Dumbing of Age Book Twelve

Dumbing of Age

A college webcomic by David Willis
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oops i made riley the most likeable character
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July 11, 2026

Emerge

by David M Willis on November 12, 2013 at 12:01 am
  • 01 - The Only Dope For Me Is You
└ Tags: mary, riley, roz

Discussion (308) ¬

[ Comments RSS ]
  1. KingMabel
    KingMabel
    November 12, 2013 at 12:01 am | #

    Roz does not approve of your cereal…

    • Jen Aside
      Jen Aside
      November 12, 2013 at 12:02 am | #

      Mary approves even less =p

      STUPID bongoFACE

      • Jay Eff
        Jay Eff
        November 12, 2013 at 12:15 am | #

        That’s the actual name of the face she’s giving Riley in panel three.

        • KingMabel
          KingMabel
          November 12, 2013 at 12:40 am | #

          Correction: Roz and Stupid bongoface do not approve of your cereal

          • Raoullefere
            Raoullefere
            November 12, 2013 at 2:03 am | #

            Does Stupid bongoface approve of anything? Or is she the Mikey of Life? (The real thing, not the cereal)

            • Waverocker
              Waverocker
              November 12, 2013 at 11:39 am | #

              But Mikey’s an asshole with reason.
              He plays the long game, remember?

              • hexalm
                hexalm
                November 13, 2013 at 10:52 pm | #

                I think he likes it!

            • Drakey
              Drakey
              November 13, 2013 at 1:26 am | #

              I had to explain this joke to my roommate, who had never heard of Mikey or his ad campaign. It ruined the joke.

      • Lumino
        Lumino
        November 12, 2013 at 12:31 am | #

        Glad to see that an alternate universe hasn’t made Mary less of a bongo. Consistency is comforting.

        • David Herbert
          David Herbert
          November 12, 2013 at 4:36 am | #

          Yes, new is so scary.

      • Aeron
        Aeron
        November 12, 2013 at 10:05 am | #

        You forgot to say “NOW KIISSS!”

  2. Wolfe
    Wolfe
    November 12, 2013 at 12:01 am | #

    riley vs mary….Fight!

    • GoldStarz
      GoldStarz
      November 12, 2013 at 12:05 am | #

      Riley used Baby Doll Eyes!

      Mary’s Attack Fell!

      Mary used Glare!

      Mary’s Attack Missed!

      • KingMabel
        KingMabel
        November 12, 2013 at 12:42 am | #

        Roz is asleep!

        Roz used Sleep Talk!

        And Nothing happened!

        • Jacob
          Jacob
          November 12, 2013 at 12:48 am | #

          I will also accept:

          Roz is asleep!

          Roz used Sleep Talk!

          Roz used Rest!

          Nothing Happened!

          (I had a Snorlax do that once, it was the dumbest thing ever)

          • KingMabel
            KingMabel
            November 12, 2013 at 12:54 am | #

            Ah Snorlax. It was the original derp Pokemon that got derpier and cuter with each generation.

            • Vivvav
              Vivvav
              November 12, 2013 at 7:58 am | #

              Snorlax was just asleep. Psyduck’s the original derp.

              • Keroshino
                Keroshino
                November 12, 2013 at 9:16 pm | #

                Well how would you feel if every moment of your life, you are burdened with never ending headaches!

                The life of a Psyduck is suffering
                …evolving it is to show mercy!!!!

                • Narf
                  Narf
                  November 16, 2013 at 1:36 pm | #

                  Surprisingly, when Psyduck evolved, it became something approaching badass.

                  Damn, now I want to break out Pokémon Red. XD

        • CianM1301
          CianM1301
          November 12, 2013 at 4:27 am | #

          Riley’s Cute Charm infatuated the audience!

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      November 12, 2013 at 12:05 am | #

      CEREALKEN!!!

      • Glockenspielberg
        Glockenspielberg
        November 12, 2013 at 12:08 am | #

        Wrong game buddy

        • Wolfe
          Wolfe
          November 12, 2013 at 12:09 am | #

          you gotta admit though, that’d make for one hell of a crossover.

      • The Steve
        The Steve
        November 12, 2013 at 4:50 am | #

        Funnily enough, I was on TV Tropes the other day, and I found this little page… http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/CapcomVsWhatever

        Kellogs vs Capcom anyone?

    • Tunaro
      Tunaro
      November 12, 2013 at 12:09 am | #

      Anybody else wanna bet the 12 year old could probably knock Mary out?

      • Aizat
        Aizat
        November 12, 2013 at 12:16 am | #

        Dude, I’ve seen a ten year old punch out a 20 year old.

        • rachel
          rachel
          November 12, 2013 at 12:26 am | #

          tell me of your world

          • Aizat
            Aizat
            November 12, 2013 at 12:33 am | #

            Well, the kid punched the dude in the nuts.

            • Tunaro
              Tunaro
              November 12, 2013 at 12:40 am | #

              Nut punching: the poor man’s mace.

              • Badeyes
                Badeyes
                November 12, 2013 at 2:31 am | #

                Up to now poor man’s mace brought to mind a baseball bat with big nails in the end.
                Too much time at renaissance fairs in my youth apparently.

  3. Kladeos
    Kladeos
    November 12, 2013 at 12:01 am | #

    Mary, how can you resist Riley’s perfect face?!

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      November 12, 2013 at 12:03 am | #

      With loads of practice no doubt.

      • Kladeos
        Kladeos
        November 12, 2013 at 12:05 am | #

        :c

        • Plasma Mongoose
          Plasma Mongoose
          November 12, 2013 at 12:13 am | #

          When you are exposed to the dreaded puppy-dog eyes often enough, you develop a resisance to them.

          • Raoullefere
            Raoullefere
            November 12, 2013 at 2:05 am | #

            Especially if you think they are the Puppy-dog Eye of Evil.

          • Keroshino
            Keroshino
            November 12, 2013 at 4:00 am | #

            Pretty sure it’s like sunlight…it burns her!

          • Arkadi
            Arkadi
            November 12, 2013 at 4:49 pm | #

            I’m a teacher and I can certify that this is true.

            • Kladeos
              Kladeos
              November 12, 2013 at 7:37 pm | #

              But are your students as cute as Riley?

    • Mr. Random
      Mr. Random
      November 12, 2013 at 12:15 am | #

      On a more serious note, she seems to truly believe that “good is not nice.” Based on “if evil weren’t nice, then nobody would choose it.” She seems to think sticking to her morals unfailingly, AND following every possible rule TO the LETTER, is the only way to be a good person. And she sees that not everybody is doing this.
      There are then two possible conclusions she could have drawn.
      1) you don’t need to follow such high standards to be a good person.
      2) they are not good people.
      No internees for guessing which she picked.

      • GoSpeedRumpist
        GoSpeedRumpist
        November 12, 2013 at 12:24 am | #

        It’s not so much that she looks for high moral standards, as that she looks for standards that flawlessly mirror her own.

        • Tunaro
          Tunaro
          November 12, 2013 at 12:33 am | #

          In other words, she’s a tool?

          • Kernanator
            Kernanator
            November 12, 2013 at 12:55 am | #

            She’s a toolbag, quick, get Ultra Mammoth in here.

          • NightmareWarden
            NightmareWarden
            November 12, 2013 at 4:03 pm | #

            I’m sure Roz has plenty of fun “tools” that Mary would take great pleasure in. I’m pretty sure this also occurred recently between Joyce and roommate-mc-grumpypants.

    • Hopeless Savage
      Hopeless Savage
      November 12, 2013 at 12:33 am | #

      Easy. Mary hates everything.

      • DudeMyDadOwnsADealership
        DudeMyDadOwnsADealership
        November 12, 2013 at 4:22 pm | #

        As opposed to using conceited judging/shaming on everyone around her the same way Professor Johnathan Crane uses drug-assisted fear generation?

