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T Campbell, John Waltrip, Florence Machina
Welcome to the saga of the working-class adventurer! Enjoy the complete story with new annotations daily!
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Isa, Meg
There's ghosts at your heels and fairy tale worlds ahead. What do you do? Jump down the rabbit hole!
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Joyce has been homeschooled her entire life until now, when she's suddenly a freshman in college! Things don't go well.
2 Slices
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Paint the Town Red
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Cyanide & Happiness
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Satire, dark humor and surreal humor.
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The legendary early-aughts webcomic that inspired a wave of webcomic creators.
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Chandra is a 12-year-old accidental time traveler with a reluctant new dad, who happens to be a member of a feared galactic crime syndicate.
Beeserker
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This comic is about a robot powered by bees, but it's also about the kind of people who think filling a robot with bees is a good idea, and why they're wrong.
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To be clear, you ARE talking about the virus, and not “drinking too much Mexican beer”? Because, I mean: Waking up next to a guy you’ve never met before and only vaguely recall getting a passing glimpse of before passing out, with a pounding headache, in a completely unfamiliar place..
Look, I’m just saying that you can’t blame everything on the pandemic and/or quarantine. At some point, you gotta give in and acknowledge that you may have a drinking problem.
No, just that you have to differentiate between Coronas. One changes your life and makes you sick, the other is a “Mexican” beer brewed in St. Louis MO.
This is exactly how all those Chick Tracts Joyce grew up reading end, when the person doesn’t accept Jesus and then dies. They wake up and are greeted by Faz.
If she prays now, a voice will tell her to yell for help just as someone walks past. Might help if she manages to convert Faz; Chick doesn’t think you count as a Christian unless you’ve converted someone.
I used to pick those things up when people left them in the grocery store, but only to see if I could find the famous Dungeons and Dragons one. I’ve always wanted one, but I’ll be damned (yukyuk) if I’ll give a cent to the people who publish those things.
I came across a site that snarked ’em years ago and ended up browsing the Chick website. They’ve actually got all of them online. It’s kinda absurd how many things he’s against. Harry Potter. Halloween costumes. Same-sex couples. Evolution. Any religion except very specific variations of Christianity. Any translation of the Bible except King James. Santa.
All rock music, too! Even Christian rock is just a trick of the devil’s to lure you into his wicked, wicked grasp!
His beliefs about Catholicism, Judaism, and Islam are just so wrong as to be bafflingly offensive, until and unless you operate under the specific conspiracy theorist mindset that, since they’re ALL tools of Satan, they are of course all in cahoots. (Dude really needed to watch The Thing, just saying. He wouldn’t, of course, but it would have added verisimilitude to his abominably offensive screeds.)
The only positive he saw in Trick-or-Treating was the fact that it provided a way to hand out tracts, because no good Christian child would ever do such a thing.
So bafflingly offensive that I often wonder if they managed to do more good than harm. I can’t imagine how they’d convert anyone who isn’t already in that cult mentality. They read like a parody.
Might be good for keeping the faithful from straying, but they leave them around places like they expect people to read them and suddenly see the light.
The best thing about Jack Chick is that we can talk about him in the past tense. He died in 2016, and I have it on good authority that he is currently enjoying the tender ministrations of Zagaghoth, Demon Prince of Excruciatingly Painful Colonic Insertions.
I used to see those all the time when I was in New York. They were ludicrous, but hey, they’re HIS opinion, and he’s entitled to it, right? Up to the one I read where he retold the parable of the Prodigal Son. He edited it, taking out the “Good Son’s” rebellion and rant, and made it seem like the “Hood Son” was forthright behind his Father’s decision! Never looked at another one since!
She was nice to him. And it’s hard to say whether or not Faz is actually ON BOARD with this plan, he can’t say no and if Blaine already knows he’s there then the consequences of him not helping are probably not good. (Yuri may or may not know as well and is, at best, deeply unsupportive of Faz; Blaine has never actually gone to jail so why should Faz expect this time will be different?)
I’m wondering this too. He has to have some idea of this being wrong right? He saw Blaine hold Walky and Joyce hostage even if he didn’t witness any direct threats. I’m wondering how muc h of his actions are from fear or not.
He was there for the kidnappings. He knew what they did and possibly participated. And if he wanted to do something to stop it, all he had to do was not free Blaine. Without Faz doing that, this would all have been over.
Given that Blaine was tied up and blindfolded, it would have been easy to not free him without being obvious about it. Blaine not only wasn’t a direct threat, but hard to even paint as an indirect one. Make a bit of noise, time the rescue attempt differently and he could even say he’d tried.
Faz has shown no signs of not being on board, though it still remains possible. More possible that Joyce is able to persuade him otherwise, I think.
To the extent he might be coerced, I’d say it’s less fear as we traditionally think about it and more the abused kid trying desperately to win the abuser’s approval, which is slightly different.
