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David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 12h
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 11h
NEANDERTHAL FINGERPRINT! NEANDERTHAL FINGERPRINT! NEANDERTHAL FINGERPRINT! NEANDERTHAL FINGERPRINT! NEANDERTHAL FINGERPRINT! NEANDERTHAL FINGERPRINT! NEANDERTHAL FINGERPRINT! NEANDERTHAL FINGERPRINT! NEANDERTHAL FINGERPRINT! NEANDERTHAL FINGERPRINT! 🤯
www.theguardian.com/science/2025...
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Now imagine if Joyce had a Cadbury Creme Egg frappuchino
…damn it now I’m thirsty too
Is… is that a real thing? Please say it is.
It’s on the “secret menu” and is really just a deconstructed creme egg… https://www.today.com/recipes/cadbury-creme-egg-frappuccino-recipe-starbucks-secret-menu-t110419
Never understood the idea of the secret menu. Just sounds like some ol’ bullshit to me.
Secret menu items aren’t a thing they teach at Starbucks. i know one by my house has a chalkboard with 3 secret menu items but at the store i used to work at, we wouldn’t do secret menu items unless the “recipe ” was shown to us. we weren’t expected to learn them because we already have to learn how to do everything else in the store. Secret menu items on line are mostly made by previous Starbucks employees that know what’s in stock or bloggers that wanna be original, none of it is official. sorry but as a new person at that job, it was stressful when people ask me to make a specific drink and i had to attempt to say i didn’t know how to do it in a way that didnt turn them away from the store or complaining to my manager. it’s all bullshit and one of the reasons why i didn’t last more than 3 months there. balancing that stress part time with school full time sucked.
I suspect that much of the secret menu stuff that isn’t some sugar junkie combining a ridiculous number of random flavor pumps together was invented by baristas at Barnes and Noble cafes (who serve Starbucks, but are semi-independent). Many of those locations stock more syrups than the average Starbucks, they seem to have more slow periods during the day, and I think they might be *encouraged* to experiment by their bosses. They also loved to distribute samples of their more successful secret menu experiments.
The baristas are encouraged to experiment because, in the terms of their employment contract, any drinks they come up with while employed at Starbucks are automatically the intellectual property of Starbucks.
That sounds so good that I’m mad it isn’t a…thing……
Holy shit!
*DROOOOOOOLS*
Cadbury Creme Egg Cereal. She’d bounce around campus like a pinball.
Wrong universe, sadly.
Sad that nobody has taken up the marketing challenge for such a seasonal product.
Who would produce it though? Cadbury only does candy bars and something they call chocolate.
She remembers most of it, and her couch will never forget any of it.
Slipshine
Joyce is now like Nina from Code Geass: a molestor of furniture.
Yes! I always love Code Geass references.
Poor, poor Table-kun….it never asked for that.
Hmm, I see I have a new manga and/or anime to experience.
Couch Performs a Sex
Walky is so done with everyone, I love it
The influence of Mike is spreading fast.
He has nothing to do with it
Yeah, this is like 3rd degree Mike burns.
Do you mean 3rd degree as in low tier Mike or 3rd degree as in really serious burns?
Yes.
Tacos is correct but also 3 degrees of separation.
Everyone except Amber, judging by how he’s focusing on his phone.
Well yeah if the soda can’t even be bothered to remember the entirety of “Mountain” then I don’t see how it can be good for your memory. Stick with Sprite, Joyce.
(Hi Leslie! Bye Leslie!)
Also c’mon alt-text Willis, sprite comics are so dated. Much too, what, 2003?
… There’s totally some active and awesome sprite comic still out there somewhere, isn’t there?
Hero Oh Hero, by Neorice.
Would you consider Diesel Sweeties to be a sprite comic?
Yes.
Yes. Dinosaur Comics, too.
Yep, I would count those.
Never read Diesel Sweeties though. Is it still updating? I’m having a little trouble navigating the archives.
New comics five days a week. Cats, caffeine and robots.
At first read I genuinely though the MAIN text was referencing sprite comics. Not that it made sense. Then I thought it may have been slang. It’s only after a while I realized this was a beverage and suddenly all made sense.
Captain SNES is semi-regular.
[Ryan warning]
I assume Joyce doesn’t remember this, but the last time (in-comic) that someone got her a Sprite, it wasn’t just Sprite.
That’s why she drinks her Sprite from a can, now.
