THE SEVENTH DUMBING OF AGE KICKSTARTER IS GO!
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preternia @preternia.com ⋅ 1d
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 4d
Josh Gerstein @joshgerstein.bsky.social ⋅ 2d
Aaron Rupar @atrupar.com ⋅ 2d
Pavel
@spavel.bsky.social ⋅ 11d
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“Flaws?? OUR WORLD HAS BEEN SHATTERED”
Just like Billie’s glasses?
What if cheerleaders were one of us?
Just a slob like one of us?
Just a stranger on the bus?
Trying to make their way home?
“it seems our leaders are not all-knowing! I will question everything! MAYBE IT IS BUTTER!!!!”
BUTTERY
MALES…glasses?A red light starts blinking in Cheerleader Central HQ, and a klaxon sounds.
By tomorrow, Forest Quad will be rubble. The only clue: a tattered pom-pom amid the dust.
The last time CCHQ had to intervene like this was when Krakatoa High discovered cheerleaders used feminine hygiene products too. And don’t get me started on when Franz Ferdinand implied they took showers.
Uh… wow. The hell is that reaction?
That’s a bit intense and kind of sucks.
Yeah – if it were JUST Billie’s perception, that’d be one thing, but Joyce’s expression indicates that they’re actually saying it.
Billie has been presenting herself as a seductress living a weird magazine life. The illusion was always there.
Oh come on, y’all. Nothing that any of the people in Forest Quad has been saying has been realistic or even entirely rational. Why is this a surprise?
They remind me of Red and Ayilu, from Gunnerkrigg Court, really.
I agree with JetstreamGW and Stu. It does suck and I’d hate to be on the receiving end but it also super fits with the comic-y way these guys have been portrayed.
I wonder if this is part of why Lucy has been so uncomfortable?
Billie’s perception is a bit fuzzier than that right now, unless she got replacement contacts.
Why are they so in awe of her?
They are very very stupid.
Again, remember the title of the comic.
I think — well, hope — that they have been winding her up.
I think they may just be wildly immature and kind of dumb.
In the sight deficient dorm hall the bare eyed woman is queen
Oh right. They all wear glasses. I have been criminally short sighted to not have noticed that.
Well, Zaph doesn’t, but he might be the only one.
This is a weird hall, but I still kinda like them
Faz sees something in her. Like…that’s a new Faz face.
… he suddenly looks human instead of a painted bowling ball on legs, and I’m not sure I was ready for that.
That’s Zaph.
Thank you, the universe has been restored to equilibrium.
Pretty sure that’s Zaph
That’s reading a lot into one partially obscured eye and a bit of hair…
(It’s Zaph who’s visible.)
That’s not Faz. That’s Zaph.
And this is what it took for me to realize that Zaph is the Mirror Universe Faz.
OH WAIT I’M
JUST AN IDIOT SORRY ZAPH
Are you implying all Fazs look the same. I bet you think Wen looks like Faz too.
I never said you looked all the same! I’m not racist, honest!
*talks to clone army*
No alt text?
I’m not seeing an alt text either. Just the title of the strip right now.
There is now.
No matter how far you run, your past will always hunt you down.
Quite literally in this case.
Do… do these people hate themselves? Because unless they’re kidding their phraseology implies they might.
Maybe they know they’re not Main Characters, and that makes them depressed.
I’d call it Xanth Syndrome, but I’m pretty sure that term is taken and has something to do with undergarments.
I’m embarrassed that I know exactly what you mean.
I’m embarrassed I know what I mean too.
Is there anything about adolescence that isn’t embarrassing?
Wait, are you implying that liking Xanth is embarrassing?
Because shut up, you’re wrong.
Are you embarrassed easily? But it’s nothing to worry about, it’s all part of growing up and being British. This course is designed to eliminate embarrassment, to enable you to talk freely about rude objects, to look at awkward and embarrassing things and to point at people’s privates.
I took that course, and now I can say shoe, megaphone and grunties without embarrassment, although I do still blush slightly when I say wankle rotary engine.
Oh, right in xanth there was this strange obsession with undergarments that is only topped by manga (where boys practically faint when they see a girls drawers because ist oh sooooo titillating).
Don’t forget the spontaneous nosebleed. I always wondered why the girls wear such short skirts.
Because mangakas like drawing fan service?
Because fan service sells.
Dammit, don’t ruin the joke.
They believe Billie is an awesome role model. They are deeply stupid.
