Oh God. Joyce’s face in that last panel. It’s so… Faz.
Haha, yet another Amber-sib!
My BrAiN Is BoIlInG.
The triangle smile strikes again!
Except that the Amber-Faz family doesn’t have triangle smiles.
Actually he kinda does
So smug. So punchable.
I can never unsee that.
All we need now is for her to pull out pie-charts and such.
It burns! It burns!
YOU RUINED JOYCE FOR ME.
I enjoyed it! <3
You can see by this graph that Walky is incapable of Dumping Dorothy.
Joyce: This sliver represents the number of people who Walky can dump, this large pice represents the number people who are better than Walky, and thus can dump him, but cannot be dumped by him.
And this piece over here is raspberry. This represents tasty, and shall be eaten.
Well, I never needed to sleep again.
THE FAZ ARMY WILL COME FOR US ALL.
On the bright side, her aversion to premarital hanky-panky should cancel some of it out, right?
Nope Chuck Testa.
She’s shocked that Joyce said poop.
Because poop is a funny word.
How can you say poop and not at least suppress a snicker?
BRAIN BLEACH! BRAIN BLEACH NOWWWWWWW
“You don’t get to dump her! She has to dump YOU!”
‘Dump’ being the operative word here…
And with this relationship you change change the D for an H and it STILL works!
I guess she realises that Walky isn’t good enough for her if he’d dump her just for wearing his pants.
I think what she’s really saying is that he’s so much of a loser that he should feel honored if Doroty chose to take a dump in his pants.
Joyce’s mood changs are unexpected and frightening.
Mood Chang is my favorite character.
Characters. She has thirty five and each one’s haircut is more absurd than the last.
I’m now officially scare sh*tless by Joyce.
I rather be scared shirtless myself.
I’d rather be scared shiftless. I don’t like to move around a lot.
I’d like to be scared shameless. Then I wouldn’t be ashamed when I sh*t myself.
I’d rather be scared Shipless so I can stop worrying if all my OTPs will get together.
You mean scared poopless, you giant male donkey.
And to continue the above chain, why are you scared shotless?
Because someone burglaized all the laundry. Not an elf is now utterly sheetless.
At least he wasn’t scared shapeless, or we’d have a puddle of once-human goo on our hands.
So, the next question: did Mike’s plans anticipate Joyce’s meddling?
Only if the meddling involved Walky’s penis.
that’s gonna be my new euphenism.
If you think “Walky’s penis” is a euphemism, then you might want to research the meaning of the word “euphemism”.
“Walky’s penis” is my euphemism for caramel candy, now.
And my euphemism for Walky’s penis is “southern gentleman.”
In keeping with the culinary theme I went with yesterday, my euphemism of choice for Walky’s penis is The Chorizo.
My euphemism is gonna be “meddling” as code for premarital hanky-panky, silly.
You mean your codeword?
Whoops, sorry, I’m an idjit.
“I meddled the sh*t out of her!”
Scooby Doo takes on new meanings…
Oh come on, we all know what they were really doing in the back of the Mystery Machine.
Smoking enough pot to make Dana say, “Maybe you should slow down”?
It wasn’t a coincidence that Fred and Daphne always split up into one team while Shaggy and Scooby distracted the ghost. I just woner why Velma tended to go with them, or where they eventually got half their clues.
Does it matter? Walky and Dorothy will end up broken apart, assuming that Dorothy decides she doesn’t want to get back with him. Or they get back together, and Joyce is confused and miserable. Either way, Mike gets to enjoy someone suffering.
And isn’t that what life’s all about?
So Buddhist. So true.
Looks like Joyce is a firm believer that it is only the women who have the right to dump.
Because women are the only people allowed to dump, duh!
But what do I do when I have to go to the bathro-…
oh wait. nevermind
I love you.
I’m sorry, I’m just not at that point in our relationship… but I do think that you are special and anyone would be lucky to have you.
Imagining someone saying that to Galasso is… humorous.
I’m a female.
