On a more serious note, she seems to truly believe that “good is not nice.” Based on “if evil weren’t nice, then nobody would choose it.” She seems to think sticking to her morals unfailingly, AND following every possible rule TO the LETTER, is the only way to be a good person. And she sees that not everybody is doing this.
There are then two possible conclusions she could have drawn.
1) you don’t need to follow such high standards to be a good person.
2) they are not good people.
No internees for guessing which she picked.
I’m sure Roz has plenty of fun “tools” that Mary would take great pleasure in. I’m pretty sure this also occurred recently between Joyce and roommate-mc-grumpypants.
As opposed to using conceited judging/shaming on everyone around her the same way Professor Johnathan Crane uses drug-assisted fear generation?
I’ll take Grade A Lout “I Give Everybody the Stink Eye Because Everybodie’s Done Something Wrong” Mary Who Hates Everything over the original Sociopathic, downright Predatory Mary who had a bit too much in common with Cyndi (only MUCH more Egoist) from Penny & Aggie any day.
DOA Mary’s also a snappy dresser.
He broke into their mother ship and demanded to know where their mothers were.
The people of Earth knew that they were saved when the invaders retreated and a shower of alien nickels started to rain down from the sky.
I daresay that since Willis has said there are no aliens in this universe, Mike sought them out and fought them. Just for the universe to be what Willis didn’t want it to be.
Real Canadian Cheddar, not that processed pale cheese-like-food-like-substance.
Since free trade will be killing off the quota system and marketing boards, buy lots of local Canadian Cheddar and other cheeses to help support our dairy farmers. The industry can take a swirly though.
Yes, nothing beats putting a sausage in a taco. Although.. there are some who prefer to put their sausages between the buns. There is plenty of room in the world for both.
Okay I’m gonna have to interject here. While the Puritans didn’t like flashy displays of anything other than faith, they were a fairly laid-back people compared to a lot of other Christians at the time. They were fine with the consumption of alcohol and even premarital sex.
She probably grew up in a very similar situation to Joyce, but with a little more emphasis on the damnation and with a personality more suited to being hateful. No one at college can live up to her standards, and unfortunately, unlike Joyce, she’s going to have a harder time accepting that different is not necessarily evil, if she ever does. She’s probably not even all that happy with herself, because temptation is everywhere. Even thought is sin to a lot of these people.
The truth is, people like her are very rarely happy with other people, or even themselves, and it’s sort of pitiful if you think about it.
Is it just me, or does Willis deliberately set the avatar shuffle so the most in-depth criticisms of Mary wind up paired with her turning up her nose at them?
My doctor once told me that I might be one of those people that just operates at “low state,” meaning that I tend more towards depression, and rest there comfortably.
I get the feeling she has a very cynical personality, and might indeed be in a “low state” naturally. The way she was raised cannot have helped that state of mind, if it’s the case. Those born-agains seem to consider being unhappy the correct state of being.
Given that each person keeps the same avatar for a long while, and given Willis’s demonstrated ability to predict and react to user comments months in advance, yes, probably.
I know someone that is like Mary, let’s just say it’s never a good time being around this person. Always serious, never laughs at jokes, and I’m pretty sure she’s hella prejudice based on a laundry list of off hand comments I’ve heard slip.
Those people usually end up bitter and alone. And if they do partner up with somebody, they are usually extremely abusive to their partner and any children unfortunate enough to be born to them.
It makes me happy that people like her are miserable.
I know right? How can you hate Riley? She’s as adorable as a Pokémon protagonist! I’d gladly give her cereal and a starter pokémon of her choice in a heartbeat.
I know someone a lot like her, although not quite as religious, and I really feel sad for her. She is so focused on judging other people that she winds up sabotaging her own life. You can’t ever be happy if you spend all your time worrying about what everyone else is doing.
Not going to lie, being allowed to have cereal with those sugary marshmallow bits was a pretty awesome bit of college. Growing up with ADHD and parents who cared about it could be annoying as shit.
Count Chocula was sort of the most awesome thing ever.
Funnily enough, I never got a single sugary cereal until my stepdad came along. He thought my mom was being unreasonable, so anytime she was gone, he would let me have something like Cocoa Pebbles or Apple Jacks and then take me to the Parade Field and let me run it off. And he was the one in the Army.
I was on the steel-cut Irish Oats/whole grain toast with eggs plan. It was always a letdown when my mom came back.
Quaker made a generic Cap’n Crunch that was shaped like a tiny little bowl. It was the same color, taste and crunch factor as Cap’n Crunch but it didn’t have the sharp edges that hurt your mouth when you ate it. It hasn’t been around for a long time but I’d love to bring it back with an advert like, “Crunch Bowls, now with 99% less cut-the-shit-out-of-the-roof-of-your-mouth than Cap’n Crunch.
Wait, as in Ruth’s little brother ? Is this a holdover hate from roomies ? I haven’t seen anything in this continuity that would make one hate him yet.
She’s coming across as a follower of the born-again evangelist Christian movement, an interesting group of people most common in the US who seem to believe the Puritans were on to something. I could be wrong, but she has the holier-than-thou attitude, and the extreme level of unhappiness they all seem to have.
She’s the one that got Joyce to call her a “B-word”, after she gave Joyce shit about bringing non-believers to church. She’s a Real True Christian, and you’re not. No matter who you are. If Jesus Christ Himself descended from Heaven to attend Sunday service, she’d be all, “What’s he doing here? He’s Jewish!”
