Dumbing of Age Book Twelve

Dumbing of Age

A college webcomic by David Willis
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i hope that thief dies horribly
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June 14, 2026

Army

by David M Willis on January 9, 2014 at 12:01 am
  • 01 - The Only Dope For Me Is You
└ Tags: amazi-girl, dorothy, walky

Discussion (242) ¬

[ Comments RSS ]
  1. Jen Aside
    Jen Aside
    January 9, 2014 at 12:01 am | #

    The ARMY OF TWITTER

  2. David Herbert
    David Herbert
    January 9, 2014 at 12:02 am | #

    And this time, Dorothy is aware of the phone snatching.

    • TheLurkerAbove
      TheLurkerAbove
      January 9, 2014 at 12:12 am | #

      Walky should be playing backup as well!

      • GoldStarz
        GoldStarz
        January 9, 2014 at 12:14 am | #

        Well it is for HER college acceptance.

  3. Plasma Mongoose
    Plasma Mongoose
    January 9, 2014 at 12:02 am | #

    Amazi-Girl is going to end up as a tumblr meme, isn’t she.

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      January 9, 2014 at 12:06 am | #

      She’s not one already?

      • Plasma Mongoose
        Plasma Mongoose
        January 9, 2014 at 12:08 am | #

        OK then, new memes.

        • Yamara
          Yamara
          January 9, 2014 at 12:23 am | #

          And then it’s on to Reddit, and her 15 minutes will be over.

          • Yarrr
            Yarrr
            January 9, 2014 at 2:51 am | #

            Nope. I foresee phone smashing. And I can’t blame her.

            • OH_NO_YOU_DI'ENT!
              OH_NO_YOU_DI'ENT!
              January 9, 2014 at 8:44 am | #

              Smashing phones is a slippery slope… where does it end? Pretty soon SHE’S the one stealing bikes!

            • Vash
              Vash
              January 9, 2014 at 11:11 am | #

              I threw it on the ground

              • igor
                igor
                January 9, 2014 at 10:45 pm | #

                thats not an army thats a cell phone

  4. Stephen Bierce
    Stephen Bierce
    January 9, 2014 at 12:02 am | #

    *plays the Honda Civic “Hoodie Ninja” song*

  5. Mr K
    Mr K
    January 9, 2014 at 12:02 am | #

    “You got me. I am Faz!”

    • Sageress
      Sageress
      January 9, 2014 at 12:46 am | #

      “The Faz would like to direct you to this chart I’ve made, indicating why this outfit and mask should arouse you.”

  6. Jay Eff
    Jay Eff
    January 9, 2014 at 12:03 am | #

    Re: The Alt Text: Some of you may be unaware of David Willis’ “love” of bicycle thieves….

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      January 9, 2014 at 12:06 am | #

      It was the theft of his parents’ bicycles when he was six that led young Willis to take up the mantle of the Bat cartoonist.

      • LS
        LS
        January 9, 2014 at 12:13 am | #

        As I recall, his own bicycle was stolen in college. There was a “Rommies” storyline about it.

        But I think I’m not supposed to link his other comics here.

      • Bill
        Bill
        January 9, 2014 at 12:36 am | #

        As a cyclist myself, whatever happens to this guy wouldn’t be enough.

      • Psycho
        Psycho
        January 9, 2014 at 1:25 am | #

        My pet hamster was shot up in an alleyway and I want to become a superhero. QUICK. NAME MY ALTER-EGO.

        • Leorale
          Leorale
          January 9, 2014 at 1:41 am | #

          HamSTAR: the short-tailed terror that nibbles in the night

        • Riku
          Riku
          January 9, 2014 at 9:32 am | #

          The Guinea Pig! Before you run out to fight crime you break into a chemistry lab and drink a random mix of chemicals and those are your super powers for that fight

          • begbert2
            begbert2
            January 9, 2014 at 10:30 am | #

            “Ew, you vomited on me!”

            “Yeah, I get that power set a lot. Now are you going to surrender, or do you want some more??”

            • Psycho
              Psycho
              January 9, 2014 at 1:00 pm | #

              Godammit I love this fandom.

            • Boom
              Boom
              January 9, 2014 at 1:01 pm | #

              “No. My alter ego is an EMT. I fear no vomit!”

              • asmcint
                asmcint
                January 9, 2014 at 1:19 pm | #

                “Evil on the other hand… well, I actually never did take the Hippocratic Oath.”

              • Plasma Mongoose
                Plasma Mongoose
                January 9, 2014 at 4:20 pm | #

                Amazi-Girl really needs to carry a portable EMP device to protect her from the evils of social media exposure, the only problem with that is that the odd person with a pacemaker will die but that’s why the American Govenment coined the term ‘collateral damage’ in the first place right?

    • Doctor_Who
      Doctor_Who
      January 9, 2014 at 12:18 am | #

      My bike got stolen in college too. In Ohio. In January. And I didn’t have a car and my first class was a fifteen minute walk away. At 7 am.

      Yeah, bike thieves suck.

    • Ancestral Hamster
      Ancestral Hamster
      January 9, 2014 at 12:42 am | #

      A Dutch colleague told me that for quite some time after the second world war if a Dutch citizen encountered a German, they’d ask, “What have you done with my bicycle?” Apparently among the better known war crimes and atrocities committed by the Germans in Holland during WWII, the fact that they stole nearly all the bicycles in Holland has not been forgotten by the Dutch.

      • Robin
        Robin
        January 9, 2014 at 6:40 am | #

        It’s still not forgotten. Only now we make sure to only mention it when no German is around to hear it.

      • Andrusi
        Andrusi
        January 9, 2014 at 8:12 am | #

        Wow. Was there some organized campaign, or was the German army just inexplicably full of bicycle thieves?

