Dumbing of Age Book Eleven

Dumbing of Age

A college webcomic by David Willis
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September 20, 2023

Drinks

by David M Willis on February 9, 2011 at 12:01 am
  • 03 - Men are from Beck, Women are from Clark

└ Tags: conquest, joe, joyce, mike

Discussion (148) ¬

[ Comments RSS ]
  1. addude
    addude
    February 9, 2011 at 12:03 am | #

    I’m calling it now, Joe will be the first to die on dumbing of Age in about two strips

    • ADHadh
      ADHadh
      February 9, 2011 at 5:35 am | #

      He’ll die from face-punching.

      • Nathan
        Nathan
        September 15, 2013 at 12:29 am | #

        In the FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!

    • SherBeans
      SherBeans
      February 9, 2011 at 1:32 pm | #

      At least he’ll be thinking happy thoughts in his death.

      • The E-man
        The E-man
        February 10, 2011 at 11:54 am | #

        Your icon is the best thing EVER

  2. RaijinK
    RaijinK
    February 9, 2011 at 12:03 am | #

    Gallasso’s is a family establishment. Namely his family. And it’s a messed-up family. Don’t bring your kids there.

    • David Herbert
      David Herbert
      February 9, 2011 at 12:18 am | #

      It’s like Hooters, with more yelling.

      • Matt
        Matt
        February 9, 2011 at 12:46 am | #

        And only the one girl.

        • Mnk
          Mnk
          February 9, 2011 at 10:04 am | #

          (and subs)

          • CWR
            CWR
            February 10, 2011 at 4:01 am | #

            Wait, there’s FOOD at Hooters?

          • Plan D
            Plan D
            February 10, 2011 at 8:42 am | #

            I know somebody who orders take out from Hooters.
            (doing it wrong)

            • Mally
              Mally
              July 21, 2015 at 4:46 pm | #

              Considering the best part of Hooters is an entirely different part of the bird than what the name would suggest? I’d say he’s doin’ just fine.

  3. arjay2813
    arjay2813
    February 9, 2011 at 12:03 am | #

    i really want him to hit on her and get hit by Mike (his job), Galasso (his daughter), joyce (jealousy & unclean thoughts), and whomever is dating Conquest. that would be overkill of awesome..that may be to many for just his face though

    • Bek359
      Bek359
      February 9, 2011 at 1:20 am | #

      He wouldn’t get hit by Galasso. IIRC, in the regular universe, Galasso was pretty desperate for ANYONE to knock up his daughter. Since aliens (the lack of which being the key to this universe being different from the regular Walkyverse… wow, that’s a jumbled sentence) are seemingly not the cause of Galasso’s insanity, I see no reason to believe this has changed.

    • Chase
      Chase
      February 9, 2011 at 8:30 am | #

      Actually, I’m one of those people who kinda want to see Joyce get punched at this point. o-O

      • Jack
        Jack
        February 9, 2011 at 10:08 pm | #

        And then she’d think impure thoughts.

        • Technyx
          Technyx
          August 21, 2011 at 6:51 pm | #

          Your avatar has made that sentence the greatest thing ever.

  4. Matt of Steel
    Matt of Steel
    February 9, 2011 at 12:05 am | #

    Don’t worry Joe. Conquest will make your head feel better.

    • Cha
      Cha
      February 9, 2011 at 12:23 am | #

      His head, or his head?

      • Eri
        Eri
        February 9, 2011 at 12:56 am | #

        His head.

        • photo instant nocorner itxtaltman86
          photoman86
          February 9, 2011 at 2:01 am | #

          His head, but which head?

          • Bickendan
            Bickendan
            February 9, 2011 at 2:42 am | #

            Yes.

          • Tristan J
            Tristan J
            February 9, 2011 at 4:31 am | #

            No.

          • Soundbucket
            Soundbucket
            February 9, 2011 at 5:11 am | #

            Perhaps.

      • A.non
        A.non
        February 9, 2011 at 8:39 am | #

        His FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE

    • milk experiment
      milk experiment
      February 11, 2011 at 10:13 am | #

      With his penis.

  5. Ragnal
    Ragnal
    February 9, 2011 at 12:06 am | #

    Does anyone know anyone that’s like Joyce? I don’t even mean over fifty Bible thumpers, I mean…our generation.

    Seriously, name one adult that can keep their mind THIS clean.

