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Ferric Fang @fangferric.bsky.social ⋅ 1d
Paul Lê @paulle.bsky.social ⋅ 16h
Rolling Stone @rollingstone.com ⋅ 1d
Blue sky nice guy @rajandelman.bsky.social ⋅ 11d
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David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 2d
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Ethan to mission control
Ignition countdown. Engines on.
Calculating escape velocity of homosexuality, stand by. . .
Velocity calculated, we are go for launch. I repeat, we are go for launch!
The-Amber cats are go … for lunch.
And the papers want to know whose shirts you wear.
I’m stepping through the [galasso’s] door
“Now it’s time to leave the closet if you dare.”
“This is Ethan to Ground Control, I don’t want too step through the door.”
to not too D’OH!
Trying to remember where I know the chara in your gravatar from, but it just doesn’t ring a bell. XD
Your mistake is really grave
And the papers want to know what flag you bear
Now it’s time to leave the closet if you dare
…you’re sleepy now.
Your silhouette is so stationary.
You’re released, but your custody calls.
And I want to be free. Don’t you want to be free?
Do you like girls or boys? It’s confusing these days.
But moon dust will cover you.
…it seemed to fit better.
This is mission control… Ethan, we have a problem…
I think this is probably the fastest I’ve ever caught the comic updating. Unfortunately, I don’t have anything funny to say.
There really isn’t anything funny to say. I feel for Ethan in that regard.
I think he’d be more in control if he just let himself be.
Take your protein pills and put your helmet on…
check ignition and may Galasso’s Love be with you
I hope that won’t launch a new ship…
Launch in 5… 4… 3…
1… OFF-BLAST!
Your mistake is really grave
And the papers want to know what flag you bear
Now it’s time to leave the closet if you dare
Alright, posted in the right place now. Let’s keep this thing going.
*waits expectantly for 24 hours*
The suspense is figuratively killing me.
The wait is literally killing me, as the passage of time does to us all. Except the ones in cryogenic storage.
Although you have to die before your body can be cryogenically frozen, so time already got them.
No you don’t. You just need a good enough freezer and either some really well-trained hired hands or some good machinery.
I attack time with my sword.
I roll 15 to hit! Time rolls 0 to defense! Rolled 16 damage! Time deducts damage!
Time has infinity HP left.
In control? By lying to everyone? Not just sure how that works Ethan.
I’m guessing here but he wants to control the information about his gayness as it hasn’t made exactly life easy for him so far, so if no one else finds out, he can fool himself into believe he can lead a hetronormative life.
You can control a lie. You can’t control a real world. But a lie is what you want it to be.
Works for politicians! *rimshot*
and spin-doctors.
oh god too much parody mission aborted
Control? You are not in control of this “relationship”, Ethan. Joyce has already picked a date, and an outfit, and that’s just for your baptism.
Joyce is pretty much ‘wearing’ the pants in this ‘relationship’.
She also has the birth dates of your first six children set. She’s sewing their clothes under the table as we speak.
She has already written your will Ethan.
*is now imagining Joyce as a merry widow*
just make sure you have enough houses for each child before your tragic, but still appropriately timed death of bone cancer at the tender age of 87.
She has already decided on your burial outfit. It will be a pleasant blue-gray suit, perfectly complimenting her modest-yet-attractive yellow sundress. You will be buried together on a family plot after she passes away at exactly age 90, surrounded by your loving brood of grandchildren and no less than three dogs. Your caskets will be made of rosewood, and your shared gravestone will have a teddy bear on it.
The best part of this is you didn’t specify that Ethan will be dead at time of burial, only Joyce. But really, wouldn’t he want to be together with her?
I was assuming this was after his tragic, but appropriately timed death at the tender age of 87 mentioned above, but I think I like that bit of horrifying better.
Oh God, even after all the deception, I still really pity Ethan. Feeling as if you’ve screwed up by existing after coming out is decidedly depressing, from experience.
Oh Ethan… ETHAN!! Yoda’s advice isn’t supposed to be used for all situations!
