Oh, this is gonna be good.
I know, right.
Also, that line at the end reminds me of this punch line from another comic.
That line has now ruined sex forever in TWO comics!
Margaret Thatcher usually does the trick.
Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day! Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day!
That never works. Next thing you know a Canadian try to be English come in and just dances around in his undies and socks. Strangely no sex though.
The scurrilous rogue Adam Carolla once posited that the perfect thought routine for delaying orgasm would be to “picture your grandparents… playing baseball… in Vietnam.”
Oh, *that’s* why the grandma thing, huh?
Well then, I have the perfect solution.
Ever see The Langoliers? Just keep it playing in the background…
He’s channeling his Inner Mike.
Does Inner Mike charge Joe an extra nickel for being the middleman with somebody’s grandma?
Nah, Mike would have said he thinks about your mom and a bag full of nickels, haha.
Mike will channel your Grandma for a nickel.
What. Why. I had reasonable amounts of respect for you. Focus, man, focus!
Sweet innocent Joyce.
Sweet, naive, clueless Joyce.
Sweet, stupid, dumb, ignorant, unintelligent Joyce.
The way she manipulated Sarah after Sarah saved her from being raped and right before shopping was neither sweet, naive nor clueless. Did use the APPEARANCE of being sweet, but no.
She quite expertly threw a fit, withdrew into a seemingly innocent apology, then used her big blue eyes to seem like the more damaged party.
Neither is barging into people’s rooms without invitation when their friendships are not confirmed “sweet”. Literally getting in somebody’s face to wake them for your petty insecurities is far from sweet.
Huge signs of being an over indulged, poorly socialized youngest child though.
I don’t recall that first example at all. She was almost raped, though. Maybe cut her some slack.
What rational reason would anybody have for cutting her some slack?
Yes, Joyce was almost raped. It was Sarah who stopped it.
Which was followed up days later by Joyce yelling at Sarah that Sarah hates her.
Why? Because Joyce wanted to go buy boots with Billie and Sarah advised against it.
Yeah, she had a little tantrum and threw out that line to the person who saved her.
BTW, Joyce has no memory of the rape attempt, so it isn’t the excuse you make it out to be. Others told her what happened, so she certainly knows about Sarah and her bat.
Joyce does have some memory of it. Joyce also explains herself quite clearly, she’s grateful Sarah saved her but being distant and rude the whole time doesn’t indicate friendship. You’ll notice Sarah actually listened and lightened up somewhat after that.
I -would- save someone I hate, from rape.
No matter how much I dislike someone, no one deserves to be raped.
So yes, she can be saved from rape, and Joyce still gets to yell that Sarah hates her.
No, I don’t think it was ok. It -was- a petty tantrum. Just pointing out that those things don’t need to be related.
Joyce may be naive, and governed by certain unrealistic points of view, but she strikes me as pretty bright. Sophmoric would be more apt, which most of the cast is to one degree or another.
“Oh GrandMA….. OH!!”
“Wait…did you just call me grandma?”
I wonder if that’s what happened with Roz.
“Happy Birthday, Grandma!”
Oh my god, you’ve ruined sex forever!
Nope. That line has already been used!
That’s the joke. He was very clearly making a reference to Questionable Content.
As was Ocbrad1.
Maybe somebody should memorize their QC archive better.
Get okay with being gay Ethan, go with your friend.
Yes Ethan, its OK to be gay!
And if you WERE gay…
That’d be okay… I mean, hey! I like you an-y-way. If you were queer, I’d still be here, year after year! Because you’re dear to me.
It’s been years since I’ve heard that song, and I still remember that.
WHY IS THIS SONG HAUNTING ME
FUCK YOU PM, FUCK YOU FOR MAKING ME REMEMBER THAT BAND EXISTS.
God DAMN that song is so bad it makes me want to join the Klan, and I’M BI!
Don’t mind me, I’m just sitting back as I bask in your ‘love’.
Well, if PM hadn’t posted it I would have, so you might as well hate me too.
