Dumbing of Age Book Eleven

Dumbing of Age

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we're about to find out if we argue more about abortion or pizza
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BUFFER WATCH Comics are currently drawn and uploaded through:

September 20, 2023

Chill

by David M Willis on May 26, 2021 at 12:01 am
  • 04 – Hompk!

└ Tags: lucy, walky

Discussion (189) ¬

[ Comments RSS ]
  1. Ana Chronistic
    Ana Chronistic
    May 26, 2021 at 12:05 am | #

    oh okay THAT chapter and verse gotcha

    • Clif
      Clif
      May 26, 2021 at 12:27 am | #

      Everyone knows that capital gains is a misnomer. It isn’t the capital that gets to enjoy the gains.

      Lucy is going to have whiplash.

      • Clif
        Clif
        May 26, 2021 at 12:30 am | #

        and what about the verse that says pizza prepared wrong is an abortion.

        • Reltzik
          Reltzik
          May 26, 2021 at 3:37 am | #

          That’s mistranslated. In the original, it says it is wrong to make pizza from an abortion.

          • Wagstaff
            Wagstaff
            May 26, 2021 at 3:42 am | #

            Awe rats. I was looking forward to eating pepperoni made from stem cells!

          • RowenMorland
            RowenMorland
            May 26, 2021 at 7:02 am | #

            Just wait until that gets creatively reinterpreted as no pizza made from vat meat.

      • AbacusWizard
        AbacusWizard
        May 26, 2021 at 1:03 am | #

        I definitely wanna see their argument about Jesus’s opinion on capital gains taxes.

        • Wagstaff
          Wagstaff
          May 26, 2021 at 1:09 am | #

          Believe it or not, many early Christian denominations actually practiced a primitive form of socialism in their monasteries.

          These proto-socialist practices were also adopted by the Puritans in their American townsends, although some of the latter weren’t necessarily for religious reasons.

          • AlexanderHammil
            AlexanderHammil
            May 26, 2021 at 2:31 am | #

            Colonial socialism isn’t really meaningfully different than capitalism, y’know?

            • Wagstaff
              Wagstaff
              May 26, 2021 at 2:41 am | #

              As a part of “Christian Charity”, Puritans were obliged to provide for those who couldn’t work, such as children and elderly widows.

              Every member of these townsends were also guaranteed a minimum amount of land, and there were maximum limits on the amount of land anyone could own. This wasn’t necessarily religiously inspired, but rather to prevent the extreme inequality that existed back in England.

              • King Daniel
                King Daniel
                May 26, 2021 at 2:42 am | #

                And of course, the people already living on that land were included in this inequality-preventing arrangement, right?

                • Wagstaff
                  Wagstaff
                  May 26, 2021 at 2:49 am | #

                  Believe it or not, Native Americans and migrants to the colonies actually benefited a lot from trade and enjoyed a mutual coexistence for quite some time, until things began going downhill from there. Very, VERY much downhill.

                • Pilgrim
                  Pilgrim
                  May 26, 2021 at 6:42 am | #

                  The relative lack of conflict between the early Puritans and the natives was mostly due to the unfortunate reality that most of the native populations where they settled had already been wiped out by pandemic diseases caught from the English fisherman who had been setting up seasonal fishing camps and trading with the natives for decades by that point and the survivors had largely evacuated the plague zone. Don’t confuse a lack of natives to displace with good intentions.

                • thejeff
                  thejeff
                  May 26, 2021 at 7:40 am | #

                  While there was certainly trade and mutual benefit on various occasions, especially in the very first years, that “quite some time” was pretty short really.

                  Plymouth colony was settled in 1620. The Pequot war was in 1636, though there had been minor conflicts before then.

              • Reltzik
                Reltzik
                May 26, 2021 at 3:48 am | #

                That’s not Christianity! That’s Fascist Communism! Those Puritans need to remember that this is America and they need to practice good, Christian Capitalism like our ancestors who came over on the Mayflower did!

                ……

                …. man, Poe’s law won’t let me satirize ANYTHING conservative these days.

                • Wagstaff
                  Wagstaff
                  May 26, 2021 at 3:57 am | #

                  First of all, in these townsends, distribution was still mostly based on contribution within their limitations in their economies, as opposed to need. This is what makes a socialist economy distinct from a communist economy. So it would really be theofascist socialism.

                  Second of all, the Puritans split like a banana before the 1700s because of rather heated theological disputes.

          • phlebas
            phlebas
            May 26, 2021 at 6:58 am | #

            Oh, it goes further back than monasteries.
            “All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need.”
            -Acts 2:45-46

            • Arian
              Arian
              May 27, 2021 at 3:25 am | #

              Was going to say that, but you got there first. Dratted socialistic apostles.

          • BrokenEye, the True False Prophet
            BrokenEye, the True False Prophet
            May 29, 2021 at 5:10 am | #

            I believe it. This was before shit started to get weird, after all.

