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(he/him)
⚧
New game! BOLTED 
why does Joe suddenly appear
everytime you are near
like Becky, he wants to be
close to… lesbians
Oh no, Ana’s taken up poetry. Her powers continue to grow unabated.
Her powers have retroactively always continued to grow unabated.
She’s gone from bad to verse.
That was quite phunny, well done.
…
Have you never heard of The Carpenters?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M268Csnue9I
They made a ton of easy listening hits in the 70s, two of the greatest Christmas albums of all time, and one sci-fi fantasy TV special that was as corny as it was weird.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d_gwA_hdKMs
Of course we’ve heard of the Carpenters. Going back in time and writing their lyrics to match today’s comment was one of Ana’s greatest triumphs.
I thought the Carpenters was that family Harry Dresden really likes.
(Flips chair backwards) Okay, but let me tell you about another carpenter who was easy to listen to and was a great part of Christmas…
… Ron Swanson?
This is EXTREMELY good thankyou
And now I’m sad for Karen Carpenter from that.
Ah, behold the titans!
This should be fun!
*plays “Souls” by David Fenn on Joe’s Phone*
thankyou.
this is new to me
“The giants of Charlton play host to the titans of Ipswich, making them both seem normal-sized” -Mitchell and Webb
> “The giants of Charlton play host to the titans of Ipswich, making them both seem normal-sized”
This is also why the Teletubbies’ rabbits are actually a breed called the ‘Flemmish Giant’. They are ridiculously (and unhealthily) large.
Behold the joe-tan
Sky-height Joe is an outlier and should not be counted.
As a 6’5″-er I have never felt this close to Joe.
He’s a guy-scraper.
(Am 6’3″, am allowed.)
As a Tiny Person, I agree with Dina. Joe is the aberration.
How tall is Joe anyway? And what are the actual standard heights for men and women?
I’m not sure if we have a number on it, but Joe’s one of the tallest in the cast, alongside Ethan and Jacob. On the gal side, guessing it’s Carla and Sierra that’d be at the top.
Hopefully Willis gives us the numbers for their height, or at least something that shows their relative to each other heights.
Amber is canonically five-foot-two: https://www.dumbingofage.com/2017/comic/book-7/03-the-thing-i-was-before/find/
And adding on to say, per Amazi-Girl her boots add an additional three inches: https://www.dumbingofage.com/2013/comic/book-3/02-guess-whos-coming-to-galassos/vandals/
Based on this I’d say Dorothy is about 5’5 (couple inches taller than amber) if I can find Becky on level with Dorothy or Amazigirl then we’ll have a solid guess for Dorothy.
https://www.dumbingofage.com/2011/comic/book-1/05-media-rumble/composited/
I suspect Dina is 5′ or shorter. She reminds me of the 4’10 girls I’ve known.
Average is 5’9″ for American men and 5’4″ for American women according to a quick google. I would assume Joe is at least 6′ and possibly north of that.
Is it really only 5’9″ for men? I’m about 6’2″ myself, though I tend to stand in a way that makes me appear shorter. No idea why.
It was surprising to me, as well. Reverse Uno, though, because I’m 5’7″. I’ve had excellent posture since my teens, and never thought of myself as short until I married my husband. He’s 6’1″. Now we have two large adult sons who arime 6′ and 6’2″.
I’m less than 25% of Walker-Smiths by both weight and volume.
I’m that height and I cultivated my slouch very deliberately to avoid notice and minimize the intimidation factor.
And now I pay for that.
Yeah, I very much identified with the bit in the Discworld novel Reaper Man that described Ludmilla Cake as one of those people who spends much of their life trying not to loom.
Donald Sutherland has a stoop because of how used he is to talking to people shorter than him. And also to be able to stay in frame. It’s all about beingable to maintain eye contact, really.
Huh. I’m almost exactly 6′ and sometimes I still feel like I’m short…
Wait, I’m average height? I thought I was little shorter than average.
I’m slightly below average height for my weight.
You all just need to drink more milk!
Everyone who is shorter than you is tiny and everyone who is taller than you is a freak. This is how heights are judged.
Humans…. go figure.
