Dumbing of Age Book Twelve

Dumbing of Age

A college webcomic by David Willis
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May 8, 2026

Pagans

by David M Willis on February 26, 2014 at 12:01 am
  • 02 - I Was a Teenage Churchmouse
└ Tags: jennifer, joyce, mike, sal

Discussion (246) ¬

[ Comments RSS ]
  1. EvergreenFir
    EvergreenFir
    February 26, 2014 at 12:01 am | #

    Size 6, 9 inches?

    • TheKelliestKelly
      TheKelliestKelly
      February 26, 2014 at 12:03 am | #

      XD XD XD YOU WIN!

    • Shade
      Shade
      February 26, 2014 at 12:07 am | #

      That sounds about right.

    • Equuizzicals
      Equuizzicals
      February 26, 2014 at 12:26 am | #

      You must be some sort of black wizard. There is not other way to explain how you came up with the best comment so fast.

      • WonderRabbit
        WonderRabbit
        February 26, 2014 at 1:59 am | #

        They prefer to be called African-American wizards.

        • Kamel
          Kamel
          February 26, 2014 at 2:50 am | #

          Only if they live in African America.

          • Gordon Blvd
            Gordon Blvd
            February 26, 2014 at 7:40 am | #

            That comment is SO MUCH WIN 😛

          • Bluebird
            Bluebird
            February 26, 2014 at 10:55 am | #

            Where did they put it? I can’t find it on any of my maps.

            • No
              No
              February 26, 2014 at 7:27 pm | #

              And why would you care? Shouldn’t you be doing someone’s mom right about now?

              • Parnifia the Bastard
                Parnifia the Bastard
                February 28, 2014 at 2:19 pm | #

                Only if nickels are involved somewhere.

    • Matt
      Matt
      February 26, 2014 at 8:06 pm | #

      The Irony Of Choking on Joyce’s Strap-on (if that works?)

  2. ridtom
    ridtom
    February 26, 2014 at 12:01 am | #

    Oh my.

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      February 26, 2014 at 12:02 am | #

      OH MY indeed!

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      February 26, 2014 at 12:03 am | #

      Oh your.

      • Sambo
        Sambo
        February 26, 2014 at 4:12 pm | #

        Oh their.

    • Ahighfunctioningsociopath
      Ahighfunctioningsociopath
      February 26, 2014 at 12:05 am | #

      George takei

      • Ben Grahm
        Ben Grahm
        February 26, 2014 at 12:09 am | #

        God damnit, how do people keep getting this number?!

        • NightmareWarden
          NightmareWarden
          February 26, 2014 at 1:02 am | #

          Hopefully someone gets him the right blueberries this time, OR ELSE! (someone please get that reference)

          • Cannibalistic Time Lord
            Cannibalistic Time Lord
            February 26, 2014 at 2:21 am | #

            That episode was a beauty.

          • Tawdry Quirks
            Tawdry Quirks
            February 26, 2014 at 2:36 am | #

            I presume you mean North Carolina blueberries and not Michigan blueberries, right?

            Incidentally, I don’t think I’ve been able to find either locally…it’s either Texas blueberries (which are local) or foreign blueberries. Which might explain that incident in San Antonio. 😉

            • Benbo231
              Benbo231
              February 26, 2014 at 9:13 am | #

              Are they African Blueberries or European Blueberries?

          • Malebranche
            Malebranche
            February 26, 2014 at 12:24 pm | #

            Yes! Finally! A fellow Psych-O!

        • nothri
          nothri
          February 26, 2014 at 9:45 am | #

          Time to shove a brick of the Horizon Guy’s ass.

          • nothri
            nothri
            February 26, 2014 at 9:45 am | #

            Verizon. Dammit, I fucked it up!

            • DarkMyste
              DarkMyste
              February 26, 2014 at 11:22 am | #

              what about shoving a brick of the horizon attached to the Verizon up this guy ass would that work?

              • nothri
                nothri
                February 26, 2014 at 2:47 pm | #

                Nah, see I’m making a reference to Team Fourstar’s Dragonball Z abridged series. There’s an ongoing joke where a character tries to telepathically contact someone and instead contacts George Takei, usually after saying something easily misconstrued as innuendo and prompting one of his traditional “Ohhh my”s. At one point King Kai vows to shove a brick of the “Verizon guy’s” butt if it happens again. And now that I’ve explained the joke it is ruined forever.

      • JessWitt
        JessWitt
        February 26, 2014 at 12:10 am | #

        That’s so Takei!

    • Guest Person Dude
      Guest Person Dude
      February 26, 2014 at 10:14 am | #

      I think I’m a size six, too.
      Well, I am now anyway.

  3. Kladeos
    Kladeos
    February 26, 2014 at 12:02 am | #

    Those faces.

    • Thanks, I'll Have Another!
      Thanks, I'll Have Another!
      February 26, 2014 at 12:03 am | #

      Sal’s got that Tom Siddell style angle-mouth going in that last panel.

      • Kiggy
        Kiggy
        February 26, 2014 at 12:06 am | #

        She dropped the cigarette….

        • Roborat
          Roborat
          February 26, 2014 at 2:36 pm | #

          Or swallowed it.

