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Actually, since “monstrum” basically means “mixed being” and was initially used to describe any kind of abomination, a griffon as well as the child of a negro and a white person, of an aristocrat and a peasant etc. – unless you’re pure-blooded to the nth degree, you’re most likely a monster of sorts. And so is anyone else here, if I’m not mistaken.
Funny thing, really. The word “monster” doesn’t really have a concrete definition. I mean, seriously, Grover from Seseme Street, Count Dracula, and the creature from John Carpenter’s The Thing. They’re all monsters, but what common traits do they actually share?
I kinda want them to have a mini revolt while I am away becoming a pokemon trainer. I’ll come back to my post as mayor to fire and pitchforks. It would make my night.
Mary Ann was not a bongo. You’ve got to be thinking of Ginger. Now *there* was a stuck-up snarky (even though we weren’t using the word back then) bongo for you.
Know what I just realized? The most self righteous fundamentalist this side of Joyce’s folks ‘s in the same conversation as the alcoholic in the emotionally complex girl/girl relationship.
Ya know, I didn’t think this was actually a real thing, but now I’m just disappointed it only goes up to 58. Ya’d think humankind woulda had more ways to do it than that by now.
That’s not a sex calendar; it’s the Periodic Table of Sex!
Roz knows ALL the sexual elements. wink wink nudge nudge know what I mean, say no more, say nor more, wink wink nudge nudge
Willis gave us a heads-up on Riley about seven or eight weeks back….she was in the background of the 9/18 strip while the Walkertons were hanging with the De Santos and the Dean in the VIP box at the football game.
Speaking of Walkyverse, do you plan on finishing Joyce and Walky? The page hasn’t been updated in months. Unless you made a different page and I missed an email…
Or is that the end? It doesn’t seem like the end.
I actually kind of suspected it was that Riley had stayed the night with Roz. But I’d guessed that Mary had just seen that there was a second person in Roz’s bed and leaped to conclusions without bothering to identify who it was. Instead she’s, um, I don’t know, what the hell, Mary?
Riley showed up in a preview panel a while back, so I knew she was going to be around today (in-comic “today”), and it seemed reasonable that she’d have stayed with Roz. And I was trying to think of ways Mary could be the worst. She exceeded my expectations, though!
S’like I said, she’s some kind of fractal of terrible. The closer you look, the more terrible there is hidden in the details of the terrible, and you can keep zooming in and in and there’s always just more terrible.
In some ways it’s easier to hate your roommate right off the bat because you can vilify their every action and not try to be sympathetic. It’s way harder when you’re supposed to like them (ex-friends?) but they’re driving you up the wall with seemingly minor things.
Mary’s first appearance was Ruth dragging her into the move-in day floor meeting by the scruff of her neck. Her first speaking appearance was when Billie busted into her room when she was naked.
Part of it is that I’ve actually got an encyclopedia to refer to. I’ve been putting together a timeline of events with links to the strips (I’ll post it when I get caught up to present), so I’m able to jump straight to the significant events of the first two-thirds or so of the archives and consult the actual strip. And since I’m still in the middle of a slow, detailed archive crawl to assemble that, it’s still fresh in my memory.
But for that one I just clicked on the “mary” tag under the strip.
Okay, Mary, I sympathized with you when I thought you were being sexiled. I can even give you some room for being irritated that your roommate allowed their younger sibling (or anyone really) to spend the night without first making sure you were okay with it. But at this point, you’re going out of your way to be unpleasant and unreasonable.
I find Roz self-righteous and preachy to almost the same degree in her own way, so when I actually sympathize with her regarding having a shitty roommate, there is a problem.
I think that Roz and Mary are actually VERY alike. Only Mary would never admit to her own dirty mind (the “lady” doth protest too much) and Roz would never admit the fact that she thinks she is better than everyone else. At least she wouldn’t admit it NEARLY as often as Mary would.
Their similarities can only mean the inevitability of one destroying the other. THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE.
I like your thinking. The DeSanti, the Wilcoxen, the Saruyama and the Rosenthäler. I think everyone else has an English surname which gets a boring -s on the end.
Of course they can. Look at the Zorro movies with Antonio Banderas; Zorro was actually Don Diego de la Vega. So when you got the father, the son, the wife, and the grandson together you had “the de la Vegas” …. with the plural ‘S’.
I sort of assumed she spent the night sitting in the corridor and that was why she was so pissy about the whole thing. Mary strikes me as the sort to make a martyr of herself for absolutely no good reason, and be bitter and nasty about it afterward for weeks, dropping passive-aggressive references about the horrible hardships she’s had to endure because of Roz.
And if she reached the point where she said flat out what happened, her roommate would just blink and be like, “What? You spent the night in the corridor? I thought you were just staying elsewhere. Why didn’t you just come in and go to bed?”
That’s what a reasonable person would have done, but Mary’s not reasonable, and I’d put money on her having left the moment Riley showed up, and then pointlessly wasting a night feeling sorry for herself.
Because I wasn’t already having enough trouble keeping myself from booting back up my copy of Animal Crossing. . . . I wonder if that’s in-game stationary, and if so, if I can find it.
But seriously, with the obvious reaction out of the way- anyone else think Billie’s hand looks a bit odd in panel one? And, uh, is it rude of me to point that out? (I sure hope not…)
Actually merengue is also a dance and is pronounced kinda like meh-rang-geh. But I don’t actually know how to pronounce the character from the game that’s referred to here and if their name is in any way related to the dance lol.
I actually love Roz a lot with her sex positivity and feminism and general awesome-ness and now I love her little sister as well. Actually all the DeSanto’s are pretty much great. DoA needs more of all of them to balance some of the more … err… not so great people.
In totally unrelated news (ahem), Mary continues to be the worst.
Careful kids, you think you’re having innocent fun, but games like Animal Crossing or Pokemon are just the gateways – before you know it you’re watching your whole life slip away, ODing on Fire Emblem and cheap e-shop retro downloads. Don’t believe me? I had a job and a family that loved me once. And pants.
