A reminder that Ruth is over at Woody After Hours this week and next being interviewed all late-night talk show-style.
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A reminder that Ruth is over at Woody After Hours this week and next being interviewed all late-night talk show-style.
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Sarah, Sarah…
No time is a good time for goodbye.
Sarah, Sarah. Storms are brewin’ in your eyes.
Oh, Sarah…
#slowclap
Graaaahhhhh Sarah!!!!!
Every interaction between Sarah and Jacob is like a kick in the nads.
DAMMIT SARAH.
My thoughts exactly.
Don’t be like I was in college!
GODDAMMIT SARAH
I KNOW, RIGHT?
You took the words right out of my mouth.
I’d ask for them back, but I didn’t really want them in the first place.
And the trauma train rails on…
Next stop self sabotage station.
ALL ABOARD!
No need for tickets, just gotta keep learning lessons the hard way…
Oh. Don’t worry, you’ve got a redheaded lesbian to keep you company.
Yeah, Sarah, Billie, and Ruth need to form some sort of support group.
That just makes me think everyone who comes for help will join their habits and soon enough they’ll start a cult of drunken lesbianism.
I fail to see the issue with that…
Plot twist: drunken lesbian suicide pact fulfilled
If (when?) we see a comic end with “Act with integrity…” I will be “flipping my shit.”
I was picturing a warbling human piremid. I don’t know what’s in egipt, but I most certanly do mean warbling.
That would be the opposite of a support group.
Self fulfilling prophecy.
^ This.
Sarah; I know XX is gonna happen, so I may as well get it over with.
Yeah, I’m an alien, former ‘Con, & even I know that’s not the best attitude to have. Works for some things, but not here…
you for got your hashtag!
How am I suppose you on you on your instwitumblr?????
#tagme
What?
If this is how you act to her being herself then no, you can’t be friends and you don’t want to be.
If she’s being negative, she should change. I mean, people aren’t static. I’d like Sarah to stop being such a killjoy. She’s just as childish as Joyce or Walky, just in a different way.
The issue with Jacob isn’t her being negative. It’s his assumption that her keeping to herself means that she doesn’t want to be his friend.
Especially since I read that third panel as more self deprecating that judgmental. Though that could just be me.
Right, except in this strip Jacob isn’t making any assumptions. Sarah is flat out telling him she doesn’t want to be friends with him.
Deep down Sarah probably does want to be friends with Jason and people in general. She isn’t cold and standoffish (entirely) out of malice, but because she’s insecure in her ability to be a friend, and is afraid of being hurt if she gets emotionally attached to anyone.
But Sarah isn’t elaborating on any of that to Jacob. All she’s telling him is “You don’t want to be my friend.” Without any explanation or context behind that, he’s completely justified in taking Occam’s Razor and reasoning that she is avoiding being his friend because she doesn’t want to be his friend.
Remember that we’ve seen Sarah’s past and how it informs her motivations because we’re the audience. But Jacob only knows Sarah through a handful of conversations between classes.
Derp. Jason -> Jacob.
Minor correction: Sarah isn’t really worried about being hurt. She’s worried about hurting *him*. Sarah perceives herself as an ambulatory force of destruction, who gets roommates expelled for smoking or attending the wrong school. Every person whose life she touches is the worse for it. (Including Ryan, but Sarah won’t remember that because that would include remembering she saved Joyce, which she’s forgotten. Once you get into the “I’m bad” mindset you dismiss and forget contrary evidence.)
Note the second emphasis in panel 3 – she doesn’t have a problem with being friends with Jacob; she thinks that if he was fully informed about all the stuff we know and he doesn’t, that he wouldn’t want to be friends with her.
It seems to me that Sarah honestly just cannot believe that any guy would ever truly like the real her, so when Jacob does express an interest…she refuses to accept that it’s true. Hence the self-sabotage kicks in.
Daniel the Human seems to read it this way too. I’m included to agree…
Yes because it’s totally worth being someones friend when they make no effort. Friendship is a two way street; you can’t really be someone’s friend if they don’t care about you. Jacob tried to be her friend, she basically turned him down, and then tried to pretend he never wanted to be in the first place. If people wanna be alone they will always find a way no matter how much someone tries to force them into spending time with them.
Put up enough signs that you don’t want to be talked to, and eventually they will be read. Unless it’s Joyce from Roomies, of course.
*reads alt text*
“flawless victory”
Fatalistality.
This.
Congrats, Sarah. You won. Also, you lost. Because, everyone did.
The person who loses first is the winner!
you mean the person who makes the SECOND to last mistake is the winner
God, this comic speaks to me on so many levels.
Sarah pisses me off sometimes, but parts like this speak volumes to the depth of character she has.
oh god i want them to keep talking so bad i’m so invested
Smooth, Sarah…Real smooth…..idiot
Both of you, just why?
Jacob, people can just want to sit on their own or even keep to themselves for the most part. It doesn’t have to mean they don’t want to be your friend.
Sarah, well just godsdammit Sarah.
Well, I know when I was in college, if I found a friend or even semi-friend in a large-ish class and that friend buggered off to be alone, I’d read that as “Get the fuck away from me.”
