Dumbing of Age Book Twelve

Dumbing of Age

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May 12, 2026

Dangit

by David M Willis on November 30, 2016 at 12:01 am
  • 01 - Glower Vacuum
└ Tags: becky, galasso, ken, sydney

Discussion (330) ¬

[ Comments RSS ]
  1. Ana Chronistic
    Ana Chronistic
    November 30, 2016 at 12:01 am | #

    dang, I wish I could get Employee of the Month for saying I wouldn’t treat myself like crap!

    Galasso also doesn’t suffer whiners gladly, T.HawkKen

    • butts
      butts
      November 30, 2016 at 12:03 am | #

      hey, at least he isn’t pining after friggin’ MALAYA anymore

      (probably)

      • Sporky
        Sporky
        November 30, 2016 at 12:13 am | #

        We don’t even have evidence that Ken and Malaya have MET in this continuity.

        • someguy
          someguy
          November 30, 2016 at 5:35 am | #

          Given that it’s the pizza joint close to college, they probably have and thats who Ken wanted to ask out.

          • Deanatay
            Deanatay
            November 30, 2016 at 9:02 am | #

            We’ve seen Ken on campus, he’s a student there. He’s had opportunity to run into Malaya. And develop the hots for her.

      • Disloyal Subject
        Disloyal Subject
        November 30, 2016 at 12:21 am | #

        And just like that, I’m filled with the suspicion that he is.

      • All-Purpose Guru
        All-Purpose Guru
        November 30, 2016 at 1:12 am | #

        Hey, for all we know he’s schtoinked her in this continuity.

        No, wait, it’s Ken.

        • David T. Shaw
          David T. Shaw
          November 30, 2016 at 1:14 pm | #

          Thank you for increasing my vocabulary.

    • Charles Phipps
      Charles Phipps
      November 30, 2016 at 12:03 am | #

      With the Sliding Time Scale, I’m not sure any one of these characters has played Streetfighter.

      • Lailah
        Lailah
        November 30, 2016 at 12:04 am | #

        Probably not, but since Street Fighter V came out this year, they’re still versed in it if they want to be.

      • Doctor_Who
        Doctor_Who
        November 30, 2016 at 12:04 am | #

        A new one came out just this year.

      • captainswift
        captainswift
        November 30, 2016 at 12:05 am | #

        A Street Fighter game just came out for major consoles this very year.

      • Foxhack
        Foxhack
        November 30, 2016 at 12:11 am | #

        Ultra Street Fighter IV has been out for a while.

        And there’s 5, even if… we don’t talk about 5 very much.

      • Needfuldoer
        Needfuldoer
        November 30, 2016 at 3:06 am | #

        They’ve probably at least heard about it, and tried it as a virtual console re-release or a stolen ROM in an emulator.

        If DoA’s world has recently seen a wave of 80s/90s nostalgia like the real world, that’s almost inevitable.

        • marianne
          marianne
          November 30, 2016 at 4:04 am | #

          How does one steal a ROM? I’d assume you’d get noticed, taking a screwdriver to an arcade cabinet to swipe its chips.

          • Andrew_C
            Andrew_C
            November 30, 2016 at 4:17 am | #

            There are websites with images of ROMs of arcade games and cartridges from console games. Technically creating them and using them is illegal, but they are all out of circulation anyway.

            And yes you do have to open up the cabinet to get to the ROM, but seeing as this is done by people who collect them (the arcade games) I don’t think they usually have to worry about getting caught.

            • marianne
              marianne
              November 30, 2016 at 6:55 am | #

              Oh yes, I am aware of all this 🙂 But since it’s copyright infringement (unauthorised duplication of copyrighted materials) rather than theft, I went with the (in my mind) funnier mental image of someone sneaking into arcades, lurking in the shadows like a ninja with a chip reader, to actually steal the ROM chips.

              • TabofManyColors
                TabofManyColors
                November 30, 2016 at 12:10 pm | #

                *adds “Ninja with a Chip Reader” to list of potential band names*

                • Clif
                  Clif
                  November 30, 2016 at 11:38 pm | #

                  Do you also keep a list of bad band names?

          • Needfuldoer
            Needfuldoer
            November 30, 2016 at 5:06 am | #

            By clicking the tiny download link hidden in between the giant “DOWNLOAD FREE NOW” virus buttons and the ads for escort services and dubious pharmeseuticals, of course! (At least that’s how it was done in the early 2000s.)

          • Khno
            Khno
            November 30, 2016 at 6:43 pm | #

            By crossing the Rubicon!… no, wait…

            • Baronbrian
              Baronbrian
              November 30, 2016 at 7:01 pm | #

              *slow clap*

    • Jay Eff
      Jay Eff
      November 30, 2016 at 12:10 am | #

      I want more Ken, if only for Ana’s Street Fighter jokes at his expense~

    • TheAnonymousGuy
      TheAnonymousGuy
      November 30, 2016 at 12:29 am | #

      Job acquired
      Becky has gained a new perk – Steady Cash flow: She makes +$8.50 per work hour
      Becky Has gained a debuff – Customer stress: She loses -5 mood for each work day
      Becky has gained a debuff – Employment woes: she has a 50% chance of losing -2 mood each work day
      Active Perks Dino-tamer: Becky gains +10 mood for each successful hangout with dina

      • AngelBadman
        AngelBadman
        November 30, 2016 at 9:17 am | #

        I am sure someone will correct me if I am wrong, but, I think the minimum wage for waitresses is $2.13 an hour, plus tips. I don’t think Indiana is one of the states that requires employers to make up the difference between that and the Federal non tipped minimum wage of $7.25. Still, I guess it is a positive step for Becky, as awful as those wages are.

        I hope I missed something and Galasso pays $8.50 and hour.

        • thejeff
          thejeff
          November 30, 2016 at 10:21 am | #

          Or the tips are good enough so they don’t need to make it up.

          Pizza place tips are often low and college kids are often broke, but OTOH a lot of college kids have worked those jobs and know what tips mean.

        • Rusty
          Rusty
          December 15, 2016 at 9:16 am | #

          Most states do not allow a tipped wage of $2.13 (And few even that near it of those that are above that) and a lot of them, primarily west coast however, actually have no tipped wage allowance, meaning minimum wage is paid.

          You are however right that Indiana starts at $2.13… But that doesn’t mean that without tips she would get $2.13. She would instead receive $2.13+(7.25-Tips) in pay from her employer. This is a Federal level requirement. On that part you are wrong.

          Note: This assumes everything is above the board and legal. Galasso may not care about that part.

          Lastly, here’s the most interesting part. She makes $9.83 an hour according to average numbers for tipped restaurant employees in Indiana. Which sadly is a little over a dollar under the average in the nation. And nowhere near the average in a place without tipped wage allowances such as Washington ($14.67) or California ($13.68)

          https://www.bls.gov/oes/current/oes353031.htm (Where you can find the exact details)

          90% of all workers in restaurants make $8.08 an hour at a minimum (With half the total making over $9.25)

          The important part there… People aren’t actually making less than $7.25 (Federal minimum wage) an hour and this myth needs to stop being perpetuated so endlessly as the reason why those who get paid in tips need me to tip them 25-50% or else they’ll starve to death… Most of them are making at least equal to the minimum wage in the state with the 10th highest minimum wage ($9 an hour by the way)

    • AngelBadman
      AngelBadman
      November 30, 2016 at 2:24 am | #

      You are hereby hired to continue not treating yourself like crap, for the next hour. All remuneration will be in tips. Good job so far, here is your Employee of the Month plaque.

      EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH
      Ana Chronistic

      • Reltzik
        Reltzik
        November 30, 2016 at 3:39 pm | #

        Under the Terms of Employment Contract, Section 9, Paragraph 2, Employee hereby signs over all rights to treat herself like crap to Management.

        …. that’s standard.

    • Pablo360
      Pablo360
      November 30, 2016 at 9:36 am | #

      Where’s T. Hawk? All I see is Ryu.

    • Reltzik
      Reltzik
      November 30, 2016 at 3:37 pm | #

      A little bit of whining and grumbling is desired with obedience, though. It is further proof (in the spirit of a trophy, Galasso doesn’t need proof) that his will rules in these walls and that his peons obey even the orders that make them miserable.

  2. AnvilPro
    AnvilPro
    November 30, 2016 at 12:02 am | #

    Since they don’t have a picture of her yet, Becky’s first day on the job will just be her standing behind an empty picture frame

    • Bicycle Bill
      Bicycle Bill
      November 30, 2016 at 12:13 am | #

      At least we know that “Employee of the Month” is not based on nepotism.
      And being as how she acted so much like Galasso, I’m surprised that Sydney wasn’t EotM.

      • anonymsly
        anonymsly
        November 30, 2016 at 12:19 am | #

        In my head as of right this moment, Galasso held her to a higher standard, so right up until her firing he was always bitterly disappointed in her. Failing to properly intimidate underclassmen was just the last straw.

      • Bagge
        Bagge
        November 30, 2016 at 12:24 am | #

        Sydney is the Fallen Prodigy. She could have been the Worthy Heir, but instead she squandered her talent and had to be forced away from the Realm. (Compare Winnowill, Anakin Skywalker, Tom Riddle and… well, half the antagonists in fiction, really).

