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Are you there, God?  It's me, your DESTROYER
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September 28, 2023

Spiral

by David M Willis on June 3, 2019 at 12:01 am
  • 04 - Vote for Robin

└ Tags: joyce

Discussion (122) ¬

[ Comments RSS ]
  1. Doctor_Who
    Doctor_Who
    June 3, 2019 at 12:01 am | #

    The journey to a billion dicks starts with a single “douchebag”.

    • Yet_One_More_Idiot
      Yet_One_More_Idiot
      June 3, 2019 at 12:03 am | #

      Interesting that Joyce would choose that swear word to begin with, rather than one of the more commonly-used ones… xD

      • Tacos
        Tacos
        June 3, 2019 at 12:22 am | #

        We all gotta start somewhere. I remember my first swear word was “fuck.”

        • Marsh Maryrose
          Marsh Maryrose
          June 3, 2019 at 5:21 pm | #

          You and Julia Wertz.

          Her Topatoco site has a coffee cup featuring the center panel. I can just see Joyce’s face the first time she sees Sarah drinking from it (and Sarah would totally own one).

        • Zygorth
          Zygorth
          June 3, 2019 at 7:11 pm | #

          Mine was Cocksucker. Some random driver cut us off, and my dad forgot there was a toddler (me) in the backseat.

      • Norah
        Norah
        June 3, 2019 at 12:29 am | #

        She’s already said “shit”, once within her mom’s hearing!

        • Bagge
          Bagge
          June 3, 2019 at 12:59 am | #

          And of course a memorable instance of “Damn”

          http://www.dumbingofage.com/2015/comic/book-6/01-to-those-whod-ground-me/language/

        • Needfuldoer
          Needfuldoer
          June 3, 2019 at 2:17 am | #

          Cross “asshole” off the Joyce cuss list.

          http://www.dumbingofage.com/2016/comic/book-6/02-that-perfect-girl/occasionally/

        • Bagge
          Bagge
          June 3, 2019 at 5:08 am | #

          Dina keeps score

          http://www.dumbingofage.com/2015/comic/book-6/02-that-perfect-girl/pg/

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      June 3, 2019 at 1:53 am | #

      Joyce is going to ride a billion dicks, now that’s what I call ambition.

      • LookingIN
        LookingIN
        June 3, 2019 at 3:35 am | #

        She’d make Roz jealous

      • Bagge
        Bagge
        June 3, 2019 at 5:09 am | #

        That seems like a reasonable progression from drawing a billion dicks.

        http://www.dumbingofage.com/2014/comic/book-4/04-the-whiteboard-dong-bandit/cleaning/

        • Plasma Mongoose
          Plasma Mongoose
          June 3, 2019 at 7:43 am | #

          One gives you RSI, the other, STDs.

    • FacelessDeviant
      FacelessDeviant
      June 3, 2019 at 7:43 am | #

      “The journey to a billion dicks” sounds like a terrible fantasy novel.

      • Roborat
        Roborat
        June 3, 2019 at 4:18 pm | #

        But still better than 50 Shades?

        • FacelessDeviant
          FacelessDeviant
          June 4, 2019 at 7:59 am | #

          Not that kind of fantasy.

          But yes. Still better.

  2. Kelli217
    Kelli217
    June 3, 2019 at 12:02 am | #

    When did the time on the server get fixed?

    • David M Willis
      David M Willis
      June 3, 2019 at 12:03 am | #

      Month or two ago. It’s already drifted about a minute.

      • drs
        drs
        June 3, 2019 at 1:05 am | #

        There are ways for servers to continually adjust their time so they don’t drift. NTP and all.

        • Marsh Maryrose
          Marsh Maryrose
          June 3, 2019 at 5:31 pm | #

          “Repent, Harlequin!” said the Ticktockman.

  3. Kindra
    Kindra
    June 3, 2019 at 12:03 am | #

    Baby steps, Joyce. Baby steps.

