Last three days for the Book 2 Kickstarter! It ends Monday at noon (EST), so if you wanna grab a print or magnet or one of the other rewards along with a book, this weekend’s your last chance!
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Last three days for the Book 2 Kickstarter! It ends Monday at noon (EST), so if you wanna grab a print or magnet or one of the other rewards along with a book, this weekend’s your last chance!
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Well, I can respect Billie for placing being with Ruth above being found half-naked and smelling of alcohol and sick.
Would this situation be okay if she was instead found BY half-naked firefighters rather than found half-naked BY fire fighters?
And another thing, wouldn’t most people know about Billie’s…situation due to the existence of social media?
I guess getting found half-naked by firemen doesn’t work the same way in real life as it does in porn.
A little bit too much alcohol for that.
In what porno situation would a fireman, in full regalia, find a half-naked person, and not imediately need to leg it from whereever they were?
“Oh it’s getting so hot in here, maybe you should take your coat off…”
“Maam, the building might collapse on top of us, we need to get out now!”
“SEX FIRST!”
You overestimate porn.
I don’t know why I pressed that link…
I know why I did. And it delivered. Sexiest thing I ever did see
Dear God, please tell me that was all ad-libbed. I refuse to believe that someone sat down and wrote that.
New Kickstarter idea: raise money to make a version of that scene starring Tommy Wiseau and Kristen Stewart.
Then we will finally have a film that will drive those fools on the Satellite of Love completely mad!
That is some Clayton Forrester level shit right there.
Sparkly Lemonade?
Wow, I’ve NEVER laughed this hard at porn before.
I saw a really funny lesbian porno once. They were having an orgy and this guy came in, all hot and bothered, and the women saw him and were like, “Get the hell out of here!” XD
Kind of the opposite of that “Smack the Pony” dating-site-video sketch. “Er, hi there, we’re a young lesbian couple, and we’d really like to meet a seedy-looking older man to, you know, watch. [aside] No-one’s going to go for this, are they.”
I was really hoping that would be what i thought it was. It did not disappoint. Well done.
On the contrary, most people tend to underestimate it.
This may be, in fact, the funniest thing I saw in the last 10 years. Thank you.
They wouldn’t be negotiation, is the thing. There’s a reason that when you sling someone over your shoulder they call it the fireman’s carry.
Porn…
“In what porno situation would a fireman, in full regalia, find a half-naked person, and not imediately need to leg it from whereever they were?”
Well, duh. And then the story continues, to wit-
“Oh noes, Token Handsome Firefighter, for though you have saved me, token buxom blonde, from the ravaging fires, it has now sunk in that I have nowhere to live or sleep, and my poorly timed yet lavishly filmed shower has left me in naught but a towel as the fire hath consumed all I did own. Wouldst thou spareth a bed upon which I might sleep, and in exchange I shall repay thee for your lifesavery with acts of a strictly carnal nature?”
“Tis an equitable arrangement, young miss.”
And then they bone.
This is even funnier if you choose to read it in the voice of The Cinema Snob.
Also funny as Jon Lovitz, Gilbert Goffried, or Bob Goldthwait.
Also Morgan Freeman, but only the “bone” line.
Morgan Freeman – win
May I suggest Patrick Stewart in his best Shakespearean voice.
Patrick Stewart in his best Shakespearean voice, on basically the exact opposite end of the spectrum:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hA7lv1SDzno
Being found drunk and half-naked is better than being found naked and half-drunk…
Good on you Billie, you did the decent thing.
because if billie got shot down by that fireman she’d be so frustrated that she would have to join a nunnery
and that would be good for literally no one, ever
COME ONNNNN 50K
I could see it being like a cross between Sister Act and Bring it On.
Instead of teaching the choir to sing, she turns them into a cheerleader squad, and they win the big contest by doing a cheer routine about Jesus.
Needless to say, one of the nuns would be Joyce. Mary could be the grumpy mother superior who does NOT approve of these shenanigans.
Great, now I can’t get skimpy cheerleading nun habits out of my head… and this thread already has too many bad porn links…
Bring it, Sister!
Agreed! Billie hiding dem curves under a nun outfit would, ironically, be a sin!
