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The Onion @theonion.com ⋅ 4h
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 16h
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Frances “Poet Laureate of the Robot Alliance” Klein @fklein907.bsky.social ⋅ 2d
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| TEAM FOSSILS
Rainbow Friends
“TITS, DEFINITELY TITS”
“but then why-”
“KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE, YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER”
“ah”
Tits are Joe’s enemies?
He’s got a whole villain song about them. It’s basically “Hellfire” from Hunchback of Notre Dame with altered lyrics.
Let’s be honest, you don’t even have to alter the lyrics that much.
Maybe omit the part about burning a women to death for not giving you any though.
Hm.
Perhaps it could be rephrased to indicate that he is metaphorically burning to death due to his feelings for Joyce?
Lyrics written from Joe’s perspective/MO;
Couldn’t figure out what to replace Beata Maria with so here you go:
Beata Maria, you now I am a slutty man
Of my body I’m justly proud
Beata Maria, you know I’m so much hotter than
the common, dorky, weeb, freshman crowd
Then tell me Maria, why I see her snuggling me
Why her smiling face still lifts my soul
I feel her, I see her
The sun caught in her short blond hair
Is cooling my lust for anyone not her
Like comfort
sweet comfort
this calm beneath my skin
this constant desire
pulls me to commitment
It’s not my fault
I’m not to blame
It’s the fundie girl the angel who makes me tame
It’s not my fault
If in my plan
I met a babe so much hotter than I am
Protect me, Maria
Don’t let me settle down
Don’t let her sweet gaze relax my flesh and bone
Just sleep with Liz
And let me taste one hot night
Or else let me be hers and hers alone
Commitment
And Marriage
Like in my fathers turn
Choose her or some random
Be hers or let the passion burn
I just want you to know how much I love this. Made my night!
This is amazing and you should feel proud.
… now we just need someone to sing it and record themselves doing so and post it on youtube to the confusion of everyone who hasn’t read this comic.
It was basically your idea. I’m just glad people enjoyed it
888888888888888
truly a blessed rewrite.
10/10
Hell yeah! Stellar work <3
To be fair, as someone with an affinity for tits and lots of anxiety I can definitely see them being a huge source of anxiety for someone such as Joe.
Ooooh she saved it!
frankly still counting this as heroic restraint from amber
“You should go
fuckask him!”Yep. Heroic.
she certainly succeeded at not doing the thing she wanted to not do
Amber’s reaction in panel 5: “Should I tell her, folks?”
THAT WOULD ONLY EXACERBATE THEM!
Amber’s helping!
Man, Amber’s doing some good sister-ing.
For Joe or for Joyce?
(Yes I know she’s not related to Joyce; she can still do *metaphorical* sistering.)
I mean she’s not actually related to Joe either
I know Amber is /trying/ to be subtle but I get the feeling she is more excited for Joe×Joyce than some of us. Am I wrong?
Likely … But I still think she’s less excited than either Joe or Joyce are with the possibilities, if they ever let themselves express them to each other.
I think Amber is just exited about her friends and acquaintances fucking in general. She needs new inspiration for her smut fics.
Maybe taking Joe’s anxieties is making her more excited for it.
Amber answers your question in the last panel of this one:
https://www.dumbingofage.com/2021/comic/book-12/02-ill-leave-you-a-phantom/letchaknow/
Some of you, yes. But if we’re not getting Joyce/Dorothy, I’ll take Joyce/Joe. I actually think they’re pretty cute together
Given that there’s probably someone here who DOESN’T want JoexJoyce… no. No you are not.
I said some people, not all.
And Amber IS more excited for JoexJoyce than some of us?
I assume they meant “any” of us.
I think she was just trying really hard to not say the word in the last comic and ended up just swapping it with “ask”. Its like SAFE but also. Not?
She’s read Joyce’s fiction, she just wants her to have what she wants.
*the song now goes to the trippy synthesizer part*
2:08
Best Amber face in last panel!
LMAO see? You got the suggestion out without adding the part that’ll scare her away
HEROIC restraint on Amber’s part
It took me a second because my brain read it as “YOU SHOULD ASK HIK OUT” when I read it the first time, had to take a second pass to see she didn’t accidently blurt put Joe’s crush
My brain did that to me, too.
Wing Amber engage.
Nailed it.
bless her heart
Ask him naked.
Would that help him pay MORE attention or Less?
yes
Yes, we’re setting up the ship!
JOE AND AMBER!
All aboard the good ship Joe&Amber!
[Of course it could also be ServiceIsMyOnlyJoy, but…]
Amber is doing a super-good job with having traded anxieties. Like you would think this is genuinely her own anxiety at this point regarding Joyce and Joe getting together.
I don’t think their chaperone is available for the second date.