        • Riku
          Riku
          January 9, 2014 at 9:33 am | #

          I’m pretty sure it was a “We conquered you now we’re taking all your shit” mentality

        • Spack
          Spack
          January 9, 2014 at 7:31 pm | #

          As far as the Germans were concerned, the Dutch bikes were scrap metal just waiting to be melted down into panzers and Messerschmits.

      • Marisa Mockery
        Marisa Mockery
        January 9, 2014 at 1:57 pm | #

        Kinda like how the Germans were always stealing the Russians’ boots on the Eastern Front?

  7. Thanks, I'll Have Another!
    Thanks, I'll Have Another!
    January 9, 2014 at 12:03 am | #

    That was fast, even by social media standards.

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      January 9, 2014 at 12:06 am | #

      We have teleporters now, Grandpa!

      • Daeva
        Daeva
        January 9, 2014 at 12:11 am | #

        In my day when somebody spotted a superhero we had to go through the whole rigmarole of false bird and plane alarms before we finally found out who it was! And, by gum, we liked it!

        • Doctor_Who
          Doctor_Who
          January 9, 2014 at 12:19 am | #

          And if you wanted to alert the world, you didn’t have a phone in your pocket, no sir. You had to find a phone booth.

          And you had to wait your turn because the damn hero was in there changin’ into his jimjams!

          • Sageress
            Sageress
            January 9, 2014 at 12:22 am | #

            And dammit, we were grateful!

            • EEWWW
              EEWWW
              January 9, 2014 at 2:33 am | #

              And heroes had to chase evil doers uphill in the snow… both ways.

              • Boom
                Boom
                January 9, 2014 at 1:02 pm | #

                It built character.

              • TheGrammarLegionary
                TheGrammarLegionary
                September 6, 2015 at 1:28 am | #

                To be fair, if Walky takes up vigilante work, he’ll be halfway there.

  8. LimeTH
    LimeTH
    January 9, 2014 at 12:03 am | #

    Funny how daytime emphasizes how awesome she looks in that costume.

    • Sageress
      Sageress
      January 9, 2014 at 12:24 am | #

      I question the gangrenous yellow she chose as the primary color.

      • Plasma Mongoose
        Plasma Mongoose
        January 9, 2014 at 12:37 am | #

        Less gangrenous in colour and more chamois.

        • Sageress
          Sageress
          January 9, 2014 at 12:45 am | #

          It’s not her color, either way.

          • NightmareWarden
            NightmareWarden
            January 9, 2014 at 1:01 am | #

            You sure she didn’t trademark it? I hope she at least trademarked the symbol on her chest, lest someone else use it.

            • Sageress
              Sageress
              January 9, 2014 at 1:03 am | #

              Oh no… I’ve often begun sentences with an “A”! I’m gonna owe here THOUSANDS

              • Boom
                Boom
                January 9, 2014 at 1:04 pm | #

                Nah. The Fonz trademarked it years ago, but he’s too cool to upset anyone over it.

            • Bill
              Bill
              January 9, 2014 at 2:04 am | #

              She actually got that from Nathaniel; she just changed the color.

    • Kiggy
      Kiggy
      January 9, 2014 at 5:38 am | #

      @LimeTH: Yay! Someone else recognizes Amber’s awesome figure<3

      The more the merrier ^_^

      • The Sandman
        The Sandman
        January 9, 2014 at 7:34 am | #

        Not awesome.

        Bodacious.

      • LimeTH
        LimeTH
        January 9, 2014 at 11:49 am | #

        Hah, yeah, it was her figure I was talking about.

        The yellow’s not that bad, though.

  9. Psycho
    Psycho
    January 9, 2014 at 12:04 am | #

    I feel sorry for that phone. Lord knows what Amazi-girl will do to it.

  10. Kernanator
    Kernanator
    January 9, 2014 at 12:04 am | #

    This comic is about 15+ years late wish fulfillment, isn’t it.

    • Kernanator
      Kernanator
      January 9, 2014 at 12:19 am | #

      (For reference, the following comic was based on something that actually happened to Willis.)

      http://www.bringbackroomies.com/comic/crap/

      • Marisa Mockery
        Marisa Mockery
        January 9, 2014 at 2:01 pm | #

        That happened to me too, though I was pissed because it was in my apartment complex. Four years of riding the thing back and forth on the campus, keeping it in the bike cage in the dorms, then you put it in the bike cage in a gated apartment complex and it disappears. Soooo unhappy. I’d had it since I was a kid -_-

  11. Pivitor
    Pivitor
    January 9, 2014 at 12:04 am | #

    PLEASE TELL ME THIS GUY IS STEALING DANNY’S BIKE

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      January 9, 2014 at 12:05 am | #

      It seems whenever Danny gets involved with a Sal this kinda thing happens.

    • Totz the Plaid
      Totz the Plaid
      January 9, 2014 at 12:05 am | #

      Seconded!

    • Psycho
      Psycho
      January 9, 2014 at 12:13 am | #

      He’s dorming there, why would he need a bike?

      • Yotomoe
        Yotomoe
        January 9, 2014 at 12:19 am | #

        To go to places that are NOT the dorm. You know..like stores and stuff.

        • Psycho
          Psycho
          January 9, 2014 at 12:31 am | #

          I usually just walk. Not many cyclists in my school. Probably because it’s in the city. I usually just walk and end up giving money to the poor on the way.

          • Dude
            Dude
            January 9, 2014 at 1:56 am | #

            You just described some of the reasons I did bike in Atlanta, even with the homicidal traffic.

          • Sage
            Sage
            January 9, 2014 at 7:22 am | #

            Yeah you gave the exact reasons why people do cycle at my city-based university. Avoid the poor and it’s faster than walking (and if you need to go further, the bus has a bike rack too)

        • DSL
          DSL
          January 9, 2014 at 12:59 am | #

          Because bicycles are fun?

          • DSL
            DSL
            January 9, 2014 at 1:00 am | #

            Well, that was a helluva time to get the Joyce avatar back.

