Dumbing of Age Book Twelve

Dumbing of Age

A college webcomic by David Willis
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sometimes mike is a jerk for not giving you the fight you expect
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June 1, 2026

Lures

by David M Willis on March 19, 2014 at 12:01 am
  • 02 - I Was a Teenage Churchmouse
└ Tags: mike, sal

Discussion (190) ¬

[ Comments RSS ]
  1. Vivvav
    Vivvav
    March 19, 2014 at 12:01 am | #

    Fuckin’ A, Mike. How do you do it?

    • Jen Aside
      Jen Aside
      March 19, 2014 at 12:03 am | #

      cynicism with humanity =p

      • qka
        qka
        March 19, 2014 at 8:47 am | #

        At his age, it’s cynicism. As you get older, it’s called experience.

        • GupyF
          GupyF
          March 19, 2014 at 1:36 pm | #

          Nah, this goes past cynicism and experience. This is pure unadulterated Sardonicism. Cynicisms older, cooler and harsher brother.

    • newllend
      newllend
      March 19, 2014 at 12:11 am | #

      Probably has a masters in physiological warfare.

      • Aeron
        Aeron
        March 19, 2014 at 12:34 am | #

        Nuclear Psychological Warfare

      • Mattyos
        Mattyos
        March 19, 2014 at 1:12 am | #

        I like to think mike has a doctorate in LIFE

        • Bizar
          Bizar
          March 19, 2014 at 9:24 am | #

          Mike IS life.

          • Makkabee
            Makkabee
            December 3, 2015 at 9:59 pm | #

            Shrek is life. Therefore by the transitive property Mike is Shrek.

            The credits confirm this.

    • gka
      gka
      March 19, 2014 at 1:18 am | #

      Well, that’s pretty much Mike’s entire role in DoA so far, right? He refuses to let people take their own shit. I’d say maybe 15-25% of the story lines so far have resulted directly from some innocuous comment or action by Mike. This is just much more direct than usual. It’s like he’s the Mr. Miyagi of total, dickish honesty.

      • Badeyes
        Badeyes
        March 19, 2014 at 2:06 am | #

        Mike and innocuous comments? Are you reading the same comic as me??

        • Beige
          Beige
          March 19, 2014 at 4:30 am | #

          maybe not innocuous. but a lot of it has come from either mike or joyce

    • No
      No
      March 19, 2014 at 1:30 am | #

      I do “judgemental christian” better then Joyce EVER will.

    • TPman
      TPman
      March 20, 2014 at 2:04 am | #

      Fuckin B. That’s what a 76% will get you.

    • BrokenEye, True False Prophet
      BrokenEye, True False Prophet
      September 25, 2015 at 5:24 am | #

      No, she’d never fuck a Mike

  2. Darbinator716
    Darbinator716
    March 19, 2014 at 12:01 am | #

    That’s shockingly passive-aggressive.

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      March 19, 2014 at 12:04 am | #

      I’d prefer her being Aggressively Passive.

    • Jen Aside
      Jen Aside
      March 19, 2014 at 12:04 am | #

      I’m pretty sure Mike’s being active-aggressive =p

      • Plasma Mongoose
        Plasma Mongoose
        March 19, 2014 at 12:45 am | #

        Mike fights you in a way you don’t want.

  3. Super Duper
    Super Duper
    March 19, 2014 at 12:01 am | #

    And then they make out.

    • Drunken Nordmann
      Drunken Nordmann
      March 19, 2014 at 12:06 am | #

      That could actually work.

      • Jen Aside
        Jen Aside
        March 19, 2014 at 12:09 am | #

        Dangit, now it looks like Sal’s checking out his package.

        • JustCheetoDust
          JustCheetoDust
          March 19, 2014 at 12:18 am | #

          I was going to avoid commenting on that last panel until I realized how pointless that was.

          Anyways, panel 5 = potential pre-sexytimes panel.

    • RK
      RK
      March 19, 2014 at 1:35 am | #

      Oh good I’m glad I’m not the only one who wants this to happen.

      • Joe
        Joe
        March 19, 2014 at 1:51 am | #

        It’s been too long since we’ve had some good old-fashioned hatefucking in a Willis comic.

  4. Doctor_Who
    Doctor_Who
    March 19, 2014 at 12:02 am | #

    Mike is like the anti-Batman.

    He’s not the villain we deserve, but he’s the one we need.

    • Mr. Random
      Mr. Random
      March 19, 2014 at 12:10 am | #

      Wouldn’t the anti-batman be the villain we deserve? One which is the product of all our deceit and hypocrisy.

      • NF
        NF
        March 19, 2014 at 12:36 am | #

        That certainly sounds like how Mike would justify himself.

      • Batman
        Batman
        March 19, 2014 at 12:44 am | #

        Depends on how you mean it. In one sense, Gandhi would be the anti-Batman.

        Think about it. We’re both obsessed with creating peace and a safe, stable society, and neither of us care if we break a few laws on the way. The difference is that he worked publicly, passively, and non-violently, refusing to seek revenge for wrongs or to reward violence with violence; while I work secretly, aggressively, and violently, making myself so dangerous to criminals as to scare the unmentionables out of anyone who thinks about breaking the law.

        But, if you look at in the sense of alignments…
        http://alzrius.files.wordpress.com/2010/11/batman-alignment.jpg

        • Batman
          Batman
          March 19, 2014 at 12:47 am | #

          …it kinda depends on the writer, that’s all I’m saying. Hard to find the “opposite” of a guy that has been written as everything from a terminally obsessive misanthrope that kills deities for fun to the big blue bat buddy, a policeman’s best friend.

          • Clif
            Clif
            March 19, 2014 at 10:11 am | #

            You’ve thought about this, haven’t you?