          • Hylleddin
            Hylleddin
            February 26, 2014 at 3:11 pm | #

            Naw, you can see it falling if you look below her mouth.

            • Roborat
              Roborat
              February 27, 2014 at 2:46 pm | #

              Good catch, I didn’t see that until you pointed it out.

      • HMRC4EVR
        HMRC4EVR
        February 26, 2014 at 6:18 pm | #

        Now I want to see the DoA cast guest star over at Gunnerkrig.

        And poor Billie looks like that comment broke her mind.

    • MM
      MM
      February 26, 2014 at 12:03 am | #

      Billie’s twitching eyelid is a thing of beauty.

      • Thanks, I'll Have Another!
        Thanks, I'll Have Another!
        February 26, 2014 at 12:08 am | #

        “Cannot unsee…”

    • Mr. Random
      Mr. Random
      February 26, 2014 at 12:09 am | #

      I love how Mike is still the same. Almost like he’s thinking, “yeah, i can see people telling her that.”

      • MM
        MM
        February 26, 2014 at 12:13 am | #

        He’s pondering his next move. “Do I explain and break her brain now? No, let’s drag this out. But how…?”

        • Subject HORNET
          Subject HORNET
          February 26, 2014 at 1:14 am | #

          “Drag what out? The stap-on? Should I ask Ethan? Why are you all looking at me like that?”

        • Jacknoir
          Jacknoir
          February 26, 2014 at 1:18 am | #

          why would he ever tell he when he can use her Ignorance to break other people?

          gotta think about efficiency after all

  4. Plasma Mongoose
    Plasma Mongoose
    February 26, 2014 at 12:02 am | #

    I got the perfect fit. 😀

    • KingMabel
      KingMabel
      February 26, 2014 at 12:10 am | #

      …how would you know if it fits?

      • Plasma Mongoose
        Plasma Mongoose
        February 26, 2014 at 12:20 am | #

        Measuring technology.

      • Hythrain
        Hythrain
        February 26, 2014 at 12:48 am | #

        It’s Plasma. Plasma just knows. 😀

        • Plasma Mongoose
          Plasma Mongoose
          February 26, 2014 at 2:04 am | #

          But of cause! ^_^

  5. Geminia999
    Geminia999
    February 26, 2014 at 12:02 am | #

    So Mike is Pagan! That answers all my questions about his hair 😀

    • Doctor_Who
      Doctor_Who
      February 26, 2014 at 12:03 am | #

      It’s like stonehenge. We will never truly understand its mystery.

      • MM
        MM
        February 26, 2014 at 12:04 am | #

        Aliens did it.

        No, wait. That explanation doesn’t work in this universe.

        • Ahighfunctioningsociopath
          Ahighfunctioningsociopath
          February 26, 2014 at 12:06 am | #

          It’s to cause us confusion and frustration, you know like mike.

      • AJBulldis
        AJBulldis
        February 26, 2014 at 12:10 am | #

        What’s the meaning of Mike’s hair~!

      • nothri
        nothri
        February 26, 2014 at 9:54 am | #

        Someday on a tiny island somewhere somebody is gonna discover the megalithic stone columns painstakingly sculpted one and all into hundreds of giant middle fingers pointing to the sky, each arranged in a slightly different direction so that they ring the island in such a way as to literally cover every horizon. Literally a people who gave the middle finger to the world. On that day Mike will know who his people truly are.

        • Bill
          Bill
          February 26, 2014 at 10:20 am | #

          Its the Buddhist in you, it’s the pagan in me
          Its the Muslim in him, she’s Catholic aint she?
          Its the born-again look, it’s the WASP and the Jew
          Tell me what’s goin’ on, man, I ain’t got a clue!

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      February 26, 2014 at 12:03 am | #

      I figured he would be a Earth Mother worshipper.

      • JAD
        JAD
        February 26, 2014 at 12:05 am | #

        …for a nickel?

        • nothri
          nothri
          February 26, 2014 at 12:06 am | #

          +1

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      February 26, 2014 at 12:05 am | #

      Mike is too powerful to believe in a higher power.

      • David Herbert
        David Herbert
        February 26, 2014 at 1:48 am | #

        Mike’s higher power was in your mom, for a nickel.

    • Rutee
      Rutee
      February 26, 2014 at 2:27 am | #

      I thought Mike was using that word in the generic ‘non-Christian’ sense.

    • The Candyman
      The Candyman
      February 26, 2014 at 4:31 pm | #

      Nah, Mike is obviously a Buddhist.

  6. David Herbert
    David Herbert
    February 26, 2014 at 12:02 am | #

    How comfortable would a hoodie dress work as pyjamas? I’d think the zipper would be annoying.

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      February 26, 2014 at 12:04 am | #

      Sweatshirts make for better PJ tops.

      • Doctor_Who
        Doctor_Who
        February 26, 2014 at 12:06 am | #

        I’m a big believer in basketball shorts and a t-shirt.

        • AJBulldis
          AJBulldis
          February 26, 2014 at 12:13 am | #

          I generally stick with underpants and nothing else, but on really cold nights or when company is around I’ll put on some shorts and a t-shirt so I don’t scandalize them.

