they can get sex for free from Roz without having to wait for the booze to kick in.
And while Billie is definitely overweight, she isn’t ‘enough’ overweight to fit the fetish of BBW.
My point in all of that is the fact that the only boys who are going to be banging down Billie’s door (without first getting to be close through friendship) are the ones who want to bang every hot chick in the college, and there are surely far more hot chicks around that aren’t 30 pounds overweight ‘somewhere’ at a big University like they go to. Sure, they’ll get to Billie eventually but that’s the keyword. Someone who is neither thin nor popular will be a long term goal not a first year goal.
Billie isn’t doomed to not get attention, but she’d have far better chances of getting it if she made connections in classes and clubs.
And if anyone seriously wants to argue with me that the typical college boy isn’t that vain as to care about looks for their girlfriends I have a bridge to sell them.
Again I am not saying that all men are sleazebags in college, but the good ones aren’t the type that will be hunting the ‘drunken girl’. And the sleazebags who ‘are’ that type will be too busy pumping Roz since she openly wants to have sex with practically anyone at any time and even makes sex tapes.
Please don’t tell me you’re shooting out that whole “She’s 30 lbs overweight” bid.
This has so very little to do with her weight it’s laughable. Billie is a crass, pompous, mean-spirited Freshman who doesn’t like to go out and talk to people because she got shot down by some older guys earlier in the comic. Her self-esteem is at an all time low, and her confidence was never anything stable. Don’t give me that crap about her weight. There might be a few guys that care about that kind of thing, but the rest it’s about A) her age and B) her personality.
I’m responding to the person who asked where are all the guys after the ‘drunk girl’. Answer 30 lbs overweight, Roz exists, and as you say personality.
What I’m saying is, her weight has very little to do with it. Also, reading the comment, they were saying they were the most popular person in the dorm. Now going back to my own co-ed dorm days, that didn’t necessarily mean the girl with the most hangers-on. It meant the person with the most friends. You’re whole argument is based purely on her physical appearance, when in reality Billie probably looks a whole hell of a lot hotter than Roz, and is just as willing to flirt and take a guy into her room (or go into theirs. See going into Danny’s room to screw him).
As for the “typical college boy”, we’re a little bit less vain than you might think. Thanks.
Sheesh, I actually prefer a little chub, tbh. Not like I have anything against small gals but I always feel like they’re hungry. I wanna give them sandwhiches. Billie’s a gal I could Squish up against! It’s all about that squish.
Maybe I flirted with the wrong guys then because I’m in the same boat as Billy. All the dudes that have met me and oneof my best friends have always asked her out even though she makes it a point that shes disinterested and I actually ask guys out. She’s pretty fit and so awesome to hang out with but I can’t help feeling invisible next to her.
The problem is guys like me might either be shy or intimidated. I have probably asked out 2 girls in the last 5 years of my life. And one was this year.
“Going into Danny’s room to screw him”? Wha? Yeah, she came on to him, but that wasn’t her reason for going in there. She fell for him because Danny was the first (and so far, only) person to feed her ego, but her reason for entering the room was to interview him about Amazi-girl. She was doing journalism before it became a euphemism for sex.
I’ve actually seen very little evidence that Billie is as promiscuous as you claim. Aside from that one lapse the only person she’s really come on to is Ruth – and that was less flirty and more “we’re both troubled and I sort of get you, lets cuddle. Also cleavage.” With everyone else she’s acted rather stuck-up – and thus, unpopularity.
The hell you talkin’ ’bout. Billie is super hot.
For serious, not all college boys (I’m not one, but I was once) are into anorexic chicks with volleyballs glued to their skeletal ribcages. Billie may be a little “overweight” (whatever the hell that means… BMI is worthless bullshit, especially for athletes, which Billie was), but she’s nowhere near unappealingly fat, just pleasantly curvy. And she put that weight in all the right places. Her rack is just dayum. Even Joyce wants to crawl into Billie’s cleavage.
Not to mention her thighs. I mean holy shit that girl has some hot legs xD
This whole thread is a joke – it’s gone from one person shaming a character about being overweight, to commenters describing slim women as ‘anorexic chicks with volleyballs glued to their skeletal ribcages’ and ‘wafer-thin Barbies’ and claiming Billie’s depression would make her ‘an easy score’. Delightful. I won’t make the mistake of reading the comments here again.
That was not a description of “slim women”. That was a description of the impossible build that LJoL – based on their contention that Billie’s thirty pounds overweight (though I admit, I added the “enormous fake boobs” part of the stereotype on my own initiative) – seems to think that all “college boys” must subscribe to as the ideal of feminine attractiveness.
