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Patrick Willems @patrickhwillems.bsky.social ⋅ 1m
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LAKE YELLOWWOOD SLAUGHTER on Kickstarter now
Barb O. Saur 
⚧️
nonono poop doesn’t GO there, it comes OUT there
How did Joyce find out about that particular aspect of that particular fanfic by Amber? Is this a Slipshine?
Remember when Joyce was reading Amber’s
pornLITERATURE?Cheesy Pete, how could I not? I used a version of that for my Tumblr header.
The guts put it in there, then the butts takes it out of there
Wow
“Not right now you don’t.”
Should I be ashamed that I know which porn clip that comes from? XD
I mean, poop transplants are a thing
“But I poop from there!”
Sounds like a good way to lose a finger, to me. Sphincter of Steel.
…Digit of Kleenex.
Kondom of Kryptonite.
There are other problematic issues with Superman’s, uh, bodily responses. For example, consider hyraulic force…
‘I guarantee you he blows a load like a shotgun’ : Mallrats.
Batman is always prepared.
Oh Ross.
It’s a good thing Becky didn’t inherit your lack of brains.
Ross probably wouldn’t want her back if she did.
This 4’11” hybrid of a human digit and an actual human being is just trying to keep the illusions about his life of to this point from leaving him, and to do that he needs what is left of what he used to create them in the first place…..
So when does Sal step in doing the smart thing?
I think Amber is going to get Sal. Calling in the Salvary?
But will she go Super-Salyan?
Is that the same history they touch peens?
Touch peens??? Eeew, no!
Batman’s peen does touch Superman’s butt, tho.
Call the police or actually shows up alone (with Amazigirl in the shadows)? FIND OUT… Oh please someone just tell us.
I mean, given that Becky has the resources of a politician at her disposal and now knows the mob is involved, it can’t be that hard to get some non-corrupt (?) law enforcement on the scene.
Yeaaaaahhhhhhh, that’s like 10 different discussions for Joyce that are way over her fellow hostage’s pay grades.
Now what’s the plan, Bex?
The same thing we do every night: try to take over the world
Ross is such a knob. I have to wonder what’ll be up.
She might be calling the cops, but I mean, that’s pretty risky in its own right.
You know, I’m actually more surprised that Joyce chose to focus on that rather than the fellatio that must have also been involved.
I mean, I assume. I don’t read yaoi, but I presume that “finger up butt” is a blow-job finisher technique rather than a solo activity.
Uhhhhhhhh. It doesn’t have to be. I have heard of some guys orgasming during prostate exams so like… it could very easily be a solo activity if you believe that Batman knows what he is doing which I don’t plan to put thought into.
Batman researches *everything* he does.
Bismarck DorothyBatman has a plan.Bismarck DorothyBatman always has a plan.Bi guy with sensitive prostate here! Correct! Fingering can indeed be a solo or major activity if done well! Doesn’t need to be a “finisher” at all. Sometimes a blowjob or handjob can be the finisher.
This has been “Info from a Dude with a Sensitive Prostate.” *does a catchy jingle*
I appreciate this new knowledge even if I was hesitant about receiving it.
It can have a similar effect on women.
Or, so I’ve read.
Do Kryptonians even have a prostate?
Yes…OF STEEL!
If Becky is going against Amazi-girl/Amber’s request, I wonder what they’ll do to try and stop her. And how is this supposed to help Blaine again?
Just love how threatening the safety of your daughter’s friends is considered “putting your foot down”. What the fuck!?
Ross probably thinks he’s just putting some misguided youths in “time out”. This is from the guy who thinks firing a rifle into the air is a solid way to regain authority in a conversation.
He doesn’t get that using force to bind people and transport them to the secondary location of your choosing against their will is felony kidnapping. They’re missing midterms. The school is going to be pissed. Their families are going to be pissed when they find out about this. The town will be pissed that the judge chose to let a guy out on bail who immediately went on to commit more felonies.
At least Blaine isn’t getting the bail money he put down back. And they might even go as far as to take a hard look at anyone else he’s bailed out recently.
Well, the town might be pissed about it, but as has been pointed out countless times already, the bail part is actually in Indiana’s state constitution – the only crime that you can’t be bailed out of there is bona fide, successful murder.
Toedad’s next bail will be very very high. Six, if not seven figures. Pulling a stunt like this days after making bail, that’s gonna piss off the judge.
He re-offended with the same stunt that landed him behind bars in the first place, but turned up to 11. If he gets the same judge again he’s fucked.