        I’ll take Grade A Lout “I Give Everybody the Stink Eye Because Everybodie’s Done Something Wrong” Mary Who Hates Everything over the original Sociopathic, downright Predatory Mary who had a bit too much in common with Cyndi (only MUCH more Egoist) from Penny & Aggie any day.
        DOA Mary’s also a snappy dresser.

      • lightsabermario
        lightsabermario
        November 13, 2013 at 10:59 am | #

        She can’t hate grapes. Everybody loves grapes!

    • Jen Aside
      Jen Aside
      November 12, 2013 at 11:33 pm | #

      I’m starting to think Mary’s favourite cereal is Grape Nuts.

      ‘CAUSE ONLY CROTCHY OLD FARTS EAT IT AMIRITE

  4. Tunaro
    Tunaro
    November 12, 2013 at 12:02 am | #

    Mary just surpassed Mike in jerkiness

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      November 12, 2013 at 12:03 am | #

      Somewhere, Mike develops an unexpected boner.

      • Yotomoe
        Yotomoe
        November 12, 2013 at 12:06 am | #

        Luckily he was with a mom so it came at a perfect time.

        • Leorale
          Leorale
          November 12, 2013 at 7:21 am | #

          And so did Mike. Hey-o!

    • Urzu13
      Urzu13
      November 12, 2013 at 12:04 am | #

      Except Mike is a hero who fought aliens to defend out country and usually has a valid reason to hate people. She’s just a stupid toaster.

      • GoldStarz
        GoldStarz
        November 12, 2013 at 12:10 am | #

        He never fought aliens in this universe though.

        • BigMadDraco
          BigMadDraco
          November 12, 2013 at 12:17 am | #

          As far as you know.

          • begbert2
            begbert2
            November 12, 2013 at 10:52 am | #

            Willis has said that there are no aliens in this ‘verse.

            It’s probably because Mike killed them all.

            • Tunaro
              Tunaro
              November 12, 2013 at 11:32 am | #

              He broke into their mother ship and demanded to know where their mothers were.
              The people of Earth knew that they were saved when the invaders retreated and a shower of alien nickels started to rain down from the sky.

            • TJ Baltimore
              TJ Baltimore
              November 12, 2013 at 1:48 pm | #

              I daresay that since Willis has said there are no aliens in this universe, Mike sought them out and fought them. Just for the universe to be what Willis didn’t want it to be.

      • Wack'd
        Wack'd
        November 12, 2013 at 12:14 am | #

        She’s just confused! She doesn’t know why we put bagels in her!

        • rachel
          rachel
          November 12, 2013 at 12:27 am | #

          baaaahahahahaha

      • N0083rP00F
        N0083rP00F
        November 12, 2013 at 1:03 pm | #

        Why? Oh why must you denigrate the reasonably loyal and faithful Toaster?
        They are not bad, they make toast fun.

    • LiamAldam
      LiamAldam
      November 12, 2013 at 12:08 am | #

      A new ship has set sail!

      • Badeyes
        Badeyes
        November 12, 2013 at 2:33 am | #

        This frightens me. Their mutual disdain could be devastating.

  5. GoldStarz
    GoldStarz
    November 12, 2013 at 12:02 am | #

    Cereal is Satan’s breakfast food!

    • Tunaro
      Tunaro
      November 12, 2013 at 12:02 am | #

      I thought that was pancakes

      • GoldStarz
        GoldStarz
        November 12, 2013 at 12:11 am | #

        Mary seems to think its cereal and obviously her oh-so-flawless-and-pure ways toooootally can’t steer us wrong.

        • Ancestral Hamster
          Ancestral Hamster
          November 12, 2013 at 1:13 am | #

          Mary: “Burn the cereal-eaters at the stake!”

      • James
        James
        November 12, 2013 at 2:07 am | #

        No Pancakes a young Hellboy tried Pancakes and it turned him against the forces of evil.

        Praise be to the pancake

        Worship it a the church of your choice!

        • Arkadi
          Arkadi
          November 12, 2013 at 4:52 pm | #

          You beat me to it XD

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      November 12, 2013 at 12:05 am | #

      Yeah that Satana Bran will lead your bowels to damnation.

    • Wolfe
      Wolfe
      November 12, 2013 at 12:05 am | #

      repent! repent and drink wheat germ smoothies !

      • GoldStarz
        GoldStarz
        November 12, 2013 at 12:12 am | #

        I said cereal was the breakfast of Satan not that you had commit a sacrifice to redeem yourself.

    • Jay Eff
      Jay Eff
      November 12, 2013 at 12:20 am | #

      No, this is Satan’s breakfast food.
      (Though I think Willis would disagree with me)

      • Wolfe
        Wolfe
        November 12, 2013 at 12:22 am | #

        WHAT THE HELL IS THAT, WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD WASTE A PERFECTLY GOOD WAFFLE AND EGG BY LETTING SAUSAGE TOUCH IT

        • Plasma Mongoose
          Plasma Mongoose
          November 12, 2013 at 12:27 am | #

          Tell me about it, everyone knows that sausages are perfect fit with tacos not waffles. 😀

          • Tunaro
            Tunaro
            November 12, 2013 at 12:36 am | #

            Agreed, the only things you should put inside a waffle are maple syrup, butter, bacon, cheese and beef patties.
            I call it the America burger.

            • Wolfe
              Wolfe
              November 12, 2013 at 12:48 am | #

              i could get behind that

            • Ghola
              Ghola
              November 12, 2013 at 10:16 am | #

              that sounds more like a Canada burger to me…
              Maybe it has to be cheese curds for it to be a true Canunk burger..

              • N0083rP00F
                N0083rP00F
                November 12, 2013 at 1:11 pm | #

                Real Canadian Cheddar, not that processed pale cheese-like-food-like-substance.
                Since free trade will be killing off the quota system and marketing boards, buy lots of local Canadian Cheddar and other cheeses to help support our dairy farmers. The industry can take a swirly though.

          • Random832
            Random832
            November 12, 2013 at 12:51 am | #

            I thought breakfast tacos were made by folding a waffle in half around sausage.

          • Morgauxo
            Morgauxo
            November 12, 2013 at 1:40 pm | #

            Yes, nothing beats putting a sausage in a taco. Although.. there are some who prefer to put their sausages between the buns. There is plenty of room in the world for both.

            • Mr K
              Mr K
              November 12, 2013 at 2:17 pm | #

              That’s what she said.

              • roborat
                roborat
                November 12, 2013 at 3:04 pm | #

                And there we go.

            • John
              John
              November 12, 2013 at 4:07 pm | #

              Not liking sausages or tacos is also a fine choice!

        • Badeyes
          Badeyes
          November 12, 2013 at 2:36 am | #

          This is ok, it’s only a waffle in shape. Eggo is to true waffles as Bacon Bits are to Bacon.

  6. Pizzathehutt
    Pizzathehutt
    November 12, 2013 at 12:02 am | #

    REESE’S PUFFS PLEASE!

    • LockeZ
      LockeZ
      November 12, 2013 at 7:21 am | #

      It’s Reese’s for breakfast!
      You know what’s amazing? Mixing Reese’s Puffs with Cocoa Puffs.

  7. Nono
    Nono
    November 12, 2013 at 12:02 am | #

    No, really, what is Mary’s problem? I don’t understand how people like her can ever be happy, let alone in a social situation.

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      November 12, 2013 at 12:05 am | #

      Maybe she’s a puritan, they’re known for being killjoys.

      • Yotomoe
        Yotomoe
        November 12, 2013 at 12:08 am | #

        She finds Joy and just stabs it right in the chest.

      • GoldStarz
        GoldStarz
        November 12, 2013 at 12:13 am | #

        Also known for being kill-witches.

        Witches that were never there in the first place.

