The low stakes adventures of an assorted group of 20 somethings trapped in the declining years of American retail. They are naughty and say lots of swears.
Sufficiently Remarkable
Maki Naro
Two young women living in Brooklyn discover that you're always coming of age.
Real Science Adventures
Brian Clevinger
Spin off stories and other adventures from the world of Atomic Robo!
Never Satisfied
Taylor Robin
Lucy Marlowe, a magician's apprentice, competes against other apprentices for an important, magical, Goverment Job.
Guilded Age
T Campbell, John Waltrip, Florence Machina
Welcome to the saga of the working-class adventurer! Enjoy the complete story with new annotations daily!
Wilde Life
Pascalle Lepas
Oscar decided to rent an old haunted house, and that's when things got weird...
Spinnerette
Krazy Krow, Rocio Zucchi, Pablo Rey
When a lab accident gives Heather Brown spider powers and six arms, she does what any midwest comic geek would do: Become Ohio's #3 superhero!
Sam & Fuzzy
Sam Logan
Troubled by gangster rodents, lovesick vampire stalkers, or confused ninja assassins? Don't panic! Sam and Fuzzy are here to help. (For a reasonable fee.)
Manly Guys Doing Manly Things
Kelly Turnbull
A weekly comic celebrating the finer things in life. Like manly men, lumberjacks, and time traveling special ops agents.
Heroes of Thantopolis
Izzy Strontium Hall
A living boy fights to save the City of the Dead.
Starhammer
J.N. Monk, Harry Bogosian
A teen girl inherits a powerful alien artifact and proceeds to make a series of increasingly poor decisions
Empowered
Adam Warren
A sexy superhero comedy (except when it isn't) about the never-ending struggles of a plucky but very unlucky young superheroine.
Monster Pulse
Magnolia Porter Siddell
Four kids run afoul of a creepy secret organization's experiments, which turn their body parts into fighting monsters. Part sentimental coming-of-age story, part monster-training shonen manga, with just a bit of sci-fi body horror.
Demon's Mirror
Harry Bogosian
Based loosely off of "The Snow Queen", a story by Hans Christian Andersen, we see things take a different turn as the demons become central characters, and the side characters stick around. Yup, that's the only differences. Enjoy!
Demon Street
Aliza Layne
Two kids explore a world full of monsters and magic trying to find their way home again. But when home has been stolen from you, where do you go to get it back?
Girl Genius
Phil Foglio, Kaja Foglio
In a time when the Industrial Revolution has become an all-out war, Mad Science rules the World...with mixed success.
Ghost Junk Sickness
Studio CARTRIDGE, Laura Lee
Two hunters try to survive and end up being pushed to pursue a deadly bounty dubbed "The Ghost".
The Glass Scientists
Sage (S.H.) Cotugno
A gaslamp fantasy comic about the life and times of a ragtag group of mad scientists and their enigmatic leader, Dr. Henry Jekyll.
MASKLESS
kickingshoes
In a world where people can wield the magic of elemental Masks, all Ashe wants to do is help. Maskless and useless, with dreams of fire and smoke on the back of his tongue, he finds himself on a strange, dangerous path to uncovering the secrets of these incredible objects, and the source of the monsters plaguing his home.
Jailbird
Charlie Davis
An all-ages comic about a recently escaped prisoner's struggle to understand the outside world, and vice-versa. Also, a magic cape!
Ozzie the Vampire
Eric Lide
Ozzie and her best friend Kimmy are your average everyday normal art students – except one is an immortal vampire with superpowers and the other possesses a magic talking grimoire. Also they have to save their town from a demonic invasion.
Devil's Candy
Rem, Bikkuri
A lush fantasy about boy genius Kazu Decker, the girl he constructed for his 9th grade science project, and the world of devils and monsters they live in.
Witchy
Ariel Slamet Ries
In the witch kingdom Hyalin, the strength of your magic is determined by the length of your hair.
Novae
KaiJu
A historical romance with a touch magic and a dash of astronomy. It chronicles the romantic adventures of Sulvain, a sweet tempered necromancer and Raziol, a passionate 17th century astronomer.
The Din
Karin (Karrey)
The Din changed the world, mankind & its technology. Gregg Emilio dreams of flying in a sky that hasn't carried airplanes in a century.
Go Get a Roomie
Clover
Experience the queer journey of an upbeat hippie and the friendships she makes along the way! A tale of self-discovery and love of many forms.
Tove
Severin
The end of the world is coming, and Tove doesn't want to be a hero, but SOMEONE has to look after her little brother.
Star Trip
Gisele Weaver
Jas is a human taken from her home planet on a trip across the galaxy she will never forget.
Stand Still, Stay Silent
Minna Sundberg
A few generations after the end of the world, a small, poorly financed research crew is sent out to rediscover whatever is left of the forbidden old world in the south.
No Need for Bushido
Suburban Samurai, J W Kovell
The flash of a blade, the clash of steel! A runaway princess and her samurai companion navigate a fractured country on the brink of war.
The Mash
L.F. Garcia, Danigami
In a world shrouded in mystery and threatened by great evil,a young mummy prince will use his new life to unite with other monster children to save it.
Lighter Than Heir
Melissa Albino
A young Volant woman joins the military in an effort to upstage her war-hero father.
El Goonish Shive
Dan Shive
WARNING: This comic often ignores the Laws of Physics
Peritale
Mari Costa
A fairy godmother with no magic tries her best to successfully fulfill a Fairytale and win the respect of her peers.
Nerf Now!!
Josué Pereira
A cute webcomic about fanservice, video games, and... love. Mostly video games, though.
Laws and Sausages
Zach Weinersmith
Your cartoon guide to the American governement!
Little Red & Wolf
Aoi Maneki
Delve into the daily lives of two famous fairytale characters, and their adventures in this big weird world we all live in.
