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billie sees this happening from the other side of the restaurant and is all 'oh fuck off'
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May 22, 2026

Scrawny

by David M Willis on August 13, 2018 at 12:01 am
  • 04 – Of Mike And Men
└ Tags: jason, sal

Discussion (113) ¬

[ Comments RSS ]
  1. Ana Chronistic
    Ana Chronistic
    August 13, 2018 at 12:05 am | #

    probably Melkhiresa’s influence

    /just played Unavowed

    /stll playing, actually

    /bartender 4 lyfe

  2. Doctor_Who
    Doctor_Who
    August 13, 2018 at 12:05 am | #

    Shame Sal didn’t know how to warp reality when she was younger.

    Could have just entered that convenience store and let the clerk voluntarily empty the register for her.

    • C.T Phipps
      C.T Phipps
      August 13, 2018 at 12:08 am | #

      As the Magicians say, magic is fueled by pain so Sal learned it that way.

      • Tacos
        Tacos
        August 13, 2018 at 12:15 am | #

        Wait, so it’s not fueled by potato chips? Well, shit.

        • Marsh Maryrose
          Marsh Maryrose
          August 13, 2018 at 1:41 am | #

          Magic is fueled by bees. It is known.

          That’s why there is so much less magic in the world now. We’ve got to do something about the epidemic of bee colony death if we want magic to be restored to the world.

          • Miri
            Miri
            August 13, 2018 at 2:06 am | #

            … Apparently bees defy the laws of aerodynamics () so this seems legit…

            • Miri
              Miri
              August 13, 2018 at 2:11 am | #

              Not sure how I messed up the tagging… That should read:

              Apparently bees defy the laws of aerodynamics (so long as you pretend they fly like planes and not like mini-hurricane generating insects) so this seems legit…

              With the text in brackets linking…

              test

          • not someone else
            not someone else
            August 13, 2018 at 2:40 am | #

            I think they prefer to be called The Buzzing…

            • StClair
              StClair
              August 13, 2018 at 4:16 am | #

              Their wisdom flows so sweet. Taste and see.

              • Abel Undercity
                Abel Undercity
                August 13, 2018 at 5:27 am | #

                TRANSMIT – initiate the Cool Walkerton sequence – RECEIVE – initiate the Dumbiverse Variant protocol – SCREEECH! – First rule of motorcyclin’ is don’t make it awkward – DOWNLOAD initiate the Bartender Mockery cadence – WITNESS – Sally Walkerton

          • Mckyrrosi
            Mckyrrosi
            August 13, 2018 at 6:12 pm | #

            I’ve played Minecraft, and can confirm, Bees are indeed a legitimate source of Majiks.

        • abysswatcher1993
          abysswatcher1993
          August 13, 2018 at 11:15 am | #

          Magic is either the product of sadness and madness (Adventure Time), advanced technology (Third Law of Clarke), an art/science/chaos thing (The Witcher), or something SpongeBob discovered below a well.

          • Clif
            Clif
            August 13, 2018 at 1:29 pm | #

            What does it say when the SpongeBob theory makes more sense?

            • Schpoonman
              Schpoonman
              August 13, 2018 at 8:46 pm | #

              “Are you ready, kids!?”

              • Annonymouse
                Annonymouse
                August 14, 2018 at 8:52 am | #

                EYE EYE Captain – The only pirate that didn’t need to wear an eye-patch

      • CleverTrousers
        CleverTrousers
        August 13, 2018 at 11:34 am | #

        Yeah. That’s weird. The point of the books is that Quentin’s kind of a dick but the tv series makes it so that he has to be in order to express his true authentic soul. I say creative types shouldn’t be allowed to make movies.

        • Clif
          Clif
          August 13, 2018 at 1:52 pm | #

          On the whole, I believe Hollywood takes your advice to heart.

          • Annonymouse
            Annonymouse
            August 14, 2018 at 8:55 am | #

            If they had a heart, or a brain or hadn’t substituted sheer unadulterated audacity for courage.

    • jeffepp
      jeffepp
      August 13, 2018 at 12:19 am | #

      Sal is the Fonz. Once she became cool, it all came to her.

      • C.T Phipps
        C.T Phipps
        August 13, 2018 at 12:41 am | #

        She sacrificed Ethan to the Chaos Gods. He just hasn’t realized he died.

        • Jamie
          Jamie
          August 13, 2018 at 10:22 am | #

          I feel like calling Mike a god is a bit much.

          • Clif
            Clif
            August 13, 2018 at 1:30 pm | #

            Agreed. Mike is his own category.

