Dumbing of Age Book Twelve

Dumbing of Age

A college webcomic by David Willis
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May 30, 2026

Exchange

by David M Willis on August 8, 2017 at 12:01 am
  • 04 - The 'Do' List
└ Tags: carla, jennifer, joyce, ruth

Discussion (433) ¬

[ Comments RSS ]
  1. Ana Chronistic
    Ana Chronistic
    August 8, 2017 at 12:01 am | #

    I’d say that was anticlimactic, but I’m sure it could get VERY climactic shortly

    • shadowcell
      shadowcell
      August 8, 2017 at 12:03 am | #

      a common problem with boys

      • Androiddreams
        Androiddreams
        August 8, 2017 at 12:06 am | #

        Especially boys who are named mike

        • Joyous ☿
          Joyous ☿
          August 8, 2017 at 12:25 am | #

          I doubt Joyce wouldn’t have mentioned it when if it was mike. She implied it was someone she didn’t know. Also, I know mike’s a jerk, but he has some standards!

          • desolation0
            desolation0
            August 8, 2017 at 12:40 am | #

            For the right price.

          • Goshii
            Goshii
            August 8, 2017 at 12:41 am | #

            Now in the future, if Mary becomes a mom, how many nickels would it take for Mike to do her?

            • Gojira
              Gojira
              August 8, 2017 at 8:43 am | #

              Mike wouldn’t do Mary, she’s more the type he would train a scurry of squirrels to rape her.

              • Hana
                Hana
                August 8, 2017 at 3:25 pm | #

                Let’s not be the person who says things like that. Somehow, I am guessing that this is not the right place to make jokes about rape.

                • Mortartarsaus
                  Mortartarsaus
                  August 8, 2017 at 4:08 pm | #

                  What if Mike trained a scurry of squirrels to wear a trench coat, impersonate him, seduce Mary, and then reveal themselves to be said scurry of squirrels after giving Mary the best orgasm of her life, past or future?

                • Dandi_Andi
                  Dandi_Andi
                  August 8, 2017 at 5:51 pm | #

                  @Mortartarsaus, that’s still sex under false pretenses which, frankly, is not better than using force or coercion. Mary enjoying it does not justify the deception.

              • Delicious Taffy
                Delicious Taffy
                August 8, 2017 at 10:58 pm | #

                You can’t arrest squirrels.

          • nightsbridge
            nightsbridge
            August 8, 2017 at 6:13 am | #

            His standards are a nickel or spite.

          • UniqueSnowflake2
            UniqueSnowflake2
            August 8, 2017 at 7:18 am | #

            Does Joyce actually know Mike?

            • saltchocolate
              saltchocolate
              August 8, 2017 at 8:11 am | #

              She was dating his best (only?) friend.

              • saltchocolate
                saltchocolate
                August 8, 2017 at 8:20 am | #

                Also, remember her hilarious date with Joe, when she asked Mike along to punch Joe anytime he got the least bit sexual? She definitely knows him!

                • UniqueSnowflake2
                  UniqueSnowflake2
                  August 8, 2017 at 6:41 pm | #

                  Right; I forgot about that.

      • Plasma Mongoose
        Plasma Mongoose
        August 8, 2017 at 12:47 am | #

        It is too premature to assume that.

      • AlexDenton
        AlexDenton
        August 9, 2017 at 2:14 am | #

        Owwwww nice one XD

    • Bagge
      Bagge
      August 8, 2017 at 12:30 am | #

      Well, it would have been until Joyce interrupted them.

      • Plasma Mongoose
        Plasma Mongoose
        August 8, 2017 at 12:48 am | #

        Joyous Interruptius

        • Fire_daws
          Fire_daws
          August 8, 2017 at 1:57 am | #

          Don’t you mean Joyce-ous Interruptius?

      • Emperor Norton II
        Emperor Norton II
        August 8, 2017 at 1:13 am | #

        Considering she’s already a clam-jam, there should be no surprise she’s also a cock-block.

        • Plasma Mongoose
          Plasma Mongoose
          August 8, 2017 at 3:21 am | #

          Can she block other genders or only male and female ones.

          • Delicious Taffy
            Delicious Taffy
            August 8, 2017 at 4:12 am | #

            I think it’s more of a genital block. So, unless I’ve somehow missed some sort of genitalia DLC pack, she really can’t block more than the two. Maybe both at once, in some cases.

          • Vivid Grim
            Vivid Grim
            August 8, 2017 at 5:53 am | #

            this actually may be the first time I’ve seen someone who buys into cissexism while also believing there’s more than two sexes. impressive

            • Gojira
              Gojira
              August 8, 2017 at 8:45 am | #

              The three genders are male, female and blue.

              • N0083rp00F
                N0083rp00F
                August 8, 2017 at 11:21 am | #

                I thought that was a flavor in the burning category – Ralph Wiggum

                • thejeff
                  thejeff
                  August 8, 2017 at 2:35 pm | #

                  The genders are up, down, strange, charm, top, and bottom.

                • Psyme
                  Psyme
                  August 8, 2017 at 2:44 pm | #

                  Those aren’t genders, those are flavors of quark.
                  I like strawberry quark, personally. It goes great on bagels.

        • gwalla
          gwalla
          August 9, 2017 at 12:04 am | #

          Everybody get up it’s time to slam now
          We got a real jam goin’ down
          Welcome to the Clam Jam
          Here’s your chance, do your dance at the Clam Jam
          Alright….

    • Ana Chronistic
      Ana Chronistic
      August 8, 2017 at 1:28 am | #

      I came back here b/c I remembered my “more like a CARbecue!!” punchline, then it didn’t make sense but I’M ALREADY HERE so

  2. AnvilPro
    AnvilPro
    August 8, 2017 at 12:02 am | #

    Another case cracked by Detective Joyce!

    • miados
      miados
      August 8, 2017 at 12:08 am | #

      is it bad I could still see her thinking “now we just have to figure out who she likes….”

    • Griffin
      Griffin
      August 8, 2017 at 12:13 am | #

      Truly the world’s greatest sleuth.

  3. Doctor_Who
    Doctor_Who
    August 8, 2017 at 12:02 am | #

    Panel three needs to be the next book title.

    So, who’s the (un)lucky guy? Someone we know?

    • Toad
      Toad
      August 8, 2017 at 12:02 am | #

      I have a baaaaaaad feeling about this.

      • Yumi
        Yumi
        August 8, 2017 at 12:05 am | #

        Let’s play a game:
        Who would be the worst guy for Mary to be making out with?

        • Doctor_Who
          Doctor_Who
          August 8, 2017 at 12:06 am | #

          Ross.

        • Durandal_1707
          Durandal_1707
          August 8, 2017 at 12:06 am | #

          Faz

        • pjeseb
          pjeseb
          August 8, 2017 at 12:06 am | #

          Faz

        • Some1
          Some1
          August 8, 2017 at 12:07 am | #

          Howard

          • Andrew_C
            Andrew_C
            August 8, 2017 at 4:24 am | #

            Yup, definitely Howard. This is another ploy by Mary to hurt Ruth & Billie, & I don’t think Joyce has met Howard

            • Shade
              Shade
              August 8, 2017 at 5:16 am | #

              Hasn’t Howard left with their grandfather already?

        • Shiro
          Shiro
          August 8, 2017 at 12:10 am | #

          I’m gonna say John Brown, because 1.) awful person to start with, 2.) infidelity, and 3.) familial drama for Joyce

          But he’s not an IU student, so I doubt it’s him. He’s just the worst guy it could be.

          • Yumi
            Yumi
            August 8, 2017 at 12:11 am | #

            I’d also like to think that Joyce would have recognized him, but who knows.

          • maxyai
            maxyai
            August 8, 2017 at 12:42 am | #

            Is it bad that my mind first went to “John Brown’s body lies a’ moldering in the grave”

            • Yumi
              Yumi
              August 8, 2017 at 12:45 am | #

              I didn’t know of the song, but my first thought upon reading “John Brown” was, “The abolitionist?”
              So I don’t think it’s bad.

        • Opus the Poet
          Opus the Poet
          August 8, 2017 at 12:12 am | #

          Ryan. Not likely B/C he’s either in ICU or jail now, but most definitely the worst person for Mary to be making out with.

          • DrWattson
            DrWattson
            August 8, 2017 at 12:13 am | #

            Plus, Joyce was within arm’s reach of him and didn’t have the urge to strangle him.

            • miados
              miados
              August 8, 2017 at 12:17 am | #

              and managed to get into marys room without every other girl in the dorm area seeing and trying to kill him.

        • Goki
          Goki
          August 8, 2017 at 12:16 am | #

          One of Ryan’s “Bro’s”, possibly even the person who saved him that one night.

          • dn3s
            dn3s
            August 8, 2017 at 12:58 am | #

            yep, you win. horrifying and plausible

        • miados
          miados
          August 8, 2017 at 12:16 am | #

          walky

        • Socks
          Socks
          August 8, 2017 at 12:31 am | #

          Galasso, maybe. Dude’s twice her age, happily married, and may possibly not understand how sex or even gender anything works.

          Ooh oh oh or Ethan. Like, oh man. He, in particular, doesn’t need that.

        • Dean
          Dean
          August 8, 2017 at 12:31 am | #

          Toedad.

        • Plasma Mongoose
          Plasma Mongoose
          August 8, 2017 at 12:48 am | #

          Jesus?

          • Victor
            Victor
            August 8, 2017 at 1:15 am | #

            And my thoughts go to…

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kBKQL6f5sec

            • Plasma Mongoose
              Plasma Mongoose
              August 8, 2017 at 3:25 am | #

              Not sure if that counts as heresy or not. 😛

            • Andrew_C
              Andrew_C
              August 8, 2017 at 4:30 am | #

              Always loved Drop Dead Gorgeous. Always surprised it wasn’t more popular.

          • Dean
            Dean
            August 8, 2017 at 8:23 pm | #

            Historical Jesus!

        • Needfuldoer
          Needfuldoer
          August 8, 2017 at 1:56 am | #

          Does Peter Paul exist in the DoA-verse?

          • JessWitt
            JessWitt
            August 8, 2017 at 7:33 am | #

            I heard he was seen in a Patreon comic so yes he’s enrolled in IU.

          • John
            John
            August 8, 2017 at 9:21 am | #

            Yes.

        • Yotomoe
          Yotomoe
          August 8, 2017 at 2:45 am | #

          The Devil.

          • Clif
            Clif
            August 8, 2017 at 11:06 am | #

            Head Alien.

            • keithcurtis
              keithcurtis
              August 8, 2017 at 9:59 pm | #

              You mean Dexter?

        • Gojira
          Gojira
          August 8, 2017 at 8:46 am | #

          Ryan’s getaway driver.

