Dumbing of Age Book Eleven

Dumbing of Age

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Avail yourself
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September 20, 2023

Avail yourself

by David M Willis on January 8, 2013 at 12:01 am
  • 01 - If the Shoe Splits

└ Tags: jason, sal

Discussion (126) ¬

[ Comments RSS ]
  1. Jen Aside
    Jen Aside
    January 8, 2013 at 12:02 am | #

    Jason knows them, then?

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      January 8, 2013 at 12:11 am | #

      Of course he does. After all, he’s the leader.

      • Pyr05
        Pyr05
        January 8, 2013 at 12:14 am | #

        The leader of the pack.

        • Jimmy
          Jimmy
          January 8, 2013 at 6:31 am | #

          *VROOM VROOM*

        • Andrusi
          Andrusi
          January 8, 2013 at 9:12 am | #

          You know him well.

          • Goldy
            Goldy
            January 8, 2013 at 10:37 am | #

            He’s the first member of the Thugs and Hoodlums crew
            TH
            Thugs and Hoodlums

            • mouseanderson
              mouseanderson
              January 8, 2013 at 3:14 pm | #

              I think those are the two that beat him every week-end
              (betcha you though I was going to say “Avail themselves”).

            • Axel Bordelon
              Axel Bordelon
              January 9, 2013 at 12:21 am | #

              COME ON WALKY! TAKE IT TO THE FRIDGE!!!

      • Aizat
        Aizat
        January 8, 2013 at 12:14 am | #

        Jason’s nickname: Fancy Man Jason.

      • Jenny Creed
        Jenny Creed
        June 4, 2013 at 2:05 pm | #

        Blade Dog is the thug an Destroyer is the hoodlum. And on tuesdays they trade.

      • TheGrumpyBear
        TheGrumpyBear
        April 13, 2016 at 5:04 pm | #

        It is his intention to be….

        G! T! J!

    • T Campbell
      T Campbell
      January 8, 2013 at 4:53 am | #

      No, he improvised a couple of names which sounded “ruffianish” to dis Sal and her apparent lifestyle. C’mon, guys, keep your eye on the big picture here: this is classic Fred-and-Ginger “fight until we kiss” behavior.

      SAL: She’s nice. Smart. Respectable. These are virtues, like the ones YOU have. Maybe I’d be interested in those… IF I WERE OLD. By the way, everyone seems to be having sex except me, and I’d like to correct that. By the way, I was actually kind of impressed by how hot your ex was, and not in a lesbian way. But most importantly, “IF I WERE OLD.”
      JASON: Have fun screwing some STUPID guy, then.
      SAL: Your language is stupid.
      JASON: Your CULTURE is stupid.
      SAL: YOUR FACE IS STUPID.

      • Andrusi
        Andrusi
        January 8, 2013 at 9:13 am | #

        psst

        I think it was a joke

      • Kirt Dankmyer
        Kirt Dankmyer
        January 8, 2013 at 10:19 am | #

        Yeah, but we have to wait and see if Willis subverts that somehow. 🙂

      • Volkai
        Volkai
        January 8, 2013 at 1:58 pm | #

        And then they suck face.

      • Roborat
        Roborat
        January 8, 2013 at 2:40 pm | #

        Yeaaaa, that’s the obvious plot. But this is Willis we are dealing with here. he always manages to come up with a twist.

      • Felix Kütt
        Felix Kütt
        January 8, 2013 at 3:05 pm | #

        yeah, they get drunk, go to vegas, and get drunk married before they even get to the kiss, or something. probably. or more likely in an alien base that just so happens to look like a vegas hotel. but then again, what do I know?

      • Sparks
        Sparks
        January 10, 2013 at 4:40 pm | #

        You spelled FAAAAAAAAAAAACE wrong.

  2. Kernanator
    Kernanator
    January 8, 2013 at 12:02 am | #

    Proof that Billie and Ruth are shacking up offscreen..

    • Resne
      Resne
      January 8, 2013 at 1:00 am | #

      As if we needed proof.

      • waldosan
        waldosan
        January 8, 2013 at 1:57 am | #

        only in the best of our dreams and ships…

  3. Blob Marley
    Blob Marley
    January 8, 2013 at 12:03 am | #

    Blade Dog sounds so nice…

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      January 8, 2013 at 12:06 am | #

      Destroyer’s not too shabby either. 😀

      • Aizat
        Aizat
        January 8, 2013 at 12:13 am | #

        Lame! I know a Manslaughter and Bloodshed and Psycho Man Shiro.

