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The Onion @theonion.com ⋅ 4h
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| TEAM FOSSILS
Rainbow Friends
Paparazzi oh shi
Why oh why did you not go with oh snap?
To me, “oh snap” goes with VWs =p
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TcxpbhM0DaA
Look Vegeta! The paparazzi….. I must protect my image!!!
I beat you to that quote by 1 hour and 9 minutes.
*sigh I just saw. I came here late tonight. Touche Plasma.
Oh well, you cant win them all.
…she has a wrist communicator/watch? Awesome.
It’s really more of an iphone caddy
Amazigirl is buzz lightyear!!!
Don’t you get it? You see the hat? She is Mrs. Nessbit.
Years of Academy training wasted!
CRACKERS!
You talking about the snack food or the American slang-term for whites?
Crackers go great with cheese. but don’t say that to their face.
Wait, crackers are a slang term now?
In America, cracker is a racial slur used against white people but like the term honky, very few white people care less about being called that.
My understanding is that it is an anti-semetic term (related to matzoh) that has been re-purposed as/mistaken for a racist term against white people.
Much like “stupid” is actually an ablist term, but very few people realize.
There are icky terms for us Jews, but cracker isn’t one of them (except insofar as we’re white, these days). Race in America: there’s plenty of weirdness to go around!
All those dang Irish immigrants, takin’ our jobs!
Strange how fluid the lines between race seem to be.
And the question remains: crackers and cheese, anyone? ^^
Actually, the history behind that word is kinda funny. Way back when, a cracker was a braggart (like, cracking wise, or cracking a joke). I think Shakespeare even used it. Eventually the term came to apply to certain early southern American frontiersman, who were apparently known as lawless braggarts, I guess? The name would’ve died out until it revived again as a name for cowboys from Florida and Georgia (also descendants of the above frontiersman), since they didn’t herd with lassos, but instead with whips. Which they “cracked”, of course. Nowadays, it’s kindof a point of pride for some folks, that call themselves Florida Crackers to indicate that they’re descended from those early Floridian (and I guess Georgian) settlers.
Though yes, it has spread elsewhere as a racial slur that few folks actually get offended by.
The more you know!
*Every* english term for being unimpressively intelligent is ablist by that measure, since all such terms were used indiscriminately on both fools and the genuinely retarded forever.
Thank gods for political incorrectness or we wouldn’t be able to describe the internet.
Sure you could! “Asshole” is an insult that isn’t sexist, racist nor ableist.
I guess it’ll become politically incorrect when and if we have uplifted animals, but until then, it’s safe.
That is not true. It’s okay to call some people stupid. The rude customers on NotAlwaysRight for example chose to be that way. It doesn’t matter if some people have used it for the mentally retarded…the people using it wrong don’t taint the word.
And there are plenty of terms you could use that aren’t racial, gender, orientation, or religion based. Most cursewords that don’t involve female genitalia and variations on shit or turd can get around that.
Not it isn’t. Stupid is about the only word for people who believe we’re being controlled be lizard aliens…and crazy but you get the idea. You can’t be prejudiced against someone who thinks cattle are carnivores or tries to stop paying customers from sitting in a theater.
It doesn’t have the full power of a racist term because of the race dynamics involved.
I heard this in Ingrid Third’s voice. Am I the only that still remembers Fillmore! ?
I remember. Too bad they aired it in 5.00 A.M where I’m from.
“I must be drunker than I thought. I’m pretty sure Captain marvel with tits was just talking to me.”
I thought that was called Mary Marvel.
Or Ms. Marvel for short.
Meanwhile Billie is passed out in a pool of her own vomit.
So just a normal night for her then…
“The Paparazzi! I MUST PROTECT MY IMAGE!!!”
*BOOM!*
HEADSHOT!
It certainly made Amazi-Girl’s hair much shaggier.
She’s Clark Kenting her hair to avoid tipping off Danny, remember?
It worked pretty well for 80s Supergirl, minus the colour change that is.
DEMOPAN!!
1 Stout Shako for 2 Refined!
He’s a black Scottish cyclops.
She blew up the cargo hold! AND THE CARGO WAS PEOPLE!
Technically it was Soylent Green but yeah…
HTC Rhyme, or another phone in a purple case?
oh god, why do I care about thatYou have brand-awareness?
Kind of, but that’s an oversimplification. I’m a mobile phone geek, and I’m fascinated by the retrograde tactics the industry uses to market these devices to women. Brand awareness is necessary just to keep up. (The Rhyme was a fascinating, if insultingly sexist, experiment in marketing Verizon Android devices outside the 18-[35? 49?] male demo. It was also a great midrange device for the time. I’ve always been curious about the people who bought it, and it would tell me something about Dorothy were she one of them.)