        • Reltzik
          Reltzik
          May 26, 2021 at 3:42 am | #

          I think, spin aside, Jesus’s only message on taxes (slightly paraphrased to fit our society rather than Rome’s) was, “Hey, pull a dollar out of your wallet. You see that face on it? You do? Good. Whose face is that on that dollar? Washington’s? That’s right, it’s Washington’s. So render unto Washington that which is Washington’s.”

          • thejeff
            thejeff
            May 26, 2021 at 7:44 am | #

            Mostly because Jesus taught that the Kingdom was at hand. That they lived in the end times and all that mattered was getting right with God before the kingdom of heaven was established on earth. There wasn’t really much concern with unimportant, transient things like tax policy.

            This caused problems for the growing religion when it became apparent that the Kingdom wasn’t quite as at hand as they’d thought.

            • SeanR
              SeanR
              May 26, 2021 at 9:51 am | #

              Also, as I understand it, they were trying to entrap him. Trying to get him to ADMIT he was in opposition to Rome’s rule. Jesus had to talk around a lot of verbal traps.

            • Delicious Taffy
              Delicious Taffy
              May 26, 2021 at 4:40 pm | #

              Funny how we’re always living in the End Times with a great reckoning right around the corner.

  2. RassilonTDavros
    RassilonTDavros
    May 26, 2021 at 12:06 am | #

    She really is Forrest Quad’s version of Joyce, isn’t she?

    • McMuffin
      McMuffin
      May 26, 2021 at 12:09 am | #

      Joyce definitely would not be DTF by date 3

      • Suitora
        Suitora
        May 26, 2021 at 12:48 am | #

        … I have a feeling she would have fucked Jacob by the second, based on how she acted.

        • Reltzik
          Reltzik
          May 26, 2021 at 3:51 am | #

          I feel part of why she let herself be interested in Jacob was because she felt he was safe enough and wouldn’t be trying to pressure her for sex, and would help her say no when certain parts of her were arguing for yes.

          …. I mean, that wasn’t the ONLY part of why she was interested, but I think she’d have avoided him rather than pursued him if he wasn’t safe like that.

          • thejeff
            thejeff
            May 26, 2021 at 6:11 am | #

            Whereas I suspect she would have been pushing him within a few dates, while someone pressuring her wouldn’t have succeeded. You’re right about her feeling that he was safe, but that just means she’ll let her guard down.

            How Becky’s been acting: Joyce is hornier and less self-aware.

  3. Wagstaff
    Wagstaff
    May 26, 2021 at 12:06 am | #

    But of course, those were Jesus’s own ENGLISH words, so we just HAVE to take them at face value. You see where I’m going with this?

    • Clif
      Clif
      May 26, 2021 at 12:32 am | #

      I know where Mike would be going, but I’m not sure about you.

      • Wagstaff
        Wagstaff
        May 26, 2021 at 12:39 am | #

        Those aren’t his own words. His real name wasn’t even Jesus Christ; it was Yeshua of Nazareth.

        • Clif
          Clif
          May 26, 2021 at 12:43 am | #

          I hear he once worked in a toy store.

          • Wagstaff
            Wagstaff
            May 26, 2021 at 12:45 am | #

            Toy maker or carpenter, there’s no way he would have worn a robe. Besides the fact that the latter were a luxury at his time, it would have proven a very dangerous occupational hazard!

            • OBBWG
              OBBWG
              May 26, 2021 at 1:16 am | #

              But he did wear a bright blue sash. Jesus always wore a bright blue sash. (Don’t try to tell me the picture Bible lied.)

              Also, an alternative name was Yeshua Bin Yusef. (Joshua Ben Joseph in English).

              • Wagstaff
                Wagstaff
                May 26, 2021 at 1:20 am | #

                In 1st century C.E., blue dye only came from a mineral called lapis lazuli, which was very expensive. Until alternative means of creating that color in clothing and paint were invented, paintings and clothing seldom used blue.

                • King Daniel
                  King Daniel
                  May 26, 2021 at 1:34 am | #

                  OBBWG said, don’t try to tell them that The Picture Bible lied. 😛

                • OBBWG
                  OBBWG
                  May 26, 2021 at 5:17 pm | #

                  A reference to a Shortpacked strip.

              • SillyGoose
                SillyGoose
                May 26, 2021 at 4:49 am | #

                ” (Joshua Ben Joseph in English).”

                I’ll argue it would be Joshua Josephson.

                • WanderingLynx
                  WanderingLynx
                  May 26, 2021 at 5:51 am | #

                  Jesus was a JoJo:Canon.

