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Hunter S Schafer @bolt451.bsky.social ⋅ 1d
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preternia @preternia.com ⋅ 1d
Hunter S Schafer @bolt451.bsky.social ⋅ 1d
Sophia_Nyx 
⚧️ @sophianyx.bsky.social ⋅ 2d
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Obsidian ⚧️ 
@onua-ryder.neocities.org ⋅ 3d
Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social ⋅ 4m
David M Willis! @damnyouwillis.bsky.social ⋅ 5d
Reuters Legal @legal.reuters.com ⋅ 3d
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New game! BOLTED 
Barb O. Saur 
I feel like there are three restaurants in Bloomington: Galasso’s, Taco Bell, and the Noodles & Company once
(and I guess wherever Team Snob went for brunch, I don’t know that chain)
Wasn’t there also McAwesome’s for sushi?
Yeah.
Incidentally this the best tagged webcomic I’ve ever read, it makes looking things up in the archive so easy.
GWS has good tags too, I just wish it had a random button.
Oh man, I miss that strip… but going back just now has served to inform me Danielle has a newer strip! https://www.elephant.town
Thank youuuuuuuu!
And where ever Walky gets chicken nuggets. I don’t think any of those places serves nuggets. He probably gets them at WcDonalds or something.
There’s a chik-fil-a in the food court
Probably McDonalds. I seem to remember him being very excited that he could get 50 mcnuggets at some point.
Isn’t that all you really need?
Hell, we could just have Taco Bell, and it would be all we need.
If you’re short on laxatives.
Why do earthlings keep saying that about Taco Bell?
It’s just a meme, from what I can tell. Possibly with racist undertones, but I might only think that because I’m from a rural area, where most things have those.
Possibly? I say really likely. This the USA and the cup runneth over. -_-
Here I was thinking it was as innocent as “spicy food makes some people poop”
Why do racists have to ruin everything?
“Racism is like the corn-syrup of American society. It’s in EVERYTHING.”
— Trevor Noahs
I assumed it was that spicy, high fibre, plausibly high fat (don’t think I’ve ever eaten there but a lot of fast food is) food would make a reasonably high percentage of people poop… But arbitrarily ruling out racism, given that it is Tex Mex food I think? Seems like a good way to allow systemic racism to continue to flow unchecked through the veins of society…
I’m betting a blend of racism, good memetic potential, and a small grain of truth given that most fast food gives you digestive distress, but people only make jokes about Mexican fast food doing so.
See also Chipotle.
YUUUUUUUUP. See also, MSG in Chinese Food being supposedly “toxic”, in actuality it’s everywhere and 5x less toxic than table salt.
I don’t *think* the “Taco Bell gives you diarrhea” meme is actually racist. As some have pointed out spicy food has that effect on some people, additionally IIRC Taco Bell has had a number of scandals over the years regarding the quality and freshness standards of their meat. I figure if enough people get food poisoning from a well known fast food chain that also happens to specialize in spicy foods having a meme about getting the runs from that fast food chain is inevitable. I’m not sure how that could be racist since I haven’t heard similar jokes about literally any other Mexican food establishment, I have heard some about Indian food, but that was definitely a reference to the spice levels.
I mean, if anything these jokes are about how white people can’t handle their capsaicin properly, which from what I hear is a pretty common stereotype amongst people from cultures that heavily feature spicy foods, like India and Korea. Granted, I’m a white guy who hasn’t left the US, so I’m pretty far from an expert regarding other cultures’ stereotypes regarding mine, so, grain of salt and all that.
What? I don’t think it’s a race thing. Maybe it’s a race thing if you live in a part of the country where it’s the only representation of “Mexican” food? But I live in Texas where Taco Bell is considered about as Mexican as Olive Garden, I love actual Mexican food, and I legitimately and empirically observe a correlation between Taco Bell and intestinal distress.
I was mildly amused to see so many playing the racism card. I think the last few strips must have people primed for it.
