Dumbing of Age Book Twelve

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May 8, 2026

Primal

by David M Willis on February 24, 2012 at 12:01 am
  • 02 - Choosing My Religion
└ Tags: ethan, mike, transformers

Discussion (197) ¬

[ Comments RSS ]
  1. Mkvenner
    Mkvenner
    February 24, 2012 at 12:01 am | #

    Ethan stop encougaring Mike.

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      February 24, 2012 at 12:23 am | #

      Encougaring: Enabling a person to become cougar-bait.

      • a99steaksauce
        a99steaksauce
        February 24, 2012 at 11:59 am | #

        Cougars would have a hard time with Ethan.

        • Plasma Mongoose
          Plasma Mongoose
          February 24, 2012 at 1:11 pm | #

          Unless they are male Jewish ones who will support his toy habit.

          • Revieloutionne
            Revieloutionne
            February 24, 2012 at 3:52 pm | #

            I believe we call those “daddies,” not “cougars.”

            • Kintrex
              Kintrex
              February 24, 2012 at 7:31 pm | #

              Bears.

  2. OhHayMike
    OhHayMike
    February 24, 2012 at 12:02 am | #

    I’m SO not up for Ethan drama…

    • darcos0
      darcos0
      February 24, 2012 at 12:13 am | #

      That’s what shortpacked! is for

      • Sir Robin
        Sir Robin
        February 24, 2012 at 8:11 am | #

        Not really, when is the last time a Shortpacked storyline hasn’t revolved around Malaya? Ethan is basically a background character there now

        • Twisted Two-face
          Twisted Two-face
          February 24, 2012 at 11:10 pm | #

          Yea, Shortpacked! to Ethan is like How I Met Your Mother to Ted now.

    • DudeMyDadOwnsADealership
      DudeMyDadOwnsADealership
      February 24, 2012 at 12:28 am | #

      Besides, “easy happiness” despite how it sounds, is a recipe for disaster when it comes down to living good life. Ethan’s real problem is he doesn’t realize this is a good thing, or a step toward turning his life around, at least.

      A drum full of Joker Gas says Shortpacked Ethan never had this epiphany. Look where that got him.

      • Wack'd
        Wack'd
        February 24, 2012 at 2:22 am | #

        It got him a drum full of Joker gas, apparently, which is always good news in my book.

        • a99steaksauce
          a99steaksauce
          February 24, 2012 at 12:01 pm | #

          You can laugh about it for the rest of your life.

          • mechaqua
            mechaqua
            February 25, 2012 at 6:12 pm | #

            Which should be over in about 5-30 seconds.

  3. TaZZerath
    TaZZerath
    February 24, 2012 at 12:02 am | #

    A wild Universe Primal appears!

  4. Wonder Wig
    Wonder Wig
    February 24, 2012 at 12:02 am | #

    I actually know a gay Jewish nerd! Except he lives in London…

    • Usayasha
      Usayasha
      February 24, 2012 at 1:14 am | #

      I know a gay Jewish nerd, too!
      He lives in a comic book I read.
      …
      Oh, and I’m one, too.

      • a99steaksauce
        a99steaksauce
        February 24, 2012 at 12:02 pm | #

        I know a gay jewish nerd that in TWO webcomics. Ha! Beat that.

        • Rimaslxbya
          Rimaslxbya
          February 24, 2012 at 12:21 pm | #

          A gay Jewish nerd that’s in two webcomics? Oh boy, what I wouldn’t give to be commenting on one of those two!

        • Usayasha
          Usayasha
          February 24, 2012 at 11:55 pm | #

          This one is in a Marvel comic.
          And is the son of the Scarlet Witch.
          Which, consequentially, makes him the grandson of Magneto.
          I think that definitely makes him pretty epic, even compared to Ethan.

          • Peldari
            Peldari
            February 25, 2012 at 1:10 am | #

            He and his twin are pretty awesome.

    • SCharb
      SCharb
      February 25, 2012 at 3:11 am | #

      A gay Jewish nerd who lives in London? Was it Brian Epstein?

    • MichaelHaneline
      MichaelHaneline
      February 25, 2012 at 11:37 pm | #

      I used to play Dungeons & Dragons with a gay Jewish guy (which I guess would technically make him a nerd). He played a barbarian named Jewcano.

      He’s an entertainment lawyer now.

      • Leorale
        Leorale
        February 26, 2012 at 12:57 am | #

        Adorable!

        I know at least three Jewish gay-or-bi nerds, and they have other friends who match that description. Ethan should have gone to Oberlin.

  5. Icalasari
    Icalasari
    February 24, 2012 at 12:02 am | #

    Mike can talk with his mouth closed!?

    WILLIS! I THOUGHT THIS UNIVERSE STRIPPED THEM OF ANY AND ALL POWERS!

    • mechaqua
      mechaqua
      February 24, 2012 at 12:12 am | #

      Mike’s powers transverse all universes!

      • What?
        What?
        February 24, 2012 at 12:23 am | #

        Mike IS THE UNIVERSE.
        All of them.
        Coincidentally, he also screwed your mom in all of them.

        • Batman1016
          Batman1016
          February 24, 2012 at 1:09 am | #

          That’s not a coincidence, that’s a physical law. Like gravity or thermodynamics.

          Not to be confused with “fiscal law,” which dictates that she only cost him a nickle in each of those universes. Because that’s all your mom’s skanky poon is worth.

        • Maycroft
          Maycroft
          February 24, 2012 at 1:37 am | #

          Mike bangs the universe.

          • Wack'd
            Wack'd
            February 24, 2012 at 2:23 am | #

            Mike Does the Universe, the spin-off of Debbie Does Dallas.

