Dumbing of Age Book Twelve

Dumbing of Age

A college webcomic by David Willis
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May 22, 2026

Holed up

by David M Willis on August 1, 2016 at 12:01 am
  • 04 - It All Returns
└ Tags: danny, ethan, mike

Discussion (365) ¬

[ Comments RSS ]
  1. Ana Chronistic
    Ana Chronistic
    August 1, 2016 at 12:05 am | #

    Mike’s gonna hatefuck them both in their sleep isn’t he

    • nobodybasically
      nobodybasically
      August 1, 2016 at 12:06 am | #

      Am I the only one hoping so, just for all the partial nudity? 😀

      • Doctor_Who
        Doctor_Who
        August 1, 2016 at 12:07 am | #

        Who knows, there might be a Slipshine, so you may not have to settle for partial.

        • Joe
          Joe
          August 1, 2016 at 11:05 am | #

          If he sleeps with them both, that’s TWO slipshines. But I also don’t want him to fuck this up. I feel conflicted.

          • Dark
            Dark
            August 1, 2016 at 2:44 pm | #

            Or one very interesting Slipshine.

          • sarpiedon
            sarpiedon
            August 1, 2016 at 3:08 pm | #

            unless Mike starts a threesome.

      • nobodybasically
        nobodybasically
        August 1, 2016 at 6:36 am | #

        Just wanted to clarify I was very tired when I made this comment and didn’t fully grasp the whole “in their sleep” portion of this comment that makes it too unsavory.

    • Aletheia
      Aletheia
      August 1, 2016 at 12:06 am | #

      ಠ_ಠ No.

      • Solenoid
        Solenoid
        August 1, 2016 at 12:09 am | #

        Oh hey, that’s the face that Mike’s making right now! The very face!

        • Solenoid
          Solenoid
          August 1, 2016 at 12:16 am | #

          In seriousness, what the fuck, Ana?

          • Ana Chronistic
            Ana Chronistic
            August 1, 2016 at 1:16 am | #

            riiiiight I forget there are non-Walkyverse folks here

            hence the Carla face at the moment, tho

            • RuckBogers
              RuckBogers
              August 1, 2016 at 8:20 pm | #

              It’s his signature move.
              …
              Also sacrificing pets and kicking children.

      • RandomRedMage
        RandomRedMage
        August 1, 2016 at 3:51 am | #

        Dadface…. havn’t seen that in a while.

    • Wheelpath
      Wheelpath
      August 1, 2016 at 12:06 am | #

      Would that cuz the same issues as in shortpacked? Like I want Mike to start some junk, but I don’t think that works as well here.

      • Doctor_Who
        Doctor_Who
        August 1, 2016 at 12:08 am | #

        SP Mike was basically a chaotic force of nature, and reality itself kneeled before his powers of trolling.

        DoA Mike needs to be a little more subtle in his assholery, since he is (presumably) a mere mortal.

    • LimeSheep
      LimeSheep
      August 1, 2016 at 12:09 am | #

      i mean i would hope its not in their sleep that would be pretty bad

    • timemonkey
      timemonkey
      August 1, 2016 at 12:11 am | #

      That would be rape.

    • Saki
      Saki
      August 1, 2016 at 12:14 am | #

      I thought this comment section was better than rape jokes. -sigh-

      • Dana
        Dana
        August 1, 2016 at 12:19 am | #

        And Ana.

        • Some1
          Some1
          August 1, 2016 at 12:29 am | #

          Jen would never have done that!

          • buttonmarkederase
            buttonmarkederase
            August 1, 2016 at 12:30 am | #

            she just did. frankly, i’m kind of disgusted.

            • Some1
              Some1
              August 1, 2016 at 12:46 am | #

              that’s the joke…

      • Ana Chronistic
        Ana Chronistic
        August 1, 2016 at 1:43 am | #

        is it a joke to realize something in disgust? (with expectations of “jinxing” it so it doesn’t happen?)

        fwiw I thought it in the same tone as “Toedad’s gonna ship Becky off to a conversion camp and marry her at gunpoint to some asshole like Ryan isn’t he” (see also current Gravatar)

        • modulusshift
          modulusshift
          August 1, 2016 at 2:21 am | #

          I mean, it’s just a reference to this comic, right? Or this one, and the next one? [SPOILERS for Shortpacked!] (but seriously, the arc this moment spawned *made* the comic for me. you should start from the beginning, though.)

        • buttonmarkederase
          buttonmarkederase
          August 1, 2016 at 3:16 am | #

          it sure seems like a joke when it’s something that is highly doubtful would happen in Dumbiverse.

          also what does your Gravatar even have to do with this

          • Betty Anne
            Betty Anne
            August 1, 2016 at 2:10 pm | #

            Carla’s pretty much gotten a free pass from the comments section for saying/doing anything off-color, except annoying Mary by rollerskating in the hall, and that was only objected to by people who actually expect dorms to be quiet. :/

            • Shiro
              Shiro
              August 1, 2016 at 6:22 pm | #

              Are you kidding me right now

        • Saki
          Saki
          August 1, 2016 at 3:08 pm | #

          Oh, sorry, I misread your tone. And I’d completely forgotten about that part of Shortpacked!. Probably my brain blocked it out. Anyways, I’m just so used to people casually dropping these sorts of horrible jokes, it doesn’t surprise me to read them anymore. Sorry I jumped the gun, I should have known you’re better than this.

      • stormbeta
        stormbeta
        August 1, 2016 at 2:00 am | #

        It was worded badly, but I just assumed it was a reference to events in the Walkyverse – which were *not* rape, although “hatefuck” might be accurate, at least from Mike’s perspective.

      • podian
        podian
        August 1, 2016 at 10:33 am | #

        Extremely poorly worded, but it was not a rape joke – it was a reference to one of the most Mike moments of Shortpacked!

        • podian
          podian
          August 1, 2016 at 10:46 am | #

          At least I think so

    • ANeM
      ANeM
      August 1, 2016 at 12:53 am | #

      I think he has just recognized how awful it would be if Danny and Ethan banged, and.. now he will make it happen.

      • Godfather
        Godfather
        August 1, 2016 at 2:03 am | #

        YES MIKE

        THEY MUST BANG

        FACILITATE THIS

        • Godfather
          Godfather
          August 1, 2016 at 2:04 am | #

          Avatar is quite appropriate XD

          • RandomRedMage
            RandomRedMage
            August 1, 2016 at 3:53 am | #

            No… actually I think its innapropriate, Amber would probably go catatonic, if her gay exboyfriend, and her current ex boyfriend were to become a thing so soon after she broke up with him…. I think she would go catatonic.

            • merbrat
              merbrat
              August 1, 2016 at 4:24 am | #

              It would tear her apart. Cringing in mortification and self-hatred, but wanting to write the fan-fic about them.

              • Varorson
                Varorson
                August 1, 2016 at 2:14 pm | #

                She’s already writing fan-fic… who says it isn’t about them?

                Then she’ll come to see her fan-fic become true, and believes she has true super powers.

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      August 1, 2016 at 2:50 am | #

      Willis sure loves slipping in these shine-baits.

    • Needfuldoer
      Needfuldoer
      August 1, 2016 at 3:05 am | #

      He’d probably just move one into the other’s bed and let the confusion snowball from there.

    • Her.
      Her.
      August 1, 2016 at 6:48 am | #

      …. in other words rape them… i hope willis deletes this comment bc fuuuuuck you

    • Doc Harleen
      Doc Harleen
      August 1, 2016 at 7:46 am | #

      I mean I think I get what you were trying for tone-wise, but it’s really easy to lose tone in text form, so this is just a pile of NOPE. Nope nope nope.

    • WeirderThanWeird
      WeirderThanWeird
      August 1, 2016 at 8:09 am | #

      I don’t understand the hate your comment is getting. It’s not like you phrased it in anyway that sounded happy or like you were wishing for it. It read to me as a resigned comment on what his facial expression meant with a dash of SP reference. Unless we’re now pretending it’s inappropriate to call out someone on rapey behavior?

      But maybe others are right and it is phrased poorly. The anger at you still makes no sense. Conceptualizing our thoughts is hard and everyone’s misspoken before. Anger generally just makes someone defensive and less likely to listen to criticism.

      • Brotato
        Brotato
        August 1, 2016 at 8:36 am | #

        ^this. Like, the sheer vitriol is astounding.

        • Charlie
          Charlie
          August 1, 2016 at 8:41 am | #

          Sheer vitriol of slight disappointment and sighing?

        • Fart Captor
          Fart Captor
          August 1, 2016 at 11:32 am | #

          Its an understandably sensitive topic, especially with how there’s a major problem with real-world rape and sexual assault not being taken seriously. And there are people who frequent the site who have personal experience with this.

          The anger so far has been fairly restrained, in my opinion. No one is demanding Ana’s head on a platter, they’re just expressing the extent to which they are not okay with the comment.

          On a side note, telling people who are upset that their anger doesn’t make sense and they should be less angry is not going to go over well, especially in this context. I don’t think that’s what you really meant, but I would advise trading lightly there.

          • Random832
            Random832
            August 1, 2016 at 1:12 pm | #

            So… as long as you’re angry, no-one’s allowed to call you out on being wrong about the thing you’re angry at?

            • Betty Anne
              Betty Anne
              August 1, 2016 at 2:12 pm | #

              Yep, pretty much. See: All of Tumblr.

              There’s a reason Donald Trump is a nominee for President right now.

            • Fart Captor
              Fart Captor
              August 1, 2016 at 2:51 pm | #

              Being wrong? Absolutely.

              But telling people they’re wrong to have gotten angry in the first place is a shitty thing to do, even if there has been a misunderstanding. But since I don’t think anyone has (intentionally) done that, maybe I shouldn’t have even brought it up.

      • Shiro
        Shiro
        August 1, 2016 at 6:26 pm | #

        The part that pushed it over to “rape joke” for me is “in their sleep.” Because, y’know, fucking someone in their sleep (absent some prearrangement and whatnot) actually is rape. There was no reason to add that part to what otherwise would have been a totally reasonable joke.

        Which is what made it annoying to me, because it added a gross element that was totally uncalled-for in context.

        • Aletheia
          Aletheia
          August 2, 2016 at 1:53 am | #

          Same. :/ I get the nod to the Walkyverse, but it wasn’t in their sleep there. They might’ve been inebriated (actually, I think they were?), but both Amber and Ethan were willing, consenting participants (Mike even makes a comment that it was Amber’s idea, at least part of it :/ ). That couldn’t happen if the people he was hatefucking were sleeping during it, because they could neither consent or participate.

          So. Yeah. The “in their sleep” dumped a perfectly good joke right into rape joke territory there. :/

    • Falling Star
      Falling Star
      August 1, 2016 at 11:15 am | #

      Yep.

  2. Doctor_Who
    Doctor_Who
    August 1, 2016 at 12:05 am | #

    This is Mike right now.

    • Taigan
      Taigan
      August 1, 2016 at 12:06 am | #

      ” I have work to do here.”

    • Disloyal Subject
      Disloyal Subject
      August 1, 2016 at 12:07 am | #

      Hm. At first glance I assumed that was Skitter, not Waspinator.
      Strange, that an adolescent human female can be so much scarier than a multistory-tall metallic extraterrastrial.

      • Decepticon357
        Decepticon357
        August 1, 2016 at 12:45 am | #

        Actually Waspinator is a Predacon so he’s only a little bit taller then a human in size!

      • Zach
        Zach
        August 1, 2016 at 12:47 am | #

        Her mask wouldn’t be so frilly, and Waspinator wouldn’t know how to break you as a person… or have clairvoyance for 1000 feet.

        Best book I’ve read in a long time. I miss bongo! Needs her own book.

        • John
          John
          August 1, 2016 at 1:58 am | #

          Can’t use bongo’s proper supranym here. You’ll have to call her “Other Other Rachel”.

          (‘Cause fuck “Hellhound”.)

    • inqntrol
      inqntrol
      August 1, 2016 at 12:10 am | #

      I first thought ofthis.

      • Disloyal Subject
        Disloyal Subject
        August 1, 2016 at 12:11 am | #

        I was thinking Gendo, honestly.

