Dumbing of Age Book Twelve

Dumbing of Age

A college webcomic by David Willis
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GODDAMMIT MALAYA
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May 5, 2026

Before sunrise

by David M Willis on May 18, 2014 at 12:01 am
  • 03 - Up All Night to Get Vengeance
└ Tags: amazi-girl, carla, malaya, marcie, sal

Discussion (255) ¬

[ Comments RSS ]
  1. Jen Aside
    Jen Aside
    May 18, 2014 at 12:01 am | #

    THAT’S our Malaya!

    goddammit

    • Tom Speelman
      Tom Speelman
      May 18, 2014 at 12:12 am | #

      *che laugh track and applause*

    • Cheryl
      Cheryl
      May 18, 2014 at 2:49 am | #

      She just HAD to be that GAL……

    • RevenantBacon
      RevenantBacon
      May 19, 2014 at 7:29 pm | #

      Just had a flashback. All I heard was “Goddamnit, Nappa”

  2. Geminia999
    Geminia999
    May 18, 2014 at 12:01 am | #

    So, that is for shortpacked, right?

  3. John
    John
    May 18, 2014 at 12:02 am | #

    Goddammit Malaya.

    • Sambo
      Sambo
      May 18, 2014 at 4:43 pm | #

      GODDAMMIT MALAYA.

      • Robin
        Robin
        May 18, 2014 at 5:50 pm | #

        GOD. DAMMIT. MALAYA.

    • JA
      JA
      May 19, 2014 at 2:01 pm | #

      Malayadammit God.

      • Sambo
        Sambo
        May 19, 2014 at 6:24 pm | #

        Dammit Malaya-God

  4. Jake
    Jake
    May 18, 2014 at 12:02 am | #

    Before sunrise? Are they vampires?

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      May 18, 2014 at 12:03 am | #

      WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

      • Aizat
        Aizat
        May 18, 2014 at 12:26 am | #

        Damn it, Dio! Why can’t you stay dead…like Diego?

        • Yotomoe
          Yotomoe
          May 18, 2014 at 12:29 am | #

          You thought it was Yotomoe commenting, but it was I, DIO.

          • Aizat
            Aizat
            May 18, 2014 at 12:32 am | #

            Yeah…aren’t you dead..or something? I don’t know..after Stardust Crusaders, things get really, really weird…and don’t get me started on Steel Ball Run.

          • Lawzlo
            Lawzlo
            May 18, 2014 at 2:21 am | #

            Holy Diver,
            You’ve been down too long in the midnight sea
            Oh what’s becoming of me

            • Dante
              Dante
              May 18, 2014 at 7:22 am | #

              Wrong Dio.

              • Shadlyn Wolfe
                Shadlyn Wolfe
                May 18, 2014 at 7:28 am | #

                “Holy Diver” Dio is NEVER the wrong Dio.

                • hoop
                  hoop
                  May 18, 2014 at 8:45 am | #

                  this is the correct answer.

                • Ocbrad1
                  Ocbrad1
                  May 18, 2014 at 10:41 am | #

                  100% concur!

                • Kiggy
                  Kiggy
                  May 18, 2014 at 11:36 pm | #

                  Eeyup

      • Lifefire940
        Lifefire940
        May 18, 2014 at 2:18 am | #

        Toki Wo TOmare!

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      May 18, 2014 at 12:03 am | #

      Unlike Twilight vampires, when the sun hits them, their hair goes all curly.

      • Leorale
        Leorale
        May 18, 2014 at 1:30 am | #

        It becomes beautifro 🙂

        • a4lbi
          a4lbi
          May 18, 2014 at 9:21 pm | #

          I’m taking that, “beautifro.” 😀

    • Jen Aside
      Jen Aside
      May 18, 2014 at 12:03 am | #

      just from dusk ’til dawn

      • Plasma Mongoose
        Plasma Mongoose
        May 18, 2014 at 12:04 am | #

        Oh I see, so Sal is short for Salma Hayek.

        • Jen Aside
          Jen Aside
          May 18, 2014 at 12:07 am | #

          That would be funny if a parking lot was their version of coffins, tho.

          “We haveta be in a shitty parking lot at sunrise, so we can turn into good little Christian girls”

          …wait

          • Plasma Mongoose
            Plasma Mongoose
            May 18, 2014 at 12:10 am | #

            Sounds like a SyFy plot in the making if they get sick of making monster movies.

            • Kirby
              Kirby
              May 18, 2014 at 1:49 am | #

              Hey, they’re perfectly capable of making crappy horror movies too.

              House of Bones is a thing. One that sounds like someone looked at a Call of Cthulhu campaign and went ‘This would look awesome on tv.’

        • Deanatay
          Deanatay
          May 18, 2014 at 9:23 am | #

          You just made Sal ten times hotter, to me.

    • Kernanator
      Kernanator
      May 18, 2014 at 12:06 am | #

      What, no, that’s dumb.

      They’re clearly gargoyles.

      • Plasma Mongoose
        Plasma Mongoose
        May 18, 2014 at 12:12 am | #

        So they will Turn To Stone?

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qjE4f5trLRQ

    • Chris
      Chris
      May 18, 2014 at 8:48 am | #

      Sal+Marcie+Sunrise. Aww, that’s sweet. There is no limit to Sal’s awesomeness.

  5. AgentKeen
    AgentKeen
    May 18, 2014 at 12:02 am | #

    GODDAMMIT MALAYA!

    • Suitora
      Suitora
      May 19, 2014 at 4:21 am | #

      Nice try, Danny.

  6. March
    March
    May 18, 2014 at 12:02 am | #

    “Don’t make me come in there and defend your honor”

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      May 18, 2014 at 12:08 am | #

      Fuck, I’m already in the White Armor. Damnit Malaya.

    • JustCheetoDust
      JustCheetoDust
      May 18, 2014 at 12:10 am | #

      The idea of her even giving a rat’s ass about Malaya’s honor is amusing.

