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⚧️ Alexandra Merideth Erin [she/her]
Jesus totes down with the bonin’
“remember to leave room for Jesus!”
“…is THAT what the Holy Trinity means??”
“Remember to leave room for Jeses.”
“If you told me we’d have a threesome I’d have booked a room with a queen bed.”
(FYI My autocorrect doesn’t know ‘threescore. I have failed somewhere.)
as a horrible theologian can confirm this is a legit theological interpretation
I’m a subscriber of the Mary Magdalene = wife thing. For several historical and linguistic reasons.
Well obviously. Everyone knows jesus was nailed before he died.
Speaking as an agnostic viewing the whole Jesus stuff like any other piece of fiction?
I can see a version of the story where Jesus and Mary were together, but they didn’t bang much, because she didn’t have much push towards it because of that whole prostitute business that might be a more recent retcon, and he was just super-focused on the whole Messiah thing and just didn’t get around to it.
Just a super-chaste, but still loving relationship? You could make a religion out of that (wait no crap great now we’ve got all the crusades fuck).
The whole “prostitute thing” was Saul/Paul’s doing. He seemed to have problems. Scholars have formed an alternative theory that Mary was a wealthy widow, who was financing the whole thing.
“[Saul/Paul] seemed to have problems.” – now there’s some massive understatement. :p
He would, of course, have insisted that it was everyone else who had the problems (and was wrong).
You mean the self-loathing gay man may not have been perfectly sane? Unpossible!
Yeah, but if I threw away every retcon some arch-conservative white guy threw in there, we’d hardly have any canon to work with! At some point, you just have to work with the lore you’re given.
I might have missed something, but I don’t think Paul even mentions Mary Magdalene. He says very little about Jesus’s life in general.
There’s a tendency in some circles to blame Paul for everything they don’t like about Christianity, which is weird because I doubt most of them would want to keep the full Torah law, which was his biggest contribution.
Paul gets blamed for two reasons:
1: By turning Christianity into something OTHER than a Jewish sect, he essentially created Christian evangelism, which is, in turn, the concept that drove it to be a geopolitical force with a divine mandate to convert others. Had Peter won the Circumcision Debate (and all it encompassed), it’s unlikely that Rome would ever have Christianized, let alone the New World.
It’s perfectly likely, of course, that other forces would’ve still driven colonization, but it might not have had the patina of ‘killing the heathens to save them’. An old-school pagan Europe might have been more inclined to treat indigenous peoples as equal-ish, or at least in a similar fashion to how the Roman Empire treated conquered peoples.
2: While he did ditch much of the OT, he also is the one who decided which bits got kept–and it was pretty much everything about women and sexuality that modern sensibilities regard as utterly asinine.
All that said, you are correct, thejeff, that Paul didn’t have anything to do with “MM = Prostitute” thing. That was more likely a conflation of multiple women induced by the early Church to justify the reduced/subservient role of women in the Church.
Well…turning Christianity into something OTHER than a Jewish sect: yes, he was commanded to. (Acts 22)
Created Christian evangelism: was that not rather the Great Commission? (Mt 28 etc.) But Paul is the one who got out and pushed to make it happen.
Or an old school pagan Europe might have treated indigenous people more as the Vikings did. Or remained entirely a slavery based empire (or series of empires) as Rome was. And as much of the rest of the old world was.
It’s really impossible to speculate on how thousands of years of history would have played out with something as major as Christianity removed. Islam could dominated Europe as well as North Africa and the Middle East – or never existed, since it drew much inspiration from Christianity.
There were also other mostly forgotten religions that could have spread in Christianity’s absence.
But more I don’t think most of the people who blame Paul think that way, but more in the “corrupted Jesus’s message” way. That Christianity still would have spread, but it would have been hippy loving Jesus, without the rules and repression.
I actually wrote on Mary Magdalene in my doctoral dissertation and spoke to this. It was Gregory the Great who stated that the Magdalene was a prostitute. She also, as a figure as we understand her, is a conflation of several women mentioned in the Bible. I would take _anything_ it says about the life of Christ with the proverbial grain of salt, much less anything it says about those who were around him.
At this point, the bible has gone through so many writers, translations, revisions, retcons and other changes that, if there was any historical truth in there at any point, it’s almost certainly all gone now.
Hence my comment about approaching it like any piece of fiction, and snarky comments about retcons.