        Ken is just a peon. It remains to see what place the “Lopsided Orange One” will take in the pantheon of Galasso’s madness.

  3. Mr. Mendo
    Mr. Mendo
    November 30, 2016 at 12:02 am | #

    Good ol’ Galasso! You can always count on him…after a fashion! ^_^

    • BenRG
      BenRG
      November 30, 2016 at 6:53 am | #

      FOOL! No-one can count on Galasso! Except for crushing subjugation and defeat!

      • Mr. Mendo
        Mr. Mendo
        November 30, 2016 at 8:00 am | #

        At least he’s consistent! 😉

      • Reltzik
        Reltzik
        November 30, 2016 at 3:40 pm | #

        And loud outbursts, usually of the words “fool” or “fools”.

  4. butts
    butts
    November 30, 2016 at 12:02 am | #

    DoA is the Becky, Dina, and Galasso Show now. Don’t even bother trying to deny it.

  5. Charles Phipps
    Charles Phipps
    November 30, 2016 at 12:02 am | #

    So does this mean Becky is going to sleep with Conquest in order to provide her with a son? Or is that too Shortpacked?

    • Gwen
      Gwen
      November 30, 2016 at 12:04 am | #

      Conquest is underaged in this continuity, so hopefully not

      • butts
        butts
        November 30, 2016 at 12:22 am | #

        Is she? The only thing I remember about her is Joe staring.

        • Lailah
          Lailah
          November 30, 2016 at 12:43 am | #

          Yeah, it’s apparently how she was made ‘forbidden’ this time. Something like that?

          • Blunderwonder
            Blunderwonder
            November 30, 2016 at 2:05 am | #

            I went back and read Joyce and Joe’s date, and I didn’t see anything about her being forbidden, only that Joyce was upset that Joe couldn’t control his gaze. I don’t know how that makes her underage, since Joyce would probably be upset at Joe staring at any girl’s cleavage.

      • timemonkey
        timemonkey
        November 30, 2016 at 12:37 am | #

        Old enough to have a job and look the same as the rest of the cast.

        • Fart Captor
          Fart Captor
          November 30, 2016 at 12:44 am | #

          16 is old enough for a job, and there isn’t anywhere near enough detail in the character’s faces to show a 2 year age difference.

          Hell, 14 is old enough for a part time job (in most states, at least), and since she’s working for her dad, I’m not sure there’s actually a minimum age at all.

          • Awnman
            Awnman
            November 30, 2016 at 1:25 am | #

            If anyone is interested 14 is old enough to work in the state of Indiana subject to hour limitations and a list of prohibited jobs which waiting tables is not on. Interestingly the hour restrictions do not apply to work as umpires/referees for some reason. As for the minimum wage, it is slightly more complex. Minors do have to be payed the minimum wage of $7.25 but tipped staff which she is are to be payed $2.13 and hour with the difference made up in tips and if it is not to be made up by the employer.

            • CJ
              CJ
              November 30, 2016 at 3:01 am | #

              What? Wait. Tipps are deducted from minimum wage?

              • Needfuldoer
                Needfuldoer
                November 30, 2016 at 3:14 am | #

                On top of that, some employers make the staff pool their tips and evenly distribute them at the end of the day.

                • Shade
                  Shade
                  November 30, 2016 at 4:20 am | #

                  Well Sydney did mention distributing her tips with the bus staff. Whether that’s required for her or just something she chooses to do is the question I suppose.

              • Lailah
                Lailah
                November 30, 2016 at 11:14 am | #

                Not only are they deducted from minimum wage, but if your performance is such that you don’t get minimum wage (from tips) and you ask for the difference to be reimbursed (The literal law for this, the entire reason this is considered legal), you *will* be fired.

                • thejeff
                  thejeff
                  November 30, 2016 at 2:33 pm | #

                  Basically, tipped workers can get screwed in many ways. So tip your waitstaff and tip them well. It’s not a little something extra for an exceptional job, it’s what they’re living on.

                  That said, working for tips in the right places you can do damn well.

              • Splork
                Splork
                November 30, 2016 at 6:30 pm | #

                They’re not “deducted” per se. But federal (?) minimum wage for servers is $2.13, with the idea that you’ll make a livable wage because of tips (you won’t, but you wouldn’t with a minimum wage job either. Not that that makes it okay).

              • Dr. T
                Dr. T
                November 30, 2016 at 7:23 pm | #

                Yeah, if you might earn tips than your employer can pay you less due to the concept that your pay and tips should exceed the minimum wage, whether it does or not in reality. Some states force the employer to make up the difference if you earn less than minimum wage, but others might not.

                If you think this is incredibly stupid, you can thank Herman Cain, a man who briefly was considered the front runner for the GOP presidential nomination in 2012. Mr. 9-9-9 is the head of a lobbying firm for restaurants that made that happen.

                • thejeff
                  thejeff
                  November 30, 2016 at 8:58 pm | #

                  Not that I want to pass up an opportunity to bash Cain, but I don’t think this originates with him. There was no minimum wage for tipped workers until the 60s. When first set it was half the regular minimum wage and was then raised to roughly stay in line with that as the minimum wage went up until the 90s. In 96 the minimum wage was raised without a corresponding increase in the tipped minimum. That seems to be where Cain had his influence. Now it’s at the lowest level ever, relative to the regular minimum wage. Except of course for before the 60s, when they didn’t have to pay waitresses anything but tips.

      • Lailah
        Lailah
        November 30, 2016 at 12:43 am | #

        It’d be like 16-18, so not really a big deal on that note, no? Or is she 14 or something?

        • BBCC
          BBCC
          November 30, 2016 at 1:04 am | #

          She’s 16, Indiana’s age of consent. That said, sleeping with the boss’ daughter, whom is in a different stage of her life, maturity and experience wise, is still super gross.

          • Lailah
            Lailah
            November 30, 2016 at 2:10 am | #

            16 and 18 are basically at the same point life, maturity, and experience wise – that point being ‘moron who is invincible and is legally permitted to use one of the most dangerous things we have in the US’ Her being the boss’ daughter seems like it’d be on her.

            • thejeff
              thejeff
              November 30, 2016 at 7:03 am | #

              Unless it’s a thing required as part of the job – or at least pushed by the megalomaniac boss as such – “You, Lopsided Orange One, Impregnate my Daughter!”
              Which is horribly creepy for both the daughter and the employee. Not to mention illegal.

              • Roborat
                Roborat
                November 30, 2016 at 3:10 pm | #

                Not to mention physically impossible.

                • Reltzik
                  Reltzik
                  November 30, 2016 at 3:42 pm | #

                  Actually, it is now possible with the correct technology.

                  …. also illegal.

                • thejeff
                  thejeff
                  November 30, 2016 at 6:15 pm | #

                  Fool! Simple physical impossibility cannot stop Galasso!

      • Reltzik
        Reltzik
        November 30, 2016 at 3:42 pm | #

        I don’t remember seeing anything about her age in continuity, actually.

    • I Write Monsters
      I Write Monsters
      November 30, 2016 at 12:05 am | #

      That’s ridiculous.

      Dina will also be involved. Slipshine will then jump into Forbes 500.

    • inqntrol
      inqntrol
      November 30, 2016 at 12:07 am | #

      If only he’s gender blind.

      • JetstreamGW
        JetstreamGW
        November 30, 2016 at 12:10 am | #

        It’s Galasso.

        • Clif
          Clif
          November 30, 2016 at 11:45 pm | #

          Um, good point.

  6. Emperor Norton II
    Emperor Norton II
    November 30, 2016 at 12:03 am | #

    Ok, so who called Becky being hired?

    Everyone who did so, give yourself four Imperial Internet Points.

    That is all.

    • ety
      ety
      November 30, 2016 at 12:04 am | #

      You make it so hard to keep track when you do this.

      • Doctor_Who
        Doctor_Who
        November 30, 2016 at 12:06 am | #

        Yeah, Metric Internet Points are so much easier to convert.

      • Emperor Norton II
        Emperor Norton II
        November 30, 2016 at 2:40 am | #

        Hey, you’re not going to get that pillow for free. So get tracking!

    • Ragnarok101
      Ragnarok101
      November 30, 2016 at 12:04 am | #

      Huh. I am unfamiliar with the value of these Internet Points. Can they be exchanged with the local currency of Internet Dollars?

      • Adj
        Adj
        November 30, 2016 at 12:21 am | #

        The exchange rate of Internet Points to Internet Dollars is very much akin to the exchange rate of Zimbabwe Dollars to US Dollars.

        • Adj
          Adj
          November 30, 2016 at 12:23 am | #

          Pre-2006

        • Bagge
          Bagge
          November 30, 2016 at 12:27 am | #

          This start to sound a lot like the Norton Dollars of the FIRST good emperor of this name.
          http://www.nortondollars.com/home.html

      • dralou
        dralou
        November 30, 2016 at 12:25 am | #

        No. Because you already can have the better currency at a 1-1 rate: an internet point = an internet cookie.

    • Disloyal Subject
      Disloyal Subject
      November 30, 2016 at 12:22 am | #

      Logged and noted.

    • timemonkey
      timemonkey
      November 30, 2016 at 12:39 am | #

      Did anyone not call Becky being hired? It’s the only business that’s been repeatedly shown being frequented by the cast. It gives her money and a way to interact with the cast.