        • lejwocky
          lejwocky
          August 1, 2016 at 1:53 am | #

          Get in the goddamn Robot*, Shinji**

      • Jay Eff
        Jay Eff
        August 1, 2016 at 12:17 am | #

        Mr Burns, huh? Nah, Mike couldn’t pull that off.

        For one thing, he’d have to smile…

        • tim gueguen
          tim gueguen
          August 1, 2016 at 11:10 am | #

          And regularly forget the name of a central character in the story he’s had dealings with multiple times.

      • Roborat
        Roborat
        August 3, 2016 at 4:19 pm | #

        Yup, that was my first thought on the last panel as well. Mr. Burns “Excellent” face.

    • Orion Fury
      Orion Fury
      August 1, 2016 at 2:52 pm | #

      It’s the first thing that came to mind as well.

  3. Edhead
    Edhead
    August 1, 2016 at 12:05 am | #

    BAH GAWD THAT’S MIKE’S MUSIC

    • Doctor_Who
      Doctor_Who
      August 1, 2016 at 12:10 am | #

      No, this is.

      • Rukduk
        Rukduk
        August 1, 2016 at 12:15 am | #

        I’m now picturing Mike with Denis Leary’s voice. It works waaaayyyy to well.

        • Edhead
          Edhead
          August 1, 2016 at 12:51 am | #

          I actually imagine Mike with a somewhat ratty but at the same time tough voice.

          • Mo
            Mo
            August 1, 2016 at 1:19 am | #

            So Denis Leary.

      • TheAnonymousGuy
        TheAnonymousGuy
        August 1, 2016 at 12:16 am | #

        doctor, we have to stop mike! it he’s planning what I think he’s planning than this could send amber even further down the preverbal rabbit hole.

        • Viktoria
          Viktoria
          August 1, 2016 at 12:33 am | #

          Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you get help. Unfortunately, I think this will turn Amber into an asteroid.

          • miados
            miados
            August 1, 2016 at 9:50 am | #

            astroid girl?

          • Betty Anne
            Betty Anne
            August 1, 2016 at 2:14 pm | #

            At least asteroids are obvious enough that people actually attempt to intervene before they destroy themselves and everyone else. 😐

  4. miados
    miados
    August 1, 2016 at 12:05 am | #

    oooooh mike…… yeah do it.

  5. NinjaNick
    NinjaNick
    August 1, 2016 at 12:05 am | #

    Get a room, you two. 😛

  6. Mr. Mendo
    Mr. Mendo
    August 1, 2016 at 12:05 am | #

    Mike is gonna sex them up SO CRAZY!

  7. AnvilPro
    AnvilPro
    August 1, 2016 at 12:05 am | #

    I’ll be disappointed if it turns out this whole thing WASN’T an elaborate Mike plan. That’s first step was getting Joyce to enroll in this college.

    • Tribbly
      Tribbly
      August 1, 2016 at 12:56 am | #

      Thank you. My new headcannon is that Mike has been working behind the scenes for years to turn half the DoA characters into ticking timebombs that were liable to explode in their first semester of college. Mike gave Sal the knife she used in the robbery. Mike spent years as a pen pal of Becky’s subtly working to help her fall for Joyce but not realize that she’s fat. Mike told Jason that he looks cool in a bow tie. Mike made the Amazi-Gir costume. Mike is behind it all.

      • Tribbly
        Tribbly
        August 1, 2016 at 12:58 am | #

        *lesbian? I didn’t realize the word gay is changed in the comments section now

        • Tribbly
          Tribbly
          August 1, 2016 at 12:59 am | #

          Nevermind. Not sure why gay was turned to fat. Please ignore my screwup

          • Yumi
            Yumi
            August 1, 2016 at 1:23 am | #

            I can’t; it makes the sentences wonderfully confusing.

          • audkitten6
            audkitten6
            August 1, 2016 at 2:03 am | #

            “Mike spent years as a pen pal of Becky’s subtly working to help her fall for Joyce but not realize that she’s fat.”

            That just makes me think that even Mike has standards. Like he’s going: yeah, you’ll fall in love with your best friend in the worst way, but you will NEVER EVER HATE YOUR BODY BECAUSE YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL

          • Random832
            Random832
            August 1, 2016 at 1:14 pm | #

            Well, the letters “ft” are one letter to the left of “gy” on the keyboard, you probably just misplaced one of your hands.

          • Betty Anne
            Betty Anne
            August 1, 2016 at 2:17 pm | #

            Oh, good. ^^; I was starting to sweat there, for a second. I was all, “Wait, what? First someone’s calling Billie fat the other day, and now Joyce is fat? DAMN I’m in blue whale territory, then. :O”

      • AnvilPro
        AnvilPro
        August 1, 2016 at 1:23 am | #

        Turns out Mike talked Walky’s Mom into putting him in the TV show instead of Sal

        • Dean
          Dean
          August 1, 2016 at 1:55 am | #

          Mike persuaded Hank and Carol to keep trying until they got a girl.

          • Needfuldoer
            Needfuldoer
            August 1, 2016 at 2:46 am | #

            Mike convinced the network executives to put Ultra Car in the same time slot as Dexter and Monkey Master, dooming it to fail from the beginning.

            • Bard1cKnowledge
              Bard1cKnowledge
              August 1, 2016 at 1:26 pm | #

              Mike made sure Robyn (robin? haven’t seen her in a while) ran for congress, making her stand be mostly focused on family values, thus turning Roz into a crazed sexpot, but a safe crazed sexpot, just to spite her sister

    • Orion Fury
      Orion Fury
      August 1, 2016 at 2:58 pm | #

      He knew we needed Drama™, So using Alien tech he went to another plane of existance, set up a bunch of stuff to fall like dominos, and switched places with his self in this continuity to make sure it all goes off without a hitch.

  8. Opus the Poet
    Opus the Poet
    August 1, 2016 at 12:06 am | #

    Mike smells denial.

    • inqntrol
      inqntrol
      August 1, 2016 at 12:10 am | #

      And a new opportunity.

  9. Mom
    Mom
    August 1, 2016 at 12:06 am | #

    I miss Mike’s asshole powers

    • Raza
      Raza
      August 1, 2016 at 2:13 am | #

      … uhg I’m totally too tired to do anything with this. Anyone?

      • JoyceParty
        JoyceParty
        August 1, 2016 at 2:52 am | #

        Not tonight, I have a headache.

      • Sadie
        Sadie
        August 2, 2016 at 12:20 am | #

        For the low, low cost of a Slipshine subscription, anyone can see !Amber take advantage of !Mike’s asshole powers anytime they want.

    • Mom
      Mom
      August 1, 2016 at 7:12 am | #

      *eyeroll*

    • smylietron
      smylietron
      August 1, 2016 at 12:13 pm | #

      Mike’s asshole powers have become redundant in the age of Carla, Defiant Asshole Empress

    • Darkoneko
      Darkoneko
      August 1, 2016 at 1:45 pm | #

      For you to do that with the nick “Mom”, of all nicks…

      •cough•

  10. March
    March
    August 1, 2016 at 12:06 am | #

    Uh-oh. Mike looks like he’s thinking. Nothing good can come of this.

    • detective boomwolf
      detective boomwolf
      August 1, 2016 at 12:08 am | #

      I feel like thats the equivilant of an evil smile from Mike.

    • Raen
      Raen
      August 1, 2016 at 12:08 am | #

      A dangerous habit.

  11. Achallenger
    Achallenger
    August 1, 2016 at 12:06 am | #

    mike cast shadow, its super omnibus

    • Shade
      Shade
      August 1, 2016 at 12:09 am | #

      I really hope not. Just ONE of Mike’s plans is vicious enough. ALL of them? No mother will be safe, and I don’t think there’s enough nickels in the world.

      • Slartibeast Button, BIA
        Slartibeast Button, BIA
        August 1, 2016 at 8:48 am | #

        Wikipedia says there 60,650,554,240 US nickels have been manufactured, so actually there are, unless over 95% have been lost or destroyed.

        • Betty Anne
          Betty Anne
          August 1, 2016 at 2:19 pm | #

          +1 X 60,650,554,240

    • caesaria82
      caesaria82
      August 1, 2016 at 12:13 am | #

      Mike’s shadow is a large mass transportation vehicle?

      • SgtWadeyWilson
        SgtWadeyWilson
        August 1, 2016 at 1:03 am | #

        No, obviously it’s a volume containing several novels or other items previously published separately.

        • Achallenger
          Achallenger
          August 1, 2016 at 7:38 pm | #

          well my typo sure got thrown under the *gets hit by truck*

    • Carms
      Carms
      August 1, 2016 at 12:18 am | #

      OMNIBUS

    • Deanatay
      Deanatay
      August 1, 2016 at 10:14 am | #

      UltraCar’s great nemesis, OmniBus!

      • Betty Anne
        Betty Anne
        August 1, 2016 at 2:20 pm | #

        Would that make her nemesis an Ominous OmniBus?

        • Orion Fury
          Orion Fury
          August 1, 2016 at 2:59 pm | #

          Someone will ship it.

  12. kkiten
    kkiten
    August 1, 2016 at 12:06 am | #

    A threesome hatefuck Slipshine between the three of them in Amber’s room would be interesting. tbh, probably something Mike would do.

    • caesaria82
      caesaria82
      August 1, 2016 at 12:14 am | #

      And it’s something I would watch.

      • Betty Anne
        Betty Anne
        August 1, 2016 at 2:21 pm | #

        TBH, I’m a shitty person. That’s probably something I would dip into my emergency savings account to get a Slipshine subscription for. :O

  13. LimeSheep
    LimeSheep
    August 1, 2016 at 12:07 am | #

    danny/mike/ethan slipshine incoming

    • LimeSheep
      LimeSheep
      August 1, 2016 at 12:16 am | #

      remember however many pages ago when he asked if he should fuck danny
      thats now back on the table

      • Hyzenthleia
        Hyzenthleia
        August 1, 2016 at 12:18 am | #

        He’s going to fuck Danny on a table?

        • LimeSheep
          LimeSheep
          August 1, 2016 at 12:22 am | #

          yes absolutely

        • Disloyal Subject
          Disloyal Subject
          August 1, 2016 at 12:37 am | #

          No, not “a” table.
          ALL the tables.

          Some breaking and entering may be involved.

          • Robin
            Robin
            August 1, 2016 at 1:53 am | #

            Specifically: breaking tables and entering… *dun dun DUN* THE FLOOR ZONE!

  14. m-m
    m-m
    August 1, 2016 at 12:07 am | #

    Never thought I’d agree with Mike. I should probably go play the lottery.

  15. Solenoid
    Solenoid
    August 1, 2016 at 12:07 am | #

    That is the look of a man who hates happiness.

    • Tomas
      Tomas
      August 1, 2016 at 9:30 pm | #

      You’re a cruel man,
      Mister Grinch!

  16. Shade
    Shade
    August 1, 2016 at 12:07 am | #

    …

    This either going to be really great, or really awful.

    Either way, I’m interested.

    • Nemirthel
      Nemirthel
      August 1, 2016 at 12:10 am | #

      Mike’s involved, so I’m going with “really awful.”

    • a4lbi
      a4lbi
      August 1, 2016 at 12:16 am | #

      Greatly awful.

      • SgtWadeyWilson
        SgtWadeyWilson
        August 1, 2016 at 1:05 am | #

        Awfully great.

        • Orion Fury
          Orion Fury
          August 1, 2016 at 2:59 pm | #

          Awful Awful?

          • Roborat
            Roborat
            August 3, 2016 at 4:20 pm | #

            Greatly great?

  17. JessWitt
    JessWitt
    August 1, 2016 at 12:07 am | #

    Slipshine threesome?

  18. MM
    MM
    August 1, 2016 at 12:07 am | #

    That’s a lot less gleeful than I expect from a Mike plan. :/

    • Reltzik
      Reltzik
      August 1, 2016 at 12:23 am | #

      Mike doesn’t really DO glee.

