Joyce has been homeschooled her entire life until now, when she's suddenly a freshman in college! Things don't go well.
Cyanide & Happiness
Explosm
Satire, dark humor and surreal humor.
Guilded Age
T Campbell, John Waltrip, Florence Machina
Welcome to the saga of the working-class adventurer! Enjoy the complete story with new annotations daily!
All Known Alternatives
Karolina 'Kajotko' Jankiewicz
Akane has only one way to get back home: collect the 42 keys to parallel worlds. Eri and Ben are just trying to get through the summer before university. When a magical key turns up in an old spare set, all three are forced to change their plans and fast.
Shaderunners
Alex Assan, Lin Darrow
A ragtag band of bootleggers open a speakeasy for bottled colour in the greyscale city of Ironwell.
Hemlock
Josceline Fenton
A witch accidentally marries a monster, and now she and her familiar has to navigate life around her monstrous husband and her even more terrifying in-laws.
Paint the Town Red
Windy, Winter Jay Kiakas
Winona runs a werewolf shelter with partner in crime, Odile in the Gothic city of Merlot. One day they take in an injured vampire, and soon unravels many of the dark secrets of Merlot.
No End
Erli, Kromi
A queer romance about people attempting to build lives in a cold, post-apocalyptic world ravaged by hordes of undead.
BOOKMARK Click "Tag Page" to bookmark a page. When you return to the site, click "Goto Tag" to continue where you left off.
BUFFER WATCH
Comics are currently drawn and uploaded through:
Carla is perfect for this, because Ruth will be able to tell that, like her, she’s not a bullshitter. Anything nice Carla says to Ruth will be true, not just to cheer her up.
Yeah, she’s bad at this, thus when she says that Ruth has worth, she’ll be more inclined to actually believe it is true rather than dismiss it out of hand.
That being said, Carla, like Billie, is way out of her depth on how to handle a suicidally depressed person, so it’ll be interesting to see how she handles it. I’m imagining a lot of fucking up and circling back all while telling herself that this is way above what she can handle.
My sister has really bad self-esteem and doesn’t believe anyone when they’re trying to cheer her up because she thinks they’re just saying it to cheer her up. For some reason the best way to make her accept it is extreme and dark sarcasm. “Oh, yeah, sure, you’re like fifty times the size of a blue whale.” “No, they don’t hate you. They just really hate you.” “No, our parents aren’t going to punish you for self-harming. To be honest, I think you’ve pretty much done a good enough job of that yourself.”
The only reason I can think she accepts it is because my tone sort of implies that her worries are so dumb they’re not even worth taking seriously.
It just goes to show you that sometimes when life has beaten you down and kicked the crap out of you, you need someone else to come along and give you an even bigger kick so you’ll jump right back up on your feet. That’s why we have sidekicks.
Warners: [singing] We love you!
Baloney: I love we!
Warners: [pointing at Baloney] He’s as dumb as dumb can be!
Warners:But we found a way that we can get along:
Baloney: I stand still for the anvil song!
(KLONG!)
“Jesus! It’s such an honor to meet you at last, Lord!”
“Mary, my child … what have you done?”
“Lord?”
“Mary, Mary … you were a judgmental bongo who hated everyone. Did I not say, ‘Judge not, that ye be not judged’? Did I not say, ‘He that is without sin, let him cast the first stone’? You have followed a twisted, vicious parody of the path I set before mankind; and you chose to do so even though you were given many opportunities to see the error of your ways. You are cold, and mean-spirited, and spiteful, and hateful.”
Mary said nothing, too flabbergasted to speak.
Jesus shook his head sadly. “I am sorry, Mary. The Kingdom of Heaven is not for such as you. Not yet. You will have to spend many millenia in Purgatory first, reflecting on your sins.”
“I … I hate you, Jesus! I hate you!”
“Make that many eons. Goodbye, Mary. God be with you.”
Nah, knowing how those kinds of people tend to react(I believe anyway), She’d probably respod to that situation by claiming he was clearly Satan lying to her, pretending to be Jesus, in order to lead her astray, and that Jesus would rescue her, or something along those lines.
I don’t think Mary DOES hate Ruth. She just thinks she’s terrible at her job (which is accurate) and manipulates her for her own goals (which is scummy). But she doesn’t seem to actually hate her.
She does hate her, but she mostly hates her for being queer and having that “immorality” in a position of power, when power, in Mary’s mind, should only go to the most righteous.
It was a big part of why she targeted Ruth in the first place as a person to blackmail.
Or in that state of depressive fugue where you’re just like “nothing matters and sleep is a reprieve from the crushing weight of consciousness” but then you can’t actually be asleep as much as you want (re: always) because either you can’t fall asleep or you wake up eventually. Or just straightup staring at the wall and dissociating. Also an option in depressive state.
I mean it’s possible she’s reaching the point of suicide attempts, but today appears to have been the state where there’s no energy or motivation even for that.
Oh good, Ruth did put it in a strip at some point before!
Yeah, I think Ruth and I generally have a similar form of depressive state – there’s the pain and the anger and the suffering, yeah, but mostly what you feel is empty and tired from the overwhelming drain that existing becomes. She’s holding herself together mostly by inertia, but that means EVERYTHING has to fight that much harder to get her to do something and that includes suicidal urges.
Well, the gingersnaps have no soul, just plenty of sugar. Which is an entirely appropriate stand-in I think.
PS: Autocorrect seemed to think Gingersnaps should be Ginger Slaps. I’m now horrified at auto-correct. Almost as much as when it corrected LOL automatically to LOLLIPOP on a text.
I actually checked back just in case, and every time that bag of cookies has been shown since Carla handed them over, there’s been four cookies in it. =(
Depends. Carla can see if Ruth is obviously breathing. We can’t. If Ruth’s breathing is fine, she has a pulse. If her breathing is shallow, then the quality of that pulse might be of concern, but she will at least have one.
I mean, sure, there are problems that’d provide an irregular heartbeat even with regular breathing, but I don’t think we’ve seen evidence she has elevated risk factors for those. Also, she doesn’t look like she’s in severe physical pain.
But if the covers really aren’t moving, then totally. And check for breathing at the same time. (One hand looks for pulse, one hand feels for breath.)
Am I wrong to think that Ruth would be OK with the other people not liking her part? It’s kinda what she goes for but was that also another symptom of the depression? I’m not clear on whether her wanting everyone to fear her was a normal personality trait or part of how she coped.
It’s first-week domination. First impressions are important with a bunch of students that outnumber you a dozen to one. You can’t really FORCE them to follow your instructions, so you have to get into their heads and establish straight up that they’re forced to. You don’t actually have that power, but within the first week their subconscious minds must BELIEVE you have that power, and root it there so hard that it lingers for at least a month, long enough for them to come to respect you as a person.
Ruth was… more direct than most.
As for her depression…. we don’t really KNOW the cause. It’s not the breakup with Billie, she was having these problems before then. (Though that exacerbated it.) I don’t think her parents’ death is recent enough. It could just be brain chemistry without any overt external factor.
I think her parents dying and whatever the situation is with “Sir” on the phone was the thing that started it and then the alcohol thing exacerbated her self-loathing and then with that in place it’s just been feeding on itself for long enough her brain can’t get out on its own.
Except I don’t think this is a RECENT thing. Not as recent as that phone call. The way she describes to Billie her growing inability to feel makes it sound like it’s been going on for a lot longer than that.
Oh yeah, totally agreed, but she’s also clearly been drinking for a while, her parents have been dead for a while, and whatever’s going on with Sir it’s been a situation that’s been there for a while. Like all of those things clearly predate the strip starting, and I assume that’s also the case for her depression.
But given the Sir and alcohol things are ongoing and it seems unlikely she ever got any sort of actual help to deal with her parents’ death, if the situation hasn’t improved and all the causes are still unresolved, depression settles itself in for the long haul.
Irritating brain tick black hole hellbeast, you’re a terrible thing to share a brain with.
