Dumbing of Age Book Twelve

Dumbing of Age

A college webcomic by David Willis
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that's probably something their gender studies class should cover
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June 25, 2026

Intent

by David M Willis on April 4, 2014 at 12:01 am
  • 02 - I Was a Teenage Churchmouse
└ Tags: dorothy, joyce, walky

Discussion (303) ¬

[ Comments RSS ]
  1. AHR
    AHR
    April 4, 2014 at 12:01 am | #

    Smooth, Walkerton.

    • Cheryl
      Cheryl
      April 4, 2014 at 12:10 am | #

      Dem virgin ears doe.

    • LWS
      LWS
      April 4, 2014 at 7:03 am | #

      While he has her attention, would now be a good time for him to enlighten her as to the meaning of “strap-on?”

    • ocbrad1
      ocbrad1
      April 4, 2014 at 10:59 am | #

      Yeah, Walky. Way to break Joyce.

      • Mr.hatt
        Mr.hatt
        April 4, 2014 at 7:06 pm | #

        You can almost see the war going on behind her eyes.

        • TwentyThree
          TwentyThree
          April 4, 2014 at 8:20 pm | #

          The war is losing, her eyebrows are retreating to the heavens.

  2. Vivvav
    Vivvav
    April 4, 2014 at 12:01 am | #

    Here it comes. Those four words. Or is it three? Is “pre-marital” one word or two?

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      April 4, 2014 at 12:04 am | #

      Well Pre- isn’t a word. It’s a “Pre”-fix. So…one.

    • Broken Products
      Broken Products
      April 4, 2014 at 12:04 am | #

      If it’s hyphened, one.

    • Kaiden
      Kaiden
      April 4, 2014 at 12:05 am | #

      Three words. And something tells me they’re going to be CAPS LOCK BOLD

    • Vex Godglove
      Vex Godglove
      April 4, 2014 at 12:16 am | #

      I would argue that “hanky-panky” is a compound word similar to “topsy-turvy” and thus Joyce’s signature phrase is actually only two words.

      • tinfoil theory
        tinfoil theory
        April 4, 2014 at 3:33 am | #

        Hear, hear!

    • Bill
      Bill
      April 4, 2014 at 12:25 am | #

      Pass the popcorn; this is gonna be good!

      • pyrophobia
        pyrophobia
        April 4, 2014 at 11:55 am | #

        11th post is pass-the-popcorn. I’m disappointed in you all, I thought for sure it’d be sooner.

    • davidbreslin101
      davidbreslin101
      April 4, 2014 at 7:45 am | #

      If she decides to say it in German it’ll be all one word. Like “premaritalhankypanky”, only German-er.

      • Lieutenant Dan
        Lieutenant Dan
        April 4, 2014 at 9:19 am | #

        Premaristraßhankenpanken?

        • tyren22
          tyren22
          April 4, 2014 at 10:47 am | #

          I imagined a German voice saying “hankenpanken” and now I can’t stop laughing.

          • Charlie Spencer
            Charlie Spencer
            April 4, 2014 at 1:45 pm | #

            Not to be confused with “slobben ze knobben”.

            • slicedtoad
              slicedtoad
              April 5, 2014 at 7:38 pm | #

              so without looking that up, here’s my thought process:
              slobben = slobber
              ze = the
              knobben = knob
              slobber the knob = suck the dick

        • phroggonalog
          phroggonalog
          April 4, 2014 at 1:15 pm | #

          +1

        • das-g
          das-g
          April 4, 2014 at 6:18 pm | #

          Finden Sie das nicht einen etwas absonderlichen Ausdruck für vorehelichen Geschlechtsverkehr?

          • asmcint
            asmcint
            April 4, 2014 at 11:39 pm | #

            Ja, ja es ist. Aber dann wieder, das ist Joyce für Sie.

    • Roborat
      Roborat
      April 4, 2014 at 2:50 pm | #

      Yup, Joyce yells P.M.H.P. at the top of her lungs, then points at Dorothy and Walky and emits a high pitched scream.
      .
      .
      .
      .
      .

      (ie: last scene of Invasion of the Body Snatchers.)

    • Earnest
      Earnest
      April 4, 2014 at 5:10 pm | #

      I don’t actually think she’ll tilt like she tilted at Joe. Look at her face – she looks surprised, sure, but it’s more sadness than anger. I don’t think she’ll snap – at least not *at* Joyce and Walky.

  3. Tunaro
    Tunaro
    April 4, 2014 at 12:02 am | #

    I would actually enjoy a college class on how to not die in a horror movie.

    • Doctor_Who
      Doctor_Who
      April 4, 2014 at 12:04 am | #

      I have a book called the Horror Movie Survival Guide that would make a great textbook.

      Jamie Lee Curtis and Heather Langenkamp would make great guest lecturers.

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      April 4, 2014 at 12:05 am | #

      Count your losses and don’t look around for your friend in the spooky haunted house. Just go home and try to forget them.

      • Tunaro
        Tunaro
        April 4, 2014 at 12:08 am | #

        But don’t like 40% of deaths in horror movies happen in peoples’ homes after the first victim is down?

      • Morgauxo
        Morgauxo
        April 4, 2014 at 8:57 am | #

        Isn’t that just a setup for their ghost to get vengence on you in the sequal or something like that?

        • Annie
          Annie
          April 4, 2014 at 11:11 pm | #

          Depends on if it’s a slasher-type horror movie or a paranormal one.

          Of course I suppose if it were the former, then some relative or boy/girlfriend could try to kill you to get revenge.

    • NCP19
      NCP19
      April 4, 2014 at 12:06 am | #

      So the professor can blow the class off and have you sit through the Scream movies? It’s…semi-educational in this context…almost.

      • Tunaro
        Tunaro
        April 4, 2014 at 12:11 am | #

        That would either make it a Film Study course or some kind of Lit class, I think.

    • Kaiden
      Kaiden
      April 4, 2014 at 12:08 am | #

      Horror Survival 101.

      Our first lecture will be on dark places, and how to not go near them.

      • Jacknoir
        Jacknoir
        April 4, 2014 at 12:10 am | #

        having the first class near midnight in one such dark and spooky place is mandatory…

        • Kaiden
          Kaiden
          April 4, 2014 at 12:13 am | #

          Everyone who shows up is automatically deducted 20 points from their grade.

          • Yotomoe
            Yotomoe
            April 4, 2014 at 12:16 am | #

            “I could have just killed you all! Didn’t you read the summer reading!?”

            • Tunaro
              Tunaro
              April 4, 2014 at 12:21 am | #

              Summer reading for a college class? Fuck that, I’d rather take on the homicidal prof. At least that’d be excitin’.

            • Kaiden
              Kaiden
              April 4, 2014 at 12:22 am | #

              “And you two in the back, stop making out!” (Revs chainsaw)

              • Flipz
                Flipz
                April 4, 2014 at 1:20 am | #

                Someone PLEASE make this a thing. 😀

                • Maxi
                  Maxi
                  April 4, 2014 at 1:50 am | #

                  Everyone knows, the best thing to in any horror movie is give the main villain a swift kick to the jewels, and if that doesn’t work, always remember to double tap.

                • John
                  John
                  April 4, 2014 at 2:07 am | #

                  “Wolfman’s got ‘nads!”

                • Blob Marley
                  Blob Marley
                  April 4, 2014 at 4:07 am | #

                  Fuck yeah Monster Squad. That Wolfman Nard Kick was a defining moment of my childhood.

                • John
                  John
                  April 4, 2014 at 6:14 am | #

                  I never even saw it. I just saw a TV ad for it that included that line like three million times.

