Dumbing of Age Book Twelve

Dumbing of Age

A college webcomic by David Willis
RSS
‹
›
  • Home
  • About/Read before posting
  • Archive↓
    • by calendar
  • Cast
  • Store↓
    • Main Store (books and stuff)
    • T-shirts
  • Patreon↓
    • Patreon (regular)
    • Patreon (NSFW)
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
plus those little styrofoam peanuts are annoying
First Previous Random 555Comments Share Next Latest
Reddit Digg Facebook MySpace Delicious Stumbleupon Buzz Up! Mixx Technorati Google Bookmarks Yahoo Bookmarks Yahoo MyWeb Windows Live Propeller FriendFeed Newsvine Xanga LinkedIn Blinklist Twitter
Discover more Hiveworks comics
Sufficiently Remarkable
Maki Naro
Two young women living in Brooklyn discover that you're always coming of age.
Sam & Fuzzy
Sam Logan
Troubled by gangster rodents, lovesick vampire stalkers, or confused ninja assassins? Don't panic! Sam and Fuzzy are here to help. (For a reasonable fee.)
Monsterkind
Taylor C
Wallace Foster, a young, bright-eyed human social worker, has his entire world view rocked when he's suddenly relocated into a city primarily inhabited by monsters.
Hazy London
Scotty
A story about messy relationships. From friendly foes to crazy families. Nothing is black and white, just full of color. But, all colors can get a little hazy...
Wilde Life
Pascalle Lepas
Oscar decided to rent an old haunted house, and that's when things got weird...
Godslave
Meaghan Carter
Edith has been thrown into the dangerous world of modern-day Egyptian mythology. Fighting monsters and dealing with family drama of godly proportions.
Atomic Robo
Brian Clevinger, Scott Wegener
The robot punches monsters and bad robots and one time he was a cowboy.
Empowered
Adam Warren
A sexy superhero comedy (except when it isn't) about the never-ending struggles of a plucky but very unlucky young superheroine.
The Sanity Circus
Windy
Magic, monsters and mysteries await in the odd city of Sanity. It's up to Attley and a colorful group of characters to find out just what is going on.
Star Impact
Jack McGee
A young, energetic woman fights her way up in the world of super-powered boxing after discovering the mighty gloves of her missing idol!
The Lonely Vincent Bellingham
Diana Huh
Vincent is an unkind man looking to disappear, and finds himself in the care of a vampire and her two wicked children.
Paranatural
Zack Morrison
Superpowered middle schoolers fight evil spirits in their rural hometown. Come for the jokes, stay for the cast, the creatures, and the mystery that ties them all together!
The Automan's Daughter
Mike Stamm
Aisha Osman and her uncle Siddig outwit bikers, spies and kidnappers while gearing up for a showdown with the formidable Widowmaker mecha.
The End
August Brown, Cory Brown
Two aliens crash a sci-fi convention and accidentally take seven nerds on an adventure that spans the galaxy!
Ghost Junk Sickness
Studio CARTRIDGE, Laura Lee
Two hunters try to survive and end up being pushed to pursue a deadly bounty dubbed "The Ghost".
This is Not Fiction
Nicole Mannino
What do you do when the person you're in-love with is an anonymous romance novelist? Get your best friend to hire your worst enemy for help!
Lilith's Word
inkPangur
If you had the power to make any wish come true using just one word, what would you say?
Goodbye to Halos
Valerie Halla
Cuddles, gay flirting, weird feelings, and magic-fueled knife fights - it's an adventure across the queer multiverse!
Caramel Corn
Potchimew
Sarah is the only human left in a world full of mythical creatures and monsters. All she wants to do is live a quiet life, but everything changes when she meets her guardian angel, Jacob.
Love Not Found
Gina Biggs
Abeille is on a quest to find someone who wants to do it the old-fashioned way in a time when touching has become outdated.
Whomp!
Ronnie
A depressed, portly, hirsute anime fan stumbles through life in the ever-pursuit of chicken nuggets and other life-shortening indulgences.
Monster Pulse
Magnolia Porter Siddell
Four kids run afoul of a creepy secret organization's experiments, which turn their body parts into fighting monsters. Part sentimental coming-of-age story, part monster-training shonen manga, with just a bit of sci-fi body horror.
Wychwood
Varethane
When Tiara's pyrokinesis is finally noticed, she is captured by a magical research organization for study. If she cooperates, she could be helping to save humanity from a dire threat - but can she trust them?
El Goonish Shive
Dan Shive
WARNING: This comic often ignores the Laws of Physics
Girl Genius
Phil Foglio, Kaja Foglio
In a time when the Industrial Revolution has become an all-out war, Mad Science rules the World...with mixed success.
Kiwi Blitz
Mary Cagle (Cube Watermelon)
Steffi thinks she can use her kiwi mech to become a superhero. This idea turns out to be very stupid.
Fireweeds Moors
Gato Iberico
A cat-headed man and a girl with a sandwich hankering accidentally end up in a myth-infused country where magic chalices are a really big thing.
Devil's Candy
Rem, Bikkuri
A lush fantasy about boy genius Kazu Decker, the girl he constructed for his 9th grade science project, and the world of devils and monsters they live in.
Anarchy Dreamers
Emily Ree
Sparkly undead kids fight society's worst Nightmares in this pastel-punk urban fantasy coming-of-age!
Alice and the Nightmare
Misha Krivanek
Alice finally attends University to learn to collect the dreams of humans, meet new friends, and deal with a pesky reflection along the way.
Never Satisfied
Taylor Robin
Lucy Marlowe, a magician's apprentice, competes against other apprentices for an important, magical, Goverment Job.
Widdershins
Kate Ashwin
A series of light-hearted Victorian-era adventure stories featuring grumpy bounty hunters, accidental thiefkings, and more, in England's magical capital city Widdershins!
Knights Errant
J.R. Doyle
Wilfrid's humble quest for revenge becomes bigger and bloodier by the day.
Cassiopeia Quinn
Gunwild, Psudonym
A cute, pantsless thief is pursued across the stars by a buttoned-up military officer in the spacey, laser-filled future.
Jailbird
Charlie Davis
An all-ages comic about a recently escaped prisoner's struggle to understand the outside world, and vice-versa. Also, a magic cape!
Sister Claire
Yamino
In the troubled aftermath of a great war between Witches and her fellow Nuns, novice Sister Claire just wants a purpose.
Guilded Age
T Campbell, John Waltrip, Florence Machina
Welcome to the saga of the working-class adventurer! Enjoy the complete story with new annotations daily!
The Witch Door
Anni K.
Katariina Lehto discovers her neighbor is a witch called Jousia Muotka. Jousia introduces Katariina to the strange people and places beyond the witch door...
Tigress Queen
Allison Shaw
A barbarian warlord and a pampered prince try to avoid a marriage alliance that could end decades of violence.
Demon's Mirror
Harry Bogosian
Based loosely off of "The Snow Queen", a story by Hans Christian Andersen, we see things take a different turn as the demons become central characters, and the side characters stick around. Yup, that's the only differences. Enjoy!
Stand Still, Stay Silent
Minna Sundberg
A few generations after the end of the world, a small, poorly financed research crew is sent out to rediscover whatever is left of the forbidden old world in the south.
Awaken
Koti Saavedra/Flipfloppery
Superpowers, monsters and conspiracies. Piras, the spoiled Dameschi heir, fights to recover his identity after becoming a terrorist!
Go Get a Roomie
Clover
Experience the queer journey of an upbeat hippie and the friendships she makes along the way! A tale of self-discovery and love of many forms.
[un]Divine
Ayme
A highschool senior thought giving up his soul for a demon was a good idea. It wasn't.
Real Science Adventures
Brian Clevinger
Spin off stories and other adventures from the world of Atomic Robo!
Between Failures
Jackie Wohlenhaus
The low stakes adventures of an assorted group of 20 somethings trapped in the declining years of American retail. They are naughty and say lots of swears.
Star Trip
Gisele Weaver
Jas is a human taken from her home planet on a trip across the galaxy she will never forget.
Nerf Now!!
Josué Pereira
A cute webcomic about fanservice, video games, and... love. Mostly video games, though.
Cut Time
Juby
Rel and her trusty avian friend Fugue are on a quest to save a world that's lost track of time. Follow them and their new recruits, in a story written with help from the stars.
Dumbing of Age
David M Willis
Joyce has been homeschooled her entire life until now, when she's suddenly a freshman in college! Things don't go well.
Lighter Than Heir
Melissa Albino
A young Volant woman joins the military in an effort to upstage her war-hero father.
Kochab
Sarah Webb
A YA F/F fantasy comic about Sonya, a lost skier trying to survive a snowy wilderness and find her way back to her village; and Kyra - a fire spirit trying to fix the home that she let fall apart around her.
Cyanide & Happiness
Explosm
Satire, dark humor and surreal humor.
Starhammer
J.N. Monk, Harry Bogosian
A teen girl inherits a powerful alien artifact and proceeds to make a series of increasingly poor decisions
Astral Aves
Moon Cabal
A fantasy coming-of-age following the adventures of Astra The Black and friends, as they navigate the mysterious world around them. It's politics, adventure, and the supernatural; oh, and crazy hair.
BOOKMARK
Click "Tag Page" to bookmark a page. When you return to the site, click "Goto Tag" to continue where you left off.
Goto TagClear Tag


BUFFER WATCH Comics are currently drawn and uploaded through:

May 5, 2026

Care

by David M Willis on March 4, 2016 at 12:01 am
  • 03 - When God Closes The Door

└ Tags: jennifer, sal, walky

Discussion (555) ¬

[ Comments RSS ]
  1. Ana Chronistic
    Ana Chronistic
    March 4, 2016 at 12:01 am | #

    or Walky and Billie have LARGE boxes of poop and Sal has a small box of poop

    THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS

    …

    is this storyline about shitty moms as a switch-up from earlier =|

    • spriteless
      spriteless
      March 4, 2016 at 12:02 am | #

      Moms are shitty in passive aggressive ways. At least, the ones who aren’t into poison are.

      • butts
        butts
        March 4, 2016 at 12:11 am | #

        Hey, don’t box people in. Shitty dads can be passive-aggressive, too.

        • Thorn
          Thorn
          March 4, 2016 at 4:45 am | #

          The avatar makes that comment.

        • Crazy Lou
          Crazy Lou
          March 4, 2016 at 7:26 am | #

          Between Amber and Becky I think we’ve gotten our fill of shitty dads for a while.

          • SLICEY
            SLICEY
            March 4, 2016 at 2:25 pm | #

            so sal and walky as well as joyce gives us our shitty mom quota?

            • Spencer
              Spencer
              March 4, 2016 at 2:27 pm | #

              Hey be fair.

              Walky and Sal’s dad sucks too.

      • KarkatTheDalek
        KarkatTheDalek
        March 4, 2016 at 12:24 am | #

        I’m sure there are some moms who’d pull a gun on their kids.

        I feel like I should write such a character…

        • Disloyal Subject
          Disloyal Subject
          March 4, 2016 at 12:34 am | #

          I know of moms who’ll brandish a knife, so I’m sure moms who’ll draw a gun are out there. Some have probably shot their kids to try to purify them of queerness.
          …and now I’m sad.

          • Cerberus
            Cerberus
            March 4, 2016 at 1:22 am | #

            Not a shooting, but…

            [SO MANY TRIGGER WARNINGS, like seriously, this story is really sad and fucked up on so many levels]:

            http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/03/27/oregon-mom-gay-son-murder_n_5044807.html

            • Disloyal Subject
              Disloyal Subject
              March 4, 2016 at 1:47 am | #

              …this transcends my capacity for sadness or even rage. That’s just fucked up to the point that there is no appropriate response.
              I hadn’t even considered kids getting hurt. I was just thinking of teens like Becky, which is horrible enough.

              • Cerberus
                Cerberus
                March 4, 2016 at 2:42 am | #

                Yeah, that one is super fucked up. I wish I could say it transcended my rage and sadness, but working as a teacher I encounter too many damn awful things happening to all ages of kid and too many awful parents who in an ideal world would be behind bars.

            • Mr. Bulbmin
              Mr. Bulbmin
              March 4, 2016 at 3:13 am | #

              You see . . . this is why I say people in general are bags of dicks. Shit like this.

            • KarkatTheDalek
              KarkatTheDalek
              March 4, 2016 at 7:52 am | #

              …Oh.

              Now I wish I hadn’t brought it up.

            • Dark
              Dark
              March 4, 2016 at 7:42 pm | #

              I opened that link, read the first sentence, walked away from my computer, came back, closed the tab, and immediately watched video to feel better.

              • Dark
                Dark
                March 4, 2016 at 7:46 pm | #

                Well, I fucked up the HTML. But oh well, works anyway.

      • ThatGuy
        ThatGuy
        March 4, 2016 at 4:02 am | #

        lets not be blind to what is actually happening. the Twins mom thinks she loves her kids equally I’m sure. This isnt Passive Aggressiveness. She’s not trying to send a message, unlike Joyce’s mom. She doesnt understand her daughter, she doesnt know her daughter and she’s given up (probably) on her daughter. Maybe she feels Sal doesnt care about her, Maybe she doesnt know how to connect. What makes her bad in this case is her blindness to her favor of walky and how that alters her actions. If she didnt know what movies, snacks, or cloths to buy Sal she coulda tried to ask Walky or if Walky had the contact info of her friends but she didnt. Instead she probably put a few chips and a gift card in there and thats it because she doesnt realize she’s being neglectful

        • ischemgeek
          ischemgeek
          March 4, 2016 at 9:30 am | #

          Trust me, parents who have favorites know damn well they have favorites. What they convince themselves of isn’t that they don’t have a favorite, it’s that either the least favorite deserves it because reasons (in this case, Sal’s criminal past) or that they manage to conceal it so well their kids don’t pick up on it (my folks, who honestly think I’ve never picked up the fact that they favor my sister over me).

          say this as a least-favorite kid whose parents have in the past said shit like, “Oh, every parent has a favorite. The issue isn’t whether or not you have a favorite, it’s whether you let that affect how you treat them. I think as long as you don’t let it affect how you treat your kids, it’s okay.” I’ve spoken to other parents who have favorites, too, and they all know. They might bullshit to themselves and others about it, but they know. I find the degree of favoritism such parents exhibit is directly proportional to the frequency of their protestation that they love all their kids equally (yeah, keep telling yourself that. Sooner or later you might even believe it).

          Now, having a favorite and having knowledge of their favorite might not mean that they are intentionally being malicious to the less favored. But the favorite gets doted on and the not favored is neglected. Passively, but it happens.

          But my point is that Linda totally does have a favorite, and I find it very hard to believe that she is unaware that she has a favorite. That said, I am damn near certain that she has herself convinced that the bad relationship between herself and Sal is completely Sal’s fault for the convenience store stuff, and she doesn’t realize it started in her court, waay earlier.

          Jury’s still out for me on whether or not she’s intentionally trying to rub her favoritism in Sal’s face or if it’s more that she dotes on Walky so much that Sal is just an afterthought and like Walky she’s too oblivious to realize that Sal knows what’s up and will take it personally. Neither option speaks well to her consideration and competence as a parent.

          • Christine
            Christine
            March 4, 2016 at 9:49 am | #

            The observation about Linda’s lack of competence as a parent is actually part of why I still wonder if she notices. Going with the “she’s too oblivious to realise that Sal notices” theory, it’s also possible that Linda is too oblivious to notice herself. After all, it’s going to be a lot easier to notice that you treat your kids differently than that you actually like one better than the other.

          • Cerberus
            Cerberus
            March 4, 2016 at 10:25 am | #

            Alllll of this.

            And especially on how parents seek out an excuse based in the less favored kid’s actions to justify it or try and force themselves to believe they treat their kids equally.

            And if the reason a kid is less favored is because of bigotry, they will also move Heaven and Earth to find a way to convince themselves that it’s totally not that, but rather that the other kid is just “doing so much better” at… something, anything (even if it’s only due to them having more advantages due to familial support and facing less direct bigotry in their life) and that’s why they’re more worthy of affection.

            The justifications get way more impressively awful when the favored child is actually doing objectively worse than the non-favored child, because nothing the non-favored child accomplishes, even if it is genuinely impressive, will be enough for them to gain their parents’ esteem.

            • Gordon
              Gordon
              March 4, 2016 at 12:53 pm | #

              It’s actually a documented phenomenon with twins that parents will often arbitrarily pick a favorite. There was a quote in my developmental psychology textbook where a mother with identical twin sons basically says that she “knew right away that didn’t like me.” As in, from birth.

            • ischemgeek
              ischemgeek
              March 4, 2016 at 2:08 pm | #

              Hi do you have secret spy cameras in my place? (My sib has failed at pretty much everything ahead has tried since high school. Still the favorite. I could win the Nobel Prize in chemistry and they would be all “that’s nice dear. Your sister is going to try kinesiology this time and you should help her because she looks up to you and blah blah blah let us talk about her all conversation. Oh, and blame you for her failure because as the eldest it is your job to ensure the youngest’s success so her failure is really yours for not giving enough guidance and support and totes not hers for not doing the work or ours for bailing her out all the time.”