The importance at that juncture of depression between having someone with such brutal honesty who isn’t walking away is pretty huge. As someone who survived depression that led into suicidal ideation (but not direct self injury other than a persisting mild eating addiction), I can say that Carla might not be the hero Ruth wants, but she’ll damn well do.
Any port in a storm, as long as it isn’t the alcoholic kind.
I’d suggest she try physical activity to drag her mind out of those places, but not necessarily what I did. I took up a dance form based on short-staff taiji and shelellagh. If Ruth got her hands on a shelellagh, I fear it really would become clobberin’ time, as Ben Grimm would say.
Can’t argue with Carla here. (Seriously Billie. Seriously. Do not rope random basically-strangers into suicide watch.) But at the same time, yeah. Checkin is good, and your not actively hating her is probably a step up from everyone else on this floor and she needs a friend and you need another in for regular appearance time, so.
To be fair, this is me trying to talk to friends going through mental illness and emotional difficulty. I want to help, but I’m quite awful at it. Humans and thier emotions…
Carla, you’re being honest, you’re trying, and you are admitting that you do in fact care about Ruth. And these are all positive things for Ruth to hear.
…
Also, you just trapped yourself, because now if you want to deny that you care about Ruth, you have to admit that you care about Billie to actually be doing what she asked of you. Hence, you have trapped yourself into verbally admitting that you do in fact care about people despite your protests.
Being depressed myself I know people care, sometimes it helps sometimes that makes me feel worse. Like oh good add one more person to disappoint. Just me
Again! You can’t do over-under on a binary outcome! You need to have a more flexible score! Like, in football, the over-under for the score might be 23.5, meaning “under” is betting 23 points or less will be scored, and “over” is betting that 24 or more will be scored. But that doesn’t work with a binary option like “will take the cookies or won’t take the cookies”. You need a spectrum of options for over-under to become a viable betting method.
“I’m beginning to think that you’re not actually okay,” Geeze what great observation Sherlock what gave it away? Was it the fact that she hasn’t setc foot out of her room in last 5 days or was it the moment she broke down in tears after you gave her a bag of fucking cookies?
can people seriously leave carla alone? like she said a couple pages back that everyone had hated her for one reason or another this breeds a level of hostility in ppl and its super shitty that ppl dont understand this? like ppl who are bullied and hated tend to get real tired of that so they act hostile so ppl wont come near them and they wont get hurt its a survival tactic and shes doing her absolute best sorry us trans girls arent loved by all and have all kinds of friends sorry the general public sees us as freaks and likes to bully or abuse us like fuck
Wow… It took me a total of almost 24 hours to see this. You know I didn’t mention anything about the entire thing about her being a transexual so don’t know where this is coming from. Not to mention all I’ve done with this one comment alone is just take a few potshots at at a couple of characters and nor have I said anything that you can consider offensive or mean, because let’s be honest if I wanted to be either one of those things especially mean you would know and you’ll be able the tell I was trying to be.
There isn’t even a shot of Ruth crying *afterward*, much less during that conversation. I don’t know why you would complain about this knowing people can go back and see that it’s not true.
And as much as I resent people not being able to see depression in others, how was Carla supposed to tell the difference between that and detoxing + sadnesses at missing her girlfriend? I’ve never been through withdrawal myself but I imagine that laying still in the dark is normal when you feel that physically sick.
Cool, you know it’s weird because it feels like there’s this bitter rivalry between Mystic and Valler which I can kind of see Mystics are kind of cocky.
Y’know, someone really just needs to tell Ruth that even though they can’t actually be together right now Billie still deeply cares about her, I mean why else would she be sending people to check on Ruth. She needs to get it through her head that even even if she can’t be right next to her she’s not alone. Though, speaking as one with depression problems I know that would do no good, but still.
But hey Carla don’t worry Ruth can relate to you she has poor people skills too, Hell I remember the last time she tried to console a person she almost accidentally ended up calling them a nerd that should get out more. So if anything on top of the fact that you two are both a couple of red headed jackasses you have that in common too.
I’ve never heard that, but I rarely hear chat speak in spoken form. I think I may glare at people when they do. Granted, I don’t when contractions are used, and the history of those is probably similar to spoken chat now. I guess it’s relative.
AA is not a therapy, it’s a self-help group. This means it’s a widely accessible, cheap (because only room costs have to be raised) ressource for people with drinking problems.
Last time I looked, it didn’t claim to be a therapy and specifically said that it didn’t require anyone to believe in God, only in the existence of a “power greater than yourself” – because individual will-power alone is not enough to beat alcoholism and you need a point of reference outside yourself.
That said I can imagine all sorts of freedom in the concept getting lost in a group made up mostly of fundamentalist christians and it being confused with a faith-based initiative.
I’m rather sure the concept is open to misuse and does not work for everyone (and judges making it obligatory to go to AA should be banned, having to deal with people who don’t want to be there makes the groups less effective for the people who do) – but, given especially the US health care situation: is there any other free resource for people with addiction that can be accessed anywhere?
Grav Roulette…. why? Why did you do this? I mean… On all nights, this? I’m not saying this is BAD. I’m saying I don’t comprehend your motives. At all. As Calvin of Calvin and Hobbes once said, there’s nothing worse than an inscrutable omen.
….. nope, I’m not going to think about whatever sinister, menacing motives you have here. Nopenopenopenopenope.
Ruth’s situation… confuses me. On the surface, she wishes to evoke terror. I don’t know if this is because she desires obedience, or power, or is sadistic, or just wants to drive people away. I could see it being any one of these or a combination. But it’s definitely not how I would do things. … I’m not saying I don’t have those qualities, mind you. Even a small streak of sadism. I have to, if I’m going to DM properly. But I don’t express them like that.
Underneath, her emotions are dying. Hard. In a way that makes her miserable. I don’t understand this part either. I myself go through life in with emotions deadened…. but I tend to prefer that. I don’t like getting worked up about anything. I don’t like highs and lows. Just give me a flatline of nothing-to-complain-about and that’s where I’m at my best. I don’t trust myself when I’m emotional. I make mistakes, big ones, really bad decisions when I get emotional. It’s to the point where getting worked up about anything, even in a way that’s excited or overjoyed, SCARES me, and I have to take a timeout for a few hours to calm down before I let myself continue with whatever. And I like it that way. I like living my life in a clinical, detached, low-key manner.
But I recognize a lot of people don’t like it that way. For me deadened emotions are good, for them… it’s not. Like, really, really, really not. I understand that and I try to accommodate it as best as I can but I don’t GET it. It’s not that I can’t feel what Ruth’s going through… it’s that I can and, at a gut level, I don’t understand WHY it’s a problem. Maybe depression is different than I’ve heard it described, more than just deadened emotions and inactivity? Maybe depression is nothing at all like what I experience? I dunno. I’m not an expert. But I don’t get Ruth at all. (My problem, not hers, of course.)
She’s…. not a good fit for me. I don’t think. It’s hard to say, because I don’t understand her. So very confused…
When I was young, as a child and a teen, I had a very conflicted and difficult relationship with my emotions. They were sometimes strong, like yours, and led me to do many things that I later regretted. As a male, an introvert, and one who fancied himself smarter than average, I exalted intellectualism and “rationality” and derided, denied and repressed these strong, scary, irrational and sometimes uncontrollable feelings. (Yes, Mr. Spock was very much a character I admired and tried to model myself after.)
And then, in my twenties, I finally came to realize, and then accept, that this other side – emotional, sensitive, socially needy and thus vulnerable – was not going to go away, no matter how much I tried or wished; that my earlier refusal and denial had only left me unprepared to handle or express those feelings in a healthy way; and that if I didn’t learn to bleed off pressure in a controlled manner, all I had to look forward to was a continuing series of explosions. It was a revelation, and while I can’t say that I no longer ever have problems with my passions getting the better of my reason, my overall balance and awareness is much improved from what it was.
Two quotes in closing, one from an episode and one from a movie:
“Can half a man live?”