      …. though I imagine him as having an alto voice, an unexplored knack for breakdance choreography, and the ability to exacerbate high-school drama/sitcom hijinks.

      … okay, so I’m not imagining the last one.

  19. Yumi
    Yumi
    August 1, 2016 at 12:08 am | #

    This is probably the wrong reaction to have (especially when it’s a a ship I actually like), but I love Mike so much.

    • JessWitt
      JessWitt
      August 1, 2016 at 12:24 am | #

      Indeed. I have mixed conflicting feelings too but anything to advance this ship.

  20. DoggySpew
    DoggySpew
    August 1, 2016 at 12:08 am | #

    Dun dun DUUUUUN! *evil laughter in the distance, and a thundercrack*

  21. Umbrella Paint
    Umbrella Paint
    August 1, 2016 at 12:08 am | #

    MIKE
    MIKE NO
    MIKE STOP
    MIKE PLEASE
    MIKE DO NOT SINK THIS SHIP

    • LimeSheep
      LimeSheep
      August 1, 2016 at 12:15 am | #

      amber already sunk it. mike is going to restore what was stolen from us

      • Umbrella Paint
        Umbrella Paint
        August 1, 2016 at 12:40 am | #

        … I no longer know how to feel about this.

      • Sambo
        Sambo
        August 1, 2016 at 1:58 pm | #

        YES PLEASE

    • Reltzik
      Reltzik
      August 1, 2016 at 12:33 am | #

      What ship? The ship’s already dead. He’d have to salvage it first.

      ….

      And oh my, love, Mike minds it /
      Remember what he said /
      He can’t help but put Ethan with Danny /
      To make them bed /
      And oh my, love, Mike minds it /
      To kill it gives him strength /
      He’s not done it much /
      He’s losing his touch /
      He must build this ship to wreck

      • Chris Phoenix
        Chris Phoenix
        August 1, 2016 at 2:43 am | #

        She went down last October in a pouring driving rain
        The Ethan, he’d been thinking, and the Dan he felt the pain
        Too close to Amber Rock, and she was dealt her mortal blow
        And the Danny-Ethan Slipshine settled low…

      • Brotato
        Brotato
        August 1, 2016 at 8:41 am | #

        A+ song ref

        • Bicycle Bill
          Bicycle Bill
          August 1, 2016 at 11:06 am | #

          Ditto.  I get the reference too.
          Folk music lost a treasure when he passed.

    • Viktoria
      Viktoria
      August 1, 2016 at 12:37 am | #

      Nah. Danny and Ethan already said they wouldn’t. For chaos, first Mike has to get them to change their minds. So you’ll be really happy until everything goes wrong.

    • Fart Captor
      Fart Captor
      August 1, 2016 at 1:56 am | #

      Okay.

      So, how small would you say the pieces of wreckage would have to be before it no longer counts as “sinking”?

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      August 1, 2016 at 2:53 am | #

      Is that a torpedo in your pants or are you just happy to sink me?

      • Deanatay
        Deanatay
        August 1, 2016 at 10:20 am | #

        What have you done?? I’m now imagining WWII submarine porn.

        I need a moment…

        • Bicycle Bill
          Bicycle Bill
          August 1, 2016 at 11:09 am | #

          Is this the wrong place to make a remark about how a submarine is just a hard, rigid cylinder filled with seamen?

          • Bard1cKnowledge
            Bard1cKnowledge
            August 1, 2016 at 1:29 pm | #

            phrasing!

  22. caesaria82
    caesaria82
    August 1, 2016 at 12:10 am | #

    This is so cute d’awwwwww. And Mike is just…. being Mike. You’re not harshing my cute mellow tonight, Mike. Nice try. But nahhhh.

  23. Disloyal Subject
    Disloyal Subject
    August 1, 2016 at 12:10 am | #

    Figures that as soon as I give up on refreshing the page at 9:05 and go check Frivolesque, the comic updates.

  24. Sionyx
    Sionyx
    August 1, 2016 at 12:11 am | #

    Danny, Danny, Danny. You do not know Mike NEARLY well enough to talk about this in front of him. Ethan has the possibility of Friend mitigating Asshole, but with you involved…

    • Peny
      Peny
      August 1, 2016 at 12:18 am | #

      Does Danny even know Mike?

      • Saki
        Saki
        August 1, 2016 at 12:20 am | #

        Barely. They share 6 strips, including this one.

        • JessWitt
          JessWitt
          August 1, 2016 at 12:35 am | #

          I like that you keep track of this.

          • Saki
            Saki
            August 1, 2016 at 12:41 am | #

            I… I don’t. I just searched their names in the tags. It took me less than 30 seconds. I’m sorry. I have failed your expectations. I must now sacrifice myself to R’hllor to atone for my shame.

            • JessWitt
              JessWitt
              August 1, 2016 at 12:45 am | #

              Hey, don’t sweat it. I’m thinking of tallying up appearances someday when I get the books.

              • Jason
                Jason
                August 1, 2016 at 1:03 am | #

                Don’t bother. That’s what the tags are for!

                • JessWitt
                  JessWitt
                  August 1, 2016 at 1:29 am | #

                  Oh I mean, per book. Or maybe not, that’s going too far.

      • Dana
        Dana
        August 1, 2016 at 12:22 am | #

        I have a feeling he will, one way or another.

        • Peny
          Peny
          August 1, 2016 at 12:26 am | #

          He might even get to know him…quite…thoroughly…

          • Robin
            Robin
            August 1, 2016 at 1:55 am | #

            Biblically, one might say 😉

  25. Mr. Random
    Mr. Random
    August 1, 2016 at 12:11 am | #

    Mike’s got some catching up to do.

  26. Saki
    Saki
    August 1, 2016 at 12:12 am | #

    Oh dear gods I don’t know where this is going but I have a feeling I’m going to love it. 😀

  27. Saaaam
    Saaaam
    August 1, 2016 at 12:12 am | #

    Just bone, amber be damned

  28. Peny
    Peny
    August 1, 2016 at 12:13 am | #

    THREESOME!

  29. Rukduk
    Rukduk
    August 1, 2016 at 12:13 am | #

    Mike: “Yes. I sense opportunity here.”

  30. a4lbi
    a4lbi
    August 1, 2016 at 12:13 am | #

    Mike, praying angrily: “let it be meeeeeee”

    Hey, I can dream.

  31. sun tzu
    sun tzu
    August 1, 2016 at 12:13 am | #

    So, I assume Mike is planning to reveal Danny and Ethan’s mutual attraction to Amber while she’s down, or something equally assholish?

    • Saki
      Saki
      August 1, 2016 at 12:17 am | #

      No, that would be too obvious! I’m sure he’s got something much more calculated and slow burning in mind.

      • Disloyal Subject
        Disloyal Subject
        August 1, 2016 at 12:20 am | #

        Still on the obvious end of the spectrum, but he could upload images of them as fanart for her fics.

        • timemonkey
          timemonkey
          August 1, 2016 at 12:27 am | #

          He could get them together and then when Amber starts to throw her tantrum point out she has no right to complain since she tossed Danny aside like garbage and therefore has no say in who either of them dates.

          • Spencer
            Spencer
            August 1, 2016 at 2:25 am | #

            Yeah, fuck you for breaking up with your boyfriend when you’re having a mental breakdown, Amber.

            Mike should do one better and get Sal involved so they can all Eiffel Tower on Amber’s bed.

            • timemonkey
              timemonkey
              August 1, 2016 at 8:27 am | #

              Amber didn’t break up with her boyfriend, Amazi-Girl did. And right now Amazi-Girl has too much power over their lives.

              • Spencer
                Spencer
                August 1, 2016 at 8:49 am | #

                So why does Amber need to feel like shit for an action she didn’t take? Because you’re right; it was her alter who broke up with “her” boyfriend.

                • GuillaumeHJ
                  GuillaumeHJ
                  August 1, 2016 at 12:58 pm | #

                  Nobody said Amber had to feel like shit about it.

                  It’s her right to break up with whoever she wants. It’s not her right to blame or attack them for who they chose to date after that.

                • Disloyal Subject
                  Disloyal Subject
                  August 1, 2016 at 2:02 pm | #

                  You seem to be assuming we think Amber deserves the cruelty we expect from Mike.

                • Spencer
                  Spencer
                  August 1, 2016 at 6:02 pm | #

                  I think Amber is allowed to be kind of annoyed if her best friend decided to schlupt her ex literally the day after they broke up.

                  Or was Joe not being a total dick when he told Danny he’d try to fuck Dorothy a minute after they broke up?

        • Andy
          Andy
          August 1, 2016 at 9:19 am | #

          No. His photography skills are going to come into play.

        • Fart Captor
          Fart Captor
          August 1, 2016 at 8:10 pm | #

          It could all be just an elaborate misdirect: Mike is just making that face because he was completely crop-dusting in panels 3-4, and in the last panel he’s just waiting for it to ruin Danny and Ethan’s little moment because they’ll be able to taste it.

    • Rukduk
      Rukduk
      August 1, 2016 at 12:19 am | #

      Mike: “Hey Amber, both your ex-boyfriends like each other.”
      Amber: “WHAAATT?!?!?”
      Mike: “Also I had a threesome with them.”
      Amber: (look of pure shock) “WTF?!?!?”
      Mike: “For a NICKEL.”
      Amber: … (In complete shock)
      Mike: “That’s what you missed out on because of your alter ego. Yes I know you’re AmziGirl, don’t ask how. The important thing is, you could have been involved tooooo.”

      • Teddae
        Teddae
        August 1, 2016 at 12:24 am | #

        I would have accepted this as canon

    • Reltzik
      Reltzik
      August 1, 2016 at 12:34 am | #

      Equally? I’m guessing more.

    • Time Heist
      Time Heist
      August 1, 2016 at 1:26 am | #

      I doubt it? Like, Mike may be a ass, but the fact that he sincerely came to check on Amber suggests he’s not 100% a butt.

    • Usayasha
      Usayasha
      August 1, 2016 at 1:28 am | #

      He could sleep with both of them, separately of both at once, and make sure amber knows about it.

      I can actually see him inviting both to his room, at the same time, without telling each other. Then record their voices in the resulting threesome. Then turn that recording into a hot mixtape to give to Amber.

      “My mixtape is so fire, Amber is probably dead by now.” – Mike, to both Ethan and Danny, convincing them to barge into her room and confront her directly rather than keep everything under wraps and avoid confrontation.

  32. AgentKeen
    AgentKeen
    August 1, 2016 at 12:15 am | #

    Mike doesn’t smile, he just zeroes in on his prey.

  33. Carms
    Carms
    August 1, 2016 at 12:15 am | #

    What losers destroy them with your cruel love mike

  34. Jay Eff
    Jay Eff
    August 1, 2016 at 12:16 am | #

    No, no, Mike– Gendo Ikari puts his hands in front of his face, not his chest.

  35. linkman0596
    linkman0596
    August 1, 2016 at 12:16 am | #

    I love that mike looks a little angry in the last panel, like he’s thinking “this could be good, but if I don’t play it juuuuuust right I might accidentally make them happy”

    • Indiana Bones
      Indiana Bones
      August 1, 2016 at 12:27 am | #

      I dunno if that’s an angry face, I think that might just be the closest we’ll ever get to seeing him smile while sober

  36. Kernanator
    Kernanator
    August 1, 2016 at 12:16 am | #

    Mike: “It is I, here to ruin everything.”

  37. Plume
    Plume
    August 1, 2016 at 12:17 am | #

    Is that Mike’s “plotting” face?

  38. Reflex76
    Reflex76
    August 1, 2016 at 12:18 am | #

    “Eeexcellent!”

  39. JessWitt
    JessWitt
    August 1, 2016 at 12:20 am | #

    Well I had to ask where Mike’s been in the past few chapters…

  40. Tenchan
    Tenchan
    August 1, 2016 at 12:21 am | #

    Threesome!!!

  41. Xailenrath
    Xailenrath
    August 1, 2016 at 12:21 am | #

    AWWWWWWW
    (At first I thought Danny & Ethan were holding hands. Still, AAWWWWWW!)