    • Diner Kinetic
      Diner Kinetic
      June 3, 2019 at 12:13 am | #

      I mean if my baby started saying “douchebag” at random I’d be proud too, so yeah she’s getting there

    • Arawn
      Arawn
      June 3, 2019 at 12:36 am | #

      Someday she’ll learn that morality and conscience did not originate with the bible. When she does, it will make sense. She might even wonder how she thought that morality was solely the property of the religious.

      Y’know. If she thinks about it.

      • Miri
        Miri
        June 3, 2019 at 1:00 am | #

        Look at the pedestal she has Dorothy on – she knows *other people* can be good and also atheists. She has just never really thought about her own sense of morality without the framework of the bible, methinks…

        I can see her assuming she’d go off the rails and trying it out then realising that bad wild child behaviour just isn’t her, with either hilarious or tragic results long the way.

        • Chronos
          Chronos
          June 3, 2019 at 4:32 am | #

          Hilagic?

          Tralarious?

          hmmm.. it’s definitely going to be one of those.

        • merbrat
          merbrat
          June 3, 2019 at 9:25 am | #

          Lopez on Lucifer went through it. It was tragicute.

      • Kim
        Kim
        June 3, 2019 at 4:00 am | #

        Perfect gravatar for this comment! ^_^

      • Felian
        Felian
        June 3, 2019 at 2:56 pm | #

        i was raised to believe that morality was a property of the religious, or rather, the exact right kind of christianity. For a long time i shunned getting too close emotionally to non-christians…. until i met people who are actually morally good and not just dogmatically pretentious. That was all i needed at that point to turn my back on that religion.

  4. BBCC
    BBCC
    June 3, 2019 at 12:04 am | #

    awww, honey. It’s okay to start small.

    Like the word ‘phooey’. 😛

    • He Who Abides
      He Who Abides
      June 3, 2019 at 5:01 am | #

      Yeah, I was expecting a smaller start, honestly. Dunno why.

  5. timemonkey
    timemonkey
    June 3, 2019 at 12:04 am | #

    And later on she’s gonna think about boys and not cry afterward!

    • King Daniel
      King Daniel
      June 3, 2019 at 12:06 am | #

      Madness, I tells ya!

  6. Schpoonman
    Schpoonman
    June 3, 2019 at 12:05 am | #

    Ironically, this just proves that Joyce is too good and pure for this world.

    Bets on who or what catalyzes her first “fuck”? I’m betting it’s Carol.

    • mrnoidea
      mrnoidea
      June 3, 2019 at 12:11 am | #

      Ooh, yes, let it be Carol.

      • AntJ
        AntJ
        June 3, 2019 at 12:23 am | #

        Also re: last storyline’s ending, what are the odds Hank and Carol divorce?

        • Thursday Violist
          Thursday Violist
          June 3, 2019 at 12:28 am | #

          I’m betting it’s going to happen shortly after Joyce’s sister comes out to them/is outed/however it happens.

    • Ragnarok101
      Ragnarok101
      June 3, 2019 at 7:23 pm | #

      Thought that already happened with Toedad…

  7. Titus_Brendronicus
    Titus_Brendronicus
    June 3, 2019 at 12:06 am | #

    Joyce is so bad at like consciously rebelling

  8. Lily
    Lily
    June 3, 2019 at 12:06 am | #

    Joyce is too cute 🙁

  9. Madock345
    Madock345
    June 3, 2019 at 12:06 am | #

    At least she hasn’t made a cube of the chairs yet

    • Tacos
      Tacos
      June 3, 2019 at 12:20 am | #

      Yet.

      • Keulen
        Keulen
        June 3, 2019 at 2:14 am | #

        Give her time.

        • Khyrin
          Khyrin
          June 3, 2019 at 5:49 am | #

          but Joyce doesn’t even have ONE cat yet…

    • Roborat
      Roborat
      June 3, 2019 at 4:19 pm | #

      She has, just two sides are transparent.

  10. Stephen Bierce
    Stephen Bierce
    June 3, 2019 at 12:07 am | #

    *plays whatever version of “I’m Not In Love” you feel like hearing on the hacked Muzak*
    There’s like thirty or forty covers of the thing! I remember when the original was a hit. Man.