        • Clif
          Clif
          August 8, 2017 at 11:28 am | #

          Worst guy? Jason.

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      August 8, 2017 at 12:15 am | #

      Alright I admit it. It’s me. Fundies are hot, I’m sorry!

      • Some1
        Some1
        August 8, 2017 at 12:22 am | #

        Mary would entice me for the same reason teenage girls sometimes go for the bad boy, an idiotic belief that I can help change her. Also she’s an artist, and can be clever when she wants to be (well manipulative…but that’s still a form of cleverness)

        • dn3s
          dn3s
          August 8, 2017 at 12:58 am | #

          she’s an artist?

          • Yumi
            Yumi
            August 8, 2017 at 1:04 am | #

            Or she’s in the wrong major.

          • Some1
            Some1
            August 8, 2017 at 1:05 am | #

            Her current style is anime

            • Needfuldoer
              Needfuldoer
              August 8, 2017 at 1:55 am | #

              Classes haven’t beaten the DeviantArt out of her drawing style yet.

          • John
            John
            August 8, 2017 at 9:23 am | #

            It is still my headcanon that most of her drawings are of Sonic the Hedgehog prostrating himself before a cross.

            • thejeff
              thejeff
              August 8, 2017 at 10:05 am | #

              With a few sexy Ronald Reagan ones.

              • Goshii
                Goshii
                August 8, 2017 at 3:27 pm | #

                Sonic and Reagan team up to take out the evil communists Robotnik and Hilary, while teaching us life lessons about how people who are different than us are evil. Sonic Says Jack Chick knows all!

        • Clif
          Clif
          August 8, 2017 at 11:32 am | #

          Someone, that’s a magnificent level of self-delusion. I’m impressed.

          • Some1
            Some1
            August 8, 2017 at 12:17 pm | #

            Doesn’t saying it’s idiotic cancel out any self delusion?

            I would never actually date her, lord knows how that would go, I’m just attracted to evil

      • Koms
        Koms
        August 8, 2017 at 12:54 am | #

        Gotta see that fanpic

    • Dana
      Dana
      August 8, 2017 at 12:42 am | #

      My vote is still “way too many of my problems can’t be solved by punching.”
      http://www.dumbingofage.com/2017/comic/book-7/03-the-thing-i-was-before/foster/

      • TheGrammarLegionary
        TheGrammarLegionary
        August 8, 2017 at 2:46 am | #

        I don’t know, I’d at least consider panel 6 here. Kinda suits a lot of what’s going on.

    • ESM
      ESM
      August 8, 2017 at 1:21 am | #

      Probably not. Most male characters of important Joyce already knows, so shocking pairing like Mary/Ryan are out (and that one doesn’t make sense on basically any level). It’s either a new character, or someone so minor they might as well be new.

      If I had to guess where this plotline is going (and I don’t, but I wanna), it’s that the Mystery Boy makes Mary a happier, much less evil person, and then she’s going to fuck everything up in a major way when she finds out he’s Jewish or something.

      • brasca1
        brasca1
        August 8, 2017 at 2:41 am | #

        She’d probably handle that the same way Joyce did except she’ll be more convinced she can convert him.

  4. Miguel
    Miguel
    August 8, 2017 at 12:02 am | #

    Well, that explains half of it.

  5. Haven
    Haven
    August 8, 2017 at 12:02 am | #

    Dorks.

  6. Romanticide
    Romanticide
    August 8, 2017 at 12:03 am | #

    Somehow I cannot help but feel it cannot be that easy with Mary….

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      August 8, 2017 at 12:50 am | #

      Mary isn’t easy?

      Good to know I guess.

  7. Knightsword
    Knightsword
    August 8, 2017 at 12:03 am | #

    Please don’t say he has red hair…

    • Doctor_Who
      Doctor_Who
      August 8, 2017 at 12:05 am | #

      She’s dating a Weasley?

      I bet it’s fucking Percy.

      • Yumi
        Yumi
        August 8, 2017 at 12:09 am | #

        But, like, pre-end of Deathly Hallows Percy.
        Percy from when he was real prat.

      • Knightsword
        Knightsword
        August 8, 2017 at 12:10 am | #

        I thinking Howard.

        • brionl
          brionl
          August 8, 2017 at 12:16 am | #

          Howard Weasley? Is he one of the cousins or something?

  8. Cerberus
    Cerberus
    August 8, 2017 at 12:03 am | #

    Man this is really subtle. Do you think Mary has someone she’s interested in? I can’t make heads or tails out of this one.

    • StClair
      StClair
      August 8, 2017 at 12:11 am | #

      it is a mystery

    • Emperor Norton II
      Emperor Norton II
      August 8, 2017 at 12:12 am | #

      It’s misery wrapped in an enema.

      Or something like that. I mean, Mary’s involved, so it might just be.

      • Plasma Mongoose
        Plasma Mongoose
        August 8, 2017 at 12:50 am | #

        The Riddler?

      • Delicious Taffy
        Delicious Taffy
        August 8, 2017 at 4:14 am | #

        Did you mean “enigma”? Because otherwise, that’s some gross imagery.

        • ValdVin
          ValdVin
          August 8, 2017 at 5:09 am | #

          Could be autocorrect. Of course that raises questions also, ones which I will not type enema multiple times, out of context, to find out about.

          • Jason
            Jason
            August 8, 2017 at 7:17 am | #

            I’ve had some weird autocorrect of words I don’t use often. Nothing springs to mind, but really random everyday words being swapped with other random words that I don’t use. I have no idea why.

            • Li
              Li
              August 8, 2017 at 1:32 pm | #

              Yeah, me too. I kinda think autocorrect is half learning your typing, half a global database.

            • ValdVin
              ValdVin
              August 8, 2017 at 5:00 pm | #

              Fair enough; I suppository it could happen to anyone.

          • Emperor Norton II
            Emperor Norton II
            August 8, 2017 at 7:11 pm | #

            …It appears that the phrase “mystery wrapped in an enigma” and (more importantly) its potential for punniness is less known than I thought it was.

            • TheHorseCouncil
              TheHorseCouncil
              August 8, 2017 at 10:33 pm | #

              I got it. But I like watching other people not get it.

        • UniqueSnowflake2
          UniqueSnowflake2
          August 8, 2017 at 7:28 am | #

          *whoosh*

          • Delicious Taffy
            Delicious Taffy
            August 8, 2017 at 3:53 pm | #

            That’s Strike 1, my friend.

        • davidbreslin101
          davidbreslin101
          August 8, 2017 at 8:57 am | #

          It’s from Churchill’s famous speech about how he was out on his stag night, right, and his a$$hole of a brother dragged them all to this medical-themed BDSM club and he wasn’t really into that scene.

          • Delicious Taffy
            Delicious Taffy
            August 8, 2017 at 3:51 pm | #

            See, I don’t know anything about Churchill, so I can’t tell if that’s true or not.

        • ruhrow
          ruhrow
          August 8, 2017 at 11:27 am | #

          I think the fact that both ‘misery’ and ‘enema’ are swapped in, it’s a play on words converting mysterious things to miserable ones.

          • Clif
            Clif
            August 8, 2017 at 11:08 pm | #

            The emperor would never do that to *us*.

            • Emperor Norton II
              Emperor Norton II
              August 9, 2017 at 9:32 pm | #

              This is akin to having thought, at some point:

              “David Willis would never make a Slipshine showing Mary having a ‘private moment’ thinking about Reagan.”

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      August 8, 2017 at 12:16 am | #

      Mary is so tight lipped about her relationship. The boy she was kissing knows that better than anyone.

      • Cerberus
        Cerberus
        August 8, 2017 at 12:52 am | #

        Oh, that is well-played. I love it!

    • zoelogical
      zoelogical
      August 8, 2017 at 12:43 am | #

      naaaaaaaaaaaaaah

    • Reltzik
      Reltzik
      August 8, 2017 at 1:17 am | #

      Sound like SHE’S making heads or tails out of it.

      …..

      …. I don’t know EXACTLY what that means, but it sounds dirty so I’m going with it.

      • UniqueSnowflake2
        UniqueSnowflake2
        August 8, 2017 at 6:37 pm | #

        What do you mean, you don’t know what it means? Is the guy getting some head, or some tail?

        • Reltzik
          Reltzik
          August 8, 2017 at 10:09 pm | #

          Given that SHE’S making heads or tails? …. neither? It just doesn’t match up grammatically, does it?

  9. William Leonard Reese Jr.
    William Leonard Reese Jr.
    August 8, 2017 at 12:03 am | #

    . . . Catapult Suit? . . As in Shoulder Mounted or. . .How would this work?

    • Shiro
      Shiro
      August 8, 2017 at 12:04 am | #

      Doesn’t matter, motherfucking catapult suit

      • Plasma Mongoose
        Plasma Mongoose
        August 8, 2017 at 12:51 am | #

        Is it a suit with catapults attached or a suit you wear when you are catapluted?

        • A Scientist
          A Scientist
          August 8, 2017 at 3:03 am | #

          Perhaps it is designed to catapult targets away from the wearer?

        • Delicious Taffy
          Delicious Taffy
          August 8, 2017 at 4:16 am | #

          I mean, if you wear it when it launches you, it’s both of those.

      • Ferret
        Ferret
        August 8, 2017 at 1:05 am | #

        Trebuchet suit would be better.

    • Tacos
      Tacos
      August 8, 2017 at 12:06 am | #

      In my mind, I expect chest-mounted so she can throw pies at people like in Shortpacked.

    • Orion Fury
      Orion Fury
      August 8, 2017 at 12:12 am | #

      I was worried that no one would have challenged her to build one. Would have been unacceptable otherwise. Glaad it was done inside 3 minutes.

    • Lingo
      Lingo
      August 8, 2017 at 12:12 am | #

      What came to my mind was something you’d wear that would somehow catapult YOURSELF….yeah I have no idea what that would look like either.

      • Needfuldoer
        Needfuldoer
        August 8, 2017 at 1:58 am | #

        Bonus points if you do the Goofy Holler in midair.

        • N0083rp00F
          N0083rp00F
          August 8, 2017 at 11:33 am | #

          YAAAAAAA-hoo-hoo-hoo-hooey!

      • A Scientist
        A Scientist
        August 8, 2017 at 2:56 am | #

        Seems like a pull yourself up by your bootstraps sort of proposition, doesn’t it?

        • N0083rp00F
          N0083rp00F
          August 8, 2017 at 11:30 am | #

          That is usually how you end up face down in whatever you were stuck in, in the first place.
          Just try it. I ain’t kidding. Just bend over or crouch down and grab that strap, or if you don’t have them then just the back of your shoe and pull upwards and see how much altitude you gain.