    • J. A. J.
      J. A. J.
      August 1, 2016 at 12:26 am | #

      Me too! And two can play at this adorbs game:

      D’AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!

  42. Teddae
    Teddae
    August 1, 2016 at 12:22 am | #

    “Time to sleep with someone”

    • Reltzik
      Reltzik
      August 1, 2016 at 12:39 am | #

      “WITHOUT being paid a nickel.”

      • Neeks
        Neeks
        August 1, 2016 at 3:28 am | #

        Nah, he just takes a nickel from their respective wallets/hacks into their bank accounts and takes $0.05.

  43. Wendy
    Wendy
    August 1, 2016 at 12:23 am | #

    Ahhh, yes. That’s the face of Cupid.

  44. TrueVCU
    TrueVCU
    August 1, 2016 at 12:23 am | #

    Mike is a like a cat: the moment he sees something shiny and perfect, he is compelled to bring about its destruction

    • JessWitt
      JessWitt
      August 1, 2016 at 12:27 am | #

      Accurate si-mew-le.

    • SgtWadeyWilson
      SgtWadeyWilson
      August 1, 2016 at 1:15 am | #

      I think cats just have a different idea about shiny and perfect. My one cat found a very young opossum, showed it the catfood, and kept looking at me like: “Can I keep it?” “It already has all the proper sharp bits, see?” “Plus, we already have the right food!”

      • Neeks
        Neeks
        August 1, 2016 at 3:29 am | #

        “this strange cat is my small son.”

      • TrueVCU
        TrueVCU
        August 1, 2016 at 8:16 am | #

        Your cat looks at you and it’s got those Steven Universe star eyes

  45. Dana
    Dana
    August 1, 2016 at 12:24 am | #

    Mike seems pissed about this opportunity. Like he’s not in the mood to put out the effort, or maybe he doesn’t like shooting fish in a barrel.

    • Saki
      Saki
      August 1, 2016 at 12:44 am | #

      Maybe he was put in a bad mood by Carla’s shenanigans. Like, damn, how did he not think of something like this.
      And yes Mike would absolutely have heard of this despite it happening in the girls’ dorm, because Mike knows -everything- that happens on campus, -especially- when it involves revenge schemes and upsetting people.

  46. Some1
    Some1
    August 1, 2016 at 12:25 am | #

    And now for the 15th DOA Tournament Battle!

    MARY BRADFORD vs. JOYCE BROWN.

    Joyce and Mary both step up onto the ring. Mary cracks her knuckles and lets her wrist bands drop to the floor. They crash suddenly. Joyce does the same thing with her WWJD wristbands, and rubs her wrists.

    Joyce: I won’t allow you to win.

    Mary: It’s adorable you think you have a chance.

    Joyce runs at Mary, who leaps into the air and kicks downward. Joyce manages to leap out of the way and throws a pair of crosses. Mary blocks and lands on her feet.

    Mary: I hope you realize I’m not using my full power yet.

    Joyce: That’s good…neither am I!

    Mary powers up slightly and attacks Joyce again, Mary’s attacks quicken and she seems to have the upper hand. Joyce powers up as well and their attacks even out.

    Mary grabs Joyce’s fingers and they stay locked in a power struggle.

    Mary: We seem to be about equal…light and dark, good and evil, two sides to a coin!

    Joyce: Which one are you?

    Mary grabs Joyce’s wrists

    Mary: I guess that depends on your….

    Mary swings Joyce across the stage.

    Mary: perspective!

    Joyce slides to a halt and rushes back at Mary.

    Mary blocks her attack, and they slide together across the stage.

    Mary: I’m fighting at 50% right about now, how about you.

    Joyce: 50% as well.

    Mary: Enough holding back, I want to see your true power!

    Joyce: Fine then, 100% each.

    Mary: First things first, I hate the idea of our fight be confined to some tiny ring.

    Mary raises her hand and builds a massive amount of energy in it.

    Sarah: What is she…OH SHIT!

    Walky: RUN!

    Everyone leaps out of the way, as Mary releases a massive amount of energy, destroying the stage. Joyce managed to leap into the air, just before the explosion hit, and lands in the rubble.

    Joyce: Are you insane!?

    Mary: Perhaps.

    Mary begins to power up, Joyce starts doing the same thing. Their bodies seem to glow with energy, Joyce’s being blue and Mary’s being a blood red.

    Mary: Now then…

    Mary runs at Joyce so fast no one else can see her move, save for Joyce herself. They collide and throw a rapid series of attacks at each other. They eventually both leap into the air and continue fighting.

    Joyce grabs Mary and tosses her to the ground, before aiming a flying kick downwards. Mary manages to dodge, and Joyce attack slams into the ground causing a small crater.

    Mary roundhouse kicks Joyce in the face and sends her flying. Joyce slams through a tree, grabs half of the tree and flies back to Mary before slamming her into the ground with said tree.

    Mary sends an energy beam through the tree, destroying it.

    Mary: ENOUGH!

    Mary slams into the ground and forms her hands.

    Mary: ULTIMATE CREATION OF EVE!

    Joyce quickly forms her hands as well.

    Joyce: ULTIMATE CREATION OF ADAM!

    Their beams meet in midair, the wind seeming to bend around them, as they both attempt to strengthen their attack.

    Mary: I hope your realize that there is none!

    Joyce: I’ll never believe that!

    Mary: Tell me Joyce Brown, why do you fight!?

    Joyce: Why do you?

    Mary: SHUT UP!

    Mary’s attack strengthens exponentially and is about to overtake Joyce’s.

    Joyce: It’s too much…I can’t…

    Becky: Joyce!

    Joyce: Becky?

    Dorothy: Do it!

    Sarah: Fight!

    Amber: For Danny!

    Joyce: I understand now…

    Joyce’s attack increases and begins to overpower Mary.

    That’s the main difference between the two of us Mary; you believe that companions will only slow you down…WHILE I FIND STRENGTH IN THEM!

    Joyce’s attack overtakes Mary.

    Mary: Heh, you are stronger.

    Mary walks up to Joyce and drops a card at her feet.

    Mary: I’ve lost this fight, I can see that much.

    Joyce: Don’t think you’ll get away.

    Mary: Sorry Joyce, you fought well, but stopping me completely just wasn’t in the playbook.

    A jet plane shows up and lets down a ladder. Mary grabs it and salutes.

    Mary: See ya around, Joyce Brown!

    Joyce tries to fire off an energy beam, before discovering she can barely move. Sarah catches her, and Walky picks up the card and reads it to himself.

    Walky: Joyce, this card…it’s for someone who can supposedly to resurrections for the right price.

    Joyce: Yeah?

    Walky: It’s addressed to La Porte!

    Next time: Ask me anything!

    Also CONTEST!

    Because of the lack of tournament the series will have going on (still lots and lots of fighting though!) I need a more appropriate name for these. Whoever can give me a title I like best, will be able to request any one on one fight they want!
    (contest is valid today and tomorrow)

    • Umbrella Paint
      Umbrella Paint
      August 1, 2016 at 12:52 am | #

      Hmm…
      Dumbing Saga
      Quest of Age
      Warriors of La Porte
      Adventures in Indiana

    • Jason
      Jason
      August 1, 2016 at 1:06 am | #

      Wait shouldn’t you have run out of characters by now? Is this not a single-elimination tournament?

    • scrollin on
      scrollin on
      August 1, 2016 at 1:31 am | #

      stahhhhhp
      please

      • SgtWadeyWilson
        SgtWadeyWilson
        August 1, 2016 at 6:44 pm | #

        Now here’s a title rife with snark: “Some1 Please Stop This!”

        It fits the tone of the story, and the tone of half the readers. It uses the writer’s username to make a conmon phrase into a play on words. Plus it’s sarcastic, so bonus points.

    • SgtWadeyWilson
      SgtWadeyWilson
      August 1, 2016 at 1:32 am | #

      Kampus Kombat?
      Punching of Age?
      Dumbquest: the Wrath of Faz?
      Dumbing of Rampage?
      Wait, I can do better…

      Umm…

      DOA: Battleverse “Becky runs by kicking at robots.”

      Okay, maybe not so much.

      • Deanatay
        Deanatay
        August 1, 2016 at 10:26 am | #

        You realize, you’re only encouraging them?

        • SgtWadeyWilson
          SgtWadeyWilson
          August 1, 2016 at 4:59 pm | #

          That’s the plan.

    • Falling Star
      Falling Star
      August 1, 2016 at 11:11 am | #

      Age of Warfare.
      (i’ve got nothing)

  47. Mel
    Mel
    August 1, 2016 at 12:25 am | #

    Not to take away from Mike’s beautiful expression or a cute ship I generally support, but as much as I want Ethan and Danny to be happy, can someone who has been involved in a chaotic relationship please take a break? Please? Especially with both Ethan and Danny having their relationship with Amber, and all her personal things, in the background? Even Becky and Dina have some stuff percolation under the surface of their honeymoon phase. Can someone take a breather, organize some of their drama, and wait for a little bit to jump into another romantic relationship, even if they will eventually have a beautiful romance from this down the line? The heart want what the heart wants and all that, no doubt I’m a terrible stick in the mud, but that’s just my wishful thinking- some calm for SOMEONE before more emotional upheavals. Especially given Mike’s face.

    • Fart Captor
      Fart Captor
      August 1, 2016 at 1:25 am | #

      These two are probably effed. Amber’s not in a great place right now and they were probably right about how she’d react to this. Mike has far too much information that I do not like that he has.

      But there’s no way Willis will crush Dina immediately upon Becky’s return. Maybe he’ll toy with us for a while before we have to see how devastatingly sad Dina crying is?

      Walky and Dorothy are doing relatively ok? For now? If they’re done fighting? No, Walky will probably refuse to open up at all about how upset he his about Billie.

      Marcie and Malaya could somehow end up becoming a happy, functional couple? The kind that has Malaya in it somehow? :/

      So I guess that leaves Sarah and Other Jacob. Assuming she doesn’t start seeing regular Jacob’s face superimposed on Other Jacob’s head, due to guilt over wanting to break up Jacob and Raidah.

      • Spencer
        Spencer
        August 1, 2016 at 2:23 am | #

        I really don’t think Amber’s going to take this that badly, at least not after she starts to make some progress.

        Ethan is someone she dearly loves and she knows Danny is a good guy. She’s probably going to be sad that she won’t be with Danny anymore, because she pushed him away while she was going through a breakdown, but she’s 18. There will be other Dannies and Ethans. Acting poorly while you’re undergoing a mental health crisis doesn’t mean you’re doomed to loneliness.

        As for Marcie/Malaya, I’m wondering if we’re in for another “I guess I’m not into girls” moment when Marcie makes her move. I could see her pursuing the relationship entirely just to spite Sal, though (also I ship Marcie/Sayid because they both have skateboards. That’s how that works right?).

        • thejeff
          thejeff
          August 1, 2016 at 7:26 am | #

          Oh sure, “at least not after she starts to make some progress”.

          That’s the trouble. Earlier I expected her to easily step aside, after all Amber doesn’t deserve any happiness. Now? “Sal’s already turned Danny against me and now she’s using him to take Ethan away too!”

          • Spencer
            Spencer
            August 1, 2016 at 7:36 am | #

            I mean, I kind of figure Danny and Ethan will actually happen after they deal with the Sal stuff. I can’t exactly see them going out while Amber’s undergoing a mental breakdown.

            • Mel
              Mel
              August 1, 2016 at 11:31 am | #

              It’s not that Ethan and Danny don’t deserve happiness, or that Amber won’t, hopefully, eventually be stable enough to deal with 2 people she cares for being happy. But it’s not JUST Amber. Danny’s been through a lot, and he’s already got a bit of a pattern for going from one relationship to another without really getting time to sort his stuff. Danny’s dynamic with Amber got messy real fast, he’s still uncertain about his role in that, and he’s still coming to grips with being bi- it’s a lot of turmoil and vulnerability to deal with. And Ethan’s being a great friend about that (I cannot stress how great Ethan is), so of course Danny is going to latch onto that comfort, but it doesn’t mean that Danny is objectively ready for another relationship, and once you throw in a romantic element to that, it’s gonna be harder for Ethan to just be a supportive friend and not have Danny’s doubts and old relationship stuff come up as an element of Ethan/Danny’s relationship.

