Dumbing of Age Book Twelve

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June 8, 2026

How

by David M Willis on November 15, 2012 at 12:01 am
  • 01 - If the Shoe Splits
└ Tags: dorothy, mike, walky

Discussion (98) ¬

[ Comments RSS ]
  1. David Herbert
    David Herbert
    November 15, 2012 at 12:02 am | #

    Why not see if Joe has shoes he can borrow? He probably would have some so he looks nice for the ladies.

    • Jen Aside
      Jen Aside
      November 15, 2012 at 12:03 am | #

      IIRC, Joe doesn’t do laundry, ever, so he’s actually bound to have some slightly-used shoes…

      • Wack'd
        Wack'd
        November 15, 2012 at 12:07 am | #

        That’s Walkyverse!Joe, and only because Willis had to write him as a slob rather than a sex fiend for newspapers when doing Redux. I wouldn’t doubt DOA!Joe’s only got a couple pairs. (Plus, who launders shoes?)

        Also, Joe’s fairly massive compared to Walky. His shoes’ll probably be too big.

        • Wonder Wig
          Wonder Wig
          November 15, 2012 at 12:11 am | #

          That’s what she said.

          • David
            David M Willis
            November 15, 2012 at 12:27 am | #

            Joe’s shoes are gigantic, and all which that implies.

            • Aizat
              Aizat
              November 15, 2012 at 12:32 am | #

              Everything about Joe are gigantic.

            • Yotomoe
              Yotomoe
              November 15, 2012 at 12:32 am | #

              AWWWWW YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAH!
              He’s a clown.

              • fatemaster1
                fatemaster1
                June 19, 2014 at 9:04 pm | #

                I think that comes out somewhere around size 50 or so doesn’t it?

            • Plasma Mongoose
              Plasma Mongoose
              November 15, 2012 at 12:56 am | #

              I can tell you right now that big feet ≠ big willy otherwise my Size 13 feet would be a good thing.

              • desolation0
                desolation0
                November 15, 2012 at 3:27 am | #

                Anecdotal evidence is the best kind for figuring out whether or not something is true.

                • Plasma Mongoose
                  Plasma Mongoose
                  November 15, 2012 at 5:16 am | #

                  If the theory claims that if A is This then B must be That, then any evidence that contradicts the theory threatens the validity of said theory.

                  In my case, the theory that bigger the foot size, bigger the penis size doesn’t gel out…unfortunately.

                • Rex Hondo
                  Rex Hondo
                  November 15, 2012 at 6:06 am | #

                  Thanks for sharing, Plasma…

                • Kryss LaBryn
                  Kryss LaBryn
                  November 15, 2012 at 9:02 am | #

                  My understanding is that they actually did a study, and found that large feet do tend to correspond to larger… other bits–slightly. Thing is, guys with larger feet generally are larger overall, and so all their bits are proportionately larger, when you sample a large group.

                  Within that group, though, there’s as much variation as there is within any other random group, so it only shows up as a slight statistical blip.

                  So there’s kiiiind of some truth to it? But only incidentally, and it’s not a constant.

                • Plasma Mongoose
                  Plasma Mongoose
                  November 15, 2012 at 4:36 pm | #

                  @Kryss LaBryn: In that case, I’m one of those statistical abnormalities.

                • fatemaster1
                  fatemaster1
                  June 19, 2014 at 9:06 pm | #

                  Don’t worry Plasma I’m a whole boat load of statistical anomalies.

              • Li
                Li
                November 15, 2012 at 2:43 pm | #

                OR, alternately, “and all that implies” is not actually IF X, THEN Y MUST BE TRUE. It is a much fuzzier winkwink nudgenudge correlation comment, and does not have to subject itself to that kind of extremely rigid test.

                Just sayin’.

                • ProfessorZoot
                  ProfessorZoot
                  November 15, 2012 at 3:41 pm | #

                  Rigid tests are better than flaccid ones . . .