That’s almost child abuse, Mary! Don’t you burst that girl’s bubble like that!!!
On a different note, why the hell was she sitting out in the hall like that, if there wasn’t sex happening within? Surely roommates have to coexist with each other’s sleep schedules . . .
I think it was the fact that there were two DeSantos in her room that drove her away. She dislikes Roz, and thinks Riley is just like Roz, and Roz is just like Robin.
Coming from a three sister family, I can tell you that Mary is full of shite. No siblings are completely identical. My two sisters are a laid back bibliophile and an OCD technophobe.
Mary’s very similar to Joyce, just a lot more hateful. I’m pretty sure based on what she said earlier that the only reason she hate Riley is because of all the sin that is Roz.
Mary’s leg is mysteriousely broken while Riley stands over her with a bowl of Grape Nuts cereal.
“Too bad you didn’t speak up!”
*She poors the bowl and Mary is grape Nutted.*
I think you could swing killing Mary as saving the world, on the grounds that Mary’s continued existence makes the world a worse place to live in, but it really depends on how flexible the GM is.
Wow Mary, maybe you could’ve bitched at Roz/Riley more…how about that? That’s all you appear to be good for these days! Huh?! Used your Bitch-fu on her! Mary, the Mistress of Bitching, that’s what they should call you!…Seriously! Five ancient sages of Bitchdom gathered together one day on the peak of Mt. Bitch to proclaim your birth and a hundred years later, when all the bitch stars have aligned you were born and made everybody’s life around you a living hell because YOU ARE SUCH A BITCH
Well yeah PatBaer, Walky is about the same emotional level as Riley. They would get along I would guess.
As to Mary, poor thing, gotta be miserable being you.
I’m no bundle of joy, but I do find things to make me happy, and looks like that’s something Mary has yet to find.
Riley is too cute and has the right idea. Didn’t let it bother her, just filed it under ‘old’ (and possible odd), and leads her weird sister to breakfast.
You were brought up well Still in spite of it all You’re touched by nothing Watch a man fall Put a foot on his back To get a better view Cause you’re loyal to no one No one but you [CHORUS] He was broken & tired Wouldn’t take a hand Their kindness was simple But he couldn’t understand See it’s hard to have faith In something so new When you’re loyal to no one No one but you [CHORUS]
I like Riley don’t get me wrong, but I kind of feel like she’s acting a bit younger than twelve. I dunno, I haven’t been hanging around with twelve-year-old kids, but I always feel like kids aren’t represented very accurately in fiction.
Yeah she seems to be acting quite younger than that. I know when I was twelve sex was “the” topic even for the girls in class. The cereal thing however is quite normal, I would have fought my way to free sugary sweetness in the mornings back then. Of course, everyone is different she could be one of the few who really are that innocent even at that age. I’ve met em before.
Meanwhile, when I was twelve, I didn’t really care about sex at all.
Fast forward thirteen years later… still really don’t.
Wasn’t so much innocent as “didn’t care, had other things on my mind, still don’t care because I still do.” So maybe Riley just has other priorities. That, or since she’s just waking up for the morning and has been stuck in the room for quite a while, she just wants some food. You know?
I’m not so sure she’s just now waking up for the morning. It’s past noon, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Riley woke up closer to 8am. Unable to rouse her sister, she’s been waiting for breakfast. So, it’s been more than two hours, and sleepy Roz wants breakfast to wait five hours for other relatives to feed her? Wake Up, Sister!
I also wouldn’t be surprised if Riley tried to engage Mary in conversation while she was getting ready for church. If Mary is the type to find such conversation exhausting, I can see reasons why she’d delay interacting with Riley until someone else was awake to be the responsible adult. (Not that this was the reason she offered to Billie for waiting outside.)
When I was 12 all I wanted was your opinions on Pokemon and Gerry Anderson’s Thunderbirds. Admittedly, thirteen years later I still mostly want your opinions on Pokemon and Gerry Anderson’s Thunderbirds but that’s it’s ownt set of issues.
I can see how having Roz as a big sister could take some of the charm out of “‘the’ topic” for Riley. It would certainly kill the “naughty thing we’re not supposed to talk about” factor.
I’m sure most people remember themselves and their friends and classmates being more mature at 12 than they actually were. I’m also pretty sure most 12 year olds think they’re more mature than they actually are. I’m also pretty sure most 16 year olds, 20 year olds, 30 year olds, 50 year olds and 80 year olds think they’re more mature than they really are.
I have a 12 year old and he would rather have his eyeballs plucked out than discuss sex with his older brother, or anyone else for that matter. He finds it embarrassing. He also pretends to be completely oblivious when girls are flirting with him.
Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. Some kids are more or less mature than a lot of others for their age, so I guess Riley might just act young for her age, whether than was on purpose or just Willis not really knowing any kids around that age.
I don’t know, so far all I’ve see out of her is pretty representative of what I remember 12 being like. Namely, gameboys and food. Then again, I didn’t have an older sibling who found it important to have me question my sexuality on occasion. Considering her family members (that we’ve been introduced to), Mary is probably justified in assuming that something has to be off about Riley. Of course, she takes this information an uses as an excuse to be judgey and all, but I could see other characters like Dorthy and Walky questioning her apparent normalness.