                • Kyrros
                  Kyrros
                  April 4, 2014 at 10:52 am | #

                  Okay… here goes.

                  Bunch of college kids decide to take a summer elective to get it out of the way between semesters/quarters – turns out to be a film studies class with a focus on ‘Horror and Suspense’ tropes. The very creepy/strange/spacey professor that has been there for decades is absent most days and most sessions are lead by the sexy/hunky summer teaching assistant just hired by the department. This has the effect of getting the classmates of the opposite gender (even some of the same gender – hey, it’s the 21st century) something to focus on in an otherwise boring summer class.

                  Couple of weeks in, a classmate dies in a drunk driving accident – but nobody (including the audience) thinks anything of it, since “Hey, it’s college, people get drunk and do stupid things”. It’s business as usual for another week or two. Different movie tropes (and their subversions) are discussed and tested on. The whole time, classmates are complaining about how stupid the class is, threatening to drop the class. Eventually, a couple of people stop showing up – “oh well, guess they decided to drop the class”… couple more days, then another gone… and another… [You get the idea]

                  The class realizes that some of those gone are missing ‘everywhere’, not just in class. It’s a summer class session – these kids didn’t go home – so noone is expecting them, noone else notices they’re missing – the few with actual jobs have bosses that assume the kids just decided to not show up since it was probably a crappy job anyways. Finally, one of the students who ‘dropped the class’ turn up dead and is determined to have already been dead for quite a while, but havign no credible leads, motives, or suspects, the case goes cold. All the while, the few lectures that the professor is actually present for get stranger and darker every time – some eerily similar to recent real-life events. The students begin to suspect some very foul deeds afoot with the crazy old prof. “Could this really be happening?” they ask each other. They decide to get to the bottom of things, the summer session is almost over, and who knows what unsafe things could happen once a full student body returns for the new school year. The remaining few classmates head to the crazy old professor’s last known address in the public record only to find traces of other ‘missing’ classmates in the form of distinctive backpacks and even a laptop/smart phone that’s immediately recognized by the group – Shit just got real – one by one the several of the remaining classmates are killed off using the most overused and unimaginative tropes possible, until they find the crazy old professor dead in the home-office. “Guess the prof realized we figured it out and decided to end it once and for all… the jig was up… no going back” The very shaken-up kids called the police in, and they ruled it a murder-suicide.

                  *Cut to the last day of class a few weeks later*

                  The kids are taking their final exam for the film class with the teaching assistant overseeing the remainder of the class course. The camera slowly pans around the room, witnessing the students busy with the lengthy exam – when one student slowly comes to a stop and begins looking around at the rest of the student still steady in the exam taking. A horrible realization can be visibly seen in the student, still looking around. The student and the assistant locks eyes… [ZOMG it can’t be?!]. The student slowly rises and approaches the assistants desk – (surely it’s safe when there’s all these other witnesses…?)

                  ‘Why?’ the student whispered.
                  ‘I am here to teach kids – there is a no more noble calling than that’ the assistant whispered in return.
                  ‘You can’t stop me from going to the police with this – there’s nothing you can say or give to stop me’ the student threatened in a low voice.
                  ‘I’ve gotten too good at this’ the assistant said with a knowing smile. ‘You can’t seriously think this is the first class I’ve done this with?… besides, I have no intention of GIVING you anything… only that which you’ve earned.’
                  ‘Earned?…’
                  ‘Your A+… and the reward of freedom from this ‘lesson learned’ – forever.’
                  ‘What about the rest of them?’ the student indicated to the rest of the class.
                  ‘They’ll soon understand, that learning is lifelong – or rather, ‘lifeshort’ – and that it’s doesn’t stop simply because the class bell rings for the day.

                  *sudden break to black … a school bell rings… silent credits begin to roll*

                • Slinx
                  Slinx
                  April 4, 2014 at 11:46 am | #

                  *applause for Kyrros*

          • StClair
            StClair
            April 4, 2014 at 6:06 am | #

            “Mr. Bradsaw, will you stand up, please?”

            • Fish lord
              Fish lord
              April 4, 2014 at 7:16 pm | #

              Just like my Tuesday activities

      • tinfoil theory
        tinfoil theory
        April 4, 2014 at 2:19 am | #

        Ironically, most homicides happen in well-lit areas.

        • Plasma Mongoose
          Plasma Mongoose
          April 4, 2014 at 7:45 pm | #

          Makes sense, it’s harder to kill someone you cannot see properly after all.

      • Jenn Jamison
        Jenn Jamison
        April 4, 2014 at 3:34 am | #

        Of course, you cant forget get the lecture on how to run away without tripping over thin air. That always drives me crazy in horror films!

    • etybolik
      etybolik
      April 4, 2014 at 2:03 am | #

      What if a horror movie villain attended the class in disguise and learned all the same stuff you did?

      • tinfoil theory
        tinfoil theory
        April 4, 2014 at 2:21 am | #

        You mean there could be another motive to attending this course?

  4. Wonder Wig
    Wonder Wig
    April 4, 2014 at 12:02 am | #

    PMHP

    • Tunaro
      Tunaro
      April 4, 2014 at 12:04 am | #

      People Must Has Pizza?

    • Doctor_Who
      Doctor_Who
      April 4, 2014 at 12:05 am | #

      Purchase More Health Potions?
      Pimp My Humongous Pig?
      Prime Minister Harry Potter?

      …That last one sounds like a good fanfic idea.

      • carl320
        carl320
        April 4, 2014 at 12:08 am | #

        Pimp my Honda Pilot

        • JustCheetoDust
          JustCheetoDust
          April 4, 2014 at 12:38 am | #

          http://bossip.files.wordpress.com/2012/09/xzibit.png

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      April 4, 2014 at 12:06 am | #

      Poke my hot Poop?

    • KingMabel
      KingMabel
      April 4, 2014 at 12:06 am | #

      Pickles, mustard and ham on pumpernickel?

      • Tunaro
        Tunaro
        April 4, 2014 at 12:09 am | #

        Can’t tell if that would be delicious or not…confused and hungry. Must investigate this.

    • Cragalanch
      Cragalanch
      April 4, 2014 at 12:09 am | #

      Pig men hurt people?

    • Bilfred
      Bilfred
      April 4, 2014 at 12:11 am | #

      PMHP’s Meaning Has Passed

      • Kelly
        Kelly
        April 4, 2014 at 1:53 am | #

        Recursive, nice!

    • WaveRocker
      WaveRocker
      April 4, 2014 at 12:12 am | #

      Permanent Mage HP?
      Post-Modern Harry Potter?

    • arank11
      arank11
      April 4, 2014 at 12:21 am | #

      Please Make Hippos Pee
      Penguins Must Hate Pancakes
      Pick More Harmful Pirates
      Parrots Might Have Packages
      I could go on for eternity

    • Horrible Person
      Horrible Person
      April 4, 2014 at 12:54 am | #

      Please make her pregnant…?

    • Shogouki
      Shogouki
      April 4, 2014 at 1:50 am | #

      Pre-marital hanky panky.

      • Carla
        Carla
        April 4, 2014 at 2:03 am | #

        Thank you 🙂

    • Roborat
      Roborat
      April 4, 2014 at 2:28 pm | #

      Pokémon must hate pokeballs?

    • King
      King
      April 4, 2014 at 5:21 pm | #

      In Italian:
      Praticamente Mi Hai Pedinato.

  5. Opus the Poet
    Opus the Poet
    April 4, 2014 at 12:02 am | #

    Dorothy and Walky will be the first ones to die when Joyce snaps.

