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(he/him)
⚧
New game! BOLTED 
What is Billie doing in this bed!?!? SPEAK BILLIE!
the gravatar. too perfect
Wiggin’ Out level: maximum
The telling sign is seeing the whites of his eyes.
Also seeing gums is never a good sign in a Willis comic.
Wiggin’ Out level: Walky.
“What is Billie doing in this bed!?!? SPEAK BILLIE!”
Faking people out for a Slipshine comic that will never come.
It is the cruelest of teasers
so this is a habit then =I
By the sound of it, a habit that predates drinking. We’re seeing heretofore-undiscovered levels of Billie here!
Way to stay cool there, Walk.
At least he’s staying cool. Others would be a tad shocked waking up next to Billie.
She’s Mad-a-tonic.
I think she’s pining for the fjords….whatever that means.
Yeah, I’m starting to freak out a little that she hasn’t moved or blinked. But surely Willis wouldn’t…
Maybe she saw an Angel.
WHATEVER YOU DO, DON’T BLINK!!
She’s either so angry that she can’t speak, or else she’s mastered the technique of sleeping with her eyes open.
I just re-watched that yesterday!
+1!
Or I suppose she could be transfixed on that poster.
You mean stop Walky from Wiigiin’ out.
Damnit Nono.
Beat me to it.
There’s always next year.
or wigglin’ IN…
NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE . . .
mice seem to do that alot
Better than stopping Wiggy from Walking out.
AWKWARDNESS!
Awkward has become one of those words I started to hate over time cuz 90% of the time it’s used wrong and then even when it’s used right it’s overused because of that 90% of people using it wrong!!!
How ironic.
(Yes, I did that on purpose)
Literally awkward.
You won. Here’s your Internet.
Don’t you think?
Yeah, awkward is like being the only guy in a class full of women or wearing a suit during Casual Fridays or eating in public during fasting month.
Which will get you a free trip around town
Free trip? Usually, in my country, you get to ride on a van for that.
the trip doesn’t have to be pleasant (it will however, be quite shameful)
So does the van trip downtown.
The company I keep doesn’t make that mistake. In exchange, some of them continuously fuck up the phrase “I couldn’t care less.”
Well, “I could care less” is still correct. It comes from the phrase, “I could care less, but I don’t.”
That’s not effective, though. If you say “I could care less, but I don’t,” you’re still saying that you care. Which defeats the purpose. So no, it’s not correct, unless you’re using it in a different context, in which case it’s not related to “couldn’t care less”.
Or unless it’s supposed to be sarcastic. Which it usually is.
Hmmm…saying it in a sarcastic tone just sounds stupid, in my opinion. It’s like a round about way of saying “pfft, yeah, I totally care.” if you’re speaking sarcastically. it’s just confusing and it makes you sound stupid to people who have good grammar and say “couldn’t care less”.
If “I could care less” would be a meaningful phrase, it would be an instance of understatement, and understatement and sarcasm don’t go together very well.
“I could care less” is nothing more than a corruption of “I couldn’t care less”. I think it will become one of those phrases that no-one knows what they mean or where they come from and people just use the phrase and understand each other, if it isn’t already. (Complete with false etymologies, like any good “stone phrase” (I can’t find the English translation of “versteende uitdrukking”, so a literal translation it is.))
The full statement is correct, but that
bastardizedtruncated version isn’t for people who aren’t aware of the history of that phrase…or Brits, if John Cleese and David Mitchell are to be taken seriously on the matter.I could care less, but it’s not worth the effort.
How about JARRING?
The juxtaposition of proper-awkwardness vs actual awkwardness is an irony few can appreciate.
No problem. Just get some Old Tyme clothes (top hats, monocles, etc), dress up, and then the awkward zone is defeated.
You forgot about the beer.
I would guess Billie has the beer taken care of already.
Dorothy is nowhere to be seen.
I assure you, the awkward has not yet BEGUN
Hope there weren’t any sleep hands going on.
SAY WORDS, DAMN YOU
English. Do you speak it!
Elvish, motherfucker, do you speak it?
Mani?
Sprechen Sie Deutsch?
