Dumbing of Age Book Twelve

Dumbing of Age

A college webcomic by David Willis
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July 11, 2026

Appearances

by David M Willis on August 11, 2013 at 12:01 am
  • 04 - Just Hangin' Out With My Family
└ Tags: howard, jennifer, ruth

Discussion (255) ¬

[ Comments RSS ]
  1. Geminia999
    Geminia999
    August 11, 2013 at 12:01 am | #

    Come on Howard! Billie is thee one that’s pregnant!

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      August 11, 2013 at 12:07 am | #

      So that’s why her boobs are so big. (among other things.)

      • Aizat
        Aizat
        August 11, 2013 at 12:23 am | #

        Wait, it could be even bigger?

        • Endest
          Endest
          August 11, 2013 at 1:30 am | #

          Come on guys, we all know that it is Howard who has the secret lesbian baby. He just doesn’t know it yet.

          This message has been approved by Ruth.

          • Gigafreak
            Gigafreak
            August 12, 2013 at 12:01 am | #

            Fuck yes

            Gaybies

            • GrrArg42
              GrrArg42
              August 12, 2013 at 4:14 am | #

              Hannelore Ellicott-Chatham from way off screen:
              “WE ARE WORKING ON THAT TECHNOLOGY!”

    • GoldStarz
      GoldStarz
      August 11, 2013 at 12:09 am | #

      No, in reality it is Joyce that has been implanted with the Secret Lesbian Spawn. That is what is making her act so sinful as to dare to have a friend who not only does not conform to her religious beliefs, but refuses to follow a religion at all. Also having a gay jewish boyfriend.

      • Plasma Mongoose
        Plasma Mongoose
        August 11, 2013 at 12:14 am | #

        Dotty is the father? Walky may not like THAT development.

        • GoldStarz
          GoldStarz
          August 11, 2013 at 12:25 am | #

          No Dotty isn’t the father, Dotty is just subconsciously attracted to the Secret Lesbian Baby’s Secretive Lesbian Babyness and that very exposure to Babyness is driving Joyce to her and Ethan (who it is also attracting). It is very sciencey stuff, I wouldn’t expect anyone to understand on the first explanation.

          • Gram91
            Gram91
            August 11, 2013 at 1:15 am | #

            So basically, it’s totally babies.

            • Kaci
              Kaci
              August 11, 2013 at 5:21 am | #

              Full circle!

            • Crumplepunch
              Crumplepunch
              August 11, 2013 at 8:10 pm | #

              It’s babies McIntyre.

          • Sterling
            Sterling
            August 11, 2013 at 4:55 pm | #

            This is sounding like goddamn Homestuck.

      • Aizat
        Aizat
        August 11, 2013 at 12:25 am | #

        No, it turns out that it’s all been planned out by the Great Worm Overlord and the dog in the control room.

        • Neospector
          Neospector
          August 11, 2013 at 12:52 pm | #

          Fool, the dog is just the overseer. The League of Cats has the real control.

          • GoldStarz
            GoldStarz
            August 11, 2013 at 2:47 pm | #

            You idiot, The League of Cats is a reverse figurehead. The dog is put up as a front for The League of Cats who are just a front for the dog. That way you’ll never think to go after the dog because no sane person would put the true master out in the open, which is exactly why only the sanest do.

            • Neospector
              Neospector
              August 11, 2013 at 11:21 pm | #

              Unless they pull a super reverse, and the real leader is just a random guard who the heros knock out cold and don’t think twice about.

    • Hinoron
      Hinoron
      August 24, 2014 at 6:40 pm | #

      Apparently the US “education” system has not done Howard any favours. >.>

  2. Doctor_Who
    Doctor_Who
    August 11, 2013 at 12:02 am | #

    I played bass for Secret Lesbian Baby! And sometimes I would sit in on Pale and Barfy’s set when they were shorthanded.

    • ninja_jesus
      ninja_jesus
      August 11, 2013 at 2:56 am | #

      “I Liked Her (But She Didn’t Like Me Back)” is such a great classic by Pale and Barfy.

      • andmangrewproud
        andmangrewproud
        August 11, 2013 at 3:02 am | #

        Personally I enjoy “FAAAAAAAAAAACE” better, although it’s s much different than Pale and Barfy’s normal stuff. They actually could play that heavy metal sound when hey wanted to.

        • ninja_jesus
          ninja_jesus
          August 11, 2013 at 3:14 am | #

          I wasn’t really a fan of that one, but “I Hate You And Your Problems” was a definite punk anthem song. Funnily enough, it was on the same album too, so that really just goes to show the range of their musical talent.

          • TPman
            TPman
            August 11, 2013 at 10:48 pm | #

            I think we can all agree that the whole album Femurs was pretty great. My favorite track has to be “For a Nickel”. The duet song with Queen of the Drunks was pretty good too.

    • John
      John
      August 11, 2013 at 11:40 am | #

      Eh. I liked Pale & Barfy better when they were in Hangover.

    • Ivan
      Ivan
      August 12, 2013 at 12:11 pm | #

      Damn, that IS a good band name. I wonder why David Crosby didn’t form a alternate band (like Trav Wilburys) when he had the chance!!??

  3. Sir Robin
    Sir Robin
    August 11, 2013 at 12:02 am | #

    That means she is on the market Howard, go for it

    • Aizat
      Aizat
      August 11, 2013 at 12:33 am | #

      Oh, that would be fun, seeing Howard try his darnest to get Billie only to fail harder and harder every time.

  4. Frogboy
    Frogboy
    August 11, 2013 at 12:03 am | #

    “Yes, Howard, we’re having a secret lesbian baby. And that secret lesbian baby…was me.“

    • GoldStarz
      GoldStarz
      August 11, 2013 at 12:11 am | #

      “I am not only my own mother, I am YOUR mother, too.”

      • ICSM
        ICSM
        August 11, 2013 at 12:17 am | #

        … And I did myself for a nickel.

        • Tunaro
          Tunaro
          August 11, 2013 at 12:52 am | #

          Doin’ yourself which means also doin’ your mother…Holy shit, that’s like… the Grandfather Paradox of sex!

