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Joyce has been homeschooled her entire life until now, when she's suddenly a freshman in college! Things don't go well.
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But if he were straight, he would’t have to fake being straight…Unless he was straight, but pretending to be gay, then he could pretend to fake being straight, but then he would actually be -not- faking because he actually is straight, but he’d be -pretending- to fake so- (head explodes)
You may be onto something. You could write a book telling young guys how to successfully pretend to be gay so that conflicted girls would throw themselves at them in an attempt to save them from their gayness — and sell it on Amazon for 99 cents.
And now I’m afraid to search to see if it is a thing.
This raises an interesting question. Who would win Competitive dick sucking.
My money’d be on Billie but I bet Mike would win just to piss people off.
Or worse he’d start doing the best to get more votes and then just stop so he loses and everyone loses their money.
One evening I had a very sore back. My husband rubbed some Heet on it right before bed and thought it would be hilarious to rub it on my bum too. Shortly thereafter it got way too hot and I had to desperately find something beyond just soap and water to neutralize it before I ended up with a chemical burn (I have stupidly sensitive skin for heat-chemical stuff) which he also found hilarious.
The part *I* found hilarious was what he realized shortly thereafter, which was the part right before that where we were spooning naked and it rubbed off on his dick.
–Which is a roundabout way of saying heat balm + [/morning] wood = sad (but hilarious) times.
–Oh, don’t look at me like that; it didn’t affect him as strongly and I did tell him that the hair conditioner worked on it. You know. After a couple of minutes. –He started it.
once upon a time, before my ex was my ex, i made us some chili for dinner. afterward, things got hot and heavy, and then they got a little TOO hot for him, because apparently i should have brushed my teeth before giving him a blowjob. even residual amounts of jalapeno juice/oil/whatever it is is no joke when accidentally applied to a penis.
Because a crush on a guy shown to be nothing but straight is going to fix his problems because reasons. Hell, it’s bad enough with him being googly eyed for Jacob. Then again, we all are.
It’s not like there are really many other options in the Dumbiverse, right? There’s Manny and Drew, unless new characters get added or ones with no previously established sexual orientations (Arnold?).
I want you to be straight, not gay! Except having straight sexual feelings is causing me just as much angst right now, so I’m not really presenting the best of arguments.
Yeah, maybe the best way for this to end would be Ethan realizing that being straight wouldn’t exactly solve all his problems, because look how Joyce is dealing with it.
More like she’s conflicted. Joyce grew up in a cocoon and now she’s out in the actual world, where things don’t nearly meet up to what she’s been taught over her formative years. When this is over, she’ll either realize she can’t change Ethan’s gayness and accept it and find a guy who isn’t gay… or her head will explode.
You call this a train wreck? No, this is a small self contained minorish wreck that was never going to go anywhere at all anyway. No, Walky becoming more and more enamored and addicted to Dorothy while she still plans to use him and then dump him when she moves on — now there’s your slow motion train wreck. And it won’t be pretty.
If he can turn down two dynamite ladies within a 2 year timeframe then he’s gotta be gay.
(although Joyce is only Dynamite in a She’s cute way. Her personality is a bit intolerable for me)
This Joyce is growing the slow way, Walkyverse Joyce had her entire personality erased thus escaping her brainwashing and starting without all that garbage in her head.
@luxlucis and @timemonkey, you’re both correct, and it’s partly because the Walkiverse had a ton of the scifi concepts running around that Joyce was redeemable. Mindwipes were good in this case.
I’ve just known too many Joyces in real life, and I have as of yet to ever see one of them actually grow up and become a person I gave a damn about. A large amount of the women I knew went to college to get their associates and their MRS., or got married and had 6 month old preemies that were 7-8 pounds. The men… I’m not even going to start on them. All I’ll say is that if they actually followed Jesus, it would be nice if they knew what he had said, seeing as it’s all there in that book of theirs.
Blarg. I’m feeling a surge of unspeakable anger, so I’m going to stop speaking for now.
I’m sorry for those people you met .-.
Not everyone can change, I like to believe that God does give us choices to do it but it’s up to the people to follow the right ones.
I kind of understand them though, when your life has had so much hate and indoctrination how can you even know what’s the right choice?
Joyce is like a tree frog. She’s so cute and endearing, but has been filled with poison. Also, she must avoid being devoured by snakes that have evolved a resistance to her toxic upbringing.
Fuck, man, getting flashbacks to Julian from The Shield. That ended well for him, if by “well” you mean “after seven seasons he was still conflicted, bitter, alone, and despite his best efforts, gay”.
CIS-sex is definitey not the right term, that does not refer to sexual activity, that refers to identity.
I mean, ‘straight’ sex or whatever is obviously also not always applicable, because what if Ethan did have sex with Joyce? Wouldn’t make him straight, would it? So… idek. Man/woman sex? Sounds dumb lol. Opposite sex sex? xD I don’t even now.
I’m sorry, you made a joke and I analysed it to death, I apologize lol. But you get my point about the word, right? ~
The word you’re looking for might be heterosexual sex. Kinda clunky, but then you don’t have to specify whether you mean PIV, handjobs, oral, pegging with a sparkly man-dongle, etc.
I feel so sorry for Joyce because shes not a bad person just really messed up and as much as I feel for Ethan in his situation surely he has to be the one to end this charade
You mean that you want her to decide that she has to sacrifice herself and seduce him for his own good – and it goes horribly awry and she wakes up in bed with Joe and Mike.