The thing about Faz, which may end up in Joyce’s favor, is that he’s on no one’s side except Faz’s. He’s a Starscream, dutifully sycophantic until it’s clear it’s not in his best interest to be so. Faz may see that the writing is on the wall for Blaine, and free Joyce so he appears to be the hero of the day.
Interesting. I read Faz as more of a (socially awkward and ego-driven) kid who is trying desperately to please his known abuser of a father. I wouldn’t assume he’s really stopped to think about whether this is “wrong” if Blaine’s told him that it’s good and/or necessary.
Any consideration for wrongdoing is probably forthcoming. I agree that since Joyce has been kind of him in the past, and people seem to rarely to be kind to Faz, he’ll at least be tempted to free her. He still might not, but I don’t see him as a mastermind.
That’s my reading of Faz too. He’s a socially awkward/inept kid who desperately seeks approval and acceptance, but his own awkward/creepy behaviour alienates the very people he wanted to be accepted by, and his parental figures are either distant (his mom) or abusive (Blaine), and so he’s developed the typical mindset of abused kids where he’ll do just about anything to please his abusive parents. If left alone on this trajectory, he’ll probably grow up to be incel one day.
So far, Joyce is one of the few people who’s actually interacted with him as a person, not merely told him to go away or ignored him. We don’t know if Faz actually saw Joyce as one of the kidnappees. He might have been OK with dumbly following along with what Blaine was doing (see “desperately seeking approval” above), but that might change now that he realizes Joyce is the one in danger.
Followed by the double-whammy of DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince’s “Nightmare on My Street” & The Fat Boys’ “Are You Ready For Freddy?!”
I’m surprised Faz isn’t decked out in a red & green striped sweater & worn brown fedora!!
On the bright side, Blaine didn’t abandon Faz as some people were guessing. On the down side, Joyce is not in a great position right now. What are the odds she hits Faz? I’m really hoping she hits Faz.
Blaine: “FAZ! Why aren’t you stopping her?!”
Joyce: *THWACK*
Faz: “Faz is paralyzed in elation by his being touched by a woman he is not related to.”
Joyce: *THWACK*
It depends. She might hit Faz, and she’s not bound, but she’s also previously the only one who has shown him much sympathy, outside of Amber to an extent. I don’t know if Faz would want to attack her to begin with, even at Blaine’s direction.
Maybe it’s true, but he told Joyce that on the same day that he stole information from Amber’s computer to give to Blaine. So either Blaine was forcing or manipulating fax, or fax flat out lied so he would have a cover story about why he was there.
We dont know that much about Faz in dumbing of age, while his creepiness is similar to shortpacked hes also significantly younger. It’s not above question that hes being manipulated…. by both his parents, since if I recall his mother is in on this
My guess is that Faz is just so desperate for parental approval that he’s playing along with Blaine’s schemes to please him in hopes that it’ll make him care about him.
Blaine didn’t abandon him because he still needs at least ONE of his kids to kick around in order to make himself feel big… and, y’know, a henchman. An extra pair of hands comes in handy when doing nefarious deeds!
Blaine didn’t abandon him because he’d already got in the van while Blaine was still outside monologuing. He would have had to actually take time to throw him out if he wanted to abandon him.
It had to be a roomy van, it held 6 kidnapped students plus a bunch of minions — “bunch” is right for minions, yeah? Like bananas? — plus maybe Faz, unless he was squeezed between Blaine and Ross upfront.
I couldn’t figure out what the rail on the wall meant. I thought Blaine had driven Joyce to a dimly-lit ballet studio. Inside the van makes a lot more sense.
Jokes aside I’m actually fairly interested in what Faz thinks is going on here. Does he know his dad killed a guy…after kidnapping a bunch of people? Like how on board is he for all of this?
That’s very likely… which makes it extra galling that if he had just stayed in his cupboard, this would not be happing right now. He had the thumb on the scale, and he chose to free Blaine.
Well he knows about the kidnapping for sure. (In one of the comics when everyone was in the basement and you saw shadows of some of the kidnappers, faz was tagged as an observer.)
We don’t know for sure where he was hiding in the house prior to releasing blaine, but walky thought he was in a cupboard. If that’s the case, he probably would have heard walky tell amber about the fight in the basement.
So fax knows some of the serious stuff for sure and possibly some of the other stuff. He can’t claim ignorance.
In fact he has a graph which shows the exact degree of sexual excitement he derived from each revelation. Give him a moment and he will explain it to you.
Yeah, that’s largely been something that’s been bugging me here. Faz just hasn’t had enough of a build-up as a character independent of his Shortpacked-version, his few appearances largely amount to the same sort of “dumb teenage boy who thinks he’s Casanova and its funny” jokes that Shortpacked went hard on too with him.
That’s not The Joker. That’s not Harley Quinn (even pre her getting her own show and movie both of which are great).
That’s not even Kite Man. Kite Man looks down upon Faz-types.
He’s the villainous equivalent of Condiment King.