FEELINGS. CONFLICTED ONES. ARE HAPPENING. I’M SORRY TO SHOUT.
So listen closely… (not for very much longer!)
I’ve… got to… keep control.
I remember, doing the time warp~
Drinking those moments when~
The blackness would hit me
and the void would be calling
LET’S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!
I once seriously hurt my back dancing to this song. It was the pelvic thrust.
I apologize in advance of my depravity, but your avatar made that mental image equally amusing and compelling.
It really does drive you insane.
hm… a few tweaks to his expression, and ethan’d be a super villain…
Add a moustache, perhaps a monacle.
Well, not my best work, but since you asked…
Here’s the edit.
Needs thicker lines, but otherwise, I’m seeing Amazigirl’s new nemesis!
The Closeteer?
I like it.
Looks a little like he’s got a giant red goatee.
So… he’s about to hook up with Connie and dump Joyce?
I empathize with him. Hope Amber comes around.
Ehn. I feel for the guy, and Amber isn’t approaching this well, but Ethan’s still not doing right here. Being out isn’t a binary thing, and Ethan’s got the right to control who knows his preferences and who doesn’t, and Amber doesn’t have the right to give him shit about that.
But this mockery of a relationship that Ethan’s letting Joyce rope him into isn’t going to do anything but hurt everyone involved – which includes Ethan, Joyce, Amber, probably Danny, and maybe Dorothy and others in Joyce’s social circle as collateral damage. All because Ethan’s not only not willing to be honest – not even with a vague but truthful, “I like you, Joyce, but not like that,” – but not even willing to come up with a good lie to put Joyce off. And that’s not okay.
And, remember, the last thing Ethan did as a presumed-straight man was not Amber. Having him suddenly decide that he’s not going to be gay after all and take up with Joyce – especially since she hasn’t seen what their “relationship” is really like – has to feel to her at least a little like he’s saying, “Well, I thought I wasn’t into girls, but turns out I’m just not into you.”
No, bad Ethan. Bad
*Gets out squirt bottle and sprays Ethan on the nose* No. Bad. Very bad
Amber chose not to out him inside, which is nice. But shouting about how completely gay he is in the middle of the street? It’s the middle of the day on campus, there’s gonna be people around. Worse, what if Amazi-Girl is on patrol and hears?
does… does amazi-girl also combat the gay or something? seriously, why would sal care?
Wait, isn’t Amazi-Girl Joyce?
I think it’s actually Mike.
No, no, no. Galasso. Only Galasso is powerful enough. Mighty enough! BOW BEFORE GALASSO
I’ve been saying this for weeks! I mean, have we seen them both on panel at the same time?! Coincidence? I think NOT!
To be exact, Drunk Mike.
Listen, it’s been long established Amazi-girl is Joe. How he makes himself that much shorter is part of the Amazi-girl-ment.
The Gay is actually the name of one of Amazi-Girl’s villains.
He kills things, with fabulous rainbows.
He’s got killer fashion sense.
This.
I hope Amazi-Girl doesn’t think too harshley of people outting gays in the middle of the street. If she had to bring Amber to justice it would be all sorts of awkward.
Don’t be silly. Amazigirl can’t be on patrol there. Amazi-Girl is Ethan!
No, no. Amazi-Girl is Joe.
No, no, Joe is Ethan.
No, no, no. Joe is Mike and Mike is your Dad.
No, no, Ethan is Sal, who’s also Ruth, Mike, and your mom for a nickel.
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say I think Amazi-Girl is Amber!
I mean, they have similar builds and hair (from what you can see) and Amber does wear glasses but have we seen a situation yet where it’s made clear she NEEDS them to see?
Just saying ‘what if’ here…
Even if she does… think about it: she does wear a mask, after all. We have no evidence it isn’t a *prescription* mask.
that’s it, this running gag is getting too riduclous. there absolutely no way amazi-girl could be amber. that’d be dumb.
Oh Rthan, this is the opposite of control.
Gah, I spotted the typo while it was posting but was helpless to stop it.
You weren’t in control, eh?
Foolish mortal! Only Galasso is in control!