Rose just has a penchant for melodrama. (I read it with a hint of sarcasm.)
*billie’s pedestal explodes*
Was that the one that had a dragon on it at one time?
Wait a sec! She was the cheerleader for the Dragons…
[belated groan]
Wait until they find out Billie does things like burp. They’ll probably collapse and start gibbering nonsense.
Wait, have none of them seen her using the washroom?
Holy crap they’re idiots! Can’t say I wouldn’t fuck with them.
Phrasing
You’re right
Can’t say I wouldn’t have sex with all the people in Forest Quad
Take Two denied!
when did this comic series morph into a corny 80’s teen movie, where did I take a wrong turn
Forest Quad is the cheesy 80s sitcom spinoff of the drama series that is Read Hall.
Albuquerque.
I think Billie looks better with glasses anyway.
“…. I’m NOT A NERD!”
*covers face in shame, flees back into room*
Those fuckin’ cheerleaders judged me! I was socially profiled!
They are just fucking glasses. Plus, she has a good vibe with them on.
She can use them for driving too.
I see what you did there.
Well, that was quick.
I mean, at least her roommate would find out she had contacts, unless she really wanted to put a ton of effort into hiding something this inane.
Her contacts broke before school started, which is the only reason she was wearing glasses from the start. I think she’s walking around blind, or she doesn’t actually need corrective lenses all that much.
I’m sure Billie wouldn’t wear glasses unless she HAD to.
Or her new contacts arrived.
As moneys not a problem, the new contacts should have came by now (if she managed to organize that. While you are contemplating suicide, you might not bother about replacements.)
I didn’t really think about that aspect (which is silly, because I am out of commission for months at a time for the same reason), but on the other hand, she wasn’t suicidal when she first lost her contacts, and with money being no problem and sites like clearly having shipping that only takes a couple days even in Canada, yeah, I think she’d have them by now.
Also, when I wrote the first post, I was picturing my husband (I wear glasses myself, but I was thinking about him), and he takes his contacts out in the bathroom across the hall, then can barely make it back to the bedroom without glasses, but Billie’s eyes are pretty unlikely to be that bad.
Just goes to show that the contest to be popularity queen is a full-contacts sport.
….
*flees for dear punning life*
Eye see what you did there.
I had a vision that today’s comments would host a pun thread.
Now, let’s not make a spectacle of it.
From my view, pun should be celebrated! Plus, the nature of commebt sections lens itself to punning.
These jokes are getting cornea and cornea…
Iris ked a pun way up in the thread.. no one saw it
It was specked macular.
I guess they failed their Spot check?
It appears we were all blind to your earlier pun.
When it comes to puns, I can’t match these. I’m only a humble pupil.
What devil art thou that dost torment me thus?
This torture should be roared in dismal hell.
Hath Billie lost her glasses? Say thou but “ay,”
And that bare vowel I shall poison more
Than the death-darting eye of cockatrice.
I am not I if there be such an I,
Or those eyes shut that makes thee answer “ay.”
If her eyes are bad, say “ay,” or if not, “no.”
Brief sounds determine of my weal or woe.
I find myself simultaneously charmed by the blatant meta-commentary this hall provides and absolutely horrified by the idea of these people existing in a conceptual Real World.
I predict all of them will get jobs via neptoism and cronyism — coasting through life.
Mind you it all depends on the coaster – Starbucks or Bud Light or maybe something like The Gravity Max or Kingda Ka?
From Cool Kat to normal in a few sentences.
As always, Nash says the quiet thing out loud. “What is this thing you call a ‘filter’?”
Now I’m trying to remember how many cheerleaders I knew who actually wore glasses. Honestly, can’t remember any (though I’d assume that’s because contacts were more conducive to the sport).
Oh no. Their tiny little freshman minds have been shattered.
Freshman minds are Oobleck – easily shattered yet quick to recover when not under pressure.
https://imgur.com/a/w2stheC
Miss me guys? Well let me fix that.
Also Faz is still one of my favorite characters. As a creepy loser I empathize with creepy losers.
That was a remarkable uncreepy thing Faz just said.
Faz IS a great character (and so is his penis). And I still feel there is a shoe waiting to drop…
To be fair I had like 8 creepier jokes I was gonna make but got lazy.
I assume the Daz ship sunk?
There’s all kinds of ships, my friend.
We all missed you, Yotomoe!
We’re gluttons for punishment.
And YAAAS new Yotomoe art!
Who are you?
Hey, Yotomoe! You’ve been missed around here!