“Most…” Reminds me of the first time I had an energy drink. Half of an energy drink actually. Also the last time I had an energy drink. >_>’
I had a can of Red Bull once. Hated it, it was like radioactive kool aid.
Energy drinks mutate you. The first one is terrible(Seriously, first time I cracked a can of Monster I didn’t even need to drink it, the smell woke me right up.) But sip the first one, and the second you’re like, “Oh, this isn’t so bad”. You actively enjoy them after that.
(Even enjoying them doesn’t mean they make sense though. Seriously, how is it that Monster can taste green?)
“SCIENCE!”
The same way kool-aid and jello can taste red.
Caffeine is very addictive, so eventually your body associates the admittedly horrible taste of energy drinks with the caffeine it so craves. Soon you crave the flavor, no matter how bad.
This is my theory on why anyone drinks coffee. Stuff’s terrible.
My go-to caffeine source is a swallow or two of Coke. Or, if I want to actually enjoy what I’m drinking, Barq’s root beer.
My long lost twin!
It depends on the blend. Starbucks’ coffee, for instance — there isn’t enough sugar and cream in the world to make that swill drinkable. I ordered a mocha once, thinking the chocolate would make it less bitter/more drinkable. Nope; the coffee made the chocolate taste horrible.
OTOH, a local grocery chain sells a “Breakfast Blend” that I can drink without sugar. Or creamer (can’t stand that stuff in coffee OR tea).
Also, a relative who lives in Hawaii introduced me to Kona coffee. The Kona coffee sold here just tastes like Columbian to me, but the stuff she occasionally sends from Hawaii is pretty good.
All that said, I don’t drink coffee all that often. It makes me drowsy. :/
A friend of mine used to drink Red Bull. I tasted it once and told him it tasted like sour sweat and piss. Later, he said he didn’t like the taste of Red Bull and, AFAIK, never drank it again. At least, not around me.
I had a can a Full Throttle once. It just made me slightly sleepy.
Did you wake up in a dumpster afterwards?
Points for the reference.
“I’ve woken up in worse”.
Some joker took my keys.
I can’t even drink standard energy drinks myself. The smell of them makes me nauseous (happens all the time at work, where several people drink them) and the taste of them takes me beyond nausea every time I’ve tasted one. The closest I come these days is V8+ Energy, which I drink in lieu of a morning coffee or soda, and a Mt. Dew Voltage per day. Back when I was about these kids’ age Jolt and coffee were my caffeine delivery of choice.
Yeah, coffee at least smells good.
My favorite was Caffeine-Free Diet Jolt.
Wait. What’s left? Isn’t that just water?
Energy drinks are not for me. My go-to “I’ve had no sleep and need to pass for well-rested” drink is a mocha with extra espresso shots. It’s the drink for those who need copious quantities of black coffee, but haven’t learned to drink coffee without some semblance of sugar and dairy.
I had an energy drink once. . . . Once.
In my headcanon, Joyce trying it means she had a single sip.
Wow, MOST of that afternoon? Joycey girl is growing.
Leslie looks so happy. Unusual for this book.
Willis! You just nailed that little smile people get when they’re pretending like they don’t get the joke and are playing it cool but they TOTALLY GET THE JOKE AND ARE NOT BEING VERY COOL. That was awesome!
…Huh. Wonder where Joe is.
Bangin’ Malaya?
No that was one hump and dump just so she can prove a point. Ain’t nothing else to it.
He’s off the shaggin’ wagon now though, so maybe he’s already found someone else.
The last we saw of Joe was yesterday afternoon, when Malaya scooted him out of her room. Odd that he isn’t in class. Also odd that he didn’t text Joyce about why.
In other words, I assume this is foreshadowing of some kind.
Have we seen him in that particular class since the whole “do list” fiasco?
Yep.
It may be hard to believe, but in-universe, the “Do” list was leaked just four days ago (Saturday). Joe showed up as usual on Monday.
I’m glad Walky is coping, if nothing else, his sass is back up to scratch at least. But Walky you look a little strange, that distracted expression, that pose, the ability to walk, talk and check your phone, where have I seen those traits before…?
Yep.
OBEY YOUR THIRST…
Dear god I hope she never ends up accidentally drinking something like a Red Bull or Monster and causing the next extinction event or something.
That would be the sign of the first seal being opened
*psht*
Wait….no Joyce is just as ignorant to the euphemisms as ever, for a second I almost thought otherwise.
“except maybe the first hour or two, but I don’t see how that’s important.”
Well this was anti-climatic to say the least but what was Dorothy referring to in panel 2?
joe being a joe.