    • David
      David M Willis
      February 9, 2011 at 12:07 am | #

      I dunno which “our” generation you’re talking about specifically, but I did not swear until I was 22.

      • Tristan J
        Tristan J
        February 9, 2011 at 12:10 am | #

        I didn’t start swearing until I was a little older than Joyce here.

      • brasca1
        brasca1
        February 9, 2011 at 12:26 am | #

        Strangely enough I recall when “friggin” and “slut” (words Joyce has already said) would get a wag of the finger from the church ladies of my family.

        • alicemacher
          alicemacher
          February 9, 2011 at 1:05 am | #

          I remember when a prominent Anglican cardinal here in Canada got flak for saying “frigging” in an interview or address or other public comments of some sort.

        • AlienCowThatMoos
          AlienCowThatMoos
          February 9, 2011 at 2:47 am | #

          I recall a specific time that I said the word “bugger” (having no idea what the British meaning was) and my Mom freaked out on me from somewhere else in the house. It had me paranoid all of the time after that.

          • AlienCowThatMoos
            AlienCowThatMoos
            February 9, 2011 at 2:49 am | #

            This icon pleases my magnificence.

          • Leo
            Leo
            February 9, 2011 at 9:31 pm | #

            Dunno why your Mum freaked out, bugger isn’t a strong word in England, its used as often as damn is, and its said to kids quite often in phrases like “don’t go playing silly buggers”. There’s a few words Americans think are strong in English English which aren’t – twat being another one.

        • gangler
          gangler
          February 9, 2011 at 3:15 am | #

          I know a lot of people like Joyce who are my age. Stupidly pure. Half the men from church I can’t even get to admit that a girl is attractive without flustering them. Being raise Mormon is awesome that way. Can’t throw a stone without hitting a sexually repressed youth, and God help you if you swear in their presence.

          Fun story. Once my brother caught Mono. Because of some of his habits (not following curfew) we weren’t sure if it was from kissing a girl or from sharing a needle. Mom was equally appalled by both possibilities. It’s all sin to her.

          To this day I still hide from her the fact that I enjoy the occasional coffee on a rough morning.

          • Rowen Morland
            Rowen Morland
            February 9, 2011 at 6:03 pm | #

            A viceless life sounds pretty harsh. Do you still get Tea?

      • Malph
        Malph
        February 9, 2011 at 3:53 am | #

        Seeing how old everyone else was when they started makes me feel like a horrible person for starting at like 10.

        However, I don’t swear aloud in public or in front of anyone I don’t know is ok with it.

        • zuche
          zuche
          February 9, 2011 at 7:13 am | #

          Don’t be too hard on yourself. My mother used to swear a blue streak at us if we took too long getting ready for church.

          • airfox
            airfox
            February 9, 2011 at 5:14 pm | #

            Same with me. My father usually avoided using “bad words” if we (my sister and I) were present, but my mother didn’t show such restraint … specially while driving.

            There was a time when my dad swore with us in the car, because he forgot we were there … we were very surprised.

            -airfox

        • dchorror
          dchorror
          February 9, 2011 at 12:37 pm | #

          That’s alright, I started about that early too. I also learned restraint because of that, so it’s a bit two fold.

      • airfox
        airfox
        February 9, 2011 at 5:09 pm | #

        Wha? Really?

        I don’t remember my age when I first swore, but I think it was in high school, so I was younger than 22.

        I still don’t swear when in the company of my parents. My friends deserve the cursing, they don’t. 😉

        -airfox

      • RachelEvil
        RachelEvil
        February 11, 2011 at 10:38 pm | #

        My girlfriend claims the same thing.

        Me? My first word was “shit.”

    • Wolf
      Wolf
      February 9, 2011 at 12:14 am | #

      My girlfriend has never used the F-word in her life, and I have another friend at my college who honestly believes that sex (even for procreation) is a sin and that God wants us to reproduce by in-vitro.

      • katosen27
        katosen27
        February 9, 2011 at 12:26 am | #

        Ironic in that your girlfriend was not created by in-vitro means. How does she believe that sex, period, is a sin? O.o

        • Wolf
          Wolf
          February 9, 2011 at 12:35 am | #

          It’s not my girlfriend who thinks that (fortunately), it’s another of my friends. I honestly don’t know; when I pointed out that humans wouldn’t exist except for sex, she said that the desire to preserve the species was a temptation we need to overcome.