When reinforced by what Sarah says in panel 3, I’d draw the same conclusions as Jacob.
–which is why he should go make out with someone male and Asian =>
Why would he make out with Faz?
yotomoe
ARNOLD PEOPLE, CHEESE
Given your gravatar I would have thought you’d say ken.
Fair enough but, perhaps due to some projecting, tend to see it from the other side. i.e. Needing to spend some time alone due to worry that everything will go sideways, perhaps because of me, and thus read her line in panel three more as a “why would you want to be my friend” sort of thing.
I think if one thing can be taken as true it’s XKCD’s “Holy shit guys, people are complicated!”
If Sarah wanted to be alone all she needed to do was express her feelings. Jacob isn’t a mind reader. Just a quick “hey, I’m just need to be alone right now.” She is purposely avoiding him and he can sense that.
On the first pass, I read that as “Aslan”.
I guess it’d make up for him missing his bus.
oh snap there’s my next slash request =D
God loves you.
(yes, Biblically.)
He has been known to stick his dick in crazy.
Er, I mean, humanity.
(I know, same thing)
NO! ONE OF THEM IS ME! GAH! HE BETTER STAY OUT OF ME!
Me tooo…
Apparently Daniel the Human tends to eat alone deliberately, says it gives him to “sort his head out a bit, time to think, plan, design”. He’ll admit he’s a bit crazy, but he does still talk to friends when he sees them, tries not to sabotage things like this. We both agree Sarah’s letting the fact people hate her for helping her former roommate as well as her lack of social skills stop her seeing she was actually making progress with Jacob, as 2-steps-forward-1-step-back as it was…
Personally I recon Daniel the Human should help me out with picking up chicks, but he just throws magnets at me if I ask too many times…
Sarah’s already decided that Jacob hates her and wants nothing to do with her. Anything he says wouldn’t mean a thing.
Eeeeeh, I don’t know about that. The last sentence that is. I would say it’s more that she’s convinced herself that he dislikes her because keeping people at a distance is easier.
That being said he has no real reason to necessarily know this and no obligation to try to correct that notion.
No, I think Sarah knows that Jacob at least sorta likes her. What she also knows, is that at some point in the future, things will turn nasty, and whatever feelings they had for each other will shatter and rain down on her like shards of glass. She’s just retroactively avoiding that pain.
Stupid, stupid Sarah.
Ergh, that should be ‘proactively’.
Except Jacob directly asked if they were friends (albeit not in a terribly neutral manner), and Sarah gave an incredibly shitty answer.
As others have said, friendship is a two way road, and Sarah wasn’t doing her part.
This is probably due to who I am but I can’t help but read that as a “I am not worth being friends with” rather than a “I don’t think you actually care.” I believe she is self aware enough to know that she can be bitter and harsh and as a result thinks that she can’t help but rub people the wrong way after a while.
But well, I could easily be wrong.
Actually if you remember her past, it’s more of being friends with her is something that would potentially harm the friend.
It’s not that she’s not worth being a friend, but that she feels she just brings trouble.
I think he only said that because of how one of their other conversations went. I can’t remember the specifics but I believe it ended negatively after certain comments about Joyce or something. He could have been interpreting her regression to previous anti social behavior as a response to whatever negativity that I’m forgetting about that had occured between them.
The last time they spoke, Sarah told Jacob not to ask for any more Joyce stories (whereupon he told her he only asked because that was the only time she ever opened up HINT HINT SARAH), and when she met up with Joyce later that day, Sarah told her that she was pretty sure he hated her and that it was doomed from the start.
Honestly, this is fine if Sarah doesn’t want to be friends. If she does, then she’s screwing it up for herself. You don’t get to have what you want without doing what it takes to get those things. Of all people, she should know that.
Her problem is that she wants two things and she believes they’re mutually exclusive. At some point, she’ll realize they aren’t, but she hasn’t yet.
This is the kind of “win” where you actually lose.
I won the “Least likely to lose my virginity award”!
IT WILL BE MINE! but because I don’t actually want to.
Unless you’re older than me, you won’t be winning that award.
It’ll come.
Not so great being right all time is it ?
Funny thing, this is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
“I’m a miserable sod, so no one should like me.”
*proceeds to behave like one, thus ensuring no friends FOREVER*
I think the term you’re looking for is Pyrrhic victory.
That always sounds like an STD to me.
STDs do sound like their own Pyrrhic victories
*Pokes Google* Yeah, sounds about right…
Google has a facebook?
Dammit, Sarah. Stop reminding me of myself.
Sarah is trying to be a good person, but sometimes she is just trying.
Sometimes Sarah is great, other times, she’s grate.
Sometimes Sarah is swell, other times she’s just… well…
Sarah is awesome, but she’s also some ‘aww’. 🙁
Sometimes Sarah is a bad ass, but sometimes she’s also an ass, which is bad.
It’s not working! Quick Sarah, take off your clothes.
She does that. Unfortunately only Daisy sees her.
UNfortunately?
Bit of a self fulfilling prophecy here.
To Sarah: “I dub thee Grumble-bum.”
This is Joyce’s fault, Isn’t it?