    • Rimaslxbya
      Rimaslxbya
      February 24, 2012 at 12:27 pm | #

      But he did! What he didn’t do is strip them of their talents, and Mike is a ventriloquist apparently!

      Next strip he’s going to talk to Ethan while drinking water!

    • Valdrax
      Valdrax
      February 24, 2012 at 4:49 pm | #

      Now that you point it out, how many people keep their mouths open while someone else is talking?

      Or are panels perhaps not simply snapshots from a camera?

    • MichaelHaneline
      MichaelHaneline
      February 26, 2012 at 2:42 am | #

      Better than him having a gaping slack jaw in every panel he talks in, like a certain comic that starts with a C and ends with trl-Alt-Delete

  6. C.
    C.
    February 24, 2012 at 12:02 am | #

    Ethan being Jewish didn’t click in my head until now.

    • mechaqua
      mechaqua
      February 24, 2012 at 12:06 am | #

      Also I know this a stereotype but is Ethan’s mom pressuring him to find a nice Jewish boy?

      • Blue
        Blue
        February 24, 2012 at 12:15 am | #

        Yeah, one of the first things that struck me about this was that Ethan specified Jewish as one of the three things he’s looking for. It didn’t seem like something I thought would have been as much of a deal to Shortpacked!Ethan.
        Though to be honest I have no clue what Drew’s beliefs were.
        (are we going to see Drew in this universe?)

        • Wack'd
          Wack'd
          February 24, 2012 at 2:25 am | #

          I know a lot of Jewish Andrews, but Wikipedia is telling me it’s a Greek name with derivatives in most languages so I guess that means nothing.

          • Brendan
            Brendan
            February 26, 2012 at 2:40 pm | #

            Consider Peter and Andrew.

        • Baroncognito
          Baroncognito
          February 24, 2012 at 8:24 pm | #

          I’m not surprised. I’m a Jewish atheist, and I’d still rather date Jewish, just because someone who was a non-Jewish atheist wouldn’t get all my jokes. My jokes need all the help they can get.

          • Leorale
            Leorale
            February 26, 2012 at 12:59 am | #

            I like this reason.

  7. mechaqua
    mechaqua
    February 24, 2012 at 12:04 am | #

    You know Ethan, Mike works very hard to be an ass and your making very difficult for him.

    Also Mike and Ethan are back yeah!

  8. Aizat
    Aizat
    February 24, 2012 at 12:06 am | #

    Optimus Primal?

    • f.p.
      f.p.
      February 24, 2012 at 1:16 am | #

      Universe Optimus Primal, specifically.

      • f.p.
        f.p.
        February 24, 2012 at 1:17 am | #

        And actually, it frightens me to think of that redeco as old.

        • Thomas
          Thomas
          February 24, 2012 at 12:30 pm | #

          DoA Ethan is only 18 years old. His perspective on the age of toys may differ from yours.

          • f.p.
            f.p.
            February 24, 2012 at 2:41 pm | #

            I thought about that, but then I realized that version of the toy was released nine years ago.

  9. Uniqueantique
    Uniqueantique
    February 24, 2012 at 12:07 am | #

    And Mike will help in his own way. He isn’t one to spend much time sympathizing, so maybe he can knock Ethan out of his ‘poor me’ phase. It’s the way he’ll do it that scares ya.

    • Aydr
      Aydr
      February 24, 2012 at 2:05 am | #

      Oh, I think that there will be some knocking involved. Knocking of boots.

  10. Plasma Mongoose
    Plasma Mongoose
    February 24, 2012 at 12:07 am | #

    You might have to settle for two out of three, Ethan.

    • Zaratustra
      Zaratustra
      February 24, 2012 at 12:11 am | #

      Joe is ready.

      • Plasma Mongoose
        Plasma Mongoose
        February 24, 2012 at 12:13 am | #

        But Ethan’s boobs ain’t epic enough to make him least an 8.

        • Aizat
          Aizat
          February 24, 2012 at 12:40 am | #

          Ethan has boobs?

          • Blue
            Blue
            February 24, 2012 at 1:01 am | #

            Of course. Everyone has boobs! It’s just a matter of how large they are. 😛 Ethan’s probably aren’t even AA.

            (biology major sez: structurally, male and remale breast tissue are similar, at least at the start. It’s puberty hormones that cause female boob growth)

            • f.p.
              f.p.
              February 24, 2012 at 1:13 am | #

              Remale? Is that a post-op male-to-female who changed his/her mind?

              • Plasma Mongoose
                Plasma Mongoose
                February 24, 2012 at 1:08 pm | #

                So Ethan is like Mr. Garrison then?

                OH MY!

                • f.p.
                  f.p.
                  February 24, 2012 at 2:42 pm | #

                  No, Ethan is male, but his breast tissue is similar to that of Mr. Garrison, who is remale.

    • Crumplepunch
      Crumplepunch
      February 24, 2012 at 2:31 am | #

      Keeping the “gay” part is probably a good idea.”

  11. the underside of your mom's left thigh
    the underside of your mom's left thigh
    February 24, 2012 at 12:09 am | #

    Those three things are found in the same body more frequently than simple chance would suggest, actually.

  12. Aizat
    Aizat
    February 24, 2012 at 12:11 am | #

    I know the feeling. The depression part that is. I found a way to overcome them eventually.

  13. Kaylee
    Kaylee
    February 24, 2012 at 12:12 am | #

    I’m really liking angsty college Ethan. It kind of suits him.