    • etybolik
      etybolik
      April 4, 2014 at 2:07 am | #

      Nah. She’ll take out Walky first and save Dorothy for last for betraying her or something.

  6. Plasma Mongoose
    Plasma Mongoose
    April 4, 2014 at 12:02 am | #

    Oh Joyce’s reaction face, I have missed you so. 😀

    • Kaiden
      Kaiden
      April 4, 2014 at 12:11 am | #

      Just wait until she gets to a computer and google searches “Strap-On”

      • Plasma Mongoose
        Plasma Mongoose
        April 4, 2014 at 12:31 am | #

        I know, I’m looking forward to it. ^_^

      • Dr. Zeus
        Dr. Zeus
        April 4, 2014 at 9:36 am | #

        Oh she won’t need to Google, I mean Walky’s right there.

    • Bill
      Bill
      April 4, 2014 at 12:21 am | #

      Someone will be using that as an avatar within six hours.

  7. Goat
    Goat
    April 4, 2014 at 12:02 am | #

    Oh, Joyce. Your eyebrows in panel 5.

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      April 4, 2014 at 12:08 am | #

      They’re off to find another Fundie. One with less hethan friends.

    • Farmer_10
      Farmer_10
      April 4, 2014 at 6:12 am | #

      Oh, snap. I didn’t notice that. Ha.

  8. David Herbert
    David Herbert
    April 4, 2014 at 12:02 am | #

    And then Joyce dies after realising she defended a fornicator to her parents.

  9. Yotomoe
    Yotomoe
    April 4, 2014 at 12:02 am | #

    Well maybe if they weren’t fucking in dark forests, old abandoned houses, and graveyards they wouldn’t get killed by spooky shit!

    • Bilfred
      Bilfred
      April 4, 2014 at 12:02 am | #

      Just maybe.

      • tinfoil theory
        tinfoil theory
        April 4, 2014 at 2:29 am | #

        Then they would be killed by non-spooky shit, like cars, or radiation. Or accidental auto-erotic asphyxiantion.

        • Charlie Spencer
          Charlie Spencer
          April 4, 2014 at 2:27 pm | #

          Or a twenty-foot shark.

          “Twenty-five.”

    • newllend
      newllend
      April 4, 2014 at 12:11 am | #

      Ya that brings up a question, who even has sex in any of those places especially a grave yard, what sick basterd gets turned on being around death.

      • Bilfred
        Bilfred
        April 4, 2014 at 12:12 am | #

        Odd folk.

      • Cragalanch
        Cragalanch
        April 4, 2014 at 12:13 am | #

        Necrophiliacs

      • Yotomoe
        Yotomoe
        April 4, 2014 at 12:17 am | #

        The Grim Reaper.

      • Bill
        Bill
        April 4, 2014 at 12:23 am | #

        Well, if you’re looking for a little privacy, can you think of someplace where there are fewer (living) people than in a cemetery after hours?

      • Leorale
        Leorale
        April 4, 2014 at 12:25 am | #

        If it can be seen, done, or imagined, somebody out there has a kink for it. It’s a pretty, public-but-secluded location, plus sacrilege: in the scheme of kinks, this one practically makes sense.

      • John
        John
        April 4, 2014 at 1:19 am | #

        Hot goth girls. Trust me on this.

        • Doom Shepherd
          Doom Shepherd
          April 4, 2014 at 8:15 am | #

          Totally true.

          • Opus the Poet
            Opus the Poet
            April 4, 2014 at 10:52 pm | #

            +1

      • Narf
        Narf
        April 4, 2014 at 2:37 am | #

        People who want to have sex on the grave of a hated enemy?

        Not speaking from personal experience, just spitballin’.

      • Cybersnark
        Cybersnark
        April 4, 2014 at 5:40 am | #

        Slayers.

      • maxlines
        maxlines
        April 4, 2014 at 6:44 am | #

        Privacy. Of course it helps that the cemetery was right next to campus, and had paths that students used to get to a pub on the other side.

      • Dr. Zeus
        Dr. Zeus
        April 4, 2014 at 9:39 am | #

        Maybe due to a subconscious connection between life and death? That seeing all those markers of those who have passed elicits a desire to have sex, i.e. the act that can create life?

      • begbert2
        begbert2
        April 4, 2014 at 10:20 am | #

        Since when does anybody need an excuse to be turned on?

  10. Cragalanch
    Cragalanch
    April 4, 2014 at 12:02 am | #

    Stay classy, Walky

  11. Khaner
    Khaner
    April 4, 2014 at 12:03 am | #

    You can practically see her mind cracking apart in there. Like glass, but… crackier.

  12. shoeboxjeddy
    shoeboxjeddy
    April 4, 2014 at 12:03 am | #

    Then Joyce shouts “PREMARITAL HANKY PANKY!” and further announces her intentions to look into strap-ons. Best week ever.

  13. KingMabel
    KingMabel
    April 4, 2014 at 12:04 am | #

    Now is not the time to learn about horror movie logic!

    • Tunaro
      Tunaro
      April 4, 2014 at 12:06 am | #

      Rule 1: If something weird is going down, start making sure you’re packing heat.

      • Yotomoe
        Yotomoe
        April 4, 2014 at 12:10 am | #

        Rule 2. Don’t split up you dumb-asses. Stick together so you can double team that ghost.

      • neon5162
        neon5162
        April 4, 2014 at 12:11 am | #

        screw packing hit im either going to be packing a proton pack or barring that a nuke. the proton pack will allow me to defend myself and the nuke will let me be all “oh hey spooky evil ghost/zombie/nightmare dude click boom”.

        • Tunaro
          Tunaro
          April 4, 2014 at 12:13 am | #

          But what if it ain’t a ghost. Would a proton pack do to a crazed serial killer?
          Actually, would a proton pack be able to kill people? It’s basically a nuclear powered laser cannon, right? Could you use one to fry somebody?

          • E.R.
            E.R.
            April 4, 2014 at 12:25 am | #

            It certainly did enough damage to the scenery. Worst case scenario, get three and play a game of chicken.

          • Kelly
            Kelly
            April 4, 2014 at 2:00 am | #

            It’s an accelerated proton beam, and a really powerful one at that. It would kill you one way or another (“another” being radiation poisoning).

      • arank11
        arank11
        April 4, 2014 at 12:12 am | #

        The top 5 rules of how to survive a horror movie:
        1. Always pack heat (As stated above)
        2. Don’t go off by yourself
        3. If you do go off by yourself, don’t go in the woods
        4. If you do go in the woods, don’t make out in the woods
        5. If you do make out in the woods, at least make sure you don’t do it in a car. Cars and lip-locking in the woods attract chainsaw-wielding murderers like Billie and Jacob attract women

        • Tunaro
          Tunaro
          April 4, 2014 at 12:22 am | #

          If you’re by yourself though, how do you make out???

          • Rabid Rabbit
            Rabid Rabbit
            April 4, 2014 at 1:32 am | #

            It’s called “masturbation”, and if Joyce (or at least Joyce’s parents) are writing the script, it will probably get you killed as well. Or at least you’ll get your hands chopped off, though more as prevention than as punishment.

            • Narf
              Narf
              April 4, 2014 at 2:39 am | #

              Does masturbation really count as making out? I like my makeouts to be a little more fondly and kissy than what generally happens during masturbation. And the thought of kissing myself is just… eugh.

              • Charlie Spencer
                Charlie Spencer
                April 4, 2014 at 2:29 pm | #

                I love myself, I think I’m grand
                I go to movies and hold my own hand
                I slip my around my waist
                I grope my boobs then slap my face.