Not really. The Bible as we have it today is pretty damn close to the earliest versions of the texts we can trace. There’s little evidence of any widespread revision after maybe the 3rd century and even most of that is minor. A few questionable passages. It is a set of conflicting books, all with different viewpoints and message, mostly written long enough after the events to not be entirely trustable on historical accuracy, but that’s up to the original authors, not to later changes.
At least for the NT. The OT went through more complex changes in antiquity, but that was still complete roughly by Roman times.
are we gonna see a ‘historically accurate’ teen Jesus pop up in theor dorm room lol
Maybe he works at Galasso’s.
have we seen him and his name is something else tho?
I have…just…so many questions.
Man they’re getting a lot closer to this than I thought they would. Huh.
🤯
They’re gonna do it!!! Hooray!!! 🥳
Dunno. I’m still trying to figure out if the alt text is talking about Walky or Jesus.
I swear if that’s a reference to “He Gets Us”
That’s my take on it. I imagine Willis had even more of a visceral reaction to those ads than I did, and I nearly vomited the first time I saw one of the ads.
Why does this sound like a Christian gross-out ad campaign?
Because that’s exactly what it was. (Assuming we’re all referring to the same thing.)
Yeah, Superbowl ads – among others.
More of a fake-out than a gross-out really. The ads themselves were fairly mellowing, focusing on the popular image of a loving Jesus who “gets us”, but they were funded by and linked to the usual extreme right wing churches.
Maybe, maybe not. I have a feeling that that’s the point where Walky will think, “I have to talk to her about this ‘love’ issue first. It’s not fair to her, to keep quiet any longer.”
I’m desperately hoping for this. Gonna kill the mood, but it’s the only way forward that’s not awful for everyone.
Yes…”the” sex. That’s not a red flag right?
Well, you don’t expect them to settle for just having a sex, do you? Some sex maybe, perhaps even many sex if there’s time.
Yeah, Walky already did a sex. Now it’s time to do the sex.
how would that be a red flag?
Reading it made me think maybe this was the first time she’s brought up the expectation of sex with Walky. I’d hope they both are kinda on the same page here with their relationship and I don’t know if Walky’s even thought about….the sex. Lucy’s horny, I don’t know if Walky is yet.
They agreed that no sex before the third date was in the sermon on the mount.
I just got the double entendre. https://www.dumbingofage.com/chill
I love that it’s Lucy making that joke, too.
https://www.dumbingofage.com/2021/comic/book-12/01-sister-christian/solution/
Walky is also the first person to blush in today’s strip, when Lucy brought up that it would be their third date, and therefore okay with Jesus according to the Sermon on the Mount (thank you, huesatlight).
Has the last line in that comic always been that? I don’t remember laughing that hard at the time.
It’s been predetermined that the ship is unviable so everything is a red flag.
Unviable? But the ship name is literally “Lucky”!
It’s possible that Lucy might be a virgin, given that basically all her ‘boyfriends’ were on TV.
So couple that with her immense crush on Walky, and that could add further to the messiness of ‘Walky isn’t completely at the place that Lucy’s at’.
On the other hand, having a caring and experienced partner can make a first time significantly less stressful and way more fun.
Example 1: Dorothy and Walky.
Example 2: Billie and Ruth (at least in the wlw sense)
Example 3: Mike and your mom.
Cool! My mom got a nickel!
I’m… really not sure one can qualify Billie and Ruth as “caring,” no matter how much I still ship that glorious mess. (Well, in the shower, yes, but that wasn’t their first time.)
Fair enough, at least early on like their first time was.
Possible, but I wouldn’t bet on it. Her attitude towards it doesn’t seem to imply that and I’d expect her to have brought it up if she was.
Why would she? It’s pretty common for young adults to feel that still being “virgins” is embarrassing. Often even when they’ve explicitly chosen to avoid sex for moral or religious reasons.
All her behavior, not to mention the strong implication from her brother, indicates that she’s never actually been in a romantic relationship before (“boyfriends” who don’t know who she is, or are unaware she considers them her significant other, don’t count). She also very much doesn’t appear to be the sort of person to have engaged in random hook-ups. Which means, regardless of her wishes, Lucy is almost certainly still a virgin.
The bit I find fascinating is how everyone here seems to be assuming that the only thing holding them back from making the beast with two backs is Lucy’s self-imposed restraint. And yet, it seems to me that Walky hasn’t even shown any sign of being attracted to Lucy at all. He wasn’t just oblivious to her interest for untold eons, he only asked her out because Dorothy told him to. In the time since, he hasn’t just taken a passive role in terms of physical intimacy, he literally never says or does anything that indicates sexual attraction or interest towards her.
