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I am only about 40% aware of what Dream Daddy’s deal is (pop cultural osmosis), but considering the qualities of most of DoA’s parents, I’d say that’s not a game anyone should play.
Concerning good dads who have appeared on-screen, we can throw in Dorothy’s dad, Sierra’s dad, and probably Dina’s dad too. Include off-screen dads, and we can add Carla’s as well.
Also, I’m hopeful that he’s a good dad, mainly because, despite realizing her own strangeness, Dina seems to have the self-confidence and self-assurance that comes from having encouraging, supportive parents.
I believe there was a Patreon strip of their reaction to that – which was one panel of the two of them jumping and yelling for joy, then back to their normal silent, expressionless selves.
Rachel’s speech hit ME hard and I’m in a significantly better place* than Ruth, plus it also wasn’t said directly to me by a real person. I’m really really impressed with Ruth lately. Her life sucks but she’s still trying, I’m proud of how far she’s come. ;~;
* (Well, I was at the time the strip ran haha. Now I’m withdrawing from my antidepressant because I ran out and it’s awful buuuut thankfully this is just temporary. |D)
Ruth, I could fucking hug you. Both for the personal growth, and for sharing it with Amber when she really needs it. I hope this broke through the self-hatred wall and took root.
100% agreement. I had been thinking to myself a couple weeks ago how great it would be if these two could have a heart-to-heart, or even just a conversation, considering their circumstances and with Ruth now on the path to recovery. I’m so glad Ruth’s gotten to this point and equally glad it might allow her to help Amber a little.
I just started reading that. That entire dynamic was excellently played out. I was initially on Todoroki’s side completely there – “if it reminds me of/links me to my father, I will reject it” – but Izuku’s insight really slapped me awake a bit. It’s yours! You have the right to see yourself as more than the product of your father unconditionally, without denying something that is rightfully part of you!
That fight and the surrounding character development was way better written than I expected.
yeah, it’s totally fine, I just got a bit confused about what you were asking about. it’s also a relatively obscure battle, because people focus on wwi than wwii. i’m actually sort of a history buff, and study wars a lot.
For WWI buffs who want more than a quick Google on WWI and Passchendaele, I recommend Dan Carlin’s Hardcore History podcast on WWII – Blueprint for Armageddon. Currently available free at http://www.dancarlin.com/hardcore-history-series/
WWI was MUCH worse than you were ever taught and a real hinge of history. US centered versions are just woeful in all senses. A recommendation from your friendly neighborhood librarian with a history degree.
A good quote for WW1, “Over 60 million men served in the ‘War to end all Wars’. It ended nothing, but changed everything.”
The birth of fascism, the eventual Cold War between the US and the USSR, the mess of the Middle East, the break up of Yugoslavia; all of these events have their origins in WWI. It affected everything from literature, to diplomacy, to military doctrine. Tolkien served on the Somme and started writing the Lay of Beren and Luthien while in a hospital for trench foot, the first part of his legendarium which has come to dominate popular culture. C.S. Lewis also served. Black soldiers from America got their first real taste of racial equality fighting alongside and under the more open and tolerant French. Everything about the modern world was forged in the crucible of WW1. Fellow historian.
Sorry, mom friend laws. You can only tap on this reserve of strength and wisdom for the benefit of others. Can’t do it for yourself, especially not against your own self-loathing.
Not being an RA, just being someone who has some more understanding of how it feels to be in this situation using her RA rank to make sure Amber hears some of what she needs to hear.
That might not be the best phrasing, Ruth. Presuming you want to get across ‘half the time, because I’ve got the same struggle, and sometimes I don’t win’, anyway.
‘I believe it every day but today, because I am conversing with you’ is not the right message.
Ah, I got what she meant, but I can see why it might sound confusing. She doesn’t mean, “every day other than today [because recent events have proven otherwise]” but, rather, like you phrased it, “I believe this about half the time.”
It looks like Amber understood as Ruth meant it, tho.
I would genuinely love that. The amount of support the three of them could show each other recovering from their shitty fathers would be immensely powerful for all, I believe.
Becky: OMG, we should TOTALLY form a Shitty Father’s Club! We could, like, help each other out, and share our feelings, and totally cry in each other’s arms! It’d be awesomesauce!
*Amber and Ruth arch skeptical eyebrows, glance at each other, look back at Becky*
Amber & Ruth (simultaneious): PASS.
(Don’t get me wrong, I generally love the idea, but Amber & Ruth totally aren’t the ‘sharing’ types.)
I don’t think Amber or Becky drink – Becky I’m sure of, Amber I don’t think we’ve seen.
And Ruth shouldn’t.