        • begbert2
          begbert2
          March 19, 2014 at 10:45 am | #

          Is that top center one supposed to be B:TAS? The staging looks like it, but the shading (both detail and color) is throwing me off.

          • R2
            R2
            March 19, 2014 at 11:50 am | #

            No, that’s from The Long Halloween by Leob and Sale.

        • HentMas
          HentMas
          March 19, 2014 at 11:06 am | #

          I don´t think the word “Anti” means what you think it means

    • Kintrex
      Kintrex
      March 19, 2014 at 8:54 pm | #

      I don’t know, I think a lot of the people Mike “helps” completely deserve it.

  5. Wonder Wig
    Wonder Wig
    March 19, 2014 at 12:02 am | #

    He blue balled my fists.

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      March 19, 2014 at 12:04 am | #

      It’s gonna be hard to pick things up for a while.

    • JustCheetoDust
      JustCheetoDust
      March 19, 2014 at 12:11 am | #

      That’s unfortunate if you didn’t have it coming.

  6. chris73
    chris73
    March 19, 2014 at 12:02 am | #

    Never could understand why Sals so popular yet Dannys not

    • John
      John
      March 19, 2014 at 12:04 am | #

      Because when Sal fucks up, she does it spectacularly and entertainingly.

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      March 19, 2014 at 12:05 am | #

      Because Danny’s boobs aren’t nearly as nice.

      • chris73
        chris73
        March 19, 2014 at 12:06 am | #

        Fair call

    • Doctor_Who
      Doctor_Who
      March 19, 2014 at 12:06 am | #

      Sex appeal + motorcycle + accent + doesn’t turn down sex for absurd reasons + glorious chocolate river of hair.

      Call us when Danny has a glorious chocolate river of hair.

      • MM
        MM
        March 19, 2014 at 12:09 am | #

        Fanart in ten, nine, eight…

        • Mr. Random
          Mr. Random
          March 19, 2014 at 12:11 am | #

          Seven… Six… Five… Four…

          • Yotomoe
            Yotomoe
            March 19, 2014 at 12:19 am | #

            http://i.imgur.com/0GmwfLZ.png

            • Doctor_Who
              Doctor_Who
              March 19, 2014 at 12:42 am | #

              Had a feeling you’d answer the call, but I didn’t want to put you on the spot.

              If Sal and Danny had stayed together in Universe-A, that’s what their kid would have looked like.

              • 4th Dimension
                4th Dimension
                March 19, 2014 at 4:09 am | #

                Didn’t we see their kid in J&W? He didn’t have too much hair.

            • Drunken Nordmann
              Drunken Nordmann
              March 19, 2014 at 1:13 am | #

              …
              That’s very long hair.

            • MM
              MM
              March 19, 2014 at 1:46 am | #

              Gotta say, it’s not a bad look for him.

            • HentMas
              HentMas
              March 19, 2014 at 11:12 am | #

              That is sickeningly sweet O.o

      • Jen Aside
        Jen Aside
        March 19, 2014 at 12:10 am | #

        You mean his one chest hair finally gaining some friends?

      • Valdrax
        Valdrax
        March 19, 2014 at 1:55 am | #

        Wait, Danny turns down sex, because he doesn’t want to screw just any stranger that shows interest and because he’s feeling a little uncertain after his last relationship blew up, and that’s apparently “absurd.” But Sal hooks up with her TA in part to get better grades than she’s earned, and between the two, it’s Danny’s attitude on sex that makes him less likable?

        Geez.

        • John
          John
          March 19, 2014 at 5:58 am | #

          Oh, I’d parsed that as “doesn’t turn down (sex for absurd reasons)”, not “(doesn’t turn down sex) for absurd reasons”.

          I think both Billie x Danny and Sal x Jason qualify as “sex for absurd reasons”!

        • Doctor_Who
          Doctor_Who
          March 19, 2014 at 8:17 am | #

          Here’s the actual conversation where he justifies his reasons.

          Danny: “I did want to! I’m not dead! I just didn’t want to take advantage of her.”

          Joe: “Was she underage?”

          Danny: “No.”

          Joe: “Was she drunk?”

          Danny: “No.”

          Joe: “Was she crying?”

          Danny: “No.”

          Joe: “See, I don’t get why I’M the one who doesn’t respect women when YOU’RE the dude who thinks he knows better than the girl about whether she wants to have sex.”

          Danny: “Yeah, but what if he thinks it was a bad decision later?”

          Joe: “She thinks she made a bad decision now. Turns out it was asking you!”

          • Milosh
            Milosh
            March 19, 2014 at 9:42 am | #

            And then in the very next strip (if I recall correctly) he admits that those aren’t the real reasons.

            • Valdrax
              Valdrax
              March 19, 2014 at 10:18 am | #

              Yep. That was mostly just an excuse, and his real reasons were as I outlined. He’s not comfortable with casual sex (strip before), and also is still messed up by his break up with Dorothy (strip after).

              Plus, his reasons in that strip itself aren’t that absurd, if you credit him with enough awareness to pick up on Billie’s motivation for pouncing him. It was a moment of vulnerability for her self-esteem. Personally, I’m not sure I can credit him with that, so I’m going with “excuse” more than “reason.”

    • timemonkey
      timemonkey
      March 19, 2014 at 12:10 am | #

      Sal has enough superficial cool to somewhat balance out her personality flaws, at least when they’re not comp[lately out of control (but the odds of that happening in this universe is slim). You look at her and you think ‘damn, she’s awesome’ and it’s not until later you realise what a fuck up she is. With Danny there’s nothing really impressive so you start neutral and his behaviour drags him down from there.

