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(he/him)
New game! BOLTED 
“just don’t get me started on FULLER House”
Malaya may be a terrible roommate, but they don’t kinkshame.
Also, note that Danny didn’t say it *wasn’t* a kink thing.
I like to imagine after she said that he started rethinking his whole relationship.
“Y’know, she did moan pretty hard when I mentioned the itinerary I wrote for our date.”
“and her breath did become a lot faster when i pulled out sandwiches in ziploc bags.”
To be fair, most people don’t know how to respond to Malaya.
The answer, for people who are either judgy wankers or high conflict people, is: you don’t. To that, Danny has Dan’d his way through
managinginteracting with Malaya brilliantly.Task Failed Successfully?????
I mean, he is long-time friends with Joe, neither would surprise me…
Fascinating. Malaya’s whole worldview about Sal is that because she tries to be edgy and interesting, she’s actually very pedestrian.
Whereas Danny is more Excessively Vanilla than the ending of TMNT 2, so in Malaya’s eyes he MUST be some sort of total freak show.
Also, how are today’s kids even aware of Full House? I know there was a sequel on Netflix, but I’m positive nobody under the age of 35 ever watched it.
I mean, he did fuck a superheroine while suspended in mid-air, so he’s pretty wild. It’s just not the kind of thing he’s going to brag about.
(Well, too much, he did tell Dorothy.)
I’d love to get Malaya’s take on that.
Danny: “Actually, I made love to a vigilante while dangling from a building.”
Malaya: “*YAWN*, Boring me now.”
Danny: “Then we snuggled and talked about our feelings.”
Malaya: “You SICK FREAK, get out of here before I call the cops!”
My preteen niece and nephew were telling me how good Fuller House is and showed me the beginning of a godawful episode while laughing uproariously.
If memory serves, he also told Joe in front of Sal, which was hilarious and probably contributed to Joe’s identity crisis.
I didn’t watch full house and Fuller house sounded like reality show about redesigning cohabitation family homes and I can’t stand either genre.
As an under 30, Nick-at-Nite (sic).
For the under 20s… memes?
It only stopped airing on Nick less than two years ago, it’ll be a long time before the timeline slides far enough that it can stop being used as an excuse on that one.
Full House got a *lot* of reruns on like, ABC family back when that was still a thing, and also generally is just one of the most milquetoast sitcoms ever, so it benefits from Lowest Common Denominator programming tactics
Malaya might have secretly been a Nickelodeon kid. Full House was on Nick at Night for a long long time.
She’s also a huge fan of Hey Arnold, Helga Pataki is her role model and she post fanarts of Helga and Arnold on Instagram that are very appreciated by the Shortaki community and received direct praise by Craig Bartlett.
who knows, maybe she’s projecting because she had ‘fakey’ exes before lol
There’s also just enough slideyness that a kid could’ve been really into, or had a sibling really into, the whole Mary Kate & Ashley Cinematic Universe.
Mary Kate and Ashley Cinematic Universe is a phrase I never thought I’d read.
It had a lot of reruns on early Nick at night before Friends eventually replaced it. So a lot of people in their 20s are aware of and even grew up with Full House. I’m 24 and remember watching it when I was 8.
Full House aired on Nick @ Nite for years when I was a kid in the 00s so anyone under 35 who stayed up past bedtime would know.
The same way 80s kids know about Get Smart and Gilligan’s Island and I Dream of Jeannie and a dozen other 60s shows.
Ah, I think I just found my generation.
I’m 25 and my little sister is 22. We were obsessed with all things Mary-Kate and Ashley when we were little. I got excited for Fuller House cause of nostalgia.
Full House? I would respond “Was Malaya even born,, was Willis, when not-olds used Father Knows Best or Leave it to Beaver in a situation like this?”
(I may have to update my media references. A few days with the DuMont Network should do it.)
Full House was always the ‘nick is over, it’s time to go to bed’ signal. It’s still airing, I think
You made another funny!
– Master Splinter
I watched reruns on nick at nite as a kid so they’d be old enough to catch them too
Also watched the first season of Fuller house mostly bc Stephanie’s actress got weirdly super hot
Also also when people reference things like this so much you just sorta absorb the knowledge. I’m too young to have ever seen an episode of Brady bunch but i can still make jokes about it
Hot take: TMNT 2 as at most mildly Vanilla, nowhere near the Vanilla levels of an entire feature film starring him
Well Pop Culture has not yet allowed anyone to forget absolutely anything from the eighties, so even if you never watched these shows you pick stuff up by osmosis
I salute your reference to TMNT 2.
