Discussion (122) ¬
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David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 9d
Alejandra Caraballo @esqueer.net ⋅ 14h
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 9d
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 9d
Phil Lewis @phillewis.bsky.social ⋅ 2dDavid M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 9d
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 9d
Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg @theradr.bsky.social ⋅ 22d
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“havin’ ta meet expectations? that’s fer CHUMPS”
It is almost easier knowing your significant other’s family won’t like you. Then you have no where to go but up. Or, you cut off contact with them except for required events such as a wedding or funeral.
I have… never experienced that.
Maybe I was too ‘Dorothy-esque’ or something, but parents of various significant others always found me delightful.
I mean, to my knowledge. I suppose some of them could have secretly hated me, but if so, they kept their secrets well.
My layers are a bit below the surface and I always gave the impression of a polite, smart, considerate guy. Ergo, parental approval was often a thing. But of course there were sides to me only the girl (and, when older, woman) found out.
For us bookish-seeming sorts, it’s a pretty good gig.
For me it’s been hit or miss. I am not traditionally feminine even back when I thought I was cis, so conservatives generally don’t like me. Left wing folks OTOH usually do.
Just realised I was the Dorothy for most of mine (not sure about the first, wasn’t around enough talk to them)
For what it’s worth, conservatives don’t like it when somebody eats a different breakfast than them. Their opinions tend to be about as valuable as a PlayStation 5 at the Antiques Roadshow.
Oh Sal. I’m a parent, and I like you. And no, I don’t have any expectations to foist upon you. Be yourself, and be loved for being yourself.
‘You deserve to be loved, and to feel loved, just for being you.’ –Mr Rogers-ish
🥺
“Bluke”, as in “Blue ukulele”.
Oh, thank you for clearing that up.
I also have a bluke.
I’m not any good but I love how stupid I look.
“I love how stupid I look”
Good priorities
I googled “bluke” and came up with the name of a card game and was incredibly confused
I had no idea that Danny owned a hybrid banjo/lute/ukulele.
That sounds AWESOME.
*Plays the lute/ukulele like a banjo on the hacked muzak.*
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJh865acA-U
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WM-TLqBEhGs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9QcIpUmdUKA
Well, I’ve found lute ukeleles (above) and banjo ukeleles
(https://youtu.be/E5FuQAXmFFw) and banjo tunes played on a lute ukelele, but not a combination banjo/lute/ukelele.
I was wondering wtf that was, google brought up a card game.
Oof, that isn’t going to be fun if and when he wants her to meet them. Also “dorothy slipping through his hands” is not a healthy attitude to have and even worse that his mom is the one thinking it.
It’s worth pointing out that Joe is not a reliable narrator. We know that Joe believes Danny’s mom thinks that, but have no real evidence that she actually does.
We don’t know that she still does, but it fits well with what we saw from them early on.
Ive never had a mom hate me when I dated someone but I did have some that didn’t like me as a friend.
Like sorry Ma’am but your kid is who provides the cigs, weed, and beer. I’m just here to play videogames and complain about stats HW.
I also wanna say I like the Joe Sal budding friendship. Might be good for both of them since they both perceive themselves is broken.
Yeah, I agree. The two potentially have a fair bit in common, so there’s a fun dynamic there.
They HAVE both been punched by a girl.
bit stereotypical but i think depending on the person, having “parents disliking your friends/partner” would make one double down on liking them more. Though i mean as long as they’re not “you’re not allowed” it shouldn’t really be a big deal, i don’t think it should matter if parents disapprove of someone’s choice in friends/partners unless tehy’re literally endangering them
Speaking personally (I’m dating someone for the first time in forever and thinking about this)-
On the one hand, I definitely agree. Your parents shouldn’t have any bearing on who you see. They’re not entitled to that degree of presence in one’s life. On the other hand- my mom is one of the smartest people I know, and she has a wide-ranging group of people she’s friends with. If she doesn’t get along with my girlfriend, there’s going to be a reason, and that reason might be valid*. It’s the same reaction I would have if someone I’m dating didn’t get along with my friends.**
I used to be incapable of agreeing to do anything my mom suggested, largely because I lived at home and felt that she was way too controlling. Now that I’m in my own place, I still think she’s got some control issues, but we’ve largely established a healthier relationship. So *that* aspect- that disliking her will make me like her more *shouldn’t* apply.