          • arank11
            arank11
            April 4, 2014 at 11:04 am | #

            Sorry. I meant to say split up

        • Doom Shepherd
          Doom Shepherd
          April 4, 2014 at 8:14 am | #

          6. Be the killer.

          • begbert2
            begbert2
            April 4, 2014 at 10:24 am | #

            Doesn’t the killer usually bite it in the end, after trying and failing to kill the chick who trips a lot?

            • tinfoil theory
              tinfoil theory
              April 5, 2014 at 3:30 am | #

              But then who was sequel?

      • Pinja
        Pinja
        April 4, 2014 at 6:10 am | #

        While packing a small, concealable weapon may not hurt you got to remember a good proportion of movie killers are immune to bullets or will go for the person with the gun first to render the rest of the group helpless.

  14. Thanks, I'll Have Another!
    Thanks, I'll Have Another!
    April 4, 2014 at 12:04 am | #

    Ah yes, the “Slut Gets Her Guts Ripped Out” school of horror film. Walky has obviously been paying extra attention in his gender studies class.

  15. licoricepencil
    licoricepencil
    April 4, 2014 at 12:05 am | #

    I believe this gif is appropriate: http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/THISGONBGUD.gif

    • KingMabel
      KingMabel
      April 4, 2014 at 12:07 am | #

      I second this gif.

  16. Mkvenner
    Mkvenner
    April 4, 2014 at 12:06 am | #

    This never gets old.

  17. newllend
    newllend
    April 4, 2014 at 12:07 am | #

    Can’t believe I’m saying but thank you willis , I hopeing Joyce would be the first one to find out.

    Also this is perfect at this point Joyce’s mind will completely break when she looks up what a strap on is.

    • Doctor_Who
      Doctor_Who
      April 4, 2014 at 12:15 am | #

      There’s a twisted part of me that likes to imagine that when Ethan vanished in a puff of smoke because she suggested getting one, he actually ran off to buy one.

      Now Joyce is going to go off on a rant about how immoral Dorothy and Walky are and how their innocence is a precious thing and they shouldn’t defile their bodies…and then Ethan is going to come back and say “Here it is! I found a glittery one since I know you like that sort of thing.”

      • newllend
        newllend
        April 4, 2014 at 12:28 am | #

        Lol Hahaha, Willis PLEASE for sake of comedy please do this just once.

        • Narf
          Narf
          April 4, 2014 at 2:40 am | #

          i am sure willis will definitely take suggestions from you

          totally being serious here

      • tinfoil theory
        tinfoil theory
        April 4, 2014 at 3:47 am | #

        I would think that Joyce might go for it (strictly speaking it doesn’t involve any genitals, so it isn’t technically hanky-panky), but Ethan wouldn’t (or would, but couldn’t), because Joyce is a little too feminine for his liking.

        • Doctor_Who
          Doctor_Who
          April 4, 2014 at 2:39 pm | #

          Joyce can’t use the shower when there’s a hair clump in the drain. No way she’s sticking anything in someone’s butt.

          • tinfoil theory
            tinfoil theory
            April 5, 2014 at 3:34 am | #

            Are you saying there’s a hair clump in Ethan’s butt?

    • Tom T.
      Tom T.
      April 4, 2014 at 12:17 am | #

      Like Sarah said, everyone keeps thinking Joyce is going to break, but she always pulls through.

      • Leorale
        Leorale
        April 4, 2014 at 12:44 am | #

        That’s true!

      • begbert2
        begbert2
        April 4, 2014 at 10:29 am | #

        “Pulls through” as in “snaps and tries to hurt people”.

        Admittedly this has only happened twice that I recall (and once it was very justified!); I suppose it takes three times to become a habit.

        • Tom T.
          Tom T.
          April 4, 2014 at 7:39 pm | #

          Joyce? Sure you’re not thinking of Amber?

    • David
      David
      April 4, 2014 at 2:32 am | #

      Or she’ll be relieved that it is a good item for not endangering her innocence/virtue/pickyourcacophemism.

    • Tenn
      Tenn
      April 4, 2014 at 11:53 am | #

      Sierra was the first to find out (if “before it happened” counts), possibly followed by Joe (if he knew who was behind the door), followed by Dina. Joyce is third at best.

      • No Name
        No Name
        April 4, 2014 at 7:52 pm | #

        When did Dina find out?

        • Leorale
          Leorale
          April 5, 2014 at 1:25 am | #

          She was behind the door the whole time.

        • Tenn
          Tenn
          April 5, 2014 at 2:08 pm | #

          That is revealed in “Walky performs a sex”.

          (But the short answer is “during”.)

  18. Nevermaker
    Nevermaker
    April 4, 2014 at 12:07 am | #

    She’s gonna blow! Duck and cover, DUCK AND COVER!

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      April 4, 2014 at 12:11 am | #

      Dorothy already blew. That’s why Joyce is reacting like this now!

      • Cragalanch
        Cragalanch
        April 4, 2014 at 12:19 am | #

        http://instantrimshot.com/

  19. licoricepencil
    licoricepencil
    April 4, 2014 at 12:08 am | #

    Man, if Joyce finds out that Dorothy wasn’t a virgin that’ll blow her mind even further.
    I don’t think she’d be surprised that Walky was though.

    • timemonkey
      timemonkey
      April 4, 2014 at 12:53 am | #

      She was in the room when Dorothy mentioned she wasn’t.

      • Kelly
        Kelly
        April 4, 2014 at 2:03 am | #

        But was she paying attention, or was she still too busy yelling at Joe?

  20. Izumi Ryu
    Izumi Ryu
    April 4, 2014 at 12:09 am | #

    Joyce’s brain is just gonna continue to crumble today.

  21. Undrave
    Undrave
    April 4, 2014 at 12:09 am | #

    Obviously Joyce doesn’t have a Slipshine account.

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      April 4, 2014 at 12:12 am | #

      About as likely a Joe visiting an abstinence site. (unless there were some hot abstinence girls)

      • Tom Speelman
        Tom Speelman
        April 4, 2014 at 12:35 am | #

        Abstinence site? Is…is that a THING?

        • David M Willis
          David M Willis
          April 4, 2014 at 12:36 am | #

          http://www.abstinence.net/

          • Regalli
            Regalli
            April 4, 2014 at 12:45 am | #

            You never fail to deliver on the Christian Fundamentalist What the Fuck.

          • Tom Speelman
            Tom Speelman
            April 4, 2014 at 1:58 am | #

            …Huh. Well, thanks Willis, I guess?

          • Narf
            Narf
            April 4, 2014 at 2:40 am | #

            you are a treasure trove of weird ass shit, mr. willis

          • Plasma Mongoose
            Plasma Mongoose
            April 4, 2014 at 2:59 am | #

            I wonder if there is a drinking game based around exploring abstinence sites?

          • John
            John
            April 4, 2014 at 4:31 am | #

            “Abstinence Clearinghouse” sounds like they’ve got a bunch of abstinence that they’re trying to get rid of cheap.

            • Undrave
              Undrave
              April 4, 2014 at 6:03 am | #

              “Come to our end of season fire sale! EVERYTHING must go! Our prices are SO CRAAAAAAZY you’d be mad to abstain from buying!!!!!”

            • maxlines
              maxlines
              April 4, 2014 at 6:47 am | #

              Sort of like the opposite of ‘cock ring warehouse’ (google it)

              • John
                John
                April 4, 2014 at 9:27 am | #

                I am so not googling that.

                But I mean in the sense that we could send Mike in with a roll of nickels and he’d clear all that abstinence right out for them.