I’m gonna be honest, the only thing I think of when I hear a reference to “Full House” is all the running gags Neil Cicierega got out of the theme song on his mashup albums.
i love how consistently you bring up Neil Cicierega ^^
(who i didn’t know btw and looked up after one of your comments, very cool and whacky thanks!)
Jegus, that’s a name I’ve not heard in quite a long time. Didn’t even know he was still active until I just looked. Almost makes me wanna put on When Robots Attack or Geeks in Love
Check out Spirit phone. The whole album is a banger
The jumpscare Full House theme at the end of WNDRWLL
Full House references? They’re everywhere you look.
Houses, to begin with
everywhere you go
It kinda makes me sad to think of what made Malaya think any expression of genuine care is more than likely just faked.
To me Malaya here comes less of a culture and trajectory of lack of affection and more of a culture of irony and cynicism, like old-school 4chan, Something Awful or whatever. (The two are not mutually exclusive, though.)
Yeeeeeeeeahhhhhh that’s pretty much the only way this’ll make sense to Malaya.
This may be the best Malaya strip yet for sheer “I have no idea how you’ve constructed this thought process to reach THIS conclusion, but WOW.”
I legitimately don’t understand why Malaya seems to think that everything anyone else does must have some weird and/or twisted ulterior motive. Maybe it’s because I’m autistic and I tend to take what people say and do at face value, I don’t know.
It’s probably just projection tbh.
Malaya flexing their top-notch non sequitur game
To be honest I always thought of Danny as an extra from “That 70s show” since he always came off as a cartoon version of Eric Forman.
Eric was always my favorite character. He had the best comebacks/one-liners.
Tangentally related, if you haven’t watched That 90s Show, it was a delight. They got the vibe just right, so it feels fresh while still hitting the nostalgia buttons. A very sufficient sequel series
Thank you for bringing this to my attention – I had not even heard of it, but will now look it up.
Danny’s too pure a good boy for Malaya to even understand.
And to even understand Malaya.
Everywhere you look, there’s a kink to shame ♪
It’s nice of Malaya to not kinkshame them.
Thanks, Malaya.
Thalaya.
Write that down in your copybook, now.
the thrilling sequel to financial dedication to staged sexual normcore (https://www.dumbingofage.com/2020/comic/book-10/02-to-remind-you-of-my-love/scandalous/)
B’Jennifer’s greatest sin was robbing us of this trio and their beautiful delusions.
* excellent callback *
God, some of the reactions to this page are weird.
Strip: builds up to punchline about non-kinky kinks
Comments: These girls are weird and creepy
Dumbing of Age, Book 13: It’s Some Sick Shit You Two’re Into, Danners, But I Respect It.
illustration: malaya raising eyebrow at Danny and Sal being cutesie babies
I’m assuming Full House is another sitcom I’ve never heard of, like Scrubs
….What other sitcoms do you know of besides those two well known ones you just mentioned?
Life with Elizabeth, The Danny Thomas Show, The Donna Reed Show, Father Knows Best, My Three Sons… Geeze, it was so long ago I’m having trouble remembering them.
Leave it to Bevus and Buthead, or something like that.
Except Buthead was called Eddie Haskel or something for some reason.. There was also I Love Mrs. Ricardo, The Barny Fife show, and A Racist Comedy About Two Men in Blackface.
Okay, now I really want to see that.
I generally don’t watch television and I especially abhor laugh tracks, so there’s not a lot of sitcoms I watched. The Simpsons is one of them.
I’m aware of the existence of Seinfeld and uhhhh…Friends? but never watched them
I recently learned that if you watch M*A*S*H on DVD, there’s an option to turn the laugh track off. It improves the show tremendously.
I wish it were a selectable option on all shows. With system defaults you could set.
You can also live in the UK, where M*A*S*H never had a laugh track in the first place! Neither did Scrubs, although I don’t know if that was UK-specific. (Maybe something for Derek to look into?)
Scrubs didn’t have a laugh track in US broadcasts, except for one episode, “My Life in Four Cameras”, where JD imagined his life as a sitcom.
Not watching them is normal but how have you never heard of them? People reference them all the time
Like all of Bojack horseman is a running full house reference with horsin around
Um, if someone “generally doesn’t watch television”, the chances are they’re probably going to miss all the references to TV shows they don’t watch in other TV shows they don’t watch…
I mean people will mention things like “Ross fucking sucks” and I’ll go for years without knowing what they’re talking about. So yeah it’s entirely possible I’ve heard of characters or situations from them, but never knew what it was about.
I hope that’s the only time I ever hear full house likened to Scrubs.
