Dumbing of Age Book Twelve

Dumbing of Age

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May 12, 2026

Distracted

by David M Willis on May 3, 2014 at 12:01 am
  • 02 - I Was a Teenage Churchmouse

└ Tags: dorothy, hymmel the humming, joyce

Discussion (179) ¬

[ Comments RSS ]
  1. Edster
    Edster
    May 3, 2014 at 12:01 am | #

    Waiting for the TV show to come out….

    • Spliced
      Spliced
      May 3, 2014 at 12:11 am | #

      I… I want to say there’s no way it will happen… and yet, I fear if I do, the universe will make it so just to spite me.

      • Edster
        Edster
        May 3, 2014 at 12:26 am | #

        Are you telling me you would not watch this?

        • Mr. Random
          Mr. Random
          May 3, 2014 at 1:18 am | #

          If you look at yesterday’s comic, there’s a video embeded in the post of something just like this. I think he wanted us to know it actually existed before people could say they didn’t believe someone would make it.

          • Shadow12000
            Shadow12000
            May 3, 2014 at 2:33 am | #

            Well, to be fair, the actual thing he’s basing it off of isn’t as blatantly brainwashing. It is still complete tripe though, with a bit of nightmare fuel.

            • ThatGuy
              ThatGuy
              June 7, 2015 at 8:14 am | #

              Also to be fair, any good brainwashing is marketed as good, just, and harmless. Its kinda like how most villains truly think they are doing right. Like that one guy honestly thought that if he ate his boyfriends/abductees that they’d never leave him and he’d never be alone.

              Good brainwashing is done by people who honestly believe in what they are doing.

          • Deathjavu
            Deathjavu
            May 3, 2014 at 7:20 am | #

            I’m surprised by how many people are surprised at the content. The kind of language (make me a servant) is straight out of actual church songs, if not the bible itself.

            • Hinoron
              Hinoron
              May 3, 2014 at 11:20 am | #

              Most of us, I think are adults looking back on the kind of heavy-handed conditioning fed to us as children, only now able to analyze it for both intent and effect.

              Also a bit shocked that what we think is probably an American-born black dude under all that makeup is touting the virtues of slavery to a new generation of children. Seems like the wrong century to be pushing that mentality.

              How’s that national anthem go? “Land of the docilely obedient, home of the paranoid?”

              • Deathjavu
                Deathjavu
                May 3, 2014 at 11:30 am | #

                I dunno if it’s the wrong century, numerically the slavery is bigger than it’s ever been (if not by percentage). 27 million now vs. 12 million then…

                It’s not the legal and mental institution that it used to be, but it hasn’t stopped being highly convenient and profitable to own all the labor of another human being. The whole racism that accompanied the old style was really just a convenient excuse to justify the economic profitability of slavery.

                • Deathjavu
                  Deathjavu
                  May 3, 2014 at 11:37 am | #

                  Wow, I managed to use “if not” twice in two replies, and it means something different in both of them.

                  I am the hack-est writer.

          • Edster
            Edster
            May 3, 2014 at 12:13 pm | #

            What i meant is a DoA Tv show coming out.

      • Chris Phoenix
        Chris Phoenix
        May 3, 2014 at 5:05 am | #

        Isn’t there some rule that says if someone has thought of a thing…

        then there is Internet porn of it?

        *twitch* *shudder*

        • Charlie Spencer
          Charlie Spencer
          May 3, 2014 at 7:18 am | #

          That would be ‘Rule 43’, always a useful phrase to append to other search terms.

          • JustCheetoDust
            JustCheetoDust
            May 3, 2014 at 8:38 am | #

            That’s not always necessary, “Rule 34” seems to frequent many drop down suggestion menus while doing a Google search.

            Yet another feature that Bing doesn’t provide. Suck it, Bing.

    • King
      King
      May 3, 2014 at 11:26 am | #

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENGsE-axveQ

  2. Jen Aside
    Jen Aside
    May 3, 2014 at 12:01 am | #

    Next: Dorothy x Billie

    • Totally not a murderer in disguise
      Totally not a murderer in disguise
      May 3, 2014 at 12:03 am | #

      I support this idea fully, but Walky might feel a bit left out.

      • Tunaro
        Tunaro
        May 3, 2014 at 12:04 am | #

        Clearly the solution is Billie x Dorothy x Walky x Joyce x Dina = Pure awesome.