                • a/snow/mous/e
                  a/snow/mous/e
                  May 26, 2021 at 12:39 pm | #

                  JoJo’s Bizarre Religion

        • Ralph Oscar
          Ralph Oscar
          May 26, 2021 at 12:56 am | #

          Nah, “Jesus” is a Roman translation of “Joshua” which means “savior”. So you’ve to your savior named “Savior”. In the earliest texts, there is no “Jesus” – just cryptic abbreviations that are ASSUMED to mean “Jesus”. Later, when we DO find the word “Jesus” inserted into the texts, there’s an indicative article that goes with it: “THE Jesus”. THE Savior. This is a job description, not a person. A similar construction is in John THE BAPTIST. The Baptist is the same structure as The Jesus. And in any case, the letter “J” didn’t even enter the language until the 9th Century CE, so whatevs…

          • Wagstaff
            Wagstaff
            May 26, 2021 at 12:59 am | #

            Actually the “savior” part was Christ, the Greek word for “messiah”. The earliest cryptic mentions of his followers were in the form of an acronym spelling out the Greek word for “fish”; hence the symbol for the religion still displayed on many people’s cars.

            • Needfuldoer
              Needfuldoer
              May 26, 2021 at 7:04 am | #

              So his mom’s name wasn’t “Mary Christ”?

              What next, you’re going to tell me his middle initial isn’t ‘H’?

              • King Daniel
                King Daniel
                May 26, 2021 at 7:44 am | #

                Jesus “Hallowed be thy name” Christ.

          • Stifyn Baker
            Stifyn Baker
            May 26, 2021 at 1:54 am | #

            ‘Yeshua’ in Hebrew, or ‘Yeshu’ in Aramaic, the name most commonly transliterated in Englush texts as ‘Joshua’ or ‘Jesus’, means “God will rescue” or “God saves”, which doesn’t have exactly the same connotations as “saviour”. The definite article comes from a quirk of Koine Greek, the dialect the New Testament was written in, which applies the definite article to all personal names. So we get constructions like ‘Ho Iesos Ho Xristos’ (The Jesus The Chosen One), ‘Ho Ioannos Ho Baptismou’ (The John The Baptiser) and ‘Ho Simonos Ho Petros’ (The Simon The Rock).

            • King Daniel
              King Daniel
              May 26, 2021 at 1:58 am | #

              So what I’m getting from this is that Jesus, Simon Peter, and John the Baptist were all hos

              • Stifyn Baker
                Stifyn Baker
                May 26, 2021 at 2:03 am | #

                Not just them. In the first-century AD Greek speaking world (I.e. the whole Roman Empire except for actual Rome) EVERYBODY was a ho.

                HO HO HO.

                • Miri
                  Miri
                  May 26, 2021 at 2:55 am | #

                  My 3 year old usually calls Father Christmas Ho Ho. Even now she can say Father Christmas/Santa.

                • Arian
                  Arian
                  May 27, 2021 at 3:34 am | #

                  Except for the women! They were “he”s. 😀

              • a/snow/mous/e
                a/snow/mous/e
                May 26, 2021 at 12:42 pm | #

                but did they let their emotions go or were they more of a sober ho

            • Stifyn Baker
              Stifyn Baker
              May 26, 2021 at 2:01 am | #

              The Greek word ‘Xristos’ (“Christ”) IS a direct translation of the Hebrew ‘mesh’i’ah’ (“Messiah”), but both words mean “the annointed (or chosen) one)”. The Greek word for ‘saviour’ is ‘sotera’, which does indeed appear in the ‘fish’ acronym: Iesos Xristos Theou ‘Yiou Sotera (Jesus the Annointed one, God’s, Savour), the first letters of which spell the word for ‘fish’, IXThYS (in Greek, ‘Th’ is a single letter).

            • Arian
              Arian
              May 27, 2021 at 3:31 am | #

              What they said. Should have read this before commenting myself. 🙂

          • Arian
            Arian
            May 27, 2021 at 3:31 am | #

            You don’t know your Greek. Proper names regularly had a definite article, especially if followed by a description. And Latin didn’t have any articles at all.

  4. Suet
    Suet
    May 26, 2021 at 12:06 am | #

    People can Netflix and Chill, or Netflix and CHIll 😉

    And here we have Lucy Glenn demonstrating the infamous bird face

    • ValdVin
      ValdVin
      May 26, 2021 at 8:09 am | #

      Lots of great Lucy faces here. I have never heard it called “bird face” before, and feel like I’m missing something.

      • egg egg
        egg egg
        May 26, 2021 at 10:39 am | #

        the v in the :v looks like a beak

        • I am Nothing
          I am Nothing
          May 26, 2021 at 12:22 pm | #

          Wait, really? 8V

  5. Siddlaw
    Siddlaw
    May 26, 2021 at 12:06 am | #

    There’s some Lucy thirst right there.

    • Doctor_Who
      Doctor_Who
      May 26, 2021 at 12:08 am | #

      A thirst that now even Baha Blast can quench.

  6. Proto_Eevee
    Proto_Eevee
    May 26, 2021 at 12:07 am | #

    Man, I loved the part where Jesus reminded everyone to always practice safe sex by wearing a condom.

    • Wagstaff
      Wagstaff
      May 26, 2021 at 12:08 am | #

      Yeah, because people totally knew the recipe for Latex 2000 years ago.