      It’s actually kind of interesting to go back and read the comments for Danny’s first few strips. The readers started fairly positive, even siding with him against Dorothy during the first few break up strips. Danny’s kind of the strip’s unofficial fuck up. He doesn’t do anything really bad but you toss him a straight forward scenario and he finds a way to fumble it. It can be funny or endearing or annoying but you can guarantee he’ll stick his foot in his mouth at least once.

      Sal however doesn’t really do much so she still comes off as the cool girl.

    • nothri
      nothri
      March 19, 2014 at 1:27 pm | #

      See, most of the time I’m simply frustrated with Danny and his shenanigans, as opposed to furious at some of the crap other characters pull.

  7. Opus the Poet
    Opus the Poet
    March 19, 2014 at 12:02 am | #

    This could end badly for Mike, Sal is not one of the more stable characters in the comic. But then neither is Mike.

    • Weyland
      Weyland
      March 19, 2014 at 12:05 am | #

      have you read any of the walkyverse stuff?

      • Opus the Poet
        Opus the Poet
        March 19, 2014 at 12:14 am | #

        ShortPacked but only since about 2011 or so. I remember Robin having to deal with the sex tape and losing Leslie for a bit, nothing before that.

        • All-purpose guru
          All-purpose guru
          March 19, 2014 at 12:35 am | #

          Dude. Reserve a week, phone in the fish tank, blinds down, pizzas ordered, and start at the beginning. See ya Monday.

    • Viktoria
      Viktoria
      March 19, 2014 at 12:09 am | #

      If Sal attacks, Mike wins, by making her realize how screwed up she is AND getting her kicked out in one go. If she doesn’t attack, he wins because he knows people far better than her and can destroy the lies she tells herself. Remember his smile in SP! when Amber hit him? Violence against Mike merely makes him stronger.

      • John
        John
        March 19, 2014 at 12:28 am | #

        “No punch.”

  8. LiaHansen
    LiaHansen
    March 19, 2014 at 12:02 am | #

    Hooray for mike dialogue!

  9. Black Drazon
    Black Drazon
    March 19, 2014 at 12:03 am | #

    I just made an “oof” sound like I was somehow verbally winded.

  10. Regalli
    Regalli
    March 19, 2014 at 12:03 am | #

    … Well, that hurts.

  11. Yotomoe
    Yotomoe
    March 19, 2014 at 12:03 am | #

    That’s right, Sal. ROW ROW, FIGHT THE POWER.

    • newllend
      newllend
      March 19, 2014 at 12:16 am | #

      As much I would love too I dont think making a drill reference would work here.

      • AwkwardGirl
        AwkwardGirl
        March 19, 2014 at 10:58 am | #

        She got drilled by that TA.

  12. Incubus
    Incubus
    March 19, 2014 at 12:04 am | #

    Wow. . . that hurts MORE.

    • Regalli
      Regalli
      March 19, 2014 at 12:07 am | #

      Seriously. I think it’s that “It’s a broken system” bit. And the fact is Sal does seem to have some serious issues learning math, possibly a learning disability- or at least one hell of a complex that it doesn’t come as easily to her as it does to Walky. She’s got issues, she definitely needs some help but I don’t know that tutoring is the thing she needs. At the very least it’s not the only thing.

      … Is there any major character on this cast who WOULDN’T benefit greatly from a trip to the campus counseling center?

      • Doctor_Who
        Doctor_Who
        March 19, 2014 at 12:09 am | #

        Unfortunately, the campus counselor is is Ninja Rick. He recommends Seppuku for all drama.

        This is canon to me until proven otherwise. And even then I will still pretend it’s true, just quietly.

        • Mr. Random
          Mr. Random
          March 19, 2014 at 12:13 am | #

          Some schools, depending on size, have more than one school counselor.

          • Count Dracula
            Count Dracula
            March 19, 2014 at 12:15 am | #

            Then I suppose it’s a good thing there are four or five Ninja Ricks in this universe. Probably enough to keep the place staffed.

            • Doctor_Who
              Doctor_Who
              March 19, 2014 at 12:41 am | #

              Four. They are the Teenage Mutant Ninja Ricks.

              Rickelangelo, Rickatello, Rickonardo and Rickael. They fight the Shricker and his henchmen Bebrick and Ricksteady.

              • MM
                MM
                March 19, 2014 at 1:45 am | #

                Hmm. Perhaps we’ve found a way to convince Amber to visit after all.

              • Legasher
                Legasher
                March 20, 2014 at 10:27 am | #

                The faculty list is a rickroll.

          • Cybersnark
            Cybersnark
            March 19, 2014 at 6:09 am | #

            So, Ninja Rick, Ronnie, and Historical Jesus?

            • John
              John
              March 19, 2014 at 7:12 am | #

              At least two of those are dead in this universe.

              • EnerPrime
                EnerPrime
                March 19, 2014 at 8:27 am | #

                Just becuse they can’t literally be Ronald Regan and the historical Jesus brought back to life doesn’t rule out characters that look and act like them.

        • Regalli
          Regalli
          March 19, 2014 at 12:21 am | #

          No, see, he deals with drama by challenging them to a fight with the knowledge their tragic backstory will come out during it and speaks only in motivational Naruto quotes (Which I am certain there are, somewhere.)

          • Clif
            Clif
            March 19, 2014 at 10:25 am | #

            Naruto is like a motivational parable. Whether they’ve ever been collected is another question.

            Oh, they have.
            http://www.narutopod.com/forums/showthread.php?t=3640
            http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20121225201338AA88lIr

            • Regalli
              Regalli
              March 19, 2014 at 3:36 pm | #

              FANTASTIC.

      • MM
        MM
        March 19, 2014 at 12:11 am | #

        Sierra. They’d make her put on shoes first.

      • Count Dracula
        Count Dracula
        March 19, 2014 at 12:11 am | #

        I like to believe Sierra is a major character, so yes.