      • Arkantos
        Arkantos
        November 12, 2013 at 7:32 pm | #

        Okay I’m gonna have to interject here. While the Puritans didn’t like flashy displays of anything other than faith, they were a fairly laid-back people compared to a lot of other Christians at the time. They were fine with the consumption of alcohol and even premarital sex.

    • March
      March
      November 12, 2013 at 12:07 am | #

      She probably grew up in a very similar situation to Joyce, but with a little more emphasis on the damnation and with a personality more suited to being hateful. No one at college can live up to her standards, and unfortunately, unlike Joyce, she’s going to have a harder time accepting that different is not necessarily evil, if she ever does. She’s probably not even all that happy with herself, because temptation is everywhere. Even thought is sin to a lot of these people.

      The truth is, people like her are very rarely happy with other people, or even themselves, and it’s sort of pitiful if you think about it.

      • MM
        MM
        November 12, 2013 at 12:19 am | #

        Is it just me, or does Willis deliberately set the avatar shuffle so the most in-depth criticisms of Mary wind up paired with her turning up her nose at them?

        • Mal
          Mal
          November 12, 2013 at 12:40 am | #

          My doctor once told me that I might be one of those people that just operates at “low state,” meaning that I tend more towards depression, and rest there comfortably.

          Maybe Mary is like that, too, in a way.

          • March
            March
            November 12, 2013 at 10:34 pm | #

            I get the feeling she has a very cynical personality, and might indeed be in a “low state” naturally. The way she was raised cannot have helped that state of mind, if it’s the case. Those born-agains seem to consider being unhappy the correct state of being.

        • begbert2
          begbert2
          November 12, 2013 at 10:57 am | #

          Given that each person keeps the same avatar for a long while, and given Willis’s demonstrated ability to predict and react to user comments months in advance, yes, probably.

    • kelticat
      kelticat
      November 12, 2013 at 12:08 am | #

      I assure you, they rarely are happy. And only with other people’s misery.

    • Wolfe
      Wolfe
      November 12, 2013 at 12:09 am | #

      I know someone that is like Mary, let’s just say it’s never a good time being around this person. Always serious, never laughs at jokes, and I’m pretty sure she’s hella prejudice based on a laundry list of off hand comments I’ve heard slip.

      • Nena
        Nena
        November 12, 2013 at 12:23 am | #

        Those people usually end up bitter and alone. And if they do partner up with somebody, they are usually extremely abusive to their partner and any children unfortunate enough to be born to them.

        It makes me happy that people like her are miserable.

        • kelticat
          kelticat
          November 12, 2013 at 12:36 am | #

          Sucks to be related to them though.

          And I speak from personal experience.

      • rachel
        rachel
        November 12, 2013 at 12:29 am | #

        Not-being-18 sure helps a lot in that department, though. Who knows, she may figure it out in two or three years.

        SURE SUCKS NOW THOUGH DONNIT

    • Undrave
      Undrave
      November 12, 2013 at 4:15 am | #

      I know right? How can you hate Riley? She’s as adorable as a Pokémon protagonist! I’d gladly give her cereal and a starter pokémon of her choice in a heartbeat.

    • Marceline
      Marceline
      November 12, 2013 at 8:13 am | #

      I know someone a lot like her, although not quite as religious, and I really feel sad for her. She is so focused on judging other people that she winds up sabotaging her own life. You can’t ever be happy if you spend all your time worrying about what everyone else is doing.

  8. Yotomoe
    Yotomoe
    November 12, 2013 at 12:02 am | #

    Mary is just mad that they recalled GodBerry.

    • Aizat
      Aizat
      November 12, 2013 at 12:11 am | #

      GodBerry: It tastes divine. Or here’s another one, a choir in every bite.

      • Wack'd
        Wack'd
        November 12, 2013 at 12:18 am | #

        You’ll be enraptured by the flavor!

        Now with Crossmellows!

  9. March
    March
    November 12, 2013 at 12:03 am | #

    Not going to lie, being allowed to have cereal with those sugary marshmallow bits was a pretty awesome bit of college. Growing up with ADHD and parents who cared about it could be annoying as shit.

    Count Chocula was sort of the most awesome thing ever.

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      November 12, 2013 at 12:10 am | #

      I’m more of a Frosted Flakes, Fruit loops kind of guy.

      • March
        March
        November 12, 2013 at 12:15 am | #

        Oh, Frosted Flakes. Those were awesome that first time too.

    • Ocbrad1
      Ocbrad1
      November 12, 2013 at 9:22 am | #

      Cocoa Pebbles!

    • sps48
      sps48
      November 12, 2013 at 8:29 pm | #

      Growing up with the delicious cereals was great.

      Evil stepfather switching it out for Kretschmer’s Wheat Germ and watered-down (2%) milk was a terrible comedown.

      It was probably the least of his evils.

      • March
        March
        November 12, 2013 at 10:30 pm | #

        Funnily enough, I never got a single sugary cereal until my stepdad came along. He thought my mom was being unreasonable, so anytime she was gone, he would let me have something like Cocoa Pebbles or Apple Jacks and then take me to the Parade Field and let me run it off. And he was the one in the Army.

        I was on the steel-cut Irish Oats/whole grain toast with eggs plan. It was always a letdown when my mom came back.

  10. Crotonhurst
    Crotonhurst
    November 12, 2013 at 12:03 am | #

    Cap’n Crunch!

    • Urzu13
      Urzu13
      November 12, 2013 at 12:05 am | #

      Yes! I have been at college for 2.25 years now, and i have yet to eat any… I remedy that tomorrow.

      • The Candyman
        The Candyman
        November 12, 2013 at 8:02 am | #

        God speed.

    • Aizat
      Aizat
      November 12, 2013 at 12:08 am | #

      KoKo Krunch, Honey Stars and Milo.

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      November 12, 2013 at 12:12 am | #

      Cocoa Puffs!

      • Plasma Mongoose
        Plasma Mongoose
        November 12, 2013 at 12:28 am | #

        Weet-Bix

    • James
      James
      November 12, 2013 at 2:13 am | #

      Can’t get enough of that Golden Crisp…

    • Aizat
      Aizat
      November 12, 2013 at 2:20 am | #

      You guys should try the cereals we got in Malaysia.

    • Glynvel
      Glynvel
      November 12, 2013 at 5:34 pm | #

      Quaker made a generic Cap’n Crunch that was shaped like a tiny little bowl. It was the same color, taste and crunch factor as Cap’n Crunch but it didn’t have the sharp edges that hurt your mouth when you ate it. It hasn’t been around for a long time but I’d love to bring it back with an advert like, “Crunch Bowls, now with 99% less cut-the-shit-out-of-the-roof-of-your-mouth than Cap’n Crunch.

      • LouisvilleRobin
        LouisvilleRobin
        April 24, 2015 at 5:24 pm | #

        It’s quisp and it’s available some places.
        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quisp

  11. Wonder Wig
    Wonder Wig
    November 12, 2013 at 12:04 am | #

    Mary prefers Christ Chex.

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      November 12, 2013 at 12:08 am | #

      Can you consume communion wine and wafers and still be a vegan?

      • Yotomoe
        Yotomoe
        November 12, 2013 at 12:13 am | #

        Only if you eat them like Dane Cook.

        • Plasma Mongoose
          Plasma Mongoose
          November 12, 2013 at 12:18 am | #

          ?? Can you elaborate?

  12. Aizat
    Aizat
    November 12, 2013 at 12:04 am | #

    Those cheeks…..thank goodness I’m currently listening to something awesome to balance it out.

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      November 12, 2013 at 12:16 am | #

      I hope you mean her face!

      • Aizat
        Aizat
        November 12, 2013 at 12:19 am | #

        Yes, I meant her face. What do you think I mean?

        • CthulhuPanda36
          CthulhuPanda36
          November 12, 2013 at 12:20 am | #

          Her FAAAAACE!

        • Blue Dragon
          Blue Dragon
          November 12, 2013 at 3:06 am | #

          Don’t listen to her face. It isn’t something awesome.