If anyone can turn a gay man straight, its a cute little blonde girl.
But Dorothy’s busy with Walky!
Guess we’ll have to settle for annoying little blonde girl.
If you believe that for real.. obviously your “gay” word meaning it’s wrong…
No, it’s just archaic. Not sure why he chose “straight” as meaning “miserable”, though.
Control is an illusion.
You called down the Thunder, now reap the whirlwind… ;D
Ok, but I was quoting Kung Fu Panda
There is a difference between control and denial. You can’t control what makes you who you are and denying will not just hurt you, but more importantly, hurt people who care about you.
Yes…In control. IN CONTROL OF ALL THE JOYCES. HE NEEDS THEM FOR HIS COLLECTION!!!!
Ethan is Head Alien 2! He travels from universe to universe, collecting Joyces! The toy collecting is just a cover, he’s really a Joyce collector.
Ethan. There is a difference between being in control and being an asshole. Guess which one you are.
He’s in control…of his asshole.
Unfortunately for him, I don’t think he realizes what being as sheltered as Joyce has been does to someone. Assholecontrol may not last.
I have no idea who that Gravitar is of.
Mary. You’re Mary.
I walked into that one.
How does one walk into an asshole?
Wait for someone to bend over.
One does not simply walk into an asshole.
Try walking down the street in New York. You’ll do it eventually.
I, for one would rather avoid any creature whose asshole is so big that you can walk into it.
Nobody can resist the butts disease… nobody!!!
Laugh of the Day™
douche status: achieved
Mike’s been rubbing off on him. While he’s sleeping.
He’s been rubbing off on your mom while she’s sleeping. For a nickel.
That totally awkward kiss and humiliated “girlfriend” earlier? Yeah, all part of the plan. Completely in control.
Then you probably shouldn’t be lying to Joyce, Ethan. Being in control of who knows he’s gay is one thing, but he is literally using another person to keep up the pretense without thinking of how it will affect her once she finds out. Joyce detests liars and has said as much, so I don’t think this is going to end well for him.
To be fair, she doesn’t detest liars any more than she detests homosexuality.
And hey, she used to detest athiests until her nice friend turned out to be one. She’ll come around.
She didn’t detest atheists, she was afraid of them.
It’s all pretty firmly linked. Joey would probably say she detests fornicators but there’s definitely some fear involved in that too. It’s not like she was afraid of atheists because she thought they were just too awesome to handle.
But now he’s BOTH so that’s going to be bad.
Hey, a front view! It feels like we don’t get many of these for some reason.
Control? Ethan, dude, you’re OUT of control.
Whooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
You’re a loose cannon Ethan! One more stunt like this and I’ll have your badge!
Which is great for you Ethan, but how is Joyce going to feel when she finds out you were just using her for your own ends? Is a massive tool who uses women really who you want to be?
Wow, I just got either the best, or the worst gravatar for that comment.
To be fair to Ethan, Joyce has been the one who thinks that they have been in a relationship, until that kiss, he had more or less just being along for the ride.
I agree with you until a point. Ethan had several opportunities to tell her the truth, and an astronaut could see that Joyce was becoming attached. The decent thing to do would have been to speak up instead of letting it get this far.
It seems he believes he should be able to control how/when he “lets her down gently” but in fact has no idea for now, so he will play along until he figures it out. Not wise, because the deeper you go in “playing along” the far more complicated an exit strategy you’ll need.
Oh he knew what she thought the situation was, he didn’t bother to correct her.
ay macarena… she’s going to “pray the gay away.”
To Joyce (according to /2012/comic/book-2/06-strange-beerfellows/sin/ ), homosexuality is a sin which is thus necessarily a choice. Despite scientific evidence, she does not acknowledge inherentness of homosexuality, thus to her it does not exist to be hidden from her.
…so to be justifiably angry, she’d need to start taking reality as a cue to disbelieve the Bible, rather than taking the Bible as a cue to disbelieve reality. That would, granted, by pretty impressive in and of itself.
She’s going to fall more in love with him for his bravery in fighting his gayness. Together they’ll make it to Heaven’s gates in holy matrimony.
