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Actually, I’m wondering why Dina let two strange men in their room… I know in our dorms, we would’ve had to sign them in, and like hell I would’ve done that for someone *claiming* to be my roomie’s family.
The great Faz is pleased to hear this, and would like to show you a fifteen minute presentation (including several sozable charts) explaining why you should copulate with him.
His large genitalia stem from his pulsing muscles which he hides so other men do not feel emasculated. Faz does this out of the mercy of Faz’s heart. Faz is manly and kind.
Well, there is a God. It’s just that He prefer testing his followers with strife and hardship to see if you ever stray from the path. But be patient, Squall, there is always a silver lining at the end of each dark cloud.
1. Or neither Blaine nor Faz are aware they’re related, it could be that Blaine hooked up back with Faz’s mother and only assumed that wasn’t his kid…
Or 2. and this is the more probable scenario, no one has ever told Faz he’s actually related to Amber and will still try to get in her pants…which is the creepier option
…
It’s number 2 isn’t it? DAMN IT WILLIS!
I’m thinking #2. I think Willis said somewhere in the comments that genetics wouldn’t really be changed in this universe or something like that? So I would think Faz has half of Blaine’s genes or else I’d think he’d look very different from his Shortpacked! self.
The Polite Enjoinder Against Criminal Enterprise comes with a startlingly large variety of ammunition types, and has sufficient range that you won’t have to worry about getting any of his slime on you when he explodes.
I don’t think so, but if Faz is any indication he’s still hanging around with the Korean Mafia…. which means he’s probably just as bad as in Shortpacked.
Given the fact that autism seems to be at least partly hereditary, Dina’s probable autism (She shows a massive number of the signs of it), and what we saw of her parents and their similar behavior, there’s a decent chance they’re all autistic. Which can still potentially count as “normal”, depending, but…
I had to look that up. I think I like mine better because as a reaction to few creepy, badly written books (though holy SHIT creepy!) it’s less full of abject terror than the reaction to the creation of SWAP.AVI.
Faz would like to share with you this short animation depicting the hallowed event. Faz assures you that everything is indeed to actual scale and has not been altered.
Amber’s dad doesn’t seem like as bad a fellow. Marriages break-down all the time and you can’t blame someone for remarrying. He appears to be a better father just because he is at least there and with his son ,who must be younger than Amber to not be in college or work of his own, but then again his son doesn’t seem to be so young that he didn’t cheat on his wife…so hes prolly still dixkish
No, a Vince Russo swerve requires it to be a swerve everyone saw coming, but they take it in another direction where, really, there was no point in attempting the swerve to begin with.
This is a swerve nobody expected, nobody saw coming. So good on Willis for pulling this off.
Blaine might be visiting Amber for his own selfish reasons, and not out of any benign motives. So he could still be the “piece of shit” that he was in Shortpacked.
To save time, let’s assume he’s just as bad as in DoA and feed him feet first into a wood chipper.
I’m surprised at all the surprise. I called that some other family would be the hugest jerks, specifically because I thought that Blaine would be too unsurprising for the long-time readers. Bad guess, me!
When I mentioned Joyce’s travails on Tumblr, Willis said that the worst wasn’t even here yet. “How could it get worse?” I thought. OH GOD, I SHOULD HAVE REALIZED.
Okay, REAL LIFE FAMILY VISTING COLLEGE STORY TIME.
So I went to college. On my very first regular weekend after orientation, my parents came to visit and say hi! So, they arrived, and I didn’t really know very many people well, so I just introduced my parents to everybody whose name I knew.
Me: “Hi Mom, this is Paul.”
Mom: “Hi, Paul!”
Me: “Hi Mom, this is Jason.”
Mom: “Hi, Jason!”
Me: “Hi Mom, this is Becky.”
Mom: “OH!!!!!!!!! JOHN KNOWS A FEEEEEEMALE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
At the top of her lungs.
In the lounge of the largest dorm.
On a Saturday evening.
By the time I graduated, I was hearing the story from faculty and students who weren’t even enrolled at the time.
Hmm. I could swear that Willis said somewhere that Faz doesn’t exist in this universe, but I’m probably remembering that wrong.
And I’m indifferent towards Faz, but I really hope he doesn’t go the “We’re not related by blood, so it’s okay for us to bang!” route. I know Willis has more class than that, but I just really dislike that trope.
Oh gods. Faz is a smarmy teenager. That is so perfect. I want him and Howard to become friends so that Faz can try to teach Howard to be as “Great” as he is, and then they have great adventures in never ever getting someone with female parts to ever touch them
“One babe-slayer is more than sufficient. A team-up of two babe-slayers will demolish all competition. Faz has constructed this graph, projecting how many feminine nymphs will embrace us the following nights.”
“Heck yeah! I just have to soundproof my room so my mom doesn’t hear!”
“Faz is having second thoughts.”
Faz is…. Faz. He’s a creep, and has the potential to be dangerous, but is otherwise an annoying, smarmy idiot.
Blaine on the other hand, is evil. He is a criminal who abused Amber and her mother while putting them in danger from the Korean mafia. He is so evil that Mike wore a party hat and a Hawaiian shirt to his funeral (while flipping off his corpse).
Faz was one of my favorite SP! characters. I hope he’s more like Faz first was, when he was more of a threat and a functional person and not just “the weird guy” that he later became for a joke every now and then.