“Do you have a message for your mother?”
“Yes. Tell her… I feel fine.”
I tend delineate between my neutral “not feeling anything, but not in a depressed way” default and actual depression like this:
1. First, anhedonia. Low-key existing neutral state still gives me things I get enjoyment out of, whereas trying to do something when I’m depressed just gives me the effort of doing things (as opposed to the aforementioned trying to sleep forever or stimming with solitaire or something) without any of the pleasure that could come out of it, and usually with the active reminder of “remember when you were Happy, and this worked? Now it doesn’t anymore. It’s broken, just like you.” sort of feeling.
2. Like that previous reminder suggested, self-loathing. Because you can’t feel anything even contentment and you can’t do anything and therefore you are a useless piece of shit who would be better off decomposing so that then you’d provide nutrients for worms. If there’s anything else for the insecurity to feed off of, it will find you. OH IT WILL FIND YOU.
3. This constant, aching, draining sensation. Standing takes effort. Sitting up takes effort. Existing around other people takes effort, because you have to hear them existing around you and they’re doing okay and they’re in your space and all of this is completely intolerable to your exhausted husk of a being that just wants to curl up in a ball somewhere where it’s dark and quiet and reasonably soft and stay like that forever. Even the most passive interactions like reblogging things on Tumblr takes effort, and so you really can’t muster the energy to do anything.
4. For me at least, the memory that I didn’t always feel this way and the utter inconceivability of feeling good again. Like, a very distinct piece of it was always that I could tell there was something that used to be there, but I couldn’t tell what or where it had gone and I just couldn’t imagine having it again. If you’ve ever seen Inside Out, that part where both Joy AND Sadness are gone and the other emotions are trying to keep control but everything Just Isn’t There? That sums it up perfectly. You knew you used to be capable of feeling things. You aren’t. There’s hurt and it’s like sadness but it’s not sadness, and you feel like maybe if you got a good chunk of sadness out of the way it would help, but crying doesn’t help it just makes you empty. During my first episode I remember feeling like I was homesick, only for a time because I couldn’t tell what had changed except that I was older. I had been happy once, I had been capable of being happy once, now I was not and it had been gone for a while but I didn’t know when or why.
5. Also, time starts to blend together into “constant unending drag” and the future becomes something completely alien because listen, I can barely get myself out of bed, how am I supposed to imagine a future where I’m not alone and useless and broken? You can’t really imagine anything but this sad inertial meathusk you’ve become.
I think Ruth doesn’t know how to express authority except abusively since that’s how she had it at her home. Also, to acknowledge a character flaw, I expect Ruth really enjoyed the sense of fear and power she lorded over others with violence.
We don’t know details. We know her parents are dead and we know she sounded scared and upset by the “sir” she spoke to on the phone. We know she drank herself into a stupor after talking to him.
You know Carla, I also don’t understand why anybody should care about a self-destructive alcoholic asshole who abuses others and who is already ruining her life at the age of maybe 21.
Considering Ruth is no longer portrayed as a mustache twirling villain, there’s a deep rooted tragic backstory that, in essence, pushed her to be like this. No self worth, attempts to dull/hide the pain, and walls to keep other from getting close.
Perhaps not, but Carla isn’t the victim of her abuse, other than the passive “one more authority figure who didn’t help” kind of abuse. And at least this one had to be blackmailed into not helping rather than not doing it all on her own.
Billie maybe a victim, but she certainly cares and that’s actually not uncommon – screwed up as such a relationship might be.
I wouldn’t call most of the rest of the floor “victims” either. At least not to the level of not being able to have sympathy or empathy.
Well for one thing, if she dies that leaves Howard completely alone except for “Sir”. (That’s probably one of the thoughts keeping her from taking a real active step, honestly.)
Second, even if the rest of the dorm doesn’t like her, someone you know dying – even someone you didn’t know well, even someone you may not have LIKED – is still this huge traumatic thing because there used to be a person here and now they are not anymore. ESPECIALLY when it’s suicide. Like, my junior year there was a suicide on campus and the entire (admittedly very small) campus ground to a halt the day after because everyone either knew the kid or knew someone who had, almost every class would have had someone in it who at least knew them, and there were all the general “someone I knew just died and I’m trying to comprehend this” along with guilt because maybe if you had noticed you could have intervened, maybe if you had just said something…
Third, maybe not throw alcoholics, people who have self-destructive tendencies caused by depression, and people who are “already ruining [their lives] at the age of maybe 21” under the bus as people who no one should ever bother to care about because generally that only serves to feed into the worst self-loathing stuff their/our own brains are saying? (Sincerely, a self-destructive asshole who spent something like half of my 20th-21st years convinced I was irrevocably ruining my life and is still trying to be in a state that can be described as “doing something with it”)
Like, yeah, mentally ill people can very much do horrible abusive stuff as symptoms of their mental illness (hey there, Amazi-Girl last arc) and Ruth is absolutely the worst person to be an RA in part because of her own issues, but we can be aware our issues are worsening other people’s, it does not do anything to stop it because we are then in the Useless Self-Loathing and Guilt Loop (we’ve seen Ruth in that one,) and saying you shouldn’t care about someone because they don’t deserve help just convinces the self-aware ones we shouldn’t bother seeking out someone to try and help us get out of the pit because we’re a lost cause. (The Blaine types who are completely beyond seeing they need help don’t pay attention, because they were never listening in the first place.)
“Oh man, that one asshole who everyone dislikes and who actively makes everyone’s life worse through physical and emotional abuse is kinda sad because she dumped her overdependent alcoholic girlfriend and then blamed HER for the breakup.”
“Oh man, the person who only defended me from Mary because I’m trans, as we know she’d NEVER vehemently defend somebody for something so insignificant otherwise, as she never HAS, is upset. And not only did she only defend me because I’m a minority, she then backed down when confronted with blackmail that consisted of VERY LEGITIMATE REASONS SHE SHOULD BE FIRED.”
You know, I bet you could have phrased that in a way that didn’t insult everybody who identifies with Ruth. But I appreciate you going the extra mile to tell depressed people that it’s all their fault and that they don’t deserve sympathy.
As a depressed person I feel as though I’m allowed to defend myself here and say that at no fucking point did I say it was every depressed person in the world’s fault that they are depressed.
It is Ruth’s fault that Ruth is depressed, though. Every problem in her life right now is self inflicted and I do not sympathize with her.
i love how carla’s good heart underneath the jerk act really shows here. “i don’t care about you and you can tell how true that is because i realized you aren’t ok and came back to check on you. because i dont care about you.”
I take one look at the spasm-like posture of Ruth’s hands and I suspect that the feared crisis is here. I wonder if the residents of the floor can be roused to help one of their own (even one as debatably tolerated as Ruth) if they’re in real (medical) trouble?
Someone is already there, fortunately. If Ruth is having a medical emergency, Carla can call 911. I’m not sure what the others on the floor can do, unless they have medical knowledge.
It’s kinda ironical that people publicly pairing her with Carla is potentially as bad as pairing her with Billie. Still conflict of interest.
Tho I guess this one is more easily dispellable if the administration asks.
Not a romance but certainly a friendship. This, more than anything else, is what Ruth needs: Just to have someone give a shit for her without the encumbrance of romantic feelings. Someone she can hang out with without subtext.
Definitely NOT Dr. Phil. He’d rather be all “tough love” and other stuff for TV than to actually help people. The help he does give is just basic stuff anyone could do.
The two drawings of Ruth seem to have the same line art but different colorings. Given that 1. Willis has used cheek blush to distinguish Amazi-Girl from Amber, and 2. Willis has used identical frames for comic beats, so he is not avoiding frame reuse out of artistic principle, this could be intended as an indication that Ruth is breathing shallowly.
Thanks for pointing this out; I hadn’t noticed that the shadows changed between those two panels.
To me, too, it looks like Ruth is breathing. Still might need medical help, though.