          • Squall
            Squall
            August 11, 2013 at 12:57 am | #

            Ruth is her own grandfather!

            • GoldStarz
              GoldStarz
              August 11, 2013 at 11:04 am | #

              That means she caused her own birth TWICE (unless she’s her paternal grandfather)

              • TheBenenator
                TheBenenator
                August 11, 2013 at 11:56 am | #

                Pretty sure there was a time travel story where someone became xer own entire family…

                • Andrusi
                  Andrusi
                  August 11, 2013 at 12:15 pm | #

                  Spoilers: they’re also the bartender they were telling the story to.

                • Blue
                  Blue
                  August 11, 2013 at 2:30 pm | #

                  I read a fic once where someone was their own mother, their own father, and all seven-to-date incarnations of the friend who set all of it in motion.

                • Wizard
                  Wizard
                  August 11, 2013 at 9:37 pm | #

                  “All You Zombies” by Robert Heinlein.

                • TFC
                  TFC
                  August 12, 2013 at 7:21 am | #

                  The story is “All of you, zombies”, by Robert A. Heinlein.

              • Leorale
                Leorale
                August 11, 2013 at 1:05 pm | #

                Many, many years ago, when I was 23 / I was married to a widow who was pretty as could be / This widow had a grownup daughter who had hair of red / My father fell in love with her, and soon the two were wed…

                • Somebody
                  Somebody
                  August 11, 2013 at 6:36 pm | #

                  And that’s why you always marry the adult daughter, at least if your parents aren’t together/you don’t have a mother.

      • Raen
        Raen
        August 11, 2013 at 2:57 am | #

        “All you zombies hide your faces…”

      • Animal
        Animal
        August 11, 2013 at 4:04 pm | #

        Paging David Lister.

  5. Wonder Wig
    Wonder Wig
    August 11, 2013 at 12:03 am | #

    I’m just a secret lesbian baaaaabaay.

  6. Kernanator
    Kernanator
    August 11, 2013 at 12:04 am | #

    I love Howard’s “are you crazy” look. At least, I’m assuming it’s an “are you crazy” look.

  7. Kafloobop
    Kafloobop
    August 11, 2013 at 12:04 am | #

    “Secret Lesbian Baby” somebody start that band.

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      August 11, 2013 at 12:13 am | #

      The band name meme is so 00s, these days it’s tumblr names.

      • Squall
        Squall
        August 11, 2013 at 12:48 am | #

        I think it would be better as a Band name than a tumblr blog.

        • Jereko
          Jereko
          August 11, 2013 at 2:48 am | #

          You don’t want a tumblr blog full of ultrasounds?

          • Squall
            Squall
            August 11, 2013 at 9:40 am | #

            http://squallloir.tumblr.com/post/57964704661

            • Josh
              Josh
              August 11, 2013 at 5:10 pm | #

              Goddammit internet.

  8. KingMabel
    KingMabel
    August 11, 2013 at 12:04 am | #

    Hiding your love gives you that pregnant look every time

    • saltchocolate
      saltchocolate
      August 11, 2013 at 12:16 am | #

      As does hiding your alcohol . . . from yourself.

  9. Kartewns
    Kartewns
    August 11, 2013 at 12:05 am | #

    Howard is kinda dumb, guys.

    • Totz the Plaid
      Totz the Plaid
      August 11, 2013 at 12:11 am | #

      You’re only just figuring that out?

    • xKiv
      xKiv
      August 11, 2013 at 8:05 pm | #

      Guys are …
      actually, humans are pretty dumb.

  10. Justnobody
    Justnobody
    August 11, 2013 at 12:05 am | #

    Yes Howard, they are.

  11. Becky
    Becky
    August 11, 2013 at 12:05 am | #

    Are we sure that “secret lesbian baby” is the term for a baby that two lesbians secretly conceived and NOT a term for a baby that is secretly a lesbian?

    • Frogboy
      Frogboy
      August 11, 2013 at 12:06 am | #

      I was assuming that it was somehow both.

      • Yotomoe
        Yotomoe
        August 11, 2013 at 12:10 am | #

        Lesbians obviousely only make more lesbians.

        • Plasma Mongoose
          Plasma Mongoose
          August 11, 2013 at 12:12 am | #

          Leaping lesbian lizards, which insidently is actually a real thing.

          • Kamino Neko
            Kamino Neko
            August 11, 2013 at 12:36 am | #

            Whiptails are totes awesome.

        • GoldStarz
          GoldStarz
          August 11, 2013 at 12:14 am | #

          With bone marrow or something. It’s science.

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      August 11, 2013 at 12:09 am | #

      Secret lesbian baby is similar to the surprise lesbian baby.

      • Volkai
        Volkai
        August 11, 2013 at 12:38 am | #

        Mostly because

        { Secret Lesbian Baby } + { Someone Finds Out A Secret } = { Surprise Lesbian Baby }

        is a tried and true formula.

        • Kaci
          Kaci
          August 11, 2013 at 5:25 am | #

          If girls could get pregnant from other girls…

          I think we’d all cry all the time because WE WOULD NEVER BE SAFE FROM BABIES

    • David
      David
      August 11, 2013 at 6:16 am | #

      Come on. It’s well-known that all babies are into boobies like anything. It takes decades until at least women start finding men useful.

  12. xain
    xain
    August 11, 2013 at 12:05 am | #

    Is he serious or joking either way I like this howard

    • Jack Finch
      Jack Finch
      August 11, 2013 at 11:01 pm | #

      Yeah. I love all these characters. They constantly piss me off and break my heart, then crack me up. Love struggles to find them and they struggle so hard to love, and everyone of them is shackled by something that makes that so difficult, but they still find themselves at it. I root for them like crazy.

  13. -_-
    -_-
    August 11, 2013 at 12:06 am | #

    What is howard stupid they raising two lesbian babies one for each of them.

    • -_-
      -_-
      August 11, 2013 at 12:08 am | #

      I’ll correct myself i meant they’re.