        • Blue Dragon
          Blue Dragon
          May 3, 2014 at 3:40 am | #

          One True Fivesome?

          • Paul
            Paul
            May 3, 2014 at 3:21 pm | #

            it’d be the voltron of group sex!

      • Shadow12000
        Shadow12000
        May 3, 2014 at 2:34 am | #

        You think Walky wouldn’t be okay with watching, at least for the first few times?

    • Edster
      Edster
      May 3, 2014 at 12:03 am | #

      With a bit of Ruth for spice.

    • SUGauthor
      SUGauthor
      May 3, 2014 at 12:04 am | #

      Your comment implies this wasn’t furiously shipped already.

      • Jen Aside
        Jen Aside
        May 3, 2014 at 12:53 am | #

        I’m just saying it’s NEXT

  3. Shogouki
    Shogouki
    May 3, 2014 at 12:01 am | #

    This sounds absolutely terrifying.

    • Tunaro
      Tunaro
      May 3, 2014 at 12:03 am | #

      Just checked his Tumblr and Holy crap it is scary as shit.

      • Mass Confusion
        Mass Confusion
        May 3, 2014 at 12:09 am | #

        I’m scared….

        • Jay Eff
          Jay Eff
          May 3, 2014 at 12:17 am | #

          Don’t you mean… you’re Confused?

          *dodges pointy rocks*

          • Shadow12000
            Shadow12000
            May 3, 2014 at 2:36 am | #

            Why would you need to dodge? Everyone knows you only hurt yourself in your confusion.

            • Spliced
              Spliced
              May 3, 2014 at 10:02 am | #

              What was that? Did he say “Punch myself in the face”? okay Squirtle Time to shine!

  4. Opus the Poet
    Opus the Poet
    May 3, 2014 at 12:02 am | #

    Yeah, I would have started drinking if someone dumped that on me as well.

    • Spliced
      Spliced
      May 3, 2014 at 12:05 am | #

      Recently I have discovered there is a show called Shalom Sesame. What say you, Mike?

      • Opus the Poet
        Opus the Poet
        May 3, 2014 at 12:19 am | #

        Oh Hell that one again? I was drinking long before that one came out. That’s the Israeli Sesame Street, right? I have seen that, but I have seen telenovelas that were more frightening. Hell Sabado Gigante is scarier than that.

      • Bruceski
        Bruceski
        May 3, 2014 at 6:05 am | #

        That’s not bad. It’s Sesame Street for Israel with hebrew and an echidna instead of Big Bird. We watched it in Sunday school at my synagogue, and I don’t remember any real biblical stuff from it aside from episodes for various Jewish holidays (“let’s dip the apple in peanut butter so the new year will stick to the roof of our mouth!”).

        • Raye J
          Raye J
          May 3, 2014 at 11:39 am | #

          For a minute I was like “Why would Israeli Sesame Street use a terrifying Greek monster instead of Big Bird?” and then I remembered that there’s a type of anteater called an echidna.

          • Bruceski
            Bruceski
            May 3, 2014 at 5:11 pm | #

            Now I want to see that.

  5. David Herbert
    David Herbert
    May 3, 2014 at 12:02 am | #

    Hopefully she has some wine, then they can pretend it’s like a Catholic mass, with a lot more communion.

    • David
      David
      May 3, 2014 at 1:06 am | #

      There’s going to be blood to pay for it. His.

      • Tinfoil Theory
        Tinfoil Theory
        May 4, 2014 at 7:25 am | #

        Love your neighbour!

  6. Totally not a murderer in disguise
    Totally not a murderer in disguise
    May 3, 2014 at 12:02 am | #

    I’m pretty sure I’d rather drink than watch that too

    • Spliced
      Spliced
      May 3, 2014 at 12:07 am | #

      Drinking does not have to be the only option! Dental visit… Football game… Flu shot…

      • Tunaro
        Tunaro
        May 3, 2014 at 12:08 am | #

        Getting beaten into unconsciousness with a rusty golf club…

        • Spliced
          Spliced
          May 3, 2014 at 12:09 am | #

          The unconscious part is key. Otherwise you run the risk of coming to before the show is over.

          • JustCheetoDust
            JustCheetoDust
            May 3, 2014 at 12:28 am | #

            The problem with that is that “getting beat back into consciousness” is a thing.

