Dumbing of Age Book Twelve

Dumbing of Age

A college webcomic by David Willis
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finally we see the elusive professor rees, sort of, from far away
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June 24, 2026

Assignments

by David M Willis on March 18, 2014 at 12:01 am
  • 02 - I Was a Teenage Churchmouse
└ Tags: jennifer, joyce, mike, professor rees, sal

Discussion (204) ¬

[ Comments RSS ]
  1. Doctor_Who
    Doctor_Who
    March 18, 2014 at 12:01 am | #

    I’d ask how Mike knows, but it’s Mike.

    He probably knew they were doing it before they did.

    • Regalli
      Regalli
      March 18, 2014 at 12:03 am | #

      Most likely.

    • Jen Aside
      Jen Aside
      March 18, 2014 at 12:03 am | #

      It was Mike’s PLAN.

      To be an asshole, anyway.

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      March 18, 2014 at 12:05 am | #

      Mike was banging Ms. Walkerton at the time…

      • timemonkey
        timemonkey
        March 18, 2014 at 12:09 am | #

        Mike is secretly her dad.

        • Mr K
          Mr K
          March 18, 2014 at 12:22 am | #

          I’m imaging Mike in a Darth Vader costume. Hmmm who would be the Emperor? Sal would be Leia, Walky would be Luke and Billie would be Han.

          • timemonkey
            timemonkey
            March 18, 2014 at 1:13 am | #

            I see Billie as more Chewie, always in the scene, making noise but nobody really listens.

            Faz is the Emperor, think about it. Who else would sit and gloat about how you are falling for his evil plan exactly as he thought you would, thus ruining his own plan?

          • Joe
            Joe
            March 18, 2014 at 2:39 am | #

            Does this make Dorothy Obi-Wan?

          • Led
            Led
            March 18, 2014 at 4:30 am | #

            “Luke, I fucked your mother… FOR A NICKEL!”
            “No, no! That’s not true! That’s impossible!”
            “Search your feelings, you KNOW it to be true!”

            • ZORK
              ZORK
              March 18, 2014 at 3:57 pm | #

              Reminds me of a similiar comment I made waaay back over on Shortpacked!, let me see if I can dig out the link…

              …

              Ah, there it is: http://www.shortpacked.com/index.php?id=1516

          • Led
            Led
            March 18, 2014 at 4:37 am | #

            Also, for Emperor… Ruth, aka “Darth Ruthless”, obviously 😀

          • Ikaru
            Ikaru
            March 18, 2014 at 5:14 pm | #

            …That would make Mike Sal and Walky’s dad. Is Amber Padme?

      • Felix
        Felix
        March 18, 2014 at 12:44 pm | #

        …for a nickel!

        • Reltzik
          Reltzik
          March 18, 2014 at 5:05 pm | #

          Please. There’s been inflation since then. It was only 3 cents.

    • Mkvenner
      Mkvenner
      March 18, 2014 at 12:15 am | #

      Or it was a shot in the dark.

    • tinfoil theory
      tinfoil theory
      March 18, 2014 at 3:22 am | #

      Who doesn’t know? Don’t you remember what happened the last time assignments were returned in that class?

      Sal is just angry because Mike implies that she didn’t earn that C properly, and would deserve a D at best.

      • insomniac
        insomniac
        March 18, 2014 at 7:37 am | #

        Oh, she earned that D all right.

        • Gigafreak
          Gigafreak
          March 18, 2014 at 9:06 am | #

          He gave his D, she gave her boo-Bs, and they met in the middle for this C.

  2. Plasma Mongoose
    Plasma Mongoose
    March 18, 2014 at 12:01 am | #

    Mike sees all, Mike knows all.

    • nothri
      nothri
      March 18, 2014 at 12:07 am | #

      Sees you when you are sleeping, knows when you are awake…

      • Plasma Mongoose
        Plasma Mongoose
        March 18, 2014 at 12:10 am | #

        I thought he would be fatter and jollier myself.

        • KingMabel
          KingMabel
          March 18, 2014 at 12:42 am | #

          You obviously haven’t seen Mike drunk…

          • Keroshino
            Keroshino
            March 18, 2014 at 12:48 am | #

            Is drunk Mike even a thing here in DoA?

            • Jostikas
              Jostikas
              March 18, 2014 at 1:40 am | #

              Hasn’t had a chance yet

  3. LiaHansen
    LiaHansen
    March 18, 2014 at 12:02 am | #

    I’m kinda surprised Joyce got that!

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      March 18, 2014 at 12:03 am | #

      I would have been a lot more surprising a few weeks earlier.

      • MM
        MM
        March 18, 2014 at 12:05 am | #

        Just think, if it weren’t for communal showers, she’d never have seen all that educational graffiti!