              Don’t get me wrong, I know: a) there’s rarely “perfect time for a relationship” , and these characters are young, b) Ethan’s lovely and he, or Danny, would never intentionally hurt one another or Amber, and c) it’s a comic, of course it will have drama. So, like I said, it’s more wishful thinking. But with Ruth/Billee, Becky/Dina still feeling out being out and together with the “former feelings for Joyce” elephant in the room and Becky’s family stuff, the potential fallout for Walky given what’s happening with Ruth/Billee, and Danny/Ethan/Amber’s “stuff”, that’s a lot of the main pairs going through huge emotional waves one after the other, a lot of them centered around their romantic lives. It’d be nice to see one of the main cast sit down, get a moment to deal with themselves without explicitly going into a new relationship. Which makes me feel bad for even potentially implying thatEthan and Danny don’t deserve happiness NOW, when I mean “Ethan and Danny deserve ALL THE HAPPY, but, maybe they need to sort some things out before that’s accompanied by lingering baggage, to make sure the happiness can last without more explosive drama.”

              • thejeff
                thejeff
                August 1, 2016 at 12:41 pm | #

                There’s also a problem of time compression here. If Danny and Ethan waited just a couple of weeks for things to settle down, that’s likely a couple of years of real time for the potential relationship to hang in limbo. It would need to keep being teased to keep it in the readers’ minds, but not actually go anywhere.
                Frustrating.

                • Spencer
                  Spencer
                  August 1, 2016 at 6:10 pm | #

                  Well they’ll probably happen between a year or two, which would maybe be a week at this rate.

                  Like, yeah, there’s hard dates to when stuff happens, but it doesn’t really count as, like, *actual* time.

    • Emily
      Emily
      August 1, 2016 at 9:29 am | #

      Honestly if we have ANOTHER sad queer lady hoedown I’ll probably just stop reading this comic. I get enough of that exhausting garbage from real life and also all media ever.

      • Fart Captor
        Fart Captor
        August 1, 2016 at 12:29 pm | #

        ”Sad Queer Lady Hoedown” would be an excellent band name

  48. adam
    adam
    August 1, 2016 at 12:25 am | #

    He’s making the “now Kiss” sign , isnt he?

  49. Icalasari
    Icalasari
    August 1, 2016 at 12:26 am | #

    I assume that Mike is planning on doing something that humiliates them completely but also gets them together, doing it in such a way that they can’t even complain because they’d seem ungrateful, thus giving them endless frustration

    • Teddae
      Teddae
      August 1, 2016 at 12:28 am | #

      That will be beautifully diabolical

      • PSadlon
        PSadlon
        August 1, 2016 at 5:33 am | #

        And just something he would do.

  50. OptimusPride
    OptimusPride
    August 1, 2016 at 12:29 am | #

    Pictured in last panel, from left to right: Danny, sexual tension, Mike, Mike’s evil hatefuck plans, Ethan.

    • SgtWadeyWilson
      SgtWadeyWilson
      August 1, 2016 at 1:35 am | #

      So you’re saying there’s sexual tension between Danny and Mike?

    • Orion Fury
      Orion Fury
      August 1, 2016 at 3:02 pm | #

      I missed that in the tags.

  51. Reltzik
    Reltzik
    August 1, 2016 at 12:37 am | #

    Panel 5, missing thought balloon.

    *Montgomery Burns voice* “Exxxxcellent.”

  52. Fart Captor
    Fart Captor
    August 1, 2016 at 12:39 am | #

    Meanwhile, the quiet hum in the background is growing steadily louder as Dina’s fidgeting grows ever more impatient…

    • Ryan
      Ryan
      August 1, 2016 at 1:04 am | #

      She’s reaching critical Bekcy-mass! RUNNNNN!

  53. Flame_warp
    Flame_warp
    August 1, 2016 at 12:41 am | #

    Is Mike uncomfortable or plotting?

    • Henry
      Henry
      August 1, 2016 at 12:46 am | #

      I think that’s as close as we’ve seen Mike to upset or uncomfortable in DoA.

    • Saki
      Saki
      August 1, 2016 at 12:47 am | #

      BOTH.

    • Fart Captor
      Fart Captor
      August 1, 2016 at 1:35 am | #

      He’s tenting his fingers. It’s gotta be plotting.

  54. Romanticide
    Romanticide
    August 1, 2016 at 12:48 am | #

    I think Mike already decided what he could do for some mayhem.

  55. winter
    winter
    August 1, 2016 at 12:55 am | #

    I’ve been waiting years for this.

  56. Rikunda
    Rikunda
    August 1, 2016 at 12:57 am | #

    And then in 2017 they finally get together after lots of failed first dates caused by the other on purpose.

    • Neeks
      Neeks
      August 1, 2016 at 3:31 am | #

      So in a few days, comic-time.

  57. The Wotch
    The Wotch
    August 1, 2016 at 1:03 am | #

    I’m just going to assume that Danny, Ethan, and Amber will end up in a poly-amorous relationship.

  58. OnyxIdol
    OnyxIdol
    August 1, 2016 at 1:03 am | #

    Mike: “You two are cute together. And it disgusts me.”

    • OnyxIdol
      OnyxIdol
      August 1, 2016 at 2:27 am | #

      Okay, I changed my mind. What he is really thinking is: “I have my work cut out for me.”

  59. Bleuryder
    Bleuryder
    August 1, 2016 at 1:04 am | #

    Ok, so to recap….

    We have a suicidal woman holed up an alcoholic.
    While the homeless lesbian is on her way back to find out she’s homeless again alongside a justifiably angry faith broken Christian.
    We have another meltdown in progress by the name of Amber/Amazi-girl who just needs one tiny thing to finish breaking her, such as the woman she blames for all of it living next door.
    And said meltdown in progress’ ex boyfriends on the verge of hooking up under the evil gaze of the town’s resident bullshit caller.

    SURELY NOTHING WRONG CAN COME OF THIS!

    • Needfuldoer
      Needfuldoer
      August 1, 2016 at 3:01 am | #

      Add in the goofy kid who never had to study a day in his life hitting the academic wall his valedictorian girlfriend easily cleared, and you’ve pretty much got the current situation in a shellnut.

      • Orion Fury
        Orion Fury
        August 1, 2016 at 3:04 pm | #

        If there’s any more pain the wing would probably fold in on itself.

  60. WingedBeast
    WingedBeast
    August 1, 2016 at 1:06 am | #

    This, right here, is the moment when the both of them turn and punch Mike in the face. It won’t do any good, but he still deserves it.

    • Emperor Norton II
      Emperor Norton II
      August 1, 2016 at 9:31 pm | #

      This is now officially Imperial Headcanon, and thou shall receive a commendation for making Our life better.

      (In other words, I agree.)

  61. Jason
    Jason
    August 1, 2016 at 1:08 am | #

    Mike has come to “rescue” the Ethan/Danny ship. Be careful what you wish for, shippers.

    • Spencer
      Spencer
      August 1, 2016 at 2:17 am | #

      I can’t help but feel that whatever Mike makes them do is going to make them plant their feet even harder on “never” dating, while also making them realize that they are more interested in dating than they care to admit.

  62. Bea
    Bea
    August 1, 2016 at 1:08 am | #

    am I the only one who sees Mike’s face and is like “this gunna be goooooooooddddd”?

    • Bea
      Bea
      August 1, 2016 at 1:09 am | #

      actually my first thought was “oh crap” but my SECOND thought was “I cannot wait to see what comes out of this”

  63. Time Heist
    Time Heist
    August 1, 2016 at 1:25 am | #

    I thought Danny and Ethan were holding hands, before I realised it was Mike rubbing his in glee…

    • OnyxIdol
      OnyxIdol
      August 1, 2016 at 1:58 am | #

      Holy crap, I didn’t catch that until I read your comment. But in retrospect, it probably *is* to early for them to hold hands. I guess I saw what I wanted to see…

    • Bicycle Bill
      Bicycle Bill
      August 1, 2016 at 11:20 am | #

      The shading and color tone is wrong for it to be Danny and Ethan; also if they were touching hands (Ethan’s left hand and Danny’s right hand) the thumb would be visible.

      I don’t think Mike is necessary rubbing his hands in glee, though, as that’s hardly a gleeful look on his face.  It’s more a look of “Hmmm, now what do we have here, and how can I subvert it?”

  64. suite
    suite
    August 1, 2016 at 1:26 am | #

    Mike.

  65. Reltzik
    Reltzik
    August 1, 2016 at 1:28 am | #

    Tonight, Grav Roulette has given me Dorothy.

    I’ve said this elsewhere, but never as part of a Grav Roulette Review. (Is that what I’m calling it? I guess that’s what I’m calling it.)) Dorothy’s dreams of a future in high politics are… unrealistic. She has high ideals but is too honest and too idealistic to make it happen. She’s not pragmatic, cold-blooded, or soulless enough. (I exaggerate the job requirements. Slightly.) She lacks the pragmatism to make hard and necessary compromises. She’s so in love with her own ideals and motives, that she doesn’t know how to spin what she wants out of others in terms of why they want to give it to her. Her perspective isn’t flexible enough for that. Maybe that’s a skill she’ll pick up in upcoming college terms or in her early political career, but it’s not presently an arc for her.

    I try to be very much a pragmatist. I’m not necessarily prone to compromise, but I try to be tactical, focusing not on the obvious flashpoint of conflict but the underlying issues that create it. I’m too much of an overanalyzer to go for a standup head-to-head fight when I can instead identify a small thermal exhaust port. Why attack the enemy when I can attack their logistics? Why fight them when I can decoy them? That’s the sort of way I think, and it’s not the way Dorothy thinks at all.

    That’s not me bad-mouthing her. I appreciate her clear-eyed, direct, honest idealism. I feel it myself, even if I don’t indulge in it often. Carla called her Hillary Junior, but she’s more of an Obama than a Hillary. We’re very different, and I don’t really identify with her.

    • CJ
      CJ
      August 1, 2016 at 2:25 am | #

      So basicly you are saying that she doesn’t realize how wielding power works?
      This may be the whole dilemma about electable politicians in a nutshell: when they know how power works, they will do things that go against their moral principals because from a power (and maybe long-term) perspective this is the expedient thing to do and they lose their moral compass after some time. Or they do not understand power power and don’t know how to head off their antagonists or keep them busy with stuff that doesn’t matter, so they never manage to get enough people behind them to get elected. Or they understand power and tell themselves that everything they do to achieve power is right.
      As a rule, people in positions of power who only follow their principles are hell for all who have a different perspective on things.

      • Reltzik
        Reltzik
        August 1, 2016 at 10:36 am | #

        She might realize how it works, but she doesn’t display any of the skills. It might be something that she hates and rejects, telling herself that she’ll somehow do okay without them, or it might be something that she kinda knows has to be done but she walls that knowledge off from her dreams.

        But… I think she’s a bit ignorant of the facts, yes. She seems to think that hard work and hard study and good grades and knowing her shit and being a genius are necessary steps to being President… but anyone taking a halfway honest look at recent history could easily see that’s not the case. Maybe she thinks instead that they’re necessary for being a GOOD President, and there’s a bit more of a case to be made for that. But schmoozing, making connections, making deals, helping others and collecting markers, holding leadership positions in organizations, and rallying people to causes are far more important skillsets for becoming President in the first place, and she doesn’t seem to be putting any emphasis on that.

        I don’t think that high politics requires abandoning your high principles and goals. Well, SOME high principles and goals, maybe, if you held them in the first place. You can’t be a wartime President if you’re not willing to give orders that will get people killed, for example. But most of them, you can keep them.