            • TPman
              TPman
              November 15, 2012 at 1:17 am | #

              They smell?
              They get in the way when dancing?
              He has good balance, yet paradoxically always manages to stub his toeas?

            • Jenny Creed
              Jenny Creed
              July 26, 2013 at 8:17 am | #

              Enormous feet?

  2. Sensedog
    Sensedog
    November 15, 2012 at 12:03 am | #

    *Sigh*

    This is rather low, Dorothy. “Dumbing of Age” indeed.

    • Historyman68
      Historyman68
      November 15, 2012 at 12:23 am | #

      I dunno, not really, seem reasonable enough. Danny got mad at her last time she showed up at his room.

      • Blob Marley
        Blob Marley
        November 15, 2012 at 12:30 am | #

        She’s asking her ex, who she broke up with quite recently, to do a favor for her current boytoy. It’s kind of low.

        • fit-to-freak
          fit-to-freak
          November 15, 2012 at 12:55 am | #

          uhhhh, she’s not actually. she’s having walky ask joe to ask danny. This removes any emotional pain from the situation. stop trying to make her into the villain here. also ‘boytoy’ huh? not that there’s anything wrong with that but i detect a hint of judgement in your use of it.

          • taekwondogirl
            taekwondogirl
            November 15, 2012 at 1:02 am | #

            Well, it is a Mary avatar.

          • schadetj
            schadetj
            November 15, 2012 at 2:24 am | #

            I’m not calling her a villain, just insanely insensitive and kind of a user. She’s using the ex she just very recently dumped in order to help out the guy whose pants she quickly jumped into. When really she COULD have just retrieved the original shoes, instead she decides to use her ex. Again.

            It doesn’t matter if she does it through a trail of go-to people, if anything that makes it even more obvious she’s just using him because she herself knows that what she’s doing is pretty jerkish.

            • Jim
              Jim
              November 15, 2012 at 3:14 am | #

              If she’s a user, she should get knee-pads and USE correctly!!

              • Plasma Mongoose
                Plasma Mongoose
                November 15, 2012 at 3:22 am | #

                Am I mistaken or is your grav the magical jizz from Oglaf?

                • The Cakemeister
                  The Cakemeister
                  November 15, 2012 at 4:45 am | #

                  That is.

            • Raoullefere
              Raoullefere
              November 15, 2012 at 10:31 am | #

              I am shocked, shocked, I tell you, at Dotty being… her miserable self.

              Oh, well, I guess Mike needs a purpose. Beyond collecting nickles.

            • begbert2
              begbert2
              November 15, 2012 at 10:42 am | #

              I think she’s just using Walky, too, based on how she’s treated him so far, so at least she’s consistent.

              Of course, she *does* want to be a politician, so using people is probably par for the course, and is certainly not something she would want to get out of the habit of doing.

            • Li
              Li
              November 15, 2012 at 2:50 pm | #

              “Insanely insensitive” and “kind of a user” and “whose pants she quickly jumped into” are all also judgmental phrases.

              “When really she COULD have just retrieved the original shoes,”

              Actually, we covered this: no, she can’t just retrieve the original shoes. They are gone. Ruth probably took them and will not be giving them back. Whether or not you agree with the logic of those events, they are what has taken place, as per character dialogue and Willis’s comments in the discussion.

              “It doesn’t matter if she does it through a trail of go-to people”

              Again, Dorothy is probably trying to spare them BOTH the awkwardness. She knows it will be awkward and hard on Danny if he knows the full context. But come on: Walky is BORROWING A PAIR OF SHOES, for probably no more than a few hours. It’s not like Dorothy is demanding a kidney from Danny, or even asking him for money. She’s also not forcing him to spend time around her and Walky. As favors go, borrowing a pair of shoes for part of the day is pretty minor.

              • Mrelegos
                Mrelegos
                November 15, 2012 at 3:30 pm | #

                Also, “whose pants she quickly jumped into?”

                They’ve not even had sex, so that ones just flat out wrong…

                • fit-to-freak
                  fit-to-freak
                  November 15, 2012 at 4:21 pm | #

                  Not to mention what the hell is wrong if she had ‘jumped quickly into his pants’? This is the judgement I’m talking about. It makes it seem like you’ve got some weird resentment about a girl getting laid.