  14. The Candyman
    The Candyman
    August 11, 2013 at 12:06 am | #

    Dammit Howard, stop being such an ass. You’re acting like Danny now. Except more overt about it.

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      August 11, 2013 at 12:10 am | #

      Howard is the guy you go to when Danny’s not available.

      • Plasma Mongoose
        Plasma Mongoose
        August 11, 2013 at 12:25 am | #

        Accept No Subsitutes!

      • Leorale
        Leorale
        August 11, 2013 at 1:07 pm | #

        But availability is his main feature!

  15. AY
    AY
    August 11, 2013 at 12:07 am | #

    my school has booths like that in the dining hall! but… did anyone at their school write “Kirk x Spock <3" on the napkin dispenser? Because that's a real thing floating around the dining hall tables at IUP.

    • Demon-Something
      Demon-Something
      August 11, 2013 at 12:22 am | #

      Best school ever. Our education system needs more slash.

      • Foxhack
        Foxhack
        August 11, 2013 at 9:16 pm | #

        IT’S NOT SLASHY THEY’RE JUST SUPERBROS

        *sobs*

  16. Plasma Mongoose
    Plasma Mongoose
    August 11, 2013 at 12:08 am | #

    Secret lesbian babies? I didn’t kno you can end up in the closet at such a young age.

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      August 11, 2013 at 12:11 am | #

      SHE WAS BORN IN THE CLOSET.

      • Squall
        Squall
        August 11, 2013 at 12:56 am | #

        The closet was born in her. A secret closet. A secret closet of secrets. This secret closet of secrets contains within it, another secret closet of secrets, and another secret closet of secrets inside that one, and it continues ad infinitum. And each of these closets contain a baby, and each of these babies contain a closet, and the closets in the babies have babies too, and the babies in the closets have more closets as well. And it becomes an infinite number of babies in an infinite number of closets, all wrapped into one closeted baby born in a closet.

        • Jackson
          Jackson
          August 11, 2013 at 8:34 am | #

          That’s so Secret Lesbian Babies, it’s Secret Lesbian Babies McIntyre.

  17. Gottawonder
    Gottawonder
    August 11, 2013 at 12:08 am | #

    Wonder Wig just put the baby from Family Guy doing the baby stroll down the street singing about being a prom nite discard….

  18. Geminia999
    Geminia999
    August 11, 2013 at 12:10 am | #

    Also Howard, she has a darker skin tone than you.

    • Tom Speelman
      Tom Speelman
      August 11, 2013 at 12:10 am | #

      It’s because Howard doesn’t go outside.

      • Yotomoe
        Yotomoe
        August 11, 2013 at 12:11 am | #

        Howard didn’t even know what outside was until today.

        • Plasma Mongoose
          Plasma Mongoose
          August 11, 2013 at 12:16 am | #

          Howqard knew about ‘Real Life’ but he didn’t believe his computer had the processing power to play it.

          • GoldStarz
            GoldStarz
            August 11, 2013 at 12:29 am | #

            I heard the graphics were terrible anyway. Then again, it WAS from a YouTube comment.

            • Shade
              Shade
              August 11, 2013 at 1:44 pm | #

              I’ve found that the graphics tend to be very good. It’s the energy requirements that’ll get you.

              • Josh
                Josh
                August 11, 2013 at 5:13 pm | #

                I’ve heard they don’t even have a respawn function! How rubbish is that?! :O

                • Tom Speelman
                  Tom Speelman
                  August 11, 2013 at 7:15 pm | #

                  And the AI? Don’t get me started.

        • Crumplepunch
          Crumplepunch
          August 11, 2013 at 8:11 pm | #

          Outside. That’s the thing with the legs, right?

  19. Justnobody
    Justnobody
    August 11, 2013 at 12:10 am | #

    So Doctor_Who plays bass, Kafloobop is manager, and Wonder Wig writes the songs. Can I be the tour bus driver for Secret Lesbian Baby?

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      August 11, 2013 at 12:12 am | #

      Only if I can make the posters.

      • Squall
        Squall
        August 11, 2013 at 1:00 am | #

        And I will be security/coroner/mortician/funeral home operator.

  20. Plasma Mongoose
    Plasma Mongoose
    August 11, 2013 at 12:11 am | #

    When an egg penetrates another egg, you get an omelette.

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      August 11, 2013 at 12:12 am | #

      Dare I ask where the cheese comes from?

      • Plasma Mongoose
        Plasma Mongoose
        August 11, 2013 at 12:21 am | #

        Sometimes you are better off not knowing.

      • Jereko
        Jereko
        August 11, 2013 at 2:51 am | #

        You churn the milk, duh.

        • xKiv
          xKiv
          August 11, 2013 at 8:10 pm | #

          Adn the milkshake brings it to the yard.

    • Doctor_Who
      Doctor_Who
      August 11, 2013 at 12:12 am | #

      You can’t make an omelet without breaking a few Secret Lesbian Babies!

      • Plasma Mongoose
        Plasma Mongoose
        August 11, 2013 at 12:22 am | #

        Shake and Bake.

      • Josh
        Josh
        August 11, 2013 at 5:14 pm | #

        Don’t count your Secret Lesbian Babies before they hatch.

        • Josh
          Josh
          August 11, 2013 at 5:15 pm | #

          People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw Secret Lesbian Babies.

          • Josh
            Josh
            August 11, 2013 at 5:16 pm | #

            The grass is always greener on the other side of the Secret Lesbian Babies.

  21. Yotomoe
    Yotomoe
    August 11, 2013 at 12:13 am | #

    Howard…do-do I need to teach you how babies are made…again? THIS IS LIKE THE 5TH TIME.

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      August 11, 2013 at 12:22 am | #

      I had a rather pervy thought cross my mind when you posted that.

    • Aizat
      Aizat
      August 11, 2013 at 12:24 am | #

      He needs a hands-on experience kind of thing. You can’t teach him with just pictures.

      • Yotomoe
        Yotomoe
        August 11, 2013 at 12:41 am | #

        Then he’ll never learn…

        • Aizat
          Aizat
          August 11, 2013 at 12:44 am | #

          Or we could just let him watch porn……..