Sorry, that was Lokitsu that was on the same wavelength as I was.
I never said I hated anyone. And I certainly don’t hate the song. I just wish I didn’t encounter it everywhere I went.
WTF, that video just turned me straight. My bf is going to be *so* pissed.
I love that song. Have it on my ipod and everything.
4th panel makes a great reaction face.
Riley, doing her impression of a pirate’s flag while the skeleton was still alive.
Well shiver me timbers matey!
She’s describing an exciting commercial for Captain Crunch she saw once.
Nah she is doing her impression of Don Kanonji
Keep it classy Joe. We all know you have to maintain somehow.
Does Joe have a problem with firing off early?
You shouldn’t judge him so prematurely.
Don’t try to pull a fast one on him.
Don’t be so quick to shot shoot out your opinion on him.
Don’t ejaculate your opinion all over our faces.
So no cereal?
Keep it classy, Joe.
Awww, Joyce hurt Joe’s feelings, haha.
Wait, what’s that I hear? Is it the sound of an oncoming trainwreck? I think it is!
I hate you for that, and I must now describe why:
I read a lot of MLP fanfiction, and I used to review it quite frequently with a group on FiMFiction.net called the Train Wreck Explorers. When someone expected that the TWE would hit a fic soon, they’d say they heard trains. Unfortunately, the owner of the site, Knighty, unleashed his +1 Sword of Unnecessary Deletion on the group.
You brought back a lot of memories with your comment, and now I must hate you for it.
Yesh, and they say clopfic readers are crazy. <_< No offense.
And so it goes, Ethan is going to keep running into this kind of confrontation. Amazing how small big campus’s can actually be.
Joe thinks about Grandma’s during sex!!! Okay I’m totally missing this.
Not sure myself, but I’d assume that it’s done to make him “last longer”. Those quotes weren’t exactly necessary, lol.
Look at Joyce, looking all self-righteous and shit. It’s those kind of people who think they’re above and purer than everyone else that make my stomach turn.
Someone should flip her smile.
Make that triangle point up for a change.
And put a condom cap on her so Kernanator has a new Gravatar!
One new condom hat pic for Kernanator coming up.
wrong character, that’s dina and the request was for joyce.
But Kerny already has a condom hated Joyce.
I’m sure Joyce does hate condoms. They have to do with sex.
1. Pretty sure Joyce doesn’t think she’s above and purer than anyone. Hence the reason she’s still keeping friends who aren’t Christians.
2. It’s pretty clear that YOU find yourself above those kind of people. So what does that comment really say about you?
1. It’s not impossible to think you’re better than someone and still be friends with them.
2. The OP never implies he/she thinks better of his/herself. Just that he/she doesn’t like that kind of person. You’re just jumping to conclusions in an attempt to make All Else Falls look like bigoted.
1. To YOUR 1, I say sure. You’re right. It’s not impossible. But it’s pretty damn improbable for someone who thinks they’re, and I quote, “purer” than someone to be friends with them. It’s not like Neo-Nazi and White Supremacists the world over don’t use that exact terminology…oh wait.
2. If a certain kind of person makes your stomach turn, it’s implicit that you think you’re better than them. The very fact that they drive you to such degrees of dislike guarantees that you think you’re better than them, or have a healthy amount of self loathing and/or lack of self respect.
1. to your 1 to my 1. Yeah, but Joyce isn’t a neo-nazi or white supremacist. That’s a pretty extreme example. A VIRGIN could act like she’s purer than you because they’ve been untainted, but that doesn’t mean she can’t be friends with people who have lots of sex. I don’t think it’s improbable at all. You just need to have more FAITH in humans, ya silly!
2. to your 2 to my 2. Someone can DO something that makes you feel sick but other than that are a good person. I don’t think I’m better than all people that make me a bit sick. I just don’t like some things about people. You just kinda have a negative opinion about people in general…That’s kinda sad, y’know?