I think the odds are better than even that when/if their relationship matures to whatever arbitrary milestone Lucy decides is sufficient, and she works up the nerve to attempt initiating sexytimes with Walky, he’s going to find himself unable to go through with it – either when he realizes kissing her doesn’t turn him on, or when his dangly bits provide a graphic demonstration of his lack of arousal that neither of them can ignore.
Nah, it was a pre-discussed topic. It’s not just any sex, it’s The sex, the one they talked about that one time
It implies there is only one sex, which presumably must be fought for by a group of immortal warriors. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!
If you are unfortunate enough to have seen “Highlander: The Source” the ultimate prize is:
Spoiler:
You get to have a kid.
That’s it.
What all that killing over the millennia was for.
Gives new (and disturbing) meaning to “Aye, the quickening empowers me!”
That is all I know about Highlander, except that Gumball did a fantastic parody of it (that I doubt any of the kids watching it got).
There was only one, until Walky made another one.
Lucy was literally created to be a fan of Starfire from the Teen Titans cartoon.
It’s not surprising that she has some of Starfire’s verbal tics when she is uncomfortable with talking about something.
When is …the best time…to have the sex…to become…pregnart.
Does Lucy is pregante?
How would Lucy know if she’s Prangan?
How did Lucy get pregante?
She was exposed to Pregnatite radiation.
Huh. That’s why the Pregnatite brand diaphragm’s slogan was “Not Actually Radioactive!” I mean truthful ad but didn’t help sales.
Is Lucy 32 months….
PRGANANANT
At least this comic’s pace is too slow for how babby is formed.
Grammatically it is. I will still never forgive Willis for unleashing the cancer of “a sex” upon the world.
But this is THE sex! Not just any sex.
i think lucy’s just awkward becomes (assumedly) she’s a virgin but i’d imagine walky would have experience and she’d know the basics of safe sex at least
And maybe a wholesome slipshine now too?
It’s a flag she’s a total virgin
it’d be quite out of character if she wasn’t because pretty sure she confirmed to sarah(?) that walky was her first boyfriend
*Head in hands*
It’s not that I don’t think they COULD be cute together, it’s that at the moment with the relationship as it presently is… hoo boy. They are NOT on the same pages here in MANY ways but they’re both too 18 to recognize it.
Oh I think Walky recognizes it, he just doesn’t know how to say no.
It’s a very tense situation.
That’s a strange way to say “Turn down sex with a pretty girl.”
Oof. Didn’t think of this. Having sex could really complicate the emotions here. Lucy might think it’s an affirmation of love and not just fun. Who knows what Walky thinks. This is a real test for him. Going through with this while not being honest with her emotionally first.
The “third date” thing is what Lucy thinks they’re supposed to do, what he expects. But as soon as she thought he said he loved her, she’s been broadcasting that she’s ready. She’s probably thinking, “it’s ok to have sex because we’re in love with each other and this is a serious relationship already.” Maybe she’d decide it was ok anyways, but she should understand their situation first. Otherwise Walky is misleading her into sex… and his instinct was it was bad to mislead her about his feelings.
Also it will leave him disappointed because she isn’t Dorothy.
I want to believe in them, so at this I say fuck it. Literally. At the end of the day Walky and Lucy will do what they want. If Walky isn’t there emotionally who cares? He’ll just end up being more of a fuck boy than we gave him credit for. At the end of the day he wouldn’t be the worst guy Lucy could lose her very likely virginity to. If she gets her heart broken she’ll survive and maybe they’ll both learn something.
She’s probably thinking, “it’s ok to have sex because we’re in love with each other and this is a serious relationship already.”
A mindset my mother spent many years firmly discouraging in us. She said, and I think she’s right, that pinning sex to love means a lot of young people stick around in relationships that aren’t great for them because they had sex and now they think they gotta commit, when really, they just were horny.
Good advice!
i think it’s also good advice to do sex with someone you’re sure you want to do it with. You don’t need to be sure about *staying together forever*, but you should be sure that it’s someone you trust being vulnerable with.
Lucy has been broadcasting that she’s ready for sex long before she made the mistake of thinking he loved her. She hasn’t amped it up.
She was already trying to call Walky and Lyle meeting their second date, and Walky said no meal involving meeting your partner’s brother is a date.
Lucy’s just really hot for Walky (she apparently liked him upon first seeing his butt), but she doesn’t know how get things going (they haven’t even kissed).
Putting expectations on the third date gives her a starting point to do the things she wants to do, but hasn’t figured out/allowed herself to casually do (aka hopes Walky will take the initiative to do).