    • Norah
      Norah
      June 3, 2019 at 12:31 am | #

      I remember it too. It was the year I graduated from high school. Yes, I’m old.

    • Djenk
      Djenk
      June 3, 2019 at 12:52 am | #

      It’s the original 10cc version for me.

      • Charlie Spencer
        Charlie Spencer
        June 3, 2019 at 7:24 am | #

        What does it say about me if that’s the only version I know of?

        Not that isn’t, you understand. Why, I must know a half-dozen off hand, in at least three different genres. Yeah, maybe more.

        • Kamino Neko
          Kamino Neko
          June 3, 2019 at 10:48 am | #

          Yeah…I’d never heard any other version until just now when I looked up covers and turned on the Pretenders version (the only band/performer I really like on the list)… Hell, I don’t remember ever hearing the original until it was used in Guardians of the Galaxy.

    • Schpoonman
      Schpoonman
      June 3, 2019 at 1:43 am | #

      Hercules version, obviously.

      In other news, I’ve been playing Hades and now there are TWO characters named Megaera I’ve crushed on.

      • Schpoonman
        Schpoonman
        June 3, 2019 at 12:53 pm | #

        Oh, wait. Totally different song. Damn, I was off-base.

    • Fergus Maximus
      Fergus Maximus
      June 3, 2019 at 8:31 am | #

      All us olds, getting our old on. Ah, 10CC. Man, wasn’t nostalgia better back then? Having said that, I hated high school so much. Bookish kid in a sports-obsessed country town. Hooray for cities and the freedom to escape!

  11. Lia47
    Lia47
    June 3, 2019 at 12:10 am | #

    joyce talking to god like https://66.media.tumblr.com/f1d2b4ca1f69ed6d6e9e936944d082b7/tumblr_omhtvr9AC71txwpgyo1_1280.png

    • Paradoxius
      Paradoxius
      June 3, 2019 at 1:05 am | #

      CYELATM is great! That’s such a mischievous little face.

  12. Rabid Rabbit
    Rabid Rabbit
    June 3, 2019 at 12:13 am | #

    For a second, I thought she was on her knees in panel 1, and that her knee was in fact her ass, sticking well out.

    I’m sure Butts would be equally disappointed at not getting to add this to their gravatar collection.

    • Delicious Taffy
      Delicious Taffy
      June 3, 2019 at 12:15 am | #

      She’s sitting cross-legged, I think.

      • Rabid Rabbit
        Rabid Rabbit
        June 3, 2019 at 2:04 pm | #

        Yeah, I figured that out. But in the immediate…

  13. DailyBrad
    DailyBrad
    June 3, 2019 at 12:13 am | #

    Pace yourself, Joyce. Gotta work yourself up to the complex blasphemies.

    • BarerMender
      BarerMender
      June 3, 2019 at 12:34 am | #

      You’re there when, like Cyntia Heimel, you can tell someone to sit the cocksuck down.

      • BarerMender
        BarerMender
        June 3, 2019 at 12:35 am | #

        *Cynthia*

  14. TrueVCU
    TrueVCU
    June 3, 2019 at 12:22 am | #

    And so, it begins

  15. Tacos
    Tacos
    June 3, 2019 at 12:23 am | #

    Whoa we got a badass over here. Don’t nobody try to stop her.

  16. Piotr W
    Piotr W
    June 3, 2019 at 12:24 am | #

    Oh dear. She’s going mad…

  17. Lacuna
    Lacuna
    June 3, 2019 at 12:28 am | #

    In the words of the immortal Eartha Kitt:

    Prim and proper, the girl who’s never been cased,
    I’m tired of being pure and not chased.
    Like something that seeks it’s level
    I wanna go to the devil.

    I wanna be evil, I wanna spit tacks
    I wanna be evil, and cheat at jacks
    I wanna be wicked, I wanna tell lies
    I wanna be mean, and throw mud pies

  18. CMasta
    CMasta
    June 3, 2019 at 12:35 am | #

    Joyce Slipshine Countdown Clock has moved a little bit closer to zero

    • Keulen
      Keulen
      June 3, 2019 at 2:29 am | #

      A few milliseconds closer, but that is technically closer.