I find it funny that they(the marketers) feel that things like colour only appeals to women, I like distinctive colours like bright green, orange, yellow, mint or even a nice brown.
I have been searching around for water/shock-resistant phones which have stereo Bluetooth, Micro SD, a decent MP3 player and a good battery life. I don’t care about having a million apps so having my next phone as a smartphone isn’t that important to me.
The best ones I’ve seen are the JCB Toughphones and G-Shock phones, but I might have trouble getting my hands on them.
Its that obnoxious guy from Shortpacked!
No he’s a completely different person.
Bob?
But he doesn’t look anything like a goldfish.
He’s gonna tell you why this beer is better than that shitty 2nd gen beer.
I could totally see Duncan as a beer snob.
“I don’t always drink beer but when I do, I prefer Dos Equis”
Duncan seems pretty much the same.
I don’t know alcohol might make him easier to handle. It works for Mike anyway.
Is he still insufferable in this universe?
Well, he didn’t take the opportunity to lecture Amazi-Girl on token female superheroes, but he has the look on his face like he’s going to head straight home and rant about it on the internet…
I wish he would’ve. Amber O’Malley might have to put up with his crap since he’s a customer, but Amazi-Girl doesn’t.
I really, really, really like Amb… erm, AMAZI-Girl’s hair a tousled like that.
permanent sex hair.
It’s pretty great, but man do I hate drawing it.
Is it really that much harder to draw than the rest of the comic?
She should keep that look, but remember to smooth it out whenever she is in her civilian form.
Sex hair
The only Sex-Hair I know is Kaoru from Amagami.
so after they bang, Danny’s gonna recognize the hair. yeah ?
You’re assuming she’s going to bang him with her mask off.
Danny then appear out of nowhere and snatches the phone.
Oh hey, it’s that guy.
What guy?
the guy with the face. he’s usually wearing clothes.
There are many guys with the face and the clothes but which one is Xartarin is talking about?
The one with the ears, obviously.
BEHOLD! Ears of corn!
You know, that guy, Sir Eglamore.
Wait, what?
Amazi-Girl, tell that blonde female citizen that there’s no Cheese in this continuity, then send her back to her own branch of the multi-verse!
The Cheese exists in this continuity as a fictional character. Hey, if Head Alien and Robo-Monkey have their own show, why shouldn’t The Cheese?
The Cheese is a constant across all universes. He is, however, most likely on a different planet at this time.
Pluto, maybe?
Impossible, since Pluto isn’t a planet any more…
It’s still a dwarf planet at least, it’s like you’re suggesting that dwarves ain’t people.
Not in this universe. At the time of his creation, The Cheese encountered a gigantic intergalactic Wallace, who ate him with tea and crackers.
Life with Cheese
My teenage daughter is The Cheese
Everyone love Cheese
Dancing with the Cheese
The Misadventures of The Cheese
Real Cheese-wives of Compton
Who wants to be The Cheese?
Cheese’s Funniest home videos
Law and Order [Cheese Files]
Law and Order: Cheese Files sounds like a great idea. That and Who wants to be the Cheese.
Cheeseformers: Feast Wars
Danny Feta.
Maybe the cheese is a mascot for a macaroni brand.
Or the Green Bay Packers?
I would gladly read an entire comic called “Amazi-Girl Adventures”, “It’s Amber!”, or some other Amazi-Girl/Amber-centric comic!
“Ambies”? “Amberpacked!”? “”Ambing of Ber”?
really? she’s the only character I can’t stomach from this comic & shortpacked combined
Heretic! Amazi-Girl is awesome. SHUN THE HERETIC!
Dorothy? Uh? Dorothy? Camera? you should probably use a camera? With a flash? Cuz it’s dark? Dorothy?
Dorothy? Dorothy? DOROTHYYYYYYYYYYYYY! *insert Metal Gear game over theme here*
“Amazi-girl! You’ve created a time paradox!”
those look like flash lines to me
So Dorothy took a picture of the back of Amazi-Girl’s head?
DA DUN DUN
Dorothy may be shopping for a new cell phone in the morning.
Unless Dotty has one of those tumbr or youtube uploading apps, all Amazi-Girl needs to do is throw the phone hard against a wall, pray it’s not a JCB Toughphone or a G-Shock phone.
pictures get saved to SD card on android, wouldn’t be a problem. also, pics has “Google photos sync” built in
“ICS” not “pics” dyac
I’d say something witty here, but I’m too tired to think. I’ll try again when it’s reasonable o’clock.
Dina needs to do something about her hat-hair when she crime fights because it makes her look like Amber for some reason.