I think Joyce says “it might be sinful” because she really doesn’t know. Sex without marriage? Sinful without a doubt; a one-way express ticket to hell. Kissing, hugging, and holding hands? Perfectly OK; maybe even OK to go as far as first base. Let the guy try to stretch a single into a double? DANGER, WILL ROBINSON, DANGER!!! Now you’re getting into a grey area; it’s still not actually sex, but it is likely to create impure thoughts and desires …. which is a lesser sin under the teachings of most Christian religions (especially the Catholics). And that is what is twisting Joyce’s mind into a pretzel right now.
Revolving closet in sight. Ethan in the closet, Ethan out of the closet… Ethan in the closet again? And Joyce, the ‘Sacrificial Virgin’, the ‘Martyr’ in her own mind. This is not going to end well, but it is gonna end soon.
She isn’t really thinking of herself as a martyr for what she is doing. She is discovering that she wants physical intimacy, even though a big reason for this relationship in the first place was her fear of just that. She’s trying to ask for what she wants, but she’s too afraid to say so, so she’s trying to paint it to look like something he wants to do. Unfortunately, this tactic is almost universally transparent.
Yeah, I figured that her justification for doing it was to “Martyr” herself in order to save Ethan from a life of homosexual sin. Or something like that. Of course, her real reason is that she has the hots for Ethan and wants him so badly she even dreams of it.
I find it slightly interesting, and sad, that Ethan doesn’t contest Joyce’s point that ‘you don’t want to be gay’. We’d gotten that Ethan hates that being gay overshadows the other aspects of his life, but that he feels that he needs to get rid of it is… well, very sad.
And oh Joyce. Every day I like you less and less, and I didn’t like you much at all to begin with.
I like how Ethan is probably having a seziure in panel 3 and then his facical expression is just stuck like that until the end lol. That’s what panic looks like.
That’s not a seizure; that’s him looking down on Joyce with unchanging, unending pity. Because not only is she transparently desperate for lust-sating, he knows she’s absolutely wrong about his needs. He had a long, snogging relationship with amber and impending sex with her only proved his gayness. Anything Joyce might manage to do won’t do shit.
Uh oh. Is Mr. Willis is about to out awkward the whole Ethan and Amber prom-night incident? That’d be like a catagory 5 hurricane, EF5 tornado, 10.0 on the Richter-scale earthquake, and 100-mile wide meteor of awkward coming out of your screen. I’m afraid to keep reading the comic now.
I know tomorrow’s comic was written months ago. But I’m going to pretend like it hasn’t and what I say has influence on it….DO IT ETHAN. BE THE BEARD THAT JOYCE NEEDS.
I see characters behaving like this, and I’m stricken with concern over the real-world people who have tied themselves into similar knots because of their horribly repressive religions.
It was basically his idea to begin with. Joyce is very wrong for what she is doing, but given he’s outright using her, even with her consent, it’s deeply fucked up on both their parts.
Skanky spanky pork-sword shanky?
Relationship’s gone all janky?
Dorm room door all swanky?
Joyce refuses to have a wanky?
The… Christmas Poo is Mister Hanky?
… … Um, Primeape evolves from Mankey?
I remember this movie now. The girl and guy were both at a super Christian school. The guy told his girlfriend that he was gay. The girlfriend decided to have sex with him to prove he isn’t gay, losing her virginity and getting pregnant … all in one go. Let’s hope Joyce doesn’t go that route.
Aaand here is where Joyce’s mind skips a track. Seriously, this happens to people with strict upbringings all the time (not just strict religious upbringings.) When the children get out in the wider world, they find out that the world doesn’t quite play by the rules they were raised to. So their mental paradigm breaks down, and they either a) completely discard their upbringing, b) run screaming back to where they came from, or c) find some middle ground. Let’s see which way Joyce bounces. Or goes splat. Either way, pass the popcorn.
I just think today’s comic is kinda sad…. eveyrything that joyce is saying is just awful, but she truely thinks she is just trying to help ethan with something that he has deemed to be a problem for himself. As so me others have stated in some many words already, her heart is in the right place, but her brain has got everything all fucked up and backwards. She is so worried about not sinning, but I wonder if she’s ever heard the saying, “the road to hell is paved with good intentions…” cuz right now, that’s kinda the path she’s walking. Let’s just hope that when the road forks, she takes the right way ( or just turns around and starts all over again)
No, no Joyce, you’re going about this all wrong. Think; what do some parents do when they find their kid sneaking a cigarette? They make them smoke a whole carton until they’re sick, to make a point of how awful cigarettes are!
So clearly what you need to do is make Ethan have sex with a whole busload of gay dudes…
Seriously though imagine the look(s) on joyces face.
1- Blushing- “Amg, This be a sin”
2- Looking/blushing “Though, that’s kinda hot”
3- Blushing “Amg, this be hot”
4- Envy “Amg, want in on that hot”
5- Regret “Ah. so that’s what proper sin feels like”
That’d help them both, but it’d also sadly be out of character for him. He has so far displayed a stunning lack of spine when it comes to these things.
Seriously, if Ethan and Danny hit it off as friends, Danny will be the strong, assertive one by a country mile. That is where Ethan is right now.
True true! I think this is more me HOPING that he suggests a break up, but yeah thinking about it, this ‘relationship’ will most likely go on for a while. I’m hoping it gets to a point where both of them realise this is such a bad idea and decide to call it quits, but I doubt things will go that smoothly!
Don’t know if it’s what Willis meant, but Ethan’s frozen ‘er, yeah?’ expression there totally reminds me of how I responded when my Highschool beard suggested we make out. The frozen “Oh. Crap. Right. That’s a thing you have to do with girlfriends.” response. Bad news, Ethan. They don’t need movement to see you.
This comic is about Joyce.
Ethan at least knows what he wants. Or rather, what he doesn’t want.
If Joyce could just decide that what she wants is what she wants, Ethan could at last say no.