      • Shitbird
        Shitbird
        May 26, 2021 at 12:10 am | #

        People used to use intestine lining as condoms as well as tortoise shell for contraception… may not be very clean or good for safe sex, but yeah

        • DailyBrad
          DailyBrad
          May 26, 2021 at 12:12 am | #

          Yeah, different contraceptive techniques were definitely practiced. Pulling out was definitely an old enough technique to be in the Bible, for instance.

          • Ralph Oscar
            Ralph Oscar
            May 26, 2021 at 12:57 am | #

            Ah, yes – the “sin” of Onan…

            • Uly
              Uly
              May 26, 2021 at 1:02 am | #

              Onan’s sin was disobeying God’s command. The particulars don’t apply to anybody else.

              • Leorale
                Leorale
                May 26, 2021 at 1:43 am | #

                That’s right. The problem wasn’t the masturbation, the problem was that Onan was ignoring his fuckquest (to impregnate a specific widow. It gets cultural).
                Obey the fuckquest.

                • King Daniel
                  King Daniel
                  May 26, 2021 at 1:51 am | #

                  (Incidentally, this old Biblical tradition is also why Becky had Joyce promise to marry and fuck Dina if she died.)

                • BBCC
                  BBCC
                  May 26, 2021 at 2:22 am | #

                  Tell that to my Catholic school. They definitely taught the sin was masturbation.

        • Wagstaff
          Wagstaff
          May 26, 2021 at 12:12 am | #

          Well, at least it beats swallowing mercury as birth control.

          • Devin
            Devin
            May 26, 2021 at 1:08 am | #

            Yeah, it takes an awful lot of liquid to get an entire planet down!

            • Wagstaff
              Wagstaff
              May 26, 2021 at 1:12 am | #

              I was referring to the liquid metal. It did work, but at a terrible price.

              • Proto_Eevee
                Proto_Eevee
                May 26, 2021 at 1:23 am | #

                You can’t get pregnant if you’re dead

                • Wagstaff
                  Wagstaff
                  May 26, 2021 at 1:27 am | #

                  Actually, it worked whilst the time it slowly made you look more and more like the walking dead.

              • Devin
                Devin
                May 26, 2021 at 2:38 pm | #

                I know, I was just being silly.

        • Proto_Eevee
          Proto_Eevee
          May 26, 2021 at 12:20 am | #

          Wtf? Like, human ones!?

          • Wagstaff
            Wagstaff
            May 26, 2021 at 12:25 am | #

            Yes, all too true. Around 700 C.E., China.

          • RacingTurtle
            RacingTurtle
            May 26, 2021 at 12:41 am | #

            Other creatures have intestines, but “using human intestines as contraception” sounds like a truly awful euphemism for anal sex, so there’s kind of a lot going on here

            • Wagstaff
              Wagstaff
              May 26, 2021 at 12:53 am | #

              Actually as far as I know, there are no Biblical laws specifically against anal sex. Just against men doing it with men.

              • BBCC
                BBCC
                May 26, 2021 at 2:25 am | #

                Well, maybe. The Hebrew is iffy.

                • SillyGoose
                  SillyGoose
                  May 26, 2021 at 4:53 am | #

                  Twisting words around to fit your worldview, one of the greatest human pastimes.
                  And now the usual English language version clearly says “lay”, so it’s fine as long as you’re doing it standing up, or on your knees, but you can’t spend the night.

          • drs
            drs
            May 26, 2021 at 1:00 am | #

            “Lambskin”, or lamb intestine, condoms are centuries old. They don’t stop viruses, though.

            • Wagstaff
              Wagstaff
              May 26, 2021 at 1:04 am | #

              Much older than that, actually. Ancient Greeks wrote about using goat bladders for protection.

    • Romanticide
      Romanticide
      May 26, 2021 at 12:21 am | #

      by that time the romans where using a plant for contraception… it was used to extinction…

      • King Daniel
        King Daniel
        May 26, 2021 at 1:43 am | #

        Silphium, yeah. I believe its seeds are even thought to be (one of) the possible origins of the classic “heart” symbol, which if you’ll notice looks absolutely nothing like an actual mammalian heart.

        • Wagstaff
          Wagstaff
          May 26, 2021 at 2:35 am | #

          If I can recall, Silphium was actually used as an aphrodisiac in that era, making it the OPPOSITE of a contraceptive! It also made snakes explode, allegedly.

          • milu
            milu
            May 26, 2021 at 5:50 am | #

            ok you made me go down to my local wikipedia and this is fascinating.

            however, how is an aphrodisiac the opposite of a contraceptive? i’m not well versed in endocrinology but i would hazard arousal and fertility are two distinct biochemical systems? they might be somewhat correlated.

            also, if the risk of getting pregnant is a major turnoff for you, i can see how being on Silphium (provided it was fairly efficient) might act as an aphrodisiac ^^

            • Wagstaff
              Wagstaff
              May 26, 2021 at 3:42 pm | #

              The greater your “appetite”, the greater your willingness to take risk to satisfy it.

