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The Onion @theonion.com ⋅ 5h
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 17h
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| TEAM FOSSILS
Rainbow Friends
FAAAACE Time.
Billie can read his FAAAACE.
He wants a piece of that freckled AAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSS.
But I thought Dotty had freckled shoulders not a freckled ass.
Oh, but now it’s canon.
they aren’t mutually exclusive
Good point!
ASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS FAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE
Two things between which it is 1) important to know the difference, and 2) sadly few people do.
“I intended to slap her in the face” won’t get you out of a sexual harassment claim.
hey. hey lady. hey. hey. hi. hi. hey. hey. i know. i know.
face
Clap. Clap. Clap.
A new ship appears!
oh please god no
Oh please YES.
Too late, that ship has been launched, bwahahaha!
Maybe prematurely. We don’t know if she’ll steal his femurs.
If your ship is launching prematurely, you may want to speak to a doctor.
oh god i’m sorry i’m so so sorry
Don’t be, comments like that help make the comment sections of DoA fun.
…what can brown do for you?
You’re saying Ruth might not want Walky’s bone?
She doesn’t dig it.
Ah, so you’re saying Billie should try to set him up with Dina!
The only bones Ruth wants is femurs.
With her penis
Ruth, the face that launched a thousand ships.
No; the FAAAAAACE that launched, etc.
Hmm, maybe to get far away from her.
“Oh no”
“Oh yeah!”
I have no objection to Walky/Billy, Walky/Sal, or even Walky/Mike. Walky/Ruth is creepy as hell, though.
B5! E10! J3! Must! Sink! Ship!
The DD ship already sunk.
Danny wasn’t happy.
5 = S?
I wonder how Ruth would respond to a Monkey Master to the FAAAAAACE!?
WITH FURY!
By ripping out his femurs. Then beating him to death with them.
So you have no problem with incest?
If I know American stereotypes from watching TV and movies, certain southern states are all about the incest.
In all actuality, it’s more commonly the north than the south. We’s got an image to leave behind, so indulging in it wouldn’t help.
Really, it’s more of an Appalachian Mountains thing.
Oh I see… I think…
.I don’t mean to call Kernanator a liar, but I’ve traveled through the south a couple of times and that particular stereotype has some truth to it. In the interest of fairness the northern half of my state (live free or die bongoes) has its fair share of non-forking family trees.
Every stereotype has some truth to it. The claim wasn’t that it doesn’t happen, but that the area that it is attributed to is unfairly represented.
The only thing I have an objection to is Mike/Ruth. Not sure why, they just don’t seem to fit together.
No they fit together TOO WELL.
And On another note, can I get a cooler avatar? Sorry Danny boy your just kinda lame…
Easy. If you want another random avatar, use a different email address. If you want to upload your own avatar image, register your email address at gravatar.com (click the link next to the NAME field when posting a comment).
Her ass has freckles? How would you know this Billie?
Man, Billie knows about EVERYONE’S asses. Obviously, her favorite is Sal’s ass, but she is an ass connoisseur. She sees all butts, knows all butts, and feels all butts.
So, Billie’s an ass woman?
She may just have butts disease.
Pray it doesn’t lead to Sphincter Clench.
That’d be a real jam to get into.
It can really
constipatestop movement.connoASSeur?
+1
I can’t tell if that’s an indication of approval or a weird emoticon indicating disapproval of Blob Marley’s comment. Normally I would just assume approval, but it was a really terrible joke.
+1 = plus one, if I disapproved I would have either *groan*, FACEPALM or even X{
Plasma likes bad jokes, keep up Zab.
Also: Caboose -1. Best t-shirt ever.
I have that shirt. It’s amazing.
+2
They were just at the beach.
Wrong freckled ass…
But it just might mellow her out. She could use it.
But from Walky?
i bet ruth secretly wants to live in a lego house too.
If you want to see her mellow out you’ll have to wait until she gets hold of Walky’s femurs.
What about the freckled tatas
Oooooh fetish fuel…
Woo-yeah!
What about Terry Farrell?
As in Jadzia Dax, yeah her freckles were pretty awesome.