        • Plasma Mongoose
          Plasma Mongoose
          March 18, 2014 at 12:09 am | #

          Including where to go for a good time. 😀

    • Jen Aside
      Jen Aside
      March 18, 2014 at 12:04 am | #

      I don’t think she does but realizes that it’s something she doesn’t want to get.

      • Yotomoe
        Yotomoe
        March 18, 2014 at 12:06 am | #

        It can’t be dirty. He’s not rubbing it on his tummy.

        • AgentKeen
          AgentKeen
          March 18, 2014 at 12:16 am | #

          “Your thing! Rub it on my chin!”

    • Mr K
      Mr K
      March 18, 2014 at 12:06 am | #

      By the end of the comic, she’ll become Dorothy’s lesbian sub.

      • LiaHansen
        LiaHansen
        March 18, 2014 at 12:08 am | #

        (Imagine this is a very distressed looking emoticon)

      • Rutee
        Rutee
        March 18, 2014 at 1:48 am | #

        You got one word in that wrong, but I forgive you because it relates to the comic.

      • Drunken Nordmann
        Drunken Nordmann
        March 18, 2014 at 2:40 am | #

        I subconsciously interpret “sub” as the short form of submarine.

        …

        What the hell is a lesbian submarine?

        • Jen Aside
          Jen Aside
          March 18, 2014 at 2:45 am | #

          A very girly hoagie.

        • Wizard
          Wizard
          March 18, 2014 at 2:53 am | #

          A chick who really likes to “go down”?

          • Gigafreak
            Gigafreak
            March 18, 2014 at 9:08 am | #

            A muff diver.

        • John
          John
          March 18, 2014 at 2:59 am | #

          Stealth shipping?

    • Furubatsu
      Furubatsu
      March 18, 2014 at 5:34 pm | #

      I’m pretty sure she’s at that stage where anything Mike says is mean/sexual/unnecessary.

  4. Anderhail
    Anderhail
    March 18, 2014 at 12:02 am | #

    Insert funny comment nearby. I am kinda glad to see more of Mike again, and hope to see more Jason too. …been a bit

    • Doctor_Who
      Doctor_Who
      March 18, 2014 at 12:03 am | #

      Jason Executes an Intercourse?

      Queensbury Rules, naturally.

      • Anderhail
        Anderhail
        March 18, 2014 at 12:10 am | #

        …thank you for the laugh. Actually, it’d be pretty easy to slip into canon, and I am sure there are enough fans of Jason and Sal for it to be feasible.

        • Mr K
          Mr K
          March 18, 2014 at 12:32 am | #

          Sal should give up Jason and go for her true love:Billie.

          • Keroshino
            Keroshino
            March 18, 2014 at 12:50 am | #

            And eventually Billie will have a harem! 😀

            • JoeFuzzy
              JoeFuzzy
              March 18, 2014 at 1:04 am | #

              I’d watch that anime

            • AgentKeen
              AgentKeen
              March 18, 2014 at 11:25 am | #

              Are you kidding? Sal would be the one with the harem. She’s already got Joyce and Billie.

              • Keroshino
                Keroshino
                March 18, 2014 at 3:23 pm | #

                I am ok with this outcome! 🙂

              • xKiv
                xKiv
                March 18, 2014 at 10:30 pm | #

                They can all be each others’ harems.

        • Jack Finch
          Jack Finch
          March 18, 2014 at 6:38 am | #

          Yeah, yeah. Slip it in.

          • davidbreslin101
            davidbreslin101
            March 18, 2014 at 11:39 am | #

            Oi, Linton! stop messing about with Jack’s Gravatar account.

      • davidbreslin101
        davidbreslin101
        March 18, 2014 at 11:37 am | #

        It starts with an awfully daring depiction of osculation. Later, Sal thinks about England whilst reclining.

  5. Wonder Wig
    Wonder Wig
    March 18, 2014 at 12:02 am | #

    On whole beat toast.

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      March 18, 2014 at 12:07 am | #

      I prefer Humpernickel.

      • LiaHansen
        LiaHansen
        March 18, 2014 at 12:09 am | #

        Partial to a nice big banguette, myself.

        • ninja_jesus
          ninja_jesus
          March 18, 2014 at 12:55 am | #

          A fan of Fuckaccia, myself.

          • Jen Aside
            Jen Aside
            March 18, 2014 at 2:46 am | #

            How ’bout a nice hymen rye??

  6. Kernanator
    Kernanator
    March 18, 2014 at 12:03 am | #

    I am trying to think of a good hoagie pun and am failing.

    Help?

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      March 18, 2014 at 12:04 am | #

      The only thing I got involves swallowing either a 6 inch or a footlong.

    • MM
      MM
      March 18, 2014 at 12:06 am | #

      Grinder? I hardly know ‘er!