      • nekobawt
        nekobawt
        May 18, 2014 at 3:25 am | #

        ditto the idea of malaya even having honor

        • gangler
          gangler
          May 18, 2014 at 9:49 am | #

          Whitebeard lived and died without taking a single coward’s injury.

          He never truly cared for the concept, but his men respected him too much to let his name be besmirched. Any time his back was exposed to an enemy, his men would be right there protecting it.

          Sometimes honor manifests itself through the company you keep.

  7. Plasma Mongoose
    Plasma Mongoose
    May 18, 2014 at 12:02 am | #

    Up in the sky, it’s a bird, it’s a pain, no it’s Malaya!

    • Wakeford
      Wakeford
      May 18, 2014 at 1:21 am | #

      Pain is definitely also involved, though.

  8. Vael
    Vael
    May 18, 2014 at 12:02 am | #

    Malaya makes the best faces.

    Also, goddamnit Malaya.

  9. The Weirdo
    The Weirdo
    May 18, 2014 at 12:02 am | #

    HAHAHAHAHAHA

    Sorry, it’s just somehow INCREDIBLY satisfying to see Malaya thrown through the air like a frisbee.

    • Bill
      Bill
      May 18, 2014 at 12:06 am | #

      Some people just have to learn the hard way.

      • The Weirdo
        The Weirdo
        May 18, 2014 at 12:26 am | #

        Normally, getting clotheslined IS “the hard way”. For Malaya? That’s just a regular Tuesday.

        She is NOT well liked.

        • Mr K
          Mr K
          May 18, 2014 at 1:50 am | #

          She’ll lose her memory by tommorrow, I bet.

  10. Yotomoe
    Yotomoe
    May 18, 2014 at 12:02 am | #

    MALAYA NOOOOOOOOOOOO

    • hoovy_woopeans
      hoovy_woopeans
      May 18, 2014 at 12:04 am | #

      Reading this i was like

      “how will yotomoe react”

      in my mind it was exactly like this

    • newllend
      newllend
      May 18, 2014 at 12:06 am | #

      WAIT, you got to admit ass looks amazing when its flying through the air.

      • Yotomoe
        Yotomoe
        May 18, 2014 at 12:09 am | #

        You’re right. And her butt isn’t too bad either.

  11. Yotomoe
    Yotomoe
    May 18, 2014 at 12:03 am | #

    Also, new Sierra Art. I’m totes hooked!!!

    • AgentKeen
      AgentKeen
      May 18, 2014 at 12:20 am | #

      Guess who I thought about when I saw it!?

      …wait, that’s creepy, we don’t even know each other.

      • hoovy_woopeans
        hoovy_woopeans
        May 18, 2014 at 1:01 am | #

        fuck, i was definitely being creepy.

  12. Bill
    Bill
    May 18, 2014 at 12:03 am | #

    Is that Malaya trying to do a flying knee drop on Amazi-Girl, or are we seeing the after-effects of Amazi-Girl’s response to the leg in the breadbasket?

    • Jen Aside
      Jen Aside
      May 18, 2014 at 12:05 am | #

      assuming it’s like The Hulk and/or she can reflect any damage inflicted upon her

      • Jen Aside
        Jen Aside
        May 18, 2014 at 12:12 am | #

        …I’m now picturing Amazi-Girl doing that Don Flamenco taunt

        “BLUH BLUH BLUH”
        *punch*
        *does Flamenco Punch accompanied by shitty 8-bit SFX*

        • Ridureyu
          Ridureyu
          May 18, 2014 at 12:28 am | #

          I’m seeing Ryuji Yamazaki’s taunt-counter, but the effect is pretty similar.

    • JustCheetoDust
      JustCheetoDust
      May 18, 2014 at 12:13 am | #

      Signs (okay, the speed lines) point to the latter.

    • Huttj
      Huttj
      May 18, 2014 at 3:57 am | #

      Amazi-girl was looking for a fight, but the lawful nature of her persona wouldn’t let her start one without a good reason. Despite her bluster, underage drinking is not a good reason to start a fight. Defending yourself from assault is, so Malaya just gave her “permission” to cut loose.

  13. newllend
    newllend
    May 18, 2014 at 12:03 am | #

    You mess with the bull you get the horns, you mess Amazi-girl you get fucked up.

  14. timemonkey
    timemonkey
    May 18, 2014 at 12:04 am | #

    I love you Malaya, never change. Well, maybe become more bitter.

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      May 18, 2014 at 12:09 am | #

      She’ll be like 10 week old vegetables.

      • JustCheetoDust
        JustCheetoDust
        May 18, 2014 at 12:15 am | #

        Like beer with too much hops!

        • -Sentinel-
          -Sentinel-
          May 18, 2014 at 1:34 am | #

          India pale ale

      • Deanatay
        Deanatay
        May 18, 2014 at 9:29 am | #

        Wait, is that ten 1-week old vegetables, or a group of vegetables that’s ten weeks old?

        In either case, I’m not really thinking bitter, as much as I’m thinking… disgusting.

    • Leorale
      Leorale
      May 18, 2014 at 1:34 am | #

      Bitter as wormwood

  15. Vile Gamer
    Vile Gamer
    May 18, 2014 at 12:04 am | #

    I believe she can fly, I believe she can touch the sky…

  16. Wack'd
    Wack'd
    May 18, 2014 at 12:04 am | #

    That is some throw.

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      May 18, 2014 at 12:07 am | #

      Squirrel powers give AG super-strength.

      • Jerden
        Jerden
        May 18, 2014 at 10:25 am | #

        AND JUSTICE, but mostly squirrel powers.

    • newllend
      newllend
      May 18, 2014 at 12:07 am | #

      Probably a new record.

  17. John
    John
    May 18, 2014 at 12:04 am | #

    And I’m curious as to why sunrise matters. Is Sal a vampire? Or Marcie? Maybe Carla, she’s kind of pasty.