      • Miri
        Miri
        August 8, 2017 at 3:45 am | #

        I imagine it has some sort of springy rod you pull down, at great tension, to ground level, at which point you’re on tiptoes with it supporting your weight, and then when you pull the lever it releases the tension and launches you (with a dampening and folding mechanism so the rod folds up and tucks back into your suit rather than breaking your nose)…

    • Fart Captor
      Fart Captor
      August 8, 2017 at 12:22 am | #

      Clearly it grabs Mary and catapults her into the nearest dumpster

    • Zer0
      Zer0
      August 8, 2017 at 1:37 am | #

      I think you first gather some cats. Then put on a suit to look real snazzy. Then get to pulting. That’s where I get confused. But Maybe Carla will show us what she means.

      • N0083rp00F
        N0083rp00F
        August 8, 2017 at 11:36 am | #

        I thought that it was already documented as the sound the cat makes on interaction, at speed, with any solid vertical surface. “PULT”

        • merbrat
          merbrat
          August 9, 2017 at 2:36 pm | #

          THAT needed a *beverage warning*

    • davidbreslin101
      davidbreslin101
      August 8, 2017 at 8:59 am | #

      Works exactly the same as a chainsaw suit, of course. Only with catapults.

  10. caesaria82
    caesaria82
    August 8, 2017 at 12:03 am | #

    lmaooooo. Everything about this strip is amazing.

  11. Shiro
    Shiro
    August 8, 2017 at 12:03 am | #

    …Billie, you’re the journalism major in this room, yes? I’m gonna need you to explain to Joyce what BURYING THE LEDE is

    • drs
      drs
      August 8, 2017 at 12:09 am | #

      Joyce retorts with “comedic timing”.

    • Dean
      Dean
      August 8, 2017 at 12:33 am | #

      It’s ‘burying the lead’, as in ‘lead story’.

      • CorporateDronesDontHaveMissiles
        CorporateDronesDontHaveMissiles
        August 8, 2017 at 12:52 am | #

        You’d think so, but nope.

        https://www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/bury-the-lede-versus-lead

      • Shiro
        Shiro
        August 8, 2017 at 12:55 am | #

        Google disagrees

        • dn3s
          dn3s
          August 8, 2017 at 1:08 am | #

          *Grammarist disagrees

          according to a whois lookup, the domain grammarist.com was registered using GoDaddy.com, with DNS hosted by CloudFlare. The A record points to a CloudFlare (reverse proxy?) server.

          According to their About page, their website is hosted by a company called WPEngine, which I can’t verify because of the CloudFlare reverse proxy. But, it’s safe to say that they are probably not owned, or hosted by Google.

          • Shiro
            Shiro
            August 8, 2017 at 3:57 am | #

            No one likes a pedant.

            • hof1991
              hof1991
              August 8, 2017 at 9:51 am | #

              Everyone likes a pendant, just different pendants.

              • MatthewTheLucky
                MatthewTheLucky
                August 8, 2017 at 1:49 pm | #

                Not everyone wears necklaces.

          • LynziGraye
            LynziGraye
            August 8, 2017 at 9:51 am | #

            How about Mirriam-Webster, then?

            https://www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/bury-the-lede-versus-lead

      • Sarah Lea
        Sarah Lea
        August 8, 2017 at 1:20 am | #

        Just chiming in: My journalist (newspaper) husband also disagrees. (He gently, but emphatically, votes “Lede”; He’s also generally horribly apt to bury it. “Where is your journalistic training when I need it!?” – Me)

      • DSL
        DSL
        August 8, 2017 at 4:27 am | #

        The journalist term of art is “lede.” It’s internal jargon to avoid confusion with the word “lead” either as the verb or as the metal.
        And judging by the smoldering wreck that is the paper I used to be proud of working for, “burying the lede” isn’t the sin it once was.

      • N0083rp00F
        N0083rp00F
        August 8, 2017 at 11:40 am | #

        Not “Dropping the dead Donkey”?

        I remember that one from an old Britcoms I used to watch ages ago.
        You know, one of those comedy shows that get plagiarized by Hollywood, has the name changed, and idioted down for the American audience.

  12. Cattleprod
    Cattleprod
    August 8, 2017 at 12:04 am | #

    Huh, I guess that kills my theory, ‘brain parasites’. Unless it’s the parasites that are in love with this boy.

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      August 8, 2017 at 12:17 am | #

      Maybe the boy is actually just a very large brain parasite who learned to love…or just wants the quickest way to the brain through the mouth.

      • shammers
        shammers
        August 9, 2017 at 8:06 am | #

        This is definitely an episode of Rick and Morty. Mr poopybutthead!

    • Dean
      Dean
      August 8, 2017 at 12:33 am | #

      The brain parasites are transmitted by kissing.

      • Yotomoe
        Yotomoe
        August 8, 2017 at 12:38 am | #

        Why does no one teach about shit like this in sex ed?

        • BBCC
          BBCC
          August 8, 2017 at 12:44 am | #

          Dunno about you, but my high school did. Right after the part where your dick will fall off into an alternate dimension full of dogs ready to eat it, but right before ‘you’ll get knocked up and die’.

          • Delicious Taffy
            Delicious Taffy
            August 8, 2017 at 1:01 am | #

            That’s a Family Guy reference. I expect better from you.

            • Ferret
              Ferret
              August 8, 2017 at 1:06 am | #

              I’d argue it’s counterbalanced by the Mean Girls reference.

              • Delicious Taffy
                Delicious Taffy
                August 8, 2017 at 1:32 am | #

                Chlamydia, though…

            • BBCC
              BBCC
              August 8, 2017 at 2:04 am | #

              It’s an awful awful show, but it’s on right before Bob’s Burgers, I have a bad case of Bile Fascination, and that was just so over the top it fit my hyperbole perfectly.

    • Delicious Taffy
      Delicious Taffy
      August 8, 2017 at 12:44 am | #

      Mary ate a bad egg sandwich.

    • a/snow mous/e
      a/snow mous/e
      August 8, 2017 at 7:55 pm | #

      Brain parasites? What is this, Higurashi? :p

  13. Stephen Bierce
    Stephen Bierce
    August 8, 2017 at 12:04 am | #

    *plays The Power Station’s “Some Like It Hot” on the hacked Muzak*

  14. Tacos
    Tacos
    August 8, 2017 at 12:04 am | #

    Given Mary’s personality, I don’t think I want to know who’s the guy.

  15. Sam
    Sam
    August 8, 2017 at 12:04 am | #

    Joyce didn’t screw up in any harmful way! *Throws confetti*

  16. Shiro
    Shiro
    August 8, 2017 at 12:05 am | #

    So, taking bets on who the boy is. Someone we’ve seen? Someone from IU? Someone new?

    • DrWattson
      DrWattson
      August 8, 2017 at 12:08 am | #

      I’m calling it now: some one-off character from waaaaay back in, like, the Roomies!-era. That or someone completely new that has yet to be seen.

      • Shiro
        Shiro
        August 8, 2017 at 12:12 am | #

        Are there any spare Roomies characters we haven’t seen yet?

        • Opus the Poet
          Opus the Poet
          August 8, 2017 at 12:16 am | #

          Sober-nice Mike from the store on the other side of the mall from Shortpacked?

        • Regalli
          Regalli
          August 8, 2017 at 12:17 am | #

          Well there was Mary’s canonical fling dude, Peter Paul.

          • DrWattson
            DrWattson
            August 8, 2017 at 12:25 am | #

            Or maybe Eric AKA Uncharismatic Ryan North.

          • BBCC
            BBCC
            August 8, 2017 at 12:45 am | #

            We’re also seen her other beau, Eric running around.

            • Krys Brynhildr
              Krys Brynhildr
              August 8, 2017 at 12:54 am | #

              Having sex with Mike on the side even.

              • butting
                butting
                August 8, 2017 at 1:19 am | #

                Oooh, I like this candidate. Mary’s trying to Joyce him, without the first clue of how that worked out for either Joyce or Ethan?

                Except, of course, Mary’s the anti-Joyce, and there’s a calamity ahead.

                Alsoplus, Joyce: when your opponent is making a mistake, do not interrupt.

                • BBCC
                  BBCC
                  August 8, 2017 at 2:04 am | #

                  It’s also possible Eric’s into multiple genders.

      • lia47
        lia47
        August 8, 2017 at 12:13 am | #

        i bet reagan from shortpacked

    • Rectilinear Propagation
      Rectilinear Propagation
      August 8, 2017 at 12:14 am | #

      It isn’t anyone Joyce knows, otherwise she wouldn’t have said ‘the boy’.

    • Lingo
      Lingo
      August 8, 2017 at 12:18 am | #

      Without spoiling anything, there was at least one guy besides Danny that Mary showed interest in in the Walkyverse. So probably that guy.

      • zoelogical
        zoelogical
        August 8, 2017 at 12:44 am | #

        who was that guy

    • Kamino Neko
      Kamino Neko
      August 8, 2017 at 12:22 am | #

      Mike. In disguise. A moustache and ill-fitted wig.

      • Loki
        Loki
        August 8, 2017 at 1:40 am | #

        Your avatar is oddly appropriate for this guess.

        • MatthewTheLucky
          MatthewTheLucky
          August 8, 2017 at 2:00 pm | #

          Catgirl Tedd is always appropriate

          • Kamino Neko
            Kamino Neko
            August 8, 2017 at 5:38 pm | #

            You stole my line.

            (Also, given the sheer variety of things people make that comment in response to…we have objective proof that it’s true!)

      • ValdVin
        ValdVin
        August 8, 2017 at 5:14 am | #

        Preparing himself for the mustache ride?

        (I’ll show myself out.)

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      August 8, 2017 at 12:53 am | #

      It’s not Ryan is it?

      • Delicious Taffy
        Delicious Taffy
        August 8, 2017 at 1:03 am | #

        …Yes. It’s Ryan. Joyce reacted casually to him being in her hall.

        • Needfuldoer
          Needfuldoer
          August 8, 2017 at 2:03 am | #

          Maybe she didn’t recognize him after Amber carved his face off?

        • Plasma Mongoose
          Plasma Mongoose
          August 8, 2017 at 3:26 am | #

          I realized the flaw only a few minutes after I posted.

  17. Quartz Falcon
    Quartz Falcon
    August 8, 2017 at 12:06 am | #

    And thus ends the mystery of why Mary’s so chipper today. Yeah, it’s really not related to any major offscreen change.

    • Orion Fury
      Orion Fury
      August 8, 2017 at 12:14 am | #

      Her publicly making out with someone isn’t a major offscreen change? Well I do tend to have a memory like a goldfish…

      • Swissaboo
        Swissaboo
        August 8, 2017 at 1:18 am | #

        Well, I mean it wasn’t EXPLICITLY stated as something she was okay with but uh, I think you might have been basically the only person taking her at her word when it came to any of her OWN behavior.