          • C.T Phipps
            C.T Phipps
            August 13, 2018 at 3:32 pm | #

            I wouldn’t be surprised if Mike knew Sal and encouraged her to act out like Satan.

    • Daisy
      Daisy
      August 13, 2018 at 5:52 am | #

      She DID have the reality-warping powers…but she wanted to get caught. The reality-warping powers came into play when the police arrived and treated her appropriately.

      • Betty Anne
        Betty Anne
        August 13, 2018 at 10:52 am | #

        ^ THIIIIIIIIIIIS. She’s a black girl who robbed a store in Indiana with a knife, and she’s not dead. That was the start of her journey into reality-warping. :p

        • Annonymouse
          Annonymouse
          August 14, 2018 at 8:59 am | #

          ^^^ This makes me sad and confused on many different levels.
          I first misread that as India, then my brain said no, that is more a middle east thing, then my brain updated and said no, girls are not allowed out of the house in the first place.

  3. Catullus
    Catullus
    August 13, 2018 at 12:06 am | #

    Strangely, I think this might be the healthiest interaction these two have ever had with each other.

    • C.T Phipps
      C.T Phipps
      August 13, 2018 at 12:09 am | #

      Sal is happy she can hate him directly now.

      • BBCC
        BBCC
        August 13, 2018 at 3:07 am | #

        Pfft, teaching job never stopped her before.

  4. Passchendaele
    Passchendaele
    August 13, 2018 at 12:07 am | #

    sal, beer ninja

  5. C.T Phipps
    C.T Phipps
    August 13, 2018 at 12:07 am | #

    The rules don’t apply to Sal because she is Sal.

    • Tacos
      Tacos
      August 13, 2018 at 5:25 pm | #

      So, what, she’s Seto Kaiba? Does she have an inordinate obsession with Blue-Eyes White Dragons?

      • Annonymouse
        Annonymouse
        August 14, 2018 at 9:03 am | #

        Are his eyes blue? On my monitor they all look black.
        Mind you he is very white and he could be a Mason.

  6. Stephen Bierce
    Stephen Bierce
    August 13, 2018 at 12:08 am | #

    *lines up some pub rock on the jukebox*

  7. ShinyNeen
    ShinyNeen
    August 13, 2018 at 12:08 am | #

    In a disastrous twist, Jason turns out to be the only one in the bar that is immune to Sal’s coolness.

    (Well I guess alt text implies Billie is there but it’s not like she would stop Sal from drinking)

  8. C.T Phipps
    C.T Phipps
    August 13, 2018 at 12:09 am | #

    Yes, Sal, insult the girl you’re attracted to. That works.

    • C.T Phipps
      C.T Phipps
      August 13, 2018 at 12:09 am | #

      Jason. Sadly, the above is more interesting.

    • Jon Rich
      Jon Rich
      August 13, 2018 at 12:13 am | #

      To be honest, I think Sal would take it as a compliment.

    • DailyBrad
      DailyBrad
      August 13, 2018 at 12:32 am | #

      What’s she going to do, unfuck him? I don’t get the impression there’s much of a future there, regardless.

      • MatthewTheLucky
        MatthewTheLucky
        August 13, 2018 at 12:45 am | #

        Also, unfucking him would mean he could get his job back.

        • Madock345
          Madock345
          August 13, 2018 at 1:16 am | #

          He lost his job based on an accusation with no proof, the fact that it was true is just a coincidence. Unfucking him would change nothing

          • Needfuldoer
            Needfuldoer
            August 13, 2018 at 2:16 am | #

            Do we even know Jason lost his job as a TA? I thought the board just has hearsay from Penny, who admitted she made it up “for funsies” after she got caught, thinking he’d never do it. Even if the board starts asking questions, it’s not like Sal would narc on him.

            Hasn’t he just been assuming the worst from the beginning?

            • Drake
              Drake
              August 13, 2018 at 2:42 am | #

              Jason just doesn’t intend to fight the charges because they ARE true. He has a sort of sense of honor that wouldn’t allow him to lie on that.

            • Reltzik
              Reltzik
              August 13, 2018 at 2:45 am | #

              He’s been a no-show for a few days now AND the department knew enough to have a sub TA there for the first day he was gone, so yes, he’s lost his job.

              • Sol Karas
                Sol Karas
                August 13, 2018 at 4:49 am | #

                I believe he was put on suspension or something up until the tribunal or w/e? It’s been a while, but I don’t think it’s been long enough in-story for the hearing to even happen.