What?
SAY WHAT AGAIN! SAY WHAT AGAIN!
what?
Your creeping me out just buy just laying there.
Well, actually, its you’re sells that are laying buy me.
Well played.
billie looks so cute
This here is what we call ‘history’.
Yes Donner, this is history.
Reminds me of the Scrubs episode, where JD has just had awkward sex and tries to think of something to say that will diffuse the tension. He settles on “Great job, buddy!”
with the high five and everything
Documented evidence of waking up on the wrong or right side of the bed.
Wow Billie is really hung up on this, she’s not going to stop till we address this is she?
That’s up the Willis.
Sooo, is Billie actually conscious? Is she sleeping with her eyes open?
That or taxidermy was involved somehow.
She’s a wizard!
Wizard did it!
Welp. Gangler wins the prize!
Billie, i know you’re sad. But this isn’t appropriate.
Billie? Can you hear me? Oh, you can’t. You’re fictional.
Ugh, right? I am internally yelling at her right now, “YOU DO NOT DO THIS TO SOMEONE WHO IS IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE ELSE!” I just… I cringe to think of what might happen if Dorothy catches them like this (WHEN Dorothy catches them, knowing Willis…).
Immediate confession would be called for,, because Mike knows.
confession to what, sleeping in immediate proximity to each other?
Seriously idk if its just my hippie college biasing me, but this is not the end of the world. The situation is intimate and embarrassing, but not inherently sexual. I’m guessing Billie needed platonic comfort and Walky was trying to provide that in his own weird way and they just fell asleep.
Yeah, I agree. They’ve been friends since they were little. Walky was just one little constant part of all the other constants in her stable life before college. Now she feels like everything is changing and falling apart around her, that she can’t deal AND she’s still confused and heartbroken over Ruth.
It makes sense that she would turn to one little beacon in college that’s the same as her old life. Even though Walky has a girlfriend now, and he’s growing up a bit, he’s still Walky. That part that makes him so Walky-y isn’t going anywhere. Right now Billie needs that Walky-ness because it’s the only constant she has left. It’s the last reminder of the life she had before when she felt really on top of things and completely 100% in control of her life.
If I were in Dorothy’s shoes, I could understand that. I’m not sure I’d like it so much, but I’d just tell my jealous side the shut the fuck up at least until Billie feels better. Maybe just forever when it comes to her.
Plus, it doesn’t look that bad. Walky was under the blankets, in pajamas, obviously surprised and confused. Billie is on top of the covers, fully dressed and curled up in a ball like she wants nothing more in the world than to just disappear. Anyone walking in would be able to see that this is not a sexy scene.
Holy text wall Batman.
After a certain reply depth, the reduced margins make any reply that is not just a handful of lines gigantic.
Mike is a dick, but in this universe, he seems to be a dick to get things moving, to help people. Even if it is in the worst way possible. I think Mike will keep it to himself, unless he thinks it’ll help to tell.
Or to annoy Joyce.
I don’t think she did this to him exactly? Like right now I’m assuming she came over really upset/drunk and crashed in his room. Friends will do that- they probably just both fell asleep unintentionally. Shit happens.
You mean when Amazi-Girl catches him. Remember, she’s heading to talk to Mike. And Amazi-Girl knows he’s supposed to be with Dorothy (chase scene). So there could be a confrontation about two-timing.
Considering Amber knows who Mike is, and Mike knows who Amber is, and almost assuredly knows who Amazi-Girl is, I doubt Amazi-Girl is going to confront Mike right now.
I think she’s stiff, bereft of life, she rests in peace! Her metabolic processes are now history! She’s off the twig! She’s kicked the bucket, she’s shuffled off ‘is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisible!!
this is an ex-billie!
Well, better replace her then.
Hmm, so is this the only bed she feels safe in that isn’t stocked with booze?
Does that mean that everyone else’s bed is stocked with booze?
You never heard of a firewater bed before?
That sound flamable. No smoking in bed then
is that a waterbed filled with whiskey?
(and now i’m wondering if a waterbed filled with booze–boozebed?–has any difference in buoyancy from a waterbed filled with water.)