          • OldFart
            OldFart
            April 4, 2014 at 7:13 pm | #

            Unintentional perviness, gotta love it: (crap it won’t paste the URL)
            T-shirt that says, “Pet your DOG, not your date”.

      • tinfoil theory
        tinfoil theory
        April 4, 2014 at 2:40 am | #

        I’ll assume that abstinence sites are internet dating sites for fundies.

      • Plasma Mongoose
        Plasma Mongoose
        April 4, 2014 at 3:06 am | #

        I like to think that Joe would accidently visit the Absinthe site instead.

    • Pinja
      Pinja
      April 4, 2014 at 6:06 am | #

      >Obviously Joyce doesn’t have a Slipshine account.

      NICE

    • Dr. Zeus
      Dr. Zeus
      April 4, 2014 at 9:45 am | #

      Man my head goes weird places. Now all I can think about is a slipshine meta-fictional story where one of their friends logs onto the site and uses Walky Performs a Sex for some solo fun time, if you know what I mean.

      MASTURBATION!

  22. Plasma Mongoose
    Plasma Mongoose
    April 4, 2014 at 12:10 am | #

    Well so much for Joyce’s dream to tap her ass first then. 😀

    • newllend
      newllend
      April 4, 2014 at 12:13 am | #

      What just Dorothy? Secretly I thought she wanted to have a three way with both of them.

    • nothri
      nothri
      April 4, 2014 at 12:15 am | #

      Well, I don’t think Walky went for the butt, so Joyce could still tap her literal ass first. It’ll help her practice for Ethan.

      • Plasma Mongoose
        Plasma Mongoose
        April 4, 2014 at 12:18 am | #

        She needs her size 6 strap-on first though. 😀

        • newllend
          newllend
          April 4, 2014 at 12:37 am | #

          You know what the strap-on thing was the best joke we’ve ever gotten mileage out of, now I just want her to keep asking people until she finds out or she finds someone that actually has one.

          • That Damn Rat
            That Damn Rat
            April 4, 2014 at 12:50 am | #

            I wonder how long before Mike explains it to her (in great detail) just to watch her break.

          • John
            John
            April 4, 2014 at 1:04 am | #

            That’s another thing she should ask about in Gender Studies. Leslie’ll set her, uh… straight.

            • tinfoil theory
              tinfoil theory
              April 4, 2014 at 2:44 am | #

              I want to make a “friends of Dorothy” pun, but I can’t think of one.

            • Plasma Mongoose
              Plasma Mongoose
              April 4, 2014 at 2:57 am | #

              Just as long as she doesn’t tell her to get bend!

  23. Kernanator
    Kernanator
    April 4, 2014 at 12:10 am | #

    Oh Walky. You’re so classy, you ooze class from every orifice.

    • Ancestral Hamster
      Ancestral Hamster
      April 4, 2014 at 12:12 am | #

      I thought that was pus …

      • Animal
        Animal
        April 4, 2014 at 8:40 am | #

        Refried beans.

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      April 4, 2014 at 12:34 am | #

      We need to send a sample to pathology.

    • Roborat
      Roborat
      April 4, 2014 at 2:39 pm | #

      That would be Dorothy.

      • Maveric1984
        Maveric1984
        April 4, 2014 at 10:27 pm | #

        Nah, they used condoms.

  24. Ancestral Hamster
    Ancestral Hamster
    April 4, 2014 at 12:12 am | #

    So is Joyce going to the gender studies class and ask Leslie what a strap-on is?

    “Professor Bean? What’s a strap-on, and why would my new boyfriend Ethan like me better if I wore one?”

    Actually, I’d really like to see/read what happens next …

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      April 4, 2014 at 12:14 am | #

      A strap-on? The most glorious invention ever.

      • arank11
        arank11
        April 4, 2014 at 12:15 am | #

        I always saw Robin more as the strap-on person in their relationship

    • newllend
      newllend
      April 4, 2014 at 12:23 am | #

      While the entire class is listening to there conversation, then you see walky and Dorothy confused and shock while Roz and joe are just cracking up…

      Hahaha, my fucking sides are hurting just laughing.

      • Ancestral Hamster
        Ancestral Hamster
        April 4, 2014 at 1:09 am | #

        Part of the fun is how Leslie handles it. However, she’ll probably explain what a strap-on is, but then answer the second part of the question with, “only your boyfriend can answer the why he’d like you better with a strap-on.” That’s the sensible way of fielding the question, but not particularly funny.

        • Rabid Rabbit
          Rabid Rabbit
          April 4, 2014 at 1:34 am | #

          I’m pretty sure there’s a Slipshine comic that shows how she handles it, actually.

    • Tenn
      Tenn
      April 4, 2014 at 12:07 pm | #

      @Ancestral Hamster: “Actually, I’d really like to see/read what happens next …”

      Leslie: “…The Aristocrats!” *jazz hands*

  25. nothri
    nothri
    April 4, 2014 at 12:12 am | #

    WALKY = CAT – BAG

    • That Damn Rat
      That Damn Rat
      April 4, 2014 at 12:53 am | #

      For a second I read that as WALKY = CATBUG, though I don’t think Walky has Catbug’s level of situational awareness.

      • Flipz
        Flipz
        April 4, 2014 at 1:30 am | #

        Dammit, now I want to see a DoA/Bravest Warriors crossover, and the internet tells me it doesn’t exist. 🙁

    • 4th Dimension
      4th Dimension
      April 4, 2014 at 1:56 am | #

      So Walky is what is left of a cat when you skin it to make a bag?!? 😉

      • Cephalo the Pod
        Cephalo the Pod
        April 4, 2014 at 8:40 am | #

        I find the idea of a fan replacing every instance of Walky in DoA with a skinned, anthropomorphic cat far more hilarious than I probably should.

    • Cephalo the Pod
      Cephalo the Pod
      April 4, 2014 at 8:41 am | #

      So WALKY + BAG = CAT?

      • Tenn
        Tenn
        April 4, 2014 at 12:15 pm | #

        Also,

        BAG = CAT – WALKY

        and

        BAG² = CAT² – 2CATWALKY + WALKY²

        which gives us

        CATWALK = (CAT² + WALKY²) / 2Y

        Solve for Y.

        • Tenn
          Tenn
          April 4, 2014 at 12:18 pm | #

          Sorry, made an error.

          CATWALK = (CAT² + WALKY² – BAG²) / 2Y

      • nothri
        nothri
        April 4, 2014 at 5:42 pm | #

        We don’t know that for sure. Much as in the Schrodinger and his box, we have no way of knowing if the cat is alive or dead until it is removed from the bag. Hence the value of the cat may be positive or negative.

  26. Kiggy
    Kiggy
    April 4, 2014 at 12:14 am | #

    Blue screen of death!
    Blue screen of death!

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      April 4, 2014 at 12:17 am | #

      I see Joyce as more familiar with the beach ball of death myself.

      • tinfoil theory
        tinfoil theory
        April 4, 2014 at 2:52 am | #

        We can expect a Guru Meditation from her.

    • JustCheetoDust
      JustCheetoDust
      April 4, 2014 at 12:53 am | #

      If she has to reboot hopefully it works out better than other reboots I’ve seen.

  27. arank11
    arank11
    April 4, 2014 at 12:14 am | #

    Okay, say Dumbing of Age was a horror movie. Who would be the first to die and who would be the lone survivor?

    • Doctor_Who
      Doctor_Who
      April 4, 2014 at 12:22 am | #

      Joe and Roz for lots of sex, Dana for drugs, Billie for being a drunk (also she’s still a cheerleader in her own mind, and they don’t last either).

