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'yes, i'd like the 'mer-lott''  'you're not twenty-one, get outta here'
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September 20, 2023

Lobster

by David M Willis on January 30, 2018 at 12:01 am
  • 02 - This Is the Way that We Love

└ Tags: jennifer, ruth

Discussion (172) ¬

[ Comments RSS ]
  1. Ana Chronistic
    Ana Chronistic
    January 30, 2018 at 12:01 am | #

    “Also we’re supposed to see a movie?”

    “Why? Black Panther isn’t out until next month, I haven’t seen the FIRST Maze Runner, and what the fuck else is out”

    “Look, I’m telling you that’s what’s in the Date Manual”

    “Your manual is bullshit”

    “Come to think of it I remember someone telling me first date, stick to vandalism and loitering. but I always had to be different.”

    • AeroQC
      AeroQC
      January 30, 2018 at 12:44 am | #

      “Wait, is ‘The Greatest Showman’ still playing?”
      “You like musicals?”
      “Not really, but it’s Hugh Jackman. I can just force myself into thinking it’s a Wolverine story.”
      “…”

      • Gojira
        Gojira
        January 30, 2018 at 12:56 am | #

        Nerd!

      • SgtWadeyWilson
        SgtWadeyWilson
        January 30, 2018 at 8:32 am | #

        How does one not like musicals?

        • Deanatay
          Deanatay
          January 30, 2018 at 8:41 am | #

          They’re quite pretty when they burn.

          • SgtWadeyWilson
            SgtWadeyWilson
            January 30, 2018 at 8:48 am | #

            Funnily enough, IRL, I actually got suspended for “trying to burn down the theater” when I went to a musical on a field trip.

            I was so offended by the assumption that I almost told the principal that I’d rather burn the school down… Almost.

            • ValdVin
              ValdVin
              January 30, 2018 at 2:04 pm | #

              Was it “Barnum” by any chance?

              • SgtWadeyWilson
                SgtWadeyWilson
                January 30, 2018 at 5:22 pm | #

                No, that’d be more of a “hilariously enough” story. Sadly my story is just plain-old funny.

                • BrokenEye, the True False Prophet
                  BrokenEye, the True False Prophet
                  February 1, 2018 at 3:57 am | #

                  Well c’mon, don’t leave us hanging

        • Yet_One_More_Idiot
          Yet_One_More_Idiot
          January 31, 2018 at 2:42 pm | #

          Musicals are pretty good. I particularly enjoy Grease (and its sequel xD) and Hairspray. 🙂

          Although, favourite movie ever? …The Secret Garden. I am such a big kid at heart. 😀

          • David DeLaney
            David DeLaney
            February 3, 2018 at 9:10 pm | #

            … and now I’m reading this as “Grease and its sequel, Hairspray”.

            –Dave, I heartily endorse this analytic continuation and or evolution

      • showler
        showler
        January 30, 2018 at 9:02 am | #

        Man, this is the longest undercover mission Wolverine has ever done.

    • random832
      random832
      January 30, 2018 at 10:05 am | #

      They could just get the author to cut to someone else and then come back to them when Black Panther’s out.

  2. EFC
    EFC
    January 30, 2018 at 12:02 am | #

    Truly experts of romance, these two.

    Might need some more wine than just one bottle, Billie

    • EFC
      EFC
      January 30, 2018 at 12:03 am | #

      Gravroulette, whee!

    • Gen
      Gen
      January 30, 2018 at 1:34 am | #

      I hope a bunch of the anxiety on each of their parts was because of a lack of familiarity with “proper dating.”

      Billie seemed to have problems with identifying as something other than “straight with exceptions,” but maybe we can see them grow as characters and as a couple once they get over an awkward “first date.”

      • Joy
        Joy
        January 30, 2018 at 7:04 pm | #

        I’m sorry but when did she call herself straight? She just went with “normal” cuz 1) she thinks that everyone thinks about it eventually. Which is honestly. Mood. And 2) she only rlly knows the word “bisexual” as a porn term. So.

        • Gen
          Gen
          January 31, 2018 at 1:02 am | #

          I don’t recall if she used the word “straight;” I was just using “straight with exceptions” as a euphemism for how she tried to describe herself (which would have taken more than three words, as you showed).

  3. King Daniel
    King Daniel
    January 30, 2018 at 12:02 am | #

    …I suppose this isn’t the kind of scene that goes well with listening to the Steven Universe soundtrack, huh.

    • Doctor_Who
      Doctor_Who
      January 30, 2018 at 12:04 am | #

      “What Can I Do For You” kinda works here.