Maybe Billie could sit in. She’s got a pretty crap dad as well. Not actively abusive. Or, you know, there at all.
Of course, she shouldn’t drink either.
Now, in my mind’s eye, they’re all sitting there in a dark room staring at the whiskey bottle on the table …
I doubt Ruth wants to make herself emotionally vulnerable, but right now it would probably mean a lot to Amber if she opened up about going through a similar thing with Asshole Grampa
For some reason, I’m imagining the scene from the end of Revenge of the Sith where Vader and the Emperor are looking out over the under-construction hull of the Death Star.
These two have needed each other in their lives for a WHILE. Especially if they get Carla involved and somehow manage to use colored lights, fans, and gold balls to trick Blaine and Sir into fighting one another.
How does Ruth not just know at least something about Amber’s dad? She knew everything about Billie’s situation, because as she pointed out, “its my job to know.” (Paraphrased) She also seems to know about Carla, so…unless Amber’s past was a total secret from the school…
Actually, it’s one of Amber’s oldest fears. All Mike said was that everyone was now scared of her and this was a good thing. It was Amber who made the connection with Blaine.
The key word being “if.” Mike pointed out the unlikelihood of her becoming EITHER of her parents, because she wanted to avoid her dad like the plague (she told him as much) and she didn’t want to become her mom (she told him as much). He pointed out that IF she were to become one of them, and she’s making a point to not be her mom, who is she becoming? http://www.dumbingofage.com/2013/comic/book-3/04-just-hangin-out-with-my-family/ensnared/
Remember, Amber KNOWS Mike. And she knows what his “bullshit” is, which is why it was effective at getting her away from the tree, as well. Mike doesn’t have a goddamned filter, so he says what he thinks, and he’s observed a lot of people to be able to think a lot. (It’s also worth noting that his mom is a “fix it with hugs” person, and he’s watched people like Sarah actively fend off the hugs, and others like Amber walk away from the hugs still depressed, so he knows hugs don’t always “fix it.” Lots of kids decide to go the opposite of what they see their parents failing at.)
The fuck he did. Her fear of becoming her mother was no big deal. It’s typical to not want to become just like your parents, even when you have a good relationship with them. Amber’s fears of becoming her father are an existential terror for her. THAT is her greatest fear, and no doubt has been since she was old enough to realize how abusive he was.
That was the most harmful fucking thing Mike has said or done.
Though fear of falling for someone like Blaine and thus into the same abused role as her mom is also there. Not just “not want to be just like your parents”, but specifically the abuse victim part.
You’re absolutely right that becoming the abuser is the greater fear for her, but the other side is there as well. Might have even been more of a conscious thing before then – she says it in that scene: “I always worry I’ll be like my mom and get ensnared by some jerk.”
Then of course Mike has to “help”.
Yup. Like, that’s one of the more evocative things for me. How much damage Mike does to people he is supposedly close to, just to watch them fall apart as he twists on their insecurities to worsen their mental health conditions.
Like, of all the characters, I think he reminds me the most of the really shitty people who make a game out of finding mentally ill people online and trying to harass them into suicide or a breakdown “for fun”.
And he’s the one who is most actively dangerous to the ones around them (like Mary is a close second, but at least Mary doesn’t demand to be treated as a friend after she tries to kill someone).
The sooner Amber and Ethan can pull away from him, the better, because even if Mike wasn’t a piece of shit, the way he interacts with their insecurities and mental health conditions is actively harmful to their recovery and well-being.
It never stuck me before, but now I want to see Mary and Mike interacting. Preferably dating. Out of sheer perverse curiosity as to who would sink the other first.
I acknowledge that it might be unreadable for some.
You think you’ve got away. You think you’re beyond the power of the Leafs to draw you back to its grip. You think it’s finally behind you. But deep in the back of your mind, some part of you says, that leaf maple you back in.
I sure the honesty actually helped. It didn’t necessarily make Amber feel better about the situation. But it gave her something to try. Speaking of Experience without something to try things can’t help but get worse.
I honestly think that Ruth and only Ruth could have this conversation with Amber. After all, she’s the one who’s spent years having it pounded into her head that she’s the incarnation of all her late father’s bad qualities. After that long, it’s hard to believe anything different but she’s trying (at least, in part, because it isn’t just about her). It’s just something Amber is going to have to realise: She isn’t a helpless passenger but she has the ability to say: “No, this is what Blaine would have done and I don’t want to be him.”
This doesn’t mean that she won’t have breakdowns or blackouts ever again in sufficiently stressful circumstances but there are coping strategies even then. The trick is to not try to run away but to try to fight it head-on.