But since she REALLY wants to do them, she keeps trying to move the arbitrary goalposts she set for herself.
It’s an interesting dynamic considering that Walky is pretty passive and typically just relies on doing what he’s asked to do vs. making moves himself. Now I’m wondering if that manifests in an outcome where Lucy gets frustrated with Walky – like she keeps outlining things that will lead to an action (the third date thing) or believing in signals she thinks he’s putting out (thinking he said that he loves her) which lead her to anticipate Walky to make this move that he expects her to make because she’s the overly horny/in love one. This is another factor that I could see leading to their relationship not working out – Walky being miffed that Lucy ends up criticizing him for not taking initiative when he believes that it’s on her because she’s the one making all these plans (that he is consenting to.) Kind of goes along with a POV where Lucy might subscribe to the idea of more traditional roles that Walky is unconcerned with.
“The “third date” thing is what Lucy thinks they’re supposed to do, what he expects”
This is explicitly false. He said 4th or 5th date. She is the one who made an I-don’t-want-to-wait-that-long face and said 3rd date, and has since been pushing for incrementing their date-count number.
https://www.dumbingofage.com/2021/comic/book-11/04-hompk/chill/
If anything, social expectation (along with his consent) is what has stopped her from pushing him down on her bed already.
Yeah, good Christian girls don’t do it before the third date, so she’s making herself wait, but she’d really like to get to that third date.
I don’t think it’s really even social expectation (Christian or otherwise) for Lucy.
I think that she’s aware that if she wants a relationship to last, there are often (not always!) advantages to waiting a bit. It’s a way for both of them to prove to themselves and each other that they’re not interested in *just* sex.
Lucy explicitly said “but I’m a Christian woman” in the original 3rd date strip, though it seems like there may have been any element of protesting too much in that.
It is explicitly true that she thinks he expects there’s a 3 date rule now, because she told him that. She’s eager enough for sex with him, she could decide she didn’t need him to feel in love. But that’s something she should get to decide for herself, rather than Walky knowingly let her make her decision based on incorrect information.
Was September Joe not a creep when he was leading September Joyce on, letting her think he was interested in a long term relationship? This situation is, at best, a gray area that Walky already has recognized he’d rather not be in.
This is not a defense of Walky. He should tell her. That is a simple and straightforward matter.
However, your reading that Lucy is being pressured to have sex by Walky’s expectations, or Lucy’s perception of Walky’s expectations, is utterly unsupported by the comic. He stated his expectations of a MINIMUM wait of 4-5 formal dates. Lucy has consistently pushed excuses for why it should be sooner at every turn, long before the misinterpretted ‘love’ and continuing to this very strip, where she is putting the moves on Walky based on agreeing to schedule a third date.
WTF? I have not said what you are saying I’ve said.
he said the 4th 5th date thing pretty clearly as a joke
It’s more like Lucy is misleading herself into sex.
It will be interesting to see how Walky acts as very likely the one with more experience this time.
Lucy looking for loopholes.
i sense an incoming slipshine
I feel it is more likely that Jennifer bursts in to yell at Walky (she would still have a key to that dorm room, right?) and catches them mid-clothes off. Embarrassment ensues, followed by Walky blurting out something that jeopardizes their relationship, Starfire posters smiles as Lucy cries alone in her room… Scene?
“she would still have a key to that dorm room, right?”
It’s her room, too.
I feel like the “I love you” thing has to come up in connection to the sex… I’d guess before, which might prevent a Slipshine. Max drama would probably be “during,” but Slipshines aren’t generally that plot important.
“And when you’re GOT–you’re GOT!” Smokey to Jerry Reed (in a PSA for Tennessee Tourism; Smokey was writing Reed a speeding ticket)
I’m no Bible scholar but I don’t think I remember learning about the Third Date Commandment.
“Blessed are the horny, for they will wait until the third date.”
“Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out!”
Not one Not two Not four Not five Three dates!
Soooo good!
Jesus says it’s ok because they are in love with each other.
Hmmm not sure if this is going to be a horrible idea or not. Maybe Lucy will be less tense afterwards? But this is chemistry, right? Not just near-fatal awkward horniness with a hefty dose of caring way too much about what other people think? At least make sure to use effective birth control!
While it’s still legal in Indiana!
Some of these Lucy/Walky strips are reminding me a lot of the old continuity Joyce/Walky dynamic, specifically ones where Lucy’s Christianity comes up.