      • King Daniel
        King Daniel
        January 30, 2018 at 12:06 am | #

        …aaaand that song just went up on my playlist like 15 seconds ago.

      • Danni
        Danni
        January 30, 2018 at 12:08 am | #

        oh yeah this one!

    • Danni
      Danni
      January 30, 2018 at 12:05 am | #

      trying to think which su song would be appropriate

      • Some1
        Some1
        January 30, 2018 at 12:06 am | #

        I always thought I might be bad, now I know that it’s true, cause I think your so good and I’m nothing like you.

        • Danni
          Danni
          January 30, 2018 at 12:13 am | #

          i wish that i knew what makes you think
          im so special

          • adjudicus
            adjudicus
            January 30, 2018 at 4:40 am | #

            If I could begin to do, something that does right by you

      • Chronos
        Chronos
        January 30, 2018 at 12:34 am | #

        Well, if they were facing Mary right now, “Stronger than You” might work.

        • Some1
          Some1
          January 30, 2018 at 1:03 am | #

          Carla: It’s Mary! How the hell did you lose!

          Ruth: It turns out that constantly holding hands is not in fact pretty much the same things as fusing.

      • ValdVin
        ValdVin
        January 30, 2018 at 1:51 am | #

        Title alone?

        “Full Disclosure”.

      • Baf
        Baf
        January 30, 2018 at 2:52 am | #

        Tower of Mistakes, maybe.

    • Inahc
      Inahc
      January 30, 2018 at 12:31 am | #

      Oh I’m sure Pearl’s first date will be similarly entertaining 🙂 (if we ever get to see it!)

    • The Recreator
      The Recreator
      January 30, 2018 at 12:33 am | #

      The BGM from the episode Fusion Cuisine would probably set the tone perfectly.

    • Ninjamaid
      Ninjamaid
      January 31, 2018 at 6:46 pm | #

      ♪Isn’t this suuuuch,
      A beautiful niiight, whoao♪

  4. DailyBrad
    DailyBrad
    January 30, 2018 at 12:03 am | #

    Ohhhhhh, it wasn’t the dating women part, it was the dating *period*.

    Not an uncommon problem nowadays, I bet, not in some critique on premarital hanky-panky as Joyce may put it, but because it’s just not exactly practical to do the “proper” dating in a lot of places and lifestyles.

    • Yumi
      Yumi
      January 30, 2018 at 12:10 am | #

      And also kind of dating a woman.

      As far as not having dating experience…well, Billie kind of explains her personal experiences. I’d say a number of my friends (and myself) didn’t really date in high school, so someone a couple months into college who hasn’t been on a real date before doesn’t strike me as surprising.

      • ruhrow
        ruhrow
        January 30, 2018 at 9:39 am | #

        Psssh, I’m almost 30 and I’ve never been on a real date. One of these days…

    • Arawn
      Arawn
      January 30, 2018 at 1:36 am | #

      Yeah, I was wondering if she was having a weird moment about being at least bi-sexual. I would have expected her to have that moment back when she was having bi-sex-ya-know. They’re both so… vulnerable right now. Perfect time for them to develop some deep seated trauma they’ll keep with them for the rest of their lives.

      (Why do I get the feeling that EXPECTING that is just what Willis wants)

  5. Doopyboop
    Doopyboop
    January 30, 2018 at 12:05 am | #

    This is how you know how inexperienced Ruth is. Last date I was on was in middle school, my boyfriend and I went to see Pink Panther and both of our parents and his little brother came with. Other dates were at his house. They made good chicken alfredo. Billie’s fresh out of high school which…honestly? There’s not much dating/wooing in high school. Nobody has the money to go out, only sometimes do they have a car, plus there’s parental concerns like “come home at 10 at the latest”. Then again maybe that’s because I’m from a small, cheap town where there’s not much places to go for a date…but yeah I’m not surprised that Billie’s inexperienced when it comes to dates. Real dates happen during college time and on!

    • Sunny
      Sunny
      January 30, 2018 at 1:57 am | #

      That’s 10 in the morning, right?

      • Doopyboop
        Doopyboop
        January 30, 2018 at 4:02 am | #

        Oh if I came home at 10 in the morning while in high school my mom would get angry. I guess 11 pm would be more realistic, but some parents get very tyrannical about their teens going on dates.

      • thejeff
        thejeff
        January 30, 2018 at 7:14 am | #

        They generally get really mad when you come home at 10 in the morning.
        Obviously you’ve been sent home from school and that never goes over well.