  14. Blue
    Blue
    February 24, 2012 at 12:15 am | #

    *snuggles angsty Ethan*

  15. Rob London
    Rob London
    February 24, 2012 at 12:16 am | #

    Oh, come on, that just came out, someone couldn’t have had that as a kid and be in university now OH GOD THAT CAME OUT NINE YEARS AGO.

  16. Bekah
    Bekah
    February 24, 2012 at 12:17 am | #

    I remember my “Woe is me, I’ll never find a gay jewish nerd” phase.

    Except, instead of jewish, it was welsh. Because that matters for some reason.

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      February 24, 2012 at 12:19 am | #

      It’s the accent you like isn’t it?

      • Bekah
        Bekah
        February 24, 2012 at 12:23 am | #

        …

        I’m Welsh.

        • Plasma Mongoose
          Plasma Mongoose
          February 24, 2012 at 12:25 am | #

          AH!

      • Tualha
        Tualha
        February 24, 2012 at 5:36 am | #

        A Welsh accent is indeed beautiful.

    • Tenn
      Tenn
      February 24, 2012 at 5:23 am | #

      Is your real name Daffyd? 😉

  17. Bunk
    Bunk
    February 24, 2012 at 12:22 am | #

    Wait a sec… IS MIKE WEARING A SHIRT THAT IS TWO COLORS?! SINCE WHEN DOES HE DO THAT?

    • Dierna
      Dierna
      February 24, 2012 at 12:25 am | #

      No. He’s wearing a shirt that’s THREE colours!

      • Bunk
        Bunk
        February 24, 2012 at 12:29 am | #

        Nah, the third color is another shirt. He does do that I think.

    • Rognik
      Rognik
      February 24, 2012 at 10:45 pm | #

      It’s OK! It’s still a dark colour. When he starts wearing vibrant colours, you should start freaking out.

      • What?
        What?
        February 26, 2012 at 4:08 pm | #

        Vibrant colours like a bright yellow stripe across his torso?

  18. Dierna
    Dierna
    February 24, 2012 at 12:24 am | #

    Ethan’s Jewish??? My! What a rather diverse cast! I don’t remember him mention being Jewish in Shortpacked…

    Poor guy will never know the wonders of bacon…sad….

    • mechaqua
      mechaqua
      February 24, 2012 at 12:33 am | #

      Not all Jews Keep Kosher and I am guessing if Ethan searching for gay Jewish Guy to spend the rest of his life with i am guessing he is probably a Reformed/Progressive Jew. Reformed Judaism does not require a person to follow the dietary laws and what foods and drinks are considered Kosher are a bit less restrictive bacon salt is kosher accroding to a OK and Star-K kosher certification boards which the Union for Reformed Judaism recognizes also it has been mentioned in short packed,

      • Dave
        Dave
        February 25, 2012 at 5:11 am | #

        Conservative Judaism (unrelated to the political affiliation; conservative Jews trend Democratic), while not having an official stance on gay marriage to my knowledge, does leave the decision of approval up to the individual. Among the Abrahamic religions, Judaism easily tops the list in support of gay marriage. The exception is the Orthodox, a minority among Jews, and since I’ve never seen Ethan with a head covering or tzitzit I’m guessing that’s not an issue for him.

        The pressure to marry within the religion is higher among conservative Jews than reformed, so if I had to guess I’d say Ethan is probably from a conservative background. Or, even if Ethan is no longer practicing and/or has been ostracized by his family, the atomic force known as Jewish guilt could easily have him convinced that marrying outside his birth faith is an impossibility. (Seriously, Jewish guilt easily rivals Catholic guilt in terms of potency.)

        Obviously I’m not Willis despite sharing his first name, so who knows how much of this will turn out to be true. I AM excited to see where this goes, since I always wondered if Ethan’s Jewish background might be used for more involved jokes in Shortpacked!, like something with the tradition of holding the afikomen hostage in return for a promised toy on Passover. Maybe niche jokes like that were a long shot, but this storyline hook looks promising too!

        • Dave
          Dave
          February 25, 2012 at 3:38 pm | #

          Oh, and the obvious sign that he’s not of a super strict denomination is that he doesn’t keep strictly kosher. Eating Chick-Fil-A chicken is evidence of that; kosher meat must come from an animal that’s been ritualistically slaughtered under Jewish supervision, with the blood then salted out; no meat that isn’t marketed (and certified) as specifically kosher is going to be kosher. Conservative Jews vary in their observance of this rule; i.e. I follow it, but many otherwise-practicing Jews of the same denomination I know don’t.

      • mechaqua
        mechaqua
        February 25, 2012 at 5:43 pm | #

        Reformed Judaism or at least URJ has been recognizes Same-sex marriage and has been since 1990 however reformed Rabbi’s are given the option to preform or not preform the ceremony, but they must recognize the marriage. I still think Ethan is a Progressive/Reformed Jew due to Indiana’s close proximity to Cincinnati Ohio and which is the center of Reformed Judaism. also reformed Judaism is the largest Jewish denomination in America and Indiana only has a Jewish population of around 17,000 unless Ethan came from out of state which i don’t think is the case(many Jews attend Indiana University) probability would suggest he is Reformed. also it is just as likely that as a reformed Jew he may be pressured into marrying another Jew.

        In recent years Reformed Judaism has come under fire for not being authentic, due to Reformed Temples preform nearly the entire service in the vernacular, recognizing patrilineal decent, only preforming Friday night services ect. So Reformed Judaism has been conducting more of the services Hebrew, still most of it is in the vernacular, also Rabbi’s who once preformed same-sex or interfaith marriages has dropped.

        Also though not relevant the body that is most associated with kosher or kashrut certification is the Orthodox Union (The O U) most if not all Jewish denominations(the Hasidim can be weird about this) recognize their authority in this area. if OU its most definitions kosher if its OK or Star-K Orthodox Jews will not eat it and reformed and Conservative will debate it.