          • Ivy
            Ivy
            February 9, 2011 at 12:57 am | #

            That is really quite amazing. Golly, some people can defend the most inconsistent and flawed reasoning.

          • John Harmon
            John Harmon
            February 9, 2011 at 1:15 am | #

            She has no boyfriend does she?

          • Derik
            Derik
            February 10, 2011 at 1:37 pm | #

            So what does she do online? Cyber-Celibacy?

    • Matt
      Matt
      February 9, 2011 at 12:47 am | #

      I only did it in hushed tones until about 19, and still never in front of a girl.

    • goatman95111
      goatman95111
      February 9, 2011 at 1:45 am | #

      Oh yes, I know one. Her name was Taylor, and she was in the dorms during my freshman year. To give you an idea of how clean a Mormon type she was, there’s this great little story. She was telling this group of friends about her guitar (she played regularly), and asked a few of the guys if they wanted to see her new g-string.

      She meant the guitar string (the “g” note or thickest string, obviously). Everyone else just flipped out at that.

      It took a few minutes to get her from being beet red… AFTER being told what a g-string was.

      • Sven8705
        Sven8705
        February 9, 2011 at 2:11 am | #

        My g-string is always breaking

        • Bickendan
          Bickendan
          February 9, 2011 at 2:46 am | #

          Aptly, Joe’s your avatar there.

    • MaxGoof
      MaxGoof
      February 9, 2011 at 8:29 am | #

      I’m only 28 now, but I was squeaky-clean at Joyce’s age. Didn’t swear till I was 24, didn’t go on a date till 21, and never had alcohol till I turned 28. And I’m definitely no Bible-thumper. So it happens.

      Musta been all that Care Bears I watched as a kid…

    • Vanessa
      Vanessa
      February 12, 2011 at 9:47 pm | #

      My husband used to have a friend who said he wouldn’t even hold hands with a girl until they were married… I’m amazed he’s not married yet. Although he goes to a nearly all male school, School of MInes in Golden, CO.

  6. Shift
    Shift
    February 9, 2011 at 12:06 am | #

    Gotta love her priorities. Joe is getting assaulted and SHE’S concerned about language? She’s going to be one of those mothers that protests TV shows like the Simpsons for episode content, all the while ignoring the fact her child just stole a car for a drug problem, isn’t she?

    And yay for Conquest!

    • ScytheAkse
      ScytheAkse
      February 9, 2011 at 2:01 am | #

      DEFINETLY

  7. Kindra
    Kindra
    February 9, 2011 at 12:07 am | #

    Yay, Conni!

    • Kindra
      Kindra
      February 9, 2011 at 12:08 am | #

      … *snerk* Galasso as my gravatar makes that unreasonably hilarious.

  8. Tristan J
    Tristan J
    February 9, 2011 at 12:08 am | #

    Joe’s making a boob of himself. He’s discovering the meaning of tit-for-tat. At least he’s putting on his breast effort.

    • Kamino Neko
      Kamino Neko
      February 9, 2011 at 12:11 am | #

      He’s right on rack.

      • Tristan J
        Tristan J
        February 9, 2011 at 12:14 am | #

        He helps that he has a one-rack mind.

        • Alice Macher
          Alice Macher
          February 9, 2011 at 12:16 am | #

          And that he gives a hooter. It’s hard to jug-gle so many conflicting impulses.

          • zuche
            zuche
            February 9, 2011 at 12:32 am | #

            As long as we’re not expected to mammaries this strip, it’ll be fine.

          • George
            George
            February 9, 2011 at 1:57 am | #

            Joe shouldn’t be in the general areola of Mike’s fists.

          • Kumata
            Kumata
            February 9, 2011 at 6:50 am | #

            Heh. I tittered at all of those buns.

          • Kumata
            Kumata
            February 9, 2011 at 6:55 am | #

            Sorry, I just realised that ‘buns’ doesn’t quite tit. I was trying boob hard-on to milk the situation.

          • Tristan J
            Tristan J
            February 9, 2011 at 8:10 pm | #

            I love the internet.

  9. Ryune
    Ryune
    February 9, 2011 at 12:10 am | #

    Hooray for Conquest!

  10. cappadocius
    cappadocius
    February 9, 2011 at 12:14 am | #

    mmmm, Conquest.

    Thank you, Willis. I’ll sleep easier tonight.

