You asked for it, you got it — Dumbing of Age is on Patreon now! It’s where all the cool people are now, like my buddy Joel or my nemesis Jeph or that guy Gordon I mostly ignore. But I’m there now, too, like some sort of awesome person. And if enough people are into it, those people can get a bonus Dumbing of Age strip each month. Click through for the deets.
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An A Sal? I aspect Triple AAAs from any sibling of Walky’s!
*expect 🙁
In Sal’s case, AA might be of more assistance…
Well, more for her roommate. Sal, owning her own motor vehicle, might actually be a member of AAA though.
Here in England AAA is AA, which gets confusing when talking to Americans because if you say I’m a member of AA they assume that you’re an alcoholic…
So I guess if you’re talking to a child from the ’90s and they think you’re talking about batteries, that’s the best-case scenario
“I have a spare big D ready to go, if anyone needs.” – Joe
“I’ll plug it into your socket and be ready to go all night long.”
Unlike Billie and Ruth, Sal has shown no signs of being alcoholic. She has enough other issues to deal with.
Triple AAAs? Isn’t that, like, 9 A’s?
First rule of racing is there are no rules. The next 40 rules are all the rules.
“The first rule of Italian racing is … what’s behind me is not important.”
Franco is here. The race can begin.
An overlooked classic.
If you ain’t out of control you ain’t in control.
Well, if jumping was against the rules, everyone I know has cheated profusely.
What about snaking?
What about the Sneak king?
Metal Gear Burger?
She who wins in Mario Kart, wins in life – Confooius
Shouldn’t that be Confungus?
Get it, cus’ Toads? Mushroom Kingdom?
I’ll see myself out.
Not too bad as puns go, you would score at least a few likes in a CRACKED pun thread.
OK, I’m gonna grab ahold of this before it gets….. Out of hand.
Out of hand like a blue turtle shell.
Don’t they already have Frogfucius?
Dude, major props for the Mario RPG reference.
MarioKart might of given her an “A” but Danny wants to give her the “D”… that was bad…
That was AMAZING.
The only good D is the tenacious one. 😀
But make sure to do it softly… gently… sweetly… discreetly.
Just as long as you do it hard at the end. 😀
And Sal might’ve let him. If he’d tried
Because he isn’t actively(or even passively) hoping to hook up with Sal, she is more likely to show an actual interest in him.
And later, Danny will be thinking of this moment with an ‘O’
Rainbow Road is anything but straight and narrow.
Just like Ethan!
Was that a fat joke? Rude.
Are you calling Ethan wide? Not that I’m complaining.
He’s got broad shoulders, which is the only kind of broad he is interested in
This is the happiest I have *ever* seen Sal.
Last panel Sal is cutest Sal.
Smiling Sal is Awesome!
“Sal is Awesome!”
Fixed.
ImPRESSIVE.
So, since I see we’re still in this storyline, how long until Amber’s life gets suckier?
In 5… 4… 3… 2…
If it was against the rules of the game then she wouldn’t be able to do it Danny stop being a bongo.
It violates the spirit of the game but none of the actual rules.
They’re more what you’d call ‘guidelines’ than actual rules.
Code is law.
Everything else is mere suggestion.
“It violates the spirit of the game”? Dude, it’s a kart racing game. You’re actively encouraged to do unreasonable, silly things. Otherwise, the programmers and play testers wouldn’t let you do it. In a game with blue shells, what spirit were you envisioning?
^this.
^ doubly endorsed.
Hell, Mario Kart 1 had places where you were explicitly encouraged to do this, such as the dead-end pier that happens to be in Feather-jump range of the finish line on the haunted house track. And the “fling yourself off the track and land on a lower section way ahead of where you were” trick was possible since Super Mario 64, and was in fact the only way to hit one of the target times for one of the stars on the sliding course. (To the point where the target time was really testing how quickly you can do THAT.)
On the other hand, the [i]other[/i] sliding course in Mario 64 had the penguin accuse you of cheating if your time was too fast.
Mario Kart’s all about driving safely, isn’t it? They place the power ups and shortcuts there as temptations to teach you that if you goof around people get hurt, but if you drive safe everybody has fun!
Noone caught on that I was making a reference to American Dad.
Maybe everyone respected you enough to not believe you would watch that. 😉
Haha. Not even ashamed.
She’s secretly a hacker.