        • Orion Fury
          Orion Fury
          August 8, 2017 at 12:16 pm | #

          Yeah that sounds about right.

  18. Just Here
    Just Here
    August 8, 2017 at 12:06 am | #

    Damn. Guess I called it. Yay me?

    (I am revolted by the correctness of my smartass guess.)

    • JessWitt
      JessWitt
      August 8, 2017 at 7:36 am | #

      As penance for revolting us, you must distribute enough donuts for all the commenters here.

      • Clif
        Clif
        August 8, 2017 at 11:14 am | #

        Yes. Yes. It’s mandatory.

  19. Chromacandi
    Chromacandi
    August 8, 2017 at 12:06 am | #

    I kneewwww it

  20. Alex Boston
    Alex Boston
    August 8, 2017 at 12:07 am | #

    I’m guessing the boy in question has blond hair and enjoys messing with people.

    • Some1
      Some1
      August 8, 2017 at 12:08 am | #

      Joyce knows who Mike is, besides he’s to busy collecting nickels

      • Yumi
        Yumi
        August 8, 2017 at 12:10 am | #

        Mike but in a disguise

        • Shiro
          Shiro
          August 8, 2017 at 12:21 am | #

          Mike but wearing a dollar store fake mustache

          • WWWdotGun
            WWWdotGun
            August 8, 2017 at 1:38 am | #

            Mike piloting a holographic Joyce projection spreading rumors and lies. The girls walk past Joyce and out onto the building’s steps, and Joyce is back out there, still looking at her phone. They exclaim in shock, and just as they do so, Mary runs past, still crooning about God’s love. Look back up, and Mike is there. He is there.

  21. Opus the Poet
    Opus the Poet
    August 8, 2017 at 12:08 am | #

    Hormones activated. Do you think this might be the first time post-puberty for Mary?

    • Delicious Taffy
      Delicious Taffy
      August 8, 2017 at 12:38 am | #

      I imagine Mary’s libido as being similar to Broly. Nice and calm, most of the time. But under very specific circumstances, a rampaging demon is unleashed, laying waste to everything in her path, until nothing stands between her and pounding her target into an early grave.

      • Rukduk
        Rukduk
        August 8, 2017 at 11:49 am | #

        So Mary’s the Dumbing of Age Universe’s Kale?

        • Delicious Taffy
          Delicious Taffy
          August 8, 2017 at 3:47 pm | #

          Absolutely not. Kale is nothing like Mary.

          For one thing, she has confidence issues, which Mary notably lacks. For another, I really doubt you’d find Kale making out with a guy. Unless I’m completely misunderstanding her dynamic with Caulifla…

  22. RogueParasol
    RogueParasol
    August 8, 2017 at 12:08 am | #

    Billee and Carla’s faces in panel 5 are absolutely glorious. I don’t wish Mary on anyone, especially Carla, especially especially after Carla so eloquently laid out what a mess it would have been, BUT…now that Carla seems to be safe, I’m glad we were led to the expressions in Panel 5.

  23. pjeseb
    pjeseb
    August 8, 2017 at 12:08 am | #

    Joyce prefers the direct approach, I see.

  24. Emperor Norton II
    Emperor Norton II
    August 8, 2017 at 12:08 am | #

    Back from a very nice but very uneventful trip to the hills of Virginia. I mean, they called it mountains, but let’s be honest, they were hills. Nice hills, though. Reminded me of the flatter parts of Norway.

    And because I’ve been quiet, I am agog to splurge in and do my little recap comment, but first:

    Cerberus, I’m so happy that things eventually worked out for you and your fiancé. I’m sorry I could not be here when things were at its darkest, but I’m glad that so many others were. That’s the nice thing about a big (internet) family; if one is missing, others can pick up the slack.

    So anyway, Joe was probably for the first time in his life saying “blowjob” and not actually trying to be sexual about it… Shut up, you know what I mean. Naturally, the comment field discusses the real Blowjob Cat. At length. Because we’re apparently all a bunch of teenagers.

    (I’m not at all upset that I missed being in all those discussions.)

    Next, Walky Walkies it up with Billie. Some moments of goodness, and then the goofball act ruining it. Now, Walky is in no way stupid, and one day, he might even realise that Billlie in panel four was a Billie actually willing to talk properly to him for once; and at that particular moment, that could have led to quite a breakthrough in their (family) relationship.

    And then, Mary is suddenly being way too happy about things. Thankfully, Carla shoots down one of the theories on why she’s happy, because Carla is a motherfucking goddess.

    In the comment field, people are trying to discuss the relative disgustingness of offering a half-eaten donut, even going so far as to indicate that Mary might have broken off her half. You people are weird weirdoes. For one thing, nobody would ever willingly share a donut. Not even with their loved ones lying on a death bed asking for a last bite.

    Finally, Joyce is now getting involved in the whole “Why is Mary happy”… And it turns out that Satan’s offspring had simply found a Deepspawn of the Elder Gods to smooch with. This will probably herald the beginning of the DoA End Times.

    Also, Bagge is clearly trying to hide it, but he’s not holding it together well. After all, the last Becky appearance was on the 1st of July, and he must be having some serious Becky withdrawal issues by now. I imagine him sitting in the dark, clutching a red wig as if it was the only thing keeping him alive….

    • Orion Fury
      Orion Fury
      August 8, 2017 at 12:17 am | #

      Wow, over a month? I wonder, aside from side characters like Galasso, has been longer?

      • Emperor Norton II
        Emperor Norton II
        August 8, 2017 at 12:27 am | #

        Well, Dorothy’s -also- been over a month now, though still slightly shorter than Becky. So those are two of the -main- main cast that has not gotten screen time in some time.

        • Orion Fury
          Orion Fury
          August 8, 2017 at 12:34 am | #

          But we have seen alot of her old pallette swap, so that probably why I didn’t remember her. I’m also curious/concerned as to what’s been going on with Mike as well; last I recall he was in the middle of some kind of jerkass jerk plan to jerk around with Danny and Ethan.

          • DrWattson
            DrWattson
            August 8, 2017 at 12:54 am | #

            I’m pretty sure the last time we saw Mike, he was forcing Amber out from behind a tree.

            • Emperor Norton II
              Emperor Norton II
              August 8, 2017 at 1:16 am | #

              Indeed. And Mike is not -main- main cast anyway.

              • Clif
                Clif
                August 8, 2017 at 11:17 am | #

                Head Canon rejected.

        • Bagge
          Bagge
          August 8, 2017 at 4:27 pm | #

          It’s not like I miss Dorothy too or anything…

    • Shiro
      Shiro
      August 8, 2017 at 12:19 am | #

      I would like to note for the record that this storyline actually prompted me to eat a frosted cake donut for the first time in years. Conclusion: pleasant, but not as much so as yeast donuts.

    • Bagge
      Bagge
      August 8, 2017 at 12:20 am | #

      SHUT UP, I’M NOT READING ABOUT DINOSAURS AND WEEPING. YOU ARE READING ABOUT DINOSAURS AND WEEPING.

      Yeah, I once brought my cousins from northern Sweden to the largest mountain of southern Sweden. They stood next to it and desperately tried to turn their neck in every direction at once to find this “mountain” I was talking about. All they could see was a little hill…

      • Orion Fury
        Orion Fury
        August 8, 2017 at 12:24 am | #

        /looks around for camera

      • Emperor Norton II
        Emperor Norton II
        August 8, 2017 at 12:31 am | #

        Oh, maybe I should not have mentioned that Becky has not been in this comic for over a month now. How to fix this…

        HEY BAGGE, I AM VERY SORRY FOR REMINDING YOU THAT BECKY HAS NOT BEEN IN THIS COMIC FOR 37 DAYS AND COUNTING!

        There, that should do it.

        • Delicious Taffy
          Delicious Taffy
          August 8, 2017 at 12:41 am | #

          That’s not too bad a wait. It’s about how long I had to wait between Day of the Dumpster‘s release and my own birth.

          • Emperor Norton II
            Emperor Norton II
            August 8, 2017 at 1:12 am | #

            You were born waiting for Power Rangers?

            • Delicious Taffy
              Delicious Taffy
              August 8, 2017 at 1:30 am | #

              More like the show came out and I got impatient to be born. Nearly asphyxiated on the way out, in my haste.

              • Emperor Norton II
                Emperor Norton II
                August 8, 2017 at 2:47 am | #

                Power Rangers? More like Power Baby Killers, am I right?

                • Delicious Taffy
                  Delicious Taffy
                  August 8, 2017 at 4:08 am | #

                  You’d think so, to hear some anti-fans talk about it.

    • Cerberus
      Cerberus
      August 8, 2017 at 12:53 am | #

      Ah thanks. It’s been an emotionally draining month so far.

      • Emperor Norton II
        Emperor Norton II
        August 8, 2017 at 2:14 am | #

        I can only imagine… Stay in there, Cerb. The world needs you, even if it needs to work harder before it deserves you.

    • zoelogical
      zoelogical
      August 8, 2017 at 12:58 am | #

      !!!! things worked out with cerebrus and her fiancee??? yay!

      • Cerberus
        Cerberus
        August 8, 2017 at 1:32 am | #

        I’m glad too. Thanks to you and everyone who kept me functional when I thought it had all fallen apart.

    • Vulcanodon
      Vulcanodon
      August 8, 2017 at 7:58 am | #

      OMG, Emperor, I had the same reaction many years ago when I moved to East Tennessee from Washington state. “That’s Buffalo Mountain” they said. “It’s a bump” I said. It was an educational experience. I learned that Southerners are not necessary interested in a Yankee’s opinion of their topography.

    • CoMa
      CoMa
      August 8, 2017 at 3:22 pm | #

      As everything besides that has already been addressed (I think):
      I beg to differ, I’ve shared donuts with my most beloved friends on several occasions (e.g. cutting one up into thirds to divide four donuts onto three people).

  25. Vinny
    Vinny
    August 8, 2017 at 12:09 am | #

    Seriously? All Mary needed to happy the f**k up was a little male attention?
    Please, let her turn into an infatuated ditz. Or total wanton nympho. Or both.

    • Shiro
      Shiro
      August 8, 2017 at 12:13 am | #

      Let’s not.

      • Yumi
        Yumi
        August 8, 2017 at 12:14 am | #

        Yeeeeaaahhh…

        • Emperor Norton II
          Emperor Norton II
          August 8, 2017 at 12:16 am | #

          Let’s just say that the last time Willis did a storyline like that… was the -last- time he would do a storyline like that.

          • Orion Fury
            Orion Fury
            August 8, 2017 at 12:21 am | #

            From what I’ve seen, the ‘You need to get Laid’ trope has no middle ground for people.