Elephant Town
Danielle Corsetto
The long, slow tale of Kris, Paul, Berto and Mirando, four people who live in the same creaky old house, but don't know each other. New chapter updates every 2 months.
Wychwood
Varethane
When Tiara's pyrokinesis is finally noticed, she is captured by a magical research organization for study. If she cooperates, she could be helping to save humanity from a dire threat - but can she trust them?
Cyanide & Happiness
Explosm
Satire, dark humor and surreal humor.
Knights Errant
J.R. Doyle
Wilfrid's humble quest for revenge becomes bigger and bloodier by the day.
Parisa
Ellen K
Two friends, Nolan and Gwen, take it upon themselves to escort the amnesiac spirit Lelief across the world of Parisa.
Awkward Zombie
Katie Tiedrich
Gags and goofs about videogames and the things that happen in them.
Anarchy Dreamers
Emily Ree
Sparkly undead kids fight society's worst Nightmares in this pastel-punk urban fantasy coming-of-age!
Dumbing of Age
David M Willis
Joyce has been homeschooled her entire life until now, when she's suddenly a freshman in college! Things don't go well.
Helvetica
J.N. Wiedle
This story follows Helvetica's quest to uncover who he was in life, his existential crises, and his struggle to to make death worth living.
The Hunter of Insania
Aoi Maneki
Wiol Alkko sells fake magical objects to those desperate for cures. When he tries to scam a real witch, she curses him: within a year, Wiol must learn and respect magic, or succumb to corruption of body and mind.
Awaken
Koti Saavedra/Flipfloppery
Superpowers, monsters and conspiracies. Piras, the spoiled Dameschi heir, fights to recover his identity after becoming a terrorist!
The Sanity Circus
Windy
Magic, monsters and mysteries await in the odd city of Sanity. It's up to Attley and a colorful group of characters to find out just what is going on.
Sister Claire
Yamino
In the troubled aftermath of a great war between Witches and her fellow Nuns, novice Sister Claire just wants a purpose.
Atomic Robo
Brian Clevinger, Scott Wegener
The robot punches monsters and bad robots and one time he was a cowboy.
[un]Divine
Ayme
A highschool senior thought giving up his soul for a demon was a good idea. It wasn't.
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No, in reality it is Joyce that has been implanted with the Secret Lesbian Spawn. That is what is making her act so sinful as to dare to have a friend who not only does not conform to her religious beliefs, but refuses to follow a religion at all. Also having a gay jewish boyfriend.
No Dotty isn’t the father, Dotty is just subconsciously attracted to the Secret Lesbian Baby’s Secretive Lesbian Babyness and that very exposure to Babyness is driving Joyce to her and Ethan (who it is also attracting). It is very sciencey stuff, I wouldn’t expect anyone to understand on the first explanation.
You idiot, The League of Cats is a reverse figurehead. The dog is put up as a front for The League of Cats who are just a front for the dog. That way you’ll never think to go after the dog because no sane person would put the true master out in the open, which is exactly why only the sanest do.
Personally I enjoy “FAAAAAAAAAAACE” better, although it’s s much different than Pale and Barfy’s normal stuff. They actually could play that heavy metal sound when hey wanted to.
I wasn’t really a fan of that one, but “I Hate You And Your Problems” was a definite punk anthem song. Funnily enough, it was on the same album too, so that really just goes to show the range of their musical talent.
I think we can all agree that the whole album Femurs was pretty great. My favorite track has to be “For a Nickel”. The duet song with Queen of the Drunks was pretty good too.
Many, many years ago, when I was 23 / I was married to a widow who was pretty as could be / This widow had a grownup daughter who had hair of red / My father fell in love with her, and soon the two were wed…
Are we sure that “secret lesbian baby” is the term for a baby that two lesbians secretly conceived and NOT a term for a baby that is secretly a lesbian?
Yeah. I love all these characters. They constantly piss me off and break my heart, then crack me up. Love struggles to find them and they struggle so hard to love, and everyone of them is shackled by something that makes that so difficult, but they still find themselves at it. I root for them like crazy.
my school has booths like that in the dining hall! but… did anyone at their school write “Kirk x Spock <3" on the napkin dispenser? Because that's a real thing floating around the dining hall tables at IUP.
The closet was born in her. A secret closet. A secret closet of secrets. This secret closet of secrets contains within it, another secret closet of secrets, and another secret closet of secrets inside that one, and it continues ad infinitum. And each of these closets contain a baby, and each of these babies contain a closet, and the closets in the babies have babies too, and the babies in the closets have more closets as well. And it becomes an infinite number of babies in an infinite number of closets, all wrapped into one closeted baby born in a closet.
Actually, science is pretty close to making this a real possibility. They can take the genes from one egg and implant them into another. (The resulting child would be guaranteed to be female.) Mind you, there’s no way this would happen under normal circumstances, but it’s possible in a lab setting. Careful guys – males are about to become obsolete…
That’s a pet peeve of mine. Just because someone gets the tail end of a horrible circumstance, does not naturally attribute them to a disposition towards such behavior. And it doesn’t cause people outside of that group to have behaviors that are different. I’m black, but I shan’t act like we are all pure. We killed each other and probably enslaved people long before we were taken to America. The only reason we didn’t go across the ocean to do it was because we didn’t figure it out yet. In a world full of women, you would be surprised how much hatred, intolerance, war, and bigotry will persist. Noone is predisposed to purity. Noone is innocent. And our disposition is not genetic.
Not really. The reason so few attrocities are attributed to women is because women have been kept from power.
The UK has had one female PM, and from the sinking of the General Belgrano, to the Poll Tax warrant sales, she was guilty of most of the things Ridureyu lists.
That’s why I used examples that are recorded history, rather than get into some who-ordered-what discord between shocking state collusion and overarching state conspiracy.