I am prepared for the occasional passive-aggressive comment that expresses that she’s worried that I might not be happy with her if this relationship lasts, but she’s done that so much with regards to me being a teacher that I can basically ignore it lol.
* I sincerely doubt it’ll happen, because my girlfriend is, objectively, The Best.
** See aforementioned Best status for why I doubt this will happen.
My momma don’t like you, and she likes everyone.
Us both having Danny gravatars makes this weird, my friend.
“Both of them get way ahead of themselves… and that is why they are meant to be together”
“And Expectation is neither of their middle name“
i wish I could read the little hidden messages on my tablet.
“That would be bad, genealogy-wise”
Thank you very much, I appreciate it.
Honestly, that’s probably comforting for Sal in several ways. If there was potential for Danny’s parents to like her, she’d be expected to try to meet their expectations. But she’s not Dorothy. She will never be Dorothy, that’s an unobtainable goal(even Dorothy is only arguably Dorothy). So she will never measure up, but that means she’s free to focus on making Danny and herself happy, no one else. And that’s a better way to build a relationship.
I mean, not only are they automatically not going to approve of her, it’s going to be over something that has nothing to do with Sal herself. There is no actual negative judgment of Sal involved, just who she’s not. She doesn’t have to pass or fail on her own merits. She’s safe.
Yes, this automatic pre-disapproval seems pretty healthy. They won’t dislike her for the usual racism reason and won’t LIKE her just because of her parents’ status. Maybe Danny’s parents will turn out to not be bigots and will grow to appreciate a girlfriend who makes Danny happy over the long haul.
Seems like she might have been bracing to hear she’d be judged for her own attributes that she has no choice of or control over.
Danny’s parents seem like they’d be a distressing amount of pressure for a partner, given how they seemed to think Dorothy (and then, briefly, Amber) was his good quality, singular.
Being someone else’s best quality is far too much to have dumped on you.
But, hey, at least interacting with Joe counts as far less authoritative practice on this count for Sal.
They probably had no small influence in Danny’s ‘maybe Dorothy will stay with me’ mindset at the start of the strip.
About 3 months away from them and his outlook is a lot healthier.
Right.
Danny’s parents are no Naomi, or Ross, or Blaine, or Carol, or Linda, but even if they’re not one of the hated parents… they honestly are kind of terrible. Like, they are least seem redeemable, but they need to believe in their damn kid more and stop demeaning him.
Dorothy mentioned earlier in the strip that his parents gave her a picture frame endorsing the virtues of marriage: I know the main reason she dumped him, but you’ve GOT to imagine that played a part in it.
Eesh, that’s uncomfortable.
Dorothy didn’t specifically mention it was Danny’s parents though, she just said it was an ex boyfriend’s parents.
Could still have been them, but it’s not definite.
Not 100%, but kind of a stretch to think it wasn’t. It fits them and they’d been dating a couple of years. The farther back you go and the younger Dorothy was the creepier it gets.
Dorothy did spesifiy that this mom called her “Treasure” (https://www.dumbingofage.com/2016/comic/book-6/03-when-god-closes-the-door/prepaid/) which is what Sharon also called her (https://www.dumbingofage.com/2013/comic/book-3/04-just-hangin-out-with-my-family/wilcoxes/). So I think it’s pretty safe to say that’s that’s the mom she was talking about.
That also specifies she was 16 and I seem to remember she’d been dating Danny for two years at the start when she was 18.
Which also means it was pretty early on in their relationship, making it even more awkward.