            • Shadow12000
              Shadow12000
              May 3, 2014 at 2:37 am | #

              *intense internal screaming at your gravitar*

            • JustCheetoDust
              JustCheetoDust
              May 3, 2014 at 4:09 am | #

              Yeah, I’ll be getting rid of that one soon.

  7. Tunaro
    Tunaro
    May 3, 2014 at 12:02 am | #

    I-I…I think I’m gonna go get a drink, too…

    • Spliced
      Spliced
      May 3, 2014 at 12:04 am | #

      What a coincidence! I seem to have some right here!

      • Shadow12000
        Shadow12000
        May 3, 2014 at 2:41 am | #

        Your gravitar is almost perfect for that comment. It’d be incredibly perfect if it was posted a week later.

    • Seerow
      Seerow
      May 3, 2014 at 12:19 am | #

      I’ve got a bottle saved for just such an occasion.

    • newllend
      newllend
      May 3, 2014 at 12:29 am | #

      I just want to see a scene where everyone gets drunk, just Flat out drunk.

      • Opus the Poet
        Opus the Poet
        May 3, 2014 at 2:32 am | #

        Is this close enough?

        http://www.dumbingofage.com/2013/comic/book-3/03-answers-in-hennessy/hiding/

  8. Quatoria
    Quatoria
    May 3, 2014 at 12:03 am | #

    Holy shit that’s horrifying.

  9. Spliced
    Spliced
    May 3, 2014 at 12:03 am | #

    This reminds me of the time I found out Barney and his relatives went to my church

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      May 3, 2014 at 12:11 am | #

      As in the dinosaur?

      • Tunaro
        Tunaro
        May 3, 2014 at 12:13 am | #

        No, Stinson.

        • Spliced
          Spliced
          May 3, 2014 at 12:15 am | #

          Why not both?

          • KingMabel
            KingMabel
            May 3, 2014 at 12:19 am | #

            Why both?

          • Aizat
            Aizat
            May 3, 2014 at 1:04 am | #

            How about Barney Stintson dressed as Barney the Dinosaur?

            • Spaz
              Spaz
              May 3, 2014 at 4:40 pm | #

              “Barney, you could never score with a girl dressed as Barney the dinosaur.”

              “Challenge accepted!”

              • xKiv
                xKiv
                May 3, 2014 at 6:54 pm | #

                Why would you want to score with a girl who dresses like Barney the dinosaur???

    • March
      March
      May 3, 2014 at 12:34 am | #

      Is it true he was using drugs?

      • Spliced
        Spliced
        May 3, 2014 at 9:58 am | #

        Not that I saw. It was filmed in the town I grew up in, but I didn’t see any of them outside of church. And I only knew because I heard some people whispering every now and then.

    • Opus the Poet
      Opus the Poet
      May 3, 2014 at 12:29 pm | #

      Ahh, you live either in Plano or Carrolton TX.

  10. Wonder Wig
    Wonder Wig
    May 3, 2014 at 12:04 am | #

    Combine Santa Claus and the Ice Cream Bunny with Chuckie Cheese, and add a dash of Veggie Tales.

    • Shogouki
      Shogouki
      May 3, 2014 at 12:08 am | #

      Only a dash?

      • Shadow12000
        Shadow12000
        May 3, 2014 at 2:50 am | #

        Yeah, only a dash. He’s shown what this is based off of, and it’s MUUUUCH worse than Veggie Tales.

        • bonsai
          bonsai
          May 3, 2014 at 10:32 am | #

          Let’s put it this way: Veggie Tales took off in the Christian video market because it was *multiple orders of magnitude better than anything else.*

          If you think it’s lame? Imagine what it *replaced*.

    • Dante
      Dante
      May 3, 2014 at 12:10 am | #

      As terrifying as what you actually said is, I initially read that as Combine Santa Clause. As in, a Combine from Half-Life 2… dressed as Santa.

      • Spliced
        Spliced
        May 3, 2014 at 12:11 am | #

        That sounds rad actually. Way preferable to the movie in Joyce’s hands

        • tinfoil theory
          tinfoil theory
          May 4, 2014 at 7:38 am | #

          You will like this, then:
          http://www.accursedfarms.com/movies/cp/christmas-co/

    • Tunaro
      Tunaro
      May 3, 2014 at 12:12 am | #

      What is this delicious sounding Ice Cream Bunny you speak of?

      • JustCheetoDust
        JustCheetoDust
        May 3, 2014 at 12:44 am | #

        This.