      *tugs on tie*

      • Thanks, I'll Have Another!
        Thanks, I'll Have Another!
        March 18, 2014 at 12:28 am | #

        I think you meant “grindah”.

    • Mr K
      Mr K
      March 18, 2014 at 12:19 am | #

      Sal really loves sausage

  7. Jay Eff
    Jay Eff
    March 18, 2014 at 12:03 am | #

    You mean, “ASS-ignments,” amirite? Eh? Eh??

    I’ll be here all night, be sure to tip your waitress…

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      March 18, 2014 at 12:05 am | #

      …with your tip Eh? Eh? 😛

      • Khrene
        Khrene
        March 18, 2014 at 12:54 pm | #

        Well she’ll at least get a nickel after that…

  8. The Meek Ninja
    The Meek Ninja
    March 18, 2014 at 12:04 am | #

    Mike knows all about your sandwich habits, and he is unimpressed.

    • nothri
      nothri
      March 18, 2014 at 12:11 am | #

      I’m assuming you mean the ones made out of bread and not the kinkier kind involve three people?

      • Drunken Nordmann
        Drunken Nordmann
        March 18, 2014 at 2:42 am | #

        Could be both. Maybe combined.

  9. Dahlia
    Dahlia
    March 18, 2014 at 12:04 am | #

    B-BUT HOW DID MIKE KNOW?!

    • Keroshino
      Keroshino
      March 18, 2014 at 12:52 am | #

      WHO WAS PHONE?

    • MissQuinn
      MissQuinn
      March 18, 2014 at 12:53 am | #

      Mikes sees all. Mike Knows all.

      • Gimmesomore
        Gimmesomore
        March 18, 2014 at 10:44 am | #

        It is a sandwhich after all………..

  10. Yotomoe
    Yotomoe
    March 18, 2014 at 12:05 am | #

    I dunno about a sub but I know that Sal did put away a large piece of beef.

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      March 18, 2014 at 12:07 am | #

      You mean tube steak right?

      • newllend
        newllend
        March 18, 2014 at 1:50 am | #

        Translation : “slim jim”

        • John
          John
          March 18, 2014 at 2:58 am | #

          His name’s “Jason”.

          • Keroshino
            Keroshino
            March 18, 2014 at 8:14 am | #

            JAAASON!!!

            • Yotomoe
              Yotomoe
              March 18, 2014 at 9:17 am | #

              “Press ‘X’ to Jason”

              • Khrene
                Khrene
                March 18, 2014 at 12:55 pm | #

                “Press ‘Bean’ to Jason”

  11. HAB
    HAB
    March 18, 2014 at 12:05 am | #

    Is the “panto”in pantomime silent. I’ve just never heard it before.

    • Doctor_Who
      Doctor_Who
      March 18, 2014 at 12:07 am | #

      No, it’s the rest of the mime that’s silent.

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      March 18, 2014 at 12:08 am | #

      Nope, the panto is very audible.

    • MLEst1
      MLEst1
      March 18, 2014 at 12:08 am | #

      Not sure if that was a joke or not, so I’m answering seriously.

      The ‘panto’ in ‘pantomime’ is like the word ‘refrigerator’ compared to ‘fridge’ or ‘telephone’ compared to ‘phone;’ it’s part of the word but not usually used.

      • HAB
        HAB
        March 18, 2014 at 12:18 am | #

        Yeah I’ve always seen it spelled like that but I’ve always heard mime.

      • Questionor
        Questionor
        March 18, 2014 at 12:33 am | #

        No they are two different things. Pantomime is not the same as a mime. Google it.

        • TsunamiJane
          TsunamiJane
          March 18, 2014 at 8:31 am | #

          Interestingly, the first definition for “pantomime” that popped up when I did so had the word “mime” in it.

          verb
          1.
          express or represent (something) by extravagant and exaggerated mime.

          • Ikaru
            Ikaru
            March 18, 2014 at 5:15 pm | #

            Mime just means acting something out, usually with hand gestures.

      • Alan Lafond
        Alan Lafond
        March 18, 2014 at 10:08 pm | #

        Panto is a prefix from the Greek language, meaning “all.”

        The Greek word “mimos” is used to mean “imitator” or “actor.”

        Pantomime is derived from the Greek word pantomimos. It originally referred to a group who “imitates all” before its meaning changed to refer to the performance itself.

        For more detail, check it out on Wikipedia.

  12. Cephalo the Pod
    Cephalo the Pod
    March 18, 2014 at 12:06 am | #

    Is that Alan?!

    • Doctor_Who
      Doctor_Who
      March 18, 2014 at 12:10 am | #

      Or the Eleventh Doctor with a haircut.