Watching sibs in my family 12 year olds both love their older siblings and think they’re out of their minds, but the crazy is just something they have to put up with or resist when necessary. A total pick-your-battles scenario.
Some years ago I went to my niece’s 12th birthday party, with her 12 year old friends. They’re not all the same! Mentally or physically. I have no plausibility issues with Riley.
Yeah, it’s so damned obvious that Dina and Riley will meet because they both love cereal.
But haven’t you noticed? Willis rarely does the obvious. He often sets up situations with an obvious outcome, then swerves in an unexpected direction. I swear he makes a list of all the possible things that could happen, and every time someone makes a comment about what might/should happen, he crosses that off his list. When it’s time to do the strip, he picks one of the ideas that hasn’t been predicted by anyone.
I don’t understand this. When I got to college, the first thing I noticed were the unlimited cereal dispensers. I used to mix them up like sodas from the soda fountain. It was glorious. Cereal continues to be a major part of my life. Do you not care about cereal?
They are roommates. I think Mary had no idea Riley was even in the room until she woke up. She needs to chill. At least she didn’t find Roz’s latest partner lying 2 inches from her.
I’m pretty sure each roommate gets a top bunk with the pillow end in a different corner of the room. There seems to be space between the foot ends of the bunks. I don’t think they touch. (I suspect Billie’s room has a TV in the space between them in her room, but it might be located next to the window at the far end from the entry door.)
It is probably unlikely, but not impossible, that Mary would ever find a Roz partner in bed with her upon awakening in the morning. Sleepy partner gets up to use the half-bath to pee and returns to the wrong bunk is the probable scenario for that, but the mistake would probably involve closer proximity then two inches and would probably be discovered earlier in the night.
Hmmmm, who shares the half-bath with Mary and Roz?
There are two other bunks that a sleepy dyslexic partner might accidentally crawl into.
Correction. Roz and Riley seem to have their heads at what I was calling the foot end. I’ve seen others with the pillows in the corner. Pillow against the wall is good for sitting up reading in bed. If Roz likes holding on to the rail on the pillow end under any circumstances, it’s easier if there isn’t a wall right up against it. I imagine Mary keeps her head as far from her roommate as possible, though.
“Cereal is for dumb babies! I’m not a dumb baby because I’m in college! Dumb babies don’t belong in college!” Do you really want college to be like that, Riley?
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Roz does not approve of your cereal…
Mary approves even less =p
STUPID BITCHFACE
That’s the actual name of the face she’s giving Riley in panel three.
Correction: Roz and Stupid Bitchface do not approve of your cereal
Does Stupid Bitchface approve of anything? Or is she the Mikey of Life? (The real thing, not the cereal)
But Mikey’s an asshole with reason.
He plays the long game, remember?
I think he likes it!
I had to explain this joke to my roommate, who had never heard of Mikey or his ad campaign. It ruined the joke.
Glad to see that an alternate universe hasn’t made Mary less of a bitch. Consistency is comforting.
Yes, new is so scary.
You forgot to say “NOW KIISSS!”
riley vs mary….Fight!
Riley used Baby Doll Eyes!
Mary’s Attack Fell!
Mary used Glare!
Mary’s Attack Missed!
Roz is asleep!
Roz used Sleep Talk!
And Nothing happened!
I will also accept:
Roz is asleep!
Roz used Sleep Talk!
Roz used Rest!
Nothing Happened!
(I had a Snorlax do that once, it was the dumbest thing ever)
Ah Snorlax. It was the original derp Pokemon that got derpier and cuter with each generation.
Snorlax was just asleep. Psyduck’s the original derp.
Well how would you feel if every moment of your life, you are burdened with never ending headaches!
The life of a Psyduck is suffering
…evolving it is to show mercy!!!!
Surprisingly, when Psyduck evolved, it became something approaching badass.
Damn, now I want to break out Pokémon Red. XD
Riley’s Cute Charm infatuated the audience!
CEREALKEN!!!
Wrong game buddy
you gotta admit though, that’d make for one hell of a crossover.
Funnily enough, I was on TV Tropes the other day, and I found this little page… http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/CapcomVsWhatever
Kellogs vs Capcom anyone?
Anybody else wanna bet the 12 year old could probably knock Mary out?
Dude, I’ve seen a ten year old punch out a 20 year old.
tell me of your world
Well, the kid punched the dude in the nuts.
Nut punching: the poor man’s mace.
Up to now poor man’s mace brought to mind a baseball bat with big nails in the end.
Too much time at renaissance fairs in my youth apparently.
Mary, how can you resist Riley’s perfect face?!
With loads of practice no doubt.
:c
When you are exposed to the dreaded puppy-dog eyes often enough, you develop a resisance to them.
Especially if you think they are the Puppy-dog Eye of Evil.
Pretty sure it’s like sunlight…it burns her!
I’m a teacher and I can certify that this is true.
But are your students as cute as Riley?
On a more serious note, she seems to truly believe that “good is not nice.” Based on “if evil weren’t nice, then nobody would choose it.” She seems to think sticking to her morals unfailingly, AND following every possible rule TO the LETTER, is the only way to be a good person. And she sees that not everybody is doing this.
There are then two possible conclusions she could have drawn.
1) you don’t need to follow such high standards to be a good person.
2) they are not good people.
No internees for guessing which she picked.