    • Alice Macher
      Alice Macher
      February 9, 2011 at 12:18 am | #

      ♫ Pictures of Conquest, made my life so wonderful
      Pictures of Conquest, helped me sleep at night…
      ♫

  11. Cha
    Cha
    February 9, 2011 at 12:25 am | #

    Yay Connie!
    Hopefully she doesn’t get pizza sold by sleeping with everyone in sight…

    • NCP19
      NCP19
      February 9, 2011 at 12:46 am | #

      What’s this “hopefully” that you speak of?

  12. Confuzor
    Confuzor
    February 9, 2011 at 12:26 am | #

    Betcha Mike’s violence turns Conni on!

    • Remy
      Remy
      February 9, 2011 at 1:13 pm | #

      betcha a room at room temperature turns Conquest on.

  13. Amberlynne
    Amberlynne
    February 9, 2011 at 12:32 am | #

    I did… I was roommates with a woman who was just like Joyce, except more neurotic and fit to cry at the drop of a hat… for 2 and a half years in college!

    She thought for sure that I was the devil. Surprisingly, though, not the worst roommate I’ve ever had… O_O

    • Kamino Neko
      Kamino Neko
      February 9, 2011 at 1:13 am | #

      … Sarah, is that you?

      • Bickendan
        Bickendan
        February 9, 2011 at 2:47 am | #

        !

      • Amberlynne
        Amberlynne
        February 10, 2011 at 12:35 am | #

        ah, no, haha. Not Sarah. ^_^

    • NickD
      NickD
      February 9, 2011 at 2:15 am | #

      at least you roomy did not threaten to eat you, like my friends did. She actually threatened to EAT Cat. And Cat is pretty badass.

  14. zuche
    zuche
    February 9, 2011 at 12:37 am | #

    I admit, forgetting her name and reading the tags first gave a very wrong impression of what was going to happen here. We’re talking creepy 70s romance novel levels.

  15. Da Amron'ed One
    Da Amron'ed One
    February 9, 2011 at 12:42 am | #

    Im THIS late and no one’s done it yet? oh..come ON!! i thought at least someone would have done it already…..:sigh:
    “HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERESE CONNIIEEEE!!”

  16. NF
    NF
    February 9, 2011 at 12:47 am | #

    Worst. Date. Ever.

    And that appears to be true for both of them.

    Mike on the other hand…

    ( I really want to see the epilogue to this date be Joyce, Walky, and Billlie in Billie’s room, where Billie is so drunk she is eating some of Walky’s McNuggets, Walky is in some sort of McNugget nirvana, and Joyce is completely self-absorbedly complaining to both of them about how awful her date was and how it’s just not fair.)

    • dchorror
      dchorror
      February 9, 2011 at 12:43 pm | #

      Why in Billie’s Room?

      • Gianni
        Gianni
        February 9, 2011 at 5:31 pm | #

        Because Billie probably won’t be able to move after a few sips from the hidden flask…

  17. Eri
    Eri
    February 9, 2011 at 12:57 am | #

    Connie!

    And god, I cannot believe I’m Joyce now. I feel like swearing.

  18. Joebo
    Joebo
    February 9, 2011 at 1:02 am | #

    woo, fan service!

  19. BD
    BD
    February 9, 2011 at 1:06 am | #

    I am suddenly very frightened by the thought that we haven’t seen Faz yet. It’s kinda like, if you can’t see Batman in front of you, it may already be too late.

    …or have we seen him?

    • Cassidy
      Cassidy
      February 9, 2011 at 2:17 am | #

      faz will probably turn out to be a little toy or something, that Joyce’s dog chews on. that talks in the third person, with his penis.

      • Trae Dorn
        Trae Dorn
        February 9, 2011 at 8:12 am | #

        UNLESS FAZ IS AMAZIGIRL!

        • NF
          NF
          February 9, 2011 at 9:09 am | #

          No, everyone knows Faz is Ultracar.

          • The E-man
            The E-man
            February 10, 2011 at 12:06 pm | #

            No AMBER is Ultracar! You can see her tires under her shirt!

    • ArchSchnitz
      ArchSchnitz
      February 9, 2011 at 5:06 pm | #

      I see one of two things: Faz works at the local comic store (so he can feel superior to those he serves) OR the little sycophantic bastard works at Galasso’s.