  13. March
    March
    March 18, 2014 at 12:06 am | #

    Kick his ass, babe. Mike needs it every now and then. It’ll do him and you both good.

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      March 18, 2014 at 12:09 am | #

      Mike’s ass is impossible to kick. Even if you beat him up he’ll twist it around to make YOU the loser.

      • NF
        NF
        March 18, 2014 at 12:27 am | #

        (whispering) “no punch”

        *runs away*

  14. Anderhail
    Anderhail
    March 18, 2014 at 12:07 am | #

    Oh, look. Mary isn’t on the poll, despite her occasional avoidance of clothes before 3 PM.

    Skin deep Mary, skin deep

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      March 18, 2014 at 12:09 am | #

      Well she didn’t appear much in the past year so she’s ineligable.

      • Anderhail
        Anderhail
        March 18, 2014 at 12:14 am | #

        Yeah, pretty much. Daisy has shown up in 2014, Mary has not, though Mary definitely had the edge over Daisy in 2013. Still, I’d rather she stay gone.

  15. Cholma
    Cholma
    March 18, 2014 at 12:08 am | #

    I’m guessing that’s Billie’s hand in the first panel? Otherwise, I don’t see her.

  16. ZombieAteMyBrains
    ZombieAteMyBrains
    March 18, 2014 at 12:09 am | #

    Is Mike’s sole purpose to screw everyone else in the world over? Is there a reason he does this, some backstory I don’t know about?

    • Jason
      Jason
      March 18, 2014 at 12:56 am | #

      He was just born that way. Though it must come from some seriously recessive genes, considering his parents.

      • GhostWriterL
        GhostWriterL
        March 18, 2014 at 1:25 am | #

        Or, theorycrafting here… Mike’s parents are assholes and are perpetually drunk in social scenarios, hence he grew up learning to be an asshole from them and that alcohol is for when you “want to be nice”. Mike’s parents are thus chronic alcoholics because they have some survival need to be “nicer people”, and Mike’s always an asshole because he abhors how it transforms people to be completely the opposite of what they naturally would be.

        That’s under the assumption that the “nice drunk” tendency from Walkyverse carried over. That’s also under the assumption he’d drink at all, too. I’m 99% sure I’m wrong, but I thought it was interesting to consider.

    • Matt
      Matt
      March 18, 2014 at 3:42 pm | #

      No, his sole purpose is to screw everyone’s mom’s for a nickel.

    • Jen
      Jen
      March 18, 2014 at 4:26 pm | #

      Mike can actually be really helpful sometimes, it’s just delivered in the most jerky way possible.

      • Jen
        Jen
        March 18, 2014 at 4:28 pm | #

        He’s like angry Buddha, face-punching people to their true selves/paths.

  17. Jay Eff
    Jay Eff
    March 18, 2014 at 12:09 am | #

    Sal sounds a bit like the comment section with that sandwich pun in the last panel.

  18. Barf Ninjason
    Barf Ninjason
    March 18, 2014 at 12:09 am | #

    Is someone finally gonna punch Mike? I feel like that would be about right; for gods’ sake SOMEONE’S gonna punch Mike sooner or later.

    Also: I like the idea that conservative British jackass Captain Whathisface would cheat for Sal because she had the sex with him, and then only give her a C.

    Further also, I think Joyce just advanced one merry step closer to snapping and sucking a billion dicks.

    • Doctor_Who
      Doctor_Who
      March 18, 2014 at 12:12 am | #

      Last person to punch Mike, he married.

      And Sal may have gotten a C, but Jason totally gave her the D.

      • Opus the Poet
        Opus the Poet
        March 18, 2014 at 12:48 am | #

        I thought he gave her the “O”.

        • Jack Finch
          Jack Finch
          March 18, 2014 at 9:28 am | #

          To properly DO sal he gave her both.

    • timemonkey
      timemonkey
      March 18, 2014 at 12:17 am | #

      Punching Mike would be the ultimate victory for Mike and the ultimate loss for the puncher. It means he truly got to them and they can’t pretend otherwise.

      • Rutee
        Rutee
        March 18, 2014 at 1:51 am | #

        …Yeah I suspect Sal is more the type to enjoy the beating too much to care. And speaking personally, knowing kharma caught up to the bastard would waaaaaay outweigh any personal shame.

      • Gigafreak
        Gigafreak
        March 18, 2014 at 9:18 am | #

        So you’re saying Mike plays the Joker to everyone’s Batman?

        …Mike’s plot is to make everyone Batman! This is diabolically genius!

    • Mr K
      Mr K
      March 18, 2014 at 12:29 am | #

      I hope she snaps and falls in love with Dorothy

      • Barf Ninjason
        Barf Ninjason
        March 18, 2014 at 1:18 am | #

        Motion seconded.