              • fit-to-freak
                fit-to-freak
                November 15, 2012 at 4:24 pm | #

                Yeah, being asked to lend someone shoes is not the same as ‘being used’. The only thing that could be bad about this is hurting Danny’s feelings if he saw Dorothy with a new guy. Which she’s avoiding by having Joe ask.

                • Mrelegos
                  Mrelegos
                  November 15, 2012 at 6:41 pm | #

                  True, bro. Too true. Why does every storyline have to be clouded by one group labelling a character a heinous villain at the drop of a hat? Seriously, it keeps happening, as if people are just looking for someone to hate.

                • begbert2
                  begbert2
                  November 15, 2012 at 11:25 pm | #

                  No matter how many times I read it, it’s not them asking Danny to lend them shoes. It’s them asking Joe to go back in and steal a pair of shoes for them to “borrow”, hopefully without Danny being aware of their absence until they are done with them and return them.

                  Now, Dorothy’s choices of words have been misleading before, so I await tomorrow proving me wrong and them asking Joe to go in and ask Danny to lend him some shoes to lend to his ex’s new boyfriend. Maybe that’ll happen; we have only Dorothy’s own words to suggest otherwise.

          • Blob Marley
            Blob Marley
            November 15, 2012 at 11:21 pm | #

            The fact that she feels it’s necessary to hide the interaction between two layers of intermediary person shows that even she thinks she’s doing something wrong there. She’s asking Walky to ask Joe to ask Danny something that she would not be comfortable asking Danny to do. That just reeks of manipulative behavior.

            As for boytoy, I’m not judging. It just seems the most appropriate title, since she’s been taking charge in the relationship and they don’t seem to be particularly serious about their involvement as yet.

            • Somebody
              Somebody
              November 16, 2012 at 3:40 pm | #

              No it doesn’t. She could just be embarrassed that this even happened.

  3. Yotomoe
    Yotomoe
    November 15, 2012 at 12:04 am | #

    I’ve seen legally blonde. Harvard is fresh with silly escapades.

    • Aizat
      Aizat
      November 15, 2012 at 12:11 am | #

      Well, in movies, every place is fresh with silly escapades.

      • Yotomoe
        Yotomoe
        November 15, 2012 at 12:18 am | #

        Then I have been watching Civil War Documentaries wrong.

        • Rex Hondo
          Rex Hondo
          November 15, 2012 at 12:50 am | #

          Absolutely! Sherman’s Zombie Pub Crawl to the Sea and the Flashmob of Gettysburg are the stuff of hijinks legend.

    • Aslee
      Aslee
      November 15, 2012 at 3:40 pm | #

      Depending on which version you’re watching, it’s also full of impromptu musical numbers.

  4. Wonder Wig
    Wonder Wig
    November 15, 2012 at 12:06 am | #

    Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Walky
    Walky who?
    Walky this joke has no punchline.

    • Wack'd
      Wack'd
      November 15, 2012 at 12:16 am | #

      Walky Walkerton. I just realized how stupid that sounds.

      • GrrArg42
        GrrArg42
        November 15, 2012 at 2:35 am | #

        Knock knock knock
        Walky
        Knock knock knock
        Walky
        Knock knock knock
        Walky

  5. Aizat
    Aizat
    November 15, 2012 at 12:06 am | #

    I don’t think Danny’s going to kill you for dating his ex, Walky.

    • Khrene Cleaver
      Khrene Cleaver
      November 15, 2012 at 12:09 am | #

      You’re right… he’ll eat you THEN kill you!

    • Doctor_Who
      Doctor_Who
      November 15, 2012 at 12:09 am | #

      Which is a shame, because I imagine them having the sissiest slapfight ever witnessed. I like to picture Ruth and Billie watching in shock at the fact that their own fight was so much manlier.

      • Aizat
        Aizat
        November 15, 2012 at 12:20 am | #

        I’ve seen worse.