    • Peruhain
      Peruhain
      February 24, 2012 at 12:36 am | #

      Oh, I know a few Jewish people who eat bacon even though they don’t eat pork.

      • a99steaksauce
        a99steaksauce
        February 24, 2012 at 12:09 pm | #

        Of course, everyone loves bacon. No exception.

        • Zap Rowsdower
          Zap Rowsdower
          February 24, 2012 at 5:22 pm | #

          Except for all those exceptions.

          I don’t keep kosher and I STILL can’t stand the taste of the stuff.

          • Baroncognito
            Baroncognito
            February 24, 2012 at 8:25 pm | #

            Likewise. Bacon nauseates me.

            • Plasma Mongoose
              Plasma Mongoose
              February 25, 2012 at 4:22 pm | #

              No pork, bacon, crackling or ham for me either, the nearest I get to eating pig products is fritz and certain smallgoods like salami and pepperoni.

              • Kernanator
                Kernanator
                February 26, 2012 at 1:13 am | #

                Shame. Bacon is one of the great flavor wonders of the world.

    • Tualha
      Tualha
      February 24, 2012 at 5:43 am | #

      Ethan being Jewish was mentioned earlier in DoA, when Joyce was planning to date him. Actually, I think someone told her that his last name meant he was probably Jewish.

      The bit about bacon reminds me of a joke. A priest and a rabbi who know each other are in a doctor’s waiting room. Priest decides to have a little fun, so he talks about the yummy bacon he had for breakfast that morning. The rabbi knows what he’s up to, so he waits a bit, then mentions how nice it is to have a sexy wife like his.

      • murrkitteh
        murrkitteh
        February 24, 2012 at 5:57 am | #

        OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! BURN!

      • Baroncognito
        Baroncognito
        February 24, 2012 at 8:31 pm | #

        The way I heard that joke is:

        A Rabbi and a Priest are in a train compartment, and they get to talking. Eventually the Priest asks, “Did you ever have bacon?” and the Rabbi respond “Yes, it was a while ago. I did it mainly out of politeness, I didn’t want to insult my host. These days I’ve worked out polite ways to avoid it.” The priest asks “It was good, wasn’t it?” and the Rabbi responds, “Yes, it was quite good.” Conversation continues and after a while the Rabbi asks “So, father, tell me; Did you ever have sex?” and the priest says, “Well, yes. A long time ago, before I took my vows. I thought it was love but it didn’t last.” and the Rabbi responds “Better than bacon, wasn’t it?”

    • dragoonchris
      dragoonchris
      February 24, 2012 at 8:05 pm | #

      http://www.shortpacked.com/2005/comic/book-2-pulls-the-drama-tag/05-faztivus/den/

    • Rognik
      Rognik
      February 24, 2012 at 10:49 pm | #

      I think Ethan being Jewish and gay is a pretty big problem if his family is that strict. One of the laws in Deuteronomy is that two men can’t lay together. But it says nothing about two women, so lesbians are awesome.

      Huh. I’m certain I made this same comment somewhere else. Not sure if it was earlier in this strip or on Shortpacked.

      • CJ
        CJ
        February 24, 2012 at 11:32 pm | #

        OK, so they do it standing up.

      • mechaqua
        mechaqua
        February 25, 2012 at 5:46 pm | #

        I think Ethan being Gay has more to do with the fact he lives in Indiana rather then him being Jewish, unless Dave is right and Ethan is conservative then it may be an issue, although Conservative Judaism has no clear stance on same-sex marriage, Reformed Judaism is okay with it.

  19. Kindof Awesome
    Kindof Awesome
    February 24, 2012 at 12:26 am | #

    I know a gay Jewish nerd.
    HOLY CRAP AND HIS NAME IS ETHAN AAAHHH

    • NF
      NF
      February 24, 2012 at 12:28 am | #

      You can only freak out if he is a gay Jewish nerd named Ethan who is obsessed with action toys.

  20. Touch of Grey
    Touch of Grey
    February 24, 2012 at 12:33 am | #

    Joe, I think it’s time for you to begin your experimental phase of college.

    • Jason
      Jason
      February 24, 2012 at 2:29 am | #

      It never occurred to me to ship Ethan/Joe until the third panel.

  21. meanderling
    meanderling
    February 24, 2012 at 12:37 am | #

    and heeeere’s Joe’s cue. I mean, he’s gotta have worked his way through the bimbos by now, right?

    Oh wait, this is college. Damn.

    • begbert2
      begbert2
      February 24, 2012 at 10:40 am | #

      Also, unlike in Roomies (where he fled from Sarah), this Joe seems perfectly willing to keep going back to the same wells.

  22. Cat
    Cat
    February 24, 2012 at 12:38 am | #

    Ha! Try being a lesbian searching for someone to spend her life with who’s pagan, a huge nerd, and is willing to put up with my quirks and that I can stand long enough to be happy. Like that would ever happen. And if it did, the second we said I do a bus would fly through the window and land on her, killing her instantly.

    • wynne
      wynne
      February 24, 2012 at 12:43 am | #

      I know a pagan lesbian nerd! She loves Gauls.

      Wait a sec… Kelley, is that you?

    • AndaisQ
      AndaisQ
      February 24, 2012 at 1:25 am | #

      See, my friend needs a reasonably attractive Conservadox or Orthodox Jewish doctor lesbian whose personality she can stand. (Yes, she’s set on a doctor.) When questioned “does she really have to be Orthodox” she claimed that fully Conservative and Reform Jews “aren’t real Jews” at which point I was forced to physically restrain myself from face-punchings.

