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Sophia_Nyx 
⚧️ @sophianyx.bsky.social ⋅ 14h
Onyx | 
Emerald | 
Obsidian ⚧️ 
@onua-ryder.neocities.org ⋅ 1d
Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social ⋅ 4m
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 3d
Reuters Legal @legal.reuters.com ⋅ 1d
the_dude @lebowski76.bsky.social ⋅ 1d
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 3d
Puff the Magic Hater @mskellymhayes.bsky.social ⋅ 2d
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 3d
Joe Chouinard @joechoui.bsky.social ⋅ 8m
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Barb O. Saur 
ok, I just remembered these things, they’re always left around in random places, making me wonder if some kid forgot it there
For reasons a few people might know I associate them with Jetson car noises. And tow trucks.
“Some kid forgot it there” pretty much is the dockless scooter distribution model.
Someday I want to build an electric Honda Goldwing. When that day comes, you’d better believe Jetsons car sounds will be an option.
A friend of mine from Oregon Tech actually modified a Goldwing with a series wound motor, and had a successful electric bike. Though 6 Group 27 MDC batteries made it way too heavy. Better to go the R/C hobby turbine route, and make it a turbine-electric hybrid.
But those scooters are wonderful in concept, but in practice they’re a nightmare. In Portland, people just toss them in the Willamette (along with all the raw sewage and used needles), riders (like cyclists) ignore all traffic laws, and except for the Moped and scrapper bicycle gangs, they’ve made the downtown area more like Mad Max than the ideal future.
I’m aiming more in the “Chevy Volt battery modules, Nissan Leaf motor” direction. Basically treat it like a small car conversion, since it’s “a V6 Accord on two wheels” already. (To quote Regular Car Reviews.)
If he hears drumbeats, he should start to worry…
Nope they’re rentals. They’re also GPS tagged adn such.
And according to South Park, they multiply too! The Scoots is all about these scooters.
…yeah, Mike isn’t in any Immediate danger from these Buffoons, Is he?
May this only be the beginning of the humiliation of the bad dad duo.
A full on Home Alone style shelacking of the goons by the blonde kid would be the best present ever.
Merry Christmas, you filthy animal.
And a happy new year!
The funniest part of this is Ross swiping his credit card.
They don’t have card readers. Ross thinks that the box on top is somehow a card reader, but it’s not. This is like two orders of magnitude of technological illiteracy.
They do have card readers, Blaine swiped his then saw he had to download an app
This may be true in the diegetic world of DoA. If panel 4 Ross is actually reading an error message about his card not being read, it is definitely true in the storytelling world of DoA.
But in our world they don’t, and why would they? Card readers are expensive, and everything’s controlled through the app so they are also unnecessary.
Isn’t Mike swiping in the first panel? In the second panel, Blaine and Ross are still a fair distance away from the scooters.
I wouldn’t put it past Mike to swipe a card through a pointless groove just to imply that a swipe is needed.
Neither would I, but I think KD’s correct about this one.
Incredibly good point!
Yeah, the card reader astonishes. I‘d rather expect an app and the need to scan the QR code on the scooter. Or maybe the Scooters are part of a larger public transport concept and read the cards you use in busses?
(Histerical laughter- were I live, I see one person to use those things to get somewhere to 10 joyriding i.e. driving around the block with two or three per scooter or racing each other).
Maybe they’re sponsored by the school and Mike swiped his ID?
Okay, for the benefit of those of us who have never seen one of these, if it isn’t a card reader, what is it?
the key that locks the door to hammerspace
It’s essentially the scooter’s smart phone/control box.
With a slot for card swipe and some form of display to tell Ross it can’t read his card and Blaine he needs to download an app?
Seems pretty weird if it isn’t a card reader.
I was answering Charlie’s question in the context of real-world scooters.
In the context of DoA-verse scooters, yes, it has to be a card reader.
If there’s one thing that Toedad can’t abide, it’s things not being or happening as straight as they can. xD
Merry Christmas toe all, and toe all a good night!