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      August 8, 2017 at 12:19 am | #

      I’m pretty unhappy but if I got some positive attention I’m sure I’d be pretty stoked.
      Unless I got the attention because they’re kicking my ass or laughing at me or something.

      • Gamaran Sepudomyn
        Gamaran Sepudomyn
        August 8, 2017 at 5:00 am | #

        Your definition of “positive” is a strange one.

      • thejeff
        thejeff
        August 8, 2017 at 8:29 am | #

        Part of the problem is we (and the characters in comic) have been talking about it in terms of “happy” and “unhappy”, but that’s not really the shift – or not all of it. It’s been from “mean” to “nice”. We’ve seen Mary happy before. It wasn’t pleasant. We haven’t seen her nice.

    • TemperaryObsessor
      TemperaryObsessor
      August 8, 2017 at 5:12 am | #

      Mary likely sees finding a good Christian boy as her end goal in college. So for her this is sort of like getting straight As. Plus this is likely the only positive attention she got in a while.

  26. Passchendaele
    Passchendaele
    August 8, 2017 at 12:10 am | #

    She would’ve come back to tell them sooner if she hadn’t been busy watching, from around the corner of the hallway, mary kiss her bf. But hooray, mystery solved! :p

    • UniqueSnowflake2
      UniqueSnowflake2
      August 8, 2017 at 12:13 am | #

      Solved? No, mystery deepened!

      • Passchendaele
        Passchendaele
        August 8, 2017 at 12:18 am | #

        ehhh, it could totally be her IW! love interest, schtuppenstein (yeah I probably got it wrong, you try spelling his name), though I think he already has a gf and that was before mary went all hearts and flowers on everybody. He could’ve always broken up and became mary’s bf, but that tells me this relationship won’t last long, and it’ll be ugly when it burns down.

        • thejeff
          thejeff
          August 8, 2017 at 8:25 am | #

          An interesting possibility – especially since that Eric Schtuppenstein(sp?) was most recently seen in DoA after schtupping Mike as part of Mike toying with Ethan. If it’s him, it’ll be fun seeing how Mary reacts to him cheating on her with a boy. Nice way to solidify her homophobia.

  27. DinaWho
    DinaWho
    August 8, 2017 at 12:12 am | #

    Why do I feel like Joyce’s approach here is similar to the one Dina might have taken.

    • Bagge
      Bagge
      August 8, 2017 at 12:14 am | #

      A bit too direct for Dina – after all, we have seen how she approached a similar situation

      http://www.dumbingofage.com/2015/comic/book-5/04-walking-with-dina/haunted/

      • DinaWho
        DinaWho
        August 8, 2017 at 4:26 pm | #

        True, though in that case Dina’s instructions were to observe, not ask outright.

  28. Bagge
    Bagge
    August 8, 2017 at 12:12 am | #

    As I walked down the corridors I thought about what I have learnt. Mary. The boy she was smooching. Billie and Ruth (who were totally in love). How did it all fit together? The case was closed (Mary was totally in love), but I couldn’t help to feel that there were pieces I was missing. That the jigsaw I had solved was part of a larger jigsaw. One with 500 pieces and the box picture missing. And not of a cute kitten, either.

    But that was future Joyce’s problem. Today I returned to my dorm room, to my lolipop and the monkey master poster. There are people out there who don’t believe in a happily ever after, but I’m not one of them. The road to love can take us strange places, but it’s always worth it. I should know because I’m Joyce Brown – the love detective, and this dorm is my beat.

  29. DailyBrad
    DailyBrad
    August 8, 2017 at 12:12 am | #

    Well, I’m pretty sure I have a crush on Carla. She may yet have need for a catapult suit.

    Kidding aside, guessing it’s someone Joyce doesn’t know, or she’d have said. I also don’t know if we even know any guys who would date her.
    (Even if it had been Joe, like some have conjectured, Joyce would have likely reacted differently, and additionally, I don’t know if Mary would date a Jewish guy.)

  30. Kernanator
    Kernanator
    August 8, 2017 at 12:13 am | #

    Gosh, I wonder who this mysterious person she likes could be.

    • UniqueSnowflake2
      UniqueSnowflake2
      August 8, 2017 at 12:15 am | #

      Is he visiting from “Canada”?

      • Plasma Mongoose
        Plasma Mongoose
        August 8, 2017 at 12:57 am | #

        A leaf?! EGADS!

  31. DarkoNeko
    DarkoNeko
    August 8, 2017 at 12:13 am | #

    huum… Joyce…

  32. Yotomoe
    Yotomoe
    August 8, 2017 at 12:14 am | #

    I have to imagine Mary say “oh, yes there is” in a very uncharacteristically lusty voice for Mary.

    • Bagge
      Bagge
      August 8, 2017 at 12:16 am | #

      There was a smirk. I’m sure there was a smirk.

      • Some1
        Some1
        August 8, 2017 at 12:24 am | #

        Her left hand was lustfully draped over the guys shoulder

        • Delicious Taffy
          Delicious Taffy
          August 8, 2017 at 12:29 am | #

          Good lord, his shoulder!?

  33. Griffin
    Griffin
    August 8, 2017 at 12:14 am | #

    I still don’t see how Mary’s happiness = better treatment for people she’s awful to, so I’m still waiting for the bad part of all this.

    • Goblin Scribe
      Goblin Scribe
      August 8, 2017 at 12:22 am | #

      Well, I mean, abusive people tend to use abuse as a coping mechanism to handle their own distress (which is why I don’t think there are any excuses for it—plenty of people have worse stress but find better mechanisms). So it’s perfectly possible that Mary being in a good mood leads her to be less abusive.

      But yeah, I really want to know who the guy is.

      • Sam
        Sam
        August 8, 2017 at 2:14 am | #

        I wouldn’t say abuse is a coping mechanism (as many of the things they do have very little to do with how they feel at the moment and more to do with establishing control and desired reactions) but you are correct in that there are no excuses for it and that a good mood could decrease how wrathful someone feels for a while.

    • Regalli
      Regalli
      August 8, 2017 at 12:25 am | #

      So far she’s been too busy being happy to remember she hates their existence (assuming this isn’t a long con), but yeah I give it a week tops before she’s back to Mary. Still, that’ll be the most pleasant week anyone in the dorm has that semester. (I know Roz wants out of her room, but I bet MARY wants out of that hall and back with ‘good’ people eventually. … people like that have to get tired of being outraged by our existence eventually, right?)

    • thejeff
      thejeff
      August 8, 2017 at 8:35 am | #

      Yeah, I don’t believe it either. A boyfriend might make her happy, but isn’t likely to make her change her basic attitude towards people she’s been hating. Distract her from her plans, maybe. Be generally nicer, maybe.
      Specifically be all overfriendly with the perverts and freaks? Not a chance.

      • TemperaryObsessor
        TemperaryObsessor
        August 8, 2017 at 10:42 am | #

        He might have short term convinced her be kind to your enemies and let God be in charge of punishing them. People rarely change long term on a whim though so expect things to be back to normal in a week or two.

    • hof1991
      hof1991
      August 8, 2017 at 9:55 am | #

      There’s an opportunity cost. Each minute she spents on smooches is one less she can spend on other things.

      Like we should encourage Trump to tweet, since that’s less destructive than some things he could be doing.

  34. SargeAbernathy
    SargeAbernathy
    August 8, 2017 at 12:15 am | #

    Oh lord, please let it be Faz. 😀 That would make my day.

    • Shiro
      Shiro
      August 8, 2017 at 12:16 am | #

      …pretty sure he’s underage in this continuity.

      • BBCC
        BBCC
        August 8, 2017 at 12:17 am | #

        Yeaaaaahh, he’s like 17 and also doesn’t seem to live in town.

    • Emperor Norton II
      Emperor Norton II
      August 8, 2017 at 12:17 am | #

      …

      …

      …

      You’re a really weird person, aren’t you?

  35. Cerberus
    Cerberus
    August 8, 2017 at 12:20 am | #

    Comic Reactions:

    Panel 1: Oh man, I feel Carla’s existential dread here, because it’s one of those things that would just fit 2017. Like, I’ve definitely had runs where I’ve been, surely that isn’t what’s about to happen, but then I think about this year and it feels like my most cynical isn’t quite enough.

    So yeah, I can definitely feel Carla just going “ah, fuck, it’s the apocalypse, of course the transphobic bigot who wants me dead has a crush on me”.

    Panels 2-4: I love Joyce’s innocence and absolute lack of tact sometimes. Like, in actual reality, this is super rude, but Joyce makes it seem relatively endearing like this nervous little churchmouse inching up to ask two making out people whether or not there is someone they are interested in as if it wasn’t obvious.

    Panel 5: And it breaks Billie. Like Carla is just like “thanks for freaking me out” and Ruth is like “wait, is she serious”, but Billie is just like “what, why, what is happening, I-I-I-”

    Panel 6: And precious cinnamon roll Joyce still does the minimal reaction like “gosh, that was an awkward situation”. You just have to love her and this interaction is absolutely hilarious.

    Panel 3: And poor Carla in this panel. Like, linking back to panel 1, she’s clearly thinking this is part of the unending hell portal that is 2017 and is just like “no, I will fucking build a catapult suit to launch myself off the earth if I have to”.

    I want half the confidence that Carla has and strength in defending her boundaries and her wants.

    Also, does anyone have any idea if Mary is seeing someone or not? This vague storytelling is really throwing me for a loop.

    • Shiro
      Shiro
      August 8, 2017 at 12:26 am | #

      I am 100% stealing “I will build myself a goddamn catapult suit” as a retort for “I reject everything about this situation”

    • Derek
      Derek
      August 8, 2017 at 12:27 am | #

      before this there was never any hint of Mary seeing anyone, you haven’t missed anything

      • Emperor Norton II
        Emperor Norton II
        August 8, 2017 at 12:33 am | #

        Cerb is being silly about today’s strip. Like, is today’s strip giving us any hints of Mary seeing someone? I mean, it’s very vague and unspecific, don’t you agree? Especially panel four.

        • Cerberus
          Cerberus
          August 8, 2017 at 12:54 am | #

          Panel 4 is extra confusing. Like, why is she bringing up some boy. Does this boy know if Mary has a crush on someone? /silliness

        • Derek
          Derek
          August 8, 2017 at 2:09 pm | #

          oh, I didn’t recognize the sarcasm

      • Cerberus
        Cerberus
        August 8, 2017 at 12:54 am | #

        Sorry, I was making a joke. 🙁

        • BBCC
          BBCC
          August 8, 2017 at 2:05 am | #

          I thought it was funny.

    • Regalli
      Regalli
      August 8, 2017 at 12:29 am | #

      I don’t think she’s indicated it, but then the last time we saw Mary with someone she wasn’t antagonizing pre-this was years ago.