      • Tualha
        Tualha
        February 24, 2012 at 5:50 am | #

        Well, there are lots of lesbian pagans. I used to know a bunch of them and go to their post-ritual potlucks. One of them also went to Quaker meeting and married a non-pagan Quaker she met there, who’s a mathematician so I guess probably somewhat nerdy.

        OTOH trying to find an Orthodox Jewish lesbian strikes me as a losing proposition. Apparently your friend is one, and I once met a gay man who was Orthodox enough not to use electricity on Friday night, but seriously, how do they reconcile traditional teachings with being gay? (Granted, Leviticus says nothing about lesbians, but still.)

        • Rowen Morland
          Rowen Morland
          February 25, 2012 at 12:17 am | #

          Is a potluck something to do with food or is it something awesome, pagan and kinky?

        • Historyman68
          Historyman68
          February 26, 2012 at 5:26 am | #

          Lesbian orthodox Jewish pagan!

      • mechaqua
        mechaqua
        February 25, 2012 at 6:02 pm | #

        This isn’t actually the Stance of the Orthodox Union because they are not the majority. they will accept a Jew as a Jew as long as their mother is Jewish.

        This attitude tends to prevalent among the Orthodox community. That we reformed or conservative Jews are some how not Jewish, even though we are from my observations this doesn’t seem to be the attitude of majority Orthodox Jews as most of the Orthodox Jews i talked to recognize me as a fellow member of the tribe despite being a Reformed Jew.

  23. Hythrain
    Hythrain
    February 24, 2012 at 12:38 am | #

    Huh, so Optimus Primal in this universe had all his blue replaced with red. Noted. 😀

    • Baron Fel
      Baron Fel
      February 24, 2012 at 12:58 am | #

      Nah, that’s the Universe toy. It’s exactly like that in our universe to (his weapons are a yellow color.) He’s actually my second fave use of that mold. The only better is the 10th anniversary remold that made the head look like the cartoon.

      Also the universe one has a great mutant head.

    • f.p.
      f.p.
      February 24, 2012 at 1:08 am | #

      Funny you should mention the word “universe”…

  24. wynne
    wynne
    February 24, 2012 at 12:38 am | #

    Silly Ethan, interfaith relationships are all the rage now! Just ask my parents…

  25. Noel Schornhorst
    Noel Schornhorst
    February 24, 2012 at 12:58 am | #

    I see a few comments for Joe/Ethan, but I’m hoping for Danny/Ethan. Danny’ll forget all about what’sername after some Batman/Riddler playtime!

    • iSaidCandleja-
      iSaidCandleja-
      February 24, 2012 at 2:04 am | #

      But is Danny a jewish transformers fan?

  26. BugBerry
    BugBerry
    February 24, 2012 at 12:58 am | #

    I know at least two gay Jewish nerds.

    • Tualha
      Tualha
      February 24, 2012 at 5:53 am | #

      I know of one, can’t say I really know him. Someone I met at a science fiction convention, so at least that nerdy. Had a t-shirt showing ten heads from behind, nine black yarmulkes, one pink: “There’s one in every minyan” 🙂

  27. iggzy
    iggzy
    February 24, 2012 at 1:06 am | #

    The sad thing is this is essentially being a friend/supportive for Mike. Like how much I know Mike is totally a dick, but the amount that I knew him from Shortpacked, this is the lighter side of Mike’s dickishness

    • Linkara
      Linkara
      February 24, 2012 at 2:52 am | #

      I was gonna say, Mike while still an asshole here, is more supportive of his friends… well, supportive for Mike, anyway. He engages them in conversation and lets them vent to him and doesn’t really say anything particularly insulting.

      • tbf
        tbf
        February 24, 2012 at 7:58 am | #

        Original Mike is pretty one dimensional. That and his supernatural assholery don’t work with DoA’s realism. It’s probably why we don’t see him much.

        • a99steaksauce
          a99steaksauce
          February 24, 2012 at 12:25 pm | #

          I think he was atleast 1.5 dimensional.

        • mechaqua
          mechaqua
          February 25, 2012 at 6:09 pm | #

          So in DoA is he like 2.125 dimensional? I mean Mike’s done some dick-ish things in DoA but no were close to Shortpacked( I am still trying to get through It’s Walky so i cannot fully comment on that comic) and as Linkara said he has shown to be slightly supportive, and seems to listen to people, hell he bought Walky the pajama jeans for men (maybe). Though regarding the jeans Mike seems has some ulterior motive what that motive is i don’t know.

  28. turkishproverb
    turkishproverb
    February 24, 2012 at 1:13 am | #

    Go on. Bang. You know you want to.

  29. Usayasha
    Usayasha
    February 24, 2012 at 1:19 am | #

    What do you call gay Jews?
    Fruit Jews.
    What do you call attractive Jews?
    Juicy Jews.
    What do you call Jersey Shore Jews?
    Orange Jews.

    • GirlyQ
      GirlyQ
      February 24, 2012 at 1:22 am | #

      My nickname on the gay softball team was “Jewcy Fruit”

  30. GirlyQ
    GirlyQ
    February 24, 2012 at 1:21 am | #

    Ethan and I have the same problem! Webcomics characters, they’re just like us. I always resent the way people seem to assume that because I’m gay, I’m super willing to roll over and give up on the Jewish part of my identity. I need matzo ball soup and to never have a Christmas tree in my damn house!

    • Tualha
      Tualha
      February 24, 2012 at 5:54 am | #

      Of course, he could simply find a gay nerd who’s willing to convert to Judaism. It worked for Bear Bergman 🙂

      He could also learn to accept who he is, which can help a lot with depression.