      As for the killer, I’m not sure. Mike? Too obvious. Who fits the profile of a slasher villain?

      We’re looking for someone no one would suspect. Someone capable of moving with great silence, as slashers do. And hiding behind objects. Psychologically, they would have difficulty relating to people, a sure sign of burgeoning psychopathy. And possibly wearing some iconic form of clothing; most of the great horror villains wear some recognizable uniform, like Jason’s mask or Freddy’s glove.

      I can’t think of anyone.

      • Riku
        Riku
        April 4, 2014 at 12:29 am | #

        YOU STOP IT RIGHT THIS FUCKING INSTANT

      • -JAD-
        -JAD-
        April 4, 2014 at 12:33 am | #

        Daaaaaamn I had Not thought About the killer aaaaaahhhhh!

      • Khaner
        Khaner
        April 4, 2014 at 12:38 am | #

        Dorothy, the sweater vest murderer!

        • That Damn Rat
          That Damn Rat
          April 4, 2014 at 12:54 am | #

          Or Joyce and her hoodie dress of doom.

          • Water
            Water
            April 4, 2014 at 1:02 am | #

            Joyce dresses everyone today! IN BLOOD

          • Kelly
            Kelly
            April 4, 2014 at 1:42 am | #

            Even the genre aware will miss it. Just when they think it is their turn, they get ready and throw the door open… and nobody is there. But when they let their guard down and close the door, Dina is behind it!

      • Blob Marley
        Blob Marley
        April 4, 2014 at 4:13 am | #

        Dina could be the killer. She wouldn’t even understand the consequences of what she’s doing. “When the blood comes out, they stop talking. This is why I prefer dinosaurs. Fossils don’t bleed.”

        • Ananke
          Ananke
          April 4, 2014 at 11:44 am | #

          I agree. That was an obvious description of Dina.
          – nobody would suspect her
          – there’s been more than one episode of “you’ve been there that whole time?!”
          – she’s got difficulties understanding people
          – iconic form of clothing – just look.

        • Tenn
          Tenn
          April 4, 2014 at 12:22 pm | #

          *shiver*

      • Cephalo the Pod
        Cephalo the Pod
        April 4, 2014 at 8:46 am | #

        If Dina were the killer, I’d make Amber the lone survivor. Being her roommate and all.

        • zaratustra
          zaratustra
          April 4, 2014 at 7:22 pm | #

          Amber tries to sneak on Dina to immobilize her, but slips on all the blood, is knocked to the ground and dazed. Dina slowly approaches with a sharpened, bloodied fossil bone… pats Amber on the head, says “Sympathy via light physical contact”, and walks off.

          • Henry
            Henry
            April 10, 2014 at 11:32 am | #

            You have achieved victory, sir or ma’am.

      • Drakey
        Drakey
        April 4, 2014 at 12:25 pm | #

        You just described Faz. and Dina. Maybe it’s a team-up? They don’t get along unless they’re murderin’?

      • Opus the Poet
        Opus the Poet
        April 4, 2014 at 11:03 pm | #

        Dina is the obvious killer for a DoA slasher parody, it’s always the quiet one.

      • Augustus Waters
        Augustus Waters
        April 5, 2014 at 1:42 am | #

        DINA!!! MAKE DINA THE VILLIAN IT’S PERFECT!!!!

      • bibulb
        bibulb
        April 8, 2014 at 1:00 am | #

        Joyce and her iconic strap-on.

    • -JAD-
      -JAD-
      April 4, 2014 at 12:31 am | #

      I like to imagine that kind of thing. The last survivor would either be Sarah, Mike or Amazi-Girl for toughness, or Joyce due to the innocence factor.

      I guess the first one to go would be Ruth or Billie. Leslie also has something about her (and no, I am not picking girls who like girls on purpose).

      • Leorale
        Leorale
        April 4, 2014 at 12:37 am | #

        Heck no, Ruth is the Strong Female Character who kicks all kinds of butt! Billie, the cheerleading love interest, gets fridged so Ruth can avenge her.

        Agatha is the killer (due to sexual frustration). But only because we haven’t seen Ninja Rick yet.

        • Regalli
          Regalli
          April 4, 2014 at 12:43 am | #

          Ninja Rick has canonically murdered a dude in the universe he appears in.

          … Then again, I think a not-insignificant portion of the cast in the Walkyverse ended up killing people.

          • Leorale
            Leorale
            April 4, 2014 at 12:46 am | #

            Ooh, or Jason could be the murderer. He’s British!

          • Doctor_Who
            Doctor_Who
            April 4, 2014 at 12:47 am | #

            Even Joyce killed someone. It was in a psychotic episode brought about by being confronted with…human…sexuality…

            Dorothy and Walky should start running now.

            • Heavensrun
              Heavensrun
              April 4, 2014 at 2:17 pm | #

              It wasn’t so much about being confronted with human sexuality as it was about being confronted with -her own-.

              • Boom
                Boom
                April 4, 2014 at 8:42 pm | #

                And she’s been confronted with that a few times now.

        • Silvester crow
          Silvester crow
          April 4, 2014 at 8:57 am | #

          Ruth would beat the killer to death with his own bloody femurs!

      • Arkantos
        Arkantos
        April 4, 2014 at 12:44 am | #

        OOOOOH! Amber is the killer and Amazi-Girl is the lone survivor!

        • John
          John
          April 4, 2014 at 4:02 am | #

          If Amber starts killin’ people, it’s not a slasher flick. It’s just a gritty ’90s reboot of the Amazi-Girl comics.

          • HMRC4EVR
            HMRC4EVR
            April 4, 2014 at 7:30 pm | #

            I’d love to see Wills do a full blown ‘for real’ Amazi Girl comic.

            A few universes over so it’s ‘all new, all different’ from the DoA-verse but we could see how Amber embraced being a ‘real’ super-hero and how her life would have unfolded as a result.

            And if it’s too much a burden for your weekly schedule, maybe as a one shot special for sale in the store and if it does well see what happens next?

      • Heavensrun
        Heavensrun
        April 4, 2014 at 2:22 pm | #

        Honestly, it’d probably be a fair point if you were. Horror movies do not tend to reflect a tolerant worldview towards non-heterosexual types. I can only think of one horror movie that has ever had a gay protagonist, and in that, she was also the murderer because being gay for her best friend drove her insane and caused her to horribly kill the friend’s family and kidnap her.

        This may be part of why I dislike horror movies.

        • Heavensrun
          Heavensrun
          April 4, 2014 at 2:23 pm | #

          (in fairness, I haven’t seen that many, because every time I try to watch one, it has some BS karmic backlash against sexuality that pisses me off and I don’t watch any for awhile, so maybe I’ve just had crappy luck.)

      • Roborat
        Roborat
        April 4, 2014 at 2:43 pm | #

        Nah, this is Willis, don’t forget, it will be one of the background characters nobody has paid any attention to.

    • John
      John
      April 4, 2014 at 1:16 am | #

      I vote Billie for killer. The stresses of living in a world specifically designed to make her lose her shit in hilarious ways finally break her, and she ends up stalking the halls in her DRAGO uniform with a butcher’s knife.

      • Leonou
        Leonou
        April 4, 2014 at 2:44 am | #

        There are way too many candidates to the killer’s position in the supposedly college comedy…
        Wait, didn’t Scream teached us that there may be more than just one lone killer ? What if they all are ?

        • arank11
          arank11
          April 4, 2014 at 5:02 pm | #

          Explain to me how that would work. Like, would they all be trying to kill each other and also not get killed at the same time? Or would they form killer alliances and try to kill the other killers before they’re killed themselves?