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      May 18, 2014 at 12:10 am | #

      She’s actually TRANSylvanian.

      • John
        John
        May 18, 2014 at 12:26 am | #

        Carla is Tim Curry?

    • Ben
      Ben
      May 18, 2014 at 1:11 am | #

      I’d guess something to do with the fact that they need to be out of the area with their booze without fighting /before/ the camera’s can catch their faces.

    • Deanatay
      Deanatay
      May 18, 2014 at 9:36 am | #

      Probably because sunlight = day = Walmart actually giving a s**t about underage kids drinking and fighting in their parking lot where potential customers can see them.

      Also, day = school, which Sal is trying her best to attend regularly and not suck at. And, as everyone should know, not sucking at school = sleep, which means Sal really should get at least a little.

      Not that that’s going to happen, now, since Malaya obligingly gave AG an excuse to go aggro (as I knew she would – goddammit, Malaya). Now they really will be Up All Night – To Get Vengance.

  18. Bill
    Bill
    May 18, 2014 at 12:05 am | #

    By the way, Willis, nice effect of the false dawn (the lighter purples) in the sky in the background.

    • Jen Aside
      Jen Aside
      May 18, 2014 at 12:05 am | #

      I was gonna say eventide, but that’s the opposite

  19. Kernanator
    Kernanator
    May 18, 2014 at 12:05 am | #

    You blew it, Malaya.

    • Khaner
      Khaner
      May 18, 2014 at 12:08 am | #

      She danned it up again.

      • Jen Aside
        Jen Aside
        May 18, 2014 at 12:12 am | #

        So is Malayaing just Danning but angry?

        • John
          John
          May 18, 2014 at 12:20 am | #

          Danning is fucking things up because your firmly held ideas of How Things Should Be blind you to what actually is.

          Malayaing is fucking things up just because you’re a violent spite-filled jerk.

          • Jen Aside
            Jen Aside
            May 18, 2014 at 1:31 am | #

            So, Danning but spiteful

            • gka
              gka
              May 18, 2014 at 8:05 am | #

              No, no, when a person Dans it up, they only probably deserve the horrible consequences of their actions, and I will eventually get tired of seeing them rain down upon them.

              When one Malayas it up, they absolutely deserve every one of those consequences, and more, and I will never tire of seeing their suffering.

            • Jen Aside
              Jen Aside
              May 18, 2014 at 5:04 pm | #

              So, Danning but spiteful

              [at Malaya]

          • CianM1301
            CianM1301
            May 18, 2014 at 5:51 am | #

            So, where does Billieing fit into this?

            • Psi-Baka-Onna
              Psi-Baka-Onna
              May 18, 2014 at 6:55 am | #

              That requires more alcohol.

              • Shen Hibiki
                Shen Hibiki
                May 18, 2014 at 10:50 am | #

                And a window.

    • Safgaftsa
      Safgaftsa
      May 18, 2014 at 12:22 am | #

      I see a new “Danning it up” on the horizon.

  20. Chrissy
    Chrissy
    May 18, 2014 at 12:06 am | #

    Does AG want Sal to hurt her as payback for the stabbing, or does she want Sal to hurt her so she can start a fight? That is, is the motivation guilt or revenge?

    • Jake
      Jake
      May 18, 2014 at 12:07 am | #

      why not both?

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      May 18, 2014 at 12:12 am | #

      “Sal! That’s it!!! I’ve been waiting for this PAIN!!!”

    • Undrave
      Undrave
      May 18, 2014 at 12:39 am | #

      That’s what I was thinking too.

    • Chris
      Chris
      May 18, 2014 at 8:43 am | #

      Both times AG went after Sal it was all anger, so I guessed that AG wanted to avenge Ethan and show that she/Amber is no longer a scared, geeky girl that cowers even when friends are threatened.

      But here she actually says “fight me” and “hurt me”. That’s different on so many levels.

      • Deanatay
        Deanatay
        May 18, 2014 at 9:46 am | #

        “Hurt me” may just be saying, “I need a reason to attack you, give it to me!” OTOH, it may speak to a deeper need to be hurt, but I don’t think so. Masochism is usually driven by guilt, and I don’t see a lot of guilt in Amber – shame, definitely, and anger, but not guilt. Not yet, at least.

        • Chris
          Chris
          May 18, 2014 at 11:23 am | #

          Yeah, it seems less clear to me now that she said both together. I considered quite a few other meanings, physical and non-physical, before I stopped and simply commented “so many levels”. Of course, only Willis gets to decide which one(s).

  21. shietka
    shietka
    May 18, 2014 at 12:06 am | #

    “Hurt me”? Could it be that–at least to some degree–Amber actually wants Sal to beat her up? Does she have some sort of feeling that that will make them “even”? That it will somehow make up for her stabbing Sal all that time ago? Man, this storyline is just so….. wow. Just…. all the feels.

    • Greenygal
      Greenygal
      May 18, 2014 at 12:10 am | #

      Yeah, it looks like, and suddenly this situation has suddenly–somehow–become even more fucked-up. I don’t think Amber consciously went into this with the hope of getting beat up, but it makes sense that it was a subconscious motivation, with as much self-hatred as we’ve seen she’s carrying around.

      • Regalli
        Regalli
        May 18, 2014 at 12:33 am | #

        She just… Amber is so unbelievably messed up, y’all.

        Seriously, poor kid needs HELP.

    • timemonkey
      timemonkey
      May 18, 2014 at 12:11 am | #

      She may just want Sal to try so she can stop her and prove to herself that she’s grown from the helpless girl she was.

    • Maveric1984
      Maveric1984
      May 18, 2014 at 12:11 am | #

      I’m thinking her “code” prevents her from attacking someone who doesn’t want to fight. She needs to be provoked for it to be legitimate.

      • Godozo
        Godozo
        May 18, 2014 at 1:28 am | #

        What you said.

      • Chrissy
        Chrissy
        May 18, 2014 at 8:55 am | #

        I agree that she has that code. But why “hurt me” rather than “hit me”?