Pessimism is the only truth. Sorry to be a bubble burster, but for every positive event there are thirty negative ones. And millions of inconsequential ones, but that’s beside the point.
If you truly have faith in humanity, you’d better hope your luck is as good as your will. Otherwise, you’ll end up like me: almost everything I like stolen or destroyed, everyone I reach out to an untrustworthy jackass in the end, and the one person who had no ulterior motives and cared for me dead in the ground.
Yeah. Suck on that ice cold popsicle of awful.
If that’s true, I’m very sorry. Truly.
But although I have been betrayed and stolen from I’ve found a lot of good people. In different times and places I’ve found people who open themselves up to me and formed tight friendships. Some call groups like that “tribes”, families we form without marriage or blood relation.
From that, I have several “sisters” and a couple “brothers”.
Yeah, there’s a lot of garbage out there, but that’s not all that’s out there.
I hope life turns around for you.
This has been a streak starting from slightly prior to my third birthday. If there was a turnaround, something would have happened to make up for it.
That sucks and all, but in which way does being pessimistic make it better?
It’s an inevitable result.
“The more a man sees of the real world, the less he believes his ideals can come to pass.”
The real world, I like to remind people, is made up of an accumulated 35 000 000 000 000 000 hours of human experiences. How big would you say the chance is that everything you have seen in your life amounts to a fair and accurate representation of those pentillions of man hours?
Bulbmin rule #7: always fact-check, lest you be proven false and stupid.
Unless, in my searching, there is something glaring I overlooked, then this is a dark, hateful world. It is primarily inhabited by stupid, selfish people. There are very rare spots of beauty and happiness, and those privy to them often believe that everyone else shares in their joy.
Oh, I apologize. Was this something you disliked reading? As I am often told, “Life sucks sometimes. Man up and deal with it, because there is literally not a single person who gives a shit about your problems.” Perhaps it is wrong of me to hold everyone else to the same standards as myself, but I ceased believing that other people should be high on my list of priorities long ago.
There is something glaring you overlooked. I ran the numbers; it’s literally impossible for any one person to even imagine how much the world has to offer, let alone see any representative fraction of it. Your perceptions are necessarily imperfect.
Assume that you don’t know what the world is like; that you can’t know, even if you lived for a million years. Remember that there’s large parts of your brain working to a) extrapolating and patternizing your environment to form a complete picture from your limited perceptions, no matter how wrong that picture may be, and b) seeking a sense of affirmation, security and control that comes from having all the answers, independent on actually searching for those answers. And trust that the attitude of pessimism is no more or less valid than the alternatives, only less healthy.
It’s easy enough. The justification is that she leads and changes by example. Never did like that type.
You might think there’d be some sheepishness about not quite having a boyfriend. But nope.
Sarah’s right there and she knew right away that Ethan is gay. In fact everybody figures it out right away. So the risk of the relationship being immediately exposed as a sham in an embarrassing sit-com manner is pretty high.
(Although I don’t anticipate it happening.)
Nor is there any sheepishness that Ethan doesn’t think about sex around her because she is unattractive to him. He does think about sex though, if our introduction to Jacob as his room mate means anything.
Lack of anticipation and awareness aside, of course Joyce thinks she’s better than others. It’s part of her upbringing. This way is right, other ways are wrong.
But, as down as I am about the character, she does start to notice conflicts with the beliefs she was raised with and the real world. With more prodding from Mike she may grow.
It is Mary who is the dark reflection of Joyce, showing the dark side of that closed world system without trying to see the world and learn for herself.
She has yet to realize she does some of her thinking with her hormones though. Her only real reasons for being interested in Ethan and Joe.
Joe’s doing the “most interesting man in the world schtick”.
“I don’t always think about sex, but when I do I set my watch.”
I don’t always think about sex, but when I do, My girl’s got the same idea.
I’m gonna give you the benefit of the doubt here and assume girl means an actual girl and isn’t a euphemism for your penis.