But if you want to be offended, I can’t stop you.
Seriously, the classy response to someone complaining about one body type and making gross assumptions about someone’s health based on their appearance is not to do exactly the same thing to a different body type.
Disagree. Yes, Billie is not a wafer-thin Barbie- or Bratz-doll clone, but personally I think girls are supposed to have curves in certain places. And no one can deny that Billie has all that and then some.
And as someone who is dragging herself deeper and deeper into her depression, she would probably be an easy score.
Though it’d be really fuckin shitty to do that. Like something Faz would do if he was the same age as all of them. I don’t think even Joe would do that.
Would it be wrong if I was easy to score and I’m depressed? Like not even trying to start an argument. I just have no self esteem and would probably bang anyone if they were nice to me.
Well, not wrong. But risky, yes. Especially when you’re depressed banging people for the wrong reasons can mess with your mind if you get emotionally connected.
Roz made one sex tape, to prove a point.
Her sex-positive attitude does not oblige her to have sex with anyone anytime. She demands the freedom to openly do who she wants, but as far as we can tell, she only had sex that one time with Joe, which apparently she did not care enough for to go for a repeat.
But she did care enough for a repeat:
I forgot about that. By Jove, you’re right! Joe is in a relationship!
I have to re-evaluate a lot of things.
She does not look overweight to me. I can’t see what LJol means. I don’t see any rolls, nor a paunch. She has some thighs, granted, but they are smooth and well proportioned. She has a defined waist. I don’t see an extra 30 pounds, for sure. I am honestly perplexed by this assessment of Billie’s physique.
Truth be told, I think Dan kinda helps her visual metaphor by asking about Sal instead of her…
Shit, this is getting kinda Roomies! in here, isn’t it?
You say that like it’s a bad thing.
I love how the day after Billie storms out on Bring Back Roomies!, Danny arrives at her room. She just can’t get rid of him!
He’s like a (cartoon) boomerang! He keeps coming back!
To be fair, the last time we saw him he said he was looking for Sal.
The Danning…WILL IT EVER END?!?!
See this is the beginning of “Damnation of the Dannieing,” I told you, I told you ALL!
Oh man. Danny and Joyce in a room together. Has that ever happened in this universe?
Actually I think this is the first time, who wants to take bets on what happens?
Joyce pulls out a large Calculator. Either that or Joyce helps Danny “Bury this”.
Oh right. Danny’s just so Danned forgetable that I forgot!
Danny’s situation has gotten so bad all he needs to do is show up to ruin something. What ever you do NEVER invite him to a party.
But he would only ruin it even more by crashing the party.
Or if he shows up when a party’s being raided.
“Yea officer, I know him and her and her and it.”
Of all the Danny-s in the world, you’re the Danny-est.
I metaphor once, but she was only a three.
I met her too, but you won her.
Does she give five-star sex? Perhaps it was eventful when she ate you out? Ja? Nein?
Ja. Have some internets
*failed rimshot, sad trombone*
She’s even wearing the same outfit she wore that time in Roomies:
Wait, so if Billie is the dorm’s Psyduck, which Pokemon is Danny?
Slowbro. He’s Slowbro.
Goldeen, because he’s generally useless with the exception of flailing about to little effect, and is generally forgettable.
Why did Misty even have that thing again?
Uh…Magikarp is much more useless. Goldeen Is friggin’ AWESOME in the water.
True, but I was talking about the Pokemon that the main characters use in the show, and in that context, Goldeen works just fine, since I don’t think Misty’s Goldeen was ever useful.
Wait, no, it help transport people a few times, so it was helpful in very specific contexts. Just like Danny!
Ah, the Pokemon anime, where character growth can be forgotten once you cross another region.
So Pokemon is essentially the anime version of Glee.
Wouldn’t Glee be the live action version of Pokemon?
Goldeen discovered the way out of the Saint Anne, as well as finding Team Rocket, when it sank. Beat the crap out of James’ Victreebel in Stun Spore Detour.
Come to think of it, they had a funeral for those lost in the sinking the next episode, didn’t they? Wouldn’t they have had to tell Ash’s mum? I imagine Delia should not have been pleased, yet she’s been fine with him travelling to five dangerous regions in a… year?
Pokemon time travels slower than DoA time.