Judges can’t deny it, but they can set it higher than a low level mob peon can come up with. At the time, Ross probably looked like a well meaning church goer who maybe got a little hot under the collar.
Oh, just read BigDog’s post on same. Yes, his next bail is gonna be higher. Well, if we can depend on there being Rule of Law in this universe.
But we can’t depend on there being a rule of law in the dumbiverse. The police, if called, would execute Sarah and Walky for being black at a crime scene, Ethan for being Jewish, Dina for being Chinese, Dorothy for being liberal, Mike for being in hospital, and Joyce as a favour to her mother. They would deliver Becky in handcuffs to the brainwashing centre of Ross’s choice, take Amber to an asylum in a dilapidated mansion to be lobotomised, and give Blaine a lift the Asher’s gramps’ place for a congratulatory blowjob.
Because otherwise no-one’s behaviour in this situation makes sense.
OR…
The -some- of the people in the situation, perspectives informed by past experiences and now in the midst of a new unprecedented experience, by extrapolation have the perception that perhaps -some- people may take -some- actions that would be extremely harmful to -some- of them…and they’d rather try other options that might get -all- of them out safely.
Rule of Law’s not exactly doing too hot in the real world either.
Okay, but does the Indiana Constitution prohibit setting bail at an amount that would make Bill Gates blanch?
i am outraged every time i hear about this damn bail law…. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh.
Doubt that Blaine’s name even appears anywhere regarding the bail money. Remember, he was at the church group meeting and asked, “How much more do you need?” He probably gave them enough to cover the shortage, and the pastor or whoever actually went to the Clerk of Court to post the bond and sign the papers.
Minor point, but they’re not missing mid-terms. Yet.
It’s still the night/early morning they were kidnapped on. Once Becky turns herself over to Ross, he can let them go and they can go take their midterms like nothing had happened.
Happy ending.
They’re encouraging her to continue with her rebellious, sinful lifestyle. As such, they must be dealt with as harshly as necessary.
For people like Ross, morality is entirely agent-based. He is Good, therefore his actions are Good. They are Bad, therefore their actions are Bad.
Everything else is window dressing.
Maybe BECKY has the savvy to actually send cops (some corrupt, some honest) to the address she’s about to receive. Or tell de Santo about it. Who would send cops.
Dorothy’s “the multiple personalities student who hasn’t slept in days has got this!” attitude is wishful thinking at best. This isn’t leadership. De Santo wouldn’t learn about this and say “I know, let’s entrust this situation to the hallucinating college freshman”. She would mock that idea, and rightfully so.
I’m crossing my fingers that there is an actual grown-up resolution to this. It doesn’t need to involve epic kung fu and gun fu. In fact it will be more believable if it does not. But I guess I’ll see either way! /popcorn
I generally agree, while acknowledging the possibility the the cops could make it worse as well.
Why does everyone expect Dorothy to be pulling perfect leadership as if she isn’t one of the kidnap victims in the kidnapping situation that has been kidnapped. Of course she is going to say believe in AG & Amber when it is the only choice they have as she is the only one who was originally kidnapped who was freed, so is the one doing the primary decision-making on the outside.
Of course Robin or Roz wouldn’t say trust AG/Amber as they barely know her for one thing, but they’re also not actively kidnap victims right now where they don’t really have another choice but to believe that AG & Amber will make the right decisions that lead to them all going home.
For real, since when was Dorothy in charge?
She’s the only one that’s calm, serious and not about to cry. Not necessarily in charge, but only those things make the rest put trust in her. She still is allowed mistakes imo.
That appears calm, anyway. I have a strong feeling the phrase ‘screaming internally’ applies to her at the moment.
I’d hazard a guess pot shots are being taken at Dorothy’s charge taking because of her aspiration to be President. She Wants to be in charge of the entire country, and therefore all decisions she makes must be judged as a reflection of her suitability for that role, or something?
Or it could be because she’s the one in this strip saying “Trust in Amazi-Girl. Trust in Amber.”
I dunno, I think that trusting in the one person who both knows where they are and is willing to get them out of there is probably the best they can do from where they are.
While I agree that there are potentially better solutions than depending on two people in one body to solve Everything, Amazi-girl/Amber’s multiplicity and hallucinations don’t disqualify them. Those aren’t the problem. You can be plural and hallucinate and have excellent judgement and the skills to follow through. The problem is that there are a bunch of people, probably with guns, who have several hostages, and it’s very very difficult for anyone to get them out without casualties.