I’ve been waiting this long for more Sarah Jacob goodness and this is what you give me!?!
That’s just how Willis rolls.
It truly is as they say, the Willis giveth, the Willis taketh away.
Learn to take his username in vain.
It’s actually quite fun, see! ^.^
DAMN YOU WILLIS!!!!!!
Actually, the traditional oath, as established in the original It’s Walky! forums, is just a simple
DAMN YOU WILLIS
No exclamation points. Think of it as being spoken in the tone of voice Death uses in Terry Pratchett’s “Discworld” books.
Now I’m gonna hear Christopher Lee every time I read that.
Daniel the Human showed me “Monty Python’s The Meaning Of Life”. I read Cholma’s comment in THAT Death’s voice…
but exclamation points are fun!
This was Willises personal middle finger to you before he left
Obviously.
That escalated quickly.
He’s all like “How dare you have No self esteem! I’m going to teleport every human within a 30 square yard radius away from you now!”
and then he does and no one is around in the last pannel
Jacob is secretly a very petty Dr. Manhattan.
I shall make that my headcanon.
Nitpick: a radius is a length, not an area. I suppose you could extend it to mean three- or fourdimensional objects, though…
He used it right. Radius is a distance describing a circle, and there for implies a circle.
I think it is the square yard part he’s correcting. It’s just a 30 yard radius for a circle.
Kat’s right. The area of a circle is in square years, it’s radius is in yards.
It’s psychological distance being depicted anyway, and that transends geometry.
*life comes at you fast*.jpeg
Oh, Sarah. Kiddo, Joyce accepts you. Joyce loves you. People are not all going to turn on you when it’s inconvenient, and you will be able to let them in.
Buuuuuuut in the meantime, you’re being Sarah. Oh, Sarah.
Omigod. Sarah is me.
Wow, that was just stupid.
Dammit, Sarah.
… I feel like I should make more of an effort to make friends after reading this. If I can see she’s doing it wrong, I should apply the knowledge to my own life as well.
Says… Sarah.
Says… Dina.
Says… Jason.
Say… Me…
I have to admit, I sometimes am also way better at the friend thing after talking about where someone else is totally struggling.
It’s so easy to get busy, and not think about friends while a week slides by, or a few. I just forget to put in that energy sometimes.
🙁 poor sarah. socializing. is hard, especially when you’ve been burned before.
I feel kinda upset at but also very sad for Sarah. Mostly just sad for her. 🙁 She really does think she’s super unlikeable, doesn’t she? Kinda reminds me of myself, actually…
Why sure…its so easy…we just make up our minds and ‘poof’ we aren’t negative or untrusting” anymore.
Mr. K, Sarah is not being childish. Sarah is hurting because she can’t trust.
That’s not childish. This is of course, only imo.
I hope Sarah can learn to open up, Jacob is sooo nice in more ways than one. He could be really good for her.
Such a self full-filling profecy, amiright?
Like is it even possible to be more mellow dramatic?
If she drank more Mountain Dew instead of Mello Yello she could try for melodramatic… 😉
Sarah’s just so can-tang-erous…
She said ‘You don’t really want to be friends with me” Not “I don’t want to be friends with you.” A true friend would have understood the difference.
It’s not Jacob’s responsibility to wade through Sarah’s bullshit. We know she’s a good person but she could care to act like it more often.
She didn’t start any of this, he’s the one whose been pushing the whole time.
How dare he try to befriend her. That monster.
You don’t get to force yourself into someone’s life and then complain their way of living doesn’t suit you.
Oh wow I never thought about it that way. I guess it’d be for the best if everyone just gave up on ever interacting with Sarah and she just died alone like she clearly wants to.
Sarah doesn’t wake up every day deciding to hate people. Her views on this topic are hers, but if she ever wants any meaningful interaction with other people (and she fucking does, let’s be honest. Sarah putting up a wall so she doesn’t get close to people is not the riddle of the sphinx here), then she needs to deal with them.
I think he understood the difference and just got fed up with her wallowing in self-pity and self-doubt. Jacob’s been the one and only person putting effort into this relationship (working with a very loose sense of the word “relationship”) and he’s telling Sarah that she needs to at least act like she has some interest in building her friendships if she wants to keep them.
Friendships are relationships. Not everything is about sex. Even in Willis comics.
That is what I meant, but I felt I needed to clarify because there’s a bit of ambiguity about the exact nature of this particular relationship. Also for whatever reason people get touchy about the word “relationship.”
oh please, “You don’t really want to be friends with me” is emotionally abusive as fuck. She’s blaming him for her problems and he has every right to not put up with that.
Jacob has already expressed his desire to be friends with her. Sarah is doing this to herself.
…that was fast.
This reminds me of that one time in Hajime no Ippo where the main character is about to confess his feelings to the girl he likes then pusses out , then she’s like “are you fucking serous!?” Then walks away pissed off then the guy turns around and looks at his Dog and say’s “I love you though Wampo.”
Sarah… have you ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy? You’re certain you’ll be miserable, so you chase everyone away so they can’t hurt you. Believe me, I know, I did that for over a decade. I can virtually guarantee that’s not the life you want to lead, but I could be wrong.