And sure, sometimes a story can work with a “nobody to nightmare” type character, but not this late in the day. I really hope this is leading to him being completely blind to what exactly is going on, like Blaine told him this was all just a game or something…
OK, Joyce, now figure out creative ways to use Faz, or parts of Faz’s body, to beat Blaine and/or escape. Faz’s survival is optional (though I suspect he has plot armor).
Ask nicely and hope to persuade him? He listen to her request last time, although last time was just asking him to be quite in class, which did not conflict with his murderous step father, so might not work.
Suddenly Faz-mour!
He purified you!
Suddenly Faz!
He showed you you can
(Yes you can!)
Learn how to be more
The girl that was kidnapped and brought inside!
With absolutely no sweet understanding
Faz is your man!
Thank you for going precisely to the place I also went reading that comment, but also: The concepts of Faz and purification do not belong within forty feet of each other, so if you need me, I will be screaming.
[Lane Meyer] “Two men… One is an evil gangster-wannabe, the other learned evil from watching his ganster-wannabe father. So you tell me… Which is better, waking up kidnapped by an inept ganster, or waking up next to Faz?” [/Lane Meyer]
If you mean Faz, he was already in there. He ran ahead to open the back door (and presumably get into the van himself) during the time Blaine had Joyce and was talking with Sarah. Then Becky dropped her bombshell about the timed-to-release tweet, Dorothy reminded him that he could still give up and get a fair shake, but he blew that off, tossed Joyce into the van, and fled the scene.
I was referring to the fact that he seemed to suddenly appear beside her between panels 3 and 5, seeing as how she didn’t notice him and he wasn’t directly beside her, though I forgot how little was shown in panel 3 when I commented. Anyway, it was a joke.
Can someone please explain what is going on with Joyce’s breath in the fourth panel? Is she actually hearing Blaine panic breathing in the front, and knowing he is panicked calms her down? Or is she distancing herself from her breath somehow?
Generally, panic attacks don’t actually last forever. (A quick Google says they tend to peak around ten minutes, and most are over in 20-30. Brains just canmt sustain that level of Sheer Freakout all that long.) So it’s probably starting to subside, and she’s getting more ability to be aware of at least her breathing, if not really her surroundings.
(Anxiety attacks can last way longer, but while they’re debilitating, they’re not usually ‘dissociating/depersonalization to the point of not really recognizing you’re being kidnapped again’ levels of debilitating.)
Why they’re spaced that way… dunno, but I’m leaning more towards it being aesthetic, to use up a bit more panel space while still conveying this section of the van is Large and Empty (until Faz shows up.) The other panels are closer shots, so the one wide one having distanced speech bubbles while it’s still pretty clear contextually it’s Joyce worked for me.
Alternately, they’re in the back of a van that’s probably going fairly fast with no seatbelts.
To be fair, Faz is only a teenager in DoA, and his parents both Blaine and his mom seem to be manipulating him into these things so I’m less inclined to view him as the worst.
We’ll see if I continue to think this over the coming comics
I have to admit, it is strange to read the German word for “chicken” thrown into Joyce’s bubbling (though I doubt she’d say it phonetically correctly anyway).
Also, poor Joyce, but I think Faz might actually be more helpful than not.
Ok I’m liking this. The last couple of strips have been a bit jarring for me because I just want to reach through the screen and yell at them something like “why are you smiling” or (apart from Sal and Sarah) “why arn’t you showing more urgency”
A man is dead and their friend has been kidnapped (by the killer) and yet we’ve got a number of people milling about and smiling which makes me think this arc isn’t serious
But now we’re back with Joyce and shes in danger and its serious (as it should be) so lets see where this ends
Blaine’s going to see one of the most dangerous creatures ever. An angered Joyce, she’s going to slow him long for Sal and AG to arrive onvthe Sal-cycle.
Someone is citing the MA constitutional provision explicitly allowing the state to impede federal marshals enforcing the fugitive slave act, DAMN the average citizen is radicalized
you’re laughing. the largest antebellum plantation house burned down & there are brides who will not get to spiritually absorb the poisoned spectral energy of the land for their big day, & you’re laughing.
Me if I ever see Tony Hawk: Hey you’re Tony Hawk the famous skateboarder. That’s right I recognise you. Won’t be able to get any content out of this will you, you piece of shit
How to read all 28 issues of my Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane run on Marvel Unlimited:
1: The first four issues were published as the miniseries "Mary Jane."
www.marvel.com/comics/serie...
today in #9chickweedlane i learned we have to be shown children learning and relearning what sex is, for Reasons, even though they already clearly know and have prepared nuanced questions about it!
also that Gran must hate, if she's still alive, how Old Juliette is the same but with gray hair
one of my favorite things is when a commenter explodes WHEN DO THESE CHARACTERS GET THERAPY but directed towards a character who canonically has a regular therapist
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btw if you're one of those rando bluesky weirdos who doesn't know me but sees me in the wild being sarcastic and don't know i'm being sarcastic because you haven't taken like 30 seconds to, like, maybe look at my user profile or something, keep walking, you're not going to score internet points here
Here's an entertaining cite at the bottom of the first page
Josh Gerstein@joshgerstein.bsky.social ⋅ 3d
JUST IN: Milwaukee Judge Hannah Dugan moves to dismiss federal criminal case against her for allegedly helping immigrant hide from ICE. Her lawyers say she's protected by official acts & judicial immunity and 10th Amendment. Doc: storage.courtlistener.com/recap/gov.us...