    • Needfuldoer
      Needfuldoer
      January 30, 2018 at 2:04 am | #

      Oh c’mon, everybody dates in high school! You have a little pocket money from your part time job! You jump into your $100 tri-5 Chevy, pick up your girl, and go own to Arnold’s for malts with Joanie and Chachi. Maybe later you go to the drive-in, if there isn’t a dance at the school gymnasium.

      (Not serious, just just makin fun of boomers’ outdated expectations.)

      • Doopyboop
        Doopyboop
        January 30, 2018 at 4:01 am | #

        Don’t forget the sockhop! Everybody loves to jam at the sockhop!

      • Doopyboop
        Doopyboop
        January 30, 2018 at 4:04 am | #

        Sidenote, my town has a Drive-in (surprising, I know! It closed down for a while but got renovated and is still in business!) and I’d love to go for a date there. They have great food, and you get to see two movies for 6 bucks a person!

        • BBCC
          BBCC
          January 30, 2018 at 6:15 pm | #

          My town has one too! It usually has movies from a few months ago so we can get a second chance if we missed it in theatre.

          • Goshii
            Goshii
            January 30, 2018 at 7:58 pm | #

            We have one that plays current films. 5 screens so there are 10 movies a night.

  6. Passchendaele
    Passchendaele
    January 30, 2018 at 12:05 am | #

    Hey, at least it’s a new experience for the both of you, and aren’t those always fun? 😛

    (I’m petrified Willis is going to jump to another scene at the worst possible moment, because this is too interesting.)

  7. Yumi
    Yumi
    January 30, 2018 at 12:07 am | #

    Low-key jealous of these fiction characters for at least having this experience at their age

    • OnyxIdol
      OnyxIdol
      January 30, 2018 at 12:36 am | #

      I mean yeah. But you also need the right mind set. I had several dates in the last years, none of which led anywhere because I wasn’t really okay with myself and and just hoped finding a girlfriend would cure my unhapiness.

      • OnyxIdol
        OnyxIdol
        January 30, 2018 at 12:37 am | #

        Never mind the fact that I may be aro.

      • Yumi
        Yumi
        January 30, 2018 at 12:53 am | #

        Idk, for me it wasn’t even about it going somewhere, just that “Oh my god, I’m an adult and I’ve never been on a date and what if I do it wrong and we both DIE” feeling

        (an actual worry I had before my first ever date)

    • Griffin Raynor
      Griffin Raynor
      January 30, 2018 at 12:53 am | #

      Same. I’m a sophomore with no gf. But I guess I’m here to learn and stuff rather than ~meet someone~ so.

      • Yumi
        Yumi
        January 30, 2018 at 12:56 am | #

        My mom has a “friend” who told their other friend’s daughter, when said daughter was a junior or senior in high school, “College is about finding someone to marry.” And this was like three years ago.
        Then she looked to my mother for backup of her position, and my mom was like, “College is for education, that is literally the person it’s a thing.”

  8. Stephen Bierce
    Stephen Bierce
    January 30, 2018 at 12:07 am | #

    *plays “Fake I.D.”…and cues up “Rock Lobster” for the encore on the hacked Muzak*

  9. Roger
    Roger
    January 30, 2018 at 12:08 am | #

    good facial expressions

  10. Ivy
    Ivy
    January 30, 2018 at 12:08 am | #

    Aaaand we’re yelling.

    • Danni
      Danni
      January 30, 2018 at 12:10 am | #

      panicked yelling

  11. tyersome
    tyersome
    January 30, 2018 at 12:08 am | #

    … and with one hover text, the Willis uncorked a flood of vintage punnery …

    • Stephen Bierce
      Stephen Bierce
      January 30, 2018 at 12:11 am | #

      Tuns of fun

      • Some1
        Some1
        January 30, 2018 at 12:13 am | #

        A grand cru joke if you will

        • tyersome
          tyersome
          January 30, 2018 at 12:21 am | #

          Jeeze i started this thread and I’m already drawing a Blanc.

          • Some1
            Some1
            January 30, 2018 at 12:25 am | #

            Eh I’m sure you got a Riesling out of someone.

            • tyersome
              tyersome
              January 30, 2018 at 12:28 am | #

              I’m not sure whether you are being Sancerre …

              • Some1
                Some1
                January 30, 2018 at 12:28 am | #

                Noir am I

                • Chronos
                  Chronos
                  January 30, 2018 at 12:32 am | #

                  This is so pinot by forte.