Weirdly enough, in my Nanowrimo for this year, which is turning into a first person narrative of a cross between Silent Hill, Animal Crossing, and a point and click game, I have strongly implied that the Animal people in the story are hideous monsters wearing human skins with animal masks.
If you re-read the text you will note that Mary’s biggest gripe is that the De Santos are “monsters” because Roz let Riley stay over “without so much as advance notice”. Meaning Mary, Roz, and somebody (like Joe?) were going to be doing a three-way last night, but with underage Riley on the scene that train got derailed.
And religious zealots who are prone to sins of the flesh are nothing new. Jim Bakker of the PTL Club is a perfect case in point.
Well, yeah it was. But considering how many people on this forum keep trying to project these same-sex relationships like Billie/Rufh and Ethan/Joshua, or suggesting that Joyce may be gay/bi-curious, I didn’t think my tongue-in-cheek remark was all that far out of line.
No one has to project for Billie & Ruth. There was a kiss! And a one-sided confession of “liking.” It’s pretty obvious Ethan was flirting with Jocelyn when he thought she was a gay guy too. Projecting is a little exaggerated. Joyce has also said, for humorous effect, homoerotic comments.
Projecting would be saying Mike and Ethan need to bang. Not that they haven’t before in a different universe.
Maybe I am off-base here, David. I took you at your word that this was a stand-alone comic but even so, a lot of the posters make references to the actions of these characters in the Walkyverse or the Shortpackverse.
Based on what I’ve seen here in the Dumbiverse, Billie is hetero; a lesbian wouldn’t push someone like Danny onto a bed and declare “I’m on top”; she also pushed Ruth away after the kiss. Ethan has admitted he’s gay, sure; but the impression I took away of Joshua/Jocelyne was that he is identifying as a woman; not a gay male. We’ve already determined that Joe will bang anyone with genitals different from his own; and Roz is an advocate of what I call ‘hedonistic sex’ — “if it feels good do it”. I could possibly see her as bisexual. Danny is not only straight but “experienced”; see his remark here about how it took him two years to get into Dorothy’s pants and how upset he would be if Walky was able to score within a week; and Dorothy is also straight — making it with Danny, and allowed Walky to at least get to second base.
The other thing is I remember what I was like when I was
Because any woman with the fucking AUDACITY to show a legitimate interest in other women is instantly branded a “LESBIAN” or a “FUCKING LIAR”. THERE ARE APPARENTLY NO OTHER ENDS TO THAT SPECTRUM.
I cannot count any longer how many times the follow-up response to a mention of bisexuality is “HOW MANY GIRLS HAVE YOU KISSED/SLEPT WITH?!”
So bring your photographic documentation and some notarized OFFICIAL FUCKING DOCUMENTS, because sexuality is another aspect that is DENIED AND DISRESPECTED UNTIL PROVEN WITHIN THE PARAMETERS OF A BUNCH OF ENTITLED MANCHILDREN.
NOTICE TO ALL: DO NOT BOTHER EXPRESSING YOUR FEELINGS UNLESS YOU CAN PROVE THAT YOU FEEL THEM. SOMEHOW. WITH MAGIC.
Otherwise they are pretty much treated like they do not exist.
” I took you at your word that this was a stand-alone comic but even so, a lot of the posters make references to the actions of these characters in the Walkyverse or the Shortpackverse.”
Did you also take him at his word when he said that the character’s sexuality is one thing that WILL NOT change between universes? That’s the reason why it valid to refer to things from the Walkyverse when discussing that particular topic.
BTW, Walkyverse and Shortpackverse are the same ‘verse.
(posted too soon…to continue)
The other thing is I remember what I was like when I was 18 and a freshman in college. I know times have changed from the days of Nixon/Ford/Carter, but when a person is that young I cannot believe that someone can know beyond a shadow of a doubt their sexual preference or proclivity. The constant calls from the peanut gallery for two of the characters to do the nasty with each other without regard for gender, age, experience level, or current relationship with someone is to me just so much distracting background noise.
Yes, it’s fairly disturbing how people are assuming characters orientations at this young age. How can we truly know people like Dorothy and Walky are straight without far more experience than they have now?
Whether YOU believe a person can know their sexuality at a certain age is irrelevant to reality. People can and will understand their sexuality (or continue to update their understanding of it) at whatever age life chooses for them, whether it be 5 or 99.
And your anecdotal experience as a college freshman means everyone else has precisely the same experience, right? I don’t know that I’d go around dating myself like that while also announcing a total lack of knowledge on human sexuality.
They can’t have noticed what they’re attracted to until they have more sex (presumably with persons of both genders), and you can’t understand why they would have sex with persons of different genders.
These are both your positions, yes?
Neither is very valid in the first place, and they contradict each other.
And yes, I know what a bisexual is …. refer again to Billie pushing Ruth away.
Maybe we’ll just have to agree to disagree. For the most part I see the cast as a bunch of wet-behind-the-ears confused kids who are trying to find themselves in all aspects of their lives, not just the part that involves genitalia and erogenous zones.
I would like to add that I find it hilarious that someone’s trying to argue a character’s sexuality with the person who CREATED that character and has been writing her for years.
I gotta say, it takes balls to directly disagree with someone about their own creations, on their own forum. I’m pretty sure there’s a term for that, but I can’t remember what it is.
So how does she know that ALL the DeSantoses are monsters? Or is it that everyone alive is awful and that just happens to include Riley (who looks like an awesome person)?
This is doubly ironic for me since my best friend in high school had the last name DeSanto. Second of eleven children from a super-religious family, no less (they took “be fruitful and multiply” kinda literally….). The youngest was 15 years my junior. (And five of the girls were J-names, too.)
The second oldest girl coulda been Roz, while the youngest could have been Riley. The fourth girl could have been the Walkyverse Robin – really hyper-fast with no attention span.