        • Plasma Mongoose
          Plasma Mongoose
          January 8, 2013 at 12:16 am | #

          Still not as Crazy Awesome as Mefisto.

          • Andiemus
            Andiemus
            January 8, 2013 at 4:57 pm | #

            Youfisto?

        • Makkabee
          Makkabee
          January 8, 2013 at 9:58 am | #

          Oh yeah? Well I know a “Double Parks” and a “Talks in Theaters!”

          Those dudes are bad-ass.

          • Gordon
            Gordon
            January 8, 2013 at 12:57 pm | #

            But none of them can hold a candle to Jaywalker.

            • mouseanderson
              mouseanderson
              January 8, 2013 at 3:23 pm | #

              What about pencil taker and dog poop leaver?

          • Charlie
            Charlie
            January 8, 2013 at 6:37 pm | #

            Some of them even go to the special hell

        • Phillip Wilde
          Phillip Wilde
          January 8, 2013 at 9:59 am | #

          I know an Uncle Psycho, although he spells it Siko. Hardcore.

      • DaJoshMaster
        DaJoshMaster
        January 8, 2013 at 3:36 am | #

        Well since they’ve both been shot down, Blade Dog x Destroyer OTP.

  4. David Herbert
    David Herbert
    January 8, 2013 at 12:03 am | #

    Don’t worry Sal, just get Billie drunk enough and she’ll tend to your garden. Or clean pathway, depending on how you are downstairs.

    • ArkhamTexan
      ArkhamTexan
      January 8, 2013 at 12:08 am | #

      Garden, hopefully. Never saw the appeal of the latter. Unless we’re talking about STDs, since cleanliness is appreciated there.

      • hoop
        hoop
        January 8, 2013 at 7:30 am | #

        sal keeps a dorito, or a landing strip if she’s feeling naughty.

        dorothy doesn’t trim hers because that’s a way of imposing unrealistic beauty standards that associate hairlessness with sexiness and when you think about it, making your crotch look like that of a pre-pubescent child is kind of gross.

        billie used to get brazilians on the regular, but can’t keep up with it at school, so it’s all stubbly and irritated down there.

        sarah doesn’t have time for that.

        leslie keeps it natural.

        ruth, strangely enough,spends time every morning carefully shaping hers into a heart with mustache scissors.

        dina wasn’t even aware that pubic hair maintenance was a thing that people do.

        joe keeps his short because he heard it makes your dong looks bigger.

        ethan wants to, but is nervous about it.

        • Phillip Wilde
          Phillip Wilde
          January 8, 2013 at 10:04 am | #

          Joyce is afraid to even touch that area, because she thinks it’s a sin.

          And for Walky, it’s enough effort to wash regularly.

        • Phillip Wilde
          Phillip Wilde
          January 8, 2013 at 10:05 am | #

          And Mike does whatever you don’t want him to.

      • Roborat
        Roborat
        January 8, 2013 at 2:42 pm | #

        Really? It makes sex more fun.

  5. Sir Robin
    Sir Robin
    January 8, 2013 at 12:03 am | #

    Isn’t this how some pornos start?

    • Doctor_Who
      Doctor_Who
      January 8, 2013 at 12:05 am | #

      You can imagine what happens next.

      “He fixes the cable?”

      • Aizat
        Aizat
        January 8, 2013 at 12:10 am | #

        “I’m here to fix the pipes”

        • Yotomoe
          Yotomoe
          January 8, 2013 at 12:20 am | #

          “I’m hear to tune your piano”

          • Aizat
            Aizat
            January 8, 2013 at 12:23 am | #

            “I’m here to paint the fence”

            • I.care.0
              I.care.0
              January 8, 2013 at 10:15 am | #

              “I’m here”

              • Roborat
                Roborat
                January 8, 2013 at 2:43 pm | #

                I came.
                .
                .
                .
                Sorry, I will come again.

                • CWR
                  CWR
                  January 9, 2013 at 6:02 am | #

                  Just…give us a minute to reset the scene, wouldja? Wait outside.