      • gc
        gc
        March 19, 2014 at 12:26 am | #

        _”… Is there any major character on this cast who WOULDN’T benefit greatly from a trip to the campus counseling center?”_

        This takes a rather optimistic view of the abilities of campus counseling.

        • Regalli
          Regalli
          March 19, 2014 at 1:03 am | #

          Fair point. We are talking about Ninja Rick as the campus counselor.

          But by this point Amber at least needs serious professional help. Probably several other characters as well.

          • Regalli
            Regalli
            March 19, 2014 at 1:04 am | #

            Er, talking about him as a hypothetical. Point being we have no idea what this school’s counseling services are like and they could be anywhere.

      • No Name
        No Name
        March 19, 2014 at 9:47 pm | #

        Well let’s see…
        Danny is Danny. I’m sure there are some neuroses that need clearing up in there.
        Joe “won’t touch [love]”, which may be caused by the divorce and a symptom of greater problems.
        Walky is still a little childish. Dorothy should clear that up, though.
        Mike seems okay, and makes a nice counselor to boot, but he is rather antisocial.
        Dorothy is neurotic about her goals. But Walky should be able to temper her.
        Sierra, though shoeless, seems well adjusted (that’s one, if you’re counting).
        Joyce is rapidly approaching the “Precipice of World View Collapse”, which *will* break her.
        Sarah is unhappily antisocial and getting flak for getting her old roommate in therapy.
        Billie is a noted alcoholic and can’t stop, and can’t adapt in other sectors either.
        Sal is suffering from “Second Fiddle Syndrome” and is a little cracked.
        Marcie, though mute, seems fine (that’s two).
        Mary needs a good slap upside the head. Or two. Thousand.
        Roz is suffering from “Second Fiddle Syndrome” as well, though she seems to be coping better than Sal.
        Jacob seems fine (that’s three, although we don’t know enough to give a full diagnosis; *did* his problems carry over?)
        Ethan is hiding from himself and needs to be pulled out of his closet. Again.
        Daisy NEEDS to get laid. And soon.
        Amber’s issues have issues, and she needs therapy most of all.
        Dina is a little under-adjusted for her age, but is otherwise fine.
        Ruth is very angry-like and recently had her heart broken; she would probably benefit from therapy about as much as Amber.
        Jason, though he is breaking the rules, doesn’t seem to have many problems himself (that makes four)
        Leslie suffers only a crush on Rep. DeSanto (five sane persons so far)
        Then there is an assortment of characters that we don’t know nearly enough about. Mandy, Grace and Agatha could all have major neuroses, but I doubt it. Joshua/Jocelyn is in the closet herself, but is no longer on campus, and therefore doesn’t count. Raidah doesn’t like the status quo to change, which may hide deeper problems in and of itself. And who knows how all the background characters are in the head?
        So, in answer to your question, Willis seems to love to draw crazy people. Have at it what you will.

        • TheGrammarLegionary
          TheGrammarLegionary
          September 6, 2015 at 8:50 am | #

          I would say that Jocelyne, despite being in the closet, is actually fairly well adjusted. Sure, she hasn’t told her parents, but I think the issue there is more on the parents’ end than Jocelyne’s. I mean, we saw their reaction to Joyce having an atheist friend.

  13. The Meek Ninja
    The Meek Ninja
    March 19, 2014 at 12:05 am | #

    That hurt like a… a… fish hook to the mouth?

    Anyone want to try a better pun? It’s not like I set the bar very high…

    • commoyojimbo
      commoyojimbo
      March 19, 2014 at 12:07 am | #

      How’s that for timing?

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      March 19, 2014 at 12:08 am | #

      That was crossed the Line, Mike. How dare you Cast such doubt on Sal. You really need to Reel it in, man.

      • commoyojimbo
        commoyojimbo
        March 19, 2014 at 12:38 am | #

        Guess we found a sinker. But just Bob and weave.

        • Jen Aside
          Jen Aside
          March 19, 2014 at 12:59 am | #

          You guys are really baiting me

          • commoyojimbo
            commoyojimbo
            March 19, 2014 at 1:11 am | #

            Just don’t accuse me of trolling

            • 3oranges
              3oranges
              March 19, 2014 at 1:51 am | #

              Why – what’s your angle?

              • Yotomoe
                Yotomoe
                March 19, 2014 at 2:03 am | #

                I think he’s just Hooked on puns.

                • ninja_jesus
                  ninja_jesus
                  March 19, 2014 at 3:51 am | #

                  Where’s Peter Pan when you need him?

  14. commoyojimbo
    commoyojimbo
    March 19, 2014 at 12:06 am | #

    Perfect Mike. Miking for Mike’s sake, and when the hook lands it sinks and hurts…

  15. someguywithakatana
    someguywithakatana
    March 19, 2014 at 12:07 am | #

    I must request mercy for the comically stupid, but a question if I may.

    When Mike says “It is,” is that just a vanilla agreement, depriving Sal of the argument she was hoping for as the hover text says? Or is it a vanilla agreement to the effect of “It is. Because you can alter your grade via sex.”?

    Because I assumed the latter at first, but the text makes me wonder if it’s just the former.

    • someguywithakatana
      someguywithakatana
      March 19, 2014 at 12:07 am | #

      That second “vanilla agreement” should read “passive-aggressive barb”. I have no idea how I got those mixed up

    • Mr. Random
      Mr. Random
      March 19, 2014 at 12:08 am | #

      Best thing about Mike, he can be interpreted in any way that’s pointing out assholery. It is both, neither, and everything but.

      • Gigafreak
        Gigafreak
        March 19, 2014 at 6:33 pm | #

        Schrödinger’s Zinger.

        A Schrözinger.