        Not so great outside of context, definitely not delicious, best served with RiffTrax.

  11. Doctor_Who
    Doctor_Who
    May 3, 2014 at 12:04 am | #

    I don’t drink either, but this would make me do so heavily, in an attempt to kill whatever part of my brain is storing those images.

  12. Yotomoe
    Yotomoe
    May 3, 2014 at 12:04 am | #

    You can drive a lady to drink, Joyce.

    • newllend
      newllend
      May 3, 2014 at 12:30 am | #

      Dorothy:”someone get me some damn vodka for this.”

    • Aizat
      Aizat
      May 3, 2014 at 12:55 am | #

      CONFOUNDED JOYCE! SHE DROVE ME TO DRINK!

    • Bill
      Bill
      May 3, 2014 at 2:09 pm | #

      It was a woman that drove me to drink, and I never did thank her for it.

  13. Stephen Bierce
    Stephen Bierce
    May 3, 2014 at 12:05 am | #

    And then we see that the ditty in this episode was filked from an old drinking song…

  14. Aizat
    Aizat
    May 3, 2014 at 12:05 am | #

    Yes Dorothy…stare at the fourth wall.

    • Spliced
      Spliced
      May 3, 2014 at 12:08 am | #

      Actually I think that was a bleak and scary future of costumed folk singing feel good show tunes. I have the same look on myself whenever faced with Mitten the Kitten O_O

      • Rybridge
        Rybridge
        May 3, 2014 at 12:40 am | #

        Soon the beast will come to consume us all!- Hymmel the Hymnal.

        • Aizat
          Aizat
          May 3, 2014 at 12:48 am | #

          As if the one with the triangle smile is not enough.

  15. Kernanator
    Kernanator
    May 3, 2014 at 12:06 am | #

    Get me a fruity drink, this is going to be rough.

  16. Jay Eff
    Jay Eff
    May 3, 2014 at 12:07 am | #

    *reads alt text*

    Yes – all you folks who haven’t checked the author’s tumblr wallpaper must do so RIGHT NOW.

    Here’s the linki, Bee-Tee-Dubya:
    http://itswalky.tumblr.com

    • Doctor_Who
      Doctor_Who
      May 3, 2014 at 12:11 am | #

      Ever see The Witches? Those creepy Creature Shop effects for when people are midway to becoming mice?

      Looks like one of those.

    • Spliced
      Spliced
      May 3, 2014 at 12:14 am | #

      Not as bad as what I was expecting. More School House Rock than Candle Cove

      • JustCheetoDust
        JustCheetoDust
        May 3, 2014 at 12:23 am | #

        I was thinking more special effects from Beauty and the Beast (the late ’80s tv show) gone bad…which is no good when you take Ron Pearlman out of the equation.

    • JustCheetoDust
      JustCheetoDust
      May 3, 2014 at 12:21 am | #

      I dont’ feel right rating this new gravatar “G.” That picture’s a hit of acid away from being nightmare fuel.

      • Vim-Hogar
        Vim-Hogar
        May 3, 2014 at 1:21 am | #

        D:

    • Aizat
      Aizat
      May 3, 2014 at 12:50 am | #

      Well there is this one scary looking mouse puppet/animatronic in one of those video board game…I don’t know what’s it called but I saw it once on the intro of the Black Hole of Boardgames.

      • JustCheetoDust
        JustCheetoDust
        May 3, 2014 at 8:26 am | #

        Was it Rap Rat?

        Damn your inquiry, and damn my compulsive Google Fu. (I don’t think it’s scary, but those videos on YouTube certainly shaved some IQ points)

        • Aizat
          Aizat
          May 3, 2014 at 9:18 am | #

          Yeah….that one. And I found out that that monstrosity has its own creepypasta…that’s just what I needed, make that even scarier.

  17. Plasma Mongoose
    Plasma Mongoose
    May 3, 2014 at 12:08 am | #

    “Looks like I picked the right day to start drinking”

  18. KingMabel
    KingMabel
    May 3, 2014 at 12:10 am | #

    That moment when I realize just how many wrestling tumblers I follow…

    Also WTF is that?!?

    • Tunaro
      Tunaro
      May 3, 2014 at 12:15 am | #

      That is what happens when your nightmares drop a gallon of LSD.

      • nothri
        nothri
        May 3, 2014 at 12:22 am | #

        ALL THESE SQUARES MAKE A CIRCLE. ALL THESE SQUARES MAKE A CIRCLE. ALL THESE SQUARES MAKE A CIRCLE.