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This feels like every day waking up in the Age of the Corona
You wake up and there is Faz? Sounds like you’re past the point of self quarantining.
To be fair, if I woke up to Fax talking, I’d scream too.
To be clear, you ARE talking about the virus, and not “drinking too much Mexican beer”? Because, I mean: Waking up next to a guy you’ve never met before and only vaguely recall getting a passing glimpse of before passing out, with a pounding headache, in a completely unfamiliar place..
Look, I’m just saying that you can’t blame everything on the pandemic and/or quarantine. At some point, you gotta give in and acknowledge that you may have a drinking problem.
So let’s see if I’m following this. If everyone gives up drinking Mexican beer, the pandemic will to away?
Go away. (Rented fingers).
No, just that you have to differentiate between Coronas. One changes your life and makes you sick, the other is a “Mexican” beer brewed in St. Louis MO.
This is exactly how all those Chick Tracts Joyce grew up reading end, when the person doesn’t accept Jesus and then dies. They wake up and are greeted by Faz.
It definitely indicates that you’re in for eternal punishment, that’s for sure.
And if it isn’t eternal, it will just seem like it.
If she prays now, a voice will tell her to yell for help just as someone walks past. Might help if she manages to convert Faz; Chick doesn’t think you count as a Christian unless you’ve converted someone.
Really? Didn’t know that.
I used to pick those things up when people left them in the grocery store, but only to see if I could find the famous Dungeons and Dragons one. I’ve always wanted one, but I’ll be damned (yukyuk) if I’ll give a cent to the people who publish those things.
I used to find them in phone booths in the 1980s. Yes, I’m old.
I came across a site that snarked ’em years ago and ended up browsing the Chick website. They’ve actually got all of them online. It’s kinda absurd how many things he’s against. Harry Potter. Halloween costumes. Same-sex couples. Evolution. Any religion except very specific variations of Christianity. Any translation of the Bible except King James. Santa.
All rock music, too! Even Christian rock is just a trick of the devil’s to lure you into his wicked, wicked grasp!
His beliefs about Catholicism, Judaism, and Islam are just so wrong as to be bafflingly offensive, until and unless you operate under the specific conspiracy theorist mindset that, since they’re ALL tools of Satan, they are of course all in cahoots. (Dude really needed to watch The Thing, just saying. He wouldn’t, of course, but it would have added verisimilitude to his abominably offensive screeds.)
The only positive he saw in Trick-or-Treating was the fact that it provided a way to hand out tracts, because no good Christian child would ever do such a thing.
“His beliefs about *EVERYTHING* are just so wrong as to be bafflingly offensive”
There, fixed that for you.
So bafflingly offensive that I often wonder if they managed to do more good than harm. I can’t imagine how they’d convert anyone who isn’t already in that cult mentality. They read like a parody.
Might be good for keeping the faithful from straying, but they leave them around places like they expect people to read them and suddenly see the light.
Any chance you’d know what this site you mention is, if it’s still around? Could use a laugh.
Ok, site’s not currently up, but found it on archive.org: https://web.archive.org/web/20120210172739/http://enterthejabberwock.com/category/dissections/jack-chick/
You can read Dark Dungeons online, if you want: https://chick.com/products/tract?stk=46&ue=d
So what happens if your DM isn’t waiting to accept you into a literal cult?
Dunno, keep looking? The idea of being able to do real magic is appealing.
So a few years ago, someone asked Jack Chick for the rights to make a movie of the D&D tract . . . and they were granted, I think for free.
Result: Dark Dungeons, The Movie . . . !!1!
R P G!
I haven’t actually seen the movie, but I hear that they made it comic gold simply by playing everything in the tract absolutely straight.
The D&D tract is hilarious. So many fundie Christians think that’s what D&D is like, when it’s actually much more like this.
Ah, the Dead Alewives sketch. A true classic. In the early days of the internet, I had this version downloaded.
Fun fact, Dan Harmon of Community fame wrote that.
Oh wow, I haven’t seen that since Newgrounds’s heyday!
Huh, I was expecting a link to Darths and Droids.
Aw c’mon. Some pf the tracts aren’t THAT bad. There’s always Sithrak:
https://topatoco.com/collections/oglaf/products/og-sithraktracts
Handing out Sithrak tracts to trick-or-treaters – now that’s entertainment
Every great once in a while I’d find one on a bus seat. I’d spend the rest of the ride annotating it, and leave it for the next person.
“Chick doesn’t think you count as a Christian unless you’ve converted someone”
Sounds like a pyramid scheme to me.
Out of context, it reads like an anti-drinking one. What? Those are clearly drunk bubbles. This is where you’ll end up if you sneak liquor, kids!