  13. Shrugs
    Shrugs
    November 12, 2013 at 12:05 am | #

    Mary likes Sucky Charms. Because she sucks, see.

    • Pizzathehutt
      Pizzathehutt
      November 12, 2013 at 12:09 am | #

      She also likes Shities the breakfast of Dickbags.

      • Yotomoe
        Yotomoe
        November 12, 2013 at 12:16 am | #

        And Prude Loops.

        • Wack'd
          Wack'd
          November 12, 2013 at 12:22 am | #

          Frosted Flakes.

          hey didn’t even need to change that one

          • Tunaro
            Tunaro
            November 12, 2013 at 12:44 am | #

            Can’t start the day without a heaping bowl of Count bongoula cereal.

            • madd
              madd
              November 12, 2013 at 9:13 am | #

              Boo Berries?

              • N0083rP00F
                N0083rP00F
                November 12, 2013 at 1:19 pm | #

                Granola, Grape Nuts, Colon Blow or Quarry.

  14. JebJeb
    JebJeb
    November 12, 2013 at 12:05 am | #

    And now I actually hate Mary more than Danny. Or Howard. Didn’t think that was possible.

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      November 12, 2013 at 12:17 am | #

      MAry has reached 3 megaDannys.

    • Regalli
      Regalli
      November 12, 2013 at 1:17 am | #

      Pretty much a hate sink, she is. Everyone who’s not, like, Blaine suddenly looks better by comparison.

      • Undrave
        Undrave
        November 12, 2013 at 4:16 am | #

        if those two interact it could create a Hate Hole so big it could swallow the entire EARTH! Great Scott!!

    • adinfinitumspero
      adinfinitumspero
      November 12, 2013 at 7:29 am | #

      Wait, as in Ruth’s little brother ? Is this a holdover hate from roomies ? I haven’t seen anything in this continuity that would make one hate him yet.

  15. The Sound Defense
    The Sound Defense
    November 12, 2013 at 12:05 am | #

    “How DARE you bring up cereal with me, you monster?”

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      November 12, 2013 at 12:09 am | #

      Maybe Mary had to deal with a cereal killer when she was younger, ever thought about that? 😛

      • Yotomoe
        Yotomoe
        November 12, 2013 at 12:19 am | #

        Do you know what Cereal did to my family? DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE TO BE SUGAR FROSTED? NO! I didn’t think so!!!

        • N0083rP00F
          N0083rP00F
          November 12, 2013 at 1:22 pm | #

          I remember the headline – Crackle Snapped and Popped the Captain right in the Crunchberries.

  16. Rocketboy1313
    Rocketboy1313
    November 12, 2013 at 12:07 am | #

    What is this bongo’s problem? I don’t remember her.
    Is she another Christ Crazy character?

    • March
      March
      November 12, 2013 at 12:12 am | #

      She’s coming across as a follower of the born-again evangelist Christian movement, an interesting group of people most common in the US who seem to believe the Puritans were on to something. I could be wrong, but she has the holier-than-thou attitude, and the extreme level of unhappiness they all seem to have.

      They’re also known as the stop-having-fun folks.

    • John
      John
      November 12, 2013 at 12:52 am | #

      She’s the one that got Joyce to call her a “B-word”, after she gave Joyce shit about bringing non-believers to church. She’s a Real True Christian, and you’re not. No matter who you are. If Jesus Christ Himself descended from Heaven to attend Sunday service, she’d be all, “What’s he doing here? He’s Jewish!”

      • Undrave
        Undrave
        November 12, 2013 at 4:17 am | #

        She’d probably hate Historical Jesus…

        • John
          John
          November 12, 2013 at 1:25 pm | #

          I don’t think she’s really all that okay with Biblical Jesus.

          • The Candyman
            The Candyman
            November 12, 2013 at 4:00 pm | #

            “Love thy neighbor? What kind of bullshit is that?

    • Regalli
      Regalli
      November 12, 2013 at 1:15 am | #

      You know how the Grinch was born with a heart three sizes too small?

      Yeah, hers was born, like, seven.

      • Keroshino
        Keroshino
        November 12, 2013 at 3:55 am | #

        Nah, where her heart should be…its just a void of nothingness!

        • roborat
          roborat
          November 12, 2013 at 3:10 pm | #

          Wouldn’t the lack of a pulse have been noticed by now, surely she has had some routine medical tests by now.

          • xKiv
            xKiv
            November 12, 2013 at 7:32 pm | #

            The pressure differential between ground level atmosphere outside and total nothingness inside can pump a lot.

  17. Kernanator
    Kernanator
    November 12, 2013 at 12:07 am | #

    What are you gonna have for breakfast, Mary, some Awful-Os?

    • Aizat
      Aizat
      November 12, 2013 at 12:09 am | #

      Or some Shitty-Os

      • Wolfe
        Wolfe
        November 12, 2013 at 12:11 am | #

        not so fabulous killjoy flakes

      • Kernanator
        Kernanator
        November 12, 2013 at 12:11 am | #

        Some Bran Hates?

        • Wack'd
          Wack'd
          November 12, 2013 at 12:23 am | #

          Hatey Bunches of Oats.

          • Kernanator
            Kernanator
            November 12, 2013 at 12:51 am | #

            Unlucky Charmlesses.

            • CthulhuPanda36
              CthulhuPanda36
              November 12, 2013 at 9:45 am | #

              They’re tragically malicious!

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      November 12, 2013 at 12:10 am | #

      She really makes you want to give her some Smack-Os.

      • Aizat
        Aizat
        November 12, 2013 at 12:14 am | #

        Or Pound-Os

        • madd
          madd
          November 12, 2013 at 9:10 am | #

          Corn Pops?

          • sps48
            sps48
            November 12, 2013 at 8:31 pm | #

            Sugar Pops.

    • MM
      MM
      November 12, 2013 at 12:15 am | #

      Krusty-Os! With the special jagged metal one in every box!

      • N0083rP00F
        N0083rP00F
        November 12, 2013 at 1:25 pm | #

        Or a certain barmans power breakfast – penicillin-Os..

    • GoldStarz
      GoldStarz
      November 12, 2013 at 12:16 am | #

      HypocritcO’s!

      • Yotomoe
        Yotomoe
        November 12, 2013 at 12:20 am | #

        More like hip-O-Crits.

  18. saltchocolate
    saltchocolate
    November 12, 2013 at 12:07 am | #

    That’s almost child abuse, Mary! Don’t you burst that girl’s bubble like that!!!

    On a different note, why the hell was she sitting out in the hall like that, if there wasn’t sex happening within? Surely roommates have to coexist with each other’s sleep schedules . . .

    • Glockenspielberg
      Glockenspielberg
      November 12, 2013 at 12:11 am | #

      Mary needs no sleep she’s is fueled by rage and disgust

      • MM
        MM
        November 12, 2013 at 12:17 am | #

        And she’s allergic to Riley’s sweetness and light.

        • Yotomoe
          Yotomoe
          November 12, 2013 at 12:21 am | #

          She was dying inside from being around a decent person for 8 hours.

          • Wolfe
            Wolfe
            November 12, 2013 at 12:25 am | #

            Warning: prolonged exposure to bubbly 12 year olds will cause severe discomfort and possible instantaneous combustion if you are a blathering twit

            • adinfinitumspero
              adinfinitumspero
              November 12, 2013 at 7:32 am | #

              In all fairness, prolonged exposure to bubbly 12 year olds can get very tiring very fast, even to those of us that try not to be dead on the inside.

    • kelticat
      kelticat
      November 12, 2013 at 12:25 am | #

      I think it was the fact that there were two DeSantos in her room that drove her away. She dislikes Roz, and thinks Riley is just like Roz, and Roz is just like Robin.
      Coming from a three sister family, I can tell you that Mary is full of shite. No siblings are completely identical. My two sisters are a laid back bibliophile and an OCD technophobe.