              Besides, I’m not sure if any of the alleged properties of Silphium were even true. The plant itself may even be extinct.

    • Dean
      Dean
      May 26, 2021 at 12:22 am | #

      Right before He said that God only loves rich people.

  7. Doctor_Who
    Doctor_Who
    May 26, 2021 at 12:07 am | #

    Lucy: “And working on your comics together could totally count as our first date, and Netflix will be our third, so…”

  8. Shitbird
    Shitbird
    May 26, 2021 at 12:08 am | #

    Wish I got aborted, dang lucky dead fetus’

  9. Opus the Poet
    Opus the Poet
    May 26, 2021 at 12:08 am | #

    OK I’m seeing a slight conflict in the future as Lucy gets nuked from orbit.

  10. NotThatDrew
    NotThatDrew
    May 26, 2021 at 12:09 am | #

    In regards to the alt text, let me get my popcorn ready

    • Clif
      Clif
      May 26, 2021 at 12:34 am | #

      New York popcorn or Chicago popcorn?

      • Anthony Paoli
        Anthony Paoli
        May 26, 2021 at 12:54 am | #

        I have never wanted an upvote option more than I do for that comment.

      • Devin
        Devin
        May 26, 2021 at 1:09 am | #

        Montreal popcorn.

        • Leorale
          Leorale
          May 26, 2021 at 1:45 am | #

          Popcorn with pineapple

      • Delicious Taffy
        Delicious Taffy
        May 26, 2021 at 2:02 am | #

        Okay, if we’re about to throw down about some fuckin’ corn, I’m legally required to remind y’all I’m from Illinois.

        • Devin
          Devin
          May 26, 2021 at 2:24 am | #

          Okay now I’m trying to figure out if you’re missing subtext or if I’m missing out on an actual regional fight about popcorn styles, and I would love for the latter to be the case.

          • Diane
            Diane
            May 26, 2021 at 3:15 pm | #

            Popcorn is serious business in Illinois. And it’s also delicious.

      • Reltzik
        Reltzik
        May 26, 2021 at 3:59 am | #

        Pennsylvania kettle corn.

  11. DailyBrad
    DailyBrad
    May 26, 2021 at 12:10 am | #

    Okay, I’m really charmed by this. Playful banter? Cute expressions?

    I mean, we’ve seen Walky be legitimately pretty good at flirtation in the past, but he obviously is often awkward enough to where it tends to catch me by surprise every time.

    “Oh yeah, he can actually be clever sometimes.”

    • zee
      zee
      May 26, 2021 at 9:50 am | #

      Yeah no this is adorable, i love it

  12. Newllend(henryvolt)
    Newllend(henryvolt)
    May 26, 2021 at 12:11 am | #

    Here’s something most religious fundamentalist don’t know. There’s a section of the bible that condones abortion

    There’s a passage in Numbers that says that you can go to a local preist and get him to ask god to commit an abortion curse himself if you think your wife is carrying another man child…I’m not kidding by the way that’s actually in there.

    • NotThatDrew
      NotThatDrew
      May 26, 2021 at 12:16 am | #

      Too lazy to fact check it, but I buy it. The bible has both a passage for everything and at least one other passage that will contradict whichever passage you’re reading.

      • RassilonTDavros
        RassilonTDavros
        May 26, 2021 at 1:00 am | #

        It’s almost like it’s a collection of books that really have very little to do with each other most of the time, and thus lacks internal consistency.

        • NotThatDrew
          NotThatDrew
          May 26, 2021 at 1:31 am | #

          Exactly

        • Deathjavu
          Deathjavu
          May 26, 2021 at 6:51 pm | #

          Between references and recovered fragments there are well over a hundred gospels, only a handful of which are considered cannon. Because they burned the books they didn’t like…and the readers. So there’s a loose consistency enforced by selecting only a subset of available books (and followers).

          • thejeff
            thejeff
            May 26, 2021 at 11:28 pm | #

            Though to be fair, it appears that the vast majority of the non-canonical gospels were later even than John. It doesn’t seem to have been just “didn’t like”.

      • deliverything
        deliverything
        May 26, 2021 at 3:04 am | #

        Numbers 5:11-31; Here’s a blog post on the subject. Predictably, there’re people in the comments performing logical acrobatics in an effort to say it means something else, claiming it is instead a divinely-provided way to check if a woman’s been cheating on her husband.
        Oddly, there doesn’t seem to be any mention of a way to check if a man’s been cheating on his spouse. A curious omission, that.

        • Wagstaff
          Wagstaff
          May 26, 2021 at 3:17 am | #

          Actually, the alleged proof, used by many other cultures around the world to kill innocent women who could not provide it, was to see if they would bleed their on their first time having coitus.

          • Minotaur
            Minotaur
            May 26, 2021 at 5:58 am | #

            The proof of infidelity is really there, though. You should check it out.