No, those are ‘woozles’, not ‘boozles’.
The best thing about Jack Chick is that we can talk about him in the past tense. He died in 2016, and I have it on good authority that he is currently enjoying the tender ministrations of Zagaghoth, Demon Prince of Excruciatingly Painful Colonic Insertions.
I used to see those all the time when I was in New York. They were ludicrous, but hey, they’re HIS opinion, and he’s entitled to it, right? Up to the one I read where he retold the parable of the Prodigal Son. He edited it, taking out the “Good Son’s” rebellion and rant, and made it seem like the “Hood Son” was forthright behind his Father’s decision! Never looked at another one since!
I know it’s a typo, but now I’m imagining the Prodigal Son, as drawn by Jack Chick, taking place in da hood.
I mean, fair.
Also those are some very well-drawn Joyce In Active Panic Attack faces. They are awful, but well-done. I give you this DAMN YOU WILLIS as praise.
I thought those were Joyce Suddenly Waking Up After Having Been Choked Into Unconsciousness faces, but I suppose the differences are subtle.
One is a variation upon the other.
Faz, that’s not gonna make her stop panicking.
Does he even care whether it makes her panic or not? He’s not exactly on her side at the moment, he’s working for Blaine.
She was nice to him. And it’s hard to say whether or not Faz is actually ON BOARD with this plan, he can’t say no and if Blaine already knows he’s there then the consequences of him not helping are probably not good. (Yuri may or may not know as well and is, at best, deeply unsupportive of Faz; Blaine has never actually gone to jail so why should Faz expect this time will be different?)
I’m wondering this too. He has to have some idea of this being wrong right? He saw Blaine hold Walky and Joyce hostage even if he didn’t witness any direct threats. I’m wondering how muc h of his actions are from fear or not.
He was there for the kidnappings. He knew what they did and possibly participated. And if he wanted to do something to stop it, all he had to do was not free Blaine. Without Faz doing that, this would all have been over.
Given that Blaine was tied up and blindfolded, it would have been easy to not free him without being obvious about it. Blaine not only wasn’t a direct threat, but hard to even paint as an indirect one. Make a bit of noise, time the rescue attempt differently and he could even say he’d tried.
Faz has shown no signs of not being on board, though it still remains possible. More possible that Joyce is able to persuade him otherwise, I think.
To the extent he might be coerced, I’d say it’s less fear as we traditionally think about it and more the abused kid trying desperately to win the abuser’s approval, which is slightly different.
The thing about Faz, which may end up in Joyce’s favor, is that he’s on no one’s side except Faz’s. He’s a Starscream, dutifully sycophantic until it’s clear it’s not in his best interest to be so. Faz may see that the writing is on the wall for Blaine, and free Joyce so he appears to be the hero of the day.
Interesting. I read Faz as more of a (socially awkward and ego-driven) kid who is trying desperately to please his known abuser of a father. I wouldn’t assume he’s really stopped to think about whether this is “wrong” if Blaine’s told him that it’s good and/or necessary.
Any consideration for wrongdoing is probably forthcoming. I agree that since Joyce has been kind of him in the past, and people seem to rarely to be kind to Faz, he’ll at least be tempted to free her. He still might not, but I don’t see him as a mastermind.
That’s my reading of Faz too. He’s a socially awkward/inept kid who desperately seeks approval and acceptance, but his own awkward/creepy behaviour alienates the very people he wanted to be accepted by, and his parental figures are either distant (his mom) or abusive (Blaine), and so he’s developed the typical mindset of abused kids where he’ll do just about anything to please his abusive parents. If left alone on this trajectory, he’ll probably grow up to be incel one day.
So far, Joyce is one of the few people who’s actually interacted with him as a person, not merely told him to go away or ignored him. We don’t know if Faz actually saw Joyce as one of the kidnappees. He might have been OK with dumbly following along with what Blaine was doing (see “desperately seeking approval” above), but that might change now that he realizes Joyce is the one in danger.
I think a heel face turn is coming (he did pause when AG said she was Amber) but yeah, he might very well be on the hook for this.
Faz?!….Huh?
That kinda sounds like the title of a Willis comic in a parallel universe where Faz is the main character.
Universe A: It’s Walky!
Universe B: That’s Sal!
Universe 666: Why, Bloodrose, Why?
Universe Spork: Faz?!….Huh?
Faz as main protag….
I… I mean, I can’t–
There are no words.
DoA harem reboot with Faz as the protagonist
Oh Christ, I feel like I need to take a bath in holy water now
Typing that just felt dirty
Kiss kiss fall in AUGH!
“Faz 1/2”, where his female version is Wen from Shortpacked?.
In ‘Why, Bloodrose, Why?’ the protagonist is never seen, only the consequences of her actions.
“And you have been given to me. Faz is to show you his sexual prowess.”
why would you comment this
It’s been today for thirteen minutes, and my day is already ruined.
Wash your mind out with soap and water this instant young Galifrain.
Because Faz would absolutely say that.
He would, in the R rated version of this comic.