    • Pyr05
      Pyr05
      January 8, 2013 at 12:15 am | #

      “Your pizza is going to cost you $17.50”

      • Wonder Wig
        Wonder Wig
        January 8, 2013 at 12:16 am | #

        “I… I don’t have enough to tip you!”

        • vlademir1
          vlademir1
          January 8, 2013 at 12:29 am | #

          Wait…. am I reading Questionable content comments?

          • Wonder Wig
            Wonder Wig
            January 8, 2013 at 1:19 am | #

            Awww yeaaaaah 😉

            • Andiemus
              Andiemus
              January 8, 2013 at 4:56 pm | #

              No! Don’t do it! If you make references to one web comic in the comments section of another… Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body simultaneously exploding at the speed of light.

              • CWR
                CWR
                January 9, 2013 at 6:06 am | #

                Oooohhh yyyeeaahhh…great – now I’m all worked up! How am I supposed to get any work done now?

        • Pyr05
          Pyr05
          January 8, 2013 at 3:25 am | #

          “I’ll give you a tip, and then some!”

          • Jmacq1
            Jmacq1
            January 8, 2013 at 4:49 pm | #

            “I’m here to teach you math.”

            Too literal?

            • lightsabermario
              lightsabermario
              January 8, 2013 at 8:14 pm | #

              After I teach you math, I can teach you religion.

      • Plasma Mongoose
        Plasma Mongoose
        January 8, 2013 at 12:19 am | #

        “I’m here to shampoo your rug”.

        • Aizat
          Aizat
          January 8, 2013 at 12:30 am | #

          “We’re here for you daughter, Chuck”

          • Andrusi
            Andrusi
            January 8, 2013 at 9:23 am | #

            “We’re here to rescue her from having to live with a man who thinks ‘Chuck’ is an appropriate name for his daughter.”

            • Phillip Wilde
              Phillip Wilde
              January 8, 2013 at 10:06 am | #

              “He’s dead, Jim.”

              • Josh
                Josh
                January 8, 2013 at 10:46 am | #

                They’re all dead Dave.

  6. Wonder Wig
    Wonder Wig
    January 8, 2013 at 12:03 am | #

    Blade Dog was gonna propose. ='(

    • Pyr05
      Pyr05
      January 8, 2013 at 12:16 am | #

      Destroyer is going to be crushed. He had it all planned for them!

      • vlademir1
        vlademir1
        January 8, 2013 at 12:29 am | #

        Don’t worry, the devil’s threeway will make up for it all…

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      January 8, 2013 at 12:30 am | #

      He spent $2 on one of those toy rings you get from those random toy-in-a-ball dispensers even.

      • CWR
        CWR
        January 9, 2013 at 6:09 am | #

        He found a hammer to bust open one of those toy dispensers for only $2? That man is a discount shopping wizard!

  7. Plasma Mongoose
    Plasma Mongoose
    January 8, 2013 at 12:04 am | #

    Where did her cooter retreat to? Albuquerque?

    • Doctor_Who
      Doctor_Who
      January 8, 2013 at 12:06 am | #

      Forgot to make a left turn.

    • Wonder Wig
      Wonder Wig
      January 8, 2013 at 12:06 am | #

      Nah, that’s Bugs Bunny.

    • Aizat
      Aizat
      January 8, 2013 at 12:07 am | #

      No, Alabama.

    • Mkvenner
      Mkvenner
      January 8, 2013 at 12:49 am | #

      No Florida.

    • John
      John
      January 8, 2013 at 12:49 am | #

      Back to Hazzard County.

    • N0083rP00F
      N0083rP00F
      January 8, 2013 at 8:48 am | #

      Niagara Falls …. Slowly she turned … step by step … inch by inch …

  8. Aizat
    Aizat
    January 8, 2013 at 12:07 am | #

    Blade Dog and Destroyer? Lame! Where I’m from, we got Bloodshed, Mutilation, Stranglehold(he’s a huge fan of G1 BTW) and Mad Dog Ranjeet.

  9. Pyr05
    Pyr05
    January 8, 2013 at 12:13 am | #

    So that’s what he calls his weiners? That’s right, I said it! Jason’s got two!

    • Aizat
      Aizat
      January 8, 2013 at 12:16 am | #

      Jason Jr. and Lil Jason.