    • Bill
      Bill
      March 18, 2014 at 7:11 am | #

      A 74 equals a ‘C’?  Grade scale sure has slipped since I went to school.
      Back in my day 74 was a ‘D’, only four percentage points above an ‘F’.

      • Barf Ninjason
        Barf Ninjason
        March 18, 2014 at 10:50 am | #

        a) typically, 70-79 = C now, yeah. Although K think there’ll still some slight, weird variants.
        b) 74 is quite nearly “3 put of 4” and if as the Meat Loaf says, “Tao out of three ain’t bad” then surely three outta four is alright.
        c) she got a seventy-SIX. I’m sorry but I have to give you an alligator in reading comprehension.

        • Bill
          Bill
          March 18, 2014 at 1:37 pm | #

          I realized my fingers had slipped after I hit “post”.
          A pox on this comment board for not having an “edit” function!!

          • Barf Ninjason
            Barf Ninjason
            March 18, 2014 at 10:01 pm | #

            Ah yes. My own snottiness about inaccuracy was weakened somewhat my by million typos in the above post, which ruefully I could not edit out, yeah. Sometimes Willis (I think) edits them though; in a different commenet “sexier ” was “sexist” cuz of auto-correct. I cursed auto-correct in the subsequent post, which promptly disappeared along with the offending bit.

      • John
        John
        March 18, 2014 at 7:18 pm | #

        It depends on the school. My high school and college both used a scale where A was 93+, B was 86-92, C was 78-85, D was 70-77, and F was 0-69. The high schools in the districts surrounding mine used a scale where A was 90+, B 80-89, C 70-79, D 60-69, and F below 60, though.

        So Mr. Loaf would’ve failed at my high school, but gotten a solid D at the county high school. (Either way, I don’t think it qualifies as “not bad”.) And I dunno what scale IU uses, but at my college, Sal would’ve had a high D. But she’d fail at 69. (Maybe that’s why Billie and Ruth keep having problems.)

        Of course, I graduated from high school 22 years ago, so I guess it doesn’t say much about kids these days.

  19. Yotomoe
    Yotomoe
    March 18, 2014 at 12:11 am | #

    So, if I’m following correctly… Jason’s dick is so smart that it is slowly increasing Sal’s grades!

    • Barf Ninjason
      Barf Ninjason
      March 18, 2014 at 1:19 am | #

      Ew.

    • GhostWriterL
      GhostWriterL
      March 18, 2014 at 1:30 am | #

      Because they did absolutely nothing else except have sex during those TA sessions. Pretty sure Sal actually went to him for help and he was helping her try and understand the formulas, and she’s still seeing him to get tutored since I don’t think he gave in when she threatened to out him for his unprofessional relationship with a student. She managed to blackmail him into making time to tutor her more on demand, not to pass the class for having put out.

      • Yotomoe
        Yotomoe
        March 18, 2014 at 1:34 am | #

        I doubt Jason WOULD give her good grades for putting out. He’s not that kind of guy. But yeah, she’s probably been gettin’ some edumacation from Jason.

  20. Pie
    Pie
    March 18, 2014 at 12:13 am | #

    Is that… the fundamental theorem of calculus?! IT IS.

    • Gigafreak
      Gigafreak
      March 18, 2014 at 9:25 am | #

      The funny thing about Calc 1 is that once you know the Power Rule (which is extraordinarily simple for a term with such a badass name), you’re set for almost the entire course, since everything else is just an extension thereof.

      It’s fun to say “Calc 1 was easier than this” while performing trivial tasks just to show off, because it’s often true.

  21. timemonkey
    timemonkey
    March 18, 2014 at 12:15 am | #

    I have this theory where Joyce’s positive attitude infects those she spends time with and improves their lives. The scale of the improvement is directly proportional to how much time they spend with her. Dorothy and Walky have improved the most, Billie’s in a much better place now, despite recent setbacks, Sal’s improving, Sarah’s improving.

    Hell the only people whoaren’t improving are danny and amber, the two people she’s spent no time with.

    • Mr K
      Mr K
      March 18, 2014 at 12:19 am | #

      She’s spreading Joyce-itis. Pretty soon everyone will be a cheery Christian girl.

      • John
        John
        March 18, 2014 at 3:24 am | #

        I keep reading that as “Joyce-tits”. Probably some calming is required.

        • LWS
          LWS
          March 18, 2014 at 6:38 am | #

          Same here, need caffeine… Although if we get to the point of Joyce showing off her tits it might be a sign of the Apocalypse.

      • Gigafreak
        Gigafreak
        March 18, 2014 at 9:33 am | #

        Flaw: Joe spent a good bit of time with her and he hasn’t changed one bit.
        Flaw: Ethan’s situation may actually be WORSE than before, as he’s so far back in the closet now that he can see Narnia.