      • Yotomoe
        Yotomoe
        February 26, 2014 at 12:07 am | #

        I have a GIANT knee length Obama t-shirt. It is the best Pajamas.

        • Plasma Mongoose
          Plasma Mongoose
          February 26, 2014 at 12:11 am | #

          Obama has a line of clothing now??

          • Doctor_Who
            Doctor_Who
            February 26, 2014 at 12:13 am | #

            It’s for conservatives and designed to be as itchy and uncomfortable as possible. That way whenever they have a bad night’s sleep, the first thing they can say upon waking is “THANKS, OBAMA!”

            • Plasma Mongoose
              Plasma Mongoose
              February 26, 2014 at 12:23 am | #

              I just cannot imagine us Aussies wearing Tony Abbott shirts in the same manner.

              • ninja_jesus
                ninja_jesus
                February 26, 2014 at 12:44 am | #

                My condolences on that Tony Abbott being PM thing, btw. Heard he’s a huge bag of Rupert Murdoch-sponsored dicks.

                • NightmareWarden
                  NightmareWarden
                  February 26, 2014 at 1:05 am | #

                  Obama has his shirts and apparently Murdoch’s strap-ons were shipped to Australia? Eye-eye-eye, that’s gotta sting.

              • fogel
                fogel
                May 23, 2015 at 11:58 pm | #

                If you put photos of Obama and Abbott side by side…

          • Opus the Poet
            Opus the Poet
            February 26, 2014 at 12:20 am | #

            Since 2008…

  7. Mer
    Mer
    February 26, 2014 at 12:02 am | #

    Sal’s reaction face is the best.

  8. Drillgorg
    Drillgorg
    February 26, 2014 at 12:02 am | #

    That is a good answer for whenever someone asks you where someone is.

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      February 26, 2014 at 12:08 am | #

      Although you’ll probably feel shitty if you’re right.

      • Doctor_Who
        Doctor_Who
        February 26, 2014 at 12:14 am | #

        And may find yourself a suspect.

    • Pope William T Wodium
      Pope William T Wodium
      February 26, 2014 at 1:41 am | #

      I used to say, “Hell, where he belongs.” Only I’d exaggerate my accent (so it’d sound closer to “hay-ell”). And then I’d pretend I hadn’t, and answer normally.

    • Estron
      Estron
      February 26, 2014 at 2:15 pm | #

      I have heard it referred to as “the little death.”

  9. gaston
    gaston
    February 26, 2014 at 12:02 am | #

    Straight people like strapons too!

  10. Doctor_Who
    Doctor_Who
    February 26, 2014 at 12:02 am | #

    Walky’s too busy today. Nothing in Dorothy’s dorm room shall go without having a weenus pointed at it.

    • John
      John
      February 26, 2014 at 3:32 am | #

      I just had a vision of Sierra lying on her bunk pointing a strap-on at things, saying, “You’re right! This is fun!”

      And Dorothy just rolls her eyes and goes to class.

      • Ocbrad1
        Ocbrad1
        February 26, 2014 at 9:36 am | #

        ^This! This wins all of the internets!

  11. momomelon
    momomelon
    February 26, 2014 at 12:03 am | #

    is it weird that I think mike’s being nice because he didn’t push the pagan thing?
    … that’s weird right?

    • TBeckett
      TBeckett
      February 26, 2014 at 12:07 am | #

      Five days from now Willis will spring his trap, and we’ll realize that Mike was just biding his time for the most painful moment possible.

      • Yotomoe
        Yotomoe
        February 26, 2014 at 12:09 am | #

        He’s telling Joyce to ask everyone about strap-ons and then will tell her what it is after she asks literally everyone.

    • Cephalo the Pod
      Cephalo the Pod
      February 26, 2014 at 12:08 am | #

      Nah, he saw where Joyce was going and let the magic happen on its own.

      • OldFart
        OldFart
        February 26, 2014 at 4:10 pm | #

        @Cephalo..:Mike, the Aikido master.

    • Mkvenner
      Mkvenner
      February 26, 2014 at 3:00 am | #

      He doesn’t have to push it and he knows it.

    • Shadlyn Wolfe
      Shadlyn Wolfe
      February 26, 2014 at 6:09 am | #

      Yeah, I’m kinda weirded out by how *not* malicious Mike looks. He seems so…earnest.

      • Cybersnark
        Cybersnark
        February 26, 2014 at 9:06 am | #

        I get the feeling Mike wasn’t even trying at that moment. This isn’t one of his set-ups, just a passing target of opportunity.

        • No
          No
          February 26, 2014 at 7:35 pm | #

          Pretty sure Joyce is a permanent target of opportunity.

  12. Yotomoe
    Yotomoe
    February 26, 2014 at 12:03 am | #

    Joyce DOES look like a Size 6 strap-on kind of girl.

    • Mr K
      Mr K
      February 26, 2014 at 12:07 am | #

      I bet she’s bigger than all the male characters.

      • JAD
        JAD
        February 26, 2014 at 12:10 am | #

        She was during the Canadian Incident, as we found out later.

        • Deathjavu
          Deathjavu
          February 26, 2014 at 3:14 am | #

          Bigger than Walky, at least.