              Yeah.

              I’m at the point now where it’s almost funny. But yeah. That’s why I am pretty sure that Sal’s folks will find a way to blame her for Walky’s failure. Because nothing is ever the favorite’sites fault.

          • Beth
            Beth
            March 6, 2016 at 10:46 pm | #

            Not always, and while in this case there is a direct favourite in some cases both children think the other is the favourite as was the case with me and my sister. My sis thought I was the favourite because I was in less trouble and I felt she was the favourite because she got more attention which I now realise was due to my parents trying to support her through a bad time in her life. In that case I don’t think my parents really had favourites. However that said it does happen and I have seen it with other families and I totally see that Walky is very much the favourite in this.

    • Gordon
      Gordon
      March 4, 2016 at 12:03 am | #

      Dumbing of Age: Proving moms and dads can be equally awful.

      Well, maybe not equal… Yet.

      *hopefullynever*

      • butts
        butts
        March 4, 2016 at 12:07 am | #

        Linda Walkerton: not quite as bad as toedad, yet

        • Kris
          Kris
          March 4, 2016 at 12:13 am | #

          That’s not really a great tagline for her…or anyone. Toedad doesn’t just set a low bar, he leaves it on the floor for people to trip over. Basically I’m saying you can actually be a better parent than him by accident.

          • Spidergirl
            Spidergirl
            March 4, 2016 at 12:52 am | #

            I get the feeling that someday, someone’s gonna dig right under the bar.

            • Cerberus
              Cerberus
              March 4, 2016 at 1:25 am | #

              Blaine’s staring at a photo of Toedad and is just using it in some 80s style montage as he trains to somehow top him in the awful charts.

              • Mr. Bulbmin
                Mr. Bulbmin
                March 4, 2016 at 3:15 am | #

                “I *must* set the bar lower . . . I can put the bar UNDERGROUND? GENIUS!”

                • N0083rP00F
                  N0083rP00F
                  March 4, 2016 at 8:39 am | #

                  Even easier – ship it to Australia – so far down under its on top of Ayers Rock.

                • Dana
                  Dana
                  March 4, 2016 at 2:57 pm | #

                  I found an Australian bar in my apartment the other day while packing for a move. Somewhere in Australia right now there’s a kid I don’t envy.

                • Shade
                  Shade
                  March 4, 2016 at 8:11 pm | #

                  Ayer’s rock isn’t even the highest point in Australia though. That goes to Mount Kosciuszko, a mountain so tall it stole it’s name from the shorter mountain next it.

            • Someone
              Someone
              March 4, 2016 at 1:32 am | #

              If Jason’s father is anything like the last universe…

          • Deanatay
            Deanatay
            March 4, 2016 at 8:40 am | #

            Blaine buried the bar ten feet underground. You have to REALLY try to be worse than him.

        • Mollyscribbles
          Mollyscribbles
          March 4, 2016 at 1:42 am | #

          Hmm. Is she better or worse than Carol?

        • David
          David
          March 4, 2016 at 3:56 am | #

          You didn’t know? Toedad crossdresses as Linda in order to spread piety to two families. Autumn Walkerton was a tramp and unworthy to rear her children.

      • ObiKemnebi
        ObiKemnebi
        March 4, 2016 at 1:03 pm | #

        As the offspring of a shotgun dad and a “everything wrong in your life is totally your fault and you deserve it” rest of the family, I mark Carol as worse than Toedad. Because it’s much easier to break away from the parent that physically assaults you than the one who just makes you feel like utter sh*t. And those words stay with you. Those scars take SO MUCH longer to heal and fade. You give up on the gun-toter pretty quickly, but you spend YEARS trying to convince the commentator to rethink things, to find a middle ground, to reach a point where you can both forgive each other — as if there’s something they need to forgive you for. You lose more trying to maintain that connection than you do when the bullet comes out the gun. Getting shot hurts, and it might kill you, but living with the words of others hurts worse, for longer. So… Yeah. Votes on Carol being the second worst parent in the series, after Blaine (who used physical abuse as a tool for the emotional abuse, which made the emotional abuse even more powerful and damaging).

    • Chris2315
      Chris2315
      March 4, 2016 at 12:04 am | #

      Why do I get the weird feeling that Willis isn’t fond of parents?

      • AeromechanicalAce
        AeromechanicalAce
        March 4, 2016 at 12:06 am | #

        Given that he’s mentioned Joyce is Autobiographical, and given recent events, it’s fairly logical to conclude he doesn’t have a very good relationship with his own parents.

        • Cholma
          Cholma
          March 4, 2016 at 12:12 am | #

          Yeah, his mom & Joyce’s mom could probably be best friends.

        • Cerberus
          Cerberus
          March 4, 2016 at 1:25 am | #

          I’d say that’s likely:
          http://itswalky.tumblr.com/post/133847635397/i-dont-talk-to-my-mom-anymore-whenever-we-had

          • Ana Chronistic
            Ana Chronistic
            March 4, 2016 at 2:36 pm | #

            Wow, the folks those second tag was written for are SO LUCKY to be completely insulated from everything bad in the world, they don’t even know

      • -Sentinel-
        -Sentinel-
        March 4, 2016 at 12:08 am | #

        Dysfunctional families provide more drama. Know who has great parents? Dorothy. Hence why we hardly ever see them.

        • Leorale
          Leorale
          March 4, 2016 at 1:03 am | #

          “All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” ― Tolstoy

          • John
            John
            March 4, 2016 at 6:07 am | #

            People trying to make the former half of that true are responsible for an awful lot of the latter half.

          • Inspector Hound
            Inspector Hound
            March 4, 2016 at 2:34 pm | #

            Tolstoy Lied, by Rachel Kadish, if not the best book, nonetheless has the best title.

        • Reltzik
          Reltzik
          March 4, 2016 at 1:59 am | #

          Nonono, Dorothy’s parents are EVIL.

          By giving Dorothy so much agency and instilling in her so much drive to succeed, they have given her a complex in which she almost never dares to have fun, has impossibly high goals she is almost guaranteed to be disappointed by not achieving, and frequently misses out on essentials like sleep and knowing what day it is just in order to study.

          I mean, sure, Toedad kidnapped Becky. But he didn’t give her a complex!

          ((… and yes, that was me being silly. Hold the flames.))

          • Cerberus
            Cerberus
            March 4, 2016 at 10:35 am | #

            Heh. Nice.

            Though, the funny thing is that while they support her dreams, they have also encouraged enjoying the fun as well and appreciating it. And Dorothy’s mom pushed back a bit against Linda’s hyper-my children must succeed no matter whatness:
            http://www.dumbingofage.com/2013/comic/book-3/04-just-hangin-out-with-my-family/forfun/
            http://www.dumbingofage.com/2013/comic/book-3/04-just-hangin-out-with-my-family/footforward/

            Curse you Dorothy’s family and your good parentytude!

        • Scott John Harrison
          Scott John Harrison
          March 4, 2016 at 7:21 am | #

          You know who has great parents Dina.

        • Carolyn
          Carolyn
          March 4, 2016 at 11:37 am | #

          Sierra’s parents seem pretty cool. Her dad even moved to block Blaine from going after Amber.

      • Gordon
        Gordon
        March 4, 2016 at 12:30 am | #

        Eh, I think it’s more statistics. There are a billion and a half ways to be a bad parent. I mean, look at the bad parents on showcase here. Your Toedads are startlingly different from your Carols, who are a whole different animal from your Blaines and your Lindas. Even if sometimes they echo each other. And that’s not even including the Randal/Sharons and Richards and Ruth’s grandfather and Naomi/Sauls and we can’t forget the Charles…es.

        Being a good one is much harder. Jeremiah and Deborah are the only real examples. Though Haruka and Ryou seem pretty cool. Falyn, Reno and maybe Stacy? Hard to say.

        And yes, I did skim through the Parents’ Weekend arc to find all those.

      • AgentKeen
        AgentKeen
        March 4, 2016 at 1:01 am | #

        It’s hard to write a long story focusing on good parents. Where’s the conflict, unless you rely on easily cleared up misunderstandings?

        Like, from what we’ve seen, Amber’s mom seems pretty cool, and Sierra’s parents were more than willing to help Amber out when her dad was being aggressive, so they seem nice. The Saruyamas were pleasant (or at least quiet) enough for Sarah to want to be adopted by them. Even Dorothy’s parents seem to be pretty good ones, but they only get so much screen time to serve as a foil and raise the stakes a bit when Joyce confronted her parents.

        • Jaco
          Jaco
          March 4, 2016 at 6:10 am | #

          Not all conflict has to be with parents.

          • N0083rP00F
            N0083rP00F
            March 4, 2016 at 8:45 am | #

            True, there is always fishing. Soooo many fishing stories *shudder*

          • Gordon
            Gordon
            March 4, 2016 at 1:36 pm | #

            And not all conflict has been with parents.

            Walky is struggling with grades.

            Ruth and Carla with Mary.

            Billie and Ruth with each other.

            Joyce with her various traumas. Caused by Toedad AND Ryan.

            Sarah and Dina with their social skills.

            Sal was struggling with Malaya.

            Amber with her various issues.

            Danny and Ethan with their respective sexualities.

            But when you have shitty parents, they are often the largest source of conflict in your life. It gets more pronounced in times like this where you both feel they still have a lot of control over your life, even though they aren’t close enough to exercise it.

    • syd
      syd
      March 4, 2016 at 12:08 am | #

      Any box in any universe has an equal chance of containing poo or containing not-poo

      • Reltzik
        Reltzik
        March 4, 2016 at 2:10 am | #

        Um, no, it…

        ….

        …. wait….

        … does the microscopic excretions of dust mites count? If so, I think it’s MORE likely to have poo.

        ((PS that includes cereal boxes.))

        • Ana Chronistic
          Ana Chronistic
          March 4, 2016 at 2:39 pm | #

          Actually, everything EVERYWHERE has 100% chance of containing poo (yes, the human version)

      • Jhon
        Jhon
        March 4, 2016 at 10:39 pm | #

        “Any box in any universe has an equal chance of containing poo or containing not-poo” — This is the Bayesian doctrine of Equal Priors.
        (Since when you start out, you have no idea what the actual chances are.)
        But each time you open a box containing non-poo, that raises the chance that the next box will contain poo.

        • spriteless
          spriteless
          March 5, 2016 at 12:39 am | #

          No it doesn’t. That is the opposite of what happens. The more observed poo boxes the more likely unknown boxes are also poo!

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      March 4, 2016 at 12:16 am | #

      They didn’t even care enough to give me as much poop as you!

    • Dean
      Dean
      March 4, 2016 at 12:37 am | #

      Walky changes majors to agronomy, uses the poop to grow prize-winning vegetables.

      • Reltzik
        Reltzik
        March 4, 2016 at 2:11 am | #

        Becomes the first man stranded on Mars. Proceeds to use a nuclear heater to invent a hot tub and complain about bad disco.

        • Just Saying
          Just Saying
          March 4, 2016 at 4:41 am | #

          #explainabookplotbadly 😛

        • N0083rP00F
          N0083rP00F
          March 4, 2016 at 8:48 am | #

          bad disco raises the question, was there any good disco or at least mediocre disco?

          • Ana Chronistic
            Ana Chronistic
            March 4, 2016 at 2:40 pm | #

            I’m inclined to say Graham Gouldman

    • MM
      MM
      March 4, 2016 at 12:38 am | #

      We’ll know if Naomi shows up and starts haranguing Ethan about letting Joyce get away before sleeping with her.

    • Mollyscribbles
      Mollyscribbles
      March 4, 2016 at 1:44 am | #

      The big ones contain sloppy manure; the small one contains Cards Against Humanity’s special edition from last Black Friday.

  2. DarkoNeko
    DarkoNeko
    March 4, 2016 at 12:01 am | #

    aaah, I saw that coming starting panel 2 😐

    • DarkoNeko
      DarkoNeko
      March 4, 2016 at 12:02 am | #

      At least she GOT one, I guess ?

    • Undrave
      Undrave
      March 4, 2016 at 12:04 am | #

      I didn’t see Billie getting one…

      • DarkoNeko
        DarkoNeko
        March 4, 2016 at 12:43 am | #

        Her actual name’s Jennifer, she god the big one on our right of the panels.

        • Neeks
          Neeks
          March 4, 2016 at 3:27 am | #

          I thiiiink undrave meant it like “foresee” but I could be wrong.

          • Undrave
            Undrave
            March 4, 2016 at 4:32 pm | #

            Yup, that’s what I meant.

  3. AnvilPro
    AnvilPro
    March 4, 2016 at 12:01 am | #

    At least Joyce has one cool parent, and Becky had one once too. I vote Sal and Walky’s parents for worst of them all!

    • Mr k
      Mr k
      March 4, 2016 at 12:02 am | #

      We don’t know anything about Becky’s mom, aside from her being dead. Maybe that’s why toedad went so fundie?

      • tim gueguen
        tim gueguen
        March 4, 2016 at 12:04 am | #

        Becky’s mom has only been gone a year or so, so Ross couldn’t have gotten that religious in such a short order. Not that her death probably helped.

        • Betty Anne
          Betty Anne
          March 4, 2016 at 12:07 am | #

          I’ve had more than one friend go “born again.” You’d be surprised how much a person can change overnight, let alone in a year. :p

          • Gordon
            Gordon
            March 4, 2016 at 12:32 am | #

            It’s unlikely Toedad “went fundie” suddenly, considering how Hank’s kinda hated him for years.

            • Cerberus
              Cerberus
              March 4, 2016 at 1:30 am | #

              And the comic where Becky said that her dad took her to the Chik fil A rally years ago to shove it in the face of “the gays”, so yeah, he’s been awful for a while, with Becky’s mom at best playing the enabler role… though that might be partially because Toedad might have also been abusive. After all, he really did not have any truck with female independence in the kidnapping arc and it didn’t take very much “disobedience” for him to hunt Becky with a gun and strike her in the car.

              • Reltzik
                Reltzik
                March 4, 2016 at 2:15 am | #

                That said, Becky-mom dying seems to have been a factor in him becoming (even more) unhinged. He might have been considerably less… extreme a year ago. There is, after all, a gap between being in a chickfila counterprotest and kidnapping people at gunpoint for… whatever he had planned.

                • Cerberus
                  Cerberus
                  March 4, 2016 at 2:37 am | #

                  Oh definitely. He went from awful bigoted asshole to full on hunting his daughter like an animal.

                • Captain Button
                  Captain Button
                  March 4, 2016 at 9:17 am | #

                  I’ve got a headcanon that Ross took his wife’s death as a sign from God that he was being too slack and tolerant, so he doubled down. Then Becky thinking she’s gay is another sign, so time for quadrupledowning.

                • Cerberus
                  Cerberus
                  March 4, 2016 at 10:41 am | #

                  Captain Button-

                  I think that might actually be canon-canon Especially since that is basically what Toedad was saying over and over again during his scenes. Both the ones with Dina as she was walking to the bus and the ones where he talks directly to Becky.

                  After all, if you are faithful and “good” then God rewards you in life according to the Prosperity Gospel. So if bad things happen, it just means you weren’t “good” enough and so must redouble your efforts until God sees your faith and makes the bad thing stop happening. And if he doesn’t, then you just weren’t “good” enough.

                  I mean, that moment not shooting Dina or Joyce? Clearly that weakness is what the devil exploited. Next time he will not be so careless. (yeah, I think when he is up for parole is going to be the scariest time for Becky the older scientist).

        • a snow ʍousɐ
          a snow ʍousɐ
          March 4, 2016 at 12:10 am | #

          I think Mr k is suggesting Becky’s mom was very conservative, and this contributed to Ross’s fundamentalism. And her death didn’t change that.

          • Tacos
            Tacos
            March 4, 2016 at 12:31 am | #

            From how Hank talked about her, Becky’s mom was ok, if largely forgettable.

            • Needfuldoer
              Needfuldoer
              March 4, 2016 at 3:02 am | #

              If Ross was always big into “traditional family roles”, she probably wasn’t permitted to do much more than cook, clean, and “sit there and look pretty”. Becky had to learn her unbreakable Stepford smile from somewhere…

              (Just thinking about it is depressing…)

              • ChrisHerself
                ChrisHerself
                March 4, 2016 at 3:55 am | #

                OH! ………oh. 🙁

              • StClair
                StClair
                March 4, 2016 at 8:33 am | #

                Yyup.

              • Cerberus
                Cerberus
                March 4, 2016 at 10:42 am | #

                This.

              • Bagge
                Bagge
                March 4, 2016 at 11:00 am | #

                So… Becky’s facade, but not with Becky’s unflappable smartassery… or Joyce… or self won freedom… OUCH

      • CaptainBatson
        CaptainBatson
        March 4, 2016 at 12:59 am | #

        Actually, Becky’s mom has been stated to be a pretty good person by Hank and lost to the Devil by Ross, so… looking pretty good.

        • Reltzik
          Reltzik
          March 4, 2016 at 2:16 am | #

          Maybe.