Well, we don’t know what they’re like in this version so we’re just reacting to what they were like in the other universe. Over there they’re very unpleasant. Faz is a huge pervert, power hungry, opportunistic and generally horrible but on the ineffective side. He exists largely for humour, horrifying humour but humour nonetheless. Amber’s dad was a physically and emotionally abusive asshole who cheated on her mother a lot leaving her half-siblings all over the place, including Faz who was totally into her up until shortly before he found out she was his sister, and had Korean mafia ties that got Amber’s family’s life put in danger.
Eee! So the best-case scenario here is that Amber’s dad left Amber’s mom and got together with Faz’s mom. The slightly worse case scenario is that Amber’s dad cheated on Amber’s mom. The absolute worst case scenario is horrible and not worth considering.
Ack! its Faz…
So here he’s Amber’s Step brother not Half brother.
probably still has a thing for Amber , but in this Universe it’s Legal!
(no less creepy though, cuz…hey…its Faz…)
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA –takes a deep breath– AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
One is suddenly forced to wonder about the line ‘she was going to be along later this afternoon.’
Was this phrasing a deliberate attempt to avoid the double entendre of ‘she’d be coming later this afternoon’ and try to class this place up a little bit? Or was it a sadly missed opportunity?
I wonder if Amber is surprised to find out her Dad is alive?
(Secretly hopes that the Blaine* arrival means a sudden increase of crime in the area, squee!)
*Now that’s a SuperVillain name if ever I heard one.
Okay am I the only one who thinks Blaine looks like he’s about to start beating her up? The only people who wear the look he has on his face that I’ve met are complete sociopaths.
“AH! THE DEMONS ARE BACK! QUICK GET THE HOLY WATER AND A REALLY BAD CD TO FEND THEM OFF!” That is literally what flew through my mind the second I saw those two.
btw if you're one of those rando bluesky weirdos who doesn't know me but sees me in the wild being sarcastic and don't know i'm being sarcastic because you haven't taken like 30 seconds to, like, maybe look at my user profile or something, keep walking, you're not going to score internet points here
Here's an entertaining cite at the bottom of the first page
Josh Gerstein@joshgerstein.bsky.social ⋅ 1d
JUST IN: Milwaukee Judge Hannah Dugan moves to dismiss federal criminal case against her for allegedly helping immigrant hide from ICE. Her lawyers say she's protected by official acts & judicial immunity and 10th Amendment. Doc: storage.courtlistener.com/recap/gov.us...
Where did Hollywood go so wrong? I thought movies were supposed to be an escape from reality, a chance to put your worries aside and not have to think about any underlying ideas or concepts. Well, not anymore.
theonion.com/you-can...
It's not a new argument, of course, but Chesterton dismissed it effectively in 1908.
"You will hear everlastingly... this argument that the rich man cannot be bribed. The fact is, of course, that the rich man is bribed; he has been bribed already. That is why he is a rich man."
Aaron Rupar@atrupar.com ⋅ 1d
Hawley dismisses Trump lining his pockets with his memecoin: "Listen, I think nobody believes that Donald Trump can be bought. I mean, what does Donald Trump need more money for?"
wilbur, savvy enough to know he's in a comic strip but still not a great actor, awkwardly lifts a muffin up into frame so that we, the audience, understand that he has a muffin right now, which is very important narratively, but he's not really selling it well as an organic, human action
confirming that the reason there's been no Galaxy Version female characters in Blokees until now is that they felt they needed to make Round Lady Thighs For Ladies
It's #webcomicday? We have a special day???
Well, my name is Pat McHoarney and I draw 69 Mouse-Ear Blvd, a multigenerational story about women who all have sexy legs and probably other features. There was a grandmother, but she wasn't hot and so she died off-panel.
Josh Gerstein @joshgerstein.bsky.social ⋅ 1d
Aaron Rupar @atrupar.com ⋅ 1d
Pavel
@spavel.bsky.social ⋅ 10d
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NOT PREPARED D=
Actually, I’m wondering why Dina let two strange men in their room… I know in our dorms, we would’ve had to sign them in, and like hell I would’ve done that for someone *claiming* to be my roomie’s family.
They look kinda evil, so it’s too bad Dina can’t read faces.
Why should dina not let them in? She’s Dina. Dina~!
NUNUNUNUNUNUNUNUNU DINA!
Batman theme? .-.
……why are there two of you?
Yeah, that’s just confusing.
Srsly man?
Duh, the door was already opened. How else could Dina stand behind it? It’s the only place she’s comfortable.
Dina, Dina, Dina… there’s a BATHROOM door, too =<
I’m sure she asked for ID and a cheek swab, and ran a paternity test. Dina may be many things, but she is thorough.
*insert joke about them being fossils here*
DUN DUN DUNNNNNN!
*cuesDramatic Gopher gif
Oh god. This can only get worse now.
You misspelled better.
No… he spelled it correctly.
I am afraid… very afraid.
Seriously though, I’m really scared.
I just had a thought…
Faz and Dina as a couple…
Now I’m terrified.
Yeah isn’t this borderline dark territory for this comic?
And now I’m imaging how their offspring would be – creepily grinning Dinjas?
It’s really no darker than roofies at a party.
Exactly.