        • Jackson
          Jackson
          May 18, 2014 at 10:03 am | #

          Because she doesn’t understand Sal. She sees her as a comic book villain who would always grab at the chance to hurt the hero, so she hopes that by offering Sal that chance she can get Sal to attack her. Because that’s the kind of person she needs Sal to be.

    • Eva
      Eva
      May 18, 2014 at 12:17 am | #

      See? Called it! Everyone said no, but called it last strip!

      • Jen Aside
        Jen Aside
        May 18, 2014 at 1:32 am | #

        Not too late to break out the chill pills

        –as boring a twist as that would be at this point

        • Deanatay
          Deanatay
          May 18, 2014 at 9:49 am | #

          I think the “Goddammit, Malaya”s indicate that even Sal realizes that that ship has just sailed. Now there will be punchings.

          • Jen Aside
            Jen Aside
            May 18, 2014 at 5:15 pm | #

            *Sal grabs Malaya by the scruff of the neck*
            Sal: “–THE FUCK YA DOING startin’ fights, stupid? CARLA, grab Hulk there”
            Carla: “Yeah, right–see ya, suckers.”
            Sal: “GODDAMMIThey, Hulk, can ya stop Hulking for a sec, ah ain’t fightin’ ya, where’s yer therapist at”
            Amazi-Girl: *tears open shirt and everyone else’s*
            Sal: “Dangit, ah jes’ wanted ta finish the Lightning Cup”
            AG: *blinks* “Wait, what?”
            Sal: “Easily coulda had 1:20 ‘fore the battery died, piece a shit”
            AG: “How the hell are you doing that, show me”

            • John
              John
              May 18, 2014 at 10:01 pm | #

              I’m still rooting for them to become friends through Danny’s DS without either of them realizing who the other is.

    • Annie
      Annie
      May 18, 2014 at 2:23 am | #

      Yeah, I was assuming she wanted to get Sal to start the physical fight so that she had a “legitimate” reason to, well, fight her.
      If Sal hits her first, then Amber is just acting in self-defense when she beats Sal up. If she attacks Sal first, then Amber’s just a violent bully.
      But Amber feels like she needs to stand up to Sal and hurt her so that Sal no longer holds that control over Amber.

      It’s messed up logic, and even if Amber beat Sal within an inch of her life she would still have panic attacks when something triggers a memory of that trauma and will still feel out-of-control and helpless, but Amber’s obviously not thinking clearly or logically.

    • gangler
      gangler
      May 18, 2014 at 10:00 am | #

      Sal has to be a violent harmful dangerous presence in the community. Right now the subject is pretty deeply tied to Amber’s general worldview, so Amber’s very invested in getting hurt by Sal.

  22. John
    John
    May 18, 2014 at 12:07 am | #

    Also also, I think I’m liking Carla better than UC.

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      May 18, 2014 at 12:08 am | #

      I bet that Carla has better ‘software’ than UC does. 😀

      • Yotomoe
        Yotomoe
        May 18, 2014 at 12:13 am | #

        Because it was programmed by god!!!
        Sorry. My inner Joyce just escaped.

        • Plasma Mongoose
          Plasma Mongoose
          May 18, 2014 at 12:18 am | #

          …and the Devil has 1337 hacking skills.

          • The Weirdo
            The Weirdo
            May 18, 2014 at 8:49 am | #

            Where do you think the “cool hacker” in Hollywood came from? It’s all the Devil’s work, I tells ya!

          • Deanatay
            Deanatay
            May 18, 2014 at 9:50 am | #

            Yeah, but Jesus saves… to the server. Every night, before heading home.

      • JWLM
        JWLM
        May 18, 2014 at 2:38 pm | #

        I dunno. Is Carla eighteen? Estrogen therapy is not allowed for minors in the some states, even with parental consent. I don’t know if Indiana is among them, but I certainly believe so.

        • John
          John
          May 18, 2014 at 10:05 pm | #

          Carla’s a sophomore, so she’s probably at least eighteen, more likely nineteen. Also, Willis has said that all of the primary cast are legal adults because of the reasons, and though Carla wasn’t part of the cast yet at the time, I’m assuming the reasons apply equally to her.

  23. LiaHansen
    LiaHansen
    May 18, 2014 at 12:07 am | #

    Well this is just embarrassing all around.

  24. Khaner
    Khaner
    May 18, 2014 at 12:07 am | #

    AND ULTRAGIRL HAS CLEARED THE RING! I REPEAT, SHE HAS CLEARED THE RING!
    But will Sal come back hard for vengeance? Find out this monday on Nitro!

  25. Kamino Neko
    Kamino Neko
    May 18, 2014 at 12:08 am | #

    C’mon…she’s just giving the girl what she wants.

    • newllend
      newllend
      May 18, 2014 at 12:14 am | #

      And she returned the favour by giving her a buzz, witch she will have after she hits the ground head first.

      • Deanatay
        Deanatay
        May 18, 2014 at 9:52 am | #

        Oh, SkHates, why must you instigate?

  26. JessWitt
    JessWitt
    May 18, 2014 at 12:08 am | #

    Oh Carla, the fweirdness will never end.

  27. Rani
    Rani
    May 18, 2014 at 12:09 am | #

    There’s a woman stunning in her viciousness and matchless in her stupidity.

    • Deanatay
      Deanatay
      May 18, 2014 at 9:53 am | #

      There’s a reason I call her ‘SkHates’.

  28. GoogerGeiger
    GoogerGeiger
    May 18, 2014 at 12:09 am | #

    Stokin’ that fire.

  29. Mr. Random
    Mr. Random
    May 18, 2014 at 12:12 am | #

    Now it’s self-defense. Technically.

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      May 18, 2014 at 12:14 am | #

      Technically Amazi-girl hit her first. I mean she was threatened…but she hit first…but…

      • newllend
        newllend
        May 18, 2014 at 12:16 am | #

        After she kind of rushed her, but then again she was literally asking for it.