Imagining Galasso saying that is quite humorous as well. Though maybe somewhat more plausible.
Maybe cool username if we’re thinking about the same anime here.
It’s an anime about a geek and her normal friends.
HOLY SHIT THAT DESCRIBES ME PERFECTLY
I MUST WATCH IT
Guess not, thanks for picking up the ball instead.
So women get to dump, men have to settle for a colonic.
or a douche…
What about dump trucks? You’d be putting them out of a job, Joyce.
Yeah, the right to dump someone is for everyone.
Nah, she’s just a firm believer that the person who’s more of a loser shouldn’t dump the one who’s a functional human being.
Walky is far more functional. Anyone who can talk down the genius of pajama jeans clearly is on the wrong end of natural selection.
I disagree. Walky enjoys the simple things, doesn’t stress over school and scores high on all tests without trying. Personally, I think Walky is a FAR more functional human being.
Furthermore, isn’t he supposed to be far smarter than Dorothy? Frankly, I’m very put off by Joyce.
She’s one of those people that think only those of the same “value” can be together. What’s next, passing a law so ugly people can’t date beauties? It’s a very immature attitude, befitting to someone who hasn’t any practical knowledge of relationships.
Plus, she’s judging Walky by his appearance. So much for her moral pretensions.
That law exists as a dating site for only ‘beautiful people’.
As for her judging Walky on his appearance? Perhaps the ‘ugly’ is for the fact that Dorothy got hurt, and Walky could not care less. He is ugly for prioritizing pants (which are ugly either due to anger or she doesn’t like the look of them) over someone who cares about him.. to whatever extent Dorothy cares about Walky.
Dorothy prioritized the pants over Walky.
Exactly this. Walky wasn’t the one who made this a pants v. relationship issue. That was Dorothy’s choice. I don’t think you get to say “do what I want or gtfo” and then get to be the wronged party.
I totally, 100% support a site for only the beautiful people. It helps weed out the shallow narcissists from regular dating sites.
Does judging someone on the basis of how often they’re wearing clothes smudged with McNuggets dipping sauce fall under “judging by appearance”? Because I think it’s that, the fact that he draws dinosaurs rather than taking notes in class, and breaking up with someone over ugly pants all working together.
While I don’t agree with her actions, I do see why she’s confused.
Considering Walky makes a point of being an immature slob on a regular basis, both by appearing as one and vocally accentuating it, it is very fair to criticize him as being one. You can’t be angry at Joyce for not considering his hidden depths, because he hasn’t shown them to anyone but Dorothy. As far as everyone knows, he is just a weird doofus whose sister has an awesome bike.
To Joyce it’s not really about the ship sinking, but whether it hit an iceberg or an iceberg that wears pajama jeans.
I actually got the “You’re not allowed to dump ME! Only I may dump YOU!” speech once when I was trying to break up with somebody.
So I said, “All right. I’m sorry you dumped me,” and left.
ALL HAIL COMMON SENSE PEOPLZ
I like that. Who really cares who dumps who if you want to break up? Unless she wanted to stay together for whatever reason.
…You are an awesome person.
Not as bad as having to pretend you’re really broken up about a breakup, to protect the other person’s feelings.
I failed to do that once. Girl gives me a “heartfelt” note about how I’m really great and stuff, but her therapist doesn’t think she should be dating anyone for the time being. And then I was like “yeah that’s fine, I was going to break up with you anyways, because I was only attracted to the notion of being in a relationship, rather than really being interested in you at all, and I realized this as soon as we started going out”. She was kind of hurt by it I think.
Then again a few weeks later she was going out with some other guy, so it is hard to say exactly what was going on.
Clearly she was lying to spare your feelings, and expected the same, er, “consideration” in return.
Man, Joyce was less frightening in the other universe where she just outright killed things with god-like powers.
JOYCE DELIVERS A MIGHTY BLOW WITH HER FISTS OF THE LORD!!!