In this strip, Joyce acknowledges that there are people who are gay (though her automatic stereotyping is such that she’s definitely never going to identify Ethan as such unless somebody explains it to her in very small words). It’s entirely possible that her perception of homosexuality is “well, some people do naturally feel that way, but it’s wrong for them to act on it.”
Either way, though, this does raise an interesting question. By Joyce’s standards, a gay guy trying to repress his sinful urges and finding a nice girl to go out with…isn’t that a good, godly thing for him to be doing? Something that speaks well of him? I don’t think Joyce is going to have this reaction, because we just saw how hurt and confused she is that her boyfriend isn’t responding to her, but it might be the way she thinks she should feel.
“Now, Joyce is my puppet! Dance, Joyce! Dance!
Now I know why Ethan has a wide face… So it can be punched. I hope he’s crushed instantly and thoroughly by a Karma wheel.
Confusion in his eyes that says it all.
He’s lost control.
And he’s clinging to the nearest passer by,
He’s lost control.
Damn the popcorn I got on Wednesday when Amber showed up, well i’ll better go get more as it looks like this is going to be interesting
Bleh!
I want to hug Ethan with that heartfelt moment there… or maybe it’s the Vast I’m playing on my earphones?
dat was pretty deep.
He wants to have disciplined control over his romantic/sexual desires? Joyce must be rubbing off on him. (Well, no, that’s the exact opposite of what she would be, but you know what I mean.)
(Did Ethan’s chin disappear?)
Chins are an illusion of the mind.
Just like pants
My mom doesn’t have a chin. I’m not even joking.
My opinion of Ethan is rapidly declining.
I dunno… I feel like wanting to be in control is more excusable than the fear of dying alone. When he came out back in high school, everything was taken from his control, and it kinda sounded like everything in his life got worse. I’m not defending Ethan’s actions, because he’s being unfair to Joyce, but I think the whole situation is a little more understandable now.
The moment both agree on the “control”, they’ll enter and notice Mike telling everyone Ethan’s gay.
The first rule of Closet Club is: do not talk about Closet Club!
The second rule of Closet Club is: DO NOT talk about Closet Club!
I haz the sad for Ethan.
Bi: The ULTIMATE in “CONTROL”!
So, Ethan is now up for the Ironic Statement of the Year award.
I don’t care if it hurts. I wanna have control.
I lost all sympathy and respect for this version of Ethan with that final line.
When I thought he was trying to make himself be straight because his natural sexuality was making him miserable, that was one thing, but actively letting the situation get this far… fuck you, Ethan.
Even _MIKE_ (via the twitter feeds), was a more decent person about this.
For those of us who don’t keep track of the twitter feeds, what did Mike say?
Joyce_Brown: Burn all of Walky’s hoodies while he’s here at lunch.
MikeAndYourMom: Done and done.
MikeAndYourMom: Also your boyfriend is gay.
Joyce_Brown: Walky’s not my boyfriend, don’t be mean!
If this is going where I think it’s going, I can understand it a little bit. I roomed with a friend of mine in college who was gay, and out, to the point where he had his boyfriend over several times that year, but officially was straight. He felt like in the current social climate, being gay dictates your life too much to make a career on his own. His goal was to get a career started before he made his sexuality known to anyone involved in his professional life. He has a great point, as his sexuality shouldn’t be a professional matter, but there was a lot of tension in his relationship because of his decision.
he’s dumb
Ugh, I remember back when I was looking for my Joyce. I am very fortunate that they didn’t want anything to do with me.
Just like Ethan, I had a girlfriend in high school that helped me realize and accept that I was gay. We both hurt a lot, but when all was said and done, we were a lot better off.
Very much unlike Ethan, I never tried to undo all that in college.
If you want control, Ethan, control which man/men you date, but don’t deceive a naïve girl and set the both of you up for a lot of hurt.
OMG, perfect gravatar is perfect.
And if you’re going to deceive a naive girl, for the love of self-preservation don’t pick one who has both an inherent and recently circumstantially conditioned tendency to react to romantic deception by trying to kill the deceiver.