Alcohol is lighter than water, so you would sink more.
That would depend on how full you fill it. Air is lighter than water but you don’t necessarily sink more into an air mattress than a water bed. Actually you sink less in my experience.
That is because you can compress air. Alcohol and water, as liquids, are largely incompressible.
This needs testing! For science!
Sadly, I lack a water bed, not to mention the required volume of booze.
I tried a quick Google search, but nobody seems to have tried this.
Anyone?
Density= Mass/Volume
Fix Volume at 1 L
Density of tap water is 1001.74 g/L
Density of 80 Proof Vodka is 940.03 g/L
Density of Light beer 997.51 g/L
Extrapolate a negative correlation between % alcohol and Density
ie: more alcohol means a deeper sink into the bed.
Sorry forgot to source my numbers:
http://www.aqua-calc.com/calculate/food-volume-to-weight
wow billies really mad at that wall. stupid wall
Just standing there, all made of brick. Bastard.
Thinks it so hot with its plaster finish doesn’t it. Jerk
“I’m sure by now you realized that me and Sal do have one thing in common about our sleeping habits…I mean luckily you caught me on a shirt night but as for the bottoms…
Well, I hope she wouldn’t notice the early morning stand at attention.
Somewhere in west Tennessee there is a subdivision called Morning Wood. Spelled out in big letters on brick walls at the entrance.
Morning-ton Ascent?
Not everyone has that problem.
Not everyone calls that a problem.
clearly this Not Everyone should be looking for a solution to that problem
If it was me I wouldn’t count it as LUCKY!
So he thought he was in bed last night with Dorothy right? They didn’t cuddle did they?
My moneys on probably.
Why do you think Billie’s so pissed? She comes to him for comfort, but has to spend the night as Walky’s cuddle toy and unintentional Dorothy stand-in. She probably spent the night weeping, brooding, and pushing Walky’s hands away when they went to inappropriate places.
The worst part is, this is a better night for her than being alone.
My pet rabbit was named Miss Wiggins.
Coincidence? Probably.
They’re too clothed to have fucked. So, what happened then?
Everyone keeps saying this, but I can tell you, when you’re in a hurry, it’s quite easy to skip the whole “remove EVERY article of clothing” step. We can’t see below their waists so we don’t REALLY know for sure.
That said, I highly doubt it, considering what Billie is brooding about. I really don’t think she’d be in the mood.
Nobody keeps their cloths even partially on in his porn comics. That is why I think that.
Basically, Billie went to walky for comfort. Sex wasn’t involved, it was more of a “I am having a bad day and I want to sleep in your bed, big brother” thing.
Do you see any pants on? No? Well, the jury’s still out on whether they had sleepsex then.
It may not even be a comfort thing – Billie thinks Sal and Danny are hooking up in her room, and she’s being decent and letting them alone. Unfortunately, this leaves her bedless for the night, so she’s forced herself on Walky for sleep purposes. They’ve apparently done it before, as kids. It’s turning out to be much more awkward than she expected…
Mannn, I just realised Billie is going to be extra pissed when she discovers Sal and Danny didn’t hook up.
Someone called this exact scenario in yesterday’s comments, good job.
I love how awkward Walky is here and I also love Billie just doing nothing, I can feel the tension in that bed from allll the way over here.
Walky always has the best facial expressions, isn’t he?
Regret. Anger. Depression. All of these are the ingredients of the mixture that is billie’s face in today’s comic..wait til dorothy finds out!
Regret. Anger. Depression. These were the ingredients chosen to make the mopey little Billie. But Professor Walkerton accidentally added an extra ingredient to the concoction….Chemical RUTH. Thus the Pouty Puff Girl was born! Using her ultra grumpy powers, Billie has dedicated her life to fighting nerds and the forces of sobriety!
you dorks
You are damned right sir! And by god, there’s nothing else I ever want to be.
Hey. Take it easy. Don´t worry. It´s monday.
Well, I’m running down the road
tryin’ to loosen my load
I’ve got seven women on
my mind,
Four that wanna own me,
Two that wanna stone me,
One says she’s a friend of mine
Take It easy, take it easy
Damn straight.