Sorry I’m about to knock off from work so I’m not quite as with it as normal (long week and all) but I’m thinking theres more to it than that maybe?
I really just wanna say: I don’t want to see AmberxWalky be a thing (although probably it’s already a thing in slipshine) but also it’s just such a chance at…volatile decisions that it’s most likely going to happen and already I can taste the despair. I don’t know why I dread it, since it’s two nerds, but maybe being friends is better…?
What do you think Amber just gets all of Dorothy’s sloppy seconds
nah, my brain just automatically ships pretty much anyone they could theoretically be shipped with. Sal and that kid who was stoked she was even talking to them? Shipped. Carla and Joyce? Shipped. Malaya and… uh okay maybe not everyone. Malaya and Mike would make for a really weird ship tho
The would be the most crabby baby ever.
Just active anarchy all the time, no shits given. At the stroke of midnight on her 15th birthday, she shoves her parents (why did I assume it’d be a daughter), neatly trussed up, into the trunk of their car (probably an suv, so it’d lack impact when she does this but eh). “Happy birthing day,” she whispers, “and thanks for welcoming me into adulthood”
Ok I know Shortpacked ships aren’t going to happen but Malaya and Carla were such an amazing couple that I have trouble imagining them sticking with anyone else.
How about Carla and Mary?
Maybe part of the dread is because we already know that in the other canon (It’s Walky!) that the two DID get together, so it would seem like the boring, expected route to take?
didn’t Amber eventually wind up with Mike in the walkyverse and it was WalkyxJoyce? Maybe me noggin’s finally shorting out for good
When was- was this when they had that alternate timeline hopping Adventure they did before dumbing of age started? Because I couldn’t find that.
Same. I don’t think AmberxWalky was previously a thing.
No, I agree. They provide good catharsis for each other when they’re down, but that’s really the only way they know each other, and I don’t see a romantic relationship being healthy for either of them. Amber has far too much to deal with to help Walky in any way, and would probably just encourage his instinct to ignore-and-hope-it-goes-away, and Walky probably would only just commiserate with Amber’s problems, because he only just learned that ~real problems~ exist a few weeks ago and doesn’t know how to deal with anything too real, which isn’t constructive for either of them. And honestly, their friendship-chemistry is genuine, but I feel like the romantic chemistry thus far has been forced.
At this point the only Thing I’m worried about is losing the garbage roof Dynamic. Two people who let their gaurds down a little for a moment of reflection and empathy for each other. Besides that I don’t really hate the idea I’m just hesitant.
Plus I kind of wonder even if there was a mutual attraction would that immediately get squashed when Amber finds out that Walky is male version of her arch frenemy?
I like imagine the two of them are about to start plowing but they stop because all Amber can see is Sal while at the same Walky is looking at Amber at all he can Is Dorothy staring back at him.
And then they’re both aware of who the other one is seeing, but they go for it anyway and end up confused, so by the end of it, nobody knows what’s going on, but they’re pretty sure they had a Good Time.
Maybe.
THORSTY
Can’t say I ever imagined Willis to be a sprite comic writer…
*rimshot!*
I wonder if Joyce pronounced it like “Mitten Dew”
Obviously, she said each letter individually. Because that’s how it’s written.
Joyce’s line in the last panel reminds me of church youth group lock-ins, which I attended mainly for the unrestricted access to soda and sugary snacks. There was a lot of running around in the dark and shrieking.
Not totally sure why this was a church activity, but this was the same church that had a “clown ministry”, so who knows.
Lock-ins?
A sleepover but with a church group instead of your personal friends. Named that because the handful of adults assigned to watch over twenty plus children overnight generally lock the door as a precaution against them wandering off.
It’s sort of daycare thinly disguised as fun to prevent the older children from complaining about being sent to daycare on their parents’ date night.
they gather up all the youth, maybe one or two chaperones, and lock them in the church for a night. I never experienced one, but it’s both similar and not similar to retreats from what I’ve been told. Some churches had actual praying and stuff going on, but what I’ve gleaned is that people just tell the kids to have fun and leave em there with games and stuff. Must’ve been pretty surreal, never got a solid answer about what was supposed to happen :/
Yeah, that pretty much sums up what I remember about it – I don’t remember if there was any praying, but I do remember that they played movies, because I remember one time the movie was Daredevil and we were collectively like “…are we supposed to be watching this here??” at the sex scene. I think there might have also been Optional Sports? Mostly I just remember going ham on Pixie Stix and running around screaming, though.