    • Doctor_Who
      Doctor_Who
      March 19, 2014 at 12:12 am | #

      I think it’s a bit of both. He’s pointing out that she gamed the system in her own way, while denying her the righteous anger she would feel about it being gameable to begin with.

    • GhostWriterL
      GhostWriterL
      March 19, 2014 at 2:03 am | #

      Broken system could be interpreted as the actual school system being broken to where you have to flaunt things peopel want in order to get the attention and time needed to learn the subjects properly… or an unearned passing grade. These things could be money (classic story of a university sucking up to a rich kid via influencing the professors to give them passing marks to try and ensure that the McMoneybags family ‘donates’ a new science building), or in Sal’s case… sex. Jason probably won’t just pass her because she’s giving him sex, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to give her extra tutoring if she hadn’t.

      But it could also be alluding to Sal herself being broken. She puts on a facade of not caring and not being bothered, but it’s pretty easy to see through if you’re not impressed with posturing, like Mike is. Him agreeing with her pretty much was just an affirmation of “Yeah, you’re kinda messed up, having to trade your body to pass a class”.

  16. Jay Eff
    Jay Eff
    March 19, 2014 at 12:07 am | #

    Mike: “Cast enough lures, you eventually land a fish. And I landed you hook, line and sinker. See? I can make puns, too.”

    Sal: “Maybe I will kick your ass.”

  17. John
    John
    March 19, 2014 at 12:07 am | #

    When Mike agrees with you, it’s time to rethink your life.

    Ethan should have kept that in mind.

  18. newllend
    newllend
    March 19, 2014 at 12:08 am | #

    Mikes a wild card, he knows how to fuck with your head and sometimes it will be for the good or for the bad, I guess that his screwd up way of being friend?

  19. Dorsilus
    Dorsilus
    March 19, 2014 at 12:09 am | #

    God DAMMIT Mike

  20. Yotomoe
    Yotomoe
    March 19, 2014 at 12:09 am | #

    Real Talk? Almost everything Mike has done to this point has kind of been, in his own twisted way, a way of helping someone, somehow.

    • newllend
      newllend
      March 19, 2014 at 12:13 am | #

      guess GOOD kind of asshole, like…Mr.Anderson kind of asshole?

    • commoyojimbo
      commoyojimbo
      March 19, 2014 at 12:13 am | #

      You can sometimes help people by being the bad guy. The Mike technique for improving lives is totally valid as long as there are balancing influences. Just do not mix with alcohol…at least not until long after it is working…

    • Quatoria
      Quatoria
      March 19, 2014 at 12:17 am | #

      Only Mike can turn helping into a weapon.

    • rachel
      rachel
      March 19, 2014 at 12:18 am | #

      yeah man, I love mike.

      • newllend
        newllend
        March 19, 2014 at 12:25 am | #

        The comic needs more mike

    • Marisa Mockery
      Marisa Mockery
      March 19, 2014 at 12:35 pm | #

      I don’t think the pajama pants helped anybody….

      • someguywithakatana
        someguywithakatana
        March 19, 2014 at 10:11 pm | #

        Without that episode, Dotty and Walky wouldn’t have ended up dating. I think. Been a while.

  21. Kernanator
    Kernanator
    March 19, 2014 at 12:10 am | #

    Wait, so you’re telling me that Mike just throws random guesses out, and his guesses are either right, or end up revealing the truth?

    Damn.

    • MM
      MM
      March 19, 2014 at 12:13 am | #

      Not entirely random, I don’t think. You don’t generally go fishing in places you don’t expect to find fish.

      • Mr. Random
        Mr. Random
        March 19, 2014 at 12:16 am | #

        But those places are where i find all my hoots, spare tires, and cadavers.

        • Opus the Poet
          Opus the Poet
          March 19, 2014 at 9:27 pm | #

          Dude! do you know how many fish are attracted to cadavers? That’s like prime fishing real estate. Seriously, see the “serious” Gravatar?

    • LiamAldam
      LiamAldam
      March 19, 2014 at 12:30 am | #

      Well if you didn’t know the context, Mike implying that someone’s doing sexual favors in exchange for grade boosts is on par with him implying other people’s moms do whatever.

    • Bilfred
      Bilfred
      March 19, 2014 at 12:41 am | #

      Well no, Sal is sexy so it’s reasonable to think that she would do something like that. Otherwise it’s just him insulting her.

      • Jen Aside
        Jen Aside
        March 19, 2014 at 1:01 am | #

        Sal is sexy AND has been getting private tutoring, note.

  22. Sensedog
    Sensedog
    March 19, 2014 at 12:10 am | #

    I’m glad that Mike has reappeared. He really is good in these situations.

  23. Aizat
    Aizat
    March 19, 2014 at 12:10 am | #

    You know…Mike should be a detective….or we could have a film noir stuff with Mike.

  24. JessWitt
    JessWitt
    March 19, 2014 at 12:14 am | #

    And *Boom*, Mike drop.

    • Aizat
      Aizat
      March 19, 2014 at 12:16 am | #

      To the ground….after being punched by Sal.

      • Bilfred
        Bilfred
        March 19, 2014 at 12:40 am | #

        Right, because we all know Mike is a sissy.

    • MM
      MM
      March 19, 2014 at 12:16 am | #

      That…was brilliantly awful.

      • Opus the Poet
        Opus the Poet
        March 19, 2014 at 9:28 pm | #

        +1.5

    • JessWitt
      JessWitt
      March 19, 2014 at 4:55 am | #

      It’s what I’m terming his earth-shattering moments for other characters.

    • Pjotroos
      Pjotroos
      March 19, 2014 at 9:11 am | #

      Beautiful.

  25. Ridureyu
    Ridureyu
    March 19, 2014 at 12:14 am | #

    Danny made her do it.