I haven’t been to southern IN in a while, but in central IN there are almost more Mexican restaurants than burger joints. And I don’t mean Chi Chi’s. Also a few Salvadoran, Honduran, and Peruvian.
The only cards I play are produced by Konami, and I don’t think Racism is a Yu-Gi-Oh! card.
Also the recent Supreme Court Decisions, also we’re nearing an election cycle.
Nobody I know is delusional enough to think Taco Bell is actually Mexican food. Not a single person. That doesn’t stop people from making racist remarks about Mexicans, for some reason.
Being snarky, I guess. There’s a real phenomenon in which a traveller’s gut microbiome is not adapted to the local food and said traveller gets a brief case of dysentery. See “Montezuma’s Revenge”. I’ve been told that emigres from India report getting this when they go back to visit, because their guts have adapted to their new home’s foods.
Oddly enough, when I asked Google for “Montezuma’s Revenge” the first hit was at the IU Student Health Service site.
USians tend to get this from actual Mexican food, so Taco Bell should be safe — there’s none of that there.
There are many subsets of Mexican food, Taco Bell is an example of Cali-Mex, the Mexican food from the SoCal area.
I only have gotten diarrhea from Del Taco, and that’s mostly because they use mayonnaise in….EVERYTHING. MAYONNAISE IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE IN MEXICAN FOOD FUCKIN FIGHT ME
But seriously, I don’t think it’s racism so much as it’s really bad Mexican food. Although I live near the border and am spoiled for choice, so I know what it’s supposed to taste like and Del Taco/Taco Bell ain’t it.
Of the Taco isn’t supposed to taste like Mexican, it’s supposed to taste like Of the Taco!
Just wait until we get to the future in Demolition Man, and they win the Franchise Wars.
Or, as I’ve recently learned, Pizza Hut may win, depending on how Bri’ish the viewer is.
They’re the same company. They’ve been the same company since 1978.
Sounds like somebody else’s problem.
Wait, in the US version of the movie it doesn’t say Pizza Hut? I never knew that. (Not British, but European.)
Nope, it says Taco Bell. I’m old enough to remember when it came out, and Taco Bell even ran commercials using the clip where Sandra Bullock tells Stallone that all restaurants are Taco Bell now.
When I bought my house, my realtor sent me a survey to fill out that they used to make a gift bag for me. It was super thoughtful of them, and they got really nice things for it.
“What’s your favorite restaurant?” “Don’t judge me, but Taco Bell”
The poor assistant called me and was like “Are you…are you sure?”
yes, julia. yes, I would rather have a giftcard to taco bell than almost any other restaurant. i am a simple man with simple needs.
Farm
We’d see the 24 hour diner, but that’s where Guns and Bloodrose hang out at 2 am.
Unfortunately also a Chick-fil-A kiosk on the school’s campus
I don’t count food courts as “restaurants”
(not to diss food courts, it’s just, you don’t have an isolated “this is the restaurant” area so much, if I’m making any sense, it’s like indoor food trucks)
Also Sweetgrass from the ill-fated Leslie and Mindy date. And which Google tells me might have changed names since that strip.
There’s also the sports bar Jennifer and Ruth went to that one time.
It’s a very memorable dining experience.
I was going to say I would totally go to a restaurant where they treat you like this, but isn’t that an actual thing in Japan? Cafés where the gimmick is that the staff is super rude to you?
Not quite the same, but a Galasso’s would clean up there. He should consider franchising.
I’ve never been to one, but there’s a chain in the U.S. called “Dick’s Last Resort” that I believe is essentially the concept you’re describing. Wanna say there’s a Shortpacked! strip about it somewhere? …ah, here it is.
If you need to be insulted to properly digest your meal, Chicago’s got you covered: both Ed Debevic’s and The Weiner Circle are there for you!
My school once brought us to Ed Debevic’s on a trip, except no one explained the gimmick to us ahead of time. The experience was… baffling and memorable. The waitress seemed to be having a great time!