We’ve got enough F-bombs in the comic that it might just be rated R for that anyway
I’m just impressed by the original commenter self-identifying with R-rated Fax.
How do you know it’s self-identifying and not satirical?
He could say that in this version of the comic. He just wouldn’t be able to carry through with it.
It does sound more like a SP! version of Faz though.
And have the charts to detail exactly how he is going to do it.
delet this
delet is a funny way to spell mock.
To be fair Fax showing his sexual prowess probably means having to sit through a power point lecture
No hacked muzak. We’re playing Alice Cooper’s “Welcome to my Nightmare” full blast on a 1980’s style Boom Box!
Followed by the double-whammy of DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince’s “Nightmare on My Street” & The Fat Boys’ “Are You Ready For Freddy?!”
I’m surprised Faz isn’t decked out in a red & green striped sweater & worn brown fedora!!
Please add pants (American) to that outfit!
On the bright side, Blaine didn’t abandon Faz as some people were guessing. On the down side, Joyce is not in a great position right now. What are the odds she hits Faz? I’m really hoping she hits Faz.
I hope she uses Faz like a bat to hit Blaine.
Blaine: “FAZ! Why aren’t you stopping her?!”
Joyce: *THWACK*
Faz: “Faz is paralyzed in elation by his being touched by a woman he is not related to.”
Joyce: *THWACK*
Her arms and legs aren’t tied this time. Faz hasn’t got a chance.
It depends. She might hit Faz, and she’s not bound, but she’s also previously the only one who has shown him much sympathy, outside of Amber to an extent. I don’t know if Faz would want to attack her to begin with, even at Blaine’s direction.
Faz seems to like her, plus it’s been shown that he prefers Amber to Blaine
All things considered, a Faz heel turn is pretty likely here
Correction.. he CLAIMED he preferred Amber…
Maybe it’s true, but he told Joyce that on the same day that he stole information from Amber’s computer to give to Blaine. So either Blaine was forcing or manipulating fax, or fax flat out lied so he would have a cover story about why he was there.
I’m more willing to believe that Blaine forced him into this at this point
That fucker knows no bounds when it comes to his personal wants
We dont know that much about Faz in dumbing of age, while his creepiness is similar to shortpacked hes also significantly younger. It’s not above question that hes being manipulated…. by both his parents, since if I recall his mother is in on this
My guess is that Faz is just so desperate for parental approval that he’s playing along with Blaine’s schemes to please him in hopes that it’ll make him care about him.
Blaine didn’t abandon him because he still needs at least ONE of his kids to kick around in order to make himself feel big… and, y’know, a henchman. An extra pair of hands comes in handy when doing nefarious deeds!
Blaine didn’t abandon him because he’d already got in the van while Blaine was still outside monologuing. He would have had to actually take time to throw him out if he wanted to abandon him.
Kidnapping Joyce again is also another attempt at manipulating Amber.
Yeah, that oughta do it.
That is a roomy damn van. A+ to the manufacturer.
It had to be a roomy van, it held 6 kidnapped students plus a bunch of minions — “bunch” is right for minions, yeah? Like bananas? — plus maybe Faz, unless he was squeezed between Blaine and Ross upfront.
Minions are grouped by the gaggle or horde.
And occasionally by the murder!
… What, too soon?
Hey-O!!
Time And Relative Dimensions In Cargo Space.
Maybe, but TARDICS just doesn’t work.
Doesn’t it? Seems to roll off the tongue pretty well.
Thanks for that image!
I couldn’t figure out what the rail on the wall meant. I thought Blaine had driven Joyce to a dimly-lit ballet studio. Inside the van makes a lot more sense.
Cargo van on the outside, extra-wide box truck on the inside.
I think it’s another vehicle.
That looks like the inside of a cargo truck, with the camera positioned behind the wheel well on the passenger/starboard side.
Joyce’s hands are free. Wonder how Faz would fare with being tossed out the back of the speeding van before she throttles Captain Ballpeen?
She should toss him out bit by bit, like a trail of bread crumbs.
And she thought things were bad before. Now she has to deal with Faz.
She’s not locked up in there with Faz. Faz is locked up in there with her.
Jokes aside I’m actually fairly interested in what Faz thinks is going on here. Does he know his dad killed a guy…after kidnapping a bunch of people? Like how on board is he for all of this?
I’d say it’s likely that he’s been coerced into this whole thing
The eternal bizarre grin has been shown to not reflect how he actually feels, so he’s probably going through some shit internally at the moment
Definitely not okay with this
That’s very likely… which makes it extra galling that if he had just stayed in his cupboard, this would not be happing right now. He had the thumb on the scale, and he chose to free Blaine.
At this point, we’ve got no idea what Blaine’s done to Faz at home. Dude could be too terrified of him to be willing to act out against him
It’s Blaine. Until the opposit is proved I’m going to assume that is exactly what has happened.
OTOH, it’s Faz, until proven otherwise, I’m not going to assume the best of him either.
We’ve seen nothing from Faz that shows he’s against any of this.