        • KingMabel
          KingMabel
          May 3, 2014 at 12:28 am | #

          All the circles make a reason for me not to sleep tonight.

          Also I take full responsibility for missing this reference.

          • nothri
            nothri
            May 3, 2014 at 12:37 am | #

            Little obscure, I admit. Its a Team Fourstar Dragonball Abridged episode.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qe2FaWzlquM

            I dunno how to imbed a link with specific timeframes to skip to, but the reference is at 7:10 or so.

            • KingMabel
              KingMabel
              May 3, 2014 at 12:57 am | #

              This is why we research!

              Thanks I keep forgetting to finish this series.

              • Mr. Random
                Mr. Random
                May 3, 2014 at 2:43 am | #

                The farther you get, the more skilled their writing gets, and the higher the videos grow in quality. Honestly, I think it might actually rival the show itself in terms of quality.

                • Deathjavu
                  Deathjavu
                  May 3, 2014 at 7:30 am | #

                  As much as I love Dragonball and DBZ, it’s not at all hard to rival its writing quality.

    • Aizat
      Aizat
      May 3, 2014 at 12:51 am | #

      Wrestling tumbles? Can you direct me to one?

      • KingMabel
        KingMabel
        May 3, 2014 at 1:11 am | #

        Dude, I AM ONE. Click ME! CLICK ME!

        • Aizat
          Aizat
          May 3, 2014 at 1:30 am | #

          Oh…now your username makes sense. That horrible gimmick for Viscera….well, before Big Daddy V and the World’s Largest Love Machine that is.

          • KingMabel
            KingMabel
            May 3, 2014 at 1:33 am | #

            Yeah I never understand WWE’s logic with large men

            “500 lbs man? Several tatoos? Scary face? Lets make you a ladies man!”

            I feel bad for Brodus Clay… and Henry… and even Khali a bit…

            • Aizat
              Aizat
              May 3, 2014 at 1:39 am | #

              Well at least Earthquake never got the Ladies Man gimmick and at least Mark Henry got better with the World’s Strongest Man gimmick. Khali….at least he didn’t go Giant Gonzales.

              • JustCheetoDust
                JustCheetoDust
                May 3, 2014 at 7:57 am | #

                Say what you want about how they eventually did right by Mark Henry…he still had to knock up Mae Young with a hand baby.

                • Aizat
                  Aizat
                  May 3, 2014 at 9:14 am | #

                  Why do you have to bring that up? Some of us had repressed the memories of that.

  19. nothri
    nothri
    May 3, 2014 at 12:15 am | #

    Does Billie have any alcohol? Yes, Dorothy, yes she does. In other news, the sky is still blue, the ocean still smells of salt, and the sun continues to be a mass of incandescent gas(es). Just in case you wanted to double check.

    • Wack'd
      Wack'd
      May 3, 2014 at 12:23 am | #

      Actually, the sun is a miasma of incandescent plasma. The sun’s not really made out of gas, no, no, no.

      • Tunaro
        Tunaro
        May 3, 2014 at 12:43 am | #

        I thought the sun was a group of nuclear reactions localized around a certain gravitational point as particles continuously bonded hydrogen into helium.

        • Hylleddin
          Hylleddin
          May 3, 2014 at 7:06 am | #

          Hence, plasma.

      • nothri
        nothri
        May 3, 2014 at 12:56 am | #

        Wait, you mean they got it wrong? So…so what else did they get incorrect? Could…could they in fact NOT be Giants? I’m gonna cry!

        • StClair
          StClair
          May 3, 2014 at 2:26 am | #

          There were giants in the earth in those days.
          (Particularly in New York and Massachusetts.)

        • AgentKeen
          AgentKeen
          May 3, 2014 at 12:26 pm | #

          Also, Triangle Man does not, in fact, win.

          (And now I have the sun song lyrics stuck in my head, thanks).

          • nothri
            nothri
            May 3, 2014 at 1:24 pm | #

            I’ll trade you that for Particular man, you bastard.

            • Betty Anne
              Betty Anne
              May 3, 2014 at 6:46 pm | #

              Triangle Man hates Particle Man.

        • Wack'd
          Wack'd
          May 4, 2014 at 1:00 pm | #

          Hey, they never said they definitely were, only that they might be.