I can confirm they are very rude to you!
Definitely not Japan-exclusive, there are several places where the whole atmosphere is being treated rudely.
There’s some bbq joints where they aren’t what I’d call rude, but they are not there to make conversation or put up with you wasting their time.
It’s not quite the same thing, but there’s a cliche for the waitstaff in very fancy restaurants to be all “You clearly do not deserve to be here and won’t appreciate what you’re eating, but I will begrudgingly not have you summarily thrown out, this time.”
i wouldn’t be surprised if galasso was in some viral vid/had a reputation as a bold yet harmless loud owner or so
Yeah that would be walkys dad if there was any doubt
Beat me to it.
Walky didn’t get it from nowhere.
Well now I need Charles in a butt-taco shirt. He can be broclones with Asher!
Charles, Asher, Walky for a cursed thruple* list now that Walky is into polycules?
*Or perhaps just the thruple he brings to dinner so Linda will prefer Walky/Lucy/Amber
Not going to lie, I’d be a bit tempted, myself.
Not me. On the other hand a “CONSUME EACH PIZZA AS IF IT MIGHT BE YOUR LAST! ” on a T-shirt would be nigh irresistible.
Galasso
oh, gosh darn it my cute text emoji got turned into one of those yellow ones goddamn. anyways i always have a soft spot for shortpacked original characters super glad to see galasso out here living his best life
Eugh it’s the worst when that happens, right!?
^Wow, legit thought that one would be safe
(<- Not this one though)
Panel 4: Michelangelo if he discovers Existentialism.
Got here as soon as I could so I’m not tempted to plough through hundreds of… oh wait, these guys, oh this should be much more pleasant. Hi gang, how are you all?
Having fun! How about you?
Splendid! Arm hurting, but at least i finished a game commission before that happened, taking and edible for it which means I’ll get stoned in time for Dr Stone on TV, LOL.
Yes hello we are perfectly normal and reasonable people who do not wish to murder one another over the goings-on of fictional teenage drama.
Today.
Normal greeting to you, friend.
I’m great, thanks; I’ve just been skipping the comments for the past few days!
It’s a theme restaurant and the theme is “We hate you please die”
For certain demographics, that’s just Chic-Fil-A.
BASED
Sweet! Love this one.
There’s also “Dicks” where awiters are paid to be assholes to you tho idk if it’s some performing arts stuff because hard to stay in chara unless ur last job was shitty enough to where you’d be able to be snarky enough to every enwc oustomer
Well, I’m British, so to me this might be the most relatable strip in the entire Dumbiverse.
I used to wonder why Galasso had any repeat business.
I get it now. I want to eat there.
Me too. I want to prove that I am worthy!
Fool! None is worthy but Galasso.
Fools! Galasso will allow you to consume his pizza (and subs) so that you may have the honor of maintaining Galasso in the lifestyle to which he has become accustomed!
4th panel = ominous foreshadowing?
RE: alt text, ooooo yellow
Oh yeah, now I remember that post where Willis explained that Galasso must be 7 feet tall relative to the known heights of other characters.
The Walkertons are a small family.
Jason seems to be on the upper end of height among the cast, and Galasso’s got at least a few inches on him.
That doesn’t necessarily disprove what I said. Walky looks like a child next to Big G! (Which is what I’m calling Galasso now) We can all be right!
Galasso is like half a head taller than Joe, and bulkier, and I think Joe is the largest of the main cast.
And I think he’s smaller than he was in Shortpacked!. I statted Galasso in Mutants and Masterminds for a campaign in which he was Lord Mayot of the town the PCs were based in, and I gave him two ranks of the Growth power, Innate and Permanent, to reflect his size.
(I statted Amber/Amazi-Girl for that campaign, too — she was Galasso’s aide by day, costumed vigilante by night — and gave her a 1-point Immunity: Criticism just as a inside joke, but it actually became relevant when one of the PCs tried to have a summon use a demoralization power on her.)