They both entered into this agreement on the basis that there won’t be any mutual attraction. (At least until marriage.)
And it works so far insofar as the attraction isn’t mutual.
She hired Mike for her first date to prevent exactly this kind of situation. Bad Joyce.
No, no. He can suggest that he makes out with her once, but only to a mutually agreed level, and she has to decorate his door to his satisfaction. She gets what she wants for now while still feeling safe and he gets the door he wants. Everybody wins.
For some value of wins, which may or may not be well below zero.
I suspect Ethan will dump Joyce with the same selfish excuse he used with Amber, that it’s for her own good and he’s just protecting her from getting hurt by being with him. Ethan will condemn Joyce for going back on their arrangement, while simultaneously declaring that he can’t be what she wants him to be, and exiting stage left.
Either that, or they’ll just kiss. I mean, they totally smooched outside of Galasso’s. But I don’t really think that’ll happen.
I think you misunderstand me. Ethan breaking up with Amber was not selfish. But that little speech he gave her in the cafeteria about why he was willing to fake it with Joyce and not Amber, kind of a selfish dick move. He deflected the blame for the onto Amber and what she wanted from him. And all the while trying to pass it off as a noble gesture that he did because he cared about her. No, he just doesn’t like girl parts, and he was honest about it (at least that time).
I may have misspoken before, Ethan was not selfish in breaking up with Amber, but he was when he essentially re-dumped her in the cafeteria.
Except Ethan doesn’t really care if he hurts Joyce. That’s why he’s in a relationship with her instead of Amber. He cared too much for Amber to keep her as a beard.
Yeah, I call bull on the whole caring thing. He didn’t seem to care too much when he kissed Joyce in front of Amber in the cafeteria. Also, that essentially amounts to: “I put you through a grueling ordeal, pain, and awkwardness because I care.” He painted Amber as the incongruous cog in their relationship, not cool.
Ethan has stealthily swapped places with a life-sized rubber statue of himself, which Joyce will knock over for a hiLARious reveal any … minute … now …. or so he wishes.
No wait I hope they actually try. Because (hopefully) it’ll do the exact opposite of what she wants. My hope is that it was fully drag Ethan out of the closet, because he’ll realize that he does want this kind of intimacy…just not with a girl. And hopefully it will make Joyce realize that she can’t have a relationship with him where he will really, and truly want to be physical with her. I say that because that is something that she clearly desires.
That poor girl, when she finally does manage to have a make out session, she is going to explode, then wake up the next morning, naked in bed surrounded by many, many smiling naked guys (and a few girls).
How to read all 28 issues of my Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane run on Marvel Unlimited:
1: The first four issues were published as the miniseries "Mary Jane."
www.marvel.com/comics/serie...
today in #9chickweedlane i learned we have to be shown children learning and relearning what sex is, for Reasons, even though they already clearly know and have prepared nuanced questions about it!
also that Gran must hate, if she's still alive, how Old Juliette is the same but with gray hair
one of my favorite things is when a commenter explodes WHEN DO THESE CHARACTERS GET THERAPY but directed towards a character who canonically has a regular therapist
Hot Toys Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith 1/6 Scale Darth Vader Deluxe ($495) & Standard ($315) is up for preorder at Sideshow - shrsl.com/4wcx6 #ad
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btw if you're one of those rando bluesky weirdos who doesn't know me but sees me in the wild being sarcastic and don't know i'm being sarcastic because you haven't taken like 30 seconds to, like, maybe look at my user profile or something, keep walking, you're not going to score internet points here
Here's an entertaining cite at the bottom of the first page
Josh Gerstein@joshgerstein.bsky.social ⋅ 2d
JUST IN: Milwaukee Judge Hannah Dugan moves to dismiss federal criminal case against her for allegedly helping immigrant hide from ICE. Her lawyers say she's protected by official acts & judicial immunity and 10th Amendment. Doc: storage.courtlistener.com/recap/gov.us...
Where did Hollywood go so wrong? I thought movies were supposed to be an escape from reality, a chance to put your worries aside and not have to think about any underlying ideas or concepts. Well, not anymore.
theonion.com/you-can...
It's not a new argument, of course, but Chesterton dismissed it effectively in 1908.
"You will hear everlastingly... this argument that the rich man cannot be bribed. The fact is, of course, that the rich man is bribed; he has been bribed already. That is why he is a rich man."
Aaron Rupar@atrupar.com ⋅ 2d
Hawley dismisses Trump lining his pockets with his memecoin: "Listen, I think nobody believes that Donald Trump can be bought. I mean, what does Donald Trump need more money for?"
wilbur, savvy enough to know he's in a comic strip but still not a great actor, awkwardly lifts a muffin up into frame so that we, the audience, understand that he has a muffin right now, which is very important narratively, but he's not really selling it well as an organic, human action
preternia @preternia.com ⋅ 1d
Josh Gerstein @joshgerstein.bsky.social ⋅ 2d
Aaron Rupar @atrupar.com ⋅ 2d
Pavel
@spavel.bsky.social ⋅ 11d
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Subtle, Joyce.
Yup, Subtle like a Trainwreck
I dunno, I’ve seen some train wreaks on youtube that are pretty stealthy when compared to this.
subtle like a dick in the face
wait I mean like a bag of nickels
which is from face-dicking
Ha! And the title of this strip sounds like “Ween”. Now THAT’S subtlety.
Then the title should really be “wean us” amiritelololol
Like Nike once said JUST DO IT!
“Choo choo! Choo choo, chuggachuggachuggachugga. aaaAAAAHHHHH BOOOOM BPIFFFFFFFBFPFPFPPPP *explosion noises* MILLIONS ARE DEAD!”
As a great man once said: I understood that reference.