      • saltchocolate
        saltchocolate
        November 12, 2013 at 3:34 pm | #

        Two DeSantos give you 256% of the recommended daily allowance of bubbly personality and pro-sex attitudes.

  19. TheRealAllPurposeGuru
    TheRealAllPurposeGuru
    November 12, 2013 at 12:08 am | #

    So Mary in the Dumbiverse is even more of a dickhead than in the Walkyverse. Go figure.

    • Regalli
      Regalli
      November 12, 2013 at 1:12 am | #

      Yeah, at least before she didn’t actively hate the joy of all who cross her path, including children.

  20. Beachfox
    Beachfox
    November 12, 2013 at 12:09 am | #

    Your adorableness is obviously just a front of unremitting evil. You don’t fool me, hellspawnling! Go eat cereal with SATAN! As is your ilks wot.

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      November 12, 2013 at 12:21 am | #

      “If evil wasn’t cute, noone would bother with it.”

  21. JessWitt
    JessWitt
    November 12, 2013 at 12:10 am | #

    I wonder if Mary will get some plot dev as well, as hinted by her existing gravatar (when other students like Rachel and Grace got the boot).

    • Wolfe
      Wolfe
      November 12, 2013 at 12:12 am | #

      I don’t see how though, unlike Joyce she’s a bitter pill about everything 😡

      • Yotomoe
        Yotomoe
        November 12, 2013 at 12:22 am | #

        It’s as if Joyce and Sarah did the fusion.

        • Arkantos
          Arkantos
          November 12, 2013 at 8:03 pm | #

          But they couldn’t do that because a fusion has to be between a man and a woman! It’s in the bible!

  22. Mkvenner
    Mkvenner
    November 12, 2013 at 12:11 am | #

    Mary I know it is annoying but be Christian for the first time in your life.

  23. SplashBoogie
    SplashBoogie
    November 12, 2013 at 12:15 am | #

    Has someone suggested a Dina/Riley spin-off yet? Did I miss that boat?

    • CthulhuPanda36
      CthulhuPanda36
      November 12, 2013 at 12:33 am | #

      Yup, police duo got thrown around yesterday.

      • Keroshino
        Keroshino
        November 12, 2013 at 4:55 pm | #

        Yep! “Sam & Max: Freelance Police” style!

  24. Barf Ninjason
    Barf Ninjason
    November 12, 2013 at 12:15 am | #

    Mary kinda looks like she takes a dump like once a week, tops.

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      November 12, 2013 at 12:20 am | #

      AKA Full of shit!

    • Wolfe
      Wolfe
      November 12, 2013 at 12:20 am | #

      omfg, well if this girl won’t eat cereal we at least need to get her some bran muffins

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      November 12, 2013 at 12:22 am | #

      Mary is so hateful she’s physically incapable of having a functioning digestive system.

      • Regalli
        Regalli
        November 12, 2013 at 1:19 am | #

        She’s sustained by her hatred for those around her.

      • Ancestral Hamster
        Ancestral Hamster
        November 12, 2013 at 1:20 am | #

        No, her digestive system functions. It’s just that Mary vomits a venomous bile over all and sundry rather than defecating like other people.

    • N0083rP00F
      N0083rP00F
      November 12, 2013 at 1:28 pm | #

      Broccoli.
      Be kind to your colon.
      This has been a FOP information bulletin

  25. Plasma Mongoose
    Plasma Mongoose
    November 12, 2013 at 12:15 am | #

    re: Today’s Hovertext: Accidently? SUUUURE it was… 😀

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      November 12, 2013 at 12:23 am | #

      Hah, Silly Willis. Don’t you realize that SIERRA is still the best character?

    • John
      John
      November 12, 2013 at 1:30 am | #

      Given that her competition here is Roz and friggin’ Mary, it was a pretty low bar for Riley to clear.

      Now if she were to go up against Dina or Sierra, then maybe we’d see some competition.

    • Keroshino
      Keroshino
      November 12, 2013 at 3:47 am | #

      Riley and Dina… The bestest of characters!!!!

  26. MM
    MM
    November 12, 2013 at 12:16 am | #

    Riley DeSanto: Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken, but Slightly Bemused.

  27. danshive
    danshive
    November 12, 2013 at 12:19 am | #

    To respond to a 12 year old asking about cereal in such a way… Mary is pure evil.

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      November 12, 2013 at 12:23 am | #

      Which makes me wonder if Willis plans on making Mary more appealing to us reader later on.

      • GoSpeedRumpist
        GoSpeedRumpist
        November 12, 2013 at 12:26 am | #

        Probably not, but he might, at least, provide backstory which will explain why she’s such a horrid bongo. Though I could be wrong.

      • Dr. Paul
        Dr. Paul
        November 12, 2013 at 8:55 am | #

        Ends up with Joe, just takes three years of our time for the first cracks in the anger fortress to appear.

  28. Maycroft
    Maycroft
    November 12, 2013 at 12:19 am | #

    “how dare she to ask my favorite cereal?”

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      November 12, 2013 at 12:24 am | #

      “Everyone knows that to enjoy cereal you must have a heart”
      (which is a pretty accurate statement.)

      • Andiemus
        Andiemus
        November 12, 2013 at 1:15 am | #

        Nonsense. Nobody needs a heart to enjoy the sweet delicious taste of honey nut Cheerios!

        • xKiv
          xKiv
          November 12, 2013 at 7:44 pm | #

          You gotta have heart

  29. Emoroffle
    Emoroffle
    November 12, 2013 at 12:20 am | #

    Mary needs to watch some Dexter and Monkey Master, it helped Joyce it can help her.

    • Aizat
      Aizat
      November 12, 2013 at 12:22 am | #

      Or go stare at a wall.

      • CthulhuPanda36
        CthulhuPanda36
        November 12, 2013 at 12:29 am | #

        What Kladeos said below.

    • Kladeos
      Kladeos
      November 12, 2013 at 12:24 am | #

      Can’t. It promotes eastern religion AND cultivates a culture of snarkiness.

      • GoSpeedRumpist
        GoSpeedRumpist
        November 12, 2013 at 1:00 am | #

        And it has a monkey in it, so it’s probably involved in evolutionist propaganda.

  30. Lavaticmay
    Lavaticmay
    November 12, 2013 at 12:23 am | #

    Mary’s very similar to Joyce, just a lot more hateful. I’m pretty sure based on what she said earlier that the only reason she hate Riley is because of all the sin that is Roz.

    • beege
      beege
      November 12, 2013 at 3:28 am | #

      They’ve been raised with similar values, but there’s one key difference: Joyce is an optimist.

  31. CthulhuPanda36
    CthulhuPanda36
    November 12, 2013 at 12:24 am | #

    I’m still convinced Riley is secretly evil. Just wait. Mary will “unexpectedly” end up drowning in a cereal bowl.

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      November 12, 2013 at 12:25 am | #

      Mary’s leg is mysteriousely broken while Riley stands over her with a bowl of Grape Nuts cereal.
      “Too bad you didn’t speak up!”
      *She poors the bowl and Mary is grape Nutted.*

      • kelticat
        kelticat
        November 12, 2013 at 12:41 am | #

        Witches of Eastwick?

    • MM
      MM
      November 12, 2013 at 12:26 am | #

      And they’ll never be able to catch her because there will be too many suspects. It’s the perfect crime.

    • Kernanator
      Kernanator
      November 12, 2013 at 12:28 am | #

      I’m not 100% sure that would be an evil act. It would definitely be chaotic, though, no doubt about it.

      • Wolfe
        Wolfe
        November 12, 2013 at 12:32 am | #

        thought that said catholic and i giggled oh gods i need to go to bed

      • CthulhuPanda36
        CthulhuPanda36
        November 12, 2013 at 12:32 am | #

        Killing is generally Evil. Like unless its self defense or to save the world. Or if your a Jedi.