Galasson’s got a few inches in Jason? Oh Myyyy…
The chef’s toque takes him to 8 feet.
He had little cutouts made for it in the tops of the kitchen doors.
When did Gallaso start selling t-shirts. This economy man, inflation and shit. Can’t even make a living running an honest pizzeria. Everyone’s gotta have a side hustle just to survive.
I’m totally going to want to buy some merch if I visit the Darklord’s lair.
One does not just walk into Mordor…
But if you do, please be sure to stop by our gift shop.
Inflation has been at pre-pandemic levels for a year. Corporations have been simply raising prices and no longer saying “inflation did it” but just flat out admitting they just want to charge more.
That said, I don’t call it a side hustle. Popular local restaurants sell merchandise all the time to grow their brand. It’s part of an experience rather than just being a random place to get food. And I hear Galasso”s is more popular than Mother Bear”s.
Fools! Embrace the branding of Galasso!
those t-shirts have been in the background for a few years
they just haven’t been focused on until now
(they exist at mother bears pizza in the real world and I own a yellow one)
Hmm, I’m worried this might be the last fun comic for a while. This could be an unpleasant dining experience for all parties involved.
I prognosticate that it will still be funny – just either as a black comedy or the kind where the situation is so uncomfortable you end up laughing.
wait, by black comedy do you mean dark-humor or African American comedy?
Both at once.
NAILED IT! XD
this is easily deducible from context
For you.
did you change your avatar just to do the bane bit.
Yes, and I’d do it again.
Great pun, Taffy. However, I meant the former. Not quite full-on gallows humor probably, but jokes drawn from the humorous presentation of the grim, regardless.
I like your new pika-chu avatar, by the way.
awe heehee thanks fam
also why did you spell Pikachu with a hyphen?
It has been a really long time since I was into Pokémon, and I guess I figured, “you know Pokémon has that strange accent halfway through” and so I figured that Pikachu would also have some manner of emphasizer between the syllables? It doesn’t make any sense in retrospect.
Oh good, a reprieve from Sarah vs. Lucy.
(Not that I minded it in the story, it was a different match-up, but people were frothing over in the comments.)
oh crap.
*wipes off mouth*
Sorry, its this whole digestion thing…
My cup frotheth over.
I don’t know how – or if it will be intentional – but I get the feeling that Danny will mess up Amber/Walky’s ridiculous plan. It seems like a Danny thing to do.
I also wonder if introducing Amber to the mix will create a solution so toxic that it leaches all the attention and bittersweet joy from Sal’s one day as the golden child.
Oh, somehow I hadn’t even considered that. Yeah that might cause problems
Funny thing is that Danny has barely interacted with Amber since the timeskip, like basically once.
And then becky would be on shift or so and reporting back to joyce and dina lol , i’m sure joyce would have something to say. And i dont think dina cares for ‘gossip’ but i’m pretty sure she’d be concerned if she got a text like “Amber’s here on a ‘date’ with Walky???” unless she’s absorbed enough ‘tropes’ from amber through osmosis to be like “Oh, it is probably one of Amber’s ‘shennanigans’ “
Danny bringing up how Walky’s banged all of his ex’s, so the only safe woman on campus was Sal.
I want it happen, but I don’t want it to happen.
Ah crap Sal might totally take this as “WTF, are you trying to one-up me with a fake white girlfriend now what is wrong with you?!”
I love Galasso, which is funny since, sure, I liked him in Shortpacked, but I feel like he’s way funnier as a restaurateur than as a toyshop mogul.
Thank fuck, something else for a minute.
So when Linda said they “found a place you wouldn’t like,” that wasn’t just an excuse, it was also an out-and-out lie
“We’re going to the most popular eating place in the setting, but I’m sure Lucy wouldn’t be interested in that.”
I assumed it was a bar.
To drink away their confusion.
Galasso’s does have a bar. It’s left of the front entrance, all the way to the other corner.