It’s kind of like the difference between men and women. Men will beat your ass and take your stuff. Women will destroy you on a level you didn’t know you had within yourself.
I actually heard something very similar from a comedian.
“A man might break your arm and punch you in the eye… But a woman will TAKE A SHIT IN YOUR HEART.”
Also, I agree with with Ogre. Joyce was very much less frightening when she simply fired a giant gun four times her size.
That difference is not in how powerful she is, but in how she’d use that power if she had it.
Joyce really needs to lean the nuances of a relationship.
Nuances are like femurs: You need them to survive.
Femurs are also necessary in order to properly lean.
Haven’t the London Olympics taught us all how untrue that is?
You may be thinking of the tibias.
Oh yeah, good point. *slaps forehead*
Femurs still essential.
I can totally see a Joyce-Walky relationship in Dumbing of Age now
Oh, it was there all along. It just needed a Mike to bring it out.
With his penis.
or a magic broom, I still wonder how that will be showing in this universe.
For a nickle?
What is a nickle?
A miserable little pile of secrets!
But enough of that.
Have at You!!!
With your mom.
My head feels like it just hit a brick wall. Thanks for that Joyce.
You mean your FAAAAAACE?
I think we’ve finally found our Supervillian. Now all she needs is one… bad… day. One bad Sunday in particular.
What would Joyce’s supervillian name be? She can’t terrorize the city under her real name. Joyce Brown just doesn’t strike fear into the heart of man.
Now we just need to introduce Joyce and Amber together before Evil!Joyce meets Amazi-girl.
And now I ship that.
Joyce’s villain name:
We have a winner! No need for anyone else to enter, this is so awesome, it wins by default.
Sounds like a euphemism.
That means it’s working.
Sadly, Kid Crusader is taken.
I am thinking: Fundamental Miss.
Joyce has been a bundle of surprise these last few comics.
And for the showstopper, she pulls out:
Somewhere in the middle of his digestive tract.
THAT’LL make for an interesting Tuesday night.
Perhaps Faz has to be related to a main female character in every universe. It’s the only explanation for that uncanny resemblance.
Panel 4-Dorothy: ‘Holy sh*t!!’
On another note: Who wants to see a four way fight between Joyce, Ruth, Sal, and Amazi-Girl? Anyone?
I’m pretty sure that’s only a three way, ’cause Joyce is Amazi-Girl
I thought Amber was AmaziGirl, since Willis has been dropping clues all along.
Well now you’re just talking crazy. :p
What? No! Sal is Amazi-Girl, didn’t you see Billie’s hardhitting investigation earlier? Still, three way or four way, it’ll be hot.
“Who wants to see a four way between Joyce, Ruth, Sal, and Amazi-Girl?”
Fixed it for you!
How’d Joyce know the dumb thing about the pants was that they were ugly? I feel like I missed something.
everything Walky does is ugly in Joyce’s eyes.
And yet the aetheist she GASPed about is her coolest friend.
It’s possible that Joyce has correctly worked out the whole fight just from Dorothy’s mention of pants, given Walky’s personality, Dorothy’s personality, and Walky’s previous trumpeting of Pajama Jeans Are The Best Things Ever! to all and sundry.
Joyce, panel 3: ” You are the stupidest little piece of poop I have ever met. Therefore, as a piece of poop, you are not allowed to ‘dump’ Dorothy. Dorothy takes the dumps, expelling you. Fix it now so biological functions still make sense! “
THE LADY REQUIRES YOUR BUTT
Holy hell, Joyce. Now I’m pretty turned on by her. I’m surprised Dorothy followed her, though.
She’s too scared to walk away.
I’m pretty scared by Arkham’s comment too.
She cannot Walky away…
The avatar brings up interesting… implications.
However, is this a turn-on for Walky? We know he hates being told what to do, but maybe when it gets so over-the-edge like that, he starts loving it.
I think I’m too tired to tell if that comment actually made any sense.
If panel 3 is from Walky’s POV, then Joyce isn’t looking at him when she’s shouting. That’s kinda creepy.