      • Ridureyu
        Ridureyu
        May 18, 2014 at 12:26 am | #

        That’s how self-defense works. You hit somebody until they hit you back, and then you can say that it was preemptive self-defense.

        • Mr. Random
          Mr. Random
          May 18, 2014 at 7:30 pm | #

          Welcome to the legal system, where what you say ALWAYS makes sense to SOMEONE.

  30. Marvelman
    Marvelman
    May 18, 2014 at 12:13 am | #

    Does Amber have any actual martial arts/self-defence training? Brazilian Jujitsu, maybe? Or is she just in really good shape?

    • JustCheetoDust
      JustCheetoDust
      May 18, 2014 at 12:45 am | #

      I think it’s a combination of Judo (Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu is less concerned with making someone go airborne than it is with dragging someone to the ground and getting a joint lock or choke from there) and Malaya’s love of re-enacting Jazz’s usual means of departure from the Banks residence.

      Mostly the latter.

  31. SilverArrowArtemis
    SilverArrowArtemis
    May 18, 2014 at 12:13 am | #

    Amazi-Girl. Campus vigilante. Is always prepared.

  32. alicemacher
    alicemacher
    May 18, 2014 at 12:14 am | #

    Future Carla: “Hey, remember that girl? The one who pretended to be a superhero so she could get beaten up?”

    Future Sal: “Oh, you mean Amazi-Girl. Ha ha ha! She was one for the books.”

    Future Carla: “Whatever happened to her?”

    Future Sal: “Uh, well, she pulled it on Malaya and Amazi-Girl sent Malaya flying across a parking lot.”

    • JebJeb
      JebJeb
      May 18, 2014 at 12:15 am | #

      That’s pretty much what went through my head when I read it.

  33. Keroshino
    Keroshino
    May 18, 2014 at 12:14 am | #

    HURT ME MORE, SNAKE!!!

    • Aizat
      Aizat
      May 18, 2014 at 12:37 am | #

      I love MGS1..I really do but that line…that line …WHY?

  34. Sam
    Sam
    May 18, 2014 at 12:14 am | #

    Goddammit Malaya. WHY. SAL WANTED TO AVOID THE FIGHT AND YOU SCREWED IT ALL UP. *Flips a table*

    • Jen Aside
      Jen Aside
      May 18, 2014 at 5:17 pm | #

      Now Malaya’s the table.

  35. JustCheetoDust
    JustCheetoDust
    May 18, 2014 at 12:17 am | #

    God…dammit.

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      May 18, 2014 at 12:21 am | #

      Right on the money there, also is that David Mitchell in your grav?

      • JustCheetoDust
        JustCheetoDust
        May 18, 2014 at 12:34 am | #

        Yes, yes it is. That evil vicar sketch was brilliant, even though I’m partial to the other vicar sketch that he did.

        • Aizat
          Aizat
          May 18, 2014 at 12:57 am | #

          Yeah..about that, why do they keep replacing the nice Australian girls with very uptight folks?

          • JustCheetoDust
            JustCheetoDust
            May 18, 2014 at 5:29 pm | #

            If the shop sketch is anything to go by, I guess it’s to raise the standards of the clientele.

    • Wack'd
      Wack'd
      May 18, 2014 at 10:10 am | #

      Does…does Adam Reed just do the same voice for all his characters? Also, why do they all inevitably require motion assistance?

      • JustCheetoDust
        JustCheetoDust
        May 18, 2014 at 5:42 pm | #

        Only Xander and Ray have that kind of bad luck. He also voiced Killface, Wendell, and most of the Xtacles. I say “most” because IMDB lists Krieger voice actor, Ray Gillette model and Alton Brown’s dungeon master Lucky Yates as another Xtacles voice actor.

  36. MrSirk
    MrSirk
    May 18, 2014 at 12:18 am | #

    Man….they were so close to salvaging the night by just leaving.

    • Leorale
      Leorale
      May 18, 2014 at 1:46 am | #

      They still can. I think Sal will check on Malaya, but there’s no need to stick around and get violent on her behalf.

  37. newllend
    newllend
    May 18, 2014 at 12:20 am | #

    I doubt “God damnit Malaya” is going to be as big as ” Damnit Danny.”

  38. cmd1095
    cmd1095
    May 18, 2014 at 12:23 am | #

    Amber’s superpower… masochism?

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      May 18, 2014 at 12:32 am | #

      Noone will want to hit her cuz that’s what she wants. And then she just kicks their ass.

    • Chaucer59
      Chaucer59
      May 18, 2014 at 2:35 am | #

      Love the title. Pharell Willis?

  39. Ridureyu
    Ridureyu
    May 18, 2014 at 12:24 am | #

    This is like Renfield’s “Punish me!” rant from Dracula. Or the Mel brooks parody.

  40. Aizat
    Aizat
    May 18, 2014 at 12:33 am | #

    Um…Malaya? You have no one to blame but yourself for running into Amazi-Girl’s clothesline…and the Circle Throw she just did at you.

  41. TheLurkerAbove
    TheLurkerAbove
    May 18, 2014 at 12:33 am | #

    AMAZI-GIRL SMASH

    • Aizat
      Aizat
      May 18, 2014 at 12:35 am | #

      AMAZI-GIRL STRONGEST THERE IS!

  42. Batman1016
    Batman1016
    May 18, 2014 at 12:33 am | #

    Sal, now’s your chance! She’s a screw-up and a waste of time! You’re already on your bike! Just leave her behind!

  43. Chris28
    Chris28
    May 18, 2014 at 12:35 am | #

    Oh goddammit Malaya…

    … This is going to become a thing now, isn’t it?

    • Aizat
      Aizat
      May 18, 2014 at 12:39 am | #

      Malaya being a punching bag? Don’t know.

      • Arkadi
        Arkadi
        May 18, 2014 at 3:50 am | #

        Let’s hope so!