More likely she’s secretly a speedrunner. I expect to see Sal in SGDQ before the marathon is over.
*plays The Beatles’ “Day Tripper” on the Muzak*
Danny and Sal actually have chemistry in this universe. Weird.
Is it really, the cool bad girl badass biker chick who breaks all the rules, who also offers alot of dramatic origin and The Dweebish goody two shoes spazz who’s mostly used as a plot device when he isn’t getting into some kind of goofy high jinks. Seems like yin and yang to me.
It’s a surprise since they had no chemistry in the other universe despite being literally the first couple to exist and her thing for him being her dominant character trait.
I believe the “her thing for him being her dominant character trait” may have been the problem. A novice and commonly made mistake in writing Willis has no doubt avoided since.
I agree. Seems like the main reason Willis created DoA was to develop characters he’d never really been able to develop before, and in ways they’d never been able to develop before. So far, I approve.
Ya Walky, Joyce , Amber, and Danny all need character attention and character development, even though they were the main characters of all the other comics he’s maid.
I give two thumbs up for this latest plot development!
D’aww, they’re bonding. Pretty soon he’ll note he’s her Lois Lane and she’ll grunt and fly away to throw planets or something.
Danny is everybody’s Lois Lane.
except for dorothy, he’s more of a jimmy olsen for her.
Actually, he’s Amber’s Robin.
Booty call, if I ever saw one.
If this isn’t foreplay, then I don’t even wanna date anyone.
I’m watching Transformers Prime, and pretty much thought “Man, I need a girlfriend… who’ll watch cartoons with me.”
Sounds like me, except I need one who’ll watch Gundam with me.
Endless stream of Zakus.
Gundam’s a cartoon. Right?
…
Right?
Yes. It is.
All foreplay should begin with you and your partner playing a race on Rainbow Road, from any Mario Kart. Whoever wins determines how the sex begins.
I’d always lose on purpose because I’m not very dominant.
You don’t get to decide that unless you win, though.
“The forfeit was always something obscenely sexual. Ford usually played to lose.”
Jumping. Rocket juuuuuuuuuuuump.
Soldier’s a cheat, too. Was never even in the army.
After saying this, AgentKeen was found dead at his computer.
The autopsy revealed skin flakes around his throat, which matched the Soldier’s DNA.
Doesn’t the 3DS Mario Kart give stars instead of letter grades?
Shhh.
Clearly someone didn’t do the RESEARCH.
this is actually an unknown Mario Kart version from an undisclosed year, thankyouverymuch
Except it’s clearly seven or later.
Shhh.
Shhhhhh.
And that’s when Sal quit school to become a speedrunner/youtuber/twitch streamer.
She was then set for life, as that is a clearly safe and refutable form of income.
…Refutable? O_o
Reputable! Darnit. Flew too close to the sun.
Aw, shouldn’t have corrected yourself, man. I was going to be all, “Refutable, as in EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON. you know will bongo about the possibility of this being viable income, even as you pay for dinner for them.”
Charming southern accent, incredible hotness, sharpened wit, all combined with a love of Mario Kart?
I’d subscribe to that.
Sal probably abuses the Maka Wuhu glitch.
Sal beat the Kobayashi Maru simulation.
It’s nice seeing Sal happy for once!
Ya usually she either angry, tired,or just doesn’t give a fuck.
I’m actually on Sal’s side here, Danny should be well aware of making use of the environment in Mario Kart games.
Yeah, there are clearly intended shortcuts that require you to go off-road.
Do you feel proud about the grades you get in Mario Kart? Will your employer be impressed and hire you right then and there?
I’ve never had an employer pay a whole lot of attention to my report card either.
I would hire someone based ONLY on how many video games they’ve beaten. AND FPS don’t count.
What about the classic FPSes, like DOOM, Quake, Wolfenstein 3D, and the like?
They still don’t count as much as other kinds of games.
What about open sandpit games?
But classic FPS are the hardest of videogames.
He’s right. If you’re used to modern FPS controls, Wolfenstein 3D is beyond difficult. Even when you get used to the controls, it is still very difficult.
I never said it was based on difficulty. I just don’t like FPS.
Understandable.
I hire my employee based solely on their Riven playthrough time. Managers at WayneTech are able to complete all of the puzzles during their lunch hour.
I once cleared the first three levels of Wolf on the hardest difficulty with my eyes closed.