        • Kernanator
          Kernanator
          November 12, 2013 at 12:50 am | #

          I think you could swing killing Mary as saving the world, on the grounds that Mary’s continued existence makes the world a worse place to live in, but it really depends on how flexible the GM is.

          • N0083rP00F
            N0083rP00F
            November 12, 2013 at 1:32 pm | #

            Good point – so what types of knots should we use?

            • Kernanator
              Kernanator
              November 12, 2013 at 11:18 pm | #

              Depends on what we’re using the knots for.

  32. Jack Finch
    Jack Finch
    November 12, 2013 at 12:35 am | #

    Mary’s small heart grew three si….well actually it didn’t grow at all.

    • Keroshino
      Keroshino
      November 12, 2013 at 3:42 am | #

      Well for that to happen…she would need to have a heart in the first place!

  33. Equuizzicals
    Equuizzicals
    November 12, 2013 at 12:47 am | #

    Riley’s Angry Eyebrows are my favorite characters in dumbing of age.

  34. Fuzzydaemon
    Fuzzydaemon
    November 12, 2013 at 12:53 am | #

    Mary was born to hate the world. I really hated having her as my avatar.

    • Luzahn
      Luzahn
      November 12, 2013 at 1:03 am | #

      I enjoyed it for precisely the same reason. However, Mike is a step up.

  35. Kitschensyngk
    Kitschensyngk
    November 12, 2013 at 12:54 am | #

    Mary knows that cereal is made from the shavings found in Satan’s pencil sharpener.

  36. Biege
    Biege
    November 12, 2013 at 1:08 am | #

    I like Riley. she’s fun 😀

  37. Keroshino
    Keroshino
    November 12, 2013 at 1:08 am | #

    Wow Mary, maybe you could’ve bongoed at Roz/Riley more…how about that? That’s all you appear to be good for these days! Huh?! Used your bongo-fu on her! Mary, the Mistress of bongoing, that’s what they should call you!…Seriously! Five ancient sages of bongodom gathered together one day on the peak of Mt. bongo to proclaim your birth and a hundred years later, when all the bongo stars have aligned you were born and made everybody’s life around you a living hell because YOU ARE SUCH A bongo

    • Farmer_10
      Farmer_10
      November 12, 2013 at 2:17 am | #

      SENZU BEAN! *throw bean*

    • Aizat
      Aizat
      November 12, 2013 at 2:21 am | #

      Calm down, Krillin, calm down.

    • Boom
      Boom
      November 12, 2013 at 2:54 am | #

      WITH A GOD DAMN PIG!

      • Arkantos
        Arkantos
        November 12, 2013 at 8:07 pm | #

        Get out Vegeta!

  38. PatBaer
    PatBaer
    November 12, 2013 at 1:10 am | #

    I want Riley and Walky to hang out! I just think they’d be fun together.

  39. flimflam
    flimflam
    November 12, 2013 at 1:16 am | #

    Reese’s Puffs are the best cereal ever.

  40. wynne
    wynne
    November 12, 2013 at 1:17 am | #

    Jesus, Mary. She’s a twelve-year-old girl. You are out of line.

    • DFS
      DFS
      November 12, 2013 at 1:20 am | #

      your gravatar adds comedic heft to your comment

      • John
        John
        November 12, 2013 at 1:44 am | #

        In the other universe, Mike once stomped a small child just to expose some people’s hypocrisy.

        • James
          James
          November 12, 2013 at 2:15 am | #

          The ends justifed the means

  41. Gottawonder
    Gottawonder
    November 12, 2013 at 1:25 am | #

    Well yeah PatBaer, Walky is about the same emotional level as Riley. They would get along I would guess.

    As to Mary, poor thing, gotta be miserable being you.
    I’m no bundle of joy, but I do find things to make me happy, and looks like that’s something Mary has yet to find.

    Riley is too cute and has the right idea. Didn’t let it bother her, just filed it under ‘old’ (and possible odd), and leads her weird sister to breakfast.

  42. Gottawonder
    Gottawonder
    November 12, 2013 at 1:26 am | #

    Frosted flakes were my dorm favorite. Didn’t need milk.

  43. Deathjavu
    Deathjavu
    November 12, 2013 at 1:29 am | #

    Yesterday’s comic served as a personal PSA for me to go get some goddamn milk.

    And today?

    Today I am eating cereal. In fact, I’m eating cereal right now.

    Thank you, David Willis. Thank you.

    • madd
      madd
      November 12, 2013 at 9:01 am | #

      I also are eating the cereals.

    • Ocbrad1
      Ocbrad1
      November 12, 2013 at 9:28 am | #

      I, too am consumin’ some cereals! Cocoa Pebbles to be precise.

      • N0083rP00F
        N0083rP00F
        November 12, 2013 at 1:50 pm | #

        Mine is Hot – Oatmeal with golden raisins and a drizzle of honey – no milk, Damn you Lactose.

        • Deathjavu
          Deathjavu
          November 12, 2013 at 5:48 pm | #

          Almond and/or Soy Milk!

          Even as someone lactose tolerant, I’d probably buy these half the time if they weren’t more expensive.

          • Kladeos
            Kladeos
            November 12, 2013 at 7:40 pm | #

            Soy milk is gross and almond milk is tasteless. Lactose free milk is the way to go… Screw my milk allergy.

  44. hof1991
    hof1991
    November 12, 2013 at 1:29 am | #

    I see a future for Mary. She can play Naomi when she grows up, or at least when she grows older.

    Its a short step from I’m better and holier than you to I’m better then everyone and screw you all if I don’t get what I want.

    Just wanted to use an HTML tag. And I love the Murphys.

    • hof1991
      hof1991
      November 12, 2013 at 1:33 am | #

      And I screwed up the HTML tag.

      You were brought up well Still in spite of it all You’re touched by nothing Watch a man fall Put a foot on his back To get a better view Cause you’re loyal to no one No one but you [CHORUS] He was broken & tired Wouldn’t take a hand Their kindness was simple But he couldn’t understand See it’s hard to have faith In something so new When you’re loyal to no one No one but you [CHORUS]

  45. PureLionHeart
    PureLionHeart
    November 12, 2013 at 2:57 am | #

    I hope Riely is the last one standing when all these crazy people raze this school to the ground with their drama.

  46. beege
    beege
    November 12, 2013 at 3:27 am | #

    Mary’s misery is entirely self inflicted,
    This my sympathy for her is limited.

  47. PBManning
    PBManning
    November 12, 2013 at 3:31 am | #

    I like Riley don’t get me wrong, but I kind of feel like she’s acting a bit younger than twelve. I dunno, I haven’t been hanging around with twelve-year-old kids, but I always feel like kids aren’t represented very accurately in fiction.

    • Emoroffle
      Emoroffle
      November 12, 2013 at 3:44 am | #

      Yeah she seems to be acting quite younger than that. I know when I was twelve sex was “the” topic even for the girls in class. The cereal thing however is quite normal, I would have fought my way to free sugary sweetness in the mornings back then. Of course, everyone is different she could be one of the few who really are that innocent even at that age. I’ve met em before.

      • Trisar
        Trisar
        November 12, 2013 at 4:37 am | #

        Meanwhile, when I was twelve, I didn’t really care about sex at all.

        Fast forward thirteen years later… still really don’t.

        Wasn’t so much innocent as “didn’t care, had other things on my mind, still don’t care because I still do.” So maybe Riley just has other priorities. That, or since she’s just waking up for the morning and has been stuck in the room for quite a while, she just wants some food. You know?

        • Blue Dragon
          Blue Dragon
          November 12, 2013 at 6:47 am | #

          I’m not so sure she’s just now waking up for the morning. It’s past noon, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Riley woke up closer to 8am. Unable to rouse her sister, she’s been waiting for breakfast. So, it’s been more than two hours, and sleepy Roz wants breakfast to wait five hours for other relatives to feed her? Wake Up, Sister!