You will take responsibility for the expenses on the pool of brain bleach I had to swim in….
Could be, I mean, Faz LIKED Amber ’cause she was shorter tan him… and Dina look shorter than him (and Amber look taller…)
Yeah, I was super-happy about this.
Don’t lose hope. Maybe they aren’t as bad as they seem… maybe…
Nope. The next few comics are just gonna be pure suck fer poor Amber…
The return of Shitnado! Ruth and her baby was only the eye of the storm!
Am I the only one who thinks Faz is strangely adorable?
Yes and that is a scary thing to think.
As long as the great Faz keeps his “character” to himself, yes, he is adorable. And I hated the little twerp.
The great Faz is pleased to hear this, and would like to show you a fifteen minute presentation (including several sozable charts) explaining why you should copulate with him.
By this chart you can see that Faz’s cuteness stems from his large genitalia.
His large genitalia stem from his pulsing muscles which he hides so other men do not feel emasculated. Faz does this out of the mercy of Faz’s heart. Faz is manly and kind.
Faz is always strangely adorable. Then he opens his mouth.
The operative word here is STRANGELY!
I think part of his adorable-ness here is the way he’s standing next to Blaine, who towers over him, in a mimicked posture. It’s a little bit d’aww.
At least until he says something that makes your skin crawl, then it’s back to normal for The Great Faz.
Woah.
Thanks, Keanu.
Don’t be rude to him. He knows Kung Fu.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
You read my mind.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFACE
(yay, I get the best letter of all for this situation!)
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG!
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
So apparently we don’t know the alphabet.
ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ
ÇÇÇÇÇÇÇÇÇÇÇÇÇÇÇÇÇÇÇÇÇÇÇÇÇÇÇÇ
ŁŁŁŁŁŁŁŁŁŁŁŁŁŁŁŁŁŁŁŁŁŁŁŁŁŁŁŁŁŁŁŁŁŁŁ
22222222222222222222222222222!!!
אאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאא
PG-13PG-13PG-13PG-13PG-13PG-13PG-13PG-13PG-13PG-13PG-13PG-13PG-13PG-13PG-13PG-13PG-13PG-13PG-13PG-13
あああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああ
iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
Ως γήινη Θιβέτ γιλέκο δυο ξωκλήσι.
“As earthly Tibet, jacket two chapel”?
ونحن لا نعرف الأبجدية
I don’t speak Greek.
Squall dw i. Dw i’n byw yn America.
♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
Finland!
OHHH MY GOOOOD
Faz is going to eat her.. Then he’s going to eat you!
I highly appreciate this reference
Finally! The Great Faz makes an appearance in Dumbing of Age!
Wonder when we get to see Zaph and Rose.
Or Wen.
Wen will probably turn out to be Amber and Dina’s suitemate. They will leave to get it on while Amber’s Dad acts his typical butthole self.
I wanted to see Thad Guy.
God almighty! Why?!
There is no god, there is only the Great Faz. Your misery amuses and arouses him.
Well, there is a God. It’s just that He prefer testing his followers with strife and hardship to see if you ever stray from the path. But be patient, Squall, there is always a silver lining at the end of each dark cloud.
http://youtu.be/8xkZdmg6qt4
Αlso, he wants you to bring back Enterprise.
Oh MY GOD!!!
I know how to handle this, quick the petro and matches!
It won’t work…Faz is deathless.
He was capable of surviving Mike in the other Walkyverse.
barely.
Could still get Amber’s dad, though. His funeral proved that asshole could die, at least.
You will believe an asshole can die!
Did he die from excessive friction?
he’s the same Faz, no matter what universe it is. He just pretends otherwise to not blow our minds.
I knew the day would come. *Tries to find my cyanide capsule*
This is why you should invest in a cyanide tooth.
But then I couldn’t eat rock candy.
This is why you should invest in rock candy and rock candy cyanide.
This is why you should invest in a shotgun. If you have protection, then the Faz will not happen to you.
If Blaine had used protection, Faz wouldn’t happen to the Dumbiverse! Hey-oh
He said Step-Brother, not Half-Brother, so presumably Blaine is not Faz’s biological father in this reality.
1. Or neither Blaine nor Faz are aware they’re related, it could be that Blaine hooked up back with Faz’s mother and only assumed that wasn’t his kid…
Or 2. and this is the more probable scenario, no one has ever told Faz he’s actually related to Amber and will still try to get in her pants…which is the creepier option
…
It’s number 2 isn’t it? DAMN IT WILLIS!
http://squallloir.tumblr.com/post/58041688107
I’m thinking #2. I think Willis said somewhere in the comments that genetics wouldn’t really be changed in this universe or something like that? So I would think Faz has half of Blaine’s genes or else I’d think he’d look very different from his Shortpacked! self.
Cyanide teeth have too many possible points of failure. Flashbangs implanted behind your eyes are far more fool proof.
Optical flashbangs are harder to disarm.
I think Faz, Danny and Howard need to get together and make a band so repulsing anyone who goes to one of their concerts can never have sex again.
Throw in Mary and you’ve got something.
and they named their band “BIRTH CONTROL”.
Nah, they named it “The Great Faz & Those Who Wish To Be Faz”
“Why would they come to our concert just to boo us?”
“I think Faz, Danny and Howard need to get together”
Before I finished the rest of that sentence, a single tear fell.