Joyce, when you find yourself stuck in a deep hole, the first thing to do is to stop digging.
words to live by
Yeah? What if the hole is a cragged shame pit full of lust wolves? You’d better dig faster than those wolves can run after you.
Don’t listen to qka, Joyce. Dig harder.
She wants the fabulous D.
That Joyce, such a kidder!
I bet she was a riot in church school.
Hey everyone, let’s riot at the church school!
That’s, like, one of my top 3 favorite places to riot!
That’s where they’re raising Helen Church!
They’re raising Hell in church? Those blasphemers!
Well they -are- rioting.
It still weirds me out that god is named Art Howard, what with that whole “Our father, who’s Art in Heaven, Howard be thy name”.
I get such an education here.
Nothri, don’t be stupid and try actually listening to what they say.
His last name is “Hallowed”.
“Y’know… Only if you thought it might help.”
If I were gay — and the key word here is “if” — I would totally fake being straight for a chance to make out with Joyce.
I suspect most of us would. I certainly would!
I mean, she would panic afterwards. Like, panic attack. Which I think would dampen anyone’s enthusiasm substantially.
No, that’s something you would do if you were straight.
But if he were straight, he would’t have to fake being straight…Unless he was straight, but pretending to be gay, then he could pretend to fake being straight, but then he would actually be -not- faking because he actually is straight, but he’d be -pretending- to fake so- (head explodes)
You may be onto something. You could write a book telling young guys how to successfully pretend to be gay so that conflicted girls would throw themselves at them in an attempt to save them from their gayness — and sell it on Amazon for 99 cents.
And now I’m afraid to search to see if it is a thing.
ITYM, sell it for a nickel.
Bloodhound Gang – I Wish I Was Queer So I Could Get Chicks
I think you’re misunderstanding the meaning of the term “gay”.
It means joyful, right?
So would you, right now, pretend to be gay so you could make out with, say, Jacob?
In some alternate universe where Jacob is gay or bi, I guess
In some alternate universe where Jacob was female? No probably not. My wife wouldn’t approve.
This is painful to read.
Not as painful as a 3D image of Knives jutting out at you.
…Googles image of knives.
NOPE
Try googling images of knives jutting out OF you.
KNIFE EYE ATTACK
Everything is knives! EVERYTHING!
miniature subquark knives which stick into each other to form strings.
Aw, but Knives is cute! Just kinda possessive, but that’s kind of understandable given how Scott strung her along.
Well they say comedy comes from someone else’s pain.
Comedy = tragedy + time
Joyce is tryna rush the last part
Not as painful as Ethan getting his nipples torn off in the last panel.
“I BET HOT HETEROSEXUAL SEX WILL DO IT AMIRITE”
“I may or may not have a strapon in my wishlist on Amazon…NAW JUST MESSIN’ WITH YA!”
“Well, that’s what my mom said.”
That’s what Mike made your mom say.
Mike can make your mom say anything with a nickle
I was gonna make a “nickle is woodpecker”-related joke but fuckit n/m
The best Joyce can hope to get from Ethan is some lukewarm hetro-sex.
via that smelly “post man-butt used wiener!
Assuming he could even get it up.
“Ethan, why do you keep calling me Joey?”
I bet Jayce would do it
There’s always Viagra.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KShkhIXdf1Y
Ah, that’s the premise of “Saved!”
Oh god a Joyce-is-pregnant plotline would be…. so much. Maybe too much. Too much. No.
NO BRAKES! The fuck train has no brakes.
Bad news, Joyce, Amber already tried that one, it didn’t go well.
wait what does that alt text say?
WHAT does it say, indeed
Yik-yik-yik-yik-yikyikyik
[Translation: Asphinctersayswhat?]
Isn’t that what the fox says?
http://youtu.be/4qxWGr8VhzQ
The person who will engage in the act of bringing our lips together whilst intertwining our mouth organs inquires the interjection “What?”
“Speaking of which my tongue tastes really wierd. You Taste it. GO ON!”
I have something caught in my throat. Try to get it out with your tongue, okay?
I think you might have a piece of yesterday’s mystery meat in your teeth.
“I’m thirsty, can I borrow some spit”
Joyce: “I have something stuck in my.”
Ethan: “oh here’s a toothpick.”
Joyce: “oh don’t bother just use your tongue… Now.”
In her what? Stuck in her what?!?!?
With a toothpick!?
Her “Oh, my”.
Making out solves a lot of things.
This is not one of them.
Do it for science.
How long can someone repress themself before they blow, I wonder.
Takin’ All Bets, People!
Blow literally or metaphorically?
Because I think the bet should be which of them gets started on the “billion dicks” first.
Not just blow. But Blow like a million dicks.
Wait, are we Talking about Joyce or Ethan there?
Either or. Perhaps both.
Tag Team or Competitive?
This raises an interesting question. Who would win Competitive dick sucking.
My money’d be on Billie but I bet Mike would win just to piss people off.
Or worse he’d start doing the best to get more votes and then just stop so he loses and everyone loses their money.
Depends we talkin Mike Mike or sloshed Mike?
Only a fool gets sloshed before a billion dick sucking competition.
can Mike even get sloshed
Choo-choo, here comes the train.
The pain train?
WILLIS, YOUR TRAINS HERE!
I thought Willis’ favorite pain distribution method was by truck.
Push the Button, Pull the chain
Here comes the chocolate choo choo train.
You want Ethan to make out with someone who is all soft and feminine? That sounds gay.
You want Joyce to make out with someone who is all soft and feminine? That sounds gay xD
Yes but it would be awesome.
Truly Plasma, you are my one true friend
You want Billie to make out with someone fiery and hard? That sounds straight.
That sounds like a bad time. Fiery hardness.