I love this oh my god. The Desantoses are like an au of me and my two sisters. From the extremely similar last name, the eldest sister wanting/being a congresswoman to us all being monsters.
Riley is adorable and makes me want to make her an adopted little sister. Also she seems a great deal less arrogant, judging by that message. (Which is a really shitty thing to assume. I’m arrogant as hell and send people free stuff all the time in games just for being nice.)
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btw if you're one of those rando bluesky weirdos who doesn't know me but sees me in the wild being sarcastic and don't know i'm being sarcastic because you haven't taken like 30 seconds to, like, maybe look at my user profile or something, keep walking, you're not going to score internet points here
Here's an entertaining cite at the bottom of the first page
Josh Gerstein@joshgerstein.bsky.social ⋅ 1d
JUST IN: Milwaukee Judge Hannah Dugan moves to dismiss federal criminal case against her for allegedly helping immigrant hide from ICE. Her lawyers say she's protected by official acts & judicial immunity and 10th Amendment. Doc: storage.courtlistener.com/recap/gov.us...
Where did Hollywood go so wrong? I thought movies were supposed to be an escape from reality, a chance to put your worries aside and not have to think about any underlying ideas or concepts. Well, not anymore.
theonion.com/you-can...
It's not a new argument, of course, but Chesterton dismissed it effectively in 1908.
"You will hear everlastingly... this argument that the rich man cannot be bribed. The fact is, of course, that the rich man is bribed; he has been bribed already. That is why he is a rich man."
Aaron Rupar@atrupar.com ⋅ 1d
Hawley dismisses Trump lining his pockets with his memecoin: "Listen, I think nobody believes that Donald Trump can be bought. I mean, what does Donald Trump need more money for?"
wilbur, savvy enough to know he's in a comic strip but still not a great actor, awkwardly lifts a muffin up into frame so that we, the audience, understand that he has a muffin right now, which is very important narratively, but he's not really selling it well as an organic, human action
confirming that the reason there's been no Galaxy Version female characters in Blokees until now is that they felt they needed to make Round Lady Thighs For Ladies
preternia @preternia.com ⋅ 7h
Josh Gerstein @joshgerstein.bsky.social ⋅ 1d
Aaron Rupar @atrupar.com ⋅ 1d
Pavel
@spavel.bsky.social ⋅ 10d
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MONSTERS, I TELL YOU! MONSTERS!
They look like monsters to you?
EVERYTHING IS A MONSTER YOU’RE A MONSTER I’M A MONSTER WE ARE ALL MONSTERS RUN HIDE WE PREPARED FOR THIS WE SAW THAT MOVIE
Hi, I’m a mammal. Imma eat you.
When everyone is a monster, no one will be.
Actually, since “monstrum” basically means “mixed being” and was initially used to describe any kind of abomination, a griffon as well as the child of a negro and a white person, of an aristocrat and a peasant etc. – unless you’re pure-blooded to the nth degree, you’re most likely a monster of sorts. And so is anyone else here, if I’m not mistaken.
^ You get a cookie.
And thus cappdocius’ point stands. If all is monsters, monster is a term that retains no meaning and thus none is monsters because all has meaning.
Or something. I don’t know. I can’t brain today.
Great…now I’m thinking of that one manga with the Big-busted-one-eyed-beauty that just happens to be a school doctor.
‘There are no monsters here….just poeple’ – says the Cyclops in a world with near every creature-in-imagination resides!
Funny thing, really. The word “monster” doesn’t really have a concrete definition. I mean, seriously, Grover from Seseme Street, Count Dracula, and the creature from John Carpenter’s The Thing. They’re all monsters, but what common traits do they actually share?
You know what, don’t answer that.
Damn you Vincent…that was a horrible joke!
Now if you will excuse me, I must go bash to death these nameless terrors over the head with my Gold Pipe!
killing a person ant no big deal you put the gun to their head pow
It’s okay Aizat. Some of us recognised your Silent Hill 3 reference.
Yes a monster would be safe and buy a 2ds (no copyright intended) and have animal crossing new leaf
Only a monster would choose the 2DS.
Or people with no depth perception.
or children under six with parents who take safety warnings very seriously.
Or people who do not place a $40-70 value on 3D.
THAT FIEND
SHE MUST BURN FOR THIS
BURN THE WITCH!
“I’ll get the flail.”
I bet she even floats like a duck.
Is it true that Riley turned you into a newt?
I got better!
Who are you, who is so wise in the ways of science?
Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
FIRE WILL PURIFY HER SOUL
It’s getting all “silent hill” up in these comments!!! O_o
Kill the pig! Cut her throat! Bash her in!
WE EAT THE PIG AND TOGETHER WE BURN!
STRIP THE FLESH! SALT THE WOUND!
I AM THE CONDUCTOR OF THE POOP TRAIN
I LIKE MY VICTIMS HOW I LIKE MY COFFEE; IN THE BUTT!
Whatchoo talkin’ ’bout, Satan?
Does that make Riley, Simon? Or a metaphor for Jesus which was apparently one interpretation of that?
I feel like this is how non-tumblr users feel about us fandom bloggers.
Animal Crossing? How dare she! She’ll just abandon it when Pokemon comes out, the MONSTER!!!
…but it did?
Maybe not THAT Pokemon. The other Pokemon.
That one also did?
No the other other pokemon
…Pokebank?
Fine >_>
How about Zelda?
She is no monster! She is holding a 2ds! Which means Pokémon is already out!
That’s what I did. My towns people are like
“That dude just left. I don’t think he’s still paying his rent”
“Oh, him? Yeah, he’ll be back soon, I think.
I kinda want them to have a mini revolt while I am away becoming a pokemon trainer. I’ll come back to my post as mayor to fire and pitchforks. It would make my night.
And then you calmly reach for your masterball and put down the revolution.
FINALLY! Riley!
I’ve been waiting for her to do something since she was introduced!
I wonder if we’ll ever see her in Shortpacked
In shortpacked she’s probably a teenager by now.