I thought starting with DoA first would make me less susceptible to my urge to compare things to decades-old-stuff that present-day continuity isn’t beholden to but nope, guess not
The Bible says be fruitful and multiply which I assume means they need to start planting fruit trees.
They shall also require a calculator (though in the modern age those are largely scams as the tech hasn’t been updated but the price keeps going up due to Texas Instruments having a near monopoly. Just use WolframAlpha).
It comes from the Bible they need to use an 🧮 abacus.
You called?
Every smart phone has a calculator as an installed app these days, and you can download a free scientific calculator or one that uses RPN for long chain calculations.
Jesus was a way cool dude
Beat me to it.
That avatar is right out. **shiver**
You’re welcome.
Reddit post for today: https://www.reddit.com/r/dumbingofage/comments/11udwwa/dumbing_of_age_headcannon_back_in_their_senior/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
This is going to go one of two ways:
1) Walky realizes this is wrong so they don’t
2) New Slipshine content.
Of course, Jennifer could walk in on them as well, but who the fuck knows.
That doesn’t exactly rule out option 2…
And then Asher walks in and compliments Walky’s technique, which gets Billie feeling competitive, and then one things leads to another and well, a couple Roz finds herself wondering how she got roped into this as a referee.
It could happen.
“one things” great job Skwisgaar.
…
One things, I don’ts know whys, it doesn’ts evens matters how hards I tries
That morphed into Smeagol at the end and it’s doing very weird things to the version of In The End that’s playing in my head right now.
Well thanks for that mental image! …mental song! … Well, mental song fragments! I am bad at remembering music.
I see you met Selkie already ( https://selkiecomic.com/ ).
I feel like Lucy has overthought this weird third date rule enough that it’s become a kink
They’ll praise G-Zuz, The G-Man, so hard they’ll only do it Missionary.
Jee-Wizz. Jeezy. Big J.
Jeezy in the heezy, the Lamb with the jam
Jesus WAS a cool guy and IS a good guy. You can be a cool guy in the past AND Present.
Being dead doesn’t change that.
R. I. P. Lance Reddick, past and current cool guy
well, at least there’s an attraction/hopefully walky isn’t rushing into things because even if he had conflicting feelings before it would def not reflect well on him if they broke up after hooking up though i’m sure that happens a lot with teens/college students their age
I’m concerned that he’s going to go through with it based on his fear of disapointing her, and the idea Dorothy put in his head that he can just coast until his feelings “come in” so to speak. This is totally the wrong direction he should be going in, he’s aware of it, but he’s going to feel more and more trapped into this. Or he’s going to snap and end things disastrously, and in such a way that Lucy ends up becoming part of Raidah’s little entourage.
Yeah it says you can have sex after the 2nd date right here in the Bible.
“That says Bibble”
You dare question the mighty JIMMY!?
The Jesus of suburbia!
I don’t feel the hi-jinks will ensue during the double date
But why do I smell… laundry
Hijinks must ensue. Joel said so.
I don’t know about Jesus, but it looks like SOMEONE is risen…
It’s in the Bible, don’t ya know.
Mark 6:49-50 – “Thou canst doeth it in its totality prior to thine third courtship, so long ast thou maketh ample use of ye lubricatives based in water, and also thine balls toucheth not.”
If anyone can read this in a Canadian accent I highly recommend it.
Specifically, a South Park Canadian accent.
“Thou canst doeth it in its totality, buddy, prior to the thine third courtship at Tim Horton’s, *hehe*, so long ast thou maketh ample use of ye lubricatives based in Clearly Canadian, friend, and also thine balls toucheth not, eh?”
“Thou shalt wear socks, for then it shall remain chaste.”
Good good. Give in to your lust
So Lucy’s plan is for two out of their first three dates to have other people involved?
Quibbles. The point is, they count as dates
I think it’s moreso she’s implying that because it’s a “double” date, it counts as two dates, and therefore immediately rockets them to had having three from one (vs. having two actual separate dates with another couple.)
Even if Walky and Lucy don’t work out, I hope Lucy ends up with someone who makes her happy
Someone refresh me, have these two even kissed? Most I remember is like, hand holding and cuddling, maybe.
“Your mom wouldn’t kiss me until our third date. It made the sex on the first two dates very impersonal.”
Looking through the archives, they have not kissed.
It does not inspire confidence in this relationship for Lucy to be super horny, have no experience with men, put a lot of emphasis on having sex under a specific set of circumstances, both mistakenly believe that Walky loves her and (probably mistakenly) believes she loves Walky, while not being able and/or willing to initiate a kiss.