(None of the currently posted preview panels shows Ruth …)
That or Carla’s shifting in the doorway and that’s changing the lighting. Breathing would change the line art by, say, shifting the blanket or her shirt.
“Curse me R.A. for I have feels; it’s been… uhh… I haven’t really done this before… sooo, do I, like, get a cookie if my confession is the best today? Oh, merciful Zeus! Help! She’s going to take my feeemuuuuursssss!!! This is not what Mike told me would happen!”
Ruth is..Ruth is dead. She’s been dead for days. Probably died of alcohol poisoning or some kind of purposeful overdose. The Ruth always dies, it’s multiversal.
At this point she’s been long enough without a drink that she should be down to just mild side effects. The worst phase with alcohol is the 48 to 72 hours immediately after the last drink (the period when potentially deadly seizures are most common) after that the biggest potential issue is DTs with their potentially dangerous side effects which last into the second week after quitting.
I suspect Ruth is mixing the anxiety and disorientation of alcohol withdraw with the effects of depression which is going to have at least some feedback loops going on.
Actually, Carla got a response the previous time. First time she knocked on the door and went away. She didn’t have a key, so short of breaking down the door or calling authorities, I’m not sure what else she could have done. After bringing breakfast, she went in, using Billie’s key, and was told Ruth was “fine”.
Ruth was certainly breathing a couple hours ago. Carla has no reason to think that’s changed.
*immediate cut scene to Joe and Roz post-coital, just laid back in their no-obligations fuck-buddy relationship, philosophizing on in what way sex feels different for men and women*
Everyone is talking about the Carla-Ruth interaction and I’m like what’s up with that Leafs poster. What is “ON” at the end? Shouldn’t it be “TO” for the end of Toronto?
In this context it means “Let me recap what i told/wrote in a single sentence”.
It’s actually a concession at readers who react to long texts with a “tl;dr”.
Loading ...
“I am the worst. Tell me all of your problems.” Way to relate, Carla.
“Let’s begin the therapy, shall we?”
Generally, I don’t think therapy begins with “everyone else kinda hates you.”
Bad Therapists Anonymous?
“My name is Carla, and I’m bad at this.”
“HI CARLA!”
If everyone there is a bad therapist themselves, wouldn’t the response be something like “WHO GIVES A SHIT?!”
Because it’s a rote call & response thing?
Or, “EVERYONE LET’S TWEET HER PIC TO THE WORLD!”
Being bad at job does not necessarily mean apathy, just as earnestness does equate to talent.
Because getting out of bed in the morning wins on enthusiasm, … Which is why I’m typing this from my dark bedroom.
Depends on if it’s a good therapist.
It’s going well so far
But you’re honest enough to tell her people care.
Carla is perfect for this, because Ruth will be able to tell that, like her, she’s not a bullshitter. Anything nice Carla says to Ruth will be true, not just to cheer her up.
Yeah, she’s bad at this, thus when she says that Ruth has worth, she’ll be more inclined to actually believe it is true rather than dismiss it out of hand.
That being said, Carla, like Billie, is way out of her depth on how to handle a suicidally depressed person, so it’ll be interesting to see how she handles it. I’m imagining a lot of fucking up and circling back all while telling herself that this is way above what she can handle.
My sister has really bad self-esteem and doesn’t believe anyone when they’re trying to cheer her up because she thinks they’re just saying it to cheer her up. For some reason the best way to make her accept it is extreme and dark sarcasm. “Oh, yeah, sure, you’re like fifty times the size of a blue whale.” “No, they don’t hate you. They just really hate you.” “No, our parents aren’t going to punish you for self-harming. To be honest, I think you’ve pretty much done a good enough job of that yourself.”
The only reason I can think she accepts it is because my tone sort of implies that her worries are so dumb they’re not even worth taking seriously.
I know I am bad at this but I am here for you if you want someone to be here for you.
*plays “Tell It Like It Is” on the hacked Muzak*
I kinda wanna cringe at this but Carla’s at least trying.
It just goes to show you that sometimes when life has beaten you down and kicked the crap out of you, you need someone else to come along and give you an even bigger kick so you’ll jump right back up on your feet. That’s why we have sidekicks.
“That’s why we have sidekicks.”
And sometimes we need rear-kicks.
Kick-BUTT!
It hurts… because it’s true….
Ah come on, Carla, not everyone hates Ruth.
Mary really hates her.
And everyone hates Mary. EVERYONE
“I hate you, you hate me, let’s team up and kill Mary”
I hate you, you hate me,
Let’s team up and kill Mary
With a femur for a club,
and a broken bottle too,
We’ll agree that Mary’s screwed.
I definitely imagined Barney the dinosaur singing this.
Of course you did. Even Barney hates Mary.
Then you’re missing out. I imagined Pennywise singing it thanks to the grav. It was just the right kinds of terrifying and hilarious.
Warners: [singing] We love you!
Baloney: I love we!
Warners: [pointing at Baloney] He’s as dumb as dumb can be!
Warners:But we found a way that we can get along:
Baloney: I stand still for the anvil song!
(KLONG!)
Nah. Dina.
Even Galasso?
Galasso holds Mary in such utter contempt that he would surely banish her from his domain, if he remembered from day to day which one Mary was.
Mary’s the one with the hair, right…?
Then by that logic shouldn’t ruth be loved? enemy of my enemy or something?
To be fair, Mary hates everyone.
Well, everyone she’s met. There’s probably a few people she hasn’t met that she doesn’t hate.
Jesus.
…Of course, if she ever met Jeshua, it’d blow her puny mind.
Yup, anticipated that and I’m filing that under the “people she hasn’t met” category.
“Jesus! It’s such an honor to meet you at last, Lord!”
“Mary, my child … what have you done?”
“Lord?”
“Mary, Mary … you were a judgmental bongo who hated everyone. Did I not say, ‘Judge not, that ye be not judged’? Did I not say, ‘He that is without sin, let him cast the first stone’? You have followed a twisted, vicious parody of the path I set before mankind; and you chose to do so even though you were given many opportunities to see the error of your ways. You are cold, and mean-spirited, and spiteful, and hateful.”
Mary said nothing, too flabbergasted to speak.
Jesus shook his head sadly. “I am sorry, Mary. The Kingdom of Heaven is not for such as you. Not yet. You will have to spend many millenia in Purgatory first, reflecting on your sins.”
“I … I hate you, Jesus! I hate you!”
“Make that many eons. Goodbye, Mary. God be with you.”
Nah, knowing how those kinds of people tend to react(I believe anyway), She’d probably respod to that situation by claiming he was clearly Satan lying to her, pretending to be Jesus, in order to lead her astray, and that Jesus would rescue her, or something along those lines.
“Get dunked on, loser.”
“What does that even MEAN, Jesus?”
“You’d know if you were cool, Mary.”
OK, that made me laugh xD
You got it wrong. That conversation starts with “MY jesus isn’t brown!”
Bwaha, true that
“Bongo” because God uses… er, is it Aussie slang?
It’s what this system substitutes for another word beginning with “b”.
I don’t think Mary DOES hate Ruth. She just thinks she’s terrible at her job (which is accurate) and manipulates her for her own goals (which is scummy). But she doesn’t seem to actually hate her.
Probably not proactively, but that doesn’t quit the fact that many want to smack and yell at her “Get a bit of empathy, you heartless dunce!”
Sure she does. Mary hates everybody. Including herself.
She does hate her, but she mostly hates her for being queer and having that “immorality” in a position of power, when power, in Mary’s mind, should only go to the most righteous.
It was a big part of why she targeted Ruth in the first place as a person to blackmail.
The fact that Ruth hasn’t moved in this strip is concerning…
Maybe she’s just sleeping? Or at least pretends that she does.
Moving would require motivation.
more importantly moving requires life
Literally.
Or in that state of depressive fugue where you’re just like “nothing matters and sleep is a reprieve from the crushing weight of consciousness” but then you can’t actually be asleep as much as you want (re: always) because either you can’t fall asleep or you wake up eventually. Or just straightup staring at the wall and dissociating. Also an option in depressive state.