What makes her a bad choice would be her the sleep deprivation.
Didn’t Ambi-Girl just tell Becky to scram and hide? Putting trust in them is besides the point right now, as Becky is decidedly not following their counsel.
As to Dorothy, she’s what, 19? And never been kidnapped before, and not yet fully grown-up and ossified in the head. She can make mistakes, and learn from them, and still have a viable career in politics. Hell, she can learn the wrong lessons, and still get a job in the Supreme Court. Or the Senate. Or the White House.
I don’t think Becky wants to call the cops on her dad. I believe her plan is to come alone and try to escape again once her friends are released.
And while I would love to disagree with you, I cannot because I am terrified that you are correct.
Dorothy just said to trust A/A, she didn’t actually say, “Trust Amazigirl to single-handedly action-hero us out of here!” It’s possible she’s counting on Amber to contact some relevant authorities. I’m going to reserve judgement until I know a little more.
Robin might send her army of Uggtroopers and some state police or county-level sheriff backup with her.
Okay, the question is: is Becky working with Amber? If so, she wouldn’t need to call Ross; Amber should already know Ross’ current address.
You would think so, wouldn’t you?
Sounds like Amber/AmaziGirl came up with this scheme to get the address so that the SWAT/hostage negotiation teams will know where to go while keeping Ross off-guard, believing that Becky is caving in and everything is going as *HE* intended it to.
I think there won’t be cops comingon Becky’s call. However, she definiyely wouldn’t need the address and Ross should know this. Her needing the address means Amber is not coming back with Becky and therefore Blaine is gonna be really pissed.
Becky might be rounding up the whole deSanto followers to go there or something like that.
If Ross had a neck I’d root for it to be broken.
Sounds like Joyce and Amber have been trading fanfiction stories.
I admire Dorothy acting so calm during this ordeal. What’s her secret?
She’s a double agent and secretly working with Blaine and Ross.
I think her secret lies in a particular word in your description of her: “… Dorothy acting so calm…”
Willis, if Toedad survives this arc, i will be sorely disappointed.
If he survives it, and at some point a crack in his mental shell opens up and the light of realization pours in and he realizes “Wow, I really f’ed that up then. What was I thinking?”
A moment of remorse and redemption such as that would actually be pretty satisfying.
“Shoulda brought a shotgun. Those have better spread! I’ll remember for next time…”
NEXT TIME
Like with Willie Loman at the end of Death of a Salesman? Figuring Loman had like 10 times the strength of character (which actually isn’t saying that much) that we’ve seen from Ross, I wouldn’t get my hopes up.
Doesn’t mean a different form of realization isn’t going to happen, say, when his trial finally comes and his lack of cooperation with both the court and his lawyer gets him the maximum possible sentence (or he’s found Not Guilty due to Insanity and is committed instead) and the lack of God stepping in and making it go all away, down the line….
As much wishful thinking this is, part of me wants to believe Amazi-girl/Amber disguised her voice enough to make Toedad believe it’s his daughter. He does seem to have that top-heavy mentality…
The tags yesterday told us it was Becky.
The tags have lied before when we were meant to think something untrue?
Other then Jocelyne initially being tagged as “Joshua” until the reveal, I don’t think there’s been any incidents where a completely different person has been intentionally tagged with someone else’s name?
(Correct me if I’m wrong, I admit I could easily be misremembering)
It’s also home to the male G-spot. Humans are weird. It makes life fun.
(also where’s Blaine at this moment)
Hopefully trying to draw a last, painful breath into a lung perforated by a rib cracked in the earlier fight at Kirkwood Hall with Joe and Amazi-Girl.
Mike, not Joe. You probably missed an edit button like many before you.
That’s kinda hot.
Alt-text: Joyce knows perfectly well that the prostrate is something you do before God.
Coincidentally, you might take the same position while someone puts their hand up your ass
Rule 34 on prayer and God’s giant hand…? Nah, I don’t wanna check. That’s too weird even for furry trash like me.
You don’t need to search for it to have summonsed it into existence!
You (and everyone) will probably enjoy the song “The Loophole” by Garfunkel and Oates.
“…And we can’t procreate if we anally copulate
And God is OK with sodomy, but only if you’re straight…”
(Normally I’d warn about NSFW lyrics, but who’s at work these days?)