          Then again, Hank would probably describe Carol as a pretty good person too.

          • Will
            Will
            March 4, 2016 at 4:31 am | #

            Specially if she’s dead. Never speak ill and all that.

          • Emperor Norton
            Emperor Norton
            March 4, 2016 at 9:39 am | #

            But then again (again), Becky misses her mom. A lot. She may not have been the best mom, but considering how Becky gave her own dad the two-fingered salute in the end, I believe she misses her mom because her mom was a loving one.

            I personally think that Becky’s mom was somewhat similar to Hank. But she was also married to Ross, and since Ross was the man* in this relationship, he made sure to be The Boss, in order to keep the family Perfect. Because having an ideal family that fit into the roles God had made for them was far, far more important to Ross than actual people (something Willis himself stated on Tumblr).

            * As per the fundies’ designated gender roles, that is.

    • Undrave
      Undrave
      March 4, 2016 at 12:04 am | #

      Worst in a non-criminal way? ‘Cause there’s some STIFF competition there… plus imagine what kind of asshole raised Mary?!

      • Mr k
        Mr k
        March 4, 2016 at 12:05 am | #

        Maybe she’s just a jackass on her own? You don’t need a tragic backstory to be a bastard.

        • butts
          butts
          March 4, 2016 at 12:10 am | #

          ‘s true. Assholes come from all walks of life, and the asshole phylogeny is beautiful and diverse.

          • Deanatay
            Deanatay
            March 4, 2016 at 8:51 am | #

            I mean, look at Mike – his parents are saints!

      • Reltzik
        Reltzik
        March 4, 2016 at 2:20 am | #

        *cut scene to Mary’s parents sitting by the fire place reading*

        Mom: “It’s a shame Mary told us she didn’t want us at that family weekend thing.”
        Dad: “Yeah, I miss her. But she’s an adult now. We’ve got to give her space.”
        Mom: “I just think… you think maybe we did wrong by her, giving her that much freedom?”
        Dad: “It’s possible. No one can be perfect parents. But we raised her areligious and let her decide and she did, and we have to respect that. That was the better action than any agenda we might have pushed on her.”
        Mom: “I just don’t get how she can … disfellowship us? If we were never in the religion to begin with.”
        Dad: “I don’t think they call it disfellowshipping in her circle. And no one said religion has to make sense.”

        • Kryss LaBryn
          Kryss LaBryn
          March 4, 2016 at 7:03 am | #

          +1

        • N0083rP00F
          N0083rP00F
          March 4, 2016 at 8:54 am | #

          So a Ned Flanders with less beatnik and more Bellamy family propriety.

          • Carolyn
            Carolyn
            March 4, 2016 at 11:51 am | #

            “We’ve tried nothing and we’re all out of ideas!”

        • Cerberus
          Cerberus
          March 4, 2016 at 10:44 am | #

          Oh my, that is awesome and I’m totally considering it my headcanon until they show up in the strip.

        • Captain Button
          Captain Button
          March 4, 2016 at 12:10 pm | #

          So does that make Mary the Anti-Dorothy?

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      March 4, 2016 at 12:17 am | #

      Walky’s parents are honestly pretty middle of the road as far as parents in this series because so many of them are so cartoonishly evil.

      • MM
        MM
        March 4, 2016 at 12:40 am | #

        Evil that can be argued away as non-evil is arguably more insidious.

        • Yotomoe
          Yotomoe
          March 4, 2016 at 12:44 am | #

          Evil that has yet to be challenged reads more like ignorance to me. If Sal confronts her mother about this and her mom’s like “Nope.” then I’ll probably like them less. As it is it seems somewhat unintentional. At least that’s how I read it.

          • Cerberus
            Cerberus
            March 4, 2016 at 1:39 am | #

            Man, you have not met enough awful parents… so jealous.

            • Yotomoe
              Yotomoe
              March 4, 2016 at 1:41 am | #

              And I live in the south too. And I’m black. I’ve got a pretty great outlook on the world in general.

              • Savail
                Savail
                March 4, 2016 at 1:49 am | #

                I have no idea why, but I had assumed you were Filipino. Way off the mark there. o.O

              • Cerberus
                Cerberus
                March 4, 2016 at 2:37 am | #

                Less jealous.

  4. Mr. Mendo
    Mr. Mendo
    March 4, 2016 at 12:02 am | #

    Or smokes! Sal likes those, right?

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      March 4, 2016 at 1:00 am | #

      Smokes can be used like money in prison.

      • Yotomoe
        Yotomoe
        March 4, 2016 at 1:59 am | #

        So can money, believe it or not.

      • Needfuldoer
        Needfuldoer
        March 4, 2016 at 3:08 am | #

        Are smokes worth more money than real money? Is finding a butt that isn’t smoked to the filter like finding a penny on the ground?

  5. TimeLoss
    TimeLoss
    March 4, 2016 at 12:02 am | #

    Talk about playing favorites

  6. AutobotDen
    AutobotDen
    March 4, 2016 at 12:02 am | #

    Ugh. this reminds me too much of how things were when I was growing up. Only the sibling and I aren’t twins.

    • N0083rP00F
      N0083rP00F
      March 4, 2016 at 8:58 am | #

      Ugh, how about being the eldest with all the responsibilities and expectations but none of the perks or even support.

  7. LimeSheep
    LimeSheep
    March 4, 2016 at 12:03 am | #

    she got a bigger package for billie and shes not even her kid

    • Mr k
      Mr k
      March 4, 2016 at 12:04 am | #

      Hey, Booze is hard to package in a small box.

      • Plasma Mongoose
        Plasma Mongoose
        March 4, 2016 at 1:03 am | #

        Moonshine is the gift that keeps on giving.

    • Undrave
      Undrave
      March 4, 2016 at 12:05 am | #

      So you’re saying it’s a big dildo?

      • Mr k
        Mr k
        March 4, 2016 at 12:09 am | #

        “How did she know about my thing with Ruth?”

    • -Sentinel-
      -Sentinel-
      March 4, 2016 at 12:09 am | #

      Hey, size isn’t everything.

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      March 4, 2016 at 12:18 am | #

      It’s actually just a bra, and you know that can’t fit in a normal sized box.

    • Cerberus
      Cerberus
      March 4, 2016 at 1:43 am | #

      It’s intentional. Passive-aggressive parents love stunts like that. Was just out with a friend tonight whose mom out of the blue emailed her a text of her brother getting written about in the newspaper with the text message: “Look at how much more of a success your brother is than you.”

      Not a joke, that was the literal message.

      Given Linda’s deliberate ignoring of Sal’s very existence at Parent’s Weekend, deliberately sending Sal a smaller box than even the family friend would be right up her alley.

      • Gamaran Sepudomyn
        Gamaran Sepudomyn
        March 4, 2016 at 3:49 am | #

        I’m really wondering how Linda can possibly avoid realizing that she’s an asshole.

      • Eukie
        Eukie
        March 4, 2016 at 7:48 am | #

        Billie isn’t as much a “family friend” as a surrogate daughter though. Which is not to say the small box isn’t an insult, but from Billie, Sal, and Willis’ comments on how Billie and Mr & Mrs Walkerton relate, treating Billie like family is fairly normal for them.

      • ischemgeek
        ischemgeek
        March 4, 2016 at 9:42 am | #

        I have not yet seen enough to convince me she’s being intentionally passive aggressive (though if the gift is something that is obviously an after-thought or intended as a slap in the face – IDK an “inspirational” auto-biography of someone who came from a criminal past to be successful, or a hair straightener, or skin bleaching cream or what have you, then I’ll be unreservedly in that camp). But there is totally favoritism happening.

        But passive favoritism can be pretty fucking shitty, too, and I’ve seen enough of that which looks enough like this that I’m not yet entirely convinced that Linda isn’t just massively inconsiderate and unobservant. Which is not to say that it’s any better for Sal. I’m in one of those situations and yeah my folks are not rubbing it in my face that they dote on my sister way more than me but the fact is she gets doted on way more than me, and they genuinely think they conceal it well enough that I don’t notice.

        I’m thinking that might be what’s happening here – Linda bullshitting herself so well she honestly believes she’s not being explicit about her favoritism.

        (which is not to say she’s not being shitty. More that she might not have the self-awareness to realize she’s being shitty. Walky got his inconsiderate jerk tendencies somewhere)

    • jeffepp
      jeffepp
      March 4, 2016 at 2:28 am | #

      Well, she couldn’t leave out her future daughter-in-law, now, could she? Hm? And, just think, they’ll make such a beautiful multi-ethnic couple!

      • LimeSheep
        LimeSheep
        March 4, 2016 at 2:50 am | #

        youre grounded

  8. Ctrl+C D@
    Ctrl+C D@
    March 4, 2016 at 12:03 am | #

    Still not understanding the problem with the boxes, somebody fill me in.

    Also does Billie’s say Zanier in the last panel?

    • Disloyal Subject
      Disloyal Subject
      March 4, 2016 at 12:04 am | #

      Jennifer. Billie is Jennifer Billingsworth, just like Walky is David Walkerton.

    • Max
      Max
      March 4, 2016 at 12:05 am | #

      Jenifer

    • Regalli
      Regalli
      March 4, 2016 at 12:05 am | #

      Billie’s says Jennifer, which is her given name (the nickname “Billie” coming from her last name, Billingsworth, because she came up with Walky’s nickname from Walkerton).

      The problem with the boxes is that Mom Walkerton sent Walky and Billie pretty generous ones, and Billie’s not technically a Walkerton kid herself, while shipping a noticeably smaller one to Sal suggesting she sent and spent a LOT less for her than the others. It’s parental antifavoritism, basically.

      • Ctrl+C D@
        Ctrl+C D@
        March 4, 2016 at 12:10 am | #

        Wait, I thought Billie was unofficially adopted into the Walkerton family?

        Is this going back what Sal was talking about like three hundred strips ago about her parents favoring Walky over her?

        • Just Me
          Just Me
          March 4, 2016 at 12:23 am | #

          That’s where this is going, from the looks of it. At this rate, Sal could win the Nobel Peace Prize and her parents will miss it just to watch cartoons with Walky, or something.

          • Ctrl+C D@
            Ctrl+C D@
            March 4, 2016 at 12:26 am | #

            Yeah but cartoons are fucking awesome.

            • TheNinthShader
              TheNinthShader
              March 4, 2016 at 7:19 am | #

              Hell yeah they are.

          • John
            John
            March 4, 2016 at 6:49 am | #

            Charles might watch cartoons with Walky, but I don’t think Linda would. That’s not an acceptable thing for her golden boy to do, and he’s in college now, so it’s time for him to stop with those childish things and buckle down on becoming a doctor.

            Linda’s pretty awful to Walky, too, just in a different way.

        • Cerberus
          Cerberus
          March 4, 2016 at 1:44 am | #

          Yup. And this has been clearly going on for a long time given how nonplussed and unsurprised she looks in the comic. Like, yup, this shit again, thanks mom for the non-subtle reminder of how much less you’ve always rated me than your “perfect baby boy”.

          • Peduncle
            Peduncle
            March 4, 2016 at 9:54 pm | #

            Now that it’s late and nobody will ever read this, let me inject my obligatory bit of pedantry. Check out nonplussed in a dictionary. It’s surprised to the max. I don’t know what the negation of nonplussed is. You’d think plussed, but I’ve never been plussed myself, nor heard anybody else described that way.

            • Jhon
              Jhon
              March 4, 2016 at 10:54 pm | #

              Suppose I sent you some ‘plus fours’ — what would your reaction be?

              • Peduncle
                Peduncle
                March 4, 2016 at 10:59 pm | #

                Yow! I’d be knickerbockered!

        • jeffepp
          jeffepp
          March 4, 2016 at 11:17 am | #

          I figure that they think of Billie and Walkie as unofficially engaged. Given that Billie spent the first week or two following Walkie around, loudly proclaiming that they weren’t a couple, I don’t know where they could get that idea.

          • John
            John
            March 4, 2016 at 2:41 pm | #

            I still operate on the theory that Billie’s tsundere for pretty much everyone, both Walkerton twins very much included.

    • Disloyal Subject
      Disloyal Subject
      March 4, 2016 at 12:05 am | #

      Oh, and the problem is that Sal’s care package is about an eighth the size of Walky and Billie’s.

    • Betty Anne
      Betty Anne
      March 4, 2016 at 12:06 am | #

      No, it says “Jennifer” in both panels.

    • Leorale
      Leorale
      March 4, 2016 at 12:06 am | #

      It’s bad because Walky and Billie got big boxes and Sal got a little one.

    • tim gueguen
      tim gueguen
      March 4, 2016 at 12:06 am | #

      Nah, it says Jennifer.

    • Doopyboop
      Doopyboop
      March 4, 2016 at 12:07 am | #

      It says ‘Jennifer’, her name is actually Jennifer Billingsworth! Billie is a nickname Walky made based off her last name, like how Walky comes from Walkerton.

      As for the packages, there was been a subplot in the comic regarding whether there is a favoritism element between Sal and Walky. Sal insists that Walky is their favorite child, and as you can see from the packages… Walky and Billie get equally big boxes, while Sal has a smaller one. For Walky, it’s like an uncomfortable reminder of ‘oh yeah, maybe my sister was right about the favoritism’. The fact that the favoritism may come from a racist point of view also makes it very uncomfortable for Walky.

      • podian
        podian
        March 4, 2016 at 1:56 am | #

        Racist? They’re both from the same parents, how can one be racist against one of their own children?

        • Conuly
          Conuly
          March 4, 2016 at 2:05 am | #

          That’s what Walky said. Sal states that Walky was born looking whiter than she did, and that’s why they favored him. Given their reaction when they saw her with unstraightened hair, she may very well be right.

          • Reltzik
            Reltzik
            March 4, 2016 at 2:25 am | #

            I don’t know if it was a looks thing. It might have more to do with perceptions of race linked to stereotypes of attitude, personality, interests…

            • John
              John
              March 4, 2016 at 7:00 am | #

              My personal theory is that it’s a nice juicy mashup of race and gender stereotyping – that it’s more acceptable to the Walkertons that their son be black than that their daughter be black.

              • trlkly
                trlkly
                March 4, 2016 at 8:25 am | #

                Ooh! That’s one I hadn’t thought of. Thank you. That makes the most sense of anything I’ve heard–even than the hair thing. (Though I’m sure the hair also plays a part.)

              • podian
                podian
                March 6, 2016 at 6:14 am | #

                Huh. That sounds more believable… for a typically screwed up Dumbiverse family, at least.

          • trlkly
            trlkly
            March 4, 2016 at 8:17 am | #

            It’s definitely not a looks thing. It was established back on the June 3rd, 2015, comic “tall” that the two twins are pretty much identical.

            It’s actually the one thing that’s thrown me off about the whole thing. Skin color issues are things I’ve heard of. But one kid merely acting blacker than the other? That’s weird, and honestly makes me think that racism is not the only explanation. I mean, it’s been going on since they were really young.

            Now, this is Willis, so I know that racism is going to be at least part of the issue, because Willis wouldn’t go there with having Sal be wrong, and come off as invalidating her perceptions. But I’m thinking there’s more to the story than we know.

            (Hell, maybe even Sal actually lightens her skin. Or it lightened as she got older.)

            And I’ve had that first link saved for a while, so the next time this came up, I could talk about this.

            • trlkly
              trlkly
              March 4, 2016 at 8:28 am | #

              Ugh. I was gonna mention the hair thing, too! I just find it hard to believe that alone is enough. It’s not as if white people can’t have “black” hair–it’s just less common. I live in white-whitesville and I’ve seen people with hair like Sal’s.

              • Someone
                Someone
                March 4, 2016 at 9:25 am | #

                Lets see here, Ethan, Harry Potter, Me.

                • Someone
                  Someone
                  March 4, 2016 at 9:25 am | #

                  Crap that was supposed to be a reply to trlkly

                • Someone
                  Someone
                  March 4, 2016 at 11:59 am | #

                  I’m hitting the reply button, I swear!

            • Random832
              Random832
              March 4, 2016 at 3:25 pm | #

              If the hair thing is the only thing, I’m not sure how that squares with January 13, 2015‘s strip (which suggests that Walky’s hair isn’t necessarily inherently different from Sal’s). I’m wondering if it’s either a self-reinforcing cycle that started with something small (maybe even the hair, if Walky’s is less noticeable / doesn’t require as much effort to “fix”, due to being kept short), or a consequence of comparing her to herself vs comparing Walky to Charles, or simply (originally) interacting with her more (mother/daughter vs father/son – no reason to assume that they have a perfectly progressive idea of gender roles) and therefore noticing stuff (differences to herself) more with her than with Walky.

              • Random832
                Random832
                March 4, 2016 at 3:29 pm | #

                I don’t have personal knowledge of this issue, but assume that any kind of hair care is easier with short hair, so Walky might not even think of his hair as being straightened, rather there are simply chemical products that he always uses out of habit that have that effect.

        • David M Willis
          David M Willis
          March 4, 2016 at 2:26 am | #

          Sexist? I married a woman! How can one be sexist against someone they married????