      • Bill
        Bill
        January 9, 2014 at 12:39 am | #

        Because Indiana University campus is fuggin’ huge.

      • Marisa Mockery
        Marisa Mockery
        January 9, 2014 at 2:03 pm | #

        Seconding Bill. My campus was considered small for a four-year in that system and it still took twenty/thirty minutes walking to get from one side to the other. We actually had trolleys to get around. A bike, especially if you were running late, was essential.

        • Dragon_Nataku
          Dragon_Nataku
          January 9, 2014 at 2:23 pm | #

          UM campus is pretty big but we have shuttle buses for student use. We also have Zip cars or whatever but I’m pretty sure those are just for the students who live on campus.

  12. Yotomoe
    Yotomoe
    January 9, 2014 at 12:04 am | #

    Walky is preparing his lips for victory kissin’.

  13. JessWitt
    JessWitt
    January 9, 2014 at 12:05 am | #

    Camera phones – the downfall of many superheroes (not to mention actors and politicians).

  14. Alex Stritar
    Alex Stritar
    January 9, 2014 at 12:06 am | #

    Love how the bike the actually is intimidated by the superhero.

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      January 9, 2014 at 12:14 am | #

      That bike is TERRIFIED.

      • Sageress
        Sageress
        January 9, 2014 at 12:38 am | #

        It, for the first time, knows true fear.

        • NightmareWarden
          NightmareWarden
          January 9, 2014 at 1:03 am | #

          I’m betting the stop sign told stories of Amazigirl’s harsh treatment.

  15. Wack'd
    Wack'd
    January 9, 2014 at 12:07 am | #

    I can’t really tell if it’s a Fuji Sandblaster, but it’s definitely not red.

  16. Yotomoe
    Yotomoe
    January 9, 2014 at 12:07 am | #

    Seriousely though, fuck people who steal bicycles. I hate you only slightly less than people who create computer viruses, and I want them all to catch an ironically severe virus.

    • Sageress
      Sageress
      January 9, 2014 at 12:39 am | #

      Using context clues, I can assume you want bike thieves to catch severe bikes.

      • Random832
        Random832
        January 9, 2014 at 1:01 am | #

        ironically severe bikes.

      • Gigafreak
        Gigafreak
        January 9, 2014 at 10:00 am | #

        You mean like this one?

        • begbert2
          begbert2
          January 9, 2014 at 10:41 am | #

          That would be a good, yeah.

    • Andrusi
      Andrusi
      January 9, 2014 at 8:15 am | #

      Wait, do you want the virus programmers to have their computer security measures fail disastrously, or do you want them to become seriously ill?

      I mean, obviously the answer is both, but I want to know which one you meant.

      • Yotomoe
        Yotomoe
        January 9, 2014 at 10:30 am | #

        2nd.

  17. bananarama
    bananarama
    January 9, 2014 at 12:07 am | #

    He could probably weasel out of major penalties if he played it right. “you know, the Bike was illegally parked. I was sending it back to *insert campus police*” I mean, this school seems sufficiently zany for someone to buy it.

    • The Sandman
      The Sandman
      January 9, 2014 at 7:35 am | #

      He might as well say its lights only light on one side.

  18. Daeva
    Daeva
    January 9, 2014 at 12:07 am | #

    …I wonder if Amazi-Girl’s vengeful enough right now to consider smashing a several-hundred dollar phone.

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      January 9, 2014 at 12:14 am | #

      She would become a true anti-hero.

    • timemonkey
      timemonkey
      January 9, 2014 at 12:23 am | #

      At this point it won’t matter. They know what area she’s living in. She’s made too many slip ups and is getting backed into a corner.

      Her best move right now might be to offer an interview in exchange for not revealing her identity and then quietly retiring.

      • Sageress
        Sageress
        January 9, 2014 at 12:40 am | #

        Yeah, but that’d require her to be… REASONABLE *scare chord*

      • StClair
        StClair
        January 10, 2014 at 12:11 am | #

        She can’t retire. She’d explode.

  19. Wonder Wig
    Wonder Wig
    January 9, 2014 at 12:08 am | #

    I keep my armies up my sleevies.

  20. Generifan
    Generifan
    January 9, 2014 at 12:08 am | #

    I DON’T KNOW HOW, BUT THIS IS A BAD THING AND THEREFORE SOMEHOW DANNY’S FAULT!!!!

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      January 9, 2014 at 12:16 am | #

      I blame Danny for Nuclear Winter and World Hunger.

      • Aizat
        Aizat
        January 9, 2014 at 12:24 am | #

        Oh yeah? Well, I blame Blaine for causing the Nuclear Winter in the first place.

      • Kernanator
        Kernanator
        January 9, 2014 at 12:29 am | #

        I blame Danny for rising gas prices!

        • Robin
          Robin
          January 9, 2014 at 3:52 am | #

          Thanks, Dannybama!

          • The Phantom's Belch
            The Phantom's Belch
            January 9, 2014 at 11:34 am | #

            Gas prices have fallen about half a dollar over the past few months; but then I’m still longing for the days of $0.99/gallon gasoline, which was fairly stable from ’90 to about ’93. Then it skyrocketed.

            So… I blame Clinton for the gas prices being as high as they are.

    • rachel
      rachel
      January 9, 2014 at 12:17 am | #

      CORRECT

      DANNY IS THE ONE TRUE VILLAIN

      DANNY KILLED BATMAN’S PARENTS

      DANNY DEFINITELY RAN OVER AN OLD LADY ONCE

      DANNY IS USING BLAINE TO GET TO AMBER, AND THEN TO SEND HER AWAY TO NORTHERN SIBERIA WITHOUT A SLEEPING BAG

      • Bill
        Bill
        January 9, 2014 at 12:41 am | #

        Danny caused the Arctic Vortex.

        • Leonou
          Leonou
          January 9, 2014 at 1:51 pm | #

          Danny is responsible for a minimum of 95% of this comic’s Dannyness !