I really hate Joyce in this continuity.
I don’t hat her, but this strip made me like her less. She has disappointed me.
hate … not hat.
Gotta love the multiverse…!
Unless you’re the Anti-Monitor!
Well, he did come back and got his own Corps in the form of Sinestro’s Yellow Fear Lanterns before he was killed (again). Not bad for a guy who basically hung out in a corner bar for 20 years drinking latte’s until someone at DC remembered he existed.
… the way that these two poster’s icons matched up is THE BEST. THING.
I am mirroring panel four Dorothy’s expression. Just. Joyce’s face. I will see it in my nightmares. ._.
It must be a Gravatar.
The part of Dorothy in tonight’s performance will be played by an owl.
an owl? Who?
I am really starting to dislike Joyce.
Wouldn’t it be “Dislike: +1″?
No, it’s meant to be -1.
Every time she takes a couple steps towards being truly sympathetic and likeable, she ends up taking a couple of steps back, like here, doesn’t she?
That sums it up pretty well. I hope that she will regret her comments.
I’m betting that rather than intimidate Walky into something he didn’t want, Joyce actually did him a huge favor by pushing him out of a choice he wasn’t really happy with.
But if Dorothy wants this reconciliation to last longer than the surge of fear running through Walky right now, she’d better make a gesture of her own. Walky’s not totally off base when he calls Dorothy a “mom.” She’s “used to being the spine of the relationship:” she’s only dated virgins and if Danny’s not her only real experience, then he seems to be a typical one: a self-whipped wuss. If she doesn’t want that, then she has to make sure their next argument doesn’t escalate right to “if you don’t let me have my way on this one point, I will decide you’re not attractive to me any more.”
They both need to learn to bend,
This too is a stage we have yet to reach in our relationship.
Oh don’t be such a prude.
If she doesn’t want that, then she has to make sure their next argument doesn’t escalate right to “if you don’t let me have my way on this one point, I will decide you’re not attractive to me any more.”
Of course, she may really want a self-wihipped wuss.
I strongly suspect that there are strong willed people who really want partners who are push-overs because they really do want their way all of the time. But who think they want someone as strong willed as them because that’s what society expects them to want.
Some people want to lead, and some people want to follow. Dorothy may really want a follower.
Relationships are all about compromise. You can’t dominate a relationship. There’s a difference between leading and dominating and while leading is an acceptable personality trait, dominating is usually a negative outcome of aforementioned personality trait.
Didn’t she basically end things with Danny because she was tired of him having no ambition but to follow her? I don’t think she wants a follower, but I do think it’s what she’s accustomed to. She backed Walky in to a corner because she expected that he would give and she’d get her way. She didn’t want to break up, she didn’t expect him to chose the “or else” option, and she needs to learn how to argue with someone and reach a compromise.
I get that Joyce’s opinion of Walky isn’t very high, but damn, she’s being rude and mean-spirited.
See, he’s her friend, so she must like him, I guess her sense of chivalry is very strange.
My default is to say she’s projecting. So, she’s projecting that he’s not good enough to dump Dor because she really feels like she’s… not good enough for him? I dunno.
Why do you get the impression that she sees him as a friend?
I don’t get that impression at all.
Now I’m kinda shipping Joyce/Dorothy.
Why is joyce not looking at Walky’s caramel abs?
I’d be all over them if it was me.
Because if she did, she’d lose all resolve and melt. Plus, if she was immune to their charm at the lake, she’s immune to them when enraged.
But Joyce didn’t notice them at the lake, and when Dotty told her about them, she got a lady-boner.
Dumping of Age!
play me off Jerry!
Hmm, clever. You laterally flipped the b into a p, making a new word. Let’s see if there’s any other fun we can have with this… “Dumding of Age”, Dumqing of Age”… Nope, only one.
So, is the pooping butt making a cameo at some point?
Humping of Age!!!
Wouldn’t that be “Age of Humping” ?
Uh, Joyce? Maybe you want to get some experience in relationships before getting on that high horse.