          • The Candyman
            The Candyman
            August 11, 2013 at 10:59 am | #

            I have a feeling the dude watches way too much porn already.

            • John
              John
              August 11, 2013 at 11:18 am | #

              He can’t even get Game of Thrones. Where is he going to get proper porn?

  22. vsophi
    vsophi
    August 11, 2013 at 12:16 am | #

    I wish Howard would go away.

    • The Candyman
      The Candyman
      August 11, 2013 at 10:59 am | #

      We all do, vsophi, we all do.

  23. -_-
    -_-
    August 11, 2013 at 12:17 am | #

    ★⇔★ ■-■ (ˇ¿ˇ) ♂•♂ ♀_♀ ●0● I couldnt decide what face to make at howards stupidity.

    • Kamino Neko
      Kamino Neko
      August 11, 2013 at 12:33 am | #

      ♀+♀, obviously.

    • GoldStarz
      GoldStarz
      August 11, 2013 at 12:36 am | #

      You can never have enough faces, that way when face stealers come for you, you’ll always have a spare. UoU

  24. EvergreenFir
    EvergreenFir
    August 11, 2013 at 12:21 am | #

    I don’t know… detox and pregnancy have many similarities.

    On a side note, sperm don’t “penetrate” eggs. Just more gendered narratives that have seeped into our understanding of biology.

    • EvergreenFir
      EvergreenFir
      August 11, 2013 at 12:28 am | #

      Before someone asks, here’s what I’m talking about: http://www.math.jussieu.fr/~daubin/cours/Textes/Martin_EggSperm.pdf

      More about Martin on Wiki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emily_Martin_%28anthropologist%29

  25. Aizat
    Aizat
    August 11, 2013 at 12:21 am | #

    Secret Lesbian Babies? Dude, what are you on because I want some of it.

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      August 11, 2013 at 12:41 am | #

      You couldn’t afford it. IT’S THAT GOOD.

  26. Lurlock
    Lurlock
    August 11, 2013 at 12:21 am | #

    Actually, science is pretty close to making this a real possibility. They can take the genes from one egg and implant them into another. (The resulting child would be guaranteed to be female.) Mind you, there’s no way this would happen under normal circumstances, but it’s possible in a lab setting. Careful guys – males are about to become obsolete…

    • -_-
      -_-
      August 11, 2013 at 12:24 am | #

      Well that sucks wait why should i care more girls for me.

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      August 11, 2013 at 12:27 am | #

      This is why we need research to sexdroids.

    • Aizat
      Aizat
      August 11, 2013 at 12:28 am | #

      And somewhere…that guy who came out with the theory that women caused homosexuality is laughing right now…and building a genetic bomb of some sort.

    • Geminia999
      Geminia999
      August 11, 2013 at 12:34 am | #

      But why would science do that when it can make superior robots instead?

      • Aizat
        Aizat
        August 11, 2013 at 12:37 am | #

        Yeah, why do that when they could do something important, like terraforming planets or something?

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      August 11, 2013 at 12:42 am | #

      We won’t be obsolete as long as Pickle jars exist!

      • Somebody
        Somebody
        August 11, 2013 at 5:50 pm | #

        Plenty of women can open jars…that’s sexist and unfunny.

      • Logician
        Logician
        August 11, 2013 at 6:19 pm | #

        I bought my love a strap wrench. It opens any jar, rendering all men obsolete. Of course, it gets called the strapping wench.

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      August 11, 2013 at 12:43 am | #

      Also, unless ruth decided to have a baby, i’m sure she couldn’t get accidentally lesbian pregnant.

    • Ridureyu
      Ridureyu
      August 11, 2013 at 12:55 am | #

      Don’t get me wrong here, but wouldn’t it be a GOOD thing to eliminate all the aggression, oppression, bigotry, sexism, rape, and war in the world?

      • Aizat
        Aizat
        August 11, 2013 at 1:01 am | #

        What and women aren’t capable of doing those things that you mentioned?

        • Yotomoe
          Yotomoe
          August 11, 2013 at 2:30 am | #

          That’s a pet peeve of mine. Just because someone gets the tail end of a horrible circumstance, does not naturally attribute them to a disposition towards such behavior. And it doesn’t cause people outside of that group to have behaviors that are different. I’m black, but I shan’t act like we are all pure. We killed each other and probably enslaved people long before we were taken to America. The only reason we didn’t go across the ocean to do it was because we didn’t figure it out yet. In a world full of women, you would be surprised how much hatred, intolerance, war, and bigotry will persist. Noone is predisposed to purity. Noone is innocent. And our disposition is not genetic.

          • Aizat
            Aizat
            August 11, 2013 at 2:50 am | #

            I’m sorry if I pissed you off, Yotomoe.

            • Yotomoe
              Yotomoe
              August 11, 2013 at 11:33 am | #

              I was talking to Ridureyu, silly.
              You’re good.

          • Li
            Li
            August 11, 2013 at 11:44 am | #

            You are giving Africa waaaaaaaaay too little credit there. 🙁

            • Yotomoe
              Yotomoe
              August 11, 2013 at 4:08 pm | #

              I don’t really think populations of humans over the course of the last 500 years don’t really deserve to get a lot of credit. We were assholes

              • Josh
                Josh
                August 11, 2013 at 5:19 pm | #

                To be honest… we still are.

          • Somebody
            Somebody
            August 11, 2013 at 5:54 pm | #

            That’s really a false equivalence. Even if anyone is capable, some have done worse than others.

            • khambatta
              khambatta
              August 11, 2013 at 9:23 pm | #

              Not really. The reason so few attrocities are attributed to women is because women have been kept from power.
              The UK has had one female PM, and from the sinking of the General Belgrano, to the Poll Tax warrant sales, she was guilty of most of the things Ridureyu lists.

              • Somebody
                Somebody
                August 11, 2013 at 11:37 pm | #

                Isn’t that just anecdotal evidence?