Statisitics purporting to show ‘X percent’ of female leaders were corrupt, compared to ‘Y percent’ of male, would be no better. It’s possible to argue that pressure is put on women to show that they can be “as tough as a man”, or on men to show that they can win “the female vote”.
Besides, stats are awfully dry: The number of Cabinet and Ministerial resignations as a result of the Westminster parliamentary expenses scandal was split 50/50, whilst the number of backbenchers involved was roughly proportionate to the male/female ratio within their respective parties. Etcetera, etcetera.
Anecdotes are more “fun”: Miami Godmother Griselda Blanco is credited with popularising the ‘drive-by’ shooting in the ’70s and early ’80s drug wars, pioneering the ‘motorcycle assassin’ method. Yackity smackity.
[The inverted commas around the word fun should show the tone I’m trying to convey there… I do of course mean simply “easy to remember”.]
I think it’s too…specific to be how you describe it. It’d be one thing if you were using a really broad example but Ridureyu’s response was pretty direct about all the world issues that men are attributed to. <:T That'd be like saying "Women wouldn't be necessary which is good to get rid of all the hormones, annoyance, theft,crying, moaning, complaining, lying, and random petty violence." Those thing's would still be around without women, obviously, and even if I'm joking it seems pretty dickish of me to say.
I didn’t say she deliberately responded to it with sarcasm. I don’t know what her intent was. (Or if “she” is even really a she.) I said that the original comment was stupid and hysterical, and that Ridureyu’s response to it was pretty equally stupid.
Males will not become obsolete as long as you need a sick geek to actually manipulate the egg. Yes, it’s sexist to assume that it’s predominantly men who can be interested in making nature rather than the other sex jump through hoops, but…
I’m pretty sure that by the time technology enables two women to have a baby of either gender, it will also have enabled two men to have a baby either in a false lab womb or otherwise.
On the other hand, if you’re worried that women would jump at the chance to get rid of men, why not start taking steps today to make sure that you’re a worthwhile human being no one would want to get rid of? :|a
I think you misread me or meant to put your comment somewhere else. Admittedly my sentence contained a double negative, though: tall women, of which there are a not insignificant number, e.g. a significant number.
Sharknada doesn’t even SOUND like a real name. If you just want to randomly string words together fine but we are having a serious conversation on the gender alignment of names.
Excuse me? My little girl’s name is Sharknada and I am horribly offended by your discrimination. This is supposed to be an equal-opportunity doomsday conference and I will not stand for this!
Hey, there was a time where my mom would have been glad to find pretty much anything animate in my bedroom apart from myself and a computer (and that was waaaaay before the world wide web, so I obviously did much more perverse things than watching porn). Well, she’d probably have had reservations about sheep…
I just had eggs for breakfast, too! They were delish, and as far as I could tell (a little early for science), did not consist of lesbian chicken embryos. So hopefully no secret lesbian babies were harmed by my choice of breakfast.
That secret lesbian baby will be raised solely on cookies and booze. It will be incapable of relating to others except through punching. It will be a hockey cheerleader. It will be half-Canadian, half-American, all ferocity. It will take up the mantle of Amazi-Girl when Dina inevitably falls in the line of duty. It will be a ninja. It will be a pirate. It will be awesome.
I was going to question Howards lack of knowledge of the female reproduction system but than I realize that this is exactly the type of thing I would say. I…I don’t know how to feel about that.
It is. It’s how you become gay. The conservatives are right to worry about those durn homosexuals turning their children into gays. I mean, I know from personal experience that a gay person biting you will turn you gay. Sexy personal experience.
I just binge-read this comic from the beginning in like 8 hours and now I’m all caught up and now I’m sad because I have to wait for daily updates like everyone else has for three years.
I didn’t see another way to contact the author so this will have to do. I just wanted to say thank you for doing this comic. Socializing has never been my strong suit and so I tend to go with the moto ‘Introvert-Through-Indifference’. I can only do well when I know what to do before-hand. I’m an agnostic, pansexual, altruistic humanist and aside from stories, I focus most of my attention on science, engineering, math and philosophy.
There are A LOT of people I don’t know how to deal with because of difference in beliefs. It’s inevitable that I find people who don’t know as much as me about the things that I consider important, that I think should be important to others. I don’t get pushy, though. I just get bored with people and shut down. Ever since I’ve been self-aware enough to realize that I’ve been trying find new ways to bridge the gap. Your story has given me new of ideas and perspectives to help me with this and I’m very grateful for it.
Besides the benefits of mutual civility, I still have a lot of difficulty rationalizing leaving the religious and their beliefs alone. But I have faith in the “Live and Let Live” ideal, so I do. Your story hasn’t really given me any new revelations in this regard, but still, reading it has been….comforting. Essentially all of my relatives are religious, some deeply religious, and I haven’t come out to them about my agnotism or pansexuality because I’ve always been the favored cousin that everyone likes. I’m dealing with a lot of mental illness right now so it’s an eventuality I dread. My relatives aren’t bad people, but I have no idea how they’ll react. I’d like to think more people are like Joyce, and their imperative to goodness is stronger than their loyalty to words written down by other humans.
Yes, he sounds a wee bit too obsessed with lesbians, but then again he IS a young nerd.
She could introduce Howard to some of the out lesbians there must be in the dorm. But then he’d just blurt out to them that Ruth and Billie are “being lesbian with each other” so that would not work.
How about: “Howard, NOBODY sits with me. And we do not owe you an explanation.”
Or maybe: “Howard, firstly, have you any idea what lesbianism is that did not come from fanfic porn? And secondly, I’m your SISTER, why are you so hung up on my being one?”
Okay, Ruth: That is not the “appearance” you’re keeping up or why you’re keeping it. The appearance you’re keeping up is that you hate each other, and you’re probably keeping it up because both your hatred and reconciliation revolves around your mutual alcoholism. Also, if you think she doesn’t like you back, you need new glasses, because she is trying SO HARD to sit with you without sitting with you that she looks like she’s about to fall off her table.