But what if it gets on Youtube, and goes viral, and causes humanity to go extinct from lack of sex?! IT WILL BE THE END OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT!!!
~~It’s the end of the world as we know it!
And I feel fine~~
No you don’t.
You feel Faz.
Inside you.
Pulsing
Stand still Blaine. I don’t want to chance wrecking the walls with my fusion cannon.
Fuck the fusion cannon! Get Lugnut up in this bongo! We need to P.O.K.E. Blaine!
P.O.K.E’em? Just use Gideon’s Glue and be done with it.
I say we dust off and nuke the site from orbit. Only way to be sure.
We should give P.E.A.C.E. a chance.
The Polite Enjoinder Against Criminal Enterprise comes with a startlingly large variety of ammunition types, and has sufficient range that you won’t have to worry about getting any of his slime on you when he explodes.
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NNOOOOOOO D8 I’M NOT EMOTIONALLY PREPARED FOR THIS SADNESS!!!
My body wasn’t ready for this
Why? Willis, why?
Three words.
Damn You Willis!
I don’t see Sydney Yus anywhere.
I really hope she shows up now.
She’s Blaine’s new mistress… Or a janitor. One of the two.
I bet She’d just complain to the kids what a horrible congresswoman Robin is.
Even worse Ruth’s ex
Uh… A janitor ?? That’s among your first guesses?
For extra shock value, Sydney Yus turns out to be Sierra’s sister.
What, because she’s black? Racist.
I mean, it’s an assumption Hollywood makes all the damn time, but still.
Also, Lucy is totally going to be Sierra’s sister here.
Because she’s black? Racist.
Actually, you’re both wrong. Jason is the surprise secret lesbian sister of Sierra!
Whitewashing Sierra’s family? Racist.
Calling Jason White? YOU RACIST!!!
So I realize that I mixed up two characters. For this I apologize. Though in my defense, Jacob and Jason are sorta the same person.
People sure do like waving that racist word around like a big floppy dick.
Big dick? Because they’re black? Racist.
That’s an unfair stereotype, not all black people have big dicks, some of them are women.
Futa~.
You racist! Non-white women can not have dicks too!
She’s Robin’s secret girlfriend.
God help us all…
NOOOOOOOO!
Faz why!
Damn you, Willis. DAMN YOU TO HELL!!
+1
Oh, crud! Quick! Someone call for Amazi-Girl!
Oh God, I want to be amused by how much I hate Faz. But I don’t think this storyline is going to have room for amusement.
I feel Faz is going to be the Joshua for this scenario, meaning Willis will put his in for humorous effect as he did in Joyce’s angry family bout.
so provided blaine is anything like his walkyverse counterpart who gets the prize for jackass parent(s) him or joyces
Well Blaine cheated on Amber’s mom and had ties to the korean mafia.
Joyce’s parents control her morals with the threat of jesus.
He was also physically abusive to Amber, right?
I’m actually wondering if Danny is going to redeem himself (at least somewhat) in this little story arc.
I wouldn’t hold my breath, but we can hope.
Danny? Redeem himself? *ROTLMAO*
He’s only worth a nickel, and most machines just spit him back out.
Mike had your mom for a Danny?
It was a ripoff.
It was like a crane game. You never win, so why waste nickels?
Oh goodie, first Howard and now Faz.
And together…They shall rule the world!
Oh God. This is what Willis warned us about. The family we will like less than Danny’s/Joyce’s/Ethan’s.
It’s…it’s worse than I ever imagined. God help us all.
Beat me to it. That’s exactly what I was wondering.
Willis’s warning was not sufficient.
Wait, does this mean that Amber’s dad might be the “by far worst” parent that Willis mentioned? 0.0
Now I forget, has Dad in this universe been established as having any…relevant personality?
I don’t think so, but if Faz is any indication he’s still hanging around with the Korean Mafia…. which means he’s probably just as bad as in Shortpacked.
and then in tomorrow’s comic, Blaine shows off his “Father of the Year” trophy.
I’m not worried. Lookit him. Look at that evil, evil face.
Isn’t that more cause for concern?
Does her dad look smug?
He’s about to start his ceremonial “Villain speech”. He’s been preparing for it all year.
“You had evaded me for a long time, Amber. Now that I have where I want you, JOIN ME AND TOGETHER WE SHALL RULE THE GALAXY!”
All that’s missing is the patent looks of ‘Dull Surprise!’ On the faces of everyone in the room.
In SP, he seemed just mean. Here he seems conniving. Maybe Faz has rubbed off on him (or did I just invoke Rule 34).
Step-brother? Shouldn’t that be half-brother?
Not in this universe, apparently.
Step brother would imply the child is not Blaine’s, but he gained a… we’ll call him “son” by remarrying.
Oh no. No no no no no no no no no no no no. Nononononononono. NO.
And I’m not even talking about Faz.
DinaXFaz is my OTP
I’ll probably draw it then.
DOOOOOOO EEEEEEET!
Don’t encourage him. I really don’t need to see any erotic pictures of Faz.
Hell, Faz probably brought his own, and is planning on showing them in subsequent strips.
I already made one with Faz and Malaya. She had a butt.
Gasp.
Dat gravvy~~ Chase ftw!
http://sadpanda.us/images/1788561-NAOYNA9.png
Even when Dina is a dinosaur, she’s adorable.