      • Bagge
        Bagge
        November 30, 2016 at 3:34 am | #

        I have prattled about it to no end, but frankly I had completely written it off as “too shortpacky”, and started to think of the Chicka-fil-A instead.

        I’m so glad I was wrong

    • foamy
      foamy
      November 30, 2016 at 12:44 am | #

      Somebody in the comments section either yesterday, or two days ago, said something verrrrrrrrrrry close to today’s alt-text.

    • Deanatay
      Deanatay
      November 30, 2016 at 9:09 am | #

      I called it! What’s more, I think Willis stole my excited Becky job-begging line for his alt-text! It’s libel, I tells ya!

      • Deanatay
        Deanatay
        November 30, 2016 at 9:12 am | #

        I almost even heard a WHOOSH as Becky appeared! It’s a rip-off, I say!

      • foamy
        foamy
        November 30, 2016 at 10:11 pm | #

        Libel is publishing defamatory statements about someone. :p

        • Deanatay
          Deanatay
          December 1, 2016 at 9:38 am | #

          LIBEL, I SEZ! 😛

    • Willoughby Chase
      Willoughby Chase
      November 30, 2016 at 9:12 am | #

      Not the Employee of the Month Curse!

      http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-254

      • Willoughby Chase
        Willoughby Chase
        November 30, 2016 at 9:21 am | #

        Dagnabbit. Forgot the forum bug that puts it in the place where you started to answer, changed your mind and thought you were posting at the bottom of the page.

    • Dr. T
      Dr. T
      November 30, 2016 at 7:26 pm | #

      I assumed she would eventually be working for Galasso back when she was looking for work at the beginning of the year.

  7. BBCC
    BBCC
    November 30, 2016 at 12:03 am | #

    YEEEEESSSSS. This is everything I needed to brighten my night up. Thank you, Willis. <3

  8. Stephen R. Bierce
    Stephen R. Bierce
    November 30, 2016 at 12:03 am | #

    *plays Huey Lewis & The News’ “Workin’ For A Livin'” on the hacked Muzak*

    • Stephen R. Bierce
      Stephen R. Bierce
      November 30, 2016 at 12:08 am | #

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcIK3akktLU
      Walkin’ on the streets/It’s really all the same/Sellin’ Souls, Rock-N-Roll
      –Any other game!

  9. Jabberwocky
    Jabberwocky
    November 30, 2016 at 12:03 am | #

    here we go again

  10. Lailah
    Lailah
    November 30, 2016 at 12:03 am | #

    Don’t lie to us, El Fuerte. We know better. You were going to go out with Arnold and just didn’t feel like explaining that to Galasso, weren’t you?

    • anonymsly
      anonymsly
      November 30, 2016 at 12:17 am | #

      Vega keeps his private life private!

  11. ety
    ety
    November 30, 2016 at 12:03 am | #

    Well, that takes care of the job.

    • Needfuldoer
      Needfuldoer
      November 30, 2016 at 3:33 am | #

      Assuming she gets 40 hours per week, at Indiana’s minimum wage of $7.25/hr, that’s about $770/mo take-home after taxes. According to Craigslist, there are rooms and single-bedroom apartments in the Bloomington area that she’d be able to afford and still have enough left over for food, utilities, and savings.

      • Dr. T
        Dr. T
        November 30, 2016 at 7:35 pm | #

        Yeah, I almost rented a small apartment for my step-son a few blocks off of campus (Becky’s dad probably drove past it after kidnapping her). It would have been unfurnished, but $425 would have covered rent and utilities. Add in the fact that she could save on food expenses by eating at work/taking home leftovers and she might be in good enough shape.

        Bonus news, the real life Galasso’s (Mother Bear’s) has opened a second location near the new interstate on the west side of town. Perhaps Becky can rapidly earn a promotion to run it (should the DoA version also expand) and make even more money.

  12. Opus the Poet
    Opus the Poet
    November 30, 2016 at 12:03 am | #

    Yay! Becky employment.

  13. Gwen
    Gwen
    November 30, 2016 at 12:03 am | #

    Sydney will have her revenge… for not being listed in the tags.

  14. inqntrol
    inqntrol
    November 30, 2016 at 12:03 am | #

    First day of the job and she’s already Employee of the Month, man if it were that easy in real life.

    • Splork
      Splork
      November 30, 2016 at 12:38 am | #

      In my old job it kinda was. Employees who’d been there for a few weeks got EotM (and in some cases were later revealed to be pretty terrible employees), whereas those who’d been there for years and were great didn’t.

    • Bicycle Bill
      Bicycle Bill
      November 30, 2016 at 1:55 am | #

      It’s easier (and cheaper) to give you the “Employee of the Month” honor than it is to give you a raise.

  15. shadowcell
    shadowcell
    November 30, 2016 at 12:03 am | #

    FOO–wait what

  16. Doctor_Who
    Doctor_Who
    November 30, 2016 at 12:03 am | #

    Of course, Becky will still have to fill out an application.

    Name:

    Alias:

    Have you ever committed a felony (at least three recommended):

    • CaptainBatson
      CaptainBatson
      November 30, 2016 at 12:07 am | #

      She already did. She finished it in the first strip of this scene.

      • Fart Captor
        Fart Captor
        November 30, 2016 at 12:17 am | #

        She was finishing a whole stack of applications that she’d started before she’d retrieved her SSN. One of them might have been from Galasso’s, but that’s not certain

    • Bicycle Bill
      Bicycle Bill
      November 30, 2016 at 12:17 am | #

      Why do I get a flashback to the scene in “Blazing Saddles” …..
      “Qualifications?”
      “Rape, murder, arson, and rape.”
      “You said ‘rape’ twice.”
      “I like rape”.

      • Wizard
        Wizard
        November 30, 2016 at 12:40 am | #

        Nice to know it wasn’t just me.

    • John
      John
      November 30, 2016 at 12:42 am | #

      Name: Becky MacIntyre

      Alias: I’M A LESBIAN!

      Have you ever committed a felony (at least three recommended): Breaking & entering, theft, defiance of father and God, riding without a seatbelt, girl-smooching.

      • Bagge
        Bagge
        November 30, 2016 at 1:11 am | #

        Trespassing, Squatting, Churchy dress-removal, Astray-leading of good Christian girls, Lewd acts with dinosaur chicks, Tripping up the Duke of Thingley… she is more than qualified.

  17. Aislashu
    Aislashu
    November 30, 2016 at 12:04 am | #

    Becky came out, found a girlfriend, saw the top of said girlfriend’s head, AND got a job? Becky has completed more of her life’s goals than most people! xD

    • Gesc
      Gesc
      November 30, 2016 at 1:10 am | #

      Clearly this is a work of fiction.

    • Bagge
      Bagge
      November 30, 2016 at 1:12 am | #

      …got to read a secular textbook, was saved from her butthole father, that whole thing with Joyce on a motorcycle…

      Yeah, God is answering lesbian prayers all right.

  18. void
    void
    November 30, 2016 at 12:04 am | #

    This is pretty great. I hope this means we get more Galasso.

  19. Charles Phipps
    Charles Phipps
    November 30, 2016 at 12:04 am | #

    Given his treatment of Malaya and how Dumbing of Age makes all of Shortpacked’s hi-jinks horrifying, how long with Ken creep on Becky before he realizes she’s gay?

    • Lailah
      Lailah
      November 30, 2016 at 12:06 am | #

      Didn’t he stop pursuing Malaya after banging Connie? …Though that was well after we found out Malaya was into robots, wasn’t it?

      • BBCC
        BBCC
        November 30, 2016 at 12:07 am | #

        IIRC, he never really pursued her much anyways – I don’t recall him trying to hit on her or ask her out multiple times, except the one date they went on to the Multiplex. He just had a crush on her, and it didn’t seem like Malaya was uncomfortable with that. Again, assuming I’m recalling correctly, which I may not be.

        • Spencer
          Spencer
          November 30, 2016 at 9:54 am | #

          IIRC Ken was into Malaya and got her the job at Shortpacked! in the hopes that it would appeal him towards her, and was going to have sex with Conquest in an attempt to make her jealous, but eventually he got over her.

          • BBCC
            BBCC
            November 30, 2016 at 8:31 pm | #

            Ken did try to hook up with Robin and Conquest to make her jealous, yes. He said he got her the job because he thought it would be cool to work together, and I see no reason not to believe him. And yeah, after the stint with Conquest, he got over her and moved on to Lucy, who reciprocated his feelings.

    • Reltzik
      Reltzik
      November 30, 2016 at 3:54 pm | #

      Ken creeping is…. not very creepy.

  20. Thursday Violist
    Thursday Violist
    November 30, 2016 at 12:04 am | #

    I literally got a job like that.

    Actually, no, it wasn’t like that at all. I had arrived home from living abroad. Somebody called me on the phone. Said “Hey, you’re back. Want a job?” I said “Okay.” Then he said “Well, good. There’s a truck headed to your house in fifteen minutes. Pack enough clothes for a day.”

    • a snow ʍousɐ
      a snow ʍousɐ
      November 30, 2016 at 12:15 am | #

      Wow, Donald Trump really IS bringing jobs back! Imagine, you get off the plane from overseas and instantly get a job, while the woman in the hijab who sat next to you gets interrogated for hours!