          • ninja_jesus
            ninja_jesus
            April 4, 2014 at 6:16 pm | #

            They all agreed to a schedule in which one person from the group will try to kill the rest, and if they’re unable to within a set timeframe, then it goes to the next person.

            • Jen
              Jen
              April 4, 2014 at 11:55 pm | #

              If we’re going with horror movie tropes, then I think Joyce’s brother/sister would be the killer because don’t horror movies in general portray trans individuals as horrible misfits and evil people?

  28. Hoboturtle
    Hoboturtle
    April 4, 2014 at 12:19 am | #

    Dorothy: Not that

    Walky: Oh right… you see horror is a type of genre in which fear is suppose to be generated for the consumer.

  29. AgentKeen
    AgentKeen
    April 4, 2014 at 12:20 am | #

    Dammit Walky, you’re going to break her. And just after she stood up for her atheist friend.

  30. Ryune
    Ryune
    April 4, 2014 at 12:21 am | #

    IDK I think Joyce will freak out more that it was WALKY who did the PMHP with Dorothy.

  31. Darwin
    Darwin
    April 4, 2014 at 12:23 am | #

    Joyce takes a 66 C Critical. She takes 8 damage per round and is stunned and unable to parry for 10 rounds.

    • Kelly
      Kelly
      April 4, 2014 at 2:08 am | #

      What system is that?

      • Pinja
        Pinja
        April 4, 2014 at 6:04 am | #

        FATAL

        • Lel
          Lel
          April 4, 2014 at 12:37 pm | #

          “The information hits Joyce in the brain, somehow missing the skull in the process. Joyce is unable to make the next urination roll. Everyone turns to rapists and/or grows eyeballs on their genitals.”

          • Regalli
            Regalli
            April 4, 2014 at 1:58 pm | #

            … It’s FATAL, isn’t everyone already a rapist in that godforsaken piece of trash masquerading as a game?

      • maxlines
        maxlines
        April 4, 2014 at 6:50 am | #

        Sounds like role-master. (I think that was the name. Iron crown enterprises published it in the 1980’s)

  32. caesaria82
    caesaria82
    April 4, 2014 at 12:28 am | #

    Eyebrows. Who needs them anyway. Right, Joyce?

  33. MightionNY
    MightionNY
    April 4, 2014 at 12:29 am | #

    Uh oh, they broke her. Again.

  34. Bunivasal
    Bunivasal
    April 4, 2014 at 12:38 am | #

    Quick! Distract her! Tell her what a strap on is!

  35. GoogerGeiger
    GoogerGeiger
    April 4, 2014 at 12:42 am | #

    PREMARITAL HANKY PANKYYYYYYYY

  36. Idon'tcarenomore
    Idon'tcarenomore
    April 4, 2014 at 12:43 am | #

    Joyce is the perfect slasher serial weirdo horror killer. Who’d suspect her.
    “I had to do it, they were committing premarital hanky panky”

    Who’d think of sex in a graveyard? Check out the Victorian Age and the 1800s American scene. While not necessarily big on the sex scene, the quite and well cared for graveyards often found young people strolling through the shrubbery for a bit of “piece” and quiet. As graveyards were often landscaped and sculpted, families met there for picnics among the peace and quiet and to ‘visit’ with the departed.

    Horror movie no-no’s:
    -the girl alone in the house with no lights goes down in the cellar to ‘investigate that odd noise”………..
    -the guy leaves the room and his naked girlfriend to ‘just run downstairs for a cold beer for them”, 15 minutes later she goes to investigate……
    -a sudden storm forces teens into an old abandoned campsite where tales tell of a deranged counciller who wiped out the campers years ago and…..
    -any girl or guy who panics and charges off into the woods, cellar, storm….
    -any time the group decides to ‘split up to cover more ground’…….
    -any hitchhiker picked up along a dark deserted road…..

  37. Regalli
    Regalli
    April 4, 2014 at 12:48 am | #

    … Sooooo, we’re about to watch Joyce’s brain break into a million tiny pieces and then for her to start talking about the cragged shame-pits of the lust wolves again, aren’t we?

    • Bill
      Bill
      April 4, 2014 at 6:18 am | #

      I predict that within a week (real time) we will be treated to a reprise of “Do, Re, Mi” from “The Sound of Music”.

  38. SilverArrowArtemis
    SilverArrowArtemis
    April 4, 2014 at 12:57 am | #

    ON THE NEXT STRIP:

    Joyce: PREMARITAL HANKY PANKY!!!

  39. NinjaNick
    NinjaNick
    April 4, 2014 at 12:57 am | #

    Code blue!

    • Jaxx Sentinel
      Jaxx Sentinel
      April 4, 2014 at 5:28 am | #

      WE’RE LOSING HER! Quick! Play the sound of music!

      • ninja_jesus
        ninja_jesus
        April 4, 2014 at 6:11 pm | #

        Let’s go!

      • HMRC4EVR
        HMRC4EVR
        April 4, 2014 at 7:34 pm | #

        We need 10cc’s of Superbook fast!

  40. timemonkey
    timemonkey
    April 4, 2014 at 12:59 am | #

    I kind of hope Joyce just stares a bit then chokes down whatever is building inside her. She already knows Dorothy isn’t following the same path she is and doesn’t believe the same things.

    • Jaxx Sentinel
      Jaxx Sentinel
      April 4, 2014 at 11:47 am | #

      or she blacks out, or both, I don’t know why but i’m really hoping for both…

      • Heavensrun
        Heavensrun
        April 4, 2014 at 1:00 pm | #

        Or she didn’t even hear Walky, because she just googled “strap-on”.

  41. GhostWriterL
    GhostWriterL
    April 4, 2014 at 1:09 am | #

    Joyce is going to freak out on the both of them for being impure, or she missed that entire monologue because .2 seconds after stating they missed math she realized what a strap on is and her brain is on the way to burying her consciousness into a fantasy realm of bibles and plush bears and ending up in that catatonic state I theorized yesterday.

  42. Krimson
    Krimson
    April 4, 2014 at 1:25 am | #

    If only Joyce had a strap-on to cover her ears.

    • ninja_jesus
      ninja_jesus
      April 4, 2014 at 6:09 pm | #

      Google Strap-On, now with earplugs.

  43. JohnInCA
    JohnInCA
    April 4, 2014 at 1:40 am | #

    I like it when Walky casually shows that yes, he has been paying attention. I suspect this little analysis of horror movies came from the gender studies class. Or possibly TvTropes.

    • Heavensrun
      Heavensrun
      April 4, 2014 at 1:01 pm | #

      Or he’s just -seen- horror movies.

  44. Kevin
    Kevin
    April 4, 2014 at 2:59 am | #

    Ok now the stupid cookie-tracking side ad is telling me to move to the place I already live at. Can’t you just advertise anime and other webcomics like everyone else? -_-

  45. Blob Marley
    Blob Marley
    April 4, 2014 at 4:05 am | #

    Well, this is Walkward.

  46. Next Strip...
    Next Strip...
    April 4, 2014 at 4:40 am | #

    Joyce Snaps and Sucks Like, A Billion Dicks

  47. fishamaphone
    fishamaphone
    April 4, 2014 at 5:22 am | #

    When did Walky turn into Abed?

  48. Pinja
    Pinja
    April 4, 2014 at 6:03 am | #

    CRAGGED SHAME PIT OF THE LUSTWOLVES!

    I predict Joyce is disgusted, feels pressured to have sex and then Ethan turns her down and that causes their breakup.

    Thank God.