    • Reltzik
      Reltzik
      May 18, 2014 at 1:31 am | #

      Tomorrow, when Malaya knocks over Sal’s bike and breaks it: “Goddammit Malaya!”

      Next week, when Sal flunks her midterm because all five of them were in jail for public disturbance: “Goddammit Malaya!”

      Next year, every time that Dan Dan’s it up again: “Goddammit Malaya!”

      In a few months, when Shortpacked ends: “Goddammit Malaya!”

      …. yes. Yes it is.

  44. newllend
    newllend
    May 18, 2014 at 12:39 am | #

    You know what funny I keep thinking of lion kings opening theme “circle of life” while imagining Malaya flying through the air as the sun rises in the background.

    • newllend
      newllend
      May 18, 2014 at 12:40 am | #

      Oh wait wait:http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lXjI2kuNkhE

  45. Blackbird
    Blackbird
    May 18, 2014 at 12:40 am | #

    Ah, I just got Amber’s motivation here. It isn’t about getting back at Sal for traumatizing her at all, it’s about giving Sal a chance to get back at her for the stabbing. It all makes more sense now.

  46. Yotomoe
    Yotomoe
    May 18, 2014 at 12:46 am | #

    OMG thigh freckles. Malaya, you’re 100% adorable.

    • John
      John
      May 18, 2014 at 1:34 am | #

      You have a really weird definition of “adorable”.

      • Aizat
        Aizat
        May 18, 2014 at 8:34 am | #

        Everyone has a weird definition of adorable. For instance, I think Minya is adorable, as is a zergling.

    • Arkadi
      Arkadi
      May 18, 2014 at 3:51 am | #

      What he said.

  47. Rybridge
    Rybridge
    May 18, 2014 at 12:55 am | #

    Sal: …this is why we can’t have nice things…

  48. Rabid Rabbit
    Rabid Rabbit
    May 18, 2014 at 1:00 am | #

    This is just DoA’s equivalent of the Joyce/Sal fight from IW where Joyce points out that she’s grown up and Sal hasn’t, right? Except with Sal playing Joyce?

  49. Tommy Bologna
    Tommy Bologna
    May 18, 2014 at 1:06 am | #

    Oh man I hope Carla catches her and they both end up rollin’ down a hill.

    • Reltzik
      Reltzik
      May 18, 2014 at 1:27 am | #

      If it isn’t already, I hereby dub “rollin’ down a hill” to be a euphemism.

      • Leorale
        Leorale
        May 18, 2014 at 1:48 am | #

        Rroll, rroll, rroll in ze hay!

  50. Ben
    Ben
    May 18, 2014 at 1:08 am | #

    What Sal said

  51. Kelso
    Kelso
    May 18, 2014 at 1:22 am | #

    Can the title for this arc’s book be “GODDAMMIT MALAYA”?

  52. indignostudios
    indignostudios
    May 18, 2014 at 1:26 am | #

    Goddamnit, Ross.

    • Z3tto
      Z3tto
      May 18, 2014 at 4:38 am | #

      Goddammit, Nappa.

      • Starscreamer
        Starscreamer
        May 18, 2014 at 4:26 pm | #

        Hey Vegeta….are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?

  53. Reltzik
    Reltzik
    May 18, 2014 at 1:26 am | #

    … what kind of an idiot picks a fight while they’re on skates? Okay, I’d get it if the opponent was also on skates, or something else which similarly robbed them of solid footing. Roller Derby girls aren’t stupid for checking other roller derby girls who are also on skates. But here? Dammit, Malaya.

    • Annie
      Annie
      May 18, 2014 at 2:32 am | #

      Malaya seems to just like to have an excuse to check people, be it in a derby or in a parking lot. She doesn’t have the self-control to take the skates off before going after Amazi-Girl (though I imagine Amazi-Girl would happily wait for her to do so), and she sure as he’ll doesn’t have the self-control to walk/skate away and not give in to provocation.

  54. FuryOfFirestorm
    FuryOfFirestorm
    May 18, 2014 at 1:36 am | #

    You had one job, Malaya…ONE JOB!!!

  55. Resulli
    Resulli
    May 18, 2014 at 1:48 am | #

    Something tells me Sal understood why Amber was doing all this and was trying to avoid a fight for a reason.

    Sal’s awesome like that.

    • Leorale
      Leorale
      May 18, 2014 at 1:52 am | #

      I think the legit reason is that she doesn’t feel like curb-stomping this random crazy stranger.

      Sal’s still way awesome, tho.

    • Jordan
      Jordan
      May 18, 2014 at 2:40 am | #

      I think that Sal could tell something was wrong. She probably doesn’t know what Amber’s actual problem is, but she can probably tell that Amber is just misplacing her aggression.

      • Resulli
        Resulli
        May 19, 2014 at 4:51 am | #

        Yeah that’s what I meant. Not the specific “why” but kind of an instinctual understanding that there’s something else going on here.

    • hoop
      hoop
      May 18, 2014 at 8:48 am | #

      she doesn’t want to fight an obviously mentally ill person?

      • Resulli
        Resulli
        May 19, 2014 at 4:52 am | #

        Maybe that too but mayhap she sees in Amber something of herself in the past and knows not to instigate it.

  56. Idon'tcarenomore
    Idon'tcarenomore
    May 18, 2014 at 2:07 am | #

    This is what I figured last night, Sal doesn’t need a ‘no reason, but because I want one fight” with anyone, she has a record already.

    Sal is pretty street smart, she knows something is wrong with someone who charges 4 people, expecting “a fair fight”. Sal is a badass, but she just is not the kind of person to beat the Hell of somebody, with 3 helpers. She can do just fine all by herself.

    And if she didn’t know, tonights “fight me, hurt me” should reinforce that Amazi-girl has a screw loose.

    Good shot Mayla, figured you would do that too..nasty little creep.

  57. acher4
    acher4
    May 18, 2014 at 3:01 am | #

    Fight!!!!