      Faz probably attends college, and though I want to go the stereotype route and say “ENGINEERING!” I think Faz would actually pick a major that will “give him success with the ladies”, but which will actually give him success with Ninja Rick, like drama.

      Of course, this is a different timeline, these characters have different ages in several cases. Ninja Rick probably grew up with a different set of stimuli and fixated on another aspect of Japanese culture in this world. With his strong profile, I can see him going by “Rickatron” and always wearing that short-lived hoodie that Hot Topic sold, the one that was colored in G1 Megatron’s colors.

      • ArchSchnitz
        ArchSchnitz
        February 9, 2011 at 5:08 pm | #

        Also, I forgot to postulate as to whether or not Conquest is the village bicycle in this version of reality.
        Hm. Just looking at her stance and actual gainful employment, I want to say no, but it’s really too early to say.

      • BD
        BD
        February 9, 2011 at 7:15 pm | #

        The other thing is, the characters don’t have (all of) their crippling psych issues this time around – Amber starts off confident, for example. So, without the past that gave Faz his FAZZiness… I’m going out on a limb and guessing a campus job – maybe faculty.

        And as for Conquest… she’s still working at her dad’s business, but for some reason, I doubt Joe would take Joyce to an establishment wherein a server (or owner) would come and demand heir-producin’ hanky-panky.

        Two words: Gundam Rick. …Rick Dias Rick. Rig Shacko Rick. Re-GZ Rick. RF-Rick. …etc.

        • BD
          BD
          February 9, 2011 at 8:16 pm | #

          In retrospect, ‘crippling psych issues’ probably wasn’t the best choice of words. Shorten that down to just ‘issues’.

        • The E-man
          The E-man
          February 10, 2011 at 12:07 pm | #

          Why has no one suggested Pirate Rick?

          • ArchSchnitz
            ArchSchnitz
            February 10, 2011 at 4:44 pm | #

            Because the presence of a Ninja Rick precludes the possibility of a Pirate Rick in any other reality. If such a thing happened, the Walkyverse would collapse into a singularity.

            … and then explode.

  20. Someone
    Someone
    February 9, 2011 at 1:15 am | #

    What I can’t figure, is why she’s comfortable with the level of violence,but not the language or whatever thoughts he might have in his head. … And good God, why hasn’t Joe just left yet? He might be just as crazy as her to stay there!

    • Someone
      Someone
      February 9, 2011 at 1:15 am | #

      Ruth!? But I don’t even like femurs.

    • Mute
      Mute
      February 9, 2011 at 1:35 am | #

      I was thinking the same thing. Joe is showing a supernatural level of patience, considering he barely even knows Joyce at this point.

      • Croaxleigh
        Croaxleigh
        February 9, 2011 at 2:08 am | #

        One must be willing to Joe the extra mile when one hopes to Joe someone with his penis.

      • NickD
        NickD
        February 9, 2011 at 2:21 am | #

        That is what really makes the difference between a real ladies man and the impression – the ability to turn dates like this into useful. will he? NAH. but he will try, and trying relentlessly is how one may bring about a sort of victoryl.

        • dchorror
          dchorror
          February 9, 2011 at 12:45 pm | #

          If he can survive this date, he can get another, and a chaperon may not be necessary the second time.

    • alicemacher
      alicemacher
      February 9, 2011 at 8:33 am | #

      What I can’t figure, is why she’s comfortable with the level of violence,but not the language

      She’s the TBS channel to Joe’s SpikeTV!

    • Cheredarenee
      Cheredarenee
      February 10, 2011 at 12:18 am | #

      What I can’t figure, is why she’s comfortable with the level of violence,but not the language

      Have you not read the Bible?

  21. ScytheAkse
    ScytheAkse
    February 9, 2011 at 2:03 am | #

    DAMN… thats my way of saying joe is doomed… does anyone else wonder when joes gonna lose his temper and turn on mike?

    • shovels
      shovels
      February 9, 2011 at 2:13 am | #

      with his penis?

      • Cassidy
        Cassidy
        February 9, 2011 at 2:17 am | #

        He is going to Joe Mike in the hammers with his penis?

        • ScytheAkse
          ScytheAkse
          February 9, 2011 at 2:34 am | #

          hey will joe him with his penis.. in the faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace. then he will turn his attention to the blonde.. who im interested in finding out how she reacts

          • ScytheAkse
            ScytheAkse
            February 9, 2011 at 3:00 am | #

            he will* fail!