Is this guy a transformer fan even in this universe? Does he still pick fights with ethan over the quality of hasbro toys? For all this and more, stay tuned …. ?!
he probably complains about how inferior college is today compared to the 80s
Possible! That would be still in line with his character in the other universe
Of all the things Joyce and Walky thought Dorothy would be doing, “stalking a superhero” probably wasn’t on the list.
I’m curious about how Dorothy went about tracking her down. Dorothy seems too well-prepared for this to be random chance.
Now, of course, Amazi-Girl’s identity is in actual jeopardy. Hope you’re e-mailing that pic to yourself before she reaches you, Dor.
I don’t see Dorothy being “too well-prepared”. She’s using her cell-phone, which she would likely have on her most of the time, to take the picture. It’s not like Amazigirl was bounding around rooftops; She was standing still, after calmly conversing with a student. I’ve snapped much more transient phenomena with my camera phone before.
Also, Duncan. Dunkin’. His face. Into alcohol. Because My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, Scooby Doo: Mystery Inc. and the 2011 Thundercats are BASTARDIZATIONS of the original series, and no one listens to him, ever.
What. Friendship is magic and the Thundercats reboot are both awesome.
waiting for her outfit to rip after she gains her “freshman fifteen”
Crime-fighting burns a lot a calories.
fair enough.
Though I’m sure he’s just a fun easter egg for the Shortpacked fans, I can’t help but hope we’ll some day find out what Duncan’s a snob about in this universe.
Well, we can rule out beer snob. I mean, drinking straight out of a can. Pfft…
why do I ship Amber and Dorothy all of a sudden.
*headdesk*
Because you know a good thing when you see it?
I am glad I am not alone. I’m imagining the makeouts, I admit.
They’re still the same person. It’s just Dorothy is Batman in disguise here.
I think this strip is an excuse for Willis to show off how differently he draws Dorothy and Amber now.
While Amber is sans glasses with tousled hair? That’s cheating.
I find the Idea of Amber saying a polite “Thank you” in a Christian Bale bat-voice to be inexplicably giggle-inducing.
Amazi-girl: “Maybe there is some way I could… convince you…. to keep those photos to yourself?”
Dorothy: “Maybe there is…” Smooch smooch smack…
Later….
Random 1920’s vintage Newsie: “Extra Extra, Amazi-girl in awesome lesbian sex video! Gives it to mysterious hot blond like there’s no tomorrow!”
Dorothy: “What? You only said ‘no pictures’, you didn’t say anything about no VIDEOS.”
Meanwhile…
Joyce: “Oh my god this video is so incredibly hot that I’m suddenly a lesbian!”
Sarah: “Oh man, me too!”
All other women in the world: “Oh man, me too!”
Meanwhile meanwhile:
Manny: “Oh, wow, it’s so hot that I’m suddenly straight!”
Drew: “Oh no! Me too!”
Nearly all other gay men: “Oh no! Me too!”
Ethan: “Hmmm, nice camera work. Wait, what’s that? Robin has a mole on her butt in the EXACT SAME PLACE! What a weird coincidence!”
Dorothy: Mwwahahahahah! My evil plot to make a lesbian sex video so hot that all women become lesbians and all gay men straight is a success! Now all women will be happy and all men will be miserable! Mwaaaaahahahahahahhh!!
CAN Ethan, the only gay man immune to Amazi-girl’s and Dorothy’s incredibly hot sex video, stop her foul plot in time? WILL Dorothy’s evil plot to extinguish the human race through hot lesbian love succeed? Can Amazi-girl team up with Ethan without revealing her SECRET IDENTITY?
Tune in next week, on Amazi-Girl Adventures!
Dah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah dah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah Amazi-girl!
Dorothy seems rather nonchalant for actually managing to find Amazi Girl. I wonder how she tracked her down.
SCIENCE!
or she just looked out a window for a large blue and yellow blurr.
She’s been handing out free cans of beer.
Walky’s ears cropped up at the mention of cheese and at the voice doing the mentioning.
That’s a stupid rule, and I won’t tolerate anyone enforcing it…not even Amazi-girl. I thought she was cool, not a rule-monger.
ahahahahahahaha
ahhahaha
IU
ahahah
Dry campus
ahahahahaha
It really would take a superhero to do it.
Superheroes: kind of authoritarian dickbags sometimes.
Partially because this kind of autonomic reverence for law is the sort of thing that generally causes me to envision Batman kicking in doors, roaring “ORAL SEX IS ILLEGAL IN THIS STATE!”
In fairness its not like the guy’s behind closed doors. He’s walking around a dry campus with a beer out. She’s practically doing him a favor by not reporting him and just telling him to trash it or get off campus quick.
Hey, just realizing, Amazi-Girl really should’ve beat up Duncan here. So she’s already been inconsistent.
Aha! I was right! Ruth is Amazi-Girl!