                • tyersome
                  tyersome
                  January 30, 2018 at 12:36 am | #

                  I tip my glass to you, Syr – a fine tasting this is!

                • King Daniel
                  King Daniel
                  January 30, 2018 at 12:41 am | #

                  You’re all a barrel of laughs.

                • Some1
                  Some1
                  January 30, 2018 at 12:42 am | #

                  well that’s just grape!

                • tyersome
                  tyersome
                  January 30, 2018 at 12:47 am | #

                  I guess the oaks on us then?

                • King Daniel
                  King Daniel
                  January 30, 2018 at 1:01 am | #

                  At least we can say we rosé to the challenge.

                • Liquid Len
                  Liquid Len
                  January 30, 2018 at 8:03 am | #

                  It’s the lees we can do

                • tyersome
                  tyersome
                  January 30, 2018 at 10:09 am | #

                  My sediments exactly! We must continue to press onward!!

                • Geneseepaws
                  Geneseepaws
                  January 30, 2018 at 11:37 am | #

                  Vat is dot you say? Tuns of giggles? I’m fass becoming tired of this game, let us pull the cork on it.

                • tyersome
                  tyersome
                  January 30, 2018 at 11:54 am | #

                  Sorry to dreg you down, but I refuse to stopper — this is how I stave off ennui …

                • Chronos
                  Chronos
                  January 30, 2018 at 12:34 pm | #

                  These puns are really starting to wine down.

                • King Daniel
                  King Daniel
                  January 30, 2018 at 6:19 pm | #

                  We’re just bottling them up.

    • drs
      drs
      January 30, 2018 at 12:47 am | #

      This thread is causing me some pain.

    • TheHorseCouncil
      TheHorseCouncil
      January 30, 2018 at 1:54 am | #

      It champagnes me to say that i had a Prophecy there would be at least 19 crimes of puns. Quite a zin if you ask me. But i might just be a Pessimist wine-ing about bubbly behavior.

      Sherry not sherry.

      • Danni
        Danni
        January 30, 2018 at 1:57 am | #

        at least this thread doesnt leave anyone bordeaux

        • Joe Covenant
          Joe Covenant
          January 30, 2018 at 4:53 am | #

          True, but there’s a LOT of wine-ing.

  12. motorfirebox
    motorfirebox
    January 30, 2018 at 12:09 am | #

    Look at the fancypants high-tootin know it all, pronouncing it mer-lott. Down here in the real country, we pronounce it mur-lott, like god intended.

    • AeroQC
      AeroQC
      January 30, 2018 at 12:48 am | #

      It’s pronounced “mare-low”.
      This is coming from a French-English Bilingual.

      • OnyxIdol
        OnyxIdol
        January 30, 2018 at 1:12 am | #

        I think they were joking.

      • Dean
        Dean
        January 30, 2018 at 5:25 pm | #

        Technically, a mare-low is a short-legged horse.

  13. tirachokko
    tirachokko
    January 30, 2018 at 12:13 am | #

    It’s okay Billie, I did that too

  14. BBCC
    BBCC
    January 30, 2018 at 12:13 am | #

    Oh, yeah, the legal age is twenty one in the US, isn’t it?

    • Chronos
      Chronos
      January 30, 2018 at 12:31 am | #

      Technically. In Louisiana they laugh it off so long as you’re 18 or older.

      • BBCC
        BBCC
        January 30, 2018 at 12:42 am | #

        Fair enough. In Canada it varies between 18 and 19.

        • Yumi
          Yumi
          January 30, 2018 at 12:49 am | #

          I’m close enough to the border that around here it’s common for teens to head to Canada to get legally drunk.

          • BBCC
            BBCC
            January 30, 2018 at 1:15 am | #

            Eh, as long as you’re responsible, you may as well.

            • Leorale
              Leorale
              January 30, 2018 at 1:22 am | #

              Except that they *drive* to and from Canada. There are problems that arise from this.

              • BBCC
                BBCC
                January 30, 2018 at 1:32 am | #

                If they’re responsible, they either have a place to spend the night and possibly the next day or a designated driver.

                • HeySo
                  HeySo
                  January 30, 2018 at 2:34 am | #

                  The obvious drunk driving problem aside, internal possession (ie, intoxication) in a minor may itself be considered a crime; so that’s something to look into before considering going with the designated driver approach.

                • BBCC
                  BBCC
                  January 30, 2018 at 3:31 am | #

                  Fair enough, although considering we’re talking about something illegal in the first place (in the US) there are gonna be limits on how responsible you can be about it. Designated driver is probably a good step towards it though.