Fiery hardness sounds like what you get if you apply heat balm on your morning wood.
One evening I had a very sore back. My husband rubbed some Heet on it right before bed and thought it would be hilarious to rub it on my bum too. Shortly thereafter it got way too hot and I had to desperately find something beyond just soap and water to neutralize it before I ended up with a chemical burn (I have stupidly sensitive skin for heat-chemical stuff) which he also found hilarious.
The part *I* found hilarious was what he realized shortly thereafter, which was the part right before that where we were spooning naked and it rubbed off on his dick.
–Which is a roundabout way of saying heat balm + [/morning] wood = sad (but hilarious) times.
–Oh, don’t look at me like that; it didn’t affect him as strongly and I did tell him that the hair conditioner worked on it. You know. After a couple of minutes. –He started it.
once upon a time, before my ex was my ex, i made us some chili for dinner. afterward, things got hot and heavy, and then they got a little TOO hot for him, because apparently i should have brushed my teeth before giving him a blowjob. even residual amounts of jalapeno juice/oil/whatever it is is no joke when accidentally applied to a penis.
You should get that checked.
what?
Thier days are numbred. Thank God.
Which means he’ll be available when he meets Danny for Comics
ALL OF THE HOMO
Hey Amber Is it Okay if I steal your Boyfriend KTHXSBYE
For the love of everything holy let this happen. MAKE MY SHIP SAIL DAMNIT!
Because a crush on a guy shown to be nothing but straight is going to fix his problems because reasons. Hell, it’s bad enough with him being googly eyed for Jacob. Then again, we all are.
It’s not like there are really many other options in the Dumbiverse, right? There’s Manny and Drew, unless new characters get added or ones with no previously established sexual orientations (Arnold?).
So they ARE gonna get hit by trucks.
Kill off Ambers best friend and boyfriend …Do we really need make Amazi-girls new arch-nemesis a Truck
Only if this means we get amazing imagery of a truck coming towards Amazi-girl and she stops it in it’s tracks with a a punch.
Amber versus Nemesis Prime!
I do believe it’s Ruth who calls trucks her arch nemesis.
What
I want you to be straight, not gay! Except having straight sexual feelings is causing me just as much angst right now, so I’m not really presenting the best of arguments.
Yeah, maybe the best way for this to end would be Ethan realizing that being straight wouldn’t exactly solve all his problems, because look how Joyce is dealing with it.
The best way for this to end is for them to suddenly realize this whole thing they’re doing is stupid and go off to suck like a billion dicks.
Joyce, your cute is showing. Also your biggoted.
Not to mention contradictory. Yeesh.
More like she’s conflicted. Joyce grew up in a cocoon and now she’s out in the actual world, where things don’t nearly meet up to what she’s been taught over her formative years. When this is over, she’ll either realize she can’t change Ethan’s gayness and accept it and find a guy who isn’t gay… or her head will explode.
… And the slow-mo trainwreck continues.
Dammit, why can’t I look away.
Don’t look away, everyone will know if you do.
Points if you get my kinda-reference.
Koyaanisqatsi….
Koyaanisqatsi….
Koyaanisqatsi….
Dale!
You call this a train wreck? No, this is a small self contained minorish wreck that was never going to go anywhere at all anyway. No, Walky becoming more and more enamored and addicted to Dorothy while she still plans to use him and then dump him when she moves on — now there’s your slow motion train wreck. And it won’t be pretty.
Ethan, are you starting to figure out that this maybe wasn’t a good idea?
Panels three to six without word bubbles is the best.
Oh, this will all end in tears.
Yuppers.
Can I hear a preemptive “Damn you Willis”? Eh? Eh?
Nope, for once it’ll be “Thank you Willis!”
Pfft, as if there won’t be a scene change tomorrow…
Delicious…Delicious Joyce tears. My favorite flavor :3.
Hee. Joyce, if he made out with you it’d just solidify the gay and wreck your little illusions better than almost anything else could.
If he can turn down two dynamite ladies within a 2 year timeframe then he’s gotta be gay.
(although Joyce is only Dynamite in a She’s cute way. Her personality is a bit intolerable for me)
But you’d do it for science, right?
Burn, Joyce. Burn.
You know… I loved her to pieces in the Walkyverse, and… yeah. She can burn for eternity in the Dumbiverse, though.
She was every bit as bad before SEMME!
She will eventually turn around I guess.
This Joyce is growing the slow way, Walkyverse Joyce had her entire personality erased thus escaping her brainwashing and starting without all that garbage in her head.
She’s changing quite fast “in universe” time
@luxlucis and @timemonkey, you’re both correct, and it’s partly because the Walkiverse had a ton of the scifi concepts running around that Joyce was redeemable. Mindwipes were good in this case.
I’ve just known too many Joyces in real life, and I have as of yet to ever see one of them actually grow up and become a person I gave a damn about. A large amount of the women I knew went to college to get their associates and their MRS., or got married and had 6 month old preemies that were 7-8 pounds. The men… I’m not even going to start on them. All I’ll say is that if they actually followed Jesus, it would be nice if they knew what he had said, seeing as it’s all there in that book of theirs.
Blarg. I’m feeling a surge of unspeakable anger, so I’m going to stop speaking for now.
I’m sorry for those people you met .-.
Not everyone can change, I like to believe that God does give us choices to do it but it’s up to the people to follow the right ones.
I kind of understand them though, when your life has had so much hate and indoctrination how can you even know what’s the right choice?
Wow, this is fucking pathetic.
Which is the only fucking these two will ever be!
HE-YO!
Your earned yourself a gold star for that one.
Joyce is like a tree frog. She’s so cute and endearing, but has been filled with poison. Also, she must avoid being devoured by snakes that have evolved a resistance to her toxic upbringing.