                • Jon Rich
                  Jon Rich
                  August 13, 2018 at 11:12 am | #

                  It hasn’t, but he’s not trying to fight the charges because they are true, even if Penny said it just for the purpose of being an asshole. *He* knows that he actually did it, and he can’t bring himself to lie about it to defend himself. So he isn’t even going to try.

      • Reltzik
        Reltzik
        August 13, 2018 at 2:50 am | #

        “So, wait, how’s this supposed to work?”

        “Basically we do the mirror of the last two times. Every time I went in last time I have to pull out instead and vice-versa.”

        “Eh, sure, why not, I’m game.”

        “Also, we have to switch out the hate for happy.”

        “Nope, that’s a dealbreaker. Bye!”

  9. AutobotDen
    AutobotDen
    August 13, 2018 at 12:10 am | #

    Points to Jason for at least TRYING to be a responsible bartender.

    • Marsh Maryrose
      Marsh Maryrose
      August 13, 2018 at 12:36 am | #

      In the words of the immortal Bob Dylan, to live outside the law you must be honest.

      It’s not legal for Jason to work at an off-campus job in the USA, and it’s also not legal for him to work as a bartender in Indiana. So he’s not about to have his cover blown by an obviously underaged patron at the bar.

      • tirachokko
        tirachokko
        August 13, 2018 at 12:44 am | #

        handing a drink over without carding will also get the establishment severely fined in some states as well. Hooray for undercover cops

        • Reltzik
          Reltzik
          August 13, 2018 at 2:45 am | #

          We can be moderately certain that Sal is not an undercover cop.

      • CJ
        CJ
        August 13, 2018 at 1:21 am | #

        Do we know he has a work permit restricting him to campus jobs (is there even such a thing?)?

        • BBCC
          BBCC
          August 13, 2018 at 1:51 am | #

          A student visa might restrict him to campus jobs.

        • Marsh Maryrose
          Marsh Maryrose
          August 13, 2018 at 2:04 am | #

          Most foreign students attending US schools are in the US on either an F-1 or a J-1 visa. Both of those visas permit on-campus employment, subject to prior approval and with numerous restrictions.

          If Jason has been fired from his TA job, he doesn’t lose the visa but he doesn’t gain the right to work off-campus. In fact, by accepting off-campus employment, he has put his visa status in jeopardy.

          Which is not to say that it couldn’t happen. It could, and he might get away with it indefinitely. But current F-1 or J-1 visa holders should consult a qualified and experienced advisor before following Jason’s example.

          • Marsh Maryrose
            Marsh Maryrose
            August 13, 2018 at 2:14 am | #

            Crap. I meant to delete “J-1” from my above post, as the J-1 is a very different sort of beast with lots of variations, many of them not necessarily involving on-campus employment. But the same principle still stands: when you’re on the US on a student visa, you cannot do any paid work that is not approved in advance.

            • CJ
              CJ
              August 14, 2018 at 1:11 am | #

              Thanks for explaining. Never thought that students visa could forbid you to hold the jobs necessary to pay for your tuition.

          • Needfuldoer
            Needfuldoer
            August 13, 2018 at 2:18 am | #

            Oh he F’d-1 alright.

            • Reltzik
              Reltzik
              August 13, 2018 at 2:46 am | #

              ARGH! I’m imagining a Clippy slipshine now! Ctrl-z! CTRL-Z!

              • Delicious Taffy
                Delicious Taffy
                August 13, 2018 at 2:59 am | #

                It looks like you’re trying not to think about a sentient paperclip in a sexual manner. Would you like help?

                • Marsh Maryrose
                  Marsh Maryrose
                  August 13, 2018 at 3:22 am | #

                  It’s been literally decades since I thought of the old Salmon Days web series:

                  Hey, it looks like you’re writing a letter!

                • Jon Rich
                  Jon Rich
                  August 13, 2018 at 11:14 am | #

                  Delicious Taffy, I love your comment so very, *very* much.

    • thejeff
      thejeff
      August 13, 2018 at 8:22 am | #

      Of course he also knows that she’s an incredible lightweight and he won’t be able to walk/carry her home this time, since he’s working.

  10. Dean
    Dean
    August 13, 2018 at 12:32 am | #

    Sal bought that beer in Canada and rode her bike back to Indiana without spilling a drop.

    • Scordo
      Scordo
      August 13, 2018 at 9:42 am | #

      Isn’t it 19 in canada?

      • Roborat
        Roborat
        August 13, 2018 at 3:55 pm | #

        Depends on what part.