Those are *everywhere* in Austin. Some wonderfun person printed stickers for them: “Voice activated” for the lulz.
And if you pay attention to panel layout, Mike is just internationally doing a loop around them to taunt them instead of speeding off. That’s so very Mike of him.
I was about to say the same thing. Do they even notice he came back?
Might be to taunt them, but also to keep them focused on him. If he speeds off and leaves them in the dust, what’s to stop Blaine from barging in to the party and killing everyone there?
Exactely
You mean, besides that his only weapon is a tiny hammer?
Yeah, he’s just circling from country, to country, to country…
Mike isn’t back near them because he’s trolling, it’s taking so long that he encircled the earth.
How’d these idiots even *get* to this party
Toedads have a homing instinct.
Okay this is kind of a perfect strip?
Thank you for this Christmas gift, Willis, as this truly is a GIFT.
For sure.
Sweet, sweet comic relief.
Either we’re about to hit a scene change or this won’t last.
I hope the next strip is Mike just doing doughnuts around these two idiots as they continue struggling to get the scooters to work.
Mad giggling over here. THANK YOU Willis!
I guess we’re seeing that Mike…runs circles around his competition.
*plays ZZ Top’s “Double Back” on the hacked P.A. speakers*
He’s gonna ride that Bird like a Cadillac.
I’d say Yakety Sax is more fitting for this strip.
Everything is funny when the Benny Hill is used as underscore.
Benny Hill THEME that is … Xmas hangover, sorry.
Beat me to it.
It’s honestly pretty cathartic to see how ridiculously they’re failing at something
It’s Tex Avery-esque in its brilliance.
It’s nice to have the reminder that neither of these men are actually competent. One was blackmailed by a twelve-year-old and the other got tricked and derailed for a whole day by Dina, who is not one for social subterfuge. (Stealth is a different story entirely.)
He’s competent enough to launder millions of dollars for the Mafia..
So is Trump.
Well, we have to figure money laundering is easier than running the USA.
What’s difficult about money laundering? Throw it in the machine, add detergent, set the cycle, close the lid, press start… wait, that’s too many steps for these guys isn’t it?
I don’t think Blaine is the financial engineer who carries out the money-laundering. I think he is just the stooge who is the owner-of-record for a firm through which they do some laundering. In the strip he has only ever been described as a stooge: a person who allows himself to be used for another’s profit.
Which generally translates into running a failing business propped up by Mob money. Often this career starts because your business was failing and you turned to them for support.
Millions? I think Mike was exaggerating for effect.
Dumbing of Age Book 10: …I Have to Download the App?!
(y)
I second the nomination.
DoA Book 10: I’m Swiping As Straight As I Can
Funniest coming from Toedad.
Okay, I may have predicted Mike was going to harshly confront his mortality but now I just wish he has an app that plays Yakkety Sax.
For some reason that has me hoping Willis will work in a Scooby-Doo Doors gag, but that’s probably asking too much.
I have that app, it’s called YouTubeMusic. You can put a song on endless loop if you want, but you have to have the paid app, not the free one.
No I mean an app that just plays Yakkety Sax, so he can a) play it with about two thumb operations and b) rub it in Blaine’s face.
Hooray for technological illiteracy!
Merry Christmas to everyone who’s celebrating today.
Deck us all with Boston Charlie,
Walla Walla, Wash., an’ Kalamazoo!
Nora’s freezin’ on the trolley,
Swaller dollar cauliflower alley-garoo!
Don’t we know archaic barrel
Lullaby Lilla Boy, Louisville Lou?
Trolley Molly don’t love Harold,
Boola boola Pensacoola hullabaloo!
Thanks I needed that, though I didn’t need to be reminded that I may have read that when it came out.
You’re thinking of Mayor Walsh on St. Patrick’s Day.
Merry Christmas, everyone!