    • Wack'd
      Wack'd
      November 15, 2012 at 12:09 am | #

      He might want to, sure, but he has neither the muscles nor the nads to.

      • Yotomoe
        Yotomoe
        November 15, 2012 at 12:11 am | #

        Fun Fact: Fighting with your nads is NOT a smart course of action.

        • Aizat
          Aizat
          November 15, 2012 at 12:17 am | #

          Yeah, using your weak spot as an implement of fighting is not a good idea.

          • Historyman68
            Historyman68
            November 15, 2012 at 12:39 am | #

            I know a couple of minibosses who might disagree.

        • Plasma Mongoose
          Plasma Mongoose
          November 15, 2012 at 4:41 pm | #

          Cock-fighting is just wrong.

      • WhiteEyedCat
        WhiteEyedCat
        November 15, 2012 at 12:33 am | #

        Because real men resort to physical violence when displeased. The way to a woman’s heart is obviously to fight her new boyfriend. None of that being a rational human being and dealing with the situation without your fists. *The tone of this post has been dry sarcasm*

        • begbert2
          begbert2
          November 15, 2012 at 10:49 am | #

          Real men (even non-stereotypical ones) *can* assert their manliness by sending the new boyfriend away without having lent him any shoes, however.

          I find it interesting that Dorothy’s choice of words is “grab a pair of his shoes for us”. That doesn’t sound like asking permission to me.

          • Somebody
            Somebody
            November 16, 2012 at 3:42 pm | #

            Or you could not make it about “masculinity” in the first place.

  6. Plasma Mongoose
    Plasma Mongoose
    November 15, 2012 at 12:10 am | #

    I got nothing… how embarrassing.

    • Aizat
      Aizat
      November 15, 2012 at 12:26 am | #

      Wow, this is so embarrassing that even the best has nothing to say.

      • Yotomoe
        Yotomoe
        November 15, 2012 at 12:33 am | #

        What are you talking about? I have plenty to say!

        • Plasma Mongoose
          Plasma Mongoose
          November 15, 2012 at 12:44 am | #

          I love that modesty of yours Yoto. 😀

          • Yotomoe
            Yotomoe
            November 15, 2012 at 12:48 am | #

            Along with my devilish handsomeness and unmatched brilliance, I’d say it’s my best feature.

            • GrrArg42
              GrrArg42
              November 15, 2012 at 2:37 am | #

              You stole my +5 modesty sweatband! Give it back!

  7. Bekah
    Bekah
    November 15, 2012 at 12:11 am | #

    What’s on Walky’s pajama pants? Butt-tacos? Pac-men? Pokeballs? All of the above?

    • Wack'd
      Wack'd
      November 15, 2012 at 12:14 am | #

      Dexter, the Head Alien’s FAAAAAAAAAAAACE.

      • Bekah
        Bekah
        November 15, 2012 at 12:20 am | #

        I prefer butt-tacos, pac-men, and pokeballs. But I guess Dexter the Head Alien’s FAAAAAAAAAAAACE can hang out too.

        • Historyman68
          Historyman68
          November 15, 2012 at 12:44 am | #

          I should’ve known that would become an avatar.

          • Bekah
            Bekah
            November 15, 2012 at 12:53 am | #

            I actually LOL whenever I see that face. How could I not?

        • GrrArg42
          GrrArg42
          November 15, 2012 at 2:39 am | #

          I know it is head alien, but I would vote for poke’balls if he has more than one pair (unlikely due to the current shoe deficiency).

          • begbert2
            begbert2
            November 15, 2012 at 10:46 am | #

            Hey now, pants and shoes are different. Real men have *three* pairs of pants, and wash them whenever they get visibly dirty.

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      November 15, 2012 at 12:15 am | #

      It’s clearly a bunch of clocks that are either showing Noon or Midnight.

      • Wack'd
        Wack'd
        November 15, 2012 at 12:33 am | #

        Those are some Dalíed-up clocks.