Probably even in her second or third year of college, since Robin is in her early thirties and all.
God, Mary is such a unpleasant person.
Cause Mary Anne’s a bongo
She’s a super bongo, super bongo,
She’s super-bongoy, Yow…
Mary Ann was not a bongo. You’ve got to be thinking of Ginger. Now *there* was a stuck-up snarky (even though we weren’t using the word back then) bongo for you.
Yay Regina Spektor?
Kissing till your lips bleed is overrated anyway.
It’s the one stereotype many can agree on: self-righteous hypocritical Christian lady
And also, Evil dictator. We’re cool with that.
Also, immobile rock.
Rocks aren’t immobile. Haven’t you watched spongebob?
Not all stereotypes are true, we must take heed not to fall for them.
If rocks are immobile, how does everyone die?
If that is a 2DS then I understand where Mary is coming from.
The 2DS isn’t that bad…. mostly….for actual gamers….who can afford…
I’ll stop talking……………….
Mary believes in the sanctity of marriage and also that Nintendo deserves a full extra $30.
Mary’s going a little far with that.
That or the 2DS has a really shitty design.
Finally, Riley returns!!
Please come back to your comment and tell me who Riley is. I’m so very lost.
Know what I just realized? The most self righteous fundamentalist this side of Joyce’s folks ‘s in the same conversation as the alcoholic in the emotionally complex girl/girl relationship.
Then hilarity ensues.
And they’re not at all at each other’s throats.
Yet.
I smell a sitcom
I smell ionization. It gets me up in the morning.
I smell potential girl threesome in the making.
With…?
Aww.
Mary is good at the pluralizationseses.
Is Mary’s inability to form pluralses of nameses supposed to reveal something about her character, hmm, my precioussss?
Am I the only one who sees the sex calendar?
it’s a periodic table, thankyouverymuch.
Sorry I was distracted by the “<3 Sex" bumper sticker next to it.
I was too. Where do you even GET those?
At a sex store
Thanks KingMabel. Now I’m going to spend all day Monday running around a sex store looking for that bumper sticker.
Glad to help
Don’t run in a sex store. Especially not with scissors.
$3.99 per each at stickerfart.com/shop/i-heart-sex-bumper-sticker/
You can also Google “I ♥ SEX” on CafePress and find T-shirts and drinkware (coffee mugs).
A periodic table of sex, with a 118 different acts to combined into Sexy Molecules
Approximately $8.00 at Spencer’s Gifts.
No. 61: The Promethean. Light your partner on fire. Yell gibberish.
Ya know, I didn’t think this was actually a real thing, but now I’m just disappointed it only goes up to 58. Ya’d think humankind woulda had more ways to do it than that by now.
There are only so many orifices.
Some of them cannot be repeated periodically.
I see what you did thar.
Sounds about right for Night Vale.
Wait, that’s definitely a sex calander, which… pictures of penises on it? Very small ones.
A sex table rather.
Yeah, a periodic table. A timetable that predicts when you’ll have your period. In other words, a sex calendar.
It looks like a periodic table of sex positions. Note the little squiggles on it? Those are bodies.
Joe also has a sex calendar.
Also, I think it’s more of an app
Why would you need a calender that shows the same activity for every day of the week?
If it had reminders he could set, so he can keep on schedule of where to be and who’s being done sort of thing.
Well, maybe it shows the positions and quarry?
Yeah like that.
I saw the periodic table of sex..and Rosie the Riveter.
I wonder what element 69 is.
Actually, I wanted to know how do they classify the elements.
That’s not a sex calendar; it’s the Periodic Table of Sex!
Roz knows ALL the sexual elements. wink wink nudge nudge know what I mean, say no more, say nor more, wink wink nudge nudge
I think I like Riley. She seems like a sweetie.
We should ship Riley…
ANY TAKERS???!?!?!?
The Good Ship Lolipop.
Mike. The irony is perfect.
I ship riley, a bunch of fruit for her town. I ain’t usin’ it.
Riley X heartwarming hugs. The foil to my OTP, Ryan X a swift kick in the crotch.
Riley with Stormageddon.
Stormageddon, Dark Lord of All?
Is there any other Stormageddon?
Isn’t she a minor thought? Most of the characters are 18+.
Hmmm good point…
I think she’s under 13. So no.
*no as in no shipping. But yes, a minor.
The only other minor character I can think of is Faz.
So no.
There’s Howard, but at almost-17 he’s too old.
I seem to remember that she was stated to be 14, though I could be wrong.
If that wasn’t enough reason to hide the Periodic Table of Sex, it isn’t enough reason to not speculate on her love life.
So, Riley and Howard?
Guessing Howard is what…16 or 17 since he’s driving and stuck at their Grandpa’s house.
Anyone got an age on Riley to see if this ship is shippable, or needs to be sunk before it’s christened the S.S. Creepy?
I think she’s too young but I can’t find a source.
She’s actually the oldest member of her family. She just has hormone troubles.
I bet she makes Joyce seem vulgar in comparison.
As much as I dislike certain Rozes…I have to say, all DeSanto’s in this universe are friggin’ awesome.
Pfft? Only a single piece of fruit? Heartless bongo. She should do at least a couch!
But but…one piece of fruit can…become more fruit!
Spliced is officially confused. Let it also be stated Spliced is relatively new to Walkyverse.
I think Riley is new the multiverse? This is the second time anyone’s seen her.
So she’s like a unicorn?
A real rarity you might say.
Ouch.
Just…ouch.
I got that reference!
I need to give you the internet… as much as I can legally give a person…
I have my moments
I like you.
Kiitii! ^_^
Willis gave us a heads-up on Riley about seven or eight weeks back….she was in the background of the 9/18 strip while the Walkertons were hanging with the De Santos and the Dean in the VIP box at the football game.
Riley has not been seen in the Walkyverse. She is a new character.
But ocs in da fanfic are bads!
Yeah and so does Mary Sues of any kind.
ooooh I got a reply from the man himself. I feel so… validated.