“My penis is massively swollen, dark purple, and almost definitely requires medical attention.” I mean, people will pick what they want to pick, but there’s a banana emoji right fucking there, and it makes more sense.
I think as much as Amber needs to hear this from someone who’s been there, Ruth needs to say it.
By which I mean: Sometimes only by trying to help someone else who’s dealing with the same shit you dealt with do you realize how far you’ve come and that you are not, in fact, the embodiment of your worst nightmares.
I think Ruth needs to assure someone they don’t have to become their abuser right now because I think it’s what she needs to believe right now – and sometimes you can’t believe it of yourself but you can believe it for someone else and believing it for someone else gives you hope for yourself, if that makes any sense at all.
I would agree. There’s a lot of value in teaching stuff and it applies to helping others as well. Sometimes that external perspective can help clue you in to how you view other survivors compared to the self-abusive way you view yourself.
Hey, folks. Just jumping in to say that I’ll be on vacation for the next few days, and since I always post on my home PC (I don’t even own a smart-phone), I’ll not be posting here during this time.
I hope all of you will have a pleasant time, or at least as little unpleasant as can be!
Also, I think ischemgeek (and others) are right: Ruth is probably better equipped than most to talk to Amber right now. They have similar problems; and unlike Joyce, Ruth clearly is taking her time to try and and make sure that she’s telling Amber the right things.
I don’t think it’s unusual for her not to post until later in the day, or even skip a day or two. Hopefully she’s just getting some rest and taking care of herself.
Sometimes she posts early morning soon after the comic comes out, sometimes she does it much later in the day and every now and then she skips a day or two. Also yesterday she said her fiancee may have broken up with her (with the possibility that it was a misunderstanding) so it may be a self-care day if she was actually broken up with.
The worst part of all of it is that it’s working merry hell on all of my insecurities and fulfills a lot of relationship fears of mine, but *shrug*, not my place to hold onto someone who doesn’t want to be held onto.
Your fiancee is missing out [if a breakup is really what’s happening]. And it sounds like you’re at least aware enough to label this as “working merry hell on all of [your] insecurities,” so hopefully that means you’re moving away from being overwhelmed by the emotions to being able to analyze them, which is probably good?
Either way, this is super hard. So sorry, Cerberus.
That panel 3 is life. And this is the value that can come from mentoring from a position of shared experiences. When you’ve been through abuse, depression, anxiety, sexual violence, etc… it can add weight to what you’re saying, can make it more meaningful and more understanding of what the other is going through.
And I think this, this beautiful moment between two people with violently abusive parental figures is powerful and I think it will reach through to Amber, at least partially and maybe hopefully will open up lines of communication of these two talking through their experiences of surviving abuse and maybe even encouraging Amber to seek support and psychological services.
And that line is important because for all it feels like we’re doomed to become our abusers, the reality is that’s not the case. The reality is that we’re not destined to be monsters at all.
And it’s powerful coming out of Ruth, because in certain ways, she did fall into recreating some of the toxic dynamics of “sir” grampus. The way she wielded power was certainly evocative of his same system of creating order through fear and it’s nice to see her breaking away from that and encouraging Amber that her flashes of anger or violence do not mean she’s doomed to become Blaine (fuck Mike for reinforcing that bullshit, by the by).
And it’s a dynamic I see a lot in the real world. Two broken people dealing with big shit who help each other with their shared traumas, making the two feel less alone in the world. It can be a beautiful thing when it works. I want it to work here.
Plus, it’s a nice follow-up to Ruth coming out of her last rage-a-thon after scaring Amber to see her make a direct effort to speak to those shared experiences of struggling with anger and desire for violence from suffering abuse.
Now don’t forget, you don’t have to accept that you’d become your mother either. Though in a different continuity she did love a ‘monster’ so that may be a challenge here too.
I don’t think there’s much evidence for that about Ruth’s dad. IIRC, it’s reading a lot into a comment from Clint – who may well have other reasons for not liking his daughter’s husband.
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Dream Daddy but with the DoA dads
Dumb Daddy: A Dad Drama Simulator
Dumbing of Dads
I am only about 40% aware of what Dream Daddy’s deal is (pop cultural osmosis), but considering the qualities of most of DoA’s parents, I’d say that’s not a game anyone should play.
It’s a game about dating dads and sending death threats to people who make fanart.
yeah, sadly
Wait, death threat?
I think I’d have my dad end up with Hank.
I don’t think we’re ready for a game where you can date a giant toe.
hence “drama”
Considering your avatar, that should be in all caps, methinks.
. . . .So two of the dads would be Blaine and Toedad? . . .That sounds like it would get depressing rather quickly.
…hence “drama”
“A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.”
Do you want to play Thermonuclear Dads?