Slightly more forgiving towards her but…still this.
And we all learned a valuable lesson.
Joyce, honey, that’s not how it’s supposed to work.
You’re supposed to punch him, then threaten him.
Hasn’t she watched 24?
Does cutting with a glass work too?
On one hand, I want to feel happy about Walky and Dorothy’s relationship being salvaged from a really dumb breakup.
On the other hand, I’m so freaking OFFENDED* by Joyce here, I just don’t want her to succeed. Bleh.
*I generally LIKE Joyce, but her attitude toward Walky here downright disgusts me.
I see Joyce is a fan of correction through intimidation, and she holds the view that one person’s feelings are valid, while another’s are simultaneously invalid. You’d think she was irrational or something.
And the square root of Joyce is crazypejsifnrjsaioceljrelja…..
I sure hope people get this joke.
This is the best thing I have ever seen Joyce do, ever.
That girl has some serious rage issues.
There’s that touch of mental instability that makes Joyce Joyce.
I really enjoy it when Joyce gets a spine. Every time so far (across the various universes) has been pretty cool.
That is not spine. That is misplaced aggression. Totally different from having a spine.
Joyce used Unpredictable Rage! It was Super Effective!
Waly used puss out. It’s not very effective.
Joyce used Super Effective! It was Super Effective!
Dorothy uses Silent Fear. It had the intended effect.
Hold on… I think Joyce’s math might be off a little with the dumping equasion:
Cannot be dumped if Dorothy = (Walky * 30,000,000)/ ugly pair of pants
But if (Walky * 30,000,000) / ugly pair of pants = Dorothy can be dumped?
Obviously she needs to see tha pajama pants theorum to properly assess this equasion
Please replace the = signs with signs
I assume you mean triangle brackets. Do you mean greater than (close bracket) or less than (open bracket) here?
I’m getting the feeling that Joyce is a terrible person. Halfway oblivious, but still.
Oh god, my avatar.
I’m getting the feeling that Joyce faked her rage to get Walky and Dotty back toether just to see her dump him.
Mike has rubbed off on her.
And Manipulation for the sake of Petty Revenge is better than Rage at Quasi-Imagined Slights?
I really don’t think Joyce has that level of cunning manipulator in her.
That’s honest, asinine anger right there.
In the other continuity, Joyce was probably the character whose personality changed the most over the years. Here, I’m seeing those changes take place in a matter of days, hours and minutes rather than years. It feels strange, because this is so much the Joyce I know, and yet, so much not.
“Thirty million times greater than you”?
Wow. Joyce has it bad for him.
So I have to ask, is this really ok? Hyper judgemental character gets to dictate how and why people do things as they do then because super Christian girl says other character(s) aren’t worth their dignity? Seems kinda totalitarianism.
Nothing about Joyce is really okay.
No, it’s not OK. Joyce is being, frankly, a terrible person here. A terrible person who might accidentally do more good than harm, but that’s no excuse.
I’d be slightly more forgiving if she thought she was doing Dorothy and Walky a favor by salvaging their relationship, but it looks like she just wants the universe to validate her way of thinking (namely, her opinion that Dorothy is too good for Walky, so SHE should dump HIM).
I like Joyce, most of the time. But right now, she’s being awful.
“YOU WILL LOVE ME!”
You should let me love you
Let me be the one to
give you everything you want and need
My understanding of human behavior is still on the limited side but WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPEN.
Joyce flipped out.
Joyce didn’t like Walky before he and Dorothy went out because she thought of him as a loser. Once the two of them started going out, Joyce’s opinion of him worsened because he was taking up her time with her new friend, and because Walky was a bit of an ass about it when she tried to make a deal with him about it.
So when Walky dumped Dorothy, that set off a bunch of pent-up rage. She didn’t like Dorothy being on the losing end (esp. since she’s been rooting for Dorothy to dump him before) and didn’t think Walky deserved to be the one “wearing the pants” in the relationship because he’s “inferior.” Also, she was probably resentful over Walky discarding his superior position to her vis-a-vis Dorothy’s time over something trivial in her eyes.