As long as it is consensual, perhaps she should be devoured by snakes with Christian toxic immunity.
She must also take care not to snap and devour like a billion snakes
Also she has small cups on the tips of her fingers that aid her in grasping tree branches.
Fuck, man, getting flashbacks to Julian from The Shield. That ended well for him, if by “well” you mean “after seven seasons he was still conflicted, bitter, alone, and despite his best efforts, gay”.
Joyce’s mouth in the last panel looks like the cross-section of a Klondike Bar.
Would you have CIS-sex for a Klondike Bar?
“Maybe if I put this ice cream sandwich in my mouth, Ethan will make out with me so he can have a taste.”
CIS-sex is definitey not the right term, that does not refer to sexual activity, that refers to identity.
I mean, ‘straight’ sex or whatever is obviously also not always applicable, because what if Ethan did have sex with Joyce? Wouldn’t make him straight, would it? So… idek. Man/woman sex? Sounds dumb lol. Opposite sex sex? xD I don’t even now.
I’m sorry, you made a joke and I analysed it to death, I apologize lol. But you get my point about the word, right? ~
That teaches me to forget to check out the dictionary meaing of a word I don’t know too well.
The word you’re looking for might be heterosexual sex. Kinda clunky, but then you don’t have to specify whether you mean PIV, handjobs, oral, pegging with a sparkly man-dongle, etc.
One could shorten it to “hetero sex”…
What’s wrong with “Fucking?”
If you have a nickle, I know where you can find out.
maybe piv sex?
Computer Information Systems sex?
Oh god, I can’t look away.
Ethan gets his own cable show – “DickDynasty!”
So he will grow an epic beard?
He has one. It’s named Joyce.
I lol’ed.
Good one! ^_^
You win today’s internet.
Come on Ethan! That’s the face of someone tired of being in hiding!
Just break up with her and everything will be better.
Danny will comfort you with some buttsex
I mean crazy homolove
COMICS! I MEANT COMICS!
I’m in that wagon already n.n
I feel so sorry for Joyce because shes not a bad person just really messed up and as much as I feel for Ethan in his situation surely he has to be the one to end this charade
My God I want this to end so badly, preferably in the worse way imaginable.
You mean that you want her to decide that she has to sacrifice herself and seduce him for his own good – and it goes horribly awry and she wakes up in bed with Joe and Mike.
I like how she says “It might be sinful” Like even she doesn’t really know “It’s probably sinful or something…whatever.”
I think Joyce says “it might be sinful” because she really doesn’t know. Sex without marriage? Sinful without a doubt; a one-way express ticket to hell. Kissing, hugging, and holding hands? Perfectly OK; maybe even OK to go as far as first base. Let the guy try to stretch a single into a double? DANGER, WILL ROBINSON, DANGER!!! Now you’re getting into a grey area; it’s still not actually sex, but it is likely to create impure thoughts and desires …. which is a lesser sin under the teachings of most Christian religions (especially the Catholics). And that is what is twisting Joyce’s mind into a pretzel right now.
Revolving closet in sight. Ethan in the closet, Ethan out of the closet… Ethan in the closet again? And Joyce, the ‘Sacrificial Virgin’, the ‘Martyr’ in her own mind. This is not going to end well, but it is gonna end soon.
She isn’t really thinking of herself as a martyr for what she is doing. She is discovering that she wants physical intimacy, even though a big reason for this relationship in the first place was her fear of just that. She’s trying to ask for what she wants, but she’s too afraid to say so, so she’s trying to paint it to look like something he wants to do. Unfortunately, this tactic is almost universally transparent.
Critically, she’s also trying to convince HERSELF that there would be a “better” reason for it than just pleasure.
Yeah, I figured that her justification for doing it was to “Martyr” herself in order to save Ethan from a life of homosexual sin. Or something like that. Of course, her real reason is that she has the hots for Ethan and wants him so badly she even dreams of it.
I find it slightly interesting, and sad, that Ethan doesn’t contest Joyce’s point that ‘you don’t want to be gay’. We’d gotten that Ethan hates that being gay overshadows the other aspects of his life, but that he feels that he needs to get rid of it is… well, very sad.
And oh Joyce. Every day I like you less and less, and I didn’t like you much at all to begin with.
What I find sad is that Ethan is doing this to appease his homophobic mother and his possibly-still-in-the-closet father.
Boy, I thought Joyce was slowly improving. How terribly wrong I was.
The thing is, you’re right about her improving. She is. You just didn’t realize how far back she started.
She originally couldn’t conceive of a gay dude unless he was playing with Barbie dolls. Sadly, this is progress.
You are very correct.
I like how Ethan is probably having a seziure in panel 3 and then his facical expression is just stuck like that until the end lol. That’s what panic looks like.
That’s not a seizure; that’s him looking down on Joyce with unchanging, unending pity. Because not only is she transparently desperate for lust-sating, he knows she’s absolutely wrong about his needs. He had a long, snogging relationship with amber and impending sex with her only proved his gayness. Anything Joyce might manage to do won’t do shit.
Uh oh. Is Mr. Willis is about to out awkward the whole Ethan and Amber prom-night incident? That’d be like a catagory 5 hurricane, EF5 tornado, 10.0 on the Richter-scale earthquake, and 100-mile wide meteor of awkward coming out of your screen. I’m afraid to keep reading the comic now.
But instead of sharks it’s full of penises
Joyce probably needs to see the movie Saved! I suppose…
I love that movie.
It’s like Joyce is playing some bizarre game of sexual chicken, and keeps losing.
I believe that’s the point, yes.
At this point in her development, she would probably lose even if she won.