  21. Plasma Mongoose
    Plasma Mongoose
    January 9, 2014 at 12:09 am | #

    The bike will be a lot safer if it was stored in the Amazi-rack.

    • Sageress
      Sageress
      January 9, 2014 at 12:41 am | #

      Heh, Amazi-rack.

    • Kiggy
      Kiggy
      January 9, 2014 at 5:41 am | #

      Hyuk hyuk hyuk

      Yup

  22. CPP
    CPP
    January 9, 2014 at 12:09 am | #

    Seems the current state of affairs, especially with her father (technically just a few days or even hours ago) have hindered her abilities…

    • timemonkey
      timemonkey
      January 9, 2014 at 12:24 am | #

      Not her abilities, her judgement.

      • shietka
        shietka
        May 27, 2014 at 10:26 pm | #

        Considering what she does next, definitely not her abilities.

  23. Gram91
    Gram91
    January 9, 2014 at 12:10 am | #

    Wow, I don’t know why, but those faces in the last panel are kinda pissing me off.

    • pumpkincat
      pumpkincat
      January 9, 2014 at 12:57 am | #

      Likewise.

    • Ivy
      Ivy
      January 9, 2014 at 10:38 am | #

      Same here.

    • Keroshino
      Keroshino
      January 9, 2014 at 5:24 pm | #

      I agree!

  24. Aizat
    Aizat
    January 9, 2014 at 12:13 am | #

    Amazi-Girl, take the Batman initiative. Grab the phone and delete the photo.

    • Bill
      Bill
      January 9, 2014 at 12:42 am | #

      She’s done that to Dorothy and her phone once already.  Won’t be able to pull that trick a second time.

      • Aizat
        Aizat
        January 9, 2014 at 12:45 am | #

        OK…does smashing it still works?

        • Keroshino
          Keroshino
          January 9, 2014 at 5:23 pm | #

          Yes!

  25. rachel
    rachel
    January 9, 2014 at 12:14 am | #

    What a cute bike drawing aaaahhh I love it!

    that said, YES, Dorothy and Walky’s faces are SO irritating in the last panel!!

    • timemonkey
      timemonkey
      January 9, 2014 at 12:24 am | #

      By irritating do you mean hilarious?

  26. Syd
    Syd
    January 9, 2014 at 12:14 am | #

    I’ve got a bike, you can ride it if you like…

    • Leorale
      Leorale
      January 9, 2014 at 1:47 am | #

      It’s got a bah-sket, a bell that rings and things to make it look good. I’d give it to you if I could–

      • Plasma Mongoose
        Plasma Mongoose
        January 9, 2014 at 2:59 am | #

        I read your post as bat’leth.

        http://galleryplus.ebayimg.com/ws/web/281157132943_1_0_1/1000×1000.jpg

        • Dragon_Nataku
          Dragon_Nataku
          January 9, 2014 at 2:29 pm | #

          thanks, now I want to see a bat-leth with bells and streamers on it

    • Bill
      Bill
      January 10, 2014 at 12:40 am | #

      I ride my bicycle, roller skate, don’t drive no car.
      Don’t go too fast, but I go pretty far.

  27. Aizat
    Aizat
    January 9, 2014 at 12:15 am | #

    Am I the only one who get flashbacks to the Technis Imperative with the you and what army line?

    • Sageress
      Sageress
      January 9, 2014 at 12:20 am | #

      “It is I, Technus! Master of all electronics!”

  28. Mr. Random
    Mr. Random
    January 9, 2014 at 12:15 am | #

    So that’s who stole Danny’s bike.

  29. Yotomoe
    Yotomoe
    January 9, 2014 at 12:18 am | #

    This comic perpetuates the idea that people who wear hoodies in broad daylight are thieves and not vampires, as we know they are.

    • Aizat
      Aizat
      January 9, 2014 at 12:23 am | #

      Yeah, vampires wear capes or long trench coat and a cool hat and shades.

      • Nym
        Nym
        January 9, 2014 at 12:28 am | #

        So minus the shades, I’m a vampire. This would explain why the sun burns me.

        • begbert2
          begbert2
          January 9, 2014 at 10:44 am | #

          Yes. Gotta wear those protective shades!

    • newllend
      newllend
      January 9, 2014 at 12:39 am | #

      Have we learned nothing from the death of Trayvon martin back in Florida 2 years ago!?

      • Nym
        Nym
        January 9, 2014 at 12:48 am | #

        Considering that the chances are high if he’d been a affluent-looking white kid in a hoodie, things would not have happened the same, I would say that your comparison seems strange to me.

        • newllend
          newllend
          January 9, 2014 at 1:42 am | #

          Skin color was not what I was getting at even though that is true

    • bananarama
      bananarama
      January 9, 2014 at 2:52 am | #

      And Assassins. But not the boring emotionless kind, the swashbuckling and/or italian romantic kind.

      • The Sandman
        The Sandman
        January 9, 2014 at 7:37 am | #

        What about the naive Haudenosaunee kind?

        • The Candyman
          The Candyman
          January 9, 2014 at 7:49 am | #

          And what about the still kinda boring and emotionless Arabic kind?

  30. Sageress
    Sageress
    January 9, 2014 at 12:21 am | #

    That is a terrible thief.

  31. Pteropine
    Pteropine
    January 9, 2014 at 12:21 am | #

    Wouldn’t they recognize her voice, even if she was trying to disguise it?

    • timemonkey
      timemonkey
      January 9, 2014 at 12:25 am | #

      Neither of them really knows her.

    • Aizat
      Aizat
      January 9, 2014 at 12:25 am | #

      Well, no one that Bruce Wayne is Batman even with the growly voice.

      • Sageress
        Sageress
        January 9, 2014 at 12:32 am | #

        To be fair, that voice is pretty much exclusive to the last two movies. In the comics and cartoons and whatnot, nobody has any excuse.