Captain Girl as played by Nathan Fillion: “The girl is my penis.”
Oh god all the awkward tension in this room. There’s definitely still some daggers flying between Amber and Ethan. Like, she has enough problems, but she’s *still* angry with him as well. This kind of thing always makes me realize how very slowly time passes in-universe lol.
[Alt Text] “that moment where you realize a wide shot of a room full of chairs and tables is necessary for storytelling”
Panel 4 is Willis’ face when he made the realization mentioned in the alt text.
So just scrambled eggs for Ethan?
Just because he’s not thinking about sex with YOU doesn’t mean he’s not still thinking about it.
I totally want Joe to catch onto Ethan’s gay vibes and hit on him to prove a point.
Seriousely Ethan. You’re slowly becoming my least favorate DOA character with every passing second.
Yeah, same. Granted minor characters like Ryan and Blaine still beat him by a great deal but he might surpass Ruth if he keeps it up.
Joe casually flirting with Ethan would give me so much life. This needs to happen.
That Joe/Ethan fanart will become reality!
Also if he sat with Joyce, he will be sitting next to Jacob, the roommate he sometimes lusts after.
… Wh… what…? Why… Why would you think about somebody’s Grandma during sex… I don’t understand… Joe…. like… what are you going for here?
I DON’T GET THIS JOKE!
To slow himself down so he doesn’t come too fast, I assume.
Or…what if he’s really INTO grandmas and it speeds him up!?
Baseball is another traditional distraction. And mathematics.
And I’ve had good results trying to remember all the lyrics to “Yakko’s World.”
A true classic is to bring up your own worst memory.
. . . It rarely works out well.
Well, Mike already taken all the mothers, so grandmas are all’s that left.
He’s only a poor college student, he doesn’t have enough nickels left.
Grandmas are happy enough with pennys.
Noo, mothers would also be satisfied with pennys, but Mike in his endless generosity pays them in nickels.
wait I thought mike was getting the nickels…
No, mike is paying the nickel to your mother, for sex. This is because your mom is a prostitute. See? Simple.
Illogical, as every grandmother is also a mother.
JOYCE STOP MAKING ME SHIP YOU AND JOE, JUST STOP IT
also augh every time I see Amber I think back to how stupid Danny is being and I cringe
Is this what the rest of the commenters feel like ALL THE TIME????
yes…the ship part not as much
Seeing Amber makes me think of how stupid Amber is being, and I cringe.
I wait until I see Danny to worry about his idiocy.
I’ve got a nice boyfriend who winces like he’s just seen a murder scene when he sees me.
Oh that’s his reaction to seeing Joyce? I was thinking it was his reaction to seeing Amber. But yours probably makes more sense. Though neither of them is probably high on his list of people he wants to hang out with currently lol.
Actually he does want to reconnect with Amber. She was the one who asked for space, given the events of spring and summer.
I thought he was checking out Joe myself.
He wants to see both of them, but, for different reasons, doesn’t want either of them to see him seeing the other one, I think – Joyce because she’ll be jealous of Amber, Amber because she’ll want to know what the hell he’s doing still stringing Joyce along.
Y’know, if there’d been an election for DoA Guy Least Likely To Be In The Middle Of A “Torn Between Two Women” Plot, my vote totally would have gone to the guy who doesn’t even like women.
I thought you were talking about yourself for a second there, Yotomoe.
You know durn well I’m single!
Ethan needs to stop being so damn selfish
Ethan’s got to run the Amber gauntlet first.
It would be so great if Joe hit on him. Or Jacob.
No connection to today’s strip.
(Finals are over for me.)
Hark, the herald angel, has sent thou a gift. BEHOLD, THE RETURN OF THE MOUTH TRIANGLE!!!
Is that Mac and Cheese? Isn’t it rare for Mac and Cheese day to be the same as Taco Day?
That’s obviously a ripple taco. Wait… DO THOSE EVEN EXIST???
I thought it was a big hash-brown.