    • Aizat
      Aizat
      March 19, 2014 at 12:18 am | #

      No, you can’t blame Danny for that. Blame Jason’s bow-tie for that.

  26. Aizat
    Aizat
    March 19, 2014 at 12:15 am | #

    2nd Panel…that line should’ve been followed up with Mike putting on a pair of shades.

  27. nothri
    nothri
    March 19, 2014 at 12:19 am | #

    Why fight when your opposition will inflict all the damage on herself for you?

  28. Aizat
    Aizat
    March 19, 2014 at 12:20 am | #

    Mike: Master of the Mind Games.

  29. Warlord7
    Warlord7
    March 19, 2014 at 12:20 am | #

    Man I love Mike. We like Mike!

  30. NoHeart
    NoHeart
    March 19, 2014 at 12:23 am | #

    Good old Mike.
    It would be very interesting to see these two as a couple.

  31. RED
    RED
    March 19, 2014 at 12:24 am | #

    I’m stuck between seeing Mike as the Voice of Reason or just cunning asshole.

    • Bilfred
      Bilfred
      March 19, 2014 at 12:39 am | #

      Both. Cunning assholes are what keep society on its toes.

    • Batman
      Batman
      March 19, 2014 at 12:52 am | #

      Mike is the Greek Chorus of this comic, armed with flamethrowers and riding Cerberus. It’s hard to tell whether he’s a jerk out of misplaced altruism, though, or just because he like to set people in denial on fire and watch them burn.

      • Zekiah2
        Zekiah2
        March 19, 2014 at 1:06 am | #

        All right. . . Now to find some one willing to draw a high quality image of a flame thrower wielding Cerberus rider.
        Possibly with some characters from spinnerette?

  32. Aizat
    Aizat
    March 19, 2014 at 12:26 am | #

    So, is Mike agreeing with Sal…or is Mike probing for shovels for Sal to dig a hole for herself?

    • Lagoon
      Lagoon
      March 19, 2014 at 12:31 am | #

      The second. It is ALWAYS the second with Mike. Kind of his strongest points.)))

  33. Astrum
    Astrum
    March 19, 2014 at 1:04 am | #

    So when are we getting a Mike story-line?

    • John
      John
      March 19, 2014 at 2:07 am | #

      Every storyline is a Mike storyline.

  34. Kennerly
    Kennerly
    March 19, 2014 at 1:07 am | #

    The first time I saw this comic, I thought Sal’s eyebrow in panel 5 was her eye closed and below it was a giant black tear drop.

  35. Lazarus
    Lazarus
    March 19, 2014 at 1:24 am | #

    Never, ever try to justify anything you do to Mike.

    This is gonna be ironic when Sal realizes she earned that score fair and square so the system actually isn’t broken the way Mike’s implying at all.

  36. Drunken Nordmann
    Drunken Nordmann
    March 19, 2014 at 1:24 am | #

    Soo – any bets if and when he comes across Dina?

    • John
      John
      March 19, 2014 at 2:09 am | #

      Mike’s met Dina.

      • Drunken Nordmann
        Drunken Nordmann
        March 19, 2014 at 3:46 am | #

        Ah, I forgot.

  37. Dunesmen
    Dunesmen
    March 19, 2014 at 2:24 am | #

    Alright, you know what? Screw it, Mike is my all-time favorite character.

    I know I might not have much clout, being only a reader of the DoA universe, but every time, jerky or not, he constantly plays this voice of reason, this insensitive truth that no one wants to hear, the harsh reality that the world’s majority DEFINITELY does not care about your issues, and it is therefore your responsibility to carve out a better result than the one you’ve made through anger or misery.

    Thanks Mike, ya jerk.

  38. JoeMerl
    JoeMerl
    March 19, 2014 at 2:39 am | #

    I would like to restate my “Mike has the psychic power to sense whatever statement will bother you the most” theory.

  39. Locke
    Locke
    March 19, 2014 at 2:46 am | #

    You imply that enough people are sleeping together, and eventually you’ll find out some of them actually ARE sleeping together! GENIUS! I’mma go do this right now! Think I’ll start with total strangers, those are great practice.

  40. Resulli
    Resulli
    March 19, 2014 at 2:55 am | #

    I sense multiverse continuity shenanigans afoot…

  41. azukar
    azukar
    March 19, 2014 at 3:06 am | #

    I think it’s just me, but for the life of me I can’t work out what’s going on with Sal’s face in the last panel :S

    • Darth Cariss
      Darth Cariss
      March 19, 2014 at 3:29 am | #

      I think she’s looking down and to the side in thought, likely pondering the implications of Mike’s words, but I can see your confusion with how much her eye jumps around her face. Panel 4 to 5 was pretty jarring for me too.

  42. Chronos
    Chronos
    March 19, 2014 at 3:39 am | #

    Did… I just read Mike giving… sympathy toward someone?

    • Kyle
      Kyle
      March 19, 2014 at 5:27 am | #

      Yeah, but see the alt text. If he called her out on it, she could rage in defiance against the judgment of the man. Now she’s just sad, because sympathy prompts her to examine her own, internal, justifications.

  43. Incubus
    Incubus
    March 19, 2014 at 6:59 am | #

    The genius to me about how Mike handled this is he somehow knew that Sal would get self righteous and feel fine about her actions if he continued being the way he was last strip.
    So he swapped to passive aggressive and let Sal’s own guilty conscience start eating at her from within.

  44. showler
    showler
    March 19, 2014 at 8:37 am | #

    Sal apparently feels guilty about screwing her way to a good grade.

    I don’t think she knows Jason very well. I’d bet that grade is completely accurate.