    • Li
      Li
      August 8, 2017 at 1:25 pm | #

      I was so relieved for Carla and also I love all the girls’ reaction faces and Joyce here. Just, many <3s

  36. Puckish Rogue
    Puckish Rogue
    August 8, 2017 at 12:20 am | #

    Wonder if her guy is the guy Mike had sexy times with?

    • Delicious Taffy
      Delicious Taffy
      August 8, 2017 at 12:26 am | #

      Maric 4 lyfe

    • thejeff
      thejeff
      August 8, 2017 at 8:37 am | #

      That is the boy she screwed (and got pregnant) back in IW!

      • Delicious Taffy
        Delicious Taffy
        August 8, 2017 at 10:44 am | #

        She got Eric pregnant?

  37. Yotomoe
    Yotomoe
    August 8, 2017 at 12:21 am | #

    Mary kissing a boy, before marriage. IS NOTHING SACRED? She’s not even wearing her wristbands anymore! Next you’re gonna tell me she gets dressed before noon.

    • Orion Fury
      Orion Fury
      August 8, 2017 at 12:23 am | #

      There are people who get dressed before noon? Willingly?

      • Yotomoe
        Yotomoe
        August 8, 2017 at 12:28 am | #

        Yes. Contrary to Roz and Joe who get undressed before noon. Willingly.

        • Orion Fury
          Orion Fury
          August 8, 2017 at 12:30 am | #

          It’s always noon somewhere?

          • Delicious Taffy
            Delicious Taffy
            August 8, 2017 at 3:41 pm | #

            “Well… It’s high noon somewhere in the world.”

            • MatthewTheLucky
              MatthewTheLucky
              August 8, 2017 at 8:32 pm | #

              Only once an hour.

              • boop
                boop
                August 8, 2017 at 11:47 pm | #

                if we’re talking noon o’clock, then every half-hour or hour would be correct
                if we’re talking high noon, when the sun is at its highest point in the sky, then it’s a line that rolls around the earth constantly
                /pedant

  38. Cmd1095
    Cmd1095
    August 8, 2017 at 12:21 am | #

    Joyce felt awkward during her matchmaking activities, dear god how intense was that making out?

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      August 8, 2017 at 12:33 am | #

      Slobber everywhere. Everything was being grabbed.

      • Dusk Rain
        Dusk Rain
        August 8, 2017 at 10:08 am | #

        HANKIES were being PANKED, that’s how awkward it was.

  39. Derek
    Derek
    August 8, 2017 at 12:22 am | #

    so in the original Roomies Mary got pregnant from fooling around, it was kind of written as a comeuppance for being a judgemental binch and a hypocrite

    While I don’t think modern Willis would ever use pregnancy as punishment, I’m kind of massively curious to know how this universe’s Mary would react to it.

    • Krys Brynhildr
      Krys Brynhildr
      August 8, 2017 at 1:03 am | #

      Regardless, its one of those other little “Mary is a total hypocrite in secret” thing. Well, I mean not as much of one as if she was smootching girls in secret I guess…but still.

      • Delicious Taffy
        Delicious Taffy
        August 8, 2017 at 1:06 am | #

        How is tongue-punching some guy’s tonsils hypocritical?

        • Cmd1095
          Cmd1095
          August 8, 2017 at 3:13 am | #

          she’s all about the purity and the whole extreme religious no premarital intimacy nonsense. I think kissing might be allowed for the fundies but knowing Mary it probably isn’t

      • thejeff
        thejeff
        August 8, 2017 at 8:39 am | #

        If she was doing it where Joyce could just walk up and interrupt and then went right back to it, it wasn’t particularly “in secret”.

    • Needfuldoer
      Needfuldoer
      August 8, 2017 at 2:13 am | #

      DoA’s comparatively glacial pace would make this a long plot thread. Even if this is the morning after, it would probably take Mary at least week or two to find out. On average we’re watching an in-universe week go by about every real-time year, even with skips.

    • Li
      Li
      August 8, 2017 at 4:20 pm | #

      Willis is on record as regretting literally everything about this storyline, yeah.

  40. Bagge
    Bagge
    August 8, 2017 at 12:24 am | #

    I can really see being interrupted by Joyce mid-smooching to be asked if you there is someone you like being a non-strange occurrence in Clark wing. People are growing accustomed to their little busy-body.

    • Regalli
      Regalli
      August 8, 2017 at 12:35 am | #

      Yeah from anyone else they’d be surprised, but… Joyce.

  41. Blackbird
    Blackbird
    August 8, 2017 at 12:26 am | #

    Panel 5 –
    Ruth: “The fuck’s wrong with you, Joyce?”
    Carla: “Ugh! I’m picturing it! Why can’t I unpicture it?!”
    Billie: “We’re sorry; you have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service. If you feel you have reached this recording in error, please check the number and try your call again.”

    • Orion Fury
      Orion Fury
      August 8, 2017 at 12:29 am | #

      Ow, my ribs for the Billie one.

  42. m-m
    m-m
    August 8, 2017 at 12:27 am | #

    #TagYourself I am Ruth’s right eyebrow of incredulity

    • Some1
      Some1
      August 8, 2017 at 1:14 am | #

      I am Ruth’s armpit (not heavily featured, oftentimes smelly and in constant darkness)

    • TheGrammarLegionary
      TheGrammarLegionary
      August 8, 2017 at 3:00 am | #

      I am Joyce in panel 6 (supremely awkward, but oddly at peace with it).

  43. Orion Fury
    Orion Fury
    August 8, 2017 at 12:28 am | #

    And I just wanna take a moment here to compliment our God-Figure for his artistic skill, the level of detail for facial expressions and body designs, stylistic choices for clothes and settings. Great stuff.

  44. @zombieundergrnd
    @zombieundergrnd
    August 8, 2017 at 12:28 am | #

    What is a catapult suit? And why?

    • Orion Fury
      Orion Fury
      August 8, 2017 at 12:35 am | #

      Our place is not to challenge it, only accept its inevitability.

    • BenRG
      BenRG
      August 8, 2017 at 2:08 am | #

      Basically, a stuntman’s suit with bungee cords attached to the torso. You connect the cords around a suitable anchor point, walk back as far as you can and then let to to be sent flying through the air! If you need to get out of a situation or location quickly, the Catapult Suit is a quick and visually dramatic as well as breathtakingly impractical and dangerous way to do it!

      Yes, you can see that I’ve thought of haivng just such a creation myself, can’t you?

      • Delicious Taffy
        Delicious Taffy
        August 8, 2017 at 3:58 pm | #

        Okay, but how does it launch you, without the bungees staying securely fixed and just slamming you back down at high speed? Seems like a suicide suit, to me.

        • boop
          boop
          August 8, 2017 at 11:50 pm | #

          maybe you have a quick-release mechanism for the anchors

          • merbrat
            merbrat
            August 9, 2017 at 3:13 pm | #

            I would go olde-skool, with a giant sling-shot! The anchor points need to be up high, to avoid the (too-soon) ground splat.

    • Needfuldoer
      Needfuldoer
      August 8, 2017 at 2:15 am | #

      A suit made of catapults, of course.

    • Some Guy
      Some Guy
      August 8, 2017 at 9:04 am | #

      Ben already provided what I’m sure is the objectively correct answer, but I got some fun results Googling “catapult suit.” Mostly Gundam launching mechanisms (like how jets are launched off of aircraft carriers) and heavy-duty wrist-mounted slingshots. And one Shutterstock image of a businessman being launched over a chasm by a catapult.

      While these results were fun, perhaps they reveal some of Google’s limitations.

  45. Mr D
    Mr D
    August 8, 2017 at 12:33 am | #

    CALLED IT.
    She happy because she getting it on.

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      August 8, 2017 at 12:38 am | #

      Counterpoint.
      She’s happy because she’s getting off.

      • Delicious Taffy
        Delicious Taffy
        August 8, 2017 at 12:43 am | #

        She’s actually happy because he’s going down.

        • Foxhack
          Foxhack
          August 8, 2017 at 12:45 am | #

          Or she’s getting it in the butt, ’cause that doesn’t count as premarital sex. To some.

          • Emperor Norton II
            Emperor Norton II
            August 8, 2017 at 12:48 am | #

            This song:

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8ZF_R_j0OY

          • Delicious Taffy
            Delicious Taffy
            August 8, 2017 at 1:08 am | #

            Point taken. I’d be pretty happy after that, too.

            No, not that part, get your mind out of the gutter.

            • Delicious Taffy
              Delicious Taffy
              August 8, 2017 at 8:24 am | #

              Okay, fine, that part.

    • newllend(henryvolt)
      newllend(henryvolt)
      August 8, 2017 at 1:14 am | #

      Some people just need to get laid I guess.

  46. Gaia
    Gaia
    August 8, 2017 at 12:41 am | #

    The twist, the boy is really a satanist.

    • Eldritch Gentleman
      Eldritch Gentleman
      August 8, 2017 at 3:53 am | #

      Oh please, please tell me he is looking for a virgin to sacrifice.

      • Gaia
        Gaia
        August 8, 2017 at 8:06 am | #

        Nah, corrupt, then “bride of satan”.

        The twist after that, is that Carla now rules hell, so Satan is Carlas slave, and by extension Mary.

        • Dusk Rain
          Dusk Rain
          August 8, 2017 at 10:14 am | #

          A) I love that image and fully support her rule and b) she *now* rules hell? Is this a recent development? (Heh, devil-opment) I’d have thought our motherfucking goddess would be unconstrained by silly things like the space time continuum.

  47. Keulan
    Keulan
    August 8, 2017 at 12:43 am | #

    Joyce is the best detective ever. And now I’m wondering which male character would want to date someone like Mary.

  48. Foxhack
    Foxhack
    August 8, 2017 at 12:44 am | #

    I think Satan goes to college in Indiana. Who else could tolerate Mary?

    Also, continuing the thread from a couple of days ago, I’m still hella confused by bagels.

  49. QueerBitch
    QueerBitch
    August 8, 2017 at 12:50 am | #

    I want to be surprised that someone is with Mary…but on a college campus there are a lot more men willing to fuck anyone then there are women so…

  50. Victor Riley
    Victor Riley
    August 8, 2017 at 12:56 am | #

    Had this storyline been a few months ago, there would have been a great possibility that the “boy” was scar-cheek Ryan. But, as he’s currently breathing through a tube, I guess the reveal won’t be that shocking.

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      August 8, 2017 at 1:33 am | #

      If you really think about it…we’re all breathing through a tube.

      • Eldritch Gentleman
        Eldritch Gentleman
        August 8, 2017 at 3:54 am | #

        Not his own tube, government owned tube.