        • Aizat
          Aizat
          January 9, 2014 at 12:42 am | #

          Well, in the animated series, Batman and Bruce Wayne sounds different. Not so much in The Batman, though.

        • timemonkey
          timemonkey
          January 9, 2014 at 1:02 am | #

          Batman has pretty much always used a different voice.

          • StClair
            StClair
            January 10, 2014 at 12:13 am | #

            Have to correct you there, old chum.

            • timemonkey
              timemonkey
              January 10, 2014 at 9:25 am | #

              That’s why I said ‘pretty much alway’s and not just’ always’.

    • Beige
      Beige
      January 9, 2014 at 12:27 am | #

      not necessarily, no. neither of them know Amber particularly well, and it’s very easy to make your voice sound nothing like it normally would, even if its obviously a fake voice your using.

  32. Nym
    Nym
    January 9, 2014 at 12:28 am | #

    I love Walky’s expression in that last panel. He and Dorothy look like they’re having a fun date.

    Poor Amber, but the whole vigilante thing had to end sometime. I’m hoping it ends here with early retirement and not in some sort of truly disastrous fashion. . . . Then again, this may still play out disastrously, so. I suppose we’ll see.

  33. newllend
    newllend
    January 9, 2014 at 12:30 am | #

    It one thing to be flag by the paparazzi, but its entirely different when they get in the way of the way of your job- and heres something Dorothy didn’t think about ,if she leeked out improtant information about Amazi-girl wouldn’t that put Danny in danger?

    • timemonkey
      timemonkey
      January 9, 2014 at 1:06 am | #

      Dorothy doesn’t know about Amazi-Girl’s relationship with Danny. Last she heard she saved him from some jerks. Even Joe doesn’t know about Amazi-Girl.

      • newllend
        newllend
        January 9, 2014 at 1:13 am | #

        No no Danny told her himself that he was going out with amazi-girl, that was like the last conversation they had.

        • Rabid Rabbit
          Rabid Rabbit
          January 9, 2014 at 2:35 am | #

          I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure that was with Billie.

          • newllend
            newllend
            January 9, 2014 at 3:18 am | #

            No no go through Dorothy’s tag archive until you see the stirp called POPULAR you’ll see what I mean.

        • timemonkey
          timemonkey
          January 9, 2014 at 8:56 am | #

          It appears you are correct. Though I’m not sure how it would endanger him unless she identified him in her articles.

  34. Bill
    Bill
    January 9, 2014 at 12:35 am | #

    As a cyclist, I agree with the subtext.  They used to hang horse thieves and cattle rustlers; why should bike thieves be any different?

  35. Chris_Fleming
    Chris_Fleming
    January 9, 2014 at 12:37 am | #

    Amazigirl got caught slipping

    • The Sandman
      The Sandman
      January 9, 2014 at 7:43 am | #

      ~Why can’t they see what I see~
      ~Why can’t they hear the lies~

      ~Maybe the fee’s too pricey~
      ~for them to realize~

  36. JustDucky
    JustDucky
    January 9, 2014 at 12:39 am | #

    Really, if this keeps Amber from beating up some jerk in broad daylight it’s kinda a real stroke of luck for her.

  37. Confuzor
    Confuzor
    January 9, 2014 at 12:41 am | #

    Never assume that I do not have an Army at my disposal!

  38. Sageress
    Sageress
    January 9, 2014 at 12:44 am | #

    I’m glad this superhero stuff is coming to an end. Although Amber’s probably done some good stuff, she’s also A) Assaulted multiple people for crimes that didn’t really warrant assaulting, B) Allowed a date rapist to escape, and C) Worn the tackiest superhero costume I’ve seen in all my years.

    • Aizat
      Aizat
      January 9, 2014 at 12:47 am | #

      Tacky? Have you seen Mr Action’s costume? Amazi-Girl’s costume is pretty good.

      • Sageress
        Sageress
        January 9, 2014 at 1:05 am | #

        Don’t be talkin smack about Mr. Action.

        • Keroshino
          Keroshino
          January 9, 2014 at 5:20 pm | #

          Mr. Action will mess you up!

    • Xerxes93
      Xerxes93
      January 9, 2014 at 1:25 am | #

      I’m gonna need receipts on point a, because the only people she seems to have used violence against were 1) the guys who tried to beat up Danny and 2) a purse snatcher who she seems to have merely tackled for the purpose of retrieving the purse.

      • Nono
        Nono
        January 9, 2014 at 6:27 am | #

        Well, there were people at Ryan’s party that she was tussling with. Can’t think of anything else right now though.

        • Sageress
          Sageress
          January 9, 2014 at 7:11 pm | #

          And she was planning to assault Sal.

  39. Bill
    Bill
    January 9, 2014 at 12:48 am | #

    From a LEO standpoint, she has done nothing wrong.  She is merely a person in a cosplay outfit requesting that a miscreant stop performing an illegal act — and there are no rules about what someone chooses to wear.  Of course, we know she would kick his ass across campus if he didn’t; but she hasn’t done it yet.  So at this point — no blood, no foul.

    As for past incidents — have there been any formal complaints filed by those people she has flipped or tossed?  We don’t know; and again, from a LEO viewpoint, without a complaint there is nothing to be dealt with.

    • Rutee
      Rutee
      January 9, 2014 at 1:02 am | #

      Uh, law enforcement tends to care about threats. They’re usually called ‘Assault’, and her schtick requires either beatings or threats of beatings.

      • shadow eagle
        shadow eagle
        January 9, 2014 at 7:48 am | #

        law enforcement is just that, not peace keepers. she hasnt broken any laws yet, and she can make a citizen’s arrest. she hasnt assaulted him yet. telling him to stop breaking he law isnt a crime, calling him an insulting name isnt a crime (since it’s not ethnically or racially motivated). wearing a mask isnt a crime. so, so far… no crime (in this instance).