It’s like a sleepover, but rather than being at someone’s house, it is at [place] (so for a church lock-in, it is at said church, school lock-in at said school, etc) and run [place]’s officials rather than one child’s parents.
Basically a overnight at the church where no one is allowed to leave the building, but its a bunch of teens being supervised by the pastors and God. I did a couple of them with different churches when i was in HS while i was struggling with a lot of issues back then. One of the only things that kept me remotely sane in high school amongst all the bullying I got at school.
Yeah, bit curious where Joe is. Like, might be avoiding Joyce, given the last time they were together.
Maybe he and Malaya have decided on a round 2?
I’m pretty sure not.
Malaya got what she wanted out of it.
Joe was not really impressed.
I was going to say the use of the slang term “thirsty” is anachronistic, but apparently it was first seen on urban dictionary in 2003. Guess I was just out of the loop in those years.
It’s not like the comic is set in a specific year; it’s meant to be on a sliding scale.
Besides, people STILL say it! Like, a LOT!
Witness “Mountain Dew Ice”
Panel 4: Best Joyce Ever! Framed in the exact middle or the strip, even!
I know that’s the look a woman gets when she wants some Sprite. There’s a thirst to be soaked.
Sprite and Mountain Dew are the only kinds of pop Joyce has had? She’s more sheltered than I thought.
Didnt she have something called Sierra Mist at the party where she encountered Ryan? (It is a brand i have never sern in stores where i am from so i assumed its a regional thing)
Yes, but she asked for Sprite. The two apparently taste very similar.
Sierra Mist is Pepsi’s version of Sprite. At some point in the late 90s/early 2000s it supplanted Slice (at least the lemon-lime version; I think I saw Slice Orange around longer); not sure if they changed the formula, but to me most of the “clear lemon-lime sodas” are roughly interchangeable on the rare occasions I buy them any more (especially if used as a mixer).
Sprite is obviously far more popular, and 7-Up may even be ahead of Sierra Mist, but I’m surprised you’ve never seen it. (Assuming you’re in the USA, that is… Pepsi may not market it as widely internationally.)
sierra mist doesn’t exist anymore! they changed the name to…”MST TWST” or something ridiculous like that. probably not the reason you’ve never seen sierra mist, since i think it was a very recent change? but its a(n upsetting) fact i know so of course i shall spread the word
just found out that apparently Sierra Mist is going to be called Sierra Mist again and i have never been happier!!!!!
Mountain Dew is inferior to Sprite. Also, Joyce is becoming less defensive about her sexual attraction. Something awoke inside of her, and unless she vents a little steam each day, she is going to blow up like a cauldron overloaded with fire.
Mountain Dew? More like “mount n’ do.”
“Mountain Dew is inferior to Sprite.”
That doesn’t even really make sense. Other than being soda, there’s nothing really similar about them.
Mountain Dew is certainly superior as a stimulant, being caffeinated and more sugary than Sprite. That’s its main purpose, right?
That said, apparently Mtn Dew Ice is a more Sprite-like version in flavor, but still caffeinated and I suspect more sugary. (I’d pretty much quit drinking Mt. Dew regularly long before any of these variations came out. )
Mountain Dew was Red Bull before there was Red Bull.
Somebody’s been watching Luke Cage.
panel four joyce is so fucking cute
Kids today with their abbrevs for sodas.
Does Joyce’s fundie upbringing forbid caffeine?
No, it’s just that she’s already high energy. Too many chemical stimulants would probably cause her to go critical mass!
I was kind of going “…but she’s not even a little bit Mormon” when I read that.
Whoops that’s the sect. I confused Mormonism with fundamentalism.
There are other christian groups that interpret tobacco or caffeine as being forbidden, sometimes but not always the same ones that forbid alcohol entirely.
There is a world of crazy in the community once you get outside of the sects that try to interpret things using common sense instead of conspiracy theory logic. (e.g. Most people interpret the passages about how drunks are bad as a caution against getting intoxicated enough to screw up, not a statement that the physical ethanol molecule is itself somehow unclean or evil.)
But somehow they overlook Jesus himself turning water into wine for the wedding. Or explain away.
More like companies these days — it’s actually branded MTN DEW (or Mtn Dew) now. Yes, it’s dumb.
The question is, does Joyce pronounce it “M-T-N” or “mountain”?
I’m very caffeine sensitive. Never drank coffee, no Coke after noon or I can’t sleep. Not a religious thing, I just need sleep on a regular basis. Maybe if I dosed myself with it enough it would have less effect.