Bet you
r moma nickel that Joyce and Joe end up reminiscing about Mike when they finally go on another date at Galasso’s.Sure he is. It’s not like he has plans anymore
He may not be very mobile these days, but the smell would probably accomplish a similar effect to all the punching
A part of me wants to say this would be a bad thing to do, but let’s be real, Mike would probably love the idea of his corpse ruining somebody’s date.
Weekend at Galasso’s?
Au contraire, he’s not haunting Amber anymore, his time is totally free to ectoplasmically torment Joe.
An ouija table is a perfect app for this
This. We very much like this.
FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I love this side of Amber so much! :3
AND SHE STICKS THE LANDING!
but does she land the sticking?
Amber successfully battled her Smut Goblin impulses and said something helpful. good for her
I’m not entirely convinced that throwing Joe and Joyce together into a conversation where Joe might theoretically confess his feelings counts as a resounding veto over the Smut Goblins.
oh make no mistake the smut goblins are working overtime here, but she didn’t yell “YOU TWO SHOULD FUCK” at the top of her lungs.
you gotta celebrate the little victories
“YOU KNOW, FOR NO REASON!”
Nice job avoiding what your mind and heart were saying and swapping out the right word, Amber!
This might actually be pretty decent advice from Amber.
Oh, I *like* this comic. So Amber really is sincerely just trying to be supportive of her brother and kind to Joyce/better towards people. Good Amber moments; sorry I doubted.
Amber looks really cute in panel 4.
I would like to jump in and underline the understanding and growth from Joyce, too. I feel like some people in the comments section want to treat her like she’s still an unsocialised, intrusive, overbearing little monster…and she’s clearly not?
Today she understood that Joe’s anxieties weren’t something she was entitled to and reassured Amber without needing to have it spelled out for her.
Yesterday she understood that asking Amber how she was holding up hadn’t gone well. She admitted that she struggles to understand some social cues (bad at people) and offered to skedaddle without any fuss.
It’s almost like the temper and stress of the last few times we’ve seen her in-comic were about other people crossing boundaries (like she said) and not about her just being a brat who wants her own way (like some of the comments section seemed to think)
She’s still got some way to go with dealing with her neuroses and anger, but I agree; she IS learning, and it’s important to recognize when somebody does well and encourage that, in addition to pointing out their mistakes and how they can do better. If you give someone nothing but the former, they’ll never fix their own flaws, and if you give nothing but the latter, they’re likely to become despondent/resentful and stop trying at all.
I appreciate you. This whole webcomic is about emotional growing pains tbh.
(Read gourmet Hound!)
Honestly today she reminded me of Walky a little bit. She said something without thinking, not because she means ill or feels entitled, but because she’s curious and it came out. Then she reflected, walked it back, and went with what she knows to be right rather than her old habits or gut feeling. It’s just like Walky did when Lucy asked after Joyce’s health issues. Sure, they’re both doing it from a place of care, but that doesn’t mean they get to intrude in that way. It’s nice. I like to see them learning and it feels really realistic.
It just dawned on me that maybe there’s a reason Joe and Joyce are both in outfits reminiscent of the old continuity for this chapter…
(I know there’s an ‘alternate future’ mini-arc somewhere in the Walkyverse where they were married, but for the life of me I can’t find it right now… I don’t remember if they were drawn in this chapter’s outfits.)
Amber is TRYING
No, Amber. You should say “ask him out“
I mean, *whispers,* you should go fuck him . . .
Amber is such an amazing sister for Joe ♡. Nice to see Joyce wanting to knows more about Joe and his anxieties. But he would never be able to tell her what really scare him.
Do the kids today know what defragging is? But first, tell me what they’re giving me for lunch at the nursing home this afternoon.
Radio geek here (and no longer a kid). Its in the dictionnext to defaulting, which I learned about in engineering school, didn’t matter until PCs became a thing, and has been reobsoleted.
Amber with her computer science knowledge would probably know what it is. Just because defragging happens in the background now doesn’t mean it stopped existing.
Even the notion that she may be autistic has moved Joyce to think about how she interacts with boundaries. I can’t wait for her first appointment.
Also, that was a good answer Amber
Also, I love how Amber instantly warmed up to the conversation after Joyce sent up the “I’m autistic and need help and support” flag.
Notice she’s looking at her hand here.
Interesting interpretation. But I think she’s just making a negating gesture to undo her question.
I hadn’t noticed that, but I’m tempted to agree that it seems related.
Yeah, Joyce, go ask him!
aMbEr iS hElPiNg
(actually, I think she is. Joyce should go ask him)
This actually does help Joe and Joyce.
And then Amber, calmly and clearly whispered for only Joyce to hear: “YOU SHOULD GO ASK HIM!”
Huh. Have we ever seen Amber planning girl-on-boy smut rather than boy-on-boy before?
It’s the same exact prose, but sometimes Amber types “she” instead of “he”.
Yes.