Stupid HTML.
https://www.theonion.com/boston-mayor-throws-out-first-punch-at-st-patrick-s-da-1819595614
And, perhaps needless to say, “We have met the enemy and they are us.”
Thanks from a native Bridgeporter (Walt Kelly’s birthplace).
Good King Sauerkaut looked out
on his feets uneven….
Hark, the hairy angel sings,
Four jacks beats the three wise kings…
Merry impeachmas !
Merry Christmas to you as well, Mr. Willis.
Also to all the folks reading this comment. ^_^
Ditto.
Thank you, Willis. This is comedy gold.
Tomorrow’s panel — Blaine gets a pop-up message on his phone that there is insufficient memory to install the app.
I love this
Blaine gets the app installed, finds it requires a student id card to swipe.
Kee hee! That would be icing on the cake!
Honestly it might be faster just to hoof it, besides Mike just needs to get to a phone ad say if I Mike Mikelson end up dead it will most likely be Blaine O Mally’s fault. He’s the father of Amber O’Mally and… anywho I’ve seen him… also he has been doing this with his taxes.
I googled the top speed of Uber scooters and (assuming these are uber scooters and reflect the speed of their real life counterparts) can go 18 mph. Speed of the average man is only 8 mph. Plus, I’m sure it’s a lot easier to maintain a high speed on these scooters.
Based on my observation of my coworkers, it’s also easier to lose control at high speed and really screw up your ankles on these scooters.
Oh no, Toe Dad is immune then! Toes don’t have ankles
But they can get stubbed!
“I’m swiping as straight as I can.” insert obvious sexuality joke here
Or a Tinder joke.
Gigglesnort!
…As a late millenial I hate that I feel I’m represented by these fuckers, but. Expecting to be able to use technology but being frustrated by no longer using The Latest Thing day to day? Yeah.
(I’ve never even heard of rent a scooters before yesterday’s strip but then I’m a hermit living in a small city that’s mostly used as an outlet for a bigger one.)
I’ve seen them on pretty large college campuses and in DC, but I’m not sure they’ve spread to Baltimore yet. I think they have but not certain.
We had scooter here. Keyword “had”. They were supplied by some company that also had these special charging stations that you were supposed to park them at when you were done with them but people never put them there and just left the scooters wherever. Eventually the city council got the company to recall the scooters because of all the complaints about scooters being left everywhere or scooters that had run out of battery.
Late xennial here. This is why I hate these “sharing/gig economy” startups. They litter the streets with e-waste that nobody takes care of because it doesn’t belong to them personally. I end up dodging people on these rental bikes and scooters who aren’t wearing any safety gear.
Oh, we have two or three competing types, they’ve definitely spread to Baltimore. I envy you that you haven’t been tripping over them everywhere, they seem to stud the city’s sidewalks in the areas where I live and work.
I’m a late Boomer, and I live in a country town in Australia. I am overcome with doubt and perplexity when I have to send an Internet purchase back to the vendor…. Rent-a-scooters? You have to be kidding me!
It’s not all that different from Uber or Lyft, except you don’t have to make conversation with your scooter, and you and your scooter don’t rate each other afterwards.
Uber? We don’t get those in small country towns.
I rode in an Uber once in Albuquerque NM. But I chatted with the driver (he was a final-year medical student studying for his exam in surgery) and my host dealt with the tech.
I appreciate your effort but that description doesn’t say much to those of us in the Hinterlands.
As a car owner, I’ve never had a reason to try Uber. What’s the advantage over a taxi?
Instead of getting fucked financially when the cab driver takes 27 left turns in a row, you get to worry about getting kidnapped, taken out of town to a dirty shack, and turned into a skin suit, all at your own expense.
Where i live you get to worry about both
Basically the convenience of handling it all through an app.
Without all the protections that had been built into taxi systems over the decades, for both workers and customers.
Also availability if you can’t drive and don’t live in an area with regular taxi service. (Hi!) Public transit in my area is extremely limited, and calling a taxi would take much longer for arrival.