Billie: You suck at keeping up appearances. Just go hang on her arm and get it over with, because you’re not fooling ANYBODY.
Same here. Dina’s parents are exactly what I expected them to be. (And one Dina is adorkable. Three Dinae is kind of creepy.) I’m not sure what Sierra’s parents are like, but I bet they’re interesting. (Though the way family weekend’s going here, Sierra’s whole barefoot hippie thing is probably just teenage rebellion against her parents’ secret-lesbian-baby-leather shoe industry.)
Heh!
I actually wonder about that, and finding an answer to that question would be reason enough to see them. Did they live in a really lush, vegetative place, where having no shoes and running around was super sweet? Did they not want to support any immoral shoe-making industry (leather is cruel, a lot of sneaker production uses sweatshops)? What’s the story there?
For the real high school feel, it needs to go more like, “I’m, like, not sure I like her, but I, like, like her like her. And, like, I think she like, likes me, but like I’m not sure if she likes me like likes me likes me. And I like kissed her and she was like all into it, but then she was all like NO. So like I dunno, you know?”
I think there’s actually technology for that now. (I recall reading something in reference to it. Although the writer was rather alarmist in an “This is the end of men” kindof way.) Although I imagine its experimental and expensive.
As soon as he sed “secret lesbian baby”, I HAD to use Ctrl+F and see how many times it was quoted in the comments. Without mine: 12, with mine: 13. It’s funny how I KNEW that line would get quoted several times. This may be a sign that I’ve spent too much of my life reading comments on DoA. Nah, probably not. FAAACE!
the thing about white liberal Americans is that they'll argue to accept bigots into their tent before accepting the bigots' targets.
the targets that have been on the same side as white liberals from the jump.
John Redcorn was pretty much the only contemporary Native representation I had in comedy growing up. Probably the funniest Native character in cartoon history and a lot of that was on Jonathan Joss' pitch perfect rezzy uncle performance. RIP to one of the best to ever do it.
today in #9chickweedlane i learned that, yes, lolly is so edda 2.0 that she's even wearing her mother's wedding dress as she gets married to Her Dad (But Taller)
online transformers collectors: i hope ss86 megatron doesn't have big ol' treads on his back!!!
ss86 megatron: *treads fold up inside the legs*
online transformers collectors: HIS LEGS ARE TOO CHUNKY >>>:((((
the big disconnect that happens here is between the correct message for D politicians (especially in red states), which is “you’re right, this isn’t who you are, you’re better than that, vote differently next time”
and the actual truth, which is yes you did, fuck you
Raw milk has the opportunity to do the funniest thing
Ferric Fang@fangferric.bsky.social ⋅ 3d
RFK Jr celebrated the release of the MAHA report by downing raw milk shooters in the White House with influencer Paul Saladino. Hazards of raw milk include Listeria, Salmonella, Campylobacter, Yersinia, E. coli O157:H7, and now-- avian flu.
ETPC @etpc.bsky.social ⋅ 5h
Kendra, regular version @kendrawcandraw.bsky.social ⋅ 1d
Kevin Buist @kevinbuist.com ⋅ 2d
Ferric Fang @fangferric.bsky.social ⋅ 3d
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Come on Howard! Billie is thee one that’s pregnant!
So that’s why her boobs are so big. (among other things.)
Wait, it could be even bigger?
Come on guys, we all know that it is Howard who has the secret lesbian baby. He just doesn’t know it yet.
This message has been approved by Ruth.
Fuck yes
Gaybies
Hannelore Ellicott-Chatham from way off screen:
“WE ARE WORKING ON THAT TECHNOLOGY!”
No, in reality it is Joyce that has been implanted with the Secret Lesbian Spawn. That is what is making her act so sinful as to dare to have a friend who not only does not conform to her religious beliefs, but refuses to follow a religion at all. Also having a gay jewish boyfriend.
Dotty is the father? Walky may not like THAT development.
No Dotty isn’t the father, Dotty is just subconsciously attracted to the Secret Lesbian Baby’s Secretive Lesbian Babyness and that very exposure to Babyness is driving Joyce to her and Ethan (who it is also attracting). It is very sciencey stuff, I wouldn’t expect anyone to understand on the first explanation.
So basically, it’s totally babies.
Full circle!
It’s babies McIntyre.
This is sounding like goddamn Homestuck.
No, it turns out that it’s all been planned out by the Great Worm Overlord and the dog in the control room.
Fool, the dog is just the overseer. The League of Cats has the real control.
You idiot, The League of Cats is a reverse figurehead. The dog is put up as a front for The League of Cats who are just a front for the dog. That way you’ll never think to go after the dog because no sane person would put the true master out in the open, which is exactly why only the sanest do.
Unless they pull a super reverse, and the real leader is just a random guard who the heros knock out cold and don’t think twice about.
Apparently the US “education” system has not done Howard any favours. >.>
I played bass for Secret Lesbian Baby! And sometimes I would sit in on Pale and Barfy’s set when they were shorthanded.
“I Liked Her (But She Didn’t Like Me Back)” is such a great classic by Pale and Barfy.
Personally I enjoy “FAAAAAAAAAAACE” better, although it’s s much different than Pale and Barfy’s normal stuff. They actually could play that heavy metal sound when hey wanted to.
I wasn’t really a fan of that one, but “I Hate You And Your Problems” was a definite punk anthem song. Funnily enough, it was on the same album too, so that really just goes to show the range of their musical talent.
I think we can all agree that the whole album Femurs was pretty great. My favorite track has to be “For a Nickel”. The duet song with Queen of the Drunks was pretty good too.
Eh. I liked Pale & Barfy better when they were in Hangover.
Damn, that IS a good band name. I wonder why David Crosby didn’t form a alternate band (like Trav Wilburys) when he had the chance!!??
