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Jesus crap
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June 22, 2026

Jesus crap

by David M Willis on December 13, 2012 at 12:01 am
  • 01 - If the Shoe Splits
└ Tags: jennifer, ruth

Discussion (100) ¬

[ Comments RSS ]
  1. Yotomoe
    Yotomoe
    December 13, 2012 at 12:02 am | #

    She’s actually referring to Jesus that’s in Math Class. He’s grown quite impatient.

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      December 13, 2012 at 12:10 am | #

      “Blessed are the weak… Cursed are the tardy.”

      • Aizat
        Aizat
        December 13, 2012 at 12:19 am | #

        “And I will strike down with great vengeance and furious anger, those who attempt to be tardy for class.”

        • MIB4u
          MIB4u
          December 13, 2012 at 12:41 am | #

          Why did I hear this with Samuel L. Jackson’s voice …? XD

          • Drunken Nordmann
            Drunken Nordmann
            December 13, 2012 at 12:54 am | #

            Who’s the cat who won’t cop out
            When there’s danger all about?

            • Yotomoe
              Yotomoe
              December 13, 2012 at 12:58 am | #

              Samuel Jackson needs to play Jesus in a movie. I’d watch that every day.

              • Wonder Wig
                Wonder Wig
                December 13, 2012 at 1:56 am | #

                I’m tired of these mutherlovin’ snakes! In this mutherlovin’ Eden!

                • Zababcd
                  Zababcd
                  December 13, 2012 at 5:12 am | #

                  But mothers would not exist yet. Then again, neither would Samuel L Jackson.

              • Tan
                Tan
                December 13, 2012 at 8:14 am | #

                Counterproposal: Samuel L Jackson as God the Father; Will Smith as Jesus. Morgan Freeman as the voice of the Holy Spirit, of course.

                • ProjectXa3
                  ProjectXa3
                  December 13, 2012 at 8:31 am | #

                  SO MUCH YES!

                • Jim
                  Jim
                  December 13, 2012 at 4:21 pm | #

                  And Halle Berry as the first nude bimbo we gotta see in that movie! And all the trees are pine trees so there are no leaf cover-ups for Halle!

                • Somebody
                  Somebody
                  December 14, 2012 at 4:04 pm | #

                  Saying “bimbo” is just rude.

    • Andrusi
      Andrusi
      December 14, 2012 at 8:57 am | #

      Ah, yes, Jesus Crap. He was valedictorian, you know.

  2. AngryBamboo
    AngryBamboo
    December 13, 2012 at 12:03 am | #

    I’ll bet Jesus crap smells heavenly

    • LuckyStar7
      LuckyStar7
      December 13, 2012 at 4:22 pm | #

      It’s gold and smells like frankenscence.

  3. David Herbert
    David Herbert
    December 13, 2012 at 12:04 am | #

    Wow, openly drinking out in the hall. She’s got balls. Probably stored somewhere from the guy she ripped them off.

    • Leorale
      Leorale
      December 13, 2012 at 12:05 am | #

      I think that’s coca cola.

      • AngryBamboo
        AngryBamboo
        December 13, 2012 at 12:06 am | #

        silly Leorale! Canadians cant ingest Coca-cola…for some…reason…gimme a break its finals week and im tired

        • Yotomoe
          Yotomoe
          December 13, 2012 at 12:09 am | #

          Canadian’s can’t ingest Coke cuz it’s not Dry enough.
          Get it!?

          • Bekah
            Bekah
            December 13, 2012 at 12:12 am | #

            I do.

            I get the joke.

            • Alyssa
              Alyssa
              December 13, 2012 at 7:27 am | #

              I approve of your avatar.

        • Kryss LaBryn
          Kryss LaBryn
          December 13, 2012 at 8:14 am | #

          Because it attracts polar bears and dammit, that’s a real problem in Churchill, Manitoba!!

      • Yotomoe
        Yotomoe
        December 13, 2012 at 12:08 am | #

        Doing Coke is MUCH worse than simply drinking.

        • Jim
          Jim
          December 13, 2012 at 4:22 pm | #

          You got that WAY backwards.

      • Questionor
        Questionor
        December 13, 2012 at 9:21 am | #

        Definitely a soda bottle. It’s a plastic bottle not a glass one.
        3 bumps on the bottom and that kind of neck are not glass beer bottles.