That…was awesome. You’re awesome.
Congratulations, you just won the comments. Tell ’em what they’ve won, Bob.
You just won a brand new NOTHING!
I can’t decide if Walky is wearing a flesh-colored t-shirt, or if he has spontaneously developed strange skin flaps on his neck and arms.
Walky is not wigging out. If you can be in angry retrospective mode, that is not wigging out.
“Wigging out” is when you wake up next to someone you are not supposed to be waking up next to (or wholly not expecting to), giving a high-pitched yelp, scrambling roll over the side of the bed.
Then finding out, too late, that you were both sleeping atop a bunk-bed, and slam body-flat on the floor below, THAT is moderately closer to “wigging out.”
{Not that has ever happened to me…nope, nosiree…}
So, it is Mike and Walky’s room…Monkey Master poster on wall, Mike in room.
So, it seems that Billie must have gone to his room and climbed into his bed. Comfort, not sex? Or drunk, and missed the room she wanted.
So, then: why is she mad at Walky? He woke up out of a sound sleep, with a female in his bed whom he is assuming is his GF. Why is this outrageous?
He calls her Dorothy, his GF’s, name.
It is not Dorothy, but Billie. Only reason I can figure that she’d be pissed at him for calling her Dorothy is if they actually had sex and he knew he was having sex with Billie. The old, calling your partner the wrong name thing.
Humm…is he a sleep sexer? Is there such a thing?
I think she’s probably mad at herself about everything that’s been going on. Doesn’t help that the only person she had left to go to for comfort was Walky, someone who she repeatedly makes it clear she doesn’t really like and considers a dork. For someone who was so obsessed with popularity this must be a really low point for her, and she blames herself for every bit of it.
I imagine that’s why she looks mad, not anything Walky did
She may also be mad at Sal – after all, she’s why she had no other place to sleep last night.
O, she likes him, she can’t help it, but he’s just so far benieth where she sees herself.
Billie is pissed spontaneous lovemaking is not occurring.
in a world where “pissed” is synonymous with “furiously grateful”, sure
Billie’s angry she was rejected (again)
“our parents”.
yeah, two sets of parents is still “parents”, grammatically.
Well, remember that Billie claims to have been basically raised by the Walkerton household.
But Walky doesn’t think in those terms.
Bettin’ the Billingsworths were not involved in, or even informed about, this decision in any way.
Yes, both sets.
He’s talking about his and Sal’s parents, not him and Billie. Hence why he stated that when he was 9, they stopped sharing a bed, you know … like siblings sometimes do when they’re kids? Not Billie’s parents, just him and his sister. It’s not that hard to figure out in context.
No, he’s talking about both their sets of parents.
“hey, feel free to contribute to this conversation at any point. just, jump right in.”
Tapping her hand did not produce any observable reaction. He should continue tapping other body parts to see if she react to outside stimulus.
Of course with that gravitar
Okay, that’s it. I’m sick of waiting in drydock while patently impossible ships like this one get to tool around the seas like they might actually go somewhere.
Therefore I am taking command of the USS BillieRuth immediately. This is a full scale mutiny. Those that are down with the ship can stay onboard. Those who are not are getting fed to the sharks. Come! Join me for a life of piracy, high seas adventures, and a cargo hold brimming with booze!
We sail tonight for Singapore! Don’t fall asleep while your ashore. Cross your heart and hope to die. When you hear the children cry! Take your blankets from the floor! Wash your mouth out by the door.
Heave away boys.
First one to get the reference will be my first mate.
That kind of promise should not be made lightly around these parts.
The USS BillieRuth may come under fire if it strays out of harbor.
Oh surely. But this is a blockade we can run! So man the helm, raise shields, and prep the warp drive on my mark.
http://tinyurl.com/godownwithship
You should have used the Edmund Fitzgerald. After all, it left from your home town on its final voyage.
Capsule City?
Nope, here.
The Fitz took her last load from the dock closest to the camera.
Well, you did tell Mr. Satan that it left from his hometown.
I was replying to the person, not the avatar.
Do your best, ’cause I’m gonna nuke it from orbit.