I think to list them you have to have heard of them at least once by now, right? ;P
Yup, from this comic :p
It is one of the many sitcoms I don’t know because unlike others here, I am too old to have watched them.
Right? I heard of it, but I never saw it.
I have never been too old to watch anything in my entire life, but I think I was too living-in-a-country-where-it-was-never-broadcast for Full House.
My understanding is its more or less happy family porn.
I mean this in the vein of food porn not porn.
I used to watch it but I don’t remember much.
The thing to understand about Malaya is that:
1) They are insecure
2) They are confident
These flip back and forth on each other when met with sincerity and the result is all of their behavior
And yes, I am a fan
Huh, that makes a lot of sense
perfect encapsulation. *malaya appreciation fist bump*
Listen we all have different fetishes. Don’t judge me when I play canned audience reactions while me and Sal make love.
I know no one involved here can get deflowered, but I’m pretty sure it’s going to happen somehow anyway.
Delicious pun. ::chef’s kiss::
What the hell is Malayas major malfunction and what is up with her obsession with fake?
I’m not sure how they decide what’s fake or not, or why “fakey” instead of “phony”. But I guess it comes from not being sure how to behave, and watching how other people behaved, and figuring that performing a public persona is fake instead of expressive.
I figured it was from being various degrees of asexual/aromantic/agender, but not yet really realizing they were different from anyone else in that way. Malaya doesn’t realy feel those things, so if they expressed them they would be faking, so when *other* people express those kinds of feelings *they* must be faking. Or, if they aren’t faking, then it must be a weird fetish thing specific to them.
I wonder if Malaya is kind of mirror universe Jennifer.
Hear me out: Jennifer will be whoever her target group wants her to be to be accepted and liked because she feels that’s the only anyone with like her.
I wonder if Malaya either used to have Jennifer ‘s level of identity issues or if they were brought by people with that level of concern about appearances? So now they see someone with a distinct image that’s appealing to others in a mainstream way and assume it’s fake.
I’m guessing they’re fine with Carla because Carla is unapologetically herself. I’m guessing they’d also be fine with Walky because he to a large extent wears being a hot mess on his sleeve. And current Ethan they’d be fine with because he’s too obviously miserable to be faking anything.
Honestly I think that gives Malaya too much credit. She’s happy to make fun of genuine stuff that contradicts those images too. I think they’re just a contrarian asshole and if they don’t like you there isn’t much you can do about it. Just, y’know, an entertaining version of that, which is why I adore her.
I’m going to call an X To Doubt on Malaya not pegging current Ethan as a performative emo kid
Read a lot of JD Salinger
Danny might be a catch. I don’t know many guys who will do your laundry unprompted just because you seem overwhelmed that day, or who will drop off flowers just as a surprise. Sure DoA has your 6ft plus muscle heads with great asses and a decent sex game, or your caramel crafted, emotionally stunted and yet supportive, snarky man children with just the hint of feminine vulnerability that makes them hot now, or your generic brand quasi-bisexual sexy man that you can’t trust, complete with default smoking addiction and a motorcycle mount, but uh….actually I don’t really know the point I was trying to make anymore.
I mean, Danny has the same bisexual appeal Walky does, he’s just the wholesome porcelain twink nerd to Walky’s snarky caramel brat dweeb.
Also Danny is out and bi, as opposed to just giving off hella signals! Or he’s out to Joe anyway. That counts, right?
Joe, Dorothy, Ethan–does it not count until he explicitly tells everyone he meets?
And, uh, Walky?
“does it not count until he explicitly tells everyone he meets”
That’s Becky’s approach, at least.
That’s why Dorothy had to break up with him. She had to make her most magnanimous gift to the world. She knew Danny was a catch and more women must experience him so she gave him up because she knew she couldn’t hord him to herself.
Danny, Dorothy’s gift to the world…….
This is the nicest I’ve seen Malaya in a while.
I think Danny fits in that same category of people like Lucy, and Joyce, where they are so genuinely nice that Malaya has nothing to feed off of, so interactions with her are rather okay.
Lucy? Malaya’s roommate Lucy? That she couldn’t stand to the point she transferred rooms?
Yeah, and it was because Lucy was too nice and cheerful. All of Malaya’s criticism bounced off her like she was rubber and it drove Malaya crazy. She doesn’t know how to handle these types. Much like Sal doesn’t know how to handle her.
Assuming there was minimal dialogue beneath the cut, Malaya put a transfer request in literally as soon as she met Lucy. There was no time for her to be shitty and have it bounce off Lucy.
That transfer request didn’t go through right away. That was the joke of that strip. She had to live with Lucy for months.
So, how long before she propositions him for sex, on the off chance Sal DOES like him?