        • Rutee
          Rutee
          January 9, 2014 at 10:56 am | #

          What part of “Assault” is not “breaking the law”? And who said I was speaking entirely about this instance? She’s done it before, and the odds are she’ll keep doing it. She was about to issue one now, but the peanut gallery interrupted her.

    • JohnnyO
      JohnnyO
      January 9, 2014 at 1:08 am | #

      “Officer, this girl stopped me from beating up a kid/vandalizing a sign/stealing a bike, etc. You gotta help me!”

      • Rutee
        Rutee
        January 9, 2014 at 1:33 am | #

        Cops generally don’t approve of vigilantes in the real world, regardless of how bizarre that may seem to you. Nominally, that’s because they’re actually following the law, and the vigilante is not.

        • shadow eagle
          shadow eagle
          January 9, 2014 at 7:53 am | #

          LEO’s dont follow the law, they have separate laws they they follow while enforcing local laws.
          They dont like Vigilante’s because they feel they’re doing their job, and makes them look bad, no matter how productive they are.. Leo’s feel they’re the only one with the rights to enforce laws for you, whether you asked them to or not.

          • Andrusi
            Andrusi
            January 9, 2014 at 8:17 am | #

            Leos don’t follow the law because, as unemployed mutant turtles, they are unable to pay property taxes.

        • Doom Shepherd
          Doom Shepherd
          January 9, 2014 at 8:24 am | #

          Time for a short article on the Citizen’s Arrest:
          Most states have codified the common law rule that a warrantless arrest may be made by a private person for a felony, misdemeanor or “breach of peace”. A breach of peace covers a multitude of violations in which the Supreme Court has even included a misdemeanor seatbelt violation punishable only by a fine. The term historically included theft, “nightwalking”, prostitution and playing card and dice games.

    • Fred Garber
      Fred Garber
      January 9, 2014 at 4:21 pm | #

      She stole a stop sign, although she did put it back later.
      That’s usually a misdemeanor, unless it caused a traffic accident. Or it was an expensive sign.

      • Bill
        Bill
        January 10, 2014 at 12:47 am | #

        It wasn’t a stop sign, it was a “Dead End” sign.  And Amazi-Girl didn’t actually steal it, she ‘confiscated’ or perhaps ‘impounded’ it from the persons who were vandalizing it (and then dared them to call the cops about it). She and Danny then cleaned it and replaced it.

  40. Shadow12000
    Shadow12000
    January 9, 2014 at 12:49 am | #

    STOP RIGHT THERE, CRIMINAL SCUM!

    • JohnnyO
      JohnnyO
      January 9, 2014 at 1:06 am | #

      You have committed crimes against Indiana University and her people. What say you in your defense?

      • StClair
        StClair
        January 10, 2014 at 12:15 am | #

        THEN PAY WITH YOUR BLOOD!

    • smartkitty
      smartkitty
      January 9, 2014 at 4:24 am | #

      You win an Internet!

      I am disappoint that I had to scroll down this much for someone to finally make a reference.

  41. Aizat
    Aizat
    January 9, 2014 at 12:50 am | #

    Wish you have smoke bombs, huh?

  42. Bilfred
    Bilfred
    January 9, 2014 at 12:51 am | #

    amazi-girl’s embarrassed face.

    • The Sandman
      The Sandman
      January 9, 2014 at 7:44 am | #

      embarrassi-girl’s amazed face.

  43. Vim-Hogar
    Vim-Hogar
    January 9, 2014 at 1:18 am | #

    Why is Walky making a duck face? Does he think they’re taking a selfie?

    • Alex Stritar
      Alex Stritar
      January 9, 2014 at 1:23 am | #

      Walky is secretly a duck dressed as a manchild. Turns out the Walkerton parents arnt racist, they’re speciesist.

    • Leorale
      Leorale
      January 9, 2014 at 1:55 am | #

      He’s doing kissy facial stretches so he’ll be super ready for tonight’s make-outs.

  44. ridtom
    ridtom
    January 9, 2014 at 1:25 am | #

    Dorothy and Walky’s face…..I feel IRRITATED just by glancing at them.

    • Keroshino
      Keroshino
      January 9, 2014 at 5:19 pm | #

      I know how you feel…somthing about their expressions just pisses me off!

  45. Tealjoy
    Tealjoy
    January 9, 2014 at 1:32 am | #

    Dorothy and Walky…..look creepy as hell right now. Really?

    • Nono
      Nono
      January 9, 2014 at 2:08 am | #

      Yeah, Dorothy’s insane ‘PRODUCTIVITY AND PROGRESS’ face is starting to creep me out, too.

      Though then again I’m not sure why she’s getting a photo of her from behind. For posteriority?

      • andiemus
        andiemus
        January 9, 2014 at 2:48 am | #

        I think she’s recording a video.

      • begbert2
        begbert2
        January 9, 2014 at 10:51 am | #

        Huh huh huh, you said ‘posteriority’.

        I too wonder why Amazi-girl is worried; so far Dorothy has merely gotten video of her from behind, not committing any crime. So Dorothy can prove that Amazi-girl 1) has tousled brown hair (or a wig), 2) a blue cape, 3) blue boots, 4) yellow leggings, and 5) a batman voice. And of those, 1-5 are both already known by everyone she’s met, and also moot points if she gets her hands on the phone again.

  46. Rabid Rabbit
    Rabid Rabbit
    January 9, 2014 at 2:36 am | #

    Oh, Amazi-Girl. This is why you used to only work at night.

  47. andiemus
    andiemus
    January 9, 2014 at 2:49 am | #

    I can’t believe it’s taken this long for an Oblivion reference:

    STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM!

    • The Sandman
      The Sandman
      January 9, 2014 at 7:44 am | #

      She used to be an Amazi-Girl, but then she took an unmasking to the knee.

      • begbert2
        begbert2
        January 9, 2014 at 10:54 am | #

        But her mask’s still on.