          • thejeff
            thejeff
            May 26, 2021 at 8:10 am | #

            That only works once though. (to the extent it works at all). It might find a bride who had sex before marriage, but it doesn’t even make the pretense of finding a married women cheating on her husband.

    • Romanticide
      Romanticide
      May 26, 2021 at 12:19 am | #

      that is the bitter water section. it can be googled as such and get results

    • Chris
      Chris
      May 26, 2021 at 12:20 am | #

      And causing the death of an unborn fetus is treated as a property crime, not murder.

    • Wagstaff
      Wagstaff
      May 26, 2021 at 12:43 am | #

      The Bible also says to kill people who work on Saturday. But honestly, who actually follows that command?

      • Clif
        Clif
        May 26, 2021 at 11:27 am | #

        Employers?

        • Dave the Inverted
          Dave the Inverted
          May 26, 2021 at 6:15 pm | #

          *Citizen Kane slow clap gif*

  13. Stephen Bierce
    Stephen Bierce
    May 26, 2021 at 12:12 am | #

    *a passing car is playing “Purple People Eater” out a window*

    • Wagstaff
      Wagstaff
      May 26, 2021 at 12:23 am | #

      Mmmm… purple people eaters can actually taste real good if you just use the right SAUCE!!!

      • Deanatay
        Deanatay
        May 26, 2021 at 8:26 am | #

        Guess that makes you a Purple People Eater Eater.

  14. Bagge
    Bagge
    May 26, 2021 at 12:19 am | #

    “no chill… unless… haha, just kidding… unless…”

  15. Yotomoe
    Yotomoe
    May 26, 2021 at 12:26 am | #

    “Sermon on the Mount”
    Ah, so Jesus actually demonstrated HOW to have sex on the 3rd date. He even teaches you how to mount your partner!

    • NotThatDrew
      NotThatDrew
      May 26, 2021 at 12:43 am | #

      Christ, I wish. I would have actually payed attention during bible study more than just the points where we talked about the Book of Revelation

      • Yotomoe
        Yotomoe
        May 26, 2021 at 12:49 am | #

        “Though a virgin, Jesus knew how to do many acts with his hands and mouth that as God, our father, has decreed “Don’t count”.”
        -Mounting 6:9

        • a/snow/mous/e
          a/snow/mous/e
          May 26, 2021 at 12:49 pm | #

          i think i just found religious

          a real “coming to jesus” moment x3

          • a/snow/mous/e
            a/snow/mous/e
            May 26, 2021 at 12:51 pm | #

            *religion smh apparently i can’t type grammatically

      • AbacusWizard
        AbacusWizard
        May 26, 2021 at 1:08 am | #

        Check out Song of Solomon sometime.

        • Clif
          Clif
          May 27, 2021 at 12:17 am | #

          Or even The Illustrated Song of Solomon.

          https://www.amazon.com/Song-Solomon-Illustrated-beautiful-illustrated/dp/1495216810

  16. Mike Crichton
    Mike Crichton
    May 26, 2021 at 12:29 am | #

    One of them is going to retroactively declare their previous hangouts as “dates”, aren’t they?

    • Keulen
      Keulen
      May 26, 2021 at 5:05 am | #

      Considering how thirsty she’s been for Walky so far, I’m betting it’ll be Lucy.

  17. Yotomoe
    Yotomoe
    May 26, 2021 at 12:30 am | #

    Also this marks a very special night. This is the first time, ever, I have seen Lucy in a sexy way. I dunno something about the way she’s definitely up for a bit of a snog and a sny canoodle gives me a new appreciation. Nothing is sexier than a girl who’s feelin’ pretty randy <3

    Also Walky's pretty hot here too ngl.

    • Rabid Rabbit
      Rabid Rabbit
      May 26, 2021 at 12:34 am | #

      Considering how sexily you drew her last week, that is a remarkable statement.

      • Yotomoe
        Yotomoe
        May 26, 2021 at 12:46 am | #

        Haha confidentially I hate that drawing. I legit didn’t feel like I did Lucy Justice nor did I feel like the drawing came out sexy. I’m glad people liked it, though. Who knows maybe I’ll do something with her that I can find hot in the future.

    • Clif
      Clif
      May 26, 2021 at 12:36 am | #

      You’re a bad influence on Willis.

      Keep it up.

  18. BBCC
    BBCC
    May 26, 2021 at 12:37 am | #

    Walky is a good date.

    • zee
      zee
      May 26, 2021 at 9:52 am | #

      If they cuddle while watching cartoons this’ll honestly be my ideal date

  19. Bicycle Bill
    Bicycle Bill
    May 26, 2021 at 12:48 am | #

    Don’t forget “God’s Loophole”, Walky.

    • Devin
      Devin
      May 26, 2021 at 2:26 am | #

      I was hoping this would be this song. Very nice.

    • Keulen
      Keulen
      May 26, 2021 at 5:05 am | #

      Just make sure to use plenty of lube.