                • khambatta
                  khambatta
                  August 12, 2013 at 9:52 am | #

                  That’s why I used examples that are recorded history, rather than get into some who-ordered-what discord between shocking state collusion and overarching state conspiracy.

                  Statisitics purporting to show ‘X percent’ of female leaders were corrupt, compared to ‘Y percent’ of male, would be no better. It’s possible to argue that pressure is put on women to show that they can be “as tough as a man”, or on men to show that they can win “the female vote”.
                  Besides, stats are awfully dry: The number of Cabinet and Ministerial resignations as a result of the Westminster parliamentary expenses scandal was split 50/50, whilst the number of backbenchers involved was roughly proportionate to the male/female ratio within their respective parties. Etcetera, etcetera.
                  Anecdotes are more “fun”: Miami Godmother Griselda Blanco is credited with popularising the ‘drive-by’ shooting in the ’70s and early ’80s drug wars, pioneering the ‘motorcycle assassin’ method. Yackity smackity.
                  [The inverted commas around the word fun should show the tone I’m trying to convey there… I do of course mean simply “easy to remember”.]

        • Li
          Li
          August 11, 2013 at 11:50 am | #

          Aizat, I think that Ridureyu’s response was exactly the level of intelligent discourse Lurlock’s original joke merited.

          “Dur hurr hurr look out men, at the SLIGHTEST PROVOCATION women will make you extinct!” “Dur hurr hurr why shouldn’t we, they DO suck and all.”

          • Yotomoe
            Yotomoe
            August 11, 2013 at 4:15 pm | #

            I think it’s too…specific to be how you describe it. It’d be one thing if you were using a really broad example but Ridureyu’s response was pretty direct about all the world issues that men are attributed to. <:T That'd be like saying "Women wouldn't be necessary which is good to get rid of all the hormones, annoyance, theft,crying, moaning, complaining, lying, and random petty violence." Those thing's would still be around without women, obviously, and even if I'm joking it seems pretty dickish of me to say.

            • Li
              Li
              August 11, 2013 at 5:58 pm | #

              I didn’t say she deliberately responded to it with sarcasm. I don’t know what her intent was. (Or if “she” is even really a she.) I said that the original comment was stupid and hysterical, and that Ridureyu’s response to it was pretty equally stupid.

              • Yotomoe
                Yotomoe
                August 11, 2013 at 6:34 pm | #

                Ah, mmkay.

    • David
      David
      August 11, 2013 at 6:20 am | #

      Males will not become obsolete as long as you need a sick geek to actually manipulate the egg. Yes, it’s sexist to assume that it’s predominantly men who can be interested in making nature rather than the other sex jump through hoops, but…

      • John
        John
        August 11, 2013 at 11:42 am | #

        While you’re over there being sexist… ever heard of “bio bongoes”?

        • Josh
          Josh
          August 11, 2013 at 5:20 pm | #

          No… no I haven’t. 😉

          • John
            John
            August 11, 2013 at 11:48 pm | #

            Let’s just say that women going into bio science is common enough to have its very own stereotype.

    • vsophi
      vsophi
      August 11, 2013 at 9:38 am | #

      Yep, it’s not like women actually enjoy having them around or anything. Clearly their only purpose is to deliver sperm on demand.

      • The Lurker
        The Lurker
        August 11, 2013 at 2:25 pm | #

        My honey keeps me around for to open Pickel jars….

        • The Lurker
          The Lurker
          August 11, 2013 at 2:27 pm | #

          I hate autocomplete…

    • Li
      Li
      August 11, 2013 at 11:48 am | #

      I’m pretty sure that by the time technology enables two women to have a baby of either gender, it will also have enabled two men to have a baby either in a false lab womb or otherwise.

      On the other hand, if you’re worried that women would jump at the chance to get rid of men, why not start taking steps today to make sure that you’re a worthwhile human being no one would want to get rid of? :|a

    • Animal
      Animal
      August 11, 2013 at 4:05 pm | #

      “Careful guys – males are about to become obsolete…”

      Hell no. Who will reach the stuff on the top shelves?

      • Li
        Li
        August 11, 2013 at 4:14 pm | #

        Super tall ladies (of which there are a not insignificant number) and also step ladders, for we are a species of tool-users.

        • Somebody
          Somebody
          August 11, 2013 at 5:47 pm | #

          That isn’t true, there are plenty of tall women.

          • Li
            Li
            August 11, 2013 at 5:55 pm | #

            I think you misread me or meant to put your comment somewhere else. Admittedly my sentence contained a double negative, though: tall women, of which there are a not insignificant number, e.g. a significant number.

      • Yotomoe
        Yotomoe
        August 11, 2013 at 4:17 pm | #

        Obviousely everyone would carry each other Rugrats style.

      • xKiv
        xKiv
        August 11, 2013 at 8:40 pm | #

        People who build stuff with fewer shelves.

    • Somebody
      Somebody
      August 11, 2013 at 5:46 pm | #

      What nonsense. The very idea is laughable and an one researching it brings shame to the scientific community.

  27. Darwin
    Darwin
    August 11, 2013 at 12:22 am | #

    I think I am alone when I say “Howard. Enjoy your tremendous amount of the dumb. Please, do not go away.”

    • Josh
      Josh
      August 11, 2013 at 5:20 pm | #

      Thank you!

  28. Frogboy
    Frogboy
    August 11, 2013 at 12:25 am | #

    The secret lesbian baby’s name is Ruthifer, Princess of Darkness.

    • Aizat
      Aizat
      August 11, 2013 at 12:28 am | #

      Don’t you mean Stormageddon, Dark Lord of All?

      • GoldStarz
        GoldStarz
        August 11, 2013 at 12:32 am | #

        Ruthifer is the feminine form of Stormageddon. God, I thought everyone knew that.

        • Aizat
          Aizat
          August 11, 2013 at 12:34 am | #

          I thought Stormageddon can applied to everyone regardless of gender.

          • Frogboy
            Frogboy
            August 11, 2013 at 12:38 am | #

            Sharknada, Queen of Tempesmobranchs.