It’s not so much that she looks for high moral standards, as that she looks for standards that flawlessly mirror her own.
In other words, she’s a tool?
She’s a toolbag, quick, get Ultra Mammoth in here.
I’m sure Roz has plenty of fun “tools” that Mary would take great pleasure in. I’m pretty sure this also occurred recently between Joyce and roommate-mc-grumpypants.
Easy. Mary hates everything.
As opposed to using conceited judging/shaming on everyone around her the same way Professor Johnathan Crane uses drug-assisted fear generation?
I’ll take Grade A Lout “I Give Everybody the Stink Eye Because Everybodie’s Done Something Wrong” Mary Who Hates Everything over the original Sociopathic, downright Predatory Mary who had a bit too much in common with Cyndi (only MUCH more Egoist) from Penny & Aggie any day.
DOA Mary’s also a snappy dresser.
She can’t hate grapes. Everybody loves grapes!
I’m starting to think Mary’s favourite cereal is Grape Nuts.
‘CAUSE ONLY CROTCHY OLD FARTS EAT IT AMIRITE
Mary just surpassed Mike in jerkiness
Somewhere, Mike develops an unexpected boner.
Luckily he was with a mom so it came at a perfect time.
And so did Mike. Hey-o!
Except Mike is a hero who fought aliens to defend out country and usually has a valid reason to hate people. She’s just a stupid toaster.
He never fought aliens in this universe though.
As far as you know.
Willis has said that there are no aliens in this ‘verse.
It’s probably because Mike killed them all.
He broke into their mother ship and demanded to know where their mothers were.
The people of Earth knew that they were saved when the invaders retreated and a shower of alien nickels started to rain down from the sky.
I daresay that since Willis has said there are no aliens in this universe, Mike sought them out and fought them. Just for the universe to be what Willis didn’t want it to be.
She’s just confused! She doesn’t know why we put bagels in her!
baaaahahahahaha
Why? Oh why must you denigrate the reasonably loyal and faithful Toaster?
They are not bad, they make toast fun.
A new ship has set sail!
This frightens me. Their mutual disdain could be devastating.
Cereal is Satan’s breakfast food!
I thought that was pancakes
Mary seems to think its cereal and obviously her oh-so-flawless-and-pure ways toooootally can’t steer us wrong.
Mary: “Burn the cereal-eaters at the stake!”
No Pancakes a young Hellboy tried Pancakes and it turned him against the forces of evil.
Praise be to the pancake
Worship it a the church of your choice!
You beat me to it XD
Yeah that Satana Bran will lead your bowels to damnation.
repent! repent and drink wheat germ smoothies !
I said cereal was the breakfast of Satan not that you had commit a sacrifice to redeem yourself.
No, this is Satan’s breakfast food.
(Though I think Willis would disagree with me)
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT, WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD WASTE A PERFECTLY GOOD WAFFLE AND EGG BY LETTING SAUSAGE TOUCH IT
Tell me about it, everyone knows that sausages are perfect fit with tacos not waffles.
Agreed, the only things you should put inside a waffle are maple syrup, butter, bacon, cheese and beef patties.
I call it the America burger.
i could get behind that
that sounds more like a Canada burger to me…
Maybe it has to be cheese curds for it to be a true Canunk burger..
Real Canadian Cheddar, not that processed pale cheese-like-food-like-substance.
Since free trade will be killing off the quota system and marketing boards, buy lots of local Canadian Cheddar and other cheeses to help support our dairy farmers. The industry can take a swirly though.
I thought breakfast tacos were made by folding a waffle in half around sausage.
Yes, nothing beats putting a sausage in a taco. Although.. there are some who prefer to put their sausages between the buns. There is plenty of room in the world for both.
That’s what she said.
And there we go.
Not liking sausages or tacos is also a fine choice!
This is ok, it’s only a waffle in shape. Eggo is to true waffles as Bacon Bits are to Bacon.
REESE’S PUFFS PLEASE!
It’s Reese’s for breakfast!
You know what’s amazing? Mixing Reese’s Puffs with Cocoa Puffs.
No, really, what is Mary’s problem? I don’t understand how people like her can ever be happy, let alone in a social situation.
Maybe she’s a puritan, they’re known for being killjoys.
She finds Joy and just stabs it right in the chest.
Also known for being kill-witches.
Witches that were never there in the first place.
Okay I’m gonna have to interject here. While the Puritans didn’t like flashy displays of anything other than faith, they were a fairly laid-back people compared to a lot of other Christians at the time. They were fine with the consumption of alcohol and even premarital sex.
She probably grew up in a very similar situation to Joyce, but with a little more emphasis on the damnation and with a personality more suited to being hateful. No one at college can live up to her standards, and unfortunately, unlike Joyce, she’s going to have a harder time accepting that different is not necessarily evil, if she ever does. She’s probably not even all that happy with herself, because temptation is everywhere. Even thought is sin to a lot of these people.
The truth is, people like her are very rarely happy with other people, or even themselves, and it’s sort of pitiful if you think about it.
Is it just me, or does Willis deliberately set the avatar shuffle so the most in-depth criticisms of Mary wind up paired with her turning up her nose at them?
My doctor once told me that I might be one of those people that just operates at “low state,” meaning that I tend more towards depression, and rest there comfortably.
Maybe Mary is like that, too, in a way.