        So she improves the lives of everyone around her except the dudes she dates. Who… both happen to be Jewish, if memory serves… oh dear.

        • timemonkey
          timemonkey
          March 18, 2014 at 8:59 pm | #

          Joe’s pretty happy with his life. Ethan’s making friends.

    • GhostWriterL
      GhostWriterL
      March 18, 2014 at 1:51 am | #

      It’s hard to not feel slightly more positive when someone is cheery and is going out of their way to be nice and include you. Probably means a lot to Sal to have someone actually pay attention to her and interact with her, as opposed to just acknowledging her presence in an area and keeping fixated on everything but her, like what her brother and mom did… and her dad, though he did pay a little attention to her on family day.

      Kinda forshadowing of peril for Joyce though… As everyone is improved by her presence and influence, so shall her fortunes possibly not turn out well. I’m theorizing that she legit falls in love with Ethan and is crushed when, SURPRISE! She couldn’t fix his “gay problem” no matter how much she tried to “save him” and fulfill her dream of getting a husband and having 2.5 kids.

    • Nono
      Nono
      March 18, 2014 at 6:07 am | #

      Quick, get Joyce around Mary!

  22. Confuzor
    Confuzor
    March 18, 2014 at 12:15 am | #

    Is that Danny from Bravest Warriors in the background of the final panel?

    • Thasvaddef
      Thasvaddef
      March 18, 2014 at 7:15 am | #

      Does that mean Mike is Chris?

  23. newllend
    newllend
    March 18, 2014 at 12:16 am | #

    What the fu-does mike have a cameras hooked up in places people is THAT what he’s been doing all this time? What else does he know, does he know the identity of all the people who comment on this strip?

    • timemonkey
      timemonkey
      March 18, 2014 at 12:18 am | #

      Ceiling Mike watches them bang.

    • Ikaru
      Ikaru
      March 18, 2014 at 12:24 am | #

      Didn’t you know? Mike is totally Santa Claus. He knows when you are sleeping, he knows when you have sex. He knows when you do something you ought to feel guilty about, and knows how to blackmail. Sorry I couldn’t make it rhyme. XD

      • Mr K
        Mr K
        March 18, 2014 at 12:27 am | #

        Mike knows when I’m sleeping? Well, I’m drinking 3 gallons of coffee tonight.

      • Barf Ninjason
        Barf Ninjason
        March 18, 2014 at 1:24 am | #

        He knows when you are sleeping
        He knows when you have sex
        He knows how to make your guilt
        Write him personal checks

        RHYME!

        • Marisa Mockery
          Marisa Mockery
          March 18, 2014 at 1:55 am | #

          With that avatar? Perfect.

        • Gigafreak
          Gigafreak
          March 18, 2014 at 9:41 am | #

          He knows when you are sleeping
          He knows when you have sex
          He knows your moms all carnally
          Even harder than Oedipus Rex

          You’d better not shout, you’d better not cry
          You’d better not wear pajama jeans, guys
          Santa Mike is coming to town.

  24. Salmo
    Salmo
    March 18, 2014 at 12:19 am | #

    I was just thinking the other day when are we going to get more Sal and Jason stuff, and ahoy.

  25. Ikaru
    Ikaru
    March 18, 2014 at 12:20 am | #

    I’m surprised that Joyce knew Mike was making an innuendo there. Or….whatever you call it. Shocked, I am.

  26. Cragalanch
    Cragalanch
    March 18, 2014 at 12:22 am | #

    Ah Mike. Always there to make a joke involving sex. Usually about your mom and a nickel

  27. Keroshino
    Keroshino
    March 18, 2014 at 12:22 am | #

    Yes! “Club” him, Sal…with your fists…in the FACE!!!
    He’s had it coming!

    • NF
      NF
      March 18, 2014 at 12:24 am | #

      in the FAAACE!!!!!

  28. Pyr05
    Pyr05
    March 18, 2014 at 12:26 am | #

    Way to go on your Ass-signment.

  29. Aeron
    Aeron
    March 18, 2014 at 12:26 am | #

    Joyce is the most intelligent ignorant person ever.

  30. Van Jealous
    Van Jealous
    March 18, 2014 at 12:31 am | #

    Like the old Calculus rebus:
    /
    \ e^x = f*u(n)
    /

    • tinfoil theory
      tinfoil theory
      March 18, 2014 at 3:11 am | #

      ∫eˣ=

      • Van Jealous
        Van Jealous
        March 19, 2014 at 12:07 am | #

        Thank You! I’ll get this here HTML thing figured out someday….

  31. Van Jealous
    Van Jealous
    March 18, 2014 at 12:32 am | #

    That was supposed to be an integral symb…oh nevermind…..