        The problem is that successfully advancing them requires you to be able to think outside of their box. You have to be able to get into the mindset of others who do not share your goals, and perhaps who oppose their goals. You have to be able to understand their point of view so well that you work out what makes it tick, and then you have to find a way to get them to support your policies. That’s basic wheeling and dealing — understanding and communicating the concepts of here’s how I can scratch your back, here’s how scratching my back helps you out. Dorothy shows little sign of doing that, or even thinking like that, but that’s the basis of how deals and consensus are built in high politics. (And oooh boy, international politics doubly so.) It’s an essential skillset that she doesn’t have and isn’t trying to build. You can’t get elected if you can’t signal a willingness, readiness, and ability to give people what they want, and that requires being good at understanding what they want and fusing it to your own goals. Dorothy doesn’t have that skillset and isn’t trying to grow it.

    • Rukduk
      Rukduk
      August 1, 2016 at 3:02 am | #

      Honestly, given your recent analyzations and talk of decoys and logistics attacks, I’m beginning to wonder if we should give you a Sun Tzu gravatar.

      • Reltzik
        Reltzik
        August 1, 2016 at 10:39 am | #

        That would defeat the purpose. In embracing the Grav Roulette, I remain formless. If I am formless, even the deepest spy cannot discern me, nor the wise make plans against me.

        • Slartibeast Button, BIA
          Slartibeast Button, BIA
          August 1, 2016 at 1:23 pm | #

          Sounds like a Star Trek enemy. The answer is to attack you with chaos.

          • Reltzik
            Reltzik
            August 1, 2016 at 2:22 pm | #

            Sun Tzu was saying that a flexible, adaptable, mutable, mobile, unpredictable force is very difficult to read or counter, and the more like this a general could make his army, the better. Such a force is actually much more resilient against chaotic events than a rigidly structured force. Its weakest point would probably be its means of coordination and communication, but having identifiable and target-able means of coordination and communication the first place would be an example of having a discernible form.

            • Reltzik
              Reltzik
              August 1, 2016 at 2:41 pm | #

              … and yes, I was quoting (well, closely paraphrasing) Sun Tzu to explain why adopting a Sun Tzu Grav would not be in keeping with the Art of War. I am a cheeky bastard.

            • Rutee
              Rutee
              August 2, 2016 at 1:36 am | #

              Yeah, successful armies are notorious for not actually having well-organized means of coordination and communication. The development of C3 is merely a very in-depth ruse.

              • Rutee
                Rutee
                August 2, 2016 at 5:26 pm | #

                (Also, Sun Tzu probably didn’t write it, since it first came up hundreds of years after his death, and it was common practice in the era to claim a Noted Dead Chinese Man had said something to give it gravitas)

  66. JetstreamGW
    JetstreamGW
    August 1, 2016 at 1:29 am | #

    Ethan you dumb son of a bongo you should know better than to have this conversation in the same building as Mike.

    • SgtWadeyWilson
      SgtWadeyWilson
      August 1, 2016 at 1:37 am | #

      Correction: in the same universe

      • Reltzik
        Reltzik
        August 1, 2016 at 1:39 am | #

        There’s a Mike in every universe.

      • PSadlon
        PSadlon
        August 1, 2016 at 1:41 am | #

        Hell I’d be wary of doing it in the same multiverse.

        • Falling Star
          Falling Star
          August 1, 2016 at 11:13 am | #

          The same dimension.

  67. S P A C I N G
    S P A C I N G
    August 1, 2016 at 1:38 am | #

    Mike needs to feature in more of these even if he doesn’t say anything him being there just cracks me up

  68. Phil Dog
    Phil Dog
    August 1, 2016 at 1:40 am | #

    Mike: There. I’m locking you in this room until you have sex with each other. I’m tired of this bullshit. Either you start fucking or you’ll suff-

    Danny & Ethan: Okay, we’re finished.

    • Fart Captor
      Fart Captor
      August 1, 2016 at 1:45 am | #

      Mike: Okay, then you’re still locked in here until you do it again properly.

  69. But, Like...
    But, Like...
    August 1, 2016 at 1:44 am | #

    I think I’m the only one that doesn’t see them together as anything romantic. Like, at all.

    • Kole
      Kole
      August 1, 2016 at 1:48 am | #

      they… have the most chemistry out of anyone in this entire comic. Are you serious?

      • Nono
        Nono
        August 1, 2016 at 1:57 am | #

        They work well together, but personally I don’t really see them as a couple, maybe because they already work well as friends. They’re obviously infatuated with each other and have some things in common, so they can do a relationship. Not sure how well it works out for them long term, since they’re both pretty passive about things.

      • Eukie
        Eukie
        August 1, 2016 at 4:21 pm | #

        I’m not sure I’d say they have the most chemistry; they’re nice and charming to each other, but they don’t seem to complement each other in the same way many of the other, established couples do.

  70. JessWitt
    JessWitt
    August 1, 2016 at 1:51 am | #

    Patreon bonus strip: either Chloe or Asma.

  71. John
    John
    August 1, 2016 at 1:51 am | #

    Jesus fuck, guys, fuck or don’t, I don’t care, just quit mooning at each other. It’s sickening. You totally deserve whatever Mike’s about to do to you.

  72. newllend(henryvolt)
    newllend(henryvolt)
    August 1, 2016 at 1:52 am | #

    You know what’s odd ? I’ve read plenty of webcomics and when I started I read them blind not knowing anything about them and there stories a lot times I end up seeing two characters getting into a gay relationship. The problem is nearly all the time it’s just a girl on girl couple and I don’t see a lot of guy on guy which is sort of odd.

    Off the top my head I can think of only one other webcomic that I read consistently that has a male couple , sure I know plenty of webcomics with plenty of gay characters but not a lot of gay couples that last. Then there’s these two, I don’t support this just Like every other pairing and ship I don’t support that involves Ethen mostly because they’re all supported by bad moral choices.

    “I’m going date this one girl and lead her on even though I’m not romantically interested in her in the slightest because I don’t people to label me as gay, but then again her brother is kind of cute-Oh wait I know I’ll just come on to him behind her back ! I’m sure there’s nothing wrong with that, oh no that relationship didn’t work out and wasn’t gay after all just trans. Oh well I’m still going pretend to be straight even though I’m flip flopping back and forth out of the closet but the problem is I kind of really like my ex-girlfriends current lover and I already broke her heart once and now I might do it again. Oh my life is so hard…”

    Fuck you Ethan.

    • Ashley
      Ashley
      August 1, 2016 at 2:33 am | #

      It’s college. It’s like THE time to make bad moral choices, tbh.

      But, hey, I guess people who make bad moral choices are now to be considered evil. Who knew?

      • newllend(henryvolt)
        newllend(henryvolt)
        August 1, 2016 at 2:42 am | #

        Evil no, an asshole maybe.

        • newllend(henryvolt)
          newllend(henryvolt)
          August 1, 2016 at 2:51 am | #

          People are allowed to make mistakes and that includes Ethen but then again he gives very little reason to like himself consider the zero amount of good things he’s done to out way all the other shit.

          • newllend(henryvolt)
            newllend(henryvolt)
            August 1, 2016 at 3:03 am | #

            *Gives me reason

    • Torra
      Torra
      August 1, 2016 at 6:03 am | #

      To be fair, the relationship with Joyce was always a sham and they both knew that when going into it. Being gay isn’t all fun and sunshine and coming out is hard, and Ethan is right with the whole “when you come out you’re no longer just Ethan but Gay Ethan” and that’s a label that can be difficult to live with on a day to day basis. I feel like you are being really wayyy too harsh on Ethan’s choices, especially when we can see in-comic that Ethan is there for his friends and is pretty much a good guy in general, but because he’s made a couple of mistakes because he’s afraid of society treating him differently for coming out and because he’s still finding it difficult TO come out, that doesn’t make him an asshole? It just makes him human.

      Also Ethan and Danny literally had a talk about how they could never be together because of how it would affect Amber, but yet he’s still a dick for liking Danny? Come on, be fair.

      • Spencer
        Spencer
        August 1, 2016 at 7:32 am | #

        Yeah, Danny practically made himself the perfect target for Ethan crushing on him. He told him how super hot he thought he was, they can “never” happen, and here Danny is trying to do something sweet for him.

        The heart wants what the heart wants, after all.

      • ischemgeek
        ischemgeek
        August 1, 2016 at 8:35 am | #

        Plus the fact that Ethan has not yet realized that “nice” and “good” are not synonyms when one is referring to a person’s character. He thinks that the best way to be a good friend is to bend over backwards to be nice to Amber – thus, he winds up enabling her a lot of the time, and at this point Amber and Amazigirl need someone to sit down with them and tell them that they need help, every bit as much as Ruth needs someone to sit down with her and have that tough conversation.

        But Ethan is too worried about being a nice friend to be a good friend at this point.

        At least Danny tried to get them help. Though it probably would’ve been better for him not to try while Amazigirl was in full-rage mode because of Sal, but there was no way for Danny to know that. At least he tried.

        … I don’t think Ethan is even going to try until Amazigirl really hurts someone innocent or until he sees her nearly get killed, and by then it might be too late.

        • Spencer
          Spencer
          August 1, 2016 at 8:53 am | #

          Yeah, a huge part of Ethan’s relationship with Amber is that he passively stands there and just watches her do shit, and then when she comes back to normal he’s just smiles and hugs. He even told Danny that the best course of action with Amber is to let her have her episodes, wait for her to calm down, and then be there for her, rather than try to get her help for those episodes.

          Ethan means well and he is completely out of his depth, it’s not his fault that he doesn’t know how to deal with his childhood friend’s DID, but he’s someone Amber would actually listen to.

  73. BenRG
    BenRG
    August 1, 2016 at 1:53 am | #

    Poor Mike! I can almost read what’s going on in his head: “Oh, god… Yet more denial/UST in this building!”

  74. Ashley
    Ashley
    August 1, 2016 at 2:29 am | #

    Part of my brain wants to believe Mike has a crush on Ethan.

    • Rukduk
      Rukduk
      August 1, 2016 at 12:08 pm | #

      Headcanon accepted.

    • MorningDuck
      MorningDuck
      August 1, 2016 at 8:14 pm | #

      Between “Maybe I should sleep with Amber’s ex” and today’s comic, I think you might be right.

    • BenRG
      BenRG
      August 2, 2016 at 3:09 am | #

      Purely FWIW, I got the impression that Mike’s Walkyverse counterpart was pansexual although he leant towards hetro relationships.

      • Ashley
        Ashley
        August 2, 2016 at 2:52 pm | #

        Yeah, I’ve always considered Mike pansexual (or maybe one of those “I don’t like labels” people). Wether he’s heteroromantic or aromantic is where I’m still not sure.

  75. Lordess of Madness
    Lordess of Madness
    August 1, 2016 at 2:32 am | #

    Either Mike is going to play match-maker, match breaker, or match pain-in-the-butt!

    • Gespenst
      Gespenst
      August 1, 2016 at 2:33 am | #

      I feel like he’d only play match-maker to hurt Amber.

  76. Chris Phoenix
    Chris Phoenix
    August 1, 2016 at 2:35 am | #

    Uh-oh, does this mean Mike has to sleep with both of them now?

  77. Nena
    Nena
    August 1, 2016 at 2:40 am | #

    Uh oh! That look on Mike’s face is trouble!

  78. Eldritch Gentleman
    Eldritch Gentleman
    August 1, 2016 at 3:04 am | #

    Dear gods they are totally going gay steady with each other… which would be hella sweet if not for Amber…

  79. Chonos
    Chonos
    August 1, 2016 at 3:29 am | #

    The hell with Amber, I need my gayo.

    • Spencer
      Spencer
      August 1, 2016 at 7:41 am | #

      In all honesty, I’m really glad that Danny still cares about Amber after their breakup.

      The usual script for this is that the queer dude immediately leaps onto a guy because he’s finally free of his evil harpy girlfriend, that’s basically the sum total of my reading experience when it comes to queer dudes, so I’m really happy that DoA is acknowledging that, like, a bi dude can actually love a woman and care about her.

      • ischemgeek
        ischemgeek
        August 1, 2016 at 8:37 am | #

        This.

        Alternatively, she’s not an evil harpy but is his Childhood Friend who he’s using to keep up the straight facade, and once he gets free, she’s outlived her usefulness and is left behind from the story without a second thought.