      • Yotomoe
        Yotomoe
        January 8, 2013 at 12:21 am | #

        as long as neither of them is Jason Vorheez.

        • Wizard
          Wizard
          January 8, 2013 at 12:38 am | #

          And now I’m picturing a wang wearing a tiny hockey mask. Thanks so much for that image.

    • NCP19
      NCP19
      January 8, 2013 at 3:18 am | #

      I thought he was referring to his testicles…I really have no idea what I’m thinking.

  10. Sporky
    Sporky
    January 8, 2013 at 12:16 am | #

    They’re so gonna do it.

    • Aizat
      Aizat
      January 8, 2013 at 12:21 am | #

      On that chair.

      • Mkvenner
        Mkvenner
        January 8, 2013 at 2:21 am | #

        Its the only one left.

    • DaJoshMaster
      DaJoshMaster
      January 8, 2013 at 3:34 am | #

      It being some tolly-jocking?

  11. Mkvenner
    Mkvenner
    January 8, 2013 at 12:17 am | #

    Think jason’s insult was a little over sal’s head.

  12. Jason
    Jason
    January 8, 2013 at 12:24 am | #

    You know what, my namesake appears to be a non-stop asshole in this universe. It’s a shame, occasionally I like IW Jason.

    • Jason
      Jason
      January 8, 2013 at 12:25 am | #

      And when did I become Grace or whoever this is?

    • begbert2
      begbert2
      January 8, 2013 at 3:46 pm | #

      To be fair, if one of my students came into my office, sat in my chair, and started complaining about her sex life, I’d probably snark about it too. Being anything but utterly dismissive sounds like flirtation with being dragged before the dean.

      • Greenygal
        Greenygal
        January 8, 2013 at 5:07 pm | #

        Also, I tend to think that Jason’s snark in this strip is a reasonable response after what Sal said to him yesterday.

  13. bunivasal
    bunivasal
    January 8, 2013 at 12:36 am | #

    I know a cooter is supposed to be a vagina, but the word and the mental image don’t go together. I picture a cooter being like some sort of confused, furless badger.

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      January 8, 2013 at 12:42 am | #

      Seems Legit…If someone told me that’s what it was I wouldn’t second guess it.

    • Tom Speelman
      Tom Speelman
      January 8, 2013 at 12:42 am | #

      That’s how teenage boys tend to view it!

      • Doctor_Who
        Doctor_Who
        January 8, 2013 at 12:50 am | #

        Not entirely. They’ve seen the internet, they known many of them are not furless.

    • Kamino Neko
      Kamino Neko
      January 8, 2013 at 1:42 am | #

      Funnily enough, ‘cooter’ is the name of an animal.

      Several species of turtle, specifically.

      • David
        David M Willis
        January 8, 2013 at 1:47 am | #

        Everyone loves a good Cooter Festival.

        • Pyr05
          Pyr05
          January 8, 2013 at 3:27 am | #

          You have made 2013 the year of awesome. Thank you Willis!

        • Kamino Neko
          Kamino Neko
          January 8, 2013 at 5:58 am | #

          I’m pretty sure the Daily Show bit on that is the first time I ever heard the term in either context. >_>

      • Plasma Mongoose
        Plasma Mongoose
        January 8, 2013 at 3:53 am | #

        So Jason made Sal’s pet turtle retreat? And we didn’t get to see the little guy either.

      • Roborat
        Roborat
        January 8, 2013 at 2:48 pm | #

        To me, that’s the name of the mechanic guy on Dukes of Hazzard, which really causes some mental issues when heard in the woman’s private parts context.

    • Andrusi
      Andrusi
      January 8, 2013 at 9:25 am | #

      Or maybe a… beaver?

      • Roborat
        Roborat
        January 8, 2013 at 5:54 pm | #

        A naked beaver?

        • lightsabermario
          lightsabermario
          January 8, 2013 at 8:19 pm | #

          Or a naked mole rat?

  14. Kernanator
    Kernanator
    January 8, 2013 at 12:47 am | #

    Those are some shockingly appropriate book titles.

    • Aizat
      Aizat
      January 8, 2013 at 12:53 am | #

      Math, Math , Math and New Math.

      • Audiophillie
        Audiophillie
        January 8, 2013 at 1:03 am | #

        ♪ New math! New-hoo-hoo math! ♫

        • Piper
          Piper
          January 8, 2013 at 1:11 am | #

          Don’t panic. Base eight is just like base ten really – if you’re missing two fingers.