Maybe she doesn’t want to do the bit she thinks she’s going to next. the part where she tries to make a move on him in a friendship dissolving casual encounter.
Nobody bother to comment on this strip. The alt text says it all.
Would it be a troll-move to pint out you commented to tell others comments are not needed?
That said, she did get what she was going for, not what she wanted tho, so it is indeed a hollow victory…
Damn it, Willis! Jeph Jacques has really got the sadness covered this week, you don’t need to help!
I haven’t read any QC this week. CRAP.
Oh sweetie, brace yourself. 🙁
DAMN YOU JACQUES
It’s pronounced ‘Jerkface’ here. Willis has very particular opinions about that.
Ah, yes, I’d forgotten. My apologies. I’ll remember in the future.
I’m angered that she does this because I do this and I get angry at myself for doing it.
Being aware of your self-fulfilling prophecies doesn’t stop you from fulfilling them.
I can see this from both perspectives. Jacob seems to measure his friendship based on social interaction with people who are his friend, so if Sarah seems like she doesn’t want to interact with him or anybody, then he’ll come to the conclusion that she doesn’t want his friendship. That’s entirely understandable. Some people like to make fast friends.
For Sarah, she’s been heavily burned by her past friendships, so it’s honestly understandable that she’s being more guarded than usual, but even then, Sarah was pretty introverted from the start. Dana had to work on getting Sarah out of her room and meeting people, and it was a slow, gradual process. How many days have gone by since Sarah’s known Jacob? Maybe a week? That’s barely scratching the surface in comparison.
Now I’m not saying Jacob should or is required to do what Dana did, but Sarah needs at least that amount of time (or more, depending on the person) for her to feel more comfortable around him, and others in general. Maybe longer, taking into account the past trauma of losing friends.
Agreed. As someone who’s more like your description of Jacob, I find it very difficult to befriend someone who has a more gradual friendship process if I don’t see them regularly. Not to mention if they started to avoid me in those regular interactions, I would assume they wouldn’t want to be friends with me. Sarah’s actions and statements make sense, but are easily misread (I know I would misread them).
Yaaaay :c
Also, it’s unfortunate that Ruth’s talk show visit couldn’t be worked into the DoA narrative, Willis. That would’ve been pretty neat. 😀
I just don’t understand why she’s so determined to alienate everyone, even though she seems to want attention and friendship. This has been going on since before the incident with Raidah. I want to know what happened.
Even before Raidah and Dana, she was like this. Go back to the Dana strips and see. It took Sarah like a month before she was comfortable with those people. She’s just introverted by nature.
At least, that’s what I’d like to say, but I’m hoping there’s more to it. Her intense focus on studying and nothing else may have a history to it. She’s studying law, which can lend itself to many possible backstories.
Giving how focused she is on her scholarships, Sarah may not be that financially well off. Coupled with her introverted personality and “everyone fuck off, I’m here to study” seems like a logical conclusion.
I think she has an inferiority complex that makes her think she doesn’t deserve to be with her friends/just causes them misery eitherway, which she compensates for by outwardly pretending to have a superiority complex, which conveniently pushes people away so she doesn’t need to worry about her relationships with other people (except her lack of them, depressingly enough). Yeah. :/
Uggggghhhhh, Sarah stop. Just stop.
Have you tried not being a bongo?
I knew a gal like Sarah back in college. Very bitter. Very cynical. And most likely very depressed. She tried to kill herself and spent a long time in the hospital. I never heard from her again and I do hope that she got better. =(
This is the worst strip to have read on my birthday. 🙁 Damn you, Willis. Damn you…
Mr Willis says Happy Birthday? 😛
I’ve met and known people like this. It’s hard not to smack them after a while.
People like Jacob who require you to regularly be around them for them to be friendly towards you and who take it very personally if you don’t?
It can be a challenge for an introvert and an extrovert to form a relationship. If they can find a way, though, it can be very rewarding.
Oh for the love of God, that is not the point of this strip. Jacob is, yet again, trying to reach out and communicate with Sarah even though she’s consistently given him a hard time about it. This page is hardly about Jacob; it’s about Sarah’s manifest flaws that are interfering with her ability to form healthy relationships.
It’s not even that though. When asked if they were still friends, all she had to say was “Yeah, I’ve just been super busy” or “Sorry, I’ve had loads of work and I’m trying to focus on it” or something to that extent. He didn’t take her avoidance personally, he took her avoidance combined with an unfriendly remark personally.
We know we’re friends with people through their actions and words. If someone starts acting unfriendly and saying unfriendly things, there’s no reason to think that they want to be friends with you.
Plus, it’s exhausting trying to be friends with someone who doesn’t want to be friends. As many people have said in the above comments, friendship is a two-way street. Jacob has put effort into this friendship, and Sarah did for a while too! Unfortunately her self-defense mechanism has kicked in and she’s pulling out of this friendship before its destruction hurts her (not thinking about the fact that breaking friendships like this is also very damaging even if it’s not the same as the total friendship breakdown of her freshman year).
Jacob doesn’t know any of this, all he knows is she’s avoiding him and not talking to him. Those are not the actions of someone who wants to be friends.