“HE’S BEEN TEN YEARS OLD FOR TWENTY YEARS
DERMATOLOGISTS HATE HIM
LEARN HIS ONE WEIRD RULE”
Danny did pretty good in the rain.
See? SEE?! He has Swift Swim! It all makes sense!
I always forget she’s being slowly broken by college. Feels man. Feels.
Not so slowly. This is, what, the first month?
Danny: danning it up when he doesn’t even know what “it” is.
He is the world’s greatest up-danner of its.
Well I’m a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude!
Seriously that sentence felt a bit contrived
No, it’s not. I mean, we haven’t figured out the guy in the black silhouette yet.
That’s just Alfred Hitchcock. You can ignore him…
Billie is the female equivalent of the BMOC, hero of the sport field, pres. of the class, all around stud muffin ….in HS.
Then he graduates and rides his HS record through life. Or, if he goes to college, finds out first week on campus that it don’t count for sh*t.
Billie is doing great admitting she has problems, but she hasn’t quite seen the real problem yet, although she’s getting close. She’s a former BWOC but now she needs to grow up and move on.
Oh, she’s still a BWOC. Just not in the way she’d like to be.
The alt-text says what we’re all thinking.
I love this page. I looooove it.
Billie, at the risk of sounding like a dick…this is a good thing. If that was the impression you were under then the sooner that particular illusion gets shattered the sooner you can (hopefully) pick yourself up and find a way to REALLY be as awesome as you thought you were already.
Which may have been exactly what Ruth was trying to do for her…in her own emotionally-stunted, borderline psychotic way, of course.
Also, can you even actually have a visual metaphor when the intention of the metaphor was to illustrate something that WAS NOT meant to be visible (e.g. all the people not lined up outside her door)?
I actually laughed out loud at this one. =D
Now I’m going to have that damned ad catchphrase running through my head for hours.
I think this works just as well if not better as an ending to this comic.
Looks like Carla is up to her old tricks again. 😀
Classic Danny. This strip couldn’t have been any more perfect
My favorite part of this is how, by asking for Sal, he actually makes her point -better- than an empty hallway.
Is it just me, or does it look like Danny is wearing an anti-christ symbol in panel 4?
That’s a slightly misshapen “I” and “U” intertwined logo . We’re not completely seeing the legs of the “U”.
I don’t know if it’s just you, but that sigil is no more Satanic than the state of Indiana itself: it’s the Indiana University logo.
Hooray for Danny!
shoot you beat me to it
God Dan it Dan
No we don’t paraphrase it, we keep it plain and simple, “God DAMNIT Danny!”
I feel like all the plot threads are having a little traffic jam in this strip.
For some reason, Billie’s life reminds me of a tamed-down version of “It’s not my fault I’m not popular”…
Drawing attention to the polls; How is Marcie so low? She’s the one who keeps Sal on task and is generally the baddest ass. I expected her to be undervoted compared to more major characters but lower than Sarah and Dorothy?
Sarah beat the shit out of Joyce’s attacker with a baseball bat. I think she’s welcome to a top spot.
That’s the thing. All of Marcie’s screentime (paneltime?) revolves around Sal’s actions, so she’s mostly a supporting character. Sure, she may be cool in her own right and on her own time, but we only see her during Sal’s time.
She’s basically the Inspector Gordon to Sal’s Batman.
Derp. Meant Commissioner Gordon.
going out on a limb here but…
Danny did nothing wrong in this strip.
Billie’s choice of moments to make a metaphor for illustration was badly timed, that’s all.
Danny might be guilty of being a bit dense about things, but in this instance he’s innocent of any wrongdoing.
So what you’re saying is that Danny is so ruinous that he ruins things without even being aware that he’s involved in any way in the things he’s ruining?
HERESY! Danny is the cause of every problem ever!
He danned it up, no question.
Danny ruined something? The HELL, you say!
Billie makes the best faces.
So no one told Billie that life would be this way? Her college career’s a joke, she’s emotionally broke, and her love life’s one of the worst in DOA.
Maybe Joyce is right and she’s stuck in second gear. It just hasn’t been her day (her week, her month, or maybe her year)
It’s too bad Danny’s not here for you. (He’s just standing at your door)
Danny’s not here for you. (Not even intimidated by you anymore)
Danny’s not here for you. (‘Cause Sal lives there too….. do dodo do do doo)
“Hello person who didn’t want to sleep with me. You are not exactly improving my self esteem here.”
Woy ta Din at ap again Dunny
no san diego comic-con, the sorries
Who should get doodled inside Dumbing of Age Book 5?
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