        • Yotomoe
          Yotomoe
          August 8, 2017 at 4:04 am | #

          If you really think about it, the government kinda owns our tubes.

          • Eldritch Gentleman
            Eldritch Gentleman
            August 8, 2017 at 5:03 am | #

            Not if we make our own country in the middle of the sea!
            Unless we sit on oil, then US Marines will annex us.

      • John
        John
        August 8, 2017 at 9:35 am | #

        Especially in DoA, where most people have big nose-tubes instead of nostrils.

  51. Brute
    Brute
    August 8, 2017 at 1:08 am | #

    Joyce is wonderful and i platonically love her.
    also several other characters who aren’t relevant here.
    also carla.

  52. sylvestrus
    sylvestrus
    August 8, 2017 at 1:14 am | #

    I really appreciate Joyce’s makeouts hand gesture.

    • Loki
      Loki
      August 8, 2017 at 1:47 am | #

      I made this gesture with my hands and giggled like a school girl.

    • VeryCreativeUsername
      VeryCreativeUsername
      August 8, 2017 at 3:54 am | #

      Joyce has the best mimics and gestures of all the characters. ALL OF THEM!

  53. Reltzik
    Reltzik
    August 8, 2017 at 1:15 am | #

    Joyce Brown, Super-Sleuth.

  54. Danni
    Danni
    August 8, 2017 at 1:27 am | #

    guesses on who the guy is?

    • BenRG
      BenRG
      August 8, 2017 at 2:14 am | #

      A random non-cast member. We may never actually meet the guy; me many not even be a student. What matters is that Mary has a boyfriend and she’s suddenly mostly sweetness and light. I say ‘mostly’ because she very obviously still likes needling people. She’s just less sadistically determined to cause pain, misery and death.

      This raises questions about precisely what Mary’s motivation may have been. It might have been close to what I think is Mike’s motivation: “The world makes me miserable and angry; everyone else ought to be miserable and angry too. If they aren’t, I’ll make them miserable and angry!”

      • Reltzik
        Reltzik
        August 8, 2017 at 4:12 am | #

        Given that they were in a relationship back in Roomies, I’d put even odds on it being this guy.

        • BenRG
          BenRG
          August 8, 2017 at 4:17 am | #

          Which means that Mary’s SO is likely bisexual. I wonder, is he cheating on her with Mike or was Mike dumping him the thing that made him leap into Mary’s arms? Does Mary… owe a debt to Mike’s manipulatively malign behaviour?

          • Reltzik
            Reltzik
            August 8, 2017 at 4:25 am | #

            Given that Ethan says he has a girlfriend already, and it’s only been a few days since…

            …okay, sure, maybe his previous girlfriend dumped her and he hooked up with Mary which is why she’s suddenly so cheerful…

            … huh, that could be possible.

  55. WingedBeast
    WingedBeast
    August 8, 2017 at 1:36 am | #

    Remember back when I thought Mary and Danny hooked up?

    …

    Are we afraid, now?

    • ScarvesandCelery
      ScarvesandCelery
      August 8, 2017 at 4:57 am | #

      I’m fairly sure Joyce would recognise Danny – she has met him before.

      • WingedBeast
        WingedBeast
        August 8, 2017 at 10:00 am | #

        Depends on how much of him she saw this time.

  56. Jake
    Jake
    August 8, 2017 at 1:45 am | #

    What a wacky sitcom moment. You can almost hear the laugh track.

  57. Lawzlo
    Lawzlo
    August 8, 2017 at 1:54 am | #

    Plot twist: Mary’s boyfriend turns out to be a transgendered man. Maybe Mary knows and that’s what changed her attitude towards Carla, or maybe she doesn’t, yet, and when she finds out, things get very, very interesting.

    This… is probably not it, but I’m just taking a wild shot in the dark here.

    • Some1
      Some1
      August 8, 2017 at 1:57 am | #

      It’s a version of Carla from an alternate universe where everyone’s sex and genders are reversed

      • Scar Man!!!
        Scar Man!!!
        August 8, 2017 at 6:41 am | #

        Then Carl would be a transgender man

        • Dusk Rain
          Dusk Rain
          August 8, 2017 at 10:21 am | #

          It *would* be cool to see myself represented, though he’d also have to be nonbinary for added effectiveness. But then I’d have to ask why is my representation kissing Mary. (All of this is humor, please don’t take seriously.)

  58. BenRG
    BenRG
    August 8, 2017 at 2:04 am | #

    JOYCE!

    Honey, you’re a sweet, wonderful and good woman but you seriously need a grafting on of common sense! What on Earth made you think that this would be the right thing to do?

    FWIW, from panel 3, I think that Carla was worried that Mary had a crush on her too!

  59. SlothfulCobra
    SlothfulCobra
    August 8, 2017 at 2:06 am | #

    Back in Roomies, Mary bonin’ a dude was a big hypocritical move that totally betrayed her world view and morals, but here it’s…who cares? There haven’t been any diatribes on waiting until marriage to have sex or anything. There’s barely been criticism in this series on alcohol, provided you don’t drink into a coma.

    • Cephalo the Pod
      Cephalo the Pod
      August 8, 2017 at 10:45 am | #

      I think the hypocrisy is implied. Like, we all know about all those Fundamentalists who are so adamant about chastity. Mary doesn’t need to preach it specifically for us to know that it’s part of her doctrine.

      • Council
        Council
        August 8, 2017 at 2:25 pm | #

        Fundamentalism is not so clear and cut, though. No christian denomination agrees on everything. That’s why they exist as separate organizations with varying degrees of communion.
        It is entirely possible this Mary is from a denom/sect that cares for Stereotypical Fundie Bullshit X but not Z.

  60. smarties
    smarties
    August 8, 2017 at 2:36 am | #

    Today and yesterday’s comic strip panels have cemented Joyce as the fave. Something I was never prepared for when I started reading this comic in 2013. But it is just so perfect.

  61. Eldritch Gentleman
    Eldritch Gentleman
    August 8, 2017 at 3:00 am | #

    Mary… making out… before marriage… this… my brain feels fried…

  62. Gesc
    Gesc
    August 8, 2017 at 3:07 am | #

    Nothing is ever so simple, but I guess Mary really needed some lovin’. Also, look at it this way; she’s it being nice to everyone as much as she’s simply being happy in general. I’m fairly certain this is just the rush of being attracted to someone, romantically speaking or not.

    And huh, kinda called it on not having anything to do with anyone. Well, so far.

    • BenRG
      BenRG
      August 8, 2017 at 5:13 am | #

      She’s still being mildly but generally antagonistic towards Carla and Billie (note her sarcastic and mocking reaction to Carla not wanting a bite of her donut). However, she’s in too good a mood to ruin it by trying to think up a more profound malignancy.

      I think that Carla should take it. It’s a close to a ‘nice’ Mary as she’s going to get; just stay out of her way as much as possible.

      • Gaia
        Gaia
        August 8, 2017 at 8:11 am | #

        Disagree this is the perfect time for Mary to see Carla as human, so Carla should interact more with Mary. (In a friendly way)

    • thejeff
      thejeff
      August 8, 2017 at 8:47 am | #

      “Well, it looks like some of them are falling for it.”

      Mary finds a boy (offscreen) and becomes nice(r) and no longer a threat or a villain is vaguely plausible, but a completely uninteresting narrative resolution. Not going to happen.

  63. Cephalo the Pod
    Cephalo the Pod
    August 8, 2017 at 3:18 am | #

    Wait, am I the only one who interpreted Joyce’s last two lines as sarcastic?

    • BenRG
      BenRG
      August 8, 2017 at 3:20 am | #

      Evidently so, yes. I think the problem is that itowuld be in character for Joyce to miss such an obvious clue.

    • Emperor Norton II
      Emperor Norton II
      August 8, 2017 at 3:21 am | #

      Considering her facial expressions, it seems to me that it was Genuine Joyce going on.

    • Eldritch Gentleman
      Eldritch Gentleman
      August 8, 2017 at 3:22 am | #

      Same here, but then I remembered… Hey, it’s Joyce. She has virtually no mean bone in her body so it’s hard for her to be sarcastic.

    • Cephalo the Pod
      Cephalo the Pod
      August 8, 2017 at 10:40 am | #

      So at first I was surprised that Willis was using the “She just needs to get laid” trope. Like, really man? It was why I was sure that Joyce was being sarcastic.

      But I suppose the true offensiveness of that trope is that sex apparently “fixes” the character. And this doesn’t necessarily “fix” Mary.

      • Eldritch Gentleman
        Eldritch Gentleman
        August 8, 2017 at 11:34 am | #

        Sex did not Fix Mary. Heck she probably didn’t even Have sex yet. She just fell in love which fills her with all those fuzzy, cuddly emotions which make her friendly. Once her crush goes away she will return to being the shitbasket we all know and wish to get eaten by Satan.

        • thejeff
          thejeff
          August 8, 2017 at 2:54 pm | #

          So it’s the “Love fixes everything” trope instead. Not as offensive, I suppose, but equally cliched.

          Except I don’t believe it for a second. It’s a fakeout. I mean, she apparently has found a boy, but that’s not why she’s being all extra nice and friendly.

          • Eldritch Gentleman
            Eldritch Gentleman
            August 8, 2017 at 3:25 pm | #

            Not fixes, puts a temporary bandaid on. Because this kind of “love” eventually ends as the hormones get back to normal and… well reality smashes you in the face with a baseball bat. I see crushes as… temporary insanity because hormones mess up with the person’s perception of reality. This is the cause of so many marriages which later fall apart because the partners married when in the hormone-high state of love and then reality slowly eroded all that.

            Might be.

            • thejeff
              thejeff
              August 8, 2017 at 4:19 pm | #

              What we were referring to earlier here as “New Relationship Energy”. Yeah, I get that, but I still find it being used like this in a story as an obnoxious cliche.

              Assuming that’s what’s going on, which I don’t believe for a moment.

              • Eldritch Gentleman
                Eldritch Gentleman
                August 8, 2017 at 4:40 pm | #

                Welp, we’ll have to wait and see. It would indeed require a humongous amount of happy hormones to make Mary into… This.

  64. Nenja
    Nenja
    August 8, 2017 at 3:29 am | #

    Are the black lines lighter in this strip than usual?
    It seems like a more dark grey.

    • ValdVin
      ValdVin
      August 8, 2017 at 5:17 pm | #

      Some of the hair outlines for Carla look dark grey, some look black. All the Ruth and Joyce hair outlines look black to me.

      (Warning: Results not guaranteed, as I need to clean my monitor.)

  65. MasakiSayz
    MasakiSayz
    August 8, 2017 at 3:37 am | #

    Oh, how I’ve missed harmless bumbling Joyce shenanigans.