I get the feeling she has a very cynical personality, and might indeed be in a “low state” naturally. The way she was raised cannot have helped that state of mind, if it’s the case. Those born-agains seem to consider being unhappy the correct state of being.
Given that each person keeps the same avatar for a long while, and given Willis’s demonstrated ability to predict and react to user comments months in advance, yes, probably.
I assure you, they rarely are happy. And only with other people’s misery.
I know someone that is like Mary, let’s just say it’s never a good time being around this person. Always serious, never laughs at jokes, and I’m pretty sure she’s hella prejudice based on a laundry list of off hand comments I’ve heard slip.
Those people usually end up bitter and alone. And if they do partner up with somebody, they are usually extremely abusive to their partner and any children unfortunate enough to be born to them.
It makes me happy that people like her are miserable.
Sucks to be related to them though.
And I speak from personal experience.
Not-being-18 sure helps a lot in that department, though. Who knows, she may figure it out in two or three years.
SURE SUCKS NOW THOUGH DONNIT
I know right? How can you hate Riley? She’s as adorable as a Pokémon protagonist! I’d gladly give her cereal and a starter pokémon of her choice in a heartbeat.
I know someone a lot like her, although not quite as religious, and I really feel sad for her. She is so focused on judging other people that she winds up sabotaging her own life. You can’t ever be happy if you spend all your time worrying about what everyone else is doing.
Mary is just mad that they recalled GodBerry.
GodBerry: It tastes divine. Or here’s another one, a choir in every bite.
You’ll be enraptured by the flavor!
Now with Crossmellows!
Not going to lie, being allowed to have cereal with those sugary marshmallow bits was a pretty awesome bit of college. Growing up with ADHD and parents who cared about it could be annoying as shit.
Count Chocula was sort of the most awesome thing ever.
I’m more of a Frosted Flakes, Fruit loops kind of guy.
Oh, Frosted Flakes. Those were awesome that first time too.
Cocoa Pebbles!
Growing up with the delicious cereals was great.
Evil stepfather switching it out for Kretschmer’s Wheat Germ and watered-down (2%) milk was a terrible comedown.
It was probably the least of his evils.
Funnily enough, I never got a single sugary cereal until my stepdad came along. He thought my mom was being unreasonable, so anytime she was gone, he would let me have something like Cocoa Pebbles or Apple Jacks and then take me to the Parade Field and let me run it off. And he was the one in the Army.
I was on the steel-cut Irish Oats/whole grain toast with eggs plan. It was always a letdown when my mom came back.
Cap’n Crunch!
Yes! I have been at college for 2.25 years now, and i have yet to eat any… I remedy that tomorrow.
God speed.
KoKo Krunch, Honey Stars and Milo.
Cocoa Puffs!
Weet-Bix
Can’t get enough of that Golden Crisp…
You guys should try the cereals we got in Malaysia.
Quaker made a generic Cap’n Crunch that was shaped like a tiny little bowl. It was the same color, taste and crunch factor as Cap’n Crunch but it didn’t have the sharp edges that hurt your mouth when you ate it. It hasn’t been around for a long time but I’d love to bring it back with an advert like, “Crunch Bowls, now with 99% less cut-the-shit-out-of-the-roof-of-your-mouth than Cap’n Crunch.
Mary prefers Christ Chex.
Can you consume communion wine and wafers and still be a vegan?
Only if you eat them like Dane Cook.
?? Can you elaborate?
Those cheeks…..thank goodness I’m currently listening to something awesome to balance it out.
I hope you mean her face!
Yes, I meant her face. What do you think I mean?
Her FAAAAACE!
Don’t listen to her face. It isn’t something awesome.
Mary likes Sucky Charms. Because she sucks, see.
She also likes Shities the breakfast of Dickbags.
And Prude Loops.
Frosted Flakes.
hey didn’t even need to change that one
Can’t start the day without a heaping bowl of Count Bitchula cereal.
Boo Berries?
Granola, Grape Nuts, Colon Blow or Quarry.
And now I actually hate Mary more than Danny. Or Howard. Didn’t think that was possible.
MAry has reached 3 megaDannys.
Pretty much a hate sink, she is. Everyone who’s not, like, Blaine suddenly looks better by comparison.
if those two interact it could create a Hate Hole so big it could swallow the entire EARTH! Great Scott!!
Wait, as in Ruth’s little brother ? Is this a holdover hate from roomies ? I haven’t seen anything in this continuity that would make one hate him yet.
“How DARE you bring up cereal with me, you monster?”
Maybe Mary had to deal with a cereal killer when she was younger, ever thought about that?
Do you know what Cereal did to my family? DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE TO BE SUGAR FROSTED? NO! I didn’t think so!!!
I remember the headline – Crackle Snapped and Popped the Captain right in the Crunchberries.
What is this bitch’s problem? I don’t remember her.
Is she another Christ Crazy character?
She’s coming across as a follower of the born-again evangelist Christian movement, an interesting group of people most common in the US who seem to believe the Puritans were on to something. I could be wrong, but she has the holier-than-thou attitude, and the extreme level of unhappiness they all seem to have.
They’re also known as the stop-having-fun folks.
She’s the one that got Joyce to call her a “B-word”, after she gave Joyce shit about bringing non-believers to church. She’s a Real True Christian, and you’re not. No matter who you are. If Jesus Christ Himself descended from Heaven to attend Sunday service, she’d be all, “What’s he doing here? He’s Jewish!”