      • Mkvenner
        Mkvenner
        August 13, 2018 at 4:13 pm | #

        In Quebec, Manitoba, and Alberta it’s 18.

  11. @zombieundergrnd
    @zombieundergrnd
    August 13, 2018 at 12:35 am | #

    Sal is a force of nature.
    He doesn’t realize how fortunate he was to have the force with him for the brief time that he did.

  12. Reltzik
    Reltzik
    August 13, 2018 at 12:35 am | #

    Sal’s trick is that she’s no nonsense, zero spin, and thus has an affinity for boozons.

  13. butts
    butts
    August 13, 2018 at 12:35 am | #

    Physics is no match for the power of biker gloves

    • Reltzik
      Reltzik
      August 13, 2018 at 2:51 am | #

      The only thing that can match a biker glove is a matching biker glove.

      …..

      *tries to decide if that’s deep or not*

      • Clif
        Clif
        August 13, 2018 at 1:55 pm | #

        Oh, it’s deep alright. 😀

  14. tirachokko
    tirachokko
    August 13, 2018 at 12:44 am | #

    Oh Jason, you think you can stop her lol

  15. Citizen Platypus
    Citizen Platypus
    August 13, 2018 at 12:48 am | #

    Having seen the first ep of Milo Murphy Season 2, I’d say Sal has a certain thing in common with Phineas and Ferb!

  16. Keulen
    Keulen
    August 13, 2018 at 12:48 am | #

    Sal’s superpower is the ability to get booze without even trying. Billie wishes she had this power.

  17. JessWitt
    JessWitt
    August 13, 2018 at 12:55 am | #

    Sal has bested Jason to be the current Doctor Who of alcohol.

  18. Mr. Random
    Mr. Random
    August 13, 2018 at 1:28 am | #

    When you’re lucky. Things just sorta work out. Questioning it, might bite you in the ass.

  19. saltchocolate
    saltchocolate
    August 13, 2018 at 1:30 am | #

    I ship it. Especially now that he’s not her T.A. — which was more problematic for me than her underage drinking . . .

  20. AgentKeen
    AgentKeen
    August 13, 2018 at 1:34 am | #

    But is Billie more upset by Sal getting beer, or by Sal getting hit on by bar midday pizzeria bar randos? Because I feel like both could be an issue.

    • MatthewTheLucky
      MatthewTheLucky
      August 13, 2018 at 1:36 am | #

      That beer and those randos are rightfully Billie’s!

      • Clif
        Clif
        August 13, 2018 at 1:56 pm | #

        This.

  21. Antonio Tyler
    Antonio Tyler
    August 13, 2018 at 1:49 am | #

    Local woman too cool to care about the laws of physics, nature or mankind.

  22. BenRG
    BenRG
    August 13, 2018 at 2:04 am | #

    Some people have just got it, Jason. Sal seems to have it in spades!

  23. Garnakan
    Garnakan
    August 13, 2018 at 2:16 am | #

    Green clothes..? Ruth?

    • Deanatay
      Deanatay
      August 13, 2018 at 8:36 am | #

      Unlikely – no freckles.

  24. Bagge
    Bagge
    August 13, 2018 at 2:36 am | #

    I love how they manage to have a conversation despite their lines at no point connecting.

    • Clif
      Clif
      August 13, 2018 at 1:38 pm | #

      True communication is an art form.

      • Bagge
        Bagge
        August 13, 2018 at 4:57 pm | #

        That’s one of the reasons I love the interaction between Billie and Walky (and to a lesser extent, Becky and Walky) so much. Their spoken words are nothing but insults and smartassery – but the there is A LOT of communication going on.

  25. newllend(henryvolt)
    newllend(henryvolt)
    August 13, 2018 at 2:49 am | #

    Of course she likes him better serving her beer than teaching her math.

    • Delicious Taffy
      Delicious Taffy
      August 13, 2018 at 2:52 am | #

      Sorta flips a certain historical dynamic, if you follow me.

    • BBCC
      BBCC
      August 13, 2018 at 2:57 am | #

      He’s not serving her. She’s getting her alcohol from generous patrons. 😉

      • Clif
        Clif
        August 13, 2018 at 1:39 pm | #

        In fact, just the opposite. he’s swiping her beer.

    • BenRG
      BenRG
      August 13, 2018 at 6:12 am | #

      I’ve got the feeling that this will be a universal preference on the part of all of the students.

  26. Reltzik
    Reltzik
    August 13, 2018 at 2:53 am | #

    So we now begin round 2 of “Jason gets fired because of Sal”.