    • John
      John
      March 19, 2014 at 10:17 am | #

      If Jason were willing to trade grades for sexual favors, but thinks Sal’s sexual favors are only good for a 76, she’s got more than one reason to feel bad about this whole affair.

  45. Arkadi
    Arkadi
    March 19, 2014 at 8:51 am | #

    That’s our Mike.

  46. The Beards
    The Beards
    March 19, 2014 at 10:07 am | #

    I have a theory that mike doesn’t actually exist and that he is just the embodiment of everyone’s conscience. He never says anything but the harsh truth and no one can get mad at him because they know he’s right.

  47. HentMas
    HentMas
    March 19, 2014 at 11:14 am | #

    last panel “It is” *deathly shame on you stare of death”

    you have a very nice way of working with your characters, I´ve never once seen anyone acting out of character of opposite of what they would do, love your comics 🙂

  48. Kamino Neko
    Kamino Neko
    March 19, 2014 at 1:26 pm | #

    Wow…Mike just admitted trolling by using the actual original analogy.

    I’ve actually gained some respect for him.

  49. RawrLicia
    RawrLicia
    March 19, 2014 at 2:04 pm | #

    Man, I was hoping she’d kick his ass.

    …as much as I was hoping she and bowtie would maybe form a bond of some kind.

  50. nothri
    nothri
    March 19, 2014 at 2:30 pm | #

    ….umm….would Mike blackmail her with this or anything? I’m not sure what brand of asshole he is in this continuity.

    • No Name
      No Name
      March 19, 2014 at 4:43 pm | #

      Since he hasn’t blackmailed Ethan with outing him yet and he just outed Dorothy and Walky to Danny without any hope of recompense, I doubt he would be the type. He would also rather punch someone in the face than have fifty bucks. Whatever his ulterior motive is, profit is not it.

      • nothri
        nothri
        March 20, 2014 at 7:09 am | #

        Good point. Well made.

  51. tbf
    tbf
    March 19, 2014 at 2:33 pm | #

    I suspect Sal actually learned enough to earn a 76 during those hours Jason spent explaining it, possibly coupled with a new blanket policy of partial credit.

  52. Pinja
    Pinja
    March 19, 2014 at 5:36 pm | #

    Fuck me, when is someone going to call Mike out on his jerkass bullshit?

    I appreciate his appearances being lower than in SP but can we go the final step and just cut him out all together? He really has no place in this series, he’s a 2D character in a 3D series.

    • timemonkey
      timemonkey
      March 19, 2014 at 5:41 pm | #

      Call him out how? Just call him an asshole? He already knows.

      • Pinja
        Pinja
        March 19, 2014 at 6:05 pm | #

        At this point?

        Don’t talk to or hang out with him and if he starts to talk to you scream “FUCK OFF MIKE!” at the top of your voice repeatedly until he leaves.

        • No Name
          No Name
          March 19, 2014 at 6:40 pm | #

          That won’t work either. He’ll just stand there until you get dragged away for shouting obscenities.
          Besides, as almost everyone here has commented, he is not the jerk we deserve, but the one we need. Yes, his actions are largely inexcusable, but they do help those he hurts. The only exception in the Dumbiverse I can see is Ethan, but that’s because Ethan’s a scaredy-cat and Joyce is naive.

          • Kevin
            Kevin
            March 19, 2014 at 8:03 pm | #

            He’s still trying to help Ethan and Joyce.

            • No Name
              No Name
              March 19, 2014 at 9:09 pm | #

              I know, but neither are getting the hint.

    • Kevin
      Kevin
      March 19, 2014 at 8:01 pm | #

      Mike’s one of my favorite characters. He’s the Dr. Cox of DoA – he’s always an asshole, but half the time it’s to help someone in his own way.

    • Narf
      Narf
      March 20, 2014 at 10:21 pm | #

      I think you’re confusing “doesn’t say very much” with “lack of depth as a character,” because from what he DOES say, it ought to be obvious that he thinks pretty hard about everything he observes, which is a staggering amount for a college freshman. Mike is far from 2D, he’s incredibly insightful and his lines are always hilariously cruel – because he’s always fucking right.

      That’s why he’s such an asshole. He never helps or hurts anyone; he lays bare the terrible truths and watches people destroy themselves. Who says you have to use your insight into the nature of others to help them be better people?

  53. Gigafreak
    Gigafreak
    March 19, 2014 at 7:00 pm | #

    Mike is probably the closest thing to a counselor we’ve got. Even if his help is sometimes a byproduct of his randomly flinging hate around– he didn’t exactly PLAN to spark this particular incident, after all.

  54. Stormageddon50
    Stormageddon50
    March 19, 2014 at 11:10 pm | #

    ROFLMAOLAMP!

  55. Loler123
    Loler123
    March 20, 2014 at 12:08 am | #

    Can people stop typing two paragraphs!

    • Clif
      Clif
      March 20, 2014 at 12:25 am | #

      No.

  56. blackhat64
    blackhat64
    September 17, 2014 at 7:27 pm | #

    I really hate mike in DoA, but he’s my favorite character in Shorthpacked!. Is there something wrong with me?

  57. B.D
    B.D
    March 21, 2015 at 4:31 am | #

    …Oh, I see. The Dumbiverse Mike is dead/never existed. This is the Walkyverse Mike, and he gets to start over… while seeing people he knows making both the same and _completely different_ mistakes all over again.