            • GoldStarz
              GoldStarz
              August 11, 2013 at 12:45 am | #

              Sharknada doesn’t even SOUND like a real name. If you just want to randomly string words together fine but we are having a serious conversation on the gender alignment of names.

              • ninja_jesus
                ninja_jesus
                August 11, 2013 at 8:47 am | #

                Excuse me? My little girl’s name is Sharknada and I am horribly offended by your discrimination. This is supposed to be an equal-opportunity doomsday conference and I will not stand for this!

                • GoldStarz
                  GoldStarz
                  August 11, 2013 at 11:09 am | #

                  Huh, must be foreign then. My apologies.

          • GoldStarz
            GoldStarz
            August 11, 2013 at 12:38 am | #

            No that’s Thunderpocalypse, Stormageddon is the masculine form of the name and Ruthifer is the feminine.

            • Yotomoe
              Yotomoe
              August 11, 2013 at 12:44 am | #

              Why are we even discussing this. It’s name will be facepuncheces,
              the goddess of facepunching.

              • Aizat
                Aizat
                August 11, 2013 at 12:46 am | #

                Not Femurtaker, taker of femurs?

                • Yotomoe
                  Yotomoe
                  August 11, 2013 at 12:53 am | #

                  Let’s just hope for twins.

              • GoldStarz
                GoldStarz
                August 11, 2013 at 12:50 am | #

                I was thinking Lady Tookulferyu, Mistress of being Too Cool For You would be more suitable, but obviously its up for Willis to decide.

    • xKiv
      xKiv
      August 11, 2013 at 8:42 pm | #

      Is that the billain of the story?

  29. Ridureyu
    Ridureyu
    August 11, 2013 at 12:29 am | #

    Things like this are why I didn’t want to ever tell my sister that I was moving to San Francisco.

    Even though I’m heterosexual.

    Eh, it’s a lost cause. My aunt already assumed enough.

    • Aizat
      Aizat
      August 11, 2013 at 12:31 am | #

      It’s just a city, like how pink is just a color.

      • Yotomoe
        Yotomoe
        August 11, 2013 at 12:45 am | #

        and Rainbows are just spectrums of light shined through a prism.

      • Ridureyu
        Ridureyu
        August 11, 2013 at 12:51 am | #

        Well, when I told my aunt where I was moving, she suddenly got that “inspirational” look on her face and said:

        “Good. Good for you. I’m… I’m proud. I will support you no matter what anybody else says.”

        And then refused to listen to anything I said XD

        • David
          David
          August 11, 2013 at 6:26 am | #

          Hey, there was a time where my mom would have been glad to find pretty much anything animate in my bedroom apart from myself and a computer (and that was waaaaay before the world wide web, so I obviously did much more perverse things than watching porn). Well, she’d probably have had reservations about sheep…

  30. Xartarin
    Xartarin
    August 11, 2013 at 12:33 am | #

    the alt text made me hungry for eggs

    • Aizat
      Aizat
      August 11, 2013 at 12:35 am | #

      I had eggs for breakfast.

      • ocbrad1
        ocbrad1
        August 11, 2013 at 11:48 am | #

        I just had eggs for breakfast, too! They were delish, and as far as I could tell (a little early for science), did not consist of lesbian chicken embryos. So hopefully no secret lesbian babies were harmed by my choice of breakfast.

  31. NF
    NF
    August 11, 2013 at 12:43 am | #

    Howard, please shut up. Just, shut up.

  32. AgentKeen
    AgentKeen
    August 11, 2013 at 12:48 am | #

    Man, I didn’t like Denny’s to begin with. The alt text made sure I probably won’t.

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      August 11, 2013 at 1:06 am | #

      Dennies is soylent green. But unborn lesbian baby soylent green.

  33. Frogboy
    Frogboy
    August 11, 2013 at 12:49 am | #

    That secret lesbian baby will be raised solely on cookies and booze. It will be incapable of relating to others except through punching. It will be a hockey cheerleader. It will be half-Canadian, half-American, all ferocity. It will take up the mantle of Amazi-Girl when Dina inevitably falls in the line of duty. It will be a ninja. It will be a pirate. It will be awesome.

    • Stephen
      Stephen
      August 11, 2013 at 5:00 am | #

      Are hockey cheerleaders a thing? Doesn’t that get cold?

    • brionl
      brionl
      August 11, 2013 at 11:48 am | #

      Rah Rah Ree!
      Stick ’em in the Knee!
      Rah Rah Rass!
      Stick ’em in the other Knee!

  34. Hoboturtle
    Hoboturtle
    August 11, 2013 at 1:03 am | #

    I was going to question Howards lack of knowledge of the female reproduction system but than I realize that this is exactly the type of thing I would say. I…I don’t know how to feel about that.

    • Kernanator
      Kernanator
      August 11, 2013 at 1:15 am | #

      No Hoboturtle. You are the Howard.

      • The Candyman
        The Candyman
        August 11, 2013 at 11:03 am | #

        And then Hoboturtle was a Trekkie.

        • NightmareWarden
          NightmareWarden
          August 11, 2013 at 11:41 am | #

          And then the Trekkie became a slash fic writer.

  35. Raibean
    Raibean
    August 11, 2013 at 1:34 am | #

    Billie’s boobs could impregnate anybody

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      August 11, 2013 at 1:37 am | #

      Boobs don’t work that way.

      • Kaoy
        Kaoy
        August 11, 2013 at 1:40 am | #

        LET US DREAM!!!

      • Raibean
        Raibean
        August 11, 2013 at 2:53 am | #

        You mean mine aren’t supposed to do that????

  36. acher4
    acher4
    August 11, 2013 at 1:42 am | #

    That was hilarious! 😀

  37. Somebody
    Somebody
    August 11, 2013 at 2:02 am | #

    The stupid, it hurts. Is this dumb in other continuities.

    • Somebody
      Somebody
      August 11, 2013 at 2:04 am | #

      he*

      I must be tired.