I mean it’s possible she’s reaching the point of suicide attempts, but today appears to have been the state where there’s no energy or motivation even for that.
Yeah. This.
Oh good, Ruth did put it in a strip at some point before!
Yeah, I think Ruth and I generally have a similar form of depressive state – there’s the pain and the anger and the suffering, yeah, but mostly what you feel is empty and tired from the overwhelming drain that existing becomes. She’s holding herself together mostly by inertia, but that means EVERYTHING has to fight that much harder to get her to do something and that includes suicidal urges.
she probably used up her one and only spoon on that “smile”.
Also saying “I’m fine” twice.
Currently she is down to the broken bits of plastic at the bottom of the plastic cutlery box, and one cracked spoonpart.
We’ve seen this behavior in this comic before.
Found this in the comment section of this comic (many months ago).
Leave that in the comment section of this comic:
Adventures in Depression
Also:
Depression Part Two.
Her hands curled like that suggests to me she’s possibly mid-panic attack
Another option, that is.
Next strip Carla reaches out to touch Ruth, only to realise it’s a mannequin with a red wig in the bed.
she ded
Yeah, that.
She still hasn’t touched those cookies…
They are off the bed. Have they rejected her?
“Everyone else here kinda hates you, including the gingersnaps”
Well, the gingersnaps have no soul, just plenty of sugar. Which is an entirely appropriate stand-in I think.
PS: Autocorrect seemed to think Gingersnaps should be Ginger Slaps. I’m now horrified at auto-correct. Almost as much as when it corrected LOL automatically to LOLLIPOP on a text.
Autocorrect is proof that if Skynet ever does try to launch nukes, we won’t need to worry, because all the nuclear codes will get autocorrected.
ENGAGE NUDE CLEAR STROKE
This killed me
“ginger slaps” sounds like something Billie is missing desperately about now.
Oh myyyy.
I actually checked back just in case, and every time that bag of cookies has been shown since Carla handed them over, there’s been four cookies in it. =(
Numerology time!
Picard: “THERE! ARE! FOUR! COOKIES!”
“Ya know, at the end, I was so hungry I did see five ginger snaps….”
But you’re trying, Carla, and that’s the most important thing right now.
Actually, the most important thing right now is checking for a pulse.
Depends. Carla can see if Ruth is obviously breathing. We can’t. If Ruth’s breathing is fine, she has a pulse. If her breathing is shallow, then the quality of that pulse might be of concern, but she will at least have one.
I mean, sure, there are problems that’d provide an irregular heartbeat even with regular breathing, but I don’t think we’ve seen evidence she has elevated risk factors for those. Also, she doesn’t look like she’s in severe physical pain.
But if the covers really aren’t moving, then totally. And check for breathing at the same time. (One hand looks for pulse, one hand feels for breath.)
Still got those cookies.
Am I wrong to think that Ruth would be OK with the other people not liking her part? It’s kinda what she goes for but was that also another symptom of the depression? I’m not clear on whether her wanting everyone to fear her was a normal personality trait or part of how she coped.
Having a serious disconnect between how other people feel about you and how you feel about yourself can be a thing in depression.
It’s first-week domination. First impressions are important with a bunch of students that outnumber you a dozen to one. You can’t really FORCE them to follow your instructions, so you have to get into their heads and establish straight up that they’re forced to. You don’t actually have that power, but within the first week their subconscious minds must BELIEVE you have that power, and root it there so hard that it lingers for at least a month, long enough for them to come to respect you as a person.
Ruth was… more direct than most.
As for her depression…. we don’t really KNOW the cause. It’s not the breakup with Billie, she was having these problems before then. (Though that exacerbated it.) I don’t think her parents’ death is recent enough. It could just be brain chemistry without any overt external factor.
I think her parents dying and whatever the situation is with “Sir” on the phone was the thing that started it and then the alcohol thing exacerbated her self-loathing and then with that in place it’s just been feeding on itself for long enough her brain can’t get out on its own.
Except I don’t think this is a RECENT thing. Not as recent as that phone call. The way she describes to Billie her growing inability to feel makes it sound like it’s been going on for a lot longer than that.
Oh yeah, totally agreed, but she’s also clearly been drinking for a while, her parents have been dead for a while, and whatever’s going on with Sir it’s been a situation that’s been there for a while. Like all of those things clearly predate the strip starting, and I assume that’s also the case for her depression.
But given the Sir and alcohol things are ongoing and it seems unlikely she ever got any sort of actual help to deal with her parents’ death, if the situation hasn’t improved and all the causes are still unresolved, depression settles itself in for the long haul.
Irritating brain tick black hole hellbeast, you’re a terrible thing to share a brain with.
The importance at that juncture of depression between having someone with such brutal honesty who isn’t walking away is pretty huge. As someone who survived depression that led into suicidal ideation (but not direct self injury other than a persisting mild eating addiction), I can say that Carla might not be the hero Ruth wants, but she’ll damn well do.
Any port in a storm, as long as it isn’t the alcoholic kind.
Yeah, the fact that Carla’s saying “I may not know you very well but I am Concerned by this action and care enough to keep coming back” is good.
I’d suggest she try physical activity to drag her mind out of those places, but not necessarily what I did. I took up a dance form based on short-staff taiji and shelellagh. If Ruth got her hands on a shelellagh, I fear it really would become clobberin’ time, as Ben Grimm would say.
“Also, are you going to eat those cookies?”
Can’t lose sight of the important things.
Can’t argue with Carla here. (Seriously Billie. Seriously. Do not rope random basically-strangers into suicide watch.) But at the same time, yeah. Checkin is good, and your not actively hating her is probably a step up from everyone else on this floor and she needs a friend and you need another in for regular appearance time, so.
Gotta get that screentime!
Seriously Carla is too awesome not to appear regularly.
It’s like these last few arcs, Willis decided, “You know what, let’s just focus on the best characters.”
…Mary appeared suite a bit.
Well, to be fair, butts said “best characters,” not “most moral” or “most likeable,” so their statement arguably still stands.
I now see your avatar as Amazi-Girl turning to the camera and breaking the fourth wall with a smile.
(But I hear Danny Pudi’s voice.)
Ruth…Ruth, why aren’t you moving? RUTH…RUTH, STOP FREAKIN’ ME OUT.
To be fair, this is me trying to talk to friends going through mental illness and emotional difficulty. I want to help, but I’m quite awful at it. Humans and thier emotions…
RUTH: “Who are you, and why did you just call me a Teal Deer?”
“Because when you said you were fine, I’m pretty sure you were bluffawn.”
… get it? Teal deer? Blue fawn? Bluffing? Hello? Hello?
Ah, so this is where the puns are staggreen through.
“I’m Wonderella!”
Hope we’re not getting a suicide attempt here.
I think Willis would have done something to warn his readers, he did with Becky’s mom. That’s a pretty powerful trigger.
Carla gets credit for self-awareness, more than I usually have most days tbh
Let it never be said that Carla lacks self-awareness.
Shhhhhh. Don’t disturb her. She’s resting in peacefulness.
Let’s… let’s hope not.
Interesting that you say that. *points at gravatar
Yeah, this was my first post this evening, I had no idea the Grav Roulette would give me Ruth. ….. ominous.
Yeah. Having Han Solo/Indiana Jones feelings on this one.
A-are there shrooms in that bag?
Ginger snaps. From Walkie’s mom.
Actually they went from Linda to Walky to Billie to Carla to Ruth. Those cookies get around.
They can travel around the world faster than Phileas Fogg.
Carla, you’re being honest, you’re trying, and you are admitting that you do in fact care about Ruth. And these are all positive things for Ruth to hear.
…
Also, you just trapped yourself, because now if you want to deny that you care about Ruth, you have to admit that you care about Billie to actually be doing what she asked of you. Hence, you have trapped yourself into verbally admitting that you do in fact care about people despite your protests.