You managed to make Faz totally babies. Good job!
Needs more butts
… Dinofazus?
Wait … Faz and Howard are at the same place!!!
THIS MADE MY WEEK! LETS FAZ IT UP!
Oh god, Faz caught me completely off guard. I Like where this is going!
Faz still has the hots for Amber in this universe. Calling it now.
Ew
I literally had the longest comical gasp of surprise, but for real, when I saw that last panel.
Damn.
What the… Oh what the…. Damn you, Willis!
See I knew Mr. and Mrs. Brown weren’t going to win the “worst parents” award, but I thought that would go to the Walkertons.
And then Amber’s dad. :C
As far as we know, the Walkertons, the Warners, and Amber’s mom are the only normal, functional, loving parents in this entire damn universe.
Though I guess Dina’s are too.
Keeners as well, I’m assuming?
they’re secretly vampires
They feed by slowly leeching away your faith.
If you let them take too much, you turn into a godless heathen atheist vampire, too.
Cool! I’ll miss garlic, but I’ve always wanted to be able to rock a cape like vampires do.
Also if I’ve learned anything from Hammer Films, it’s that vampires are lesbians. I’ve always wanted to be a lesbian.
Augh of course! The Keeners seem like the best of the bunch! My apologies, Dorothy. Even if they are vampires.
You’re forgetting Joe’s dad, who if his son is any indication is a pretty nice and stable guy. Who just really likes the ladies.
I’d be willing to give Joe’s dad the benefit of the doubt if it weren’t for that creepy scene with Sarah.
I’m reserving judgment on the Walkertons. Don’t forget they’ve clearly got issues with Sal.
Given the fact that autism seems to be at least partly hereditary, Dina’s probable autism (She shows a massive number of the signs of it), and what we saw of her parents and their similar behavior, there’s a decent chance they’re all autistic. Which can still potentially count as “normal”, depending, but…
We should have seen this coming, it was right under our noses. We just didn’t see it. Much like Dina.
In the immortal words of Ingwit_Agenbite:
oh fucking no
I prefer “Oh, John Ringo, NO!”
I had to look that up. I think I like mine better because as a reaction to few creepy, badly written books (though holy SHIT creepy!) it’s less full of abject terror than the reaction to the creation of SWAP.AVI.
First the emotional car wreck that was Joyce’s family… calm us all down with some gentle Billie/Ruth time…
…then OMGWTF THIS?!?
Enjoying your emotional roller-coaster ride?
YES! no… Yes… umm NO!?! ummm WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
sweet jesus, run for your lives! THE COMING OF FAZ IS UPON IS!
Really setting yourself up for some innuendo, there.
Now that’s what I call a sticky situation.
Faz would like to share with you this short animation depicting the hallowed event. Faz assures you that everything is indeed to actual scale and has not been altered.
It’s been awhile since I laughed until I couldn’t breathe. Thank you for that.
Amber’s face in the third panel is the one of someone who has just learned their day has gone profoundly wrong.
If she had a drink, it would have been a spittake.
SHIT
OH HELL.
I bet that THIS Faz has many and varied graphs and pie-charts ready to show on his iPad.
Hell, he probably MADE the chart App. Faz in this universe is a budding millionaire for the most interactive chart app in the world.
VERY SHIT! D=
…oh fuck.
I suddenly believe the Browns might be a distant second.
Oh, hey, I found the perfect shirt for Dina at the mall the other day.
So next time she gets swept along there with the crowd, she’ll have something to look for.
+1 LIKED!
Amber’s dad doesn’t seem like as bad a fellow. Marriages break-down all the time and you can’t blame someone for remarrying. He appears to be a better father just because he is at least there and with his son ,who must be younger than Amber to not be in college or work of his own, but then again his son doesn’t seem to be so young that he didn’t cheat on his wife…so hes prolly still dixkish
Given Willis’ comment and that look on his face… I’m going to say he’s just as bad.
In the other ‘verse, he was emotionally and physically abusive. That’s why all the wailing and gnashing of teeth.
Joyce’s father didn’t seem that bad at first, either.
Clearly you didn’t read Shortpacked!.
Whiiiich please recall Willis saying is totally unnecessary to enjoy this story.
Yeah, leave folks alone for not reading a billion other comics!
Faz has been called step-brother, not half-brother. So no cheating required, no genetic relation.
OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT.
We just got a swerve.
Is it the Vince Russo Swerve or what?
No, a Vince Russo swerve requires it to be a swerve everyone saw coming, but they take it in another direction where, really, there was no point in attempting the swerve to begin with.
This is a swerve nobody expected, nobody saw coming. So good on Willis for pulling this off.
GASP!
(Is it me or does Blaine make an entrance like a silver age comic book villain?)
I’m thinking like that time Darkseid broke into Scott Free’s house, and was just chilling in a chair.
Here it is: http://comicsalliance.com/superman-sex-tape/
That’s hilarious!
Quick offer him a Hostess Fruit Pie!
Or a Justice Fruit Pie.
I new Faz would end up here eventually! Oh and Amber’s wanted-by-the-mafia Dad.
Yay, Faz!
Nothing could have prepared me for this moment.