I can’t imagine Malaya doing that with genuine intent, given that their relationship with Marcie is one of the few things they genuinely kind of like maybe.
On the other hand, Malaya would totally proposition him in front of Sal to get a rise out of her, bonus points if it makes Sal seem fakey.
HOW THAT WOULD GO:
Malaya: Oh hey, I see you and the BOYFRIEND are hanging out, Sal.
Sal: *flustered* I-I mean, we ain’t officially—That is—
Malaya: Oh. Okay. Hey Danners, can I suck your dick?
Danny: O_O
Sal: I’LL FUCKIN’ KILL YOU IF YOU TRY, EUGENIO D:<
Danny: P-please don’t! Either of you!! D:
Malaya (genuinely puzzled) oh, you don’t want either of us to suck your dick?
Danny: i— it’s— i didn’t say— i meant— (becomes blushing puddle)
Then Sal and Malaya look at each other for a moment, give The Nod, and begin their good works as a fully-functioning and perfectly synchronised team. But only for a couple of hours, then everything goes back to normal.
Eventually Malaya gets fed up with Sal thinking Sal is better than her, and it gets competitive, and Danny ends up walking funny for the next day or so but he won’t tell Joe why
This is canon.
We were all thinking it. Malaya flat-out said it.
Malaya, when someone has sick fantasies out of Full House they usually involve John Stamos, the Olsen twins, or both.
The Olsen twins are like 36 now, which makes the sick fantasies legal now, at least.
Or wait, I really hope you don’t mean “as they were on the show”, because if that’s what you meant then AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA[it goes on like this for some time]
Malaya will not be party to any wholesome romantic gestures.
“Wholesome romantic gestures are a fakey concept done by fakey people. They’re fake twice.”
—Malaya, undoubtedly
So it cancels out.
I love what a hard time Malay have to get a grip of Danny
…hot?
I think that’s what Malaya tries to figure out
When the Venn diagram of romance concepts has no overlap at all.
i mean, calling heteronormative courtship scripts a freakish kink is fairly based tho
I’m so fucking angry at Danny for doing this.
For taking Sal flowers? I don’t understand.
He’s hidden a bomb in the flowers, you fools!
Nonono, the bomb is more of a fourth date thing.
He just figured out which flowers Sal is allergic to, and deliberatedly engineered a batch in a couple of days at most.
no one is asking the important question here, which is, why are the flowers on the ground? it’s not a big pot, it can’t be very heavy. he’s not carrying anything else. he just put it on the floor to the side of the door SOLELY so they wouldn’t be in frame yesterday and ruin this setup. is…is danny becoming aware of the medium? has his consciousness expanded into the meta of the comic itself?
Maybe as suprise for Sal if she answer the door but still flowers behind back have more sense
Sal is uncomfortable being given things directly.
My guess is his plan was to leave them outside her door.
What’s the over/under on Malaya keeping the flowers?
My guess is only if she denies her choice in boyfriends.
I might be giving her too much credit.
That would track.
Aaaaand Sal walks around the corner
“great, now I feel back for shit talking him” — Malaya, probably
Side note, Malaya looks a lot less curvy now than in prior comics. Don’t know if Malaya is going trans or is just binding, but considering her body issues, this is a good sign. Also, this isn’t the first time Malaya has seen Sal with flowers. I bet even Malaya will connect the dots.
Malaya’s pronouns, by own admission, are she/they/whatever, and she also said to trascend gender and mentioned binding through all november to Joyce (when Joyce was introducing Booster around)
I mean they have literally 0 boobs in this comic so I’m pretty damn sure they’re binding. It’s a good look for them too
Malaya always accuses people of being fakey. But Danny is so genuine that even she can’t do that, so she has to tone it down to an ask. And Danny is so genuine that the mere question confuses him.
These two are so antithetical that instead of exploding like TNT, they’re noble gasses – they say “hi” to each other when they cross paths, but they don’t actually react.
A sweet gesture, but Danny should tread lightly in having unexpected gifts show up in Sal’s space. Without giving her the right to accept/deny gifts, it can come off as a form of control.
I’m sorry what? Are surprise gifts off the table now? I 100% doubt Sal would ever think Danny of all people would try to assert control over her. Coming from him she’d probably see it as sweet and corny most likely.
It’s a known sore spot for Sal, because any kindness she received until recently came with strings attached. It’s one of the tactics Linda uses to abuse her.
This came up when he gave her the bicycle, and the first time he got her flowers.