  20. JessWitt
    JessWitt
    May 26, 2021 at 12:50 am | #

    If Walky’s referring to the new seasons then Pokemon’s always gonna be on Netflix.

    Well, unless they make like Chewing Gum and move to HBO Max.

  21. Sirksome
    Sirksome
    May 26, 2021 at 12:51 am | #

    I’m sensing some action in the near future for the Walkman…nice! Also I’m really feeling some Joyce parallels with Lucy here. Like Joyce but with less toxic Christianity based hang ups. Not to knock Christianity or religion in general, but Joyce is pretty fucked up by her sexual guilt and it’s hard not to blame it on her religious upbringing. It’s nice to see Lucy maybe represent a more down to Earth religious woman.

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      May 26, 2021 at 12:55 am | #

      I guess it’s just cuz it’s come up more recently but I definitely feel it coming from Becky more than Joyce. Maybe cuz Joyce hasn’t really tried to date since Joe, but then I gotta remember her dreams and ding dong banditing.

      • thejeff
        thejeff
        May 26, 2021 at 9:05 am | #

        There was also Ethan, who she was dating because he was safe and who she still basically threw herself at once.

        We need to see those two hang out more.

        • a/snow/mous/e
          a/snow/mous/e
          May 26, 2021 at 12:53 pm | #

          not least because it means Ethan hasn’t been written out of the comic

          • a/snow/mous/e
            a/snow/mous/e
            May 26, 2021 at 12:54 pm | #

            smh i checked in another tab to make sure this didn’t go through

        • a/snow/mous/e
          a/snow/mous/e
          May 26, 2021 at 12:54 pm | #

          not least because it would mean Ethan hasn’t been written out of the comic

  22. Johan
    Johan
    May 26, 2021 at 1:02 am | #

    Wow, I hate this. Good writing!

  23. Kravis
    Kravis
    May 26, 2021 at 1:27 am | #

    Great Morty impression, Lucy!

    • Deanatay
      Deanatay
      May 26, 2021 at 8:35 am | #

      Aw jeez!

  24. Rabisch
    Rabisch
    May 26, 2021 at 1:57 am | #

    I’m impressed by their maturity and the choice to proceed slowly in the relationship, without burning everything. I just wonder if they’ll be able to wait until the third date.

  25. Kelli
    Kelli
    May 26, 2021 at 2:04 am | #

    The negotiations proceed…

  26. brionl
    brionl
    May 26, 2021 at 2:12 am | #

    Speaking of Bible stuff, does Lucy know of Walky’s sordid past as a singing church mouse?

    • Reltzik
      Reltzik
      May 26, 2021 at 4:03 am | #

      No, and she won’t until and unless Walky fails to pay off Joyce.

      • BBCC
        BBCC
        May 26, 2021 at 4:12 am | #

        Or she finds him on IMDB like Amber did.

  27. Throwatron
    Throwatron
    May 26, 2021 at 2:21 am | #

    i equally love and hate how relentlessly adorable these dorks are

  28. Reltzik
    Reltzik
    May 26, 2021 at 4:06 am | #

    Look, both of you, “chill” is a very flexible word that can cover a wide range of Netflix-concurrent activities. If it’s your comfort level, chilling can just mean cuddling and caressing under a blanket plus maybe a little bit of top-of-the-head kissing.

    • King Daniel
      King Daniel
      May 26, 2021 at 4:50 am | #

      The blanket is required for chilling temperatures, of course.

    • StClair
      StClair
      May 26, 2021 at 2:27 pm | #

      all this time, I figured it just meant something like “veg”. Put the new-TV on, sit down, relax for a while while watching it.

      • StClair
        StClair
        May 26, 2021 at 2:29 pm | #

        not least because, at least to me, anything involving sex or even arousal is literally the opposite of “chill”.

  29. Sombrero
    Sombrero
    May 26, 2021 at 5:10 am | #

    Walky is having second thoughts. Lucy should grab him while she can.

    • Joe Angel
      Joe Angel
      May 26, 2021 at 5:30 am | #

      Nice avatar

  30. Keulen
    Keulen
    May 26, 2021 at 5:10 am | #

    Oh come on Willis, you know we’re gonna argue more about pizza than abortion.

  31. Boh No
    Boh No
    May 26, 2021 at 8:37 am | #

    Lucy: *cocks cock* “I’m a Christian, but…”

    • zee
      zee
      May 26, 2021 at 9:54 am | #

      I fucking love this holy shit

  32. Victor
    Victor
    May 26, 2021 at 9:05 am | #

    Heh. Reminds me of a time when I was at a party, and as it got late, I found myself alone with a lady. Somehow I ended up giving her a backrub (I honestly don’t remember how that started) and she asked me what my intentions were. I said “I don’t really have any, I’m just giving you a backrub” at which point she says something like “just so you know, I’m catholic.” Confused, I say “I’m atheist.”
    I’m really not expecting anything else at this point, had been dumped about a week earlier, was just enjoying having a bit of human contact, and figured I’d just go back to my friend’s house when the party ended. Backrub continues.
    Maybe 15 minutes later she asks me “Do you have a condom?”