I actually have a map of the place if you’re interested (it’s a map of Mama Bear’s, the real life pizza place off of which Galasso’s is based).
lol galasso aside walky does love pizza so i’m surprised parents woudl think this is a place walky/lucy wouldn’t like unless they had a diff place for dinner
If I remember right I think it was lunch they ‘apparently’ picked to be fancy/outside of what Walky’s likes to put off meeting Lucy again.
lol if anything that’d just discourage walky from joining , like if they chose the sushi place that joyce/dorothy/walky and becky went to that one time, unless they think Lucy would prefer ’50 mcnuggets’ like walky does lol
and no shade towards any local restaurants but idk how ‘fancy’ one can get in an area full of college town kids i imagine most would cater to them and have low/competitive prices unless indiana university is supposed to be considered upper or at least ‘middle’ class to where it’d be a bit more on the expensive side (i suppose jennifer and carla do attend after all)
There’s where I was wondering where the hell they’d gone that Walky wouldn’t like LOL like… I think the biggest thing in the area around my college was Applebees, and certainly Walky could get chicken tendies from there.
IU must have a couple thousand professors and administrators with good salaries and a desire to not be rubbing elbows with students.
yeah other than convenience i imagine teachers may or may not go outta their way to avoid going to the same places as students, or at diff times, if not just buy a takeout meal and eating in a breakroom/at home unless they’re specifically going out, but othern than someone like Joyce nad Lucy, other than quick eye contact and a polite hello i imagine most students wouldn’t wanna intrude on a teachers lunch/dinner either , I don’t think the dean had an issue with inviting charles and linda into his private baseball? booth or so lol
We have a few restaurants that we take speakers and job candidates to in our college town. Mostly steak places or new American. French is also popular in a lot of college towns for fancy dinners but not ours.
Looking on Google Maps, and checking the menus, there are a couple places with entrees upward of $30.
Probably more places with a “nice dining” feel to them, like the Afghan restaurant I remember.
Apparently the Red Lion is gone now, but it was a bit fancier than some pizza joint.
aw christ i just now realized danny and amber are both going to be at this dinner. welp.
oh my gods this is going to be a (sitcom-like) nightmare
prepare for stale jokes and canned laughter -_-
There are SO MANY WAYS this could blow up I’m actually impressed.
So now I’m confused. Is this lunch or dinner?
Depends on your region, mostly.
Yes, unless it’s brunch or supper. Can’t see the Walkertons doing second breakfast.
REJOICE ALL YE AT THE RETURN OF THE GLORIOUS AND ALMIGHTY GALASSO!
REJOYCE!!!!
Don’t we have to JOYCE!!!! before we can REJOYCE!!!!
Clearly an attempt to sell more merchandise
…Would anybody be up for a game?
Here’s the question:
What do you think is on the T-shirts that Galasso sells?
(For example: “Butt Taco!” “Pizza sauce.” “The words ‘Eat me.'” …What kind of T-shirt would you want to buy at Galasso’s?)
I think it’s this T-shirt that you can actually buy from Willis’s store. No really.
THIS is the store link. My bad
https://www.teepublic.com/t-shirt/2698803-galassos-pizza-and-subs?store_id=135970
That works!
…But if Galasso were branching out, what ELSE might he sell on shirts?
One of a dinosaur.
Or a pokemon T-shirt. Either of those. As long as they comfy enough.
Something similar to that design – only with the words “YOU ARE NOT WORTHY!” in the speech balloon.
Today Pizza. Tomorrow the world.
I sorta like “Consume Each Pizza as if it May be Your Last” actually.
Actually, a shirt with a huge tomato-sauce stain printed on it might be amuzingly meta.
Printed in puffy paint, for that 3D effect! X-D
Poor Charles. So weak in his character, he get scared by Galasso so much he first attitude was to get friendly over there.
I wonder how Linda conquered him…
I thought he was charmed by what he believes is a hilarious bit of acting.
I forgot Galasso existed!