          But that is a terrifying thought. After all, what are we gonna do unless they are?

  20. Rani
    Rani
    May 3, 2014 at 12:17 am | #

    I feel like Joyce has had two settings this season: aghast sexual puritan and crazy religious cartoon fan.

    • John
      John
      May 3, 2014 at 12:57 am | #

      Is D&MM religious, then?

      • Kirby
        Kirby
        May 3, 2014 at 1:49 am | #

        Didn’t you know Fandoms are the new religions?

        • Opus the Poet
          Opus the Poet
          May 3, 2014 at 2:19 am | #

          Dammit where’s the upvote arrow!?!

  21. Pyr05
    Pyr05
    May 3, 2014 at 12:20 am | #

    Why…. the rodents. I can’t…..

    • nothri
      nothri
      May 3, 2014 at 1:08 am | #

      I could explain it to you…but I’m afraid I couldn’t give ::shades:: a rat’s ass.

      • Aizat
        Aizat
        May 3, 2014 at 1:43 am | #

        YEAAAAAH!

  22. newllend
    newllend
    May 3, 2014 at 12:22 am | #

    Wow the more and more I hear about Joyce’s childhood the more and more it’s sounds fucked up, anyway ya let’s see what Billie’s doing.

  23. wednesday
    wednesday
    May 3, 2014 at 12:23 am | #

    That Tumblr background sent me down the rabbit hole of Psalty Salvation Celebration. I think I like the old costumes better.

    • Jen Aside
      Jen Aside
      May 3, 2014 at 12:57 am | #

      Is it going to stay that now? Or will it change as soon as Willis finds something even more horrible, rendering the alt-text incorrect?

      [said after having stopped reading the itswalky Tumblr due to laughing Megatron being TOO distracting]

      [[no I don’t dashboard]]

      • xKiv
        xKiv
        May 3, 2014 at 7:09 pm | #

        It’s been like this for a long time now.

  24. Jack Finch
    Jack Finch
    May 3, 2014 at 12:28 am | #

    Good plan.

  25. Jack Finch
    Jack Finch
    May 3, 2014 at 12:30 am | #

    Also, it’s been decades since I lived in a dorm, but don’t kids get high anymore?

    • Lamachine
      Lamachine
      May 3, 2014 at 12:50 am | #

      Yeah, but those who do don’t leave their rooms.

    • kelticat
      kelticat
      May 3, 2014 at 12:43 pm | #

      What do you think happened to Sarah’s last roommate?

  26. newllend
    newllend
    May 3, 2014 at 12:33 am | #

    OK let’s just face it, what almost everyone wants to see is the two of them get tipsy and just….( you decide what happens next).

  27. March
    March
    May 3, 2014 at 12:33 am | #

    This is pretty much how I started drinking.

  28. Rybridge
    Rybridge
    May 3, 2014 at 12:37 am | #

    Every time I read Joyce I imagine her sounding like Pinkie Pie, which makes lines like these particularly hilarious…

    • Opus the Poet
      Opus the Poet
      May 3, 2014 at 12:40 pm | #

      Muahahahaha

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vcuXbe89ibo

    • Sir Robin
      Sir Robin
      May 3, 2014 at 1:53 pm | #

      YES!!! I thought I was the only one who thought that!!!

      Also, Dina sounds like Fluttershy, Sal like Apple Jack and Dorothy like Twilight Sparkle

      Also, Walky sounds like Fry from Futurama to me for some reason, and Mike like Bender and Joe like Zap Branigan

  29. newllend
    newllend
    May 3, 2014 at 12:50 am | #

    Also this is the perfect time for Joyce to give some Holy Biblical life advice to her friend but she’s not doing NOTHING!

    she just like ,”Hey I don’t care about your problem just watch this dumb crap show with me, I mean its not my job to give you advice to deal with your personal problems, I mean what do think I am a Christian? Oh wait…

    • Aizat
      Aizat
      May 3, 2014 at 12:58 am | #

      Dude, she’s trying to have Dottie to watch a show that has such advice.

  30. Fletcher
    Fletcher
    May 3, 2014 at 1:06 am | #

    The more we hear about this Hymnel the Hymnal thing, the more utterly terrifying it seems – and that’s leaving aside the actual ideology it’s pushing! And it’s intended for children? Shudder.

    • Regalli
      Regalli
      May 3, 2014 at 1:23 am | #

      Have you never seen the background of his Tumblr? Because seriously. IT IS THAT TERRIFYING. DEAR SWEET MERCIFUL HISTORIC JESUS IT IS THAT TERRIFYING.