  19. Bicycle Bill
    Bicycle Bill
    June 3, 2019 at 12:38 am | #

    Darn it all to heck!!!

  20. ADLegend21
    ADLegend21
    June 3, 2019 at 12:42 am | #

    WTF Joyce you gotta go big and start calling people J*rks

    • ninja_jesus
      ninja_jesus
      June 3, 2019 at 2:59 am | #

      J… Jorks?

    • Delicious Taffy
      Delicious Taffy
      June 3, 2019 at 6:15 am | #

      G*sh h*ckin’ d*rn that m**nie-h**d.

  21. Bagge
    Bagge
    June 3, 2019 at 12:48 am | #

    STAND BACK, WE’VE GOT A BADASS!

  22. Kaffeeteria
    Kaffeeteria
    June 3, 2019 at 12:55 am | #

    REBEL ON, GIRL!
    Seriously, this is one huge step for a person who still KINDA believes that there actually may be an all-powerful being staring directly at her from outer space.

  23. abysswatcher1993
    abysswatcher1993
    June 3, 2019 at 12:59 am | #

    What is a god to a nonbeliever?
    The nonbeliever is either Joyce of Godzilla.

    • Jhon
      Jhon
      June 3, 2019 at 11:42 am | #

      Ceiling Joyce. Is watching you…

  24. Batz
    Batz
    June 3, 2019 at 1:17 am | #

    The sheer Joyce adorability is becoming hazardous to my curmudgeonly misanthropy.
    The cuteness hurts.

    • Bagge
      Bagge
      June 3, 2019 at 1:18 am | #

      You and Sarah both.

  25. Arianod
    Arianod
    June 3, 2019 at 1:18 am | #

    *Snif* She’s come so far.

  26. Mr. Random
    Mr. Random
    June 3, 2019 at 1:27 am | #

    ….. This strip kinda makes me wonder how someone currently ensonced in religious fundamentalism would see Joyce’s arc through the past 9 books up to now.
    Everything from her moving in, to the party, to dating Ethan, to the acceptance of Becky, to the fight against Becky’s dad, to…now.

  27. Dierna
    Dierna
    June 3, 2019 at 1:27 am | #

    Well… ya gotta start somewhere… *lol*

  28. auroki
    auroki
    June 3, 2019 at 1:56 am | #

    Well done!

  29. newllend(henryvolt)
    newllend(henryvolt)
    June 3, 2019 at 2:03 am | #

    And you see this raises another concern as far as her up bringing is concerned. This notion that God is only where the church is or in other context god is only where any self designated big town hall claiming to be a church is.

    • King Daniel
      King Daniel
      June 3, 2019 at 2:16 am | #

      She mentioned to Ethan early on, around the time when they started going out, that while she believes God to be everywhere, in church he’s like double-ply.”

      • Rabid Rabbit
        Rabid Rabbit
        June 3, 2019 at 2:05 pm | #

        And she also thinks (or at least, at one point thought) that all the dead people you know who are in heaven can see you all the time and judge you. Presumably God can do the same.

  30. Huehuetotl
    Huehuetotl
    June 3, 2019 at 2:17 am | #

    I know different people take different paths out of belief. I wonder if she’s going to panic about blaspheming the Holy Spirit, I’ve seen that a lot. I don’t remember if I did, but I did go through some heresies on my way out.

    • Rabid Rabbit
      Rabid Rabbit
      June 3, 2019 at 2:07 pm | #

      The reason that’s a great one to panic over is that no one knows what the sin against the holy spirit is. Is it despair? Is it masturbating? Is it yawning during the Lord’s Prayer? Is it talking to an atheist without trying to convert them? Is it eating shellfish? No one has a fecking clue…

  31. NinjaNick
    NinjaNick
    June 3, 2019 at 2:52 am | #

    Uh-oh. She’s slowly becoming the Anti-Joyce.

  32. Reltzik
    Reltzik
    June 3, 2019 at 2:57 am | #

    Joyce, in all seriousness, you KNOW better. Your atheist friends have shown you that’s not true.