          • Kryss LaBryn
            Kryss LaBryn
            March 4, 2016 at 7:06 am | #

            Well put.

          • Belle
            Belle
            March 4, 2016 at 10:30 am | #

            This is officially my favorite comment on anything ever.

          • Cerberus
            Cerberus
            March 4, 2016 at 10:48 am | #

            Noicccccce.

            And yeah bigotry is weird. I’ve known a good chunk of kids from mixed race homes where a parent has been racist to them a lot growing up despite having married someone of the race they are being racist towards.

            • podian
              podian
              March 6, 2016 at 6:16 am | #

              But what I can’t understand is the concept of being racist against only one of your two mixed-race children…

              • David M Willis
                David M Willis
                March 6, 2016 at 6:22 am | #

                well then try harder

          • Tenchan
            Tenchan
            March 4, 2016 at 6:06 pm | #

            Sexist?! I have a mother and I love my mamma! So how could I be sexist?!

            ;-P

    • TheOthin
      TheOthin
      March 4, 2016 at 12:07 am | #

      Sal got a smaller box than Walky and even Billie, indicating a worse gift. Sal has claimed to Walky that their parents are biased against her and have been their whole lives, and Billie has urged him to take those complaints seriously, with some success.

      • Ctrl+C D@
        Ctrl+C D@
        March 4, 2016 at 12:19 am | #

        Okay wait, now I remember. I think we learned about this during one of Amber’s flashbacks and that’s why I was confused.

        Okay so, and correct me if I’m wrong here, Mother Walkerton plays favorites with Walky over Sal and this led to Sal feeling ignored most of her young life, then she tries to rob a convenience store, finds out that Amber can puncture both human bone and a police car hood in one thrust, and then she spent most of the time after that and right before the start of this comic at a boarding school, the resentment for her parents building up over time till she sees it as second nature or some bullshit I don’t know.

        Yeah?

        • Carms
          Carms
          March 4, 2016 at 12:30 am | #

          There’s also a bit where she calls walky out for being the recipient of favouritism, or specifically the oblivious beneficiary- which is why walky even picks up on the box sizes this fast. If this had happened a few weeks ago, he wouldn’t have even considered conclusions to jump to.

        • Carms
          Carms
          March 4, 2016 at 12:32 am | #

          Also also Sal believes this favouritism is rooted in race, and walky is preferred because he is whiter looking

          • Ctrl+C D@
            Ctrl+C D@
            March 4, 2016 at 12:41 am | #

            Straight up I’m just pointing out that I didn’t start reading this day by day till the middle of the Toedad saga, so I didn’t read any of the comments sections for the previous strips, nor do I keep up at all with what Willis says on his Tumblr or Twitter.

            So with that said, was that whole thing with Sal claiming their parents were racist true? Because their the exact same color and I’m not seeing it. I mean, down to the hex code even.

            • Yotomoe
              Yotomoe
              March 4, 2016 at 12:48 am | #

              I always assumed it’s cuz Sal has naturally kinky hair. So she “appears” more typically black, while Walky just looks like a brown white dude.

              • Ctrl+C D@
                Ctrl+C D@
                March 4, 2016 at 12:51 am | #

                THAT’S RIGHT! I forgot there was that whole awkward scene where she dressed up like a frickin’ girl scout and had curly hair when the parents came over.

                Okay, so it’s less the skin tone and more the features then? Okay I get that.

                • Leorale
                  Leorale
                  March 4, 2016 at 12:59 am | #

                  Yep!

                • Reltzik
                  Reltzik
                  March 4, 2016 at 2:35 am | #

                  It can be that, and it can be more than that. It can be about how interests and personality conform to stereotypes about race. The happy-go-lucky cartoon-watching Walky is less “black” in his interests and activities (meaning those conform less to society’s notions of someone who is black) than the authority-spurning, convenience-store-robbing, late-hours-parking-lot-loitering Sal.

                  That said, while Sal’s perceptions are certainly relevant to her experience and I fully believe that the favoritism was there, and while a few hints (Charles’s preference for her hair style) has been dropped, it hasn’t yet been confirmed yet. I’m not ruling it out at all or arguing against it, but I could still see the possibility of Linda doting on her more-dependent son simply because he’s, well, more dependent.

                • Gamaran Sepudomyn
                  Gamaran Sepudomyn
                  March 4, 2016 at 3:52 am | #

                  Also, I believe there was talk of it having some roots in sexism as well.

                • Kamino Neko
                  Kamino Neko
                  March 4, 2016 at 7:44 am | #

                  he happy-go-lucky cartoon-watching Walky is less “black” in his interests and activities (meaning those conform less to society’s notions of someone who is black) than the authority-spurning, convenience-store-robbing, late-hours-parking-lot-loitering Sal.

                  The problem with this argument is it reverses the (implied, granted), cause and effect direction between Sal-as-we-know-her and her parents favoritism toward Walky.

                  Sal wasn’t (from what we’ve seen) a hellion as a kid. She disrespects authority because the first major authorities in her life – her parents – proved undeserving of respect, and she knocked over convenience stores because there comes a point where ‘negative attention’ is better than ‘no attention’. A concept actually referenced directly in a flashback.

                • Reltzik
                  Reltzik
                  March 4, 2016 at 8:00 am | #

                  Kamino: True enough, but there might have been a self-reinforcing cycle thing going on. My point was that notions of race extend beyond appearance.

              • TheLordMoccasin
                TheLordMoccasin
                March 4, 2016 at 12:58 am | #

                I remember back in Joyce and Walky, Walky cut his hair or something and ended up looking just like his father, kinky hair and all.

            • Leorale
              Leorale
              March 4, 2016 at 12:49 am | #

              I assure you, it’s been debated to death. It seems true. Sal has naturally afro-curly hair, plus blacker self-image and mannerisms, plus, she’d know better than we do how she is treated.

              • Leorale
                Leorale
                March 4, 2016 at 12:57 am | #

                From an out-of-character standpoint, it would be hugely problematic for Willis to write a story in which a young Black-identified woman is oversensitive and wrong about her experience of covert racism. It’s totally plausible in character, and even moreso from a writing standpoint.

              • Cerberus
                Cerberus
                March 4, 2016 at 1:49 am | #

                Yup. Hair and mannerisms, leading to a lifetime of being encouraged to only embrace her “whiter” ways of being (including straightening her hair constantly to keep it from being kinky) and overall unequal treatment compared to her brother (including him being given opportunities she wasn’t like the acting gig in Joyce’s favorite kid’s show).

            • LimeSheep
              LimeSheep
              March 4, 2016 at 12:51 am | #

              like they said, its generally considered to be about her hair.

              relevant strips:
              http://www.dumbingofage.com/2013/comic/book-3/03-answers-in-hennessy/kinky-2/
              http://www.dumbingofage.com/2013/comic/book-3/04-just-hangin-out-with-my-family/appointment/
              http://www.dumbingofage.com/2013/comic/book-3/04-just-hangin-out-with-my-family/straighten/

            • AgentKeen
              AgentKeen
              March 4, 2016 at 1:10 am | #

              Pretty much every interaction has indicated that the Walkerton’s at least show favoritism to Walky over Sal, including in flashbacks that occurred before her attempted robberies (I think it was said she tried 2 or 3 times before boarding school happened?). Mr. Walkerton also specifically says how Sal’s hair looks so much nicer when it’s straight, which has been the main comment from either that directly references racial characteristics (though, I don’t think Mrs. Walkerton said anything at all to Sal and just ignored her). However, Walky himself has said something to the effect of Sal being black while he’s ‘generically beige’ before he found out how Sal felt, which is pretty telling.

              Regardless of all that, we definitely have no reason to not believe Sal.

          • Plasma Mongoose
            Plasma Mongoose
            March 4, 2016 at 1:05 am | #

            #BlackReletivesMatter

            • Ctrl+C D@
              Ctrl+C D@
              March 4, 2016 at 1:11 am | #

              #000000LivesMatter

              Admit it, you’d buy a t-shirt

              • Reltzik
                Reltzik
                March 4, 2016 at 2:37 am | #

                …. what color of T-shirt? And what color of text? Would it be, say, white on black, or black on white?

                • Kamino Neko
                  Kamino Neko
                  March 4, 2016 at 7:53 am | #

                  Black on black, just like the real violence.

                  </Sarcasm> </Republicans>

      • Caex
        Caex
        March 4, 2016 at 12:27 am | #

        I wouldn’t be shocked if it turned out to be a worse gift, given Mrs. Walkerton’s behavior and what Sal has said, but we’re jumping to quite a conclusion by assuming a bigger gift is a better one.
        Let’s not forget that we also recently saw Joyce realizing her father *wasn’t* as opposed to her as she thought he’d be, even if her mother is. Maybe Sal will be proven wrong about her mother. Maybe it’s something precious to Sal that she left behind.

        Then again, maybe not. Mrs. Walkerton hasn’t impressed so far.

        • Cerberus
          Cerberus
          March 4, 2016 at 1:50 am | #

          Honestly, I’d say it’s even odds that the gift itself is even more passive-aggressive than the smaller box. Like a hair-straightener or something.

          • Neeks
            Neeks
            March 4, 2016 at 3:38 am | #

            That’s what I’m expecting.

            Hahaha, oh man, one time about ten years ago my mom and I were out for dinner and she pulled out a gift bag from her purse. “I got you something,” she said, cringing in anticipation of my reaction. It was stretch mark cream, and I was too busy laughing at the absurdity of the moment to rehash the age old argument of how I don’t actually care about my stretch marks, etc. I suppose she “had to try” but honestly considering she knew me well enough to expect a rant, she could have just saved herself the money.

          • StClair
            StClair
            March 4, 2016 at 8:37 am | #

            That was my thought too.

        • Tan
          Tan
          March 4, 2016 at 2:34 am | #

          -Are- we jumping to conclusions? It’s a care package. I mean, quite literally, the amount of care she is sending her daughter is like a quarter the amount she’s sending to her son and her son’s childhood friend. Note that a care package is not like a gift; care packages are generally composed of a number of various items, typically things it would be harder for the recipient to get in the area they are, or homemade items. There’s no reason Sal and Walky’s mom couldn’t use the same size box for Sal and fill it up with additional random stuff Sal likes, except as a deliberate choice to only give Sal a small box. It’s a dick move no matter what’s in it (and I doubt there’s anything in there that will be remotely pleasing to Sal. Smart money’s on it being crap that obviously shows her mother not understanding her and/or wanting to shoehorn her into a certain image).

          • Reltzik
            Reltzik
            March 4, 2016 at 2:38 am | #

            I’d say it’s suggestive but not conclusive at this stage.

  9. SUGauthor
    SUGauthor
    March 4, 2016 at 12:03 am | #

    Well that’s just not cool.

  10. Regalli
    Regalli
    March 4, 2016 at 12:03 am | #

    Uncool, Linda.

    • Undrave
      Undrave
      March 4, 2016 at 12:05 am | #

      Totally not cool.

  11. Disloyal Subject
    Disloyal Subject
    March 4, 2016 at 12:03 am | #

    “I’m still eighteen; all my mail’s good.”
    Just had to say it, didn’t you, Walky?

    • a snow ʍousɐ
      a snow ʍousɐ
      March 4, 2016 at 12:04 am | #

      Well, all of HIS mail is good

      • Disloyal Subject
        Disloyal Subject
        March 4, 2016 at 12:07 am | #

        I dunno, it came packaged with drama. And we know how much he hates FEELINGS.

        • a snow ʍousɐ
          a snow ʍousɐ
          March 4, 2016 at 12:12 am | #

          Well, in relation to this incident, I guess it’s not so good

      • tim gueguen
        tim gueguen
        March 4, 2016 at 12:16 am | #

        You say that now, but just wait ’til next strip, when a wolverine jumps out of the box and bites his nose off!

        • Bicycle Bill
          Bicycle Bill
          March 4, 2016 at 12:22 am | #

          https://xkcd.com/325/

      • Cerberus
        Cerberus
        March 4, 2016 at 1:51 am | #

        Yup. And he’s just starting to notice that and feel awkward about what it says about how much he’s “earned” where he is and what it says about his family.

    • Mr k
      Mr k
      March 4, 2016 at 12:05 am | #

      And it turns out that it was a mail bomb. Sal survived because hers was the smallest.

  12. Touchfuzzy
    Touchfuzzy
    March 4, 2016 at 12:03 am | #

    The online store I order boardgames from packs everything with those packing peanuts which is awesome for having my games not get smashed but terrible for ever getting rid of. I used to have like 6 boxes full of them in my storage.

    • Stephen R. Bierce
      Stephen R. Bierce
      March 4, 2016 at 12:07 am | #

      Used to work in a bookstore way back when. In the back room, they had a vacuum for clearing peanuts out of shipments and huge plastic sucker bags for collecting the peanuts for reuse. I used to have one of the bags till my Dad decided to use it for a pickup truck tarp and it got ripped all to heck.
      I know, it’s weird to want a big plastic bag. I had my reasons.

      • Disloyal Subject
        Disloyal Subject
        March 4, 2016 at 12:17 am | #

        Nah, not weird at all. Those things are useful.

    • Needfuldoer
      Needfuldoer
      March 4, 2016 at 3:20 am | #

      I used to work at a small business that took in far more peanuts than it needed for shipping orders. We’d bag it up in clear trash bags and bring it to the UPS store once a month. They gladly took all of it for years.

    • ChrisHerself
      ChrisHerself
      March 4, 2016 at 4:10 am | #

      As long as they’re clean and not infested with tiny beetles (the starch-based eco peanuts tend to attract them after being in storage a long time) people buy bags of those on Craigslist like nobody’s business. People tend not to need the enormous bulk bags and hate the idea of paying $15 for the smaller bags at UPS/Staples etc.

      And as Needfuldoer has said, UPS gladly accepts them! But they don’t pay you.

  13. Dana
    Dana
    March 4, 2016 at 12:04 am | #

    They all got the same thing, but Walky and Billie got the little present in a big box fakeout.

    • Reltzik
      Reltzik
      March 4, 2016 at 2:40 am | #

      And Sal got the big present in a little box fakeout.

      … admit it, it’s a more awesome fakeout.

  14. Betty Anne
    Betty Anne
    March 4, 2016 at 12:04 am | #

    I hate when parents do this. DX Just send them separately if you can’t be assed to at least pretend they’re equal gifts.

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      March 4, 2016 at 12:19 am | #

      Separate but equal!
      …wait…

      • Ctrl+C D@
        Ctrl+C D@
        March 4, 2016 at 12:22 am | #

        Yeah I’m thinkin’ that needs to be the titles for this whole little mini arc between Sal and Walky.

      • Betty Anne
        Betty Anne
        March 4, 2016 at 12:34 am | #

        Nah, it’d still be separate and unequal. She just wouldn’t be rubbing it in their faces QUITE as badly, unless all three of them happened to stop at the mail desk together and saw each others’ boxes.

        • Yotomoe
          Yotomoe
          March 4, 2016 at 12:44 am | #

          Betty Anne, do you know what Seperate but Equal refers to?

          • Betty Anne
            Betty Anne
            March 4, 2016 at 12:57 am | #

            Yes. And there was nothing “equal” about the separate schools (or other facilities) offered to black families during segregation. That’s why I came back with “still separate and unequal.”

            We devoted an entire week in my teacher ed classes to whether not schools should go back to “separate, but equal” to alleviate race-related bullying and violence in schools. Some school districts want to voluntarily do it, right now, today. I’m not a fan, which is why I take every opportunity to point out that separate is virtually never equal.

            • Yotomoe
              Yotomoe
              March 4, 2016 at 1:08 am | #

              Ok, I was curious because you seemed to be explaining exactly what seperate but equal implied, and I wasn’t sure if you got what I was referencing.

    • Cerberus
      Cerberus
      March 4, 2016 at 1:52 am | #

      I think the passive-aggression is the point. Like, to Linda, what would be the point of sending the gifts at all if Sal doesn’t directly know that she is considered less worthy and important than her brother?

      • Spencer
        Spencer
        March 4, 2016 at 12:56 pm | #

        I really disagree with this interpretation. To me, the point of the Walkerton’s neglect of Sal is that they’ve allowed their unconscious racial biases to ruin their relationship with their daughter, but are still convinced they’re golden, shining, care so much parents.

        Linda being aware that she treats Sal like shit, or even thinking that sending her off to a boarding school was clearly not the most moral and intelligent thing to do for their Troubled Teen, I think, kills a lot of what made this storyline so effective. You don’t need to be Ross to be a shit parent.

        • Cerberus
          Cerberus
          March 4, 2016 at 1:17 pm | #

          That’s actually a really good point.

  15. Viga
    Viga
    March 4, 2016 at 12:04 am | #

    “I got a rock.”

    • TheLordMoccasin
      TheLordMoccasin
      March 4, 2016 at 12:06 am | #

      Rocks are cool.

      You can use them to stone infidels.

    • Tunaro
      Tunaro
      March 4, 2016 at 12:07 am | #

      I feel like a rock would’a been less insulting, ta be honest.