    (Yes I know it was totally his fault last time, not saying otherwise.)

    • BenRG
      BenRG
      August 13, 2018 at 4:51 am | #

      “Ah didn’t tell nobody about what we did!”

      “I’m not saying that you did! But it’s still your fault! Because my self-image won’t let me admit that it’s mine!”

      “Ah’m glad that we have this clarity an’ honesty!”

    • Betty Anne
      Betty Anne
      August 13, 2018 at 10:53 am | #

      Nah, Jason’s good here. At this point, it’s up to the owner or bouncer to bounce her out, because the bartender told her no, took the beer away, and another patron handed her a beer.

      • thejeff
        thejeff
        August 13, 2018 at 11:24 am | #

        Actually, I think he needs to take that beer away and cut the other customer off if they keep doing it.
        You can’t sell drinks to people who are giving them to underage people. That’s much too easy a hack around the laws.

        • Clif
          Clif
          August 13, 2018 at 1:43 pm | #

          I am not a lawyer, nor do I play one on TV, but I’m reasonably sure that your obligation as a seller doesn’t extend to subsequently policing who they then give it to.

          • JBento
            JBento
            August 13, 2018 at 2:05 pm | #

            It might in this case, since it’s happening right at the bar. It’s not like Sal is outside and someone is ferrying the drinks to her.

          • thejeff
            thejeff
            August 13, 2018 at 5:58 pm | #

            Yeah, it really does. In fact, in this case, his job is kicking her out of the bar section of the restaurant.

            Even if she was sitting at a table though, the one adult at the table couldn’t order an extra drink for her. If she took a sip while no one was looking, that’s one thing, but something this blatant? Not going to fly.

          • BBCC
            BBCC
            August 14, 2018 at 12:03 am | #

            Yup. If they’re buying or giving or you believe they’re buying or giving alcohol to minors, you’re not allowed to sell. Jason should be kicking both out of the bar section.

  27. miis
    miis
    August 13, 2018 at 3:44 am | #

    Eh I still ship it

  28. Iain
    Iain
    August 13, 2018 at 5:21 am | #

    New theory – Sal is originally from one of the previous universes with her powers manifesting in slightly different ways here.

  29. abysswatcher1993
    abysswatcher1993
    August 13, 2018 at 11:10 am | #

    See Jason… She is Sal. The girl can ride a bike with a second passenger and rescue a superheroine in mid air. She is an apathetic cool girl that only does what looks cool, and is cool enough to hang out with nerds without some sense of entitled cool kid. Malaya is really wrong about Sal.

  30. Robert
    Robert
    August 13, 2018 at 11:39 am | #

    Now I know what the glove on Sal’s right hand is for. It’s to cover up the fact that she had a built-in wet bar installed.

    • moon
      moon
      August 13, 2018 at 1:49 pm | #

      Oh wow or that stab wound :/
      Never really considered they might be functional

  31. Cmd1095
    Cmd1095
    August 13, 2018 at 12:13 pm | #

    He’s becoming self aware of comic physics, execute plan J

  32. Johnnyo
    Johnnyo
    August 13, 2018 at 1:12 pm | #

    I don’t know if this counts as *breaking* the 4th wall, but it’s definitely being hit with a sledgehammer.

    • Clif
      Clif
      August 13, 2018 at 1:44 pm | #

      Not really. It’s just a case of Mike’s arm being in two places at the same time.

      • Clif
        Clif
        August 13, 2018 at 1:59 pm | #

        But really, cute young girl being given beers by bar patrons seems a low standard for breaking the 4rth wall.

  33. Schol-R-LEA;2
    Schol-R-LEA;2
    August 13, 2018 at 1:45 pm | #

    Too late, she already taken a sip. For Sal, that might as well have been a 12-pack.

  34. QueerCat
    QueerCat
    August 13, 2018 at 9:54 pm | #

    Yeah at 17 – 20 I would go to a bar/restaurant on weekends since it was easier to get away with older men buying drinks if they also served food at the establishment. Especially on a karaoke night.

    Sal seems to have the gift of one of my friends which was people would literally just hand her drinks and shit without even hitting on her or talking to her at all. She’d just be handed random shit by just existing. Then I’d have to deal with men actually talking to me…bleh

  35. Gojira
    Gojira
    August 14, 2018 at 12:04 am | #

    As an Englishman, he’s never seen a beautiful woman before.

  36. BrokenEye, the True False Prophet
    BrokenEye, the True False Prophet
    August 14, 2018 at 5:32 am | #

    Sal is an Asgardian now?

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