Who has the superbug card and is willing to play it?
“Anyone have change for 20 million people?”
alternately: “woof”
That made me smile sooooo big. Thanks for the flash back! /–)
I saw Thermonuclear Dads in concert once.
Once.
And Joe’s dad.
His opening scene is figuring out how he got you in bed after one sentence.
For this comic I’d prefer a dad fighting sim. I will punch all the bad abusive dads.
Let’s be honest, you’d just look for the cheat codes to ensure you’d always win in such a game, right?
Because I know I would.
Also, Willis, make a game where we get to punch all your abusive comic strip dads!
https://dumbingofage.tumblr.com/post/163368931329/itswalky-no-matter-which-dialogue-option-you
AHHHHHHHH!!! KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!!
oddly enough my creativity with dadsonas has limited itself to realizing I could play as Egoraptor… has not occurred to me to actually make a Dumb Dad
eh, closest I can get in the five minutes I have before bed: https://www.dropbox.com/s/6rh1uci2ocdyam5/20170801002945_1.jpg?dl=0
Basically you have to put up with all the other dads enough to unlock Joyce’s dad
Considering this comic, Joyce’s dad seems like the one good ending and it’d be next to impossible to unlock.
Concerning good dads who have appeared on-screen, we can throw in Dorothy’s dad, Sierra’s dad, and probably Dina’s dad too. Include off-screen dads, and we can add Carla’s as well.
Mike’s dad? Maybe?
Was Dina’s dad ever on screen?
Also, I’m hopeful that he’s a good dad, mainly because, despite realizing her own strangeness, Dina seems to have the self-confidence and self-assurance that comes from having encouraging, supportive parents.
Yes, but I don’t know that he has ever actually said anything.
Her mother was very supportive when Dina called to say she had a girlfriend.
http://www.dumbingofage.com/tag/ryou/
I believe there was a Patreon strip of their reaction to that – which was one panel of the two of them jumping and yelling for joy, then back to their normal silent, expressionless selves.
Jerry Keener it is, then!
How about a Dad Combat Simulator? That might work better, thematically.
Only if we can play good dads vs bad dads.
Still, that’s a 50% improvement over where she was a few weeks ago. Baby steps.
Things are heating up
*plays the late George Michael’s “Father Figure” on the hacked Muzak*
And now I’m imagining Amber and Ruth kicking bad patriarchal butt in an East German apartment.
I’m relieved to know she didn’t take Rachel’s “redemption is a myth” bullshit completely to heart.
Also I don’t think there are two characters in this comic who have ever needed to have a conversation more.
Uggggh saaaame @ that first bit.
Rachel’s speech hit ME hard and I’m in a significantly better place* than Ruth, plus it also wasn’t said directly to me by a real person. I’m really really impressed with Ruth lately. Her life sucks but she’s still trying, I’m proud of how far she’s come. ;~;
* (Well, I was at the time the strip ran haha. Now I’m withdrawing from my antidepressant because I ran out and it’s awful buuuut thankfully this is just temporary. |D)
Ruth, I could fucking hug you. Both for the personal growth, and for sharing it with Amber when she really needs it. I hope this broke through the self-hatred wall and took root.
I just want all the good things for these girls.
100% agreement. I had been thinking to myself a couple weeks ago how great it would be if these two could have a heart-to-heart, or even just a conversation, considering their circumstances and with Ruth now on the path to recovery. I’m so glad Ruth’s gotten to this point and equally glad it might allow her to help Amber a little.
I must say that I am really diggin’ the expressions at play here. Amber’s facial ticks are rather subtle as she listens to Ruth.
I think these two could really help each other work out their problems, a shared/similar pain after all.
It’s your quirk not his!
Wait…wrong comic…
By the way I’m referencing “My Hero Acedemica”
I just started reading that. That entire dynamic was excellently played out. I was initially on Todoroki’s side completely there – “if it reminds me of/links me to my father, I will reject it” – but Izuku’s insight really slapped me awake a bit. It’s yours! You have the right to see yourself as more than the product of your father unconditionally, without denying something that is rightfully part of you!
That fight and the surrounding character development was way better written than I expected.
MHA as a whole is just amazing really, I’m really excited to see it continue exceeding expectations.
The just aired fight with Stain is my favorite bit of characterization for any anime villain.
50% more confidence than rachel expressed in her whole “actually redemption is impossible” speech, so I can support that.
(also the battle of passchendaele is 100 years old. disclaimer: i am definitely not 100 years old)
the who what?
huh?