Y’all are freshmen in college. Let’s just get to the Facebook official stage of dating first (am I showing my age with that being a relationship stage?)
Yeah I don’t think that’s a thing anymore (though I am also of the age where it was). I don’t think TikTok has relationship status…does it?
Its posting videos of yourself making out with an attractive person you claim is your boyfriend/step brother for clout
Despite this Danny’s parents are still not the worst parent(s)and/or gaurdians probably not even in the top five( if thinking individual parental figures vs groupings).
Carol, Blaine, Ross, Linda, Charles? I guess Sir could displace Charles if we’re taking guardians into account.
Though I guess if we’re using LIVING parents/guardians…
Looking at parental pairs(counting based on the worst member of any pair of parents):
Amber’s dad
Becky’s dad
Joyce’s mom
(lots of space)
Ruth’s Sir
The Walkertons
Ethan’s parents
Danny’s parents
Joe’s parents
(everyone past this point is basically fine and I’m not sorting them, except Dina and Dorothy’s families are perfect and good)
So based on that, Sal barely makes the top 5 worst families(which should not be taken as an endorsement of her parents under any circumstances).
Also, new revelations/more presence for any of the ones other than the top 3 could easily swap the order. Specifically, I suspect Sal’s parent’s have done more to actively screw her up than Danny’s have, and have had more time disapproving of her than Ethan’s homophobic parents have, but both of those are easily arguable.
I might put the space after Ruth’s sir (Clint), rather than before him. Hasn’t he been shown to terrorize Ruth, including by threatening Howard’s safety? He’s sneakier with adults, but he’s still a capital-A Abuser.
And maybe another space before Joe’s dad. Richard is a womanizer/cheater, plus he’s a blithe idiot about preventing future cheating — his selfish actions messed Joe up, but that’s not quite the same as directly attacking his kids’ sense of self-worth. And if you mean Stacey, Amber’s mom, she is kinda spacey and ineffective but she’s doing her best, plus she’s an abuse survivor who risked her life to get her kid away from Blaine, that’s a dang heroine.
And all we know about Joe’s mom, Karen, is she used to gush over how proud she was of Joe on the phone because he was kind, courteous and liked to read philosophy. Aaaaand then puberty hit and she was worried because she saw a resemblance to his dad and can ya blame her?
Oh, and she dropped him off at orientation.
And that was a bonus strip, IIRC.
She hasn’t made an appearance in the main comic yet.
https://www.dumbingofage.com/tag/karen
Wait, his mom is named Karen and his dad is named Richard…
But the Carpenters were siblings…
And Karen died of an eating disorder and helped push making eating disorders a thing that could be treated. We don’t know anything about Joe’s mom having an eating disorder.
I’d probably put Clint above Carol even. I expect to see a full on villain arc with him at some point.
And not much of a gap between Carol and Linda. Naomi might be in that range, if we saw her more.
I dunno about this, Naomi is honestly a truly horrible human being. I think if we saw her more often, she might beat out Linda, even.
True, Linda does (kinda) look out for her kids.
Naomi point blank said to Ethan he turned into a disappointment, told him to bang Joyce over and over, and then told Joyce she’d be easy.
Yeah. I mean, she didn’t kidnap Ethan at gunpoint to try to send him to straight camp, so she is de facto not as bad as Ross….but she’s still extremely homophobic! It’s not great!
I’m not sure if it’d make things better or worse for Sal if Sharon did like her. Oh, sweetie.
If Sharon did like her, I feel like Sal would be immediately suspicious of it.
“There’s gotta be a catch.”
It might only be because of her parents, apparently they are well-off and connected. Even Billies’ terrible frenemies are impressed by Wally’s parents. I’m sure they wouldn’t invite just any hot boy to join them.
I mean, i never want kids, though in theory i wouldn’t have any issue with any of my kids friends unless they were unnecessarily rude to me or secretly a ‘friendly bully’ kinda person (though usually those types of ppl can’t coerce themselves all the way into another person’s house)
but i’d be polite/neutral and be liek “sure they can come over for dinner if it’s ok with their parents” but not necessarily go outta my way to befriend them/their parents
I like you, Sal!