    …. well, okay, they do sex-sin stuff and curse-sin stuff… except I’m pretty sure the Bible doesn’t list saying obscenities as a sin, but whatever…

    • deliverything
      deliverything
      June 3, 2019 at 8:49 pm | #

      When I was young, I was vaguely taught that it was a part of that “taking God’s name in vain” stuff. It took longer than I’d like to admit for me to realise how little sense that made.
      Then again, most of the religious things I was expected to believe weren’t particularly logical, so I sort of just accepted it along with the rest (until I didn’t anymore).

  33. John
    John
    June 3, 2019 at 3:27 am | #

    There’s still a spot awaiting you on the scoreboard, Joyce. I’ve got your color set and everything.

  34. Willoughby Chase
    Willoughby Chase
    June 3, 2019 at 3:37 am | #

    It’s good step, I’m waiting for the F-day.

    As it was foretold, the heavens shall crack asunder and smittens will rain down on us!

  35. AGV
    AGV
    June 3, 2019 at 3:41 am | #

    “God is dead”
    “Let me guess, and we killed him”
    “Nah, it was Joyce Brown all on her own”

    • Bagge
      Bagge
      June 3, 2019 at 7:26 am | #

      Honestly, in a fight between God and Joyce, I’m not betting any big money on God.

      • Marsh Maryrose
        Marsh Maryrose
        June 3, 2019 at 5:39 pm | #

        “Bow your head to wrath.” — Joyce, to God

  36. Eldritch Gentleman
    Eldritch Gentleman
    June 3, 2019 at 3:43 am | #

    You might have taken the Church out of your weekly schedule but you can’t take the Church out of your heart.

  37. JessWitt
    JessWitt
    June 3, 2019 at 3:49 am | #

    For training wheel swears, Joyce can attempt some Good Place cussing.

    • Solenoid
      Solenoid
      June 3, 2019 at 8:37 am | #

      Speaking of the Good Place, it was kind of a giveaway regarding that show that they couldn’t swear properly. At least “fork” is hilarious.

      • JessWitt
        JessWitt
        June 3, 2019 at 9:27 am | #

        Never really occurred to me. Just assumed it’s a nice place so of course that’s why it can’t be done.

  38. Bagge
    Bagge
    June 3, 2019 at 5:04 am | #

    Joyce have tried this whole swearing-thing before.

    It was not super effective.

    http://www.dumbingofage.com/2013/comic/book-4/01-the-only-dope-for-me-is-you/duhduh/

  39. JBento
    JBento
    June 3, 2019 at 6:35 am | #

    *gasps*
    *clutches pearls*
    *faints*

    • Bagge
      Bagge
      June 3, 2019 at 7:25 am | #

      *Drops monocle*

      • JBento
        JBento
        June 3, 2019 at 11:13 am | #

        Sacré bleu, not ze monocle. Vite, ze smelling salts!

      • Roborat
        Roborat
        June 3, 2019 at 4:24 pm | #

        Not a problem, just go to SMBC, they sell spares.

  40. QuantumKittydynamics
    QuantumKittydynamics
    June 3, 2019 at 7:03 am | #

    Oh man, look out, firecracker on the loose!

  41. Deanatay
    Deanatay
    June 3, 2019 at 8:17 am | #

    Not going to church.

    Still talking to God.

    Baby steps.

  42. Charlotte
    Charlotte
    June 3, 2019 at 8:37 am | #

    Aw man, I feel sorry for Joyce. Having your rug pulled from under you this completely is hard.

  43. Solenoid
    Solenoid
    June 3, 2019 at 8:38 am | #

    The single-chair version of the Cube of Solitude involves flipping it on its side, and hiding out on the floor and against a wall.

  44. ValdVin
    ValdVin
    June 3, 2019 at 10:10 am | #

    “D-d-da-dee-buh-de-da, oh, fiddlesticks!”

    –Porky Pig (probably at one point, did this)

  45. leadsynth
    leadsynth
    June 3, 2019 at 10:47 am | #

    It sorta looks like Joyce is calling God a d-bag. Here for this.