Be careful. It’s not always a good thing.
I read that as ‘violated’ at first.
I think my first instinct is sound. >_>
Does she exist at all in the walkyverse or just here?
I will decide that later, probably.
Speaking of Walkyverse, do you plan on finishing Joyce and Walky? The page hasn’t been updated in months. Unless you made a different page and I missed an email…
Or is that the end? It doesn’t seem like the end.
All monsters, huh?
Riley is the youngest sister, I take it? Also, incredibly nice in this universe?
Yes.
She’s incredibly nice in all the universes she’s appeared in.
Which is this one.
and none else.
Riley DeSanto:
HISTORY’S GREATEST MONSTER
Vlad the Impaler? More like Vlad the Paler!
Hitler? Hitler is a nancy boy.
There is not blood in her veins, no! Tis not blood! Tis The BLACK PLAGUE Made Liquid!
And she craps Cholera.
That can only be true if she feasts upon the flesh of the unclean.
And she’s also the Harvester of Stillborn Souls.
She spits fire and her teeth are like chainsaws. Covered in salt.
Bin Laden? Bin there, done that! Stalin? Stalin is Dopey the Dwarf next to DeSANTO.
Mao zedong? He looks like a choir boy. Kim Jong il seems like Ghandi. Pinochet? He seems like a teddy bear compared to Riley.
For a sec I read that as Piaget and got confused. just thought I’d share
The DeSantoes are only matched in their evilness by the BeFanfingers.
and the Fredburgers.
Oh my god! She chopped up Ethan and is mailing his body parts to her pen pals! How cruel!
Eh, he had it coming.
heh…you said coming.
OR maybe its Leslie. I haven’t seen her around lately.
I guess all those people talking about Mary getting sexiled were wrong.
Unless Roz is way more horrible than we’ve imagined.
Robin gets up on the other side* …we can not tell our parents, guys.
Parents, from under the bunk: “We know.”
The yearly Desanto gang-bang.
jajajaja
ew.
What people don’t realize is that Riley is running a mob operation through the DS chat rooms.
“you brought the goods?…what is this? I SAID 4 HYPER POTIONS AND ALL YOU MANAGE TO BRING ME IS 3 MOOMOO MILK? ”
“It was all they had I swear!”
What would be the equivalent of “popping a cap”?
“Don’t make me use Stealth Rock on you”
I know what you’re thinking…did he fire 5 bullet seeds, or just 4. Well…do you feel lucky? Well, do you punk?
Hyperbeam?
Ok boys, this is the job of the century. We’re gonna pull a heist on the SS Anne. It’s gonna be big.
So is Riley confirmed for being Giovanni?
aaw she’s so nice. Like I hardly ever send thank you notes to my villagers oh my God
I’ve never played Animal Crossing. So she’s writing a letter to an NPC and giving her NPC an item? What’s the reward for doing so?
Feeling a reasonless feeling of selflessness towards an unfeeling automaton. Which is actually beautiful in in itself.
Maybe this is why I never played the series. And not because I think their faces are creepy and their voices irritating.
Be nice to all your computer avatars.
Why?
You get your ass Tron-ned and end up in Mainframe after being a jackass to your computer and Bob (or Matrix) are going to beat you senseless.
I play Dwarf Fortress. I am so doomed.
Well, to be fair, Matrix will try to beat you senseless no matter what you do.
And now I’m debating on buying Animal Crossing or not. My hands are full already w/ Pokemon X.
They’re basically the same game, only in Animal crossing you can’t catch 649 magical creatures that can do splendiforous attacks.
Actually there’s 718 Pokemon now….
Friendship!
The NPC usually sends you a letter in return. Sometimes with presents attached!
That’s adorable!
There’s Something About Mary That Makes Me Want to Commit Murder
/rejectedmovietitles
Your comments are always the best thing
Sparkadia: Mary
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csvAk2BfEXk
I wonder if Riley’s name is a reference to the term “The Life of Riley”.
I think it’s a reference to “names that start with R”.
expect to see the Periodic Table of Sex for sale shortly
It already is available.
http://www.allposters.com.au/-sp/Periodic-Table-of-Sex-posters_i358496_.htm
I actually kind of suspected it was that Riley had stayed the night with Roz. But I’d guessed that Mary had just seen that there was a second person in Roz’s bed and leaped to conclusions without bothering to identify who it was. Instead she’s, um, I don’t know, what the hell, Mary?
Looks like Mary has the same ability as Miko Miyazaki. The one that lets her jump to conclusions as far as she wants.
So if we make Mary do something evil or chaotic, she will lose her powers?
But then Indiana University will be overrun by goblins, and how’s Dorothy supposed to ace her classes and transfer to Yale?
I was thinking Van Helsing but that works too.
What made you guess it’d be her?
Riley showed up in a preview panel a while back, so I knew she was going to be around today (in-comic “today”), and it seemed reasonable that she’d have stayed with Roz. And I was trying to think of ways Mary could be the worst. She exceeded my expectations, though!
Looking for something else, I found… Exactly what you’re referring to.
Also Riley is so cute. Hope that sad face doesn’t last long.
Every time I think that Mary has hit bottom in terms of how terrible she can be, she finds a new bottom.
S’like I said, she’s some kind of fractal of terrible. The closer you look, the more terrible there is hidden in the details of the terrible, and you can keep zooming in and in and there’s always just more terrible.
You were right, John. You were right.
(Also, Fractal of Terrible would be a kickass album name)
Review quote: “It sounds just as bad played at half speed”
I love her already.
… Also, Mary and Roz are roommates? Has this already been established? Because I feel like they would’ve killed each other like… instantly…
Yes. I’m not sure why neither of them are dead yet.
Aw, I clicked the next comic link and it made me feel all warm and fuzzy about how far Joyce has come.
Roz is a lover, not a fighter (except possibly in the protest sense). Mary just appears to be a glarer.