      • begbert2
        begbert2
        February 24, 2012 at 10:45 am | #

        He doesn’t seem to have a problem with who he it. His issue seems to be with who everybody else isn’t.

  31. Lynnix
    Lynnix
    February 24, 2012 at 1:22 am | #

    My friend told me that 98% of the world’s Jews support gay marriage. I’m going to assum that at least 25% are actually gay(or bi or pan or what have you in the quiltbag). SO! His chances of finding a nice jewish boy that likes jewish boys is not that impossible as he thinks! 😀

    • Aydr
      Aydr
      February 24, 2012 at 3:40 pm | #

      …25%? yeah, not a chance. The oft-cited “10%” figure for the population as a whole is undoubtedly an overestimate. One-quarter of any given population that isn’t located in a gay resort is a massive overestimate.

      • Inarai
        Inarai
        February 25, 2012 at 12:43 am | #

        It depends a bit on what sort of definition is in play – it’s not like this is a binary subject, after all.

        Actually, those studies use self-identification, so it can be said without a doubt that their numbers are low – it’s not like there’s some kind of “gay test” they can apply, after all.

        • Aydr
          Aydr
          February 27, 2012 at 1:48 am | #

          http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/gay-people-count-so-why-not-count-them-correctly/2011/04/07/AFDg9K4C_story.html

          I’m bisexual myself, and while the figures that get thrown around have certainly been comforting to me at times… I think it would be just plain naive to believe it. I really can’t see the LGBT population being as large as 10% of the world.

  32. Ridureyu
    Ridureyu
    February 24, 2012 at 1:47 am | #

    Hey, I understand this totally. My tastes are pretty particular – I want a lady who can time-travel. Although she’s kinda late by now. I mean, she should’ve been here already…

    • Tristan J
      Tristan J
      February 24, 2012 at 2:26 am | #

      She will be have been with you, but due to it causing an error in the time stream, she’ll have to go back and fix it, which she’s already done from your perspective.

      So what I’m saying is that you’ll die alone, and it’ll save the future. Sorry.

      • Ridureyu
        Ridureyu
        February 25, 2012 at 12:02 am | #

        Still better than my current options!

  33. Tristan J
    Tristan J
    February 24, 2012 at 2:31 am | #

    I thought at first this exchange invalidated my Mike/Ethan Back Story Bang, but if you turn your head and squint you can just make out that they tried a relationship, only for it to fail completely. Now they’re just friends.

    Coincidentally, I think I’m insane now.

    • ryan
      ryan
      February 24, 2012 at 9:11 am | #

      and it all happened while joyce, dorothy, sierra, and mary were at church.

  34. CP
    CP
    February 24, 2012 at 2:37 am | #

    Easy…happiness? Since when is that a thing?

    • begbert2
      begbert2
      February 24, 2012 at 10:46 am | #

      It’s a euphamism for sex.

  35. sockv
    sockv
    February 24, 2012 at 3:44 am | #

    Alright! Three panels of nothing and two panels of mike looking (and probably being) awesome!

    • vsophi
      vsophi
      February 25, 2012 at 1:49 am | #

      Are you denying Ethan’s existence? o_o

      • wickero
        wickero
        February 25, 2012 at 12:46 pm | #

        Whose existence? Mike’s the only one in this strip… you’re obviously seeing things.

  36. Kelvin
    Kelvin
    February 24, 2012 at 4:10 am | #

    I hope I’m not being too forward, but Mr. Willis, PLEASE create a gay jewish nerd that Ethan can spend his life with. XD

    Or actually, not. Just give him something. X) It’s hard to see any of my favorite characters depressed.

    • begbert2
      begbert2
      February 24, 2012 at 10:48 am | #

      On the other hand, the guy’s a freshman. The odds that he’ll be spending his life with anyone he meets now are low. Are you sure you want to expend such a character so early?

      • Kelvin
        Kelvin
        February 24, 2012 at 5:33 pm | #

        True…>_> But at least give him a puppy. I don’t want Ethan to be unhappy.

        • Alex Stritar
          Alex Stritar
          February 25, 2012 at 5:44 pm | #

          A gay jewish nerd puppy? XD

          • Leorale
            Leorale
            February 26, 2012 at 1:38 am | #

            D’aww! It likes other male puppies, and it only chews on kosher transformers.

            • Kelvin
              Kelvin
              February 26, 2012 at 10:35 pm | #

              I can see that! :3 :3 :3

  37. tudza
    tudza
    February 24, 2012 at 4:42 am | #

    Why not add a height requirement while you’re at it? Does he have to be left-handed?

    • tbf
      tbf
      February 24, 2012 at 7:50 am | #

      Religious preference and compatible personality really aren’t unreasonable things to want out of a mate.

  38. AndysDrawings
    AndysDrawings
    February 24, 2012 at 5:25 am | #

    I completely forgot which comic this was when it came up in my RSS feed.

    Incidentally, did you know the DOA comics are getting resized to the Shortpacked! width in the RSS?

  39. Tenn
    Tenn
    February 24, 2012 at 5:36 am | #

    It never occurred to me until this strip that Ethan and Joe have those two things in common. I mean, I knew they were Jewish and nerds, I just didn’t compare them like that. Of course, neither one made a big deal about being Jewish, and Joe isn’t very outspoken about his nerdiness either.

    • Björn
      Björn
      February 27, 2012 at 3:14 pm | #

      *IF* Ethan and Joe get to know each other and Ethan starts to pursue Joe, I will assume this was planned from the beginning. Willis invented Jewish nerd Joe in the 80:s and Jewish nerd Ethan in 2005, and then put them both in this alternate universe in 2010 for the sole purpose of creating this drama. 😉

  40. Cabooceratops
    Cabooceratops
    February 24, 2012 at 7:35 am | #

    Oh hai there Universe Optimus Primal.