      • Felgraf
        Felgraf
        March 4, 2016 at 1:23 am | #

        Yeah! After all, everybody wants a rock to wind a string around.

        • Gamaran Sepudomyn
          Gamaran Sepudomyn
          March 4, 2016 at 3:59 am | #

          Or hit Linda with.

        • thejeff
          thejeff
          March 4, 2016 at 7:03 am | #

          Or maybe prosthetic foreheads on their real heads?

    • Stephen R. Bierce
      Stephen R. Bierce
      March 4, 2016 at 12:09 am | #

      *plays Twisted Sister’s “I Wanna Rock!” on the hacked Muzak*

      • Disloyal Subject
        Disloyal Subject
        March 4, 2016 at 12:18 am | #

        Rock! (Rock!) Rock! (Rock!) Rock!

    • Cholma
      Cholma
      March 4, 2016 at 12:15 am | #

      No, no. That”s just on Halloween. Good grief.

    • Reltzik
      Reltzik
      March 4, 2016 at 2:44 am | #

      A rock? DAMN, that must be a hundred carats of pure ice that Sal’s holding there!

  16. Cathode
    Cathode
    March 4, 2016 at 12:04 am | #

    Not one of those boxes is labelled with the person’s preferred name.

    • Regalli
      Regalli
      March 4, 2016 at 12:07 am | #

      Seriously, I get why she’s not using Walky’s and can kind of get Billie’s by extension, but Sal’s is pretty clearly at the very least “Linda does not care enough to pay attention to her choice of name,” if not also respect it.

      • Yotomoe
        Yotomoe
        March 4, 2016 at 12:22 am | #

        Why would that be the case? Like she calls Walky, David and Sal, Sally and Billie, Jennifer. She’s a mom like that. You are now imparting a desire for the decision to not call Sal Sal in a more fiendish light than it actually is because you know she has an issue with treating her the same. Like even if that is the case, the only reason you’d be led to believe that is based on our prior knowledge of their dynamic.

        • Kamino Neko
          Kamino Neko
          March 4, 2016 at 8:13 am | #

          Walky has never objected to being called David, or Billie to Jennifer, unless I’m forgetting something, but Sal has objected to Sally.

          Calling Walky a name he only uses in official documents is one thing. Calling Sal a name she actively dislikes is a whole other thing.

          (Also, re ‘being a mom’ about it. My parents are among the only people in my family I DID manage to get to stop using the form of my name I object to… With everyone else I just cringe and console myself they don’t need to say it too often.)

          • Greenygal
            Greenygal
            March 4, 2016 at 10:24 am | #

            The linked comic doesn’t say anything about Sal’s choice of names; did you mean to reference a different one?

            • Kamino Neko
              Kamino Neko
              March 4, 2016 at 10:40 am | #

              Oops, yes. This is the one I meant. Not sure how it did copy properly before.

              • Greenygal
                Greenygal
                March 4, 2016 at 10:53 am | #

                Ah, yes. That is a very emphatically stated preference indeed.

                • Kamino Neko
                  Kamino Neko
                  March 4, 2016 at 11:06 am | #

                  Indeed. (I had a few moments like that when trying to convince people not to use the wrong form of my name, I have to admit…)

      • Cerberus
        Cerberus
        March 4, 2016 at 1:56 am | #

        Yup. Plus, there’s that whole thing a lot of parents do where they fight their children on preferred names even if they know that their kid really doesn’t like their given name or their given name causes them pain.

        I’d say it’s a third that, a third being “proper” rich WASP asshole and so using “more professional” and “proper” names is more important than whether or not you show your possession child love, and a third just not giving a flying fuck what Sal prefers to be called.

        • Christine
          Christine
          March 4, 2016 at 10:17 am | #

          Except that “Sally” is a less professional and “proper” name than “Sal” is, which was part of my objection to it – she’s using a name with an “ee” ending, which implies that she doesn’t see Sal as an adult.

          • Cerberus
            Cerberus
            March 4, 2016 at 10:53 am | #

            Yes, but she gave Sal that name and so it must be inherently better, because it was the name she gave… even if Sal’s name is actually better. I get the impression from Linda’s appearances that she’s not much for admitting fault or conceding points to people who are not her.

          • Kamino Neko
            Kamino Neko
            March 4, 2016 at 10:57 am | #

            Except that ‘Sal’ is typically a man’s name*, and is, thus, not proper for a woman to use, and Sally is apparently the name on Sal’s birth certificate making it always the more proper name.

            * Short for Salvatore, Salvador, or other related names, usually. Interestingly, in Italy, Sally is apparently a common nickname for Salvatore, as well.

            • Kamino Neko
              Kamino Neko
              March 4, 2016 at 11:00 am | #

              Put scare quotes around all uses of ‘proper’, there. As is, it looks like I agree with the concepts I’m talking about, which isn’t true…

    • Kamino Neko
      Kamino Neko
      March 4, 2016 at 7:59 am | #

      Walky and Billie are their usual nicknames, but it’s not clear if they’re ‘preferred’ or just ‘acclimated’.

      Sal, on the other had…<Lana Kane>Yyyyuuuuup.</Lana Kane>

      • Gordon
        Gordon
        March 4, 2016 at 1:08 pm | #

        Billie may have started going by Billie simply to distinguish herself from the other Jennifers. Or people were calling her by her last name and it inevitably got shortened. Jennifer a pretty common name. I can think of three Jennifers in my high school class, and it was only like 110 people.

        • Gordon
          Gordon
          March 4, 2016 at 1:16 pm | #

          My point being that her nickname may have just been something that happened and she feels no particular way toward.

          My first night in the dorms netted me the nickname Flash, but I don’t have any preference to which I’m called.

  17. Cheshrin
    Cheshrin
    March 4, 2016 at 12:04 am | #

    First it’s shitty dads, now it’s shitty moms. WILL THE CYCLE OF POOR PARENTING NEVER END?

    (Watch as after this we get an Ethan + Danny arc where they’re dealing with their own parental issues — from both parents, no less! — just to round out the set.)

    • Saaaam
      Saaaam
      March 4, 2016 at 12:17 am | #

      Unfortunately, it might still be a few years before Leslie becomes a parent

      • Mr k
        Mr k
        March 4, 2016 at 12:19 am | #

        Hey, you don’t know. Maybe some kid on her campus is her illegitimate child.

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      March 4, 2016 at 12:22 am | #

      We’re still reading a Willis comic, right?

      • Ctrl+C D@
        Ctrl+C D@
        March 4, 2016 at 12:26 am | #

        Shit, I thought Sinfest looked different.

      • Mr k
        Mr k
        March 4, 2016 at 12:50 am | #

        Nah. Andrew Hussie has secretly taken over.

        • StClair
          StClair
          March 4, 2016 at 8:40 am | #

          Expect the cast to acquire candy-corn horns any day now.

    • Falling Star
      Falling Star
      March 4, 2016 at 2:55 pm | #

      That’s the one where they make out, right?

  18. Uniqueantique
    Uniqueantique
    March 4, 2016 at 12:04 am | #

    Sal is one of the few who managed to luck out and end up with 2 crappy parents.
    Looks like maybe Walky actually notices this time, that what Sal said to him awhile back about favorism, is really true.

    • a snow ʍousɐ
      a snow ʍousɐ
      March 4, 2016 at 12:05 am | #

      Yup, seems like it

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      March 4, 2016 at 12:24 am | #

      We used to think Joyce had two crappy parents too. We haven’t really seen enough of Walky’s dad for me to think of him as “crappy”.

      • TheGrammarLegionary
        TheGrammarLegionary
        March 4, 2016 at 1:24 am | #

        Personally, I don’t think we just used to THINK Joyce has two crappy parents. They WERE both kinda lousy, Hank’s just shown some character growth since his last appearance.

        I also think it’s worth noting, Unique, that Walky HAS noticed, even acknowledging this (awkwardly and non-explicitly) to Sal. He’s just still desperately hoping it’s not as bad as it looks.

        • Cerberus
          Cerberus
          March 4, 2016 at 1:58 am | #

          Yeah, he wants to cling to his denialism so badly, but is starting to notice more and more just how shittily his sister has been treated compared to him… and he hates it, because he’s about as allergic to examining his own privilege and what that means as Joe.

          • Emperor Norton
            Emperor Norton
            March 4, 2016 at 10:51 am | #

            Heck, he’s just allergic to “feelings stuff” and self-insight in general.

            I think the overall tragedy about Walky is that he considers himself to -be- a good person. He’s used to picking up things fast, he generally gets along with people, and so on. If any of us had just met him for the first time (without knowing him at all), we’d probably get along with him. Find him a bit goofy, probably, but that’s it. All of these things points to being good, right?

            The problem is that goodness, like adulting*, isn’t really something you are, it’s something you do. And it’s something you have to keep on doing for every day. And in order to keep doing good, you have to keep examining the full consequences of what you’re doing. Which we have established he’s not used to having to do, and therefore is currently allergic to.

            *Why, this looks like a perfect opportunity to link to this classic: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/06/this-is-why-ill-never-be-adult.html

    • Vex Godglove
      Vex Godglove
      March 4, 2016 at 4:19 am | #

      She can commiserate with Danny, both his parents are pretty awful.

  19. Leorale
    Leorale
    March 4, 2016 at 12:04 am | #

    Boo Linda continues being a jerk and her husband doesn’t stop her. -.-

    • Disloyal Subject
      Disloyal Subject
      March 4, 2016 at 12:20 am | #

      How would he? Even if she mentioned that she was sending the packages, he probably didn’t give it much thought. Walky needed the favoritism spelled out for him and still refused to acknowledge it until he had some time to think; I very much doubt anyone’s given Mr. Walkerton the yelled lecture Sal delivered to her brother.

      • Gordon
        Gordon
        March 4, 2016 at 12:55 am | #

        Eh, given the way the only conversation he made with his daughter was to criticize her hair, he probably participates in the favoritism.

        • Disloyal Subject
          Disloyal Subject
          March 4, 2016 at 1:08 am | #

          Agreed. I doubt he’s aware, though.

          • Gordon
            Gordon
            March 4, 2016 at 1:34 am | #

            That’s the beauty of neglect.

            It happens when you don’t even try.

  20. Dandi Andi
    Dandi Andi
    March 4, 2016 at 12:04 am | #

    Walky’s going to find it much more difficult to pretend their mother isn’t playing favorites as time goes on. I feel bad for him. Cognitive dissonance is rough.

  21. Jay Eff
    Jay Eff
    March 4, 2016 at 12:05 am | #

    TWIST:

    Walky and Billie’s boxes contain multiple wads of Cash.

    Sal’s contains one wad of Dead Rats.

    • Neeks
      Neeks
      March 4, 2016 at 3:41 am | #

      Additional twist, Billie’s cash was from her Dad, who is paradoxically too cheap to ship things separately. (He gave Mrs walkerton a twenty for his share of the cost.)

  22. epershannd
    epershannd
    March 4, 2016 at 12:05 am | #

    Ouch…..

  23. nobodybasically
    nobodybasically
    March 4, 2016 at 12:05 am | #

    Let’s come up with the most horrible thing the box could contain so that, no matter what happens tomorrow, it’s pleasant in comparison:

    Box full of skin bleach.

    There, now real Mrs. Walkerton is a saint compared to hypothetical Mrs. Walkerton.

    • Mr k
      Mr k
      March 4, 2016 at 12:06 am | #

      Incest comics starring Sal and Walky. (Kind of like Dipper and Mabel).

      • Dean
        Dean
        March 4, 2016 at 12:09 am | #

        Handwritten note saying YOU ARE TERRIBLE.

        • Skizz
          Skizz
          March 4, 2016 at 12:11 am | #

          A picture of Walky’s newly bronzed and displayed baby shoes.

          • Vagabond J
            Vagabond J
            March 4, 2016 at 12:12 am | #

            For sale, and never worn.

            • Bagge
              Bagge
              March 4, 2016 at 2:13 pm | #

              His only pair, naturally

      • Someone
        Someone
        March 4, 2016 at 1:19 am | #

        Incantation to summon Bill Cipher.

        • Gamaran Sepudomyn
          Gamaran Sepudomyn
          March 4, 2016 at 4:07 am | #

          I haven’t seen Gravity Falls, but wouldn’t that be a pretty good gift, since she could record it in pieces, stitch the recorded incantation together, and then ask Walky to send it to her?

    • tunaro
      tunaro
      March 4, 2016 at 12:11 am | #

      A photo of Linda flippin’ the bird on top of a tightly packed pile of excrement of disturbingly indeterminate origin.

    • Anywhere
      Anywhere
      March 4, 2016 at 12:37 am | #

      A new pair of gloves.

    • Historian
      Historian
      March 4, 2016 at 1:53 am | #

      Lye hair relaxer

      • Cerberus
        Cerberus
        March 4, 2016 at 1:59 am | #

        You kid, but… I could actually see Linda sending both of those to Sal.

      • RP
        RP
        March 4, 2016 at 9:17 am | #

        That’s my real guess at what was sent. That honestly seems really likely.

        • Inspector Hound
          Inspector Hound
          March 4, 2016 at 4:22 pm | #

          Yup, that was my thought too. “I thought after our visit that’s what you wanted, dear.”

    • Reltzik
      Reltzik
      March 4, 2016 at 2:53 am | #

      I’d suggest “nice” conformist clothes but…. box isn’t big enough.

      What would Linda send Sal anyway? She’s been gone for years, Linda has no idea what she likes!

      …. um, Ima gonna say “coal”.

      • Kamino Neko
        Kamino Neko
        March 4, 2016 at 8:30 am | #

        I’d suggest “nice” conformist clothes but…. box isn’t big enough.

        Gift certificate for *tries to think of whitest clothing store possible* Old Navy?

        • Cerberus
          Cerberus
          March 4, 2016 at 10:58 am | #

          GAP?

          Combines whiteness with a little side admonishment that she should dress whiter “better”.

          • Kamino Neko
            Kamino Neko
            March 4, 2016 at 11:24 am | #

            Hmm. I’d always been under the impression that Old Navy was the more upscale of the two brands, but, checking…yeah, GAP’s better.

            (Wow, how’d I have that one reversed?)

    • Needfuldoer
      Needfuldoer
      March 4, 2016 at 3:26 am | #

      Something really nice with an attached note that says “Give this to your brother. It wouldn’t fit in his box”.

      • AgentKeen
        AgentKeen
        March 4, 2016 at 12:01 pm | #

        A “I figured you forgot to get David a present for his birthday, so here’s one for him” situation would be hillariously awful, especially because they are twins.

    • ChrisHerself
      ChrisHerself
      March 4, 2016 at 4:42 am | #

      Bug-infested cookies.

    • RP
      RP
      March 4, 2016 at 8:35 am | #

      She pulls a Dursley and gave Sal either a wire hanger or a few pennies.

      (Only two gifts I can recall they have Harry.)

      • StClair
        StClair
        March 4, 2016 at 8:43 am | #

        The context/implication when sending a girl, rather than a boy, a wire hanger is… somewhat different.

        • RP
          RP
          March 4, 2016 at 9:19 am | #

          Is it possible to request that this be deleted? I can’t edit my comment.

          • Dean
            Dean
            March 4, 2016 at 6:50 pm | #

            No. Your shame will live forever.

            • RP
              RP
              March 4, 2016 at 9:06 pm | #

              Nooooo… 🙁

      • AgentKeen
        AgentKeen
        March 4, 2016 at 11:59 am | #

        I think there was also a tissue one year (thankfully, unused).

      • RP
        RP
        March 4, 2016 at 12:25 pm | #

        Can this be deleted? Or even just the hanger bit redacted?

        • Sadie
          Sadie
          March 4, 2016 at 5:12 pm | #

          You did it by accident, but since the thread is about coming up with worst gifts for Sal, you’ve done well. If her parents are the type to not object to legal abortion, and notice that abortion access is not guaranteed (esp. in Indiana), but still think only “sluts” need to get them…then that is, in fact, one of the worst possible gifts one could send a daughter.
          There’s also the “NO MORE WIRE HANGERS!” bit from Mommie Dearest, but since I haven’t actually seen that movie I don’t know what that’s all about other than a well-known person being a bad mom.

          • Captain Button
            Captain Button
            March 4, 2016 at 6:12 pm | #

            Something Positive went there first.

            • Roborat
              Roborat
              March 7, 2016 at 2:48 pm | #

              Holy carp has his drawing style ever changed!

          • RP
            RP
            March 4, 2016 at 9:05 pm | #

            The mom beats the daughter in that scene so…it’s still not great.

            • Sadie
              Sadie
              March 5, 2016 at 2:15 am | #

              So it’s either “Here, have an unsafe abortion for the unplanned pregnancy I’m assuming you’ll experience” or “Here, have an unsubtle threat to beat you.” Yeeep. You accidentally won the “worst present for Sal” contest. Congratulations and I’m sorry. 🙁

  24. Saaaam
    Saaaam
    March 4, 2016 at 12:06 am | #

    Maybe it’s a really good vibrator bullet

  25. Spongegirl Circleskirt
    Spongegirl Circleskirt
    March 4, 2016 at 12:06 am | #

    Willis, don’t you have one mom in this comic who isn’t a bongo? LOL!