          Now that WPAS exists, we could probably extrapolate what that means…

          • JAD
            JAD
            February 26, 2014 at 1:11 pm | #

            Yes, actually she is only bigger than Walky, the only one she could compare her/himself with. And sorry, what is WPAS?

            • Estron
              Estron
              February 26, 2014 at 2:16 pm | #

              Willis’ porn on Slipshine, “Walky Performs a Sex.”

              • Noah Brand
                Noah Brand
                February 26, 2014 at 10:01 pm | #

                If you’d said “Willis’ porn AT Slipshine” we’d have a double acronym. Drat it.

  13. Regalli
    Regalli
    February 26, 2014 at 12:04 am | #

    Ooooh, Joyce.

  14. nothri
    nothri
    February 26, 2014 at 12:04 am | #

    Oh WOW. You appalled SAL. Level up, Joyce!

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      February 26, 2014 at 12:08 am | #

      Makes sense as Sal is only a size 4 gal herself. 😛

      • Yotomoe
        Yotomoe
        February 26, 2014 at 12:09 am | #

        Something her and her brother have in common.

      • Mr K
        Mr K
        February 26, 2014 at 12:07 pm | #

        Not sure if want.

    • newllend
      newllend
      February 26, 2014 at 12:16 am | #

      1UP

    • NightmareWarden
      NightmareWarden
      February 26, 2014 at 1:08 am | #

      *Level-up-noise* “Congratulations, Joyce! You have just leveled up to- Oh. You have already spent your skill points into Faith, huh? You should know about the diminishing returns… Everybody around you knows how unbalanced your “build” is, hun.”

      • Gigafreak
        Gigafreak
        February 26, 2014 at 9:07 am | #

        “I put a point in your mom.”
        “Everyone has points in my mom. You might have an STD.”

      • nothri
        nothri
        February 26, 2014 at 10:00 am | #

        At least we know what her little Final Fantasy victory dance is:

        http://dumbingofage.tumblr.com/post/74037733018/yes-joyce-do-your-weird-little-dance-april-19

    • Nee Hou
      Nee Hou
      February 26, 2014 at 10:10 am | #

      I can’t imagine that expression ever being on Sal’s face before… EVER!

    • Estron
      Estron
      February 26, 2014 at 2:17 pm | #

      And she’ll own the fudge out of it.

  15. Kiggy
    Kiggy
    February 26, 2014 at 12:05 am | #

    Pffffffft KWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAH!!!!!

    Huff huff I ran outta breath

    Good one, Willis.

    XD

  16. Gram91
    Gram91
    February 26, 2014 at 12:05 am | #

    Haven’t seen Mike in so long, yet he never disappoints.

  17. DiDi
    DiDi
    February 26, 2014 at 12:05 am | #

    Oh… God. This is just too wonderful.

    I don’t have much experience but I’m pretty sure I’ve never been this naive and I thought I was pretty bad.

  18. LiaHansen
    LiaHansen
    February 26, 2014 at 12:06 am | #

    Oh my god, Sal’s face.

    • Mr K
      Mr K
      February 26, 2014 at 12:07 am | #

      She’s guilty about lashing out at Walky before his death.

  19. Peruhain
    Peruhain
    February 26, 2014 at 12:07 am | #

    ROFLMAO!

  20. JessWitt
    JessWitt
    February 26, 2014 at 12:07 am | #

    God, I love that last panel. I remember being just as naive my freshman year as Joyce is now.

  21. Spiny Creature
    Spiny Creature
    February 26, 2014 at 12:07 am | #

    Mike in rolled-up sleeves leaning on things like James Dean is giving me a slight case of the PSL.

    • Spiny Creature
      Spiny Creature
      February 26, 2014 at 12:08 am | #

      I am so on board with how this avatar turned out.

  22. Mr. Random
    Mr. Random
    February 26, 2014 at 12:08 am | #

    You dirty dirty pervert.

  23. JAD
    JAD
    February 26, 2014 at 12:08 am | #

    Joyce’s face in the last panel is so… accurate.

    Also, did she actually dress everyone today? Loot at Mike!

  24. Kernanator
    Kernanator
    February 26, 2014 at 12:08 am | #

    Maybe you can ask your parents to go shopping for one with you!

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      February 26, 2014 at 12:12 am | #

      She clearly already has one according to your gravitar.

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      February 26, 2014 at 12:13 am | #

      She can even buy Ethan one of those nice leather hoodies while she’s at it. 😀

      • Ben
        Ben
        February 26, 2014 at 12:22 am | #

        My brain >_< it died.

        • Plasma Mongoose
          Plasma Mongoose
          February 26, 2014 at 12:24 am | #

          Opps, I did it again!

          • Drunken Nordmann
            Drunken Nordmann
            February 26, 2014 at 4:43 am | #

            Wasn’t there a horrible song with this title – sometime in the dark past?

            • timemonkey
              timemonkey
              February 26, 2014 at 6:52 pm | #

              I still have all the lyrics memorised.

  25. caesaria82
    caesaria82
    February 26, 2014 at 12:08 am | #

    LOL @ everyone’s faces in the last panel. Amazing.

  26. Deathjavu
    Deathjavu
    February 26, 2014 at 12:09 am | #

    That last panel…

    I’ll get back to you when I catch my breath.