The lack of protections is shitty as hell, but until and unless I can move out of the suburbs to somewhere with even halfway functional accessibility, it’s my best option. (Being disabled makes everything complicated.)
My apologies. I question the ubiquity of these devices and then make same assumption regarding cab service.
Fair enough – though there are issues with Uber/Lyft availability as well. Drivers are often reluctant to go into bad parts of town, which taxis are required to service.
But outside of metro areas, I can definitely see it.
I’m GenX, which means my representation is this comic is…
Clint.
*shudder*
Why do I keep reading?
Ooooh. I did not think about that. *shudder*
I’m with you there. Late Boomer, GenX, or GOML (Get Off My Lawn).
To remember the sweet innocent stupidity of our college years? haha.
They have begun showing up here in Helsinki and Espoo (Finland).
I *FUCKING HATE THEM*.
Alright, more specifically, I hate the assholes who leave them *in the middle of the goddamn sidewalk*.
This IS a great gift.
It appears those scooters aren’t that fast if that loop around them is as far as he got while they were pulling out his cards. They probably would have caught him had they just lunged at him while he passed instead of bothering with the scooters.
I think the implication is that Mike is going around them in circles to fuck with them
They are even denser in that case, to have Mike pass by them multiple times and it still not occurring to them to take advantage of his fuckery without relying on their own scooters. I know Ol’ Toe head isn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I expected more from Blaine.
Pfft.
On the bright side, antagonizing them like this, it’s keeping them away from the party for the time being. Is that the goal? Who the shit knows with Mike.
I’m assuming he has some plan to lead to their downfall that requires them to pursue him, and it’s being frustrated by their utter incompetence.
Perfect next strip:
He sighs, troubleshoots it all, gets on his scooter 5 feet away, goes, “We good?”
“Ye-*WAIT GET BACK HERE!*”
Merry Christmas, Dave, and anyone here, if you celebrate. and happy Newton Day and Iron Maiden Day too!
the future is NOW, old men
Underrated comment
Wait, does Ross have a smartphone? I know he didn’t let Becky have one, but that’s a control thing.
If he has one, he’s not using it for the scooter. He’s trying to swipe his credit card…which isn’t working because the scooter doesn’t have a card reader on it.
Mike literally uses the card reader in the first panel.
Hilarious, as always (except when it’s tragic!). Thanks and Merry Christmas, Willis!
I’m glad there’s absolutely no tension in this ridiculous chase scene. All that buildup and anxiety, and the payoff is hilariously goofy.
xD
Merry Christmas!
Well, since no one else has said it yet . . . OK, boomers.
Merry Christmas, y’all. Wish me luck trying to drink a Christmas dinner smoothie today. Blech.
They’re almost certainly GenX, not boomers.
Hank and Carol are most likely (currently) Boomers, given the age of their oldest (Jonathan is ~30, right?), but it’s highly unlikely any of the other parents are.
Yes, but I’m meming. Not particularly well, but pain pills are a hell of a drug.
Speaking as a Boomer, I’d be confused. That isn’t because I don’t get technology, it’s because I don’t live where rental scooters are a thing and I’ve never been exposed to them. I suspect anyone with the same lack of experience would have the same learning curve the first time, regardless of their age.
But these two morons can’t see how much time they’re wasting on a tool they don’t understand. The scooter may be faster than running, but running is faster than standing around.
When you get better you can have your Xmas dinner all in one can.
I’d rather just keep the stitches, thanks. Especially since the smoothie my sister-in-law made for me was actually good. I suspect it’s because she actually made something specifically instead of just putting some food in the blender and letting it rip.
Also, if they do successfully swipe their card, there will be a paper trail proving their presence on campus this night.
Ooh, nice catch! They’re not actually on campus, but they’re certainly near the party. And if those scooters can be tracked, then there will be a clear record of them pursuing Mike.
It’s not like he’s ever gonna get that scooter running anyways. He’s trying to use a credit card on something that isn’t a card reader.