  46. Taellosse
    Taellosse
    June 3, 2019 at 10:50 am | #

    I’ve always wondered why “douche” and variations became an insult, but no other personal hygiene products are. You just don’t hear people get called “tampons.”

    For that matter, even sex-toy-derived name-calling is pretty unusual – I’d think calling people “dildos” and “cock rings” would be more popular, for example, especially considering they’re ripe for layering double-meaning in there (call someone a dildo when they’re being both a jerk & insincere, i.e. a fake dick; someone’s a cock ring when their relentless arrogance is interfering with everyone else’s fun, since cock rings both inflate & retard orgasm).

    I mean, my understanding is douching isn’t even that common (and not recommended by most gynecologists), yet I heard it used for insults for literally years before I even figured out what it actually WAS. Why that, but not more common genitally-related paraphernalia? Condoms, dental dams, butt plugs, strap-on, menstrual pads & more are all right there & yet it’s just various synonyms for the genitals themselves, the bodily extretions they produce, and this one outlier of the douche. It’s weird,

    • ValdVin
      ValdVin
      June 3, 2019 at 12:12 pm | #

      My (admittedly casual) “research” has heard the word “dildo” used as an insult.

    • Liquid Len
      Liquid Len
      June 3, 2019 at 12:41 pm | #

      I blame Manfred Mann 🙂

    • Delicious Taffy
      Delicious Taffy
      June 3, 2019 at 12:47 pm | #

      Douche is a pointless waste of time and money that certain people are still somehow convinced is a necessity. Sounds like a pretty biting insult, to me.

      Condoms, on the other hand, are actually useful and help prevent unwanted diseases. We also don’t need them to be used as an insult, because it implies there’s something bad about them.

      If I had to take a guess, I’d say dental dams aren’t exactly common knowledge, so as an insult, it would probably just fly over people’s heads. And let’s be honest, even if you explain what they are, an upsetting amount of people would just shrug and say something like “I don’t go down there anyway”.

      The dildos, strap-ons, and butt plugs are solid, though. I’ve heard a few brownnosers and overly-clingy couples referred to as butt plugs because they always seem to be buried up someone’s ass.

      • Rabid Rabbit
        Rabid Rabbit
        June 3, 2019 at 2:08 pm | #

        “Dental dam” also just isn’t that snappy.

        • Delicious Taffy
          Delicious Taffy
          June 3, 2019 at 2:19 pm | #

          ‘Round these parts, the person’s more likely to think you’re calling them Dental Dan, probably as some sort of dig at their oral hygiene.

  47. DarkoNeko
    DarkoNeko
    June 3, 2019 at 11:45 am | #

    *gasp*

  48. wakeangel2001
    wakeangel2001
    June 3, 2019 at 1:34 pm | #

    she needs to establish a support network, at this point she’s basically a child vulnerable to all of the peer pressure and bad influences.

    • Cephalo the Pod
      Cephalo the Pod
      June 3, 2019 at 1:38 pm | #

      Does she not already have Dorothy and Sarah (and Becky, to an extent)? And Jocelyne? Maybe her dad?

    • thejeff
      thejeff
      June 3, 2019 at 2:55 pm | #

      Has she actually shown any real sign of being vulnerable to peer pressure and bad influences?
      Other than the bad influence of her upbringing, of course.
      Carol would think she’d succumbed to bad influences, but Carol’s wrong.

      • Bagge
        Bagge
        June 3, 2019 at 3:56 pm | #

        If anything, Joyce have shown to be extremely resilient against the bad influences of her upbringing.

        I suppose there is this whole thing
        http://www.dumbingofage.com/2016/comic/book-6/03-when-god-closes-the-door/personal/

  49. Chris Borgars-Smith
    Chris Borgars-Smith
    June 3, 2019 at 4:50 pm | #

    Acher, is that you???

  50. Amias
    Amias
    June 4, 2019 at 8:41 pm | #

    This brings back memories of my twelve year old self, telling my parents I was too sick for church so I could lie depressed in bed and experiment with saying “fuck”. Willis, you get it.

  51. Kaffeeteria
    Kaffeeteria
    June 5, 2019 at 5:44 am | #

    I just feel that she has made her joyce.

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