And they went all the way down.
via the ‘hills and valleys’.
BUM BUM BUMMMMMMMMM! DRAMATIC REVERBBBBBBBB!
There are so many ships right now… wouldn’t it be easier to put all of them on one Titanic-sized ship? It would certainly be more efficient.
Are you suggesting orgy?
I don’t know, Titanic kinda suggests mass sinking.
and Willis will be the iceburg in this case.
I’d like to see a Willis fa(aaaa)ce iceberg malevolently cruising towards an ocean liner filled with his worried looking characters who are paired up in weird and unlikely ways.
It’s always an orgy on the S.S. Willis.
The S.S Willis: A veritable supercarrier of PSL.
Do I need my vaccinations? Or is it too late for me?
YOU’RE DOOMED I TELL YOU, DOOMED!!!
SPIDERS!
Pfft, he’s only inviting Watson anyway.
…I don’t get it.
Joel and David are going to be travelling on a ship together.
Ooooooh.
Freckles doesn’t seemed to happy that Billie wants a piece of her ass.
That’s cos she knows that she cheated on her with Sal.
“I’m going to help you.”
“What? Why?”
“First, because it will benefit me. Second, because it will benefit ME.”
That’s what we call a win-win situation.
“Third, cause I know you really want to. But mostly, it’s going to benefit me.”
But let’s not forget how it’ll benefit ME!
Face time? Don’t you mean FAAAACCCEEE time?
It’s not saying both?
Well played freckles, sir.
wait… wasn’t there some thing in the previous universe about a time traveling head-alien trying to hook those two up?
And it just so happens that both Walky and Dorothy are fans of Dexter, a cartoon based on Head Alien.
What the 4th Panel should have looked like.
Walky actually looks more uncomfortable in your version.
Can you really blame him?
I would be pretty disturbed if one of my female friends just started talking about someone else’s ass. Bonus points if it was my own. “How do you know what my ass looks like?”
“Remember that one time, at band camp…” And ya. We don’t need to look into that any deeper.
Oh right, band camp. Everyone sees your ass when you change into the uniform.
These band camps sound… intriguing.
It’s more of a marching band thing in general; you often strip down to your underwear in order to put on your uniform, because wearing than that tends to be noticeable during band competitions, where judges are looking at you very closely. And because time is usually of the essence, we tend to do it in front of each other. Because of that, my high school marching band’s battle cry was “Let’s get naked, people!”
We need to go deeper into that ass.
All the Inception jokes I could think of were REALLY dirty.
The one you just said was really dirty.
It was really dirty, but nor REALLY dirty.
The turtleneck sweater goes from being just a part of the oncoming nightmare to an indicator of shyness.
Wikipedia says we call anything with that neckline a skivvy in Australia, and we call sweaters jumpers. I call sweaters jumpers, and shirts with that neckline skivvies, but the combination I call turtleneck sweaters – but with so little confidence that I look up two Wikipedia articles just to post a comment online.
And Walky got laid.
I’m not sure would actually be more painful for Walky: BilliexWalky or WalkyxRuth. Depending on the answer, I may have to jump from ship to ship.
The safest ship for him to stay on is Walky/McNuggets.
All aboard! Toot toot!
Sounds more like a train than a ship…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FgbfxibKCtE&feature=related
In that case, I’ll stay far away from that.
Depends of if it turns into an OT3 or not.
Truly, Walky is beset from all sides.
Great, now I have the image of Walky eating McNuggets off of Dorothy’s ass stuck in my head.
Great now I feel impelled to the draw that…
…Why?
Because Hannover is a sick puppy.
Yes, yes I am.
Freckles=hot; given; Nerdy=hot;given
Prove: Dorothy=hot^2
Dorothy=FrecklesxNerdy / That there picture shoes it
FrecklesxNerdy= hot^2 / “F*** you teacher it’s math” theory
Dorothy=hot^2 / Velma’s law
I’m disappointed that you forgot to add glasses into the equation.
Glasses appeeeeeal.
I’m now imagining Dotty as the super-hot drummer from the Scott Pilgrim movie.