        • Spencer
          Spencer
          August 1, 2016 at 9:17 am | #

          Don’t forget “I’m not actually bi, that’s just something I told myself because it was easier than admitting I was 100% totes gay.”

          Oy.

      • Eukie
        Eukie
        August 1, 2016 at 4:16 pm | #

        Danny jumping Ethan’s bones mere days after Amber/Amazi-Girl (henceforth: “Amber”) broke up with him would easily fall into the common stereotype of portraying bisexual people as sluts. I’m glad that Danny hasn’t yet done this.

        And there’s room for a story about a man in a relationship with a woman discovering he’s bisexual and then remaining with the woman, because discovering you love more than one kind of people doesn’t stop you from continuing to love someone you love.

        And, well, I like Danny/Amber. They get on well, Amber is a nice, smart girl who needs someone dependable, faithful, and relaxing. Danny is an overall decent guy, if oblivious, who wholly appreciates Amber and wants the best for her, with enough spine to stand up for both his own sake and Amber’s. They’re basically made for each other.

        • Spencer
          Spencer
          August 1, 2016 at 6:15 pm | #

          Yeah, I was really hoping that Danny was going to figure out he was bi and stay with Amber, because that’s something I’ve never seen.

          Which is to say that basically any story Willis could write about Danny could be valid, because there’s like zero bi dude repping to begin with, and we’ve already avoided the worst of bi tropes by having Danny take control of his sexuality for his own sake on his own time. So y’know, that makes me really happy.

          That, and DoA’s run time is “theoretically forever” so chances are they weren’t going to stay together for the length of the series anyway.

  80. Azukar
    Azukar
    August 1, 2016 at 3:39 am | #

    I… actually did a for-reals spit take when I saw that last panel. I reckon that’s the first in the whole of my life XD

  81. Keulan
    Keulan
    August 1, 2016 at 3:48 am | #

    Now Mike has something new to plot about.

  82. Willoughby Chase
    Willoughby Chase
    August 1, 2016 at 3:57 am | #

    Mike looks like an evil priest.

  83. Hwajaemae
    Hwajaemae
    August 1, 2016 at 4:46 am | #

    YES. MIKE. DO THE THING. WE NEED YOU SO BADLY

  84. Quietlythundering
    Quietlythundering
    August 1, 2016 at 5:11 am | #

    In which Mike sees an opportunity

  85. Darkoneko
    Darkoneko
    August 1, 2016 at 5:24 am | #

    Mike “why the fuck are you looking to find Ethan someone, *I*’m right here !

  86. Emily
    Emily
    August 1, 2016 at 5:34 am | #

    Oh go die in a hole Mike.

  87. Torra
    Torra
    August 1, 2016 at 5:54 am | #

    While everyone seems to be saying “yes Mike fuck either/both of these guys because lol Mike” I feel like he’s more likely to use this moment against Amber at the worst possible time

  88. LWS
    LWS
    August 1, 2016 at 6:12 am | #

    Louie, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

  89. Rowen Morland
    Rowen Morland
    August 1, 2016 at 6:13 am | #

    And then Mike goes back to his room with his planning smile and the panel changes to Amber’s door, then back to him looking in the mirror with that smile then back to her door and then back to him with his normal angry frown and he never ends up doing anything with this one.

  90. Bleuryder
    Bleuryder
    August 1, 2016 at 6:18 am | #

    Everyone is all saying these two are going to Slipshine but to be honest they’re too cute for it.

    Let me rephrase that. These two are not raunchy enough for Slipshine. They’re the type that would probably “make love” and not fuck.

    Although…..i might have to rethink that if that buttplug really was Danny’s…

    • Darastrix
      Darastrix
      August 1, 2016 at 6:05 pm | #

      I’m pretty sure a Slipshine comic can involve sweet, tender lovemaking. And sex involving toys can still be slow and gentle.

      I picture an eventual Danny/Ethan Slipshine as being very cute and awkward with a lot of checking in and shy smiles and lip-biting. Of course, I may be totally off-base and if such a Slipshine comes to pass, it will be something else entirely, but UNTIL THAT DAY, this is what I will imagine.

  91. Leila
    Leila
    August 1, 2016 at 6:58 am | #

    Oh, Mike. I’m looking forward to some good, old-fashioned puppy-smashing assholishness.

  92. exilon1
    exilon1
    August 1, 2016 at 7:05 am | #

    I’m not sure if that’s Mike’s ‘I will make this happen’ face or the ‘I need to destroy this mushy happy cloud they’re in’.
    Maybe it’s both.

  93. altalemur
    altalemur
    August 1, 2016 at 7:42 am | #

    me too, mike. me too.

  94. Chaucer59
    Chaucer59
    August 1, 2016 at 8:17 am | #

    Like should lean in and without facing either of them, say, “Look, dumbass, he obviously wants you, too. So, kiss, suck, fuck—whatever you people do to each other—just get to it and spare the rest of us this bizarre courting ritual.”

  95. Mlle Blackfox
    Mlle Blackfox
    August 1, 2016 at 8:52 am | #

    Willis, you need to do something about your fans. They’re generally a harmlessly ignorant and short-sighted lot, but the hate mob going after Ana is the pinnacle of shit-posting on here.

    Pretty much never coming back to read the comics because I don’t want to be associated with these people.

    May you always have enough.

    • Emily
      Emily
      August 1, 2016 at 9:34 am | #

      That was the least hateful hatemob I’ve ever seen. It was more like a moderate disapproval mob.

    • Emperor Norton II
      Emperor Norton II
      August 1, 2016 at 9:22 pm | #

      OK, so first of all:

      One poster, ONE POSTER, that tells Ana “fuck you” is not a hatemob. It really isn’t. Now, there were other posters who expressed disapproval with the comment, and if I am honest, I can see where they are coming from. Heck, even Ana (although under the nick “nobodybasically”) made a comment saying they realised that the part “in their sleep” made it a big fat “Not OK”. Another poster stated clearly that they think they know what was meant to be conveyed (SP reference and all), but how the lack of tone in text (and also lack of link to the reference) made intentions unclear.

      Two, not reading the comic because you do not want to be associated with other commenters? O-K… That is pretty damn weird, to say the least. I mean, we keep getting comments on how John and Carol’s intense prejudices is nothing to get upset about, and so on. I could hardly claim that reading the comic makes me associated with the defenders of Carol’s bigotry, can I?

      And man are there diverse opinions about Amber, about Danny, and so on. It’s almost as if this comment field actually sports a pretty diverse range of humans. If you want not to be associated with such a blend of weird and peculiar people that wanders around here, your best hope is to declare yourself an outer space alien…

      …Although technically speaking, to an outer space alien, -we- are the outer space alien. Plus, I’m pretty sure earth is in space. So yeah, there’s not much hope for you. You’ll be associated with us for eternity! MOWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

      • Yumi
        Yumi
        August 2, 2016 at 12:27 am | #

        I agree with most of this, but, uh, “nobodybasically” is a different poster than Ana.

        • Emperor Norton II
          Emperor Norton II
          August 3, 2016 at 10:37 pm | #

          Ooops! You are indeed correct. I do not have anything to blame. I did not pay enough attention to notice their previous comment.

    • Shiro
      Shiro
      August 1, 2016 at 10:10 pm | #

      I’ve not seen a flounce like this since my livejournal days, well done.

    • David M Willis
      David M Willis
      August 1, 2016 at 10:30 pm | #

      Man, if you have to leave a comic because people let another poster know in a mostly gently fashion that they weren’t cool with the way sexual assault was referenced, then dang, I’d say that whole thread was worth it. Thank you, everyone. You’re a feature, not a bug.

    • a4lbi
      a4lbi
      August 1, 2016 at 10:55 pm | #

      LOL AI’IGHT

  96. Reed
    Reed
    August 1, 2016 at 8:56 am | #

    Oh I’m sorry do I have Dina’s face from the previous strip? Sorry kneejerk reaction.

  97. Kater
    Kater
    August 1, 2016 at 10:12 am | #

    Ethan should probably know better than to be visibly cute with someone in front of Mike.

  98. podian
    podian
    August 1, 2016 at 10:42 am | #

    Remember the “metaphorical kick in the crotch”? That’s what’s coming sometime soon.

  99. Falling Star
    Falling Star
    August 1, 2016 at 11:15 am | #

    I can’t wait to see how this pans out.
    Which means I will probably end up waiting.

  100. Micki
    Micki
    August 1, 2016 at 11:31 am | #

    Because of the angle on the last panel, for a second I thought that Mike’s hands were actually Danny and Ethan’s hands holding each other. haha <3

  101. Theluxland
    Theluxland
    August 1, 2016 at 11:36 am | #

    Mike, creator of drama since is birth

  102. Tenchan
    Tenchan
    August 1, 2016 at 11:40 am | #

    You’re a mean one, Mike Warner…

  103. smylietron
    smylietron
    August 1, 2016 at 12:24 pm | #

    Kiss.
    KIIIISSSSSS.

    I’m praying that Mike’s got an elaborate plan to force these two to drop their bullshit and get together. It’d be nice to have a stable male/male couple in this strip, especially between a gay man and a bi man, and their “it wouldn’t be fair to AMBER” thing is infuriating. Her problems are her own; she treated Danny like crap; Danny and Ethan could potentially have the healthiest relationship on the most equal terms in this entire strip.

    MAKE IT HAPPEN, MIKE.

    • QWERTY
      QWERTY
      August 1, 2016 at 4:18 pm | #

      Mike gonna do… in a completely dickish way

    • Spencer
      Spencer
      August 1, 2016 at 6:07 pm | #

      yeah why would Amber’s best friend and her ex-boyfriend care about being fair to her while she’s going through a mental breakdown

      • smylietron
        smylietron
        August 3, 2016 at 3:39 am | #

        I think “being fair to her” is the wrong way to think of it. There’s nothing “unfair” about dating your friend’s ex, especially when you dropped that ex like a hot potato, and it bothered me deeply that both guys prematurely raked themselves over the coals regarding the very idea of a relationship.

        Part of the problem I have with all this is, as I mentioned below, I’m a bi dude who wants to see more dude-on-dude representation in this strip. Externalizing their reason for not getting together onto a mentally troubled friend bothers me. It puts Amber in the inconvenience role, the obstacle role, and that’s making me think of her the wrong way.

        • Spencer
          Spencer
          August 3, 2016 at 8:20 am | #

          I should clarify that I’m also bi, and I agree with a lot of what you’re saying here and below.

          Like, you know how you’re talking about how important M/M representation is to you? That’s what Danny/Amber was to me, because I’m used to hearing about my attraction to women is something that I need to get over if I want to be a real queer, so seeing a bi dude figure all this confusing shit and be very much in love with his girlfriend? I really, really liked that and it bummed me out to see them end.

          Which isn’t to say that either relationship is inherently more worthwhile than the other, I’m just coming at this with different wants in mind. I want to see a bi character in an opposite gender relationship, and also I want to see a good M/M couple, and also I want to see lots of things and David Willis, try as he might, can’t achieve them all because he’s one dude writing one comic.

          But, yeah, I feel your frustration at wanting to see M/M repping, and while I’m bummed about the end of Danny/Amber, I’m confident that Danny/Ethan will be good too.

          FWIW, Danny and Ethan are going to get together at some point, they’re just trying to be considerate of Amber’s feelings. It’s generally considered not cool to date your best friend’s ex, especially right after they’ve broken up, and Amber is someone the both of them deeply care about. In all honesty, I could easily see her be the catalyst for pushing them to act on their feelings after she gets her head on straight, because she wants them to be happy. And it is kinda funny to me that people disliked that bit, because Danny confessing his attraction to Ethan because he wouldn’t allow himself to be ashamed of it anymore and openly identifying as bisexual for the first time? That made me so happy. For the longest time Danny/Ethan was something that I thought I’d have to grudgingly tolerate so I could keep reading and it took all of three strips for me to completely turn my opinion around on it.

          As for what you mentioned below about Amber hurling insults at Danny, that was a separate incident where she briefly freaked out because Danny broke her compartmentalizing, and she immediately broke down in guilt. When they broke her it was her alter who was in charge of Amber’s headspace.