We’re not going to make it! We’re not going to get that wonderful 75k reward either. This is truly saddening.
i am so relieved
You didn’t wanna do it? I thought you liked drawing people doing things
I’m actually wishing I had $25k to spend on a kickstarter now. You’d be the most uncomfortable-looking dude receiving that much money I would ever have seen. But if the girlfriend won’t let me spend $30k on a scale if I had the money, I doubt she’d be happy with me giving $25k to a Kickstarter to push it over the edge to draw comic sex scenes.
Well now Billie, way to set the standard by being the “sacrificial lamb” so to speak. Still, Ruthless, what pushed you to drink, I’m SO wanting to know this! >w<
Billie’s rejection?
I hate alcohol and Billie’s rejection would push me to drink.
The thickening plot thickens further… or something…
I have to say, Ruth really has ‘soul-less stare of not giving a flying f*ck’ down really well.
That tends to happen when you’re really drunk.
Or deeply depressed. Which she also is, sounds like.
I’m really loving the character development of Billie so far.
It’s okay Ruth, I still hate you. I hope you get over whatever your problems are, but I’ll still hate you. Because it’s important to remain consistent.
Awww, Billie can have empathy for fellow humans!
Naw. She only relates to people who are drunk. It’s the alcohol inside her looking out for the alcohol inside Ruth.
Drink in the alcohol that drinks in you?
Wait, so is that last line implying that Billie was half naked for the SUV incident? While driving? Iiiiiinteresting.
You don’t drive naked? You’re missing out.
I presume it had something to do with the party.
Well, yes. I got the impression that Billie was speaking from experience and not proposing a hypothetical situation.
Still I find her naive to think firefighters will actually show up–I can’t count the number of alarms the dorms I lived in had. I saw a fire truck once and that was because there was an actual fire.
It’s not that far fetched. At my dorm we always had to wait for the fire truck to show up before we could go back in. Which sucks when it’s 3am, and you in shorts and a tshirt while its snowing
Same here. Kicked out into the snowy New England winter until the truck came. But I went to a women’s college, and there was always the token het-couple hopping around in the cold wearing towels while the guy looked like a wanted to crawl under a rock and die. So it wasn’t all bad.
I do think it’s interesting that drinking took away something she clearly loved and yet her solution was to drink even more.
It’s the Drinker’s Paradox, which is totally a scientific law.
Mkes me glad to be a teetotaller.
They must just love you at amusement parks on the Teacup rides.
… OMG, its a three cup collision and a coffee mug … Oh the Humanity … or is it the Humidity?
I love dodgem cars.
Alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems!
This made me wonder, do we know where any of the characters went to high school ? If they went to an actual existing school, as opposed to a fictionalized one ?
Billie’s high school is fictionalized. Dunno about everyone else’s.
Could be worse. At least that tree wasn’t like…a person. No offence to any trees in the comments section.
the treants are very offended
Don’t worry, you’ll have days to escape them.
RUN, FOREST, RUN
I identify as tree-kin and this comment triggered me.
We’ll try not to flame you, then.
I’d like to be a tree.
Just turn over a new leaf.
We’re rooting for you.
Fluttershy? Your avatar of Mike doesn’t suit you…
Stick by that Ruth, Billie. You’re not a bad person. Also, she’s usually adorable.
…Usually? Somebody has a short memory. For the first couple years Ruth was consistently somewhere between jerkass and eldrich abomination.
To Billie; once you know why she’s doing it it’s adorable. Plus, remember how she acted towards Walky?
Wait… since when did Resident Assistants get and see “files” on people?
She’s willing to break into a dorm room and steal a shirt. What makes you think she’d stay out of the school offices?
And if it was after senior year ended… she would have graduated, and wouldn’t have been on the high school cheerleading team anyway.
Or is the “Crimson Squad” the cheerleaders for the college?
Or are there still high-school competitions for seniors during the summer after they graduate? (Don’t know personally of these things…)
That’s the colleges squad she was rejected from, yes.
Crimson Squad is IU’s cheerleading team, according to my Googling.
Strange that that is a real thing. It still sounds to me like the name of some generic evil organization.