Poor Ethan. He’s right. Once everyone knows you’re gay, you no longer have any control over how others see you. Suddenly everything you do is filtered through their prejudices. Ask for a pen and you’re flirting with them. Laugh at someone’s joke about ordering Sum Yung Guy and the company whore is asking if you are a pedophile. Your life becomes a never-ending stream of people implying you deserve to be harassed because you didn’t try hard enough to hide your gayness. Others may see Ethan’s behavior as deceptive. He sees it as a defense against losing his first new friend.
That’s rough. I can understand why Ethan may feel he is justified in trying to get back in the closet (even if I still think it’s a dumb move), but that doesn’t change or justify the fact that he is clearly and deliberately leading Joyce on.
Reserving judgement until he can explain more. Though even if he doesn’t want to be known as “the gay guy”, he doesn’t need to have a “beard” girlfriend. People are allowed to be unattached, even in college. One way or another here he’s not considering Joyce’s feelings, with this sort of thing it’s worse the longer he lets her continue.
Yeah, control of a completely oblivious young woman, perhaps. Screw you, Ethan.
So, Ethan wants to be a secret agent? He can be agent 69.
Seriously, Ethan, it’s not like you HAVE to date somebody in college. If anybody asks, you could just say you’re trying to focus on your studies.
Fuck you Ethan, just fuck you. I want to punch you in your big douchy face.
WAT
TEH
FUQ
Ethan can be seen as a scumbag for what he’s doing to Joyce by leading her on when there is a very low probability that anything will come of it. But on the same token you can also look at Ethan with some empathy as even though the social climate today is changing it’s still not great it was even addressed a few chapters ago that business still take anti gay stances and it was mentioned by both Ethan and Amber that his family is not very open to the idea of Ethan being gay. Do I agree with Ethan or think he’s in the right? No but do I see where he’s coming from? Yes
I can’t help but think that Joyce isn’t entirely innocent in this. All she’s done is treat him as an object to project what she considers to be boy traits. I’m not saying that this will end any less tragically, (I’m not assigning blame either) but they’re both going to (hopefully) learn and grow from this.
The thing about Joyce is that every boy she meets, she will project her ideal of the prefect (straight, chaste, religious, christian) boy on, and every single one will fail to meet that standard, in a conga line of unavoidable failures. She is literally going to be forced to change her personality and interests in order to find a compatible mate, because that’s what both most of the audience and (doubtlessly) what the author himself would prefer to see happen to her. Which sort of sucks for her.
What would make this comic complete would be the addition of a new character, who is a straight chaste religious christian male who wants more than anything to find a good pious christian girl of his own brand of fundamentalism, which happens to exactly match Joyce’s. And they never meet despite knowing and interacting with the same group of friends, and frequently passing in the night like Fievel’s family in An American Tail.
I’d rather not see it as a force to change her personality, per se, but rather an opportunity to grow as an individual and build on who she already is. She can still be Joyce, but a Joyce that understands that the world is a whole lot bigger than her front yard. I don’t see this as anything but a good thing.
Lets hope they never meet, for it would be absolutely tragic if they did. but more importantly, I need to watch An American Tail now.
I was going to say something, realized how dumb it was, but realized I still had something to say, so I’ll just say this.
Ethan, the second you accidentally let out your sexuality or Joyce puts 2 and 2 together, I will not be surprised if she punches you square in the nose.
And unlike that business with Joe, it’ll actually be fairly justified.
He could have aimed for a lavender relationship at least.
Come on Ethan. You’re life is on track and happy in Shortpacked. I know you can do it here too. We believe in you.
I hope Joyce crashes emotionally and mentally after finding out she’s given her virginity to a gay man and eventually commits suicide.
Now that would be real drama.
…what
What the flying pooping butt?
I guess I’m the only one who thinks Ethan is an incredible douche for using someone as completely fragile as Joyce is, in the way he is doing it. I was utterly surprised that when confronted the first thing out of Amber’s mouth wasn’t in regards to the fact that when this finally comes to pass someone else is going to be the one destroyed, all because he is simply weak.