That means she is on the market Howard, go for it
Oh, that would be fun, seeing Howard try his darnest to get Billie only to fail harder and harder every time.
“Yes, Howard, we’re having a secret lesbian baby. And that secret lesbian baby…was me.“
“I am not only my own mother, I am YOUR mother, too.”
… And I did myself for a nickel.
Doin’ yourself which means also doin’ your mother…Holy shit, that’s like… the Grandfather Paradox of sex!
Ruth is her own grandfather!
That means she caused her own birth TWICE (unless she’s her paternal grandfather)
Pretty sure there was a time travel story where someone became xer own entire family…
Spoilers: they’re also the bartender they were telling the story to.
I read a fic once where someone was their own mother, their own father, and all seven-to-date incarnations of the friend who set all of it in motion.
“All You Zombies” by Robert Heinlein.
The story is “All of you, zombies”, by Robert A. Heinlein.
Many, many years ago, when I was 23 / I was married to a widow who was pretty as could be / This widow had a grownup daughter who had hair of red / My father fell in love with her, and soon the two were wed…
And that’s why you always marry the adult daughter, at least if your parents aren’t together/you don’t have a mother.
“All you zombies hide your faces…”
Paging David Lister.
I’m just a secret lesbian baaaaabaay.
I love Howard’s “are you crazy” look. At least, I’m assuming it’s an “are you crazy” look.
“Secret Lesbian Baby” somebody start that band.
The band name meme is so 00s, these days it’s tumblr names.
I think it would be better as a Band name than a tumblr blog.
You don’t want a tumblr blog full of ultrasounds?
http://squallloir.tumblr.com/post/57964704661
Goddammit internet.
Hiding your love gives you that pregnant look every time
As does hiding your alcohol . . . from yourself.
Howard is kinda dumb, guys.
You’re only just figuring that out?
Guys are …
actually, humans are pretty dumb.
Yes Howard, they are.
Are we sure that “secret lesbian baby” is the term for a baby that two lesbians secretly conceived and NOT a term for a baby that is secretly a lesbian?
I was assuming that it was somehow both.
Lesbians obviousely only make more lesbians.
Leaping lesbian lizards, which insidently is actually a real thing.
Whiptails are totes awesome.
With bone marrow or something. It’s science.
Secret lesbian baby is similar to the surprise lesbian baby.
Mostly because
{ Secret Lesbian Baby } + { Someone Finds Out A Secret } = { Surprise Lesbian Baby }
is a tried and true formula.
If girls could get pregnant from other girls…
I think we’d all cry all the time because WE WOULD NEVER BE SAFE FROM BABIES
Come on. It’s well-known that all babies are into boobies like anything. It takes decades until at least women start finding men useful.
Is he serious or joking either way I like this howard
Yeah. I love all these characters. They constantly piss me off and break my heart, then crack me up. Love struggles to find them and they struggle so hard to love, and everyone of them is shackled by something that makes that so difficult, but they still find themselves at it. I root for them like crazy.
What is howard stupid they raising two lesbian babies one for each of them.
I’ll correct myself i meant they’re.
Dammit Howard, stop being such an ass. You’re acting like Danny now. Except more overt about it.
Howard is the guy you go to when Danny’s not available.
Accept No Subsitutes!
But availability is his main feature!
my school has booths like that in the dining hall! but… did anyone at their school write “Kirk x Spock <3" on the napkin dispenser? Because that's a real thing floating around the dining hall tables at IUP.
Best school ever. Our education system needs more slash.
IT’S NOT SLASHY THEY’RE JUST SUPERBROS
*sobs*
Secret lesbian babies? I didn’t kno you can end up in the closet at such a young age.
SHE WAS BORN IN THE CLOSET.
The closet was born in her. A secret closet. A secret closet of secrets. This secret closet of secrets contains within it, another secret closet of secrets, and another secret closet of secrets inside that one, and it continues ad infinitum. And each of these closets contain a baby, and each of these babies contain a closet, and the closets in the babies have babies too, and the babies in the closets have more closets as well. And it becomes an infinite number of babies in an infinite number of closets, all wrapped into one closeted baby born in a closet.
That’s so Secret Lesbian Babies, it’s Secret Lesbian Babies McIntyre.
Wonder Wig just put the baby from Family Guy doing the baby stroll down the street singing about being a prom nite discard….
Also Howard, she has a darker skin tone than you.
It’s because Howard doesn’t go outside.
Howard didn’t even know what outside was until today.
Howqard knew about ‘Real Life’ but he didn’t believe his computer had the processing power to play it.
I heard the graphics were terrible anyway. Then again, it WAS from a YouTube comment.
I’ve found that the graphics tend to be very good. It’s the energy requirements that’ll get you.
I’ve heard they don’t even have a respawn function! How rubbish is that?! :O
And the AI? Don’t get me started.
Outside. That’s the thing with the legs, right?
So Doctor_Who plays bass, Kafloobop is manager, and Wonder Wig writes the songs. Can I be the tour bus driver for Secret Lesbian Baby?
Only if I can make the posters.
And I will be security/coroner/mortician/funeral home operator.
When an egg penetrates another egg, you get an omelette.
Dare I ask where the cheese comes from?
Sometimes you are better off not knowing.
You churn the milk, duh.
Adn the milkshake brings it to the yard.
You can’t make an omelet without breaking a few Secret Lesbian Babies!
Shake and Bake.
Don’t count your Secret Lesbian Babies before they hatch.
People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw Secret Lesbian Babies.
The grass is always greener on the other side of the Secret Lesbian Babies.
Howard…do-do I need to teach you how babies are made…again? THIS IS LIKE THE 5TH TIME.
I had a rather pervy thought cross my mind when you posted that.
He needs a hands-on experience kind of thing. You can’t teach him with just pictures.