Well he knows about the kidnapping for sure. (In one of the comics when everyone was in the basement and you saw shadows of some of the kidnappers, faz was tagged as an observer.)
We don’t know for sure where he was hiding in the house prior to releasing blaine, but walky thought he was in a cupboard. If that’s the case, he probably would have heard walky tell amber about the fight in the basement.
So fax knows some of the serious stuff for sure and possibly some of the other stuff. He can’t claim ignorance.
In fact he has a graph which shows the exact degree of sexual excitement he derived from each revelation. Give him a moment and he will explain it to you.
In graphic detail.
Yeah, that’s largely been something that’s been bugging me here. Faz just hasn’t had enough of a build-up as a character independent of his Shortpacked-version, his few appearances largely amount to the same sort of “dumb teenage boy who thinks he’s Casanova and its funny” jokes that Shortpacked went hard on too with him.
That’s not The Joker. That’s not Harley Quinn (even pre her getting her own show and movie both of which are great).
That’s not even Kite Man. Kite Man looks down upon Faz-types.
He’s the villainous equivalent of Condiment King.
And sure, sometimes a story can work with a “nobody to nightmare” type character, but not this late in the day. I really hope this is leading to him being completely blind to what exactly is going on, like Blaine told him this was all just a game or something…
Great! Just the right size and weight for Joyce to use him as a battering ram.
OK, Joyce, now figure out creative ways to use Faz, or parts of Faz’s body, to beat Blaine and/or escape. Faz’s survival is optional (though I suspect he has plot armor).
Ask nicely and hope to persuade him? He listen to her request last time, although last time was just asking him to be quite in class, which did not conflict with his murderous step father, so might not work.
Swiss Army Faz?
That could work.
Yeah, no, if the first thing I woke up to was Faz, I’d scream too
My reaction to every new installment of this arc!
I for one am very excited to see joyce murder faz
DoA Book 10: Hunh Huh Hh Hn Huh Huhn Hh.
DoA Book 10: It Is I, Faz.
That really wouldn’t make me want to buy it.
DoA Book 10: Aagh!
With foreword by Cathy Guisewite.
the only possible book title, all the words should be different sizes too
joyce’s faces are the best part of this comic
She wasn’t unconscious for long, was she?
‘Cause that’s super bad for your brain.
Also, if real life could stop being the worst ever, that would be great.
Feel like all of this is super bad for Joyce’s brain.
But yeah, the unconscious thing is an extra layer of worry, get this girl to a hospital.
Suddenly, Faz
Suddenly Faz-mour!
He purified you!
Suddenly Faz!
He showed you you can
(Yes you can!)
Learn how to be more
The girl that was kidnapped and brought inside!
With absolutely no sweet understanding
Faz is your man!
Thank you for going precisely to the place I also went reading that comment, but also: The concepts of Faz and purification do not belong within forty feet of each other, so if you need me, I will be screaming.
Eh, faz could use some purifying to the mind.
I was waiting for the cut to Joyce waking up in the van with Faz.
[Lane Meyer] “Two men… One is an evil gangster-wannabe, the other learned evil from watching his ganster-wannabe father. So you tell me… Which is better, waking up kidnapped by an inept ganster, or waking up next to Faz?” [/Lane Meyer]
Faz’d better help Joyce escape for being nice to him some time ago.
I see Joyce and Dina are not the only ones in this universe with the gift of teleportation.
If you mean Faz, he was already in there. He ran ahead to open the back door (and presumably get into the van himself) during the time Blaine had Joyce and was talking with Sarah. Then Becky dropped her bombshell about the timed-to-release tweet, Dorothy reminded him that he could still give up and get a fair shake, but he blew that off, tossed Joyce into the van, and fled the scene.
I was referring to the fact that he seemed to suddenly appear beside her between panels 3 and 5, seeing as how she didn’t notice him and he wasn’t directly beside her, though I forgot how little was shown in panel 3 when I commented. Anyway, it was a joke.
Goodbye, Faz
Can someone please explain what is going on with Joyce’s breath in the fourth panel? Is she actually hearing Blaine panic breathing in the front, and knowing he is panicked calms her down? Or is she distancing herself from her breath somehow?
Generally, panic attacks don’t actually last forever. (A quick Google says they tend to peak around ten minutes, and most are over in 20-30. Brains just canmt sustain that level of Sheer Freakout all that long.) So it’s probably starting to subside, and she’s getting more ability to be aware of at least her breathing, if not really her surroundings.
(Anxiety attacks can last way longer, but while they’re debilitating, they’re not usually ‘dissociating/depersonalization to the point of not really recognizing you’re being kidnapped again’ levels of debilitating.)
Why they’re spaced that way… dunno, but I’m leaning more towards it being aesthetic, to use up a bit more panel space while still conveying this section of the van is Large and Empty (until Faz shows up.) The other panels are closer shots, so the one wide one having distanced speech bubbles while it’s still pretty clear contextually it’s Joyce worked for me.