  8. Somebody
    Somebody
    November 15, 2012 at 12:21 am | #

    They could have just apologized for almost hitting her with the sneaker and avoided all this.

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      November 15, 2012 at 12:48 am | #

      Apologize to the Ruthweiler? But they need their femurs to live.

      • Yotomoe
        Yotomoe
        November 15, 2012 at 12:49 am | #

        Ruthweilers like to chew sneakers anyway.

    • Historyman68
      Historyman68
      November 15, 2012 at 12:52 am | #

      It’s Ruth! She’s an endlessly efficient plot device!

  9. Melvin Schlock
    Melvin Schlock
    November 15, 2012 at 12:26 am | #

    Does Dorothy’s looking out through the 4th wall at us indicate that this might have actually happened, Mr Willis?

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      November 15, 2012 at 12:28 am | #

      I can’t see one panel where I feel she’s made eye contact with the “camera”.

      • Melvin Schlock
        Melvin Schlock
        November 15, 2012 at 12:48 am | #

        The last? Plus her comment about writing the story elsewhere made me think that this might have been some shenanigans from Mr WIllis’ past.

        • Yotomoe
          Yotomoe
          November 15, 2012 at 12:51 am | #

          She’s talking about HIDING elsewhere, silly.

          • Melvin Schlock
            Melvin Schlock
            November 15, 2012 at 1:04 am | #

            oh

  10. Kernanator
    Kernanator
    November 15, 2012 at 12:33 am | #

    Cue Mission Impossible theme.

  11. Robbie C
    Robbie C
    November 15, 2012 at 12:35 am | #

    Maybe they should just ask Mike for some shoes.

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      November 15, 2012 at 12:43 am | #

      He’ll only agree to give you his shoes if he can plant them squarely in your ass.

    • WhiteEyedCat
      WhiteEyedCat
      November 15, 2012 at 12:52 am | #

      Mike’s only spare pair of shoes is filled with live scorpions.

    • Rex Hondo
      Rex Hondo
      November 15, 2012 at 12:58 am | #

      Not asking Mike for shoes is the only thing right about this plan.

  12. WhiteEyedCat
    WhiteEyedCat
    November 15, 2012 at 12:37 am | #

    This is a flawless plan and there is no way it will turn out wrong.

    • Historyman68
      Historyman68
      November 15, 2012 at 1:00 am | #

      I dunno, it’s relatively straightforward: I accidentally let my shoes into your room, can I have them back? Please?

    • GrrArg42
      GrrArg42
      November 15, 2012 at 2:40 am | #

      “I love this plan! I’m excited to be a part of it! Lets do it!”

  13. Uniqueantique
    Uniqueantique
    November 15, 2012 at 2:20 am | #

    Wouldn’t it just be a whole lot simpler to go buy a pay of sneakers?

    • AsimovSideburns
      AsimovSideburns
      November 15, 2012 at 2:29 am | #

      Yes, except he has class in two hours, and the nearest shoe store is probably too far.

      Also, that would cost money.

  14. Uniqueantique
    Uniqueantique
    November 15, 2012 at 2:20 am | #

    pair of…dang no edit

  15. Jim
    Jim
    November 15, 2012 at 3:11 am | #

    I hope she sends it to Penthouse Forum!

    “I never thought smelly feet would happen to me…”

  16. Kai Gon
    Kai Gon
    November 15, 2012 at 3:46 am | #

    Doesn’t anybody wonder why Dorothy now is in the boys wing in her underwear?

    • ADHadh
      ADHadh
      November 15, 2012 at 6:52 am | #

      She likes to live dangerously.

    • begbert2
      begbert2
      November 15, 2012 at 10:54 am | #

      That fellow in the red shirt (who due to process of elimination is confirmed to be Mike in disguise) doesn’t seem to care much. Aside from this being a dorm, are we sure that those are actually underwear? Perhaps they’re just quite short pajama shorts.

  17. Bill Murphy
    Bill Murphy
    November 15, 2012 at 5:31 pm | #

    What. No watercooler disguise? 😛

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