    • Silamy
      Silamy
      August 1, 2016 at 11:55 pm | #

      Is it not possible that all three of them (Danny, Ethan, and Amber) have the idea in mind that it’s not fair to Amber as well? Pretty sure the two guys have both expressed that, and there seems to be a thing in high school (which they’re all barely a few months out of) about not dating your friend’s ex or your ex’s friends. I agree with you on all counts but the “it wouldn’t be fair to her” -it wouldn’t, and that’s her fault, or the fault of her associated mental health ….can I use “misfortunes” as a less-judgmental-sounding alternative to “disorders” or “problems”? It’s the result of her actions, whether she fully intended them or not, but this would cut her deeply, and in doing so cut her more solidly from her support network. And they’re all young, and it’s neither Danny’s nor Ethan’s job to make sure Amber’s okay, but she can’t do it herself, she doesn’t trust much of anyone else (for largely good reasons), and… Amber needs help. She’s not going to go for it herself without some major catalyst. No one but the three guys in this strip has come across as all that likely to even begin to start nudging her in the right direction. So they’d be well within their rights to date and/or hook up, but it would hurt Amber badly, perhaps be the final blow for her stability, what little there is of it, as well as her relationships with both of them. And it’s not their fault if that happens, per se, but they both seem to know it and want to avoid it, both because “guilt” and because they care about her, which… it makes sense. It’s altruistic, but it’s not the ultimate sacrifice of happiness or anything. Sorry about incoherence -this whole mess has been something I’ve been trying to talk out to myself since Danny started blushing at Ethan, and as I’m sure you can tell, I’ve not done a good job.

      • smylietron
        smylietron
        August 3, 2016 at 3:34 am | #

        I guess I’m still stinging from Amber’s rejection of Danny’s attempts to make her confront her issues (trying to remember where it was, but didn’t she scream insults at him)? And from her sending Dina over with all his stuff. And just…being a jerk in general. Mental illness is generally jerky, though, lord knows I should know that by now.

        I’m in some weird nexus of shipping and projecting here. I really want Danny and Ethan to happen, partially out of vindication for all the queer guys figuring themselves out in college who DON’T do anything for external reasons.

    • Sadie
      Sadie
      August 2, 2016 at 12:53 am | #

      The guys in these five panels are three of Amber’s only four friends in the entire world, and they *know* it. They are allowed to be kind to her if they like. They are allowed to protect themselves from her*, but they are also allowed to still care about her. Danny and Ethan can choose not to get together unless Amber is in a better place, and it might take years from our point of view but only a few months from theirs. Hoping for shenanigans that get Danny/Ethan together sooner than would otherwise be in character, I understand. It’s just the added, implied “fuck you for being crazy, Amber” that makes me uncomfortable.

      (*This is important. I’m so glad Danny is out of his romantic relationship with Amazi-Girl, because it looked like it was going to do him tons of harm if they stayed together. I think he *should* protect himself. But I also think it makes sense for him to still be kind to Amber, because he cares about her and is the only person not out here in the audience who knows how ill she is. People in real life have to try to figure out how to deal with harmful behavior from people they care about all the time. It’s tough, and there’s no One Right Answer.)

      • smylietron
        smylietron
        August 3, 2016 at 3:30 am | #

        I guess I think they can be kind without sacrificing their own happiness. I didn’t like the way they decided they’d be “the worst” for not completely setting aside their own life choices for her sake. And as a bi guy who figured his desires out in college in a trajectory similar to Danny’s (minus the, uh, superhero ex girlfriend thing), I’m maybe projecting too much of myself on to him. I shoulda taken more action on my desires in Freshman year, and I didn’t because I was afraid to…now here are Danny and Ethan, also not taking action on their desires.

        But yeah…I’m not being sympathetic enough to Amber here. Part of my problem is that this strip has not one but two female/female relationships and no male/male relationships. As a dude into dudes, I feel pretty excluded, especially when the only possible couple in the main cast kneecaps their own relationship chances solely because of something completely outside of their control. I was going to accuse Willis of giving in to the “lesbians good, gay men bad” trap in representation (a lot of people like seeing lesbians; fewer people are comfortable with gay men), but I forgot he was very representative of all kinds of queerness in Shortpacked, so…I dunno.

        I should stop treating Amber like fangirls treated Relena back in the Gundam Wing days (burn the witch, etc). It just steams my beans to see my ship stall or sink because they have to be considerate to the person who has viciously rejected any of their attempts to address her problems.

        • Sadie
          Sadie
          August 11, 2016 at 4:17 am | #

          Don’t know if you’ll ever see this, but I was doing a reread of this arc and remembered I commented here, so I thought I’d stop by and say thanks for being understanding, and that it makes sense to me to be impatient for a good dude/dude ship to set sail here. Danny and Ethan won’t get together unless shenanigans push them together because they are too kind? Then LET THE SHENANIGANS COMMENCE FORTHWITH. <3

  104. Boomer Gonzales
    Boomer Gonzales
    August 1, 2016 at 1:14 pm | #

    Still hoping for Danny to be between a Amber-Ethan sandwich.

    XD

  105. ajm5007
    ajm5007
    August 1, 2016 at 2:35 pm | #

    Wh-why would you even have that conversation in front of Mike?! You people both KNOW MIKE, don’t you?!

    • Saki
      Saki
      August 1, 2016 at 5:39 pm | #

      Danny’s only met him once, but yeah, my first thought was also that Ethan should know better. But I think they’re both just really oblivious to how OBVIOUS they are. The actual words they are saying are pretty, “safe” for lack of a better word, but they don’t realise their body language is totally betraying them.

      • Spencer
        Spencer
        August 1, 2016 at 8:00 pm | #

        Yeah, I don’t think this is them actually trying to flirt, but between the both of them knowing the other thinks they’re attractive, Ethan now knowing that a guy actually can think of him that way, Danny being someone who tends to throw himself into new romances the first chance he gets, and them both “never” happening meaning they can relax because nothing will ever come of it, I think their mutual chemistry is kicking into overdrive.

  106. Tenn
    Tenn
    August 1, 2016 at 5:27 pm | #

    “Okay, here’s what we’ll do. I’ll fuck you first, then you right after that, or the other way around, whatever. So it’s like you’re fucking each other, but you’re not actually fucking each other. Sex by proxy.”

    That’s the first part of Mike’s plan. I don’t know what the second part is, because I’m not Mike.

  107. The E-man
    The E-man
    August 1, 2016 at 7:00 pm | #

    I’M SO EXCITED 😀 😀 😀

  108. Charles Phipps
    Charles Phipps
    August 1, 2016 at 7:10 pm | #

    It’s my hope Mike actually substantially tries to ruin their lives. Mostly because I like Mike as a unrepetant bad person in this comic rather than a misunderstood Mummy (points if you remember the reference).

    • JepMZ
      JepMZ
      August 1, 2016 at 7:24 pm | #

      I’m glad it never became a trend (the mummy Mary Sue romance)

    • Spencer
      Spencer
      August 1, 2016 at 8:07 pm | #

      Mike was an unrepentant bad person in the Walkyverse too (well, mostly). The Mummy guy was Amber wanting him to have a hidden heart of gold.

      It’s just that she ended up falling for the total asshole, and he started becoming less of an asshole because he had to grow up and become a father and a husband.

  109. a snow ʍousɐ
    a snow ʍousɐ
    August 1, 2016 at 7:45 pm | #

    To be fair, it should really be “how’re things”, plural (“how’s life?” would have been grammatically correct because ‘s can stand for “has”).
    To be equally fair, I often purposefully misuse grammar for humorous effect.

    • Spencer
      Spencer
      August 1, 2016 at 8:05 pm | #

      What’ll really kill things for them is Danny overusing the word “quite” in conversations.

  110. Tealjoy
    Tealjoy
    August 11, 2016 at 11:15 pm | #

    I feel like that’s as close to a smile that Mike is ever going to get.

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May 3, 2025 - FCBD @ Laughing Ogre Comics in Columbus, Ohio

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Is there somewhere in this article where I could talk about the very real feeling of jealousy and how it can make even the nicest people into assholes? No, that’s not this article. It’s not this article because we’ve let appealing to white people’s comfort get in the way of progress to the point where our culture, democracy, and future is at stake. Appealing to white people’s comfort is how we got to where BIPOC and LGBT people are being erased from history all together because the dark history of this country makes white people uncomfortable.
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David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 1d
i wake up everything's calarts style this rug is calarts style your face is calarts style the sky is calarts style the increasing crescendo of calarts style from beneath the floorboards, i can hear its symphony whispering to me its awful refrain: "get something real to hate"
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damnyouwillis.bsky.social's user avatar
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 1d
www.ebay.com/itm/23610614... 9 hours left on this weirdo
www.ebay.com
Pardon Our Interruption...eBay Home
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reposted by David M Willis!
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Bill Corbett @billcorbett.bsky.social ⋅ 1d
I wrote in to Reddit about my addiction. Ok, now back to having AI call me gay.
cait.bsky.social's user avatarcait (and adonis) @cait.bsky.social ⋅ 1d
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Dan Schkade @danschkade.bsky.social ⋅ 1d
Having left wing beliefs is hard because you have to listen to different types of people and give up saying slurs and read articles all the way through, wouldn’t you rather just watch youtube shorts of bald podcasters and believe any old bullshit
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reposted by David M Willis!
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Wack'd @wackd.bsky.social ⋅ 2d
i need money and have a flintstone cel i do not want. if you need a flintsone cel and have money you do not want, please click here, thank you ebay.us/m/XdPL0q
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damnyouwillis.bsky.social's user avatar
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 1d
Dumbing of Age: "Compressed" www.dumbingofage.com/2025/comic/b... #webcomic #webcomics
www.dumbingofage.com
Compressed
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reposted by David M Willis!
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Shen Comix @shenanigansen.bsky.social ⋅ 1d
if you're ever sad alone silently, consider this: - i hold a copyright on being like that - you are encroaching on my intellectual property - i will send you a cease & desist - i will possibly take you to court so please make yourself legally distinct by talking to someone about it
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damnyouwillis.bsky.social's user avatar
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 1d
(May 22, 2026)
Joyce and Walky have a discussion in front of FOUR DOORS, one of which still totally exists to this day
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damnyouwillis.bsky.social's user avatar
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 1d
look okay openpsychometrics.org/tests/charac...
alinapete.bsky.social's user avatarAlina Pete @alinapete.bsky.social ⋅ 3d
Take the fictional character quiz and post the first four you know: openpsychometrics.org/tests/charac... What this should tell you is that I'm always down to cause chaos and good trouble
Guinean from Star Trek TNG, wearing an orange outfit
Lilo from the animated Lilo and Stitch
Westley from The Princess Bride
Robin Hood the hot anthro fox from the animated Robin Hood
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damnyouwillis.bsky.social's user avatar
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 2d
iykyk
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damnyouwillis.bsky.social's user avatar
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 2d
Would you like to take a survey? Do you like to eat beans? Do you like George Wendt? Would you like to eat beans with George Wendt? Would you like to watch a movie about George Wendt eating beans?
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damnyouwillis.bsky.social's user avatar
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 2d
thirty different editorial cartoons about St Peter greeting him with NORM!, coming right up
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damnyouwillis.bsky.social's user avatar
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 2d
today in #9chickweedlane i learned FUCK YOU, INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE, WE COULD JUST BE FUCKING OUR DOGS INSTEAD, AND WITH LESS CAKE I GUESS wait what
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reposted by David M Willis!
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Eddie Robson @eddierobson.bsky.social ⋅ 3d
I didn't know my mum was writing promotional emails for Nintendo now
Nintendo marketing email reading
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reposted by David M Willis!
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Ayo @darrylayo.bsky.social ⋅ 2d
I just got fired from Star Wars because my prequel idea was the exact same as the existing prequels except that Palpatine was going to be bishonen hot
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damnyouwillis.bsky.social's user avatar
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 2d
so i'm thinking, okay, i took some extra photos of this set of doors this year so i could draw some other angles, it's an important set of doors, so let's pull up my new reference photos... ....and do you see a problem, do you see an issue
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