Do you realize what he’s really asking here? “Are we not friends?” It’s a request for her to state her feelings regarding their (so far friendly) relationship. Possible honest answers would be “I’m not sure if we’re really at that stage yet”, “I kinda hope we are”, “Actually, I wouldn’t mind being more than just friends.” We already know Sarah isn’t gonna give any of these answers. She’s Sarah, she’s gonna say something cynical to short-circuit all discussion of the topic or straight out lie. Which raises the question, why does Jacob ask this question? Why does he suddenly expect her to open up about this kinda stuff? A spontaneous burst of optimism? Just a well-intentioned but poorly thought out question?
To say it with an idiom, he’s offering her the hook to her line and then dooms the ‘ship to be a sinker. Really, with Sarah’s history, “You don’t really want to be friends with me” is like the one line, the one personal revelation she’d want to share with people. And Jacob gives her the perfect setup for delivering it by asking a personal question to which it can be the cynical retort. That’s why his reaction to Sarah’s confession cloaked in mild self-deprecative cynicism disappoints me.
Okay I somewhat see your point about Jacob’s question. (and upon rereading it is kinda weird. If he really thinks she’s avoiding him for something he did, the “are we friends” is strange, if he doesn’t then why the “sorry for whatever” line).
I also think I’m partially biased in my thinking as I tend to make lots of superficial friendships so his question (as weird as it is) wouldn’t make me think of opening up or anything. I mean you saw my suggestions of vague excuses as a response rather than honest answers.
And it is sad to think about Sarah’s line as an honest confession. I mean it’s totally in character and makes sense but it’s so easily misunderstood. I would have never have caught that if someone said it to me. 🙁 🙁
http://www.dumbingofage.com/tag/jacob+sarah/
Look at their relationship from Jacob’s point of view. He was always the one who had to reach out to her. After they share some laughs at Joyce’s expense, Sarah shuts down the only conversational topic they ever shared (one that she originally suggested in the first place!) and immediately starts pushing him away as quickly and harshly as possible. He tries one last time to keep up their friendship and she stonewalls him.
Continuing to reach out to Sarah would be a violation of the boundary she established today. Jacob has no idea why the boundary appeared (“I’m sorry for whatever”), but he knows it’s not his place to question it, only to respect it (“Fine, I’ll stop making an effort”). If Sarah wants to give the reason, then she’ll do it without needing his prompting. Jacob gets the impression that he was the only one invested in trying to be friends, and that he is no longer welcome. So he left.
No, people who shut themselves off from the world due to bad experiences and refuse to be close friends with anyone but at the same time desperately want to have friends.
Am I a terrible person for laughing at this? I mean, Sarah pretty much deserves it.
People like this tend to have grown up in an environment where they weren’t really allowed to have self-esteem or develop their social skills. You could argue that it’s their fault, but the circumstances that made them that way are pretty much out of their control.
excuse you jacob we are TRYING to have a self fulfilling prophecy here JEEZ
Why don’t hunky bespectacled guys ever try to be friends with me? HOW COULD YOU WASTE THIS OPPORTUNITY SARAH!?
good going Sarah, no really well done, A+
Would utterly destroy any chance of happiness again.
): ): ):
“Hey clearly you’re feeling a bit melancholic/depressed/just not very social at the moment. You don’t want to bother other people and/or don’t want to be bothered by them. That’s cool. I’m a cool guy, I’m not gonna demand that you spend time with me every day or anything. But if you wanna hang out or chat a bit, I’m around, just give me a sign, okay?”
Yeah, expecting people to be reasonable about stuff is unrealistic, but one can dream, right?
But apparently everyone blames Sarah for not being an upbeat socialite all the time. Yay, what a glorious society we live in. >.>
Yeah, the worst part is reading these comments after empathizing heavily with Sarah. I’m being told I’m an awful person no one would want to be around for thinking I’m an awful person no one would want to be around. I honestly can’t tell what I’m supposed to do here. Should I act on self esteem and own up to my belief or should I comply and come to the same result? I’ve been set into a loop where, even if I’m wrong, I’m right, yet I cannot act on that behavior because it is wrong, but doing something wrong means being told I am right. Hoorah.
Maybe I can help. I spent a lot of time being this person.
You know what’s really exhausting? Constantly having to fight to be someone’s friend. Putting up with mood swings, unavailability, and just general bad juju. Other people have their own problems. Is it fair to demand add yours to the pile? It’s not that you’re a bad person. But have some empathy. It’s HARD being forced to play amateur therapist.
TLDR: Sarah’s behavior pattern is why I didn’t have any friends in middle school.
Yeah. It’s not that Sarah is an awful person who deserves to be alone (far from it), but that her BEHAVIOUR is exhausting for other people. Everyone is having trouble with this friend thing – everyone is feeling vulnerable and at least a little bit insecure when trying to make a new friend. And everyone needs to feel good and energized after spending time with their friend – at least some of the time.
If you’re not extending any help or support to the other person, they need saintly levels of goodness and self-esteem to be able to keep up. A little “hey, how are you?” greeting initiative, a “I really enjoy our talks”, a smile from across the classroom… it often doesn’t have to be much more than that (in the beginning – later on, once someone is a true friend, both people should obviously expend more (effortless) energy).