No. No no. No no no no nonononononononononononOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *Jumps out window*
…I’ll be back when the awkward goes awaaaaaaay…if I survive this fa*CRNCH*
Also notice his left eye. It looks like that twitch that people get when they see something they don’t like much.
Oh gods how did faz get here
Oh jeez I mean I was expecting to see Faz at some point but this isn’t how I wanted it
How did you want it? Rectally?
He’ll make you feel all warm and fazzy inside.
Amber! SMASH THE LAPTOP OVER HIS HEAD AND RUN! DO IT NOW!
In the words of Jim Ross: “OH, SON OF A bongo!”
To follow with more immortal words “Not like this! No, not like this!”
Also, “Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Stone Cold!”
Though, it could be amusing seeing Stone Cold walk in and beat everyone up.
Does that mean someone is going to open up a can of whoopass?
“I, the Great Faz, shall–hey, does anyone else hear glass breaking…?”
Spidey sense is tingling! Amazi-Girl is going to make a surprise appearance and show Faz what an obtuse triangle looks like…on his leg.
OMFG AAAHHHHHH DID NOT SEE THIS COMING
aaahahaha wait you guys though wait, amber’s mom is totally getting it on, “sorry honey I’m here at IU but uhhhh won’t be around til later okaybye!”
That was my first thought. She and Dr. Rosenthal must be doing the 2 back beast as of now.
I just caught this and looked through the comments to see if anyone else did… Point to Rachel.
So… odds that the other Saruyamas are just standing quietly just out of frame not making eye contact with anyone?
They’re obviously behind the door.
This!
That!
Oh snap.
I’m gonna be honest. I’m glad to see faz. He always puts a smile on my face.
You cruel, evil person.
Oh shit. I hope the Saruyamas are behind the door. Amber is going to need them. And Sarah’s baseball bat.
Oh boy. Ok, What comment record do you think these two will set compared to the Browns?
Run Amber! Run!!! D: D: Even Dinah knows this ain’t good D:
I’m going to give Blaine the benefit of a doubt here. New continuity could mean a new characterization.
This! I would like it if Blaine was actually a decent father to Amber and not the “piece of shit” that he was in Shortpacked..
I mean at least he shows up to visit Amber!
Also I love that this comic solves the longest mystery…
That Faz exists in the DoA universe…Yaaay!
He’s apparently still kinda a piece of shit…just less of one.
Blaine might be visiting Amber for his own selfish reasons, and not out of any benign motives. So he could still be the “piece of shit” that he was in Shortpacked.
To save time, let’s assume he’s just as bad as in DoA and feed him feet first into a wood chipper.
Don’t forget how he visited in Shortpacked!, as well.
He may not have been trying to take her back with him the second time, but still… Death is FAR too good for that asshat.
I would say “Oh SNAP”, but I fear there are not enough Oh nor Snaps to properly convey the magnitude warrant by the snapping of this particular Oh.
Also, taking all bets. Will Faz, established to already know who his sister is, still have a creepy obsession with sleeping with her?
Yes.
He has that look in his eye that tells just hints to me that he has to tell the neighbours of his criminal convictions when he moves.
I’m surprised at all the surprise. I called that some other family would be the hugest jerks, specifically because I thought that Blaine would be too unsurprising for the long-time readers. Bad guess, me!
When I mentioned Joyce’s travails on Tumblr, Willis said that the worst wasn’t even here yet. “How could it get worse?” I thought. OH GOD, I SHOULD HAVE REALIZED.
I was actually hoping we could avoid Faz in this universe.
oh hai Faz
How is your sex life?
By the end of this scene, we are going to look wistfully at Joyce’s parents, and think about how sweet and kind they seem by comparison.
I think Blaine’s eyes are twitching because he heard his ex-wife is here.
It’s twitching because he’s never been in a room with Faz for this long.
He’s been standing there for hours. Waiting. Waiting for the perfect moment to jump out like a Bond villain.
“Amber, I’ve been expecting you.”
He accidentally left his Swivel chair at home.
I wonder what they were talking about to fill the time
http://squallloir.tumblr.com/post/58063935036/dont-mind-me-just-practicing-my-face
So, where’s the white cat?
Faz is the white cat.
Okay, REAL LIFE FAMILY VISTING COLLEGE STORY TIME.
So I went to college. On my very first regular weekend after orientation, my parents came to visit and say hi! So, they arrived, and I didn’t really know very many people well, so I just introduced my parents to everybody whose name I knew.
Me: “Hi Mom, this is Paul.”
Mom: “Hi, Paul!”
Me: “Hi Mom, this is Jason.”
Mom: “Hi, Jason!”
Me: “Hi Mom, this is Becky.”
Mom: “OH!!!!!!!!! JOHN KNOWS A FEEEEEEMALE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
At the top of her lungs.
In the lounge of the largest dorm.
On a Saturday evening.
By the time I graduated, I was hearing the story from faculty and students who weren’t even enrolled at the time.
I miss my Mom so much…
Oh, my condolences.
You made me laugh, and now you made me sad.
That’s what I did to myself in that order!
“Man, this was such a funny memor…oh…”
Your mom sounds like a really nice version of Joyce’s mom. I mean that in the best possible way.
Hmm. I could swear that Willis said somewhere that Faz doesn’t exist in this universe, but I’m probably remembering that wrong.