I would’ve thought that just being that close together would cause them both to explode in some kind of matter/antimatter reaction or something.
In some ways it’s easier to hate your roommate right off the bat because you can vilify their every action and not try to be sympathetic. It’s way harder when you’re supposed to like them (ex-friends?) but they’re driving you up the wall with seemingly minor things.
It was established way back when Dorothy was trying to interview Roz for the sex tape story.
The only thing we know about Roz as a roomie is that she disapproves of ableist language.
I think Mary’s first appearance was complaining to Dorothy about Roz and their roommate agreement.
Mary’s first appearance was Ruth dragging her into the move-in day floor meeting by the scruff of her neck. Her first speaking appearance was when Billie busted into her room when she was naked.
John, your knowledge of the story so far is frighteningly encyclopedic.
Part of it is that I’ve actually got an encyclopedia to refer to. I’ve been putting together a timeline of events with links to the strips (I’ll post it when I get caught up to present), so I’m able to jump straight to the significant events of the first two-thirds or so of the archives and consult the actual strip. And since I’m still in the middle of a slow, detailed archive crawl to assemble that, it’s still fresh in my memory.
But for that one I just clicked on the “mary” tag under the strip.
If there’s one bad thing I could say about Riley is that well, she has a 2DS and I am very, very jealous.
Finally! I’ve been waiting to see Riley since Willis made the character art for her.
Okay, Mary, I sympathized with you when I thought you were being sexiled. I can even give you some room for being irritated that your roommate allowed their younger sibling (or anyone really) to spend the night without first making sure you were okay with it. But at this point, you’re going out of your way to be unpleasant and unreasonable.
I find Roz self-righteous and preachy to almost the same degree in her own way, so when I actually sympathize with her regarding having a shitty roommate, there is a problem.
I think that Roz and Mary are actually VERY alike. Only Mary would never admit to her own dirty mind (the “lady” doth protest too much) and Roz would never admit the fact that she thinks she is better than everyone else. At least she wouldn’t admit it NEARLY as often as Mary would.
Their similarities can only mean the inevitability of one destroying the other. THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE.
Wait, Mary says “she must be.”
Either Mary is just ignoring a night’s worth of evidence that Riley probably isn’t that bad, or she wasn’t there last night…
Is Mary’s hypocrisy going to be of a slightly different nature this time around?
Also, is this the confirmed plural of “DeSanto?” Or is there still the possibility of it being “Desanti?”
I like your thinking. The DeSanti, the Wilcoxen, the Saruyama and the Rosenthäler. I think everyone else has an English surname which gets a boring -s on the end.
I am reasonably sure no Spanish plural termination ends with an ‘i’.
Indeed. Italian plurals do, but DeSanto’s not an Italian name. But I don’t think family names can be pluralised in Spanish…
Of course they can. Look at the Zorro movies with Antonio Banderas; Zorro was actually Don Diego de la Vega. So when you got the father, the son, the wife, and the grandson together you had “the de la Vegas” …. with the plural ‘S’.
Would that be the de las Vegas?
Yeah, but “DeSanti” is inherently funnier to me. Sort of like “Wilcoxen.”
Yeah, in English they can. “The de la Vegas” is English. In Spanish that would be “los de la Vega”. Without “s”.
I stand corrected the plural of santo is santos. (Or santas since they’re female?
I sort of assumed she spent the night sitting in the corridor and that was why she was so pissy about the whole thing. Mary strikes me as the sort to make a martyr of herself for absolutely no good reason, and be bitter and nasty about it afterward for weeks, dropping passive-aggressive references about the horrible hardships she’s had to endure because of Roz.
And if she reached the point where she said flat out what happened, her roommate would just blink and be like, “What? You spent the night in the corridor? I thought you were just staying elsewhere. Why didn’t you just come in and go to bed?”
That’s what a reasonable person would have done, but Mary’s not reasonable, and I’d put money on her having left the moment Riley showed up, and then pointlessly wasting a night feeling sorry for herself.
….mary, have you talked to the girl, or just decided because your a bongo?
wait, no need to answer. trick question after all
Does she need more reason to do anything despite being a jerk?
*sees his avatar*
Why do you hate yourself?
Because all Mary DOES is hate. Eventually it’s gotta loop back around.
Well if she is a monster…she is the most adorable monster!!!
I would want a monster like her under my bed. Someone needs to send me fruit!
Oh geez, Mary. She thinks EVERYONE’s a monster. And she’s gotten more intimidating after her eye color change.
She’s right. The kid is pure evil. One can just feel it oozing from her every pore.
If you think Riley is bad, you should see the other sister, Huey Desanto.
together they form VOLTRON
GOLION!
Dairugger XV
Mary has a day planner. Every day has a 24 hour block that says the same thing. That thing is “Be horrible”.
Huh. I was expecting it to be ‘DESTROY FAITH IN HUMANITY IN AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE’. I guess I was wrong.
No. LIVE WITH YOUR SHAME.
Besides, you know what they say. When it comes to incest its all relative.
Huh, that was supposed to be a reply… Now its just out context completely
I kind of want to imagine that there was no context to that statement. Sense would just ruin it.
Sounds perfectly normal to me.
Totally non-sarcastic.
p.s. Joyce gravatar kinda awesome for this comment. not gonna lie.
So, pretty much Riley’s purpose in this series is to elicit “D’AWWWWW”s from the readers.
I’m pretty cool with that.
If you put her in a room with Dina, would a D’awwness singularity ensue?
What do you think ends up introducing SEMME to the Dumbiverse?
Seems legit. +1 Internet for you.
So Mary thinks Rep. DeSanto is a monster? You’d think she’d be behind Robin’s Family Values™ platform. She must have figured out it’s a sham.
No that would require an INT roll that’s way too difficult for Mary.
She probably made a legislative compromise with the opposing political party at some point.
Which sounds too unrealistic these days, I know.
there is a lesson about prejudging people in there…
Yes, judge them because of their family members.