                • HeySo
                  HeySo
                  January 30, 2018 at 5:05 am | #

                  I just meant, the options available for completely negating any issues with such a course of action are pretty much just limited to the one option of “Stay in Canada until you sober up”.
                  You’re right, though- if you’re bothering to travel across a border just for an alcohol fix, more likely than not you’re not too concerned with approaching the matter with strictly responsible conduct.

                  Just remember, though- if you approach things too recklessly, you’ll end up confused and half-frozen out in the snow, with your best friend Hans shoving you into the steaming intestines of a dead moose.

                • BBCC
                  BBCC
                  January 30, 2018 at 1:57 pm | #

                  Pretty much – seems like the responsible thing to do is stay the night and possibly the next day to sober up. Although in that case, a designated driver is still always a good idea for getting to and from wherever you’re staying.

                • Inahc
                  Inahc
                  January 30, 2018 at 2:23 pm | #

                  In Canada, there’s also the option of taking a bus. 🙂 (At least, in the parts of Canada I’m familiar with)

                • thejeff
                  thejeff
                  January 30, 2018 at 2:44 pm | #

                  If we’re talking teens crossing borders to drink, “responsible” isn’t really applicable.

                • BBCC
                  BBCC
                  January 30, 2018 at 3:19 pm | #

                  Probably not, but in that case I’m less inclined to say ‘Eh, may as well’. If you’re going to be irresponsible, my inclination is to say ‘that is a terrible idea’.

              • PedagogicalJawn
                PedagogicalJawn
                January 30, 2018 at 5:21 am | #

                My friends and I did this for either my 19th or 20th birthday. We booked a hotel room, went to liquor store, and went clubbing. Then we left the hotel the next day, sober and a little tired.

      • HeySo
        HeySo
        January 30, 2018 at 2:26 am | #

        Lousiana isn’t actually unique in that: The National Minimum Drinking Age Act of 1984 strongarmed states into adopting a minimum purchase age of 21, by threatening a reduction of the federal highway budget allotment for any state which failed to adhere to that restriction. The act didn’t set any ground rules for possession or consumption, so that ended up varying widely state to state.

        Most notably, Louisiana, Nebraska, Nevada, New Jersey, Oklahoma, and South Carolina all allow a minor to consume alcohol in private without parental consent. There is no state that allows for public consumption without parental consent- thus, those six states stand as having the lightest underage consumption restrictions among the states.

        • HeySo
          HeySo
          January 30, 2018 at 2:28 am | #

          Oops, forgot a word:

          The act didn’t set any ground rules for private possession or consumption

  15. K. Ivan Ruppert
    K. Ivan Ruppert
    January 30, 2018 at 12:14 am | #

    I love Ruth’s dawning horror that Billie is not significantly more socially-adjusted than her.

  16. electriccombines
    electriccombines
    January 30, 2018 at 12:15 am | #

    *FLIPS TABLE*
    IF THIS DATE ISN’T THE CUTEST SHIT EVER THEN GET OUTTA MY FACE

    • HeySo
      HeySo
      January 30, 2018 at 2:38 am | #

      I dunno. Becky & Dina make for a hard pair to beat on cuteness overload.

      Dan & Ethan could probably pull off reasonable competition, as well.

      The real winner, however, might end up being any relationship involving Sal- if she can ever drop her barriers enough to be “mushy”, she’d probably be ridiculously adorable at it.

    • HeySo
      HeySo
      January 30, 2018 at 2:39 am | #

      (Ruth & Billie are super adorbs, though. ^.^)

    • Andy
      Andy
      January 30, 2018 at 4:17 pm | #

      Becky and Dina are far cuter. The edges of alcohol, insecurity, and depression that thread through Ruth/Billie really leaven the cuteness with potholes of potential angst.

  17. Some1
    Some1
    January 30, 2018 at 12:16 am | #

    Billie: What of course were 21!

    Sommelier: Okay than, what’s my job title?

    Billie: Wine person?

    • HeySo
      HeySo
      January 30, 2018 at 2:45 am | #

      Well, if they’re in a restaurant nice enough to have a proper sommelier on staff, then we can assume Billie [or rather, her rich parents] is the one footing the bill. 😛

      On the other hand, what kind of place has a sommelier but doesn’t serve lobster? ~.^

    • Deanatay
      Deanatay
      January 30, 2018 at 8:50 am | #

      More like “maitre’dumb”, amirite?

      heh, maitre’duh

      • dralou
        dralou
        January 30, 2018 at 8:53 pm | #

        This is one of those American appropriations that really baffle me. “Maitre d'”, which tranlates as “Master of”… There’s something missing, there. You took the first part of a job title but left out the other part that actually identified the function of the person holding that title. There are so many different “Masters of {things}”, both in English and in French, why the hell would you take such a generic term to designate such a specific job ?