      ((btw, that’s not meant to sound as if I’m saying you’re a Trump supporter for getting a job, I’m just tired and making a stupid joke, no offense intended except to the president elect))

      • Thursday Violist
        Thursday Violist
        November 30, 2016 at 1:46 am | #

        Well, I thought it was a funny stupid joke.

        So it probably was.

        • a snow ʍousɐ
          a snow ʍousɐ
          November 30, 2016 at 11:51 am | #

          Thank you! I’m glad you understood and appreciated my humor. ^^ Irony cannot always be trusted to get across online, and there seemed to be multiple layers of irony (at least in the second sentence), so I thought I’d better add that parenthetical just to be safe.

          I’d make another stupid joke about how she wore a hijab and you said “hi, job!”; but it wouldn’t be very funny, so I’ll stop while I’m ahead.

          • a snow ʍousɐ
            a snow ʍousɐ
            December 1, 2016 at 8:47 am | #

            …Dangit

    • Antonio
      Antonio
      November 30, 2016 at 12:16 am | #

      Are you an assassin? That sounds like a Luc Besson movie.

      • Disloyal Subject
        Disloyal Subject
        November 30, 2016 at 12:48 am | #

        I’d watch it. But then, I watch most things Luc Besson is involved in.

      • Tomas
        Tomas
        November 30, 2016 at 12:53 am | #

        –Or a Welcome to Nightvale subplot.

      • Thursday Violist
        Thursday Violist
        November 30, 2016 at 1:51 am | #

        That is actually very possible. In fact, I’m going to say “probably yes”. Of course, if I were an assassin then I probably wouldn’t admit it, which means I’m obviously not one because I had just admitted to it.

        I haven’t watched Luc Besson, though. I really should: reading up his movies on Wikipedia makes him sound like I absolutely need to watch them.

        • Emperor Norton II
          Emperor Norton II
          November 30, 2016 at 8:43 pm | #

          Unless you are in fact a really good assassin that doesn’t want anyone to suspect that you are one, and therefore are playing the “pretend I’m not an assassin by pretending to be an assassin” card….

          • thejeff
            thejeff
            November 30, 2016 at 9:05 pm | #

            But you would have known that I would realize that, so obviously you wouldn’t try the “pretend I’m not an assassin by pretending to be an assassin” game, so you must not be an assassin. Unless you realized I would think that, in which case you are …

            • Mistah J
              Mistah J
              November 30, 2016 at 11:49 pm | #

              it doesn’t matter… I am completely immune to iocane powder

              • Clif
                Clif
                December 1, 2016 at 6:38 am | #

                Impossible.

                That’s what all the iocane addicts say just before they die.

                Why they would say impossible isn’t clear.

  21. Keulan
    Keulan
    November 30, 2016 at 12:05 am | #

    Galasso’s hiring methods remain the same in all universes.

    • inqntrol
      inqntrol
      November 30, 2016 at 12:11 am | #

      “Do you have the required skills to help me conquer this world?”
      “….I…guess so…?”
      “You are hired!”

  22. BBCC
    BBCC
    November 30, 2016 at 12:06 am | #

    I like how this strip implies Ken has purposefully delivered pizzas to the wrong tables, since not doing that’s apparently all Becky needs to do to be better than him.

    • Disloyal Subject
      Disloyal Subject
      November 30, 2016 at 12:51 am | #

      Well, she pledged not to do it, which to Galasso may be more valuable than a demonstrated pattern of not doing it. Plus her eagerness at a time when she’s needed could be viewed by him as subservience or some other appropriately minionish trait.

      • BBCC
        BBCC
        November 30, 2016 at 1:02 am | #

        Aw, don’t ruin the fun by pointing out logical and more probable alternatives. 😛

        • Disloyal Subject
          Disloyal Subject
          November 30, 2016 at 12:43 pm | #

          It’s a lovely day when megalomaniacal perception of minionish servility is considered the logical and probable explanatio-
          Wait, that sounds fairly common actually

          • BBCC
            BBCC
            November 30, 2016 at 8:29 pm | #

            To Galasso? ALWAYS.

    • ety
      ety
      November 30, 2016 at 1:30 am | #

      and apparently doing it better than Sydney.

    • 3oranges
      3oranges
      November 30, 2016 at 2:28 am | #

      How hard, do you suppose, would it have been for Sydney to talk him into it at least one time? In which case “just bring them their real pizza” is a request full of regrets, but that doesn’t seem unlike him either.

  23. Jay Eff
    Jay Eff
    November 30, 2016 at 12:07 am | #

    BECKY: “Look, Dina! I’m Employee of the Month! Got my own plaque, and everything! It even says I have good hair!!”

    • Pablo360
      Pablo360
      November 30, 2016 at 9:35 am | #

      Wait, how does Galasso already have a plaque for Becky?

      • TabofManyColors
        TabofManyColors
        November 30, 2016 at 11:29 am | #

        Because hiring Sydney was all part of his magnificent scheme to get the lopsided orange-haired one to work for him.

  24. Claire
    Claire
    November 30, 2016 at 12:08 am | #

    Yay! Welcome to shortpacked Galasso’s!

    • Fart Captor
      Fart Captor
      November 30, 2016 at 12:23 am | #

      I’m imagining that Shortpacked has basically been going on in the background this whole time, complete with just as much crazy drama as we’ve been seeing on Joyce’s floor.

      • Disloyal Subject
        Disloyal Subject
        November 30, 2016 at 12:53 am | #

        With their employee roster, I’m having a hard time envisioning any method in which Galasso’s could function without gratuitous shenanigans.

  25. Tacos
    Tacos
    November 30, 2016 at 12:11 am | #

    Sweet, Becky got a job.

    Now if only it was just as easy for me to find a job >.>

    • Deanatay
      Deanatay
      November 30, 2016 at 9:23 am | #

      Right there with ya.

  26. lia47
    lia47
    November 30, 2016 at 12:12 am | #

    a year and a half ago i was worried that becky would get a job before I did and now I’ve been through two lol

    • Clif
      Clif
      December 1, 2016 at 6:40 am | #

      Um. Congratulations?

  27. MM
    MM
    November 30, 2016 at 12:12 am | #

    OMG YES

  28. Sporky
    Sporky
    November 30, 2016 at 12:12 am | #

    You know, I’m not sure why I didn’t see this coming given recent strips, but I didn’t.

  29. Fart Captor
    Fart Captor
    November 30, 2016 at 12:13 am | #

    Clearly, Galasso knows rad when he sees it

    • Dana
      Dana
      November 30, 2016 at 7:04 am | #

      Given his understanding of human sexuality, he may soon think all people with rad undercuts are lesbians. Which would make him far from unique, I suppose.

      • Hielario
        Hielario
        November 30, 2016 at 10:40 am | #

        That’s a common stereotype?

        • Dana
          Dana
          November 30, 2016 at 3:51 pm | #

          Yessireebob.

        • Fart Captor
          Fart Captor
          November 30, 2016 at 9:13 pm | #

          On the one hand, I imagine someone ostracized for their orientation is much less likely to care what people think about their non-traditional hairstyle.

          On the other, everybody deserves to look rad without assumptions being made about them.

          Unless the assumptions are along the lines of “I bet that chick is pretty rad”

  30. Cattleprod
    Cattleprod
    November 30, 2016 at 12:14 am | #

    And Galasso wept at the prospect of an employee who wouldn’t deliberately screw up orders. Was such a thing even possible?

  31. NinjaNick
    NinjaNick
    November 30, 2016 at 12:16 am | #

    Thank Yus! Becky’s going to be a great employee.

    • Disloyal Subject
      Disloyal Subject
      November 30, 2016 at 12:54 am | #

      The greatest employee! Employee of the Month, even!

  32. Bagge
    Bagge
    November 30, 2016 at 12:16 am | #

    It’s happening? OMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGHOSH!!!!!

    Becky will work for Galasso!!! She and Connie will talk about Caboodles and giblets to his endless confusion. There are TONS of fun stories to be had here.

    • Emperor Norton II
      Emperor Norton II
      November 30, 2016 at 2:04 am | #

      Hey hey hey! Careful with the language, there are children reading this comic!

      I mean, there might have been. If they hadn’t been confused by the strip five days ago and asked their parents what the term “lady syrup” means, and then been promptly banned from reading this comic ever again.

      But there could have been children reading this! In theory!

      • CJ
        CJ
        November 30, 2016 at 3:12 am | #

        Do you hear that one often?
        Adults hiding their “I don’t want this” behind this sentence are really annoying.

        • Clif
          Clif
          December 1, 2016 at 7:01 am | #

          What sentence is that? I don’t understand.

      • Bagge
        Bagge
        November 30, 2016 at 3:36 am | #

        My wife has made a point of stocking up on quality comic porn, so when the kids come of age they will find some gems in our bookshelf.

        • Emperor Norton II
          Emperor Norton II
          November 30, 2016 at 8:45 pm | #

          Does anyone in any of these stories say “caboodles”? If not, it’s not quality comic porn.

  33. Mr. Random
    Mr. Random
    November 30, 2016 at 12:16 am | #

    I feel like the bar which had lain flat on the floor has risen just enough for a new born kitten to barely scratch its head.