    • John
      John
      March 4, 2016 at 12:09 am | #

      Deborah Keener’s pretty nice.

    • tim gueguen
      tim gueguen
      March 4, 2016 at 12:10 am | #

      Mike’s mom.

      • John
        John
        March 4, 2016 at 12:23 am | #

        Harriet Warner creeps me the hell out.

        • inqntrol
          inqntrol
          March 4, 2016 at 12:31 am | #

          Better keep a baseball bat close to you.

    • Mr k
      Mr k
      March 4, 2016 at 12:11 am | #

      Amber’s mom seems okay. Her dad, on the other hand….

      • Spencer
        Spencer
        March 4, 2016 at 8:09 am | #

        Amber’s mom is a good parent in relative terms. She ditched her daughter for most of the day so she could bang Joe’s dad.

    • Tunaro
      Tunaro
      March 4, 2016 at 12:12 am | #

      Dina’s parents seemed cool.

    • Spongegirl Circleskirt
      Spongegirl Circleskirt
      March 4, 2016 at 12:12 am | #

      Well, I see my language was cleaned up for me. Bongo=b*tch

      • a snow ʍousɐ
        a snow ʍousɐ
        March 4, 2016 at 12:14 am | #

        What does fuck become?

        • a snow ʍousɐ
          a snow ʍousɐ
          March 4, 2016 at 12:15 am | #

          Ooh
          I guess it’s rated by offensiveness, like “beeyotch” is sexist

        • Betty Anne
          Betty Anne
          March 4, 2016 at 12:16 am | #

          Nothing. The “b-word” is filtered because a few of us got carried away with using it at one point, and it can get gross and abusive in a hurry that way. I’m guilty of it! It’s kind of my go-to invective for women, and I get wound up easily sometimes.

          • a snow ʍousɐ
            a snow ʍousɐ
            March 4, 2016 at 12:18 am | #

            Ah.

          • Yotomoe
            Yotomoe
            March 4, 2016 at 12:25 am | #

            Ironically, I use Beach much more often to refer to men than women.

            • Lin
              Lin
              March 4, 2016 at 11:01 am | #

              Not really ironic. Usually when men are called bongos, it’s to associate the, with emotion, weakness, or lack of fortitude … Things associated with women. Because one of the most insulting things we can call a man is a woman.

        • caesaria82
          caesaria82
          March 4, 2016 at 12:17 am | #

          Nothing, because that’s not a gendered insult that’s being overused for female characters.

        • JetstreamGW
          JetstreamGW
          March 4, 2016 at 12:24 am | #

          Apparently nothing.

      • Betty Anne
        Betty Anne
        March 4, 2016 at 12:14 am | #

        Yes, that’s the bongo filter. :p I don’t even type about female dogs anymore, I just type about musical instruments. XD I’m cool with annoying women being bongos. LOL

        • Tunaro
          Tunaro
          March 4, 2016 at 12:16 am | #

          Anythin’ else get filtered? I’ve been away from the site awhile.

          • Betty Anne
            Betty Anne
            March 4, 2016 at 12:20 am | #

            Not really? If there is, I haven’t run into it, and I can get creative with profanity sometimes. (I used to take lessons from Yelling Bird, until he was retired.) Bongo got filtered because it got over-used to the point of becoming abusive at one point. (As this comic and the subsequent comments demonstrate, there are a few women in DoA who trigger excessive use of it. ^^; )

            • Disloyal Subject
              Disloyal Subject
              March 4, 2016 at 12:22 am | #

              “Social Justice Warriors” can’t be referred to by the typical acronym. The filter’s alternative is hilarious.

              • Mr k
                Mr k
                March 4, 2016 at 12:51 am | #

                SJW

                • Seer Of Rage
                  Seer Of Rage
                  March 4, 2016 at 1:48 am | #

                  SJW?

                • Seer Of Rage
                  Seer Of Rage
                  March 4, 2016 at 1:49 am | #

                  Oh my goodness

                • Seer Of Rage
                  Seer Of Rage
                  March 4, 2016 at 1:51 am | #

                  Anti-SJW

          • caesaria82
            caesaria82
            March 4, 2016 at 12:27 am | #

            I think SJWs was filtered for a while? Or is it still? We will see once I sent this comment.

            • caesaria82
              caesaria82
              March 4, 2016 at 12:27 am | #

              Yesssssssssssss 😀

              • caesaria82
                caesaria82
                March 4, 2016 at 12:33 am | #

                That’s btw the filter for what Disloyal Subject said above 😉

                • Betty Anne
                  Betty Anne
                  March 4, 2016 at 12:41 am | #

                  LOL! That’s great. I got over using SJW a while back because of the derailed shitstorms it always causes, but the filter almost makes it worth using again. XDD

          • Adam Black
            Adam Black
            March 4, 2016 at 12:41 am | #

            I think Politically Correct is filtered
            ( the opposite name of Bill Mahers first show ) which if I remember correctly says ‘word that stigmatizes people for being nice’

            • Kryss LaBryn
              Kryss LaBryn
              March 4, 2016 at 7:17 am | #

              Now I must see.

              Politically incorrect?

              • Kryss LaBryn
                Kryss LaBryn
                March 4, 2016 at 7:18 am | #

                Damn.

                • Tomas
                  Tomas
                  March 5, 2016 at 4:53 am | #

                  Political correctness?

          • Reltzik
            Reltzik
            March 4, 2016 at 2:57 am | #

            I once had cause to use a four-letter c-word referring to a piece of female anatomy. It didn’t get censored… the post just vanished. MIGHT have been an unrelated bug, but I doubt it.

            (Don’t look at me like that, I was trying to find a gender-appropriate variation of “cock-sure”.)

            • Needfuldoer
              Needfuldoer
              March 4, 2016 at 3:28 am | #

              How about “Cword-fident”?

          • Kamino Neko
            Kamino Neko
            March 4, 2016 at 8:34 am | #

            PC, not referring to Personal Computers or the now-defunct-at-the-federal-level Canadian political party does. (Or did…I doubt he’s undone it, but it’s less embarrassing to assume he might than to state he hasn’t and find out he has. In any case, I remember when he was soliciting replacements.)

            ‘Political correctness’. Or was it ‘politically correct’ that he filtered? Both?

            • Kamino Neko
              Kamino Neko
              March 4, 2016 at 8:37 am | #

              Huh. Guess he did drop the filter? Unless the quotes screwed it up. Political Correctness.

          • Random832
            Random832
            March 4, 2016 at 11:56 am | #

            For a while people weren’t allowed to say Ultra-Car, since he got sick of the “Amazi-girl is Ultra-Car” jokes from before A) Carla’s first appearance and B) The “official” Amber/Amazi-girl reveal. It just got turned into ~~~~~.

            • Random832
              Random832
              March 4, 2016 at 11:57 am | #

              Simpler times. These days, it feels a bit wrong to make any jokes at all about Amazi-girl, now that it’s increasingly clear that this is a serious mental health issue.

          • Amazi-Stool
            Amazi-Stool
            March 4, 2016 at 4:39 pm | #

            Another one to check:
            “For you, the day you used that sexist and abusive cuss word in the DoA comment section was the most important day of your life. But for me… it was Tuesday.”

            • Amazi-Stool
              Amazi-Stool
              March 4, 2016 at 4:40 pm | #

              Yep, it’s still there!

        • a snow ʍousɐ
          a snow ʍousɐ
          March 4, 2016 at 12:16 am | #

          OMG WHAT A B*NGO

        • Kryss LaBryn
          Kryss LaBryn
          March 4, 2016 at 7:16 am | #

          VERY annoying people are congas. 😉

      • trlkly
        trlkly
        March 4, 2016 at 5:23 pm | #

        Yeah, it took me a while to figure out what word bongo was. I thought it was asshole for a while. Before that, I thought it was just a funny word people liked to use here.

    • Viktoria
      Viktoria
      March 4, 2016 at 12:13 am | #

      Plenty*. They tend not to make their children cry so we don’t see them that often.

      *Amber’s, Dina’s, Dorothy’s, Becky’s, and I may be forgetting others.

      • Mr k
        Mr k
        March 4, 2016 at 12:13 am | #

        Becky’s? Hard to be a bongo when you are dead.

      • Gordon
        Gordon
        March 4, 2016 at 1:04 am | #

        I would say the jury is out on Stacy, considering she skipped or on her daughter to get laid and then there’s no mention(that I recall) of her ever showing up again that weekend… You know, when her father traumatized her again.

        Really, the only parents to consider are Dorothy’s. Dina’s have been pretty positive. And maybe Sierra’s, who really only have the one scene where her dad tried to calmly defuse the situation with Blaine and Amber. But that’s a reach.

        • Cerberus
          Cerberus
          March 4, 2016 at 2:06 am | #

          I’d say she’s pretty damn positive even if she decided to delay (not cancel) seeing her daughter to get some much-delayed sex. After all, we know she risked death, like literal death at the hands of her violent ex, to remove her daughter fully from his reach and get her somewhere safe and raised her for awhile on her own. And that’s all despite carrying her own massive traumas from years of abuse at his hand.

          That takes some amazing personal fortitude and courage, so yeah, definite one for the positive column there.

          • Gordon
            Gordon
            March 4, 2016 at 2:05 pm | #

            Sorry, I’d forgotten that she did come back later that day. And you’re right, I was neglecting her personal history.

      • Cerberus
        Cerberus
        March 4, 2016 at 2:03 am | #

        This. The good moms are Sierra’s, Amber’s, Dina’s, Dorothy’s, Becky’s?, Mike’s?, and Ruth’s?.

        Good days are Sierra’s, Dina’s, Dorothy’s, Mike’s?, Ruth’s?, and Joyce’s?.

        • StClair
          StClair
          March 4, 2016 at 8:46 am | #

          and in true Disney fashion, how many of those are dead?

          • Kamino Neko
            Kamino Neko
            March 4, 2016 at 9:12 am | #

            Two moms out of seven, and one dad out of six. So…not that many.

            And all the dead ones are in the ‘well…probably’ box.

            • AgentKeen
              AgentKeen
              March 4, 2016 at 12:02 pm | #

              The cherry on top of the crap sundae that is Ross would be that Becky’s mom never died, he just told everyone (including Becky) that she did.

              • Captain Button
                Captain Button
                March 4, 2016 at 3:20 pm | #

                I really didn’t need another FMA flashback today.

  26. -Sentinel-
    -Sentinel-
    March 4, 2016 at 12:06 am | #

    Just how close to Billie are the Walkerton parents? I know Walky sees her as a honorary sister, but do they see her as a honorary daughter?

    • Betty Anne
      Betty Anne
      March 4, 2016 at 12:10 am | #

      Obviously they like her better than their own kid. :/

      • Miroku2235
        Miroku2235
        March 4, 2016 at 12:11 am | #

        Of course they do, Billie is whiter than Sal, in both appearance and mannerism.

        • Leorale
          Leorale
          March 4, 2016 at 1:16 am | #

          Even though they’re all biracial! Mrs. Walkerton subconsciously counts white-and-Chinese as whiter than white-and-Black. Racism is weird.

          • Cerberus
            Cerberus
            March 4, 2016 at 2:06 am | #

            Totes.

          • No Name
            No Name
            March 4, 2016 at 9:42 am | #

            If I remember correctly, Charles himself is only half-black, which means Walky and Sal are each only one-quarter-black. This of course means Sal is technically whiter than Billie and Linda is even worse than you thought.

            • Leorale
              Leorale
              March 4, 2016 at 6:49 pm | #

              Pervasive subconscious racism, *and* she doesn’t understand fractions! What a jerk, no wonder her kids had trouble in calculus.

            • Jhon
              Jhon
              March 4, 2016 at 11:28 pm | #

              Warning: “quadroon” will get you deleted faster than “banjo”.

        • Conuly
          Conuly
          March 4, 2016 at 2:08 am | #

          Also, poor Billie, she clearly comes from a dysfunctional home where they don’t even care about their own daughter! Bet you a dollar the elder Walkertons have no self-insight at all.

          • StClair
            StClair
            March 4, 2016 at 8:47 am | #

            Just $1? Heck, go for a twenty.

          • NotPiffany
            NotPiffany
            March 4, 2016 at 8:54 am | #

            “Oh, that poor dear! I’m sure she never would have started drinking and getting into accidents if her parents would just spend some time with her.”

            “Hey, Mom, is Sal coming home for spring break this year?”

            “David, it’s time to set the table for dinner.”

            “Uh, what? Um, ok.”

            • Cerberus
              Cerberus
              March 4, 2016 at 11:09 am | #

              Nice.

              And yeah, totally agree with Conuly. I’m betting they pat themselves like crazy on the back for “taking in” this “poor, neglected girl” whose “parents don’t care about her”. All while tsk-tsking and shaking their head at the whole “sad state of affairs” that could lead two parents to so thoroughly neglect their child.

    • Disloyal Subject
      Disloyal Subject
      March 4, 2016 at 12:15 am | #

      That seems to have been the implication, most blatantly here.

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      March 4, 2016 at 12:27 am | #

      Walky’s Parents really just want Walky to bang Billie so they can have ultimate mixed race baby (And it’d even still be half white!)

      • Betty Anne
        Betty Anne
        March 4, 2016 at 12:53 am | #

        That’s…that’s terrible. And probably true. ^^;

      • Disloyal Subject
        Disloyal Subject
        March 4, 2016 at 1:12 am | #

        If Billie and Ruth stay together and decide someday to have kids, I guess it’s hypothetically possible they’d pick Walky as donor.

    • merbrat
      merbrat
      March 4, 2016 at 1:26 am | #

      During parents weekend, Sal asked Billie if her folks were coming. She basically said Of course not, plus she admitted that she thinks of the Walkertons more as her parents.

  27. Schpoonman
    Schpoonman
    March 4, 2016 at 12:06 am | #

    God… Goddammit, Linda.

  28. Undrave
    Undrave
    March 4, 2016 at 12:07 am | #

    At the bottom there’s a roll of nickel with Mike’s name on it. So he can have a good time.

    • KP
      KP
      March 4, 2016 at 12:09 am | #

      with your mom

      • Vagabond J
        Vagabond J
        March 4, 2016 at 12:11 am | #

        Undrave’s mom is free. Get with the times.

        Everyone else’s moms, however…

  29. caesaria82
    caesaria82
    March 4, 2016 at 12:09 am | #

    We literally don’t know what’s in there. I mean, Mrs Walkerton has a history of treating her children unequally, but we don’t know yet what she sent them. Good things might come in small packages^^

    I’m an optimist. Why am I still an optimist after reading this comic for years, I should know better by now lol. Watch my hopes and dreams getting crushed tomorrow xD

    • Someone
      Someone
      March 4, 2016 at 12:11 am | #

      Something tells me that while, Billie and Walky will get very personal gifts. Comics, cheerleader stuff. etc… Sal will just get cash, showing how little Linda actually pays attention to her daughters interests.

      • Conuly
        Conuly
        March 4, 2016 at 12:23 am | #

        Could be worse. Sal could get something wildly inappropriate, like some hair ribbons.

        • Yotomoe
          Yotomoe
          March 4, 2016 at 12:27 am | #

          Or a roll of condoms.
          Then again, that would mean her mom DOES know about Sal’s interests.

      • caesaria82
        caesaria82
        March 4, 2016 at 12:35 am | #

        If that was me, I’d prefer the cash, because my mom would get my interests wrong for sure and send me something she’d think I’d be into but it’d be something I was into 15 years ago xD

        • Reltzik
          Reltzik
          March 4, 2016 at 2:59 am | #

          Especially since contact has been limited what with Sal being off at boarding school for years.

  30. Skizz
    Skizz
    March 4, 2016 at 12:10 am | #

    Hey, at least she got a random care package. Ten years in the US, Mum,ten years!

  31. Vagabond J
    Vagabond J
    March 4, 2016 at 12:10 am | #

    Cue box puns.

    • inqntrol
      inqntrol
      March 4, 2016 at 12:27 am | #

      “It’s a Jack-In-The-Box!”(sorry)

      • Reltzik
        Reltzik
        March 4, 2016 at 3:00 am | #

        “Aw man! I should be past my mom buying me underwear! She sent me a bunch of boxers!”

    • Harvey Janus
      Harvey Janus
      March 4, 2016 at 11:37 am | #

      “I AM THE BOX GHOST! BEWARE!”

  32. Dean
    Dean
    March 4, 2016 at 12:10 am | #

    Sal’s is more of a ‘doesn’t care package’.

  33. Adam Black
    Adam Black
    March 4, 2016 at 12:12 am | #

    Speaking of Parents,
    HOLY FUCK, what a Cute baby!!!

    https://t.co/gLrZpVuayF

    Willis you need to put that face on some swag, It will sell right out.
    Let him use those good looks to earn his college fund.

    Seriously , This baby maxes out the cute scale.

    • Reltzik
      Reltzik
      March 4, 2016 at 3:02 am | #

      I hereby declare a caption contest for these pics. Caption them to indicate the kid is planning world domination, Brain-style!