    • Barf Ninjason
      Barf Ninjason
      March 18, 2014 at 1:25 am | #

      A witch!! Burn the witch!!!

      • Keroshino
        Keroshino
        March 18, 2014 at 4:48 pm | #

        She turned me into a newt.

        …I got better!

  32. rajit
    rajit
    March 18, 2014 at 12:33 am | #

    They just pass the assignments around? In a lecture class? That would take forever, not to mention people nickin’ the smart people’s papers for study guides.

    Unless I’m forgetting they’re in assign seats. Or the TA is just passing all 3 of their papers over at the same time. I probably just answered myself.

  33. NF
    NF
    March 18, 2014 at 12:38 am | #

    After this strip, someone, somewhere, is shipping Sal/Mike.

    • Cragalanch
      Cragalanch
      March 18, 2014 at 12:56 am | #

      Nope. Mike/Jason

  34. KingMabel
    KingMabel
    March 18, 2014 at 12:41 am | #

    YAY SAL GOT A C!!!

    LET’S PARTY!!!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6VQ_AUH5Rc
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7t5gyG_FU1c
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GwjfUFyY6M

    • TurdFerguson
      TurdFerguson
      March 18, 2014 at 2:26 am | #

      I am disappointed that none of those are this:
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9f06QZCVUHg

      • ninja_jesus
        ninja_jesus
        March 18, 2014 at 3:42 pm | #

        More disappointed at the lack of Andrew W.K..

  35. Jason
    Jason
    March 18, 2014 at 1:00 am | #

    I had a Joyce-like level of naivety when i entered college (at 16). I went to the University of North Texas (UNT), and could not figure out why the radio station’s call letters were KNTU….

    • Barf Ninjason
      Barf Ninjason
      March 18, 2014 at 1:27 am | #

      Because sheltered you had yet to realize, all Texans are inherently dyslexic.

    • Kevin
      Kevin
      March 18, 2014 at 2:33 am | #

      I thought Joyce’s response was gonna be “oh, was there a curve”? I guess she’s getting less naïve

      • Kevin
        Kevin
        March 18, 2014 at 2:35 am | #

        Dammit that ? should have been inside the ” . Now I must spend 100 days in punctuation hell.

  36. FuryOfFirestorm
    FuryOfFirestorm
    March 18, 2014 at 1:05 am | #

    If Sal was treating the Prof’s dick like a sub sandwich, it’s no surprise she only got a 76. The best way to suck a dick is to treat it like a BLT – slather it in mayo, wrap it in bacon and lettuce, then garnish with sliced tomatoes before inserting it into your mouth.

    • Kevin
      Kevin
      March 18, 2014 at 2:36 am | #

      Make sure the bacon isn’t hot off the skillet.

      SURE.

  37. Keroshino
    Keroshino
    March 18, 2014 at 1:15 am | #

    Sal gets 79% and wins Hottest Girl!

    As it should be!!!

    • Keroshino
      Keroshino
      March 18, 2014 at 8:09 am | #

      Uh…I mean 76% and wins Hottest girl!!!

      Still good enough to celebrate!!!!

  38. Incubus
    Incubus
    March 18, 2014 at 1:23 am | #

    One does not simply punch Mike.

  39. Shadow12000
    Shadow12000
    March 18, 2014 at 1:25 am | #

    Not Depicted: Sal’s glasses sliding onto her face perfectly as she says that last line, followed by the entire classroom going “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

    • TsunamiJane
      TsunamiJane
      March 18, 2014 at 8:35 am | #

      This is canon. Now.

  40. PAC
    PAC
    March 18, 2014 at 1:30 am | #

    I’m impressed with the mathematics on the board, it’s accurate for a freshmen calculus class and not just a bunch of random scribbles.

  41. tofusmith
    tofusmith
    March 18, 2014 at 1:46 am | #

    Oh well, I was really hoping Mike would be in a sweater dress today.

    • Joe
      Joe
      March 18, 2014 at 2:06 am | #

      This is Mike we’re talking about. The only reason he’s not in a sweater dress is because you wanted him to be.

  42. IncadescentFlame
    IncadescentFlame
    March 18, 2014 at 2:08 am | #

    Sal’s Fist-sized Club sandwiches! Now only 9 cents more than your mom!

    • Barf Ninjason
      Barf Ninjason
      March 18, 2014 at 2:24 am | #

      I choose to believe you are implying that Sal is about to fist Mike.

  43. Kevin
    Kevin
    March 18, 2014 at 2:32 am | #

    HOLY CRAP MIKE’S COMMENT WASN’T OVER JOYCE’S HEAD.

    Her corruption has begun…

    • Al Schroeder
      Al Schroeder
      March 18, 2014 at 9:29 am | #

      Odd. I had the same reaction. The “choose to believe” says she really knows what Mike’s implying, but chooses not to follow the implications. Before, I would have said the comment would have gone over her—no pun intended–head.