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May 3, 2025 - FCBD @ Laughing Ogre Comics in Columbus, Ohio

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Haus of Decline @hausofdecline.bsky.social ⋅ 3h
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mel~ @mel.bzky.team ⋅ 4h
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David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 12h
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Jules and Blackbird chilling on the couch. 
J: I'm going to my friend's Pride March in Animal crossing! Time to make a cool outfit that show off my cousins. 
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Panel 2
Jules attempts to sew a dress in the Pansexual colors.
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J: Getting horny for way more options.
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B: Jules you're running out of time! 
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B: We gotta go! 
J: It's fine! I can get the dress done in time! 
B: We gotta go! We're gonna miss the march! 
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Panel 4: 
Jules and Blackbird at the Animal Crossing Pride parade. Blackbird is in a cap with Trans flag colors and a shirt with a rainbow pattern. Jules is in a suit with a bow tie and a froggie hat. She looks a mess. 
B: Jesus God, you really are a disaster bisexual. 
J: Disaster Pansexual.
B: Right. 
B: Jesus God
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damnyouwillis.bsky.social's user avatar
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 1d
tfw the secret ingredient definitely isn't poison
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sarahquaint.bsky.social's user avatar
sarahquaint @sarahquaint.bsky.social ⋅ 1d
Can we get a license for an additional official if we pay the processing fee and donate the harvest to a food bank?
kendrawcandraw.bsky.social's user avatarKendra, regular version @kendrawcandraw.bsky.social ⋅ 1d
Every queer person gets to kill and eat one(1) sitting US official this month
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ryannorth.ca's user avatar
Ryan North @ryannorth.ca ⋅ 1d
by carefully mixing 10% cream with 1% skim milk, you can unlock forbidden milk percentages the government doesn't want you to know about, like 7.725%
some milk I used to make Forbidden Percentages. I didn't mention 2% in my post though. I gotta keep some secrets
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damnyouwillis.bsky.social's user avatar
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 1d
online transformers collectors: i hope ss86 megatron doesn't have big ol' treads on his back!!! ss86 megatron: *treads fold up inside the legs* online transformers collectors: HIS LEGS ARE TOO CHUNKY >>>:((((
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damnyouwillis.bsky.social's user avatar
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 1d
Dumbing of Age: "Sweet prank" www.dumbingofage.com/2025/comic/b... #webcomics #webcomic
www.dumbingofage.com
Sweet prank
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damnyouwillis.bsky.social's user avatar
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 2d
View AND change this, if we were talking quantum mechanics
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rincewind.run's user avatar
Micah @rincewind.run ⋅ 2d
the big disconnect that happens here is between the correct message for D politicians (especially in red states), which is “you’re right, this isn’t who you are, you’re better than that, vote differently next time” and the actual truth, which is yes you did, fuck you
kevinbuist.com's user avatarKevin Buist @kevinbuist.com ⋅ 2d
Yes, you did vote to deport moms.
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damnyouwillis.bsky.social's user avatar
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 2d
Raw milk has the opportunity to do the funniest thing
fangferric.bsky.social's user avatarFerric Fang @fangferric.bsky.social ⋅ 3d
RFK Jr celebrated the release of the MAHA report by downing raw milk shooters in the White House with influencer Paul Saladino. Hazards of raw milk include Listeria, Salmonella, Campylobacter, Yersinia, E. coli O157:H7, and now-- avian flu.
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damnyouwillis.bsky.social's user avatar
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 2d
maggie, reading a strip from a year from now: oh this is so obnoxious, i love it she gets me
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damnyouwillis.bsky.social's user avatar
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 2d
Today in #9ChickweedLane I learned it's nice to see Walter Bubbletea, 80-year-old fiance to someone roughly 20, talk to someone his own age.
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damnyouwillis.bsky.social's user avatar
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 2d
"ESPECIALLY willa!" "dad, has it come to mind yet that if i was correct, actually, about belle being cuckoo for murderpuffs, that she was in fact trying to kill me, your human daughter, all this time" "sorry, still only really care about the fish"
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damnyouwillis.bsky.social's user avatar
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 2d
Dumbing of Age: "My eyes only" www.dumbingofage.com/2025/comic/b... #webcomics #webcomic
www.dumbingofage.com
My eyes only
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reposted by David M Willis!
edidin.bsky.social's user avatar
Jay Edidin @edidin.bsky.social ⋅ 3d
fuck Target's sad beige pride. You don't have to like rainbows to be loud and proud; AND you can support a currently-unemployed trans artist! (many more at link) www.teepublic.com/user/chekhov...
a black hoodie with hand-lettered white text reading,
a black tshirt with hand-lettered white text reading,
a red tshirt with hand-lettered black text reading,
a maroon tshirt with hand-lettered white text reading,
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leavittalone.bsky.social's user avatar
John Leavitt @leavittalone.bsky.social ⋅ 3d
Mammal solidarity “stealing and eating a treat with your dexterous little hands”
paulle.bsky.social's user avatarPaul Lê @paulle.bsky.social ⋅ 3d
I'm obsessed with this li'l hungry bub.
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damnyouwillis.bsky.social's user avatar
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 3d
*weird dean sounds*
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damnyouwillis.bsky.social's user avatar
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 3d
Got my pointy Galvatron slippers.
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markjacob.bsky.social's user avatar
Mark Jacob @markjacob.bsky.social ⋅ 3d
Rolling Stone is one of the few news outlets that know how to write headlines.
rollingstone.com's user avatarRolling Stone @rollingstone.com ⋅ 3d
Report: Elon Used So Much Ketamine He Couldn’t Pee Right The New York Times reports that the billionaire experienced some negative effects from frequent drug use while stumping for Trump last year
header image - Elon Used So Much Ketamine He Couldn't Pee Right: Report
rollingstone.com
Elon Used So Much Ketamine He Couldn't Pee Right: Report
Elon Musk's frequent use of ketamine during the 2024 campaign caused him to experience bladder problems, according to The New York Times.
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damnyouwillis.bsky.social's user avatar
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 3d
everyone: remember to transform your ss86 scavenger so that the shovel arm hangs off his ass like a floppy butt-penis
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