        Of course no reason that some whiskey couldn’t have been added to the cola.

      • Kitsuki Noriyuki
        Kitsuki Noriyuki
        December 13, 2012 at 10:13 am | #

        see i thought it was a bottle of code red

    • trevalyan
      trevalyan
      December 13, 2012 at 12:09 am | #

      Well, when you are the law, you’re above the law, this is true.

      Ruth, there is a point where you become an irredeemable asshole. You’ve seen the late girl in the halls before. You’ve probably BEEN that late girl. Try to not to make her even later just because you’re bored, hey?

      And Billie, shouldn’t you have letters on that shirt, or am I way too far gone to notice you had them there? I know you stole it back from Ruth using Splinter Cell tactics, but still- I don’t think you have the D R A G O N S locked in your drawer, ready for you to take them out and stroke them and croon “my preeeeeeecious…”

      Ok, that went to a weird place.

      • Ziaheart
        Ziaheart
        December 13, 2012 at 12:15 am | #

        Pretty sure that’s not the same shirt. She stole her cheer-leading outfit, not a shirt.

  4. Aizat
    Aizat
    December 13, 2012 at 12:06 am | #

    All I could say is”Holy Shit”

  5. Sensedog
    Sensedog
    December 13, 2012 at 12:06 am | #

    Goodness, that must be an uncomfortable position for Billie…

    • Aizat
      Aizat
      December 13, 2012 at 12:08 am | #

      Especially with her huge……tracts of land.

      • Jim
        Jim
        December 13, 2012 at 4:27 pm | #

        I’ve seen that position in just about every movie of the “alt” variety. Now I just have to find a luscious female with “huge tracts of land” (though really, any size will do, as long as it’s fully paid for!) to twist into such a configuration. The last attempt resulted in the reply “Do I look like a contortionist??”

  6. Plasma Mongoose
    Plasma Mongoose
    December 13, 2012 at 12:07 am | #

    I bet Jesus Crap got picked on when he went to school, his face must be red from having to turn the other cheek so much.

    • Aizat
      Aizat
      December 13, 2012 at 12:11 am | #

      I hope he has a lot of room back there.

    • Valdrax
      Valdrax
      December 13, 2012 at 10:35 am | #

      There’s a subtle but terrible difference between being the Messiah and just being Messier.

      • Kernanator
        Kernanator
        December 13, 2012 at 2:58 pm | #

        He’s not the Messiah, he’s a very naughty boy!

      • Roborat
        Roborat
        December 13, 2012 at 2:59 pm | #

        Yea, and Mark Messier doesn’t take crap from anyone.

    • Andiemus
      Andiemus
      December 13, 2012 at 3:54 pm | #

      Maybe it’s red because Mary and Jo gave him too much *water* if you know what I mean…

  7. Leorale
    Leorale
    December 13, 2012 at 12:08 am | #

    This strip reminds me of that one wherein Sal and Walky are hanging out on the couch, and Sal pokes him the face, because Eh. Anyone know where that one is?

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      December 13, 2012 at 12:11 am | #

      Somewhere deep in the Joyce & Walky archive. And by deep in the I mean “I’m too lazy to search through the”

      • Mogotoo
        Mogotoo
        December 13, 2012 at 1:38 am | #

        April 14, 2007.

        • Leorale
          Leorale
          December 13, 2012 at 3:16 pm | #

          There it is. Thanks!

  8. Bekah
    Bekah
    December 13, 2012 at 12:09 am | #

    Billie in the last panel… that actually looks really comfortable. I might try sleeping like that tonight.

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      December 13, 2012 at 12:13 am | #

      This was the last post Bekah made with a functioning spine

      • Aizat
        Aizat
        December 13, 2012 at 12:15 am | #

        I did that once. Hell of a neck pain.

      • Bekah
        Bekah
        December 13, 2012 at 12:16 am | #

        Who needs spines? Spines are for the weak.

        • Aizat
          Aizat
          December 13, 2012 at 12:17 am | #

          So, spineless is a sign of strength?

          • Bekah
            Bekah
            December 13, 2012 at 12:19 am | #

            Chickens have spines. Think about it.

            • Plasma Mongoose
              Plasma Mongoose
              December 13, 2012 at 12:25 am | #

              And hentai tentacle monsters don’t. Think About That!