        • Fart Captor
          Fart Captor
          January 30, 2018 at 9:45 pm | #

          I imagine that originally, people actually knew what it meant, but it came to be used by people who knew what the whole thing referred to, but not what the actual translation was. Eventually, people clearly decided it was too damn long and just shortened it phonetically.

          I imagine that kind of thing probably happens a lot when words or phrases get taken from other languages.

        • HeySo
          HeySo
          January 31, 2018 at 6:59 pm | #

          It’s not unusual to find words which mean something more general, but without specification are used to refer to a singular usage of the word. For example, orgy- you can have an orgy of blood, an orgy of violence, and orgy of laughter, whatever. But we all intuitively understand that, if there’s no specification, the word is used to mean an orgy of sex. Simply put, we don’t like speaking more syllables than we have to, especially not when there’s a standard interpretation for the phrase that we can rely on to handle clarification for us.

          Add in that maitre d is a loan word, for a role we didn’t have another title for, and that we weren’t using it for anything else to begin with, and that we already have an existing word to mean “master [of]”, and there’s really no reason NOT to use it in the manner by which it currently is being used. In language (the purpose of which is communication), what is important is clarity of meaning. Outside of an instinctive aim toward achieving that reliability of meaning for any individual word, language development can be pretty haphazard.

          • dralou
            dralou
            February 2, 2018 at 1:38 pm | #

            @Fart captor and HeySo: thanks for the explanations. It makes sense, in hindsight.

  18. Keulen
    Keulen
    January 30, 2018 at 12:17 am | #

    Somehow I don’t think alcohol would be a good idea for either of them on this date.

    • BenRG
      BenRG
      January 30, 2018 at 6:00 am | #

      Oh, this is Willis. I’m strongly suspecting that Billie and Ruth will both be so nervous that they’ll finish a bottle between them and then have a blackout. Depending on how nice Willis is feeling, what they hear about their overnight behaviour from others in the dorm will be either positive or negative.

      Best case scenario: “Amazi-Girl and her two sidekicks saved you!” (Amber finds them weaving drunkenly across the quad; she, Sal and Danny escort them back to Ruth’s room.)

      • thejeff
        thejeff
        January 30, 2018 at 7:29 am | #

        Seriously? These two? They’re professionals.
        They’re barely going to notice a bottle of wine.

        Still wouldn’t be good for them to drink. I think Ruth’s been sober since before the hospital.
        Billie hasn’t, of course.

        • Hielario
          Hielario
          January 30, 2018 at 7:33 pm | #

          Yeah, considering their usual stuff wine will probably barely affect them. (Also, being drunk on wine is very different from being drunk on spirits)

  19. TheKelliestKelly
    TheKelliestKelly
    January 30, 2018 at 12:19 am | #

    Aw, Billie’s being such a dork. It’s cute.

  20. Chronos
    Chronos
    January 30, 2018 at 12:29 am | #

    “My brain’s been eating itself all night because I thought you were more experienced at this.”

    This is how the zombie apocalypse begins.

    • OnyxIdol
      OnyxIdol
      January 30, 2018 at 12:33 am | #

      That’s more like… an auto-zombie apocalypse?

      • Chronos
        Chronos
        January 30, 2018 at 12:35 am | #

        And this is how the a new movie genre begins.

        • OnyxIdol
          OnyxIdol
          January 30, 2018 at 12:41 am | #

          A D’n’D intellect devourer comes to mind. Though if Ruth’s brain sprouted legs and ran around by itself that would make this a very *different* comic. Not necessarily worse mind you.

          • Chronos
            Chronos
            January 30, 2018 at 12:52 am | #

            That kind of puts me in mind of the original Walkyverse, not that I’ve read the whole thing yet. I’ve only read Roomies and the first couple years of It’s Walky!, but that seems like something that could have happened.

            • HeySo
              HeySo
              January 30, 2018 at 2:47 am | #

              Roomies/Walky had a fairly consistant level of low-key goofiness. Shortpacked is where the narrative went absurd enough to have something like that.

              • Chronos
                Chronos
                January 30, 2018 at 3:00 am | #

                I’ll get around to reading the rest if the Walkyverse at some point. I can’t archive binge like I once could, and this one is more daunting than most I’ve read.