  22. Black_Fedora
    Black_Fedora
    February 9, 2011 at 2:37 am | #

    On the bright side for Joe, he’ll have a stronger jaw for it. Bruce Lee would Break a pane of glass every morning to break down the bones in his hands and wrists, be cause the body would constantly build them back stronger, denser when the calcium would be sent to repair the daily damage.

    Butler: “Master Bruce, your morning paper, your breakfast and your morning plate glass for your coffee table.”

    Mr. Lee: “Thank you, Jeeves. that will be all”

    Butler: “Of Course, Sir. I’ll be sure to send the maid to clean it up after you’re done with breakfast”

    • Strephon
      Strephon
      February 10, 2011 at 9:51 pm | #

      Whenever I’ve had a long night fighting to the death on a mysterious island, one of Jeeves’ morning pick-me-ups is just the thing to have with the eggs and b. I know it contains cobra venom and tiger bile, but the rest of the ingredients are, as Jeeves puts it, an “ancient Chinese secret.”

  23. OhNoUDiNt
    OhNoUDiNt
    February 9, 2011 at 2:43 am | #

    Totally called it yesterday. Joe. Sex. Conquest. With his penis.

  24. Henry
    Henry
    February 9, 2011 at 2:57 am | #

    So keeping his mouth clean isn’t enough for Joyce, Joe has to keep his mind clean as well? I don’t think she’s thought that through really.

  25. XRL
    XRL
    February 9, 2011 at 3:01 am | #

    and there’s Conquest right on cue.

  26. NF
    NF
    February 9, 2011 at 3:02 am | #

    “…please keep your mind clean.”

    Methinks the lady knows not who she is speaking to.

  27. TPTBeyond
    TPTBeyond
    February 9, 2011 at 8:16 am | #

    I see the “cencored” nature of Joyce and Walky doesn’t apply to this comic. Not that it bothers me.

  28. ziggy78eog
    ziggy78eog
    February 9, 2011 at 8:47 am | #

    Before this night is through, Mike is going to have to switch hands from all the face punching.

  29. MuleyBob
    MuleyBob
    February 9, 2011 at 8:59 am | #

    I don’t have anything to add, but I like seeing that avatar I get when I post.

  30. Richie9999
    Richie9999
    February 9, 2011 at 9:56 am | #

    I completely forgot that with Galasso, Conquest wouldn’t be far behind. This pleases me.

  31. Janette
    Janette
    February 9, 2011 at 10:39 am | #

    I want to punch Joyce in the face.

    I think she could use a good facepunch.

  32. NinjaNick
    NinjaNick
    February 9, 2011 at 11:18 am | #

    “No punch.”

    Whoo! Connie’s here! 😀

  33. That Canadian Guy
    That Canadian Guy
    February 9, 2011 at 12:37 pm | #

    <_<

    Wow… just… Wow.

    Maybe it's because I'm Canadian and we're a little less repressed up here compared to the souther states of the US. Maybe its because I never went to church, on account of the first time I went, I was 3, stripped naked, and took a bath in the holy water while no one was looking, causing a pretty big uproar.

    Regardless. I started swearing at 8. Skipped more school dats then I attended in highschool. started doing weed and drinking around grade 9… but only while I played video games with my buddies, in my paren'ts basement.

    Started doing sexual things with girls as early as grade 6.

    I did ALL this. And I maintained an 90+% grade average all through highschool. I currently have an excellent job as an Engineer, making more money than I know what to do with, and not a single thing on my crimminal record.

    Oh, and for the record, I dated a biber thumper for a year. Took me only 3 months to turn her from Joyce into. "SEX IS AWSOME"

    • Doom Shepherd
      Doom Shepherd
      February 9, 2011 at 3:16 pm | #

      Well, since we’re comparing…

      I was that one skinny, smart, bespectacled kid everybody knows one of. The guy who was smaller than everybody else, because he started earlier or skipped a grade? The kid everybody hated because he threw off the grading curve? The painfully shy kid the bigger boys tried to get to curse or misbehave for sheer entertainment value? Hi.

      I knew all the swear words at a very early age, but didn’t swear because I felt it was “beneath me.” (I’ve never been religious, so I never had that reason to repress.)

      I cussed for the very first time in public in ninth grade, as a direct result of a screaming dodgeball hit to the face which broke my glasses and cut my nose… and I had already been tagged “out.” So I called the bully who had fired the shot a F***ing A**hole. The gym teacher ruled it as justified. The thrower got detention.