Nah, she was really just there to check on the cookies.
They seem to be in one piece.
Being depressed myself I know people care, sometimes it helps sometimes that makes me feel worse. Like oh good add one more person to disappoint. Just me
What’s the over-under on her taking the cookies and running?
Again! You can’t do over-under on a binary outcome! You need to have a more flexible score! Like, in football, the over-under for the score might be 23.5, meaning “under” is betting 23 points or less will be scored, and “over” is betting that 24 or more will be scored. But that doesn’t work with a binary option like “will take the cookies or won’t take the cookies”. You need a spectrum of options for over-under to become a viable betting method.
She could take just the one cookie.
“I’m beginning to think that you’re not actually okay,” Geeze what great observation Sherlock what gave it away? Was it the fact that she hasn’t setc foot out of her room in last 5 days or was it the moment she broke down in tears after you gave her a bag of fucking cookies?
It is currently Sunday late morning/early afternoon. Ruth was last out and about LAST NIGHT. http://www.dumbingofage.com/2016/comic/book-6/03-when-god-closes-the-door/handle/
Okay I was wrong on that it’s hard to tell exactly what number of days are going by in the this comic sometimes.
Also, at no point during Carla giving Ruth the cookies did Ruth cry.
http://www.dumbingofage.com/2016/comic/book-6/03-when-god-closes-the-door/deliver/
I couldn’t remember earlier whether Carla knew about the drinking problem so thanks for the link.
can people seriously leave carla alone? like she said a couple pages back that everyone had hated her for one reason or another this breeds a level of hostility in ppl and its super shitty that ppl dont understand this? like ppl who are bullied and hated tend to get real tired of that so they act hostile so ppl wont come near them and they wont get hurt its a survival tactic and shes doing her absolute best sorry us trans girls arent loved by all and have all kinds of friends sorry the general public sees us as freaks and likes to bully or abuse us like fuck
Wow… It took me a total of almost 24 hours to see this. You know I didn’t mention anything about the entire thing about her being a transexual so don’t know where this is coming from. Not to mention all I’ve done with this one comment alone is just take a few potshots at at a couple of characters and nor have I said anything that you can consider offensive or mean, because let’s be honest if I wanted to be either one of those things especially mean you would know and you’ll be able the tell I was trying to be.
There isn’t even a shot of Ruth crying *afterward*, much less during that conversation. I don’t know why you would complain about this knowing people can go back and see that it’s not true.
And as much as I resent people not being able to see depression in others, how was Carla supposed to tell the difference between that and detoxing + sadnesses at missing her girlfriend? I’ve never been through withdrawal myself but I imagine that laying still in the dark is normal when you feel that physically sick.
Which Pokemon Go teams I think characters would join:
1. Dorothy: Team Mystic, she would appreciate their logical skills
2. Joyce: Team Mystic, she would join just so she could be on the same team as Dorothy.
3. Becky: Team Instinct, she enjoys playing things by ear.
4. Carla: Team Valor, it has the same color as Ultra Car.
5. Dina: Team Mystic, although she would be torn between joining Becky and being on the more logical side, she would ultimately choose Mystic.
Another question: Which one of them will be the first to fall off a cliff? (You just had to bring up Pokemon Go)
Okay here’s where I stand, The hell with everyone on this list except from Becky and Carla…yeah I’m with Valor.
Team Instinct
Cool, you know it’s weird because it feels like there’s this bitter rivalry between Mystic and Valler which I can kind of see Mystics are kind of cocky.
im mystic bc articunos pretty and i like cold weather ^_^
I like you, but mainly because the enemy of my enemy is my friend.
Hey, I knew there had to be Some1 else on my team! I keep running into Team Mystic.
Quick decisions, hatching eggs and a sweet lightning bird are all very much my thing in most Pokemon games.
Which team cooks and eat their pokémons ?
Team Rocket.
Their recipes are really a blast.
Y’know, someone really just needs to tell Ruth that even though they can’t actually be together right now Billie still deeply cares about her, I mean why else would she be sending people to check on Ruth. She needs to get it through her head that even even if she can’t be right next to her she’s not alone. Though, speaking as one with depression problems I know that would do no good, but still.
I dunno. That might hurt even worse. Really twist the knife about how the relationship ended.
Am I terrible at this kind of stuff? Yes. Am I going to jive it my best try? Well, I kind of don’t have a choice.
she has a choice. she made a choice. she made the best choice she could have.
I am not sure how one jives it their best try, but I am certain it would be somewhere between interesting and fantastic.
Is… anyone else concerned that she didn’t budge between those two panels? Not even to clench her fist a little more?
Yes. Not alot, cause of a previous post, but yeah, still a little.
Oh crap…
But hey Carla don’t worry Ruth can relate to you she has poor people skills too, Hell I remember the last time she tried to console a person she almost accidentally ended up calling them a nerd that should get out more. So if anything on top of the fact that you two are both a couple of red headed jackasses you have that in common too.
This is important.
Did she just say ‘TLDR’, or did she say ‘TL Semi-colon DR’?
The usual form for pronouncing it that I’ve seen is “teal deer”.
Which is also a great visual, IMO.
That is amazing information to know. I’ve heard people say other things, like idk or lol, but not tl;dr.
I’ve never heard that, but I rarely hear chat speak in spoken form. I think I may glare at people when they do. Granted, I don’t when contractions are used, and the history of those is probably similar to spoken chat now. I guess it’s relative.
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2015/04/the-irrationality-of-alcoholics-anonymous/386255/
AA is not a therapy, it’s a self-help group. This means it’s a widely accessible, cheap (because only room costs have to be raised) ressource for people with drinking problems.
Last time I looked, it didn’t claim to be a therapy and specifically said that it didn’t require anyone to believe in God, only in the existence of a “power greater than yourself” – because individual will-power alone is not enough to beat alcoholism and you need a point of reference outside yourself.
That said I can imagine all sorts of freedom in the concept getting lost in a group made up mostly of fundamentalist christians and it being confused with a faith-based initiative.
I’m rather sure the concept is open to misuse and does not work for everyone (and judges making it obligatory to go to AA should be banned, having to deal with people who don’t want to be there makes the groups less effective for the people who do) – but, given especially the US health care situation: is there any other free resource for people with addiction that can be accessed anywhere?
TL;DR- You really love talking to yourself.
Grav Roulette…. why? Why did you do this? I mean… On all nights, this? I’m not saying this is BAD. I’m saying I don’t comprehend your motives. At all. As Calvin of Calvin and Hobbes once said, there’s nothing worse than an inscrutable omen.
….. nope, I’m not going to think about whatever sinister, menacing motives you have here. Nopenopenopenopenope.
Ruth’s situation… confuses me. On the surface, she wishes to evoke terror. I don’t know if this is because she desires obedience, or power, or is sadistic, or just wants to drive people away. I could see it being any one of these or a combination. But it’s definitely not how I would do things. … I’m not saying I don’t have those qualities, mind you. Even a small streak of sadism. I have to, if I’m going to DM properly. But I don’t express them like that.
Underneath, her emotions are dying. Hard. In a way that makes her miserable. I don’t understand this part either. I myself go through life in with emotions deadened…. but I tend to prefer that. I don’t like getting worked up about anything. I don’t like highs and lows. Just give me a flatline of nothing-to-complain-about and that’s where I’m at my best. I don’t trust myself when I’m emotional. I make mistakes, big ones, really bad decisions when I get emotional. It’s to the point where getting worked up about anything, even in a way that’s excited or overjoyed, SCARES me, and I have to take a timeout for a few hours to calm down before I let myself continue with whatever. And I like it that way. I like living my life in a clinical, detached, low-key manner.
But I recognize a lot of people don’t like it that way. For me deadened emotions are good, for them… it’s not. Like, really, really, really not. I understand that and I try to accommodate it as best as I can but I don’t GET it. It’s not that I can’t feel what Ruth’s going through… it’s that I can and, at a gut level, I don’t understand WHY it’s a problem. Maybe depression is different than I’ve heard it described, more than just deadened emotions and inactivity? Maybe depression is nothing at all like what I experience? I dunno. I’m not an expert. But I don’t get Ruth at all. (My problem, not hers, of course.)