          I also wouldn’t be surprised if Riley tried to engage Mary in conversation while she was getting ready for church. If Mary is the type to find such conversation exhausting, I can see reasons why she’d delay interacting with Riley until someone else was awake to be the responsible adult. (Not that this was the reason she offered to Billie for waiting outside.)

        • Arturo
          Arturo
          November 12, 2013 at 6:49 am | #

          When I was 12 all I wanted was your opinions on Pokemon and Gerry Anderson’s Thunderbirds. Admittedly, thirteen years later I still mostly want your opinions on Pokemon and Gerry Anderson’s Thunderbirds but that’s it’s ownt set of issues.

          • LockeZ
            LockeZ
            November 12, 2013 at 7:26 am | #

            I’m pretty sure I stopped maturing around that age and have been faking it ever since.

      • Spack
        Spack
        November 12, 2013 at 6:51 am | #

        I can see how having Roz as a big sister could take some of the charm out of “‘the’ topic” for Riley. It would certainly kill the “naughty thing we’re not supposed to talk about” factor.

      • LockeZ
        LockeZ
        November 12, 2013 at 7:29 am | #

        I’m sure most people remember themselves and their friends and classmates being more mature at 12 than they actually were. I’m also pretty sure most 12 year olds think they’re more mature than they actually are. I’m also pretty sure most 16 year olds, 20 year olds, 30 year olds, 50 year olds and 80 year olds think they’re more mature than they really are.

        • madd
          madd
          November 12, 2013 at 8:57 am | #

          True fact.

      • madd
        madd
        November 12, 2013 at 8:55 am | #

        I have a 12 year old and he would rather have his eyeballs plucked out than discuss sex with his older brother, or anyone else for that matter. He finds it embarrassing. He also pretends to be completely oblivious when girls are flirting with him.

    • Charlie
      Charlie
      November 12, 2013 at 4:30 am | #

      Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. Some kids are more or less mature than a lot of others for their age, so I guess Riley might just act young for her age, whether than was on purpose or just Willis not really knowing any kids around that age.

    • GoSpeedRumpist
      GoSpeedRumpist
      November 12, 2013 at 7:02 am | #

      I don’t know, so far all I’ve see out of her is pretty representative of what I remember 12 being like. Namely, gameboys and food. Then again, I didn’t have an older sibling who found it important to have me question my sexuality on occasion. Considering her family members (that we’ve been introduced to), Mary is probably justified in assuming that something has to be off about Riley. Of course, she takes this information an uses as an excuse to be judgey and all, but I could see other characters like Dorothy and Walky questioning her apparent normalness.

      • Jack Finch
        Jack Finch
        November 12, 2013 at 7:33 am | #

        Watching sibs in my family 12 year olds both love their older siblings and think they’re out of their minds, but the crazy is just something they have to put up with or resist when necessary. A total pick-your-battles scenario.

    • drs
      drs
      November 12, 2013 at 1:05 pm | #

      Some years ago I went to my niece’s 12th birthday party, with her 12 year old friends. They’re not all the same! Mentally or physically. I have no plausibility issues with Riley.

  48. James
    James
    November 12, 2013 at 5:37 am | #

    God help the world if Dina and Riley meet at the cereal dispenser.

    • LimeTH
      LimeTH
      November 12, 2013 at 9:19 am | #

      You know something? I’ll bet that’s what this is all leading up to.
      GET TO THE SHELTERS

      • Fnarkle
        Fnarkle
        November 12, 2013 at 11:30 pm | #

        Yeah, it’s so damned obvious that Dina and Riley will meet because they both love cereal.

        But haven’t you noticed? Willis rarely does the obvious. He often sets up situations with an obvious outcome, then swerves in an unexpected direction. I swear he makes a list of all the possible things that could happen, and every time someone makes a comment about what might/should happen, he crosses that off his list. When it’s time to do the strip, he picks one of the ideas that hasn’t been predicted by anyone.

        • David Willis
          David M Willis
          November 13, 2013 at 12:10 am | #

          When you’re thirteen weeks ahead on strips, that’s not actually a possible course of action, actually.

          • Roborat
            Roborat
            November 13, 2013 at 2:56 pm | #

            Or it shows how well you know your audience.

    • Keroshino
      Keroshino
      November 12, 2013 at 9:38 am | #

      I, for one, welcome our new “adorable” overlords!

  49. Arturo
    Arturo
    November 12, 2013 at 6:45 am | #

    Riley for President (of the Kellogg Company)!

  50. Spack
    Spack
    November 12, 2013 at 6:54 am | #

    Mushy oatmeal with scowls on top.

  51. Aizat
    Aizat
    November 12, 2013 at 7:28 am | #

    You know what’s missing in panel 3? GREAT FLAMING EYEBROWS!

  52. Narf
    Narf
    November 12, 2013 at 7:37 am | #

    Oh Mary. You suck.

  53. Kartewns
    Kartewns
    November 12, 2013 at 8:14 am | #

    Mary you suuuuck

    • Kartewns
      Kartewns
      November 12, 2013 at 8:14 am | #

      AND OF COURSE SHES MY AVATAR NOW

      DAMN YOU WILLIS

  54. Scolopendra
    Scolopendra
    November 12, 2013 at 8:26 am | #

    I must be the only one, but I really enjoy having Mary around. Pointlessly spiteful reactions amuse me.

    • ChibiKaji
      ChibiKaji
      November 12, 2013 at 12:47 pm | #

      You’re not the only one. I also enjoy just how much everyone else hates her.

  55. Charles Phipps
    Charles Phipps
    November 12, 2013 at 9:28 am | #

    Poor Riley. Since she’s a girl, twelve is about the age which cereal will suddenly become unimportant.

    • skies
      skies
      November 12, 2013 at 2:18 pm | #

      I’m a 25 year old woman and cereal is still VERY IMPORTANT

    • Marisa Mockery
      Marisa Mockery
      November 12, 2013 at 10:12 pm | #

      I don’t understand this. When I got to college, the first thing I noticed were the unlimited cereal dispensers. I used to mix them up like sodas from the soda fountain. It was glorious. Cereal continues to be a major part of my life. 🙁 Do you not care about cereal?

  56. Bilfred
    Bilfred
    November 12, 2013 at 9:55 am | #

    what the hell is whatsername doing outside whatsername’s door anyway?

    • Pat Myers
      Pat Myers
      November 12, 2013 at 11:25 am | #

      They are roommates. I think Mary had no idea Riley was even in the room until she woke up. She needs to chill. At least she didn’t find Roz’s latest partner lying 2 inches from her.

      • Blue Dragon
        Blue Dragon
        November 12, 2013 at 8:48 pm | #

        I’m pretty sure each roommate gets a top bunk with the pillow end in a different corner of the room. There seems to be space between the foot ends of the bunks. I don’t think they touch. (I suspect Billie’s room has a TV in the space between them in her room, but it might be located next to the window at the far end from the entry door.)

        It is probably unlikely, but not impossible, that Mary would ever find a Roz partner in bed with her upon awakening in the morning. Sleepy partner gets up to use the half-bath to pee and returns to the wrong bunk is the probable scenario for that, but the mistake would probably involve closer proximity then two inches and would probably be discovered earlier in the night.

        Hmmmm, who shares the half-bath with Mary and Roz?
        There are two other bunks that a sleepy dyslexic partner might accidentally crawl into.

        • Blue Dragon
          Blue Dragon
          November 12, 2013 at 9:06 pm | #

          Correction. Roz and Riley seem to have their heads at what I was calling the foot end. I’ve seen others with the pillows in the corner. Pillow against the wall is good for sitting up reading in bed. If Roz likes holding on to the rail on the pillow end under any circumstances, it’s easier if there isn’t a wall right up against it. I imagine Mary keeps her head as far from her roommate as possible, though.