(3rd?) Ypres. WW1
Oh, okay. I mean I was kinda being flippant but I genuinely didn’t know what it was. Guess I could’ve used Google.
yeah, it’s totally fine, I just got a bit confused about what you were asking about. it’s also a relatively obscure battle, because people focus on wwi than wwii. i’m actually sort of a history buff, and study wars a lot.
whoops, more focus on wwii than wwi. damn I’m tired tonight.
For WWI buffs who want more than a quick Google on WWI and Passchendaele, I recommend Dan Carlin’s Hardcore History podcast on WWII – Blueprint for Armageddon. Currently available free at
http://www.dancarlin.com/hardcore-history-series/
WWI was MUCH worse than you were ever taught and a real hinge of history. US centered versions are just woeful in all senses. A recommendation from your friendly neighborhood librarian with a history degree.
A good quote for WW1, “Over 60 million men served in the ‘War to end all Wars’. It ended nothing, but changed everything.”
The birth of fascism, the eventual Cold War between the US and the USSR, the mess of the Middle East, the break up of Yugoslavia; all of these events have their origins in WWI. It affected everything from literature, to diplomacy, to military doctrine. Tolkien served on the Somme and started writing the Lay of Beren and Luthien while in a hospital for trench foot, the first part of his legendarium which has come to dominate popular culture. C.S. Lewis also served. Black soldiers from America got their first real taste of racial equality fighting alongside and under the more open and tolerant French. Everything about the modern world was forged in the crucible of WW1. Fellow historian.
Yes, this is the Ruth that Gotham needs! Now if she can translate this courageous attitude into her own life, we’ll be golden.
Sorry, mom friend laws. You can only tap on this reserve of strength and wisdom for the benefit of others. Can’t do it for yourself, especially not against your own self-loathing.
Not being an RA, just being someone who has some more understanding of how it feels to be in this situation using her RA rank to make sure Amber hears some of what she needs to hear.
Every OTHER day?
yep. that’s how it goes… some days are better than others.
^ This. And it can sometimes be every third day if you forget to take your meds. :/
That might not be the best phrasing, Ruth. Presuming you want to get across ‘half the time, because I’ve got the same struggle, and sometimes I don’t win’, anyway.
‘I believe it every day but today, because I am conversing with you’ is not the right message.
“every other day” is generally understood to mean “every second day”
It’s hard to tell those apart in text, but I think they sound pretty different.
Although I was gonna point that same thing out myself..
Ah, I got what she meant, but I can see why it might sound confusing. She doesn’t mean, “every day other than today [because recent events have proven otherwise]” but, rather, like you phrased it, “I believe this about half the time.”
It looks like Amber understood as Ruth meant it, tho.
now if Becky would show up, we’d have the inaugural meeting of the Shitty Father Sorority.
I would genuinely love that. The amount of support the three of them could show each other recovering from their shitty fathers would be immensely powerful for all, I believe.
Becky: OMG, we should TOTALLY form a Shitty Father’s Club! We could, like, help each other out, and share our feelings, and totally cry in each other’s arms! It’d be awesomesauce!
*Amber and Ruth arch skeptical eyebrows, glance at each other, look back at Becky*
Amber & Ruth (simultaneious): PASS.
(Don’t get me wrong, I generally love the idea, but Amber & Ruth totally aren’t the ‘sharing’ types.)
lol
they might be the type to enjoy sharing cynical stories of the shit they’ve lived through. over a bottle of whisky, if that’s ok for Ruth.
I know you both need it
I know you both nee-eed it
someone who knows what you’re going through…
I don’t think Amber or Becky drink – Becky I’m sure of, Amber I don’t think we’ve seen.
And Ruth shouldn’t.
Maybe Billie could sit in. She’s got a pretty crap dad as well. Not actively abusive. Or, you know, there at all.
Of course, she shouldn’t drink either.
Now, in my mind’s eye, they’re all sitting there in a dark room staring at the whiskey bottle on the table …
Underaged drinking is against the law. Amber sternly disapproves, because Amazi-Girl does.
http://www.dumbingofage.com/2015/comic/book-5/03-the-butterflies-fly-away/wine/
http://www.dumbingofage.com/2015/comic/book-5/03-the-butterflies-fly-away/disperse-2/
“Every other day.”
Well, at least she’s being honest.
The difference is that Blaine doesn’t worry about whether he’s right. He KNOWS that he is.
Ruth is like the most relatable character to me.
Ruth and Amber, staring menacingly out the window. Will this be the start of a beautiful friendship? Only time will tell.
At the end of day your are the main thing in life you can control.
your actions, I assume?
It’s being out of control DURING the day that’s worrisome.
OK, I’m hearing a mashup where Aaron Burr is standing in front of a lot of female French factory workers.
…two points:
1) I can dig it.
2) That’s going to devolve past flirting WAY fast, there.