She’s…. not a good fit for me. I don’t think. It’s hard to say, because I don’t understand her. So very confused…
When I was young, as a child and a teen, I had a very conflicted and difficult relationship with my emotions. They were sometimes strong, like yours, and led me to do many things that I later regretted. As a male, an introvert, and one who fancied himself smarter than average, I exalted intellectualism and “rationality” and derided, denied and repressed these strong, scary, irrational and sometimes uncontrollable feelings. (Yes, Mr. Spock was very much a character I admired and tried to model myself after.)
And then, in my twenties, I finally came to realize, and then accept, that this other side – emotional, sensitive, socially needy and thus vulnerable – was not going to go away, no matter how much I tried or wished; that my earlier refusal and denial had only left me unprepared to handle or express those feelings in a healthy way; and that if I didn’t learn to bleed off pressure in a controlled manner, all I had to look forward to was a continuing series of explosions. It was a revelation, and while I can’t say that I no longer ever have problems with my passions getting the better of my reason, my overall balance and awareness is much improved from what it was.
Two quotes in closing, one from an episode and one from a movie:
“Can half a man live?”
“Do you have a message for your mother?”
“Yes. Tell her… I feel fine.”
“You feel… fine.”
“i feel fine.”
…
“He feels fine!”
Thing was, compared to how he started that movie? (Recently dead and all.) He actually did, and that was significant progress.
Here… not looking so good. A lot depends on how these next few strips go.
I tend delineate between my neutral “not feeling anything, but not in a depressed way” default and actual depression like this:
1. First, anhedonia. Low-key existing neutral state still gives me things I get enjoyment out of, whereas trying to do something when I’m depressed just gives me the effort of doing things (as opposed to the aforementioned trying to sleep forever or stimming with solitaire or something) without any of the pleasure that could come out of it, and usually with the active reminder of “remember when you were Happy, and this worked? Now it doesn’t anymore. It’s broken, just like you.” sort of feeling.
2. Like that previous reminder suggested, self-loathing. Because you can’t feel anything even contentment and you can’t do anything and therefore you are a useless piece of shit who would be better off decomposing so that then you’d provide nutrients for worms. If there’s anything else for the insecurity to feed off of, it will find you. OH IT WILL FIND YOU.
3. This constant, aching, draining sensation. Standing takes effort. Sitting up takes effort. Existing around other people takes effort, because you have to hear them existing around you and they’re doing okay and they’re in your space and all of this is completely intolerable to your exhausted husk of a being that just wants to curl up in a ball somewhere where it’s dark and quiet and reasonably soft and stay like that forever. Even the most passive interactions like reblogging things on Tumblr takes effort, and so you really can’t muster the energy to do anything.
4. For me at least, the memory that I didn’t always feel this way and the utter inconceivability of feeling good again. Like, a very distinct piece of it was always that I could tell there was something that used to be there, but I couldn’t tell what or where it had gone and I just couldn’t imagine having it again. If you’ve ever seen Inside Out, that part where both Joy AND Sadness are gone and the other emotions are trying to keep control but everything Just Isn’t There? That sums it up perfectly. You knew you used to be capable of feeling things. You aren’t. There’s hurt and it’s like sadness but it’s not sadness, and you feel like maybe if you got a good chunk of sadness out of the way it would help, but crying doesn’t help it just makes you empty. During my first episode I remember feeling like I was homesick, only for a time because I couldn’t tell what had changed except that I was older. I had been happy once, I had been capable of being happy once, now I was not and it had been gone for a while but I didn’t know when or why.
5. Also, time starts to blend together into “constant unending drag” and the future becomes something completely alien because listen, I can barely get myself out of bed, how am I supposed to imagine a future where I’m not alone and useless and broken? You can’t really imagine anything but this sad inertial meathusk you’ve become.
…..
…. eek.
…. okay, nope, that’s not something I go through on a regular. Maybe a for a day or two after a bad break-up, but… nope.
…. yikes.
Yeah, it is REALLY not fun. Detached neutral’s fine with me, but depression just blows.
I think Ruth doesn’t know how to express authority except abusively since that’s how she had it at her home. Also, to acknowledge a character flaw, I expect Ruth really enjoyed the sense of fear and power she lorded over others with violence.
WAS her home life abusive? I could easily see that, but have we actually heard anything on the subject?
We don’t know details. We know her parents are dead and we know she sounded scared and upset by the “sir” she spoke to on the phone. We know she drank herself into a stupor after talking to him.
Reading between the lines, it doesn’t sound good.
You know Carla, I also don’t understand why anybody should care about a self-destructive alcoholic asshole who abuses others and who is already ruining her life at the age of maybe 21.
Considering Ruth is no longer portrayed as a mustache twirling villain, there’s a deep rooted tragic backstory that, in essence, pushed her to be like this. No self worth, attempts to dull/hide the pain, and walls to keep other from getting close.
I think. Did I get that right?
In real life, the victim of such abuse couldn’t care less about some back story.
Perhaps not, but Carla isn’t the victim of her abuse, other than the passive “one more authority figure who didn’t help” kind of abuse. And at least this one had to be blackmailed into not helping rather than not doing it all on her own.
Billie maybe a victim, but she certainly cares and that’s actually not uncommon – screwed up as such a relationship might be.
I wouldn’t call most of the rest of the floor “victims” either. At least not to the level of not being able to have sympathy or empathy.
Well for one thing, if she dies that leaves Howard completely alone except for “Sir”. (That’s probably one of the thoughts keeping her from taking a real active step, honestly.)
Second, even if the rest of the dorm doesn’t like her, someone you know dying – even someone you didn’t know well, even someone you may not have LIKED – is still this huge traumatic thing because there used to be a person here and now they are not anymore. ESPECIALLY when it’s suicide. Like, my junior year there was a suicide on campus and the entire (admittedly very small) campus ground to a halt the day after because everyone either knew the kid or knew someone who had, almost every class would have had someone in it who at least knew them, and there were all the general “someone I knew just died and I’m trying to comprehend this” along with guilt because maybe if you had noticed you could have intervened, maybe if you had just said something…
Third, maybe not throw alcoholics, people who have self-destructive tendencies caused by depression, and people who are “already ruining [their lives] at the age of maybe 21” under the bus as people who no one should ever bother to care about because generally that only serves to feed into the worst self-loathing stuff their/our own brains are saying? (Sincerely, a self-destructive asshole who spent something like half of my 20th-21st years convinced I was irrevocably ruining my life and is still trying to be in a state that can be described as “doing something with it”)
Like, yeah, mentally ill people can very much do horrible abusive stuff as symptoms of their mental illness (hey there, Amazi-Girl last arc) and Ruth is absolutely the worst person to be an RA in part because of her own issues, but we can be aware our issues are worsening other people’s, it does not do anything to stop it because we are then in the Useless Self-Loathing and Guilt Loop (we’ve seen Ruth in that one,) and saying you shouldn’t care about someone because they don’t deserve help just convinces the self-aware ones we shouldn’t bother seeking out someone to try and help us get out of the pit because we’re a lost cause. (The Blaine types who are completely beyond seeing they need help don’t pay attention, because they were never listening in the first place.)
and carla’s an ass
seriously your the absolute worst
Compared to what MIKE would be doing to Ruth here? Definitely not.
ehhh, basic human sympathy.
“Oh man, that one asshole who everyone dislikes and who actively makes everyone’s life worse through physical and emotional abuse is kinda sad because she dumped her overdependent alcoholic girlfriend and then blamed HER for the breakup.”
“Oh man, the person who only defended me from Mary because I’m trans, as we know she’d NEVER vehemently defend somebody for something so insignificant otherwise, as she never HAS, is upset. And not only did she only defend me because I’m a minority, she then backed down when confronted with blackmail that consisted of VERY LEGITIMATE REASONS SHE SHOULD BE FIRED.”