Then he’ll never learn…
Or we could just let him watch porn……..
I have a feeling the dude watches way too much porn already.
He can’t even get Game of Thrones. Where is he going to get proper porn?
I wish Howard would go away.
We all do, vsophi, we all do.
★⇔★ ■-■ (ˇ¿ˇ)
•
_
●0● I couldnt decide what face to make at howards stupidity.
You can never have enough faces, that way when face stealers come for you, you’ll always have a spare. UoU
I don’t know… detox and pregnancy have many similarities.
On a side note, sperm don’t “penetrate” eggs. Just more gendered narratives that have seeped into our understanding of biology.
Before someone asks, here’s what I’m talking about: http://www.math.jussieu.fr/~daubin/cours/Textes/Martin_EggSperm.pdf
More about Martin on Wiki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emily_Martin_%28anthropologist%29
Secret Lesbian Babies? Dude, what are you on because I want some of it.
You couldn’t afford it. IT’S THAT GOOD.
Actually, science is pretty close to making this a real possibility. They can take the genes from one egg and implant them into another. (The resulting child would be guaranteed to be female.) Mind you, there’s no way this would happen under normal circumstances, but it’s possible in a lab setting. Careful guys – males are about to become obsolete…
Well that sucks wait why should i care more girls for me.
This is why we need research to sexdroids.
And somewhere…that guy who came out with the theory that women caused homosexuality is laughing right now…and building a genetic bomb of some sort.
But why would science do that when it can make superior robots instead?
Yeah, why do that when they could do something important, like terraforming planets or something?
We won’t be obsolete as long as Pickle jars exist!
Plenty of women can open jars…that’s sexist and unfunny.
I bought my love a strap wrench. It opens any jar, rendering all men obsolete. Of course, it gets called the strapping wench.
Also, unless ruth decided to have a baby, i’m sure she couldn’t get accidentally lesbian pregnant.
Don’t get me wrong here, but wouldn’t it be a GOOD thing to eliminate all the aggression, oppression, bigotry, sexism, rape, and war in the world?
What and women aren’t capable of doing those things that you mentioned?
That’s a pet peeve of mine. Just because someone gets the tail end of a horrible circumstance, does not naturally attribute them to a disposition towards such behavior. And it doesn’t cause people outside of that group to have behaviors that are different. I’m black, but I shan’t act like we are all pure. We killed each other and probably enslaved people long before we were taken to America. The only reason we didn’t go across the ocean to do it was because we didn’t figure it out yet. In a world full of women, you would be surprised how much hatred, intolerance, war, and bigotry will persist. Noone is predisposed to purity. Noone is innocent. And our disposition is not genetic.
I’m sorry if I pissed you off, Yotomoe.
I was talking to Ridureyu, silly.
You’re good.
You are giving Africa waaaaaaaaay too little credit there.
I don’t really think populations of humans over the course of the last 500 years don’t really deserve to get a lot of credit. We were assholes
To be honest… we still are.
That’s really a false equivalence. Even if anyone is capable, some have done worse than others.
Not really. The reason so few attrocities are attributed to women is because women have been kept from power.
The UK has had one female PM, and from the sinking of the General Belgrano, to the Poll Tax warrant sales, she was guilty of most of the things Ridureyu lists.
Isn’t that just anecdotal evidence?
That’s why I used examples that are recorded history, rather than get into some who-ordered-what discord between shocking state collusion and overarching state conspiracy.
Statisitics purporting to show ‘X percent’ of female leaders were corrupt, compared to ‘Y percent’ of male, would be no better. It’s possible to argue that pressure is put on women to show that they can be “as tough as a man”, or on men to show that they can win “the female vote”.
Besides, stats are awfully dry: The number of Cabinet and Ministerial resignations as a result of the Westminster parliamentary expenses scandal was split 50/50, whilst the number of backbenchers involved was roughly proportionate to the male/female ratio within their respective parties. Etcetera, etcetera.
Anecdotes are more “fun”: Miami Godmother Griselda Blanco is credited with popularising the ‘drive-by’ shooting in the ’70s and early ’80s drug wars, pioneering the ‘motorcycle assassin’ method. Yackity smackity.
[The inverted commas around the word fun should show the tone I’m trying to convey there… I do of course mean simply “easy to remember”.]
Aizat, I think that Ridureyu’s response was exactly the level of intelligent discourse Lurlock’s original joke merited.
“Dur hurr hurr look out men, at the SLIGHTEST PROVOCATION women will make you extinct!” “Dur hurr hurr why shouldn’t we, they DO suck and all.”
I think it’s too…specific to be how you describe it. It’d be one thing if you were using a really broad example but Ridureyu’s response was pretty direct about all the world issues that men are attributed to. <:T That'd be like saying "Women wouldn't be necessary which is good to get rid of all the hormones, annoyance, theft,crying, moaning, complaining, lying, and random petty violence." Those thing's would still be around without women, obviously, and even if I'm joking it seems pretty dickish of me to say.
I didn’t say she deliberately responded to it with sarcasm. I don’t know what her intent was. (Or if “she” is even really a she.) I said that the original comment was stupid and hysterical, and that Ridureyu’s response to it was pretty equally stupid.
Ah, mmkay.
Males will not become obsolete as long as you need a sick geek to actually manipulate the egg. Yes, it’s sexist to assume that it’s predominantly men who can be interested in making nature rather than the other sex jump through hoops, but…
While you’re over there being sexist… ever heard of “bio bongoes”?
No… no I haven’t.
Let’s just say that women going into bio science is common enough to have its very own stereotype.
Yep, it’s not like women actually enjoy having them around or anything. Clearly their only purpose is to deliver sperm on demand.
My honey keeps me around for to open Pickel jars….
I hate autocomplete…
I’m pretty sure that by the time technology enables two women to have a baby of either gender, it will also have enabled two men to have a baby either in a false lab womb or otherwise.