Alternately, they’re in the back of a van that’s probably going fairly fast with no seatbelts.
It’s a nightmare! Tech suppoooooort!
If it’s a commercial van, there could be a fence with a locked door between the cargo area and the driver’s seat.
Also, it’s possible Blaine has a TARDIS. The outside looks like a Ram Promaster, but the inside looks like a U-Haul box truck.
And definitely U-Haul. Everyone else’s box trucks have the bed above the wheel wells.
Why does everyone think he’s driving a RAM ProMaster? It’s nowhere near that stupid-looking!
It’s some fictional van with the front end of a Mercedes-Benz Sprinter and the rear of a Ford Transit.
So far I’d say her response is proportional.
I cannot be the only one wondering why Faz is in the back?
You know Blaine. Why wouldn’t he be?
Kick him in the nuts, Joyce!
Faz really is the worst
Well, no, Blaine is. That has finally been settled as he removed the compition with a hammer.
But Faz is on the list, and the chart goes UP
To be fair, Faz is only a teenager in DoA, and his parents both Blaine and his mom seem to be manipulating him into these things so I’m less inclined to view him as the worst.
We’ll see if I continue to think this over the coming comics
But Blaine had a ball-peen hammer. Wouldn’t you use a claw hammer to remove a (toe)nail?
Faz wouldn’t hurt a fly, I bet. Sure he’s creepy, but not a threat.
You’re making it worse, Faz
I have to admit, it is strange to read the German word for “chicken” thrown into Joyce’s bubbling (though I doubt she’d say it phonetically correctly anyway).
Also, poor Joyce, but I think Faz might actually be more helpful than not.
I’d probably react similarly if I woke up to find Faz sitting next to me.
yeaah
Ok I’m liking this. The last couple of strips have been a bit jarring for me because I just want to reach through the screen and yell at them something like “why are you smiling” or (apart from Sal and Sarah) “why arn’t you showing more urgency”
A man is dead and their friend has been kidnapped (by the killer) and yet we’ve got a number of people milling about and smiling which makes me think this arc isn’t serious
But now we’re back with Joyce and shes in danger and its serious (as it should be) so lets see where this ends
People react to these sortsa things in different ways, is my thought.
The railings seem a little weird for a van unless he had them specifically placed in there
It looks like the inside of a bread truck, or a U-Haul. It’s way too big and square for the back of a Sprinter…
Fake edit: rails like that aren’t at all out of the ordinary in big trucks. You tie your cargo to them to keep it from shifting.
And the trapezoids (one near Joyce) look like spots for wheels.
Huge letdown going from Sal’s bike to Faz. I guess it’s the right time to watch some news on TV, they can’t possibly be worse than this.
I’m curious as to what they actually think they can do with the bike, apart from following the van and relay the information to the police
Um…
Got a spare room for rent under your rock? It sounds nice in there.
Have I got news for you!
Oh no, the second worst wake up
“Gah! Where did you come from, Faz?!”
*Faz proceeds to give a detailed Powerpoint presentation on his conception and birth.*
Elmer (interviewing Bugs as a celeb): “How did you get here. Start from the beginning.”
Bugs Bunny: “Well, in the beginning, there was no life…All is quiet. A little pool of water forms. In that pool: Two tiny amoeba, the start of life!”
“Ohmygoodness, the press!”
*pops into hole*
*pops out again in bathrobe and sunglasses*
“Yes, all right now, what’s cookin, Lolly?” *takes carrot from solid gold carrot holder*
“This magazeeun would just ADORE to publish your beeogrephee, so, put out, Bugs!”
“Well, Lolly, you know how I HATE to talk about myself… but, leave us roll back the clock!”
https://www.b98.tv/video/hare-grows-manhattan/
The lines and bubbles above Joyce’s head are an exact pictorial description of what my extreme anxiety feels like
An unexpected sadness – Faz’s young life is over, ruined by his father, bringing him in as an accessory to kidnapping and murder.
Poor Joyce. The situation don’t stop to become more and more worse.
Uh-oh, did Blaine switch vehicles? That looks like the inside of a moving truck…
I Faz am accustomed to beautiful woman being astonished to find themselves in my company.
quick, unleash God’s fists of fury on his face!
Blaine’s going to see one of the most dangerous creatures ever. An angered Joyce, she’s going to slow him long for Sal and AG to arrive onvthe Sal-cycle.
Didn’t turn out so well for her the last time an angered Joyce attacked him. That’s how she wound up here.
Fuck off, Faz.
So what happens when cross traffic forces Blaine to come to a complete stop? Nothing is stopping Joyce from running out the back.
The Great Faz can also run, as diagrammed here:
What a Fazzed up situation .
Hhhhmmmm, time for “Faz” to be dead, in my humble opinion.
Well Faz. She’s not locked in there with you. You’re locked in there with HER.
Faz stands a chance of growing into a handsome young dude with great hair.
Too bad he’s such a dick.
He still does, just a handsome young dude who no longer has functioning genitalia.
Interesting, the panel van has turned into a one ton cube truck.