      • Fletcher
        Fletcher
        May 3, 2014 at 2:11 am | #

        The Dumbing of Age tumblr is just flat orange, maybe it’s not showing properly? The It’s Walky tumblr is some kind of blurry out-of-focus obscured-by-text-boxes clown thing. I’ll admit that clowns are kinda evil and terrifying though.

        “My name is Jesus Christ, King of Kings; look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair.”

        • David M Willis
          David M Willis
          May 3, 2014 at 2:27 am | #

          Oh, it’s not a clown.

          • Fletcher
            Fletcher
            May 3, 2014 at 3:07 am | #

            Then I think I’m glad it’s obscured by the text boxes. Truly, the god who can create such a thing is the same god who can create wasps which inject their larvae into live spiders.

            Oh God, He’s real. THE PRAYER IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE.

        • Kelly
          Kelly
          May 3, 2014 at 2:45 am | #

          Right click -> view background image. You will regret it though.

          • Fletcher
            Fletcher
            May 3, 2014 at 3:10 am | #

            Thanks for that suggestion. You were right, I did regret it. I’ve seen worse though.

            Your avatar is tremendously appropriate (mine, not so much).

  31. John
    John
    May 3, 2014 at 1:18 am | #

    Only one way to cope with this one, Dotty.

    Hymmel the Humming Hymnal drinking game!

    Whenever an unsympathetic character exhibits horrendously stereotyped ethno-religious traits, drink! (Only once per distinct trait, we’re not trying to kill people here.)

    Whenever something is presented as indisputable truth that is neither factually nor Biblically correct, drink!

    Whenever something absolutely horrible is presented as a life lesson for children, drink!

    Whenever you wake up screaming in horror in the middle of the night, drink until the nightmares go away! (That’s not really part of the game, just something you gotta do.)

  32. John
    John
    May 3, 2014 at 1:22 am | #

    Oh, and, I think Dorothy really ought to watch this. For Joyce. Not “because Joyce wants her to”, but so she’s seen the face of the enemy. So she knows. Because she may think she knows, but she doesn’t. She so, so, doesn’t.

    (I’m saying this as someone who had a similar upbringing to what Dorothy’s appears to have been, and lived most of my grade school years in the Bible Belt, and thought I knew, but is still continually amazed and horrified by the things Willis reveals about his upbringing.)

  33. MrSirk
    MrSirk
    May 3, 2014 at 1:27 am | #

    I wonder if Hymmel has a song on the danger of alchohol consumption?

  34. Derek
    Derek
    May 3, 2014 at 1:29 am | #

    Unrelated-to-today’s-comic question: is Sarah being relieved that Jacob has no interest in Roz a bit hypocritical? She herself said that her interest in Jacob is purely physical. Maybe she was unintentionally slut-shaming and she realized and that’s why she looked sad in the last panel. (as in: if she really only wanted to bang Jacob, she should have no problem that Jacob had sex with other girls before her, Roz included.)

    • Mr. Random
      Mr. Random
      May 3, 2014 at 2:40 am | #

      If you go back, the last panel shows that she realizes that Jacob isn’t going after Roz, which means she still has a chance. However, after that she realizes that Jacob literally said he didn’t want a one night stand which was what Sarah wanted. I think. In a way, I think it shows that Sarah, after getting to know Jacob a little might actually want a relationship with him. But she still hasn’t mentally adjusted her goal from Bang him to Date him. Once again, I think.

      • Whittier
        Whittier
        May 3, 2014 at 5:58 am | #

        This is my assessment, as well.

  35. Opus the Poet
    Opus the Poet
    May 3, 2014 at 2:24 am | #

    I suppose I really should mention that: Before I came back to the comments on this page I started the first Gorillaz CD playing. I’m now up to the track titled Punk.

    • JustCheetoDust
      JustCheetoDust
      May 3, 2014 at 4:08 am | #

      On a sort of related note, I want to act out the beginning of “Left Hand Suzuki Method” for the first time in years.

      • Opus the Poet
        Opus the Poet
        May 3, 2014 at 12:44 pm | #

        I thought LHSM was a J-pop band.

        • JustCheetoDust
          JustCheetoDust
          May 3, 2014 at 2:26 pm | #

          It’s also a track in the U.S. release of the self-titled Gorillaz album.