  57. Tom Speelman
    Tom Speelman
    November 12, 2013 at 10:12 am | #

    Man, I got a real Peanuts vibe from that punchline. ‘zat weird?

    • Arkadi
      Arkadi
      November 12, 2013 at 4:44 pm | #

      No it is not. It’s something Linus would have said.

      • Tom Speelman
        Tom Speelman
        November 13, 2013 at 11:00 pm | #

        He would’ve at that!

  58. Pat Myers
    Pat Myers
    November 12, 2013 at 11:22 am | #

    “Cereal is for dumb babies! I’m not a dumb baby because I’m in college! Dumb babies don’t belong in college!” Do you really want college to be like that, Riley?

  59. Tomas
    Tomas
    November 12, 2013 at 2:03 pm | #

    Every cartoon pantheon needs a Grumpy Smurf.

    • The Candyman
      The Candyman
      November 12, 2013 at 3:49 pm | #

      Mike already filled that role pretty nicely, though.

  60. skies
    skies
    November 12, 2013 at 2:19 pm | #

    Basically everyone in the DeSanto family is my favorite.

  61. Ben Lehman
    Ben Lehman
    November 12, 2013 at 3:30 pm | #

    New book title? New book title.

  62. The Candyman
    The Candyman
    November 12, 2013 at 4:11 pm | #

    Mary’s glare almost makes it look like she’s sad. Mike needs to show her how it’s done.

    • Mr K
      Mr K
      November 12, 2013 at 8:23 pm | #

      She probably is depressed and taking it on everyone.

  63. Arkadi
    Arkadi
    November 12, 2013 at 4:47 pm | #

    THEM EYEBROWS O_O

  64. JetstreamGW
    JetstreamGW
    November 12, 2013 at 10:24 pm | #

    I was gonna be all like “How can Mary hate her so much instantly?” and then I remembered that Mary is the Sanctimonious’est of Sanctimonious bongoes 😀

  65. nothri
    nothri
    November 13, 2013 at 7:27 pm | #

    Clearly in Mary’s case, the Soggies ARE ruling. Big time.

  66. Volkai
    Volkai
    November 14, 2013 at 11:03 am | #

    “Oops.”

    Right.

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September 13/14, 2025 - Small Press Expo in Bethesda, Maryland

David M Willis! avatar
David M Willis!
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Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social ⋅ 1d
Me two weeks ago: Jeffrey Epstein killed himself, not to protect anyone, but because entering prison as the world's most illustrious pedophile makes that a logical decision. Conspiracy theories make less sense than the stated story. Me now: The Pee Tape was shot on Epstein Island.
thetnholler.bsky.social's user avatarThe Tennessee Holler @thetnholler.bsky.social ⋅ 1d
Q: “Did Bondi tell you your name appeared in the Epstein Files?” TRUMP: “The files were made up by Comey, Obama, Biden…” 🤔 Nothing to see here, folks!
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Jujubaes @randallsd.bsky.social ⋅ 1h
The people in the comments angry about what they see as Joyce and Dorothy cheating:
Amazi-girl from Dumbing of Age saying,
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Chuck Tingle @chucktingle.bsky.social ⋅ 3h
when bluesky gives you a blue checkmark
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David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 5h
I also have a device that tells me to eat more carbs, it's my brain, and it's free
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The Onion @theonion.com ⋅ 19h
Grandma’s Hospice Has Shitty Wi-Fi theonion.com/grandma...
Grandma’s Hospice Has Shitty Wi-Fi

This Is Fucking Unacceptable, Reports Grandchild
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David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 6h
how do I have diarrhea, I haven't eaten anything
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David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 13h
He once ran a cake-frauding scam with the Best Friends Gang
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slop enjoyer @slop.guru ⋅ 1d
fantastic foreskins
tweet screenshot:

“Fantastic Four skins are coming to Fortnite
It is one of the most wanted collabs ever
via HYPEX”
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Ian kacprzak @ikacprzak.bsky.social ⋅ 1d
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David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 1d
I need more Muslim characters! Or at least more prominent ones who aren't Raidah. It is a huge giant hole in my strip that makes it suck. The current storyline would've been way better if they existed. But they don't, and no amount of throwing Asma in for three strips solves it.
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Willow @willowmims.bsky.social ⋅ 2d
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David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 1d
never in a million years thought i'd have to convince anybody JOYCE was queer always thought dorothy was the harder sell
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Doc Impossible @impossiblephd.bsky.social ⋅ 1d
That one Real Life Comic strip Tha cracked a million eggs.
Further on in the RLC comics run, where Mae says that the stuff she liked that she thought made her a man is just stuff, and that it doesn't mean anything.
mel.bzky.team's user avatarmel! @mel.bzky.team ⋅ 5m
TRANS WOMEN OF BLUESKY: What was your egg cracking moment? When did you know you were trans? What made you realize? And did you know you were a woman right away, or did you pass through other identities first
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David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 2d
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David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 2d
wilding out at this old becky profile
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Linkara @linkara.bsky.social ⋅ 2d
Also, I see we're bringing back the ol' love octagon.
Several panels from the webcomic Shortpacked! depicting the character Robin Desanto unveiling a chalkboard that shows various characters in the webcomics' romantic relationship statuses to each other, the equivalent of a
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John Berry @drawncoyote.bsky.social ⋅ 2d
It worked! Thanks, Joe! Also, sorry, Joe.
Joe:
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David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 2d
I think you mean Poop. Prints don't drop from the butt.
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Dan Schkade @danschkade.bsky.social ⋅ 2d
Happy Nonbinary People's Day, you gemstones. A year or two back we introduced FLASH GORDON's first enby, the outlaw lawman Bones Malock. Having known and loved a lot of nonbinary people, I knew the truest way to represent you was as a unsettling desert pirate with a lightning sword
Flash Gordon's Bones Malock:
Bones Malock, under captions reading:
Bones Malock and Flash Gordon.

Flash: Okay... wait thirty seconds, then give me a distraction.

Bones: Got just the thing.

Flash: Do NOT blow the place up.

Bones: You're the boss.
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Hannah Who @notablyuncool.bsky.social ⋅ 2d
Happy International Non-Binary People's Day to all those who work, create, parent, protest, love and live without ever fitting into someone else's category.
header image - a yellow purple and black flag flies in the wind
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a yellow purple and black flag flies in the wind
Alt: Non-binary flag blowing in the wind
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Haus of Decline @hausofdecline.bsky.social ⋅ 2d
A blond female Philly Phanatic says
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Mood
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Nice.
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DaisyFM ✒︎ @daisyfm.net ⋅ 3d
Okay, everyone's jumping to conclusions, but Joyce was hit with a mysterious pink gas in Thursday's strip. Now, in recent years, the police are known to increasingly use military grade weapons. Which reminded me of this bit of proposed technology from the 1990s: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gay_bomb
en.wikipedia.org
Gay bomb - Wikipedia
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David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 2d
I ain't readin' all that!
damnyouwillis.bsky.social's user avatarDavid M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 3d
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LIVE JOCELYNE REACTION
that's not the end!  there's more tomorrow, already on patreon!...
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Dumbing of Age: "LIVE JOCELYNE REACTION" www.dumbingofage.com/2025/comic/b... #webcomics #webcomic
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LIVE JOCELYNE REACTION
that's not the end!  there's more tomorrow, already on patreon!...
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hey, kid, what do you want to play with from the cool superhero movie? is it a nude, melting senator who feels like a stretch armstrong doll that has been left out in the son and maybe mildly chewed by a neighborhood dog? WELL, SON, YOU'RE IN LUCK!
the most upsetting toy of all time: a small and horrible statue of melting, nude Senator Kelly from the first x-men film
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Brendel @brendelbored.bsky.social ⋅ 3d
James Gunn i demand u bring back Conservative Superman
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David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 3d
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Sal and Danny saw you from across the room and enjoy your vibe.
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