How would it not be a card reader if Blaine was able to successfully swipe only to learn he needs an app as well? Plus Toedad wouldn’t be getting read errors if it’s not a card reader (one could argue it’s tap, but I doubt Toedad has that, in which case he’d get no error at all)
I think you’re right as far as scooters in the DoA world go. Like cartoon physics, some things are just different in the Willisverses.
Maybe I’m not using the right term but I assume that it’s probably a device that reads like bus passes or its own dedicated card instead of a credit card.
They’re not on campus. This is within spitting distance of Becky’s apartment.
Yeah! Paper trail, suckers!
They’re not as bright as they think. Quite like a pair of low-watt bulbs.
…this is the calm before the storm, isn’t it?
I choose to believe that the fact that there are exactly three scooters is Wilis’s subtle tribute to Ernie Bushmiller.
not shown are the three rocks inside Toedad’s head
“Bugs Bunny fucking with 2 Elmer Fudd’s” 2019 colorized.
I believe the correct plural is Elmers Fudd. Like Attorneys General.
“Bugs Bunny fucking with 2 Elmers Fudd” 2019 colorized
No, “general” modifies “attorney,” but “Fudd” is just a surname.
Some surnames can be construed as adjectives qualifying the personal name. Mine, for example, means “of Daiville”. If you had two men who were Bretons of Daiville you would refer to them as “Bretons of Daiville”, not “Breton of Daivilles”.
Some surnames can be construed as adjectives qualifying the personal name, which is what most patronymic and territorial surnames originally were.
“Bugs Bunny fucking with 2 Elmers Fudds” 2019 colorized.
What maroons!
*snerk*
What ignoramusisis! What dopes! Hahaha!
*Slow pan to the maroons standing right behind him*
okay nevermind i don’t know what i was expecting on the last strip, i’m just disappointed it wasn’t this.
How fast are those scooters?
How fast is this bit going to date?
I’ve said it a few times already but i really love Mike especially rn
I can almost hear the intense-yet-generic movie chase music. . .
These guys are such Sticky Bandits.
Happy Holidays, everyone!
maaaaaaaster criiiiiiiiminals!
…We were worried somebody might actually get killed… why, again?
Mainly the storyline title, at least for me.
Because we’re all high-strung and constantly struggling with an unyielding sense of generalised anxiety about almost every aspect of our entire lives?
OK, fine. Mike is miking really well here.
He has with a few words
– Focused all attention on himself, rater than the people on the party
– Broken Blaines “alpha-thug”-script by aproaching them without fear
– Delievered a very effective threat
– Dragged these two master criminals out of hiding and made them the center of attention for anyone who happens to pass by or look through the window
– Made them leave or sorts of evidence for their presence, including a swiped card and an active app (WITH location service enabled)
– Seen them commit a few minor crimes and baited them into trying to commit worse.
– Made them chase him in a way of his own chosing. It should be noted that he did not aproach them straight away – there were a few moments between him noticing them and aproaching. He could very well have set up something (if nothing else, made sure to download the app for the scooter in advance… and as someone mentioned, maybe record the conversation).
This is “Dina lures toedad on the buss”-level derailing evil parents, and beyond. The problem is of course that he has escalated rather than de-escalated, and that Blaine now is fully willing to comitt murder (didn’t take much provocation). But all in all – and I can’t believe I’m saying this – well done, Mike.
Now all he has to do is make it back to one of the residence buildings, badge through the (presumably) secured doors, and file a report. Meanwhile, Toedad and the Blaine are on location-tracked scooters following his last known heading in the opposite direction.
This situation certainly has been Miked successfully.
Hahahahahaha what the hell
Mike is LITERALLY scooting rings around them!
Poor Ross and Blaine are currently trapped in a world not of their own and which they don’t understand even hypothetically!
This is the most 2019 thing ever. Well done.
Merry Christmas and enjoy another year of shenanigans!
Merry Christmas everyone!
And to Mike a great funny escape!