On the flipside… the Walkertons’ opinion of Danny?
He’s white, middle-class, can pass for cishet, and is dorky enough to seem smart*. They’ll love him.
*the fact that he is moderately smart is irrelevant to whether or not he seems like it.
They might only love him if they think he can ‘bring Sal in line’.
They’d probably like him, except that he probably WOULD stand up for her if they shit-talked Sal in front of him, which would sour things.
When doing the absolutely right thing for the right reasons is still kind of Danning it up. (Except not, because who cares what Linda thinks about anything?)
Come to think of it, Linda also liked Dorothy when she was dating Walky. I’m now imagining the Walkertons and Wilcoxes bonding over how great Dorothy is and why did their sons let her go, while the actual relationships go completely ignored.
Everybody loves the Dorothy Keener. She is a terrific athlete!
Sometimes I wonder, if parents care so dang much why their kid isn’t dating So-And-So anymore, why don’t they just date ’em instead?
I do hope he would but Danny is still prone to being a pushover. I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t stand up for her to them because he’s trying to impress them
Sal coasting under the radar cuz of Dotty is kinda soothing.
From flower to does his parents gonna like me?
Hold your horses miss Walkerton or do you want be called mistress Wilcox?
she was not comfortable being a girlfriend. she didn’t say anything about wife.
It’s going to be a loooong time before Danny even possibly broaches the subject. Even then, Sal’s going to scurry away like a cat hiding under the couch from strangers.
Honestly I think she’s just catastrophizing a little. It doesn’t seem like it occurred to her that being girlfriend and boyfriend was on the table, and now she’s going through all the potential implications of that, and perhaps the potential ways it could go badly
not being Dorothy is an acceptable source of disappointment
Oh Sal, she’s asking specifically what a mother might think of her. This shows so much how the disapproval of her mother hurts her and how she has lost all hope of being loved by her. But she now she has Danny and everything else is no longer important. Also, Joe is a good friend.
Not just her mother, mind. Sal is used to being a disappoiintment to her father as well- remember when the Walkertons visited, and she put on her catholic school uniform to make a good impression, and her dad said “your hair is so pretty when it’s straight”? (Her hair wasn’t straight).
I think her father is awful in a passive, enabling sort of way, where among other things, he does nothing to check Linda’s more openly terrible treatment of Sal. I get the feeling he’s more overtly affectionate than Linda, and oblivious to how expressing love through conditional praise is damaging to a child’s sense of security and self-worth and self-worth. (“I CAN achieve my parents’ love and approval! I just have to meet certain standards or conditions, that’s all!”)
True, but it was Linda who chose Walky over Sal to send him on that TV show, always Linda who preferred Walky to Sal since they were born and Linda who talked the money she had raised for Marcie. Her father is not good, but her mother is a disgrace who has done a lot to make her life difficult. I think that for Sal the opinion of a mother is different from that of a father.
Maybe, but Sal’s usually talked about them as a pair. I don’t think she’s shown much distinction.
Being Hot is Good News.
Not acknowledged.
If the 2nd point had been “You are an 8.”
…
LOL
The only parents who liked me straight off were the evangelical Christians who had been worried their (atheist) son was gay. My husband’s parents came around after his younger brother got married and I was no longer the interloper (11 years after they first met me, 5 years since we were married).
I just noticed Joe’s desk has an entire string of condoms just casually hanging off the side. Real classy, scum bag.
Sexually active people who use barrier protection are the WORST amirite
(Maybe it’s his fucking room and he can keep his condoms wherever he wants, in his own space?)
Yeah, you’re gonna have to explain to me why it’s bad keeping a stack of condoms in your bedroom when you’re sexually active (and have done the requisite shared-space formalities like discussing it with your roommate).