    • misanthropope
      misanthropope
      May 26, 2021 at 4:49 pm | #

      “I got my technique down and everything. I don’t be tickling or nothing”

      “Would you give a guy a foot massage?”

      “… Fuck you.”

    • Eskeboi
      Eskeboi
      May 27, 2021 at 1:40 am | #

      I mean… Did u have one tho?

  33. TomHCinMI
    TomHCinMI
    May 26, 2021 at 9:17 am | #

    Very good dialog!

  34. Alan in DC
    Alan in DC
    May 26, 2021 at 9:17 am | #

    I wish I could do with my mouth what Lucy is doing in Frame 5.

    What a handy way to get that last olive out of the bottom of the jar.

    • Thomas
      Thomas
      May 26, 2021 at 10:18 am | #

      Her expression in Frame 3 is equally impossible: open mouth, while somehow simultaneously biting her lower lip.

  35. Thomas
    Thomas
    May 26, 2021 at 9:36 am | #

    a) Walky is not religious, while Lucy is. This difference in attitude was never fully explored in Joyce & Walky. This time, however…

    b) This date is not very romantic. Also, Walky’s interest in fast food is greater than his interest in Lucy. This will not end well.

    • zee
      zee
      May 26, 2021 at 9:56 am | #

      Idk casual food, hand holding and cartoons? Sounds like my perfect date honestly. And Lucy isn’t a fundamentalist like Joyce is, i doubt it’s gonna cause conflict

      • Thomas
        Thomas
        May 26, 2021 at 3:41 pm | #

        Low effort / low pressure dates are not exactly a bad thing, but it’s obvious that Walky’s level of investment is different than Lucy’s. Also, Pokemon… is that still a thing? Surely there are cartoons out there that are marginally more romantic? Walky is *aware* that Lucy loves Teen Titans Go!, right?

        • Thomas
          Thomas
          May 26, 2021 at 3:45 pm | #

          Note that Pokémon is *Amber’s* thing. Seems relevant.

  36. Alex
    Alex
    May 26, 2021 at 9:56 am | #

    This is very cute. I’m enjoying Walky being the more experienced party.

  37. Vulcanodon
    Vulcanodon
    May 26, 2021 at 11:33 am | #

    For an ultimate argument thread, put pineapple on abortion

  38. Zee
    Zee
    May 26, 2021 at 11:39 am | #

    Walky Performs A Chill

  39. Quinn
    Quinn
    May 26, 2021 at 1:45 pm | #

    Hey Walky! Pro tip: If you count “hanging out the other day” and “planning the comic strip” as dates retroactively, this is already your third date.

  40. Amelie Wikström
    Amelie Wikström
    May 26, 2021 at 2:23 pm | #

    Maybe it’s shallow of me but I would like to see what babies Lucy and Walky might make. I mean if they got pregnant tonight it would probably be like fifty years in real time before we saw how the kid/s turned out, but still.

    Shoot, I’ll likely be dead then.

  41. TheKelliestKelly
    TheKelliestKelly
    May 26, 2021 at 6:26 pm | #

    This is not at all apropos to today’s comic but I must share it. I hit random and was brought to a Mike and Danny comic from Dina’s birthday party. Did you all know the very last thing Danny ever said to Mike (on screen at least) was, “Goodbye forever, Mike.” ?? Like, Willis definitely fuckin did that on purpose, holy shit

    • Spencer
      Spencer
      May 26, 2021 at 6:50 pm | #

      We’re gonna be in for a shock when we find out Danny is in charge of the Korean Mob in Indiana.

    • Alex
      Alex
      May 26, 2021 at 6:51 pm | #

      Damn that’s some foreshadowing!

    • David M Willis
      David M Willis
      May 26, 2021 at 7:16 pm | #

      ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

      • OldFart
        OldFart
        May 26, 2021 at 7:36 pm | #

        Damn you, Willis. It took me a looooong time to get back into the comic after Mike was confirmed dead. I just couldn’t read it for a while. You made me grieve someone who’s neither likable nor real.

        • Clif
          Clif
          May 27, 2021 at 12:23 am | #

          See previous post.

  42. Rani
    Rani
    May 26, 2021 at 8:04 pm | #

    They’ll be okay.

    They’ll be okay.

  43. Bagge
    Bagge
    May 26, 2021 at 10:20 pm | #

    Three dates later…

    • Clif
      Clif
      May 27, 2021 at 12:26 am | #

      Three dates later it’s the fourth date and we find the Slipshine occurred on the third date over the new time skip.

  44. Steelbright
    Steelbright
    May 27, 2021 at 11:34 pm | #

    Wow, this might be the smoothest I’ve ever seen Walky be, like…ever. Ahaha. I’m impressed, Walky, you did a whole innuendo.
    I don’t think I actually remembered Lucy was Christian?

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