Mike, saving the party from the dads with one hand, and messing with them with the other
…In the first place, it’s a Motorized scooter – Couldn’t they just Run to catch to catch him?
I crave an edit function
Those things can hit 15 MPH or more.
Yeah, like Eventually. They don’t accelerate from 0 to 15 in two seconds.
Well it’s not like either of these two idiots are in peak physical condition. Their own acceleration time is still probably worse than the scooter’s.
Mike’s probably 30-50 pounds lighter than they are, too. Power-to-weight is important for acceleration!
Mike also,had a significsnt lead on them. He didn’t deliverhis threat until he was on the opposite side of the street, and it took a few seconds for the morons to go from confused to murderous. That’s significant.
It takes like two pushes for one of these ridden like a regular push scooter to hit top speed. I love e-assist technology.
Consider me educated!
I had REALLY hoped it Toedad was going to surprise us but… Nope.
I’m surprised he didn’t react to Blaine’s ‘Goddammit!’
Hilarious. Behold to Mike. True master of sarcasm.
Alternate reality Home Alone featuring Mike-aulay Culkin and 2 big dumbs.
Those two clowns
Also: cue an epic scooter chase
This is, uh. Quite a bit different from the last chase scene.
Dunno, I see clear parallels
http://www.dumbingofage.com/2016/comic/book-7/01-glower-vacuum/ryan/
Okay boomer.
If you wanted to make it really current, you’d have it be a chip reader that just refuses to work on the card ’til you’ve tried three times.
Like the one at my Starbucks. I feel for Ross now.
(??)
Haha Boomers. But Blaine seemed totally cool with killing Mike. Has he killed before?
I mean, he’s a mob fixer. That’s kind of literally his entire career.
The text said “stooge”. Not fixer. Not enforcer. Not money-laundering expert. Stooge.
Now I can’t tell if I’m supposed to believe that Mike came back within arm’s reach of them, or it’s like, metaphorical. If he gets clotheslined off his scooter and killed, it’s on him now.
I think he’s trying to lead them somewhere, and is being frustrated by their abject incompitence
I honestly figured he was just wasting their time so that they fail to commit any of their planned carnage, more than anything.
Maybe, but this is Mike. He usually goes the extra mike for fuckery, and he REALLY hates Blaine.
How convenient, then, that this plan also keeps Blaine within taunting distance indefinitely! XD
Mike, I get you’re trying to lead them or catch t hem with th cops or something
but bruh. They could kill you right now
But if he leaves, the most likely result would be to charge the party.
If they know their cover is blown, and police are on their way, the best chance to kidnap their daughters would be to go in as soon as possible, lest the police track down and catch both of them.
Or Mike is just an asshole.
Honestly, I can’t tell.
Sense of menace… lessening
Haha, olds.
Dumbing of Age Book 10: “Ok Boomer”
Thank you for making me smile on this very difficult day.
I wanted to state that this is pathetic, but it would sort of have implied that it wasn’t pathetic before.
Ugh, these damn scooters. e-scooters have just been legalized in Germany, and now there’s rentals all over the place. Literally. Because lots of people just don’t care where they park them, others enjoy kicking them over… and like many things developed by and for non-disabled people, it’s become one more hazard for blind and sight impaired people, as well as for people with mobility issues.
While as far as i know, some people kick them over for fun or criticism, i’ve started picking up the damn heavy scooters and hauling them off to the side somewhere….
Those damn things should have fixed stations you need to park them in or something like that. Reasonable, caring people don’t just drop them in everybody’s way and wouldn’t need the threat of fines or inconvenience of fixed stations, but there will always be assholes….
Speaking of assholes, the comic above is oddly satisfying because the rental scooters that i hate piss off these guys i also hate.
Although i would enjoy seeing a wild chase on scooters. There’s a German Author who made fun of Segways in one of his books, when Segways were THE new tourist thing in Berlin. If he’d write another sequel now, he’d probably write a scene of a chase on rental e-scooters.
Thanks, I needed this laugh. XD