It’s just about acknowledging that other people want to be liked and validated just as much as you do. And if you don’t give them that, while they shower you with it… well.
For reference: I’m also a former Sarah, and the above is one of the things that really helped me break the worst of the habits.
She doesn’t have to be an upbeat socialite, but the statement “You don’t really want to be friends with me” is not conducive to either making or maintaining a friendship.
#CommunicationOfAge
I too am a fan of the hit webcomic, Smart People Always Do The Right Thing.
I don’t think she’s an awful person, and I can empathize with her since I have severe anxiety and depression problems. However, when I find a friend, I tend to grasp onto them like my life depends on it. I get very attached to people.
Sarah is NOT a bad person. But I can’t comprehend her. I have known Sarahs, and I try to be as patient as possible with them. Since she is not my friend, nor is she flesh and blood, I feel a little bit more okay with being…less than patient with her. I want her to have friends, especially with the boy she likes. I wish she could open up to him. I think that that is probably not possible right now.
It’s not like Sarah and Jacob’s ‘relationship’ was built on anything more than a bit of attraction and Sarah telling crazy Joyce stories.
And don’t forget Joyce’s choice of wardrobe…
I’m curious to see if this event will be the one that gets her to start working on her own issues instead of just wanting others to work on theirs.
Sarah wins! She realizes friendship is… stupid…
My Little Phony: Friendship is Tragic
Shut up Jacob, you’re too pushy and demanding and you lack a personality and your character design is too round! It’s distracting.
Being introverted is not an excuse to be a jackass to people. I should know.
How is not sitting next to people everyday and saying that you’re not really a good person to be friends with the same as being a jackass? True enough, Sarah acts asshole-ish often enough, but I’m not seeing it in this strip.
Remember that part where Danny almost slept with Billie and then tried to justify it to Joe by saying that Billie didn’t actually want to sleep with him? No? Good, because that comic sucked, but it’s also sort of what’s going on here. Sarah is deciding for Jacob that he doesn’t like her, that his own thoughts and actions don’t matter because Sarah knows how he *really* feels. Jacob’s tried to reach out to her a number of times and clearly enjoys spending time with her, and Sarah is just shitting all over his effort. It’d be one thing if she said “I just wanted to be alone” or “I don’t want to be your friend” but instead she’s making Jacob’s decision for him.
You can blame Sarah for being presumptive about the way Jacob would think of her if he got to know her better but is that really as asshole-ish as the way Jacob is acting here? He correctly rebuts her about Sarah saying “hey, here’s how you should feel about me” by stating that that’s his decision to make. But then he goes on to decide to enable her self-deprecative behaviour by ending the friendship, because fuck Sarah for being so high-maintenance. Yes, great decision, Jacob.
How is it assholish to end a relationship with somebody who has made it clear they don’t want to talk to you? We know Sarah’s situation is more complex then that, but it’s not Jacob’s responsibility to sate her neuroses.
It’s not assholish per se, but the way he did it was pretty unnecessarily hostile.
“Sorry for whatever.” *angry-face*
Come on, really?
Is Jacob not allowed to be angry with somebody who’s been so dismissive of him? Is he just supposed to keep taking this from her? He’s tried, Sarah’s rebuffed him, and he’s had enough. It’s passive aggressive, but I don’t see how it’s unwarranted.
Allowed? He’s allowed to be as angry, rude and offensive as he feels like being. I’m not saying his frustrations aren’t warranted, but that doesn’t mean I can’t disagree with the way he’s chosen to express them.
Dude is being kinda grade-schoolish.
I took this as Jacob saying to himself that she must think I have don’t something wrong, because she won’t let me be a friend. So he says, in essence, I am SORRY for WHATEVER it was that made you feel that way, but that is as far as I am going to go to pursue this friendship.
That’s not an unreasonable interpretation, but without words after the whatever, he just ends up emphasizing how he doesn’t know why Sarah feels the way she feels to the point that it questions whether there’s any way for Sarah’s feelings to be justifiable.
I can empathize with Sarah heavily here, having often taking a similar attitude towards human relationships. Though in my case it was a cocktail of low self-esteem, social anxiety, and depression- I can’t claim Sarah necessarily has the same issues, though self-esteem is most likely a part of it.
As people have commented, it is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Deep down you do want to forge relationships, but you don’t think you’re good enough for them so you just wall people out, and eventually they learn to just leave you alone. This even applies to the existing people who already care about you (Joyce, in Sarah’s case), in which case whether or not they give up on you depends on how persistent they are (very, in Joyce’s case).
Unfortunately, there’s no easy way to break the cycle unless you manage to deal with your internal issues, and that’s difficult to do if you’re always preemptively cutting yourself off from any outside support. Making yourself be alone all the time just feeds those negative feelings, which further encourage you to push people away.
What she needs is someone who’s willing to basically say, “I’ll keep trying to be your friend regardless of what you think I want.” Unfortunately, such people are not common.
Well there’s Joyce, for starters. Frankly, though, I don’t see why anybody should want to be friends with her if this is how she acts. Being introverted isn’t an excuse to be an asshole.