  44. JoeMerl
    JoeMerl
    March 18, 2014 at 2:34 am | #

    Since I don’t recall him knowing about their affiair, I choose to believe that Mike has the psychic ability to know whatever comment will rile people up the most, which he uses for his own evil purposes.

  45. JepMZ
    JepMZ
    March 18, 2014 at 2:46 am | #

    Which one was Joyce offended about?
    The idea of 69?
    Blowjobs?
    Sal doing 69?
    Or Mike demonstrating homosexuality (to her bf)?

    She must be fronting really hard. What will power :O

    • John
      John
      March 18, 2014 at 3:03 am | #

      I think Joyce is offended just because she knows Mike well enough to know that whatever he’s doing is offensive, even if she doesn’t understand why.

      • JepMZ
        JepMZ
        March 18, 2014 at 3:11 am | #

        Smart girl, hehe.

    • Beige
      Beige
      March 18, 2014 at 6:47 am | #

      I think joyce is offended because she see’s mike directly insulting her friend…

      might just be me though…

  46. Bilfred
    Bilfred
    March 18, 2014 at 3:10 am | #

    Mike vs. Sal: fight of the century.

  47. caesaria82
    caesaria82
    March 18, 2014 at 3:44 am | #

    Billie is in the tags. Huh. Is that supposed to be her hand in the first panel or..? Invisible Billie.

    • John
      John
      March 18, 2014 at 4:07 am | #

      The skin tone is right, and that’s likely where she’s sitting.

  48. Mojo
    Mojo
    March 18, 2014 at 4:43 am | #

    You know, I think if I were him Sal is about the LAST person I’d be baiting. Most of the others would put up with his douchebaggery, I suspect Sal wouldn’t (won’t).

    • Never Simple
      Never Simple
      March 18, 2014 at 7:42 am | #

      It occurs to me though that might be EXACTLY what Mike wants.

      • Mojo
        Mojo
        March 19, 2014 at 6:03 am | #

        It’s an unusual goal, to want to have all your bones broken…

  49. teh_n8
    teh_n8
    March 18, 2014 at 7:28 am | #

    Ah, Sal Joyce & Mike. It’s like the good old days.

  50. Saburo
    Saburo
    March 18, 2014 at 9:31 am | #

    I read Joyce’s last line in Starfire’s voice.

  51. Kama
    Kama
    March 18, 2014 at 11:35 am | #

    As for how Mike knows? Well, he was present when Sal did this. Probably just a matter of putting two and two together.

  52. TrueVCU
    TrueVCU
    March 18, 2014 at 11:41 am | #

    I hope I am not alone in wishing to see Sal murder Mike

    • ninja_jesus
      ninja_jesus
      March 18, 2014 at 4:03 pm | #

      I’m waiting for Mike to change Sal’s life with his assholery.

  53. Michael Kinyon
    Michael Kinyon
    March 18, 2014 at 11:44 am | #

    I’m glad this comic has finally introduced its main character, Professor Rees. It’s been a long time coming, but is obviously worth it. I look forward to his main arc.

  54. Victor Riley
    Victor Riley
    March 18, 2014 at 12:06 pm | #

    Jeez, Mike… what the hell is your problem? Who hurt you?

    • WingedBeast
      WingedBeast
      March 18, 2014 at 12:25 pm | #

      In the past, we don’t know. In about 5 seconds…

  55. Nena
    Nena
    March 18, 2014 at 4:50 pm | #

    I would love to see Sal beat the ever living shit out of Mike.

  56. John Merklinghaus
    John Merklinghaus
    March 18, 2014 at 5:01 pm | #

    “Oh, he’s ’bout a sandwich of some kind.”

  57. Joebo
    Joebo
    March 18, 2014 at 7:44 pm | #

    Huh, I thought he’d be shorter.

  58. Moonsey
    Moonsey
    March 18, 2014 at 8:10 pm | #

    Is it bad that I kinda sorta totally ship Mike and Joyce?

  59. Tealjoy
    Tealjoy
    March 18, 2014 at 9:28 pm | #

    Sometimes I wonder if Mike just knows these things or if he just saw an opportunity present itself and he took a shot and hit home.

  60. nothri
    nothri
    March 18, 2014 at 11:52 pm | #

    Tonight on NBC, Mike Siegel is…the sex-whisperer.

  61. CrashFystFight
    CrashFystFight
    March 20, 2014 at 2:29 am | #

    Trying to figure out why the second fundemental theorem of calculus is on the same board as a limit to infinity. Is this a math class built entirely on concepts and definitions?! That would have been much better pre-calc than pre-calc was. 😛

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