On the other hand, if you’re worried that women would jump at the chance to get rid of men, why not start taking steps today to make sure that you’re a worthwhile human being no one would want to get rid of? :|a
“Careful guys – males are about to become obsolete…”
Hell no. Who will reach the stuff on the top shelves?
Super tall ladies (of which there are a not insignificant number) and also step ladders, for we are a species of tool-users.
That isn’t true, there are plenty of tall women.
I think you misread me or meant to put your comment somewhere else. Admittedly my sentence contained a double negative, though: tall women, of which there are a not insignificant number, e.g. a significant number.
Obviousely everyone would carry each other Rugrats style.
People who build stuff with fewer shelves.
What nonsense. The very idea is laughable and an one researching it brings shame to the scientific community.
I think I am alone when I say “Howard. Enjoy your tremendous amount of the dumb. Please, do not go away.”
Thank you!
The secret lesbian baby’s name is Ruthifer, Princess of Darkness.
Don’t you mean Stormageddon, Dark Lord of All?
Ruthifer is the feminine form of Stormageddon. God, I thought everyone knew that.
I thought Stormageddon can applied to everyone regardless of gender.
Sharknada, Queen of Tempesmobranchs.
Sharknada doesn’t even SOUND like a real name. If you just want to randomly string words together fine but we are having a serious conversation on the gender alignment of names.
Excuse me? My little girl’s name is Sharknada and I am horribly offended by your discrimination. This is supposed to be an equal-opportunity doomsday conference and I will not stand for this!
Huh, must be foreign then. My apologies.
No that’s Thunderpocalypse, Stormageddon is the masculine form of the name and Ruthifer is the feminine.
Why are we even discussing this. It’s name will be facepuncheces,
the goddess of facepunching.
Not Femurtaker, taker of femurs?
Let’s just hope for twins.
I was thinking Lady Tookulferyu, Mistress of being Too Cool For You would be more suitable, but obviously its up for Willis to decide.
Is that the billain of the story?
Things like this are why I didn’t want to ever tell my sister that I was moving to San Francisco.
Even though I’m heterosexual.
Eh, it’s a lost cause. My aunt already assumed enough.
It’s just a city, like how pink is just a color.
and Rainbows are just spectrums of light shined through a prism.
Well, when I told my aunt where I was moving, she suddenly got that “inspirational” look on her face and said:
“Good. Good for you. I’m… I’m proud. I will support you no matter what anybody else says.”
And then refused to listen to anything I said XD
Hey, there was a time where my mom would have been glad to find pretty much anything animate in my bedroom apart from myself and a computer (and that was waaaaay before the world wide web, so I obviously did much more perverse things than watching porn). Well, she’d probably have had reservations about sheep…
the alt text made me hungry for eggs
I had eggs for breakfast.
I just had eggs for breakfast, too! They were delish, and as far as I could tell (a little early for science), did not consist of lesbian chicken embryos. So hopefully no secret lesbian babies were harmed by my choice of breakfast.
Howard, please shut up. Just, shut up.
Man, I didn’t like Denny’s to begin with. The alt text made sure I probably won’t.
Dennies is soylent green. But unborn lesbian baby soylent green.
That secret lesbian baby will be raised solely on cookies and booze. It will be incapable of relating to others except through punching. It will be a hockey cheerleader. It will be half-Canadian, half-American, all ferocity. It will take up the mantle of Amazi-Girl when Dina inevitably falls in the line of duty. It will be a ninja. It will be a pirate. It will be awesome.
Are hockey cheerleaders a thing? Doesn’t that get cold?
Rah Rah Ree!
Stick ’em in the Knee!
Rah Rah Rass!
Stick ’em in the other Knee!
I was going to question Howards lack of knowledge of the female reproduction system but than I realize that this is exactly the type of thing I would say. I…I don’t know how to feel about that.
No Hoboturtle. You are the Howard.
And then Hoboturtle was a Trekkie.
And then the Trekkie became a slash fic writer.
Billie’s boobs could impregnate anybody
Boobs don’t work that way.
LET US DREAM!!!
You mean mine aren’t supposed to do that????
That was hilarious!
The stupid, it hurts. Is this dumb in other continuities.
he*
I must be tired.
You mean it and just click the Roomies button and go into the Howard tag (accessible by the characters list). You will find it… Enlightening.
So far the DoA version seems to be dumber but less terrible.
You can have quite a lot of terrible and still be less terrible than Roomies! Howard, though.
To be fair, pretty much everyone is terrible in Roomies!
Double-egg grand slam? Are we having breakfast now? I don’t think I want to eat breakfast with you if this is your idea of what it is.
Oh man, secret lesbian babies, that takes me back. High school was CRAZY
They’re called GAYBIES. Get it right, Howard.
I thought they were called LESBIES?
I thought it would be LESBABIES. Y’know, like ‘Let’s Babies.’
Lesbabies is what I’ve always called them.
Gaybies sound like a disease you get when gay people bite you.
Wait, it isn’t? What’ve I been protesting at Chick-fil-a for then?
It is. It’s how you become gay. The conservatives are right to worry about those durn homosexuals turning their children into gays. I mean, I know from personal experience that a gay person biting you will turn you gay. Sexy personal experience.
Is that like how you turn into a raging conservative in the full moon after being bitten by Rush Limbaugh?
Do secret lesbian babies move into the— nope. Just for thinking that I have to go staple my dick to something.
Uh, oh. The strip preview in the Dumblr shows that Howard is still around infecting the strip through the beginning of October. [vomits]
On the bright side, Billie’s hanging out with Ruth in public.
Howard simply wants Ruth to say “I’m totally in lesbians with you” to Billie.
Howard’s grasp of biology is amazing.
He’s as good with biology as wrestling announcers are with geography.