I hope the Forbidden Broadway people are reading this.
omg UniqueSnowflake2 I felt the Hamilton on my own but you… you completed it.
(inb4 “on my own”)
I doubt Ruth wants to make herself emotionally vulnerable, but right now it would probably mean a lot to Amber if she opened up about going through a similar thing with Asshole Grampa
This IS being emotionally vulnerable and opening up. Billie’s the only person Ruth has EVER talked to about her grandpa until now.
I think we can all imagine them perched on some rooftop and/or gargoyle, staring out over Gotham while they have this talk, right?
For some reason, I’m imagining the scene from the end of Revenge of the Sith where Vader and the Emperor are looking out over the under-construction hull of the Death Star.
Which one’s Batman and which is Robin?
Batin and Robman!
Batbin and Roman
Bobin and Ratman
Batboy and Rubin!
They’re both Batman. Ruth is Michael Keaton, and Amber is Christian Bale.
this
That makes sense.
Does that make Sal Ben Afleck or George Clooney?
Ben Afleck is cooler, vut I think Sal is Kevin Conroy, the best Batman.
*but
Amber is Lego Batman and Ethan is Wyldstyle.
Original video game Lego Batman, video game Lego Batman with a voice, The Lego Movie Batman, or spinoff cartoons Lego Batman?
I imagine Amber missing how the wind was always perfectly blowing for AG’s cape.
I like the new Ruth who’s trying to improve herself and others.
And there it is. Finally. I think this is the first time in her life she’s spoken to anyone about the root of her self loathing.
Both Amber and Ruth are suuuper closed-off about this stuff so it took me a hot second to determine who you were talking about.
Oof, I forgot Ruth body flipped Blaine. She most likely has a vague idea of Amber’s predicament.
And she can relate due to recycling Sir Grampus.
These two have needed each other in their lives for a WHILE. Especially if they get Carla involved and somehow manage to use colored lights, fans, and gold balls to trick Blaine and Sir into fighting one another.
I’m trying to suss out the reference you’re making … Home Alone?
I think it’s a reference to what Carla did to Mary last Book.
That crossed my mind, too. Should have gone with my gut feeling.
How does Ruth not just know at least something about Amber’s dad? She knew everything about Billie’s situation, because as she pointed out, “its my job to know.” (Paraphrased) She also seems to know about Carla, so…unless Amber’s past was a total secret from the school…
Oh. I see. That’s deliberate.
Let the record show, that the person who originally put “you’re going to be like your father” into Amber’s head was Mike.
And probably her father.
Actually, it’s one of Amber’s oldest fears. All Mike said was that everyone was now scared of her and this was a good thing. It was Amber who made the connection with Blaine.
Actually, well before that (like 5 years or something ago) Amber was worried that she’d be like her MOM. Mike…. set her straight?
The key word being “if.” Mike pointed out the unlikelihood of her becoming EITHER of her parents, because she wanted to avoid her dad like the plague (she told him as much) and she didn’t want to become her mom (she told him as much). He pointed out that IF she were to become one of them, and she’s making a point to not be her mom, who is she becoming? http://www.dumbingofage.com/2013/comic/book-3/04-just-hangin-out-with-my-family/ensnared/
Remember, Amber KNOWS Mike. And she knows what his “bullshit” is, which is why it was effective at getting her away from the tree, as well. Mike doesn’t have a goddamned filter, so he says what he thinks, and he’s observed a lot of people to be able to think a lot. (It’s also worth noting that his mom is a “fix it with hugs” person, and he’s watched people like Sarah actively fend off the hugs, and others like Amber walk away from the hugs still depressed, so he knows hugs don’t always “fix it.” Lots of kids decide to go the opposite of what they see their parents failing at.)
Effective at getting her away from the tree and deeper into her “I’m a monster to be feared” funk.
Mike’s really helping.
Reltzik is referring to a conversion between Amber and Mike during Freshman Family Weekend (Bk3Ch4).
The fuck he did. Her fear of becoming her mother was no big deal. It’s typical to not want to become just like your parents, even when you have a good relationship with them. Amber’s fears of becoming her father are an existential terror for her. THAT is her greatest fear, and no doubt has been since she was old enough to realize how abusive he was.
That was the most harmful fucking thing Mike has said or done.
Though fear of falling for someone like Blaine and thus into the same abused role as her mom is also there. Not just “not want to be just like your parents”, but specifically the abuse victim part.
You’re absolutely right that becoming the abuser is the greater fear for her, but the other side is there as well. Might have even been more of a conscious thing before then – she says it in that scene: “I always worry I’ll be like my mom and get ensnared by some jerk.”