  27. newllend
    newllend
    February 26, 2014 at 12:09 am | #

    Mike is BACK BABY!

    • JessWitt
      JessWitt
      February 26, 2014 at 12:12 am | #

      And the world is all the better for it. Long live Mike!

  28. Count Dracula
    Count Dracula
    February 26, 2014 at 12:10 am | #

    Walky is dead! Long live Walky!

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      February 26, 2014 at 12:13 am | #

      ‘s a bit Contradictory don’t you think?

      • John
        John
        February 26, 2014 at 12:18 am | #

        Technically Sal’s a Walky, too.

      • The Candyman
        The Candyman
        February 26, 2014 at 3:57 pm | #

        Reference fail.

  29. Graq
    Graq
    February 26, 2014 at 12:10 am | #

    Wow, it’s been five months since Mike’s last appearance.

    • Undrave
      Undrave
      February 26, 2014 at 12:53 am | #

      Mike is always there, just off screen, giving the finger while he’s fucking your Mom.

  30. NoHeart
    NoHeart
    February 26, 2014 at 12:12 am | #

    Mike! How I’ve missed you!

  31. Jay Eff
    Jay Eff
    February 26, 2014 at 12:12 am | #

    If you want to borrow a strap-on, Joyce, make sure they wash it, first.

    Joyce: “Well, obviously! I’m not gonna just wear someone else’ s strap-on right after they’ve worn it! That’s gross!”

    *Appalled faces continue*

    • Mkvenner
      Mkvenner
      February 26, 2014 at 3:04 am | #

      You win.

  32. Otera
    Otera
    February 26, 2014 at 12:14 am | #

    YAY!!!!! MIKE!!!! Last time he showed up was on my birthday last year!

    poor innocent Joyce… haha

  33. AJBulldis
    AJBulldis
    February 26, 2014 at 12:15 am | #

    Did Mike get taller?

  34. Well_Played
    Well_Played
    February 26, 2014 at 12:15 am | #

    Ha Ha! Well Played Mike!

  35. Ruck Bogers
    Ruck Bogers
    February 26, 2014 at 12:18 am | #

    Dat eye twitch.

  36. Kiwi Brony
    Kiwi Brony
    February 26, 2014 at 12:20 am | #

    When Joyce gets home she is totally gonna do a google search for “fun things to do with a strap-on”

  37. Ben
    Ben
    February 26, 2014 at 12:21 am | #

    oh joyce…. hunny, no….
    also, Sal and Billie’s faces=best thing ever.

  38. Fuzzydaemon
    Fuzzydaemon
    February 26, 2014 at 12:23 am | #

    Is she going to ask everyone in the class?

    • newllend
      newllend
      February 26, 2014 at 12:36 am | #

      Maybe she should ask Amber she dated Ethan she could lend her one….thats if she doesn’t still want to beat the shit out of her.

  39. newllend
    newllend
    February 26, 2014 at 12:24 am | #

    Is this chapter going to be center around these three at the same time? cool I want to see their collective reaction to Walky and Dorothy having sex, Especially joyce.

  40. ZaWarudo
    ZaWarudo
    February 26, 2014 at 12:24 am | #

    Mike, oh how I have missed you so.

  41. Karfsma778
    Karfsma778
    February 26, 2014 at 12:26 am | #

    The one time I start drinking something while the page loads.

  42. JA
    JA
    February 26, 2014 at 12:26 am | #

    Sal and Billie’s faces…

  43. Joebo
    Joebo
    February 26, 2014 at 12:34 am | #

    I had a friend in high school who was sheltered in a similar way, one of my favorite quotes of hers was, in a sort of high-pitched voice, “What’s a BJ?”

    • newllend
      newllend
      February 26, 2014 at 12:37 am | #

      ….HA!

    • EEWWW
      EEWWW
      February 26, 2014 at 1:57 pm | #

      Our moment like that happened in 8th grade. Tammy kept asking everyone in class including our English Teacher (a very grandmotherly type). Finally, ‘Bad Blow’ Bordeaux whispered into her ear what it was. Because of the mini-skirt she was wearing, we could tell that her embarrassment went from head to toe. 🙂

  44. John Madden
    John Madden
    February 26, 2014 at 12:35 am | #

    Chortled audibly at the last panel.

  45. Brie
    Brie
    February 26, 2014 at 12:49 am | #

    Um…anyone else think Mike looks really cute in that outfit?

    • Casey
      Casey
      February 26, 2014 at 9:29 am | #

      I do. The rolled-sleeve buttonless look works for him.

  46. Yotomoe
    Yotomoe
    February 26, 2014 at 12:49 am | #

    http://i.imgur.com/ABXczo5.png
    Mike bought Joyce a Strap-on because he’s a nice guy.

    • Hythrain
      Hythrain
      February 26, 2014 at 12:55 am | #

      It kinda DOES go with the outfit!

      • Rutee
        Rutee
        February 26, 2014 at 2:02 am | #

        You’re both horrible and have my respect.

        • Bemmie
          Bemmie
          February 26, 2014 at 2:05 am | #

          I love how it goes OVER the hoodie dress….