I just binge-read this comic from the beginning in like 8 hours and now I’m all caught up and now I’m sad because I have to wait for daily updates like everyone else has for three years.
Some of us have been doing it longer than that. At least DoA has daily updates.
Who in their right mind complains about daily updates?!
I didn’t see another way to contact the author so this will have to do. I just wanted to say thank you for doing this comic. Socializing has never been my strong suit and so I tend to go with the moto ‘Introvert-Through-Indifference’. I can only do well when I know what to do before-hand. I’m an agnostic, pansexual, altruistic humanist and aside from stories, I focus most of my attention on science, engineering, math and philosophy.
There are A LOT of people I don’t know how to deal with because of difference in beliefs. It’s inevitable that I find people who don’t know as much as me about the things that I consider important, that I think should be important to others. I don’t get pushy, though. I just get bored with people and shut down. Ever since I’ve been self-aware enough to realize that I’ve been trying find new ways to bridge the gap. Your story has given me new of ideas and perspectives to help me with this and I’m very grateful for it.
Besides the benefits of mutual civility, I still have a lot of difficulty rationalizing leaving the religious and their beliefs alone. But I have faith in the “Live and Let Live” ideal, so I do. Your story hasn’t really given me any new revelations in this regard, but still, reading it has been….comforting. Essentially all of my relatives are religious, some deeply religious, and I haven’t come out to them about my agnotism or pansexuality because I’ve always been the favored cousin that everyone likes. I’m dealing with a lot of mental illness right now so it’s an eventuality I dread. My relatives aren’t bad people, but I have no idea how they’ll react. I’d like to think more people are like Joyce, and their imperative to goodness is stronger than their loyalty to words written down by other humans.
You are good person. Let us be friends.
Thank you :3
If you truly do with that, my e-mail is micheldonttell@hotmail.com
… is it just me or has Howard been making these (probably unintentional on his part, but still) homophobic remarks since he first appeared?
Me, as a bisexual female with the most awesomest girlfriend ever, has felt a rising urge to cave his face in with a rubber mallet for some time now.
Still better than Roomies! Howard, who started out with sexual assault.
Yes, he sounds a wee bit too obsessed with lesbians, but then again he IS a young nerd.
She could introduce Howard to some of the out lesbians there must be in the dorm. But then he’d just blurt out to them that Ruth and Billie are “being lesbian with each other” so that would not work.
How about: “Howard, NOBODY sits with me. And we do not owe you an explanation.”
Or maybe: “Howard, firstly, have you any idea what lesbianism is that did not come from fanfic porn? And secondly, I’m your SISTER, why are you so hung up on my being one?”
My response to the last one would be: “No, and it’s because you’re my only family and I want to know that you’re okay, duh-doi.”
**disclaimer** I actually do know about lesbianism, so don’t chew me out plz k thnx.
Okay, Ruth: That is not the “appearance” you’re keeping up or why you’re keeping it. The appearance you’re keeping up is that you hate each other, and you’re probably keeping it up because both your hatred and reconciliation revolves around your mutual alcoholism. Also, if you think she doesn’t like you back, you need new glasses, because she is trying SO HARD to sit with you without sitting with you that she looks like she’s about to fall off her table.
Billie: You suck at keeping up appearances. Just go hang on her arm and get it over with, because you’re not fooling ANYBODY.
Except maybe Ruth.
Whoop, that was supposed to be an ordinary comment, not a reply to NJ.
I don’t know, I get the impression it’s because she’s his sister he’s going on like this, not being “obsessed with lesbians.”
LOOOL Denny’s jokes.
SECRET LESBIAN BABIES! It’s a conspiracy I tell you!
I really like Howard and Ruth’s conversations! It’s giving me flashbacks to violent-yet-amiable old Roomies Ruth.
Actually voted for Sierra instead of Dina, but yeah.
I voted for Amber. Apparently I’m the only one.
I originally was going to vote for Billie, but then peer pressure got to me.
Same here. Dina’s parents are exactly what I expected them to be. (And one Dina is adorkable. Three Dinae is kind of creepy.) I’m not sure what Sierra’s parents are like, but I bet they’re interesting. (Though the way family weekend’s going here, Sierra’s whole barefoot hippie thing is probably just teenage rebellion against her parents’ secret-lesbian-baby-leather shoe industry.)
Heh!
I actually wonder about that, and finding an answer to that question would be reason enough to see them. Did they live in a really lush, vegetative place, where having no shoes and running around was super sweet? Did they not want to support any immoral shoe-making industry (leather is cruel, a lot of sneaker production uses sweatshops)? What’s the story there?
That hovertext Willis. It made my day.
Actually, “I liked her, but she didn’t like me back” doesn’t sound like a sentence only used in high school.
For the real high school feel, it needs to go more like, “I’m, like, not sure I like her, but I, like, like her like her. And, like, I think she like, likes me, but like I’m not sure if she likes me like likes me likes me. And I like kissed her and she was like all into it, but then she was all like NO. So like I dunno, you know?”
She’s in lesbians with her
Somebody had The Talk with this kid right?
I think the term is, “In lesbians with each other.”
The sad part is I can’t tell if Howard is asking that sarcastically or if he honestly thinks this is a thing that can happen.
~Shortpacked! SPOILER!~
The funny thing is, in another universe, two lesbians actually manage to get pregnant.
I think there’s actually technology for that now. (I recall reading something in reference to it. Although the writer was rather alarmist in an “This is the end of men” kindof way.) Although I imagine its experimental and expensive.
Did Howad just become Joyce in innocent stupidty? lol
As soon as he sed “secret lesbian baby”, I HAD to use Ctrl+F and see how many times it was quoted in the comments. Without mine: 12, with mine: 13. It’s funny how I KNEW that line would get quoted several times. This may be a sign that I’ve spent too much of my life reading comments on DoA. Nah, probably not. FAAACE!
the alt text made me laugh so hard and still does