Does that really help, though? I know that’s what you wish for when you’re in a Sarah state of mind (and what pop culture recommends), but I never personally found it helpful. Especially because the people who will disregard your wishes and social signals are… generally not good people.
No, I recommend the “deal with your internal issues” approach, too. It’s way more likely to be succesful.
Yeah… the Manic Pixie Dream Person is Hollywood bullshit and also kind of a creeper.
I hate to say this, but I think this a situation where Joyce would actually help. She’s pushy, extroverted, wants to be Sarah’s friend and won’t take no for an answer.
It worked for Walky and Dorothy!
Sarah must be feeling the weather cause that was cold
So when did you meet my mother-in-law? This is her to a T. She hides in her apartment, only going out for food, and bongoes that no man will ever like her.
Talk about a Pyrrhic victory.
Pyrrha DOES always win… except at relationships.
You never know, I think Jaune is finally starting to get the hint, and he even wore a dress in public for her!
Very mature, Jacob.
“Don’t tell me that I don’t want to be your friend; I’ll decide whether or not I want to be your friend. I decide… NOT to be. Neener neener.”
Sarah doesn’t make things easy, but still…
Very mature, Sarah:
“Don’t tell me you want to be my friend; I’ll decide whether or not you want to be my friend. I decide… YOU DON’T. Neener neener.”
This mirror has two faces, people.
Sarah hasn’t delivered any “neener neener” comment here. She’s pushing him away due to low self-esteem and her social hang-ups, and doing so in a very low-key way. Jacob tells her that she can’t push him away, only he can make that decision… And he decides that she’s pushed him away! So take that!
He knows she doesn’t open up very easily. If he doesn’t want to deal with that, then he’s absolutely right to just stop trying. That said, there’s the decent way to stop trying, and there’s Jacob’s way, which involves getting a nice jab in at her to make her feel bad before he stops trying. People who do that are acting immature and mean-spirited.
Yes, this. This is right on the mark.
Now where can I buy some of that ShazamWow! product?
The “You don’t want really want to be my friends with me” part is also pretty immature and mean-spirited. It may come from a place of low self-esteem but the message it’s giving is that Sarah saw Jacob’s best intentions and either though they were insincere or not good enough. I’m not saying either of them handled this correctly but Jacob’s comment in it’s immaturity and meanness was also sincere: I tried but something I did was wrong, sorry for that, whatever it might have been. If we make it hard for people to reach us, people will stop reaching.
Except for all the things that are completely different, there are some parallels to Billie and Ruth. “Stay away from me”said Sarah. “Fine”, said Jacob. “Stay away from me” said Ruth. “The hell” said billie.
Not that I’m saying Billie is the best role model or there.
Jacob is playing it safe. Either Sarah commits more to the relationship or he is out. And that is perfectly OK. He is a tad confrontational about it and the way he made it an ultimatum made Sarah’s response pretty predictive, but again he is completelynin his right to decide what kind of relationship he is interested in. He’s doing here what.Dorothy should have done to Danny a few months earlier than she did
She’s her own self fulfilling prophecy.
Damnit, Sarah.
It’s like you want to be alone.
I know it’s been said already, but I gotta say it too, GODDAMMIT SARAH! This was out of nowhere, too! She’d been hanging out with Jacob a bunch, and they both enjoyed it, so stop self-sabotaging! When things are actually going your way, let things happen! OR here’s another idea: if you legitimately don’t like your own personality and feel that your friends deserve better, then make the effort to change and be better! I’m not talking about drastic change, just stop being so averse to nearly everything. Find something you actually enjoy, and share that enjoyment with others. That’s one of the easiest ways to make connections.
This backslide is really frustrating, especially since it seemed she was progressing in the right direction, and we didn’t see anything that could have triggered this backslide. She really needs a Joyce to kick her ass right now.
Yessshh, let’s blame this one all on Sarah. Jacob is well aware that Sarah doesn’t open up easily, isn’t very social and often takes a cynical/pessimistic point of view, so of course it’s a great idea for him to question whether they’re friends based on her not sitting next to him for a few days. It’s totally reasonable that he freaks out when she reacts with self-deprecative cynicism instead of opening up to him about her deepest insecurities!
Phew, thanks. I really needed to get that sarcasm out of my system.
HOW is Jacob well aware that Sarah doesn’t up easily? She was very open when the theme was Joyce stories. He’s always seen her with friends (cafeteria, for example). He’s got no reason to think that she’s avoiding him other than to think that she’s avoiding him. I’m not blaming Sarah for being who she is but I also don’t think Jacob has any responsibility towards her. Yes, Sarah did not mean to make Jacob feel ignored, but she did make him feel ignored. Yes, Jacob acted coldly maybe even childishly, but why should you act nicely to someone who obviously doesn’t care about how you feel?
Case in point: http://www.dumbingofage.com/2014/comic/book-4/04-the-whiteboard-dong-bandit/joycestories/
(specifically the last two panels)
aw dangit I was 6min late on the link!
I had forgotten that comic. But I still think that Jacob can be excused for not assuming Sarah has a BIG problem opening up (Jacob has seen her with friends). Again, both sides did not handle this correctly, and I don’t find Jacob’s actions to be unjustified in this context.