  49. Lyze
    Lyze
    April 4, 2014 at 6:50 am | #

    Love that Joyce’s eyebrows are on their way to orbit.

  50. maxlines
    maxlines
    April 4, 2014 at 6:51 am | #

    Now, is Joyce just appalled at Walky’s talk on horror-movie plots or has she made the inference that they’ve rode the beast with two backs?

  51. Jimmy
    Jimmy
    April 4, 2014 at 7:29 am | #

    DANGER ZONE!

  52. hof1991
    hof1991
    April 4, 2014 at 7:48 am | #

    I like how, in three panels, Dorothy goes from killing him softly to just plain ready to murder Wally.

  53. Makkabee
    Makkabee
    April 4, 2014 at 8:03 am | #

    That’s something that always bothered me about slasher movies. Just once I’d like to see a slasher movie where virgins get slaughtered and only sexually active people are safe.

    • -Sentinel-
      -Sentinel-
      April 4, 2014 at 9:12 am | #

      I’d like to see a slasher movie that doesn’t care who’s a virgin and who isn’t.

    • Andiemus
      Andiemus
      April 4, 2014 at 10:40 am | #

      If I remember correctly, the girl who survived Friday the Thirteenth wasn’t a virgin, and I know she smoked.

    • Vex Godglove
      Vex Godglove
      April 4, 2014 at 8:27 pm | #

      There is one. It is called “Cherry Falls”

  54. 'Drew
    'Drew
    April 4, 2014 at 8:32 am | #

    I believe that Dorothy is going to miss a bit more than her “Math Class”, she’s also going to miss her period. David has been building to her eventual pregnancy for a long time. She’s got too much ambition and plans for the future to have kids, so what else do you do to mess with a character like that? Well played Mr. Willis, well played…

    • Silvester crow
      Silvester crow
      April 4, 2014 at 9:06 am | #

      But they used the amazi-condoms, confoms so strong that amazi-girl carries them around. If they had a kid, walky would name it david copperfeild!

    • Nono
      Nono
      April 4, 2014 at 9:10 am | #

      That would mean waiting two to four weeks before she realizes she hasn’t got it yet, which means it won’t happen til 2018.

      • King
        King
        April 4, 2014 at 5:26 pm | #

        I think that this is awesome, my favourite WebComic covers only some weeks of time… in like 4-5 years of REAL time 😀

    • John
      John
      April 4, 2014 at 9:21 am | #

      Wut.

      Yeah, ’cause, “I’m going to punish this woman for her ambition and her premarital sex by saddling her with an unwanted pregnancy, despite her belt-and-suspenders approach to birth control,” totally sounds like something David Willis would be plotting.

      Anyway, Dorothy’s easy to mess with; as illustrated today, she’s neurotic as hell. Suggest that maybe she’s not doing the absolute best she possibly could be and she freaks right the fuck out. That’s half the reason I think she and Walky are great together; he’s getting her to mellow out and relax a little. The other half is that she’s getting him to mellow out and relax a little less.

    • David M Willis
      David M Willis
      April 4, 2014 at 9:36 am | #

      No.

    • timemonkey
      timemonkey
      April 4, 2014 at 10:10 am | #

      That kind of plot twist would not only be completely out of character for Willis (he’s mentioned repeatedly that Dorothy’s ambition is not a character flaw) but useless in the time vortex that is DoA. DoA is never going to end, their progression will be limited, if Dorothy was made pregnant she’d be pregnant forever.

      • clodia
        clodia
        April 4, 2014 at 11:13 am | #

        I agree with everything you said here, except one small statement. I think if Dorothy got pregnant, she’d have an abortion. Therefore she wouldn’t actually be pregnant forever. But I recognize you were mostly referring to the time-dilation that means that three days can take three years in DoA.

      • Bill
        Bill
        April 4, 2014 at 1:02 pm | #

        “… if Dorothy was made pregnant she’d be pregnant forever.”

        Which would tend to balance things out, because in “Shortpacked” Robin was pregnant for what?  Three weeks, tops?

    • derick
      derick
      April 5, 2014 at 12:32 am | #

      Hello, you must be new here.

  55. ninja_jesus
    ninja_jesus
    April 4, 2014 at 9:30 am | #

    My face when seeing Joyce’s reactions.

  56. Chronos
    Chronos
    April 4, 2014 at 12:04 pm | #

    GODDAMN IT WALKY.

  57. maycroft
    maycroft
    April 4, 2014 at 12:15 pm | #

    This moments make me like joyce.

  58. Tenn
    Tenn
    April 4, 2014 at 12:31 pm | #

    Walky went from “girls are stupid” to “have I casually mentioned I have a sex life?” pretty fast.

    • -JAD-
      -JAD-
      April 4, 2014 at 9:08 pm | #

      I think he went from “girls are stupid” to “look, I have a weenus”, that’s where I saw the change more clearly.

  59. Sir Robin
    Sir Robin
    April 4, 2014 at 4:44 pm | #

    Damn you Willis, where is the “Horrified Joyce Face” I was anticipating? It had better be there tomorrow, and last at least 3 panels

  60. OldFart
    OldFart
    April 4, 2014 at 7:45 pm | #

    My experience as a fundie was a little different from Joyce’s. I remember being specifically taught not to be shocked by the sexual immortality of the unsaved. It was fellow Christians, who should know better, who should be rebuked, and shunned if they failed to repent of their sin. There’s a specific Bible passage to that effect, but I have no desire dig out my old Bible.

  61. Jack Finch
    Jack Finch
    April 4, 2014 at 9:03 pm | #

    DOA has the best elevating eyebrow physics.

  62. i mean come on god damn
    i mean come on god damn
    April 4, 2014 at 11:06 pm | #

    I wonder if Dorothy’s ever gonna recognize that her being valedictorian probably had at least something to do with having had a boyfriend who actually gave a shit about her goals and values and supported her in doing them.

    BUT HE’S ALL CLINGY N SHIT DANNY = THE WORST lol

    • John
      John
      April 5, 2014 at 12:25 am | #

      Yeah Dorothy owes everything she does or is to having a guy who is this supportive of her goals and values.

      • i mean come on god damn
        i mean come on god damn
        April 6, 2014 at 1:10 am | #

        It’s hilarious that you think that qualifies as unsupportive

        • i mean come on god damn
          i mean come on god damn
          April 6, 2014 at 1:17 am | #

          “maybe you’ll change your mind” oh no

          that monshtur

  63. JohnnyO
    JohnnyO
    April 4, 2014 at 11:40 pm | #

    I was friends with my high school’s valedictorian. He missed plenty of classes, some intentionally, and did just fine.

  64. JohnnyO
    JohnnyO
    April 4, 2014 at 11:44 pm | #

    I also wonder if Dorothy ever considered that her obsession with NEVER missing class EVER has something to do with her being at IU and hoping to transfer instead of at Yale. The valedictorian I mentioned is at Cornell, but just having good grades at some random high school in the south didn’t get him there. He had extracurricular and service stuff too.

  65. maxyai
    maxyai
    April 5, 2014 at 1:54 am | #

    This is Joyce’s punishment for wearing a hoodie dress.

  66. Keith the verbos and boring
    Keith the verbos and boring
    April 6, 2014 at 7:45 am | #

    30 years ago I knew young innocent whose parents were missionaries in Papua New Guinea…at least they weren’t fundamentalists. Fortunately for her she wasn’t wound nearly as tight as Joyce. In less than a year she was giving nose jobs while playing quarters and had the best luck with rim jobs…uh, that’s not what it sounds like “rim job” in that context was the name of a rule while playing quarters. And things just went as awkward as the day we had to explain.

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