She’d probably hate Historical Jesus…
I don’t think she’s really all that okay with Biblical Jesus.
“Love thy neighbor? What kind of bullshit is that?
You know how the Grinch was born with a heart three sizes too small?
Yeah, hers was born, like, seven.
Nah, where her heart should be…its just a void of nothingness!
Wouldn’t the lack of a pulse have been noticed by now, surely she has had some routine medical tests by now.
The pressure differential between ground level atmosphere outside and total nothingness inside can pump a lot.
What are you gonna have for breakfast, Mary, some Awful-Os?
Or some Shitty-Os
not so fabulous killjoy flakes
Some Bran Hates?
Hatey Bunches of Oats.
Unlucky Charmlesses.
They’re tragically malicious!
She really makes you want to give her some Smack-Os.
Or Pound-Os
Corn Pops?
Sugar Pops.
Krusty-Os! With the special jagged metal one in every box!
Or a certain barmans power breakfast – penicillin-Os..
HypocritcO’s!
More like hip-O-Crits.
That’s almost child abuse, Mary! Don’t you burst that girl’s bubble like that!!!
On a different note, why the hell was she sitting out in the hall like that, if there wasn’t sex happening within? Surely roommates have to coexist with each other’s sleep schedules . . .
Mary needs no sleep she’s is fueled by rage and disgust
And she’s allergic to Riley’s sweetness and light.
She was dying inside from being around a decent person for 8 hours.
Warning: prolonged exposure to bubbly 12 year olds will cause severe discomfort and possible instantaneous combustion if you are a blathering twit
In all fairness, prolonged exposure to bubbly 12 year olds can get very tiring very fast, even to those of us that try not to be dead on the inside.
I think it was the fact that there were two DeSantos in her room that drove her away. She dislikes Roz, and thinks Riley is just like Roz, and Roz is just like Robin.
Coming from a three sister family, I can tell you that Mary is full of shite. No siblings are completely identical. My two sisters are a laid back bibliophile and an OCD technophobe.
Two DeSantos give you 256% of the recommended daily allowance of bubbly personality and pro-sex attitudes.
So Mary in the Dumbiverse is even more of a dickhead than in the Walkyverse. Go figure.
Yeah, at least before she didn’t actively hate the joy of all who cross her path, including children.
Your adorableness is obviously just a front of unremitting evil. You don’t fool me, hellspawnling! Go eat cereal with SATAN! As is your ilks wot.
“If evil wasn’t cute, noone would bother with it.”
I wonder if Mary will get some plot dev as well, as hinted by her existing gravatar (when other students like Rachel and Grace got the boot).
I don’t see how though, unlike Joyce she’s a bitter pill about everything
It’s as if Joyce and Sarah did the fusion.
But they couldn’t do that because a fusion has to be between a man and a woman! It’s in the bible!
Mary I know it is annoying but be Christian for the first time in your life.
Has someone suggested a Dina/Riley spin-off yet? Did I miss that boat?
Yup, police duo got thrown around yesterday.
Yep! “Sam & Max: Freelance Police” style!
Mary kinda looks like she takes a dump like once a week, tops.
AKA Full of shit!
omfg, well if this girl won’t eat cereal we at least need to get her some bran muffins
Mary is so hateful she’s physically incapable of having a functioning digestive system.
She’s sustained by her hatred for those around her.
No, her digestive system functions. It’s just that Mary vomits a venomous bile over all and sundry rather than defecating like other people.
Broccoli.
Be kind to your colon.
This has been a FOP information bulletin
re: Today’s Hovertext: Accidently? SUUUURE it was…
Hah, Silly Willis. Don’t you realize that SIERRA is still the best character?
Given that her competition here is Roz and friggin’ Mary, it was a pretty low bar for Riley to clear.
Now if she were to go up against Dina or Sierra, then maybe we’d see some competition.
Riley and Dina… The bestest of characters!!!!
Riley DeSanto: Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken, but Slightly Bemused.
To respond to a 12 year old asking about cereal in such a way… Mary is pure evil.
Which makes me wonder if Willis plans on making Mary more appealing to us reader later on.
Probably not, but he might, at least, provide backstory which will explain why she’s such a horrid bitch. Though I could be wrong.
Ends up with Joe, just takes three years of our time for the first cracks in the anger fortress to appear.
“how dare she to ask my favorite cereal?”
“Everyone knows that to enjoy cereal you must have a heart”
(which is a pretty accurate statement.)
Nonsense. Nobody needs a heart to enjoy the sweet delicious taste of honey nut Cheerios!
You gotta have heart
Mary needs to watch some Dexter and Monkey Master, it helped Joyce it can help her.
Or go stare at a wall.
What Kladeos said below.
Can’t. It promotes eastern religion AND cultivates a culture of snarkiness.
And it has a monkey in it, so it’s probably involved in evolutionist propaganda.
Mary’s very similar to Joyce, just a lot more hateful. I’m pretty sure based on what she said earlier that the only reason she hate Riley is because of all the sin that is Roz.
They’ve been raised with similar values, but there’s one key difference: Joyce is an optimist.
I’m still convinced Riley is secretly evil. Just wait. Mary will “unexpectedly” end up drowning in a cereal bowl.
Mary’s leg is mysteriousely broken while Riley stands over her with a bowl of Grape Nuts cereal.