  41. AJBulldis
    AJBulldis
    February 24, 2012 at 7:39 am | #

    Don’t be depressed and seeking, Ethan. Be an angry confirmed bachelor like me! You’ll never find anyone who will accept you. Hate them for it.

    • begbert2
      begbert2
      February 24, 2012 at 10:50 am | #

      That’s my life plan too! The big hurdle at this point is saving up enough money for a house, so that I’ll be able to yell at kids to get off the lawn.

      • a99steaksauce
        a99steaksauce
        February 24, 2012 at 12:21 pm | #

        Hehe. When you get it I want to meet your lawn for that purpose.

  42. Jimmy
    Jimmy
    February 24, 2012 at 7:44 am | #

    Geez the depression really hits too close to home with me. I’ve been so down about everything (including relationships) lately it’s a wonder anyone wants to talk to me at all.

    • SarahLost
      SarahLost
      February 24, 2012 at 8:43 am | #

      your gravatar makes you precious when you say that, i hear it in this voice i’ve given Mike… but big hugs, it is Friday, and we are here sharing the ups and downs of the Willis multiverse. i see you.

      • Jimmy
        Jimmy
        February 24, 2012 at 11:53 am | #

        Thank you very much, I appreciate that.

        • a99steaksauce
          a99steaksauce
          February 24, 2012 at 12:23 pm | #

          Have a wonderous weekend.

          • Jimmy
            Jimmy
            February 26, 2012 at 1:00 am | #

            You too!

  43. Kernanator
    Kernanator
    February 24, 2012 at 10:52 am | #

    Well, at least this answers the question of whether or not Ethan is into Transformers.

    Also, ALL ABOARD THE ANGST TRAIN! CHOO-CHOO!

  44. Reference Desk
    Reference Desk
    February 24, 2012 at 11:56 am | #

    You might already know this because of all the research that you did on the IU campus, but there is actually a GLBT Jewish student group called Keshet. It’s part of the Hillel center; a friend of mine was really involved while we were doing library school there.

    • begbert2
      begbert2
      February 24, 2012 at 9:42 pm | #

      But are they nerds? Eh? Eh??

      • Reference Desk
        Reference Desk
        February 24, 2012 at 10:24 pm | #

        Well, since my friend was a Library Science person like me, I’d say yes, there were some nerds.

  45. Scruffleupagus
    Scruffleupagus
    February 24, 2012 at 12:10 pm | #

    I would be your gay, Jewish nerd, Ethan. It wouldn’t cost you a nickel.

  46. Derek
    Derek
    February 24, 2012 at 1:51 pm | #

    I though gay people were not very big on religion? Especially not Abrahamic religions since they condemn homosexuality?
    I didn’t think it would something in Ethan’s “required” list 😮

    • f.p.
      f.p.
      February 24, 2012 at 2:51 pm | #

      There are actually quite a few gays who subscribe to “liberal” versions of Christianity and Judaism. If you can trim your beard, eat shellfish, work on the Sabbath, and have sex before marriage, why shouldn’t you be able to bang people of the same sex, right?

      And then you’ve got really unhappy gay people who subscribe to orthodox versions of Judaism and Christianity, who believe either that God will “fix” them, or that it’s alright for them to be gay just as long as they don’t actually *do* anything about it–meaning either they subject themselves to an unpleasant heterosexual marriage, or remain completely celibate. Andy Warhol was one of the latter, at least supposedly.

      • turkishproverb
        turkishproverb
        February 24, 2012 at 5:16 pm | #

        There’s also the fact that being Jewish is about as much cultural as religious.

  47. Aydr
    Aydr
    February 24, 2012 at 3:46 pm | #

    I’m telling you guys now, the slash contest is to celebrate Mike and Ethan hooking up.

    • turkishproverb
      turkishproverb
      February 24, 2012 at 5:16 pm | #

      I support this fools errand.

      • Aydr
        Aydr
        February 27, 2012 at 1:49 am | #

        If I keep saying it, it will happen.

  48. Jesse
    Jesse
    February 24, 2012 at 4:22 pm | #

    What’s with Optimus Primal’s weird-ass color scheme?

    • dragoonchris
      dragoonchris
      February 24, 2012 at 7:53 pm | #

      It’s a repaint from Transformers Universe Toyline

  49. LiC
    LiC
    February 24, 2012 at 6:09 pm | #

    Is it just me to does Mike seem less… cruel in this universe sometimes?

    Poor Ethan… I know how he feels, except for the jewish part. I’m surprised that Ethan has limited himself to jewish gay guys though.

    Meanwhile, do you suppose this version of Ethan still have a toy obsession like in the main universe? Or is the fact he came out at an earlier age and seems to think a bit more about the idea of relationships imply he’s not putting all his attention on toy purchases?

    • Tristan J
      Tristan J
      February 24, 2012 at 7:42 pm | #

      I think, with Mike, it’s at least partly because the strip is more realistic and has a more specific focus than the Walkyverse, so he can’t be as over-the-top.

      Like, in the Walkyverse, Ethan and Mike got stuck in the Amazon, so Mike can do things like build a tent, only to needlessly burn it down. Here, all he has to work with is people talking about their feelings. He had to wait for Joyce to come along before he could even punch someone.

      Of course I find this Mike more cruel and unsympathetic. Walkyverse!Mike occasionally does things to improve his friends lives, even if it’s through cruelty. DOA!Mike so far hasn’t done anything like that (Not that he’s not entertaining).