              • Aizat
                Aizat
                December 13, 2012 at 12:30 am | #

                And this conversation just went from spines to tentacle hentai in a span of 19 minutes. Think about that!

                • Andy
                  Andy
                  December 13, 2012 at 1:36 am | #

                  …I’ll be in my bunk.

              • Andiemus
                Andiemus
                December 13, 2012 at 1:57 am | #

                Thanks for ruining a nice conversation, Plaz.

                • Wonder Wig
                  Wonder Wig
                  December 13, 2012 at 2:14 am | #

                  I miss when Plaz’s gravitar would lead to the drama button. this conversation coulda’ used one right then.

                • Plasma Mongoose
                  Plasma Mongoose
                  December 13, 2012 at 4:29 am | #

                  You’re welcome.

                • Plasma Mongoose
                  Plasma Mongoose
                  December 13, 2012 at 4:32 am | #

                  I have inserted the Drama Button to my link.

                • Wonder Wig
                  Wonder Wig
                  December 13, 2012 at 6:06 pm | #

                  Ahhhh I pressed it a bunch and now I need a nap. Best present ever.

              • TheBenenator
                TheBenenator
                December 13, 2012 at 2:23 am | #

                Donk! -9999 to Bekah’s argument. 😀

        • Kernanator
          Kernanator
          December 13, 2012 at 2:20 am | #

          I am an expert at removing spines.

        • Dibullba
          Dibullba
          December 13, 2012 at 6:06 am | #

          Who need spines when you have femurs?

    • Aizat
      Aizat
      December 13, 2012 at 12:14 am | #

      Don’t. You’ll wake up with a hell of a neck pain.

  9. Sri
    Sri
    December 13, 2012 at 12:10 am | #

    Aw, I was hoping for a Joyce trifecta. She was in today’s Roomies and Shortpacked. 🙂

  10. Plasma Mongoose
    Plasma Mongoose
    December 13, 2012 at 12:14 am | #

    For Ruth, this counts as foreplay.

    • Aizat
      Aizat
      December 13, 2012 at 12:16 am | #

      She likes it rough, I gather?

      • Plasma Mongoose
        Plasma Mongoose
        December 13, 2012 at 12:21 am | #

        Are you really surprised by that fact?

        • Aizat
          Aizat
          December 13, 2012 at 12:22 am | #

          Not really. I thought she likes it rough when she’s buzzed or something.

          • Wonder Wig
            Wonder Wig
            December 13, 2012 at 1:54 am | #

            They may fight, but the sex is great.

            • Andiemus
              Andiemus
              December 13, 2012 at 1:57 am | #

              “But”? Try “therefore”

  11. Kernanator
    Kernanator
    December 13, 2012 at 12:38 am | #

    If this is Ruth’s idea of entertainment, I can’t understand why she doesn’t have more friends.

    • Yotomoe
      Yotomoe
      December 13, 2012 at 12:40 am | #

      for real. She’s a slapstick dynamo.

    • Plasma Mongoose
      Plasma Mongoose
      December 13, 2012 at 4:35 am | #

      But Ruth is a tsundere and everyone knows how popular tsunderes are.

      • mrelegos
        mrelegos
        December 13, 2012 at 5:12 am | #

        And then, Ruth was recruited by NERV to pilot an Evangelion

        • JBO
          JBO
          December 13, 2012 at 12:30 pm | #

          Well her dad is dead and parental issues are basically required so…. confirmed?

          • Michelle J Caboose
            Michelle J Caboose
            December 17, 2012 at 1:12 am | #

            Besides, she already has the red hair…

  12. JA
    JA
    December 13, 2012 at 12:40 am | #

    Looks like something my RA from freshman year woulda done.

    He didn’t give a crap what we did, so long as we didn’t cause property destruction or steal or crap like that. He even joined us for drinking in a random dorm room every now and then. Best RA ever.

  13. andrew
    andrew
    December 13, 2012 at 12:51 am | #

    If she is already late why is she running? Is it because she wants to be late and tired?

  14. Uniqueantique
    Uniqueantique
    December 13, 2012 at 1:00 am | #

    She’s running because it’s really hard to trip a walking person?

    • Michelle J Caboose
      Michelle J Caboose
      December 17, 2012 at 1:14 am | #

      Hmmm… No. In fact, I can even be tripped while standing completely still. I’m pretty sure I’ve even been tripped while sitting down.