I know tomorrow’s comic was written months ago. But I’m going to pretend like it hasn’t and what I say has influence on it….DO IT ETHAN. BE THE BEARD THAT JOYCE NEEDS.
for Science.
Joyce, Joyce, this isn’t going to end well. Sadly, there are people out there like her that think they can change someone’s sexual orientation.
And those people include Ethan’s own parents.
Sweet merciful God, this is… Oh, NO. Why. Just why.
Willis, please just end this! Put this ship out of its misery!
All hands,
remove yourselves from those genitals genitalsabandon shipJesus christ Joyce. And Ethan. Jesus.
Ethan would totally make out with Jesus.
Naked man in a helpless position? Hello, sailor!
Ethan’s met Jesus and I can assure there is nothing there.
ABANDON SHIP! NO, DON’T BOTHER WITH LIFE BOATS. WE’LL DROWN TOGETHER.
Slipshine Senses tingling.
Ethan performs a sex and for the second time and unsurprisingly its Embarrassing and Aggressively Terrible
Your slipshine sense is extremely broken.
Assume everything is a Slipshine, and you’ll get it eventually.
Or you’ll discourage the author from ever making another one.
I see characters behaving like this, and I’m stricken with concern over the real-world people who have tied themselves into similar knots because of their horribly repressive religions.
Watch where you’re putting those hands, Joyce!
But seriously, why are you going along with this Ethan???
It was basically his idea to begin with. Joyce is very wrong for what she is doing, but given he’s outright using her, even with her consent, it’s deeply fucked up on both their parts.
PREMARITAL
HANKY
PANKY
Skanky spanky pork-sword shanky?
Relationship’s gone all janky?
Dorm room door all swanky?
Joyce refuses to have a wanky?
The… Christmas Poo is Mister Hanky?
… … Um, Primeape evolves from Mankey?
I remember this movie now. The girl and guy were both at a super Christian school. The guy told his girlfriend that he was gay. The girlfriend decided to have sex with him to prove he isn’t gay, losing her virginity and getting pregnant … all in one go. Let’s hope Joyce doesn’t go that route.
What was this movie called? For study, you know.
Saved with Mandy Moore. There’s a link earlier in the comments to the imdb description.
And she’s saying this all while full on groping Ethan’s chest…
Aaand here is where Joyce’s mind skips a track. Seriously, this happens to people with strict upbringings all the time (not just strict religious upbringings.) When the children get out in the wider world, they find out that the world doesn’t quite play by the rules they were raised to. So their mental paradigm breaks down, and they either a) completely discard their upbringing, b) run screaming back to where they came from, or c) find some middle ground. Let’s see which way Joyce bounces. Or goes splat. Either way, pass the popcorn.
I assume that today’s comic title is short for “I want your weener!”
I pity Joyce so much. She’s grown up in such a dampened environment…
I’d make a joke about Ethan’s sexual orientation, buttfuck it.
+10
All of the internets.
Maybe they can meet halfway.
Thank you for infecting my mind with that.
Joyce: The best way for me to help you be who you say you want to be is for me to give up trying to be who I say I want to be.
Ethan: [same look as in the last panels of the strip]
Joyce: To be or not to be! Ha! Ha! ha… ha… hem.
“…rggghh, even when I’m speaking FOR him, I don’t have any idea what he means!”
I love you guys.
I just think today’s comic is kinda sad…. eveyrything that joyce is saying is just awful, but she truely thinks she is just trying to help ethan with something that he has deemed to be a problem for himself. As so me others have stated in some many words already, her heart is in the right place, but her brain has got everything all fucked up and backwards. She is so worried about not sinning, but I wonder if she’s ever heard the saying, “the road to hell is paved with good intentions…” cuz right now, that’s kinda the path she’s walking. Let’s just hope that when the road forks, she takes the right way ( or just turns around and starts all over again)
No, no Joyce, you’re going about this all wrong. Think; what do some parents do when they find their kid sneaking a cigarette? They make them smoke a whole carton until they’re sick, to make a point of how awful cigarettes are!
So clearly what you need to do is make Ethan have sex with a whole busload of gay dudes…
Ethan does a sex bus?
Seriously though imagine the look(s) on joyces face.
1- Blushing- “Amg, This be a sin”
2- Looking/blushing “Though, that’s kinda hot”
3- Blushing “Amg, this be hot”
4- Envy “Amg, want in on that hot”
5- Regret “Ah. so that’s what proper sin feels like”
It would be an epic emotional train-wreck xD
♪The Ethanbus is cumming
And everybody’s humping
New York to San Fransisco
An intercity disco♪
Oh man Ethannnnnnn. His face is just NOT AMUSED.
I would not be surprised at all if the next strip is Ethan suggesting a break up.
That’d help them both, but it’d also sadly be out of character for him. He has so far displayed a stunning lack of spine when it comes to these things.
Seriously, if Ethan and Danny hit it off as friends, Danny will be the strong, assertive one by a country mile. That is where Ethan is right now.
True true! I think this is more me HOPING that he suggests a break up, but yeah thinking about it, this ‘relationship’ will most likely go on for a while. I’m hoping it gets to a point where both of them realise this is such a bad idea and decide to call it quits, but I doubt things will go that smoothly!
I’ve already watch “SAVED!”, Joyce, so let me tell you how your plan ends….
I hope the next strip is Ethan suggesting a breakup Orangey.
But, Willis won’t let us off that easy.
I love how Ethan just keeps the single concerned look through the whole monologue while Joyce basically chews the Furniture in sexual frustration.
Oh Joyce. Oh, Joyce. I hope she does find someone to explore her sexuality with in a less doomed sort of way.
I think she needs to spend several months to a year with her hands and/or a cute sparkly vibrator first.