        • Kamino Neko
          Kamino Neko
          May 3, 2014 at 10:19 pm | #

          Sounds more like a masturbation technique to me.

  36. Whittier
    Whittier
    May 3, 2014 at 5:57 am | #

    Nice to know that Willie Aames has work in this universe.

  37. Dreamerofstories
    Dreamerofstories
    May 3, 2014 at 7:23 am | #

    This Girl has finally caught up with the whole comic 😀 From start to finish in a few days so yay :D. And D: cause no more comic to read.
    As for the episodes. I think I would be very very scared to even glance at them o.o

  38. Pandalulz
    Pandalulz
    May 3, 2014 at 9:36 am | #

    Man Willis, I’d apparently blocked all Kids Praise stuff out of my childhood memories as some form of PTSD and now all the horrible flashbacks are coming back.

  39. Robert
    Robert
    May 3, 2014 at 9:52 am | #

    Just remember to call it “booze” or “liquid courage” when you see billie, Dorothy.

  40. Zelda
    Zelda
    May 3, 2014 at 9:53 am | #

    Am I the only one who can’t find the Tumblr background in question? Or was it all a cruel hoax?

    • Chris
      Chris
      May 3, 2014 at 11:19 am | #

      itswalky tumblr → [bg image].
      :▷

      • Zelda
        Zelda
        May 3, 2014 at 12:52 pm | #

        Why did I zoom in.

        WHY DID I ZOOM IN

      • Roborat
        Roborat
        May 5, 2014 at 3:10 pm | #

        And that, folks, is the danger of inbreeding. Please remember to spay or neuter your hillbillys.

  41. Speedball
    Speedball
    May 3, 2014 at 10:05 am | #

    Damn, that show IS real. Man. MAN. I never thought I’d see a show that made Bibleman downright dignified.

    • Kevin
      Kevin
      May 3, 2014 at 12:50 pm | #

      but.. but.. Bibleman wasn’t so bad.. I think..

  42. burntnorris
    burntnorris
    May 3, 2014 at 11:59 am | #

    Joyce has a mouth. This is very strange.

  43. Laura
    Laura
    May 3, 2014 at 2:32 pm | #

    I used to watch Psalty’s Songs religiously (heh) when I was a child. Charity Churchmouse, too. I’d successfully blocked out that portion of my life and completely forgotten about it until I started reading this story arc, but now, it’s all coming back to me. Damn, fuck, and shit.

    Here’s the famous background image, just so the uninitiated and unscathed can enjoy a small morsel of the suffering I’m now experiencing.

    http://static.tumblr.com/5d3rnb5/WFImclxcc/charitychurchmouse.jpg

    • Laura
      Laura
      May 4, 2014 at 4:48 pm | #

      It was by the same folks that did WeeSing, wasn’t it? I remember those shows.

    • Nezumi
      Nezumi
      March 24, 2016 at 8:31 pm | #

      And, in the category of “Things I can only assume live in hell…”

  44. Arkadi
    Arkadi
    May 3, 2014 at 3:05 pm | #

    Dotty, Dotty. You’ll never get to be President at this rate.

  45. Stephanie
    Stephanie
    May 3, 2014 at 4:03 pm | #

    Am I the only one who is consistently going “Wait! What is a Christian like Joyce doing listening to someone with so obviously a Jewish name like Hymmel? For that matter, what’s a nice Jewish book like Hymmel doing singing to a bunch of the goyische?” 😉

    • Charles Phipps
      Charles Phipps
      May 3, 2014 at 11:15 pm | #

      It’s doubly funny with your Joyce avatar.

    • Bill
      Bill
      May 3, 2014 at 11:57 pm | #

      As I pointed out once before, “Himmel” with an ‘I’ instead of the ‘Y’ is the German word for “heaven”.

  46. April Black
    April Black
    May 4, 2014 at 5:15 am | #

    Omigosh, I’ve actually reached the newest page. I was scared this would happen. I love this comic why did it have to end so soooooon. jk. but I do love this comic. I have never cared for comics and stuff that had a lot of main chars, but this comic has really helped me enjoy the unique personalities and lives of each char. Amber Sal Billie and Ruth are my faves tho. cus they all got zesty lifes.

  47. Roborat
    Roborat
    May 5, 2014 at 3:11 pm | #

    Love that fourth panel. It looks like something has snapped in Dorothy’s brain.

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