  34. Icalasari
    Icalasari
    November 30, 2016 at 12:16 am | #

    “Such sort notice” typo

    • Clif
      Clif
      December 1, 2016 at 7:02 am | #

      Sorted.

  35. trlkly
    trlkly
    November 30, 2016 at 12:19 am | #

    So does Becky exist in the other universe, even as just someone who showed up for a single comic?

    • Dave
      Dave
      November 30, 2016 at 12:25 am | #

      I thiiiiiink she was a background member of SEMME.

    • Fart Captor
      Fart Captor
      November 30, 2016 at 12:26 am | #

      Yeah. I think she shows up mostly (or exclusively) in Joyce & Walky, though I haven’t gotten around to reading it yet

      • BBCC
        BBCC
        November 30, 2016 at 12:28 am | #

        She’s a J&W exclusive.

        • Joe Archer
          Joe Archer
          November 30, 2016 at 2:59 am | #

          And all she really did was to burp.

    • Heavensrun
      Heavensrun
      November 30, 2016 at 12:30 am | #

      She was a friend and neighbor of Joyce & Walky in the strip of that name. She was not involved with SEMME nor did she appear prior to the end of the war, as far as I recall. She cameo’d in SP! towards the end. Pretty sure she hooked up with Dina revived in that universe too.

    • John
      John
      November 30, 2016 at 12:35 am | #

      Yeah, she was in Joyce & Walky.

      Also, Willis has declared this Walkyverse canon.

      • Fart Captor
        Fart Captor
        November 30, 2016 at 12:40 am | #

        Curse you! I was looking for that to link it because it was basically my favorite thing until the cuddling in Sunday’s strip

        • Clif
          Clif
          December 1, 2016 at 6:47 am | #

          Not only is it canon, it’s water canon.

          • John
            John
            December 1, 2016 at 12:09 pm | #

            That’s a Cap’n Crunch gun.

            I mean, what else do you fight Soggies with?

      • Bagge
        Bagge
        November 30, 2016 at 1:17 am | #

        Dina’s expression is the best!

  36. Lumin
    Lumin
    November 30, 2016 at 12:19 am | #

    I think “in such sort notice” should read “at such short notice”.

    • BBCC
      BBCC
      November 30, 2016 at 12:29 am | #

      I’ve heard people use both.

      • Fart Captor
        Fart Captor
        November 30, 2016 at 12:31 am | #

        You’ve heard people be wrong

        • BBCC
          BBCC
          November 30, 2016 at 12:32 am | #

          Probably. People aren’t strictly grammatical when they talk.

          • Gesc
            Gesc
            November 30, 2016 at 1:12 am | #

            Talking like you write would be such a pain.

            • Fart Captor
              Fart Captor
              November 30, 2016 at 9:24 pm | #

              I think I do, more or less? I constantly have to remove extra commas I add where I would have paused if I were speaking out loud

              Maybe that’s a more an issue of writing like I talk

              • Clif
                Clif
                December 1, 2016 at 6:51 am | #

                What would a sort notice be like?

                Greetings. You are hereby notified of an upcoming sort. Prepare to deliver piza!

      • DinaWho
        DinaWho
        November 30, 2016 at 10:39 pm | #

        If it was ‘in such short notice’ I’d assume so, but ‘sort’ just seems like a typo to me.

  37. yo.
    yo.
    November 30, 2016 at 12:22 am | #

    Dude, just lie. I really don’t think Galazzo is the type to check references.

  38. Peny
    Peny
    November 30, 2016 at 12:23 am | #

    “And guess what, I’m also a lesbian!”

    • Bagge
      Bagge
      November 30, 2016 at 12:30 am | #

      “Galasso of course knows what that is. Offspring, teach our new subject the ways of lesbianism!”

      “Oooooh!”

      • A Scientist
        A Scientist
        November 30, 2016 at 1:48 am | #

        “Galasso of course knows what that is,” and any variation in the same spirit–to me–is the most Galasso possible statement. It incorporates virtually his entire character in a few words: the compete disconnect with the way normal people interact, and the commitment to projecting capability in every capacity so as not to undermine the power he commands, wrapped up in his usual syntax, choppy and awkward for spoken word, but structured in a way which promotes his intelligence at the expense of the listener (“this is obvious, but I don’t think you know this obvious thing or that it’s obvious, so I’m telling you that explicitly, FOOOLS!). It’s perfect.

        And my second sentence in this post is very long, I realize.

  39. Dave
    Dave
    November 30, 2016 at 12:24 am | #

    I didn’t really get an impression that Galasso disapproved of delivering the wrong pizza, just that Sydney failed to do so in a way that succeeded in bending the customers to her will. So Becky could probably deliver whatever pizza she damn well wishes as long as she gets them to eat it happily.

    • BBCC
      BBCC
      November 30, 2016 at 12:31 am | #

      If you’re not going to dominate them until they beg for mercy, may as well serve well. If you can’t be a good server AND you’re too weak to make them shut up and eat anyways, what use are you to the almighty Galasso?

      • Dave
        Dave
        November 30, 2016 at 1:49 am | #

        Praise Be.

  40. AM
    AM
    November 30, 2016 at 12:24 am | #

    You can’t fault Galasso for being an equal opportunity employer. He’ll take minions just well as backstabbing lieutenants, even replacing one with the other without a thought.

  41. BBCC
    BBCC
    November 30, 2016 at 12:33 am | #

    Okay, so this is important and a good use for any spare cash people might have and I bet it would look great on whatever social media you use regularly.

    If nothing else, should make a good read.

    https://jillstein.nationbuilder.com/recount

    • Locke
      Locke
      November 30, 2016 at 8:02 am | #

      this isn’t the place. And by that I mean this REALLY REALLY REALLY isn’t the fucking place.

      • Clif
        Clif
        December 1, 2016 at 7:11 am | #

        Well, that’s kind of up to Willis who I note hasn’t removed it. Not sure I see the point of it, but that’s another discussion entirely.

  42. Rodimiss
    Rodimiss
    November 30, 2016 at 12:38 am | #

    Amazi-Girl’s superhero antics I accept, but getting a job this easily is just stretching my suspension of disbelief too far!

    …Honestly I’m happily and eagerly embracing the wish fulfillment. Becky deserves good things. Even if it is Galasso’s.

    • Bagge
      Bagge
      November 30, 2016 at 12:43 am | #

      God answers lesbian prayers.

      Galasso – God’s gift to (this one particular) woman. Yes, I am as confused as you.

  43. Dark_T_Zeratul
    Dark_T_Zeratul
    November 30, 2016 at 12:43 am | #

    I foresee a lot more of Galasso in the future. This can only be a good thing.

  44. Splork
    Splork
    November 30, 2016 at 12:44 am | #

    Unpopular opinion…

    I get why it’s happening on this mini-arc, but I feel like in general everyone is constantly relating DoA happenings to Shortpacked, making references, etc. But I don’t really get it, because from the little I’ve read of Shortpacked, DoA is way better. I feel like people view it as kind of a fanfic of Shortpacked, but it’s got a LOT of value as a standalone comic.

    • Gesc
      Gesc
      November 30, 2016 at 1:14 am | #

      Those of us who haven’t read anything else are just shrugging and nodding. When you play with alternate versions of characters you’re bound to compare I guess.

    • Fart Captor
      Fart Captor
      November 30, 2016 at 1:19 am | #

      I like DoA more as well, but I also enjoyed Shortpacked a lot, and I’m excited to see more of the characters from it that hadn’t showed up much or at all until recently. Galasso and Sydney are both fun characters, and I’m hoping this leads into seeing more of Malaya.

      Although I think the touch of Shortpacked’s rather more playful, light-hearted tone is extremely well-timed, considering how things have played out with the Orange One.

    • Chris Phoenix
      Chris Phoenix
      November 30, 2016 at 1:23 am | #

      I don’t know why that opinion would be unpopular. I share it. DoA is a lot less … random? … quirky? … it feels like it hangs together better as a story, and I personally prefer that.

    • John
      John
      November 30, 2016 at 3:05 am | #

      As someone who’s been reading Willis’s comics since early in It’s Walky!… yeah, DoA is way better than anything from the Walkyverse. (Except, of course, LAWsome.) Shortpacked! was never really my thing, Roomies! was generally kind of awful, Joyce & Walky! was, um, maybe the part behind the paywall is better, and It’s Walky! at its best was about where DoA is most of the time.

      I don’t see DoA as Walkyverse fanfic. The DoA versions of the characters have, for a long while now, been replacing the originals as the “real” ones in my mind.

      But in recent weeks, there’s been a lot of focus on a bunch of characters who were main characters or significant recurring characters in Shortpacked!, but whom we’ve seen little to nothing of in DoA – Leslie, Robin, Galasso, Sydney Yus, Ken. Leslie’s the only one who’s had significant screen time in DoA, and her recent appearance revolved around her (potential) relationship with Robin, which was one of the major plot arcs in Shortpacked!. There’s bound to be comparison.

      And Sydney and Ken we know basically nothing about in this universe. Yesterday was Ken’s first speaking appearance in DoA, and Sydney didn’t appear in DoA at all until a couple days ago. If we’re gonna make snarky comments about them, we pretty much have to fall back on Shortpacked! in-jokes, because there really isn’t a DoA Ken or Sydney yet. There’s been nothing really that would differentiate them, except Sydney’s bangin’ new haircut.