Sorry, a cheap cynical joke shouldn’t erase the people who are working: EMTs, doctors, nurses, delivery drivers, professional shoppers, infrastructure repair people, and many more – all risking themselves to keep us as safe as possible. Thank you all!
haha, my internet ex will love that if she hasn’t heard it already x3
Here, have an internet. You actually made me laugh out loud (for the first time in days).
Oh god, his words. He’s about to fail so hard. I gotta see this *gets popcorn*
You better have a lot of popcorn because this is going tot take a while. Better bring decent food as well now that I think about it…
Like the three Cs? ::
Cookies
Candies
Cakes
And cokes?
FLAWED MEME
LEAVES OUT MUFFINS
I really hope Dorothy has more than just believing in Amber. It’s a sweet sentiment but also maybe it would be cool if you didn’t bet on everyone’s lives with just that. I kinda thought when Dina showed up it meant something more than just being another hostage. She has a maxed out steath stat! You can’t tell me you’d rather sit around trusting in AG to save you than use that!
Why is it up to Dorothy to come up with a better idea and she’s not going to try to suggest something that might get Dina hurt or killed. She’s stuck in this scary situation as much as the rest of them and Amber & AG are the ones that are free and making the big calls. They really can only trust in Amber & AG’s judgement on the outside and they have to be careful how much they push things so they don’t get themselves hurt or killed needlessly.
Dorothy’s the one who made the original call to begin with. She said it’s better to have Amber out so any number of things can happen even if that puts Becky at risk they can unkidnap her later (letting Becky get taken by her dad to save their skins so they can unkidnap her later is a little iffy to me but okay) then it was like well we lost Amber the best fighter here but we got one velociraptor. So is Dinah an asset or one more life in danger now? Cause that makes it a little less funny that she’s there if they just wait for AG to pull something off (even if I think Dinah could just disappear at any time without anyone noticing) And to top all this off AG the person everyone supposed to trust in doesn’t actually think she can solve this. She thinks the dad’s are unbeatable. That nothing will keep them in jail and she doesn’t seem to have a solution to save her friends even for tonight. So this isn’t really looking like that great and if Becky hadn’t called Ross despite Amber telling her to disappear they’d all potentially be in a much worse position.
Trust Becky this is her play.
Becky will arrive leading Blue, Charlie, Delta, and Echo who munch the bad guys. Dina is thrilled but still feels obligated to point out that they’re not actually velociraptors and their wrists are wrong.
And Dina would kick Walky in his balls for referencing the Indomitus Rex again.
Here is where I gripe once more that “indomitus” is not a real Latin word. >:(
“Indomitus” is a real Latin word. It’s Indominus, the actual word they used in the movie, that’s not.
(forgot to close tags, dangit)
Today I learned that there are more named dinos in that movie than Blue. (DofA is also where I learned about Blue.)
Seriously, folks, weigh in on whether I should see that movie.
It’s a stupid, fun little flick. If it’s streaming on something you’ve got access to, and you’ve got some time, go for it.
It’s good for nostalgia and just enjoying a stupid, fun little flick.
Batman’s always the Power Top.
Even with Superman.
Oh how naive and stupid you are Ross. Your narrow worldview doesn’t allow you to think that Becky could be an active being that can plan something on her ow. Just like how Blaine underestimates Amber, your downfall will be because of your arrogance.
Yes, I would feel like Joyce in that situation, even if I know Dorothy is right.
Also, Joyce has been understimating Amber since she confessed to be AG. Making gay porn doesn’t make you an incompetent crime fighter, Joyce.
Okay, well, that certainly is a lot more direct than my speculation about tracking Dina’s phone yesterday.
Ross is kind of new to this whole crime thing. And, like, way too naive about it to make any sort of career of it.
Becky literally just called the police, didn’t she?
No, she called Ross.
No, this is Patrick.
That’s what I’m shouting at the screen for her do like a crazy TV watcher!
I trust Amazi-Amber to set up a trap for Toedad.
Becky has just given a TV interview. She is besties with a congresswoman. She is amazingly resourceful and clever.
Step 1: Tell the kidnappers you’re coming, so they don’t do anything bad to the captives.
Step 2: Maybe show up, maybe have someone else show up. Given that it’s Becky, I bet she shows up herself… but not alone.
Step 3: Do something astonishingly competent and clever, and end up winning.
She might bring a TV camera with a live feed. Ross would probably let her in before the others realized that she had totally blown their cover.
Or she might have realized that if she showed up alone, she’d drive a massive wedge between Ross and Blaine that she could then exploit.
But it’ll probably be something more clever (and probably illegal) than that.