      I didn’t curse on a regular basis until college, where it was pretty much required to fit in. Girls had been alien to me for almost as long. I’d had one serious relationship my senior year in high school, that never went beyond 2nd base. (If 2nd base is still what it used to be.)

      Of course, by grad school, all of that had changed, My last year, I dated a girl who wanted to be a nun… before she met me. By the time I was through with her, she knew she was bisexual. I also had the lowest score on the ol’ “Purity test” of anyone in my social circle, and was well on my way to becoming an alcoholic. (I’ve since quit entirely.)

      So yeah, it’s all a matter of degrees, I guess. In my experience, early repression (for whatever reason) leads to later explosion.

  34. Jason
    Jason
    February 9, 2011 at 2:08 pm | #

    I’m really curious how old Conni is in this universe. The same age as most of the cast (freshman), older, younger? Younger than 18? Does she go to college or just work at her dad’s?

    • Jason
      Jason
      February 9, 2011 at 2:09 pm | #

      OK, actually I posted just to see who my new avatar would be. Wasn’t expecting Tony!

      • Jack
        Jack
        February 9, 2011 at 8:46 pm | #

        Wanna trade? 😛

        • Jack
          Jack
          February 9, 2011 at 8:46 pm | #

          Scratch that, my gravatar works.

    • BD
      BD
      February 9, 2011 at 7:22 pm | #

      Isn’t there an age requirement for evening shifts? That would make her 18 at least, right?

  35. Chrisby
    Chrisby
    February 9, 2011 at 3:19 pm | #

    Joe’s FAAAAAAACE is gonna be sore in the morning.

    It’s good to be The Mike right about now.

  36. Dahlia
    Dahlia
    February 9, 2011 at 3:59 pm | #

    And so Conquest appears!!

    I wonder if speculations about her being Sarahs ex-roomie were right o:

  37. AsinineAxioms
    AsinineAxioms
    February 9, 2011 at 4:31 pm | #

    This is all part of Galasso’s plan.
    Do not doubt the great mind of Galasso.

  38. airfox
    airfox
    February 9, 2011 at 5:35 pm | #

    Connie!!!

    Conquest should be a regular, both here and in Shortpacked!

    -airfox

    • Jack
      Jack
      February 9, 2011 at 10:03 pm | #

      This, this, and some of this.

    • Jack
      Jack
      February 9, 2011 at 10:03 pm | #

      This, this, and some of this.

    • Lan Mikoto
      Lan Mikoto
      February 9, 2011 at 10:45 pm | #

      But if that happens then doesn’t that mean that the conquest has officially taken over the multiverse?

  39. Gianni
    Gianni
    February 9, 2011 at 5:36 pm | #

    Her date is getting constantly punched in the face and all Joyce is worried about his language…

    If she doesn’t get a lot of alone time after this I’ll be shocked.

  40. Faaace
    Faaace
    February 9, 2011 at 7:49 pm | #

    YES for conquest.

  41. Mary Sue
    Mary Sue
    February 9, 2011 at 11:15 pm | #

    Joe. Get out. Get out now. They’re all crazy and it’s not gonna get any saner from here.

  42. Lord Harlock
    Lord Harlock
    February 10, 2011 at 12:25 am | #

    I want more Conquest in strips.

  43. Richie9999
    Richie9999
    February 10, 2011 at 12:00 pm | #

    Wonder if Joyce is realizing that Joe isn’t the kind of guy she’s looking for?

  44. Kelsey
    Kelsey
    March 23, 2011 at 12:55 am | #

    Conquest? In DoA? YES.

  45. Lis
    Lis
    June 9, 2011 at 1:27 am | #

    CONNIE

  46. j-bear
    j-bear
    September 23, 2011 at 3:43 pm | #

    god, this is so much better the second time through, after reading the other comics

  47. Maycroft
    Maycroft
    January 16, 2012 at 1:04 am | #

    theeeeeere’s Conquest!

  48. DarkoNeko
    DarkoNeko
    April 12, 2015 at 6:22 pm | #

    Hey, hello Conquest !

  49. Rheios
    Rheios
    May 12, 2015 at 5:44 pm | #

    Galasso has a special. If you can finish an entire pizza in a 10 minute sitting and come up with 1 method of world domination you may provide him an heir.

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