Other drivers are slowpokes or maniacs.
Everyone younger than me is a naive childish ingénue. Everyone older than me is a senile, doddering fool. And this has been true for at least the past 30 years…
Everyone is stupid except me
Usually I try and hold onto “everyone is stupid” and let it be at that. I know what I’ve done, and so do many other people.
George Carlin said it best: “Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”
He truly was one of America’s great philosophers.
“You, the newly born asses,
Innocent asses,
Young asses
Who, don’t deny it,
Take the fathers
For asses.
You, the ancient asses,
Asses well experienced,
The senior ass
Who, you may confess it,
Take the little pest
For asses.
Reflect on the impartial message
From someone who is between the ages”
From Le temps ne fait rien à l’affaire (Age has nothing to do with it )
You may think that’s a whole of ass(es), but in original version, the word has the equivalent to conga but without the frankly misogynic undertone (there *is* a misogynic undertone, but it’s not frank, bc nobody remembers it has anything to do with female anatomy anymore, so the song is not misogynistic per se, even if the author should not be counted as a feminist lest by his era standards… that are low)
cap-reference.gif
Procrustes had the right idea.
And the bed to prove it.
Now there’s an obscure reference for ya.
It’s only obscure if you don’t know it:
It’s all about your stuff, versus someone else’s shit.
The Man’s too big…
The Man’s Too Strong!–Dire Straits
Wait… How did Joe get into the room? Isn’t the door locked?
I believe they are in the hallway now.
Oh, good. Ghost Joe would have not quite been alliteration but would have been fully terrifying. Though in retrospect somewhat inventible: if your life goal is to bang all the chicks, you are going to have unfinished business when you die (likely from STDs).
Ghost Joe’s jorts just go gently to gaol? I think I have that in a gif somewhere…
They left their room and are in the public hallway
God, I mean, Joe is everywhere.
So is Roy Kent.
Sudden twist – this Joe is actually not Joe from Its Walky but rather Historic Jesus.
If you believe in Trinity, it would explain why he is both exactly like and very different from his father.
Ha ha nice point you got there True!
Speaking of which, are we that much clear on whether or not Willis’s particular sect believed in the Trinity?
Willis was raised nondenominational Protestant (like Joyce), so yes.
Nah…Historical Jesus is really short (more like Dina’s size than Joe’s).
Dina stares at Jesus and says:
– Evidences, motherfucker! Do you have it??
I have no concept of what should be the “correct” height. I know that I generally stand in a way that makes me look shorter though I don’t know why I do it.
I’m 6ft 7inches and 100% agree with Joe! Y’all’s just small.
I had a captain in the Army who was 6ft 11in. He was the youngest and shortest of 4 boys. Only about an inch, but it was enough for them to razz him about being the baby of the family.
When his son was about 6, the boy said he wanted to grow up to be 6ft 20.
You were cooperating with Adeptus Astartes?
Our Joe is an Awesome Joe
He reigns from heaven above
His last name’s Rosenthal
Our Joe is an Awesome Joe
and this is an awesome filk verse.
I’m just disappointed that Rosenthal doesn’t rhyme with mean, median or mode.
but it does with normal. Plus I’m sure Joe is all about the standard deviant… I mean deviation.
The name of this strip is glorious.
Don’t you be backpedalin’ on this comment now
As someone who is at minimum 6″ taller than everyone I work with Joe is absolutely correct
On that day Becky received a Grim Reminder.
“I AM YOUR GOD NOW! BRING ME YOUR VIRGINS!”
After his last experience with a virgin I think Joe would prefer to avoid virgins but keep on with the ladies that like to film it.
Took me a second to realize that they were in the hall already. Wondered why Joe was suddenly in their room…
Batman chin included
Should Joe’s chin stubble be given its own tag?
I don’t know about other christians, but I think it’s awkward to pray in front of other people…
To my knowledge, many human earthlings in America have fought for the right to pray in public, and the issue as become very much an icon here over the last century.
It’s an American thing to do that.
It’s actually anti-biblical to pray in public, where Jesus literally says that praying in public is what hypocrites do and prayers are to be kept private.