      • GoldStarz
        GoldStarz
        August 11, 2013 at 11:13 am | #

        You mean it and just click the Roomies button and go into the Howard tag (accessible by the characters list). You will find it… Enlightening.

    • John
      John
      August 11, 2013 at 11:46 am | #

      So far the DoA version seems to be dumber but less terrible.

      You can have quite a lot of terrible and still be less terrible than Roomies! Howard, though.

      • Kernanator
        Kernanator
        August 11, 2013 at 4:05 pm | #

        To be fair, pretty much everyone is terrible in Roomies!

  38. ArkhamTexan
    ArkhamTexan
    August 11, 2013 at 2:21 am | #

    Double-egg grand slam? Are we having breakfast now? I don’t think I want to eat breakfast with you if this is your idea of what it is.

  39. theKOT
    theKOT
    August 11, 2013 at 2:22 am | #

    Oh man, secret lesbian babies, that takes me back. High school was CRAZY

  40. Yotomoe
    Yotomoe
    August 11, 2013 at 2:31 am | #

    They’re called GAYBIES. Get it right, Howard.

    • Aizat
      Aizat
      August 11, 2013 at 2:51 am | #

      I thought they were called LESBIES?

      • Nono
        Nono
        August 11, 2013 at 4:19 am | #

        I thought it would be LESBABIES. Y’know, like ‘Let’s Babies.’

        • Andrusi
          Andrusi
          August 11, 2013 at 12:19 pm | #

          Lesbabies is what I’ve always called them.

    • Squall
      Squall
      August 11, 2013 at 9:18 am | #

      Gaybies sound like a disease you get when gay people bite you.

      • Heavensrun
        Heavensrun
        August 11, 2013 at 10:56 am | #

        Wait, it isn’t? What’ve I been protesting at Chick-fil-a for then?

      • TheKelliestKelly
        TheKelliestKelly
        August 11, 2013 at 10:59 am | #

        It is. It’s how you become gay. The conservatives are right to worry about those durn homosexuals turning their children into gays. I mean, I know from personal experience that a gay person biting you will turn you gay. Sexy personal experience.

        • The Candyman
          The Candyman
          August 11, 2013 at 11:05 am | #

          Is that like how you turn into a raging conservative in the full moon after being bitten by Rush Limbaugh?

  41. Bunivasal
    Bunivasal
    August 11, 2013 at 3:22 am | #

    Do secret lesbian babies move into the— nope. Just for thinking that I have to go staple my dick to something.

  42. Thor
    Thor
    August 11, 2013 at 4:22 am | #

    Uh, oh. The strip preview in the Dumblr shows that Howard is still around infecting the strip through the beginning of October. [vomits]

    • John
      John
      August 11, 2013 at 11:47 am | #

      On the bright side, Billie’s hanging out with Ruth in public.

  43. MechaMaidFan7
    MechaMaidFan7
    August 11, 2013 at 4:25 am | #

    Howard simply wants Ruth to say “I’m totally in lesbians with you” to Billie.

  44. Ruck Bogers
    Ruck Bogers
    August 11, 2013 at 6:26 am | #

    Howard’s grasp of biology is amazing.

  45. Furie
    Furie
    August 11, 2013 at 6:54 am | #

    He’s as good with biology as wrestling announcers are with geography.

  46. IndigoAK
    IndigoAK
    August 11, 2013 at 8:12 am | #

    I just binge-read this comic from the beginning in like 8 hours and now I’m all caught up and now I’m sad because I have to wait for daily updates like everyone else has for three years.

    • GoldStarz
      GoldStarz
      August 11, 2013 at 2:56 pm | #

      Some of us have been doing it longer than that. At least DoA has daily updates.

      • Squall
        Squall
        August 11, 2013 at 6:59 pm | #

        Who in their right mind complains about daily updates?!

  47. Michel
    Michel
    August 11, 2013 at 8:46 am | #

    I didn’t see another way to contact the author so this will have to do. I just wanted to say thank you for doing this comic. Socializing has never been my strong suit and so I tend to go with the moto ‘Introvert-Through-Indifference’. I can only do well when I know what to do before-hand. I’m an agnostic, pansexual, altruistic humanist and aside from stories, I focus most of my attention on science, engineering, math and philosophy.

    There are A LOT of people I don’t know how to deal with because of difference in beliefs. It’s inevitable that I find people who don’t know as much as me about the things that I consider important, that I think should be important to others. I don’t get pushy, though. I just get bored with people and shut down. Ever since I’ve been self-aware enough to realize that I’ve been trying find new ways to bridge the gap. Your story has given me new of ideas and perspectives to help me with this and I’m very grateful for it.

    Besides the benefits of mutual civility, I still have a lot of difficulty rationalizing leaving the religious and their beliefs alone. But I have faith in the “Live and Let Live” ideal, so I do. Your story hasn’t really given me any new revelations in this regard, but still, reading it has been….comforting. Essentially all of my relatives are religious, some deeply religious, and I haven’t come out to them about my agnotism or pansexuality because I’ve always been the favored cousin that everyone likes. I’m dealing with a lot of mental illness right now so it’s an eventuality I dread. My relatives aren’t bad people, but I have no idea how they’ll react. I’d like to think more people are like Joyce, and their imperative to goodness is stronger than their loyalty to words written down by other humans.

    • Shade
      Shade
      August 11, 2013 at 2:55 pm | #

      You are good person. Let us be friends.

      • Michel
        Michel
        August 12, 2013 at 11:26 am | #

        Thank you :3
        If you truly do with that, my e-mail is micheldonttell@hotmail.com

  48. Osaru Sensei
    Osaru Sensei
    August 11, 2013 at 9:21 am | #

    … is it just me or has Howard been making these (probably unintentional on his part, but still) homophobic remarks since he first appeared?

    Me, as a bisexual female with the most awesomest girlfriend ever, has felt a rising urge to cave his face in with a rubber mallet for some time now.

    • John
      John
      August 11, 2013 at 11:48 am | #

      Still better than Roomies! Howard, who started out with sexual assault.

  49. Delirio
    Delirio
    August 11, 2013 at 10:24 am | #

    Yes, he sounds a wee bit too obsessed with lesbians, but then again he IS a young nerd.