CHEERLEADERS AREN’T PERFECT?!?!?!
*Runs into freeway traffic….*
SHE’S NOT A REAL CHEERLEADER AT ALL, TEAR HER TO PIECES!
Of cause they are, there is no way Kim Possible could have lied to me.
Yes, Kim Possible, she’s totally real, right? Yeah, completely. They are still perfect, they are still perfect…
*Sits in middle of freeway center reserve, curled up in fetal position…*
THE SPELL IS BROKEN! THE SERVANTS ARE FREE!
*Youtubes BRAND NEW DAY from The Wiz*
These guys are such parasites.
They’re just adorable goobers who happen to have some weird feelings about cheerleaders
I mean this in only the most affectionate way, but Gods above do you make a sport out of contradicting me or is one of us barking mad?
Not you specifically, but “disagreeing with someone but just letting it go without comment” is not exactly one of my strengths
aww, you missed a wonderful opportunity to quote monty python.
“well if I’m going to argue with you, I must take up a contrary position!”
Yes, but it isn’t just saying “no, it isn’t”.
One of us, one of us, one of us
Gooble, gobble!
I predict Billie will prefer to be with a fawning group of sycophants than her genuine best friend in college.
Her self-esteem is so low at the moment that I wouldn’t really blame her for temporarily basking in some absurd hero worship.
See I don’t get that because this kind of treatment would just end up making me super paranoid because obviously it’s not justified so either they’re up to something or they’re all just too stupid to realize I’m garbage.
Was her best friend Alice, or was her best FRIEND Walky?
She realised her best friend was Joyce, and wasn’t happy about it: http://www.dumbingofage.com/2011/comic/book-1/06-yesterday-was-thursday/stall/
Kinda of an extreme reaction aint it? They’re just glasses.
Except she’s been getting an extreme amount of hero worship for being a cheerleader in high school.
I maintain Billie is even sexier in her glasses because her mother is the Baroness and her biological father is Stormshadow. I believe, further, Destro raised her except for the fact he was too busy conquering the world to do so and pawed her off on the Sal’s family.
I had assumed Joyce would out Billie as a fallible human by association (“only people with flaws hang out with people with flaws” logic, and Joyce is letting her flaws all hang out with these people) but this route is apparently quicker…
I guess it was about time.
Wait, in McAwesome’s Dorm, is their R.A. a person who acts nice all the time but is secretly evil?
Okay so I’m 80% sure (based on Rose’s facial overacting) that they’re being facetious so as to put Billie out of the illusion that she needs to maintain some level of, I dunno, primness in order to retain the accolades and respect of her peers. But in any case, I’m incredibly worried because Faz is here and there has to be a reason Willis jumped through all these narrative hoops to get him in the same place as Billie.
I predict that Faz will live in this dorm the way that Becky did and eventually get adopted by Jason (because he’s the Anti-Leslie).
I hope — pray — that the whole thing has been an extended prank, and that this is the pay-off.
Serious question: how common is it nowadays for people to have hard contacts that can break?
I know that for a long time after soft contacts came out, hard contacts were still the only option for astigmatism. Is that still the case? Are there other situations where hard contacts are preferable to soft?
And given that Billie has money, is there some reason she didn’t have Lasik done?
To do lasik they have to use a scalpel to cut the membrane over the ocular lens so it can be peeled back, THEN the laser can reshape it.
You have to be awake for this, because if you were out, your eyes would try to move too much.
I’d love to be rid of my glasses, but nooooope nope nope nope no way in hell
oh dear god. it sounded scary enough even not knowing you had to be awake for it.
plus, if you have to be awake so you can hold your eyes still… no, that is not a thing I could physically do. heck, I used to have a lot of trouble in dentist appointments because I couldn’t stop my tongue from poking at things.
I’m pretty sure they have some sort of restraint on your eye so it’s not JUST that you have you hold your eye still by sheer concentration. It’s just if you TRY to move your eye, it would be bad, because they can’t COMPLETELY immobilize it.
They also give you some kinda anxiety meds to keep you from panicking during the procedure, but something happening to my eyes is one of my greatest fears, so I feel like I’d still have nightmares about it afterwards
Restraint? As in Clockwork Orange?
NOOOOOO!!
I flinched and bit into the drill last time I had to get a filling on a lower molar. No novocaine either, thanks to my primal fear of needles. Thankfully my dentist’s reflexes are still pretty sharp so it didn’t cause too much extra damage, but it certainly didn’t help. That was a fun day.