OT but have you seen Return to Castle Wolfenstein? AMAZING.
–And I remember when Wolfenstein 3D came out. Wow. (lol a side level in the new one is a salute to it).
Wolfenstein 3D was released in 1992 and, along with Doom in 1993, popularized (if not completely invented) the first-person shooter genre that thrives to this day.
1992 is also the year in which violent crime rates stopped increasing in the United States and, in fact, they have decreased steadily ever since.
Also Wolfenstein is about a Jewish dude beating the everliving shit out of Nazis and I can’t bring myself to feel bad about that. Maybe I should replay it sometime, don’t think I ever finished the original.
I had an employer hire me to do accounting, when the highest grade I got in accounting outside an “incomplete” was a D- the semester I graduated. ^^;
It’s fitting your Grav is of Mr Satan.
So… does this make Sal a speed runner? If so sign her up for the next *GDQ!
Wait… can you actually do that on Mario Kart? Damn, I wish my DS wasn’t dying…
I would have thought that like in a number of racing games, if you go off-road, you would quickly lose speed.
That’s the case in courses that aren’t Rainbow Road, but Rainbow Road is just a track up in space. There’s nothing between sections of road to cause friction.
“Ah’m Wiggler.
… … …
AND AH CAN BREATHE IN SPACE.”
Wiggler is Batman?
Sal plays Wiggler and Sal is “basically Batman,” therefore Wiggler is currently also basically Batman. QED
Ah! That explains it as I haven’t played Mario Kart since a store demo early last decade.
Not when you have a hang glider!
I feel like this is the set-up for a ‘Back to the Future’ quote.
*reads the title text*
*starts singing “The Touch” by Stan Bush*
I… I think I ship it.
Sal/Mario Kart?
Yeah, that’s my OTP too.
Let’s hear it for Order and Chaos!
Hear, hear!
I love you, Sal.
Sal seems happy… when people are happy in these comics, that means something very bad is about to happen. Prepare yourselves, people…
I’m angry at Danny.
When isn’t anyone angry at Danny?
I’m not angry at Danny right now. He made Sal smile. And that’s pretty awesome.
Yes Sal is happy and that is a good thing. As has been noted, she’s usually pissed, tired, or just don’t care. I know just exactly how she feels.
Danny is a total clueless as usual. He may actually have a chance with her if he acted like he wanted one (while his insides are screaming he does), maybe he should get points for that?
I never realized guys feel about badass broads the way girls feel about badass beefsteak….live and learn.
We all have our own tastes; I, for one, have never been interested in a girl who couldn’t at least give me a run for my money in the ring or on the track.
Why would Danny want to go with Sal? He is still hung up on Amber. (And Sal doesn’t even wear glasses.) That they used to be a couple in the other universe has no relevance here.
He, on the other hand, seems to be her type, like a younger, more approachable Jason. (And Jason’s reluctance and virginity didn’t stop her. I would expect Danny to break Sal’s heart.)
Was Jason a virgin? I got the impression he wasn’t.
tinfoil may be mixing his universes…
Maybe virginity was not the right word. Chastity?
I read all of Sal’s lines in Apple Jacks voice… :3
Yeah, that is a thing we do here.
Ashleigh Ball’s a singer, too, though I don’t recall her band’s name.
This is good writing. Interesting character stuff.
This gravatar is AWESOME!
By the way, the little walky churchmouse one is open to whoever wants it.
Who is that? She looks crazy familiar but I just can’t place her.
Actually, it’s a thumbnail that Crave from BetweenFailures drew for me (I pledged to his patreon lol). It’s a picture of me. And I’m a dude. xD
Albeit a dude with long hair and a feminine face.
“DUDE LOOK LIKE A LADY!”
Your truename wouldn’t happen to be Tedd Verres, would it?
Nah, he’d have pink hair, then.
I… She… I think, perhaps, she just came up with the most awesome idea for changing the school system…
And thus Sal further cements herself as the Coolest character of this comic.
I always thought that.
I like how Danny and Sal actually have chemistry together, instead of being a couple-shaped block of wood.
Not sure if you guys noticed, but their just playing mario Kart. How dues that equate to chemistry? I’ve played videogames with girls before and, from my perspective, it means nothing. That is, of course, unless it suddenly became a romantically exclusive activity.
they’re* damn you conjunctions, you have foiled my not so smart phone while typing yet again. PANTHEON SHALL HAVE VENGEANCE!