          • Shadlyn Wolfe
            Shadlyn Wolfe
            February 26, 2014 at 6:17 am | #

            Obviously. Because Ethan will like both.

      • Drunken Nordmann
        Drunken Nordmann
        February 26, 2014 at 4:46 am | #

        Well, it fits.

    • John
      John
      February 26, 2014 at 7:07 am | #

      “So, now I rub it on your tummy, right?”

      • Lanval
        Lanval
        February 27, 2014 at 12:57 am | #

        Actually, Joyce may have to come from behind since it looks more like one of those special back-massagers.

    • Lanval
      Lanval
      February 27, 2014 at 12:55 am | #

      Awesome. You have my amusement. Is there a way I could see the original post so that I can upvote this thing [and other cool stuff] to Valhalla?

  47. Opus the Poet
    Opus the Poet
    February 26, 2014 at 12:52 am | #

    Billie is having an eye twitch moment. let us all have a moment of silence as Billie’s sanity slowly bleeds away.

    Damn you Willis! (somebody needed to say it)

  48. Hythrain
    Hythrain
    February 26, 2014 at 12:55 am | #

    Oh wow… I just about died from this. Joyce, please don’t change… well, not for a long time anyway.

  49. Slipgate
    Slipgate
    February 26, 2014 at 12:58 am | #

    The i(n/g)no(ce/ra)nce!

    OK I tried way too hard for the above. This strip reminds me of when a college friend said “You mean it didn’t put out?” when I reported that an ATM wasn’t working for me.

    • Wizard
      Wizard
      February 26, 2014 at 9:34 am | #

      Damn prick-tease ATM!

  50. Chico
    Chico
    February 26, 2014 at 1:02 am | #

    Mike looks the most surprised

  51. RED
    RED
    February 26, 2014 at 1:02 am | #

    Even Sal doesn’t know what to do…

  52. David
    David
    February 26, 2014 at 1:06 am | #

    Chances are someone has. I mean, Mike would go shopping for one rather than miss the opportunity, probably a squirting one. She’s going to wear it on her head to gender studies. And Ethan will be strangely turned on.

    • Shadlyn Wolfe
      Shadlyn Wolfe
      February 26, 2014 at 6:18 am | #

      And Roz will be upset because it isn’t using protection.

    • Nono
      Nono
      February 26, 2014 at 6:55 am | #

      We know Sarah has toys, at the very least.

  53. Idon'tcarenomore
    Idon'tcarenomore
    February 26, 2014 at 1:07 am | #

    Sal dropped her cigarette, literally. Billie’s having a stoke?

    Welcome back, Mike….missed you so much.

  54. Alexx
    Alexx
    February 26, 2014 at 1:22 am | #

    Ah, that one needs a classic rimshot.

  55. Rhy
    Rhy
    February 26, 2014 at 1:23 am | #

    Billy is realizing the strap-on she bought may go unused and she may give it to Joyce.

  56. Dierna
    Dierna
    February 26, 2014 at 1:27 am | #

    Oh gods. I haven’t laughed this much over a comic in a good while. *rotflmao* Gotta love that last panel.

  57. Galatine
    Galatine
    February 26, 2014 at 1:32 am | #

    Oh, Mike. When will you learn you can’t defeat Joyce? Your snark only makes her sillier.

  58. Jordan
    Jordan
    February 26, 2014 at 1:33 am | #

    I love Billie and Sal’s expressions in the last panel. They have NO idea what the hell is going on, but I’m guessing that at least one of them finds out sooner or later (probably Billie).

  59. Twirls
    Twirls
    February 26, 2014 at 1:46 am | #

    Huh. Third panel Mike looks like he’s actually just throwing it out there.

  60. allaces14400
    allaces14400
    February 26, 2014 at 1:55 am | #

    Joyce is autobiographical, eh?

  61. Emoroffle
    Emoroffle
    February 26, 2014 at 1:55 am | #

    Billie looks like she got a sudden bout of diarrhea.

  62. Rutee
    Rutee
    February 26, 2014 at 2:02 am | #

    Not sure whether I like Billie or Sal better here. Billie almost looks like this is her first time picturing pegging, whereas Sal looks like she’s thinking ‘eh, not fun for me’.

  63. Nat
    Nat
    February 26, 2014 at 2:15 am | #

    Oh god… I suddenly ship Mike/Joyce.. because he was nice to her for half a second. Also he is straight. Oh gooosh. I can just imagine him protecting her from the world. So cute.

    • Rutee
      Rutee
      February 26, 2014 at 2:22 am | #

      I find your ideas intriguing and wish to subscribe to your newsletter. I will continue to prefer Sarah/Joyce (Or perhaps Joyce/Sarah), but I find Mike/Joyce an entertaining prospect.

    • Ghola
      Ghola
      February 26, 2014 at 2:34 am | #

      I still remember when original Mike curb stomped a first grader that looked remarkably like Joyce..

      Who should ask Ruth if she could borrow her strap on…
      If she hasn’t David Caradine’ed in her closet…

      • Phillip Wilde
        Phillip Wilde
        February 26, 2014 at 7:27 am | #

        Mike/Joyce/Ethan in an epic ot3.

    • The Candyman
      The Candyman
      February 26, 2014 at 4:03 pm | #

      I’ve been shipping them for months.