      But then, I am something of a klutz… >_<

  15. Onomatopoeia
    Onomatopoeia
    December 13, 2012 at 1:17 am | #

    Trip.

    • Aizat
      Aizat
      December 13, 2012 at 1:35 am | #

      Crash.

  16. Andy
    Andy
    December 13, 2012 at 1:37 am | #

    She must actually have a chance of making it on-time-ish. I never bothered if I was gonna be more than 10 minutes late

  17. coobee
    coobee
    December 13, 2012 at 1:40 am | #

    Now kiss.

    • Kernanator
      Kernanator
      December 13, 2012 at 2:02 am | #

      Now make out. Make out, dammit.

  18. creatorx2
    creatorx2
    December 13, 2012 at 1:56 am | #

    Ruth looks kinda scrawny in comparison to Billie
    Which is weird because their relationship dynamic is practically the opposite of that

  19. Viktoria
    Viktoria
    December 13, 2012 at 2:19 am | #

    So, is the point of this to see how long it takes before someone calls the cops on Ruth? Because someone needs to call the cops on Ruth. She is completely out of control, and won’t stop abusing people until someone makes her stop.

  20. Dicrel Seijin
    Dicrel Seijin
    December 13, 2012 at 2:35 am | #

    This has actually happened to me. My friend tripped me as I passed and I did a face plant and came up with a bleeding nose and cut lip. Missed class entirely. I think it was two weeks before I began speaking to my friend again.

    Suffice it to say, any sympathy I’ve felt for Ruth is gone.

  21. Dr.Z
    Dr.Z
    December 13, 2012 at 7:32 am | #

    Ya know, none of the RA’s in my colleges could do any of this sh*%.

    They were lucky to get people to listen to them.

    I guess they should have broken the law & assaulted people more often.

  22. nothri
    nothri
    December 13, 2012 at 9:44 am | #

    Wow. Ruth has gone from actively goading her charges into attacking and stealing their personal items to sharing a beer (albeit after breaking into their apartment) and only occasionally raining a casual kind of abuse down on their heads. I think its cute to see the way her relationship with her kismesis is evolving.

  23. Bugberry
    Bugberry
    December 13, 2012 at 11:34 am | #

    if this was in Japan, Billie would have toast in her mouth.

  24. Martigro
    Martigro
    December 13, 2012 at 12:41 pm | #

    I’m just gonna go ahead and ship these two.

  25. SeanNOLA
    SeanNOLA
    December 13, 2012 at 1:11 pm | #

    Now redraw the last panel, but with Hawkeye in place of Billy.

  26. begbert2
    begbert2
    December 13, 2012 at 2:41 pm | #

    It’s girls-dropping-on-their-head week here at Dumbing of Age!! Tune in tomorrow for the thrilling climax, where Dorothy, Dina, and Amber trip and fall simultaneously out a third story window, bounce off their skulls, do a flip, and land in totem pole formation!

    • Leorale
      Leorale
      December 13, 2012 at 3:19 pm | #

      I would read the heck out of that

    • Mogotoo
      Mogotoo
      December 13, 2012 at 9:46 pm | #

      Meanwhile, in Shortpacked!…

  27. hailey
    hailey
    December 13, 2012 at 3:10 pm | #

    Awsome

  28. LuckyStar7
    LuckyStar7
    December 13, 2012 at 4:20 pm | #

    This just made the crap out of my birthday!

  29. Pinja
    Pinja
    December 13, 2012 at 4:33 pm | #

    Popular culture has really warped me when I think this is a form of flirting : /

    • Michelle J Caboose
      Michelle J Caboose
      December 17, 2012 at 1:17 am | #

      Are you kidding? This is the kindest Ruth has ever been to Billie! It’s practically a marriage proposal!

  30. Somebody
    Somebody
    December 14, 2012 at 4:05 pm | #

    They really need to get a room.

  31. newllend
    newllend
    August 15, 2013 at 2:58 am | #

    One of these days there both going to get drunk and there let out every last bit of sexual frustration out

  32. BrokenEye, True False Prophet
    BrokenEye, True False Prophet
    September 18, 2015 at 11:37 pm | #

    And that’s how Billie became paralyzed…

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