Then of course Mike has to “help”.
Yup. Like, that’s one of the more evocative things for me. How much damage Mike does to people he is supposedly close to, just to watch them fall apart as he twists on their insecurities to worsen their mental health conditions.
Like, of all the characters, I think he reminds me the most of the really shitty people who make a game out of finding mentally ill people online and trying to harass them into suicide or a breakdown “for fun”.
And he’s the one who is most actively dangerous to the ones around them (like Mary is a close second, but at least Mary doesn’t demand to be treated as a friend after she tries to kill someone).
The sooner Amber and Ethan can pull away from him, the better, because even if Mike wasn’t a piece of shit, the way he interacts with their insecurities and mental health conditions is actively harmful to their recovery and well-being.
It never stuck me before, but now I want to see Mary and Mike interacting. Preferably dating. Out of sheer perverse curiosity as to who would sink the other first.
I acknowledge that it might be unreadable for some.
You don’t have to be a Leafs fan. You always have a choice.
“Have you tried not being a Leafs fan?”
There is no choice … once the Leafs take root you bleed yearly blue forever. 47 years and counting …
Bleeding and your team never wins?
…and here I thought I already wanted to be a sports fan the least possible amount…
If the Sox and the Cubs can win the title, maybe someday the Leafs can, too…
It’s worse being a West Brom or Leighton fan. Or even Bristol Rovers.
The occasional win, sometimes a run up the league only to fall back down again.
Most of it watched in the pouring rain.
Did your autocorrect misspell Leyton Orient?
I’ve got mine a bit better trained, but can’t figure why.
AYEEEE!!! Can’t remember to tell the truth.
Leyton Orient Football Club, to give it it’s full majesty.
You think you’ve got away. You think you’re beyond the power of the Leafs to draw you back to its grip. You think it’s finally behind you. But deep in the back of your mind, some part of you says, that leaf maple you back in.
….
*flees*
I sure the honesty actually helped. It didn’t necessarily make Amber feel better about the situation. But it gave her something to try. Speaking of Experience without something to try things can’t help but get worse.
AHHHHH RUTHS THE JIM GORDON TO HER BATMAN
I still say that Sal is her Catwoman and Joyce her Wonder Woman.
So she’s going to make out with Sal, and want to make out with Joyce, but get weirded about by god stuff?
Sounds about right.
and ethan is her alfred! danny her vicki vale.
mike, meanwhile, is her damian
preferably non-asbar vicki vale.
Reagan is her Ra’s Al Ghul.
Mike and Damian, the ultimate dynamic Duo XD
……also this
I honestly think that Ruth and only Ruth could have this conversation with Amber. After all, she’s the one who’s spent years having it pounded into her head that she’s the incarnation of all her late father’s bad qualities. After that long, it’s hard to believe anything different but she’s trying (at least, in part, because it isn’t just about her). It’s just something Amber is going to have to realise: She isn’t a helpless passenger but she has the ability to say: “No, this is what Blaine would have done and I don’t want to be him.”
This doesn’t mean that she won’t have breakdowns or blackouts ever again in sufficiently stressful circumstances but there are coping strategies even then. The trick is to not try to run away but to try to fight it head-on.
“For one thing, your father can’t fight for shit”
part of me wants to see blaine’s face when he picks on someone who can fight
Evil vs Evil Ruth’s Grandpa beating the shit out of Blaine with his walking stick.
that would be amazing
lol I’d watch that XD
Like Ruth or Amber?
this made me lose my shit auo;ljgbvf
*Bows*
Sometimes you just want to make silly jokes, even in the face of Blaine and “Sir”
Okay, so I gotta ask. What’s the eggplant emoji stand for? It’s popping up all over the place.
I mean I could just google it, but y’know. Effort.
its supposed to be a dick
Subtle
“My penis is massively swollen, dark purple, and almost definitely requires medical attention.” I mean, people will pick what they want to pick, but there’s a banana emoji right fucking there, and it makes more sense.
in some systems the banana emoji is peeled or half-peeled, which is a confusing message sexy-wise
Please do not provide me with that mental imagery.
Foreskin tho?
Well, that was disappointing. I hope the movie’s better.
I wonder if Robin is still sitting on the pavement….
I will not be surprised if we get a page of her waking up on the sidewalk.
When you pick up someone’s father in a hallway, you wrestle with a few things
Maybe a quid pro quo? Next time Cliff visits, ask Amazi-Girl to frog-march him out of the building?
I think as much as Amber needs to hear this from someone who’s been there, Ruth needs to say it.
By which I mean: Sometimes only by trying to help someone else who’s dealing with the same shit you dealt with do you realize how far you’ve come and that you are not, in fact, the embodiment of your worst nightmares.