      ((Because, you know, that finger in the frame looks like a pinkie.))

    • Kryss LaBryn
      Kryss LaBryn
      March 4, 2016 at 7:23 am | #

      Awwww! 😀 Adorable! 😀

  34. tim gueguen
    tim gueguen
    March 4, 2016 at 12:12 am | #

    It’d be quite funny if Sal’s package did turn out to have a big fat roll of hundreds in it, and Walky’s some cheap junk he could have bought at whatever local store is below Walmart on the food chain.

    • Bicycle Bill
      Bicycle Bill
      March 4, 2016 at 12:17 am | #

      Dollar Tree.

  35. Someone
    Someone
    March 4, 2016 at 12:12 am | #

    Oh my god…some of the commenters yesterday were right! It is boxes within boxes!

    • inqntrol
      inqntrol
      March 4, 2016 at 12:32 am | #

      Never underestimate the power of the commenters.

      • Reltzik
        Reltzik
        March 4, 2016 at 3:03 am | #

        Yup! If we make a million guesses, occasionally one of them must be right! It’s the same principle that the lottery works on.

        • ChrisHerself
          ChrisHerself
          March 4, 2016 at 4:51 am | #

          A thousand commenters speculating for a thousand years will eventually produce the complete works of Willis.

    • Captain Button
      Captain Button
      March 4, 2016 at 12:43 pm | #

      It’s boxes all the way down, young man!

  36. miados
    miados
    March 4, 2016 at 12:14 am | #

    plot twist. mom looked at the grades online and those are their study aides.

    • Random832
      Random832
      March 4, 2016 at 12:02 pm | #

      Parents don’t actually have access to college students’ grades without their permission.

  37. Kris
    Kris
    March 4, 2016 at 12:15 am | #

    Clearly Ms. Walkerton’s an idiot because she sent packages to the wrong people. I have no idea who Sally, David, and Jennifer are. Definitly not the three people in the room though.

  38. Bicycle Bill
    Bicycle Bill
    March 4, 2016 at 12:16 am | #

    Today’s Daily Dollop of Didactic Diversion — CARE Packages Division

    The term “CARE” (as in the original CARE packages) is actually an acronym of the name of the original organization, the “Cooperative for American Remittances for Europe”.  A $10 donation to this organization would allow the donor to send a surplus US Army “10-in-1” food ration package to friends or relatives in Europe in the immediate post WW-II era.

    • Ancestral Hamster
      Ancestral Hamster
      March 4, 2016 at 12:33 am | #

      Thanks for that. I followed and read the links, thought it was interesting.

  39. Larkle
    Larkle
    March 4, 2016 at 12:19 am | #

    Walky has never hoped to be gifted a box of dead rats so much before.

    • Reltzik
      Reltzik
      March 4, 2016 at 3:04 am | #

      …… or at all.

      …. wait, he was an eight-year-old boy at one point, he probably DID want that gift.

      “Okay, if I get it I can sneak over to the girl’s lodge during lunch and hide them in their sleeping bags. BEST SUMMER CAMP EVER!”

      • Kamino Neko
        Kamino Neko
        March 4, 2016 at 9:46 pm | #

        I’m torn between ‘8 years old? For Walky that was last month!’ and ‘Psh, yeah, like Walky has the wherewithal to sneak and plant rats.’

    • Neeks
      Neeks
      March 4, 2016 at 3:47 am | #

      I found a box of dead rats in my bff’s freezer once when I was helping her move.

      (Context: she had a bunch of pet rats and they tend to get sick and die pretty easily, so she kept the bodies in the freezer to donate as food to a pet store that carried snakes.)

      • StClair
        StClair
        March 4, 2016 at 8:49 am | #

        “Dead Dove Do Not Eat”

  40. Shiro
    Shiro
    March 4, 2016 at 12:22 am | #

    🙁 Sal. If I could, I’d send you a replacement family.

    • inqntrol
      inqntrol
      March 4, 2016 at 12:25 am | #

      Usually the good stuff comes in small sizes….who the heck am I kidding? The bigger the better it is!

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      March 4, 2016 at 12:29 am | #

      I think Sal’s thing is she’s gotta make her grievances known. Often times with stuff like this it’s unintentional. It’s not openly malicious. In the same way black people often criticize each other’s nappy hair, big lips and big noses more so than other features.

      • Kris
        Kris
        March 4, 2016 at 12:41 am | #

        Don’t trust them big nostrils over yonder♪ Suck up so much air that it will make you wonder♪ (That’s about all I dare to type of that song)

        • Yotomoe
          Yotomoe
          March 4, 2016 at 12:45 am | #

          Don’t trust them new niggas over there is my favorite spiritual.

      • Shiro
        Shiro
        March 4, 2016 at 1:06 am | #

        I’m not sure it would do a bit of good if she did. Their mother doesn’t seem the type to admit fault, and their dad seems…inept, at best.

        • Yotomoe
          Yotomoe
          March 4, 2016 at 1:15 am | #

          Maybe not at first. But even planting a seed like that could help in retrospect. When she’s thinking of doing something nice for Walky, in her head she’ll associate that with Sal’s feeling of mistreatment. If she’s not just a shit mother she’d feel some innate desire to make SOME sort of connection to her daughter. I’m an optimist like that, at least.

          • Shiro
            Shiro
            March 4, 2016 at 6:16 pm | #

            See, that’s the thing, she pretty much does come off as just a shit mother. I’ll happily be proven wrong, but everything in the narrative so far points to that.

            • Spencer
              Spencer
              March 4, 2016 at 6:32 pm | #

              I see her as a shit mother convinced of her own righteousness.

              I’m not so optimistic to believe that Sal telling her the truth would immediately cause her to break down in guilt, but I think Yoto’s on point, and it’s not like any of us actually expected Hank to at least attempt reevaluating some of his beliefs when he was being a dickbag to his daughter.

              What do you do when you know you’re hurting your kid?

              • Shiro
                Shiro
                March 4, 2016 at 10:59 pm | #

                I’ve seen far too many parents turn around and blame their kids for being hurt to have any hope here.

                • Spencer
                  Spencer
                  March 4, 2016 at 11:58 pm | #

                  Maybe, but I think it can work in this case because the Walkertons are convinced their good parents. I ust have a hard time thinking they wouldn’t do anything if they found out they have been hurting their daughter for years.

                  I dunno, the idea of there never being hope, that Sal and Walky’s parents are such fuck ups that they’re doomed to forever losing their daughter comes off as too cynical for a story about how prejudice exists on unconscious, systematic levels, and is something that needs to be actively confronted.

    • Reltzik
      Reltzik
      March 4, 2016 at 3:06 am | #

      They wouldn’t fit in such a small box, unfortunately.

      … unless they would in which case WOW.

  41. newllend(henryvolt)
    newllend(henryvolt)
    March 4, 2016 at 12:23 am | #

    Okay can we open the boxes before thins get hectic.

    Whats in the box walky? WHAT’S IN THE BOX!?

    • Dean
      Dean
      March 4, 2016 at 12:39 am | #

      Gwyneth Paltrow’s severed head!

      • Reltzik
        Reltzik
        March 4, 2016 at 3:07 am | #

        I’ve already called Mr. Monkey’s severed head, you can’t get worse than that.

        …. okay, you CAN, because it can always get worse, but you’d have to work at it.

    • Random832
      Random832
      March 4, 2016 at 12:03 pm | #

      Clearly the box contains a scene change to where we won’t find out what was in the box until May.

      • Amazi-Stool
        Amazi-Stool
        March 4, 2016 at 4:56 pm | #

        May from Questionable Content will find out before us?

        Well, kind of fitting, given that she currently is hiding something from us!

  42. Peny
    Peny
    March 4, 2016 at 12:26 am | #

    I wonder what would happen if Mike got a hold of all those peanuts….or would pranks like these be too low for him?

    • Reltzik
      Reltzik
      March 4, 2016 at 3:08 am | #

      Depends. I think he’d be willing to make an bad hair day for Amber worse by way of static electricity.

  43. Anon
    Anon
    March 4, 2016 at 12:27 am | #

    My cousin got a couple care packages from her asshole father & asshole stepmother while she was in freshman year of college. Like, twenty bottles of shampoo. That was all. Sold shampoo to other dorm kids for a dollar each & got some cash.

    This was after years of spending all her half-an-orphan government checks on beer & cigarettes, mind you – she had to force government to send the checks to her in college instead of sending them to her asshole father’s address.

  44. Pedantic Peanut
    Pedantic Peanut
    March 4, 2016 at 12:27 am | #

    The only thing that could make Sal and Walkie’s mom shittier is if Walkie’s grades fully tank and she shifts her affections entirely to the ‘winner’ or else tries to sabotage Sal. Yeah, that would be crappier too and probably more in line with her characterization.

    • Reltzik
      Reltzik
      March 4, 2016 at 3:10 am | #

      “Sally, why didn’t you help your brother when he was struggling? Don’t you want him to succeed? I swear it’s like you’re not part of this family at all.”

  45. SpoopyFox
    SpoopyFox
    March 4, 2016 at 12:27 am | #

    my heart just broke

  46. timemonkey
    timemonkey
    March 4, 2016 at 12:28 am | #

    God damn it, Willis, this is just Horrific Parental Abuse Weekend Part 2 isn’t it?

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      March 4, 2016 at 12:30 am | #

      Did you mean Dumbing of Age?

    • Cerberus
      Cerberus
      March 4, 2016 at 2:08 am | #

      Part 3. Part 2 was Toedad.

      • Reltzik
        Reltzik
        March 4, 2016 at 3:11 am | #

        Part 4. The Blainepocalypse was separate from the Freshman Family FUBAR.

        …. who am I kidding, it’s probably Part 17 by now.

        • inqntrol
          inqntrol
          March 4, 2016 at 3:50 am | #

          Part 18 will be when Joyce’s mother unleashes all her hatred towards Becky.

          • Amazi-Stool
            Amazi-Stool
            March 4, 2016 at 5:01 pm | #

            No, this is already happening in the current HPA-weekend!

        • StClair
          StClair
          March 4, 2016 at 8:50 am | #

          It never ends.

  47. SpoopyFox
    SpoopyFox
    March 4, 2016 at 12:28 am | #

    alright who’s gonna be the first to mention shrodinger?

    • caesaria82
      caesaria82
      March 4, 2016 at 12:31 am | #

      I mentioned his cat yesterday. I doubt the man himself would fit in either of those boxes tbh.

      • Disloyal Subject
        Disloyal Subject
        March 4, 2016 at 12:41 am | #

        I’m sure he’d fit, it’d just take an industrial trash compactor and a few minutes.

        • caesaria82
          caesaria82
          March 4, 2016 at 12:49 am | #

          He’s also been dead for 60+ years, so really, his ashes would fit fine. This has become a morbid thread.

          • Disloyal Subject
            Disloyal Subject
            March 4, 2016 at 1:09 am | #

            The best kind!

      • Ancestral Hamster
        Ancestral Hamster
        March 4, 2016 at 12:49 am | #

        Well, not until he’s properly deboned and dehydrated.

    • DSL
      DSL
      March 4, 2016 at 9:00 am | #

      Either I did or I didn’t.

  48. Sam
    Sam
    March 4, 2016 at 12:32 am | #

    Willis proves once and for all that it’s not just the dads that are shitty in this comic. :/

    • Sam
      Sam
      March 4, 2016 at 12:43 am | #

      Someone mentioned upthread the idea of coming up with horrible things that could be inside the box so when we see the unboxing strip it actually works out better than we hoped. So I’m gonna say that Sal’s box contains a warrant for her arrest (for reasons), as well as a note saying she’s disinherited from the family, all wrapped around a lump of coal. That’s been coated with dog shit and cat urine.

      Walky’s box contains a box set of his favorite anime and keys to a new car. Billy’s box has a bottle of imported beer and Godiva truffles inside.

      Now what follows cannot hurt me. I hope.

      • Disloyal Subject
        Disloyal Subject
        March 4, 2016 at 1:10 am | #

        Hope is the first step on the road to disappointment.

      • Amazi-Stool
        Amazi-Stool
        March 4, 2016 at 5:08 pm | #

        Actually coming up with “the most horrible thing”.

        And someone up there already completed that challenge.

        Ironically by accident!

    • Cephalo the Pod
      Cephalo the Pod
      March 4, 2016 at 8:15 am | #

      Carol Brown? Naomi Siegal?

      • No Name
        No Name
        March 4, 2016 at 9:55 am | #

        With bad moms, it’s a three-strikes-you’re-out thing. Especially when you have to contend with Ross McIntyre.

  49. Luzahn
    Luzahn
    March 4, 2016 at 12:33 am | #

    Wait, but that’s so transparently awful. I mean, so far all of their poor treatment of Sal has been mostly subconscious/accidental.

    …Dammit, Walkertons.

    • Betty Anne
      Betty Anne
      March 4, 2016 at 12:49 am | #

      Yotomoe pointed out a couple threads up that this was also probably unintentional.

      That’s kind of the problem. The Walkertons think they’re being good and fair to their kids.

      Expecting Walky to go places and expecting nothing of Sal is not good and fair.

      Telling Sal her hair looks better artificially straightened is not good and fair.

      Complimenting Walky up and down for landing a girlfriend because he got a new shirt and not even noticing that Sal dressed up for them is not good and fair.

      It’s all things they’re doing subconsciously. They’ve internalized the same bullshit most of the rest of the country has internalized about what “successful” people look and act like, and they’re unintentionally projecting it onto their kids. That doesn’t mean it’s not shitty just because they’re not yelling the n-word at Sal or some of the other abusive shit Blaine or Toedad would pull.

      • Yotomoe
        Yotomoe
        March 4, 2016 at 1:02 am | #

        I don’t think it’s not bad. I think it’s correctable. It’s something that needs to be talked about, y’know. Make them aware of it and how it’s affecting both of their kids.

        • Luzahn
          Luzahn
          March 4, 2016 at 1:27 am | #

          Besides, robbing a convenience store as a child, years back, really shouldn’t affect parental affection.

          This is part of Sal’s whole problem, her family has basically abandoned her, and even here is still giving her the cold shoulder.

          • Amazi-Stool
            Amazi-Stool
            March 4, 2016 at 5:15 pm | #

            The convenience store incident is just Linda’s way of rationalising it.

            Her favorism began way earlier.

        • Cerberus
          Cerberus
          March 4, 2016 at 2:10 am | #

          The problem with that is her mom would need to actually listen. And we saw at Parent’s Weekend that she doesn’t even extend that basic courtesy to Sal or even acknowledge her existence. Even when she is directly addressing her.

          • Yotomoe
            Yotomoe
            March 4, 2016 at 2:48 am | #

            That’s why I think it’d be something both Sal and Walky would have to talk to her about together.

            • Nono
              Nono
              March 4, 2016 at 4:49 am | #

              I can imagine how that would go.

              Linda: “Sal, did you put your brother up to this? Why do you have to drag everyone into your messes?”

              • Kamino Neko
                Kamino Neko
                March 4, 2016 at 9:14 am | #

                Sally. Not Sal. Linda doesn’t acknowledge Sal’s name preference.

      • TheLordMoccasin
        TheLordMoccasin
        March 4, 2016 at 1:06 am | #

        Could still be residual disappointment from the whole “robbing a convenience store” thing, though.

        • Leorale
          Leorale
          March 4, 2016 at 1:23 am | #

          It predated the convenience store, by Sal’s entire childhood.

          • Spencer
            Spencer
            March 4, 2016 at 1:02 pm | #

            And, ultimately, it was five damn years ago. Sal’s paid for it already.

  50. Lapin
    Lapin
    March 4, 2016 at 12:40 am | #

    Please let it be something and meaningful, please don’t hurt these children like this.

    • DarkoNeko
      DarkoNeko
      March 4, 2016 at 12:42 am | #

      A box of condoms, probably.

      • inqntrol
        inqntrol
        March 4, 2016 at 12:45 am | #

        Remember kids, use protection to avoid infection.

    • Willoughby Chase
      Willoughby Chase
      March 4, 2016 at 5:33 am | #

      Life is nasty, brutish and short … then there’s DoA.

      • No Name
        No Name
        March 4, 2016 at 11:24 pm | #

        Which, though nasty and brutish, is far from short.

  51. Romanticide
    Romanticide
    March 4, 2016 at 12:50 am | #

    unless those are Godiva chocolates or a diamond I don’t think the size is a good sign… O.o

    • Mr k
      Mr k
      March 4, 2016 at 12:52 am | #

      Diamond? Hopefully, she doesn’t want to marry her daughter.

      • Luzahn
        Luzahn
        March 4, 2016 at 1:39 am | #

        Nah nah nah, that’s only if the diamond’s in a ring. What we have here is treasure.

    • Reltzik
      Reltzik
      March 4, 2016 at 3:17 am | #

      Nonono, it’s a care package, not a carat package.

      • ChrisHerself
        ChrisHerself
        March 4, 2016 at 3:48 am | #

        Or a carob packacke

      • Cephalo the Pod
        Cephalo the Pod
        March 4, 2016 at 8:06 am | #

        Let’s just hope it’s not a carrion package.