If you judged Mike by his family members, you’d think he was totally nice.
And I’m sure Mary will completely fail to learn it.
Because I wasn’t already having enough trouble keeping myself from booting back up my copy of Animal Crossing. . . . I wonder if that’s in-game stationary, and if so, if I can find it.
I made it up. Just wanted something simple that was evocative of Animal Crossing stationary, since I didn’t have much room.
ahhh i get it now! mary’s a drama queen!!
Mary…you just called the sibling a monster because her sister has a lot of sex. This is like Claude Frollo level douchebaggery going on here.
Either learn to sing alto or 86 your shit
There is more monsterous about Roz than the sex.
Not that I disagree about the level of douchebaggery.
IT’S MINI-ROBIN
Chibi-Robin!
Roz is mini-Robin. Riley is mini-Roz.
…
I demand additional DeSanti in Russian-doll style decreasing sizes (and increasing adorableness)!
Ah, there’s the Mary we all know and despise.
But seriously, with the obvious reaction out of the way- anyone else think Billie’s hand looks a bit odd in panel one? And, uh, is it rude of me to point that out? (I sure hope not…)
Drama Queen is not quite the way I’d put it.
I think I would demand the Conch Shell and tell her it’s my turn to talk. And then…..
The substitution of “U” for “you” classifies you as a monster in my book.
She could’ve subbed “U” for “you” twice, or worse yet, “4” for “for”.
Or most appallingly, “ur” for “your”. That one barely even makes sense.
Trust me, the text speak could’ve been so, so much worse. She’s actually gained points in my book for not doing so.
I don’t blame her on this one. It is a pain in the ass to type things out in animal crossing.
Oh, I have that game, funny thing is I haven’t played in…. OH SHIT!
I hope your happy while your cleaning up the festering corpses that are all that are left of your villagers after the revolution.
Animal crossing
Jesus fucking Christ, Billie carries her weight really well!
I mean, godDAMN! She’s got one helluva figure!
Who is this Merengue, and how do you pronounce her(or his) name?
Presumably you pronounce it like meringue. Which is pronounced like ma-rang
Actually merengue is also a dance and is pronounced kinda like meh-rang-geh. But I don’t actually know how to pronounce the character from the game that’s referred to here and if their name is in any way related to the dance lol.
‘Me-ren-geh’: accent on the second sillable, all the e’s are pronounced like the one in ‘dead’.
I actually love Roz a lot with her sex positivity and feminism and general awesome-ness and now I love her little sister as well. Actually all the DeSanto’s are pretty much great. DoA needs more of all of them to balance some of the more … err… not so great people.
In totally unrelated news (ahem), Mary continues to be the worst.
Roz drools?
“Mary is an excellent judge of character, just stellar”
By stellar, I assume you mean a white hot raging astral firestorm that will consume all life, everywhere.
Why does your gravatar fit this so well?
It’s just perfect for your comment.
I get that a lot.
Looking at all these comments on here…
All I’m thinking is “Man, sure would be funny if the Mary avatar for commenters was mirrored, so she could glare judgementally at comments posted”.
Careful kids, you think you’re having innocent fun, but games like Animal Crossing or Pokemon are just the gateways – before you know it you’re watching your whole life slip away, ODing on Fire Emblem and cheap e-shop retro downloads. Don’t believe me? I had a job and a family that loved me once. And pants.
Weirdly enough, in my Nanowrimo for this year, which is turning into a first person narrative of a cross between Silent Hill, Animal Crossing, and a point and click game, I have strongly implied that the Animal people in the story are hideous monsters wearing human skins with animal masks.
Eh, Riley may not be a monster yet, but give a year or two and bam! TEENAGER!
If you re-read the text you will note that Mary’s biggest gripe is that the De Santos are “monsters” because Roz let Riley stay over “without so much as advance notice”. Meaning Mary, Roz, and somebody (like Joe?) were going to be doing a three-way last night, but with underage Riley on the scene that train got derailed.
And religious zealots who are prone to sins of the flesh are nothing new. Jim Bakker of the PTL Club is a perfect case in point.
I really, really, really, really hope this is a joke. You can’t be serious, right?
Well, yeah it was. But considering how many people on this forum keep trying to project these same-sex relationships like Billie/Rufh and Ethan/Joshua, or suggesting that Joyce may be gay/bi-curious, I didn’t think my tongue-in-cheek remark was all that far out of line.
No one has to project for Billie & Ruth. There was a kiss! And a one-sided confession of “liking.” It’s pretty obvious Ethan was flirting with Jocelyn when he thought she was a gay guy too. Projecting is a little exaggerated. Joyce has also said, for humorous effect, homoerotic comments.
Projecting would be saying Mike and Ethan need to bang. Not that they haven’t before in a different universe.
If you think Billie/Ruth or Ethan/Joshua is “projecting,” then maybe you need to update your definition.
Maybe I am off-base here, David. I took you at your word that this was a stand-alone comic but even so, a lot of the posters make references to the actions of these characters in the Walkyverse or the Shortpackverse.
Based on what I’ve seen here in the Dumbiverse, Billie is hetero; a lesbian wouldn’t push someone like Danny onto a bed and declare “I’m on top”; she also pushed Ruth away after the kiss. Ethan has admitted he’s gay, sure; but the impression I took away of Joshua/Jocelyne was that he is identifying as a woman; not a gay male. We’ve already determined that Joe will bang anyone with genitals different from his own; and Roz is an advocate of what I call ‘hedonistic sex’ — “if it feels good do it”. I could possibly see her as bisexual. Danny is not only straight but “experienced”; see his remark here about how it took him two years to get into Dorothy’s pants and how upset he would be if Walky was able to score within a week; and Dorothy is also straight — making it with Danny, and allowed Walky to at least get to second base.
The other thing is I remember what I was like when I was
Well, no, because Billie is NOT A FUCKING LESBIAN. Do I really need to explain what a BISEXUAL is?
Wowwee, big letters. Real big letters. Big and Red.