I’ve long suspected that most American Christianity is almost entirely performative. They pray in public so everyone else can see that they’re definitely really Christian, why are you asking, what, you think I’m not a real Christian, look at how holy I’m acting.
Or maybe she’s doing a quick check-in with the man upstairs ’cause she did a swear and had lewd thoughts and it’d be weirder to step aside for it when the only person around (as far as she knew) was her girlfriend who knows what she’s about.
I said not a single word about Becky in specific. I made an observation based on real people, whose behavior actually matters to my life.
Close, Taffy. The American Christianity that you see is entirely performative. And yeah, sometimes that can mean an entire church, when that church is lead by a cheesy car salesman-type pastor.
But by obvious definition, those who pray by themselves, or only with other believers in solitude, don’t get noticed, because they’re doing it in quiet. They’re not going to advertise this, because that’s the point of humility. They don’t go shouting down others or being brash or denouncing others’ faults and ‘sins’ because those are all things you’re not supposed to do – amongst Christians, you’re supposed to talk to someone privately from a place of patience and love, and you’re outright not supposed to judge nonbelievers, as any Christian is AT LEAST as sinful, if not moreso.
Ironically, the best way to be noticed as a “Christian” is to do it completely 100% wrong.
Christianity in North America, as a cultural institution, is completely performative, yeah.
CPC PM candidate Pierre Poilievre gets to run ads depicting his ghoulish mug next to Christian iconography and that’s just normal and acceptable because Canada also has the entrenched problem of right-wing populism, and so a Good Christian Man is just displaying his faith in a way that anyone who was not deliberately taking the piss could tell would otherwise not be allowed.
The status quo works for you when you are the status quo.
I’m pretty sure most Christians in the US have either not read that passage, or forgotten about it, because so many of them sure do love their public prayers.
Or as BorkBorkBork says above, at least those US Christians that you usually notice as Christian. The ones who go about their Christianity without making a big fuss about it don’t draw nearly so much attention.
I think she wanted to include Dina in her religious moment.
Huh, y’think Becky might try what she’s doing to Joyce on Dina at some point?
That’s a total doomscroller prediction, natch, the circumstances for Becky trying to drag Joyce back to God (because that’s her Joyce she relies on and needs to maintain as a buffer) are entirely different from any she has with Dina where the two of them thinking the other is incredibly, deeply wrong about the origin of the universe is just a funny quirk. I wonder if, as it sinks in that Becky’s Joyce is gone forever, she’d double down and do something stupid and harmful to Dina to try and get that safety back.
I don’t think something that like would happen, but it was kinda fun to guess about.
As an abnormally tall person, I relate very strongly with Joe in this one.
“I had the sudden suspicion Joyce had a headache so I brought some medicine and soothing music.”
My eyes wandered this strip to the last panel where Joe said “whore”, my mind skipped, I then squinted and lo!- the apostrophe appeared, and I breathed a sigh of relief
it’s ok, Joe is used to being called that in bed too.
I would climb Joe like a tree.
Dina already has, that’s how she subdued him.
Too close, Joe
It looks like Becky backed into Joe, so it’s Becky who is too close to Joe
Joe is God, confirmed
Nah. Already confirmed that both Dina and Becky are wrong – God exists, but as the reclusive eccentric millionaire who created the ‘Dexter and Monkey Master’ series, and lives in a cliffside mansion with a lawn made of gold.
They’re both wrong on the age of the Earth, too – it’s not 4.5 billion years, or 6000 years, but more like four and a half months, give or take.
A cartoonist who draws your universe as it’s happening has gotta be some Grant Morrison shit.
If we’re going that route, then surely it’s eleven and a half years old, it’s just that only four and a half months has passed in that time?
I’unno. I’m a bored personality on the Internet, not a theoretical physicist. That’s some next level space/time shennanigans there.
Loki, right? Or Zeus (that explain the sexual appetite)?
If Joe is Loki, I cannot wait for the chapter where he gets knocked up and gives birth to an eight-legged horse baby which Amazi-Girl then proceeds to ride into action.
The Mighty Thoe.
As a tall person, everyone else is short/small.
Finally, a strip at the correct height