    • TheNinthShader
      TheNinthShader
      March 4, 2016 at 7:03 am | #

      Its the new iphone 7!

  52. EvolutionistX
    EvolutionistX
    March 4, 2016 at 12:51 am | #

    Ouch 🙁

  53. Owlmirror
    Owlmirror
    March 4, 2016 at 12:56 am | #

    Given how (mom) Linda Walkerton ignored Sal completely, and (dad) Charles at least tried to show some interest in her, it would not surprise me if the scenario was Linda telling Charles: “I’m going to send David and Jennifer some packages — do you want to add anything for them?”, and Charles saying “David and Jennifer? . . . Ah.”, and then adding a box for Sal on his own initiative.

    • Cerberus
      Cerberus
      March 4, 2016 at 2:11 am | #

      I’m willing to buy that. I could totally see that as the origin of this package.

      • NotPiffany
        NotPiffany
        March 4, 2016 at 9:06 am | #

        If so, I hope Charles had at least enough sense not to send a bottle of hair straightener.

    • Kamino Neko
      Kamino Neko
      March 4, 2016 at 9:24 am | #

      Possible. He had the whole ‘good hair’ thing (which I am embarrassed about defending him over…my privilege popped up at a bad time), but he at least seems more ‘clueless to his internalized racism’ than ‘actively malevolent’ like Linda.

  54. caesaria82
    caesaria82
    March 4, 2016 at 12:59 am | #

    Also this reminds me of how my grandma always used to mail me actual cash in boxes because she figured “envelopes get opened when the mailman can feel there’s money in there so he steals it” (yeesh, grandma) and to make the boxes heavier she’d put random shit in there like a toilet roll or once a Christmas ornament in the shape of a terrifying Baby Jesus.

    Miss ya, grandma 😉

    • Bagge
      Bagge
      March 4, 2016 at 2:19 am | #

      Your grandma rocks!

  55. Historian
    Historian
    March 4, 2016 at 1:03 am | #

    I think the saddest part about all this is how surprised Sal is to get mail from her mother at all. Did she ever get care packages while she was in boarding school? It doesn’t seem likely, judging by her face in panel 3. She is peeking over Walky’s shoulder like a care package is some sort of rare spectacle, and not something she is super familiar with from the several years she lived away from home. Also Sal’s sad little smirk in the last panel ruins me.

    • Disloyal Subject
      Disloyal Subject
      March 4, 2016 at 1:14 am | #

      That seems consistent with Owlmirror’s idea above.

    • Cerberus
      Cerberus
      March 4, 2016 at 2:12 am | #

      I’m guessing no. And yeah, that bit of surprise at getting anything is just heart-breaking.

      • tim guegue
        tim guegue
        March 4, 2016 at 9:07 am | #

        I wonder if we won’t see some adult from Sal’s boarding school days show up, and Sal being utterly happy to see them because they were more parental to her than her actual parents.

        • Kamino Neko
          Kamino Neko
          March 4, 2016 at 9:29 am | #

          Seems unlikely.

          I think if that had happened, we’d see some sign of her softening toward authority in general, even if not being entirely trusting.

          Whether nobody at the school actually tried, or Sal rejected them, since she didn’t trust them is an open question.

    • BenRG
      BenRG
      March 4, 2016 at 4:30 am | #

      The horrible thing is that I think a part of Linda, deep inside her psyche, would have silently blessed Amber if she’d put that knife through Sal’s heart rather than her hand. The very existence of her daughter is clearly an intolerable burden to her.

      There are some preview panels that show the Walkertons hanging out together. I’m hoping that, possibly prompted by Walky admitting to having his own problems with calculus, there will be a renaissance of the relationship between Walky and Sal. If you can’t rely on your bro (or sis) in a time of need, then who can you rely on?

      I’m seeing a shocked Danny getting extra credit for all the students that he’s been tutoring. 😉

      • StClair
        StClair
        March 4, 2016 at 8:54 am | #

        Possible. In part because the memory of a tragically dead daughter can be sculpted into whatever one wishes, unlike an inconveniently, embarrassingly live one.

      • Spencer
        Spencer
        March 4, 2016 at 12:34 pm | #

        …I’m going to take a leap and say that Linda and Charles don’t want their daughter dead.

        • BenRG
          BenRG
          March 4, 2016 at 12:46 pm | #

          There is a big difference between ‘wanting Sal dead’ and ‘being silently and secretly relieved if a tragic incident occurs’.

          • Spencer
            Spencer
            March 4, 2016 at 1:06 pm | #

            Can’t say I see it, then.

            Like, Linda and Charles are pretty shit parents, but that doesn’t make them the Worst, Most Evil and Vile people on the face of the earth. We’ve established by now that Danny’s parents are verbally abusive to him, and Ethan’s parents even more so, but they’re still convinced that they’re good parents and everything they do is either in their child’s best interests.

    • RP
      RP
      March 4, 2016 at 9:10 am | #

      I missed your comment before I wrote mine. It is harder to tell on mobile but she definitely looks surprised. Damn it 🙁

    • ischemgeek
      ischemgeek
      March 4, 2016 at 9:14 am | #

      Yeah.

      I think part of it as well is surprise that Walky noticed something was unequal.

      That’s major progress for him. How much are you willing to bet that at the beginning of the term he would’ve been all, “WOW COOL LOOKIT WHAT I GOT?! OUR PARENTS ARE AWESOME!” and rubbing it in her face – not maliciously but because he was so damn clueless that unless Sal complained he wouldn’t even notice – (and then don’t look a gift in the mouth gosh Sal you’re so ungrateful and convenience store joke).

      • Cerberus
        Cerberus
        March 4, 2016 at 11:16 am | #

        Definitely agree with all of that!

        • Peduncle
          Peduncle
          March 4, 2016 at 11:45 pm | #

          Second that. Walky is getting smarter. Maybe the bony poindexter deserves some credit.

          • ischemgeek
            ischemgeek
            March 5, 2016 at 5:06 pm | #

            I think in this case, the credit goes to Billie more than Dorothy, what with her talk with him about how not all racism is white hoods and burning crosses and how being in a interracial relationship is not exactly a get out of racism free card.

  56. Bagge
    Bagge
    March 4, 2016 at 1:14 am | #

    Gee. Thanks mum. Don’t overstrain or anything.

  57. Arianod
    Arianod
    March 4, 2016 at 1:21 am | #

    In a webcomic full of truly horrible parents, the Walkertons do their best to stay in the race 😛

  58. Kugai
    Kugai
    March 4, 2016 at 1:36 am | #

    Dear Sals Mother

    FUCK YOU TOO!!!

    • TheNinthShader
      TheNinthShader
      March 4, 2016 at 7:02 am | #

      All the upvotes!

      Unless the box has the new iphone 7.

      Then: GLORY TO THE GREATEST MOTHER ON HIGH!

      • Moonshine McGee
        Moonshine McGee
        March 4, 2016 at 6:43 pm | #

        But walky gets a midrange Android.

        The Walkertons actually spent more money just to give Sal a shitty gift.

    • Kugai
      Kugai
      March 4, 2016 at 3:15 pm | #

      Oh!

      Missed that Sally one when I first saw the Comic and thought Sals Mom hadn’t sent her anything. Still, it’s kinda depressing she sent one half the size.

      • Amazi-Stool
        Amazi-Stool
        March 4, 2016 at 5:26 pm | #

        Half in every dimension: one-eighth of the size!

  59. ninja_jesus
    ninja_jesus
    March 4, 2016 at 2:12 am | #

    So how much more are we going to kick the proverbial dog? Sal is due for a good redemption arc.

    • Reltzik
      Reltzik
      March 4, 2016 at 3:18 am | #

      You mean like how she was the complete and total unsung hero of the Toedad chase, and all she got from it was a bit of friendship with Joyce and a whole lot of hate from Amazi-girl?

      • inqntrol
        inqntrol
        March 4, 2016 at 4:00 am | #

        Now that you brought that up, did Becky even thank Sal for bringing Joyce who Falcon punched the crap out of Toedad?

        • Cerberus
          Cerberus
          March 4, 2016 at 11:21 am | #

          Looks like a no on that one based on a troll through the archives. Heck, looking through for Joyce shows that Joyce hasn’t thanked her (for this) either, though she has shown the signs of their greater friendship and mutual understanding of each other. Combine that with Amber’s… unique means of “thanking” Sal and…

          Yeah, poor Sal, she really was the unsung hero of the whole thing.

    • Gamaran Sepudomyn
      Gamaran Sepudomyn
      March 4, 2016 at 4:45 am | #

      I’m really hoping you mean to type “Sal’s mother”.

  60. BenRG
    BenRG
    March 4, 2016 at 2:14 am | #

    It’s very nice of you to suggest that, Walky. However, I think that we all know that it isn’t very likely.

  61. Dariu55
    Dariu55
    March 4, 2016 at 4:12 am | #

    The important thing to remember is she has one. Right? Right?!?

  62. Sam
    Sam
    March 4, 2016 at 4:17 am | #

    Show me the dead rats!

    Please? No? THEN WE WILL JUST HAVE TO DRAW THE BOXES FULL OF DEAD RATS OURSELVES.

  63. TheNinthShader
    TheNinthShader
    March 4, 2016 at 7:04 am | #

    The box has an Iphone 7!

    Want an Iphone 7 early? Go to freescamandvirus.com

  64. QWERTY
    QWERTY
    March 4, 2016 at 7:42 am | #

    So Sal’s mom is probably just a douche bag but I’m gonna be optimistic and say that she sent Walky and Billy things she knew they liked but since she hasn’t seen Sal in a while she sent her cash. I’m probably wrong but optimism.

    • RP
      RP
      March 4, 2016 at 9:05 am | #

      How sad is it that the optimistic scenario still had Sal’s parents not communicating with her enough (for years!) to have even a half guess at what she would actually like.

      • Gordon
        Gordon
        March 4, 2016 at 1:27 pm | #

        It goes beyond that because, even if you don’t know what someone likes, there’s a ton of options you can send to a dorm ensconced college student with no job. Like, that box will barely fit a tube of toothpaste.

  65. ChaosEngine
    ChaosEngine
    March 4, 2016 at 8:52 am | #

    I predict Sal’s box contains a very heavily loaded gas card for the motorcycle.

    …Just because I know I’m wrong doesn’t mean I won’t be optimistic.

  66. RP
    RP
    March 4, 2016 at 9:02 am | #

    Real guess at what Sal got: hair relaxer.

    We know Walky didn’t talk to Sal while she was at that school. Did her parents do the same thing?

    I’m just wondering if Sal is going to be unfazed* by whatever it is because she always got the same thing in her care packages while at boarding school, or if she’s going to be surprised that she got one at all because she never got a care package while at boarding school.

    I can’t decide which is more likely: that they have been sending her pathetic care packages for years to keep up appearances or that it didn’t even occur to them until they wanted to send one to Walky.

    *By which I mean she won’t be surprised by whatever it is, not that she won’t be upset that Walky & Billie got better stuff. That’s a thing that is definitely happening. To paraphrase a comment from the Parent’s Weekend, *This isn’t going to be a story where the racism is all just in the black woman’s head.*

    It also just occurred to me that this means Sal and Joyce’s have something in common: they both have moms whose beliefs are more important to them than their kids.

    • Cerberus
      Cerberus
      March 4, 2016 at 11:27 am | #

      All of this. Personally, my guess is she got jack all at boarding school and she’s only getting something here because now her and Walky are in the same place and it’d be “rude” to only send something to one of them.

      • RP
        RP
        March 4, 2016 at 12:29 pm | #

        Yeah, someone farther up in the comments pointed out that Sal looks surprised, which strongly implies that you are right.

    • ischemgeek
      ischemgeek
      March 5, 2016 at 5:11 pm | #

      I am thinking that because parents have a big say in what kids can do or want to do, Walky’s parents were the instigating force behind Sal being frozen out from sibling contact. If his folks wanted him to, Walky would have stayed in touch. I think Linda, at least, didn’t want him to.

  67. kater
    kater
    March 4, 2016 at 9:28 am | #

    Just… sent them all in one big box so… what, Sal would know where she stood? Why not just send a ranked list to their phone, Linda? Call it an “I Barely Care” package…

    • thejeff
      thejeff
      March 4, 2016 at 10:27 am | #

      Not just one big box, but one big box addressed to Walky.

      Again, on a practical level, it makes sense. They’re all right there and 3 small packages cost more than one big one.
      But if they all go to Walky, that says something. Of course we only see one, but if you only see one in a story, it’s got to be representative.

  68. Palamdrone
    Palamdrone
    March 4, 2016 at 10:50 am | #

    Why is Walky’s mom sending care packages to Billy?

    • BenRG
      BenRG
      March 4, 2016 at 10:54 am | #

      Billie was a childhood playfriend of Walky and Sal’s. I think that they’ve all known each other since… well, forever. It’s a bit like the Browns with Becky – Linda and Charles Walkerton know her so well, she’s practically a stepdaughter to them.

      • thejeff
        thejeff
        March 4, 2016 at 11:09 am | #

        Even more so perhaps, since Billie’s parents are distant.

        She said somewhere that she’d called the Walkerton’s Mom & Dad sometimes.

        I also wouldn’t be surprised, though there’s less canon support that she became something of a substitute for their “lost” daughter when they sent her away.

        • Cerberus
          Cerberus
          March 4, 2016 at 11:29 am | #

          That makes a lot of sense.

  69. Cephalo the Pod
    Cephalo the Pod
    March 4, 2016 at 11:04 am | #

    This strip is for those of us too stupid to see the favouritism during Freshman Family Weekend.

  70. Random832
    Random832
    March 4, 2016 at 11:42 am | #

    Maybe the contents are identical and she just didn’t have three small boxes.

  71. Falling Star
    Falling Star
    March 4, 2016 at 2:56 pm | #

    [turns out walky has a box of video games and sal gets 24 karat diamond earrings]
    WELP

    • random832
      random832
      March 4, 2016 at 11:54 pm | #

      Karat is a unit of gold purity, on a scale of 0 to 24. Carat is a unit of weight used for gems, and 24 doesn’t have any special meaning other than being a moderately big number (approximately “Gem is the same diameter as your finger”)

  72. engineer
    engineer
    March 4, 2016 at 4:51 pm | #

    At least Billie isnt crying.

    • Spencer
      Spencer
      March 4, 2016 at 4:54 pm | #

      Give it time.

  73. Tenn
    Tenn
    March 4, 2016 at 6:07 pm | #

    It’s more styrofoam peanuts and a note that says:

    Greeting, black daughter.
    We hope you are.
    “Love”, parents.

    P.S. Share your styrofoam peanuts with your brother.

    • Spencer
      Spencer
      March 4, 2016 at 7:12 pm | #

      I feel so bad for laughing at this.

    • Rowen Morland
      Rowen Morland
      March 4, 2016 at 7:23 pm | #

      What would the note for Danny say? (In fact you should do notes for all the ‘unloved’ kids.

      • Spencer
        Spencer
        March 4, 2016 at 7:51 pm | #

        Dear son,
        Please don’t screw it up this time.
        Acknowledgements, parents.

        Danny gets these at least once a week.

        • thejeff
          thejeff
          March 4, 2016 at 8:24 pm | #

          Billie’s doesn’t have a note. Just a wad of $20s.

          Sent on a regular basis by her parent’s accountant.

  74. Twirls
    Twirls
    March 4, 2016 at 8:02 pm | #

    What the fucking fuck!?

  75. JessWitt
    JessWitt
    March 4, 2016 at 9:11 pm | #

    It’s sad that Linda treasures Billie more over her own biological daughter.

  76. feli
    feli
    March 4, 2016 at 10:52 pm | #

    I am like Sally, but I’m an only child.
    But .. maybe there’s diamonds inside?

  77. Liz
    Liz
    March 4, 2016 at 11:35 pm | #

    Can…can I just adopt these kids? All of them? They need decent parents I can make cookies or something.

  78. nobodybasically
    nobodybasically
    March 4, 2016 at 11:42 pm | #

    Seriously though, what I expect will happen is that the box contains some cash and a note saying something like “I don’t know what you’re into, so buy yourself something nice,” while Walky’s and Billie’s contain more personal gifts that show Linda knows them really well.

    So while it’s not a bad gift, it would definitely disappoint Sal and show favoritism.

  79. Fairyth
    Fairyth
    March 5, 2016 at 12:41 am | #

    …oof. Not cool. Reminds me of the part in Harry Potter where everyone thought Hermione was seducing Harry and Ron’s mom sent them all big Easter presents but only sent Hermione a teensy little egg….that part pissed me off and so does this.

Who should be the default doodle for Book 14?

View Results

Loading ... Loading ...
  • Polls Archive
CONVENTION APPEARANCES


May 3, 2025 - FCBD @ Laughing Ogre Comics in Columbus, Ohio

©2010-2025 Dumbing of Age | Powered by WordPress with ComicPress | Subscribe: RSS | Privacy Policy | Back to Top ↑