$29.99 for shirts? $24.95 for tank tops? FOOLS! I can eat 3 pizzas with that amount!
The Galasso’s shirt in Tie Dye colors is a vibe tho
Which amount? I can imagine for $25 you can eat 3 pizzas from like Little Ceasars?
soo THAT’s the place Linda thought wasn’t befitting of Lucy
They have hosting service, a souvenir store and a bar. Galasso knows how to give the “appearance” of a very upscale pizza place, even though students can afford to eat there all the time, which may make him a genius of some kind. Or Charles and Linda are just dupes.
It would be entirely in keeping of Galasso to have an ad online that makes it sound like some old-fashioned, fine-Italian-dining pizza place…
…but yeah, probably the other thing.
That was such a transparent, thin excuse it may as well be Saran wrap.
A yellow shirt with a bear on it? Orrrrr… a shirt with a yellow bar on it??
GALASSO’S BACK! :DDDDDDDD
Galasso doms, Charles carefully holds his jacket to hide his erection.
It does sort of look like that.
Ooooh. and subs.
Side note: How many other people thought, after literally over a decade of reading Willis’ strips with the guy as a prominent character, that his name was “Glasso”? >_>
I am realizing it is not when reading your comment. I have selective dyslexia when it comes to names or something.
Not even once. It was clearly Galsso.
Okay wait I’m confused. Is this one lucy or sarah’s fault?
Galasso’s pretty effective, I want pizza now.
It’s Dorothy’s fault. Everything is Dorothy’s fault.
Throw in Walky and Amber and this will be a very bizarro day for the Walkertons.
What kind of person was there in Willis’ past that inspired this latest incarnation of Galasso?
I understood and accepted his role in the strips that preceded DoA, but wow, talk about the Pizza Shop from Hell…
frankly if the pizza is good enough I’d just mentally consider it a theme restaurant and keep going there
I always assumed “having Galasso appear in DoA” was the primary motive. What role could he play besides megalomaniacal small business owner?
The internet bring what it is, I wonder if any pizza shops in, like, Connecticut or somewhere far from Indiana, will adopt the 4th frame as their T-shirt art?
Galasso shall see you in court, puny mortal!
Definitely not Mystic Pizza, they’re still riding their 80s B-movie high.
I could see City Pizza in Holyoke doing it. Their location is — and I promise I’m not joshing you — literally on 420 High Street after all.
Okay honestly I am with Charles here, a restaurant with the theme of “owned by a supervillain” would be amazing, as long as the food was at bare minimum not awful.
You don’t have to tell me how to eat pizza.
Hehehehehe
I’m glad we’re getting to know this dork of a father. Walky suddenly makes more sense to me as a character.
Is it a intentional joke that with Galasso, everyone and everything is a “sub”?
Guy reminds me of Strax: “Attempt to escape and you will be obliterated… May I take your coat?”
So I had a thought that would tie into Linda’s biases…
Their host will be Sydney. Sydney will launch into a glorious megalomaniacal diatribe, like they do.
And Linda, who is perfectly willing to take that sort of thing from a white male, will be offended and angry to be getting this from a person of color.
And she will . . . demand to speak to the manager.
(I also had a dream, after reading this strip, where Galasso expressed melancholy confusion over the fact that he had this strange urge to spend the rest of his life with Sydney)
> demand to speak to the manager.
Hahahaha
As Galasso arrives Linda will wonder “Why do I hear boss music?”
Yes… Ha ha… Yes.
Galasso tends to make biennial appearances it seems
Linda might suck but I like Charles
I would totally buy one of this guy’s shirts
Good news!
https://www.teepublic.com/t-shirt/2698803-galassos-pizza-and-subs?store_id=135970
(It’s even official and everything.)
The long-awaited return of Galasso is glorious, as always.
Now I desperately want a Galasso’s Pizza shirt that says “Consume each pizza as if it may be your last”
I mean, every pizza MAY be your last, who wouldn’t?