          • Kamino Neko
            Kamino Neko
            January 8, 2013 at 6:07 am | #

            How did 64 get into it?

            (Funny, I was already listening to Tom Lehrer…y’all forced me to jump ahead a few albums in my listening, though.)

            • Piper
              Piper
              January 9, 2013 at 12:42 am | #

              Sixty-four is eight squared, don’t you see? Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.

  15. John Madden
    John Madden
    January 8, 2013 at 12:55 am | #

    Why do I think this is heading where I think it’s heading?

    • Zababcd
      Zababcd
      January 8, 2013 at 3:12 am | #

      Your phrasing makes me think of voyeuristic Bananas in Pajamas.

      “Is this heading where I think it’s heading, B1?”
      “I think it is, B2.”

      • Zababcd
        Zababcd
        January 8, 2013 at 3:18 am | #

        Argh, what have I done? It’s an originally Australian show, and I’m Australian, yet I went for the American spelling. Pretend I wrote ‘Pyjamas’. And if you have no idea what I’m talking about, do not go and watch the horrible, horrible cartoon version of Bananas in Pyjamas, lest you become convinced that I was not discerning in my televisual tastes when young.

        • Pyr05
          Pyr05
          January 8, 2013 at 3:29 am | #

          “Are you thinking what I’m thinking B1?”
          “I think I am B2”
          “It’s Peanut Butter Jelly Time!!!”

  16. NF
    NF
    January 8, 2013 at 12:59 am | #

    This strip is hilarious.

    “Avail yerself! Arrr!”

  17. Piper
    Piper
    January 8, 2013 at 1:12 am | #

    Shipping Blade Dog and Destroyer in three … two … one …

  18. Eszee
    Eszee
    January 8, 2013 at 1:18 am | #

    They’re angry dynamic is so perfect. If these two don’t bone, I will be angrier than a komonder in a velcro-lined room.

  19. Batman1016
    Batman1016
    January 8, 2013 at 1:21 am | #

    Blade Dog and Destroyer should have been the title of Monkey Man and Dexter.

    • Jackson
      Jackson
      January 8, 2013 at 9:32 am | #

      If Blade Dog and Destroyer appeared together in a GI-Joe/Transformers crossover comic book, I would not be surprised.

      • Jackson
        Jackson
        January 8, 2013 at 9:37 am | #

        Whoops! I was accidentally Sarah for a moment there.

  20. Barabajagala
    Barabajagala
    January 8, 2013 at 1:37 am | #

    The cooter is an elusive, high sought after creature. As well as retreating for the winter the cooter is known to hide away periodically

    • Roborat
      Roborat
      January 8, 2013 at 5:55 pm | #

      I saw what you did there.

  21. HLY
    HLY
    January 8, 2013 at 2:22 am | #

    well, jason certainly seemas to be well versed with the local ruffians

    is this when his sorrid past as the leader of the cities street gangs before a traumatic event caused him to give it up for a life of sweater vests and math?

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      January 8, 2013 at 3:56 am | #

      Look at him, you can just tell that Jason must have being a delinquent in his youth.

      • mrelegos
        mrelegos
        January 8, 2013 at 12:04 pm | #

        So he’s like Rupert Giles from Buffy?

  22. DudeMyDadOwnsADealership
    DudeMyDadOwnsADealership
    January 8, 2013 at 2:26 am | #

    Blade Dog and Destroyer called. They said Sal’s failure to turn 18 already did the same thing to their pudds, and to cut that “Katie Kaboom shit” out.

    Seriously, Jason’s going easy on her.

  23. Uniqueantique
    Uniqueantique
    January 8, 2013 at 2:29 am | #

    I just keep seeing them in the street, holding off aliens, Jason on the roof holding the rifle and Sal leaping off the ledges.
    They just don’t ‘fit’ into that office.

  24. Dibullba
    Dibullba
    January 8, 2013 at 3:17 am | #

    I wonder if they know Bosco

    • Andiemus
      Andiemus
      January 8, 2013 at 4:51 pm | #

      YOU KNOW BOSCO?!

  25. Legasher
    Legasher
    January 8, 2013 at 7:10 am | #

    Noooo! Come back, don’t go!

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