I SYMPATHIZE WITH THIS HORRIBLE PERSON SO MUCH?
who is already ruining her life
How is that relevant? Are you only able to care about people who make all the right choices?
Anyway, Tan has a link to Carla & Ruth’s conversation earlier if you actually want a real answer to that.
Yes.
You know, I bet you could have phrased that in a way that didn’t insult everybody who identifies with Ruth. But I appreciate you going the extra mile to tell depressed people that it’s all their fault and that they don’t deserve sympathy.
As a depressed person I feel as though I’m allowed to defend myself here and say that at no fucking point did I say it was every depressed person in the world’s fault that they are depressed.
It is Ruth’s fault that Ruth is depressed, though. Every problem in her life right now is self inflicted and I do not sympathize with her.
Oh boy, is she breathing right now?
So, disclaimer.
Any face-to-face interaction that has a tl;dr is probably going sub-optimally. That may also be true online.
i love how carla’s good heart underneath the jerk act really shows here. “i don’t care about you and you can tell how true that is because i realized you aren’t ok and came back to check on you. because i dont care about you.”
STOP TRYING TO MAKE ME LIKE YOU DAMMIT!
Trying to lighten the mood: I’m voting this for the lead-in to the next Slipshine comic.
I’m going to go with too much or not enough.
Willis’ Depressioncomix game is strong.
I take one look at the spasm-like posture of Ruth’s hands and I suspect that the feared crisis is here. I wonder if the residents of the floor can be roused to help one of their own (even one as debatably tolerated as Ruth) if they’re in real (medical) trouble?
Someone is already there, fortunately. If Ruth is having a medical emergency, Carla can call 911. I’m not sure what the others on the floor can do, unless they have medical knowledge.
Carla is (self proclaimed) bad at the job, but she still DOES THE JOB!!! That’s what makes the difference.
It’s kinda ironical that people publicly pairing her with Carla is potentially as bad as pairing her with Billie. Still conflict of interest.
Tho I guess this one is more easily dispellable if the administration asks.
Not a romance but certainly a friendship. This, more than anything else, is what Ruth needs: Just to have someone give a shit for her without the encumbrance of romantic feelings. Someone she can hang out with without subtext.
That’s what MIGHT make the difference. Keeping my fingers crossed but it’s not there yet.
Ruth needs some help from Dr. Phil or someone. I still have to give Carla an A- for effort.
Definitely NOT Dr. Phil. He’d rather be all “tough love” and other stuff for TV than to actually help people. The help he does give is just basic stuff anyone could do.
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww carla
Ruth’s dead, calling it.
I’m pretty certain that Willis has stated that “nobody dies in DoA”.
Of course, ER trips aren’t out of the question.
It didn’t happen in DoA, it was between comics. It’s just that no one is getting hit by a truck.
…. you know, on-camera. …. and outright dying. Crippling lifelong paralysis is still on the table.
…. okay, yeah, I’m just trolling, Willis has promised.
It’s just sort of ironic that the shorthand version of this comic’s title is “DoA.”
I actually specifically use DofA for that reason.
The two drawings of Ruth seem to have the same line art but different colorings. Given that 1. Willis has used cheek blush to distinguish Amazi-Girl from Amber, and 2. Willis has used identical frames for comic beats, so he is not avoiding frame reuse out of artistic principle, this could be intended as an indication that Ruth is breathing shallowly.
Thanks for pointing this out; I hadn’t noticed that the shadows changed between those two panels.
To me, too, it looks like Ruth is breathing. Still might need medical help, though.
(None of the currently posted preview panels shows Ruth …)
That or Carla’s shifting in the doorway and that’s changing the lighting. Breathing would change the line art by, say, shifting the blanket or her shirt.
Yeah, the shading of Ruth’s hair shows definite differences between the two panels.
Are Ruth’s hands balled up in anger, or clawed from overdose?
Yes.
Ruth “is my room a damn conffessional ?”
“Curse me R.A. for I have feels; it’s been… uhh… I haven’t really done this before… sooo, do I, like, get a cookie if my confession is the best today? Oh, merciful Zeus! Help! She’s going to take my feeemuuuuursssss!!! This is not what Mike told me would happen!”
Ruth is..Ruth is dead. She’s been dead for days. Probably died of alcohol poisoning or some kind of purposeful overdose. The Ruth always dies, it’s multiversal.
“Just this once, nobody dies!”
Nope, not alcohol poisoning. She cleaned out her stash and I don’t see her having the motivation to restock it right now.
…. though come to think of it… what phase of detox would she be in right now?
At this point she’s been long enough without a drink that she should be down to just mild side effects. The worst phase with alcohol is the 48 to 72 hours immediately after the last drink (the period when potentially deadly seizures are most common) after that the biggest potential issue is DTs with their potentially dangerous side effects which last into the second week after quitting.
I suspect Ruth is mixing the anxiety and disorientation of alcohol withdraw with the effects of depression which is going to have at least some feedback loops going on.
Made me think: Billie doesn’t seem to be showing any withdrawal signs. That’s familiar. And not good.
At least she’s upfront about it! Silver linings.
The dam may be about to open.
If Ruth is having a medical emergency, Carla can call 911. I’m not sure what the others on the floor can do, unless they have medical knowledge.
Carla has been talking at Ruth from a distance and going away when she gets no response. She has no idea if Ruth is still breathing or anything.
If Ruth is having a medical emergency, Carla can call 911. I’m not sure what the others on the floor can do, unless they have medical knowledge.
Carla has been talking at Ruth from a distance and going away when she gets no response. She has no idea if Ruth is still breathing or anything.
Actually, Carla got a response the previous time. First time she knocked on the door and went away. She didn’t have a key, so short of breaking down the door or calling authorities, I’m not sure what else she could have done. After bringing breakfast, she went in, using Billie’s key, and was told Ruth was “fine”.
Ruth was certainly breathing a couple hours ago. Carla has no reason to think that’s changed.
*sigh* Alright, I’ve got the shoulder harness locked in place. Start the emotional rollercoaster.
*immediate cut scene to Joe and Roz post-coital, just laid back in their no-obligations fuck-buddy relationship, philosophizing on in what way sex feels different for men and women*
Everyone is talking about the Carla-Ruth interaction and I’m like what’s up with that Leafs poster. What is “ON” at the end? Shouldn’t it be “TO” for the end of Toronto?
Leaf’s Nation, I believe.
“Leafs Nation” — illustration here
Willis left off the top word is all.
Try it again — illustration here.
…huh, i found another way in which i relate to carla
tl;dr this hat makes me look like a conehead
At least she’s honest
I’m not sure I really get the ‘tl;dr’ doesn’t that mean ‘too long; didn’t read’ I don’t get it in this context.
In this context it means “Let me recap what i told/wrote in a single sentence”.
It’s actually a concession at readers who react to long texts with a “tl;dr”.
Since she’s speaking it should of course be “tl;dl”, but that’d just confuse people.
Oh, I remember the shape of those wrists and the fists curled like inward fury.
Willis, too damn close to home.
How has no one commented on the shape the cookies make?
…. a lawn gnome? That kinda looks like a lawn gnome to me.
Huh, now that you mention it I can see that too kinda.
And my avatar is a little too appropriate for what I saw. >_< I need an infusion of Joyce.
So it was actually Ruth she was thinking about at the door. Which makes one curious how the earlier one met her definition of fine… Oh.
Oh, Carla. *hugs*
What? What am I missing?
Ohoho… no one gets hit by a truck, huh? Got it…
She’s just dead on the bed, that’s all.
The truck was stealthy this time.
But that’s just it Carla, you may just be precisely the right person at this juncture
Huh, look at that, something about Carla I can finally understand and sympathise with
I’m betting the pills she OD’ed on are gonna be called Truckanil or some such thing
Effortlessly pronouncing the semicolon, of course.