(coughcoughDorothycoughcough)
Hm… I think I’ve seen this movie already, joyce.
no, really.
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Film/Saved
Don’t know if it’s what Willis meant, but Ethan’s frozen ‘er, yeah?’ expression there totally reminds me of how I responded when my Highschool beard suggested we make out. The frozen “Oh. Crap. Right. That’s a thing you have to do with girlfriends.” response. Bad news, Ethan. They don’t need movement to see you.
This comic is about Joyce.
Ethan at least knows what he wants. Or rather, what he doesn’t want.
If Joyce could just decide that what she wants is what she wants, Ethan could at last say no.
They both entered into this agreement on the basis that there won’t be any mutual attraction. (At least until marriage.)
And it works so far insofar as the attraction isn’t mutual.
She hired Mike for her first date to prevent exactly this kind of situation. Bad Joyce.
beachfox’s interpretation is generally correct.
I thought that it could be interpreted that way was just a bonus.
I greatly underestimated you, Mr. Willis, and that should say something. Well played.
Very well done, indeed.
*commence groveling and confession of unworthiness*
Ethan knows what he wants and what he doesn’t want, and what he doesn’t want is to want what he wants.
Ethan is frozen in terror.
Girl is SUCH a mess.
Repression and mixed signals! Fun for everyone!
shannanananannnanna don’t be scared you’ve got to kiss the girl
Awkward.
Every comic where Ethan and Joyce continue to try to make this sham of a relationship work just makes me more and more upset.
As it should. if anyone comes away from Dumbing of Age thinking Joyce and Ethan is a good thing as a pairing, I am frankly scared of them.
They wander through the comments sometimes. Knocking down faith in humanity like a brachiosaurus trampling small trees.
Ugh, I know exactly what you mean! I’m really hoping that one of them wakes up soon. It looks like Ethan might here.
This can only end well. For any value of “well” that is below zero. Very far below zero.
Well below zero.
Well as in “fallen down the”.
No, no. He can suggest that he makes out with her once, but only to a mutually agreed level, and she has to decorate his door to his satisfaction. She gets what she wants for now while still feeling safe and he gets the door he wants. Everybody wins.
For some value of wins, which may or may not be well below zero.
The word you’re looking for is “adorkable”.
i can’t tell if ethan knows that her brain is exploding right now
I suspect Ethan will dump Joyce with the same selfish excuse he used with Amber, that it’s for her own good and he’s just protecting her from getting hurt by being with him. Ethan will condemn Joyce for going back on their arrangement, while simultaneously declaring that he can’t be what she wants him to be, and exiting stage left.
Either that, or they’ll just kiss. I mean, they totally smooched outside of Galasso’s. But I don’t really think that’ll happen.
(facepalm) Selfish excuse. “We shouldn’t date because I’m gay and will never be attracted to you like you want” is a selfish excuse.
Well, yes. But Ethan should unselfishly give Joyce what she wants anyway… for science.
Well, that and popcorn.
I think you misunderstand me. Ethan breaking up with Amber was not selfish. But that little speech he gave her in the cafeteria about why he was willing to fake it with Joyce and not Amber, kind of a selfish dick move. He deflected the blame for the onto Amber and what she wanted from him. And all the while trying to pass it off as a noble gesture that he did because he cared about her. No, he just doesn’t like girl parts, and he was honest about it (at least that time).
I may have misspoken before, Ethan was not selfish in breaking up with Amber, but he was when he essentially re-dumped her in the cafeteria.
Ohhh, okay. Yes, that is considerably more reasonable. <_<
Except Ethan doesn’t really care if he hurts Joyce. That’s why he’s in a relationship with her instead of Amber. He cared too much for Amber to keep her as a beard.
Bingo.
And almost the same reason Dorothy is in a relationship with Walky, she cared too much for Danny to set him up for continuing to be hurt.
Yeah, I call bull on the whole caring thing. He didn’t seem to care too much when he kissed Joyce in front of Amber in the cafeteria. Also, that essentially amounts to: “I put you through a grueling ordeal, pain, and awkwardness because I care.” He painted Amber as the incongruous cog in their relationship, not cool.
What?
So are you the one Willis’s alt text was about?
I’d do it. Joyce is adorable.
Obey your thirst, Joyce.
For the record, this is all Sarah’s fault. Or Sarah’s masterplan.
Ethan, acquire mace.
Spray some MAAAAAAAAACE on the FAAAAAAAAAAACE?
Ow, ow ow… Done this. It sucks to want something but be way too afraid to ask for it.
Someone needs to go do her laundry.
Ethan has stealthily swapped places with a life-sized rubber statue of himself, which Joyce will knock over for a hiLARious reveal any … minute … now …. or so he wishes.
Ugh… I wanted the focus to shift back to this plotline, but now this is just getting sad. Also kind of pathetic on Joyce’s part.
Back on the Sexual Shame Train, I see…
No wait I hope they actually try. Because (hopefully) it’ll do the exact opposite of what she wants. My hope is that it was fully drag Ethan out of the closet, because he’ll realize that he does want this kind of intimacy…just not with a girl. And hopefully it will make Joyce realize that she can’t have a relationship with him where he will really, and truly want to be physical with her. I say that because that is something that she clearly desires.
Ethan, GTFO.
Subtly, Joyce. Very …
That poor girl, when she finally does manage to have a make out session, she is going to explode, then wake up the next morning, naked in bed surrounded by many, many smiling naked guys (and a few girls).
Is this that “suck a million dicks” breakdown we’ve been hearing about?
I read this webcomic because I love it, but I sometimes think I should stop because Joyce is just so fucking annoying I can’t take it.
An adorable homophobe. Who’d have thunk it?
The “Saved” approach. It worked so well in the movie.