    • podian
      podian
      November 30, 2016 at 7:53 am | #

      YMMV. Shortpacked was more light-hearted than DoA, and I liked that.

    • Spencer
      Spencer
      November 30, 2016 at 10:03 am | #

      DoA is generally fantastic, but It’s Walky! is probably always going to be my favourite Willis work. The main trio of Walky, Joyce and Sal are fantastically realized and complex characters and the romance between Walky and Joyce is legitimately my favourite in all of webcomics. Head Alien is a fantastic villain and effortlessly straddles the lines between goofy slapstick villain and genocidal, vindictive madman, and the whole series is great at keeping you on your toes and never veering too much into comedy or drama, and it just never stops getting better until the end.

      TLDR: It’s Walky! is good. Go read it.

      • thejeff
        thejeff
        November 30, 2016 at 10:27 am | #

        It’s Walky! is very uneven. When it’s at its best, it’s brilliant. HA is an all time favorite villain.
        I’d say DoA hasn’t quite hit the highs of IW! – though that may just be my taste for the more wacky action combined with melodrama, but its baseline is far higher.
        Shortpacked also varied between just industry jokes, hijinks and the kind of intercharacter drama that’s been the mainstay of DoA.

        • Spencer
          Spencer
          November 30, 2016 at 3:23 pm | #

          I agree that DoA is consistently great, there’s maybe about two months’ worth of strips I view as bad out of the 6 years it’s been running, but I think It’s Walky! gets Genuinely Good during the Anti-Joyce storyline, and just plain never stops being great at around the halfway point when The Cheese is first introduced.

          Mostly though I think, like you, the wacky action and melodrama provided the Sci-Fi trappings of It’s Walky! allowed it to tell really awesome stories about that version of those characters. Walky can’t be a barely concealed ball of rage that can prove to be surprisingly Machiavellian when he needs to. Sal can’t be a vengeance driven nihilist who’s just as likely to murder her teammates as she is the actual bad guys. Jason can’t be a terrible James Bond who somehow manages to prove his worth a thousand times over.

          I don’t think it’s a coincidence that this version of Amber feels like an It’s Walky! character in a more grounded setting.

  45. Bagge
    Bagge
    November 30, 2016 at 12:48 am | #

    All jokes about Galasso aside, what Becky really did show in this one instance is that she is forward, can connect to people, is not afraid of initiative and has a rad haircut – all of these can be real assets for a college town pizza place.

    God bless, Becky. When loves give her a lemon she DRINKS THE SHIT OUT OF THAT LEMONADE!!!!

    • Fart Captor
      Fart Captor
      November 30, 2016 at 12:50 am | #

      I think Galasso would’ve been more impressed if she’d burnt life’s house down, but clearly this is suitable too

      • Disloyal Subject
        Disloyal Subject
        November 30, 2016 at 12:59 am | #

        The house was atomized as collateral damage. There were closets inside.

        • Lipke the Articulate
          Lipke the Articulate
          November 30, 2016 at 1:01 am | #

          +all of my numbers
          10/10 best comment of the strip

          • Bagge
            Bagge
            November 30, 2016 at 1:05 am | #

            Agreed. Someone make the good Emperor ass himself down here, there are clearly some Imperial Points that need to be handed out.

            • Emperor Norton II
              Emperor Norton II
              November 30, 2016 at 1:58 am | #

              *skimreads Bagge’s comment*

              Wait, are you saying I am just pulling my Imperial Internet Points out of my ass?

              • Bagge
                Bagge
                November 30, 2016 at 3:38 am | #

                That’s for the Emperor to decide, and the fool to point and laugh at.

                Nuncle.

        • Fart Captor
          Fart Captor
          November 30, 2016 at 1:38 am | #

          Well played

      • MatsuoTanuki
        MatsuoTanuki
        November 30, 2016 at 1:12 am | #

        Darnit, beat me to it. Curse you and your shortcut making gun doohickey.

  46. Tomas
    Tomas
    November 30, 2016 at 1:00 am | #

    A star is born.

    I really hope this strip appears in another Women’s Studies textbook as an example of leaning in.

    • Willoughby Chase
      Willoughby Chase
      November 30, 2016 at 3:58 am | #

      +1

  47. Plume
    Plume
    November 30, 2016 at 1:01 am | #

    Well that was easy

    • Bagge
      Bagge
      November 30, 2016 at 1:37 am | #

      Yup. The MIGHTY GALASSO did not have to look long for a replacement.

  48. Bagge
    Bagge
    November 30, 2016 at 1:04 am | #

    There you go, Ken, nothing stopping you from asking that girl out. In fact, why don’t you call her RIGHT NOW? It’s OK, I’ll call the number for you. Here, the signals are going through. Think fast!

    • Bicycle Bill
      Bicycle Bill
      November 30, 2016 at 2:00 am | #

      First rule of dating … never fish from the company pier.

      • Clif
        Clif
        December 1, 2016 at 8:25 am | #

        Not the first rule of dating. And it’s, “There are some significant potential problems from the company pier. Never is way too strong.”

        The first rule of dating is “Those that don’t ask don’t get a yes.” Or to keep it in metephore, “Those afraid to fish don’t catch.” Though of course this ignores the “Be the fish.” option, but that takes a lot more skill.

  49. Tomas
    Tomas
    November 30, 2016 at 1:05 am | #

    Willis, why no Sydney tag?

  50. Gesc
    Gesc
    November 30, 2016 at 1:17 am | #

    So, realistically speaking (or as realistically as we can get with a comic), how well off is Becky going to be working there, financially speaking? Can she actually enroll and study?

    • Fart Captor
      Fart Captor
      November 30, 2016 at 1:34 am | #

      Not without some hefty loans and/or another job. Especially if she’s only picking up part-time hours from Sydney.

      But now she can feed and clothe herself and stop beating herself up for needing help! And she can take Joyce and/or Billie out to lunch to thank them!

      I doubt she’d be able to afford a legit place to live without several roommates, but it’s still gonna improve her mental health considerably since she’ll be able to survive day-to-day without other people having to constantly rely on the charity of others.

      • Fart Captor
        Fart Captor
        November 30, 2016 at 1:35 am | #

        * that last sentence should be “without having to constantly rely on the charity of others”

        • Gesc
          Gesc
          November 30, 2016 at 7:14 am | #

          I was mostly asking because I think Becky’s plans sorta went that way? I think she even says as much.

          Economic independence is a great step in the right direction nonetheless. Ditto on this doing her good.

          • Kamino Neko
            Kamino Neko
            November 30, 2016 at 10:32 am | #

            She’s planning to go to school, but she never displayed any illusions about being able to go to school purely on the wage she was likely to be able to draw.

  51. APersonAmI
    APersonAmI
    November 30, 2016 at 1:20 am | #

    I am very confused.

  52. Jason
    Jason
    November 30, 2016 at 1:21 am | #

    Congratulations Becky!!!
    Also: my condolences, Becky!

  53. Meredith
    Meredith
    November 30, 2016 at 1:25 am | #

    I mean, this is basically how getting a job works in America. You just need to 1. have a pulse, and 2. not be a serial killer.

    • Shiro
      Shiro
      November 30, 2016 at 1:34 am | #

      …when was the last time you went for a job? Cause that’s not typical from what I hear. 😛

      • smiley face
        smiley face
        November 30, 2016 at 2:43 am | #

        it’s BIZARRE. Like, it really really is mostly about luck; if you walk in, find a manager, /have a chance to talk to said manager,/ and somebody’s recently left, they’ll throw a nametag at you and cry with relief because a solution to their problem just appeared in front of them.

        But if you give them time to put up a hiring sign, they’ve got 80 applications on their desk already and a six page survey before they’ll accept yours.

        • CJ
          CJ
          November 30, 2016 at 3:23 am | #

          It’s logical. Hiring you on the spot because you are there saves the manager reading the 80-odd applications they’d get if they put out the hiring sign.
          What’s more efficient?
          Knowing people who will throw your name in when a job opens will get you hired in small to medium businesses. Large ones have too many rules for that sometimes.

        • Shiro
          Shiro
          November 30, 2016 at 4:26 am | #

          Basically. When I went for the job I have now, it was a spur of the moment thing about two years and a month ago, I had just lost my previous job due to bullshit, and I went to a store where I’d been employed as a teenager just to see if they had seasonal jobs available.

          The manager about cried with joy at not having to train me, had me do my paperwork on the spot, and now I’ve survived her in the company and gotten promoted to management.

          I’m very, very lucky at how things worked out. That’s not typical at all for most people, for the reasons you and CJ mentioned.

    • Fart Captor
      Fart Captor
      November 30, 2016 at 1:40 am | #

      Even temp agencies aren’t that easy these days

    • 3oranges
      3oranges
      November 30, 2016 at 2:30 am | #

      ♫ and the streets are paved with cheese ♫

      • SgtWadeyWilson
        SgtWadeyWilson
        November 30, 2016 at 5:25 am | #

        Hence the ease of job acquisition. Nobody wants to go through all that old cheese! It’s the daring few that get these mythical “jobs.”

    • BenRG
      BenRG
      November 30, 2016 at 6:48 am | #

      In food service? The ‘not a serial killer’ bit is probably optional.