        Seriously people, Dorothy’s not doing so great at this ‘unmasking’ thing so far. You’re supposed to actually catch them half-in costume, or alternatively knock them out, tie them to a chair, and then unmask them, optionally setting them on fire first. Merely videoing them in full costume isn’t going to do it – which is why they wear the costume and all in the first place.

  48. MsSchiff
    MsSchiff
    January 9, 2014 at 3:20 am | #

    I hope this doesn’t go as badly as I fear it will. I honestly like Amazi-Girl more than Amber, because she’s more dynamic and more in-control of herself.

    Granted, running around in a yellow suit fighting crime isn’t exactly something I’d recommend as standard therapy. But she *does* fight crime. We’ve seen her recover purses from purse snatchers and stop beatings and muggings in progress. And when she encountered that graffiti ‘artist’ a while back, she didn’t even *hit* the guy: she chose an alternative means of dealing with the situation.

    We’ve seen Amber punch her dad (who totally had it coming, not debating that), flip over a table on one of her best friends, punch doors, and flip out because she missed a frickin’ WoW raid…

    …Okay, I’m gonna say it. Amazi-Girl is the stronger and more stable of the two personalities. You take that away, and Amber is just a shadow…

    …Of her father.

    • RandomRedMage
      RandomRedMage
      January 9, 2014 at 5:15 am | #

      owch as much as I like amber.. dayum, thats pretty accurate….

  49. CollyWolly
    CollyWolly
    January 9, 2014 at 3:22 am | #

    The title gives the Ben Folds Five fanboy in me a huuuge boner.

  50. Idon'tcarenomore
    Idon'tcarenomore
    January 9, 2014 at 3:29 am | #

    Have to agree with MsSchiff.

    Either way I wonder if Dorothy is going to be able to walk very well with her phone jammed up her butt.

    Which is where I hope Amazi-girl puts it.

    Danny doesn’t count, as usual.

    • begbert2
      begbert2
      January 9, 2014 at 10:56 am | #

      Walky is complimented that you referred to him as the noble Danny, lender of shoes to monkey men.

  51. Idon'tcarenomore
    Idon'tcarenomore
    January 9, 2014 at 3:30 am | #

    And neither does Walky for that matter. Miss typed.

    • begbert2
      begbert2
      January 9, 2014 at 10:57 am | #

      Oh, you already noticed your error. Didn’t see that in time.

      You should use the ‘reply’ feature. It keeps things much more organized.

  52. OhHey
    OhHey
    January 9, 2014 at 3:45 am | #

    Stalker alert.

  53. Kiggy
    Kiggy
    January 9, 2014 at 5:26 am | #

    Pfffft

    Bwahahahaaaah!
    XD

  54. hof1991
    hof1991
    January 9, 2014 at 6:28 am | #

    Dorothy could stop the bicycle thief with her camera/video/phone. But she is too busy being productive to be actually useful. She belongs Ivy League.

    Bicycle thieves are the worst and their apprehension should take priority. And most Big Ten campuses are large enough that a bike is very useful until the snow starts. And most are pretty bike friendly, though I don’t know about IU in particular.

    Liking Dorothy less and less. She’s about as social as Dina and less caring.

    • Rutee
      Rutee
      January 9, 2014 at 10:54 am | #

      She *IS* stopping the bicycle thief. He is now actually stopping the theft. WTH?

      • begbert2
        begbert2
        January 9, 2014 at 10:59 am | #

        If I know comedies, Amazi-girl and Dorothy are going to now focus entirely on each other (because Dorothy won’t let Amazi-girl do her work), and the bike thief will quietly tiptoe away. Whistling. Carrying the bike with him.

  55. Resulli
    Resulli
    January 9, 2014 at 6:38 am | #

    Something tells me Walky might be getting some tonight.

    • hack
      hack
      January 9, 2014 at 9:51 am | #

      yah, he loves nachos!

      … wait, we are talking nachos, rite?

      • begbert2
        begbert2
        January 9, 2014 at 10:59 am | #

        We’re always talking about nachos.

  56. CianM1301
    CianM1301
    January 9, 2014 at 7:59 am | #

    Wait, how did they get there so fast?

    • begbert2
      begbert2
      January 9, 2014 at 11:00 am | #

      There was a time skip. This is actually the seventh crime that Amazi-girl has foiled this morning.

      • CianM1301
        CianM1301
        January 9, 2014 at 6:03 pm | #

        That makes sense, I suppose.

  57. Andrusi
    Andrusi
    January 9, 2014 at 8:20 am | #

    After all the “Danny needs to die” discussion yesterday, for a minute I thought the alt text meant the thief inspired death wishes because he looks a little like Danny.

  58. Kraang the Somewhat Wobbly
    Kraang the Somewhat Wobbly
    January 9, 2014 at 10:22 am | #

    It’s like some bizarro episode of Cops.

  59. Julez
    Julez
    January 9, 2014 at 10:44 am | #

    Oooh, whatcha gonna do now, Amazi-girl?

    • begbert2
      begbert2
      January 9, 2014 at 11:02 am | #

      Flip amber off, and continue working, all without letting the camera catch her face.

      And then deleting the video with her psychic powers. Wouldn’t that be a surprise!

      • Boom
        Boom
        January 9, 2014 at 12:58 pm | #

        Most of all to her.

  60. cjack99
    cjack99
    January 9, 2014 at 10:58 am | #

    Rats, I was looking forward to a good ass kicking here……. now it’s going to be all tweety and texty, and who knows what all.

  61. garblegarble
    garblegarble
    January 9, 2014 at 11:07 am | #

    I keep misreading the first line as “Stop right there criminal scum”
    I think it’s skyrim time again.

    • Boom
      Boom
      January 9, 2014 at 12:57 pm | #

      I used to be a crime fighter like you, but then I took an abusive father figure and a hopelessly naive boy to the knee.