  58. nekobawt
    nekobawt
    May 18, 2014 at 3:31 am | #

    i know it’s not the right time of year, but that last panel would make a wonderful backdrop for “i’m head over heels for you, valentine”…

  59. Andiemus
    Andiemus
    May 18, 2014 at 3:43 am | #

    Either the perspective in the last panel is wonky, Malaya weighs like 8 pounds or Amazi-girl actually has superpowers because Malaya looks like she’s like 8 feet above the ground.

    • David
      David
      May 18, 2014 at 8:49 am | #

      Maybe A-Girl made Malaya fart.

  60. Arkadi
    Arkadi
    May 18, 2014 at 3:53 am | #

    Amber, you realize how that sounded don’t you?

  61. Tenn
    Tenn
    May 18, 2014 at 4:14 am | #

    Oh. Oooooooh.

    Well, I feel stupid now.

  62. Fletcher
    Fletcher
    May 18, 2014 at 4:21 am | #

    Am I the only one actually concerned that Malaya’s about to suffer (at least) a concussion? Plowing head-first into concrete isn’t good for you. Even if it is Malaya, that kinda makes me cringe. Perhaps Carla can catch her.

    • TJ Baltimore
      TJ Baltimore
      May 18, 2014 at 6:26 am | #

      Nah, she has plenty of airborne time to tuck and roll.

    • Deanatay
      Deanatay
      May 18, 2014 at 10:01 am | #

      Malaya REALLY should be wearing a helmet.

      I mean, ALL THE TIME. The way she pisses people off, she should ALWAYS wear one.

    • Leorale
      Leorale
      May 18, 2014 at 11:57 am | #

      That’s true. I mean, she’s a tough cookie, but ouch.

      Maybe all that time spent as a lightweight who loves violent sports has taught her how to fall properly when thrown.

    • Chubsius
      Chubsius
      May 18, 2014 at 12:02 pm | #

      There would be a certain, bitter irony if Amber went there trying to get hurt and instead cracked Malaya’s skull on the pavement.

    • Heavensrun
      Heavensrun
      May 18, 2014 at 4:53 pm | #

      If somebody gets hospitalized in this comic, it would last for YEARS of real time. I really wouldn’t worry about long term injuries.

  63. Kravis
    Kravis
    May 18, 2014 at 4:49 am | #

    Thank you, Malaya.

  64. CianM1301
    CianM1301
    May 18, 2014 at 5:48 am | #

    Malaya used Sucker Punch!
    It’s not very effective… Justified raised Amber’s attack!
    Amber used Storm Throw! A critical hit!
    It’s super effective!

  65. Giant Speck
    Giant Speck
    May 18, 2014 at 6:12 am | #

    Malaya’s freckles look like tiny, shocked eyes in the last frame.

  66. Charlie Spencer
    Charlie Spencer
    May 18, 2014 at 6:42 am | #

    Are all four of them gonna get on that one bike? Between the various modes of transportation, that better parking lot must be pretty close.

    • Aizat
      Aizat
      May 18, 2014 at 8:34 am | #

      Needs sidecars.

  67. Nym
    Nym
    May 18, 2014 at 7:58 am | #

    Malayaaaa.

  68. Some guy
    Some guy
    May 18, 2014 at 8:21 am | #

    Damn Amber, you crazy

  69. Pinja
    Pinja
    May 18, 2014 at 8:43 am | #

    I think Amber can take them

    • Some guy
      Some guy
      May 18, 2014 at 9:38 am | #

      She does seem to have magical mad fighting skills and strength in this comic. Does she have a backstory that explains that from one of the other earlier comics? I’m thinking maybe exposure to that goo from TMNT or something.

      • Deanatay
        Deanatay
        May 18, 2014 at 10:02 am | #

        Rage power. Nothing else needed.

      • gangler
        gangler
        May 18, 2014 at 1:26 pm | #

        She’s been doing this for a while.

  70. hoop
    hoop
    May 18, 2014 at 8:49 am | #

    So everyone’s just going to follow behind Sal on their roller skates & skateboards?

    That’s the slowest moving girl gang ever.

    • demoneater
      demoneater
      May 18, 2014 at 9:58 am | #

      Clearly the redhead transforms (complete with generation 1 sounds) into a ULTRA fast CAR for everyone to get around in.

    • gangler
      gangler
      May 18, 2014 at 1:27 pm | #

      What if they have some kind of rope that attaches to Sal’s bike? Like waterskiing, but on land.

      They’ve even got enough people to form a little pyramid!

      • Darkflame
        Darkflame
        May 18, 2014 at 8:58 pm | #

        “What if they have some kind of rope that attaches to Sal’s bike”

        Like Btt2 with the unpowered hoverboards!

  71. Chris
    Chris
    May 18, 2014 at 8:54 am | #

    OMG. Malaya’s cutie mark has a mind of its own!

  72. mistrali
    mistrali
    May 18, 2014 at 8:55 am | #

    Oh, crap. Damn it, Malaya, why?

  73. hof1991
    hof1991
    May 18, 2014 at 9:22 am | #

    Masochist: “Hurt me.”
    Sadist: “No.”

    Though to be fair to Sal, that’s also the response of most sane people. No point in picking a fight with a skunk. Even if you win, it doesn’t turn out that well.

  74. JWLM
    JWLM
    May 18, 2014 at 10:14 am | #

    Oh, fuck. @damnyouwillis, have you been stringing us along? First, there’s this exchange:

    Sal: Ah never lost a fight.
    Amber: N-not a fair one, you have’t.

    I don’t know whether Sal has ever lost a fair fight, but she has lost a fight — to Amber, who attacked her with a knife, from behind, while she was unable to move.

    Now, we’re seeing Amber ask to be hurt, twice. Not attacked, but hurt.

    Willis, who’s she motivated by getting revenge on: Sal, or herself? Does Amber want Sal to get even with her for the stabbing in the convenience store parking lot?