“Too bad you didn’t speak up!”
*She poors the bowl and Mary is grape Nutted.*
Witches of Eastwick?
And they’ll never be able to catch her because there will be too many suspects. It’s the perfect crime.
I’m not 100% sure that would be an evil act. It would definitely be chaotic, though, no doubt about it.
thought that said catholic and i giggled oh gods i need to go to bed
Killing is generally Evil. Like unless its self defense or to save the world. Or if your a Jedi.
I think you could swing killing Mary as saving the world, on the grounds that Mary’s continued existence makes the world a worse place to live in, but it really depends on how flexible the GM is.
Good point – so what types of knots should we use?
Depends on what we’re using the knots for.
Mary’s small heart grew three si….well actually it didn’t grow at all.
Well for that to happen…she would need to have a heart in the first place!
Riley’s Angry Eyebrows are my favorite characters in dumbing of age.
Mary was born to hate the world. I really hated having her as my avatar.
I enjoyed it for precisely the same reason. However, Mike is a step up.
Mary knows that cereal is made from the shavings found in Satan’s pencil sharpener.
I like Riley. she’s fun
Wow Mary, maybe you could’ve bitched at Roz/Riley more…how about that? That’s all you appear to be good for these days! Huh?! Used your Bitch-fu on her! Mary, the Mistress of Bitching, that’s what they should call you!…Seriously! Five ancient sages of Bitchdom gathered together one day on the peak of Mt. Bitch to proclaim your birth and a hundred years later, when all the bitch stars have aligned you were born and made everybody’s life around you a living hell because YOU ARE SUCH A BITCH
SENZU BEAN! *throw bean*
Calm down, Krillin, calm down.
WITH A GOD DAMN PIG!
Get out Vegeta!
I want Riley and Walky to hang out! I just think they’d be fun together.
Reese’s Puffs are the best cereal ever.
Jesus, Mary. She’s a twelve-year-old girl. You are out of line.
your gravatar adds comedic heft to your comment
In the other universe, Mike once stomped a small child just to expose some people’s hypocrisy.
The ends justifed the means
Well yeah PatBaer, Walky is about the same emotional level as Riley. They would get along I would guess.
As to Mary, poor thing, gotta be miserable being you.
I’m no bundle of joy, but I do find things to make me happy, and looks like that’s something Mary has yet to find.
Riley is too cute and has the right idea. Didn’t let it bother her, just filed it under ‘old’ (and possible odd), and leads her weird sister to breakfast.
Frosted flakes were my dorm favorite. Didn’t need milk.
Yesterday’s comic served as a personal PSA for me to go get some goddamn milk.
And today?
Today I am eating cereal. In fact, I’m eating cereal right now.
Thank you, David Willis. Thank you.
I also are eating the cereals.
I, too am consumin’ some cereals! Cocoa Pebbles to be precise.
Mine is Hot – Oatmeal with golden raisins and a drizzle of honey – no milk, Damn you Lactose.
Almond and/or Soy Milk!
Even as someone lactose tolerant, I’d probably buy these half the time if they weren’t more expensive.
Soy milk is gross and almond milk is tasteless. Lactose free milk is the way to go… Screw my milk allergy.
I see a future for Mary. She can play Naomi when she grows up, or at least when she grows older.
Its a short step from I’m better and holier than you to I’m better then everyone and screw you all if I don’t get what I want.
And I screwed up the HTML tag.
I hope Riely is the last one standing when all these crazy people raze this school to the ground with their drama.
Mary’s misery is entirely self inflicted,
This my sympathy for her is limited.
I like Riley don’t get me wrong, but I kind of feel like she’s acting a bit younger than twelve. I dunno, I haven’t been hanging around with twelve-year-old kids, but I always feel like kids aren’t represented very accurately in fiction.
Yeah she seems to be acting quite younger than that. I know when I was twelve sex was “the” topic even for the girls in class. The cereal thing however is quite normal, I would have fought my way to free sugary sweetness in the mornings back then. Of course, everyone is different she could be one of the few who really are that innocent even at that age. I’ve met em before.
Meanwhile, when I was twelve, I didn’t really care about sex at all.
Fast forward thirteen years later… still really don’t.
Wasn’t so much innocent as “didn’t care, had other things on my mind, still don’t care because I still do.” So maybe Riley just has other priorities. That, or since she’s just waking up for the morning and has been stuck in the room for quite a while, she just wants some food. You know?
I’m not so sure she’s just now waking up for the morning. It’s past noon, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Riley woke up closer to 8am. Unable to rouse her sister, she’s been waiting for breakfast. So, it’s been more than two hours, and sleepy Roz wants breakfast to wait five hours for other relatives to feed her? Wake Up, Sister!
I also wouldn’t be surprised if Riley tried to engage Mary in conversation while she was getting ready for church. If Mary is the type to find such conversation exhausting, I can see reasons why she’d delay interacting with Riley until someone else was awake to be the responsible adult. (Not that this was the reason she offered to Billie for waiting outside.)
When I was 12 all I wanted was your opinions on Pokemon and Gerry Anderson’s Thunderbirds. Admittedly, thirteen years later I still mostly want your opinions on Pokemon and Gerry Anderson’s Thunderbirds but that’s it’s ownt set of issues.
I’m pretty sure I stopped maturing around that age and have been faking it ever since.