Omg…tacos with Mac and cheese instead of cheese…HAS THIS BEEN DONE?
Yes, this exists http://blogchef.net/mac-and-cheese-tacos-recipe/
The Macatacahodo 360: it’s been done in webcomics!
It’s a sponge.
So wait…is imagining having sex with grandmothers or….
Cause I thought that was his father’s job! HAYOOOOOO.
Wow. I kinda want to punch Joyce. I mean, being an idiot is all well and good, but a smug idiot? *glances over* Damn Gravitar!
Joyce is so smug that she still smiles, even though she knows how much you hate her.
Ya, I hate her cocky ass too, at first I felt sorry for her because I thought Ethan toying her emotions, now she’s just asking for it
Joyce, it’s probably best to break up with Ethan instead of continuing this relationship. I bet Dorothy is a much better girlfriend. Or Billie, she’s kinda desperate.
Or…here’s a thought. A straight dude. I guess there’s just not enough dude main characters.
Well, what’s the fun with that?
Well, is it cannon that she’s crushing on Dorthy or is that just in the fanfics?
Walky said so. And she was a bit unhappy to see Dorothy leave for schoolwork.
Not entirely clear. There’s definitely evidence that supports the idea, but nothing that’s really conclusive. Nor is there any evidence that conclusively rules it out.
However, there’s no evidence that Dorothy is anything but straight.
Really? I thought you were supposed to think about football during sex.
All those big sweaty men rubbing up against each other…. Try flag football, make it last.
If that’s what you call rubbing, then masturbation must be a memorable experience for you.
…though they do call it “spanking the monkey”; perhaps I’m the one who’s doing it wrong?
Ooh the look of confliction, and I Don’t think he doesn’t think of sex, maybe he doesn’t think of sex with joyce? Haha man why won’t this end
Willis feeds on pain and frustration and lesbians.
Don’t we all?
So is Riley hovering like a vulture because of the distinct chair shortage preventing her from actually sitting with the cool older kids who invited her to their table?
Fazface doesn’t look good on Joyce. Honestly, Fazface doesn’t look good on anyone, but at least on Faz you can punch it and punch it until it caves in and the moths and lies come out of his head. Wait, no, that was just in my fanfic.
Ethan…… just drop your tray, scream gibberish at the top of your lungs, and run out. It’s your best option at this point.
It’s the Faz virus. It’ll soon affect everyone.
Don’t say such things.
Soon everybody will start using graphs to communicate.
Yay! Riley and Dina are still hanging out!
“During sex I try to think about somebody’s grandma.”
I hope he was joking. Dude, that’s a huge boner killer.
Depends on the grandma…
That’s sort of the point…
I humbly disagree:
Dude, you linked to the Daily Fail? What’s your problem?
I’m not from the UK so I don’t know their newspapers but its a rather fetching pic of Dame Helen Mirren
That picture worries me. Or more accurately, my reaction to it does.
It is a technique he uses so he doesn’t cum as quickly as he would.
No, don’t feel sorry for Joyce. She’s getting everything she wants and asks for from Ethan and is basically blackmailing him to get it.
Amber OTOH is being buried in bad things. Blaine, Faz, Danny and now Ethan. A clueless roommate. No one to talk to or confide in. Will she get even sadder when Ethan walks past or will she go all AG on him in public?
“and is basically blackmailing him to get it.”
How is he being blackmailed into it? Their relationship may be a terrible decision, but it’s something they both decided to try.
CAFETERIAS ARE THE ENEMY OF ALL COMICS.
Ethan, what you have here is your garden variety No-Win situation.
But you knew that.
Ah, working on your staying power eh, Joe?
I was going to make a joke that Ethan does think about sex, just not sex with woman, but this is Ethan, even during sex he’s thinking of Dinobot.
Oh, Joe. The enlightened loved does not think of it as “premature ejaculation” so much as “automatic second go-round.”
I’m pretty certain I saw this one done as a joke on a repeat of “Mock the Week” last night
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