It doesn’t have to be romantic chemistry. Kern’s saying that their interactions here are more interesting and entertaining in the Dumbiverse than they were in the Walkyverse despite them actually being a couple in the Walkyverse.
Danny would make a terrible speed runner, just sayin
It’s happeningggggg. \o/
Sal actually looks adorable in that last panel, wtf.
Sal’s genuinely smiling? That’s a first I think.
It
…’s happened at least four times before, to my memory. (lousy mis-tap on my phone’s screen.)
Aside from the fake one she gave her parents (because you specified “genuine”)…
-When looking over her re-straightened hair in the mirror (it lasted for all of one panel before her suppression of self-identity sunk in)
-When discovering that her improved grade was genuine
-When she first met Danny and he, believing she was Amazi-girl, shared his 3DS, getting her hooked on Mario Kart in the first place
-Flashback to Sal and Walky playing Tag or something while Mrs. Walkerton decides that Walky would be the churchmouse
Y’know… Sal’s attitude towards authority and rules has always bothered me to say the least, but here I gotta side with her. I mean, Mario Kart ≥7 gives you the hang glider and stuff, surely that is not for staying on the track at all times, is it? These games are play tested and QA tested to death to eliminate exploits, so as long as it’s fun and not a blatant glitch (those tend to be un-fun), go for it, it was intended to be possible.
Reminds me of the “Abyss” track (second of invitational circuit, on Ord Ibanna) of SW Ep 1 Racer: I unintentionally triggered a glitch where if you went off-track in the middle of the lap, you could manage to cross the finish line (in fact way above, but to the vertical, of the pod) before you’d “crash” in the clouds. This “poisoned” the various lap records because this was clearly an unintended glitch, in the end on the only truthful one remaining was the best three-lap time in mirror mode.
Sal should try Bridge Construction Set next, building bridges that self-destroy from the strain once the last train has passed is fun!
I just spent the last 7 hours of my life reading the whole comic since strip #1 up to this last one. It is now 5:15 am. I regret nothing.
Thought: Amber was under the impression that Danny was intentionally prolonging the race in order to spend more time with her. She accordingly played along, driving alongside him on the straight and narrow.
This seems to be the first time Danny’s witnessed this appalling behavior, so presumably she wasn’t getting too crazy with the driving in their matches.
Look at Sal all smiley instead of scowly! She’s adorable!
Sal needs to smile more often.
What’s a “deet?”
“Deets” is fairly recent shorthand for “details.”
I’ve always like Sal as a character, but now I really respect her character too. It’s fun to see her showing that sometimes just “doing it my way” can work. Screw the rules!
Does Dave actually dislike Jeph Jacques, or is he just kidding around all the time?
It’s just professional ribbing. These guys bump shoulders at the big comic conventions, go out drinking afterwards – they all know each other. I highly doubt there’s any real animosity there. They do guest strips for each other all the time.
This… explains so much. 🙂
Amber: Wow Danny you’ve really improved at Mario Kart how’d you do it?
Danny: It’s time you meet my friend Sal!
—
Something like this is prolly gonna happen. Maybe.
It’s pretty nice to see Sal smile.
Clearly Danny does not enjoy speedruns. By the way, SGDQ is going on, a speedrun marathon for charity! Check it out if you get the chance.
Danny, the first rule of Mario Kart is that everything is fair in Mario Kart.
If that means strategically using mushrooms to go off-roading and shaving seconds off your time, that’s exactly what you should do.
Not to mention that if you -can- bank off a moon, the devs -intended- for you to bank off that moon.
And for about five seconds DOA was a webcomic about video games.
Anyone else amused by the idea that she seems to be playing as Luigi? You can’t see the person, but by cart color it’s either Luigi or Yoshi.
I thought she was playing as the little bug thing.
Not that I would know the difference.
Amber’s the one who plays as wiggler. Actually it’s kind of symbolic regardless of whether it’s Luigi or Yoshi, since Yoshi eats wigglers.
Never mind, I’m being dumb.
Did I just see Sal smiling genuinely?
“Not cheating. Winning.”
— Batman
I can’t help but find this strip incredibly adorable.
This is how a REBEL plays. Joyce, take notes.
Aww she’s positively glowing.
going across the spaces between roads in Rainbow Road isn’t so bad, my friend would ALWAYS do that, and his friends too during their races