    • 3oranges
      3oranges
      January 30, 2018 at 12:34 am | #

      They’ll want to avoid the Merlotts, too, but at least those are limited to coastal and river areas.

    • Arianod
      Arianod
      January 30, 2018 at 12:35 am | #

      Om nom nom <:

  21. LeslieBean4Shizzle
    LeslieBean4Shizzle
    January 30, 2018 at 12:36 am | #

    Oh look… Billie is being me again.

    Seriously, am I really so archetypal that an artist from a nearby state who goes to create “midwestern bisexual in lesbian relationship” character and basically creates me? Or me + alcoholism anyway.

    • HeySo
      HeySo
      January 30, 2018 at 2:48 am | #

      “Or me + alcoholism anyway.”

      Oh, wow- so you drank so much today that you managed to forget about your alcoholism? :/

      • LeslieBean4Shizzle
        LeslieBean4Shizzle
        January 30, 2018 at 2:38 pm | #

        **eyebrow twitch**

  22. Bagge
    Bagge
    January 30, 2018 at 12:56 am | #

    Ah, young love.

    Desperately hoping that your partner know what they are doing while desperately hoping your partner will not find out that you don’t know what you are doing.

    • StClair
      StClair
      January 30, 2018 at 1:05 am | #

      There’s a reason… okay, many reasons why this comic is called what it is.

      • StClair
        StClair
        January 30, 2018 at 1:06 am | #

        d’oh, tags. :p

    • ValdVin
      ValdVin
      January 30, 2018 at 2:17 am | #

      I was gonna say “That part comes later”, but Billie and Ruth know what they’re doing in that case.

  23. Jamie
    Jamie
    January 30, 2018 at 1:07 am | #

    Merman… mermaid… mer-Lot… is that why the ocean is salty?

  24. Liliet
    Liliet
    January 30, 2018 at 1:31 am | #

    I love them????

  25. JessWitt
    JessWitt
    January 30, 2018 at 1:32 am | #

    Galasso’s menu just got fancier. /s

    Also “my brain’s been eating itself” feels relatable. Thesising and the blues will produce that effect I guess.

  26. BenRG
    BenRG
    January 30, 2018 at 1:59 am | #

    So, as I suspected, Billie’s ‘experience’ of dating and serious romance is pretty much teen TV romcoms. This is a great load off of Ruth’s shoulders. Additionally, it leaves them both with a lot of ‘wriggle room’ – They can both decide for themselves what is ‘acceptable behaviour’. 😉

  27. ValdVin
    ValdVin
    January 30, 2018 at 2:01 am | #

    Hey fans, does the head cheerleader being “touchy smoochy under the bleachers at halftime-y” with the aforementioned “sexy football team captain” really lead to those game-winning adjustments in the second half?

    Asking as one who neither.

    • BenRG
      BenRG
      January 30, 2018 at 5:57 am | #

      It depends if you are in a teen romance comedy or drama. If the answer to that is ‘yes’, then, yes, it can have spectacular effects on the second-half performance of the captain. IRL, the results are variable.

      • ValdVin
        ValdVin
        January 30, 2018 at 7:54 am | #

        Gives a whole extra meaning to the “Go Golden Dragons!” cheer, doesn’t it?

  28. Needfuldoer
    Needfuldoer
    January 30, 2018 at 2:11 am | #

    Ugh, lobster…

    • Chronos
      Chronos
      January 30, 2018 at 2:58 am | #

      My feelings on them and crabs, too.

      • Deanatay
        Deanatay
        January 30, 2018 at 8:54 am | #

        I’ll eat your sea-spider, dears, I love ’em!

        • Geneseepaws
          Geneseepaws
          January 30, 2018 at 11:48 am | #

          Beans are off.

    • Reltzik
      Reltzik
      January 30, 2018 at 6:44 pm | #

      I’d be okay with other people eating lobster if I didn’t mentally associate the sound of their claws being cracked with my own bones shattering.

  29. Ned
    Ned
    January 30, 2018 at 2:24 am | #

    Ruth: during my experimental phase I dates lots of boys so I totally know how to treat chicks on dates.
    Billie: ah yea.. I like the sound of that.
    Ruth: ‘oh no’ I forgot my wallet. You pay for this Sweet Cheeks. Wait, my phone is ringing. Super important (aside: Toronto’s winning the game. Hell yea, **BURP**)

  30. DarkoNeko
    DarkoNeko
    January 30, 2018 at 2:45 am | #

    Billie’s back on target

  31. King Daniel
    King Daniel
    January 30, 2018 at 3:22 am | #

    The URL reads “This is the way that we love lobster”. I think it may be trying to tell me something.