    • JohnnyO
      JohnnyO
      January 9, 2014 at 10:30 pm | #

      Except “Stop right there criminal scum” makes it Oblivion time.

      “Come quietly and face the Jarl’s justice” would make it Skyrim time.

  62. Pat Myers
    Pat Myers
    January 9, 2014 at 11:33 am | #

    I love that face in the last panel!

  63. All Else Fails
    All Else Fails
    January 9, 2014 at 11:55 am | #

    She just can’t catch a break. –.–

  64. TheJesterKing
    TheJesterKing
    January 9, 2014 at 12:26 pm | #

    I bet it’s Danny’s bike 😀 Danny gets his bike stolen in this universe too.

  65. GoSpeedRumpist
    GoSpeedRumpist
    January 9, 2014 at 1:32 pm | #

    Ah, blast! This is a fine mess of turnips I’ve gotten myself into, if I do say so myself.

  66. chris73
    chris73
    January 9, 2014 at 2:11 pm | #

    I’d be ok with it if Amazi-Girl slapped Dorothy and Walky and then smashed the phone. Amazi-Girl is actually doing something positive whereas Dorothy is being quite selfish in trying to unmask her (and with that face Walkys asking for a good slapping)

  67. bunivasal
    bunivasal
    January 9, 2014 at 2:44 pm | #

    I’m not normally for the death penalty, but I think that bike thieves should be forcefed their own wiresnips.

  68. Alex Stritar
    Alex Stritar
    January 9, 2014 at 3:02 pm | #

    Obvious joke: Of course you don’t have an army, Amazi-Girl, you have a Hulk.

  69. Ess
    Ess
    January 9, 2014 at 3:33 pm | #

    Blaine should only see her in costume and call it. Condescendingly, but call it.

  70. Devlerbat
    Devlerbat
    January 9, 2014 at 4:03 pm | #

    Frankly I don’t see how bike thieves are any worse than most other types of thieves. With that said, I agree.

    • Bill
      Bill
      January 10, 2014 at 12:53 am | #

      As a freshman in college back in 1972, a good bicycle was probably one of the most expensive things you could own at that time.  Sure, some people owned cars, but those weren’t getting stolen as frequently as bicycles, and if they were the cops at least made an attempt to try to find them.  Bicycles?  You got a TS card and the recommendation to file a claim against your renter’s insurance (if you had remembered to buy any).

  71. Galdan
    Galdan
    January 9, 2014 at 4:31 pm | #

    Danny is gonna make Amber hate his guts with a passion just before discovering that she’s Amazi-girl, isn’t he?

    And of course, he will put the fault on Billie and Sal for tricking him into believing that Sal is Amazi-girl.

    And Sal will say “wait, did you think that I was a shapeshifter able to change my skin tone, height, jawline and body shape, or what?” (and then she will kick him in the balls for being such a ******).

  72. turbanous
    turbanous
    January 9, 2014 at 4:47 pm | #

    When did Dorothy’s motivation become to unmask Amazi-girl? I know that she is supposed to write about her in the paper. Before Amazi-girl out ran Dorothy she was trying to the reporter on her side.
    Is there a comic where Dorothy is told or says she wants to unmask Amazi-girl, can someone provide the link?

    • Galdan
      Galdan
      January 9, 2014 at 6:22 pm | #

      The thing, is, once unmasked, Amazi-girl’s story isn’t worth sh*t. Some nerdy girl who loves superhero comics and likes to play superheroine, that’s all…and really, Dorothy shouldn’t expect anything different…it’s that or some pothead who likes to run around in leotards punching people.

      Unmasking Amazi-girl is like discovering that the mysterious ghost black dog that haunts the cementery at midnight is just a Newfoundland whose lazy ass owner releases it there every night there so he hasn’t to bother giving it a real walk. Or discovering that the poltergeist that haunts an old house are just rats crawling their tunnels into the walls.

      Amazi-girl’s story is interesting for so long as she remains unmasked, because it’s a fun mystery. I Dorothy doesn’t understand that, she isn’t a good reporter.

      • Galdan
        Galdan
        January 9, 2014 at 6:23 pm | #

        EDIT: I meant “Amazi-girl’s story is interesting for so long as she remains a masked, because it’s a fun mystery. I Dorothy doesn’t understand that, she isn’t a good reporter.”

      • timemonkey
        timemonkey
        January 9, 2014 at 7:42 pm | #

        Amazi-Girl is pretty much a well intentioned criminal. Unmsking her is pretty much catching her red-handed. remember, Amazi-Girl is attacking people, breaking into people’s dorms and who knows what else, that’s not legal.

    • Turbanous
      Turbanous
      January 9, 2014 at 8:40 pm | #

      Maybe I can clarify what I’m asking…
      Is Dorothy’s motivation here to get an interview with Amazi-girl or is she trying to find out who is behind the mask?
      I’m asking because a lot of comments are discussing Dorothy unmasking Amazi-Girl and I don’t remember when/if that became her motivation.

  73. Keroshino
    Keroshino
    January 9, 2014 at 5:13 pm | #

    I do sure hope that Amazi-girl Rips that cellphone out of Dorothy’s hand!

  74. supercerealoso
    supercerealoso
    January 9, 2014 at 5:17 pm | #

    Run, Amazi-girl, Run! D:

  75. Taellosse
    Taellosse
    January 9, 2014 at 9:13 pm | #

    I love that Amazi-Girl says “blast” as her curse word. So appropriate.

  76. LadyJ
    LadyJ
    January 9, 2014 at 11:31 pm | #

    I’m guessing Blaine and Danny are going to come along now and
    Blaine: “WHat are you doing Amber?”
    Readers: “no danny.”
    Danny: “That’s not Amber, that’s my gf Amazi-Girl!”
    Readers: “No Danny.”
    Blaine: “No, that’s Amber.” *goes for the mask*
    Readers: “No Danny!”
    Danny: *looking back and forth* “I understand everything now!”
    Readers: “NO DANNY!”

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