I wonder if all of this is going to add up to being a foil to the situation with Joe/Joyce, in the sense that if Lucy and Walky have sex, she’s very obsessive about it, but Walky feels disappointed in it, if it will be a sort of “post nut clarity” for Walky that makes him acknowledge “I’m just really not that into this relationship.” Lucy seems to get more head over heels, where Walky has dealt with his reservations by becoming more casual about it (and I think for him, being “easy-going” in any situation is his comfort zone – “whatever you say!”) So with Joe/Joyce, there’s the element of prolonged anticipation” whereas with Lucy/Walky you might have “too much too soon.”
OK, I’m going to show my age or my upbringing or whatever, but when did it become a carved-in-stone, unassailable (and for all I know, legally enforceable in a court of law) obligation that the third date mean the girl was gonna give it up and the guy was gonna get laid?
It’s not all that. It’s just a concept that is adjacent to the “you shouldn’t sleep with someone on the first date or you’re a hussy” thought
It’s not right, but that’s the playbook she’s reading from.
they had a conversation about it and she suggested the third date after walky made a joke about jesus saying it has to be the 4th or 5th
whether she’s going off of the societal trend or some kind of personal boundary hasn’t been established but it’s clear they’re not very good at being on a page
It’s not THE rule, it’s Lucy’s rule for herself. It’s possible she heard it from someone else but no one else in this comic has ever followed this rule.
The rule isn’t ‘third date means sex’ so much as ‘not before the third date’. So as of third date, sex is potentially on the table.
It’s mostly to discourage sex “too early” for certain, usually misogynistic, mindsets.
The first actual reference I know of is Howard and Bernadette’s third date, on The Big Bang Theory and they didn’t actually apply it then. But I recall that someone found a previous citation.
I think that, if Walky and Lucy apply it here, you’ve got the genders reversed.
The part where I hope is you’re showing your age, because I want this to change: the idea that, when having sex together, the woman is giving something up or losing, and the guy is getting laid or gaining something or winning. Hopefully they both want to get their sexy on, and they both feel like it’s a win to get to have sex with each other.
Exactly. A gift that partners give each other.
The 80s or something?
For Lucy it’s just a compromise between “I’m Christian so no sex before marriage” and “I want to jump this man’s bones right now and not stop until we are both semi conscious and dehydrated.”
You win today’s imaginary upvote (the DoA equivalent of a NoPrize).
And if you’re old enough to recognise that, don’t forget your compression socks tonight.
Why is it still a question of the girl “giving” and the guy “getting”? Are we still not beyond such sexism?
Hoo boy, this escalated quickly. Er, will escalate quickly.
Jesus is just alright with meeee
Jesus is just alright, ooooh yeah
Jesus is just alright with meeee
Jesus is just alrighttttt!
Dooby, Dooby, Dooby! (Throws Horns)
Lucy’s methodical building up to suggesting this was ADORABLE
She’s a smart kid.
Smart and horny.
So horny that the first time Walky touches any of her sexy bits, she is going to explode.
“praise Jesus, presently” is probably the funniest thing I’ve read this week
Oh, Lucy?? Ok, I’m surprised now, never wonder she would be so upfront.
so I take it Lucy isn’t the kind of Christian who thinks premarital sex is terrible? Don’t get me wrong, I know plenty of Christians who have premarital sex, but in my experience they’re not the “at church every Sunday” type, which Lucy is
Lucy seems about a 5 out of 10, religious-wise. She’s serious about it, but with a focus on “doing good” foremost, no sign of distaste towards non-Christians, and treating the strict rules with the level of lip service that she wants to give Walky’s Chalupa right now.
(look, taco bell doesn’t have a lot of phallic food, alright?)
…They have burritos.
Allegedly.
And literally like 5 different takes on a burrito at any given time
Enchirito
Quesarito
Cheesy Roll-Up
Smothered Burrito
5-Layer Burrito
Burrito Supreme
Power Burrito
Loaded Potato Griller
Beefy Nacho Loaded Griller
Chipotle Chicken Loaded Griller
Dammit Wraith, use your creativity. There are plenty of Taco Bell related puns to talk about Walky’s schlong.
Unless Wraith has seen the slipshine (and eaten enough Taco Bell), I don’t think they can accurately choose the proper phallic shaped Taco Bell euphemism.
Does Walky have a Cheesy Roll-Up, a Loaded Potato Griller, or a Burrito Supreme?
This is important information needed to make the most out of the joke.