      • Rognik
        Rognik
        February 24, 2012 at 11:04 pm | #

        To be fair, Mike is still a secondary character and we haven’t seen him take an active role in the story aside from maybe chaperoning Joyce and Joe’s date. He did help drag Amber away from her computer for some social time, so that’s something.

        • Tristan J
          Tristan J
          February 24, 2012 at 11:17 pm | #

          True and also true.

          • Aydr
            Aydr
            February 27, 2012 at 1:51 am | #

            I think this universes’ Mike is much less cruel. He seems to actually care about his friends a lot more in DoA, even if he’s still a grudging asshole about it.

  50. dragoonchris
    dragoonchris
    February 24, 2012 at 7:51 pm | #

    I’m guessing Ethan grew up with Beast Wars and Amber grew up with Ninja Turtles reruns on USA Cartoon Express seeing they were born in the mid 90s.

    • begbert2
      begbert2
      February 24, 2012 at 9:40 pm | #

      Do we even know what year it is?

      • Rognik
        Rognik
        February 24, 2012 at 11:01 pm | #

        It’s firmly grounded in 20XX. XX is a floating year that matches the year it was posted and/or whatever Willis feels like making it.

  51. Rognik
    Rognik
    February 24, 2012 at 11:00 pm | #

    I must be tired when I read this strip. At first glance, I thought he was talking about “circumcision” in the 4th panel, not “circumstances”. Hey, he’s lamenting about being Jewish, I think it’s a valid assumption to make!

  52. Pier
    Pier
    February 24, 2012 at 11:13 pm | #

    …. and then they make out (ship those two already!!) 😀

  53. Sentientmonkey
    Sentientmonkey
    February 24, 2012 at 11:16 pm | #

    Well, I guess I have one less criterion than Ethan, not being Jewish. Still, in my life I’ve only met one guy who fit and we were terrible together. Relationships are depressing.

  54. Jesse
    Jesse
    February 25, 2012 at 4:05 am | #

    Ethan, son, I’m confused. Why do you have to find a Jewish guy? Or a nerd? Just go find someone with an even more bizarre hobby than collecting Transformers, and you’re set.

    Well, maybe collecting earlobes is out.

  55. Zem
    Zem
    February 25, 2012 at 9:22 am | #

    Because nerds can only date nerds. God save us from mixing the cultural gene pool.
    (Who thinks about lifetime commitment in high school anyway?)

    But now I’m curious. How does being Jewish fit into the logic? I thought that church directly opposed homosexual partnership and marriage. He can’t possibly be thinking, I’ll find another Jewish gay boy and it’s all gonna be fine.

    • wickero
      wickero
      February 25, 2012 at 12:43 pm | #

      @Zem,
      Nerds can date whomever they want, but I think Ethan actually WANTS to be with a fellow nerd. The effects of him NOT being with a fellow nerd are shown in the Drew storyarc of Shortpacked, and it did not go well.
      He’s in college, but almost everyone thinks about lifetime commitment in highschool.
      Being gay does not stop him from being Jewish.

    • Rognik
      Rognik
      February 26, 2012 at 3:56 pm | #

      I think finding the Jewish criterium is a cultural carry-over. As being Jewish is passed down through the mother, they always want their sons to marry a Jewish girl so their children can be Jewish. Since he’s not interested in women, he has to find a gay man. By some twisted logic, the fact that his mate must also be Jewish got transferred with it, and thus a gay Jewish nerd is his ideal mate.

  56. Bumps
    Bumps
    February 25, 2012 at 4:01 pm | #

    He has evidently never been to Brandeis.

  57. PedanticJerkass
    PedanticJerkass
    February 26, 2012 at 4:31 am | #

    Something’s got Ethan’s depressed? Maybe it’s time for a little of Mike’s rape therapy.

  58. Kernanator
    Kernanator
    February 27, 2012 at 10:25 pm | #

    I guess these are Ethan’s

    *sunglasses*

    Primal instincts.

  59. Beachfox
    Beachfox
    February 28, 2012 at 12:41 am | #

    Plus you’re going to go grey prematurely, so you have a time-limit to finding happiness…

  60. justafriend
    justafriend
    March 4, 2012 at 11:15 pm | #

    I’m gay and a nerd, but I lack the jew part, but i can understand Ethans plight, gay nerds and gamers, belonging to two groups not respected in either, though it’s getting better.

  61. Ninja's In My Oven
    Ninja's In My Oven
    June 1, 2012 at 3:46 pm | #

    I can’t help it; I’m still shipping MikexEthan. Will it ever happen? Probably not.

  62. Gitai
    Gitai
    November 19, 2012 at 5:47 pm | #

    It’s not that hard. You just find a gentile gay nerd and convert him to Judaism and marry him. That’s what I did.

  63. Taigan
    Taigan
    June 29, 2013 at 9:17 pm | #

    I can totally relate… Except I’m not gay, Jewish, or that into transformers.

  64. SgtNumnum
    SgtNumnum
    October 11, 2013 at 10:02 pm | #

    Nothing is complete without a Transformers reference,seriously, it never is

  65. RandomPerson12
    RandomPerson12
    October 24, 2014 at 6:43 am | #

    Hmm…Optimus Primal+Paint Applications=Monkey Master. I’M A GENIUS!

  66. B.D
    B.D
    March 20, 2015 at 3:06 pm | #

    If Ethan is really that depressed (it’s either mild or he’s getting over it – he’s pretty functional), props to Mike for continuing to hang out with him.

  67. acoraz
    acoraz
    May 6, 2015 at 3:51 pm | #

    So Ethan and Joe are gonna hook up over a mutual love for Transformers, right?

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