    She could introduce Howard to some of the out lesbians there must be in the dorm. But then he’d just blurt out to them that Ruth and Billie are “being lesbian with each other” so that would not work.

    How about: “Howard, NOBODY sits with me. And we do not owe you an explanation.”

    Or maybe: “Howard, firstly, have you any idea what lesbianism is that did not come from fanfic porn? And secondly, I’m your SISTER, why are you so hung up on my being one?”

    • ninja_jesus
      ninja_jesus
      August 11, 2013 at 10:53 am | #

      My response to the last one would be: “No, and it’s because you’re my only family and I want to know that you’re okay, duh-doi.”

      • ninja_jesus
        ninja_jesus
        August 11, 2013 at 10:53 am | #

        **disclaimer** I actually do know about lesbianism, so don’t chew me out plz k thnx.

        • Heavensrun
          Heavensrun
          August 11, 2013 at 11:05 am | #

          Okay, Ruth: That is not the “appearance” you’re keeping up or why you’re keeping it. The appearance you’re keeping up is that you hate each other, and you’re probably keeping it up because both your hatred and reconciliation revolves around your mutual alcoholism. Also, if you think she doesn’t like you back, you need new glasses, because she is trying SO HARD to sit with you without sitting with you that she looks like she’s about to fall off her table.

          Billie: You suck at keeping up appearances. Just go hang on her arm and get it over with, because you’re not fooling ANYBODY.

          Except maybe Ruth.

          • Heavensrun
            Heavensrun
            August 11, 2013 at 11:06 am | #

            Whoop, that was supposed to be an ordinary comment, not a reply to NJ.

    • Raen
      Raen
      August 11, 2013 at 12:22 pm | #

      I don’t know, I get the impression it’s because she’s his sister he’s going on like this, not being “obsessed with lesbians.”

  50. brumagem
    brumagem
    August 11, 2013 at 11:04 am | #

    LOOOL Denny’s jokes.

  51. Super Duper
    Super Duper
    August 11, 2013 at 12:35 pm | #

    SECRET LESBIAN BABIES! It’s a conspiracy I tell you!

  52. Notebooked
    Notebooked
    August 11, 2013 at 12:53 pm | #

    I really like Howard and Ruth’s conversations! It’s giving me flashbacks to violent-yet-amiable old Roomies Ruth.

  53. kelticat
    kelticat
    August 11, 2013 at 2:17 pm | #

    Actually voted for Sierra instead of Dina, but yeah.

    • Jackson
      Jackson
      August 11, 2013 at 4:34 pm | #

      I voted for Amber. Apparently I’m the only one.

      • The Candyman
        The Candyman
        August 11, 2013 at 5:42 pm | #

        I originally was going to vote for Billie, but then peer pressure got to me.

    • John
      John
      August 11, 2013 at 6:28 pm | #

      Same here. Dina’s parents are exactly what I expected them to be. (And one Dina is adorkable. Three Dinae is kind of creepy.) I’m not sure what Sierra’s parents are like, but I bet they’re interesting. (Though the way family weekend’s going here, Sierra’s whole barefoot hippie thing is probably just teenage rebellion against her parents’ secret-lesbian-baby-leather shoe industry.)

      • Notebooked
        Notebooked
        August 11, 2013 at 7:32 pm | #

        Heh!
        I actually wonder about that, and finding an answer to that question would be reason enough to see them. Did they live in a really lush, vegetative place, where having no shoes and running around was super sweet? Did they not want to support any immoral shoe-making industry (leather is cruel, a lot of sneaker production uses sweatshops)? What’s the story there?

  54. Chad from Canada
    Chad from Canada
    August 11, 2013 at 7:32 pm | #

    That hovertext Willis. It made my day.

  55. The Candyman
    The Candyman
    August 11, 2013 at 11:16 pm | #

    Actually, “I liked her, but she didn’t like me back” doesn’t sound like a sentence only used in high school.

    • John
      John
      August 11, 2013 at 11:58 pm | #

      For the real high school feel, it needs to go more like, “I’m, like, not sure I like her, but I, like, like her like her. And, like, I think she like, likes me, but like I’m not sure if she likes me like likes me likes me. And I like kissed her and she was like all into it, but then she was all like NO. So like I dunno, you know?”

  56. Portmaneau
    Portmaneau
    August 12, 2013 at 12:42 pm | #

    She’s in lesbians with her

  57. Maycroft
    Maycroft
    August 13, 2013 at 4:48 pm | #

    Somebody had The Talk with this kid right?

  58. Tenza
    Tenza
    August 23, 2013 at 7:13 pm | #

    I think the term is, “In lesbians with each other.”

  59. nothri
    nothri
    November 13, 2013 at 6:00 pm | #

    The sad part is I can’t tell if Howard is asking that sarcastically or if he honestly thinks this is a thing that can happen.

  60. ZORK
    ZORK
    February 24, 2014 at 7:09 pm | #

    ~Shortpacked! SPOILER!~

    The funny thing is, in another universe, two lesbians actually manage to get pregnant.

  61. Rheios
    Rheios
    May 18, 2015 at 1:17 pm | #

    I think there’s actually technology for that now. (I recall reading something in reference to it. Although the writer was rather alarmist in an “This is the end of men” kindof way.) Although I imagine its experimental and expensive.

  62. Aisling
    Aisling
    June 8, 2015 at 3:41 pm | #

    Did Howad just become Joyce in innocent stupidty? lol

  63. DarkVeghetta
    DarkVeghetta
    June 28, 2015 at 6:17 pm | #

    As soon as he sed “secret lesbian baby”, I HAD to use Ctrl+F and see how many times it was quoted in the comments. Without mine: 12, with mine: 13. It’s funny how I KNEW that line would get quoted several times. This may be a sign that I’ve spent too much of my life reading comments on DoA. Nah, probably not. FAAACE!

  64. man jean
    man jean
    August 1, 2015 at 4:36 am | #

    the alt text made me laugh so hard and still does

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