…and now of course I’m imagining Billie in a red leather jumpsuit.
Yeah, it made me think of the Crimson Guard too.
Unsurprising that Destro would have such strict ethical behaviour guidelines for his private army. It’s about Professionalism.
Okay, now things make a bit more sense. Man, wholesome image type groups suck, anyway. One bad thing and they act like you have nothing to offer the world. Why would something like that even matter to a cheerleading team anyway?
I’m going to bed. I’m complaining about things I don’t really care about, and I really don’t know why.
Hypocritical as it may be, schools tend to be much harder on underage drinking for non-money making sports. My sister lost her spot on her university tennis team for an underage drinking citation. A football or basketball player wouldn’t necessarily have that problem because they’re bringing in TONS of money for the school, though if the situation was severe enough they’d be suspended/stripped of scholarships as well. But it’d have to be unmistakably fucked up.
That kind of thing pees me off too. I’m glad I only know corrupt, cynical and disreputable people these days…
I’m certain that if she had gotten on the squad, her “moral failing” would have eventually been found out and primly tsk-tsked by a whole bunch of hypocritical alumni and/or “concerned members of the community.” This isn’t something confined to certain groups, it’s a pervasive societal thing.
But reverse psychology always works when you’re drunk! Right?
Am I the only one that’s hoping for this ship to be official.
And trust me if its not my rage shall be embodied as the best Billie X Ruth fanfic ever written
No you are not.
But I only started shipping them after Ruth had few beers with Billie.
Also if you do a Fanfic I will must definately want to read it.
I’m okay with this ship sailing, but it started in the middle of very rough waters and surrounded by rocky shoals. It’s possible for it to navigate out of that, but it needs to be very careful and take it slow.
Like, at least one day of in-universe time minimum. Maybe even a day and a half.
This also answers the question of “If Billie thinks being a cheerleader is so important, why doesn’t she just join the college squad?”
Maybe they don’t allow booze hounds to join.
That is basically what Billie was saying. That her DUI prevented her from joining.
Yeah, ’cause it’s perfectly alright to sexualize young adult women by putting them in skimpy clothing and having them dance around for a large audience, but getting drunk isn’t whoooooolesome. Right.
Wasn’t it a mix of that and that she wanted to build her reputation before trying out?
Billie would never want to build her reputation before trying out. Being a cheerleader IS her reputation.
This ship staying in port with nothing to show for it besides fanfiction, or seeing a visual representation of Billie and Ruth getting massive ladyboners for eachother…..
Decisions decisions…..
Why would you hate that last part. thats like a whet dream right there!
Duh!
Oh god, and the gravatar! I’m still laughing.
Dear Ruth, drunkenly saying how much you suck and how so and so should feel about you after you did shitty things is not what should be happening here.
“I. Am. Sorry.”
This is not rocket science. You are clearly TRYING to say this with all the self-loathing crap falling from your mouth, but somehow your managing to dance around it.
Come on. “I am sorry.” Doooooo it. Whatever else happens, however much or little your relationship to this girl gets screwed up because of everything that happened, the one goddamn thing that will keep haunting you and nagging at you forever that absolutely does not have to is that you apologized from being the bongo you know you were being!
Also, following it up with a “thanks for saving my dumbass from alcohol poisoning after I was being a total psycho bongo to you instead of just freaking asking you out” would also be excellent. Feel free to paraphrase as you like, you just need to get the jist right.
You actually think Ruth is sorry? Weird, I read it as her being entirely self-absorbed still.
Saying “you should hate me” is self-absorbed?
…You lost me.
I don’t know if she has room for “self” with all the alcohol she’s absorbed, but “you should hate me,” is not an apology.
Like saying “I’m sorry your feelings were hurt” instead of “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings.” The first is just sympathy.
I would prefere that Ruth would say sorry when she is sober. That would have more impact behind it.
But i trust that Willis will gives an resolution for Ruth awful behaviour. So that they can move forward on their relationship on more healthier terms.
I am pretty anti-ship on this one. One abusive personality, plus two raging alcoholics is a recipe for disaster. Unless, of course, your dreamboat is burning on a reef with sharks swimming around it.
Then, by all means, let the trainwreck continue.