  54. Rikunda
    Rikunda
    November 30, 2016 at 1:27 am | #

    Disturbing… A lot… Their standards so low….

    • BBCC
      BBCC
      November 30, 2016 at 1:49 am | #

      So, Galasso as usual, then?

  55. Plasma Mongoose
    Plasma Mongoose
    November 30, 2016 at 1:47 am | #

    Galasso is known for setting the bar so damn high even ants will have to limbo to get under it.

    • Gesc
      Gesc
      November 30, 2016 at 7:15 am | #

      That sounds contradictory, as an image.

  56. A Scientist
    A Scientist
    November 30, 2016 at 2:00 am | #

    I wonder if Becky prefers “Becky” or “Lopsided Orange One.” Without a picture, the latter would better identify her to the customers for her not-purposefully-delivering-the-wrong-pizza-to-customers claim to her award, and to treat her with the according respect, but the former is, you know, her name.

    • BenRG
      BenRG
      November 30, 2016 at 6:50 am | #

      This is Galasso we’re talking about here. If he is capable of remembering Becky as being anything other than ‘Orange Minion Employee’, I’ll be quite shocked.

  57. BenRG
    BenRG
    November 30, 2016 at 2:18 am | #

    It’s good to know that Galasso is a constant between universes. It’s also good to know that ‘Employee of the Month’ is a pretty low bar to surmount in this place! 😀

  58. Jimi
    Jimi
    November 30, 2016 at 2:22 am | #

    We have a main character working for Galasso! Shortpacked is back baybee!

  59. Nenja
    Nenja
    November 30, 2016 at 2:40 am | #

    Hurray! I’ve been hoping she’d get a job here, now we’ll see more of Galasso and the rest when we see Becky working!

  60. Tranquilled
    Tranquilled
    November 30, 2016 at 2:45 am | #

    Quickly scanned comments; looks like no one else thinks it’s a play on words between “Employee of the Month” as a title of honor and “Employee of the Month” as a descriptor that arises from really high (say, monthly) employee turnover?

  61. Jacques Cornelius Parrot III
    Jacques Cornelius Parrot III
    November 30, 2016 at 2:47 am | #

    Dangit, Ken.

  62. lia47
    lia47
    November 30, 2016 at 2:48 am | #

    WAIT DID BECKY JUST BECOME WALKIVERSE ROBIN

    • Bagge
      Bagge
      November 30, 2016 at 3:41 am | #

      Both of them share the same goal of being a goofy goofball that goofs, a life full of harmless shenanigans without any drama.

      Neither of them are very successful.

      • Djaevlenselv
        Djaevlenselv
        November 30, 2016 at 3:46 am | #

        And lesbians. Do not forget the lesbians. Now all that’s left is for Becky to force herself into a friendship with a painfully shy coworker and use the power of hijinks to bring them out of their shell. Will this be Ken?
        Ooh, I forgot! We also need another coworker to finally come to terms with their sexuality and come out of the closet. My vote’s on Connie.

        • BenRG
          BenRG
          November 30, 2016 at 6:52 am | #

          Hey! It suddenly struck me! Ken/Joyce could be a thing!

          “Joyce, for pity’s sake! He’s that pathetic! Please, give him a shot so at least he’ll stop begging me and Dina to be allowed to ‘sit in’ on our dates!”

          • thejeff
            thejeff
            November 30, 2016 at 7:14 am | #

            Hey, I’ll take any more male characters in or around the main cast, just so Joyce doesn’t wind up with Joe by process of elimination.

            • Commodore Jeep-Eep
              Commodore Jeep-Eep
              November 30, 2016 at 7:44 am | #

              There’s still another out….

              I’ve got good money on Joyce being bi.

              • Bagge
                Bagge
                November 30, 2016 at 9:16 am | #

                Joyce herself considers that hypothesis to be thoroughly falsified by rigorous testing, but future will tell…
                http://www.dumbingofage.com/2015/comic/book-5/02-threes-a-crowd/foranybody/

        • timemonkey
          timemonkey
          November 30, 2016 at 12:56 pm | #

          Robin is not a lesbian, she is bisexual.

  63. JessWitt
    JessWitt
    November 30, 2016 at 3:10 am | #

    OH if only getting jobs was this easy.

  64. EvolutionistX
    EvolutionistX
    November 30, 2016 at 3:44 am | #

    Yay Becky has a job!

  65. Smiling Cat
    Smiling Cat
    November 30, 2016 at 4:43 am | #

    I once got a job validating water samples in a laboratory this way…

    • Bagge
      Bagge
      November 30, 2016 at 10:27 am | #

      Well, was the water valid?

      (speaking as someone who works in a lab: I darn well hope it was!)

      • Smiling Cat
        Smiling Cat
        December 1, 2016 at 1:37 am | #

        Due to my nondisclosure agreement I can neither confirm nor deny…

        • Bagge
          Bagge
          December 2, 2016 at 6:12 pm | #

          Fair enough, fair enough…. and the cat just smiles.

  66. Pl0x
    Pl0x
    November 30, 2016 at 5:00 am | #

    That little Sydney crying vengeance XD

  67. someguy
    someguy
    November 30, 2016 at 5:33 am | #

    Thats a low bar for employee of the month, I think I could have a shot there.

  68. CianM1301
    CianM1301
    November 30, 2016 at 5:52 am | #

    Damn, today must be like Christmas for Becky. She managed to get a job, AND saw her girlfriend’s hat-less head!

  69. Apostate
    Apostate
    November 30, 2016 at 6:00 am | #

    Congratulations Becky, you now work for an eccentric. Enjoy the ride while it lasts.

  70. New Kid
    New Kid
    November 30, 2016 at 6:21 am | #

    Waitress job get
    +12$/hour wages
    +free leftover pizza
    -50% economic uncertainty

    • BenRG
      BenRG
      November 30, 2016 at 6:46 am | #

      + New Ally Group – Galasso’s employees
      + New Champion – Mrs Galasso
      + New Clingy Wannabe BFF – Conquest Galasso
      + New Nemesis – Sydney Yus
      + New Antagonist Group – The League of Injustice (Sydney’s ally group)

    • Aurora
      Aurora
      November 30, 2016 at 7:08 pm | #

      Sadly you are vastly overestimating most servers’ pay in the US. Minimum wage for tipped employees in Indiana is $2.13/h. It’s truly ludicrous. But maybe Galasso actually offers a reasonable living wage? We can hope.

  71. Zellgato
    Zellgato
    November 30, 2016 at 6:28 am | #

    I bet if she “declares it so” with her fiery look she could get the left over pizza’s instead of throwing it out. “HOW DARE YOU TRY TO WASTE THE LIFEBLOOD OF THIS STORE!”

    I feel like i’ll like this combo.

    thoughh ousing.. still. a problem.

  72. Dana
    Dana
    November 30, 2016 at 6:45 am | #

    Best interview answer ever. Though I’m sure people have used it in real life and it’s gone less well.

  73. No I Haven't Had My Coffee Yet
    No I Haven't Had My Coffee Yet
    November 30, 2016 at 7:37 am | #

    When I was a kid, I knew someone who named his cat “Lopsided Orange Cat”. True story.

  74. Ben
    Ben
    November 30, 2016 at 7:40 am | #

    It’s been a while, but this one made me laugh out loud. Thanks David, keep up the great work!

  75. Commodore Jeep-Eep
    Commodore Jeep-Eep
    November 30, 2016 at 7:44 am | #

    Okay, when does the other shoe drop? Things are going too smoothly.

    • Fart Captor
      Fart Captor
      November 30, 2016 at 11:29 am | #

      I’m actually kinda hoping the story moves to other characters soon. The longer it stays on Becky, the sooner her winning streak is likely to end.

  76. Liliet
    Liliet
    November 30, 2016 at 7:50 am | #

    Truly beautiful

  77. altalemur
    altalemur
    November 30, 2016 at 8:12 am | #

    YEESSSS!!!!

  78. Jimmy
    Jimmy
    November 30, 2016 at 8:53 am | #

    I’m very happy that Becky has a job, and also Ken is in the comic. He’s one of my favorites from SP! That probably leaves me in the minority haha.

  79. DoubleW
    DoubleW
    November 30, 2016 at 9:18 am | #

    Alright, Galasso, ‘Employee of the Month’ isn’t a record of who you’ve hired this month.

  80. JBento
    JBento
    November 30, 2016 at 9:27 am | #

    Woo, two link post, this one’s getting delayed. Sorry for the extra work, Willis.

    It’ll never cease to amaze me how LOW USAmericans put the bar for… well, everything, really. Also, “Lopsided Orange One” is something I can’t decide if I like: on one hand, it makes me chuckle, on the other, it acronyms to LOO, so, er…

    @Bagge: I don’t know if you check Willis’s tumblrs, but he put up something you might enjoy greatly: http://itswalky.tumblr.com/image/153840983722

    Continuing on the brands of “USAmericans setting low bars” and “Willis’s tumblrs,” he posted a US citizenship test, for the folks who want to see if they’d make it (passing grade of 60%, or 15 out of 25): http://itswalky.tumblr.com/post/153845001550/can-you-pass-an-american-citizenship-test

    (for the record, I’m a scummy socialist foreigner, and I got 21 out of 25)

    • Reltzik
      Reltzik
      November 30, 2016 at 3:32 pm | #

      Lifelong American here, 25/25, but yeah, low bars.