I can see how having Roz as a big sister could take some of the charm out of “‘the’ topic” for Riley. It would certainly kill the “naughty thing we’re not supposed to talk about” factor.
I’m sure most people remember themselves and their friends and classmates being more mature at 12 than they actually were. I’m also pretty sure most 12 year olds think they’re more mature than they actually are. I’m also pretty sure most 16 year olds, 20 year olds, 30 year olds, 50 year olds and 80 year olds think they’re more mature than they really are.
True fact.
I have a 12 year old and he would rather have his eyeballs plucked out than discuss sex with his older brother, or anyone else for that matter. He finds it embarrassing. He also pretends to be completely oblivious when girls are flirting with him.
Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. Some kids are more or less mature than a lot of others for their age, so I guess Riley might just act young for her age, whether than was on purpose or just Willis not really knowing any kids around that age.
I don’t know, so far all I’ve see out of her is pretty representative of what I remember 12 being like. Namely, gameboys and food. Then again, I didn’t have an older sibling who found it important to have me question my sexuality on occasion. Considering her family members (that we’ve been introduced to), Mary is probably justified in assuming that something has to be off about Riley. Of course, she takes this information an uses as an excuse to be judgey and all, but I could see other characters like Dorthy and Walky questioning her apparent normalness.
Watching sibs in my family 12 year olds both love their older siblings and think they’re out of their minds, but the crazy is just something they have to put up with or resist when necessary. A total pick-your-battles scenario.
Some years ago I went to my niece’s 12th birthday party, with her 12 year old friends. They’re not all the same! Mentally or physically. I have no plausibility issues with Riley.
God help the world if Dina and Riley meet at the cereal dispenser.
You know something? I’ll bet that’s what this is all leading up to.
GET TO THE SHELTERS
Yeah, it’s so damned obvious that Dina and Riley will meet because they both love cereal.
But haven’t you noticed? Willis rarely does the obvious. He often sets up situations with an obvious outcome, then swerves in an unexpected direction. I swear he makes a list of all the possible things that could happen, and every time someone makes a comment about what might/should happen, he crosses that off his list. When it’s time to do the strip, he picks one of the ideas that hasn’t been predicted by anyone.
When you’re thirteen weeks ahead on strips, that’s not actually a possible course of action, actually.
Or it shows how well you know your audience.
I, for one, welcome our new “adorable” overlords!
Riley for President (of the Kellogg Company)!
Mushy oatmeal with scowls on top.
You know what’s missing in panel 3? GREAT FLAMING EYEBROWS!
Oh Mary. You suck.
Mary you suuuuck
AND OF COURSE SHES MY AVATAR NOW
DAMN YOU WILLIS
I must be the only one, but I really enjoy having Mary around. Pointlessly spiteful reactions amuse me.
You’re not the only one. I also enjoy just how much everyone else hates her.
Poor Riley. Since she’s a girl, twelve is about the age which cereal will suddenly become unimportant.
I’m a 25 year old woman and cereal is still VERY IMPORTANT
I don’t understand this. When I got to college, the first thing I noticed were the unlimited cereal dispensers. I used to mix them up like sodas from the soda fountain. It was glorious. Cereal continues to be a major part of my life.
Do you not care about cereal?
what the hell is whatsername doing outside whatsername’s door anyway?
They are roommates. I think Mary had no idea Riley was even in the room until she woke up. She needs to chill. At least she didn’t find Roz’s latest partner lying 2 inches from her.
I’m pretty sure each roommate gets a top bunk with the pillow end in a different corner of the room. There seems to be space between the foot ends of the bunks. I don’t think they touch. (I suspect Billie’s room has a TV in the space between them in her room, but it might be located next to the window at the far end from the entry door.)
It is probably unlikely, but not impossible, that Mary would ever find a Roz partner in bed with her upon awakening in the morning. Sleepy partner gets up to use the half-bath to pee and returns to the wrong bunk is the probable scenario for that, but the mistake would probably involve closer proximity then two inches and would probably be discovered earlier in the night.
Hmmmm, who shares the half-bath with Mary and Roz?
There are two other bunks that a sleepy dyslexic partner might accidentally crawl into.
Correction. Roz and Riley seem to have their heads at what I was calling the foot end. I’ve seen others with the pillows in the corner. Pillow against the wall is good for sitting up reading in bed. If Roz likes holding on to the rail on the pillow end under any circumstances, it’s easier if there isn’t a wall right up against it. I imagine Mary keeps her head as far from her roommate as possible, though.
Man, I got a real Peanuts vibe from that punchline. ‘zat weird?
No it is not. It’s something Linus would have said.
He would’ve at that!
“Cereal is for dumb babies! I’m not a dumb baby because I’m in college! Dumb babies don’t belong in college!” Do you really want college to be like that, Riley?
Every cartoon pantheon needs a Grumpy Smurf.
Mike already filled that role pretty nicely, though.
Basically everyone in the DeSanto family is my favorite.
New book title? New book title.
Mary’s glare almost makes it look like she’s sad. Mike needs to show her how it’s done.
She probably is depressed and taking it on everyone.
THEM EYEBROWS O_O
I was gonna be all like “How can Mary hate her so much instantly?” and then I remembered that Mary is the Sanctimonious’est of Sanctimonious Bitches
Clearly in Mary’s case, the Soggies ARE ruling. Big time.
“Oops.”
Right.