Which one? Kim? Or maybe Trasha or Lynette? (I guess Kim’s the only one with freckles.)
Trasha looks like she’s 12, and neither of those two gets more than 10 seconds of sceentime. And Kim was the hot one.
SHE RETUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURNS!!!!!!!!! >:O
I didn’t comment at all on the last comic, so this time, you get to see how Sal wanted this to go. Not that she would ever really look at Dorothy like that anyway.
Who was the person talking in the first frame?
Still Billie, but she was speaking over a memory scene. I did wonder if that wasn’t clear.
If I read more comics, I would have remembered that I could do it like this.
Excuse me but HOW does Walk not getting super powers cause him not being babysitted (babysat?) by Ruth when he was a kid?
It doesn’t… the two non-events don’t have a causative relationship.
I think your complaint is probably based on a misunderstanding of the premise of this particular comic. Dumbing of Age is in a separate universe, with no connection whatsoever to any other David Willis comic except for characters with identical or similar names and appearances, and a few in-jokes. Maybe some other connections, but it’s definitely set in an independent universe, not a ‘what-if’ universe or anywhere in the original storyline.
Another possible answer: “The same thing that makes him the same age as Joyce, makes Joyce from a different town in Indiana, gives Ruth and Dina different last names, causes Mike to not be from New York, Amber and Ethan to not be from California, and makes Robin and Leslie five-eight years older than everybody.”
But, yeah, this is not a What-If universe. This is not a possible fork in any other known timeline.
As long as Sal continues to be a HOPA.
And she will. She will.
(I know where you live.)
HPOA, dammit, not HOPA.
Holy, Omnipotent Piece of Ass – HOPA
Having-Order-Permuted Anagram
Here’s the one problem with the slow progression of time in this comic. I honestly have no recollection of where the Ruth/Billie conflict left off last time, so I don’t know what to expect here.
Hmm…maybe it’s a good thing. More suspense! =P
Click “Ruth” in the tags below the strip, and you’ll be shown her next most recent appearances.
Blast, I was ninja’d! Damn you Willis, for cheating and sneaking ahead by not writing a frigging essay.
Yah know looking back at these old stips, I was thinking that the should just bone and get it over with.
And Then I realized that I’m combining free love solving problems and pairing up odd couples kinda makes me sound like some sort of Shipper Hippie.
A “Shippie” is what I presume it would be called. Don’t get it confused with a “Shipster”
Does a Shipster put together couples that nobody’s ever heard of?
booooooooooooo
Hey now, that pun was legitimately funny.
I’d feel bad if I had been trying to tell a joke.
This is what tags are for. Though that statement is a little facetious since that only really works if one or more of the characters has disappeared completely since the forgotten event in question. Which, in this case, happens to be true for Ruth.
Last time on Ruthing of Age, Billie ‘beat’ Ruth via the expedient of super-cool Sal blowing her off completely, with Billie riding on her coattails. Billie took that opportunity to duck back for a parting shot, just to make sure that the next time Ruth saw her, Ruth would come prepared to make Billie die repeatedly. That ‘next time’ is, of course, right now.
However, unless she wandered off somewhere since the first panel, Sal is still there, so Ruth may find herself out-cooled again. Only time will tell.
That’s a different piece of freckled ass.
Didn’t Billie get her some different freckled ass once, in another completely unrelated reality which I will not specify?
I like how Sal’s expression is roughly “this idea I’m hearing is a level of stupid that cannot end well.”
Sal = Pokerface.
So, Sal wants to hold ’em like they do in Texas?
…That sounds incredibly dirty when you say it like that.
It is dirty.
Billie’s mellowing out, in her own weird misguided way.
ATTACK WARNING RED!
I would love a piece of that freaked ass.
Can’t his face say BOTH?
Billie’s Rape Face
By the gods, why did I make this travesty, none the less realese it on the world?
ROFL
Wrong freckled ass!
I was just rereading some of the older comics, and Given the present comic this is the greatest strip of Forshadowing ever
*slips on the shiny floor*
I know what you mean.