And now she’s throwing a childish temper tantrum over it.
Bit of an ass, yes, but it’s an unreasonable request.
Joyce should NOT be talking to Walky about how DOROTHY decides to spend her free time.
Now I understand why Joyce’s parents brought her up like that O_O They were trying to protect humanity from her!
Joyce…seriously? WTF? Not Cool!
it’s the first tie i have ever started to dislike her
^ Tie = i meant Tme
“Oh, I see. The instructions say ‘Tie Machine’ instead of ‘Time Machine’.”
“Finally fixed the time machine but now I can’t make myself any ties. Good thing that bow ties are cool”
You know, before DoA started, I forgot what a horrible person Joyce was before she spent some time in Semme.
She wasn’t horrible, just…
She’s kind of horrible in this, at least.
Actually, no, she was also pretty horrible. Completely self-centered.
Joyce, man. What’s going on with you lately?
Her evil!Joyce tendencies are coming out. And I like it.
Okay, now you’re just doing this shit on purpose…
How in the flying hell is this any of Joyce’s business?
Somebody who wasn’t afraid to risk starting a flamewar might note that certain sects of conservative Christians tend to very much think that other people’s relationships are very much their business. That person, however, would not be me.
Other people, not minding a little hypocrisy for humor’s sake, might suggest that that’s in incredibly passive aggressive way of trolling out a little flamebait without having the balls to stand up and say it outright. But I’m not sure I’d go that far.
[insert comment about feminism and/or misandry]
So, do we get Red Lantern Joyce fanart now?
I see what you did there.
Hot=red lantern napalm
This is the same Joyce that married Walky in an alternate universe?
Nope. And I’m guessing that part of why Joyce and Walky bring out the worst in each other in the DoA-verse is to contrast their Walky-verse counterparts.
Do I smell Lesbians?
What I am really surprised about is Walky’s lack of backbone. At this moment I would be saying, 1) This is none of your business, 2) It wasn’t about the pants, 3) So your church taught you to commit assault when you don’t agree with something? Of course I 6′ even and 235 pounds and Walky’s about 95 soaking wet and holding a brick so my reaction might be a little skewed.
I thought Dorothy broke up with him? Or is she saying the whole issue of not finding him attractive anymore was a bluff? If you say “do this or our relationship’s over” and they say “then it’s over” that’s not exactly being dumped.
Yeah, Dotty broke up with him.
Leaving him alone with his nippies
I have to say, I like Joyce more and more.
Opposite effect on me. Too loud and violent. I’ve had a hard time liking her ever since she started punching Joe back near the beginning.
I love Joyce’s face in the third panel. It’s hilarious.
Honestly, if I were Walky and Dorothy, I’d just tell Joyce to step off cause it’s none of her business. I’m not entirely sure Dorothy isn’t gonna do just that in the very next comic.
At least I don’t have to worry about ever having any respect for Joyce again now.
Forget to use Gravatar= -50 cool points
Maybe they both should shove Joyce out in the hall, and discuss their personal problems between themselves. Then, go buy Joyce a book on how to behave around her peers. If she’s not punching, she’s preaching, and if neither, then she’s scaring people to death by dragging them around by their collars. This behavior was just too weird.
If Walky wasn’t a spineless whimp, he would have then pushed Joyce out of his room and disassociated himself with her as well.
(This idea is toned down from the original, violent reprisal I’d originally written, which came off a little misogynistic.)
Have at you!
THE PROPER HIERARCHY MUST BE MAINTAINED!
Dorothy is superior SHE will do the dumping!
has Faz possessed Joyce?
also, lol. the riht one needs to be doing the dumping
I guess joyce is just tired of be wrong.
Doing another archive binge and my immediate thought was “Joyce would be the bestest friend.”
Totally not saying that because I see my fierce aggressive protectiveness in her or anything…
The rage is real.
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