Pretty sure they anesthetize the eye so it can’t move.
i died a little just reading this
Don’t read a detailed procedure.
Having done, I can honestly just say that it is the weirdest feeling going through it. It doesn’t hurt, it’s just… very weird.
Remember Final Destination 5?
Also Lasik can be messed up. My mom walked in nearsighted and came out farsighted, all thanks to a misplaced decimal point.
The FDA has not approved LASIK for children under 18. Since turning 18 Billie has been kind of busy with high school finals, graduation, prom, drunkened driving, car crashes, drinking to forget, being ostracised, and getting fat. It’s all very time-consuming.
LASIK might be scheduled for the mid-semester break.
You also have to have had a stable refractive error (prescription) for 12 months, which not a lot of people get until 25 or so.
People can be more sheltered than Joyce.
*Audible Gasp*
Man, I hope the Forest dormies are just yanking Billie’s chain about the glasses.
I hope they were just yanking her chain about the cheerleader-worship.
That … would be a bit of a relief, yeah.
Of all things, it’s no glasses that tips them off.
….
Sooo….Is Forest Quad the home for stupid people?
Well all of the Reed Hall people are intelligent but jerks so this is the home for nice but moronic ones.
I find it amusing how many of these comics are along the lines of ‘what a silly/irrational thing to say.’ Like yeah, that’s why it’s in the punchline panel.
Yeah, a bunch of fangirls but fans are easy to disappoint.
I’m sure that Joyce has a sermon all ready about ‘being liked for who you really are’. The problem is that even Billie doesn’t like who she really is, so she can’t blame her neighbours for not doing so. Maybe that’s her next major growth area?
Your first sentence gives me flashbacks to the catgirl massacre in Something Positive.
Aaaaand Joyce just planted plenty of C4 and Dynamite at the base of Billie’s Mount Olympus.
Panel four Joyce has just the perfect amount of wonder and shock. Now I gotta know if there’s one German word which means that.
No word like that comes to my mind.
Did you ask because German words like Angst made it into English?
Probably because of ‘schadenfreude’, which is a word we really needed, so we stole it.
German words having ~deep, complex meanings~ has become a meme.
It’s more “there’s a German word for everything” that’s the meme, in my experience. The actual words that mean said things are often compound words.
Wunderschock!
(And if it doesn’t exist, I claim it as my own!!)
No google-hits for that one, only hits for both words separated by Komma or full-stop (several of them referring to trump being elected, btw).
Wouldn’t “consternation” be mostly fitting?
oh no, the spell is broken !
Yeah, instead of groupies, Billie will just have to make do with friends. Such rotten luck!
Mark my words, they’re going to burn Billie at the stake because she’s too pure for this world.
You are having me on. There is no tiger behind my baAAAAAAARGH
Rose’s apparent need to have someone ‘perfect’ whom she can look up to is adorable in ways that I’m having difficulty processing. Someone hug her!
You have set them all on fire!
They think they’ve found the new messiah!
(And they’ll hurt you when they find they’re wrong!)
I remember when this whole thing began
No talk of God then, we called you a man
And believe me, my admiration for you hasn’t died
But every word you say today
Gets twisted ’round some other way
And they’ll hurt you if they think you’ve lied…
You know guys there’s this nice new invention out there that I think you might of heard about I forgetc what they’re called- wait now remember they’re called contacts !
Everyone in this strip except Joyce is a ridiculous baby.
It was a good reign, while it lasted.
Maybe one day the people in Billie’s new dorm will feel like real people; but until then I’ll continue giggling at the… wait, what’s the word for them? Plot devices? Nah…
We need to check with our local emperor!
Hey, Emperor of The Internet, are you wearing glasses?
Of course not. Why would We do such a thing? What ridiculousness to suggest that We are less than perfect.
(Rumours that We are wearing contact lenses will be neither confirmed nor denied.)
The Superman facade shatters, leaving a bespectacled Clark Kent in its wake.
Never underestimate the power of glasses in your own persona. They make you look like an intellectual, like Harry Potter, or like Milhouse.
pretty girls are easier to approach when they have a flaw
The Rumor Come Out: Is Billie wears Glasses?
And so the marble statue turns out to have clay feet. How will Forest Quad react to this?
Danny: No, that just makes the cheerleader HOTTER.
Rose is very cute.
Oh please, oh please, oh please keep reusing the last panel a la Jazz in Fresh Prince of Bel-air