I think Ruth needs to assure someone they don’t have to become their abuser right now because I think it’s what she needs to believe right now – and sometimes you can’t believe it of yourself but you can believe it for someone else and believing it for someone else gives you hope for yourself, if that makes any sense at all.
I would agree. There’s a lot of value in teaching stuff and it applies to helping others as well. Sometimes that external perspective can help clue you in to how you view other survivors compared to the self-abusive way you view yourself.
Hey, folks. Just jumping in to say that I’ll be on vacation for the next few days, and since I always post on my home PC (I don’t even own a smart-phone), I’ll not be posting here during this time.
I hope all of you will have a pleasant time, or at least as little unpleasant as can be!
Also, I think ischemgeek (and others) are right: Ruth is probably better equipped than most to talk to Amber right now. They have similar problems; and unlike Joyce, Ruth clearly is taking her time to try and and make sure that she’s telling Amber the right things.
Anyone hear from Cerberus today? Don’t know the usual schedule and I’m worried there’s no comments yet.
I don’t think it’s unusual for her not to post until later in the day, or even skip a day or two. Hopefully she’s just getting some rest and taking care of herself.
Sometimes she posts early morning soon after the comic comes out, sometimes she does it much later in the day and every now and then she skips a day or two. Also yesterday she said her fiancee may have broken up with her (with the possibility that it was a misunderstanding) so it may be a self-care day if she was actually broken up with.
I’m here. I’m not well, but I’m here.
Glad you’re here. Hope you’ll be well soon.
The worst part of all of it is that it’s working merry hell on all of my insecurities and fulfills a lot of relationship fears of mine, but *shrug*, not my place to hold onto someone who doesn’t want to be held onto.
*hugs*
that sucks. so much.
(you’re sure it’s what he wants and not some sort of pre-wedding anxiety?)
*she
*hugs*
Your fiancee is missing out [if a breakup is really what’s happening]. And it sounds like you’re at least aware enough to label this as “working merry hell on all of [your] insecurities,” so hopefully that means you’re moving away from being overwhelmed by the emotions to being able to analyze them, which is probably good?
Either way, this is super hard. So sorry, Cerberus.
Love the total self-defeatism Amber’s experiencing. It’s so…real. It’s also sad that she’s already essentially given up on herself..
Comic Reactions:
That panel 3 is life. And this is the value that can come from mentoring from a position of shared experiences. When you’ve been through abuse, depression, anxiety, sexual violence, etc… it can add weight to what you’re saying, can make it more meaningful and more understanding of what the other is going through.
And I think this, this beautiful moment between two people with violently abusive parental figures is powerful and I think it will reach through to Amber, at least partially and maybe hopefully will open up lines of communication of these two talking through their experiences of surviving abuse and maybe even encouraging Amber to seek support and psychological services.
And that line is important because for all it feels like we’re doomed to become our abusers, the reality is that’s not the case. The reality is that we’re not destined to be monsters at all.
And it’s powerful coming out of Ruth, because in certain ways, she did fall into recreating some of the toxic dynamics of “sir” grampus. The way she wielded power was certainly evocative of his same system of creating order through fear and it’s nice to see her breaking away from that and encouraging Amber that her flashes of anger or violence do not mean she’s doomed to become Blaine (fuck Mike for reinforcing that bullshit, by the by).
And it’s a dynamic I see a lot in the real world. Two broken people dealing with big shit who help each other with their shared traumas, making the two feel less alone in the world. It can be a beautiful thing when it works. I want it to work here.
Plus, it’s a nice follow-up to Ruth coming out of her last rage-a-thon after scaring Amber to see her make a direct effort to speak to those shared experiences of struggling with anger and desire for violence from suffering abuse.
Thanks as always for your commentary, Cerberus. Hope you’re taking care of yourself.
Thanks *hugs*
*all the hugs*
Now don’t forget, you don’t have to accept that you’d become your mother either. Though in a different continuity she did love a ‘monster’ so that may be a challenge here too.
“Every other day” is much more encouraging than a mere “yes”.
Because now you know she knows what she is talking about.
Wait, do we even know anything about Ruth’s dad? I mean, we know he’s dead… And we know her abuser…
He’s apparently an adulterer like in the Walkyverse.
Although I’m pretty sure Ruth is thinking of Sir, her current guardian who is certainly an abuser.
I don’t think there’s much evidence for that about Ruth’s dad. IIRC, it’s reading a lot into a comment from Clint – who may well have other reasons for not liking his daughter’s husband.
So is Dina the only one without any parental issues?
I think I’ll quote “every other day”.
Yup. This exchange has created an emotional response. Yup.