  64. pendrake
    pendrake
    February 26, 2014 at 2:40 am | #

    Dropped cigarette…

    Eye twitching…

    “Size six”…

    Can’t…breathe…from…laughter…

    *THUD*

    • Drunken Nordmann
      Drunken Nordmann
      February 26, 2014 at 4:50 am | #

      Mop up in aisle 3, please.

  65. Nono
    Nono
    February 26, 2014 at 2:40 am | #

    Did Mike just out Ethan to Sal and Billie?

    • Deathjavu
      Deathjavu
      February 26, 2014 at 3:12 am | #

      That’s actually a really good point. Given Sal’s experience with forced conformity, she might not appreciate Joyce’s attitude towards Ethan (trying to ‘fix’ him).

      Billie’s so messed up her reaction could be a lot of things.

    • John
      John
      February 26, 2014 at 3:21 am | #

      I think Joyce and Amber are the only people in the comic that Ethan was ever in to.

      • David Herbert
        David Herbert
        February 26, 2014 at 3:25 am | #

        Well Billie still thinks Ethan’s straight since she’s only met him once, that I can remember.

        But I don’t think so, since while Mike is an asshole, here he’s not that much of one. He makes subtle hints, some less so than others, to Joyce but that’s because as far as Mike knows, Ethan is leading her on.

        Most likely Willis just wanted to draw Sal and Billie freaked out as a punchline.

      • Bill
        Bill
        February 26, 2014 at 10:26 am | #

        And even then we know he wasn’t into Amber.

      • The Candyman
        The Candyman
        February 26, 2014 at 4:05 pm | #

        He’s not even into Joyce. She’s just a convenient beard for him.

      • Deathjavu
        Deathjavu
        February 26, 2014 at 6:00 pm | #

        Forgotten about Jocelyne already, huh? Ethan was so into her over Joyce he was constantly ignoring Joyce in favor of talking to her more.

        • John
          John
          February 26, 2014 at 6:32 pm | #

          “In to”, as in the opposite of “out to”, not “into”, as in, “wants to bang like a screen door in a hurricane”.

          • Deathjavu
            Deathjavu
            February 26, 2014 at 11:49 pm | #

            Oh. Well, then you’ve left Mike off the list, although honestly, if there’s any similarity to Shortpacked!Ethan, Mike could probably go on either ‘into’ list.

    • David
      David
      February 26, 2014 at 5:56 am | #

      Outed? Depends on how narrow-minded they are. Being gay is about who turns you on rather than what turns you on. A strapon is useful for the case where you don’t want a man handling the peg.

      So the one most likely to mistake this joke for the real deal would be Joyce. Except that she is missing the basics for even letting it register.

      • Deathjavu
        Deathjavu
        February 26, 2014 at 5:52 pm | #

        I dunno about Sal, but I think we can safely say that Billie is fairly narrow, at least in regards to her mind.

  66. Zaxares
    Zaxares
    February 26, 2014 at 2:58 am | #

    Dammit, Willis! You know you’ve just opened demands for Joyce-pegging-Ethan porn, right? 😛

  67. Mkvenner
    Mkvenner
    February 26, 2014 at 3:08 am | #

    pagans wear sweater vest.

    • Wizard
      Wizard
      February 26, 2014 at 9:44 am | #

      Most adorable bikers evar!

      (If you don’t get it, just search “Pagans MC”.)

  68. MLBlue
    MLBlue
    February 26, 2014 at 3:23 am | #

    Oh, Joyce. I know you are naive but its Dinas job to not pick up on sarcasm. Kudos though by going back to your own quirks just as quick. Poor Joyce probably thinks “strap-ons” are some kind of spaghetti strap top, lol.

  69. Zababcd
    Zababcd
    February 26, 2014 at 4:08 am | #

    …Does Mike think everyone else is wearing pyjamas too, then?

  70. Yet-One-More-Idiot
    Yet-One-More-Idiot
    February 26, 2014 at 4:14 am | #

    No Mike, baggy sweaters are not pyjamas. And you’re assuming everyone WEARS pyjamas in the first place… xD

    So does “size six” mean she takes 6 inches, then? 😛

  71. Blue Dragon
    Blue Dragon
    February 26, 2014 at 4:23 am | #

    Sal has the perfect opportunity to jump in and give Joyce a clue.

    Sal: Hey Joyce, you know how you can’t bring yourself to say the word, ‘fuck’?

    Sal: Well, if you knew what a strap-on was, you probably wouldn’t be able to say that, either.

  72. Baker
    Baker
    February 26, 2014 at 4:28 am | #

    Billie: Yeah sure, I don’t think I’ll be using mine anytime soon anyway.

  73. Sam
    Sam
    February 26, 2014 at 4:45 am | #

    Sal and Billie look so disturbed. So so disturbed.

  74. zaratustra
    zaratustra
    February 26, 2014 at 6:00 am | #

    Mike didn’t even blink. He’s a professional.

  75. Drunken Nordmann
    Drunken Nordmann
    February 26, 2014 at 6:38 am | #

    Mike looks kind of disappointed in the last panel.

  76. CaseCase
    CaseCase
    February 26, 2014 at 6:39 am | #

    This is the first comic that gave me a genuine lol in like a week.