I figure it is a little uncouth (especially when his friend’s girlfriend is around) so he should maybe keep them inside his desk instead of on it.
… and that’s reason to call him a scumbag?
Slight messiness is a moral failure.
Actually meant to be “cum bag” easy mistake to make
Why? What difference does he make if he keeps them inside his desk instead of on it? What difference does it make if Sal is present? None of this makes any sense.
It’s definitely classier than NOT having them.
Eh, I’d call Joe a scumbag for his Do List (which he turned off, I think), but condoms are a good sign that he knows the importance of protection. And Sal already knows about Joe’s promiscuity.
It just seems like he may be keeping them in full view to show off how sexually active he is.
That, plus he may simply not be ashamed of something as mundane as visible, fully-wrapped and unused condoms being briefly visible in his personal room where he lives. He’s not known for being a prude, and all.
He wants to be sure Danny knows where they are if the need suddenly arises.
I think it’s nice of Joe to be considerate with his best buddy like this. He’s grown so much.
I don’t think it makes him a scumbag (as RAs we had a huge fishbowl full in our doorway) but that’s really nice attention to detail on the part of Willis that I totally didn’t notice. It’s funny because the comic strip that I usually miss little artistic jokes in and only get them from reading the comments is breaking cat news! So far no condoms in that one.
You better gain your money to kick u mom in the ass, as she deserves.
Did Sharon know that Danny was priorly involved with a superhero?
I forget some of the family weekend shenanigans.
Amber came over and introduced herself as Danny’s girlfriend, so..not really, no.
I don’t think so. Amber showed up and pretended to be dating him, which led to a clash between them.
I hope one day I get to see Danny tell his parents the f off
yes
So what is “chorus homework”? Go sing in the shower? With a friend?
Learn your part
That sounds like a sitcom excuse.
“Wait, it’s not how it looks! We’re uh… We’re doing chorus homework! And our clothes were in the dryer because we were playing in the snow and they got soaked, and we figured the shower was warm and had good acoustics!”
Sal’s really cute. She really wants people to like her, even though so many people hate her before she’s even talked to them.
Not sure if you’re serious, but I don’t think we’ve seen people hate her – other than Malaya.
She wants to be liked for herself, not for the superficial “hot, cool girl” thing that basically everybody is attracted to her for.
Why wouldn’t I be serious? I think it’s reasonable to infer that a lot of people pre-emptively hate Sal, even if Malaya and Linda are the only ones we really see that from in-comic. Maybe I’m extrapolating, but that’s no reason I wouldn’t be serious.
Yes, I understand why Sal wants to be liked. I didn’t feel like writing a novel about it though. I’ve also been either severely sleep-deprived or phenomenally high for the past…. idk like a month, so in-depth analysis is kinda getting sidelined here for simple statements.
I got my wife preggers about 45 years ago, when she was still just my girlfriend, which did not go over well with my in-laws, when we visited for years I was put in a separate bed, even after the third grandchild.
Of all her sibs, Mrs. the Poet is the only one still married to her original spouse, some of whom are past their third spouses. I guess that has redeemed me somewhat in their eyes.
In a large way this strip works because the parents of the main cast are all kind of awful in their own way and the characters have to learn to overcome their upbringing. With perhaps a few exceptions like Dina who have supportive parents but have other issues to overcome.
I am baffled by how that window works. for one, how does she manage to get through it, and two, how do you close it when it is bigger than the opening.
It looked more reasonable back when Danny was leaning out of it. It is a bit wonky here.
As for getting through it, it wouldn’t dare block Sal. It knows what happens to windows that get in Sal’s way.
I wonder how my friends’ parents viewed me when I was younger. I was almost certainly a dick for no good reason, for a long time as well.
Understanding what Danny’s mother thinks is a remarkable display of social eptitude, at least at his age. Is that neurotypical? Even if he’s wrong, it’s plausible.
At his age I didn’t know how to begin answering questions like that.