I’ve only seen the one menu Item, and the image from the first Pornographique is not as thick as the Burrito Supreme, but longer and thicker than a standard burrito. The one that was $0.50 when I was riding from Dallas to Sherman back in the Oughties, that 4 was enough calories to not lose any weight on the 60 mile ride.
That’s probably why I like her so well, despite her having a level of general enthusiasm that I can find off-putting.
She seems to be the “live Christlike” kinda christian but, actually Christlike. Be kind, don’t judge, live healthy
Fortunately, the laptop is on Lucyna’s thighs not Walky’s
You have a “Lucyna” in your contacts??
A few of those have been sighted in Poland.
I’m usually one for being supportive about a couple thinking about getting intimate. But I’m on the fence, are the emotions in the right place? I would atleast say maybe make sure your both on the same page.
I think everyone on the first time is a little nervous about initiating and a partner who is more experienced might be nervous about coming on too strong for the rookie.
Add in to this that your bodies are just stoked to fuck and you get some aloud bartering with yourselves
Nah they meant re: the “i love you” situation.
Hmm
The experience goes better when both people are at least aware of which page the other person is on.
poor babies. But worst case, consensual, good sex is a pretty good way to rip a bandaid off. y’know, stacked up against all the other ways to rip a bandaid off.
not the best way, i ges.
no dont make them cute i dont want to ship it lmao
I feel like Lucy is going to be very indecisive about this for a while, so now I’m comparing this in my head to Liz and Joe and how when Liz expressed doubt Joe immediately accepted her no and was chill about it.
There are many differences in these situations, but there are similarities too.
Walky has experience Hailing Jesus (https://www.dumbingofage.com/2015/comic/book-5/02-threes-a-crowd/hail/) so the J man would be cool with whatever these two do.
“Dear god please bless this banging that we are about to do. Amen”
Expressed a little more delicately, that prayer is actually advised by some Christian marriage counselors. Rather similar to saying grace before a meal. And I can’t fault it.
I looked through the archives to see if Walky and Lucy had kissed before, and they have not (unless it’s in some Patreon strip).
The stroll through the archives did let me think of 2 other things, though.
1. It reminded me that Lucy is super horny and she has repeatedly tried to increase the number of outings that count as a third date (without actually inviting Walky on dates to achieve said date), independently of thinking Walky confessed his love to her.
2. It made me realize that Lucy is not as sweet as she comes off (note I said she’s not AS sweet, not that she isn’t sweet or is secretly a Mean Girl).
Regarding #2, Lucy is concerned about being popular as evidenced by wanting to hang out with the “popular” people and being so bothered about Jennifer being the new queen bee on her floor that she went to Jennifer’s previous floor to find out how to deal with her popularity or get her to join in on her previously popular movie parties.
She also, after talking to Joyce for half a minute, later described her to Walky as a bisexual version of herself.
She cares about appearance, which most everyone does, but she also thinks about social situations in analytical ways, as evidenced by her wanting Walky to dress nicely for his newspaper interview both as to make a good impression, but also as a power move against Joyce (she also said she “underestimated” Joyce when they skipped class with Liz and Sarah).
Now, there’s nothing wrong with any of that, but not everyone thinks like that, and it doesn’t exactly jive with the super nice personality she gives off; I don’t think she’s hiding her true self in a machevellian (sp) way, but I do think she has aspects of her personality that get lost in the sauce, and that they actually add nuance and depth to her character.
Niccolò Machiavelli
(not sure why ch, I’d expect cch)
not sure what your understanding of italian is, but “ch” is pronounced “k” in italian. the extra c in words like “gnocchi” is a redoubling of the “k”consonant (phonetically this translates to adding that consonant to the end of the preceding syllable, and shortening the preceding vowel; e.g. “sechi” (“you dry”) /’se:ki/; “secchi” (buckets) /’sek.ki/)
Or do you do know italian and is there a reason you thought it was written with cch? maybe cuz that way it looks like his name has something to do with “macchia” i.e. “stain” ^^
…correction, the vowel is only shortened if it was accented (so lengthened). a non-accented vowel just stays the same length. sorry. i realize probably no one cares but *points to self* nerd (duh)
I appreciate this deep dive, good insights!
Seconded.
I’m concerned that he’s going to go through with it based on his fear of disapointing her, and the idea Dorothy put in his head that he can just coast until his feelings “come in” so to speak. This is totally the wrong direction he should be going in, he’s aware of it, but he’s going to feel more and more trapped into this. Or he’s going to snap and end things disastrously, and in such a way that Lucy ends up becoming part of Raidah’s little entourage.