You’re proceeding from the assumption that Ruth wants to be helped. Some part of her does, clearly. But the part that’s in charge of her mouth right now is the same part that drank herself into an alarming state in the first place. She’s trying to get Billie to say “You’re right, you ARE worthless” and leave her to die or get fired or whatever.
But she’s far from at her best right now, so she doesn’t realize that the best way to get Billie to help you is to want her not to help you.
Uh, gotta disagree with that. It’s quite possible to have something haunt you forever even if you apologized, and even if it was accepted. Not that that’s a reason not to, of course.
The problem with being human is that sometimes you make bad decisions.
I thought Billie would like being seen half-naked by firemen.
She probably did at the time. But then the Crimson Squad rejected her for it, so it’s less fun in retrospect.
I expect “drunk” to be a very important word there.
In Billie’s ideal situation, she would have been found by drunk and half-naked firemen.
Quiz time: What three words did I no think I’d say when I started reading this?
“I miss Ruthless.”
My first three or so read-throughs of today’s comic had “Crimson Squid” in my brain, which made me think that Billie’s old highschool had some kind of fucking rad blood-soaked Cthulhu mascot.
Immediately made me think of this:
http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1225737959/miskatonic-school-for-girls-deck-building-game
Hooray, empathy! (On Billie’s side, that is.)
I get why Billie’s doing what she’s doing, and it’s sweet, but I’m not at all confident that it’s the right thing. Getting popped for DUI and suffering the fallout was part of what helped Billie get herself together enough to get through college and life in general. Protecting Ruth from consequences reduces her incentive to decide she needs help, and it could mean that when Ruth does bottom out, it will be that much harder and more serious.
My own gravatar apparently disagrees with me.
What? Billie’s an alcoholic whose only pretension towards improving herself is admitting that she’s an alcoholic. The downward spiral we’ve been seeing for the last two years–indeed, every problem we’ve seen from her–comes after the DUI.
Well, consider. Ruth’s stepfather is apparently a hardass SOB. Will she get what she needs if she’s caught? I suspect not. More likely she’ll get kicked out of school, get a lot of verbal abuse at home, and things will just get worse. And Billie probably has some inkling of that, having overheard an earlier phone conversation between Ruth and her stepdad. OTOH, Billie’s way, she may keep some stability in her life while having the sense to start going to AA or something. If not, well, Billie can wing it from there. It’s worth a try.
So, wait… this isn’t the story of her being kicked out of high school cheerleading, as we assumed yesterday, but instead apparently IU cheerleading runs background checks?
Gimme a ‘C’
Gimme a ‘TH’
Gimme an ‘UL’
Gimme a ‘HU’
What does that spe…..Ahg Ftagn, IA! IA! ..IA!
The Great Old One rises from the Earth, mindlessly slaying the Cheerleading Squad of Drunk, Half-Naked Co-Eds.
A Hammer Film
I’d watch it.
Suddenly, an explanation that makes Billie’s first strip completely unfunny!
I’m just going to quote John, since he said something about this yesterday:
“Hmm. Of course, there’s also Walky’s comment that they don’t release the names of minors involved in crimes. Billie didn’t know that Sal had been holding up liquor stores; it’s possible Walky didn’t actually know that Billie’d been busted for DUI, and was just giving her shit about the, y’know, drinking like a fish.”
Depending on state law, she may have stopped being a minor when she turned 18. Which may or may not have opened her up to having her drunken misdeeds reported on by the town newspaper.
It’s also perfectly possible that she graduated high school before she turned 18. Like me.
Wouldn’t change how unfunny it is from Billie’s perspective, anyway. It just makes Walky less of a dick.
I didn’t turn 18 until a month and a half after I started college. I came in just under the cutoff for starting kindergarten.
I think I recall Willis saying that all the central characters are at least 18 now, but Billie may not have been at the time of the DUI.
Holy crap, me too!
…When’s your birthday? Mine is November 25.
Wholesome image in the ‘sport’ that’s stereotypically known for short skirts, valuing women by their appearance, and ‘sex with football stars’?
…okay then.
Hey, contradictions are something our society’s excellent at.
I guess Bille and Ruth are on and off with friendship