  77. Corsair114
    Corsair114
    February 26, 2014 at 9:44 am | #

    [spits coffee all over monitor]

  78. Robert
    Robert
    February 26, 2014 at 10:08 am | #

    Someone needs to give Joyce a raging clue.

  79. dasbookpimp
    dasbookpimp
    February 26, 2014 at 11:35 am | #

    Oh Joyce…

  80. Alex Stritar
    Alex Stritar
    February 26, 2014 at 2:09 pm | #

    I can’t wait until someone actually explains to her what a strap on is. XD

  81. Darwin2500
    Darwin2500
    February 26, 2014 at 2:26 pm | #

    This is going to be the next Slipshine project then? Or are we doing Robocar & Malaya first?

    • Tufto
      Tufto
      February 26, 2014 at 2:31 pm | #

      “Ethan and Joyce perform a… weird, weird, awkward thing.”

    • arank11
      arank11
      February 26, 2014 at 8:02 pm | #

      Pleeeeeease, Mr. Willis? Please can we have a comic of UC and Malaya going at it? We’ll be good! We won’t curse you out for drama! We’ll do our chores and everything! Pleeeeeeease?

      • David Willis
        David M Willis
        February 26, 2014 at 8:17 pm | #

        Ultra Car doesn’t really “go at it.”

        • arank11
          arank11
          February 26, 2014 at 9:05 pm | #

          You could tell the story as Malaya fantasizing about it instead of them actually doing it. That way no one’s personality is messed with

        • David
          David
          February 27, 2014 at 7:24 am | #

          Drive at it?

    • xKiv
      xKiv
      February 26, 2014 at 9:07 pm | #

      A slipshine is a dress one slipsh in?

  82. Roborat
    Roborat
    February 26, 2014 at 2:34 pm | #

    Wow, she broke Billy, and apparently Sal is also speechless, nice work Joyce.

    • Alan Lafond
      Alan Lafond
      February 26, 2014 at 9:00 pm | #

      Not just speechless. She dropped her cigarette as well. You can see it falling, just in front of her shoulder.

  83. Tealjoy
    Tealjoy
    February 26, 2014 at 2:57 pm | #

    Oh Joyce, honey…there was so much innocence in that sentence. I thought you knew what the internet was? That’s how I learned.

  84. Darnel
    Darnel
    February 26, 2014 at 3:26 pm | #

    All I ask is that you ink her reaction when someone finally explains that to her,….

  85. DFS
    DFS
    February 26, 2014 at 3:44 pm | #

    The point of this strip aside, I think Mike looks incredibly sexy here.

  86. bunivasal
    bunivasal
    February 26, 2014 at 5:05 pm | #

    I bet you could use pages of Dumbing of Age to ward off zombie comics.

    “Rrrrnnn!” moans Dagwood “dynamically developed characters!”
    “He’s actually researched both the subject and location of his comics!” hisses Mary Worth.
    Margo, Tommie and Luann just explode like those Nazis from the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark.

  87. Neil
    Neil
    February 26, 2014 at 5:35 pm | #

    Her innocence is hilarious.

  88. JepMZ
    JepMZ
    February 26, 2014 at 5:49 pm | #

    i like how Sal is not immune to this, hahaha

  89. Kugai
    Kugai
    February 26, 2014 at 7:47 pm | #

    Note to self

    Be sure to NOT be drinking Coffee while reading Comics again.

  90. OldFart
    OldFart
    February 26, 2014 at 8:10 pm | #

    Oooooookay then. If Ethan would like a strap-on worn by a woman, wouldn’t that make him straight? What am I missing here? How is this a gay joke?

    I admit to being naive and getting much of my info about gay stuff from Dan Savage….

    • The_Master
      The_Master
      February 26, 2014 at 9:04 pm | #

      Yea and what makes him the catcher?

      Now that I think about it, I guess it’s just a gay joke made by the characters, not a technically sound solution.

      • OldFart
        OldFart
        February 26, 2014 at 11:26 pm | #

        You’re right, he might be a top. And I *could* be overanylizing a stupid joke.

    • RandomRedMage
      RandomRedMage
      February 27, 2014 at 7:51 am | #

      To be fair, he is a gay guy, TRYing to become straight? So… a girl with a strap on is a happy medium? he still gets a good dicking, and hes with a woman?

  91. Maycroft
    Maycroft
    February 27, 2014 at 12:48 am | #

    This is why we love you joyce.

  92. Vree
    Vree
    February 27, 2014 at 9:45 am | #

    I don’t know how they are able to chat so calmly while Walky is dead.

  93. Dion
    Dion
    March 4, 2014 at 9:35 am | #

    Why isn’t anyone talking about how this is probably the first genuine frontal view we’ve gotten of Mike’s hair? (Panel 2)

  94. Lis
    Lis
    April 24, 2014 at 9:51 pm | #

    BTW as a Pagan, that is totally what pagans wear.

  95. Cory
    Cory
    April 15, 2015 at 10:16 am | #

    Maybe all daisy……. she may or may not have one.

  96. Asper
    Asper
    July 5, 2015 at 3:21 am | #

    Her innocence is really hilarious.

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