See this strip and the few that follow it:
https://www.dumbingofage.com/2021/comic/book-11/05-as-long-as-its-free/ammunition/
Ehhh, I think Sal is gonna give him a pass on this because like, the rest of that arc was partly about her reconciling the old wounds with the fact that Danny really is a good guy and doesn’t want anything from her she’s not willing to give. Plus, he knows she likes the flowers, because she kept them the last time and they made her happy. I think OP is reaching pretty far with this one.
Exactly!
If someone essentially stated they have issues receiving gifts, then surprise gifts can go very very poorly. I’ll agree that ‘control’ was too harsh of a word.
Admittingly though, I did forget about this strip. https://www.dumbingofage.com/2022/comic/book-13/01-bring-me-to-life-drawing/expectations-2/
For what it’s worth, Danny is one of my favorite characters in this comic.
Negative take there GW.
No. We’re not re-opening the “Danny’s gifts are manipulative and he’s using them as a form of control” thread again. Sal’s reactions to that effect were exaggerated, a front, not genuine aside from possibly testing him to make sure.
Well spoken! Now behave, commenters, or we shall have no choice but to mock you most bitingly.
Or bite you most mockingly. The Council hasn’t decided yet.
(Also the last time the Danny/Flowers/Manipulation thing came up, I personally got accused of abusing my girlfriend and using my autism as an excuse, based on literally nothing, so I’m also kinda just being sensitive.)
What… Being nice?
I’m surprised that Malaya is not trying to get Danny in her bed, just to spite Sal…I mean, to show her how fake, and arbitrary, “romance”, is. But mainly out of spite.
Jesus Christ just shut UP you soulless cretin and stop digging so damn hard into your roommates personal business
Oh. Oh no, it all makes sense now.
85% of Malaya’s personality revolves around bothering and confounding Sal, but just seducing Danny would be far too pedestrian. No, to truly put the screws on Sal, Malaya is just going to honestly like Danny. Maybe proclaim him the one non-“fakey” thing in her life.
I don’t know who is worse, Malaya or Jennifer.
Malaya does not compute romanticism
hee hee. See how funny the comment section is today? that’s Malaya <3
The nonsense categories she tries to fit people in with a straight face are just pure comedy.
And it's all pretty low stakes. Malaya just ad-libs a new box to make sense of Danny and moves on, and Danny's like "um ok" and no one gets hurt and we all have a wonderful day doodling smutty fanart of Malaya instead of wor– wait whaaaat who does that
Milu, are you secretly Marcie?
oh no, the only way to protect my secret identity now is to also simp for mysel— i mean for Marcie next time she’s on screen
oh well~
You know what? Yes.
Like, yeah, I’m on record as absolutely hating Malaya. But I’m also on record that, if a character says something to or about another character that simply doesn’t bother them, or anyone else, that’s probably fine, regardless of whether it sounds like something that should bother them, and possibly even regardless of whether it’s meant to bother them. (“Intent isn’t magic” maybe works both ways? I dunno.) Danny doesn’t appear to be bothered, therefore this is probably fine.
Who hurt you, Malaya
Like, shit, I’ve had fake people in my life to the point that I react badly to emotions just not everyone else’s emotions or their entire existence at all times forever
I’m more and more sure that Danny and Malaya will become friends for life. Seeing how Malaya usually behaves, this is like being really polite with him. I think the only one they treated better is Marcie.
Ah yes, the two genders as far as Malaya is concerned: Fakey and For Real.
(Whether they’d like to admit it or not) Malaya would still be nonbinary if those were the binary genders. Love it, lol
Malaya did have her “Am I fakey?” moment at one point.
This made me chuckle.
These two are fun together.
BIG agree. i look forward to more encoutners
I’m not even entirely able to distinguish the difference between “as Sal’s boyfriend, give her a nice gift hoping it would make her happy” and “as Sal’s boyfriend, roleplay a boyfriend who gives her a nice gift, because she’s into that.”
I think that’s sort of the point. The difference is not in the act, but in the framing, and Malaya chooses the framing that places no value on the context of affection encompassing the act. Malaya just doesn’t understand that shit.
I believe her meaning is the former you’ve listed, or a more general, “roleplay a romcom couple” as a kink/fetish kind of thing. With the flower gifting being a more blatant display of it.
“I mean, my last name isn’t Tanner as far as I’m aware…”
Does Danny have a canon middle name?
Douglas
“Have you held hands with each other? Don’t tell me, do what you want but I don’t need to hear all the gross details.”
I’m confused , which is the fakey, Full House or the kink?
( what’s odd about Malayas framing is it DOEs sort of align with how Sal reacted the last time he gave her flowers )
The fact that she thinks his behavior is odd says a lot more about her sexual habits than his.