    • BenRG
      BenRG
      January 30, 2018 at 5:51 am | #

      Yeah; Willis is into seafood in a big way! :-p

  32. kitty
    kitty
    January 30, 2018 at 4:02 am | #

    here is kitty’s finnish word of the day!

    uni (sleep)

    i can’t

    have a nice day!

    • Pl0x
      Pl0x
      January 30, 2018 at 1:17 pm | #

      Hahahahaha. dat funny

  33. Andy
    Andy
    January 30, 2018 at 6:03 am | #

    BILLIE DO NOT ORDER WINE IN FRONT OF THE RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC.

    DAMMIT YOU SHOULD BE TRYING TO RECOVER TOO.

    Aaaaaand it’s all going to hell here.

    Prediction: drama is going to happen and Billie and Ruth are going to break up before the next end-of-day.

    • Eldritch Gentleman
      Eldritch Gentleman
      January 30, 2018 at 6:11 am | #

      Damn, I thought “Hey at least if they get sloshed they will be in good mood and will have terrible fun” and then you reminded me that they are alcoholics… not good, this is not going to end well…

      • Andy
        Andy
        January 30, 2018 at 7:53 am | #

        And depressed, and lonely, and Billie’s solution to all those problems was “drink and screw ourselves to death.”

        This date will not end in Slipshine.

    • Fart Captor
      Fart Captor
      January 30, 2018 at 9:46 am | #

      It’s not going to hell yet, but that definitely seems a likely route to get there. It could ALSO lead to Ruth stopping her and the two of them talking about Billie’s drinking and maybe even how she should’ve actually gone to that counselor she was supposed to see. I mean there’s no way it’s that easy, but still about two weeks to early for doom

  34. Just a Ian
    Just a Ian
    January 30, 2018 at 7:07 am | #

    This is really sweet that they are both in a kind of panic over this, i hope they can work past this moment and have a nice evening together

    • Andy
      Andy
      January 30, 2018 at 7:55 am | #

      This is the kind of hope that fuels great fires of angst.

      • Just a Ian
        Just a Ian
        January 30, 2018 at 8:58 am | #

        I hope it doesnt make angst, not that they dont have enough already…

  35. Erik
    Erik
    January 30, 2018 at 8:00 am | #

    Ruth’s face in panel 6 reminded me strongly of this page from
    “The Wolves in the Walls”…

    • SgtWadeyWilson
      SgtWadeyWilson
      January 30, 2018 at 8:41 am | #

      “What?” said her girlfriend.
      “What?” said the waiter.
      “What?” said the sommelier.
      “What?” said the Duke of Thingley, who had dropped by to check how the date was going.

  36. hof1991
    hof1991
    January 30, 2018 at 9:53 am | #

    The three Ruth faces escalate kinda quickly.

    • BenRG
      BenRG
      January 30, 2018 at 10:04 am | #

      I think that Ruth had sort of forgotten that, of the two of them, she’s the sane one.

  37. Raibean
    Raibean
    January 30, 2018 at 11:43 am | #

    Ruth is me when my boyfriend told me he had no idea what he was doing with polyamory

    • David DeLaney
      David DeLaney
      February 3, 2018 at 9:19 pm | #

      your leering Joe avatar TOTALLY makes this comment for me.

      –Dave, Joe/Danny/Amber/Joyce?

  38. Joy
    Joy
    January 30, 2018 at 12:47 pm | #

    I’m crying and choking on my laughter. This is exactly what I needed this morning

  39. Falling Star
    Falling Star
    January 30, 2018 at 2:04 pm | #

    this entire comic is a mood

  40. sam is ...
    sam is ...
    January 30, 2018 at 2:53 pm | #

    Great one. Ive been there

  41. Reltzik
    Reltzik
    January 30, 2018 at 6:42 pm | #

    BAKA!

    …. I’m not sure WHO I should be calling “baka” on here, but I’m pretty sure at least one of them’s earned it with this installment.

    • Emperor Norton II
      Emperor Norton II
      January 30, 2018 at 10:58 pm | #

      I don’t know what you’re talking about, and I don’t have time to internet search it, because I’m too busy making this comment telling you that I don’t know what you’re talking about.

  42. Vi
    Vi
    February 4, 2018 at 3:27 am | #

    Billie how did you have sex under the bleachers at halftime?? The cheerleaders are supposed to be on the field then!!

Who's that guy over there?

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