  66. Odditude
    Odditude
    August 8, 2017 at 3:43 am | #

    Oh god. This is my favorite strip of yours in a while! 😀

  67. Eldritch Gentleman
    Eldritch Gentleman
    August 8, 2017 at 3:53 am | #

    Sooo now Mary’s enemies know her dirty little secret… Hehehehe, let the plotting and teasing commence :-3

  68. Dutchtica
    Dutchtica
    August 8, 2017 at 3:59 am | #

    This is a good comic for facial expressions

  69. Reltzik
    Reltzik
    August 8, 2017 at 4:15 am | #

    …..

    …. You know?

    I think we’ve overlooked a possibility here.

    ….

    Despite all our discussions and analysis and and nitpicking attention to detail and speculation, I think that a very, very significantly possible possibility has slipped by us.

    ….. what if…

    …. this is just speculation, but what if…

    …. it’s a suit that you force someone ELSE into and it catapults THEM somewhere?

    • 3oranges
      3oranges
      August 8, 2017 at 5:17 pm | #

      What if it’s a suit for a catapult? So you can use it to launch people, but you know, nobody complains because it looks so classy in its bow-tie and cummerbund.

      • Reltzik
        Reltzik
        August 8, 2017 at 5:24 pm | #

        Nah, no one complains because the Doppler Effect shifts any purely hypothetical, unobserved, and ergo scientifically nonexistent complaint beneath the range of human hearing.

      • Reltzik
        Reltzik
        August 8, 2017 at 10:10 pm | #

        Also, that catapult would so need a safety sign that says, “Upon landing, tux and roll.”

  70. Triniking1234
    Triniking1234
    August 8, 2017 at 4:56 am | #

    It’s Faz.

    • Josh Spicer
      Josh Spicer
      August 8, 2017 at 8:44 am | #

      OH MY GOD NO!

  71. KSClaw
    KSClaw
    August 8, 2017 at 4:57 am | #

    Well at least Carla can breathe easier?

  72. CianM1301
    CianM1301
    August 8, 2017 at 5:02 am | #

    Question: How would a catapult suit work? Is it fitted with a mounted catapult on the back so the user just has to lie down, pull a lever, and then they’re thrown off to anywhere but their current location?

    • BenRG
      BenRG
      August 8, 2017 at 5:10 am | #

      Bungee cords attached to the torso that you attach to an anchor point. You walk back as far as you can and then lift your feet. Impractical and dangerous but… wow!

  73. ValdVin
    ValdVin
    August 8, 2017 at 5:18 am | #

    Is there any reason Joyce would recognise, but not tell them, The Boy’s name?

  74. Phantom
    Phantom
    August 8, 2017 at 5:19 am | #

    If the boy turns out to be Eric, then somebody better pick up that phone…..

    BECAUSE I FUCKING CALLED IT!

    • a4lbi
      a4lbi
      August 8, 2017 at 8:11 pm | #

      *scrambles to the character tags to remember who Eric was*

      • a4lbi
        a4lbi
        August 8, 2017 at 8:13 pm | #

        (He made only one appearance so far, so I feel less bad about forgetting about him.)

  75. Reltzik
    Reltzik
    August 8, 2017 at 5:21 am | #

    Apropos nothing, has no one commented yet that Ruth and Carla have the same glasses?

  76. nothri
    nothri
    August 8, 2017 at 5:58 am | #

    Well, it is important not to make assumptions.

  77. Scar Man!!!
    Scar Man!!!
    August 8, 2017 at 6:40 am | #

    *sings*Hypocriiiiite

    Though I really hope this isn’t going that way either

  78. Falcon
    Falcon
    August 8, 2017 at 7:22 am | #

    You know, Mary is head over heels in love now, but I get the feeling it won’t last forever. And when it doesn’t, it’ll be interesting to see where the chips fall. How self aware is she of her change in behavior? Will she become even more hateful (and perhaps unhinged), or go through a purgatory a hundred times more painful than Joe’s in order to grow as a character?

  79. JessWitt
    JessWitt
    August 8, 2017 at 7:30 am | #

    As a certain duck-tective once says, “Case closed.”

    I say a little prayer for the poor soul in Mary’s clutches.

  80. Vulcanodon
    Vulcanodon
    August 8, 2017 at 8:00 am | #

    I assume the catapult suit has Go-Pro camera mounts? Because that ride’s goin’ on YouTube!

    (Stores Carla’s line for future use next time something just makes absolutely no sense in an offensive way. Like whatever the Trump administration will accidentally do today.)

  81. Dang Fool
    Dang Fool
    August 8, 2017 at 8:11 am | #

    PRE-MARITAL HANKY PANKY!

    • Gaia
      Gaia
      August 8, 2017 at 8:14 am | #

      There is a difference between making out and sex.

    • Jaxx Sentinel
      Jaxx Sentinel
      August 8, 2017 at 6:21 pm | #

      No where in the bible bout oral. Just sayin

  82. Tomas
    Tomas
    August 8, 2017 at 8:34 am | #

    Groot, bring me the red fin.

    No, that’s not a fin. Bring me the fin.

  83. Ferdinand Rosenthal
    Ferdinand Rosenthal
    August 8, 2017 at 9:13 am | #

    Oh, hey, is this the first time we’ve seen Ruth in profile?

  84. Jordan
    Jordan
    August 8, 2017 at 9:46 am | #

    …Joyce, I adore you, but what. the. fuck.

  85. Damned
    Damned
    August 8, 2017 at 9:52 am | #

    Wait is not everyone a lesbian here? That’s messed up

    • Some1
      Some1
      August 8, 2017 at 12:27 pm | #

      Technically no one is lesbian here, Ruth and Billie are both bisexual, Carla isn’t attracted to anyone and I’m pretty sure Joyce is straight (with Willis you never know)

      • Vivid Grim
        Vivid Grim
        August 8, 2017 at 2:01 pm | #

        Carla is an ace lesbian. her asexuality doesn’t diminish her gayness

        • Mr. Random
          Mr. Random
          August 8, 2017 at 11:06 pm | #

          Maybe her homosexuality.

    • Cerberus
      Cerberus
      August 8, 2017 at 2:41 pm | #

      I’m really disappointed in Willis, always shoehorning in allo cis straight folks into his works. Like, really it’s just some pandering quota filling. 😉

      • Emperor Norton II
        Emperor Norton II
        August 8, 2017 at 7:17 pm | #

        I want my representation now!!!!

        (For new comment readers: I don’t really want that.)

  86. Tenchan
    Tenchan
    August 8, 2017 at 10:15 am | #

    It’s Mike, isn’t it?

    • DarkoNeko
      DarkoNeko
      August 8, 2017 at 11:38 am | #

      lord almighty, I didn’t need that mental image.

      (it shouldn’t be, Joyce knows Mike)

      • Emperor Daniel
        Emperor Daniel
        August 8, 2017 at 6:35 pm | #

        On the other hand, Willis put MaryxMike art he drew up on tumblr a while back.

  87. Meta
    Meta
    August 8, 2017 at 10:51 am | #

    HAHAHA

  88. WikiDreamer
    WikiDreamer
    August 8, 2017 at 12:30 pm | #

    Huh. Gotta admit I did NOT see that one coming…neither did Joyce apparently *commentators throw garbage in general direction*
    Oh come, COME ON, that was a gimme, let me have it!

  89. Arianod
    Arianod
    August 8, 2017 at 1:08 pm | #

    Hard to say if Carla is merely pissed at Joyce’s thick-headedness or actually slightly disappointed that Mary is not, in fact, interested in her.

    • thejeff
      thejeff
      August 8, 2017 at 2:56 pm | #

      Judging by every other bit of reaction from Carla in this whole sequence – not even a tiny bit disappointed.

  90. Doopyboop
    Doopyboop
    August 8, 2017 at 1:26 pm | #

    Reactions to the making out stuff reminds me of the time some religious fundies came to my college to preach at us about how we’re going to hell. The wife insisted that making out would give men boners, and when a male student spoke up pointing out that he didn’t get a boner just from kissing, she told him there was something wrong with him.

  91. Renee
    Renee
    August 8, 2017 at 1:40 pm | #

    I laughed out loud.

  92. acher4
    acher4
    August 8, 2017 at 1:49 pm | #

    Panel 5. Omg, that panel is amazing! 😀

  93. Fart Captor
    Fart Captor
    August 8, 2017 at 2:23 pm | #

    Oh my god, did Joyce not assume that it was the boy Mary was making out with because of how she learned about polyamory recently? Or is she just trying to avoid making assumptions in general?

    That would make this even more adorable

  94. Flakky
    Flakky
    August 8, 2017 at 2:25 pm | #

    That boy’s name?

    Albert Einstein!

    • Flakky
      Flakky
      August 8, 2017 at 2:38 pm | #

      Also, remember Joyce when she first started? Welcome to “Joyce approach to college”-Bad End.

      Prediction: Mary’s gonna practice unsafe sex and she’ll get pregnant. The boy will be some upperclassman who took advantage of her.

      • thejeff
        thejeff
        August 8, 2017 at 3:04 pm | #

        Done in It’s Walky! Probably won’t be revisited so directly.

        • Mr. Random
          Mr. Random
          August 8, 2017 at 11:05 pm | #

          Although it would be an interesting way to place Mary’s views and general outlook when a decision comes up that doesn’t benefit her yet her religious views demand a certain action.
          Plus it might lead to another interesting talk on choice v. life.

    • Flakky
      Flakky
      August 8, 2017 at 2:42 pm | #

      On the other hand, Mary becoming a better person through no actual character development (aside from the power of love) for no apparent plot reason and no drama is an appealing concept to me.

      • thejeff
        thejeff
        August 8, 2017 at 3:06 pm | #

        I guess. Doesn’t work for me. Too much hand waving for me.

        “You’ve got a villain who’s causing you problems? Well, offscreen she falls in love and becomes nice. No more problems.”

  95. Makkabee
    Makkabee
    August 8, 2017 at 7:13 pm | #

    Way to bury the lead, Joyce.

  96. Hescotti
    Hescotti
    August 8, 2017 at 8:42 pm | #

    Panel 5 – Carla, Ruth, and Billy as the three Fates. Possibly the three Graces. Or three Delphic Oracles.

    • John
      John
      August 8, 2017 at 8:51 pm | #

      Furies.

      • Hescotti
        Hescotti
        August 9, 2017 at 2:59 pm | #

        Yes, you’re right, thank you! (Couldn’t remember that)

  97. Smooti
    Smooti
    August 8, 2017 at 9:28 pm | #

    “I AM STILL GOING TO BUILD A DAMN CATAPULT SUIT, UNRELATEDLY”

  98. FacelessDeviant
    FacelessDeviant
    August 8, 2017 at 10:56 pm | #

    This would have been military grade sass if it had come from anyone else but Joyce.

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