Yeah I’ve been noticing that Dorothy has been giving out a lot of bad love advice lately.
If things do end on a sour note (hopefully no TOO sour) I don’t see him doing it a way where he makes her depart from the current group of friends they’re apart of since he it hasn’t been that way with his other exes. Also Raidah only really goes after the people she deems Influential, not to knock on Lucy but….
she does have two different games going on; there’s the gather “influential” people one, but also the destroy Sarah’s life any way possible. Its possible she’ll use Jennifer to gather intel through Lucy
Does Lucy know about his childhood acting job? (I’m being vague cause I don’t remember the name of the Bible show)
Without looking it up… Hymmal the Humming Hymnal?
And did I dream something where Willis said it was based on a real thing, and a normie like me had no idea? Could it be real?
1) Yes, I believe you got Hymmel the Humming Hymnal correct.
2) You did not dream that up! Hymmel’s real life counterpart is called Psalty the Singing Songbook. He is frequently absolutely terrifying looking in a way I don’t think even Hymmel fully captures. For a first look at Psalty, I recommend checking out the specific entry in the (oddly voluminous) series that Willis was parodying the hardest: Kids Praise 4: Singsational Servants. Willis’ parody included Chastity Churchmouse, and Kids Praise 4 features Charity Churchmouse, a horrifying fusion of grown woman and mouse who just wants a singing career, but instead is pushed into giving up on her dreams and becoming a churchmouse choir director through continuous shaming about her relatively harmless ambitions.
I HIGHLY recommend a watch. It’s easily found in its entirety on Youtube.
You’re about three weeks early, Walky.
If you enjoy Psalty, another fun entry in the genre of ‘horrible Christian children’s entertainment featuring foam costumes’ is Colby the Christian Robot. If I remember correctly, he’s a computer that gained sentience (possibly through a lightning strike??) and found Jesus, and he runs a very cool 1950’s-meets-the-1980’s soda fountain with jukebox meets the hangout from Saved By the Bell kind of place that the young Christian children like to hang out in. He may have only run it in one entry in the series- I’m not certain.
Buuuut, I’m fairly confident Colby and Psalty do a crossover episode together at some point! So that’s fun!
Dang it, this was supposed to be a reply to my own reply to MK15. Shucks.
Lucy… there’s no *requirement* to wait for the third date. If you both feel like sex on the first or second date, you can go for it
Oh, that’s what she was getting at, because it didn’t seem like they had sex yet. What a weird dating “rule.” Thank you for being a bit sharper than me today.
Is Jennifer going to return to her dorm room, to find one of Walky’s socks of the doorknob?
This is absolutely 100% the backdoor to Jesus from Shortpacked! showing up in Dumbing of Age. Willis has been building up to this moment for over a decade and I am HERE for it.
Probably not going to happen. The summoning of the dead in Shortpacked! was carried out by a tyrannical toy-store owner with special powers. It’s not clear that a tyrannical pizza (and subs) restaurant owner has the appropriate powers.
He found the machine left behind by the Martians, as I recall, or got access to it some other way.
Does Lucy know that Walky probably doesn’t believe that Jesus exists presently? I feel like she doesn’t, and that’s one of many differences between them that could complicate their relationship, especially if they do the sex soon.
She invited him to church and he didn’t go, so I assume she understands he’s not a believer HOWEVER I remember being a college freshman who still believed in God and I definitely was in denial of how atheist my friends really were at the time. like there are pretty obvious context clues for Lucy to pick up on but also she’s…. Lucy. Bless her heart.
Jennifer will interrupt them in the most annoying way possible.
“We should probably get that out of the way now.”
“Very reasonable.”
It sometimes works.
I once “got it out of the way” when a girlfriend flew into town, to kill the awkwardness. It worked, honestly.
The relationship was still a disaster, but not due to that.
what could POSSIBLY go wrong ???
They should just walk to the closest vending machine, buy a candy bar, eat it Lady and the Tramp style. 3rd date, done.
They probably don’t have completely symmetrical feelings for each other, but honestly I think that’s ok. People are made of dirt and water and you don’t need to expect everything to fit into perfect boxes. Lucy has been carrying around a powerful itch for Walky for a long time, wherever their relationship ends up going I can’t help but feel like she deserves to scratch that itch at least once.
wait is the alt text a pun on that evangelical campaign? i love it
European bein’ here. What campaign would that be?
The “He gets Us” commercials during the Superb Owl.