      Also, I wanted it to be a written test because I wanted to put asterisks next to everything.

      * The first ten amendments are typically called the Bill of Rights… except that the Bill of Rights was actually a list of TWELVE proposed amendments, 10 of which were swiftly ratified as amendments 1-10, one of which wasn’t ratified until over 200 years later in the 90s, as the 27th (most recent) amendment.

      * The economic system of the United States is listed as “capitalist”, which isn’t entirely wrong, but “mixed economy” is probably a better description. Trust a Bill O’Reilly site to slant like that.

      * The last day to submit an income tax return is April 15, UNLESS that falls on a weekend (in which case you have until the following Monday), and UNLESS you filed for an extension, which is super-easy to do.

      …..

      I hate multiple choice quizzes. EVEN THE RIGHT ANSWERS ARE SLIGHTLY WRONG!

      • JBento
        JBento
        November 30, 2016 at 3:37 pm | #

        Just like the elections, then.

        • Reltzik
          Reltzik
          November 30, 2016 at 3:55 pm | #

          …. yes.

          …..

          …. zing.

      • Christine
        Christine
        November 30, 2016 at 5:15 pm | #

        The fact that the quiz recognizes that capitalism is an economic system as opposed to an overall system of government is actually better than I might expect from a Bill O’Reilly site, so let’s not complain too much. (I was under the impression that his followers, at least, subscribed to the “communism vs democracy” mindset.)

      • thejeff
        thejeff
        November 30, 2016 at 6:25 pm | #

        Got one wrong because I was moving too fast and misread WWI as WWII. 🙂

        And I’ve done that on multiple choice tests in school: “The answer you’re looking for is C, but technically there’s a case where that isn’t true [insert explanation], so it really could be None of the Above.”

        I can sometimes be too pedantic for my own good.

        • Reltzik
          Reltzik
          November 30, 2016 at 9:32 pm | #

          I’m in Intro to Accounting right now.

          We had a quiz yesterday.

          One of the problems said to show what the journal entry for payment of various taxes for a hypothetical business would look like on Jan 15 of next year.

          I made a point of journalizing it as happening on the 17th, and explaining why it wasn’t the 15th. Even though I would have been guaranteed full credit if I’d entered it as the 15th.

          …. two people who actually know accounting just looked at their calendars and either chuckled, rolled their eyes, or said “oh, yeah, huh”.

          • Reltzik
            Reltzik
            November 30, 2016 at 9:35 pm | #

            …. the instructor really shouldn’t be surprised by this. I’ve corrected him on that exact date 3 times already in class….

            *innocent*

      • BBCC
        BBCC
        November 30, 2016 at 8:27 pm | #

        Canadian, 21/25.

    • Bagge
      Bagge
      November 30, 2016 at 4:33 pm | #

      Ah, a stellar depiction of clash of titans. FOOL!

      Thanks for thinking of me 🙂

      • JBento
        JBento
        November 30, 2016 at 4:46 pm | #

        Hopefully, it’ll not be my undoing.

        • Bagge
          Bagge
          December 1, 2016 at 12:15 am | #

          FOOOL

  81. TheLurkerAbove
    TheLurkerAbove
    November 30, 2016 at 9:36 am | #

    Aww yes! Becky + parts of the Shortpacked crew! This will be great!

  82. Reltzik
    Reltzik
    November 30, 2016 at 9:53 am | #

    Woot! Ken, Galasso, Conquest, and…. whatever Mama Galasso’s name is… will now have more than one appearance every other year!

    • John
      John
      November 30, 2016 at 3:07 pm | #

      Pamela.

      • Reltzik
        Reltzik
        November 30, 2016 at 3:33 pm | #

        Dammit, yes, that’s her name.

  83. River
    River
    November 30, 2016 at 10:40 am | #

    Becky’s gonna join the Shortpacked! crew!!

  84. Reltzik
    Reltzik
    November 30, 2016 at 11:03 am | #

    So is Ken saying dangit because he’s no longer employee of the month, or because he now has to ask out a girl?

    • Victor Riley
      Victor Riley
      November 30, 2016 at 11:14 am | #

      Little of column A, a little of column B…

    • BenRG
      BenRG
      November 30, 2016 at 3:19 pm | #

      Worse still, there never was a girl to ask out… but he’s already guessing that everyone will be asking him about it so, he has to find a girl to ask out.

      Mrs G is married, Conquest is just plain scary and Becky is (as has already been clearly announced by Sydney) a lesbian. I strongly suspect that is the full list of girls that he knows well enough to plausibly ask out without being subject to arrest for being creepy.

      • Fart Captor
        Fart Captor
        November 30, 2016 at 3:39 pm | #

        If he’s not talking about Lucy, I will be very surprised. Ken doesn’t blink out of existence into a hellish empty void between appearances.

        • thejeff
          thejeff
          November 30, 2016 at 6:27 pm | #

          Well, he could blink into an existence filled with his own set of friends and acquaintances we haven’t been introduced to. But yeah, Lucy would be cool.

          Or he could be pining after Malaya in this universe as well.

          • Spencer
            Spencer
            November 30, 2016 at 6:50 pm | #

            Ken/Lucy is super cute and I want moar of it.

  85. nothri
    nothri
    November 30, 2016 at 2:07 pm | #

    Best part is Becky strikes me as the sort who will LOVE working for Galasso. She’s going to find him hilarious and awesome in his bumbling supervillain sincerity.

    • Bagge
      Bagge
      November 30, 2016 at 4:34 pm | #

      She will be the best minion EVER!!!

  86. Godfather
    Godfather
    November 30, 2016 at 2:39 pm | #

    The alt-text both sounds like a dog applying for a job and what I’ll sound like come my graduation in April.

    • JBento
      JBento
      November 30, 2016 at 3:37 pm | #

      Can I haz job at burger?

  87. Alex
    Alex
    November 30, 2016 at 3:11 pm | #

    Hail Galasso! Lead us to victory over our pizza enemies!

  88. Solenoid
    Solenoid
    November 30, 2016 at 4:27 pm | #

    Were it so easy in reality.

    • Holly
      Holly
      November 30, 2016 at 5:24 pm | #

      Sometimes it is – bear in mind she did have to do a lot of leg-work, form-filling, getting ignored and rejection before this point of serendipity. That pretty much matches my experiences in job hunting.

    • Spencer
      Spencer
      November 30, 2016 at 10:17 pm | #

      This basically did happen to me tbh.

      Handed in my resume one day by pure happenstance while there for breakfast, the next day a guy quits and I’m called up and told I’m hired.

  89. Luchucholo
    Luchucholo
    November 30, 2016 at 4:47 pm | #

    Welp, there you go, your starting point on the finer things on life, such as how to handle a first job, Becky. Wish ya best of luck.

    @Solenoid, my feelings exactly.

  90. Nicolumbia
    Nicolumbia
    November 30, 2016 at 5:53 pm | #

    From reading the strip title before the comic, I thought “dangit” was gonna be Becky’s line, and that threw me off. I guess it seemed like more of a Becky thing to say? But anyway, more importantly, yay, Becky has a job!

    • Emperor Norton II
      Emperor Norton II
      November 30, 2016 at 8:17 pm | #

      Unbreakable, they alive, dangit!

      • Emperor Norton II
        Emperor Norton II
        November 30, 2016 at 8:22 pm | #

        Oh gods, just imagine what would happen if Becky met Kimmy Schmidt!

        • Emperor Norton II
          Emperor Norton II
          November 30, 2016 at 8:33 pm | #

          Both redheads.
          Both spent a big amount of their lives trapped with a religious wacko as “authority” figure.
          Both finally getting a new lease on life.
          Both determined to make a new and better life.
          Both getting a job under really silly circumstances, for someone who’s not having a one-to-one relationship with reality.
          Both determined to show a happy, positive face under any circumstances.
          Both being very much DOOFUSES!

          The universe might implode from the silliness.

          There are worse way to end the universe.

  91. HeySo
    HeySo
    November 30, 2016 at 6:07 pm | #

    These past few Dina/Becky strips have been your best work so far Willis.
    At the very least, they’ve certainly been the cutest and most adorable.
    Thanks for the bit of cheer. 🙂

  92. Mr.C
    Mr.C
    November 30, 2016 at 6:24 pm | #

    Ok…. I know she was a nutter but for the life of me still can’t figure out why she switched the pizzas o.O’

    • Bagge
      Bagge
      December 1, 2016 at 12:16 am | #

      To assert her dominance.

      It didn’t work.

  93. Micki
    Micki
    November 30, 2016 at 8:20 pm | #

    YAY BECKY! 😀

  94. Bicycle Bill
    Bicycle Bill
    December 2, 2016 at 3:43 pm | #

    I see you corrected the misspelling in the second panel.

  95. Storel
    Storel
    December 12, 2016 at 8:21 pm | #

    So Becky gets “Employee of the Month” just for that? Can you say “pitifully low standards”? I knew you could. 😎

    Also interesting how she’s just “the lopsided orange one” when she’s still just a customer-slash-job-applicant, but once G decides to employ her he deigns to use her name.

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