This
Although I give it a fair amount of chance that the first few plans made fail horribly, only to put the right players in the right places for the nerve-wracking finale
I’m just going to assume Ross is wrong about what Becky’s planning to do, since he seems to usually be wrong about her.
For a second I considered that maybe we’re the one’s getting tricked and that Becky actually is going to just turn give herself up to him for the time being, but then I saw that it’s called Address…
It just feels a little too “not having things go horribly wrong-y” for that to be what happens though.
The only thing is, if Becky is sending the cops (or the Feds! A potential terrorist mass murderer who shot up a campus abducting multiple student hostages is absolutely big enough to attract the FBI’s interest!) I’m not sure how this will manage grind our hopes into dust for two more months.
Joyce will put her foot down hard, sure enough.
Yeah, any reasonable person in Becky’s situation would go to her adoptive big sis the congresswoman, and have Robin bring down the wrath of the US Government on the dads, and nobody has to know about Amazi-Girl.
So this is where Becky calls the State Police and gives them the address dear ol’ dad just texted her in his ever so brilliant way and all this comes to a nice calm not horrible conclusion and Becky doesn’t have to go away, right? RIGHT??
I think you’re all underestimating Becky. She knows EVERY button her father has, and probably knows how to punch them.
Becky uses her new-found connections to get a full-blown SEAL 6 team and free the hostages.
Since this will run through June, i think we are looking at two resolutions. Becky and Ross – she will go home with Diana. Amber and Blaine – he will be out of her life for good. But I think they are complementary narratives. Amber will not save Becky. She told her to run because she is focused on Blaine. Becky doesn’t care about Blaine, but about being able to keep anything she accomplished. Career, girlfriend, a life. Two problems that will demand two solutions.
My prediction is that Becky’s problems get solved by Diana.
Ambers get solved by the police arresting Blaine who then get abandoned by the mob.
Dina?
And now, Becky hands over this information to the FBI. I have a feeling that this is the last we will see of both Amber’s and Becky’s Dad.
While I do wonder what will happen to Mike if Blaine isn’t lying, Toedad is definitely out of the picture now. He just sealed his fate with a text of where he is. I can almost hear the police sirens right now…
Police are most certainly on the way!
Trust in Amber to write a slashfic where, after this is over, Blaine gets butt-fingered by Captain Hook.
If she won’t write it, I will.
Is it bad that instead of finding Amber’s Batman/Superman fic weird, I find it weird that Batman would use his finger, Batman has always been a more gadget oriented hero. Probably has a bat-themed sex toy for that.
Were we about to see Incredi-Joyce just now?
I hate it when Ross gets that smug look.
I can’t tell if he’s just that delusional or just that stupid…
Yes.
My best guess is that Robin will somehow help out and save everyone, but the bittersweet cost is that it will be what propels her candidacy to victory. Everyone is suggesting she could bring in the feds, but that sounds too neat. Robin would make a good, unknowing human shield for Becky or Amber to bring to a confrontation. Wouldn’t work with Toedad, but mobsters would probably rather run than kill a sitting Senator and expose themselves.
I hope Mike is actually alive at the hospital, and that someone could save him. It would be awesome if the adults on the sidelines pulled their weight and actually helped. Like, wasn’t Joe’s dad a doctor? Any chance he works nearby?
Robin is not a senator.
Joyce, NO. That’s where poop comes from do not put poop in the butt
Putting poop in the butt is sometimes an actual medical procedure though: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fecal_microbiota_transplant
Google “fecal transplant”.
Sorry to ruin your appetite for the rest of the weekend.
I see two potential possibilities to add to the discussion:
1} Becky shows up with cops, entire situation turns into shit-show, Ross grows a conscience as baddies start killing hostages & gets a bullet-riddled fatal redemption.
2} Becky shows up with cops. Negotiations to get hostages bog down. Becky in distraught soliloquy explains how happy she has been here, and now it is ruined, and she never gets to keep nice things — and never will. Grabs random gun and suicides. Much shooting and brouhaha; Ross spends remaining dejected life in prison.
Not saying these are how it will go down, just speculating. Hope Willis has something less dark up his sleeve.
Does no-one else see Joyce channelling Ms Pac-Man in panel 3?
Apparently it’s just me.
(Doesn’t Joyce know that the vagina and penis are where the pee goes?)
Does Joyce even have the ability to acknowledge parts or even say those words?
Oh she kjows enough is enough, but not the way you think.