    • Riku
      Riku
      May 18, 2014 at 12:05 pm | #

      The “not a fair one” is referring to the time when she stabbed her yeah.

      I just saw what she’s saying as “Hurt me so I can be justified in attacking you”

      • Some guy
        Some guy
        May 18, 2014 at 12:51 pm | #

        Yeah, I just twigged on that myself.

      • JWLM
        JWLM
        May 18, 2014 at 1:17 pm | #

        I don’t think so — in that case, she’d have said, “C’mon. Take a swing, b*tch.” or something like that. She directly asks to be *hurt* — not “try to hit me” or even “try to hurt me,” but “hurt me.”

      • Heavensrun
        Heavensrun
        May 18, 2014 at 5:02 pm | #

        That’s what I thought it was before, but looking back at her expression on “Not a fair one”, I thought it was odd at the time, but I couldn’t put my finger on why. It was guilt. And if she feels guilty, the -only- way this scene makes -any- sense is if she’s trying to get Sal to kick her ass.

    • Heavensrun
      Heavensrun
      May 18, 2014 at 5:00 pm | #

      I just clued into this myself. She’s trying to get justice done -on herself-.

    • Jen Aside
      Jen Aside
      May 18, 2014 at 5:20 pm | #

      I’m pretty sure only Amber thinks of that as a fight. By the time they actually “engaged”, it was just assault. And a [failed] robbery isn’t really a fight in that sense, either.

  75. K
    K
    May 18, 2014 at 10:40 am | #

    Malaya is even less likeable here than she was in shortpacked. I can honestly say I prefer Danny.

  76. gangler
    gangler
    May 18, 2014 at 11:00 am | #

    I know there was a bit of an argument about her previous fall, but this situation here really does look like it’s getting into “Why you wear a helmet” territory.

    • John
      John
      May 18, 2014 at 12:35 pm | #

      Because if you go around being Malaya, you’re gonna get hit in the head?

  77. ridtom
    ridtom
    May 18, 2014 at 11:43 am | #

    Is Amazi-Girl secretly Crawler?

    Amazi-Girl: “Fight Me! Hurt Me!”

    *Spits Acid at Sals bike*

    • Dante
      Dante
      May 18, 2014 at 12:47 pm | #

      Grey Fox you say?

      • Khaner
        Khaner
        May 18, 2014 at 1:42 pm | #

        A Metal Gear Reference?!

        • Keroshino
          Keroshino
          May 18, 2014 at 2:30 pm | #

          !

          • Jen Aside
            Jen Aside
            May 18, 2014 at 5:20 pm | #

            Metal… Gear??

  78. Starscreamer
    Starscreamer
    May 18, 2014 at 2:32 pm | #

    Well Malaya…play with the bull….

  79. scutigera
    scutigera
    May 18, 2014 at 4:24 pm | #

    If anyone had been interested enough in my opinions to ask me which two developments I least looked forward to in this strip, I would have replied, the inevitable end of AmaziGirl’s unbeaten streak, and the arrival of two of the three most annoying and obnoxious characters David Willis has ever created. Having the first happen because of the second would be especially distasteful. Feel free to pour as much beatdown gravy as you like on Malaya, I say, though few of her giblets are likely to be detached with her mecha girlfriend standing by.

    • John
      John
      May 18, 2014 at 11:57 pm | #

      So, you’re aware that Carla is neither a robot nor Malaya’s girlfriend in this universe, right?

      For that matter, she isn’t in the Walkyverse, either. That’s Ultra Car, who looks very similar but is not the same person.

  80. Tealjoy
    Tealjoy
    May 18, 2014 at 4:58 pm | #

    Are we about to see Hulk Amber again?

  81. man in black
    man in black
    May 18, 2014 at 6:08 pm | #

    See what happens when you give the hero what she wants

    • Jen Aside
      Jen Aside
      May 18, 2014 at 6:16 pm | #

      Twist: Carla’s pranking them, and that’s nonalcoholic beer

  82. Charles Phipps
    Charles Phipps
    May 18, 2014 at 7:39 pm | #

    Someone should get a video of this in the parking lot, post it on Youtube, and then receive a huge amount of comments.

    The title: “Amazi-Girl Bigot! Fights Asian, Black, Disabled, and Trans women to establish supremecy.”

    Then Amazi-Girl can become a diversity positive legacy as she passes it on to Dinah in shame.

  83. Jack Finch
    Jack Finch
    May 18, 2014 at 8:20 pm | #

    Amazi-girl, Amber doesn’t deserve you, but Malaya….Malaya is another story. You two were made for each other.

  84. JeremiahTheBulldog
    JeremiahTheBulldog
    May 18, 2014 at 8:43 pm | #

    Can’t they just leave Malaya? Sounds like a plan to me.

  85. Keulan
    Keulan
    May 18, 2014 at 11:01 pm | #

    God dammit Nappa!

    • Wixvhen
      Wixvhen
      May 18, 2014 at 11:51 pm | #

      Thank you. I’m glad somebody made the comparison.

  86. Fen_Star
    Fen_Star
    May 18, 2014 at 11:45 pm | #

    So, sal knew who she was the whole time?

  87. Robert E.O Speedwagon
    Robert E.O Speedwagon
    May 18, 2014 at 11:51 pm | #

    This is going quite nicely

  88. chris73
    chris73
    May 19, 2014 at 12:00 am | #

    While I think violence towards females is generally a bad idea (self-defence or defence of others being the exception) Malaya is really asking for it

    • Pat
      Pat
      May 19, 2014 at 12:45 am | #

      …violence against anyone is generally a bad idea except for defense.

      • chris73
        chris73
        May 19, 2014 at 11:21 pm | #

        Yeah you’re right but as a guy violence against women seems worse then violence against men (of course it isn’t but still…)

  89. Vree
    Vree
    July 12, 2014 at 7:01 am | #

    “Hurry before it’s sunrise.”

    Sal confirmed for vampire.

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