Jacob is definitely well-aware that Sarah doesn’t open up easily. But I agree that Jacob has no responsibility towards Sarah.
The thing is, its not at all Jacob’s responsibility to deal with Sarah’s issues, they’ve only ‘hung out’ a handful of times, which was mostly just walking to and from classes. He’s tried a bunch of times to make an effort to become friends and there’s only so many times you can be shut down before you think ok obviously we’re not friends, ill leave you alone.
If Sarah had talked about these issues, or at least showed some kind of encouragement instead of just consistently pushing him away, i could kind of empathise with her, but right now, no. ‘
No one is suggesting that Jacob should make it his life goal to remedy Sarah’s issues or anything. Where do people get this strawman from?
And there wouldn’t be anything particularly wrong if Jacob had said “okay obviously we’re not friends, I’ll leave you alone.” But that’s not what he did. He went the confrontational route and shamed Sarah for not being approachable enough.
He’s not shaming her. He’s just tired of trying to be her friend when she’s made it clear she’s not interested. Jesus Christ, none of this is even remotely Jacob’s fault.
When did Sarah become a web-comic avatar for me? @_@
You got Sal at the moment…
In the end, Sarah acts dismissive (yes, it’s self-deprecating, but it’s also dismissive.), Jacob acts dismissive, and the friendship is broken. I feel bad for both parties, but it’s not like either side was “wronged” or anything.
Other Jacob wins.
Well that’s emotionally manipulative
To be fair, Sarah isn’t very bright if she’s honestly going to take crap from people who ACTUALLY THINK that her old roommate was in the right. So really it’s a matter of her realizing that she’s being dumb about how she thinks she is, especially when people are actually just fine with her.
Now let Rox get the rebound!
Nah, Becky.
what if she runs into raidah next
YOU BROUGHT THIS ON YOURSELVES.
Reading it over again, I think he has left some room for Sarah to talk to him, and make up. Perhaps say that she is sorry for giving him the false impression that she didn’t want to be friends with him, and tell him that she is distant and bad with feelings. Then he could say he didn’t know that, and is glad that she told him, and now they can move on in a happier fashion.
I don’t know if that’s actually going to happen though. Probably not. Unless of course Sarah tells Joyce. Joyce is all about Sarah getting up in Jacob’s business, so I think Joyce would actually walk Sarah over to him and force her to tell him what’s going on.
Before anyone gets mad at me for saying that she should apologize, this is what I mean: She should say that she’s sorry that he felt hurt by her actions, even though it was not her intention. I don’t think she needs to apologize for who she is. But since he is her friend, she should be sorry that something she has done has resulted in hurt feelings. She doesn’t need to change. If Jacob is a good guy, he will be understanding when she tells him her reasoning.
I’m honestly surprised at how many people think Jacob is in the wrong here, or that he needs to wait around for Sarah to explain why she’s acting this way.
Take it from somebody who still honestly cannot believe why people associate with him, including my family, and has, on more than one occasion, flat out asked them why they bother speaking to me; Sarah’s confidence issues and misanthropy aren’t an excuse for being a total asshole to people.
She’s not though, she just avoids people. Avoiding people is not being an asshole to them.
Have you maybe considered why she avoids people? It’s kind of the crux of all her problems.
Sarah isn’t a cliche “cool snarky loner” chick. She very clearly wants to open up to people and have relationships, but she’s sabotaging them due to her self loathing views and acting as if she’s okay with it. Look at this very comic. Do you think Sarah’s happy in assuming that Jacob hates her? Is she happy that he’s left her alone?
Maaaaan I was tricked. In the third panel, I thought that he was actually being nice and sweet and stuff but noooooo. The next panel he had to turn around and be an un-understanding jerk.
WOW, there’s a lot of debate going on here. And not just a few branches, but a good few. People accusing both sides of being in the wrong. Both sides could have done it better, but they are only human, far from perfect. I mean, you can’t even transform, for scrap’s sake.
gonna be interesting to see how tomorrow/tonight’s strip plays out. Who’s got money for “Joyce overheard & takes action”…
Sarah deserves help and friendship.
Jacob is not wrong for not wanting to be her uplifting movie romance who rescues her from her own negativity and depression. He has his own problems to work out.
I’ve read through the comments and I see not many thinking about how Jacob FEELS. First we dont know if he is been through shit. Secondly, what if he had a crush on Sara? And even if he just likes her and wanted to get to know her better … she hurt him. Hes acting so “childish” and angry because he is hurt. In his opinion, he didnt do anything wrong but it feels like she blames him. She blames him for not wanting to be her friend before he did anything wrong. He doesnt know about her öissues, since she didnt open up to him. And now when he tries to get closer again she hurts him like that. Since their relationship was very fragile and young, I totally understand him. And yes, I also feel sorry for Sara. She kinda hopes for a different response, but I think she also wants to hurt herself this way (maybe unconsciously). Maybe cause of that girl in the past…
Sarah :”People get on my good side by not talking to me.”
Fine….Life is too short to be drug down by people bound and determined to be negative about everything.