And I’m indifferent towards Faz, but I really hope he doesn’t go the “We’re not related by blood, so it’s okay for us to bang!” route. I know Willis has more class than that, but I just really dislike that trope.
…just realized that I thought for some reason that Faz said he was adopted. Nevermind that last part then.
Willis may have more class than that, but Faz doesn’t.
Faz is like School on Sunday.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaah D:
OHMYGODIT’SFAZ
By the Sword of Crom and the power of Cheese, no!
…I’m getting popcorn.
Oh no, Faz.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
… I’m mildly surprised. Hi Faz.
And to quote Mike Tenay: “OH SHIT, IT’S FAZ!”
Never mind that shit, here comes Faz!
DAMN YOU, WILLIS!
Yes, I know it’s been said. It bore repeating.
Try saying it in another language. Like in Japanese, for example. ONORE WILLIS!
Damn you, Willisuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
Wirrisuuuuuu
SEI VERDAMMT, WILLIS!
Like that?
Well, this crushes my dreams that Faz would be a university dean in this universe… but at least he’s shown up!
Just when i was about to settle on the worst parents A NEW CHALLENGER ARISES
WWWWWWWWWWWWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSS
Oh my god. This was unexpected.
The question: Is Faz still in to Amber despite knowing his status as her brother?
I hope not. Incest is never a good thing no matter how many dou…er..I mean reading materials that I’ve read.
Considering his reaction when he found out in Shortpacked, I think not.
Step-brother, it’s not incest.
I like the way Blaine and Faz are so suspicious that even Dina caught on that Amber would need a warning before encountering them.
I think she just saw ambers reaction.
STEP brother not half brother?! Hopefully Blaine adopted him. It’s illegal for adopted siblings to be together….
Just saying, Faz and Joyce need to meet… It would be awesome. I’d eat popcorn.
Let faz teach you about the penis.
Oh gods. Faz is a smarmy teenager. That is so perfect. I want him and Howard to become friends so that Faz can try to teach Howard to be as “Great” as he is, and then they have great adventures in never ever getting someone with female parts to ever touch them
If no one makes this spinoff I’m gonna be mad.
“Faz and Howard in the morrr-ning!”
Some references should not be made.
Shut up and take my page views!
“One babe-slayer is more than sufficient. A team-up of two babe-slayers will demolish all competition. Faz has constructed this graph, projecting how many feminine nymphs will embrace us the following nights.”
“Heck yeah! I just have to soundproof my room so my mom doesn’t hear!”
“Faz is having second thoughts.”
Ok I never read Shortpacked, so I’m correctly assuming that Blaine and Faz are Satan and the Anti-Christ?
Faz is…. Faz. He’s a creep, and has the potential to be dangerous, but is otherwise an annoying, smarmy idiot.
Blaine on the other hand, is evil. He is a criminal who abused Amber and her mother while putting them in danger from the Korean mafia. He is so evil that Mike wore a party hat and a Hawaiian shirt to his funeral (while flipping off his corpse).
That’s pretty business as usual for mike.
You might think this, but context makes all the difference.
http://www.shortpacked.com/2012/comic/book-14/01-deady-dearest/lastrespects/
Heh Mike makes everything better…
Wish sooo much that things go better in this ‘verse.
And this as well.
http://www.shortpacked.com/2012/comic/book-14/01-deady-dearest/great/
In Shortpacked! Faz is creepy but mostly ineffectual (so far). It’s a function of his colossal laziness.
Not really so much laziness as total lack of self-awareness.
It’s hard to think clearly when all your blood is constantly in your penis.
I kinda like how (probably coincidentally) Amber’s reaction seems to be shielding Dina from their evil.
MY BODY IS NOT READY
David Willis: Responding to rumors in one universe with confirmation in another.
The best part of this is that while Amber is madly searching for the door nob shes going to end up with a handfull of Dina’s boobs.
I saw them and could not stop myself from saying, out loud, in a terrified whisper, “No… no. Oh god.”
What the…
Ffffffffffffffffffffffu…
ABOUT TIME!
Oh god NOOOOOOOOOOO!
Faz is here? FAZ!?
DID SOMEBODY SAY BEST CHARACTER!?
FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“Hello, Amber. I am here to destroy your life. Won’t that be nice?”
At least this Faz gets a father figure in his life. Sorta.
*Quietly nopes into the sunset*
Perfect timing, just perfect. Can’t wait to see where this goes!!!!
OH SHIT
Dina and Faz would be a great couple!
Just one panel of Blaine’s face is enough to know that he can’t die soon enough in this universe as well.
Yes!
Faz was one of my favorite SP! characters. I hope he’s more like Faz first was, when he was more of a threat and a functional person and not just “the weird guy” that he later became for a joke every now and then.
How can Faz be a threat at a school he doesn’t even go to?
I think kung fu is going to happen.
Oh hey, it’s Faz. Yay for Faz.
Ah! Amber’s Dad!
AHHH!!! FAZ!!!
I don’t know what’s worse… Amber’s Dad is pretty shit
I’m having Evangelion flashbacks.
Somehow I think even Gendo is a preferable father to have compared to Blaine.
Are you friggin’ friggin’ me?
Well crap, we had a good run. Hello, Faz.
well, crap. I pray Ambers dad is less of an asshole in this universe.
also, damnt Faz
When Dina said Amber’s family I thought it would be Joe Sr. and Amber’s mom doing their thing, not the two worst people in the world.