Shields and warp drives mean Star Trek, so a nuke isn’t likely to be effective
Shields have limits. And Star Trek means every hit makes shit explode.
Well, no, the set only rumbles when it hits the shields. Once the shields are down, an actual HIT makes shit explode, though.
Nope consoles will be exploding and taking out extras with each hit. Losing the shields just causes the main characters to get their hair mussed up. Of course the ship may be understaffed so the injuries may be more severe.
I sometimes regret knowing so many trekkies, because your version is so much more fun.
And ready the crew to repel boarders.
(coughTomWaitsCoughhack)
Congrats, Number 1. You have the bridge. I’ll be in my ready room.
I have a feeling they did do SOMETHING and Mike played a huge role in making it happen.
Walky would remember. People don’t actually generally forget sex unless they’re really drunk, and Walky probably doesn’t drink, certainly has never been shown drunk, and isn’t hung over at all.
They didn’t do anything, he doesn’t -think- they did anything, he’s just confused and terrified by the fact that she’s there at all.
Billie drew the dicks on the door. Calling it.
Billie thought that Sal is having booty call sex with Danny so she couldnt go back to her room. She went to Walky.
Sal is having booty call sex with Danny??
Sal has shown exactly zero interest in Danny for anything other than the power cord for his “video game thing”; she even took time to gratuitously slam him for being so slow on one of the stages. Doesn’t sound like anything leading to booty-call time to me.
That’s what Bille thought.
Relevant.
This won’t end well
Long ago, the Dorothy and Walkie lived together in (sexy) harmony. Then everything changed when the Billie nation attacked. Only the Mikeatar, witness to the preceding events, could exonerate them. But when Walky needed him most, he vanished…..
Hilarity ensues.
Or painful breakup…
I feel so bad for Billie. Even with her saying nothing, and even if I just push all the crap she’s going through out of my mind. Just the image of her in these past two strips is upsetting. She looks so sad, and angry and just broken. Makes me want to reach through the strip and hug her.
This. Billie needs a hug, but she’s not going to ask for it. She has to stay to tough or she will break down.
I think this is cute
Hee, Walky’s embarrassed about his morning wood. Don’t blame him.
Billie’s expression ever so slightly softens in the 4th panel.
Really think that’s just random inconsistencies between the two drawings.
Is that what you see? Her pupil-dots actually get smaller in the 4th panel – in the Willis-verses, this usually means rage. Otherwise, panels 2 and 4 are almost identical.
So can Walky say that he’s bedded two girls now?
…keeps wiggin’ the slag out! Whoa, I think I just blinked back into reality! Hey, are Walky and Billie sharing a bed? Wow, this sort of wacky misunderstanding is just like on “Three’s Company”!
And another thing…
Billie knows she is in Walky’s bed, and she knows Walky is uncomfortable, and she hears him trying to talk to her, and she just doesn’t give a damn.
I think she’s suicidal.
I would squeeze the hell out of her.
We know you totally tsundere friendshipping these two David.
I do too.
Don’t you mean wiigiing out?
*eyebrow waggle*
I know it’s only been a few minutes, but why is Walky still in bed? Wouldn’t step one be to get a little distance from the problem of waking up with a non-girl friend? Plus hanging around in bed with Billie can’t end well.
He’s blocked in by Billie.
how
THE SAME WAY SNORLAX BLOCKS YOUR PATH IN POKEMON
*applause*
That just raises more questions.
Maybe Walky sleeps Commando? He’s hiding something under the blanket.
If Billie was upset and depressed enough to spend the night in Walkie’s bed she was probably upset and depressed enough to express herself by decorating white boards. Not a sure thing tho.
OT, writing this here ‘cuz I don’t have Tumblr.
David,
First: Seeing random people on Tumblr paint you as an MRA is a bit infuriating but mostly the most hilarious damn thing I’ve seen in I don’t know how long.
Second: The fact that you even entertained the notion that you might’ve done something wrong, that it might’ve been anything other than a big misinterpretation of a thing taken out of context, speaks volumes about your greatness.
Third: You are getting help with that depression, right?
We love you, Willis! =)