Or you would be awake for the next week.
Yeah I don’t drink caffeine myself. Too sensitive, makes me anxious. Just low caf tea thank you.
Obey Lebron James!
Heavens help us it was the best Sprite.
From what i can remember, robin was probably originally discount joyce, but in here it appears to be the opposite
I find it interesting the effect that Walky seems to be having on Joyce here; she seems far more comfortable with his joke now than she did at the beginning of class. It feels like… something of a proof of concept, almost?
Or maybe I’m reading too much into Dorothy’s body language at the end there.
Basically, Walky doesn’t have the skill to continue to prod Joyce’s conscience. She’s migrated to being increasingly annoyed about him harping on about the matter.
I don’t think Walky ever commented about the ethics of Joyce’s behavior.
He’s not prodding her conscience.
He’s prodding her facade, her hiding her awakening libido.
Yeah, the only “ethics” were basically “just say you want his weenus.”
This is less explicit. Probably more like the teasing she’s used to from Becky about being boy-crazy.
I wanna see Caffeinated Joyce.
The world is not ready for caffeinated!Joyce yet.
You know, Walky, for a while there you were doing a good thing by not letting Joyce hide from the consequences of her decisions. However, after you’ve spent so long harping on about it, you’re just coming across as bitter and spiteful; Mike without Mike’s subtlety and inventiveness.
Well considering how much the comment section has been harping on Joyce, I would imagine he feels the same way about it.
Now I’m missing 8-Bit Theatre (which was brilliant and I will fite you about it). I loved that comic.
Same! Probably the best sprite comic of them all. At least it went out fantastically!
Walky is back to being his unworthwhile douchey self. Managed that pretty quickly.
I once made a video of a building collapse and studied the video. Once the support was removed, all the building started moving downward at the same moment.
Yes, how dare he be uncivil to a person who has made it clearly does not respect him on any level.
How douchey of him to tease Joyce about her pretending not to be sexual when she is, especially in such a way as to not be harmful in any fashion other than not letting her get away with her flimsy excuses.
Seriously, I’m not getting the “Walky is a douchebag” vibe here; there’s layers between “not calling Joyce on her BS” and “being a douche.”
On the subject of Walky… Has he been messaging Amber since lunch and throughout Leslie’s lesson? What on earth could they have found to talk about?
Bingo. They are getting to know each other and laying the ground-work for their future relationship. One which involves lots of text messages.
Weenuses.
Snarky Walky is my favorite Walky.
Just avoid cadburry eggs (or whatever they’re called)
joe has bee non a non stop sex marathon with malaya?
Nope. We last saw him leaving her room half-dressed. Maybe he doesn’t want to face Joyce (and the others, but Joyce in particular) after falling off the wagon.
We last saw half-dressed Joe talking to Sarah. We last saw Sarah skipping lunch and hurrying back to her room.
Ohhh! Good catch. oh wait, didn’t they get together in the last comic, and I thought Sir Willis said that there wasn’t going to be repeat pairings?
I’m pretty sure Sarah was just avoiding the Joyce/Jacob lunch.
If she had a date with anyone it was Other Jacob.
Also, the things that aren’t being repeated are things he’s satisfied with and doesn’t feel the need to write more of. Of course, as time goes on, he says the number of things he feels he could write better (or just differently) increases, so more possibilities are on the table.
Aw I wanted to see the claaaaaaaas.
Maybe Joe’s on a bender, now that he fell off the wagon.
They’ll find him, naked, passed out, surrounded by condom wrappers and scraps of cheap lingerie.
I doubt it, though, pretty sure his reputation around campus at this point means his shadow enters a room before HE does, now. Not everyone’s a Malaya.
Not all women in Bloomington go to Indiana University.
[Citation Needed]
Ice is less than a year old…frikken fetuses…
Walky is on his phone constantly now. Is he still just talking to Amber or what is he doing?
binge-reading the archives here?
Rassin’ frassin’ millennials radda radda kids these days…
/s
Oh, how meta. Maybe he should become a Patreon, so he can see what he does before he does it.
once the youth pastor at my high school made the mistake of bringing us garbage for breakfast and through the power of bargaining i had two bottles of sundrop and several pop tarts on an empty stomach, unaccustomed to caffeine, at 9am
i do not remember most of that afternoon
Neat
…that was Penis Day, wasn’t it?
“I never did find out where the chicken came from, though.”