Maybe Danny will drop by and drive them both to suicide?
So this is my first comic by Willis, can someone explain to me why Amber’s dad is so bad? And her step-brother?
I would also like to know.
Well, we don’t know what they’re like in this version so we’re just reacting to what they were like in the other universe. Over there they’re very unpleasant. Faz is a huge pervert, power hungry, opportunistic and generally horrible but on the ineffective side. He exists largely for humour, horrifying humour but humour nonetheless. Amber’s dad was a physically and emotionally abusive asshole who cheated on her mother a lot leaving her half-siblings all over the place, including Faz who was totally into her up until shortly before he found out she was his sister, and had Korean mafia ties that got Amber’s family’s life put in danger.
The thought of a Faz who is being raised by Amber’s father is not a pleasant thought.
So is this Amazi-Girl’s rogues gallery?
WHAT THE FAZ
Eee! So the best-case scenario here is that Amber’s dad left Amber’s mom and got together with Faz’s mom. The slightly worse case scenario is that Amber’s dad cheated on Amber’s mom. The absolute worst case scenario is horrible and not worth considering.
My one regret is that now I’ll never see the Faz virus… Unless Faz is Patient Zero, and it only started becoming contagious once he came to the area.
Soon he shall infect us all.
As you can see by this chart… Oh god it’s spreading already.
Dammit Willis, don’t do this! I can’t hang with so much drama!
I remember when I said Joyce’s parents didnt actually stirr up any kind of hatred from me, even when they were being horrible.
Amber’s dad has been around for two seconds and I want to punch him through a wall.
Well Willis, you warned us that the worst parents were yet to come.
I kind of hate her dad for having a question mark after “Amber”. As if he did not Immediatly recognize his own daughter.
Ooh. Witness protection name change?
Faz! Woo!
And Amber’s dad. Not so woo.
Amazing character design. I already hate him more than every anime villain from my childhood.
In other news, everyone may want to evacuate Indiana, as I’ll be nuking it from orbit now.
Haz Faz been hitting on Dina? If so, did she even understand what he was up to?
Ack! its Faz…
So here he’s Amber’s Step brother not Half brother.
probably still has a thing for Amber , but in this Universe it’s Legal!
(no less creepy though, cuz…hey…its Faz…)
Ah but if Blaine adopted Faz then as her adopted brother it would be illegal for them to be together.
Hey, it’s Faz and… Amber’s older brother. Seriously Blaine looks ridiculously young.
Just turn around and walk away Amber.
Maybe he’s not the abusive nut sack as he was in shortpacked and Maybe faz is… no screw it in any reality Faz is still Faz
NOOOOOOOOO!!!
Wait… wasn’t Dina with her family?
They’re hiding behind the door.
Faz\Dina
I am already squirming with discomfort
As soon as I saw them, I said “nononononono” out loud. And then snarled.
I was not prepared for this.
DUCK AND COVER
Amber’s dad is going to pervishly hit on Billie. Calling it now.
Mainly because it’s exactly the thing you’d expect that fucker to do.
I hope this guy isn’t in with the Korean mafia
On the plus side, at least Amber does not have the trauma of being biologically related to Faz in this universe?
. . . Or maybe that is a reveal just waiting for the next storyline.
I feel like her dad married the woman he was having an affair with, and also abandoned the hell out of Amber.
Oh godDAMN I suspected it!
Excuse me while I WEEP.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA –takes a deep breath– AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
HOLY CRUMPETS I DID NOT SEE THAT ONE COMING
One is suddenly forced to wonder about the line ‘she was going to be along later this afternoon.’
Was this phrasing a deliberate attempt to avoid the double entendre of ‘she’d be coming later this afternoon’ and try to class this place up a little bit? Or was it a sadly missed opportunity?
I wonder if Amber is surprised to find out her Dad is alive?
(Secretly hopes that the Blaine* arrival means a sudden increase of crime in the area, squee!)
*Now that’s a SuperVillain name if ever I heard one.
Glee figured out how good a villain name Blaine is 3 seasons ago
FAZ!
That’s all I wanted. Day made.
Okay am I the only one who thinks Blaine looks like he’s about to start beating her up? The only people who wear the look he has on his face that I’ve met are complete sociopaths.
Oh hey I’m Ruth. I am totally okay with this.
blegh you are totally right, that is a total sociopath expression, isn’t it?
Oh shit.
I’m assuming Faz will find the worst person to fixate on. I can’t wait.
It’s uncanny how much like my own dad this is.
Actually, now that I think about it, Faz is probably going to be obsessed with Dorothy in this universe.
When you can’t make it with your sister, go for the look-alike.
I feel for Amber in the third strip. Given the situation I totally would’ve screamed “FUCK!” In my mind.
There’s an error in the tags for this comic. It says “Faz”, not “The Great Faz”.
Also, DYW because Amber’s dad.
The great Faz returns XD
“AH! THE DEMONS ARE BACK! QUICK GET THE HOLY WATER AND A REALLY BAD CD TO FEND THEM OFF!” That is literally what flew through my mind the second I saw those two.
Can someone explain who these characters are? It’s clear that they are from the walkyverse, but I’m not familiar with it.
No, no, no, NO, NO, NO NO NO NONONONONONONO
WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?!