Ohoh, someone pissed the supreme creator off. Everybody hide!!!
YES, YES YOU DO.
Because any woman with the fucking AUDACITY to show a legitimate interest in other women is instantly branded a “LESBIAN” or a “FUCKING LIAR”. THERE ARE APPARENTLY NO OTHER ENDS TO THAT SPECTRUM.
I cannot count any longer how many times the follow-up response to a mention of bisexuality is “HOW MANY GIRLS HAVE YOU KISSED/SLEPT WITH?!”
So bring your photographic documentation and some notarized OFFICIAL FUCKING DOCUMENTS, because sexuality is another aspect that is DENIED AND DISRESPECTED UNTIL PROVEN WITHIN THE PARAMETERS OF A BUNCH OF ENTITLED MANCHILDREN.
NOTICE TO ALL: DO NOT BOTHER EXPRESSING YOUR FEELINGS UNLESS YOU CAN PROVE THAT YOU FEEL THEM. SOMEHOW. WITH MAGIC.
Otherwise they are pretty much treated like they do not exist.
” I took you at your word that this was a stand-alone comic but even so, a lot of the posters make references to the actions of these characters in the Walkyverse or the Shortpackverse.”
Did you also take him at his word when he said that the character’s sexuality is one thing that WILL NOT change between universes? That’s the reason why it valid to refer to things from the Walkyverse when discussing that particular topic.
BTW, Walkyverse and Shortpackverse are the same ‘verse.
“Roz is an advocate of what I call ‘hedonistic sex’ — ‘if it feels good do it’. I could possibly see her as bisexual.”
Those are two things that are not related.
(posted too soon…to continue)
The other thing is I remember what I was like when I was 18 and a freshman in college. I know times have changed from the days of Nixon/Ford/Carter, but when a person is that young I cannot believe that someone can know beyond a shadow of a doubt their sexual preference or proclivity. The constant calls from the peanut gallery for two of the characters to do the nasty with each other without regard for gender, age, experience level, or current relationship with someone is to me just so much distracting background noise.
Yes, it’s fairly disturbing how people are assuming characters orientations at this young age. How can we truly know people like Dorothy and Walky are straight without far more experience than they have now?
Whether YOU believe a person can know their sexuality at a certain age is irrelevant to reality. People can and will understand their sexuality (or continue to update their understanding of it) at whatever age life chooses for them, whether it be 5 or 99.
If you hate the people shipping in the comments, you don’t have to read the comments.
And your anecdotal experience as a college freshman means everyone else has precisely the same experience, right? I don’t know that I’d go around dating myself like that while also announcing a total lack of knowledge on human sexuality.
They can’t have noticed what they’re attracted to until they have more sex (presumably with persons of both genders), and you can’t understand why they would have sex with persons of different genders.
These are both your positions, yes?
Neither is very valid in the first place, and they contradict each other.
As someone who figured out their sexuality while in Jr High during the Clinton administration:
….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGt9jAkWie4
And yes, I know what a bisexual is …. refer again to Billie pushing Ruth away.
Maybe we’ll just have to agree to disagree. For the most part I see the cast as a bunch of wet-behind-the-ears confused kids who are trying to find themselves in all aspects of their lives, not just the part that involves genitalia and erogenous zones.
Refer again to Billie trying to kiss Sal and refer again again to Billie talking about her views on sexuality. Refer again to Ruth constantly being a dick to Billie so maaaaaaaaaybe that’s why she doesn’t want to kiss her, regardless of her gender?
Just so you know, your statements are increasingly offensive.
I would like to add that I find it hilarious that someone’s trying to argue a character’s sexuality with the person who CREATED that character and has been writing her for years.
“Stop trying to shovel dirt over Willis, he’s not dead yet.”
I gotta say, it takes balls to directly disagree with someone about their own creations, on their own forum. I’m pretty sure there’s a term for that, but I can’t remember what it is.
“Stupid”?
In Denial.
Maybe he didn’t realize he was talking with the creator?
To Mary the rest of the world is a terrible inconvenience that doesn’t know how to keep it’s place.
Wait she’s rooming with roz, Ha that’s just fucking perfect
I know, right?
Riley is adorable!
Woo finally the last sister!
Ugh. Billie needs to hang out with Mary right now like a paper cut needs three pounds of salt rubbed into it with sandpaper.
Comic renamed Riley of Age, everybody seemed cool with it.
So how does she know that ALL the DeSantoses are monsters? Or is it that everyone alive is awful and that just happens to include Riley (who looks like an awesome person)?
This is doubly ironic for me since my best friend in high school had the last name DeSanto. Second of eleven children from a super-religious family, no less (they took “be fruitful and multiply” kinda literally….). The youngest was 15 years my junior. (And five of the girls were J-names, too.)
The second oldest girl coulda been Roz, while the youngest could have been Riley. The fourth girl could have been the Walkyverse Robin – really hyper-fast with no attention span.
Anyone else wanna take a minute to talk about how Roz has a periodic table of sex?
How about a minute twenty-five, to the tune of “Modern Major General”?
(Thank you, Mr. Lehrer.)
The nice thing is that people like Mary often wind up alone. Nobody wants to put up with them, so they die alone.
Mary’s got some nice clothes on there… did her parents take her out to dinner last night or something?
It’s early Sunday afternoon. She most likely just got back from church.
Is she playing animal crossing and sending letters back to the characters? Awww that’s so sweet.
And the store had book 2 WOOT!! 
Can we get more Mary please?
Wow, a 2DS! She is a monster
I love this oh my god. The Desantoses are like an au of me and my two sisters. From the extremely similar last name, the eldest sister wanting/being a congresswoman to us all being monsters.
Ha ha, Animal Crossing!!
Riley is adorable and makes me want to make her an adopted little sister. Also she seems a great deal less arrogant, judging by that message. (Which is a really shitty thing to assume. I’m arrogant as hell and send people free stuff all the time in games just for being nice.)